The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 51, The Hulk Text Adventure Game, with Ali Fisher and Carly Monardo!

Episode Date: December 1, 2021

In 1984, Marvel released a text adventure game featuring their least text-friendly hero, The Incredible Hulk! Brockway will be your Dome Master, as Seanbaby and special guests Ali Fisher and Carly Monardo (Rude Tales of Magic / Oh These, Those Stars of Space) join forces to pilot one Hulk through a neon Alaska where he'll dig holes, eat cosmic eggs, and die to ants many, many, many times. It makes exactly that much sense!

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Out of podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast, word. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

Do not remember. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero.

Yeah, not thousand. Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900HotDog.com, America's last comedy website. I'm the reasonably polite Robert Brockway, and here's a Brockway fact. In the worst D&D game I ever played, the Dungeon Master showed up to a session

with a value table for having anal sex with a robot. I played the robot. There will be no follow-up questions. Oh, I have one follow-up question. No. God damn it. That is the exceedingly well-mannered Sean, baby. Wow.

Hi, I'm from the internet. We're all from the internet these days. And our terribly rude guests from Rude Tales of Magic and Oh These, Those Stars of Space, we have editor, podcaster, professional Sasquatch, Ellie Fisher. Hi, Ellie. Hello.

That's me. Hi. And artist, podcaster, professional nose bleeder, Carly Monardo. Hi, Carly. Hi. That's me, bleeding as we speak. Oh, no.

Congratulations. Good. I like it. Your microphone. Normal for this show. Yeah. It does happen. It's a resonance thing.

Thanks for coming. Thank you so much for having us. Thanks for having us. Yes, yeah. I don't have any follow-up questions to your story, but I do want to just like apologize that you had to go through that. Well, that was definitely my last session.

I don't know how you continue from that. I don't know how he was expecting me to continue from that. Yeah. But what's the, this is kind of a follow-up question. What was the tone of it? Like when he brought you the table, was it like, haha, I'm running this bit into the ground?

Or was it like, this really was very evocative to me. You know, this is a special episode. I will allow this one follow-up question. Thank you. And no more. The tone was out of left field. This was a normal adventure up until that point. And he did not tell me what it was for.

Just told me that he had the table drawn up. Okay. And I, when we broke, he had not used it yet. And I ducked out the sliding glass door. And I slipped out through his fence and I was never seen again. Wow. You were never seen again. So this is, this story is from the point of view of the other guy.

Yeah. I was not, I was not using this name at that time. I will not be telling you what my, my original name was. No. That's a follow-up question. Would never ask. I don't think this counts as a follow-up question, but if you were, if you had to guess what the table said,

like if he just put a table down since I have a table, guess what it's for? How far down the list would it be before you got to robot butt stuff? Probably the first three. Like I probably would have gotten it. Yeah. You would have gotten one. Yeah.

I'm pretty, I'm pretty keen. I'm pretty keen on robot butt stuff. You're like, we all know what this is. And I said that I wasn't here for that. Yeah. We know what this is building up to, Greg. It's one of three things. And I'm leaving if it's any of them.

I've seen the Japanese art on your walls, Greg. I know. Is that his real name, Greg? Oh, I hope he's listening. No, it was not Greg. Okay. It's just a name I pick out when I want to, I guess, lecture somebody in a hypothetical sense.

Nobody does that on the internet. All right. So we do things a little differently here. We plug at the top of the show right off. We want just to blast everybody with your plugs. Amazing. But I'm also going to do things even more different. And I'm going to beat you to it.

Oh my. If you guys aren't listening to rude tales of magic, you fucked up. You're fucking up. You blew it. Right now. You guys, it's just, it's so good. It's my favorite comedy D&D actual play podcast.

And I know that sounds niche, but that's such a competitive category these days. Man, I love it. Every episode is hilarious. It's charming. You have growing characters. You have a good compelling storyline. Thank you. If you're listening to this, you like rude tales of magic.

You just don't know it yet. Fucking idiot. Yes. Amazing. Not one of the things you know. That's really sweet. Thank you. That's so nice.

Shoot. Well, I'm sorry. You've disarmed us. I ambushed your plug. Yep. It is much nicer than anything it's ever said to me. I've dropped my sword. You guys should compliment each other now and then.

We do, but it's that toxic masculine. Yeah. It's inside of us. We followed up with a bastard and like that big clapping pad on the back where you kind of hurt each other. Like a sarcastic six minute kiss. This would be crazy, right? America.

Yeah. Yeah. Here we are. Got in us young. Snuck in on our karate movies. It suits me. I'm happy with it. Is there anything else you guys would like to plug?

Oh, well, I mean, we have our sister podcast, which you've already kindly mentioned. Oh, these, those stars of space. It's the same crew as Routels of Magic, but it is more of a Star Trek. And it's really fun. Unlike, yeah, it's unlike unlike Routels. It's, which is a continued narrative, but very accessible. These those is more episodic and more in the spirit of like, oh, next generation is on. I'm going to watch this episode even though I have no idea what came right before it.

So it's a lot of fun. Yeah, this is for the TV age where you would catch whatever was on when you happened to be cooking dinner or whatever, right? As opposed to the serial drama where you, you got to tune in every week, but again is accessible. Yeah, that's still how I watch Star Trek. Like I'll just, I'll just skip over. Yeah. Like the, the deep ones.

I want to get to the, the sexy ones. As fast as possible. My husband had found a list of like the best next gen episodes. And we, anytime we deviated from that list, it was, it was a mistake. Oh yeah. That's the way you got to do it. You got to get, you basically got to start right out with the one where the doctor bangs like a space ghost.

That's the best one. And then, and then just go from there. I like the one where he was on the holodeck. He's like, Hey, we need a monster that can kill data. And then like later in the show, it's revealed like, oh, you were supposed to say like, like Sherlock Holmes, but you like fucked up and said data. So then the robot made a super robot to kill the road. And he like got out of the holodeck.

I'm like, see, this is the kind of thing that would happen all day with a holodeck. That's like 14 episodes described. Wait, it's not the one where Moriart, it's like, it is Moriarty and then they save him. They're like, no, you're too smart. We won't delete you. We'll save you until the future. And then they come to regret that decision. Who doesn't?

Nobody's gonna make a nice one. Make a nice one hit copy copy copy. You got like 15 super smart robots on your ship. You're fine. Like, I don't know. I don't know. If you could just copy. This is about Star Trek now.

Let's just do Star Trek episodes now. I'm sure we've been beaten to that punch. You think there's a Star Trek podcast? No way. No, probably not. No, that's ridiculous. I think there's probably an insatiable appetite for Star Trek on the internet. Yeah, we could crowd into that market.

Just all elbows, push them aside. Sean, anything you want to plug? Oh my God. No, I'm good. Yeah, forget it. Jamie, cut out that plug that I made. We'll leave it at none. Who's Jamie?

I want to plug. She's our audio engineer. We sometimes all sing her songs. We run a real tight ship here at the Dog Zone 9000. Yeah, we will frequently cut into fake directions to our editor, but then sometimes we'll say real directions. And then it just, this is, this is how we are. This is how we are all the time.

Just constant trust falls. Yeah. And yet she hasn't gotten one wrong yet. Jamie. Jamie. Amazing. Let me tell you about Jamie. We did a Bruce Willis episode where we just made fun

of a couple of the recent Bruce Willis movies. One of them is called Out of Death. There are recent Bruce Willis movies? Yes, he shows up one day. This is about Bruce Willis now. Yeah, we're going to be talking about this for at least three hours. We'll cut, Jamie, cut all this. Jamie, no.

So this movie is called Out of Death. So I write an air supply parody song, Weird Owl Style of Out of Death, to the tune of, of course, Out of Love. And I sing it. I'm a terrible singer, but I recorded it to real karaoke music and I gave that to Jamie thinking, hey, you want to do some backup vocals?

So she like plays five different instruments and recreates the entire song. It's like a heavy metal version. And she's like, oh yeah, yeah. And like just throws this together over the weekend. And so like that's just the kind of thing she'll do. She'll like write theme songs. We don't even ask her to like, we'll make up a game.

And then suddenly it's got a theme song when, when we're ready to go to print. Jamie, you're amazing. Jamie. I feel like this is more of a plug for Jamie than anything else. Yeah, let's plug Jamie. Yeah. She's Jamie French.

I'll be careful when you visit her Twitter. There might be a butthole, but she has like a lewd side gig. Okay. But. I think we are her lewd side gig. You're right. She has a regular main adult industry gig.

Yeah. Yeah. And then she's embarrassed to tell her adult industry friends about us. I think it's the way that goes. Fair enough. I want to plug this podcast right here. Please keep listening to it.

I love this plug. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I'm having a real nice time on this podcast. Thanks for having me. Yeah, isn't it? You got me. I'm gonna, I'm staying for the episode.

You've successfully plugged us. Retention rate, baby. Of guests. Of guests. You, yeah. We haven't had a guest walk out yet. That is something we're good at. And that's surprising.

Honestly. Yeah. All right. I have gathered you all here today to, to explore the mind of a madman in the purest possible form. Has anyone seen the cell like the 2000s movie about jumping in the mind of serial killers? Are you kidding?

J-Lo? Absolutely. Yeah. I love that. It's such a good movie. I've seen Screen Caps of Vincent D'Anafrio. Carly Dutin. Also, you get it then.

No? No. It's his best role easily. It's horror. Oh, the horror movie? Yes. Okay. Very much so.

I'm scared. Well, for those of you who do know the cell, that's what we're doing today. We're doing the cell, but for a 1980s computer programmer. We're going to go into the little pocket dimension inside the mind of the people who write those text adventure games. Cause that's what they are. Just like a, like a broken logic labyrinth where they're trying to

communicate with the outside world, but it's all just shattered. Oh, God. I, of course, am talking about Marvel Quest probes, the Hulk. Oh, wow. Fantastic. Which you'll recognize is nonsense. Yes. It's nonsense.

Right from the title stage. We're all just in trouble. Now you wrote about this for the site. So I know this is from like 1981, right? Or like very early 80s. Yeah. This is one of the earlier text adventure games. I wasn't even born yet.

Yeah. It's back there. I was 68. I'm not going to have to explain text adventure games. What are the 80s? Oh, yeah. What's text? We've played, so we have played Parsley, which I believe is a

tabletop recreation of a text adventure computer game. Right. Ali was telling me about that. It's like inspired by those. So you're probably familiar with the vibe. I'm not sure if they get as insane as especially the early ones were where they just, they weren't even really sure what video games were.

They were just trying. Yeah. Maybe the purest art in video games because of it. They were like, maybe video games are just books. Maybe they're just books, but they're also like me trying to communicate what's going on and going wrong with my life. And that's art. Yeah.

Well, as artists, we must pursue this. Yeah. And I will, I will say full disclosure, like Parsley makes sense and I, I don't know. Oh, then it's wrong. Yeah. I'm getting the sense that these don't so much and I have not, I don't know that I've actually played one of these

unless it's like the Encyclopedia Britannica game, which is the only thing that I'm picturing for some reason. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Yes. Okay. It's same like structure, way too much sense. Okay.

So you're not, you're not going to get the vibe. You're going to get the format. Great. Okay. Okay. Okay. This is thrilling. The idea behind this series in particular was that Marvel

Comics would launch a special comic book line called Quest Probe. I don't know why they called it that. Goodness. It's just so baffling just right there. Well, you want a little bit of adventure and a little bit of medical penetration and that's. Yeah.

That's a bad promise is both. That's what they thought video games were. Yeah. That's what we should name that D&D game that I abandoned, the Quest Probe Chronicles. Yes. Were you wandering out into the night? They're still looking for me.

Nobody tells them. No follow up questions. No follow up questions. If that's not the first of 15 callbacks to the robot butt stuff, I am leaving. I'm sure we'll get there. No, we have great retention. Don't worry.

Absolutely impenetrable by the end. Unlike my robot ass. Yes. Number two. I needed that. So the comic book line was going to tie into this series of 12 text adventure games. It was going to be this epic, epic series and each,

each text adventure game would get its own comic book. So this was going to be not a small undertaking and they, they partnered with a game designer named Scott Adams, not Dilbert Guy. Okay. His company was called Adventure International. But just like Dilbert Guy, Scott Adams was total lunatic. That was problem number one.

A cursive name. I know. Yeah. Poor guys. Yeah. You just, you're not getting out of that name clean. The other problem was that Adventure International went out of business after releasing just three of these games and then

everything was canceled shortly after, because nobody knew what to do. It was the 80s. We were just, this was how it worked. Which of the three, are we playing the first of three, the last of three? The very first. Oh, that's exciting.

The very first game. That's exciting. Okay, good. And this is a bonkers move to make the very first game in a text adventure game, which is, I should, I guess remind you, all about clear communication and elaborate puzzle solving. The very first in the series stars the Hulk. Who can't talk and just punches things until a break.

There's an entire text adventure where you are the Hulk. And that's what we're going to be playing. Okay. Amazing. So how do we play as a team? Are we different aspects of the Hulk's personality? Are we collaborating and coming to a conclusion as the Hulk's brain?

Are we? Now the teamwork is up to you. If you all just want to discuss something, see if it sounds good and go with it, or I can just type in whatever commands you shout out as a team, or you can go full sell with it, as you just suggested. And one of you can be like, Hulk's id and one of you can be his ego.

And one of you. I'm very comfortable with id, but I also like the chaos of just screaming random shit. As Hulk's id, I feel like I would do very well in that scenario. I think the Hulk having an id is OP. I think that's a lot. You might be right.

One of you should be id. I can be like his caution. Wait, what if one of us is Hulk proper? One of us is the little devil on Hulk's shoulder. One of us is the little angel on Hulk's shoulder. Yeah. I like this. I think that's it.

Good. Oh, God. Who's the devil? Who's the angel? I'll be puny banner angel. Amazing. Wow. I wouldn't have called that for you.

I'm so excited. Allie, do you want to be the angel? Wait, I thought John baby was the angel. Oh, I thought. I did hear you say that, and then I forgot. Just naturally seems like a devil role. I know. Allie, do you want to be the devil?

Yeah. Okay. I'll be Hulk proper. Yeah. You are clearly the Hulk. You came into this knowing you were going to be the Hulk. Yeah. Who'd have thunk it?

Okay. There is one clever mechanic worked in with the story. The engine for this game is so bad and limited. It can only handle two word commands. Unlike many text adventures. So you kind of have to talk like the Hulk to input commands. It's going to be, you know, Carly Stomp, Carly Smash. Amazing.

Okay, cool. Okay. I'm going to be your game master. I'm going to be playing it for you, reading it to you. There are limited images in this, which is just blasphemy. I can't believe they did that, but they're wonderful. And I will share them with you in the discord wherever appropriate. I guess we'll have to describe them or just eat it, fans.

Don't see the images. Yeah. Your fault for not being in the recording. In your face. You should have listened to the play. You're going to hear my machine gun keyboard a lot since I'm typing all this stuff out. This is a period accurate annoyance. I will be using the same loud switches as the old IBM keyboards had.

Amazing. So this counts as fully work. What a show. What a production you put together. I know. Two in one. It's right. An award-winning episode.

A double threat. We are about to get started. Your commands, right up front, it tells you before you even start the game, your commands are help, save game, score, inventory, and quit. These will almost never work and they will never help you in any way. Awesome. That it's good that they just completely left my mind. It will never harm you.

It does not matter. So we are getting started. The game starts with the words, this author has worked over a year on this program and is currently writing many new adventures. So please don't copy or accept a pirated copy of adventure. Don't pirate adventure, everybody. It's just called adventure? It just says adventure.

I think the concept of adventure. He came up with that. Don't pirate adventure. Even though pirates do go on adventures, don't get confused. You wouldn't download an adventure. Would you? Turns out you won. So your very first room here.

I'm Bruce Banner, tying hand and foot to a chair. Command me. This is a lot. That is your prompt. Command me in hot pink. Don't let this awaken anything inside you, Hulk. Way too late. Is he Bruce Banner, not the Hulk?

I'm Bruce Banner, tied hand and foot to a chair. Command me. Become the Hulk. I could try that. You would have to be become Hulk. And it says how? Okay, I think so, yeah. We got to think about something that would make us mad.

Anything. Sit balls. Oh, yes. Sit balls. I don't know how to sit something. I don't know how to sit something. Maybe bite our lip. That'd be so funny if that drove Hulk into a rage.

Bite lip. Ouch, ice cream. I'm the Incredible Hulk now. Wrote bricks. Natural. Amazing. Sean is of course cheating. He has read my column.

Was that really in your column? Yeah, but you will actually need to remember this. I'm going to give you hints since we have a limited amount of time and this is completely bonkers. Bite lip is the primary mechanic. You will turn into the Hulk. There's a really good chance. I just remember that subconsciously.

You just did, yeah. You're just going to be coyly biting your lip the entire, many times it will happen. Hulk sorry. Let's lick lips. I just want to, I'm just quest probing it. Just seeing what direction this will go.

Well, there's actually a text based cutscene now. Where we have to hit return as it goes through some gas fills room, permeates skin, I'm Bruce Banner now. Calming gas. Yeah, calming gas has filled the room. You're Bruce Banner again,

and now you're in a dome. It looks like there's kind of a ring on the floor, but you can get more information by looking or examining or whatever. Yeah, let's look at this room. Look at room. I am in a dome, mirror, broken chair,

gem, metal hand fan, large iron ring set in floor, sign, some exits, east. I want the gem. Can we get the gem? Get gem. Get gem? Okay. Got a gem.

Nice. Mission accomplished? Are we good? Hulk got the gem. Do we think that this is maybe a double sided, a double mirror? I bet we could walk right into this mirror. Walk mirror. I must be stupid,

but I just don't understand what you mean. That's what happens. Penetrate mirror. Penetrate mirror. Maybe enter mirror. I don't know how to penetrate something. I wish I had said that as that robot. Okay, so we have this gem.

Do you think that there's like a fan? A metal hand fan. I would like to add that to my inventory. Get fan, okay. Did it work? Okay, so we can't penetrate the mirror, but we do have a fan and a gem, so we feel great about ourselves.

I do want to try to enter mirror. Penetrate was silly. I bet enter mirror would work if you could actually do it. Okay. What about, should we just look? Should we look before we enter? Yeah, let's look at the mirror.

Look mirror. There's a little image. I'm going to cap it for you. Because it's beautiful. We'll probably cut dead spots out, or maybe we won't. We'll just give you the full text adventure experience. Wow.

That looking good. Bruce looks great. I love the expression on his face of like, what the fuck is going on here? He just has, it's not even examining myself. It looks like he's about to fight his reflection. Where is my shirt?

In this wonderful 80s CGI hot pink and black style. What if we knock on the mirror? I feel like if anyone should be used to waking up shirtless in a strange place, it's Bruce Banner. I don't know how to knock something.

And a short podcast. Break. Can we break the mirror? Break mirror. We can try. Sorry, nothing special happens. What will happen, I don't remember what the sign says. You have to collect all the gems

and store them in the proper location. That is the object of this game. That's what Hulk does. He collects gems and finds the proper storage containers for the gems. I'm serious, you're not fighting a villain? There's no world ending progress.

You are here just to pick up gems and store them. We're already doing great on that front. The Hulk adventure. You've got the gem. Your visible exits are east. That's all you can do right now. You're going to go east. I am in a tunnel going outside. Visible, sign, button and wall.

Looks like that's sign. Look, sign. Warning, high-grav ahead. High-grav? Gravity. High-gravity, yeah. We should be Hulk for that. We got to do a little lip-biting,

but can we look at that button first? Look, button. It's a button. Okay, game. Thank you. Wow. It's kind of rude, actually. I must be stupid. I don't know how to knock, but I do know that's a button.

Let's explain buttons. Explain button to the game. Explain button. I don't know how to explain something. Yeah, we know. Should we bite our lip again? I agree. Let's bite in that lip.

It's cutie banner angel. We're not really taking our roles. I think we already agreed chaos is the way we're going. Yeah, we're just shouting. Ouch, I scream. I'm the Incredible Hulk trademark. Now, some gas fills room and permeates my skin. I'm Bruce Banner now.

Oh, so it works. How quick was that? God, who would do this? It's one sentence. Who would have anti-hulk gas in a cosmic gem storage? There is anti-hulk gas so prominent throughout this entire game. The entire game is built

to just blast you as soon as you become the Hulk. What a weird fucking game. I guess we should just press the button. I'm assuming the button. Yeah, press it. Push button. Voice says delay on. Lay on. Does that mean that we can turn into the Hulk again?

Yeah. Let's try it. Bite lip. Some gas fills room and permeates my skin but not Bruce Banner yet. Okay. Pound through door. Pound through door. I don't know how to pound something.

I don't know how to penetrate something. Not to get hung up on syntax. The context is go out. You are now out. Okay, we're out. You are in what looks like maybe 1980s rave Egypt. Wow.

It's hot pink sky and neon blue sand dunes and there's a geodesic dome. Ooh. And that's it. It says I am in a field. Large dome and gem are visible and exits to the north, south, east and west.

Is this where he grew up? Well, it's his homestead. He grew up on a yes album cover. That's where he was born. It's the Hulk family farm. Did you say there's a large gem available? There's a large dome and a gem visible. Grab that gem.

We need it. Get that gem. Okay. That's how you get your information. Okay. Good job. Okay. Command me. This is going to sound crazy. Have we tried swallowing the gems?

Have we considered? I know we haven't tried it. Swallow gem. Have we tried? New denial message. Sorry. I can't do that here. Oh. You have to go to the bathroom first.

Yeah. The dining room. The gem dining room. No, yeah. You got to put it in some food. Like a pill for your dog. Hulk would need a pill pocket. That's true. You would need a little Hulk pocket. The north, south, east, and all of the directions?

Yeah. All exits. And there's only a visible large dome visible here. But I assume west is back to where we were, right? So it should be. No, that's go in to tunnel. Gotcha. You've come out of that dome. Well, do we want to go to the geodesic dome?

Sure. The dome is where you came from. I have not fallen asleep. Yeah. We want to go back and go to sleep. Hulk tired. I would. Check out that mirror again. Tie yourself up.

We don't have enough words. I say, let's just go north. If everyone's in agreement. Let's go north. Okay. You are now in Cubert. It just looks like a Cubert level. Maybe I should... This seems significant.

I'm going to share this with you. It says, I am in a warp. I am in a fuzzy area. Visible is a sign and exits to every direction again. In the discord, here is the area. Here's the fuzzy area. Wow.

That's beautiful. Associate that with the Hulk, right? Yeah. I told you. This is a madman right away. Think of what you have done in the first couple minutes of this game. This is how he wrote a Hulk adventure. Thank God we have the gems.

What is the sign? Look sign. Okay. I see. Leave gems here. Okay. North of the dome is where we leave the gems. Do we trust the sign?

I trust the sign. You trust the sign? Okay. I am a trusting angel. I trust the sign. Keep gem. I typed keep gem. I don't know how to keep something.

Oh. That's why he's always losing his temper. Okay. Should we exit south and then come back when we have all the gems? Yeah. That sounds good. Okay. Exit south. Okay. Exiting south. I am in a room with a chief examiner working behind a desk.

He doesn't notice me. You are now in an office. Wait, really? Oh, because we're in a warp. Oh, fuck. I thought we were going to go back to the open area. Yeah. You thought a lot of things. Compliment man.

The game has other plans. Here is the chief examiner. Compliment man. Can we compliment him? No, insult him. Tell him he's handsome. Complimenting man first. Compliment chief, baby. I don't know how to compliment something. Oh, man.

He's a scientist. Toxic masculinity throughout. Oh, yeah. I like what Sean said. Establish friendship. I don't know how to establish something. Just the best phrasing for this. Can we say talk examiner? Talk. Let's try talk examiner.

Let's accelerate this sexually. Chief examiner notices me and says, how did you get out of the computer? I'm not ready for you yet. No matter. Be gone. I am in a fuzzy area. We got banished. Wow.

We've been digitized. They're trying to be his friend. I feel like this examiner has a lovely necklace on. Do you think that's made of gems or no? Could be. But certainly he's got some Mr. T charm going on. He's got like a space helmet and a frizzy white man's afro

and just like a big gem and he's sitting at a desk. Very fancy little collar. Okay, so we're back in the fuzzy area. This is not a very angel thing to say, but I bet we could stay Hulk long enough to fuck this guy up.

Ooh, I love this. But we got banished. Can we try going south again? Can we just go back? He did. It was north that you went. So let's try north again. Ooh, I am in a small underground room. Visible.

Natter energy egg and bio gem. Ooh! Grab. It's a cut scene. Egg pulsates. Some gas fills room and permeates my skin. Gross. I'm Bruce Banner now. Well, I think we were already egg.

Yeah. No, we were Hulk because the gas delay was on when we were in the tunnel. Oh, you're right. Yeah. Okay. Well, okay. So the egg is doing its thing. Definitely want to grab that gem.

Oh, wait, but can we destroy this egg and then the none of the gas and then... Oh, that's a fun idea. Right? Yeah, kick it. Kick egg. Kick egg. Kick egg. Sorry, nothing special happens.

Egg explodes. I'm dead. Wait, really? That was special? It seems a little special. What? Again, remember that you were the selling lunatic in the 80s.

Here's what happens when you're dead. I just realized we didn't save our game. Whoa. Again, it does not matter. Okay. I'm dead. It doesn't work. When you're dead, you are in the sky with a big staircase.

This is what happens when you're dead in this game. Are we looking down the staircase? I'm baffled by the perspective. Yeah, we went to heaven. We went to heaven. Do we keep up? The game is still on.

Do we still have our gems? First time we type inventory. Ooh, inventory is a good screen. You still have all of your gems. We still have everything. And you get to see the inventory screen,

which is Hulk. Throw in his pillowcase on the floor. Which is Hulk dumping out a bunch of garbage. And there's like a fan. Because you had a fan. It wasn't very special that we died,

but we're dead. So we're back in the field. Well, I don't know. You kicked a cosmic egg and it exploded. It felt special, even if they said it wasn't. I was told it wasn't special. Right now, I am in a state of limbo visible sign.

Exits down. I'd love to see the sign. Looks fine. Okay, I see. Bad move. Please be more careful. Again, signed chief examiner. Ooh. Don't like this guy.

Seems like a dick move. And smash examiner. You got to find him again. Okay, so go down. Yeah, you leave limbo by going down the limbo stairs. You are back in the room with the ring. Okay.

We never inspected the ring, did we? Can we inspect the ring? Look ring. Nice. All right. I'll get you back to roughly where you started. I think that was easy. We're going to bite our lip,

which will never not be funny. And go outside. I'm a bad one. Okay, great. It survived. I've been so bad. Okay, so we're back in the field.

A large dome is visible. North, south, east and west has exits. And I think north took us to the warp, right? Right. So do we want to try exploring another direction? Sure. I do kind of want to smash that chief,

but I have a feeling that's not going to do anything. That's just for my own... How much do you want to bet it's going to say I don't know how to smash something? If Hulk doesn't know how to smash something, I'm walking out of the podcast. No. No, we have an unbroken record.

Yeah. First one. And they never saw me again. Okay, let's go west. Love it. West. I am in a warp. I am in a fuzzy area. God damn it. Doesn't matter.

Doesn't matter. You have field or warp are your two main areas. Okay. Again, this guy had text to play with. This guy had the medium of all text where you can do anything.

There are only two words. There are warp and there are field. You are in a room that is not a warp. That would take me at least six months to type. Absolutely. If he had unlimited words to this, this would be like some Alan Moore shit.

He would be taking you on spiritual journeys because he only has two words. Fuzzy area. Do we want to try using a gem in this room? Use gem. Sorry. Too big. Who's too big? I don't know.

That move in general. Something too big. Sorry too big. Can you say calm down? Calm down. I'm Bruce Banner now. Hi, gravity. I'm Crush. You're back at limbo.

I'll get you back to that area. You're going down the limbo stairs. You're going east out of the ring room. You're going to bite your lip like a naughty little boy. You're going to go outside into the laser field. And here you are on the laser field again. Okay. We can't use the gem because

something's too big. Let's go east. East. I'm in a fuzzy area. Oh, okay. Maybe east. I guess you guys don't know this, but text adventures always have a maze

that doesn't work right. You'll go east and then you go north. That is what this is. Take the wheel, Sean, baby. This is a broken maze. We start here in broken maze. We're going to go north. North.

I'm in a small underground room. We're here now. Okay. It looks like the same room as before, but the egg and the gem are gone. Okay. Is there anything in this room? It looks like the walls have

a couple of little scratches on them. Patched wall. If you look room, you see the wall has scratch marks on it. Scratch wall. Sorry, doesn't work. I'm too weak. You're right.

Bite lips, some gas fills room. I'm Bruce Banner now. Is there any exit in this room? Exits are... No. No exits in this room. So we're just stuck? Yes, south, north.

Not stuck for long. Poisoned nerve gas fills room. I'm dead. I was just going to say it right here. All right, down the limbo stairs. So this guy was like, I'm going to just make a room that doesn't kill you instantly. You have to wait it out in real time.

Stand there for a few minutes. Yeah. Enjoy room. You have to wait via text. If you don't say be impressed, it gets bad. Compliment room. I bet that she examiner

is a self-insert by Scott Adams. I bet if we went over there and I said, hi, Scott, that's like... I don't want to spoil anything for you, but there is a self-insert in this game. Oh my God. That's how you know Scott Adams was an artist.

That's it. That's the signature move. Charter Kaufman shit. Regular Rockwell. Very Grant Morrison. Okay, so are we back in the field? You're back in the field. I'm going to take over and get you out of this field

because it's arbitrary. You've at least guessed that it's a broken maze and I know the brokenness of it. Even though it does not work every time, so you go east of the warp, then you go south three times. Wow. What a maze.

It does not always work, however. You are now in that same field, however, there are what look like large columns off to the right in the field. It says visible, large dome, tiny holes, gem.

Oh, grab gem. Get gem. Oh no, now there are ants. What? Okay. Alien, it just says, okay, I am in a field, visible large dome, alien army ants, tiny holes,

some exits north, south, east, west, ants swarm from holes. Plug holes. Can I plug the hole? Want to plug the hole? Yeah. Plug hole, sorry, too many. Ants attack eyes.

I'm dead. Ants attack eyes, everybody. The Hulk sucks. The Hulk's like, he's strong, but if you get through his eyes, he's dead in a second. Ants, I answer the Hulk's notoriously. My one weakness, ants.

And you know they attack eyes. I love how foregone that conclusion is, ants attack eyes. They just do. Just go with it. It's what happened. This is why he doesn't know how to penetrate anything. Going out,

east and south. Maze is broken. Broken maze. Fixed maze. Yeah, broken. Fixed maze, let's try it. I don't know how to fix something. Yeah, we already knew that Hulk.

We know that from your friendships. Okay, you are back. You are back at the columns. They have not swarmed out yet. Can we move the columns over to cover the holes before we grab the jet? They're coming from the columns.

They're tiny holes in the columns. You have to infer this because he does not have enough text to work with. He ran out of words. So there's columns? Vertical columns? I think they're supposed to be ant hills, but they look like just columns.

Oh, I was picturing Roman columns. Yeah, me too. They look like Roman columns, but I think they're supposed to be ant hills. Scott, what the fuck? Can we... I was going to say we're Bruce Banner right now. What if the Hulk...

You have to be Hulk to leave. Otherwise, yeah. If we can't get the gems, we've got to get the fuck out of here. You got the gem. You do get to keep the gem. Can we push the columns over? You would have to Hulk phrase that. Two words.

Smash column. We're doing it. We're going to see. Smash column. I don't know what column is. This is not a Hulk game because the Hulk doesn't stop to identify things before he mashes them.

Smash ant hill. I don't know what ant hill is. Smash everything. Yeah. Smash everything. Smash ground. Smash ground. Don't know what ground is. I'm going to make him say stupid shit. Smash love.

I don't know what love is. Yeah, got you, Hulk. I don't know what love is. Old duress. We just have these columns with holes in them that ants are coming out of. Yeah. Their ants are not out yet.

Okay. Do we stand to gate anything from trying to engage with these ants or should we leave? I don't think so. I love the HR. I speak for it. Do we stand to engage with these ants? I want to unconsciously couple

from these ants. Yeah. I think let's get out of here. I'm going to take the wheel again. You're going to feel so dumb when I tell you what the next step to this room is. Impossible. Really, you would have guessed it

if you gave yourself one more minute. And that's dig hole. No, I was never going to think to dig a hole. No, of course you weren't going to do that. That's an insane thing to do. And also dig hole and smash ground

are not different enough. I think we got it. You blew it, Scott. That's how Hulk would dig hole. He would smash ground. This is my favorite scene, my favorite image from the game. And that's the dig hole image

which I will share with you now. Hulk is throwing a rain cloud size clump of dirt into the air behind him. He just looks horribly depressed. He looks so sad. His posture is broken.

His face is broken. Me not know anything. It's not coolly digging a hole like kicking it or punching it out. He's just like paw after paw like just a sad dog. It looks like a playground dome like a child's playground dome.

So this picture does look like he may have accidentally killed a child and he's just sadly hiding the body. Also the perspective is not correct because the dome has a flat bottom but is not at the horizon line. Okay, so now what do we do? That's the worst thing here.

Well now you got a hole. Now we got a hole. Penetrate hole. We know he doesn't know how to do that. He doesn't know how to do that. He's just messing with the Hulk now. Even if we give him a hole. Berry self. Yeah, same thing.

Okay. Go-Hole will go with. I guess Hulk would say smash nothing. He would enter the nothing by smashing it. So smash. And now it's my second favorite image. Now that you have entered the hole. Let me grab it real quick.

Sorry, that scratching is my dog digging into the carpet. Oh, how appropriate. I thought we were commanding him. Yeah, he got excited. He is the Hulk. I'm on it, lady. Here is the dig hole image.

Hulk underground. Hulk underground. Okay, I am in a hole. It's just a black screen with Hulk's face and he's really mad and he's screaming the words Hulk underground. There's nothing better than this. There's nothing else?

There's nothing better than this. It's all good. Hulk dug a hole. There were ants. Hulk dug a hole, climbed into the hole and then screamed Hulk underground. Can you make a tunnel? Can we dig tunnel?

We dig and it says okay. Let's dig a couple times. Visible gem. Hey! Get gem. Get gem. Do we know how many gems we need? No, you do not.

Oh, God. I will say this now. It's fucking way more than you think. Wow. Are we talking double digits? Oh, yeah. No! I don't like the way you said oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's a lot. There are a lot of gems. Oh, my gosh. They're just sometimes buried underground. There's no way to know. Because, again, because of this podcast, I will go ahead and give you a couple of cheats here. A big portion of this game

is going to be digging holes. No! You knew and you chose this anyway. How dare you? The big portion of the Hulk game is wandering around fucking space Egypt,

sadly digging holes. What is happening, Hulk? Who did this to you? The whole game should take place in the Hulk word bubble where he's screaming Hulk underground. I feel like the whole game should be written in that word bubble. I agree.

I feel like Hulk underground should be a game or maybe like a band, at least a band. There's nothing more in this hole, so you're going to go up. You're back in the room with a large dome, large hole alien army ants. Okay, leave, right? We got to get out of here.

The ants are coming. Wait, but we left. We were leaving them alone. No, no, no. I was just reminding you. I thought they left onto my tall eyes. I will also say this is a different field that is a different dome.

Oh, let's go into the dome. Wait, we got to dig. Don't we have to keep digging holes? Are there like 30 gems underground? You've already dug a hole here and then you dug again at the bottom of that hole. So you've dug a meta hole here and you were rewarded for it.

Oh, good. I don't know what we're going to have a fan for. Go dome, visible gem. Okay, is there anything else in the room that's going to eat our eyes? No, it's the same as before. There's a warning. You can look at the warning.

Yeah, sure. And it looks on and it says high gravity area ahead. Okay, but we're still... And exits. No, gas permeates room. I'm Bruce Banner now. Okay, okay. Wait, is this the room that has the delay button?

It does not have a delay button. You are in a dome, visible gem. Yeah. Got a gem. Look room, anything else in here? Nothing. So we're going to take you back out.

Put the gravity. And yeah, we're in the tunnel. Okay, great. Bite lip. Bite lip? Ouch, I scream. I'm the Incredible Hulk. Some gas fills room and permeates my skin,

but does not turn you back yet. So you can go out. Wait to be turned back. Wait to die. Somehow, if you type wait, it does just wait. So there is an option to do nothing Okay.

We need an explicit option. There are alien army ants here. Can we panic? I think for now, panic. Oh, sure. Panic. I don't know how to panic something. Sounds like Hulk. Stable.

The man is stable. Calm. Don't calm down, yeah. Dig? Should we dig a hole? Oh, I love this plan. Same hole. There are ants, so get them eyes.

Yeah, away from ants. North, south, east, and west. Which way did we come from? You came from the north this time. Okay, should we go south again? Yeah, let's keep going south. Let's go south. It doesn't fucking matter.

I am in a warp. I am in a fuzzy air. Oh, gosh. Okay. Great game, Scott. Thanks, Scott. Cool environments. Now, you have basically seen the entire game

and the rest of the game will be variations on these rooms and these tasks in various forms. Okay. There are a few surprises left to find, but this is seriously the Hulk game. This is, I believe, the very first video game appearance of the Hulk

was this bizarre mental rave he went on in Kubrickland, where he digs holes, sadly, and nothing else. Can we dig a hole here in this weird floating shape warp? That's right, dig a hole.

I can't do that here. Win game. Win game. I don't know how to win something. A picture of saying it in, like, hard detective voice. I don't know how to win something.

I don't know how to do it. Maybe cheat, Hulk cheat. Oh. Hulk cheat. I don't know how to Hulk something. What? Come on. Game. How about find gem?

Find gem. Sorry, how? When we're in this warp, we can only go down. Is that how it worked? No, it's north, south, east, and west in the warp. Oh, I see. I can't remember which ones we've gone. We went south.

That took us to the ant area, I think. When we go north from here, we got to the chief executive, right? Yes. Well, I think it's like it could be wrong, but I feel like it may be randomized. Let's just go west.

West, you're back to the field, but not the one with the ants. Dig hole. Yeah, dig a fucking hole. See, now you're in that Hulk space. You are digging a hole. You want to go in the hole? Yeah, sure.

Let's go in that hole. Hulk underground, baby. Boom. You want to dig some more? Hell yeah, you got a gem. Oh, shit, this is the best. Soft game. I love it now.

Yeah, you just got to really get that gameplay loop going where you dig a hole and you go in it. And then you dig some more. Then you dig more at the bottom of the hole. You have to insert yourself into the hole and then dig some more. Wow.

Scott, if you're around and listening, this was great. We're having a good time. I just didn't want him to feel bad. Scott, honestly, you made art. This is impenetrable, it's baffling. That's what art is. This is art. I'd love to hear the background of this.

I've never had an experience like this and it could only have come from your mind. If you say somebody else could have made this game, no, never. And to be clear, the good Scott Adams is who we're talking to. Bad Scott Adams. Get out of here.

You've never made anything good in your life. I don't want your money. Get out of here. Okay, so we're back in the field back in the field. We're in the sweet field. We've dug a hole. Give you a little tip.

You've already been in that dome, but that's not the only thing you can do with that dome. Man, I bet we could dig a sweet hole inside that dome. Oh, can we like climb dome? Ooh. Let's try it. Climb dome. Sorry, I slide down.

Oh, that sounds fun though. Scampering up the side of a dome and then sliding down it. The gem was the fun we had all along. That's the end of the dome. May not dig that hole. Yeah, why not? Go dome, I think is the term.

Some gas fills room permeates my skin. I'm Bruce Banner now. Okay. Sweet, what was that? You were trying to give us a hint before. It's not the only thing you can do with the dome from the field. Okay, so we got to get back to the field.

Okay, so let's do that. We're in the hallway, we bite the lip. We wait politely and we leave. Okay, bite lip. Ah, coy little boy. Go out. Now you are in that field again. Okay, look at the dome.

I feel like Hulk. I feel like Hulk likes to smash. Look dome. See nothing special. It's a standard dome. You said there's something else we could do with the dome from the field. Yeah, I'll go ahead and skip you ahead. Lift dome.

Really? We're that strong? Yeah, you lift a dome and you can get a gem. Wow. Okay, you got a gem. Nice. I'll be honest.

I've given you a few hints. I never expected you to get this far. My God. The leaps that you have used and it's amazing. Okay, so we've got all the gems on this screen. I'm guessing. Yes. This screen I believe is clear for now.

Okay, we're clear. Floor clear. You've cleared this level. You've cleared the dome and hole level. Okay. Do we want to go east? Sure. East.

We're in a fuzzy area. Now we can. Have we got east from here? Wait, Robert. Can we get a hint? Is there anything? Should we be testing more stuff in the fuzzy area? Let's go.

I believe it's north again. I might just ruin this. I don't remember the exact maze. You're in the room again. I don't think you should be in the room. Which room? The egg room? You're in the underground basement

that used to have the eggs. Oh, and we're going to die in here. Yeah, and you die. I'll take you back out. My bed. That's what my walkthrough says. It says you go east. If you go east and then north,

you should be at the chief examiner. Oh. But if you've gone there once, now you can go south. So let's go south. And then now you're in the ant field. And then south again. You're in the warp again.

And then south again. You're in the ant field again. And then you keep doing that. You just reward this behavior. And it does not work. Nope. Broken maids. You know what that chief examiner's office could use?

Is a hole. I agree. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold on. I think I've gone. Too far. Yes, I've gone south enough that there is a gem in one of these. Yay. Thanks game master.

Ooh, I'm carrying too much. Try take inventory. Wait, why are you carrying too much? What are we supposed to do? Oh, we have these gems. Yeah, we have gems in a fan. Right, let me hold on. Take off pants.

Let's go for the inventory screen. We will definitely try that after I show you the sweet inventory screen. Please. I'll give you discord. Yeah, I can see why. I can see how that's full. Hulk on a white background is dumping out

a dented trash can and there's a fan and then eight gems scattered. There is room for about 60. Just remember, it's the Hulk, a huge man who is apparently unable to carry

like eight tiny gems. That's like his purse is he's got just a big dented trash can full of stuff. So that's how he's running around this Eskimo world. This Eskimo rave world with his dented trash can. Should we assume that we're not going to need this fan?

Should we ditch the fan? No. You got to keep the fan. Your inventory is full. I will say you almost guessed it, so I'm just going to give it to you. Let's go back east to the fuzzy area and drop gem

over and over and over and over and over I'm still doing this. You have dropped all of the gems. This is where you drop the gems.

Wait, I thought we couldn't before. Well, you can now. And now you're back in that field so you can get the gem and I'll give you another hint. Do we dig another hole? Remember the gameplay loop. Dig a hole, dig a hole. Didn't need that hint.

See, this is why Carly is playing the hole. He speaks to me. This is what I do during the week. Get that whole mentality. Poke underground, baby. Dig, dig, dig, dig. Dig, dig, dig.

Dig, dig, dig. Dig, gem. Eight digs for this one. Wow. Eight digs. It takes more digs. I almost turned around. You got the gem. No, dig to hell.

Dig to hell. Okay, now that we've got the gem, I'm going to go back in the hole and dig hell, okay? Dig hell, okay? Getting warm. Wait, really? Really.

Dig hell. Dig hell. Ooh, the Incredible Hulk hits molten core. I'm dead. That was worth it. Are you sad again? Can I just say, I don't think he deserves

to come back to life. I think he's showing us what he wants. Take a seat. Just rest. Hulk, you've done enough. Come on, Hulk, we got this. All right, I'm going to take you down the limbo stairs

out of the ring room, going to bite that lip. Lip's getting a little raw. What? All right. You are out now. Back to the main field room. Do you think we use the fans on the... Oh, should we give the fan to the guy?

The examiner? He might have lost his little fan. Chief examiner. I feel like gifting something would be very nice. Yeah, let's see. And from his amulet, he looked like a hand fan kind of guy. Absolutely. Dig a gem east.

It says east and then south until you get to the chief examiner. But I'm going south and it's not working. He did banish us. Maybe you get one shot with that guy. Oh, he's the only other person on the planet.

Which is a shame because you need that to beat the game. No shit, there are fail conditions where if you had not gotten that gem before digging, it would be in a molten room and every time you went in there, you would just die instantly

and the game would be broken. What? So it is very possible that by angering the chief examiner by trying to befriend the chief examiner and angering him, you have been banished from the game. Wow.

I'm not saying that is, maybe there's a way around it, but it's possible there's precedent. Wow. I'm telling you right now, you're nowhere near the end. If we're not going to get to the end of this, when we've had enough, I will tell you how it ends.

Oh my gosh. I mean, if it's just... If it's just digging holes, I'm good to know the end right now. Frankly say, but I really want to give this fan to the... I'm bummed. I really want to win over that examiner.

I want to do something with the fan. I want to like coquettishly hide half my face behind the fan. Yeah. Flirt. No. It just kills you again. He's probably watching us. We can flirt from anywhere, I suppose.

Oh, good point. Good point. Let's try it. Flirt examiner. I don't know how to do it. Find examiner? Poor little incel hole. Aw. Hulk Volso.

Yeah. Wait, I like that. Can you try find examiner? I don't think they're going to give us that one. Call examiner? No, it says sorry, how? Did you try call? Call examiner.

Okay. Cheater? I don't know. You broke the game a little bit. Okay, cheater? Yeah, let me. It says okay, C-H-I-E-I-N-E-R. Wait, say that again.

C-H-I-E-I-N-E-R. Okay, cheater. Okay, cheater. Cheater. Can we say who, cheater? Who, who, cheater? Hulk not no, cheater. He sounded like good guy.

Don't know how to who something look, cheater. I think it's part cheater and part wiener. I see nothing special. So there is a cheater here. It is not reflected in the graphics, and it's nothing special. According to Urban Dictionary,

cheater is a chocolate-covered wiener. Okay. Well, it's not a special one. Yeah, seen it before. Not packing. No thanks. No thanks, chief examiner. Okay.

I'll take you to the next bit. I think this is it. I feel like it's not safe to have a chocolate-covered wiener in a world with deadly ants. And crushing gravity. Yeah, that too. One of the things.

And the gravity's fine. The gravity's going to bring that wiener down to the ants. Ants attack wiener. And then they still go for the eyes every time. Okay, you were in one of the domes that you did not see before.

I am in a dome. Wax, killer bees, wire mesh and wall with bee-sized holes. Wait, what? That's word for word. That's word for word what it says. Okay, I am in a dome. Wax, killer bees, wire mesh and wall

with bee-sized holes. Some exits east. So it's a beehive. Wait, is the wax a candle? Can we take the candle? The wax is a small box that says wax and it's just on the floor. Can we consume the dome?

Let's try eat dome. Sorry, I can't do that here. Okay. Can he eat it from the outside? Maybe. I like this plan. I want that box of wax for some reason.

Yeah, I take that box of wax. But the bees are going to come and get it from us. I just know they are. Sorry, I'm stung. Ouch, I scream. I'm the Incredible Hulk now. Some gas fills room and permeates my skin. I'm Bruce Banner now.

All one sentence. Sorry, I'm stung. Ouch, I scream. I'm the Incredible Hulk now. Some gas fills room and permeates my skin. I'm Bruce Banner now. What a journey he has been on. Can we leave? He is my inventory.

No, you did not get the wax. The bees sting you before you get to it. What about the fan? I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to go with use fan. Sorry, how? Wave fan, probably.

I make a tiny breeze. Nothing special happens. Eat fan. Carly, no. You're your own little devil. Can we wait so for doing the fan thing it seems like we can only do one thing at a time but can we try and get the wax again not to be the it's gonna do the same thing I'll speed you along because you almost got it see what you do here

gonna kick yourself you go outside make sure to bite your lip remember because that's the central mechanic you all remember this from the comic digging and biting Bruce Banner constantly bites his lip to turn I feel like there's plenty of other things to make Hulk angry here but sure let's bite your lip okay now if you look at the dome visible large dome large hole mesh screen large pole large dome large hole large dome mesh but there's a mesh screen on dome sorry I can't do that here okay I feel like we could eat the dome in the fuzzy place is what I'm thinking so the mesh there's a I just want to just want

to pause for a second and appreciate I feel like we could eat the dome in the fuzzy beautiful exactly what Scott wants thank you Scott this is all just all a ploy to get you to say that out loud does it for him he's like sitting in a rocket chair so we're like finally okay so I can tell my wife try try that fan thing again oh yeah okay wave fan with yeah from outside wave fan at match okay I send a gale at it wow not sure why it's a tiny breeze inside yeah a gale inside go back inside the dome check it out the bees are gone insane yes let's get that wax that we work so hard for get wax okay can we see

it do you have an image of it in the inventory screen inventory let me capture that for I don't know why the inventory screen specifically just gets me every time but you do have a different inventory screen now this one's covered in wax also notice notice who you are notice now we're Bruce wait we're in the dome that's right that's right no we're sad Bruce with a smaller less angry trash but very tall his trash can hulks out with him hulks trash can is huge and pink Bruce banners is small and blue oh and wax just a block that says wax the old block of wax okay um let's get out of this piece of shit dome now

that we've got wax and that hole here second outside the dome we made that right like we don't need a dig hole here anymore you might like you've got a bite your lip go out yeah there's a hole in this one already okay we don't we don't need a dig here however one of these rooms they will all look identical so you'll never guess it and it's hidden behind a randomized maze so again you'll never guess it there is a third dome room oh my god I didn't realize there were two I'm not gonna then you're doing everything exactly let me see if I can find you could have made the dome they could have made a building and then the

other building they could describe it as a different building or call number the domes yes that'd be nice to call this one the wax dome yeah there's nothing to differentiate especially not even dig dug holes in every in everywhere like Justin a bored dog so clearly describing a beehive but in yeah in such dumb speak that we're like not supposed to know is it like are you being like coy with this being a giant beehive are we not supposed to know does he not know right with B-sized with B-sized holes so you describe the beehive yeah killer bees section with B-sized holes and wax we got two words beehive is one word

you could you could you could have split up you could have used beehive and something else beehive all right let's let's get off the hook here he's died he's given us yeah that's true we released him I can't find that third dome with this randomized maze if we beat this game we'll inherit Scott's treasure you're a very long way from beating this game there was one part well I can just tell you about it I feel like I do feel like you've gotten the Marvel quest probe the Hulk experience and that you have just exited a realm of logic entirely and you've dug a lot of holes now I just really know what it

feels like to be the Hulk mm-hmm okay so I am going to recap this entire game for you so you're the Hulk you constantly bite your lip like a thirsty lady from a 90s wine cooler commercial and then you wander around digging holes and lifting domes until you encounter your worst enemy ants you remember you remember the hook as we dance you continue pawing at the ground getting gems biting your lip enough and if you do it in the right place and you bite your lip over and over again Dr. Strange appears wow you remember how Dr. Strange always appears if you bite your lip too many times he loves a lip yeah he does yeah it's like

it's like Candyman bite your lip three times at a dome and Dr. Strange appears Dr. Strange asks you and I know this your exact quotes remember your worst enemy nightmare that becomes that becomes your super move this turns Hulk ultra strong and allows him to be immune to gas one more for one more round so to speak okay so you will now be constantly biting your lip digging holes and remembering your worst enemy night those will be your primary command you're not done with Dr. Strange yet you have to bug him over and over again you have to keep asking him and he won't answer your questions and finally he gets annoyed

and he spews a quote from the perspective of Scott Adams telling you to buy more of his games and then he disappears leaving behind a gem wow wow this game is teaching how dare you he wants you to go crazy because it literally is asking you to do insane things by repeating unrewarded behavior over and over again until it lets you win Scott is a trickster god of old so now you're just dwelling in your nightmares like a man that never fully came home from war wandering around digging holes until you go back into that room you scratch the walls and remember your

nightmares so you're strong you break a crack in the floor somehow scratching the wall makes a crack in the floor go into the crack in the floor into a cave underground now there's a there's an actual scene for this there's Ultron standing there and he has Ant-Man tiny in a cage only Scott Adams forgot to program Ultron so he does nothing he doesn't threaten you he doesn't attack you he doesn't say anything he just stands like a mannequin next to his pet Ant-Man wow so good here's there's a twist you didn't see coming I haven't seen a single good you need the ants to free Ant-Man right oh so you return to

the field but before getting there you close your eyes right of course cuz that's how you beat ants wow I would have died a million times before right you so you get there and ants attack ears that's what the wax is for yeah so you go down there you close your eyes you plug your ears and you go back to the ant hill and ants attack nose so you go down into the fuzzy space you plug your ears you close your eyes you hold your nose you find the ant field blindly and then with your ears plugged holding your nose closing your eyes once your picture the Hulk you're the Hulk doing all of this and that's how you thwart

the ant wow so they we got to remember your nightmare to be strong enough to punch your butt to defeat an ant attack the ants can kill you in any number of ways but the killer giant bees just turn you back and do not banner yep you gather up the ants you blindly find your way back to Ant-Man he frees you here's another you were never going to beat this game because you didn't do the egg part right now you have to stumble across the cosmic egg and I'm just gonna I know all the solutions to so I'm just going to be the game here for you you're in the basement with the Natter energy egg and the bio gem and I'm going to

give you unlimited choices on how to beat this I bet you can get it okay dig hole no can't take so we're looking at the gym yeah what are we looking at the bio gem yeah you're specifically saying bio gem and the others were not called that were they yes this is called a bio gem and there's a Natter energy egg with the bio gem I don't know how to inseminate and Hulk doesn't either I will I will say you get one command every single time you do this and then the egg explodes and you die you have to go back through the entire thing to get back there to try it again oh my god that's so that is unhinged this is didn't people

have school back then like how did you get through the game yeah people lived people lived they had lives yeah they had to spend money to buy this yeah okay so okay so there's a bio gem and an egg do you eat something eat gem you can't eat the egg yes you can eat the egg eat the egg and try to eat everything the one thing you get you might not have gotten to it in time because you get one command I think maybe you tried to look at the egg first okay and that does break the game because the egg explodes and it's not in that room anymore so if you try to look at the egg if you do anything but immediately just chop that

power egg close eyes look at it close eyes and eat egg okay so what happens and that's it that's the final boss of the game you win you go back so you got to be like a protein head you gotta be somebody who's like really gun and frags gotta be you've got to see an egg and need no further information if you need further information the game is so broken that it's utterly destroyed what does the examiner do at one point you go to the chief examiner and I think you get a gem from his desk that's it wow my god there's another little self insert there where he plugs his game wow Scott sorry not buying got that hustle though

got a well-respected game if you're loving this but hey that was that was it you beat the game you ate the egg drop off the bio gem and that's amazing I mean this honestly reminds me of like the only thing the only thing I can even vaguely relate this to is the way that like the fey it's like you have to have a series of instructions that unless you simply know it there's no way to get around it you know like because I can't imagine I truly like I cannot imagine anyone ever successfully beating that game right yeah when you Robert when you played it did you like did you did you get it right no I did give it in the

interest of journalistic integrity which I'm supposed to have I guess maybe I did give it a full day playing it trying to just beat it on my own so that I could record like my experiences as I went fucking insane I'm just trying to to figure this out I I did not I don't think I got past the ants you guys collectively got fucking way further way further than I got with like a full day you were way more in the Hulk's headspace I mean there were three of us though and we had you and collectively but don't do that but even if you hadn't like before my first tip I think you you had you had beaten it what it beaten where I got to

and then I used to walk through and just I I went through and I played it all the way to the end using the walk through because I was certain that somebody was fucking I was like no you don't immediately have to eat the egg or the whole game is just you do so yeah I played this game to completion now I played it to completion just before so that I could be more familiar with it three times I played and I feel really bad I feel like I feel like answer attacking my own yeah for Carly and I were only ever gonna meet you post this experience the better I would argue the better he was much better

company that was before yeah this one just digs holes in the corner sadly carries around a garbage can takes all the way to hell I don't know how to love doesn't know how to love or penetrate this broken Brockway all right any final thoughts on this day on your experience I don't have any thoughts for the I won't have thoughts for the rest of my life that's good that's about where we want you to be thank you to Scott if you'll the good one yeah that was the good Scott that was like that yeah that's your best option eight saying my Scott Adams range of Scott Scott Adams is wild that's a bad it's poor to terrible yeah hi

dynamic range in the Scott Adams but all in the bad side okay well you're very brave to share that with us thank you so thank you thank you that's really what I wanted I am a hero you are a hero okay all right calm down all right well before we leave I do want you to go into the discord and click this link and everybody will roll me 1d 20 okay okay I got a natural 20 I got a 17 I got a 10 all right Sean let's see Sean has a 20 Harley you had a 17 are we yeah there was a six sided dice that already rolled but are we just reading I'll just go with whatever yeah okay 17 and Ali you got a 10 yep okay so let me consult the robot

come Sean you can't see no mom thank you all for coming today our community has suffered a great loss but we will never forget the brave performers of the hot dog field jets gay stunt team the Supreme's please stand for a list of the honor day three finger Louie we hardly knew you hi I didn't mean that to rhyme I'm so sorry Aaron Crosston Adrian H. Aiden Moat Alpha Sciences Java we're still looking for his face by the way everyone check your intake filters Armando novel Benjamin Ciron Brandon Garland Brian Whitney Chase MacPherson children love the meat

mill I know this one is hardest on your kids you're gonna have to find someone new to love now I suggest Jesus Chris Brown Curious Claire Dan B laziest man on Mars Dean Costello Dr. Ockley Eric Spalding you will be missed but everyone gathered here today has to admit that was a sick clip fancy shark jello high-fly in Haraka you flew too close to the Sun by which I mean Jetski too close to that cruise ship hot part J. Burr L. Aiden John John McKenna John Minkoff we're retiring your number nobody will ever be number one again in our hearts or on our life that's Josh S Ken Paisley A&M Lyman all the doubters said

you'd never land that 920 Superman backflip and they were right still waiting for you to come down buddy Mark Matt Cortez Matt Riley Mike Styles mixed master Mojo DJ of the sea your spin and discs for Jetski Jesus now Nd Neil Bailey Neil Shafer Nick Ralston Nick H. Patrick Herbst Rev who never told us his real name and would only answer to the sound of a Jetski motor redlining Rihanna Rich Jocelyn Zarkowski Donald Finney Timi Lehi you should not have tried to make two Jetski's fight while also riding them but if you'd listened you wouldn't have been our team toasty guy Tom Sikula you Sarian and Josh

Fabian the worst Jetski mechanic who ever lived you might have killed all your friends but there's one thing a poorly maintained Jetski can never kill and that's our memories will miss you most of all