The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 57, The '90s Virtual Reality Obsession with Tom Reimann!

Episode Date: January 19, 2022

It's the year 1997, and society has collapsed. Roving gangs of virtual reality serial killers molest each other in sprawling worlds of archive file software, ruled over by a sinister agricultural sex god. That was the logline for every sci-fi thriller in the 1990s. So... why were the '90s so obsessed with VR? Tom Reimann and Seanbaby probably don't know, but Brockway's gonna ask them anyway!

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1-900 HOT DOG Yeah, 9000 Welcome to the dog zone 9000.0 The official podcast of 1-900 HOT DOG America's last comedy web zone I meet spaces Robert Brockway And with me is the internet's Sean baby I'm here in IRL

You'll notice I did not have to change your intro For a computer-y thing we're doing Cause you're already from the internet That's true Yeah What a happy coincidence I've been cyber It saved me a minute of work

I've been cyber since it's cool Then after it wasn't cool And now when it's cool again It's not cool again Fuck And coming at you straight from the future year of 1997 It's cyber Tom Riven Oh cool, thanks

I was like sitting here It's like man do I have to come up with a robot name For myself? Shit Come up with a robot name for yourself Now, you did it to yourself Dai Katam Rhyman Does that work? Sure

Like Dai Katana You guys remember? Never mind I do I remember that That was the video game where it's like He's gonna fucking lay eggs in your face you fucking bitch Was it actually from 1997? It might have actually been from 1997

Are you that on point? Maybe, I think it might have been 2000 Which is, you know, very appropriate Oh even better The game changing computer game 2000 was somehow more 90s than the 90s It was the 90th year of the 90s It was

That's how it works out And there was no going back I think the year 2000 Had the shittiest video games And digital effects in movies Of any year of the 90s Yeah, I'll say that And it had to change because of

That scene from Terminator You know, 9-Eleven Right, of course I think that article will be out by the time this podcast runs Somebody will get that Yeah, that's true I just casually accepted that It's like, oh yeah, sure, the 9-Eleven scene in Terminator

To explain, there was a 9-Eleven scene In the TV show Terminator Jason just wrote about it Because it was in that era Right after 9-Eleven for about five years Where just all reverence was given to it And you could do any ludicrous thing Like if you want a Doctor Doom to cry

Watching the towers fall, fine Put it in the comic book And in Terminator the TV show These gang bangers One of which was shirtless And tatted up Was explaining to Lita Headley Here's what happened

Because she didn't know what 9-Eleven was Because she's from the future or whatever And he's like, no, no, no, here comes And he acted out 9-Eleven with his hands And she cries And it's just the fucking dumbest shit you've ever seen But at the time, we're like, yeah, this is really powerful That's a real sorkin' move, man

Yeah, it was very sorkin' You not only could get away with any reference to 9-Eleven You had to You were like obligated to include it Everybody was just waiting for like, Okay, what's about 9-Eleven about this show? Like Good Charlotte wrote a song about it Like that's how saturated you were

Creed did a half-time show about it Mmm Many years after the fact The planes were flying Oh, yeah It was theoretical upset She's like, I would have been sad on that day She's like, man, I would have thought it was the cyber apocalypse

If I saw that, oh, now That would have made me really upset I get it, I get 9-Eleven Your little hand play of a terrorist attack, Cholo, has touched me Or they like, was Sarah Connor like Was Sarah Connor like, were they hunter-killers Like driven by cyberdyne

And then the guy was like, no, no They were flown by people and they both just stop And slowly look into the camera Oh, it's all muted People like us It's all over music, so I don't, maybe He said that like with his hands He might have been that good

He definitely said it Might have like finger-tutted out Hunter Killer In the middle of this It was where the real villains, you see I think finger-tutting is the best way to describe 9-Eleven 9-Eleven has told by finger-tutting It's powerful as it gets Oh

I want to see the thumb-wars version of 9-Eleven Hey, Tom, we should, um We should plug, uh Gamefully Unemployed here at the top of the show Oh, sure, yeah, yeah I did run a podcast and streaming network With my buddy Dave Bell Gamefully Unemployed

You guys should check that out at patreon.com Slash Gamefully Unemployed We have all kinds of cool podcasts And streaming and stuff It's fun, it's good It's really fun and good It's fun and good I love it, babe

Love it, babe Bungo on a double-decker bus-jaction And Sean, what do you want to plug? Uh, my Dennis Miller impersonation Is touring live on the internet The internet, timely I really want you to do that now Like, you know how like people, like Val Kilmer

And somebody else before him did it Before he ripped it off But just like going around doing like public Speaking engagements as Mark Twain Like I want you to go around doing speaking engagements As Dennis Miller I'm sure you've seen the new Val Kilmer documentary That's like really touching and powerful

And it like has all of his own home movies and stuff But it really gives you a sense Of how insufferable Val Kilmer was Like he had this relationship that he tanked Because he really wanted to become Jim Morrison For that Doors movie And so it had footage he recorded of himself Like just watching Doors videos

And practicing being Jim Morrison for like Apparently an entire year of his fucking human life To the point where his wife is like This is not a sustainable relationship For that movie For how that movie turned out And yeah, so when he became Mark Twain It was very much like he knew in his heart

He had become Mark Twain I've learned, I've learned the best fact When I learned it today And you won't believe how it dovetails Into everything we've talked about so far In the eight minutes of this podcast I learned that Billy Idle Got in a motorcycle accident in the 90s

A really bad one And that put him out of commission And that's the only reason The only reason That he did not play his part As Jim Morrison in the Doors movie Wow And

That's the only reason The only reason he did not play The part of the villain, the T-1000 In Terminator 2 Good I'm not kidding That's real Billy Idle was going to be both of those roles

Done, done deal I think he would have been great as both those Maybe not as good There's a universe where he played both Fucking awesome We would still be talking about Billy Idle's T-1000 Much in the same way we're still talking about Robert Patrick's T-1000

I'm basically agreeing with what Sean just said It would have been incredible But a very different incredible In the time-skipped universe where Sarah Connor came from That happened Instead of 9-11 I would have loved if the T-1000 Disguised himself as

A rock and roll singer too That would have been a good scene Instead of a cop He'd been trying to infiltrate the teens As a rock and roll expert I don't know Yeah, it's like a tough punk He would have been playing with that role

Just like he did every moment of his career He would have had to masquerade As Axl Rose, right? Because of the Guns N' Roses song You know it wouldn't have been a Guns N' Roses song It would have been a Billy Idle song Specifically for the movie There's no way they're getting out of that

Without doing some sort of CGI snarl morph Like he's going to get shot in the face And then his face is going to form back And be a snarl for 5 or 6 frames You know what I'm saying? I wish this was just the podcast This could have been the podcast I don't know why I brought this up

Listen, he would transform And then reform sneer first And then end at the sneer Yeah, it would like swirl back Everybody can picture that He would shape shift Depending entirely on his weird mouth You can see it in your mind's eye

Because that's how the universe should have been We were robbed at this time We're in the wrong time I would like to plug The Holidays Happy Holidays everybody You say Mary's fucking Christmas around here Please consider the Holidays

And use the code Wiener Boyz To unlock an exclusive hot dog themed holiday near you Oh man, I want that I want to know what that looks like Use the code Wiener Boyz Just plug it into your Favorite worldwide website Would the tree be one giant hot dog?

Or would it be like a bunch of hot dogs Wrapped together with some sort of twine Like dental floss It's like a hot dog salad In your heart Oh yeah, sure One of those great depression recipes I don't know, just a bunch of fucking hot dogs

Take a bunch of green jello And you form it into a mold Fill it with hot dogs There is no way Anybody is going to guess What this podcast is supposed to be about I don't even remember It's about Billy Idol being Terminator

And I'm bookmarking that That needs to be its own podcast So the real one is going to be a let down Today We are talking about the 1990s And they're just Bizarre obsession With virtual reality

Especially considering it wasn't even close To being a thing Like the best they could do at the time was The virtual boy And every studio head in the 90s saw that And everything, so every movie Was virtual reality I did just buy an Oculus Quest 2

So I could buy Resident Evil 4 For the fifth time Because it's my favorite game And it's okay It makes every video game just a little bit Dumber and worse In kind of an interesting way See, I tried the PlayStation 1

When it came out And it made every video game extremely nauseous Yeah, it makes everything very sweaty Like we still haven't One of the funniest things about VR In 90s movies Is that it existed at the time In the same format that it still exists in

Where it's just you have to strap A gigantic TV screen to your face And that's immersion We made progress on how it looks and all But nobody has fixed This entire deal Of just strapping a whole bunch Of stupid shit on yourself

And doing the thing Nobody entertained the idea That people would rather Maybe just push a button I think we've all agreed that it would be awesome And we sort of Experience that in our imagination So you're playing the VR and you're thinking

Man, 20 years from now this is going to be fucking sweet In 20 years from now it's marginally better Yeah, sure, but it's still pretty much the same But we'll still be thinking that 20 years from now this will be so cool someday And we're sort of experiencing that Imagining it so hard, I think There's a lot

There's a few that are like I guess big ticket technologies I don't know if that's not the right word at all But there's a couple of technologies That we've always had the same sort of Aspiration for like VR Flying cars, AI Fully aware AI

That we just It's like every generation It's the same experience that you just Were talking about where it's like, yeah man This is going to be awesome and then 20 years goes by And it's still kind of the same bullshit Whatever you were sort of getting VR like it's at least some sort of manageable

It probably looks better Than it did than they thought it would look In the 90s because they're Even their movie caliber special effects weren't as good As our video game special effects now But I like that nobody Nobody even thought To mention that it just

Maybe existing in a virtual world That doesn't match your body would make you extremely sick Would make you just violently ill Yeah, it's really, it's bad And so every video game that doesn't make you nauseous You're sort of slowly pointing and Teleporting around and it just Yeah, the point and teleport, it was like why

Everything's an adventure game now Yeah, it sucks It sucks Like you said, it's a fun way to make every game Slightly worse But they did not satisfy Slightly more difficult to control Like there's something about Resident Evil 4

Swing it, you're like okay, there's fucking rules But then that's about it Other than that, you're like this is not as good as The PlayStation version Super hot, super hot was badass Super, I was the only one where I was like Oh shit, this is, this will change everything I'm into VR now and then I bought a bunch of VR games

And I was like I am not into VR at all No, it's still the same It looks better Some of the VR arcades you can go to now Are kind of cool But yeah, the technology is still Incredibly limited Every inch of them just covered in barf

Just barfed all over 100% one of the people in my group Threw up when we went to a VR game And it's just never represented In pop culture Yeah, that didn't show up in any of the movies One out of four people That straps this thing on

Is just gonna puke their asshole out What astonished me About like the 1990s And their obsession with VR That the internet itself was exploding At the time and they made Like a few internet movies There were a few internet movies

But there was nowhere near as much as VR Got nowhere near the budget as like their VR terror They were more interested in Either just widely praising VR Or being terrified of it Then they were addressing the actual change That was completely changing the world Like the internet was

Happening there Even in its earliest stages It was still very much a thing You could have looked at that and been like This is it But now they looked at the virtual boy And we're just like yeah I think what the problem there is that

The internet is really harmful to screenwriting Like the idea that any character Can learn anything or communicate It sucks, it does suck It fucking ruins every plot It's like cell phones like fucks up everything You have to like take a moment in every movie To say okay here's why no one has their phones on them

But you're movie in the 1950s So Even just like early 90s when it exists But nobody was interested But nobody gave a shit They can say like I can look this up on the internet and everybody just laughs Fucking nerd get out of here

Now we're going to the library Gonna look at microfeech I love a nice microfeech scrolling scene I miss those That's like yeah Investigated scenes where they're like scrolling through Newspapers looking up Staring at old photographs

That's the real shit You kids today With your typing in a bar Closed up on typing in a bar It's hard to capture that Investigative excitement With a character just typing something in a google It also ruins it every time

Because they're always on some fucking made up browser And everything looks a little bit wrong And there's no autocomplete Yeah and so you're like This is fucking stupid I'll guaggle it Or it's an embarrassing attempt To like kind of

Front or feature their own Like browser like how Peter Parker Looks everything up on being Amazing spider-man movies You just know he'd be a much better hero If he used to be On his sony vio It's like good god

Are you serious about going to college? Don't trust anyone who uses it So we have each brought A movie from this era From the 90s and what they thought about VR Since I inflicted this on everybody It makes sense to me that I'll go first

And I would argue I have the one That in the 90s at least Started it all I am bringing the lawnmower man So I Honest like to be perfectly honest I just watched this movie for the first time Like a month ago

Oh my god Yeah I think of you as a cyber Expert Tom maybe it's just because On the hotdog site you've written Three 90s movies articles And It feels like From your judge dread from your robocop piece

It feels like this is your expertise Yeah It's odd that I missed this movie Because this movie Was heavily advertised In 90s comics If you were reading comics in the 90s You probably saw 172 ads for this movie

I remember the Cyber escape with the lawnmower man face Coming at you There was a dope ass Super Nintendo game they were really excited About this VR technology That just looks terrible Movie

It looked so bad ass I guess at the time Did we? Because I don't remember I honestly don't remember Like It also came out really close to Jurassic Park And they were like oh this is what like Actual digital effects Can look like not whatever goofy

Tron shit this movie is Yeah I feel like it's all confidence I feel like it's like just a short man At a bar pulling all the ladies He just came out with pure confidence So you don't notice any shortcomings About it because if you watch that They relied so heavily on the CGI

Never shied away from it Never like Did a quick flash cut Never tried to veil something in darkness It was front and center fuck yeah We can do this CGI Every minute of that movie If I remember like

It was generally they were in cyberspace When the CGI happened right or were they doing Nope so it happens in real life A few times too Okay I didn't I don't want to jump ahead but there's a few Very questionable moments We're trying to be very brief because we brought

Three movies for an hour long podcast And we already burned I don't know Like 40 minutes talking about Billy Idol It was all important It was all important I'm not cutting any of it I'm leaving it all in No why would you Anyway the 90's had

Just a lot of feelings about VR But I feel like more than anything else They were scared of it Like there are so many 90's VR horror movies It's the silliest genre There was a real fear that It would

It reminds me of like the satanic panic Around like D&D Like there was a real totally And I guess it was also sort of the beginning Of like the video game violence Hearings so there was like this real fear That like people like kids playing Video games or adults playing video games

Would be able like VR would allow them To be completely immersed in like Worlds that would be indistinguishable From reality so it would just Generate a whole generation Of sociopaths And that's exactly what the Lawnmower Man Is about it is a movie about a scientist

Who turns an idiot Into a supervillain with video games That's the Logline for the Lawnmower Man It's like flowers for Algernon If the dude F***ed a lot of people in it Like had a weird sexual relationship

With his napher And Algernon was an AI Like a rogue AI that made him too smart Wait I'm writing this now hold on I've got to take some notes This is a fun fact Billy Idol was originally Set to play the chimpanzee in this movie

He's going to play Algernon but Okay Whatever the Lawnmower Man Has to say about VR The movie deserves to be enshrined In the Library of Congress for no other reason That it's opening sequence in which a monkey Goes on a rampage

Opening sequence was the best opening sequence Anybody that hasn't seen it Hasn't seen it recently The movie opens on a research Center for chimpanzee warfare And right away you're like Hell yeah chimp warfare why aren't we doing this More

And so this they cut to How they're accomplishing making these chimps Like aggressive in teaching them battle And it's VR And of course this movie is so generous It puts the chimpanzee In a little tron suit And a giant VR helmet

It gives him the giant goofy helmet That you've always wanted to see And beyond that it puts the chimpanzee In a big gyroscope it spins them around And it's just that's in the opening minutes Of your movie it's so kind I've never met a kinder movie Generous is a good way to describe that

If you're going to that movie like And you see this spinning chimpanzee You're like oh fuck yes And then he first shots And then he breaks out of his gyroscope And starts shooting people You're like what They have the generosity

The kindness of heart To show you the war game that the chimp is playing They render it the chimpanzee war game And he's running through like a terrible N64 level Shooting like giant silver gorillas And that's his war game that they're teaching him So he breaks out And he grabs the helmet

And then yeah he grabs He steals a security guard's gun And gives him a little nod like What's up motherfucker and puts a bullet in his brain In the first three minutes of the movie And I do want to say that the fact that he was shooting gorillas Sort of implies that they developed a software Specifically for the chimpanzees

This wasn't adapted from a human video game No no it's very clearly like This is chimp warfare They do say I believe at some point Like they're gonna like Deploy it to humans at some point But for right now They are teaching the chimps

How to war through VR And they made a little chimp video game And I love that they made him enemies Like what's the natural enemy of chimps Giant silver gorillas he'll know that They wanted to tap into his natural rage Reservoirs Anyway that was

Pierce Brosnan as in this movie As a rogue video game scientist Which I guess Which I guess the 1992 Thought a rogue video game Scientist was a thing That's a terrifying thing to a 1992 parent for sure Right

This is their satanic panic fear The scientists that make video games Could go rogue on us at any minute And he does When they kill his chimp Which was his best chimp And he wasn't ready for this final level So he takes off

To do his own research And luckily He chimps too close to the sun I like that Pierce Brosnan is also like Violently sexual in this movie He's so fucking smoldering Our kids are gonna get corrupted by

Sexy rogue video game Like all the moms that saw it were just like I would listen to him It's so much more insidious These are the people designing our video games I'd play his chimp war game He fucking, he fucks every line out of his mouth He fucks the camera with his eyes the whole time

Yeah he does Nothing is safe Especially not Job who's the idiot that he finds Job is Played by Jeff Fahey And he does it like he's auditioning for dumb and Dumber and did not get the part for being insensitive

He's just He's constantly just a Duh idiot Just right there on the verge It is very very bad Like it's however bad you're imagining it It's worse Yeah it's Rosie O'Donnell like

Were you like not a dick when you were a kid Ever you don't know how to like Do a good impersonation of a Challenged person Right this was the 90's Everybody did that You should know how to do this You could get away with it still

The best thing about his performance In that aspect Is that it's Blessedly short Because he very quickly gets like Algernon'd Yeah but for right now at the start of the movie They call him the Lawnmower Man

Of course from the title Because he's so stupid he's only good for mowing lawns But then they make This insane decision To have him like live his whole life And he has built a shrine To Jesus out of lawnmower parts Because like that's

How they saw mental illness In the 1990's He just loves lawnmowers He's praised a little shrine of lawnmower parts And the priest that I guess owns the grounds that he lives on Flips out of this I guess owns him

It is very seriously portrayed Like various people can just take him Which is how Dr. Lawrence also does it He just takes this idiot He's like nobody owns this local idiot So I'm gonna take him And start experimenting on him Like Ernest goes to camp said

How do you own an idiot? How do you own a mountain? It's anybody's idiot It's like a Louis Lawnmower Novel in a coffee shop They're just there for you to take Nobody ever does But you could theoretically

You could throw it into your chimp war game I wish he'd done it straight up Just brought the chimp war game And it's like I'm gonna teach this idiot chimp warfare What an amazing movie that was He does have like a silver age Comfortable villain thing about him Like I'm the lawnmower man

Which means I wear a lawnmower costume And I live in a lawnmower house And you know I fight Batman He's very brand conscious Yeah this is how they thought Like if you're an idiot If you're into lawns

If you mow lawns That's you, you're the lawnmower guy Anyway, Dr. Lawrence Excited to find his own idiot Just grabs him, grabs the idiot And starts using the power of virtual reality And I guess virtual reality drugs To make him smarter

Which is, you know, algenon-ing It's really unclear I just assumed he was injecting him with liquid cocaine They're definitely video game drugs They make him so good at video games And they were actually shown The program he uses He opens up a little terminal next to him

And they show the screen Which has like a brain And he goes and grabs He uses like a virtual hand To grab smart From a drop down menu And drop it onto brain You drag it over into brain, you put the smart in the brain

You grab the smart, you drop it on the brain And then he like twitches and stuff Like yeah that's you, I'm making you smarter My favorite part The human brain is like Windows 3.5 It's wonderful What this, what this movie God, I just, I've said it before

But I'm so jealous of the era when you could just do this And like All the way up into maybe, maybe early 2000s Nobody was gonna look anything up You could just do this, you just had an idea And you're like yeah, he grabs smart, he drop onto brain Good, we done We're making fun of it, but I think that is

Really elegant storytelling That's thought before 5 seconds And you get what's happening It's dumb as shit, but it's It's incredibly efficient But if you're on board, like You're on board, you're, you understand So there's also a very

Problematic side plot in this Where a bored housewife at one of the One of the houses where he most along Seduces him because now he's just smart Enough to fuck, but not smart enough To ask questions about the person he's fucking That's his sweet spot He's barely smart enough

He is very stupid, he is still very Stupid to be clear It is the movie's most terrifying sequence And what is great about this Movie is it does not shy away It shows how unprepared for a sexual Encounter he is and how like what a problem this is She has to teach him

What a kiss is from step one Like he doesn't know that it involves Mouths He's never even seen it before That's the guy you're about to have sex with I think that's every woman's Dream to just find a man who's Just from the ground up you have to fix

Like that's what the ladies want Just an empty slab of meat She teaches him about sex By placing his hand on her boob Saying soft Then placing her hand on his dick And saying hard And then we cut to the sex scene

That's the most wildly offensive Nothing about this is okay It can't have been okay in 1992 Soft I don't know how your parents gave you the talk But I really hope it wasn't like that Tell me it wasn't like that

We can't go into That in this podcast It's supposed to be a fun podcast that's going to get real dark VR and liquid cocaine Was definitely involved It's so developmental to him You go into his cyber realm and you're a lady He'll be like, show me your softs

And they have to keep re-explaining We call him titties And he's like, ah, you're right Now I take out my hard It does not compute Anyway, he's just He's rock fucking stupid and we jump to the next scene In the lab where the scientists say

He absorbed Latin yesterday In two hours, that's such a good jump cut He's so stupid It took him an hour and a half to figure out what a dick was But today he's got Latin In two hours He absorbed it Like he just laid in the concept of Latin

And soaked it up through his pores He VR'd it He played it as a video game And uh Anyway, don't worry you guys, of course there's a VR sex scene So he brings his New girlfriend into the virtual world with him They fucking VR, which means their mouths melt together

And they turn into dragonflies It's all, it's very tastefully done It's powerfully erotic Especially the dragonfly part And in real life, of course They are strapped into full VR suits With big goofy helmets on And they're both spinning in separate gyroscopes

And then we do cut to the lap to show them just spinning Just spinning, I guess Flinging cum all over the room Like, who can say Just barfing and jizzing And Pierce Brossin's in the background Like, yes! My fish on!

This is what was supposed to happen That was his whole vision For humanity, yeah This is exactly how it turned out with the chimps Buking and jizzing I guess rough sex In virtual reality involves Job turning into a cyber monster

And just barfing pixels at her Until she turns stupid Because that's what happens Buking and he starts barfing pixels on her And then they cut to her Just spending the rest of the movie laying in bed And giggling at shapes She is now just a total moron

Because she got fucked too hard in VR I guess is the implication There's, yeah This movie seems to think that like virtual reality Taps into your brain waves And isn't just like a video screen That you strap to your face Yeah, like virtual reality will change the world

Yeah I love it so much On a spiritual, like, electrochemical level Anyway, because The video games make Job so smart He reaches the end game of smartness Which of course is psychic powers We all know that

You get smart enough, you get psychic powers Every movie says that And then his psychic powers grow so strong That he reaches the end game of psychic powers Which is evil, of course So he gets evil cyber psychic powers And Goes rogue as everybody just like that chimp

I mean, we learned nothing from an escaped battle chimp That's the best lesson I don't know what's going to teach you I feel like that part In the project brief Would have been underlined Battle chimp went rogue Yeah

Shot dude right in skull Just tapped him Gave him a little nod Tapped him off So here's how he uses his evil cyber psychic powers And this is all where it comes out Into reality And this is all rendered in real life

Bold as fuck They think this looks great He burns a priest The priest that beat him in the church Using the power of CGI fire He doesn't use like mental cyber waves To make the guy catch on fire They rendered this terrible little CGI

Flames all over it The flames are so bad And so obviously like digital Like video game flames And this is the kind of the first person We see him kill outside of VR That I was unclear whether We were supposed to

Understand that he was like inducing The thought that this guy was burning To death like he's just making him think And feel like he's burning to death But no it's supposed to be literal fire Right you remember how bad Fire was in like early PlayStation like PlayStation one days

That was the roughest thing It was either just An actual short little loop Of filmed fire laid on something Like a little gif of fire That they glued into the game And this was 92 before that So it's worse than that

But that priest god damn him He gives a hell of a death scene Just screaming, flailing, not knowing That they're gonna put little gifs of fire All over him He really sells the on fireness of it all What sort of award for that I would love to see that before the CGI

Anyway, he also uses his powers To get revenge on a local bully By mowing the man's brain With his VR powers A giant face A giant cyber face of Job With a lawn mower mouth Mows over his CGI brain

And takes away his smartness Yes and it fucking rules We're really lucky to live in a world where that happened Great job, no notes You have to love this movie so much at that point If you haven't loved it from the chimp Which I don't know You have to love the lawn mower man saying

We need a scene where he lawn mower Man somebody's brain, right? And everybody just goes, yeah, of course I don't know how we're getting out of this Without it His brain got mowed The authorities finally come for him So he turns into a giant floating head

And then turns a guy into bubbles Because somebody saw the bubble effect It's like clear that they were just using Like whatever Pre-loaded Like graphics package This guy's gonna get Chi power good Yeah, like they had a

A suite of tools and they showed it to the studio Exactly, he's like, oh man You can bubble this guy I can bubble a guy, you want me to bubble a guy? We're gonna bevel this one Oh, this guy needs a drop shadow Oh, he's getting fucking embossed You know he is

He's gonna be able to believe their eyes Okay, so He then gets it in his head To upload himself into the lab super computer Which is the only place with internet access I guess Yeah, it was 1992, that tracks It's like colleges and chimp warfare centers

So the only places with internet access So he busts into the lab By making CGI cyber bees Which I guess Oh, the bees, I forgot about The only logical step I need to get into this lab, there are security forces All around it, I know

Cyber bees If you have unlimited options The first thing you try is always bees Bees Why not Bees movies, ask So the cyber bees Attack them, I just wish

To be one of those Extras on set playing the security guard And they're like, okay, giant bees are attacking you And they all pretend they're the cyber bees And then they watch the movie and they're like, I was supposed to be pretending that Was I look like a fucking dipshit Swatting at the bees So this is going to look good, right?

Yeah, it's going to look incredible People are going to fucking lose their minds People are going to see this movie And they will go insane When they see these bees They really played it up like that It was played up as like this cinema Experience

At least the comic books The comic books were like, you won't fucking believe this And maybe I didn't I don't remember my feelings about seeing this Maybe I was like, oh shit, cyber bees I remember as an adult I was certainly like, oh shit, cyber bees Well, yeah, obviously

You can't, listen You can't walk through a house of cyber bees And not take pause and sort of absorb them I remember the CGI, the VR sex scene Was of particular notoriety That's all I knew about the movie Really, apart from the comic book ads

I saw was that People bone in VR And it's crazy It takes a really fucking long time This is the longest scene In a goddamn movie The cyber souls merged I thought it was pretty hot

It was It was an ultimate expression To souls coming together and becoming dragonflies So was it sexy? Oh, not at all No I didn't understand it and I hated it I didn't understand Never seen anything like it

So he makes it into the lab He uploads himself into the supercomputer His real life body just instantly dies And now he's fully CGI Well N64 effects Like bad guy And Dr. Lawrence comes in

He plants a bunch of bombs to kill him And the big finale of the movie No shit, big finale of the movie Is the N64 lawn idiot Escape to the internet before he explodes That's the big finale Is dialing phone numbers As fast as he can

And he really does look like N64 Like it's like the GoldenEye characters Where they would have just like a photograph Of the actor's face plastered onto Like a bunch of Just a bunch of jagged polygons Looking fucking Apex Twin But I don't know Apex Twin

On some sort of Russian Dell or something Just Just a bad effect, but they used it somewhat They were so confident I love how confident they were This is half the screen time They really show it off So it's like left up to doubt

Whether or not he made it Out to the world Left up to doubt for like 5 seconds The movie is not, this is not the movie That ends in ambiguity He says the sign that he made it and became the internet Will be every phone ringing at once And they do, he's the internet now

He can be scared of the internet Because virtual reality might use it To grow too powerful But less than a normal way It might use the internet To send bees after us, that's right It might, it's still light I think it's so funny that these movies

Never focused on the internet When they were like, oh this Virtual reality is what's going to create The next generation of Right here it's like this little side thing That they just interject like The internet's there and he's going to use it to do some shit Right, you should have been

Over here, movie Yeah, like everything they're afraid of About virtual reality is like What happened with the internet So it's like, no, no, the internet Created the next generation of sociopaths And very few movies paid attention To it, and The Lawnmower Man was not one of them

The end The end? Ah, cyberbees Great podcast everybody Watch out for cyberbees Tune into the boys podcast We shoot you with cyberbees How long is this already Oh gosh, like 40 minutes

Give that war chimp a go Buckle up, this is a two hour podcast everybody I mean We've done it We had a two hour hype cast that Jason was Every time Jason comes on we always run Like almost two hours Yeah, but we love it

Everybody loves it You guys Yoda of internet comedy Yeah I can't believe he's still Just distributing his podcast Over all of our podcasts In a way he's our Cyberbees

In many ways, in very literal ways Jason Parjan, cyberbees He's just a swarm of Cyberbees Alright, who wants to go next? Well, no, I know what Sean's bringing Tom, you have to go next I have to go next, okay

Well, I don't have as much of an in-depth analysis As you, because I was going to kind of talk about Thank God I was going to talk about virtuosity And also like a little bit of time cop Okay My favorite part of virtuosity Is it goes

You know, it dives headlong into The 90s like firm belief that VR would be fully immersive To the point where it's indistinguishable from reality So you could actually fool people By trapping them in VR Which is what they have to do To defeat Russell Crowe in the film

But if you've not seen it, virtuosity Is a 1995 movie about The near future I forget what year, I think it might actually I was going to ask, it has to be You have to give me the year I think it's 1999 It's supposed to be 1999

I love it so much I think they did the same thing with With demolition man, they said it in like 1997 They were always sure It's like three years from now Predator 2 as well I think was also 97 They were really convinced

Shit was going to just get real loud The year the saint Hit theaters So Alright, so it's like the The near future of virtual reality is just It's a miracle technology But also like not really anyone's primary

Focus They treat it as this Incredibly sophisticated platform Where not only can you have Fully immersive, completely realized Photo-realistic worlds But they're also populated By incredibly sophisticated

AI One of which is Sid 6.7 Who is Russell Crowe A conglomerate of something Like a bajillion different Serial killer psychies To keep bringing up My favorite serial killer

Is Adolf Hitler I feel like Hitler's gonna Spoil any broth Even if you're trying to make The most Dangerous villain for training purposes Which is what he was created for I feel like throwing Hitler in there

It's I was gonna make a cooking joke You gotta imagine the one scientist that got fired for saying Hey guys, should we really make My favorite serial killer, Hitler? I feel like That's like a bad idea, right guys? What are we supposed to learn from this?

Just scoot it out the door Box of stuff thrown after him Keyboard bounces off the back of his head Yeah, I feel like it's like A kid at the Golden Corral Sunday Bar Where they just put every single topping Out of their ice cream to the point Where it just tastes like a big blob of shit

And then Hitler gravy Yeah, so you just Congratulations kid, you made Hitler That's a good way to describe him Once you made M&M's Yeah But But yeah, so

So they use VR in this future society To train the police And that's pretty much all they do with it It seems like The Los Angeles Police Department In this version of 1999 It's like SpaceX

They're the Elon Musk of this version Where the scientific Advances are all being made By one private company And in this version it's the cops For some reason the cops... Who needs VR the most?

Cops, right? The cops for training purposes So they use VR Just to train new cops For a virtual boy basically To fight bees and Hitler Bees and Hitler all contained within Russell Crowe

Who is hooting his way through the simulation Like Daffy Duck He's so great in that movie I still have like Residually like Russell Crowe because of that movie Yes, I can't help it The first movie I saw I'm into like everything after that

I was on his side Like you said, I still have A little afterglow from seeing virtuosity For the first time Yeah, anything he does I'm like it's alright He was in virtuosity I'll let this one slide

But They treat VR Both as this miracle technology And also something that's just kind of Like whatever It's more like a jumping off point For this movie's plot In the distant year 1997

We'll have perfectly real virtual reality And be sick of it Yeah, we're not going to give a shit about it We'll also have Fully realized AI And not really feel one way or the other About it, like they have these Very advanced robots

On the system and they treat it Just like it's like their email Like their internal email program or something And they also have a department Within the Los Angeles police department That makes Clone android bodies That you can just put

Consciousnesses into What a shit happened in 1996 We really made some breakthroughs They've cheated death They figured out how to create A fully immersive virtual world Completely autonomous Self-aware AI

And clone android bodies Like they are pissing in the face of god Every second of the day Okay, okay, bear with me Yes, that's all it is What is this movie going to be? It's going to be like a cop chasing a killer It's like a chase movie

It's like a cop chase movie Why do we need all this? It reminds me of the scene In spider-man 2 where Alfred Molina Doc Ock It's like my fusion project Or whatever I figured out how to make a micro sun To like

Create renewable energy We'll never run out, it's completely sustainable Also, I made this set of completely sentient Metal arms that are Have their own intelligence and are immune to magnetism It's like fucking what? Why did you need those things? How about those first?

Did we try like a stick? Figured we had glove technology Pretty well handled at this point But boy, you really went above and beyond Here's the thing, if they had Virtuosity technology, lonely housewives They would be making Jeff Fahey robots And putting just barely sentient

Brains into them And be like, oh yeah You could just download that scene In virtual reality It would cost you just 20 bucks Get the Jeff Fahey in the bedroom Doesn't understand what a dick is seen Teach Jeff Fahey what a dick is

20 dollars It would be Job like 0.01 or something That's hot That's not a release build Oh Jeff Fahey The 6.7 refers to his Version number

I just explained that joke And ruined it So the point that I really Wanted to talk about More so than just like they created This miracle virtual Reality technology that is then Just

It's incidental to the plot But they still treat it with the most Reference of all of their many Miracle technologies in this film Like the other two ai and android bodies I argue are like way more Incredible and they're like Focusing on VR

Which existed in a rudimentary form In 1995 already but they're like No no no what if it was like this cool Wouldn't that be awesome Like fuck these android bodies like what we really need Is like a really cool like photo realistic Video game They ignored the internet that was happening around them

They invented fake technologies To ignore for virtual reality Nothing is as cool as virtual reality And all of these ai And stuff still exist on like little plastic cubes Like that's another funny thing That all these movies overlook is the internet And the fact that like digital media

Just won't exist in the future I mean not digital physical media Just won't exist in the future But the point I really wanted to talk about Was how this both in this movie and time cop They both envisioned A near future wherein Jacking off using VR at work

Was just like a thing that people were gonna do Of course Both of these It's not something you do I mean it's I would If I had all of the right tools at my disposal Just fucking jeffrey tube And just wailing away on himself

With a big clunky VR helmet I remember in time cop it just like cuts To completely like A naked woman Just out of nowhere And you're like what's going on here And then you're like it takes a good 10 or 15 seconds For you're like oh this is somebody's virtual reality

Helmet then you realize oh wow They're like a policeman at work He's at work At his desk It's just bad Again another fear of VR We have perfect VR Everybody will jack off all the time

That's the only thing stopping them But they treat it as like a oh you Kind of thing Like it's not like a fear mongering thing I mean they do it In like the sort of like I mean both characters in virtuosity and time cop Are sort of like the stereotypical pathetic nerd

That we loved dunking on In the 90s But they still there's like this super casual Like well what are you gonna do That's our that's our fitzy Or whatever the hell his name was Jerking off again there he goes One pound away like a little rabbit

Look it's spilling his hog juice all over The keyboard What an erotic dystopia we live Within I know it's so fucking strange But it's like There's something about that And like

Coinciding with like FMV games Were kind of popular around the same time In the early to mid 90s We really thought that was going to be the future I do feel like in the virtuosity universe Just build a robot and put whatever brain you want Into it and it's like indistinguishable from a human body Like I feel like that's

Going to be very Popular with the sex industry It's going to end jerking off It's going to kill the jerking off industry Right I feel like that opens up A lot of possibilities in like warfare Like I get that they had to build That because they wanted to tell this story

About this glass eating android That fights dens on Washington And in order to get there they had to create these technologies But I just feel like along the way They really did This world is very different from ours If they have this and this and this and this I think we made a mess

We can't make this movies fucks Just start over with a new idea And then the fucking Streamline a little bit Yeah absolutely not The fucking The boldness To set it four years

In the future With this additional technology I think it's because they couldn't Conceive that it would ever not be The 90s like it's the 90s forever We're going to set something in the future That's just happening in the 90s Don't we all wish

Yeah I wish this time Would never end So I mean yeah that's pretty much All I had to say about oh wait I think I well I did had look at note about The movie brain scan but it's not technically A VR movie

Mention brain scan Alright don't mention brain scan Brain scan if you're not Okay cool So we're kind of You're picking up what I'm putting down Yeah you and me are into the 90s VR movies In a big way I think

I collect it I've got a bunch For listeners Who maybe don't remember brain scan Was a horror movie in the early 90s Starring Edward Furlong from Terminator 2 Fully immersive kind of VR Video game that's like simulating The experience of being a serial killer

And then he finds out via this Goblin that is the host Of the game called I think the trickster Is what he is what he's called Or just trickster maybe It's basically played as just the devil Right but it's like It really

Sort of tapped into this very boomer Fear that like VR would become This height or Also the same VR video games around the same time That they would just become this hyper Realistic murder simulator That teaches kids that sex is evil Cause that's like kind of what like the lesson

Of the game of brain scan is And like the movie ultimately It's I don't know I don't know where I was going with that It's off at work If you're Jeff Fahey and don't have a brain I think it might be But under normal circumstances

There is a weird connection Between VR and sex through all the movies We've talked about so far Like for some reason We all in the 90's thought like This is the new landscape VR is terrifying, we need to be very careful But we're gonna fuck a lot in it

Hell yeah I think that's a good segue It is a great segue To Disclosure The 1994 film That amazing VR film Disclosure I've never heard of that movie

See I don't remember it at all Sean told me a little bit about it Let me tell you about Disclosure Starring Michael Douglas and Demi Moore It's based on a Michael Crichton novel Who gave us of course the great Jurassic Park And the fucking stupid timeline And the fucking stupid but in a good way

Congo And it has a lot of VR UI elements But I'm not sure Everyone remembers I know Brockway doesn't So I'm just gonna go through the entire So it opens with a girl reading her dad's email Printing the email out Then screaming twice that he got an email

Then going up and telling him a third time Which is how it worked We don't know what email is in 1984 And they're just really insecure about the audience Like not understanding what this is So Michael Douglas He's like this high powered Like tech guy

He's like running the manufacturing For some sort of a CD-ROM thing He gets on a ferry to go to work And he starts talking About his cell phone with some guy that he Knows from the boat And the guy's like oh everything's getting smaller Faster and cheaper and better

And he won't shut up while Michael Douglas is on the phone And he keeps trying to Spell out the theme of the movie to Michael Douglas And Michael Douglas is like dude Fuck off if you really need a job He needs a job and so he's like Called this girl Cindy, she's my assistant And the guy while he's still on the phone

Like he's not listening he goes Cindy Pretty name Used to have fun with the girls nowadays She probably wants your job So all the themes are spelled out by this guy It's a throwaway character but Thanks exposition hobo Roaming exposition hobo

It's about tech and sexism Thanks to the roaming exposition hobo Okay so then The other theme of the movie Is that everyone is constantly Doing opsec for their secrets Like they're always protecting some secrets Like corporate maneuvering

In like an open plan office But also asking everyone to keep it cool They keep doing this over and over The big plot of the movie is There's a big company merger And There's a problem with the production For this like board

For the CD-ROM thing so that's Michael Douglas's Problem he's trying to figure out what's going wrong With these stupid boards And he's wondering if he should keep it A secret from the other company So he Smacks his assistant's ass There's a big insert shot of it

They make a big deal out of it And then Shouldn't have done that Gotta get eaten by a giant virtual reality ass That's gonna happen There is No payoff for that In a very strange way

But I'll get to that So most of this act one Stuff is Secret but not secret Everybody is Being overheard but also telling secrets It's stupid Dennis Miller is in this movie

Yes he's the worst This podcast has everything Demi Moore Shows up and she's like The head of operations from some other thing Right Michael Douglas thinks he's gonna be vice president They're gonna make a big announcement

But Demi Moore is maneuvering for this job And Dennis Miller goes Let me guess she's attractive Nipples like pencil erasers Then she's sleeping with Garvin He's openly speculating about whether or not She's fucking their boss Talking about her nipples at work

A mixed company There's a woman in the room when he says this Classic Miller Even in a movie about misogyny Dennis Miller is just Objectively offensive He's in this movie and I want to be the worst He does more work than is necessary

Yes I don't even know if he was I think he might have just been on a nearby lot And came on to the set and just started talking They're like alright I guess we'll leave this guy in Great stuff Great comedy Dennis Miller as always I think she's got big weird nipples

Right Nipples like Boyn goes Dumber I'm going to be waiting for it We can move on now Give us a speech about technology And how it will make gender and bodies obsolete

Of course After this This is how important to me more She gives a company-wide meeting After this in an open room Dennis Miller walks up to Michael Douglas Now she doesn't give you a boner Because I definitely have lift off

I wrote down all these quotes My notes are My notes are like six bullet points And everything Dennis Miller says in this movie We know from his contract Writer at Bordello of Blood That he will not do the lines as scripted And he will insist on improving

All of his own lines so I'm going to Use the transitive property Of Bordello of Blood to insist that These are all Dennis Miller's actual lines There's simply no way that they aren't So Let me see where we I'm trying to think what happens next in the movie

I should have mentioned by now that Michael Douglas Is getting a lot of emails from A friend like a mysterious Guy who kind of just gives him pep talk And like Helps him with clues like they're just It's like a children's cartoon Where this person won't kind of come out and tell them things

They're just like you should maybe Look up this blah blah blah But then he gets an email from Dennis Miller And it says is your cock hard now Word for word I wrote that down Improved that email It's a hoopsed email

Hoopsed among us has not received that email From Dennis Miller at some point And sent it along It's a chain thing Send it to six people or your cock will never be hard again That's the curse So This is probably the thing people remember from the movie

Or picked up from Osmosis Michael Douglas after he gets this email from Dennis Miller Goes to Demi Moore's office and they're old lovers Like they used to date back in the day And now she's vice president And so he goes to the office And she's just throwing it at him Like

She's talking about their sex And how they should fuck right now While they're looking at pictures of his wife and kids She makes him rubber shoulders She's like bringing up spontaneous sexual things He used to do in their past Like guys they once had unplanned sex In a shower

Whoa Wild 1994 Yes it was She jumps on his face She throws him down He has no chance He keeps saying no but like

He's like I think I want to have sex with Demi Moore So He's fully inside her mouth And still saying no as if like This is plausible deniability Like he's Not handling this well

It's kind of gross but He's feeling it right He tears her panties off with one hand He gets a good handful of them and just cranks them off And I feel like This was meant to be very racy It's kind of tame now It's very 50 shades of gray tame

I think if they really made this today She'd be like push me in the face So they could see the black eye And that's like But anyway he bails Cheers in the wound He's right there on the edge of it And then she's really upset

And Everyone's kind of angry, humiliated and ashamed And they're screaming at each other And Then he runs out and so And this all happens in virtual reality No this is all just real The virtual reality part hasn't even happened yet

I'm just telling you about the hit film Disclosure So He gets home and it's like he's done this a million times Shower, he asks his wife to get him a beer He has these claw marks on his chest to be more And he like expertly covers them up with a towel While he's like having a conversation

Just like Michael Douglas cheats on his wife All the time He has a nightmare about Donald Sutherland His boss trying to fuck him in an elevator So that's fun I had that in my bullet points So now here's where the VR user interface comes in They show off their

Hot new VR system called the corridor And it's Dumber than you could possibly imagine It's a giant, if you saw community They had like kind of a gag I think Must have been based off this It's like a big palace that you go into With actual drawers that you open up

And pull out actual files I don't know It looks like it must add hours to looking up anything So you pull up A file and like you open it and there's like Three pieces of paper and you can take the pieces of paper And move them around There's no like search feature

Voice commands, the closest they have Is like you can call an angel And then the angel can like conversationally Help you, so if you're like, hey angel I need to find out about dinosaurs And get help, my golf swing, the angel can like Help you But they make a big thing about how only

The user can hear the angel which is like A weird thing to make a point of But it kind of comes up later Anyway, in this presentation To the executives They access the CEO's private financials Like as a gag and then they mention Okay, we'll protect all that stuff later

So like just fucking completely unsecured data If you get into this File palace That you have to jump into a virtual world and walk to Yes, there's a treadmill It's like this big stupid bubbly treadmill It's a fucking treadmill I thought I was joking

But now you have to walk three miles to get this far Yes, you have to physically walk with your feet to move around So Then Michael Douglas like gets annihilated In a meeting because Demi Moore is sabotaging him And then she accuses him of sexual assault Off-camera So it comes back to Michael Douglas being like

Oh, damn it, I really don't like how off-camera I got accused of sexual assault And then he's like, actually it's the opposite Everyone laughs because how absurd would it be That Demi Moore went after him He goes to a lawyer, the lawyer thinks he's a dumb asshole And says it's going to cost you $100,000 Everyone's going to make fun of you

Your wife's going to leave you, it's going to ruin your life So this is Sexual assault allegation is a very uncomfortable And frustrating and irresponsible thing To make a movie about Like I don't think it's good to put out in the world Like you know what women like to do Lie about rape, like that's a bad thing

To make a thing about You shouldn't put that in your log law Right, and Yeah So that means Michael Crichton is either one of those Words I mentioned Uncomfortable, frustrating, or irresponsible Or he's so into the idea

Of a fucking VR user interface That he attacked it to his worst idea He's like, oh this book sucks You know what, make it awesome? A stupid VR palace with a little angel you could talk to Wait, here's the key Do they have to get in a stupid VR suit And helmet to get into this?

Just the helmet, but there is like a full scanner That like zaps through it, lasers that senses Where all your stuff is, there's also haptic gloves And the treadmill, it's an ordeal That counts It's no spinning Gizzing, barfing, coming gyroscope But

I'll take a walking, running, jogging, Gizzing, treadmill Other people's avatar As I remember in the corridor Are just like these It's like a photograph of the person Plastered on this vague silhouette Of a human body

Just gliding toward you Like a fucking phantom And everybody loves this Business software Yeah So Michael Douglas Decides he's going to threaten to sue them As like a bluff or blackmail

Because of the big merger He's like dude, if this company finds out There's this weird sex scandal Then they won't want to merge with us And again, most of this happens Off camera And then What happens on camera? Is it just Dennis Miller

Talking about his dick? There is a lot of that There's a lot of MRA Speeches that take place on camera Michael Douglas comes back on You know men have it pretty hard 80% of suicides are men He gives a lot of weird MRA facts

Then Dennis Miller betrays him And tells his wife about the whole thing She didn't know up to this point Again, a lot of this happens Off camera But the wife takes it really well Like I said, I think she's been cheated on By Michael Douglas before

In a VR system She's like, is this lady Fucking in the VR kit She's like At a 10 rate to me more And he's like, alright an 8 9 Because she's like, no I know she's fucking hot

So she now knows that I'm sorry, I just want to take a minute To really bask in the glow of the phrase Betrayed by Dennis Miller As were we all Can you imagine Being betrayed By Dennis Miller

You first have to trust him And why would you? What about his whole deal Is trustworthy? There's an entire harrowing journey That has to happen before he can betray you Yes, but Michael Douglas I want to be clear, he deserves to get betrayed

By Dennis Miller, he says to his wife And I quote, why don't I be that evil white guy You complain about Evil MRA And then he explains how sexual harassment is about power When did I have the power, when That was in the trailer, so like I said You probably remember that

And again He asks this as if it's a rhetorical question But if you were to try to answer it This takes place after He's already established he's blackmailing A hundred million dollar merger Like he has quite a lot of power So

That's the power dynamic He's explaining that and then here's the main character Saying like, oh, what about white guys Um Maybe I should have cheated on you With Demi Moore, if you're going to cheat me like a Fucking bitch So

Here he is as the leading Expert on their flagship technology Complaining about how he doesn't have any power And Then he gets Some trouble, he gets into some trouble in the deposition About things Dennis Miller said Because Dennis Miller talked to him a lot about

Boners and Yeah, he did, we've established that Michael Douglas, that was a big film making I didn't say those things, they're like Yeah, but you can donate, he's like it's just guys talking So he like defends it In the deposition, like he's The fucking worst

He's not, again, once again Not the first time somebody has been Deposed over shit met Dennis Miller Has said So, but Here's the thing is that he doesn't Come off great, like When Demi Moore just truthfully described

Some of the stuff they talked about He sounds like a total asshole, and then he was In many ways Like for example, Demi Moore's like Hey, your wife is kind of fat She didn't say it like that, but Michael Douglas defends her, he's like Hey, come on, she hasn't lost all the weight from the kids

But like in the deposition It sounds like Just the nail in the coffin of his marriage Yeah, he was telling me that his wife hadn't Lost all the weight from her kids, and it's like Oh, he actually did, but like Not like you're making it sound And like it totally takes that

Both sides thing that like The most insufferable asshole would talk about And makes a whole movie scene out of it And it's fucking terrible Because again, the theme of the movie is Boohoo, innocent guys are being hurt By these lying whores But it's seductive, like Demi Moore's

Filthy mouth, like you kind of get in on it Yeah, yeah, anyway He did cheat on his wife I mean, meeting with your ex without telling her That's trouble, if you make out with her Like it's fucking over, and if your dick wasn't Her mouth, go ahead and get her pregnant And start a second family, because you've maxed out

On cheating, no woman in the world has ever said Oh, cool, you just did mouth stuff, sorry for freaking out And getting all jealous, so I want to be clear Michael Douglas is the co-villain Of this movie, he cheated on his wife He was a total MRI Asshole God, what happens next?

He meets with Donald Sutherland And Donald Sutherland's like, come on She put her hand on your knee Just get flattered by it And Michael Douglas Just delivers a line like a Lifetime movie girl boss He's like, I work for her, it's illegal

It's like, dude Your dick was in her mouth Anyway, at the mediation Is that Donald Sutherland's line? Dude Donald Sutherland's voice At the next mediation They brought in Michael Douglas's assistant

Who admits that he did Pattern on the ass And sometimes rubs her shoulders And So now there's a pattern And it's like, yes These things you're doing aren't good, Michael Douglas Yes, there is a pattern

The movie tries to present it It's like, oh, what's being What he did is being twisted and misconstrued It's like, no, no, no, there is a pattern Yeah, he's a bad guy He figures out that he Recorded the entire session By calling the wrong person with this little

Cyberphone he didn't know how to work And so he has a friend who has all of the Interaction with the Mimor On their answering machine And He like gets the tape from him Because you couldn't figure out how to get out of this corner You rub yourself into

Exactly, so he meets with this guy And he kisses the guy on the mouth in celebration Like he's learned nothing, he's like, thanks for the tape Kissed the man on the mouth Just to be clear He still lets to set up the sequel He's still assaulting people Yes

Now this tape exonerates the shit out of him Because he's just going, no, no, no, no, no, no, no To Mimor, I don't want this You know, his dick is in her mouth off camera But just the audio, you're like, okay, he's In the clear Mimor says out loud Sometimes no means a person wants to be overwhelmed

Dominated And she complains that like, oh my god, you need like The UN resolution to officiate sex these days She's just sexually aggressive And you can't handle it And her lawyer is not into it He does not like this This monologue she gives

It's very much the worst Guy in the world Saying the worst things, but just gender swapped And spoken aloud by Mimor So it's a crushing wind, they leave Michael Douglas in the clear movie is over Nope, there's 33 minutes left So to Mimor and Dylan Baker

Have like another sinister ace up their sleeve And that whole like Sexual assault thing is kind of done Because the real plot of the movie Is they're trying to get Michael Douglas fired For incompetence Because you can't just fire someone Of Michael Douglas's like corporate level

Unless he really fucks something up So they're trying to sabotage His line of CD-ROMs So that he, so they can say Hey, he sucks, fire him That's it, those are the stakes now So he needs to Get proof that they sabotaged it

So he has to break into the executive hotel Where they have the travel VR Treadmill Digiscander corridor prototype set up So he has to go They have a travel Treadmill Yeah, it's like the prototype It's set up in their hotel room So he breaks into the hotel room

And then bringing the files you need with you Or copies of them Right, he has to get in there So he It's more bodacious at least Yes, he breaks into the hotel room He straps himself into this fucking elaborate thing Goes into the cyber CGI palace

And it's like 900 yards between him And a single piece of data So he's just like walking around Through all these pillars and arcs Of limitless MC Escher fucking design And he gets these files out And slowly looks at these like Single pieces of paper

And then Demi is back at the office And she's logging in And Michael Doug is like, oh my god She's in the system And so now it's a cyber showdown with her trying to delete files While he's reading them With no way to record them So he calls for the angel

And it's a creepy little monster He's like, angel, he's trying to reason with it He's like, you're supposed to protect the files Don't let her delete the files And so He sees a video of them word for word Plotting his downfall And this is the part that Tom remembers

Where there's an evil wireframe to me More stalking around And it looks like a wireframe of a man Like if you remember the arcade punch out And you sort of could see through your character It's that, but then like a 2D Like photo ID of Demi Moore Oh my god, tell me they fight in VR

They don't, it lurks around behind him While he's looking at files It's the fucking weirdest shit And then This is the best way to portray this interaction Yes, it really It really makes the old man tool We need

Android robot bodies We need full functional AI We need a little Demi Moore wireframe Stalking around the background Sir, you need all of this to do a File scene? It's a file scene How else would it be exciting?

Well, right, because he's like broken into a place And here come the executives Like into the room where he's doing this VR thing. So they come in And he like at the last minute escapes They're like Hey, we must have left it on, like they just They're just fucking drunk idiots

So now the steak In the movie is his stock options They basically laid out that They'll fire him, but he'll still get like a severance package He has like a 6,000 square foot Home, his wife's a fucking lawyer He has a golden parachute at this company Like

I really feel for this guy If he gets fired, who the fuck cares So then he finds out Because he deserves to get fired Yes, for a lot of reasons Dozens of reasons We did just show him breaking and entering And virtual breaking and entering

Which is worse Yeah, that's a good point And the eyes of the law So many crimes that he's done And terrible, low character moves The next day His assistant is going through Rames and reams of printout because he

Found a guy in Malaysia who had backup copies Of some of the data that will clear his name Again, just writing yourself Out of that corner And so to his credit, he apologizes He's like, hey, I'm sorry for the shoulder rubs And the butt smacks And

She smacks him on the ass It's very much the tone Do you believe it, guys? Women If you had a scene where Each of the races walked up to Mel Gibson And said, you can say our slur, Mel Gibson You've earned it

It's very much that type of tone It's the worst thing you could have possibly Shown to an audience Anyway Very irresponsible Anyway, Michael Douglas goes up And he gives a presentation on the CD-ROM drive And he just dunks onto me more

And I got a multimedia video presentation Set up to destroy her She's like, I've never even seen the line And he cuts to a video of her on the line From a Malaysian TV news broadcast And she loses her mind And says a bunch of crazy shit And she's just a smoldering crater

She completely self-destructs Michael Douglas wins There's 10 more minutes to go So Demi Moore Goes up to him and complains that she actually won And someday she'll come back to buy the place Michael Douglas is like, um, no, maybe actually I won

And then Donald Sutherland addresses both of the merged companies And he complains that he's been stupid With this trying to break the glass ceiling He should have been focused on the best woman He should have been focused on finding the best person It's not quite All Lives Matter But if this speech in All Lives Matter

That's a last-minute swerve you didn't need to take They'd be good friends It's All Lives Matter adjacent Anyway, he gives the job to Michael Douglas I'm just kidding He gives the job to an older business lady Who had a few lines earlier in the movie She did it, she wins the movie

And also her son and her were the secret Email buddy that were giving him like Cryptic Peptoxall movie So congratulations The end we did it I don't even know why they put the VR interface In the movie, it was objectively stupid Even if it were to exist and it didn't help the movie

Because it didn't even make the heist cool He had a break into a place anyway And Was this even set in the future? Were they just like This was Michael Crichton being like Listen, I don't know how business works There's no way for me to search how does business work

I could talk to a businessman But why? Why? I'm just gonna guess This is it, the MRA movie about Computers The mandatory VR Kingdom hidden inside of it

It's a truly Singular movie That did a lot of harm I think that No good came from this movie That ruined the world and not a small way It actively made the world a worse place And not just because it was another

Vehicle for Dennis Miller This podcast started so fun Listen baby That wasn't even me, that was someone else That was your guest I really like that you did it Dennis Miller impersonation I left one

Very important quote For you guys here at the very end In the Lawnmower Man Dr. Lawrence Pierce Brosnan's Character senses Job growing out of control for the first time And they're still sort of friends He looks him deep in the eye and he says

The first sign Of psychosis is the Christ complex And uh, Job Jeff Fasey He thousand yard Stairs off into the distance for a long time And he's contemplating this warning from his friends He ominously whispers Cyber Christ

The Cosmoverse The Cosmoverse is in trouble once again Evil Count Spacula And his Star Boys Have captured Princess Aether And it's up to the Supremes To save her now The Universe needs

Wienertron To your Lion Three Finger Louis Adrian H Alpha Scientist Jabbo Armando Nava Euform, the Head Aidan Moac

Benjamin Cironan Brandon Garlock Bim Talzer You're the Left Leg Breanne Whitney Brockway Loves the Meat Millie Dr. Awkward Chad

You're the Right Leg Eric Spalding Dean Costello Chase McPherson You Pilot, the Right Arm Chris Brower K&M Laziest Man on Mars

Curious Glare You're on Left Arm Duty Dan B You're the Left Hand Jell-Oho Ken Paisley Ham Bone You're on Torso Patrol

Haraka Hot Bart Jabber Al Aidan You're... You're the Right Hand Patrick Herbst Rev John Dean

Left Foot John McCammon Right Foot John Minkoff Josh Fabian Josh S is The Gyrating Hips Mark

Matt Cortez Matt Riley, you're the Heart Andy Neil Bailey, you're the Brain Neil Schaefer, you're the Guts Nick Ralston, you're the Pancreas Everything needs a Pancreas

Nick H Rhiannon Rich Jocelyn, you're the Id Sarkovsky, you're the Ego Donald Finney Timmy Lehi Tommy G We can't do this without you

You're the Hair Toasty God Aaron Crosston Tom Secula, we need you To be The Glasses Fancy Shuck Yosarian

And Cerell, you're the Third Leg You know what I mean, Cerell? Look, I'm trying to be a gentleman here But fine, you getting that cock line?