The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 55, The Dipshits of 2021: Where Are They Now? With Jason Pargin!

Episode Date: December 29, 2021

Seanbaby, Brockway, and professional podcast guest Jason Pargin look back on all the craziest Hot Dog subjects of 2021... and see how much crazier they get if you dig into them even a little bit! A thing which we did not do the first time around!

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Yeah 9000 Welcome to the Dog Zone 9000 The Weekly Podcast For the final comedy website 1-900HOTDOG.COM On the internet, Sean Baby Very beloved

But maybe not as much as my co-host Summoner Robert Brockway Here is a Brockway fact On New Year's Eve 1999 The local news Put me on their kiss cam as the ball Dropped On New Year's Day 2000

I woke up to the severe and immediate consequences Of what was shown there No follow-up Damn it Well, our guest More beloved than both of us Novelist and internet celebutant For his 1-900 HOT DOG

Contributions and sometimes for his best-selling novels John dies at the end and Zoe punches the future in the dick Jason Parton So this is the year-end episode, correct? You're not going to squeeze in another one Before the year's over Nope, this should be the year-end Right at the very end

And you guys have recorded a special I cannot hear the theme song From where I am You guys have recorded a special year-end theme song For this episode or have you not But it's all subliminal It will sound to the uninitiated Exactly like

What you are being programmed Rest assured But before we get Into the episode proper, if this is The final episode Obviously That means we have to do Year-end employee evaluations

Very quickly So just to get this little bit of Housekeeping and the listeners thing Sean Just very briefly What are some times in the last 12 months Where you feel like Brockway Did not live up to

The standards of this company And of the customer satisfaction pledge That you have as a corporation And the values of just What you believe in At 1900 hot dog Where you just feel like he has fallen short Either of his potential

Or just of your expectations Any other company I would say The week where all he did was post Shirtless pictures in the work slack But here at 1900 hot dog That's actually encouraged And in fact that was probably the most Positive work environment I'd ever been

A part of It was theme week, we hit $10,000 We promised to post shirtless pics In the work slack all week For the record it was not I promised that To me And just let me very quickly turn it around

Brockway in the last 12 months Of 2021 What are some times where you feel like Sean exceeded your expectations And actually achieved Even more than what you expected of him And actually set a new standard For what you can accomplish

At 1900 hot dog as a company Oh easy man The workplace, the 1900 hot dog Kumate just fucking Demolished that Expecting him to perform well Of course he's the main character But 76 consecutive knockouts

Was I believe that's a new world record A lot of those were apes and children though Right but that's The selling point you're saying Yeah you're right That was fun We advertised it as the all ape

All child Kumate And then entered you in an ape costume And you fucking ruled the joint It was beautiful, it was magnificent That might be my first Year end review like that Jason I've only had one office job in my life And it was less than a year

So yeah Oh man we had to do those, it cracked every year Every year and it was so It was so stupid because And again I get That the people Administering them to us Because we were always owned

By another company That employed all sorts of different people So like the year end review form It's like the same form Whether the employee is A sales person Or a secretary or whatever Like at Scripps they were geared towards

Like news people Or somebody who just Writes boner jokes every week It was so hard to do It was the hardest goddamn thing in that job So you had to like quantify Your accomplishments whereas like the sales team They had strict like number goals

They can hit And there's no like equivalent of that So just every year you're just totally BSing This thing And I was just I would be damned if I was going to give Like a less than perfect review for somebody Under me because it's like

No if you want an excuse to not pay this Person as much you're not going to get it for me You just don't pay them as much Don't say well you know your score came in At a 3.8 out of a 5 So you don't get the performance based Pay increase like no If you don't want to pay them just say you don't want to pay them

But don't use this as an excuse And sometimes they did say that Was there any like Delicate things in there like did they ever say Like hey I notice you rate the Non-white employees Worse than the People of color

Cause like once you start throwing that Into those I imagine that's I don't think so it was mostly for me Anyway like they did a lot of self Evals and shit and they would have you Write sometimes just Thousands upon thousands of words about Whatever you had done

And like projects that you Had spearheaded and things like that Like things that sort of applied To you so that you would try to But you would have to try to spin like Well the project I spearheaded was An animated series about boners Bonertown and like it just

It was the hardest part of the Thing yeah I know it was a hit It was a critical hit it wasn't It didn't get a lot of traffic but I Think it advanced the brand Bonerton I'm sorry I pronounced it wrong It was bonered The mayor of bonerton

I'm having a nice time on our mess around But we really needed to get going because Today we're talking about the backstory That fell through the cracks Of our relentless daily content Assault so I guess Let's kind of get into the process Of what we do here

It's probably worth talking about and how What we do here at the hotdog is different Than what we did it correct I'm sorry I do want to interject I do apologize this is Very rude podcast guest behavior The fact that you don't do it I'm just reading to you

You got through my intro In just six minutes and you're acting Like that was a long time to spend on an Intro is outrageous That is the most Hyper efficient Getting through my usually you've got To get 35 to 40 minutes with me

On the show before you ever get around To the thing we were supposed to be talking about This is all planned My notes don't get to actual Notes for like a thousand words that Just say like this is the part Where we will talk with Jason about this Undoubtedly

We already wrote out the whole Review bit and it was Spot on as if from a script If you want to get to the real podcast Skip to the bonus podcast The rest of this will be all intro What was it? Bordillo blood but we actually did that

We never forgot to talk about the movie Anyway, alright Please I guess what I was talking about Here at the maximum hilarity And maximum hype We basically are just Doing jokes like

We don't have a ton of structure but When we are cracked of course we Were closer to journalism or Jason's articles are often Like social science communication I guess Is what you'd call them along with the boner jokes So I sort of escaped this I did mainly

The boner jokes but For the most part it cracked they were very heavily researched Sometimes up to 7 or 8 people And you know it was great It was a bummer it all got destroyed yada yada So what makes me so happy here At the website we built Is that we can just sort of pick up a thing

Explain it make jokes about it And then we have a funny article that exists And it's usually enough But it obviously doesn't work for everything So we are going to talk today about articles That I probably should have researched more Because after I posted it We found out some

Super interesting or crazy details about it So We researched the crazy We found the crazy thing and explained it to you And then it's your problem And we're done If you want to keep going If you want to be a journalist about it

That's fine but we are not We are not journalists here Sean has not found I think we've got 3 or 4 examples here These are not times when the site got it wrong It's where the story was Actually much Weirder or stupider

It was conveyed because If we didn't follow the rabbit hole Down far enough Or just kept going And sometimes the layer is so dark That I'm kind of maybe glad that it wasn't included Right Yeah we should content warning now

Some of these are some dark stories We like You especially find almost exclusively Fringed lunatics I don't know how anybody could expect It's like asking what happened to a professional wrestler You know How this ends to some degree

It's really sad, don't google The guy hosting this pro wrestler Workout video I guess For instance, if I was doing a 100 hot dog article on the original Unreleased Fantastic Four movie I'd probably just go through the plot

Take some screenshots, make fun of the dumb parts It'd be a lot of fun for me It's what I love to do, it's what my fans They'd probably expect A more broadly appealing article would be Like the fascinating story behind it Like how it was a desperate technicality To keep the rights to the characters

And how these fucking money pits Of unmarketable characters keep getting made into a movie But I guess what sucks about that Is you're probably telling Reader stuff they already know Like in the example I'm using They did a long bit about that in Arrested Development

So now you're in the article, you're like Do I mention Arrested Development And if you do, now you're describing Like an old IP contract stipulation Along with somebody else's jokes And that sucks So maybe that's interesting, but good luck making it hilarious And also it involves a ton of outside research

Into the facts and making sure those are right And how much they've penetrated the zeitgeist You might discover that it costs less money To make that Roger Corman movie Than it did to cater the Rise of Silver Surfer And probably reach the same amount of People and critical acclaim And

11 other websites have done this exact same article So you're like, well now this fucking sucks I just wasted 5 days researching Fantastic Four To discover everyone already knows about it And Yeah, I believe I've done exactly that on several occasions Absolutely It does suck a lot of the joy

Out of writing doing it that way Because You're always brushing up against this guard rail Called journalism And it's like, whoa, I'm about to dive into making Claims about this person That are legally Like actionable if they're wrong

So now I've got to At one point I had to look up like I had to Google journalistic ethics Just What are my morals in this situation? Never a great sign Not what you think Yeah, so sometimes I

Deliberately don't google someone Just so their nutbag book can speak for itself I really like that, that like here's a book We're just gonna pretend The rest of the world doesn't exist and review this book It's also worth mentioning of course that we're very busy And we can't spend days and days on Background research for every article

I can't fly to Indiana to record an oral history Of Emily's pocket cat horoscopes I'd love to, I think Emily was probably really fascinating But Five years from now that is what 1900 Hot Dog will be These episodes will sound like

Like Gimlet podcast and it'll be people on the scene Like you will have an interview with these authors You will talk to Godek and all of these Dondeville, like you'll have them on the show Oh my god If those two men didn't try to fuck me up on site I would be shocked It'll be more

More springer Than you think, like a springer in a podcast You'll just have to listen to the fights I'm gonna pitch this right now And tell me it isn't like your favorite idea I go around meeting people I've written about And just letting them try to fuck me up And fighting

Meaning and fighting the people I make fun And so it's beautiful It's absolutely our More successful spin-off podcast And just 75% of the episode Sean arriving there And saying yes is Mr Whoever here and they're like, well he died six years ago

He Can I fight this son? 60% of those are murder-suicide It's just a sad man saying I think his wife is also angry at me Is his widow pissed? Oh no, she's dead too, don't worry about that He's the most tragic

Yeah, it would, we'd have to have a really fun Ending theme song To punch up the sad moments So I guess I can get started On some of the examples I brought I brought four examples, I think we could probably get through this In a reasonable amount of time First one, yeah

We got a great shot at this I brought six, sorry Oh, fuck yes, okay, we'll go fast Jason, do you remember the article? No, minor quick, minor quick About the Devil Stick VHS I found Does that ring a bell? Yes, I've read I think almost every article

Hell yes, I remember that best I remember that best because I think it was the first time I heard you say I felt kind of bad for making fun of this guy That's true, it was really sad It's kind of breathtaking in its dorkiness It's just a little guy juggling sticks Silently by himself in front of a curtain

Looks like it might be like a local church or something And he teaches you really basic Devil Stick tricks If you don't know it's like when you have the three sticks And you tap them back and forth And this was a VHS that was sold Back in what era? I think it was like the mid 90s

Back when you could There was this whole market of people that don't know There was this whole market of Stuff that now would go straight onto YouTube People would get them put onto VHS And they would wind up in grocery stores and stuff Like these instructional tapes For magicians and everything, a lot of the stuff

Sean finds, there was this booming market For like 10 or 15 years Of this junk VHS Where it seemed like anybody could film themselves Doing Anything and it would get distributed on Video tape And it did not have to be good because

How would you return it? It cost $35 on release And $2, 3 months after release And Jane Fonda has a lot to answer for Because she made like $50 billion by making a Workout video and everyone saw that And said well shit, that's one hour of my life

I might as well try it And so every celebrity did exactly that And then parodies of that Oh my god, yeah And that's where That's where the universe comes in That's where we come in So

I guess I'll talk about the rest of this guy's Tape, just so you have a clear picture in your head He tapped the stick back and forth And he'd be like this is how you do the twirl And then he'd show you how to do that like 3 times And then it would fade out, it'd fade back in And he'd say this is how you do the twirl with like a kick And he'd add like a little swag to it

Like a child might if they'd been juggling for 4 minutes Like oh yeah, kick back and forth Fucking twirl with a kick There's not a lot of tricks you could do with Devil Sticks So He's also a super nerd where like the box says I'm actually, Devil Sticks is a mistranslation Of the original Chinese, it's closer to

Flower Sticks And so that's the fucking guy you're dealing with So I was like am I bullying this person Yes, and rightfully so Right, but I still felt that I still was like this poor guy had his grandma Film him and go to the church and juggle So

In the case of this tape It's usually exactly what it looks like I looked at the cover of this box and I'm like this is a nerd juggling and it was So I just watch it, verify it Strange enough to share It was, it's a passion project from a talentless, artless loser Which is the perfect thing to both admire And make fun of

So that's what I did Why even bother to Google Who is Neil Stammer, that's the guy's name So I had a little cute ending to the thing where He blew out one of his sticks when it was on fire Which was like the showstopper and it just fades to black I'm like that's perfect, that's the end of the video

It's the end of the article And about 5 minutes after the article went live Someone at Discord thought to trouble Google The question of who Neil Stammer was And it led to a 2014 story called FBI Fugitive Captured Juggler was on the run for 14 years Just

The much better article Yes So this fucking guy His charges were Unlawful flight to avoid prosecution Kidnapping, criminal sexual misconduct Of a minor, bribery of a witness Or criminal sexual penetration in the first

Degree, like grotesque Crimes, yeah That's why I said the content I would not be at all surprised to learn That that is the follow up fate Too many of the people that we talk about Or even the, we don't even have to talk about that person Just, if I make fun of like a movie

Like all the director of that movie I had to go on the run from the FBI for 4 I would not be surprised But this is like the one guy I would have been surprised about Even his name seems made For harmless bullying And to not only

Have him as Just an absolute monster But a monster that then evades The FBI for 14 years Is just It's astonishing Unthinkable, and here's the thing I think he might have just been chased

By the most incompetent FBI agents Because the first paragraph of the article Was talking about the interview with the agent How do you catch a fugitive Who's been on the run for 14 years Has traveled extensively overseas Speaks a dozen languages And could be anywhere in the world

And the special agent said Well, it took a little bit of luck And so here's the thing I love how they talk up, what a fuck He's fucking Thomas Crown over here Just elite super criminal It's quite a spin on it Because those things

When it says he's been extensively According to the same article That meant he was like a panhandling juggler In Europe, like that's how he spent his youth Use his juggling skills to evade His captors, right So he says he speaks a dozen languages There's no evidence for that

Other than him knowing that Devil sticks actually means flour sticks In Chinese In 12 languages Yes, he speaks devil sticks in 12 languages And So his original crimes He was in 1999, he was a magic shop owner

And that's when he did these unspeakable sex crimes And then they released him on bond And poof, somehow the magician Sex criminal vanished His greatest illusion His greatest illusion So they're claiming He's like basically the evil Batman

He can juggle, he can speak all these languages He knows how to navigate Europe And he's been to China So my take on him was That he was a way below average juggler With zero charisma So I could see not noticing him Or capturing him and then forgetting about him in your car

Like that's a real thing that might have happened to the police But not being able to get ahead Of his international juggle rampage Seems fucking crazy to me So after 14 years Of getting outsmarted They finally hand the old case over To some new investigator

Who quote, on a whim Decided to run some wanted posters Through a passport fraud facial recognition software And sure enough, they match His face to a passport with a different name And the guy thought, hmm Would a sex offender on the run Change his name? Wait a second

This could be the guy No, he didn't, he thought this might be Unrelated fraud And anyway, they contact Nepal and they say Hey, we've got this passport like Discrepancy And they found a guy named Kevin Hodges Who regularly visited the US embassy that

Renew his tourist visa He basically visited Nepal and kept going to the embassy And saying, hey, I'm still visiting I'm still visiting for years And he was there just teaching English To Nepalese people No mention of juggling I wish it was teaching juggling to Nepalese

Much better moving So this is it, he just Some dude thought to look for him They found him instantly And then even after that, it seems like a pain in the ass It says it took the cooperation of three agencies To extradite him That's tremendous, everyone's effort was in doing this

So sex offenders, if you hate jail Just visit beautiful Nepal for as long as you want And you'll probably Find is the moral of Neil Stammer's story He didn't get away with it But it seems like that was Just a total fluke And learn how to juggle the law

That's his tagline So that's just A quintessential 1900 hot dog Story, not the sex rampage But this Kind of though But the fact that You had this international

Magician juggler Sex Fiend Alleged And that Sean was just Satisfied with criticizing the guy's juggling And that was it It's almost childlike

And it's in his charm that how mad Sean Got at his juggling Not any of this other stuff And it would be like If you would stumble across Because infamous cult leader Jim Jones Who for the younger audience He eventually led

A compound in South America and they all committed suicide Hundreds of people at his command Before that Before he got into being a preacher in a cult leader He sold monkeys door to door So it would be like If you had written an article about this guy's

Whimsical monkey selling operation And just totally neglected To mention that oh by the way He later on would start a cult And people would drink the phrase Drinking the Kool-Aid comes from that Mass suicide ritual because they put it in Off-Brain

No we would leave that up to the comments We wouldn't say by the way at the end We would just end it on him Vanishing with his monkey Into the sunrise And then somebody in the comments would have to say Oh hey this guy was also a cult leader Oh

Yeah So this was a little I guess embarrassing But also I did let the art speak for itself I did not come up with This story like the art did not say this To me I think in a way he'd be flattered to learn Like I'm sure everybody else only remembers

Him for the sex rampage And flight from the law The decade long flight from the law I think he'd be flattered to know that we just made fun Of his juggling That would be a real nice change of pace Somebody should tell him Should find him in prison

I'm telling you if he found this article About him that was written about the FBI He would feel like Evil Batman Like they praise him so much And it looked like it was rewritten From several AP releases because it's like It just keeps repeating itself Like slightly reworded

It's a very strange article I guess we could leak to it in the footnotes So that's the story of Neil Stammer Now I want to get the other dark Terrible violent crime one out of the way Only one? There's only one? There's only one more terrible violent crime one

So On our award probably series Megan wants a murderer We watched five episodes of the 2009 reality show Megan wants a millionaire Brockway do you want to explain the Frankly genius premise of the show In case someone didn't listen

We got Eddie Dodion for the first episode You know how these shows work And what happened to the industry He was a PH1 editor at the time Yeah, he had the inside dip On the legacy of this show And how it just kind of destroyed everything That came after it

And found out that there was A murderer on the show And I suggested Probably arrogantly But I'm going to say accurately That I could find this murderer Based solely on his performance on the show And uh

This is something I do all the time I'm always trying to find a murderer Based on their performance in shows And day to day life You always miss I always find a murderer It might not be the murderer I set out for it

It might not be the murderer you all agree It is important But yeah, it's set out to find this murderer Across five episodes we watched All of the episodes including the ones That did air because of the murders And I narrowed it down to Two people

I'm adamant that they were both murderers And one of them got away with it And uh At the last minute I didn't trust my gut And I went with the guy that was not the murderer But I almost got him Set up for the sequel Along the way we fell in love with a lot of the supporting characters

Because the show cast almost exclusively maniacs There was a sex plumber millionaire Who sang an original song To Megan as a present called Sex Mode He claims he wrote it over the course of several years And he bullied a weird trust fund kid Who had never stepped outside the grounds

Of his family manor's courtyard One guy bragged about being a diving master And then almost died in three feet of water There was Tom Chain Frankenstein There was Donald The assisted living nurse molester Who called himself a movie producer Because he sometimes put up 80K

For amateur soft core troma knockoffs Jack Dagger The professional knife thrower Yes he was crying I forgot about Jack Dagger He was just a guest knife thrower Who showed them how to throw knives But our favorite was Corey

Who we almost instantly recognized as a colony of star spores They were piloting a corpse Of something once called Corey He was mesmerizing He was just a cluster of life trying to get to water and butt He never once saw something in front of him He was always Looking back to the stars from whence he came

So Okay this is where the story gets dark There was a terrible domestic abuse story in 2014 you probably heard about Because it involved two celebrities It was UFC fighter John Coppin Haver who changed his name To War Machine at the time

And an adult film star named Christy Mack Did you hear about the story Jason? Yes. So what happened is Those two had dated for about a year They had broken up a few months before this event And War Machine Came to her house

He still had the key and found her with another man And attacked him, beat him And he just beat him for like 10 minutes He put him in a chokehold And in this chokehold he made her Upon threat of neck death to this dude Tell this guy that you still love me And

Then he said I'm gonna kill you if you call the cops Run away and don't call the cops And the guy ran away and then didn't So it left Christy Mack alone with The maniac professional fighter X-Con filled with adrenaline rage And a history of assault for hours And it was very bad, worse than I care to describe

She escaped with her life with like a lacerated liver And got to a neighbor's house She's alive and well I think she's back to 100% Anyway War Machine goes on the run Publicly tweeting the whole time Like it's just the dumbest fucking

Story of insanity It's like the sleazy Reality TV producer who made Megan wants a millionaire, wrote a movie And it accidentally came true So, here's the twist You probably saw coming The guy from the chokehold

Was Corey I know I kind of thought he was maybe the spores That infested War Machine But I guess That works too And so he Just abandoned this woman to

A lunatic murderer Who's already beaten her a few times Not that he knew that And it took him four years before he finally Made a public statement about it And he was like, oh I figured they would just work it out Cause like, I already got beat up Like who else would get beat up

Human emotions I don't understand why you care so much For these disposable bodies And after hearing the horrible details of that story And knowing his part in it And how he could have prevented it If he wasn't a coward He said to a reporter

Why am I the one getting beat up If she's the one saying she loves him So like While some guy says Tell this guy that you love me Or I'll kill him And she was like, okay I do He's like, well jeez

I guess I believe him So it's like, oh this guy stole my date I guess I'll go home, darn Like this guy was on a reality show to win a woman So his brain's probably not right But this feels like Alpha male shit, like if you Go up and choke a guy and say hey give me your girlfriend

And then you Like you do, like that's like What Corey's plan was to begin with And so when it happened to him, he's like oh fair play I guess, he did win The fist fight, he gets the girl I don't know, I don't know, it's fucked up to me But

That's the dark story of Megan wants a murderer And that thing that we did was like Okay we're talking about a murder, is this going to be fun? It absolutely was, everyone had a great time And then like, oh wait there's a dark story to that murder That's completely not fun And we didn't even know about it Well it's fun because the whole point is

And again for the listeners It didn't see Megan wants a millionaire It's one of those dating things It's one woman and there's a bunch of dudes Competing for her attention through a bunch of Ridiculous challenges And they're all dysfunctional Weirdos because in the world of reality

TV there's like this pool of Contestants, or at least there used to be Where that's just Like you'd see the same people turn up on different shows And then they turn up as a guest on spring It's the same people and that was like Their part time job was just Showing up on different shows

Yeah and so like The whole fun of that podcast series Which by the way if you know Please go back and listen to it if you Not listen to every single episode of the dog zone 9000 they're great But they're great because the whole point is You're trying to say well which of these dysfunctional

Weirdos are just Inocuous dysfunctional weirdos And which one is actually Dangerous Because out in the real world This is something that Actual women dating A guy for the first time

This is a snap decision they have to make All the time Is this guy just odd or is he Going to try to kill me Later like that's not a joke Like that's there's one guy out there Who's going to kill you So when you're watching all these goofballs

Like bumble over each other And to that point Megan let that guy go all the way to the end The murderer That's your reverse soulmate The one guy So she does not have that judgment you're describing All women should you know be developing And that's why it made for fascinating listening

And the lighthearted dog zone fashion But it was legitimately interesting Because you could Everyone has asked himself that Like the people who live next To Jeffrey Dahmer had no idea He was a murderer that's just he's quiet He's a little bit weird and his apartment smells

Like corpses like that's Like that's it so you've always seen it coming Yeah you always ask yourself Like what I know and so you guys were doing Like the reality show version of that It's like well would you you watch this person Interact you see how they navigate challenges Like you're seeing how they think

Can you identify The difference between a mere incel And An actual dangerous person But the reason this related story Which I guess You guys would have just barely mentioned it And passing if you had stumbled across it

Is the revelation That all of these like reality show contestants If you're like My you know my grandparents Watching these shows You probably take it at face value Like here's a woman looking for a rich guy To Mary

And then these are actual rich people Like they scoured the country for eligible Bachelors and you would assume That what they say is true You would not realize the truth Which is that these are all like aspiring Influencers or whatever Like they're all around LA

And just trying to find Something so it's like I technically can claim I've got Money so I can be To qualify to be on this show And it turns out they do And they're just casting it like a part And so the idea that all these people

It's like well how would this guy Know war machine's wife And it's like well Like that That tier of fame Those people I think they all kind of run In the same circles Yeah I would

They could run into each other parties Or He was still trying to buy a woman I feel like that was his quest to buy a woman Yeah Didn't work the first time But there is a happy ending War machine is

He got sentenced to life in prison I think he's eligible for parole in like 2050 And I don't think Christy Mack does porn anymore But like I said I think she's Facial reconstructed I think she's in good shape Corey has returned to the earth

And yes I think Corey's spore Scattered in the beating So he reproduced Serious question what is he doing now The articles I read said he was just Like a mogul Like he runs totally generic Like web grifty things

We do He's learned nothing He does not everybody that you meet In life has a character arc Corey does not Yeah it was really despicable The things he was saying It wasn't like God I regret

Not calling the police When that woman was left in the maniac Cause he was just like his feelings were Cause he lost a fist fight And the guy winning the fist fight Said hey tell this guy that you're mine And he's like Jesus she said it's all Well that's blinding

Yeah I don't know how The reflection doesn't reveal he's kind of A piece of shit for that I think everyone in the listenership here Would have gone to a phone And called the police and said hey there's I just ran out of a house

He's gonna kill this moment Here's the address go there His threat means Nothing I'm stating the obvious But yeah that's not too much to ask We're not asking him to have fought off War machine

Pulled his phone out of his pocket And called the police Right I think winning the fight Against war machine was probably unlikely He was most of a human Corpse filled with mushroom spores And war machine was like a full on UFC fighter

Who probably came in at like You know there's a huge difference Between a sack of spores And a professional fighter They just want different things out of life That's true I'm gonna do a fun one I'm gonna do a happy one

See this is the surprising thing Did you really bring Additional examples to what Sean had I did But I figured they'd be Towards the end and they're quicker We wanted to race through these I would like to get to as many as possible

Obviously but I'll take your time and I'll do mine Like the end of Animal House Where we're just doing a quick follow up I'll take my time with this one Because this is the author of 1001 Ways to Slow Down This is

Barbara Ann Kipfer And she calls herself a master list maker She's written over 80 books and calendars How dare you From 2 to 3 2.5 Master list makers How dare you

She's a self proclaimed master list maker I could verify at least 10 of the books she wrote are Just fucking needle burying stupid She's a barely functioning Dumb shit offering advice to a chimpanzee When she writes a book I can't imagine anyone sincerely writing

Dumber advice Most of her books are indistinguishable from sarcasm And I just want to verify That I hate this genre of like tidbit lists Like if it says 5800 Ways to be happy Like the book's gonna be stupid That being said I have seen list books that aren't stupid

All the time and I throw so many of them away If they turn out to be smart or useful It's a weird life but that's my life And I just want to say She's objectively one of the stupidest authors I've ever read and For listeners who did not Did not read your review of

How to Slow Down Her 1001 tips for slowing down Do you have it nearby or Off the top of your head? I thought we would do I was even gonna use it for the book game In our bonus episode This book is almost

Exclusively like 5 things It was like chew your food slower Slow down, meditate Think to yourself Or like appreciate the beauty Of some small thing and it's just Those fucking things reworded over and over For a thousand entries

I like that many of the tips In how to slow down are slow down Yeah There were literally like 20 different versions Of eat your food slower She just kept rephrasing it Yeah And listing different types of food

So good Try to eat your soup slow Consider taking your food And slowing down with it It was like beyond insulting It was just like Y'all ever tried to chew with your tongue? Try to chew with your tongue only

It's like she had her editor in a glass box That they couldn't escape and she would smugly Another one would be like Technically that counts So anyway I dunk on this Idiot and her fucking asshole tidbit Book and then I just google to see if she's

Still alive kind of on a whim And I get her Wikipedia and I find out this woman The dumbest woman I've ever heard of has Three PHDs They are In linguistics PHDims Linguistics

Archaeology and Buddhist studies And she did her undergrad In PE And see this is where I get suspicious Because are these just Really easy programs? Linguistics is surprisingly tough In a weird way

I wouldn't think so too But archaeology and Buddhist studies seem Kind of simple I feel like Buddhist studies is almost a Fail-proof academic journey I don't want to sound like an 80s stand up comic Teacher, teacher, mark the greatest We shall see what karma determines

So the point is The point is you can't fail Buddhism And archaeology seems like It might be an easy major It's not elementary ed but maybe Please leave a comment In the section if you're an archaeologist And I'm wrong

She's a lexicographer Who edits like the thesaurus Like Roger's thesaurus Seems like a pretty important academic job Not the one you'd give to the most nimble-minded Word nerd but a big accomplishment That she would be right to bring up If she googles her name and discovers I'm calling her a dumbass

It would be fair for her to say Fuck you, I edit the thesaurus And I also sometimes use a thesaurus When I'm writing a joke My aim language Maybe you guys use thesaurus When I'm writing a joke and my dumb brain Is gone completely dumb

I look at thesaurus I usually think thesaurus Is dumber than me Even though I can't say the word obviously I've always felt like it's cheating If I can't think of it, I don't deserve to have it I agree So it's like

Maybe I'm doing that 80s stand-up comic character again Who's the thesaurus for? Nincompoops and lumexes? Shlameels and mooncafs? Uh So I guess my point is that Is he doing a voice? Is he doing a character?

Robert, I can't tell Is this a callback to something? I think it's just a modified Seinfeld But it's very accurate to the entire improv experience Evening at the improv experience I tried to think of it as Larry the cable Seinfeld That's what I was doing

The material is killing Thank you It's really good But also The pudenda is not Amon's pubis thesaurus I'm right again Looping back for a moment It's not the archaeology is an easy subject

It's actually extremely complex Because there's a lot of layers to it It's that the classes and the courses Are very easy to pass Because the professors Are always out adventuring That's true They're out retrieving the artifacts

And so they just come back and basically give you Whatever grade they can Did you ever see Indiana Jones grade papers There's that one scene and basically The fact that he couldn't do it And he just escaped out of his window Everybody passed that class

That's true She's just reckoned I love you on her eyelids And calling it a day An academic day done well I imagine linguistics is pretty hard This is a woman who on paper Should be brilliant Like more than five or six of her books

And they're just the stupidest shit And on paper she's dumb as shit Yes, specifically That's weird to me So I don't know what to do with that But it's not an element Of what I was talking about In the article

That's something I looked up after I was completely done With the article and said like I don't want to go back And reframe this entire article As if I'm criticizing a genius For her dumb things She wins, I would say that's the win scenario I suppose Certainly the juggler and Cory lose

So the opposite of that is you being like You're way smarter and better Than I thought she wins Okay, but I do legitimately Find this fascinating Because I guess we've stumbled across The fact that there are very different Types of intelligence

I guess I have no ability to do Math, I struggled The bare minimum math you had to take To get through community college I'm not joking here For the credit you had to get at least a C And I had to retake one of them

I don't do numbers I don't understand I can do numbers, I can do my bills But the moment you start putting letters In the math My brain locks up I'm not talking about advanced calculus I'm talking about algebra

I'm talking about the stuff that your kids Are in fourth grade It breaks my brain That's not for everybody But I am Known as being smart in other ways But I'm smart in very specific ways And then dumb in almost

All the others Here's what I think makes you smart And this is going to sound a little bit nice I think What makes you smart is that you give a lot of credit To your reader And that allows you to skip Clever and smart stuff

And I feel like that's a thing that Barbara and Kip first Is 100% lacking She assumes the reader does not know how to chew their food That is exactly What I was about to say Is it a case where she assumes Everyone else is just A monkey

I have three PhDs Therefore everybody that does not Is an idiot I wonder if they've considered slowing down In my book about slowing down You're going to have to say it 30 different ways For the idiots to get it And I don't know if that

So I would wonder if she thinks that In a condescending way The way we're thinking it Or if she thinks of it as like If I was teaching a kindergarten class Where it's like well surely they're not going to know This So I'd better really explain the basics

Of how to If she just Thinks of it in a nice way I've got to repeat the chew your food thing Because if they just see it once They're going to forget it So I'm going to come back to it a few times It's really hard to find

These idiots will buy anything I don't sense a lot of that I feel like it's got to be there Because she keeps making these books And she can't think There of any value to anyone She's smart enough to know That she's not bringing anything

Into the world That's the thing Because there are some of these books Where it sounds like A couple of very bored housewives Just thought well we could write a book How hard can it be And they kind of threw it together

And they had some connection To the publisher or whatever They knew an agent and These publishers They wrote a very bad book and went It's really easy We made A few dollars off of it

And maybe some of them just did Like a lark, they thought it was funny Because the bad joke books It's like oh I'll write a joke book That'll be fun, it'll make people laugh And I can see how they think that's harmless But these She knew she's at a level

Has read someone who presumably Has read thousands of books in her life You can't have three PhDs without doing that She knows she's writing junk And she knows that when she's writing I don't know, I actually Legitimately find that interesting It might be the Buddhism thing too

Which generally as a philosophy is just Whatever fucking, you know You find like wisdom and simple things Focusing on things, letting stuff slide It's very fortune cookie like And it's sort of Everything simple, everything sort of makes sense After you hear it, and if you're in the right mood

You're like yeah, I guess happiness is Inside me all along You're just like whatever the fuck I feel like that's your life philosophy That just nothing really matters Everything's brilliant And I don't know That's my thing, nothing against Buddhists

They tend to be nice people But it's rare that I get a nugget of Buddhist wisdom I'm like oh man, I gotta change the path My life is on, that's so brilliant It's just like yeah dude, I eat Chinese food too I've read the paper that comes in the cookies You're not high enough

I'm not high enough, that's probably what it is No, trust me, I'm high enough No, you could always be higher Another good point That's a Buddhist cologne Here's one that is legitimately Embarrassing for me I write a lot about

A guy named Gregory Godek Who's very fascinating to me I think I've written six articles on him now And real quick for those who don't know He wrote a thousand and one ways to be romantic In the mid 90s and it just blew up There were other books like it Had no reason to be successful, but it was

Then he wrote it again every few months Until this very day and after all these years Of making fun of him, I finally Open up this other book I've had Which seemed like it was a parody of it It was called 1001 Ways To Not Be Romantic By a guy named Joe Megadats

And it was so fucking bad It's just like a book of rejected Spencer's gifts magnets It's just limp zingers With nothing on them There's nothing like it in modern media If someone with 30 followers tweeted I want to leave my fat wife And it got 10 million likes

And then he spent every hour of every day Trying to recreate the success if I want to leave My fat wife to fewer and fewer people It would look like this book after two years That's the thing I'm trying to describe And so Like shit like Call me after the Super Bowl is over mother-in-law

Or Four years of assault and battery The real crime is that bitch's meatloaf So anyway, I hate the book In hindsight, maybe I'm stupid For not even considering this But shortly after the article went live Someone found a mention of Joe Megadats

On a transcription of a radio interview It was with Greg Godek who broke the story He admitted he wrote a parody of his own book No one found that interesting In that radio studio and they just moved on So that's like the only reference to it on the internet So I guess I don't feel bad about not finding it But I should have just known

Of course, the only person Who would consider His book important enough to reference And make fun of for an entire other book Would be Godek He's like, people are going to love this Everyone's read it, everyone knows I'm lampooning

But anyway, I'm the leading Godek researcher And I didn't notice It would be like if someone made a porn parody Of the Dennis Rodman movie The Minis We would know It was made by the same guy that made The Minis Like no one else assumes That the viewer has enough familiarity

With The Minis to get a porn parody And it's the same thing here It's like no one but him would assume That the audience is eager To hear this Godek guy get Taken down Right, and that's an interesting thing You mentioned get taken down

Because I did mention many times in the article That the tone felt false It didn't feel like a takedown piece It was clear he was He was almost reverent to it Like he sort of took a The thing he was considering Was that romance was for fancy hoity-toity people

Like highfalutin coastal Sophisticates And he was doing this sort of Larry the Cable Guy Thing Where he was like, you know Fancy people do romance We do like finger in the butt In a train station

It wasn't lewd like that though It was really, really curated That's romantic She'd love that He would love that So he also did like this Country talk where he would drop the G's Off of his words

And do sort of sports references But that felt very outsider It was very much like When Nathan Fielder's like Let's pop open a mother effin beer Sports dudes, you know, it's very like This feels fake And so

I guess This was fake on top of fake And so his stereotypes didn't quite work So when he's like, you know how Fancy people do romance and we don't Haha I guess one of them was He mentions how unromantics eat steak

Not swordfish like romantics And you're just like, dude, I don't even know what the fuck these stereotypes are What are you talking about? Of course Of course romantics eat swordfish How do you not know that? And I made mention of how strange it was In the article, but I never like took that next

Step because maybe I'm an idiot, but like It was because he didn't want to make fun Of 1001 ways to be romantic He just wanted to sort of dismiss it as a different Class like, oh, I'm not this type Of person that reads a book like that I'm not smart and rich enough To get this book

Exactly Your article about this Book that Godek secretly wrote You didn't mention Godek at all in that Did you or did you? In that that was the source material That he was clearly making He was clearly referencing the Godek book

Even though he wasn't making fun of it You reviewed it as, oh, this guy's written A parody of Godek and you just Didn't know that it was Godek writing it himself Exactly And this is the one case where It could have made For a much better

Article because the observation of How he tried to Lampoon himself The questions he asks the reader to make And what he reveals about himself Is actually That's the real stuff right there That's where, granted

It would take months to actually Fully deconstruct the psychology at play there It is really fucked up I gotta say It's really deeply disturbing Like maybe Maybe more so than some of the other Maybe more than the juggler to me

When I first learned that I was like, I thought it would be Embarrassing for me to be like Dunking on this dude while missing the point completely But I re-read it and I was like I think it works You know, I don't know It's very embarrassing

I do wish I could go back in time And add that angle to it But I at least Am proud of myself that I caught It's weird he's not Making fun of the book It's weird that he seems to have any reverence At all for this really fucking stupid book

It's weird that he keeps specifying How sexual and vigorous Godak is Every single entry You got like 90% of the way there I wonder if In an alternate timeline If you had a little bit longer with the article If you would have finally made that leap

Because the question of Who would care enough Like to write a Parity book of this other book For all we knew only sold 300 copies or I don't know Maybe they sold by the million His first book sold a lot

It was actually fairly influential And to some degree is why we have So many of these thousand and one Books He was on Oprah He even kind of got made fun of there Because like she sort of just opened the book And sort of randomly reading them

And she's like dude this is fucking stupid She didn't say that but she's like She said exactly that And her Oprah voice and everything And he kind of had like a panic In his voice when he was trying to like Defend his book and it's kind of great There was a video that I sent

To Robert that I said maybe we should do something about this And it was a talk that he gave at a university Where he like it was pretty recent And he went up there as you know best Selling author Gregory Godak to a bunch of kids Who had no fucking idea who he was And he was there with some lady

And would not respect it if they did And he was clearly trying to like big League this lady who was on the stage with him Who was I guess an Also an author the kids didn't know But she had like a puppet And Godak was like so fucking pissed Because I guess he thought he'd be like

Welcome to the king of all literature And he knew it And it's so It's so fucking I almost felt bad for Godak And he's one of my least favorite people that's ever been Because that puppet was rocking him Yeah The puppet was just taking his spotlight

There were several ways for me To get to that epiphany and never got there Well you didn't blow it Because the article still works And it's It just adds another element We went back and edited the follow up to it So the audience will at the end

You're right At the end they'll realize oh This is the real Godak as a You know Could make an argument that we trust our audience enough About the new tone that the article takes It's us doing It's us doing Nolan

It's us doing Nolan's memento In the end It lets them enjoy it two times Right we're the real geniuses And also It's not a mistake down out of laziness It's a mistake In that Sean cannot imagine

A mind depraved enough To do what Godak did here I should have been able to Of anyone in the world that should have been me Who saw this coming You are his criminal profiler No that's yeah see that's the thing I think that's a credit that you've

You've not become the kind of Monster that can think like a monster You would never occur to you to do what this guy did And that ultimately You're too pure at heart They would have to have Found like another Godak in prison Somewhere and had him

Look at it and I'll tell you who wrote this book That you'll need to do something for me first You're right I am a hero Yes The two people, their listeners I'm going to state the

Beyond obvious to the listeners and the fans Of 1900 Hot Dog The entire joy of 1900 Hot Dog Is that we are in a world full Of truly horrific things happening The fact that Sean is more mad at Godak

Than any like These third world dictators or whatever That's the whole fun Of it because when you come onto the site For that day The thing to get mad at most In the world is this bad list Book

It's like so for that moment you get to There's like this suspension of disbelief It's like for right now the biggest Time that was committed in the world today Is this terrible book that was written And we're just going to read this column Where Sean has devoted an enormous amount Of thought and mental and emotional energy

To dig it into why he hates it so much In a world in which obviously Other things deserve our hate more But that's why it's fun It's escapism We're going to pretend that this episode Of Super Friends is something To be

To even be worth criticizing now In 2021 That's our motto for 2022 We distract you from the howling Wastes outside your door That's legitimately what it is And it is a legitimate service To people

Humanity With the fact that he was So mad at the book Or whatever that he never Never got so engaged In criticizing this juggler's Mediocre juggling That he never thought to see if he was

An international sex criminal When you should rightfully suspect All jugglers of being international Sex criminals just as they juggle It will never happen again That mistake will never be made again Never trust juggler again Should we do some of yours, Brockway?

Oh, did you not have another? That's it, that's it for me We will do some of mine Is there one I'm forgetting? Four That's all of them, I did GoDec I did Barbara and Kipfer And then two

Terrible sex criminals That's four We did say we were bad with math N numbers Counting to four counts as that I actually I know a lot of this show is about how I'm a hero But I did actually get to differential equations

In college, I was an engineering major Yeah, you made calcularts, we know You were an engineering major? Uh-huh I went to U of I on an engineering scholarship Actually, before I decided There was a lot of homework In differential equations, I say I took the class

I did great for about two weeks And then I missed a day and realized I missed a very complicated way To solve those crazy problems And Just kind of never caught back up And so I was like, maybe this isn't the major for me Then you realize where the real money is

The real money was in art Not to totally derail this Pondcaster and you can cut all this if you want But Brockway, how were you in school? I was The stereotypical gifted kid I got promoted And bumped a few grades when I was a kid

And way too early So that I fundamentally Thought that I was way smarter Maybe not way smarter than I was But way smarter So I didn't need to do the work Yeah, I got straight A's When I wanted to

Until I got bored with it And then I got a lot of protest F's And I did go back to college Where I continued to get A's without doing the work Really and kind of got nothing out of it And that basically screwed me for life Because I thought I was smarter than I was And it didn't apply to me

That gave me a kid, really fuck with you I didn't just I didn't just pull that question out of my ass This is going back to the lady with the three Ph.D's who wrote the dumb book And they're being different types of intelligence I'd find that fascinating Because there's some alternate universe

Where Sean is an engineer And I don't know Or maybe that was never going to happen Maybe that was never in the cards But I don't know I feel like it took me maybe until my late 20s To learn that I should try to do stuff

Like actually try I was Suffered from some of that too Jason, were you a gifted kid? I had severe attention deficit problems In an era when that wasn't Yet known as a Thing, like when you were in elementary school

In the late 80s, I had never heard the term ADD or ADHD So all I knew was that I found every class Incredibly boring So like I was always reading books way way way Ahead of my grade level I got a D in English my senior year In high school

And it's because the whole thing I do feel like it's partly laziness I'm not calling any other ADD Suffers or ADHD suffers as lazy I'm speaking only for me If I didn't find A subject interesting or engaging I did not have the ability to

Say, well, it doesn't matter It's important Not every important thing is entertaining Like there's some stuff you just need to know And so And I could not apply myself So like getting into I still don't know the rules of grammar

I don't know what a gerund is Like I can't sit here and I couldn't teach you How grammar works Is that guy from the sandwiches That likes the Kid pictures? God damn it I just know from

Like reading other Some musicians can read sheet music Some have no idea what it even is They just go by what sounds good To them and I'm one of the The latter. What jokes good to me? I go by what jokes good to me But I don't know what the difference

Between a semicolon and In an m-dash I just kind of interchangeably Switched them based on my mood And the copy editors let it go So apparently that's just a rule You can just use them Anything to indicate a pause

In a sentence you can just use whatever symbol you want As long as it makes the reader pause That it still works There are different kinds of pauses I've copy edited several articles on our side I never have to touch it I get the end I'm like I didn't have to mess with that at all I think we're all just kind of

Stupid in the same way I never really studied grammar Because it was just very very boring To me and I kind of instinctively Knew how words worked And also everybody was like oh but you can break That rule here here here in here Okay well I'm just gonna do that then

Yeah just do that whenever I want that Like the concept of I remember there being a whole lesson On what a run on sentence was And I'm sure there's very specific rules But now it's just like well that sentence Feels like it's been going on a while I should break that up Whereas sometimes that sentence needs to go on a while

And that's the point of the sentence I wish Barbara and Kipfer were here She was a linguistics PhD And then she would start talking about grammar And I would instantly check out again Making my whole living To be clear the reason I'm able to write Stuff that adheres to the rules

Is because I read millions of words I devoured books on top of books On top of books like so You know it's not because I'm a prodigy I didn't come out of a cave knowing how to construct sentences It was just through reading You know non-stop And also wrote probably millions of words

Yeah certainly millions of words You know it's the same deal Do that Do that instead of studying Like grammar for a semester Just read millions And write millions and millions of words But anyway

That was a detour off the subject And chew your food slowly You can cut all of that if it wasn't entertaining We'll see I'll listen to it And see how boring we're being What were your examples of your follow ups My follow ups they'll be quick Like I said end animal house

I'll go up on them real quick A lot of it probably a lot of our fans know already But we've never made it official As far as I can remember So I'll just start Chuck Austin who we made fun of From WorldWatch And his terrible

Terrible takes on women On porn, on sex, on storytelling On definitely not minorities I cannot believe how bad this comics were What's his job? He's a comic book writer? He's a comic book writer responsible for WorldWatch Which was a parody

Sort of of Justice League And the authority And the team up things He's one of those people that thinks they're way more clever than they are So his savage takedowns Were always Just tacit endorsements of his shitty thoughts On women

And on the gays And on minorities And we wrote about him extensively And he went on To produce and co-found And write for a show called Tripping the Rift Which was a CGI monstrosity That looked terrible

And did all those same things again Just big titties and stereotypes And lots of problems And then he went radio silent for a little bit And then he came back to produce Steven Universe Why they considered one of the most progressive Masterpieces in modern animation

And also Co-show ran But widely acclaimed for it's queer friendly And feminist storytelling So he had an arc That guy had an arc Did he come around? Did he just change with the

The times he think? I think maybe he did I don't know and there's not a lot of like interviews with him Talking about like yeah It was a really huge piece of shit And then I met a magical Minority Who had a lot of important lessons

Using a sport analogy I don't know what happened to him But he turned around and he came back out And he started producing For Steven Universe And that got him the job Co-show running Which he I believe still does

But yeah he really turned that motherfucker around I just could not believe If you can just read world watch It speaks for itself, it's horrible And it makes him out to be a horrible person It did make me think of My favorite white privilege Which is um

I'm never somebody's first white friend Like the first person of color Or gay person that Chuck Austin met Had to explain to him so much shit And that's not the first time They've had to do that And every single like Non-white person has to do that

To at least 10 people in their lives And that's I think my favorite white privilege And they were all Chuck Austin They were all Chuck Austin yes Yeah like somebody got through to him though Somebody taught him and it was pretty amazing And I'll just Part-time job of every non-white person

Educator It should be mentioned that Unpaid of course The world changes rapidly And views of things change rapidly Because when I grew up the idea Of like gay people getting married Wasn't even on the table as a discussion

Right In the 80's like I think the approval Back then it was like in single digits I think it's like 94% said well no Of course not and then there's like This 6% of weirdo lefties Somewhere in Berkeley saying well yeah They should be able to men should be able to marry men

And we just if we even heard about it We laughed at what is next Horses Yeah Like what is now the fringe conservative Dick had position was the default Unquestioned position just in my Lifetime so hundreds of millions

Of people came around on that And virtually none of those people Went out in public And renounced their old view And said well I had this crisis Of you know I met a lovely Gay couple and they showed me It doesn't work like that a lot of people

Their beliefs actually are not All that strong and if you just Explain it this is one of the Biggest misconceptions people have about the world Lots of people Are you're never going to change any Body's mind that's absurd The whole country has

Radically changed its mind on all Sorts of things just in the time I've been Alive and I'm not that old And it's and I think like it's more like This guy like you just quietly Like he probably sees all that some of That old stuff as being embarrassing or whatever He's not going to make this public show

About renouncing his old Identity or whatever he just Quietly moved on to try to be Better that's most of what He did I know I've always said Whenever we brought this up that it was Inspiring to me and I am I am half joking I'll admit that

But it really is I mean it sucked so bad it's a record Of kind of how we all sucked In like late 90's through The 2000's I certainly Have some problems in my career That I would cop to and Do not like and have changed

So it's great to see like I think we would know if he was just Cynically faking this I don't think he would be Working on shows like Steven Universe And the new Shearer Rebook Which make their critical wages On earnestness and authenticity

It's kind of like It's kind of like the opposite of the path Ricky Gervais traveled Where like his stuff He wrote for The Office and some Some other shows Showed like this deep deep level Of humanity and nuance and

You know everybody is This recurring message that everybody is just Needy deep down and like All of their maladaptive behaviors Are just out of loneliness Things like that and then today It's just nonstop Just trolling

The woke and The simplistic dumb thinking So it's fascinating It's good to see that some people Actually don't just Mature and reverse The way some Yeah we see that story gets a lot

More airplay than People just quietly getting better Which is the more common situation Because otherwise you would have a country that Used to have gay marriage and then Quietly strangled it and it's like Well no we slowly got More progressive with lots of things

Anyway good job Chuck Austin Next up we Bring this up all the time It's Steven Seagal and the carrot Give us a little where are they now Where's Steven Seagal and his carrot No I'm going to just explain a little bit Because I think we all knew it

Certainly the articles and stuff where we find The images all mentioned it But the person who handed the carrot To Steven Seagal and watched him eat it Was Alexander Lukashenko President and dictator Belarus And human rights violator and monster Yeah not a good guy

Yeah that's the guy that handed Steven Seagal that carrot and then sat there And watched him eat it Someone tells me that every time We ever mentioned Steven Seagal and the carrot I don't know that we've ever mentioned it We have not no But see that's the thing

I want to address this Because I think I was the one On one of our many mentions of Steven Seagal Where I said If you guys have not If you just google the phrase Steven Seagal carrot All the listeners out there Your day will instantly be made better

It's one of the best photos It's also a video clip of all time And it's just Steven Seagal at this function Just munching on a giant carrot Like a cartoon character And we mentioned that That photo brought us more joy Than any of my novels

Have brought any reader And all Steven Seagal had to do Was just eat a carrot Because if you watch the video It makes a very loud noise when he bites into it So Because it's a giant oversized carrot But yeah, we didn't mention that the carrot

Was handed to him by a murderous dictator Because I actually think that photo Was funnier without any context at all Yes, but it is Frankly insane that we did not mention That's a dictator carrot That is an evil carrot Yeah, likely less funny if you find out

That there's a human rights violator That handed him the carrot Well, it depends on your sense of humor It finds it a little more funny Chuck Austin likes it Again, I feel like that is A quintessential 1900 hot dog

Thing. I hope it doesn't sound pretentious When I say that, but I really do mean it The fact that we thought he looked funny Eating that carrot and stopped Yeah, that's it I love how he doesn't quite know how to Receive the carrot, like there's no protocols For like somber reflective

Carrot receiving What he was trying to do He's trying to bring Asians Yes, like he wanted to do like a bow He does, he kind of bows with the carrot What's the Belarusian Carrot equivalent of a deep Eastern bow

You could still hear us We talked specifically about the dictator Who gave him that carrot, we're still like No, no, let's talk about the carrot more Because I realized the listeners have many questions Why was he eating the carrot With the dictator, why did the dictator have a carrot?

Why did he hand it to Steven Seagal to eat? Why, why, why? And again, my whole point is I never wanted to know Because that's the whole point There's no context for this My point was that I knew The gift of the carrot

My whole point was that I knew Because I googled it Went to the article and the article immediately That's the headline of the article And I didn't care Because the star of the article Was just him eating that carrot It just so immediately overshadowed

I guess go ahead and explain to all of us Then why was he, why did the dictator The murderous dictator of Belarus Why did he hand him a carrot What were they doing? It was just like a farming thing Proud of my farm, Steven Seagal Always wanted to meet him

Because he just likes to suck off dictators It was a photo op for the harvest But he wasn't, it wasn't Seagal's farm, he wasn't an investor No, you know what, it was a power move He came to visit the country And Alexander Lukashenko gave him a carrot And said, you will eat this

And then quietly sat there and watched While people took pictures of him Knowing that this is what would happen Yeah, he came out on top That's what happens When you fuck with the dictator, Seagal It's a great day to do that carrot too He clearly, Steve Seagal clearly didn't know

That I was going to hand him a carrot to eat And what else do you do? I assume he was facing a bank of cameras And government officials Or whatever that had come there To record this stupid thing And everyone is staring at you And you're holding this carrot

That this guy, it's like Am I supposed to eat this? What else would you do? Wave it around? There's nothing, so he did the one thing you had You're right, this is such a power move Because your Bumps into a corner

So he just took this big loud crunch off this carrot And I'm imagining His flashbulbs go off Flashbulbs exactly I'm imagining Then after he did it And then turned over and looked at the dictator The dictator just stared at him silently

Like, no, you're going to eat the whole thing Finish the carrot Down to the greens, Steven Next 25 minutes I'm just silently Chewing on this giant carrot Because that's the kind of thing where If I were famous enough to be invited

To functions, I would This is where, and please don't take this Out of the context of the episode These are the one times when I find Donald Trump relatable Is because, occasionally There would be this bit of outrage media It's like, well, Donald Trump was invited

To this, the official koi fishing Koi feeding ceremony The Japanese prime minister And he acted like a fool He was supposed to do this And instead he grabbed the samurai sword Stomped through the pond Waving around like a child

And it's like, well, yeah, because he doesn't know What this is And he's just there trying to Do something for the cameras Because it's like, this is stupid It's some ceremony A symptom of him being wildly out of his death As we keep saying

This is a Korean officer And I was like, what? Oh, fucking what? Yeah, but it's the kind of thing that I would do if I was dragged into that situation And the cameras are on me And I'm trying to, people are waiting For me to do something

I would start clowning around a little bit Just trying to be friendly and relatable And then the headlines the next day Be like, Jason touched The sacred vase of whatever Which is well known That no human is to touch it It's like, well, okay, I didn't know

That insulted their religion You were all looking at me and I was just trying to I didn't know what would make me the next chosen one I had no idea I definitely have a picture of me in a big truck Pretending like I'm driving the big truck Like that's the kind of shit a normal person does So I agree, yeah

Right, but to some extent Let's go the other route There are people that brief you on all of this Extensively when you become president You did not listen to any of them Like they've written articles About how he does not listen to any of them Ever and cancels their meetings

And this is what happens Other people learn this And this is the type of thing we don't normally talk about On one-in-hundred hot dog, which is And I would like to stop I'm okay We can cut all of this too I just don't want to get too far

I don't think he was a very smart guy That's my thing Bold stance that you will only find Here on one-in-hundred hot dogs Political hour Comparing him to Steven Seagal In similar circumstances It's exactly right

They are kind of the same person It was a Trumpian moment With all these powerful people That probably have a way of Navigating this Doing these power moves Donald Trump tried to do these type of power moves Remember when he first became president

He used to do this thing where he would Grab people by the hand And kind of crank on it to try to pull them off the balance You pull them toward him It was his handshake move He ran into some Eastern European guy Who saw it coming And totally cock-blocked them

He planted his heels And got the better of it And he never did it again The listeners can go google that If they want to think about Trump some more I am absolutely the one Who brought him up I apologize

We are going to be here all day now We are moving on to To a related subject Doug Giles Famous Dinky Subject of our podcast Author of If Masculinity is Toxic

Call Jesus Radio Hectic To this day Also author of Pussification I just wanted to update everybody that he has a new Book out as of last month And it's called Psalms of War Prayers that literally kick ass

Jesus Christ Doug That's it for Doug Giles Did I miss this? Was he in the subject of an article? Of a podcast Jamie came on I read that to Jamie in Brockway He never cursed

But he's always talking about like All these pussies screwing up our nation Jesus wouldn't have put up with this shit But like the G rated version of that He had these weird rambling anecdotes He called everybody Dinkies instead And Jamie she made a shirt Yeah

He had that rambling anecdote About how he was out at dinner And like somebody gave him a nasty side-eyed As church for having like a Coors light with dinner And it took him like eight pages To get through his rage about this And how like that dude was fat And he's looking at me about a beer

And in his own story He did nothing He just went outside and let it get to him For like hours as he drove home And then started thinking of like Perfect responses that he could have made And then he wrote it into a book And they weren't perfect responses

They were pathetic Masculinity is toxic Call Jesus radioactive And pussification I bet that guy would fight me I bet if we went to his house and said Like, I don't know what this is A lot of those podcasts would be like

Arguments and maybe some shoving That one would be mostly slapping sounds Yeah Not a great audio program Love it Next up is Bill Jemez Author of Marville Which we made fun of in two episodes

That was a comic book God that's the backstory on that is so long It was a terrible comic book He just went out to Lampoon what he thought was wrong with Comic books And ended up just disappearing completely Under his own asshole and

Did the whole Alan Moore thing But he couldn't pull it off where it just became like Somebody meets God and it's his Theories about life and cell division And shit It was one of the most singularly embarrassing And frustrating things that I've ever looked at It's so bad

And it turned out we realized somewhat When we actually did think to Google him That he was the editor-in-chief I believe of Marvel Comics At the time that Marvel Comics ran this Yeah Which was amazing And that this was all part of a bet he made

With Joe Cassetta and Peter David To see who could sell more comic books Because he fucking hated Peter David And Peter David completely trounced him And Bill Jemez wrote Marville Widely regarded as One of the worst comic books of all time And I just wanted to follow up

After he lost his job For just Interfering too much, not having good ideas And just kind of not being a good dude Seems like he said some shitty stuff But I couldn't find what it was But people stopped liking him even though He did do some amazing things to turn around Marvel

So he was good at the business And not so much good at the Creating and people and surprise He went on to Many failed projects To Bible translation software He tried to do Uplifting t-shirts, all of these failed

Almost immediately and he bailed on them He recently made His triumphant return to comic books By co-founding A new imprint called A.W.A. Comics So this is an inspiring story Their first title was called The Resistance

It was about A global pandemic that kills 95% Of the world and it debuted On March 18, 2020 Fantastic Amazing That had to have been at least popular Not well received

But well known I'd never heard of it No, I don't think it made it very far With that release date Canceled shortly after He went on to do so many projects And they kept bailing right at the start And then he went back

To what he knows that Which is starting and running A comic book company and their release I think about the pandemic I think on the official start of the pandemic Perhaps down to the day That's amazing Now you guys are comic guys and I'm not

Either of you I'm gonna ask a question Is this The last few years, is this a good time To try to start a new comic book company? I don't see why not I would imagine I'm not really A comic book guy anymore

I was like a comic book guy into the early 2000s and I got too bad For me That industry collapsed And that basically it only existed To be like on the Narrow long kale Of the films

Like basically their storyboards For future film characters But it suffered the same fate as Lots of things where they sell them digitally But people don't value them The same So people don't want to pay What they used to pay for a whole comic

So it's the same deal with having to like magazines Like there's still some around Where it used to be Just this fountain Of money that it's now The people that consume those characters They do it in the form of a Disney plus series But I don't know

That makes sense to me And Bill Jemez jumped right into it At the tail end so that he could fail again But you can work remotely when you produce a comic I guess is what I was thinking Sure that the industry might have collapsed But like the producing the comic Is still something you could do during a pandemic

Or you know Without any overhead of a building Oh yes, it's specifically about A pandemic The one people probably do not want to read About And he did it I swear to God maybe on the day

This was the thing Next up is Icy Spicy Liancing She's the best She was just a total YouTube maniac I wrote about her because she wrote Songs like Killer in the Park And New Kid in Town where she wanted to molest

A child very clearly But didn't understand why that was I guess frowned upon You're not some great detective I can't remember the songs I'm trying to think She wrote Sex Crazy Cop That's the one I'm singing Are we sure that we're pronouncing her name

Correctly because it sounds like it's supposed to Rhyme Yeah, I think it was supposed to rhyme And she doesn't understand what a rhyme is Islandic in Pakistani No, she is Indian And then she moved to England for a while And then moved to Iceland

And I guess feels stuck there Because you'll know from the end of the article She went full mega idiot Just total Trump head It's now doing Turf and Islamophobes stuff Very bad person overall And she lives in Iceland

And she Hates it there In her words She thinks that she's not successful in the music Industry there because there's an incest mafia Running the Icelandic music industry She tweeted Her exact quote

Government criminals in Iceland Always Also get away with their hate crimes Because of their incest degeneracy They are related to each other And bribe journalists abroad To write hallelujah stories about them They spray their own turds with gold spray

To bluff others Ha, ha Got em She now wants to get into politics Back in India And when asked about her policies At the top of her list She said

I want to make sure that mostly people who are Indians Get all their rights There's lots of trouble that comes out of Africa and Nigeria Wow So Fascism These themes turn up in her music Towards the end

She wrote a song called Trump song Where she just said Donald Trump is great president Donald Trump is so much fun and I love him Things like that But most of her songs were very Very at odds with this They were very light hearted

She wrote one about how she's a vegetarian And it's the best Because she can eat ice cream and fish all the time Lots of things like that Where she didn't quite get with What words, meanings, definitions And certainly music were about But she had a lot of fun with it

She has great judgment with immigration policy Yeah She gets there She upgraded several different countries In her life And it taught her That no one should have fucking let her in Yeah

She feels like she shouldn't have gone to Iceland So nobody else should go anywhere Incest mafia It's the take away I want you guys Well we have no evidence that's not true We're not dismissing this person's Sure I believe it completely

I don't know a lot about Iceland I pretty much just Bjork is like what I know About Iceland So I could believe incest mafia Just solely based on What I know about Bjork Okay

I'm not gonna follow up Are those all of your examples? No, I have one positive one To take us out on And that is Ron Merck The director who made cocktails Probably my most Beloved thing we've ever covered

Which was Wasn't even a show Wasn't even a pilot He made a trailer for this show In the hopes that the trailer would get it picked up And He is just an elderly gay man Who I guess did not discover

The San Francisco club scene until I think it probably Mid 50's, mid 60's Thought that it was just an entirely new world That nobody had ever explored before This was like mid 2000's Maybe later, no I think this was like 2010

Clearly people knew I share his enthusiasm For the San Francisco gay club scene And it changed his life and he wanted To set an emotional drama there Starring Bartenders and it was gonna be a reality show About their love life and it was going to be called

Cocktails If you get it, you get it Oh I get it Because of the drinks Because they have drinks, yeah However, in making the trailer It started with a lot of insane drama About just a weird cast

Of characters And they're like relationships with each other And then it started introducing detectives Hunting serial killers And then it introduced a man Who had no personality of his own And could only copy others The trailer, only 7 minutes long

What a journey It had him with like a Street fighting samurai Like a cyberpunk And a battle between gay Gabriel and the actual gay devil So It was wonderful and it should have happened

And it didn't happen And I know you've got your hopes up now Since I said I had new New positive news, you're like Cocktails is getting picked up, I'm sorry It's not However, he is According to his own words at least

He is developing a Broadway stage musical adaptation Of Arnold Schwarzenegger's First film, Hercules in New York That's fucking awesome That's fucking amazing Is it gonna be like really gay coded? Have you seen Hercules in New York? Oh yes

I don't understand how it could not be I'm imagining the bear Is gonna be different I'm very excited for that And I don't even like musical theater I'm all on board Just wanted to I wanted to take us out on a pure positive

Well I actually do have one final example But if that's okay Please Actually in 2020 One of the first columns I wrote for you guys Was a review of the Christian Rapture Film, A Thief in the Night Which is about

The very low budget Film about all of the Christians being Taken off the earth Before the Second Coming of Christ Which is the Christian Evangelical Christian Apocalypse Scenario And then Parvitt was as soon as the Christians

Have been zapped off the earth All of the remaining people, the non-christians All immediately become, they join this Worldwide Nazi movement That requires them to get a mark on their hand That can be like scanned And then if you don't have that mark And you'll be hunted and killed by the government

And you won't be allowed to buy And sell or trade or whatever And those came out in the 70's This is obviously if you grew up in that Evangelical subculture You're well familiar with all of those tropes Because they continue to this day They're the feature of the left behind books

But the follow up The beast is that There's a headline this week that a Swiss company Has figured out a way to encode Your vaccine Card information Into a little chip that can be Inserted under the skin of your hand

Places that require vaccine Instead of you having to produce a card They can just scan the back of your hand And say yes, vaccinated, or no This person is unvaccinated And thus ostracized from society So the follow up is that the Christian Apocalypse has occurred

I like to find better I like the Hercules in New York musical Better than the Christian Apocalypse has happened It seems like they got to know Right? I mean even a cursory Google of like Any element of this is going to turn up Mark of the Beast stuff so I feel like

To beat that spot on You are trolling You've got to be trying to start De-stabilizing at least Especially the US This is going to be hilarious This is culture war There it on us and we need to bomb

What is it? Norway? Going to bomb them into the dust We're getting Norway You got confused by Sean's accent there Sean's accent work is Some of my favorite elements of this It's my true passion Before

I've raved about his Arnold Schwarzenegger Which is That's a good idea I should contact that guy and let him know I'd do a pretty good gay Arnold Gage Production The most Any 30 seconds of that performance

Would be so problematic That it would bring this whole organization To the ground The The Cosmoverse Is in trouble once again Evil Count Spacula and his Star Boys have captured Princess Aether, and it's up to the Supremes to save her now.

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