The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 60, Astrology Songs with Stephen Blackmoore!

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

Seanbaby and Brockway consult the stars, only to find their future is listening to terrible novelty astrology songs with urban fantasy author and definite necromancer, Stephen Blackmoore!

One nine hundred hot dog. Hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast work. Yeah. Yeah.

When you taste that nitrate power. You're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on. You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred.

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Yeah. Nine thousand. Welcome to the dog zone nine thousand. The official podcast of one nine hundred hot dog.

Dot com America's last comedy website. I am the nine thousandth and final Robert Brockway. None will surpass me. As always is first of his name Sean baby. He's from the internet. Thanks. Thanks for having me. On our podcast.

You're welcome. Every time you're welcome. Our guest today is author and semi professional Mongolian throat singer Stephen Blackmore. Semi. Excuse me. Hit us up with a little bit of that. It's beautiful. Yeah.

The chicks dig it. Sean can you actually do it? Are you doing it? I don't know. I heard something. You're just doing it. I think that's it. You've already alienated all of this.

I think that's one of those like Aboriginal didgeridoo. That's what I'm thinking. Oh, you're right. I think it's kind of like crumping. Like if you really believe in yourself, you're doing it. All right. Well, we've alienated Buddhist

and maybe have a rigidity. So let's move on. We got a lot more people to get to. Stephen is best known for his Eric Carter series, which I love. I'm going to let you take over the plug for your own books at this point. So plug the book.

Plug the books. Whatever you want. The Eric Carter series. It's about a modern day necromancer in Los Angeles and he's a fuck up bad things with the best of intentions and lots of people die

and there are a lot of ghosts and a lot of dead people and the first book is called Dead Things and there's a lot of swearing and violence which often seems to get called out a lot as a plus, actually. Yeah.

It's a good selling point. It works. So yeah, go buy my books because I'm broke. The Eric Carter series start with Dead Things. Sean, what would you like to plug? Oh, I just got

Cardfighter's Clash Neo Geo Pocket Game on the Nintendo Switch and it's amazing. It was like seven bucks and it's like a 20 year old game that came out on this obscure system. Is this that game you were talking about? Yes. It's just a magic perfect little game.

I think any game designer should play it. I think any fan of Capcom fighting games should play it. It's perfect. It's a perfect game and I played it. It holds up. That's my plug. You've sold me on this thing that we have nothing to do with

and we'll earn nothing from. I want to once again, because I'm going to forget about this forever after this podcast, I am going to plug our merch store. We have merch. We have a store, my God. We have had it for like a year. It is poxcostore.com

poxcostore.com Put our wieners in and on your body. Still working on that one. Still working on that tag. I love it. No notes. But it's pretty strong though. I think it's a good start. You might want to just stick with it. Yeah, we probably won't.

We probably won't stick with it. I don't like the subtlety. Maybe just put our dicks on your body. Put our dicks in your mouth. Exactly. Take our dicks. No, we probably won't stick with it because we are going to forget that we have a store

for another year and we'll never mention this again. So, yeah, go visit it now. It's your one and only chance. We brought Stephen on the podcast today because he does these great bits on Twitter. You can follow him on Twitter at sblackmoor

and he does these dark, fantastical horoscopes always make me laugh. So we did something about astrology. That's true. Now, this was Plan B. The first one I found a book about astrological martial arts. We talked about this a little before the show

with me and Stephen. I want to come on and we just do a mess around where we just read the book and make fun of it. But it's not the good kind of madness. It's like, what the fuck is he talking about? It's the really sad kind of guy. I don't feel good now.

Kind of bad, yeah. It's like a mental health issue kind of book where Mad Man just self-published sort of half-baked philosophies that aren't funny. And so this was our backup plan. I love these old songs by a guy named Harvey Sid Fisher

who's kind of a cult guy. I think a lot of people might have heard of him. Had you guys heard of him before prepping for this? I had not and I hate you both. I had not heard about him before this and I find it hard to believe that anybody

else has. Why? Well, okay. Well, he was according to his website, he was an actor model screenwriter and he's not wrong. He like has a, I think there's a Lou Diamond Phillips movie that he wrote that exists in the world. He's a screenwriter.

He was an actor back in the 70s in a lot of bit parts. I went on IMDB and he was on Barnaby Jones six times as a guy named Charlie, a guy named Harv, an uncredited bellhop and three different waiters. That was just on Barnaby Jones. Wow.

That is the pinnacle. The only thing better for that that era would be if he'd been on Green Acres. Yeah, as 11 different characters. We're not through. He could have been the pig. He was a pig. He was local yokel.

I did not see him on those shows, but he was a guy named Officer Mannings. He got a name on a show called Ironside which is about a cop in a wheelchair and then he played a character named Wheelchair Man on a show called Karen Sisko. He was Drinker on Bronk.

Listen, I didn't fuck that up. He was Drinker on Bronk. Are you sure he wasn't Bronker on Drink? That was a good show. Man, that's the dream. But no, Drinker on Bronk. Anyway, he was also a singer, but it was not going well.

He wrote a bunch of astrology songs in the mid-80s. They're insane, bouncy, educational songs and astrology. He also wrote a bunch of golf songs, but we're not going to talk about those today because they're terrible. This continues our long trend of finding people who wanted to parody

sports for some reason. This was like a thing. We got to keep those golf songs in reserve. I don't think we're going to do a podcast on golf songs. There's only three of them and they're really bad. We're just going to talk about astrology songs. Astrology ones are good.

They have their charm. Comparison. I probably hate bad stuff more than most people, though. I don't know what the business model was for these songs. I ordered an autographed copy from his website in around 2003 and he sent me a badly homemade CD-R, which I love.

Just love it. That could not have been Plan A for making songs. So you've got his fingerprints. To make money. His DNA is all over that thing. At least in one way. So I looked him up to see what can I find out about him.

I found an interview with a magazine called Scram magazine. It was a Canadian punk rock magazine in the mid-2010s. And this is a quote from Harvey Sid Fisher. He says, I couldn't get any backing or any breaks. Nobody wanted to record it. Nobody thought it was any good. Astrology songs.

And I'm trying to tell him, hey, it's the world's largest religion. How can it go wrong? So that's him. That's his... How can it go wrong? Singing about a large religion that I don't know about. There are several minutes showing exactly

how it could go wrong. Yes. Yes. Almost exclusively how it went wrong. Then he made a documentary about wrong. So here's the origin story. More origin story. He got a role in a Lincoln continental commercial, which he considered to be sort of a big break.

And he took the money from that commercial. And that was enough money to record them himself because nobody wanted to do it for him. He said... He said $3,000. He seems like a bit of a liar, so I don't know if that's way too high or way too low.

And then he finally got somebody to publish them in 1993 on a record with his four bullshit golf songs. So that's the history of these 12 songs, but I think we're probably going to talk about the videos of the songs because he did make videos about these

in the late 80s and put them on public access. And it's hard to describe them because they're so uniquely weird. But it's him in a studio. Hard to describe. Him in an empty black studio with one dancer.

And they often do that dissolve thing where they have both of them on the screen, but from different cameras. I was so shocked the first time they cut away and it showed that they were in the same room together because it was doing that dissolve thing where they were like miles apart. And I was like, yeah, yeah, fine. He hired a dancer.

She's in the same room with them. Apparently alone in like a dark YMCA gym. Why would you be alone with this man? Why would anyone be alone with this man? It's not like he's very threatening, but it's just like he would

have nothing to offer you. He has no real charisma or star power. He's got just real Muppet energy, like he's dentist on a date. Energy like hasn't had quite enough drinks at a wedding to dance kind of dancing. And it's just

if he turned to you and pulled out a knife and said, well, that's enough astrology songs. He'd be like, well, yeah, of course, of course. Yeah, this makes sense. Come to this YMCA gym after hours to live. So I found some more interview quotes

with him that I thought were pretty interesting to sort of establish his personality. He told one magazine, well, they say a man is not a prophet in his own home. L.A. is a very difficult town to get an audience in to watch, to listen. They say there's more bands in L.A. are traffic lights, but San Francisco has been very good.

I get good crowds there and they sing along with me. They dance to my songs. They throw underwear at me. And that's just the guys. And then the interviewer put in silence as their response to it. Like they just want they wanted the readers to know I did not encourage this.

I did not believe this. I don't expect you to, but I am reporting what was told to me. So this is just 10 years ago. This dude was just like, that was the citation needed before Wikipedia. Wow. The interviewer then asked him if he was a ham.

And I really liked his response. He said, I'm a restricted ham. I'm more of a cerebral ham. But on tour, you get some drugs or booze in me. I'm sure I would probably go a little crazier. The problem is I don't do drugs or booze. So I'm kind of a conservative ham. Love it.

Oh, conservative ham. I am restricted ham. Cerebral ham. Refressed ham. Yeah, I don't know what to make of that. But it's really something, right? That's like the Harvey Sid Fisher thing. You don't know what to make of it.

But it's something. It's kind of the perfect kind of bad art because it comes from a place of passionless capitalism. I'm a maniac with no shame. Like he's chasing a trend that shouldn't and doesn't exist, but he thinks it must. Like, oh my God, astrology songs.

That's got to be the next big thing. Everybody loves astrology. Everybody loves songs and everybody loves me. I'm going to put them all together. It's going to work. And I think it's how you maximize something's badness. You create as many opportunities to hate it as possible. But then you make it really high effort and weird.

So this is my jam. Like seeing these songs, I'm like, oh, this sucks. And you sort of have the right to hate it because it's so shamelessly like exploitive, you know? But at the same time, there is this optimism. Just the fact that they exist.

That he said, yeah, this is this is it. Oh God, you're playing it? Yeah, I'm playing it. I'm using the new features of our podcasting software to play the Libra theme song. So now you got to picture him in a black room with the dancer.

Libra, Lib Lib Lib Lib, Balford and conquer, then withdraw. Lib Lib Lib Lib, Lib Lib Lib, then maybe might come back for more. In love with love. Okay, okay. You get it.

The kind of frog nasal singing is he sings like a boy. He sings like a cartoon. He sings like a cartoon. He sings like a cartoon tooth in a video about the importance of brushing. I had him down as kids Bob Dylan.

I took notes for all the videos because I really love the dancers. I responded very passionately to the dancers. Now, they're all like objectively attractive women, but they're sort of like weirdly hot. Do you know the barefoot Countessa

Ina Gardner? Yes. I watch that show sometimes. That woman you just sort of sense it on her that they have these nice dinner parties with oysters and wine and then just all of those people

fuck. She's not like a sexy woman, but you get the idea that sensual. She's an erotic woman. That's the type of women these seem to be. They have a lot of

very sexual energy. They don't detect threats very well at the YMCA. One of the dancers, the dancer for Libra, I think, just straight take him. I think if he had two hammers, she's got him. She is jacked.

She's the one who dresses in the belly dancing costume. She's wearing a belly dancing costume in the Libra video, which I just hate this song so much, the li-li-li-li-bra, li-li-li-li-bra. That's the worst one. It's a real trope of his music to stutter but very deliberately.

He knows he should have a hook, but he doesn't understand what a hook is or why people like them. I've got 19 syllables to fill with this one word. Fuck it. Jam and I. Doesn't the Pisces one

just po-po-po-po-py? He just understands that you're supposed to say it weird but doesn't understand why people would enjoy that. I keep wondering where exactly he found these dancers because

you're talking about an adult belly dance class. I got the impression that this was some a bunch of women over 40 who are just desperately sad in their lives and they've been taking tap

classes and he found the community center. So hey ladies, you want to dance? They're competent, but I do believe they're enthusiastic. I don't think they think they're going to be a star out of this

but I do think they're like clearly having fun. There's a real joyful passion for dance in their performances. I have nothing bad to say about the dancers. Every dancer is a 10 out of 10. Hot, hot stuff. I mean that in the nicest way.

I don't want to objectify them. I want these women to, if they're listening, great job ladies. They're not listening. They're all dead. Harvey murdered them. In the interview I read

about 10 years ago, Harvey said Fisher said that they are still alive and he could get in contact with them if he wanted. That wasn't spacious at all. I know where to find them. You'll never, you'll never find them through these men. And he said

he really wanted to give them money like if it ever works out for him. He knows he didn't pay them enough. Which is to say at all. He hasn't paid me enough. The rest of my notes about Libra was just that this song sounds like The Grape Stomping Lady

trying to sing a song like Mid Injury if you remember her. The classic internet video where she fell and she went oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Love it. It sounds like rawhide to me. It is a little rawhide.

I think that's what he's going for. Yeah. Hit him up. Move him out. Be Libra. So as an astrology expert, Steven, did you find these to ring true?

Because a lot of them are just like explanations of the astrology science. Like oh, I enjoy nice food or I get very jealous. I kind of feel like somebody who's made

jokes about mountain climbing and all of a sudden I find myself trying to scale Everest and everybody thinks I know what the fuck I'm talking about. Okay. Well, that would imply that he's Everest. He's more of like a gentle hill.

He's like a a flowing rise. Just say no. Just say he doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. I guarantee that's what's trying to setting you up for here. Oh, yeah. I think he actually nailed it. Okay.

Well, Brockway was right I was setting something up. I found another interview where he said and I quote, the truth is I know nothing about astrology. I just thought I'd make a billion dollars and hardly anyone had done songs about astrology.

I don't follow astrology. Yeah, I knew it. Naked capitalism. Because it was hard to do research on things. Back then, you know, he didn't because it was like go to the library hard to do research. You can assume anybody

trying to make a naked cash grab did not do that research. Yeah, this is having to go to the psychic eye bookshop and dig through their astrology section. Listen to anybody in there

talk about anything for any amount of time. And it's just not worth it. No. Well, I thought I just did Libra first because I hated that song the most. Yeah, it was pretty rough. What's yours? My favorite is probably

Aries. That's the one it goes. Actually, I have it here. Do you have it queued up? Yeah. I love the keyboard. Stumbled into. It's like early 80s. Born to be bold.

I'm the sign of the brave hero alone with a whole world to save. And I am the story of honor and glory. This is pretty good. But I know I am right I will not be afraid I believe repair

Here it comes. I am, I am, I am the ram I am, I am, I am the ram I am, I am I am I am I am I am Got it, it's so bad, but it's fine. I don't know, it's hard to describe. Right, it's catchy.

It's like a car crash, you just can't look away. He stumbled on a very basic, I wouldn't say it's gonna make him a billion dollars hook, it's not gonna be a hit song hook, but this is what people talk about when they talk about hooks, and he never has it again. It's, that's true. This is the one that this video had the,

I guess you'd call her a hippie, like she's like a classic hippie. She was probably. Yeah, the Elanis Morcette lady. Yeah. She's gonna dress like a combat genie. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good way to describe it.

Her one move is twirl to big arms. Twirl, big arms. Right, it's very beginner modern dance class, but like it's so passionate. Like she means it to us. She wears like a bodysuit, and then has huge baggy pants on top of that with no shoes, and she's kind of got.

Combat jeans. Just very, very long hair that's just kind of like thrown back behind her head. A lot of squatting, I guess, in addition to the a lot of big steps, she really like almost African type movements. And like all the other women can totally get it. Just a real self unaware, hump prancing joy of dance.

But if someone said to me like, I think David Koresh found that woman at a lobotomy, you'd be like, yep, that makes perfect sense. Absolutely. That woman's brain has been dug out of her head. She is the pillar of a cult community. Like the rest of the people in the culture are like, we would fall apart if it weren't for Janice.

She gets everyone snacks. She's great with logistics. She's just a huge vacant smile. She's only spots deserters first. Yes, she knows when someone's about to go to the police. If Harvey paid this woman $800,000, he would have gotten his money's worth. Like she brought everything she had to this.

I imagine he paid her less than that though. Here's the thing, we didn't mention, there's only like what, four dancers? And he has to use them for all of the songs. So you will see them come back and she does not learn any more moves. That is all twirl to big arms and squat. And the same bodysuit in each of her costumes too.

She has like the bodysuit and then like she'll add different baggy pants. And it has nothing to do with the video, with the astrological symbol, with anything he's saying, I think they brought their own wardrobes. There's no question. Unless, if Harvey Sid Fisher had those costumes,

like I think even these women would sense that as a red flag. If maybe the Lawson found it, why don't you see it? First off, costume. The only one that I think is the costume is the cowboy one. Yeah. Leo is in a full kitty cat costume. Yeah, but I don't think that's the costume.

I saw her. I think about that one. That's her going out at fit. That's her Saturday night. I'm gonna get it. Oh my God. If I met like a 55 year old woman in a full kitty cat costume at the club,

that's like fucking heart eyes from across the room. Doing that kitty cat dance. Yes, prancing around with a little pause. Like claw paw action. Well, let's go to Leo next then. Oh, okay. Fantastic. I love Leo.

This was the, yeah. I called her the gamilf in my notes, full leopard kitty cat costume, and she's feeling it, shimmy and inclined. Yeah, I had a kid. I had a freshly divorced young grandma on a cruise is what I had. Yeah.

On the prowl. I don't, you know, I do have this song queued up if you'd like to hear it. Let's just do it. Hell yeah. Just insufferable. This is, it's like someone hit the country music keyboard button.

I'm a loving Leo lion. Yeah. This is a tough one. Born under the sun. But with a dancer, it works. Like, I don't think I noticed the song sucked into 40 seconds in. I think one of my eyeballs just came right.

We gotta save Steven's life and stuff. We can't punish the listener too much for listening to this. They get the point. I like, I like Leo because it was one of the first ones where he blatantly started talking about sex and it was such a just a turn off I will never recover from. I think he says, I need more sex than most.

It's a fact, not a boast. No, don't talk like that. You know, you're my dentist. You're not allowed to talk like that. Like that. But yeah, she's great. She's great in her little like, little two piece kitty cat outfit just on the prowl.

She doesn't know what sexy means for her anymore, but she's gonna find out. Yeah. She hit it. She's hot like crazy. She hits kind of like a sexy penny wise dance toward the end, which I'm also into. Yeah, there's a supernatural horror element to it.

There is, but that's how you get me. That's what I'm into. Finding stuff out about myself here. Steven, what's your astrological sign? We'll move on to that one. Oh God. It's a trap. Yeah, it is Scorpio.

Oh, Scorpio. See, I actually have listened and watched all of these. Well, we made you. I could have lied after the first one. You probably should have. You probably should have. And just, oh yeah, sir, I watched all those.

No, I did the work. Very nice. Yeah, that's like 45 minutes of agony. Yes, it is. So we appreciate it. Do we have Scorpio? We can't have all of these cuter. I don't have them all queued up.

I don't have Scorpio ready. Scorpio is just kind of like somebody hit the demo button on a Casio till I try to sell the kids on this new funk music. It's real basic. Probably just learned this as your first song and you're playing at a junior high dance and you will not be invited

to play that junior high dance again. And I think it's Cruz Grandma again in this one. Yes, and she's in a very sexy red dress with matching gloves. Really sexy, like aggressive, sexy. She's femme fatale, just doing her little courting prance. Like she took the horns off of a devil, sexy devil Halloween costume.

Oh, I wrote this down because in this video, she has, she's playing it up as sexy so hard. She has the gall to touch him. She touches Harvey. Yeah. The only dancer that comes within five feet of him. Well, the belly dancer, I had this in mind, the belly dancer came close to him

and it really like wrecked him. Like he was staring out of the rest of the song in a way that made me really uncomfortable. You unlocked, he was gonna not kill for this. He was promising himself like, no, this is my big break. I'm not gonna do it again. But then you unlocked it

and nobody made it out of that gym a lot. I took it as how he'd never considered, he had a shot with these dancers and then the belly dancer got close. He's like, wait a second. Oh my God, it's working. I knew these were powerfully erotic. You couldn't concentrate on the song.

But this song about Scorpio was a lot about how Scorpios will like get their vengeance upon you and they'll try to destroy you. And then a lot of it complaining how everyone's always saying that about them. So it's like- Yeah, it's all just the only thing he knows about Scorpios is that they're the worst

and they won't take responsibility for it. So that's the entire shot. Which is accurate. Oh, okay. I mean, I think- Okay. That describes you. I think he got it.

Yeah, if you feel like that's making a connection with you. Sure. I don't feel like I made a connection with mine. I don't think he got me. Oh, what was your sign? Capricorn. Capricorn. I did not put that on the-

It is like a Flamenco ballad. But- Oh yes. Now I remember it. Of course, terrible. And on like a $50 keyboard that probably has water damage, just playing a Flamenco ballad.

Yeah, I did hate- I have my notes. I hated the song. But this is the Gamelph and she's wearing like a half shirt and a wrap skirt with giant earrings and tiny gloves. Yeah. With just sexy moves.

And she's going through all like the sexy kung fu animal style. She's got like sexy horse and sexy deer and sexy cat and sexy crane style. Sexy goat. Because- A whole sexy zoo and one tight for 56 body. Because the Capricorn is of course a goat.

And Harvested Fisher was like, how do I bring this to the song? And so in the middle of the song he stops and he goes, the goat, the goat, the goat, the goat. Several more times, I'll save you. And each time the lady does like, she puts one hand out, sort of like a kitty cat paw

from her kitty cat dance previous. Which I just loved because it does not look like a goat. It does not in any way resemble a goat. But I'm on board. And I'm like, yeah, I'm, yeah. The animal, I knew it. She's calling back to, you know, something.

Right, to be her credit, it'd be weirder if she did do a goat dance. Like if she like touched her toes and jumped on a rock or something, it'd be like, okay, this is- I'd be a little more into it. I just, Capricorns always suck because I know very little of this outside of that.

One of my first big relationships with somebody that earnestly believed all of this. And I had like, they did your star charts and would not do certain things if like the stars weren't aligned. And I got very good at pretending to listen to it without absorbing anything. And I've never learned anything more about it since then.

Other than- And that skill has just kept you going the rest of your life. Yeah, I've applied it to almost every area of my life since. But all I really took away from the astrology thing, even though I've had star charts out of me and shit, is Capricorns are really boring. And I never really understand that because every Capricorn I meet is just usually a shithead

but I think that's because everybody I meet is kind of a shithead. So I don't think it has anything to do with the sign. It's just like his lyrics, yeah. I have a theory that all the people born within a certain month, they're not all the same. Yeah, it's crazy theory that I'm still working on. I think we might be able to debunk astrology

a little bit here. No, no, I mean, this shit is real. No, no, astronomy, I'm sorry, astronomy. We'll debunk astronomy here. Oh, that's easy. I always get those confused. The stars are alive, done. But anyway, I got the boring one again.

Capricorn sucks, we don't have to talk about it anymore. Fine, yeah, the song was basically about being a workaholic. There was a part I liked where it goes, I was born a Capricorn, I was born a Capricorn, I was born a Capra, I was born a Capra, I was born a Capricorn. Can we even get the boring verse?

Yeah, he couldn't even come up with a verse. He's like, whatever, I guess I'm a Capricorn is the theme of the song. Mine was, I'm a Gemini, and I think most famously, that means I have a split personality. Oh, Gemini was great. I think most people call that different moods. That was the cowboy.

Yeah, that was the cowboy, which was insane with like, how do you not have twins for this? Like. Right. I change without a warning, I can switch from hot to cool. It's very accurate. I'm a master in the reckless,

and I run on rocket fuel. Fucking rules. No time to waste, there's much too much to see, to do, to know. No master plan, I jump right in, I start it up and go. Can't take the del, the old routine, I don't like being bored.

I use one foot for dancing, and one foot out the door. I use both my feet for chicken ass though, so that's not exactly accurate. Many lives in one, a jack of all the trades, that'd be a mastery of some. I love that.

I did not mess with that audio. He went in years after recording the original, and changed mastery of none to mastery of some. Because I guess he felt that, saying that Gemini's weren't masters of anything. Right, but he feels totally comfortable saying that I have no sex life, and I will die alone,

and I should be an accountant, because I'm a Capricorn, but fucking Gemini, fucking precious Gemini's, a goddamn meteor. I'm a meteor, and I will destroy your dinosaurs. I wrote down an actual lyric from the song. One twin likes to plan the war, the other likes to march.

One twin likes the making love, the other likes to watch. That blood really bothered me. Yeah. That's the craziest shit I've ever heard. Really fucking weird. What is the implication? Like within you is a person that will go to war,

and then will also follow those orders, but also when it comes to making love, you wanna watch yourself fuck. These are wildly specific accusations for Gemini. If I had a twin, I think I might. And it's, yeah, you'd be the barbarian brother. At least you didn't put to music, like I sit in the corner in the dark,

and masturbate to watch all my. While my brother fucks my wife. Right, yeah. But that's what it is. Cause she wouldn't know, right? Like that's the grift. You don't tell her about your twin brother forever, and then like someday he comes into her place as you,

while you sit in the corner and masturbate. Like that's the Gemini dream. Which is surely, I never looked it up after our barbarian brother's podcast, but that's surely how one of them died, right? That has to be. Cause of death was corner masturbation. Anyway, before we get too sued for that,

Gemini is fucking nuts for so many reasons. Like, why is it a country song? It's never clear why he made it super country. And he, he like dresses the lady up in a child's cowboy Halloween costume. I had that in my notes. I said she was wearing a granddaughter's cowgirl costume. That's because that's exactly what it was made out of plastic.

I swear to God. And she dances like a sarcastic puppet and his skin about hillbillies just. But hotter than you're making that sound. I mean, it's all wildly sexual in like a, in an out of control skeleton kind of way. Right. She's got a rictus grin, like a ventriloquist dummy.

Yeah. And also this is definitely an undead minion of some litch in a tomb somewhere. But hot. But what she did. Real bangable. And this is, this is the only video that ends on like, I don't know if it was intentional or not,

but it ends on like a freeze frame thing that goes into a slideshow. It is haunting. It's just haunting. It looks like, like of course they died. Like it's trying to tastefully imply that they died in a car wreck at the end of this video, I guess. Well, it said, I'll search the world for love of life

with a passion driven wild then circle back to things I knew when I was just a child. So I think those lyrics was like, oh yeah, I'll put some memories of when I was a child in the video. I don't think he's a great artist. I don't think, I don't think it had the intended effect because you're like, oh yeah, somebody died. There was some Twin Peaks shit at the end of this.

Like this is how David Lynch would tell you that everybody in this scene killed each other. This is how you would be left to interpret that. I feel like I've been going through a box in the attic and found a bunch of super eight reels and find out that this is all the demons that have been haunting the family and all that crap. You've unlocked it.

If you found this in your attic and like your grandpa had recorded these, that'd be like finding a Nazi fight. And each one of these was cursed. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this is where finally all of the haunting makes sense and you're like, I've got to tell my family but no, you're not making out of that attic alive.

Jesus Christ, these are all so weird. I also really enjoyed Taurus. This one it goes, well, let me, I'll play the beginning of the song. Real nice beat. Hell yeah. Talking about the Taurus, talking about the bully, boo, boo, bully,

talking about the Taurus, talking about the bully, boo, bully, boo, bully, bully, bully, bully, bully. Song is unthinkable. Can't believe anyone did that. It's like a Martian trying to reverse engineer children's music through torture. The dancer's a buff lady, she's wearing a pink bikini leotard over black tights

and just buff as hell. The slashtop hat with her hair shoved down over her face. It's the best outfit. And hot like crazier moves are almost all flexes. Like she just sort of knows she looks buff and so she just kind of walks around and there's like a fucking Macho Man Randy Savage dance. Well, also pantomiming exactly what the lyrics are saying.

Like every time there's a bowl, she does a little bowl and every time when he says something, she acts out a little play about it and like just doesn't for me. That's exactly my fetish is ripped Mime Girls doing slash cosplay. God, it really unlocks something inside you. Yeah, that is very specific too.

It is, but yeah, I found my porn. Good luck with that. No, I found it. I looked it up. There's a whole section on Pornhub. Just about ripped. Oh yeah, everything's got a section on Pornhub. Ripped Mime Girls doing slash cosplay.

Look it up. I'm gonna look that up when we're done. Yeah. As if I haven't already searched for that every day. As if we don't have someone to support us. She's very self-conscious. The other ones are very passionate about dance but she sorta knows this is dumb, but like in a cute way.

I think that's why, I think I relate to her the most. Not just cause I dance like Macho Man Randy Savage but because I would feel really fucking stupid doing these dances and she does too. Yeah, I also think that like maybe she has freshly built that powerful body perhaps just to reclaim some control over her life and this is like, I don't fully know how to move it.

Like maybe if I move wrong, I will destroy this stick of a man. Right. But you know, you gotta be careful of your problem. She lifted so many weights. They're like it fucked up her dance moves, fucked up her jump shot. You gotta, you gotta take that stuff slow.

Fucked up how she like behaves around mysterious perverts in the dark gym. She doesn't even know how to do that anymore. I enjoyed another one called that the cancer one because he didn't call it cancer. He called it moon child. I think because he didn't want people to mistake this song in the center of an astrology album

about like the disease cancer. Yeah, that was a really like he never says it. Yeah. It's moon child and it's all, it's so weird about the moon and about how much the moon affects you, which I guess it's probably one of those astrology things I should have remembered, but I just, it sounds like it's about a werewolf.

It sounds like this one, this song is warning you about a werewolf and it's somehow bad. Like that's the recipe for a good song. Like werewolf in London. Fucking great movie. Sure. Right?

Yeah, he just kind of missed the song. This is the one where the buff lady was in a belly-ancing outfit, like a gallon that she sort of removed sexily as she danced and she was spinning around and then she kind of danced close to Harvey and this is when he got very distracted and was just like leering at her for most of the rest of the

song as if it never occurred to him that it might be an option to- Oh, Harvey, you have all these hot babes. You have all men cannot fly this close to the sun. You would be destroyed. Oh, she'd tear him apart. Even if she's into it, this is like a praying mantis to you.

Yeah, he cannot handle this woman. I know you're the predator in every other one of your sexual encounters, but not this time. Like when he finds a nice chocolate cake and he's like, oh, chocolate cake, you're being hunted by Harvey Sid Fisher. I am the predator. I am the one who stalks the night.

But no, she's going to kill you. She's going to kill you. Did you guys have any notes for the Virgo song? You're very optimistic that I would have actually committed anything to paper. Yeah, I have a, it's all about the dancer that is dressed kind of like a new kindergarten teacher. Yeah, her dance style is like sexy sign language.

That's a perfect description. Yeah, it's kind of like- But again, way hotter than you're making it sound. No, I don't know how it could be hotter than me. It sounds super hot. It's like a sign language interpreter dealing like a really sultry Stevie Nicks song about like fucking a thunder cloud or something.

And she's like signing that out for you. Hey, this is a total aside, but- I'm glad we're on board with this being intensely erotic all throughout. Yeah, yeah, now everyone who's ever seen these is like- It seems to be the theme that you're committed to. Did you, have you ever seen American Horror Story? It's this like show that people like,

but it's kind of awful. And Stevie Nicks was on it. And if I'm not mistaken, I think she was playing herself. Again, I don't watch the show when my wife does. So I get snippets of it. And they stopped in the middle of it when Stevie Nicks was playing an actual witch who was also Stevie Nicks and just sang a Stevie Nicks song.

And that was like eight minutes of the program. And- Yeah, so it's not a short one if you give in Stevie Nicks a whole song. Fantastic. I don't know why I brought it up. It has nothing to do with what we're talking about other than I heard someone say Stevie Nicks.

And I just want everyone to look that up. You don't see magic like that too often. Like, I guess that sort of leaks it to Harvested Fisher and that it's so unique in its insanity. Anyway, my other notes in Virgo is that this was the only like fuck up in the dancing where she just completely lost the beat in the middle of the song and just like waited

and then like started up again. But it kind of works. I'm making it sound like it was a disaster, but it was pretty great. I don't think any of them cared about this enough to become self-conscious if they messed it up. They're just like, I'm not doing a second take. But there's some of them betraying a lot of preparation.

Like there's a couple where they pantomime all the lyrics as they're happening. They're not like hearing the lyric and fucking around. They're like- Yeah, they've studied. Yeah, I did a little routine. I'm ready for this. Yeah, so, but this was not one of those situations.

She's like, yeah, yeah, just play it. I got it, I got it, I got it. I can spin, I can put my arms out. I sometimes do these weird African dance squats. I'm fine. I have to show the children like how the sun comes up through gestures. I know most of the alphabet had to ask for milk.

I guess we talked about Libra. Sagittarius, I hear in my notes for Sagittarius. It's the hippy lady back in her body suit, but now she has black slacks on. And so in this black room, she sort of just looks like a writhing torso. Like she's sort of being eaten by a shark. I guess her legs are fully invisible

like Japanese puppeteers. And this is one she does the pantomimes of every single lyric. She was ready for this. He says, I'm a sage. I guess it's like part of the lyrics to the Sagittarius. I'm a sage. I'm a sage.

I'm a sage. He's saying it sort of like, you'd say I'm a double platinum VIP. I don't understand how anything can be this fucking weird and exist, but like it does. I don't know if I didn't put this one on my thing. You'll have to trust me. This song's fucking madness.

They're all madness, but yeah, it's kind of like, I guess they'll believe me. Kind of like big living in the city saxophones, but also twangy guitar and also like a marimba. It's like he's combining every other song he's done because he knows maybe eight songs and he put 12 songs on this album, which is a shame because they just start getting real messy.

This one was a messy one. He also, when he uses the backup singers too much, they become really shrill and unlikeable, if that makes sense. There's a couple of the songs where the backup singers are featured more prominently and those are the exceptionally bad ones. How about Aquarius? Do you have anything in notes for the Aquarius song?

I was, it's the one with the steel drums. And I was just, for the intro when he did like steel drums, I was hoping so hard he'd do the Jamaican patois because everybody does. I was like, oh, here it is. He's gonna do it and he didn't do it. Well, you can't. I mean, the man is, I really wanted him to try.

He's incapable of that kind of thing. I was hoping for some Mongolian throat singing. Yeah, yeah, that's gotta be in here, right? What do we got left? Like Pisces, he's gonna do it in Pisces, for sure. I liked this one because the lyrics were gregarious, hilarious, Aquarius, which was just, it's very Jiminy Glick, I guess.

He was so happy to have something that rhymes. Like he wanted to use all of those for Sagittarius, but he used them all up in Aquarius. Yeah, Sagittarius was probably the last one he did, where he's like, I just gotta fucking get these over with and get my billion dollars. Hurry up and give me the billion dollars I deserve. I liked the dancing in this one.

It was the hippie lady again, wearing her bodysuit and a thin skirt. And it's like someone told this woman with a passion for modern dance, you must just become water. Like the water sign Aquarius. And she's like, oh, I've been training my whole life. Okay, well, I'm just gonna, normally I have my notes and then I just make jokes about them.

I'm just gonna read you my exact notes. It's your Berkeley baby again, doing remedial interpretive dance about the ocean. Exactly the exact same thing. We wrote down the exact same thing. Yeah, we have the exact same notes for that. Berkeley baby is a good way to describe her. Hippie is like such a,

I think it's kind of an ugly word now, I think. I don't know. Yeah, she's like- It's nondescriptive, Berkeley baby. It's not hippie exactly, but it's like your first crush in liberal arts college. Yeah. Kind of thing.

Yeah, she definitely like teaches philosophy or African studies or something. Let's see, Pisces. The buff lady was back dancing and this one was sort of a story about two little fish, this song. And it went, papapapisces, papapapisces.

The worst one, papapapisces, papapapisces. And he did so many times, most of the songs, him just so many times. I have all the lyrics like in my notes and it says papapapisces for like eight straight inches of my fucking computer screen. This was the buff lady and she's in sort of a space jumpsuit in this dance

with like a crystal belt buckle and white gloves and boots. If she walked onto the set of Buck Rogers, it would take them days before they figured out she didn't belong there. Like she just fully walked out of space. Yeah, this is, I had a NASCAR opera, but this also works. You're right, it's more space than that.

But yeah, it sort of has like this technician jumpsuit look. It's a 70s space mechanic, but sexy and super ripped. And she's here to do a two step and explain the lyrics to the song to stupid children far away. This was the first time in my notes where I wrote, fuck you, Harvey Sid Fisher. Normally in my notes,

as I'm taking notes of these terrible things we watch, that the fuck you shows up a lot, just to like remind myself of the feelings I was feeling while I was watching something for the first time. This was the first time it appeared in my notes. So congratulations to Harvey for making like seven songs in before I was like, fuck you, dude.

Steven, how many did you write? How many did you get through before you wrote, fuck you? That's official? Well, I actually didn't write anything down, but I think I got through the first one. Yeah, did you have before the first one? How long before you just screamed it in a way that caused your loved ones to be concerned for you?

Oh, that 30 seconds through the first one. That seems about right. Now, when you're processing the hate for something that's terrible, like, does any of it get directed at me and Brockway? Like, are you like these fucking assholes for making me watch this? Is that?

Well, yes. Okay, good. You know, I mean, what has Harvey done? Harvey has followed his passion. I just because I do or don't like any of these, he, he did it. He just, I can't fault him for that. He has gone on the record to say,

I don't know anything about this stuff or care about it. I just wanted the billion dollars. I wanted the billion dollars, which I totally get behind. Absolutely. But you guys. We do it for the love. Brockway sent me this link saying,

yeah, we're gonna do this and I. And you have to watch all of them. You put it enough to click it. So now it's the 45 minutes and then the hour we devoted to it. It's two hours that you've been dealing with this. That's more, that's more time. That's just more time than Harvey Sid Fisher

would have asked of you. And he only asked for the five minutes. And there's been way too much analysis. On how we live our lives. What he was really meaning and what he was really trying to get across. And wonder the dancers, how did they figure into his theme?

We should have focused more on the dancers, I think. That's really what you're saying. Yeah. I think we probably could go back through and add a little color. I think we should go back through and add a little section about how erotic they are to every single one. Ooh, that's a good idea.

So if you hear us doing that, it's a move in post that we went back through. That was not my first and only impression for most of these songs. I actually spent at least an hour looking up about trying to find them. And that's how I found that interview of him saying, yeah, I know how to get hold of them.

I probably should give them some money. They're all still alive and they are not in a field behind the Lyham CA. You can't prove otherwise. I had no luck. Couldn't find their names, couldn't find. So they're Hippy, Gamilph, and Bufflady, which are not respectful names, but...

But they were nice. I mean, it's the nicest way. Well done. Was that all? I've got these actually playing with no sound. So I can kind of follow along. So that you can live in this world. Yeah, I do remember this one.

And the thing that's jumping out at me aside from, yeah, the focus really should have been on the dancers because you just hardly... Because they have a boom. Yeah, I mean, he needs to not be there, but it's the... I would argue we almost won't. The high portrait kind of feel

to the way they photographed it with... You've got the superimposed one next to the other, even though they're like three feet apart. Right. And it just... It brought back painful memories. It's strange because they put a camera there and you have Harvey and the dancer in the same frame.

And that's actually a shot they use for most of the videos. But something about that where like, it wasn't good enough. They're like, you know what we could do? We had two more cameras. We put a camera on you, camera on the dancer. We merged them together in post. Like for someone to think like,

that's a good idea that's going to look cool, is amazing to me. Because it's so uniquely weird. With $3,000 of hot Lincoln commercial money. And some videographer was just like, I'm gonna justify every fucking expense and use it all. We're gonna... We might need 3,100, buddy.

If cause I got this idea on merging shots. Yeah. Do you ever get your photo taken in second grade? It's like that, but astrology song. Okay. If we're through all with... Was that all of them? I'm pretty sure we did. Okay.

Well, now it's time for the trademark 1900 hot dog turn. Where we turn everything that you've just understood on its head with a little further research. And we've had some very dark turns. We've had like international crime sprees after fucking harmless juggling videos. We've had many murderers and just some of the worst human beings possible.

But this I'm going to give you with the greatest twist ending in hot dog history. Are you ready for this? Hit me. No, you're not gonna believe it. Nobody's gonna believe it. Nobody would believe it. My wife knows somebody that performed

with Harvey Sid Fisher as a session musician. As a, this is real as a session musician. They played these songs with him, these exact songs. I just, once again, this is real. Hold on. They played with him during one of his live shows of these songs on his tour. He went, he went, this was not a dentist living

for the weekend. He went on tour with this. And then here's the big turn. I know you're waiting for it. The show was fucking hopping. Shows were sold out. A lot of people paid huge money to see this. It was completely packed.

This thing that we've spent this hour making fun of was a major success. Wow. So, do you think your wife still knows those dancers? Einstein hooded Frank first. Einstein hooded Frank first. And the podcast came out. Und mit maximalem tschau.

Tag Frank first podcast. Correct. Yeah. The practice, the practice, nicht ohne. Schick die in die Hunde saum. 4 eine Stunde. Kopf schon. Du kippst die nummer.

Einstein hooded Frank first. Einstein hooded Frank first. Einstein hooded Frank first. Einstein hooded Frank first. Ja, 9000. Gather round the heart, younglings, to hear tell of the brave adventurers who risked everything to cast the all-powerful ring of evil king

Dormair into the fires of Mount Hot Dog. These were the Supremes. Neofaunt, who betrayed the party for Dormair's ring. Freefinger Louis. Aaron Crossden. Adrian H. Aiden Moat, whose mind was swayed to betray the party for Dormair's ring. Alpha scientist John.

Armando Nella. Benjamin Sirani. Bim Tulser, who betrayed the party for Dormair's ring, but did later apologize. Brandon Garland. Brian Saylor, who betrayed the party for Dormair's ring, and did not apologize. Not even when pressed.

Breanne Whitney. Brockway loves the meat milling. Sarah Chase McPherson. Chris Brower, who betrayed the party for Dormair's ring while on horseback. That's different. It's vehicular betraying. Julius Glare.

Dan B. Dean Costello. Donald Finney, the ring betrayer, who was called that before the adventure for other reasons, but did betray the party for Dormair's ring. Dr. Awkward. Eric Spalding. Fancy Shark. Hambo, who betrayed the party for Dormair's ring,

and then put it on. Down there. Haraka. Hot Fart. Jaber Al-Aiden. John Dean, who definitely betrayed the party for Dormair's ring. Holy shit. John McCammon.

John Minkoff. Josh S. Ken Paisley. K&M, all of whom betrayed the party for Dormair's ring. Laziest man on Mars. Matt Cortez. Matt Riley. Mike Stiles betrayed the party for Dormair's ring, then betrayed Dormair to the party,

then betrayed the party again. Mojoo. N.D. Neil Bailey. Neil Schaefer betrayed the party for Dormair's ring, but in a really charming way that they just couldn't stay mad at. Nick Ralston. Nick H.

Ozzy Olin betrayed the party for Dormair's ring, and then proposed with it. Aw. Patrick Herbst. Rev. Rhiannon. Rich Jocelyn resisted the power of Dormair, and stood strong.

He, hold on, I'm getting a news hawk. He has just betrayed the party for Dormair's ring. Sarkovsky. Timmy Lady. Tostigam. Tom Sikula. Tommy G. Yosarion.

Angelo, who did not betray the party for Dormair's ring, he asked for a necklace. For which, yes, he did betray the party.