The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 52, Bloody Muscle Body Builder in Hell, with Peter Clines!

Episode Date: December 8, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway wanna talk to Peter Clines about hilariously bad movies, but there's one problem: He's worked with too many people in Hollywood, and doesn't want to risk trashing his friends. So Brockway found the one safe movie to discuss: A Japanese ripoff of Evil Dead about ghosts and bodybuilding that was made by one man who basically never worked again. Taste freedom, Peter Clines! Everybody else, taste bodybuilding!

One nine hundred hot dog. Hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast work. Yeah! When you taste that nitrate power,

you're in the dog zone for an hour. Hour. Come on. Come on. Do not lose your number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero.

One nine zero zero. Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000, the official podcast of 1900HotDog.com where we celebrate what should not be. I'm Robert Brockway and I always want to sing Welcome to the Dog Zone, like Guns N' Roses, that of the many things that time has taken for me, perhaps the cruelest is my Axl Rose impression. Welcome to the Dog Zone. Thank you so much.

My pleasure. This is the always internet, Sean Baby, always ready with some Axl. That's it. That's my whole intro. That's all that's needed. It was perfect. It's what I was leading you towards. Thanks.

And our guest today, who many of you will know from the art department of the 1997 TV series Night Man, it's Peter Clynes. Oh, shit. My strongest claim to fame brought back to haunt me. Oh, right, right, right. He's also my brother. I'm going to fuck up your plug and do one of my own. My brother gave me X-Heroes several years ago and he's crazy for the series.

So he says thank you. It's no Night Man though. It's no Night Man. I'm a big fan of Night Man. I do enjoy X-Heroes, but like Night Man is where it's at. So I'm the Night Man fan. He's the X-Heroes fan. At a thousand years from now, the future will remember you from the art department of Night

Man. Probably. Clearly. That's it. I remember years ago, I got to interview Paul Haggis, screenwriter who did like Bond movies and all this stuff. And he honestly joked about the fact that he was terrified. He was just going to be remembered as the guy who created Walker, Texas Ranger.

That he had nightmares that like that was going to be on his tombstone. And it is. You know it is. All you're doing is helping to promote that, his greatest fear. They're going to find this podcast in the ruins of society and be like, oh, Walker, Texas Ranger. And Night Man. My favorite of your books are the Threshold series.

But here's my problem with those. I can never talk about them without ruining what I love about them. Like I usually tell people it's science fiction that turns to horror and then I just hope that they take me at that. How do you talk about them? Kind of the same thing. It's so tough. I mean, every time I've been on anything to talk about them, to promote them.

And the thing I kind of fell back on at one point was, I mean, when I wrote the first book 10 years ago, I was at a con up in Seattle and people were asking me, so what's the book about? I'm like, OK, let me put it this way. How would you describe loss to somebody without giving anything away? Sexy people on an island. And that was it. I get like people crash on an island and stuff happens and I'm like, that's what this book

is about. This book is about a guy. And it's not what it seems. It's a guy who moves into an old apartment building in LA and stuff happens. Stuff fucking happens. Well, I love them. That's my endorsement because I'm really fucked up and everybody knows that I'm super fucked up.

So if I really like something, it's probably super fucked up. Thank you. You're welcome. It's the best. It's the highest compliment I am capable of paying. Your X-Hero series is probably the easier pitch because that's Super Heroes meets Zombies. And I love how fast it moves. It's fun.

I also love how many questions you answer. Like the exposition you sneak in is like kind of incredible. Like the world building just takes place instantly and I don't know. I appreciate that. When I start some zombie fiction or some Super Hero fiction, I have a lot of questions about the rules. Like what are the tropes in this world? And you're like, boom, you cover it all and keep things moving.

That's how I just like, I write, it's boring and cliche and so many people say this, but I write the books I want to read and I hate that stuff too. I hate it when we have to like get super bogged down and now if a zombie scratches you, it's this. But if they bite you and saliva gets in the wound, then this. But it's so important. Yeah. It's important.

You have to know. You have to know. But at the same time, like you don't need to know any more than the people in this world need to know. Right. You know, and that's always been my thing. Like, yeah, world building is cool. I love world building, but I think it's also that understanding this is the point where

it stops. We don't need to know any more past. Don't let them bite you. And that's kind of it. That's why the book is called Don't Let Them Bite. It is. That would be it. That's actually.

There's actually a book I love called Mistakes I Made in the Zombie Apocalypse. And it's, I haven't, it's a small press book, but it is just ridiculous fun because it's like a memento type story, which begins with the hero hiding in a closet in a bedroom in an abandoned house. And so chapter one is like, how did I end up in the closet? And then chapter two is like, how did I end up running upstairs to the bedroom? And then chapter three is how did I let, how did I let Dave die? Every chapter just looks like, I can't believe it knocks you back like another 20 minutes

in the story. But it should have a happy ending, right? Like, how did I do the thing right before the zombie apocalypse or whatever? It actually does. It's a, it's a fun story. It really is because it keeps winding back to the, you know, you know, why did I let the girl into the house? The.

It's wonderful that you're using your space to plug another person's book. I love good, good storytelling. Totally. Totally appropriate. That's what this is all about, right? Good storytelling. That's why we picked what movie was it again? We'll, we'll get to that.

We'll get, we'll get to that. We got to talk about somebody else's book for 20 more minutes. Anything else you want to plug right now? Do you want to make an official plug for your stuff up top? I, I, okay. Well, we already talked about the threshold books, the X-Heroes books. I wrote a, one of those good old fashioned literature horror mashup novels that nobody ever read.

So if somebody wants to pick it up, you could bring the number of readers up to six, I think. Be that six. You could be the sixth person to read the eerie adventures of the like and throw up Robinson Crusoe. And I wrote a weird little historical time travel book called Paradox Bound. And I guess the big thing is I have a new book coming out in two months, two months from, I'm trying to remember when we are recording this right now, which is timely, but yeah, basically March 1st, I have a new book coming out called The Broken

Room. And, and it's very good. So far, I'm reading it right now or read some of it. I am reading it and reading very slow right now, because I have to say every word out loud one at a time. And some of them are really, and they ran so far away. Okay, Sean, I was going to say, you're reading. Yes, I was waiting for someone to pick up. Thank you.

Thank you for picking up on that. Sean, anything you'd like to plug? I'd like to plug 1995's Bloody Muscle Bodybuilder in hell. Ooh, tell us more. Well, it's an hour long made by a man named Shinichi Fukuzawa, and he was the writer, star and producer, and it's his only credit for any of those things. This is his entire film career in one hour. His story, he had to tell and he fucking had to tell it.

He had to tell it so bad. He did. He wasn't, I found on IMGB, he was in something called Violator a few years ago, but it looks like an indie horror comedy that it looks like if we, the three of us made Bikini cheerleader vampires for 30 grand and stunt casted the kid from Troll 2 in it, that's like, I think. So I think it's safe to say this is it. This is the only thing he's done, except for one more time.

That title is Bloody Muscle Bodybuilder in hell, AKA Japanese Evil Dead. Everybody leaves that off, but AKA Japanese Evil Dead is part of the title. Is this other movie he did? Like somebody finally called in, you know, called in their debt of, OK, look, I worked on Bloody Muscle Builder, Bodybuilder. Now you owe me. He's like, it's been 23 years. I'm a state attorney.

You owe me. Fine. So this was this is Brockway's idea to make us watch this. Of course, of course it was. Everybody assumed that as soon as you said the name. Yes. How did you find out about this? Because I'd never heard this was never on my radar. It's truly terrible.

We just like get that out of the way. This is not a secret gem like I'm going to disagree so hard by the end. I can't believe you've said that. My wife told me about it after she watched it on some, I think, like a Russian streaming site. I don't know. This is like the bad. It's the bad part of the neighbor, the internet. It's it's a bad neighborhood.

And I found this and I brought it back home. And I thought I thought it was like a dog, but it was that story where the dog turns out to be a rat. Yeah, that's a good way to describe this movie. Let me start with the opening. I wrote down most of the plot points if we want to go through that way. It starts with the main character fighting with a kitchen knife with this mistress who is mad that

he's going to marry the other woman and he full on just kills her. Like it's sort of played as an accident, but like I really think he could have gotten out of this situation without stabbing her to death. No, this is a cold open and he absolutely kills her. It's not it's not the main character right now, although it's played by the same guy. This is his his dad in the 1960s.

And yeah, he totally he just kills her as like she attacks him first and he turns it around. But then in a little bit, she like gets back up and not not a zombified version. She just goes, it's me and he just fucking kills her again with a shovel. Like, yeah, no, no, you meant this. Yeah, he really meant to do that. And so, yeah, he buries the body. It's also like really like soap opera style acting.

And so I don't know if they're also they can't pull it off. So I don't know if they're sarcastic. You know, I don't always agree on what the goals of art should be. So I there's that going on. But you think this is a sincere work of. Artistic endeavor, maybe how I how could you not? I look at this in one of my first thoughts was I when when you told me about this, Rob, I was like, OK, so there's going to be cultural differences,

you know, and and those little things like things we want to understand that. But but even so, there's stuff in this. And I think we've already hit like my first major problem with the movie. So like Sean said, he kills her. And then we get to like this extended sequence of him like pulling up the tatami mats in his house and then shopping through the the wooden foundation and burying her. Yeah. Right. Except then we learn like five minutes later, the house has a basement.

Right. So where's so where's he burying her? I just love the logic of like you fell here, so I'm going to bury you here. And it's like the middle of the room and he's like, right, fuck it, I'm digging the hole in the room center of the house. And and and then again, there's a basement. So like it is the basement notably deeper than the rest of the house. After a few minutes, he cracks through and is like, oh, right. Oh, stop impulse digger waves.

It's like Mystery Science Theater when like Crow tries to dig an escape tunnel out of the satellite. The logic does not work. No. And they keep going back to it again and again, which just give you the did no one think at any point or was this just a deliberate thing that we're not supposed to think about the fact that. Yeah, is there a thing in Japanese architecture where you have like a little pocket between floors or burying bodies or like

a half basement, like your basement's right into your kitchen or something? Or septic tank, maybe? Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, who knows. He has a really, really thinking about bloody muscle bodybuilder in hell. It's one of the first compliments I gave Peter was his world building. He looks at something like this. He's like, I see the problem. Like like like we're two minutes.

Well, not two minutes in when I when he first is burying or I thought nothing. It's not until they came back to the house. I'm like, it's down in the basement. I'm like, wait a minute, basement. Didn't this guy just dig a hole? Yeah, we needed a basement so bad, though. I think we have to forgive it for inventing a magical basement. Here's which we will get to the magical magical basement.

Here's a note I have that bothered me almost as much as that. Like the movie is called Bloody Muscle Bodybuilder in Hell. And it cuts to our main character now, like lifting weights. And he's his name is Nato. It's 30 years later and then this is his son. And he's he's pretty fit, but Bodybuilder seems like way too strong a word for this guy. Yeah, like I had that same thing. Like we really dwell on those muscles.

And you know, it's the title of the movie. But it's he's not the Japanese Arnold Schwarzenegger. No, right. You would you would take his advice at the gym if he offered it. You'd be like, yeah, it looks like you know, it's what he's doing. But you would not be like you are so fit that you could destroy ghosts. If this was a hot tub party, you'd say something nice to him. Oh, hey, you could rip him in half like a bodybuilding Jesus freak.

It's a phone book. You've been working out. Oh, nice. And that's it. Looking good. Yeah. Maybe like touches pecs a little. Yeah, I mean, these are his abs. Like make him look beautiful. I'm not saying he's not beautiful. I'm just saying, like, if you're going to base the entire movie around his built ass body, he's not that big.

Yeah, he needs a couple of. So you go ahead. So you base your entire movie on the idea of the main character being a bodybuilder and then decide, I'm going to cast myself of all of all the ripped, physically fit people I know, I'm furthest ahead by far. So maybe he is maybe he is. I mean, I mean, I don't I maybe in Japanese culture, this guy is a giant, you know, or maybe it's went the other way where he was like, I am so goddamn ripped.

I have to make a movie about fighting ghosts like who else could do it? Maybe. Or or again, maybe this is satirical. Maybe it's we're supposed to be laughing at the joke of it. I honestly. Yeah. Again, I don't I don't know that we're supposed to be laughing at how not ripped. That's see, that's that is again, it's we I said it. And I'm kind of serious about the cultural differences thing. I honestly don't know how to take some of the stuff in this movie.

Like, like, am I supposed to be laughing at how bad this is? Or most or am I supposed to seriously see this as good, which it isn't? I mean, I don't know why it's a question, because right there in the title, they have said, this is the Japanese evil debt. You need to take this like evil debt. They didn't pull it off, of course. But the thing is, you know, that is what they certainly. But but evil debt is good.

Evil debt is a is a. Yes. For all it is, it's a competently made movie. Like they didn't have the biggest budget, the effects aren't the greatest. But it's a bunch of people who knew how to make a movie, making a low budget movie, as opposed to at least from my western eyes. This feels like someone who had maybe seen a movie and decided to make a movie and does not understand. So many aspects of movie making.

I just love the balls of it. I love like. Oh, don't be wrong. I quoting it like I name dropping a better movie in the title. It's just it's where the low budget Godfather like you can't. I can't do that. I have gigantic respect for anybody who actually makes a movie. I don't care. Except these people. No, even even these people, because like, let's be honest, I've never I think I made one short film with some friends that we actually finished

and that's it. And it wasn't that great and nobody's ever seen it, because we all realized it wasn't that great. But anyone who can actually make something more than 15 minutes long, like you've got to give them credit for at least that, even if it would it take this guy 10 years, ten years, so much credit. I really, I really don't. You don't have to make something good to make something great.

Well, but now I'm going to draw the line and argue. Like I can I can respect your effort and say, but no. To to get the plot going. Now, to has a talk with his writer friend, Mika, and she does articles ex-girlfriend, his ex-girlfriend, and she does articles about haunted houses. And he's like, oh, it's just it just so happens. I just inherited a weird mystery house from my dad that's fully spooky.

Well, you come with me and we'll bring this weird creepy psychic guy and we'll find some ghosts for your article. It's really the. And the movie does this very well by saying, by having him hand her a picture of a ghost and saying, here's the picture of that ghost you wanted. And it's really it's really all her idea, isn't it? She's the one who wants to go see all this. Yeah, he just has a picture of a ghost,

which is just a giant like low res face in place of a door. It's not like a dust moat or like a weird shadow. It's just like, this is a ghost. And he's like, oh, yeah, here's like it's like one of the proof of the afterlife. It's like a Halloween door wrap or something. They're hanging up also hanging up poster in their window. And it's like a. You mentioned that psychic that psychic is just the first of many bizarre things.

Or like much like Peter was saying earlier, it's such a weird thing that nobody comments on like they're not going with the psychic to exercise the house so he can live in it or whatever. They're just going to like look at it. Right. And they happen to know and bring a psychic. And like, this is one of those things where if I don't understand something to a certain degree, like if I really don't understand, I have to assume it's normal in Japan.

Right. So maybe he's a cooler. Maybe she brought him along because they have a sexual past and she didn't want to like be alone in a house and like, you know, relapsed into a sexual relationship with him. So she brought. Yeah, I'll I'll I'll I'll psychics fulfill this role in Japan, of course. Oh, yeah, the third. They're real boner kills. The third wheel psychic.

That's his job in this. And they have this bonkers exchange in the car. I'm sensing frustration. I'm causing frustration. I sense that I'm cockblocking. Is that is that the word you're thinking of? I'm sensing maybe all three of us try kissing. Strong pent up aggravation, all these feelings that are.

So in the car on the way to this haunted house, they have this bonkers exchange where the ex-girlfriend, his name is Mika, asks, ask if if Naoto has ever been inside the house. And he says, yes, I brought my barbell there a month ago. And like, before you can even react to that crazy sentence, the psychic. I think Mizo is his name. I didn't catch it fully.

He just deadpans exercising with ghosts is a good hobby. Yes, I don't. If there was a joke delivery there, they did not land it. So I think because this scene plays very matter of fact. Yes, I brought my barbell there a month ago. Exercising with ghosts is a good hobby. I got to assume that's normal in Japan.

Yeah, that's absolutely normal. That's like a on their pillows. Maybe it's supposed to be like an exercising, exorcising joke. Yeah, it could be a pun. Oh, it could be smarter than me. Pun in a different language. Yeah, why not? So so the psychic starts walking around just silently staring into rooms.

So it goes so long. And there's we should mention this isn't like a house. They've established that this is just like like a a workout house he may have gotten. Yes, so there are four pieces of furniture in this entire set. Well, there's like a table. There's four pieces of furniture, but they do seem to crop up whenever they need them.

Like they move around. Yeah, well, it's like, yeah, they move around. Or like random, like I'm jumping ahead of it. But like all of a sudden and now there's a TV in this room. We've never seen it before, but it's here now. It's now you know, whenever you need it. Now there's a table in chairs. Now there's.

It's kind of decorated by space aliens who think they know what humans find creepy. So like there's like a baby doll placed very deliberately by the shovel used to bury the dead woman. And it's just like, oh, baby doll, that's that's really creepy. But like this was a secret fuck place for for his dad and his mistresses. Like there's no reason for baby dolls to be here.

And they're just all over the place. Like there's maybe not the way you fuck. They'll have our things. Well, that's the other thing. Like, OK, we linger a while on all the different paintings and sketches and pictures all around the house. Where did these come from? Like the ghost did say later that she did them.

Did she? She's in there doing fucking arts and crafts. I forgot. I did in the movie. Oh, my God. She said she drew that picture. Oh, my God, I completely missed that. I think I was.

Yeah, she spent she spent the decades in between just like doing art, doing doing her own self waiting for vengeance tons of self portraits waiting for. I guess I guess at that point, my eyes had rolled so far back in my head, I couldn't read the captions. What I love about this scene in particular is that they take us very slowly through every single room and nook and cranny in this house.

It feels like it takes 20 minutes in this movie. Again, is an hour long. And I don't think they knew how short this movie was going to be when the movie started. No, right. Is that you spent like a 30 year runtime just looking at the rooms. Yeah, if I'm being honest, one thing happens in this movie

and it happens like eight different times over and over and over. So the dude demands the ghost showers. Well, he says, Missette Kudasai, which means show yourself please. And I think this is I think this shows a lot of weakness. I don't think you're supposed to say can I just pause and say that was amazing. Do you actually speak Japanese? Not very well, but I recognized when he said that better than us.

Yeah, but the subtitles didn't have the please. And I was like, sometimes left out the please. But I think this dude fucked up by by being too polite to these ghosts. And so see, I really liked his like power stance. He went in there and he just like clenched his fist and did a little Hulk flex. Right. And like, that's how his psychic powers work. I think they also sensed that was bullshit, too, when they're like, OK, buddy. Yeah, you look real tough, dude.

Yeah, you got to fully commit to a Hulk flex. If you're going to flex up on a ghost, like you got to believe in that shit. You got to tear the shirt. God, I would love that if this dude just tore his shirt off for the ghost just to show it. Let's go ghost. So if that's later, it goes immediately, like shows up and a ghost hand like shows up on Naoto's shoulder. And then like the psychic's in the middle of the room

and then a clock flies off the wall and hits him and just like fucks his whole world up. Like it is like a two ounce IKEA set dressing clock. Like it's the lightest clock you've ever seen. And it just fucking demolishes him. Yeah. So it's over, right? Get out of here. So they they take him out and they have a discussion and figure out what's going on. They're not really hanging on to reality too hard where they're like, there can't be a ghost.

It's like, no, guys, I was in the center of the room. It's obviously ghost shit. And then he's like, I'm going to go back in and talk to those ghosts. You guys stay out here. You only distract me. And so like we see him go back to the house alone. We're like, he's dead. There's no way he's living through that.

And sure enough. But meanwhile, while they're saying, oh, our car won't start. We're stranded. You can see that they're just like into the suburbs in Japan. And there's like 20 houses around. They're standing on a road and there's like a storm back of them. They could just walk to the bus. Like they want to do a cabin in the woods movie, but nobody had a cabin in the woods.

They they had a house in the suburbs is what they had. So the second goes in and he finds a towel and it's being held by a baby doll. Oh, no. And so he doesn't even have a comment. He's just like, OK, the doll has a knife. So he so he realized there's ghosts now. He sees visions of the ghost when he grabs the knife. And then he sees an actual girl at the table and he walks up to her and it says

something very strange. He says, you need me, don't you? Which gross. And so she kills him. Like she's like immediately comes to life, takes over his body. He stabs himself. I want to actually take a moment. There is one very nice little effect that I that I like.

And I actually be around to watch it like three or four times when he's reaching for the ghost and her arm like snaps up and grabs his wrist. It's not her arm. It's somebody else's arm coming in from a different angle. Oh, OK. I didn't even notice that. I was trying to figure out like I was watching it seriously with her head turned. How did she grab his wrist that cleanly, that fast?

And this is just one of those things like the because I worked in film. I was like, how did they do that? And I I watch as you have that night man experience. It's the night man experience, really. And a bunch of other stuff. But it is like citizen Kane levels of stage craft. It I admire stuff like that. I actually think it's like it's a really simple thing that they did,

but it looks really good that her hand like snaps up that fast. And then it's not until you again, if you watch it two or three times, you something else, wait, that's not her arm. I'm a shining bright spot in the special effects of letting muscle builder. It really was. And I and I want that on the record that this is you did find some good. You found one that that I was something I rewatched this that moment like four times trying to figure out how did you do that?

Oh, OK, I got it. Yeah, OK. That's probably the nicest thing anybody's ever said about. Yeah. And are there are there more notes like that? Do you think there's other bright spots in this movie that you'll make? No, that was OK. That's the one.

But I'm going to be slow, sold the center. And here, I really liked the effect when the this necklace came out of her mouth. There's a necklace that like a sort of the pot driving like talisman, I guess, and it comes out of his mouth and then crawls into his eye. Just yes, as far as I can tell, pointlessly, like it's it just moved around in his head. Like when the father killed his lover in the past, like all of her blood got sucked into the locket, to which he did not have a comment. Again, just must be normal in Japan that this happens.

And that you think that's like the possession mechanic is like they have to swallow this locket because that's what she makes him do. But he swallows the locket and then like pukes it up and it goes straight into his eyes. So you're like, what? As you do, why did we do all of that? One thing this definitely as we were talking about this compared to Evil Dead. I think one thing you can definitely say about this is this movie was made in service of the effects.

As opposed to they wanted to do practical. They wanted to do practical effects as opposed to Evil Dead, where they had a story to tell and had effects to tell that story with. And they also wanted to praise the main guy's pecs. This was a peck vehicle start to finish. Well, yeah, they had a rubber head and a really buff friend. I mean, that's that's in the title. So I didn't feel that necessary to say that.

But but yeah, I think most of the effects in this were or most of the movie is we figured out, hey, I know how we could make blood go into a necklace. I know how to make a necklace crawl out of a guy's mouth. I know how. Mm hmm. Name your thing and someone figured out how to do it. There's someone. Everyone should have to do it called Turkish Superman. I don't know if you've ever seen Turkish Superman,

but they rewrite a lot of Superman's powers around effects. They figured out they could do so Superman can type with his mind because they figured they could have someone off camera like moving the the carriage. So anyway, now to Amika, they're outside and they just give up on this guy. They're like, all right, let's go in and find this psychic. And they go in, they see a bloody knife and his glasses, which this is good world building because I guess she doesn't need the glasses since no matter who a ghost is possessing, they keep their own eyeglass prescription.

So that's very interesting. His body falls onto them and he tells them to leave while he's still alive. He's like, get out of here while I'm still alive. So he has this shit all figured out. He knows that later in the movie, the ghost will use his psychic powers to lock all the doors and he's like, I don't want to be the vessel for that. So he's a great psychic. He's just so useless in a fight.

He does more harm than good. So anyway, his job as as a haunted house psychic, which again is is very normal in Japan, and he's a professional. He's a pro. He's a pro. He just wasn't used to ghosts that stab. So they're locked inside now. But they're like locked with just regular house doors, so they have the little buttons that you push to lock the door that like come loose

if you bump the door. Anyway, they can't get through that. They can't get through the windows. They're completely trapped, which which I wish they had done more with because I just thought it was so funny that this guy, our bodybuilder keeps delivering huge kicks, which are obviously like when we see them connect, it's like sort of tapping his foot tap again again. Like, I just wanted to see one solid kick land, you know?

Everything. All the fights are so gentle. Like they grab each other like, oh, we're wrestling. Oh, yes. Well, you have you have your cousin's house for the weekend. You know, you can't you can't really go nuts. Yeah, there's there's also a lot of that going with the effects thing. I noticed a couple of times there's points like it seems really weird that like for all of the the blood spray here, this happening there,

that nothing's happening to this person or that wall. Or like it all seems very, very selective. Yeah, very localized blood splatter. Yes. I guess at this point, the ghost has revealed herself in the psychic's body. And she says, I've finally obtained a body of living flesh. I've been waiting for you because, again, the now to looks exactly like his father because the same actor. And so the ghost says finally and waiting.

So it understands the passage of time. So I don't get how she thinks this is him. Like she must assume this is a son or he has a 30 years of art. Yeah, she knows that it's been 30 years. So maybe she's a dumb ghost. They try to explain this later by saying, oh, she's crazy. She's just really fucking nuts, which that's what stays true. Yeah, it's pretty weak.

And again, it wouldn't have taken much to say like, oh, you must be his son. I will kill you. Like I'm on board for that. So the ghost does a running knee to the groin. Like the bodybuilder can't fight for shit. He gets his head pushed into the wall. I think that's a that's a great reference, because that's a total Sam Raimi shot. They do the Sam Raimi shot from the from the POV of the knee going to the balls.

And he loves doing the POV of the weapon going into the person. Like they actually nailed that one. I would say that it's Sam Raimi inspired. So I saw that and I'm like, oh, cool, that's a Raimi shot. But they didn't do it right because every single shot was like an insert. So it's like his head gets pushed against the wall, cut to hand getting stabbed, cut to and it just makes everything seem like it takes like 11 seconds for each individual movement of each individual limb.

So it's bad filmmaking, but at least they have good taste in source material. I think that's a good way to look at it. It's they meant they knew what they wanted to do, even if they had no idea how to do it. Right. Yeah. It's a failure even to the editing level, I guess is a bad way to put it. No, I think no, I think that's pretty much spot on, I think. Yeah, it's they the ghost grabs the girl

after just beating the shit out of the bodybuilder. And I think they tried to do something where she unhinged the jaw. Did you notice this where like it frees frames and then the jaw kind of like gets just jointed? Like like it felt like South Park animation jaw disjointing. Yeah, I was too distracted by the the knife through the back of the head, right, which skewers the eyeball on the tip of the knife and pokes the eyeball out. Right. And then he pulls the knife back out and the eyeball just returns to normal.

This beautiful effect. Super heel. Again, just because we can do it, like they figured out how to do that effect. We can reverse the tape. It's perfect. So they slashed the psychic's throat, his body dies. Again, movies over. Yeah. How many I think this is worth noting how many times the psychic dies in this is the third time.

Yeah, like at this point, like I even remember thinking like, but he's dead. Why is slitting his throat doing anything? Yeah, like you were from my little dad. Like, well, like the ghost killed him and then he came out of the closet and said, no, I'm not dead yet. Right. Then he died and then and then he died and then they killed him again. And then are you counting the eyeball as a kill? No, I'm not.

More times in this movie. Like this is like, like we all know the rule. The monsters never did the first time. But I think in this movie, we get to like the 19th time. Yeah, there's a lot of interest. And with every scene is the monster is dead now. Well, we all grew up with pro wrestling. We know that like you just beat a guy until something significant happens,

like until you say the coolest line or do the coolest move. And then that's the one that kills them. But this movie just has no idea how to communicate that. Well, I think it's also one of the other problems here is we only have three characters. Right. And a very small house, a very small, unimpressive, empty house. Yeah. So I I'm reminded.

Do you remember? Do you remember throw them off in the train, the Billy Crystal movie? And of course, at one point when Billy Crystal is explaining or explaining to Owen, Danny DeVito, why his story, his murder mystery sucks. And he's like, you only have two characters and one of them is the victim. Right. This movie is like half a step above that. So it's it's like we only had the three people come in.

We we kill the psychic. And then it's like, oh, crap. Yeah, we don't we don't have anyone else to kill. I guess they do kill one of the other ones, I guess. Briefly. Just once. Yeah. Briefly. Just briefly. Those read about this fight here is that there's like a hardcore

like crucifixion thing, like there's a nail on the wall and he he grabs the psychic's wrist and like crucifies him on it in a way that like has to be like a Jesus reference, right? No, I think they just again, no, they figured out how to do that effect. And we're like, no, I can make it look like that. I feel like someone in the room should have said, dude, this is real Jesus. If you're not trying to say something, Jesus, see, we got to cut this. Or I don't think there was any.

I think the biggest problem with this movie is there was no one else in the room. Right. There's no judgment that went into this. Like, like I think we're seeing the entire crew on camera. And and so every like. Any time in any movie, any movie at any level where there'd be somebody going, should we really be doing this? Didn't this happen? This, you know. Yeah, everybody was the guy saying that was wrapped up

in one of the monster suits and being thrown on the stairs. Yeah. Should we? It would be the death sentence for this movie, if anyone with any judgment got near it. Yes. So. So he's the bodybuilder stomps on the ghost dick, kicks him into a door and just starts mashing his head open with a door. Then the girl punches him and knocks him into the closet and they casually shut it. Done. We're done again.

The ghost. We're real this time. Right. So they find a spooky poltergeist TV and they turn it on and it's a ghost. But it's a ghost dad. That's right. It's a ghost dad who explains the whole thing. He says, OK, this guy is possessed by his ex-lover. He says, I killed this woman, but she was crazy. Sorry, I couldn't help it. Doesn't think it's a big deal.

It's just like, yeah, it killed one of my ex-lovers in here. She was crazy. I don't know how that goes. The cultural thing in Japan. Maybe it happens a lot. I don't know. Yeah, I have to assume this is normal because it's so crazy and I don't understand it. It has to be normal.

And in a very Peter Klein's level of worldbuilding, he he explains. You take that back. He addresses what we were talking about earlier. Like she might think you're my son. She might not care. But yeah, you know, the meat of the girlfriend is like we're not good enough for me to say things like that yet. Mika, like, is the one that figures that out.

And she's like, oh, she thinks you're your dad. And then the father butts in like you didn't need to butt in at that point. We're like, yeah, we get it. The father butts in and he's like, yeah, maybe she thinks that maybe she's just crazy and it does like weird shit. You don't know. I love he answered all my questions right here. I'm like, thanks, ghost dad. And then he like explains what they have to do, which is like hack him into pieces.

He's like, you must destroy him. Hack him into pieces is like, literally. He says, if you want to get out of here alive, you must chop him into little pieces. I love that line. That's that's such a good line. That would have been plan A for me, I think for a lot of people. If you're dealing with a zombie that keeps you're generating, like the first thing you're going to try is like maybe chop him into little pieces.

But he also then says, go to the basement. Your weapon is there before melting into goofy wax effects. Yes. Yes. Go to the basement, the magical basement, your weapon is there. He didn't end very important. He's like, here's a second contradictory advice and I'm melting. OK, bye. So I guess I don't know if he died again.

It seemed really serious, like is his dad dead a second time? Is he coming back? Anyway, the ghost is back and there's some more choking. There's hitting him with a shovel. They cut the ghost's head off of the shovel and it seems done again. And so it's time for two things you need to you need to know at this point. And it's that severed body parts will be the rest of the movie. And the other thing you need to know is that they don't have the effects budget

to pull it off this one very first time immediately. This is just a paper mache head that they've set and done close up on it. Like, OK, rubber limbs being wiggled from off frame. And I'd say 40 percent of the movie from now on is Sam Raimi shots. Like she throws this dude in acts and it's like we see nine different acts. POVs, we see it coming into the camera, going away from the camera. Super slow mo going minutes of this accent in the air. Yeah.

So now they hack him up. Juicy spray all over the place. Hands and feet are flying around. He nails him in the dick with the acts. That was a great shot. So it's just it's over again. Everything it's just a twitching pile of limbs, just like his ghost dad told them to do. But now the head is laughing at them.

And clearly they fucked up the plan to hack him into bits or the basement. Right. They forgot about the basement. Yeah, like the your weapon is in the base. You have you need the mystical weapon to hack them into bits. So they pile up all of the severed body parts just on the kitchen counter. What are my favorite scenes as you do in this movie? As you do as you do. And one of my favorite scenes is they go to light it on fire

and then they realize nobody brought a lighter. That and that's it. It's not a payoff. It's never paid off. It's not a setup. Well, it's kind of a little bit of a payoff because I do like that he's he's telling her earlier all his like obnoxious health nut stuff about like every cigarette

removes 12 percent of the vitamin C from your body. Oh, yeah. And yeah. All right. And and so never mind. See, I wasn't given the movie credit. See, I this is the other bit I liked in that he's like, hold it. He's standing there holding it in and she's like, I quit. But then I was thinking like this is art. No, but then I was.

But then it was like, well, wait, when did she quit? I mean, isn't this pretty much one day this whole movie? Like, did we lose a week or something between when they met like that time in the park and then came back with a snake? Yeah, it's almost good writing. And like he sort of set himself up for this failure earlier in the movie. Yes. But the timeline is so wrong that they fucked it up.

It I don't even call it a fuck up, but it but it does leave you like it's a ha ha. That's fun. Wait a minute. Yeah, they step they step on their own gang. Yes, exactly. And so then here they go in the basement to get the sacred weapon. And there's a mysterious gun shaped bag. I just want to say this is the exact point where it becomes a classic Brockway movie, where the whole thing kind of sucks.

Yes, right up until the last 20 minutes. Yes, the last 20 minutes are fucking awesome. And they're just the best. I would. I'm going to argue that. I would agree. I'm going to argue against that, but. Oh, good. We have all the viewpoint. It's it's terrible, sometimes in a good way.

But you can tell they had a lot of fun making it. And maybe that's all the nice things I have to say about it. We'll see. We'll go through it. So I'm I'm not even sure that because I did notice a couple places where like, OK, you don't have these people here, do you? Like there's there's obvious parts where he's shooting stuff and the other actors didn't come back, right? Which leaves me wondering what what what's the story here?

Did did they go off and become like, you know, a high level accountant or something? And they're like, dude, no, it's just we gave you two hours last weekend. We can't we can't keep doing this. Yeah, this is like, no, but I get this favor once I've got one more shot. And this is the one that's really cool. No, no, because otherwise you're always going to have one more shot. So like I'm well, I have one thing to say, but I'm sure we're I'm sure it's going to come up.

OK, well, you know those snap zooms that Sam Raimi does when like Ash is building things like he's putting on his robot hand or yes, I think it's chainsaw. So it's clear they were like, let's do that. But the only thing they do is just put shells into a shotgun. And well, he finds a shotgun and he thinks that's the mystical weapon. Like he goes to the basement like his dad said, and he's like, oh, the weapon is in the basement.

It's a shotgun. Yeah. OK. And the line he says after he loads it is she asks if it's real. And he says, fucking, hey, my dad was a gun nut, but I didn't know he had anything this bad ass. Just a normal shotgun. And he does say groovy in English, just like just like an evil dead. Yeah. Well, does not land. It's not like he tries to say it. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, speaking of evil dead, I know I'm like jumping way back. Did anyone pick up that in the opening, his him and slash his dad is dressed exactly like Ash? Yeah, I got that, too. Like that was in the opening, his dad's clothes, his hair, everything is 100 percent ash, evil dead. Yeah, they're not trying to hide it in any way. Not at all. And I mean, they did put a K.A.

Japanese evil dead in that. They did, but I but I thought if they were going to try to be shy about it in the movie, they really fucked that up from the title stage. So they go back upstairs. Now they have a gun very, very loaded. We saw many, many insert shots of shells going into this thing. I think this thing has like a 200 shell magazine. At least 200 shells.

The head is gone, which is kind of troubling, but also not that big a deal, because they've already easily defeated this thing twice and they didn't even have a magic gun yet. So now a foot hand comes out of the wall. I think I'm describing that. Hand foot. Yeah. Hand foot is the best. The hand has joined to the foot.

And so now it's hand foot. All the powers of a hand and a foot. Yes, I love it because they seriously play it like that. Yeah, it kicks. It has all the powers. Yeah, and then the head also is attached to a hand. So that the head is walking. Hand head, all the powers of a hand and a head.

Not as impressive. Agreed. They really use all those powers, though, like during the fight scene, he grabs, he grabs hand foot and he throws hand foot away. And then hand foot uses foot powers to like jump off of something. And then it's hand powers to punch him. And he's like, oh, all the powers of a hand and a foot. This I love it.

This whole sequence was one of those things where I'm like, I'm almost upset because this is kind of a really funny, cool idea of this. And I'm like, and I I wish somebody better had done it. Yes. Oh, I love it. I love that it's it's clearly all of these effects are done by like one of the one of the actors standing off camera. Oh, yeah, slapping the shit out of a grown man with a rubber foot. Yes, over and over and over.

Or like occasional or occasionally just a shot where, you know, he's like barefoot and holding one leg out so we can see the toes come into frame and kick off something. And that's what's great about this movie, is you can see how they did every single effect. Yeah, there's no mystery. There's no magic trick. None whatsoever.

It's it's just something. And hand hand uses uses the fingers to run around and the head powers to bite. Yes. And he shoots the foot with a shotgun, explodes it. She chops the fingers off the hand. Sticks are getting lower every second of the iconic movie villain. And hands for it. Hand foot is gone, everybody. Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh, but he got his hand. Head is not right. But he does poke the eyes out of it. I'm feeling the head prop. It starts to look pretty rough. Like they've used it in like three too many shots. And so it is. It's just all covered in like five or six layers of corn syrup.

He shoots it with the shot. I like it's over again. They didn't. It's they didn't have the they didn't have the budget to do like a gouging the eyes out scene, but he still tried it. Yeah. And so it's just this is my favorite effect scene is they just rested his fingers gently on Handhead's eyes and then like poured blood

from offscreen over his fingers. It's in no way passes. But you missed that he that hand head bites Mika on the neck. That's an important plot point. So we all know the rules on this. If you get bit on the neck by the hand head, you're going to become a hand head. Yep. So a ghost zombie. It's all the mythology.

Yeah. So we miss torso. Yeah, I was going to say that everything's over. And then that the jump scares the torso comes out and just kind of torso does not have a second thing. No limbs just wiggling on the table. It does nothing. It can't.

And then it dies. It just wiggles. They kill it with a hairspray bomb, which is excellent. That's that was another thing I love, though, like his like he's got this gigantic can of hairspray in his shirt pocket. Yes, they did set that up by having him use hairspray a lot. Yes, but I have a plausible excuse. But I love that it is so clearly not there for 90 percent of them.

Right. Like it does hairspray. It does not exist. And it reaches for it to take out a monster that is not a threat. That we said it's one appearance. We established torso. It wiggles. No way to detect you or attack you.

It just it's struggling to understand what life even is. Kill it. Feel bad for torso. So he still he kind of ditches the girl. He's like, I'm out of here, but he still can't get out. So then, God, what happens next? I guess this is when one hand comes out of the floor, pulls the other hand back in and then all the goo starts going into the floor

and then reforms as a skeleton monster who emerges as skeleton from the just straight up bot from the Halloween story. Like on Claire's Bargain skeleton is the best. And the organs pile up in the big wad of red, like a meat wad, and it crawls over and it goes into the skeleton's mouth and it turns into, I guess, a toxic Avenger version of the original girl. Maybe every stop motion trick in the book, all all one of them. I thought I was supposed to be like the girls corpse in the psychics corpse

kind of mashed together. Yeah, it's just a big meat pile. Now, this really just looks like sloth from the Goonies. Yes, this is also, I just have to bring up the I think this is the point where there's like the still photo of Mika, the girlfriend that the hand comes into to make it look like she's eating. Yes, I have that in my notes. Like what? Yes, it's like a decision.

Like it like it's like it's a complete still photo that like a poster that they're moving a hand in front of I think maybe she refused to do that. Or no, or he just came up or he came up with a shot and like she'd, you know, move to Okinawa or something at that rate. And God, it is the weirdest effect. It doesn't look like anything other than what you're describing. That's it's did. It's like I it was one of those things that went past and I was like,

wait, was that now? Everybody has that in their notes. It just stops and then cuts to like a separate photo and then cuts back. And why did we why would we do that? And that's just it. It's like it's it's an unnecessary shot. And then we had on top of it, it's a really bad unnecessary shot. Yes. So it doesn't help anything at all. Yeah, it is really that shot is the epitome of this movie, I think.

And like the guy not knowing what he's doing. That you're right. That he's constantly but doing so well. Yeah, I would argue at this point, he is completely overshot, evil, dead and like landed in three stooges. So it's like really bad like slapstick. Like he's getting like comedy spots, like like getting caught on the head by pots and shit. Like it's it's so bad.

And he's fucking judo fighting a bargain skeleton sloth ghost. I'm reminded of a line from another movie that is like, are you sure you've never done this before? Because you're doing it like a professional who makes a lot of mistakes. I don't know what that's from. That is actually from Fred Claus, which is the best Christmas movies ever made. Yeah, I guess that's a good way to describe this.

It's someone who's like got a lot of inspirations. They can't even come close to getting to haven't tried. Aren't sure how to make a movie. But they're going to do it. They're going to do it. Good for them. Good for them. I guess the other point in this movie, he's like realized that the other he forgot about the other advice that his dad gave him was

that his magical weapon is down there. And it's probably not the shotgun because he's not a shotgun guy. He's a musteroo guy. So he goes we also got to mention that the ex-girlfriend Mika jumps up and she's now possessed from the ghost fight and has turned into a ghost. So he has to fight two monsters now, the bargain skeleton, sloth ghost and his ex-girlfriend. Right. Now, there's so this brings up yet another issue I have with the movie.

So another so he's told like, OK, your weapon is still in the basement. And he goes, oh, my weapon is my muscles, right? To which my thought is, well, wait, what have you been using up until now? Well, it was his muscles and specifically his workout equipment. Did you throw him into the basement? And he's like, oh, it's the power of exercise. So but it's not the power of exercise. It's the power of both flex or or hell.

Yeah, it is the power of free weights. Hell, yeah, it is bashing shit with heavy stuff. That's his power. I love the scene where he realizes that and this is like his clothes. This is like Captain Kirk realizing my power is styrofoam boulders. That it really was in most episodes, if I remember that show, right? But. Yeah.

So he flexes his clothes straight off and it goes into full like old 70s hulk cam totally slow motion, total hulk cam, just. And again, like including pretty cut, including that whole pretty cut pulling the rip shirt off his shoulders with one hand. Yeah, his clothes explode off of him. He's pretty cut, but he's like five, five, one hundred and fifty pounds. He's not he's not a hulk cut. He's he's not he's not quite hulk cut enough for it to be anything.

But like Ego Mania, when he screams, I'm jacked. You're OK. I mean, you're you're better than me. But you're better than I could ever hope to be. But I don't know that you warrant. Flexing out the supernatural. Yeah. He he comes into the room and he throws the weights at the monsters to demonstrate

like, OK, this is the plan because Mika is now a full zombie and. Holding what I'm going to say is like fifty pounds on a bar. Yeah, it's it's not like a three hundred pound bar. Right. And even fifty. God, it's not a lot of weight that he's not a lot. Not a lot. And he twirls it like like Star Wars kid. Like he's like, oh, here comes the barbell.

And you're like, OK, OK, you're twirling the barbell. What's the I wrote down this line? He goes, hey, assholes, you ain't human. Come get some. And that's real bad. And then, of course, the evil dead two line. So the girl monster grabs him, but his muscles are too strong. And so he breaks free and he starts using a power flex, using flex kata.

Just flexes out of that. Fights these ghosts using the power of fitness. We might have skipped over the part where the monster ghost kissed him. I think we skipped that. Oh, baby. So the monster kissed him. Yeah, that happened early. She's still she's still just like an ex-girlfriend.

Yeah, she's still trying to make the relationship work, but. And he's using fitness to destroy her ghost. So he bashes her, says, Sayonara, baby, it's real bad. And then his final kill line, he keeps delivering kill lines. But the final one was sorry, you're just not my type, which here's a fun fact. I'd argue this is a bad line from one of the worst movies anyone will ever see. And it's identical to one. Dennis Miller would deliver one year later in a movie called Bordello of Blood.

So like congratulations to Dennis Miller for ripping off that one line. He does defeat. He saves his ex-girlfriend. I want to mention this real quick by sucking on her neck wound where she was bitten. So he can suck the ghost out of her. And then he spits the ghost onto the floor. I like that. That was great.

It's ghost. Japanese ghosts work on snake rules. Now, why not? It was worth a shot, at least I'm glad that it works. You've also tried something. How many how many people in American movies just would have killed her? And right, right. He tried to save her.

And he made an effort. He did. He sucked the ghost right out of that woman. Ghost Venom, the shit out of her. The second she turned into a zombie, which I do sort of that's very an under discussed element of Ash Williams. Like one of my favorite moments of Evil Dead is when when his girlfriend comes back to life and like doesn't even get a chance to fuck with him.

Like, oh, are you going to hit me? He's like already her. Your head's gone. Pick it up in the shovel. I like that. I think it's what we should all hope to do. If our loved ones turn into zombies, we just instantly spring into action. And we've also skipped over my favorite.

I guess it's not a kill, but my favorite attack is when the sloth ghost bargain skeleton zombie is coming very slowly at him. And he uses an allen wrench to take off. Oh, my God. Yes, all the weights. And then he puts the he puts the bar into his bow flex and fires it like a crossbow to pin sloth goes to the wall. Again, it's not what his dad told him to do, and it does not work.

Sloth goes just immediately climbs off that impalement bar. Now he goes and gets very slowly off the impalement bar. Very slowly. And he's very slowly gets the shotgun. And it's just he blasts the ghost pieces with a shotgun. That's the final kill. So so if you're paying attention, we've established that the way to kill this ghost is not the shotgun, it's physical fitness.

And then it's not physical fitness. It turned out it was a shotgun. Now, the real weapon was inside you all along the ability to use a shotgun. So here's where the tone of the movie like really pissed me off because he I think it's funny where he's here is the one. This one took me to 11. You made it. So you made it all the way to the end.

So he's like undoing the weight so slowly while the ghost is coming at him. And I'm like, this has got to be being played for laughs, right? Like they think this is funny, right? And then I don't think it is. It it just seems impossible that anyone would write this unless it's supposed to be like, haha, this is supposed to be tense, but it's silly. And then he slingshots it with the gym bag, which is kind of awesome. But it also has like that tone of like when you see a van and somebody's

like your local super plumber or when they make a superhero team for like, you know what I mean? Or like like an NSYNC super team. And they'll say like, I'm going to make a comic book based on NSYNC. You'll have superpowers. Lance Bass, you can turn invisible because you have a secret. And Nick Glacier, you shoot laser basketballs because you love sports. And Joey Fatone, you wear your shirt in the pool.

So you resist cold damage, whatever. My point is that it's it's stupid in like a real ordinary way. And the rest of the movie is at least silly in its in its unique way. At this point, he's also like very injured and he's squirting blood out of his leg. Trying to get to the shotgun and he gets grabbed by these intestines, which how they do that effect, they just like threw intestines on him, took a still picture of that and then played that for a few seconds. Yeah, the still picture effects were one of my one of my favorite.

The leg wound was another thing, though, that again, not at me because we actually he got stabbed in the leg by his zombified girlfriend and yells and cries about it. But then we have a bunch of scenes of him walking around, not affected by it at all. And it's kind of like the director's like, oh, crap, right, leg wound. OK, well, too bad we shut all that other stuff. Yeah, I guess we'll just spurt some blood out of his hands. Go with it now.

Right. I like the insert shot of him escaping from the intestine grab because it was like a very different high resolution camera. Yes, picture of someone like like grabbing like sausages and squishing. He uses just grip strength to escape. He just squeezes it. This movie is clearly shot with at least five different cameras. Yes, through the course of it.

And I'm pretty sure at least one is like a cell phone that he did insert shots with like four years. Probably the best quality one. Yeah, like that intestine shot, I think, which. Yeah, that was got the Game Boy camera in there to do the ghost transition. Yeah, I think he kills the ghost for what, the sixth time at least, at least. So he kills it again. And then it's like the meat is still wiggling, maybe in a defeated way.

And then no. And then yes. And then like, OK, now it's like melting and then maybe it's over. And then he tries the door and OK, yeah, it works. And so we did it, right? Like we the seventh time's the charm, the ghost is finally dead. They walk out, we're done. But wait, a window slides open and it's a big picture of the girl cut. No musical sting, no flair, just the window slides open

and it's a big fucking wall poster of a ghost like a ghost advent calendar. It's it's I'm not I'm not understand. Sure, I literally think it's the photo he shows her in the beginning. Like I think I still like I think the I think the still frame of that end shot is the photo he shows her. That's yeah, I think you're probably right. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie.

Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie.

Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God, we got to rewatch this whole movie. Oh, my God. Isn't that Gulgur Frankfurt?! I can do it, I can do it!! Yah, Noi Taosan!

Thank you all for coming today. Our community has suffered a great loss. Our community has suffered a great loss. But we will never forget the brave performers But we will never forget the brave performers of the hot dog Bill Jetski stunt team, The Supremes. Please stand for a list of the Honored Dead. Please stand for a list of the Honored Dead.

Three finger Louis, we hardly knew you. I didn't mean that to rhyme. I'm so sorry. Aaron Crosston Adrian H Aidan Mohan Alpha Sciences Java We're still looking for his face, by the way. Everyone check your intake filters.

Armando Navajo Benjamin Sironin Brandon Garland Breanne Whitney Chase McPherson Children, love the meet and greet. I know this one is hardest on you kids. You're gonna have to find someone new to love now.

I suggest Jesus. Chris Brown Curious glare Dan B Laziest man on Mars Dean Costello Dr. Awkwin Eric Spalding

You will be missed, but everyone gathered here today has to admit that was a sick clip. Fancy Shark Jell-O High Flyin' Haraka You flew too close to the sun, by which I mean Jetski too close to that cruise ship. Hot Fart Jayburn L. Aiden John

John McKennan John Minkoff We're retiring your number. Nobody will ever be number one again. In our hearts or on our life vests. Josh S. Ken Paisley A&M

Lyman All the doubters said you'd never land that 920 Superman backflip and they were right. Still waiting for you to come down, buddy. Mark Matt Cortez Matt Riley Mike Stiles Mixmaster Mojo, DJ of the Sea.

You're spinning discs for Jetski Jesus now. N.D. Neil Bailey Neil Schaefer Nick Ralston Nick H. Patrick Herbst Rev

Who never told us his real name and would only answer to the sound of a Jetski motor redlining. Rihanna Rich Jocelyn Sarkowski Donald Finney Timi Lahey You should not have tried to make two Jetski's fight while also riding them, but if you'd listened, you wouldn't have been our Tim. Toasty Gun

Tom Sikula Yossarian And Josh Fabian The worst Jetski mechanic who ever lived. You might have killed all your friends, but there's one thing a poorly maintained Jetski can never kill and that's our memories. We'll miss you most of all.