The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 69, American Inventor With Drew Toothpaste And Natalie Dee

Episode Date: April 13, 2022

From Garbage Brain University, Drew Toothpaste and Natalie Dee join Seanbaby and Brockway to discuss American Inventor, the show about America! And second to that, inventing. A grown man pisses in a bag in this one. The show, not the podcast. Well, also the podcast.

One nine hundred hot dog. Hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Out of podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast work. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power. You're in the dog zone for an hour.

Come on. You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog.

One nine zero zero zero. Yeah, nine thousand. Welcome to the Dogs of Nine Thousand, the official podcast of One Nine Hundred Hot Dog, America's last comedy website. Are you... Are you making fun of the voice I do? When we hope you're driving because it's drive time.

I'm making fun of it. I'm kind of making fun of everything you do, but I love it so much and I can't do it. We're the only podcast where our guests are already wondering if this is a bit or if they fucked up. I'm Robert Brockway and with me as always is my partner, Sean Baby. Match by drive time energy. Match it.

You gotta come way up. There you go. You're in the dog zone. Nine thousand. No, no. Eight hundred percent more than that. We'll cut all this. Can you give me that air horn?

What the fuck? What the fuck? I got a new one. I put a new one in there just to throw you off. I think that's good enough for my intro. That's your intro. I'm four or five different air horns from the internet. And our guests tonight who are extremely tolerant of air horns,

Drew Toothpaste and Natalie Dee. Hi guys. Hey, what's up? How's it going guys? Glad to be here. Thanks for doing the show. Yeah, thanks so much for coming on. I've been a long time fan of you guys. You want to hear something super fucked up? Absolutely.

Like a dog? It's this dog. I just had this dog ready. You want to hear something super fucked up that will make all of us feel really bad? Yes. Between the four of us, there are 85 years of professional internet comedy experience

on this podcast. Wow. Oh man. That makes me feel good because I was, I saw Sean Baby stuff in the late 90s and I remember thinking at that time like, you know,

putting stuff on the internet is stupid because nobody's ever going to see it here. Yeah. This internet thing. It's a fad, I tell you. Me, I'm assuming like 20s teenager. I know, I know what fads are

and this, this is going to pass. This internet thing. It sort of did radio forever. I remember that being like the main, when I started my site, that was like the main thing. I was like, the whole idea behind it was that you could put anything on there with no oversight.

And it was like such a huge joke to me. Like, you could put any garbage you want on it. And it still is. Yeah, right? You put anything you want on it. It doesn't fucking matter. I think some of it might catch up to me someday. I'm waiting for that. Absolutely not.

I try to keep my vibes pretty crispy, like overall. I mean, but... It'll never, as long as you don't like do something really big and bad, it won't ever catch up with you. And if you do something terrible, it's like 50-50. Right.

We'll see. And here we go, taunting hubris again. This is a lot of hubris. You'll never, you'll never catch us. I guess, speaking of old, the show we're talking about today is from 2006. Well, hold on. Have we done...

Have we done plugs yet? We'd like to do our plugs at the top. Reset. You guys like banter, right? Absolutely. I could give or take. We're doing the plugs right here at the top of the show because we often cut hard out to our German theme song,

which is how we leave every episode. So what do you guys want to plug today? Well, our podcast is Garbage Brain University. It's on iTunes, Spotify. GarbageBrainUniversity.com. We've been doing it for about three years now. It's a great name.

Thank you. Yeah, we just cover a different topic every week and just drive the train off the rails. Hopefully, find a few fun, bizarre facts about whatever topic we're talking about. I think the other day we talked about racing. We've talked about immortality.

We talked about raccoons lately. We talked about hippos also. Speaking of immortality, are you guys planning on getting frozen? No. Not even your head. No. You know what my plan is? I've actually enlisted my girlfriends

because I don't think that Drew wants any part of it, but what I want is I want someone to throw my uninvolved corpse in the back of a truck and then drive me into the middle of the woods and see if I was with you until the burning. I want to get incinerated in the woods and then

that'll be the end of it. It's free. A gallon of gas, a couple gallons of gas. Let's make sure it's a real wet season. What the same thing? Yeah. It's just same vibes. And I support it. It's just that if somebody finds me driving around

in a pickup with my dead spouse in the back and a bunch of gas. Yeah. And a ton of gas going into the woods and they pull me over and I'm like, no, this is what she wanted. She just wanted something simple. Look at this hand drawn whale.

Yeah. It's not in her handwriting. You're going to have to write a real convincing note for him. He's going to send a link to this podcast. Well, that's a good idea. Now, are you recording, Brockway? That's really, really important now. This is somebody's

like alibi for another true crime thriller that's about to come out. Oh, the perfect murder. I'll figure out a way to cash out all this shit. Yeah, I'm the same except for I want all wolf burial. Just gather some wolves and let me live on in a pack of wolves.

Let me be wolves. That's fantastic and that's green too. Yeah, right. No wasting real estate, no stuff that's hard to biodegrade just straight back into the ecosystem. I like it. No smoke, no carbon footprint.

Exactly the opposite of Natalie's. I like you have very different approaches. I do want to be stuffed with fireworks about to go off so that all the wolves explode. I hope that's not a deal breaker. I like it a lot. Jon, what's yours?

I was going to dress like a wolf and get into a wolf pack and after they all explode, I'll emerge. Filled with bits of you and covered in viscera. And therefore my power. Exactly. And then I'll live a long healthy life

and have natural causes. 250 years later with all that wolf power within me. Solid, yeah, that's solid. I think we decided when we did our immortality episode that 250 years is probably the sweet spot. Yeah, it sounds about right. I think anything after that you're like,

I don't have any hobbies that interest me anymore. Right. You start to get really out of touch. There's that too. Jesus Christ, you guys want to go 250 years? I feel like I might have. I'm like, I'm more than halfway done already. Like I look at it 60.

I'm like, oh, are you kidding? You got to know you got to go. You got to go a few years past 65. You got to cash in on that sweet social security. Those are the big bucks. That's when you really start raking it. Yeah. Now, if I can switch to my robot body,

which I've always said is the future of mankind and cannot be stopped and should not be stopped. Yeah, my answer changes. Put me in a robot body and I'll do 500. 500 years, easy. That's the robot scourge. That's the offer, robots. I'll join your side.

I will betray humanity. I'm really glad we rewatched this show. It's hard to say, I suppose, but like American Avengers always been a favorite since it came on in 2006, which was our combined comedy writing years ago, 85 years ago. Because I think it perfectly encapsulates

like everything that's wrong with TV, like this big, huge idea executed in a really dumb way and presented like in the wrong way. It was just a complete disaster. I don't know if you guys share this opinion, but like it feels like everything about this show was wrong. When I was watching it,

it was very clear to me that they were still huffing on that September 11th ship. Oh, yes. Like they were like absolutely like this is America. America is all about passion. You gotta be passionate about America. That opening, holy shit, that opening was pure like post-September 11th.

With the O-Fortuna? Nuts, like with the fucking swelling. The sparks, the American flag. It was literally O-Fortuna. I couldn't believe it. Just a montage of heroic sadness, like death. It looked like a recruitment film in like a sci-fi movie. Capitalist desperation.

Reframed as heroism. Fight for a failing American empire. And you know, as it went on, everybody kept mentioning Katrina and they were like, well, you know, in Hurricane Katrina. And I realized that it was like the year after, maybe like six months after. And so this was still...

When they recorded it, probably, yeah. Yeah. And so this was still super fresh in everybody's mind. And this is like a totally... And we're gonna fix it with an invention. Famous American achievement, Hurricane Katrina. I also thought it was really interesting. Like 2006 at the time felt like it was like the present day,

but looking at it in hindsight, it still looks like really nineties-ish. Yeah. Like it was, it looks so dated already. 100%. Yeah, 2000s. I wrote down the text from the intro. The copy was,

The automobile, the airplane, the computer, the space shuttle, American ingenuity has transformed the world and made the United States a superpower. Yeah. Just full on like 1950s propaganda. Like somebody's coming on this show with like, well, I've invented a space shuttle.

This is a better kind of space shuttle. In the very first, so they go right from that, like the computer, the space shuttle, America is on top, and then they start going boom, boom, boom, and they cue the tuba music and the guy's like,

this is my invention. You piss in a bag. Yeah. The wild-tone ship just full on like, just bully shit. Like just... Also, such a 2006 move to just, well, we got to open with a wacky joke at their expense.

Like every reality show had to open in exactly that way back then. Oh, and every reality show had to open with Matt Galant, who is one of many sub-Ryan Seacrests. He looks like, and it's going to sound like a mean joke, but he looks like the Shamwows, Shamwows guy's mugshot. Do you know what I'm talking about?

He does. He looks like a beat-up version of Vince. Yeah. Yeah, he's a tumble-dried Ryan Seacrest. He's just three or four years old. Did he ever do anything else? Did he ever do anything else after the show? Because my notes, like the second note I have is,

where is Matt Galant? I think he did a couple more things like this, but nothing as big as this. Where is he now? That's the name of our next true crime podcast, tracking down who murdered, who surely murdered him. Where is Matt Galant?

He's going to be our guest next week. So let's be nice. No, I'm just kidding. I thought we could get him. If you did that, it would end. Did you ever hear where is Richard, or searching for Richard Simmons? I did.

And people are like, Richard Simmons, he's nowhere to be found. And then at the end of their journey, they found Richard Simmons, and he's like, I'm fucking 80. Leave me alone.

I'm home. I put a lot of energy into being a public figure, and now I need to rest. But they're like, did his maid kidnap him? I don't think so. I think he's just, I think he's just sitting down for a while, actually.

But yeah, I listened to that. That was really weird, because he wasn't missing. They went to his house, and there he was. And they say we need a premise for our podcast to succeed. I guess let's talk about the people on this show.

We have Peter Jones, who's like, at the time he was half a billionaire, but now he's very much a billionaire, because I think at a certain point, your money just doubles, whether you like it or not. He's from Dragonstone,

which was a show based on a Japanese show, the same name, and then remade at Shark Tank here. He's just like this gigantic... Well, that makes so much more sense for the Japanese. Yeah, yeah, I think that would be a really fun Japanese show. Kind of a boring British and American show.

He represents business. To represent marketing, they have Mary Lou Quinlan, who is very woman branded. I went to her website. Who is the professional woman? That's how they list her. We need a woman.

We've got a professional woman. Her business was called... Just ask a woman. Just ask a woman. My wife noticed this, but every time they film her in that little interview cam, the background,

she has a sign that just says ladies, ladies, ladies. It's incredible. I can't emphasize enough how much of a woman this woman is. Her website mentions her gender, which is woman, if you remember. Seven times a sentence.

Womanhood is just this shadow looming over everything she's ever said or done. If every man suddenly dropped dead, she would have no way to describe herself. The other survivors would say, oh, hi, Mary Lou, what do you do?

And she would just let out an empty hissing sound while melting into nothing. I'm a professional... You, I'm a professional also thing that you are. Does that mean anything? I think she's also there like...

She's making money from men to sell your personal information. Right. To women. I used to sell you out to guys all the time. I used to sell you out to guys so they could make money

off of me specifically. Oh, and a lady Christmas. That's what she would say in the All Dead Men apocalypse. She's also, I think, the stuff shirt. She's really square and conservative valued.

And the clip they show at the beginning is her like demanding this woman leave because they had sort of like a racy lingerie thing that they were demonstrating. And so she's like, grow up and get out of here. Get out of here.

And that was like... She also seems like she's just there to be like tears on tap. Like whenever they needed to like ratchet up the emotional shit, they would just make her cry about it.

Exactly. She has two speeds. One is utter contempt. She cried in like the third one. Yeah. She's either hates them so much or she's just like weeping at their heroism

or their bravery. You're so passionate about inventions. The little tube that makes fart sounds like I can tell you know it's it's your dream. Let me just stop you right there. You are American. You are American.

From advertising, they have a guy named Ed Evangelista who's just a real slick talking New Yorker advertising executive. I love the fact that this Ed dude in his little bio, because interspersed with all the people appearing on the show,

they have like the little bio segments. And Ed, they bring him out and they show him walking through I think Penn Station, Grand Central Station, one of those big boys in New York. They show him walking through there as if he is riding the subway.

Right. Just a regular dude. This millionaire guy who is who has made all of these and then they have a little cut of him talking and his cut of him talking in the conference room

with two people, which is not at all stage. He goes, yeah, well the diamonds on the watch tell a journey story of where you have been in your life and where you're going to go. Just dripping with bullshit.

Just from every pore. Future it's told in diamonds. Classic diamond profit. If you left your mom with this guy, she'd walk out of there with a timeshare. For sure. Absolutely.

Yeah. He's a slime ball. Yeah. We definitely need a weasel when we have the American and a British one. Exactly. I don't know

if you guys felt the same way, but I think the last guy and the roster is far and away the worst. Absolutely. Oh, yeah. Total bullshit. Okay.

His name is Doug Hall, but he's not the top Doug Hall on Google to give you an idea of him. He runs a think tank for hire in the Midwest, I think, where... Now, this took so long to introduce that think tank thing.

They kept saying he has invented 15 things every American uses every day. And what it is, is he is involved in a think tank that like... Yes. Like three steps removed. I tried to wrap my head around this.

Go ahead. Let me tell you something. I don't mean to cut you off. This is a fantastic thing, and I didn't know it when this show aired. I guess I just never bothered to Google. I was like, well, television tells me the truth.

I guess in 2006 was my idea, either that or I was too high all the time to remember. But he lives in Cincinnati. And I grew up in Cincinnati. Not only lives in Cincinnati, but he lived like five minutes away from where I grew up.

It's this little part of Cincinnati way out east of Cincinnati called Newtown. And it is such... They portray him as being a... an inventor, an expert. Like you said, 18 things in everybody's house were designed by Doug Hall.

First of all, his ranch is in between a shooting range and an asphalt company. Not in office of a place that coordinates asphalt deals, but the place that physically has big piles of tar. It is around the corner

from the aluminum can factory I worked at when I was in college. So it is not... Climb location. So it is not Glamorous. Second of all, if you look up Doug Hall, he has two patents.

That's it? He does not have any legitimate credits under his name. Amazing. He has two of them. Drew has two patents. True story, my wife has two patents.

They are collectively more patents on this pod. Yes. Yes. That is awesome. I worked at a place for under a year. I invented something. They sold the product.

They made a bunch of money. They put me on the patent. And then I moved on. I started doing internet shit because I made more money. Which is fucking pathetic that they wouldn't pay me internet money. This is not...

This is not a million-dollar enterprise. Let me assure you. But so this... That's sweet 2006 internet money anyway. Oh, yeah. Yeah, exactly. So this Doug Hall is a total charlatan. Like on top of the fact that he is...

just has a dog shit bedside manner for these poor inventors. Yeah. Yeah, he's really torturing these people. It seems to have poor social skills. I can tell you two things about him based on... based on nothing. I can tell you he is a parrot head.

He's deep into the Jimmy Buffett scene based on just the way... the way he carries that Hawaiian shirt. That's a big Cincinnati vibe though. That's like big time Cincinnati vibes is being a parrot head. That's a Cincinnati parrot head. Also, definitely a libertarian.

And not just a libertarian. A Reddit libertarian. Got to be. Like a capital L libertarian you're thinking. Like it should be okay to marry him if they're willing in 13. Like he has invested in... in like a city in the sea.

Yes. Some sort of independent island scam is what I get from him. I should be able to throw my trash wherever I want. Like right in his opening... right in his opening bid he says like something inspiring about American inventors and then like immediately follows it.

Again, right in his opening sentence with and we need to do something soon and we're going to be ruled by India and China. Like right now. That was weird. That was weird. Because they're especially in contrast to the other three like smooth talking

media trained Oprah guest people. He's like, you know what's going to happen? Oh, India's coming. Like Jesus Christ dude. I think I tried to wrap my head around what his company does and it seems like if you're a company just trying to develop a new product and you kind of are most of the way there

just don't know how to finish. You call Doug to figure out how to coordinate logistics. Like if Taco Bell needs a 70th way to stack sour cream on top of cat diarrhea. Doug Hall might consult on it. But I don't buy that like he's like this genius inventor. I feel like he's probably the best guy for this.

Like you need an inventor on the panel who sort of like understands like manufacturing and the process rather than just like the suit who's like yes, I love it. I say yes. Yeah. I mean I buy that you need a technical

consultation if you're making if you're manufacturing a product and selling it. But I used to know a guy that was like this. He would follow me around. He used to call himself the idea guy. Now my this guy this guy that I used to talk to

I'm going to give him credit local guy really nice super friendly guy but he always used to be like let me know if you want any fresh ideas for your product and he'd always like he would hit me up every few months because I mean I was in town. You know Natalie and I were both doing comics

and making merchandise and stuff and one day I was just like okay you know what brother tell me what is your idea if you were to give me one nut idea of the very best thing we could do and he's like you should make key chains. Oh my God.

Holy shit. You had a thousand dollars right. That's how we made a million dollars. That was that was his big idea and after that I was like you know what if we ever make key chains I'll call you my man. Jesus Christ. Couldn't you write in on that.

Right. Have you ever have you ever even tried making key chains it might have been the secret. I don't I don't think. I think we've had we've had key chains before. They were not all see as they say as they say on Wikipedia they were not notable. Well.

On this show they are going to narrow it down to 12 people of all the contestants. It's basically like a big American Idol audition with just lines and lines of people each of them crazier than the last. And I guess here's the thing that's different about American Idol in this is that American Idol is very young.

I think you have to be like you know 17 through 28 or whatever on American Idol and they all have a very relatable dream like I want to be a pop star and it feels like you could just manufacture a pop star like anybody at any day could be like you know I could be the next like Backstreet Boy like that seems easy.

Yeah. This is not a relatable type of derangement like all these people are crazy and unique ways like they have been stewing in this weird dream for years of like I have the next pet rock and I have the next Olympic sport and so they've

they've gone out to the outer limits in this fantasy world maybe invested all their money all their life into this idea that's terrible and so they come on TV and it's like oh this is this is a genuine weirdo and so I guess

that's like what's different also it's all ages and a lot of libertarians but anyway after they narrow it down to 12 each of those 12 get $50,000 to just develop their product a little bit more and then America chooses the best

American Idol style and then the winner gets a million dollars I don't know if you guys remember who won this season. I do. Natalie remembers so much more of this than I do. I don't want to spoil it for anybody who's listening. I don't think we're going to do a series

first episode. I wouldn't know anybody who has the first episode. It was the guy with the car seat that spins your baby around in a circle. Yes, that was the best idea of the season was a gyroscopic car seat which theoretically could be safer than a regular car seat

but I don't think that's like I don't think parents think practically when they think about safety they just think about like well that spins my baby around at impossible speeds no. No, no, no, it's more safe. Maybe it is buddy but

you saw how resistant parents are to vaccines. Give them a fucking baby spinner and they'll be like I'm against spinning babies. Wait, wait, wait. I've only seen the first episode of this show. I am picturing. Let me tell you what I'm picturing.

You can correct me. I am picturing a car seat where the baby is literally mounted in like a gyroscope so that if you are say hit from behind instead of jerking forward the baby just oscillates until it disappears into another dimension like it just fires all that momentum

into spinning your baby. You're absolutely right. It converts, it takes that it takes that change of momentum and it converts it into angular momentum and it spins your baby to relieve

to relieve the inertia. Like the ape and lawn mower man just whip him around. Whips him around until he becomes a genius. And they did send a lot of babies to cyberspace. That thing never went to market by the way. I will say after this show was over I don't think I ever saw that car seat ever.

Yeah it did not go to market. They spent a year developing it and I just I feel like once they tried to market it like hey parents do you want to spin your baby into cyberspace they're like no thank you but also like I feel like that's got to be really hard to the safety regulations for a car seat

are probably daunting. Crazy. Yeah they're crazy. I mean you would have to test that on a real baby at some point and you would have to do that by strapping a baby and being like I'm going to spin this bitch. Let's go. I'm going to spin it as hard as I can. Like

like whacking a tether ball. It's just really going to go. The Doug is there with a stopwatch. Go! So that's like what's at stake. They now have a montage of tears and inspiration and then bombs go off and lightning goes off and lasers go and then

the American inventor logo shows up and like that's the type of show it is and then the very first guess we already mentioned is just a humiliation like spectacle. So Brockway I did set up a clip in Zencaster. Wait I'm running Zencaster now

I can just play the clip. I had you switch over. You are in control now. Feel free to talk over this. Hector Ortega a dental hygienist from New York who came all the way to LA to pitch the bladder buddy. I am the greatest American inventor because

my invention is not a toy and it's not something to have fun with. It's not a toy. Unless it could be a toy. I mean maybe we could explore that market. The bladder buddy. I love how everything is a buddy. Like every

third invention on this show somebody comes in and is like. It's the toilet buddy. But there are no bathrooms available. There's a therapy buddy in here. I take my buddy out of the bag. I love this. This is four hours of him setting this thing up and this is just a suit carrier that he's wrapping around himself.

It is absolutely It looks like a surplus body bag. That's what my notes say. This guy is climbing into his body bag. It's like really cheap Halloween costume Dracula. But like with the zip up. And at this point I just want to say you hear that the audio is muffled

because he has put the body bag over his lavalier mic. Now I think I think he went for it. He had to repeat a little bit in here. Oh yeah. Just to prove it to him. First to mention is literally just a bag that you piss in. I brought a bag

to piss in everybody. Would you guys like to try it? This was the part I loved too. He was so proud of himself. You're classy. Anything goes good with peeing on it. It's leather. And rhinestones. You want

a high danger level. This is where he gets the pee funnel at. In front of wacky renaissance music. Look at the fool. The gesture has come in. He explains that he did try it out. He's like I went to a bus stop and peed in this bag and they knew I was up to something.

But they couldn't be sure I was peeing. And that's what they couldn't prove it. And that's the important part. Everybody at the bus stop thought he was up to something else. They were like who is his weirdo thinking that we can't tell he's jerking off in the body bag.

Are you jerking off in that body bag? No, no, relax everyone. I'm just peeing in a cup. It is also a crime but a lesser one. You don't want to look like the greater crime. I've lived in New York all my life.

You're the first person to jerk off in a body bag in front of me. This is not my first video. He's like hello, I'm new to the neighborhood. I have to inform you that sometimes I will wear a body bag and pee in a cup. I legally have to tell you this as my neighbor.

But he also had the ladies attachment, the funnel attachment. He's zeroed in on her. He's like oh you're a woman. Who does woman things. How would you like to pee in a bag? He just went straight for her. I don't want to make the ladies feel left out. Don't worry, man.

So this is how they open the show. The intro of all that inspiration and all those tears and taco changing the world and they're just like dude, we are rich bullies making fun of these idiots. And so I love it. I would watch Bladder Buddy Guy pitch this for 20 seasons.

If the whole show was just watching this guy go from business to business and investor to investor and pee in a bag. He's just watching his pitch, getting it right. Just reflining it. If you could end that show on him selling it I would watch that you would make a million dollars.

Season finale. He sells the Bladder Buddy. Absolutely. Series finale. You would have to watch him go into business. You're right. Your storytelling instincts are on point. There was a thing that's not in this episode but one of the later episodes

where a guy has this little doll that hugs you and says everything is going to be alright. And that's like his whole invention. Is that Therapy Buddy? Yes, I think it's called Therapy Buddy. And they're like, no, get out of here. But then he came back next season and they're like with nothing different.

And they're like, yeah, sure, that seems fine. Did he really? Because I remember the Therapy Buddy. I remember the clips of that. Did my pillow guy come from the show too or was he on Shark Tank? I think he was on Shark Tank. But the second season had George Foreman

just as dumb and goofy and lovable as you'd expect. So everyone who comes in, he's like, oh, I like that. I could use that. I like that corpse bag. I'll pee in that. I always got to pee in inappropriate places. Always.

So a free yes from everybody. That is a George Foreman solution for a George Foreman problem. I do love the Bladder Buddy because it also sort of planted one of my favorite seeds on the show is that Doug and Mary Lou hate each other. And so Doug, I think was trying to be funny. He's like, no, I know to the Bladder Buddy.

No, no, no, like 50 times. And Mary Lou goes, um, he hurt you. No, no, no. So she does like the exact same thing after he does. But like, so like the kind of two sides of the same coin, they're both just really unlikable and obnoxious people. But if you recall.

And they do fight. They do. They fucking like bicker right in front of it. It's not like I'm so used to it being passive aggressive amongst the judges. Like that's part of their whole thing, like American Idol. Well, it makes sense that the libertarian guy

would be like really anti-woman. Yeah. You are everything I hate, man. You are the avatar of womanhood. You're liberating ladies thinking you could be on my show. I don't think so. The Cincinnati libertarian has a problem with women.

In Dougland. In Dougland, you would not be allowed to vote, man. My offshore oil rig. The next guy I really like too, he comes in and he's like this hot shot cocky rocker guy. And they play like a bunch of thrash

metal and his invention is just like sticking the fucking guitar plug on a different part of the guitar. Plug it in the back. It's like it protects the pickguard. And he's so belligerent. Like they're like, no, dude, that's not very good. And he's like, I thought you fucking knew

these pieces of shit. He looked like Billy Bob Idle. Yes. That's really good. That's exactly what he looked like. His band absolutely sucked. Yeah. They were really rough.

What a weird casting choice to put Billy Bob Idle and Billy Idle, but that's what happened there. Right. But it kind of works. He had bad vibes, man. And pal. It was not free. It is not a free service.

But he had a good quote where he was like they just didn't like because I'm a goddamn punk rocker. Yes. Are you? He had real midlife crisis like written all over him. The coolest guy at the bowling alley.

I saw Everclear. Everclear is the coolest thing and I'm going to copy it. I wrote down part of his quote where they rejected him and he was just saying he said, do you want to shoot me? Hang me? Steal my blood? He was also like, oh, it's not American. It's not American invention.

What if I made it red, white, and blue? He's so belligerent. And this is all, just to bring it back into perspective, this is all he claimed his invention was putting the guitar the guitar jack on the back instead of the front

which is not an invention planned. Any guitar company could do this without his permission. Sure. And it has. I've seen it. Well, maybe I saw it because of him. It was probably afterwards, but I've definitely seen that.

You could just buy a different guitar if you don't like where the plug is. You say the guitar center guy, you got the plug in a different spot. Yeah. The guy, I love that he's like, I love that he's like, I'm a punk rocker. I make my own way. I do my own thing.

And I, the plug is in the wrong place that I can't deal with. And after him comes maybe the most full fucking maniac on the episode, which is a guy who has the walk buddy. The walk buddy,

everything's a buddy. He's a stick that wards off mountain lions, bears, and with ultradon. He builds it as a son. He builds it as a sonic weapon to fight bears. And these fucking bullies zero in on that so quickly.

And they're like, hey, nice stick, dickhead. And he's like, it's a wand. They're like, I like your stick. It's like so mad that they won't call it a wand. And so one guy says, yeah, I live in New York. There's no bears in New York. And he goes, okay, okay.

If it's a mugger, the ultrasonics should work against the mugger. And they're like, now they're fucking with him. Like, okay, what if he's got earplugs in? He's like, okay, cool, great. It's got a mace dispenser. He's just adding features to this stick. It's also a gun.

I just, it's a gun. It's everything. It's a mace dispenser, a sonic weapon. It's a gun. If you run out of bullets, it's a stick. All right, it's a stick. To be very clear, this was not a working prototype. And in fact, they go out. The very last part of the show, post credits,

is him saying, I don't know how you make it. I'm just an inventor. He's just the idea, man. He's just the key chain guy. The perfect coda to all of that. Absolutely. I love it. And then they do like a quick montage of freaks

where one lady invented a sock rack for dogs. Another one invented a hat rack for her thigh high boots. And then some weird dude had arm shades to prevent aging spots, which were just like unattached sleeves. And so that's the tone of the show. They're like American invention.

And then just full maniacs for 20 minutes. I mean, how far into the show are we at this point so far? It goes so long. The show is so long. It's so long. This was two hours. It was an hour and a half long pilot. Yeah.

So yeah, with commercials, a two hour long epic you feel like you needed to get across. Lunatics like to invent things. I know so many lunatics. I could have told you that. Everybody knows that. And I think like I said earlier, like the pet rock type of thing,

it's like anyone can think that, but like, oh, I can make a pet rock. There's no reason my dumb idea. I have like a Rubik's cube, but a different shape. That should make me a billion dollars, right? I'm not going to get sucked into that. And that's obvious. What happened to a lot of people? The next guy has a very practical thing.

He comes in with like a snow shovel with a bag attached to the back. So you can make like a real quick sandbag. And they're first they're like, well, this sucks. You could just make a sandbag. And he's like, no, no, no, no, this is a little bit better than just putting sand into a bag. And then he brings up Katrina and Mary Lou starts crying.

Everyone changes their mind. They're like, you're right. This will fucking change the world. Like they're so easy to manipulate these judges. He's also spent $20,000 on the prototype. So that's well, I have in my notes he had he said that he spent $20,000

on the prototype, but then he said he sold us. Yes, I don't understand those numbers at all. Yeah, I don't get those numbers. So next comes a guy who I love. I love Mary. Hold on. I love Mary's quote at the end of this where she says in

the world we live in we live in now where stuff happens and this is needed. We need help. We need backbreaking hard work and help. And that's what you're all about. That's not in my notes.

I have that memorized. Happens. America, Poland, where stuff happens could be our model. That's just the world we're living in today. Underline. Yeah, speaking of stuff happening, a Zany guy in a space suit

who uses the ant farm as his like jumping off point as if like that's a popular thing. Why can't we do ant farms for different things? So his is just like upside down popcorn bowl with like cockroaches in it. Yeah, they are cockroaches, right?

They certainly look like cockroaches to me. Yes. He calls them beetles. He looks like Elon Musk in a Halloween costume. He does. He really does. That might have been Elon Musk. This might have been his origin story.

Yeah, in my notes, I posited that that guy was obviously like an intern who was working for the show who was just coming in to be like extra Zany because they needed another skit with a dumb ass. That's possible, but he struck me as like a guy who He was over the top. He was trying to be funny.

But like he was serious. Yeah, he thought he was adding pizazz to a real idea. Right. Like he's like, you're just not listening. This is like the ant farm. He read to me like he thought he was being like quirky and funny. Like he wasn't taking it seriously.

And so I thought he was either there on a lark or he was employed by the show. Maybe. He might have been doing an evil video. I took it as if he was like sort of like so deep into this fantasy that he was already like doing the infomercial. He's already doing the commercial bid.

He's like 49, 99. And he's like doing the wacky car salesman. I think I'm more cynical than you are. Maybe. It's entirely possible. And I guess the other thing about this era of reality TV is you just, you can't trust anything.

And so you have no idea how genuine a bit is and whether it's completely false or just they're fucking with somebody. They do a smash cut here in the show of rejects complaining about how the judges are dumb. So it's so far.

We've got one snow shovel that makes sand bags and a whole bunch of people losing their minds. Yes, a lot of tears. And then a Colombian kid comes on. He's going through a real awkward phase. His skin's kind of a wreck, not real TV ready.

He invents a handlebar seat that converts a normal bike into a really unsafe bicycle built for two. And he gets a yes. It's just really bad. But it was very moving because like the kids the kids would love this.

Then a Dolly Parton impersonator comes in with like like little candy gingerbread houses you could make. An actual. That seems like a joke. And yes, she's an actual Dolly Parton impersonator.

And she does a little song too. This is the first of two times when they tell the contestant hey, fucking sing for us. And so and she does she says, guess how many complaints I've gotten zero because she's already selling these things.

And they love it. They each give a speech about how crafting is interesting to women. How like, oh my god, people love crafting and eating things. People love to eat like they're all geniuses. That's kind of expertise you just can't get as a normal person. You have to be in the industry to understand things like eating.

Right. Are we really going to skip over when she says she has OCCD, obsessive cake and cookie disorder? I was kind of hoping we would, but now that you've mentioned it. I did hate that. No, we have to zero it. I don't think you're selling how instantly

unlikable this person is. She describes herself as crafty Kathy. She also described herself as being like a Dolly Parton impersonator. Yes, she did. I don't think she meant to. I think she meant the first one. And I want to be clear. These are not functioning snow globes.

These are like little gingerbread houses with jelly beans and shit on them. And then there's like a plastic dome just placed on top of them that you can't shake them and make snow globes. This invention sucks. Kept under off-gassing plastic like just shitty candy that tastes

like chemicals now. And they loved it. They approved that one. The next guy, let's see if Natalie agrees with my description of this guy. This is Robin Williams doing Fisher Stevens from Short Circuit. Yeah.

You know what? The guy who invented auto-wraps I feel like they weren't ready for him. Yeah, he was Yeah, like he wasn't wrong. He had a real heavy accent. Real positive energy.

He was confident. Yeah, a lot of mania behind his eyes for cars. And he demonstrated this with his car suit. The suit for your car. But the amazing thing is that it is a real product and it is being sold now.

He was just really unfortunately the very worst guy to try to sell it to a group of rich people. And he put the zero effort into it. He brought a toy car and little paper cutouts. Everybody else is like, I sold my house. I sold a kidney. I sold some blood.

I sold my inheritance trying to get this off the ground. And he's just like, I brought a toy car and some little paper cutouts. I made these paper cutouts on the ground. It's just like buying a suit. You go buy a Gucci suit. No, I don't. I certainly don't. But he also made another

Terminator joke right after another lady did. Oh shit, did he? Yeah, he did. He said he'll be back. That's right. I don't. I like how they didn't even bother explaining how insane it was. They're like, normally they'd explain how it wouldn't work

with this guy. They're like, no, you can't just fucking drape a paper doll on a car, buddy. He's like, okay, thank you for your time. I'll be back. Next up was Evan from the band Evan and Geron. They sang. Do you remember those guys at all? I remember this song. I don't think I knew the band.

Nobody does. You were a liar. You were a liar, sir. She looked at her. Absolutely. I looked at her. She looked at me. She kept me thinking about her constantly. Crazy for this girl. You had that in CD. I did. I mean, yeah, it's heavy rotation.

It sounded like... But they were masturbated to that. It sounded like a fake song. Right. Yeah, it is kind of a song in the background of a CSI episode or something. It sounded like a song you would write to make fun of that kind of guy.

That's exactly what it was. That was 2006. What if that's how it started? What if these are two bullies that just wrote that song sarcastically and someone heard them and like, oh, hey, I like that song. No, no, we're making fun of this other asshole. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.

Yeah, it doesn't matter. See, that's why irony is so dangerous. Right. There's no such thing. They're not just great bullies and singers. They also invented a bowl and it's got like a little bowl under it and they bring over

like a picture on like a CGI picture on a laptop of like, hey, this is what it would look like. And I don't think it would work because it doesn't look like... There's not enough space under it. Go to a pottery class. Right. To explain like, you eat a pistachio, you don't have a place to put the shells

except for another bowl. So they're like, what if there's a bowl under your regular bowl and then they invented a thing where there's just not enough space for the detritus. Anyway, so... Also that exists. That existed when I was a kid. My dad was way into pistachios

and he had that bowl with like a divider in it and you won parts like, that's a 3,000 year old invention that they brought. A bowl with a divider in the middle is a very old invention, I agree. Yes, that is pre-hit. We literally have that from prehistory, gentlemen.

Before spoken language. Yep. The restaurant will serve you crab on one of those things. So they make them sing, they just happily do it. But then they change the words, crazy for this girl, too crazy for this bowl and oh my God, all the judges love it

except for Doug, the inventor who keeps screaming that it's a hustle. It's a serious thing. Our grapes, Doug was jealous of those handsome twins. Yep. He really was, that was totally the vibe. I don't like the handsome boys, but I like Doug even less.

I don't like Danny Valley, but Doug, he couldn't stand them. They're the guys who made fun of him in high school, for sure. But also, I don't understand what he means by this is a hustle. It seemed like they sincerely wanted to make this bowl.

They thought they had a good bowl idea. They're just dopes that thought they had. They're charming dopes and that will take you a long way. And Doug hates that. I also like how a guy is eating nuts and he's like, I wish I had another bowl

for the parts of the nuts I don't need. That's a one man invention and then you come in and you're like, are you tired of all your nut stuff? They came in, both of the boys came in and then they had a fucking posse with them. They had like three or four other dudes

there with them. It was the whole band. Third Eye Blind was there. I didn't see. I didn't realize they had a band. I've got such modern brain.

I just assume all music is one person and a computer now. So it just never crossed my mind. You needed eight identical dudes back in the day to do that. That's how far technology has come. We have made all of those dudes in the background

you see in that clip, obsolete. Even with those guys showing up on the shows at their manager was like, okay guys, the tour is not doing that great. We need you to go on TV. I think I can get you on American Inventor but you guys have to think of an invention before next Thursday.

That's a problem. We got a bowl in mind. Don't worry about it bro. We got this. My notes say that here they do a little segment about Mary Lou and it is it is Walter Wall women.

They just show her doing woman stuff. It's exhausting. She just seems really exhausting to me. And then next up is a very, very sad giant who's, he looks like a linebacker. He's a corrections officer and every line he says,

every single line sounds like he's about to break into tears and most of them he does. He came out crying. And his invention is a little rolling suitcase that sort of turns into a solar flex. You pull out a couple of weights and there's no resistance on it. And a lot of this workout seems

like a child that's very impatient. He'll start doing pushups in midair and then he'll start wiggling his feet. That's two different pushups. You can do five different exercises just with those and he's just like, okay buddy, this is just a suitcase with a couple of dumbbells in it.

All of the weights that you would need to make this are in that backpack. So you have to haul around an 800 pound backpack in order to make this work. I didn't even think about that but I think that's a legitimate concern that if you want like

two out of the five weights to give you enough resistance, then the backpack is going to be uncariable. It's an insane invention. It's a terrible idea but they love him so much. He's already spent $100,000 on it. He talks about all of his investors which he sort of makes it sound like it's his friends and family

who have put together this money and he's like, and if I win they're coming with me and he's like fully in tears but that's like how investing works. He's saying that like he's this fucking great guy but yeah, if you make money off this,

your investors also make money, right? You literally owe them money, yes. So he's crying. Mary Lou is just weeping, just openly crying. His American spirit is too great for her. You're going to say it? America's about passion, that's what she said.

America's about passion. He has it. So it's a yes. So far we've got bag shovel. This is where she brokenly says, you are America. She does. I'm sorry we couldn't skip over it.

It's my favorite part of the show is when she's just weeping. She says, you are America. So this man with a heavy backpack. This man with no control over his emotions. It's America to her. Weeping man with a heavy backpack is America. If you run into a crying guy

with a super heavy backpack and you approach him and you have a very emotional conversation, that's like straight out of Pokemon. Hey, don't judge. He could be burying his wife. So we now have several yeses.

We've got bag shovel, double bike, double bowl and workout bag. So we have now found four very, very dumb inventions. This is the shit they like. This is the ones that have gotten through and just humiliated everyone else. But the tone of the show is not that of like despair.

They're still like America is the best place for inventions. Next guy is like a wacky old coot who invents a smoke gun. He brought a puppet with no explanation. He seems like a genuinely kind of funny old man who didn't really expect to go through. Only guy I want to partner with. I feel like the producers

almost certainly prompted him to play up the wacky angle. Yeah. I'm sure they got him in the green room and they were like, look, if you want airtime, you really have to go as kooky as possible. Gotta leave your dentures in this suitcase.

Here, hold this gold pan. Unless they also dressed him like an old prospector. Listen. And then they gave him the old prospector face that I think you can only nurture naturally over time. Well, I think that's him.

I choose to believe in a world where that guy just exists. Yeah. He was legit and he came out with what were his spectacles? He had like these magnifying jewelers spectacles. That's how a prospector would invent shit. He seems like a birthday magician to me

that like didn't I don't know. If there had been a Back to the Future Wild West show, that guy would have been Doc Brown. I have gone to fancy restaurants where they had shit like that. Like the blow smoke at your pizza. Yeah.

This is an invention. I was like... If you could get the FDA to... Because he was like a weird old guy with no teeth. They're like, get out of here dumb dumb. I'm not going to let this maniac fill my food with poison. But we're having fun. Next they have a mother come in

and she... Twice she says that her child is mildly... Word we don't quite use anymore for people with learning disabilities. Yeah. And that was... You don't hear it anymore. Right.

That was definitely a shocker. Like when you watch one of those old big budget comedies like with the Saturday Night Live people from like a decade ago and they are really dig in on the R word and the slurs and you're like, what are you saying?

We don't say that. Any Eminem song now like he's still doing right now. Any current Eminem song. I guess that's true. So she says this about her own kid and then he says that

her kid got a character award at the school that they go to and that made her think, oh I should make a 90 minute DVD about right and wrong to teach children about right and wrong. So she's like not making a video.

Well, I'm going to skip a lot of the things this woman said about her kid. She says well, I'm going to use the polite term I have a mentally disabled child and I asked myself, why do I have this child in my mind? She has.

And then she's like, why am I cursed with this child? And then her kid won like a character award and she goes, oh, this is why you exist to teach me how to sell puppet videos about manners. Oh my God.

And so Peter, the British guy rightfully says, this isn't an invention. You made a children's DVD about right and wrong. Like this exists and also isn't an invention. Mary Lou says, no, because it's

already done. She's like, you don't need us. You don't need the American inventor and the woman immediately contradicts her like, no, no, no, the PR would be nice. She's like, I do promise I need you. Anyway, it's real sad. Then the inventor and Mary Lou start to argue because the inventor, Doug, he thinks

it's a great idea. The world needs this. I guess he doesn't know that educational programming already exists and it gets heated. She's like, I fucking... He calls her a scumbag. Yeah, you're a scumbag. You're a scumbag of the earth. No, she says, oh, you talk to me like I'm a scumbag of the earth.

He's like, well, you fucking are, you fucking bitch. And she's like, whoa. And they fight and fight. They're beeping stuff out. They like cut to commercial. They come back. They're still heated. But again, the tone of the show does not really change. They're still like cheerfully finding... I mean, they had like, assistants run

out and try to keep them separate physically because it was going to turn into a fist fight. After this conversation, you know, they shot a couple more in this location. And then the next time they shoot on a different set, you can see that they have put the British guy in between them.

Yes, smarts. You're getting clawed in the face, Peter Jones. You're taking that first claw. And I have in my notes that they come back from this tone, this like, oh my god, these guys are going to punch each other, too, a montage of toilet stuff because everyone has stupid ass toilet inventions.

And then they let one of them play out. It's a guy who has a lotion dispenser and he's, he asks the judges if they wipe their butts. He's like, you guys wipe your butts. And they're like, what? And he's invented a refillable lotion dispenser that you put on a toilet paper holder and gets two

yeses, two people like, yes, a lotion dispenser for the bathroom. Please pre-ruin my toilet paper for me. I have written down, his product was called Fresh End and his phrase was, end fresh with fresh

it. Fantastic job, buddy. I changed my mind. It's a yes. I want to know what his setup is because they said, well, you know, are you going to be dispensing soap? And he's like, no, no,

no, it's not soap. It is a gel. I'm just curious as to if, if he's ever gotten toilet paper wet, toilet paper immediately disintegrates when you get it wet. So he's imagining that you gel up your TP. Right.

And then you use it and then you've got gel on your ass. Right. You're blindly running, rubbing around in wet stuff on a human butthole. I like thinking that it's like gel hand sanitizer. Yeah, maybe. And he hasn't thought, he hasn't thought it through all of it. Oh, so you

think it's, he definitely didn't pitch that. So you think it's got like a super high alcohol content, like there's burning agony. Absolutely. Just scorched scorched earth policy. I don't know what's in the gel. I'm just an inventor.

Well, and then he he complains, he's like, you know, normally people have to go through this whole thing where they do this and they have to wash their hands. And I was like, buddy, you still got to wash your hands. Way more so now. Next up is another one of my favorites, which is a lady comes on

and she's like a PhD in child psychology. She's a therapist for children. And she's invented the tizzy tube, which are just inflatable cages for children to like have sumo fights with prisons. Yes. And child prison. They start out the judges like, this seems fine. But then the

Doug is like, yeah, this is great. And then Mary Lou like works herself into tears about how these little cages are like going to suffocate the children. And when he's like, no, no, they're fine. It's just like a tube around a kid. And she's like, those children

are going to die. And she says, this is sick. And then Doug goes, Edison was sick too. And she says, this isn't a light bulb. It's a torture machine. And so that's the level that's the level of hate that they have for each other. They can't even get through a

fucking couple of kids mashing into each other without tears and attacks. Well, the amazing one to say that the prison for children was kind of fucked up in theory, though. Like her. She specifically built it as for a kid that's throwing a tantrum. You put them in a giant padded room, which is something we

generally don't do to children, especially when they're furious. And then you're like, fight it, fight it out. Fight it out, little Billy. Fight out your fury in the tube. Do you want to go in the tube? It's a totally legit product for kids to have fun. But she

and she comes out and it says she's 41 and she's a therapist. So she's not new to the game. If she's a therapist, she has licensing. And she's like, well, kids are going to have tantrums. Well, the goal is not when your kid has a tantrum, you

stuff them into a tube. And you just go hot wild. And let me just say, our kid is 13, right? So we've been through all the way from her being a little tiny baby through being a toddler and stuff. After kids get to about three,

if they are running around the house in an inflatable object, they're going to destroy everything in the house. They're going to knock your flat screen off the thing. They're going to knock all the lamps off the table. They're going to knock your laptop into the aquarium or whatever the fuck. They're going to

lay waste to your house. It's a terrible idea. You got to bring it. That's why you got to bring it out of the house. You got to bring it like when they throw a tantrum at the grocery store. You put them in like an armored battering ram and you let them destroy the entire grocery store. And just mow down

person after person after person. I'm also a parent and I can vouch that when a child is going crazy physically, if you let that escalate, it will just go until one of them is hurt. And that's how it stops. And so this is just going to

prolong the temper tantrum indefinitely. Yeah, you don't say, oh, okay, you're having a temper tantrum. That's okay. I have a tube for that. You're like... Your response has to be, we don't deal with each other like that.

Yes. And we don't incur this state and you don't drive yourself nuts. I mean, you get... And now that you're calm down... Yeah. It's time for the two. It's time for the calm two. Here's one. The next one up was like solar powered

cooler and they bring up Katrina. So it's a yes. And the next one was a lady who comes in with a thing called the Betty pouch and also the Betty sham. And she brought a guy with her who says, it's so great. I bought both of them and I don't even own a bed. That's

it. That's your like, I have to think about that one for a second. And so this, I think they put her on the show knowing, of course they know the people that are kind of come on the show. The judges are always like, ooh, tell me about your idea, but they've been prepped. And this is one I think they had her on the show

to demonstrate sort of a problem in the industry. Whereas you call those inventor hotlines like 1-800-INVENTION and give them your invention and then they scam you. They basically say, okay, tell us your idea. And then you give them a ton of money for the patent

lawyers and then they give you what is essentially nothing, basically a description of your product that is legally binding in some way. So this lady has done this and doesn't even have a prototype. She spent $12,000 to get the patent for the Betty pouch,

which is just a fucking few pouches that you hang on the bed, which of course is a product that exists. And the judges knew this and she's like, yeah, this is great. And he's like, dude, I have it on my bed at home. You didn't invent anything. She's like, the Betty patch?

She's like, you have this on your home? And she's like mad about it, which sort of demonstrates how this grift works because when someone gets scammed and you say, hey, you got scammed, someone lied to you, they're mad at you. They're not mad at fucking Amway. They're mad at, they're mad at you. And so

you got to double and triple down on it. So she's just there to demonstrate like the predatory 1-800 inventor market and she's super indignant. She's like, what did she say? She goes, if he has that on his bed, I didn't make it. He must have made that motherfucker himself.

I thought that was so funny. He made his own. So funny that he's out there making bootleg Betty pouches. But yeah, you can test this at home. I love that they had the nerve. I'm saying you can test this at home with your MLM relatives or your Fox News relatives. Just tell them

they're being lied to and see who they get mad at. 100% of the time. Right. It's going to be you. Yeah. See if it fixes anything. I love that they have the nerve to call out to specifically dedicate this to like a segment where we call out these scams where you know it's like American

Idol. Simon Cowell was involved producing this. So you know it's like American Idol where they get a really shady predatory like contract on whatever patent comes through and wins this. So you're running just a much higher profile scam and you spend some time being like, I can't believe you got this.

You're here getting a scam. It's a great way to make the show look like the good guys to say like, hey, these are the bad guys when it comes to inventing. It's another thing that you could never make this show. This entire show is an exercise in framing.

The thing where they have the tuba music, the circus music. They have the toilet montage of the guys who make different ass washers. Record scratch. And then so you are pushed you are pushed into

thinking that the inventions that make it surely must be good. Surely there must be something about the Sackmaster 2000. I'm just not seeing myself at home because I'm an old Thunderhead. I'm not America like these guys are. Right. Well, one of the things

in the thing where they showed the lady getting ripped off and they're like, you got ripped off in comparison to everybody else here who is not getting ripped off, of course. Well, about 10 years after the show came out there was a big problem with Kickstarter campaigns

getting basically just advertising for Chinese developers to make the thing so that you'd make a Kickstarter for a cool invention and then China would see that and say, okay, we're just going to make that. And it would go to market way faster than the people who like Kickstarter. And so like you couldn't make this show today because

that's all this would be was be a Sackmaster 2000 commercial for the Chinese manufacturers who would make it, you know, the second it came on TV. Well, yeah, and that is the flip side of the idea of American innovation.

And Doug was at the beginning saying, we're going to be so far behind India and China. Well, bro, you already are everything that you have is being made there because of the lack of regulations and the lack of safety standards. And we're going to have to do something about it.

The fact that people think of something in America and then have to step through all this horseshit and have to get investors on board and meanwhile, the place in China where you're going to have it made anyway is just going to make it themselves

and start selling it. That just proves the inferiority of the whole thing. If you're talking about innovation you're talking about, you know, I'm going to make this product and this product is what helps people. So there is clearly

this hidden undertone of none of this is actually helping people. This is people trying to leverage plastic for personal gain. Right. Yeah, it's there's so much sadness in this Betty pouch thing

not just in this poor woman, but like in the industry that they're, you know, championing. And on that same tone, I guess here comes some weirdos dressed as Wizard of Oz with like a fucking pair of bolt cutters and so

Doug is instantly pissed. He's like, just cut, they kind of skip in and they're already doing their bit. He's like, shut the fuck up, Wizard of Oz, fuck you. And everyone's like, Doug Doug, let them finish buddy. And he's like he just can't believe it. He's like, what is this bullshit

it's like the 50th thing like this that he's seen. I'm sure they were encouraged like, hey, you got to do something to make you make yourself stand out. And so they basically have a tree branch clipper and it seems slightly better than a regular tree branch

clipper. Maybe Doug goes up and uses it and says like, this is sort of the same thing that exists. But they all hate Doug so much that all the other judges say yes to this like dumber, more complicated version of a pair of bolt cutters. And Mary Lou actually says

to the inventor, because you're an engineer who thinks like a human being I say yes, like so glad you finally did the quote. I have that say I was going to do it. I was going to call you at this point, their hate of open like being used like they're going to put

people through just to piss off Doug. And so these people just they just got lucky and got a yes. It's the I love that he loses it because you know every guy in a Hawaiian shirt is going to lose it at some point is going to yell at customer service or waiter or something for way

too long. And it's the least dignified look and I'm glad we got to see that on Doug. Any guy who's wearing a Hawaiian shirt is only wearing it to prove to you that he actually is chill when he's not exactly like he can't

but there's no wine shirt for the inside personality and so he it's like putting on a sign that says no really I am cool secretly. It didn't wouldn't asshole listen to Jimmy Buffett I'm very much

hang 10 man think about it the the next inventor to come in is a straight up little boy named Kyle and he invented a fan that you hang in the car window to keep your dog cool when you abandon your dog in the car and

Doug loves this kid he's like you rock and it's like it's like I'm looking in the mirror everybody was loving yeah everybody loved it until Doug said that and then they cut to Mary and Mary just looks at him with pure content

and then it's like people are turned off like we all love it because the kid's super charming he's working the room he's doing a good job pitching how to kill your dog but to kill your dog and get away with it with an alibi leave your dog with a fan that will surely break down or not

cut it and you don't know that anyway everybody loves it because the kid's super charming until Doug goes like a little too hard on it this kid is so great and then they're like he says it's like I'm looking in a mirror he says it's like I'm looking in a mirror and Ed can't resist the bully inside

Ed can't resist this and he's like that's a really horrible compliment the kids that's a terrible thing to say to the kid and you think in 30 years gonna be on a show like this that's a curse buddy and I can't remember what the kid says back but he kind of does a little

quip and Doug like literally pounds the desk laughing so hard with like this snotty coughing laugh and then Mary Lou just like they do an insert shot of her just looking at him just this fucking guy and but then after all that

he says no because he wants the boy to be treated like he would want to be treated he would want tough love when he was a young inventor and the kid gets super mad and sad he can't, he has no control over these emotions he's like that giant guy with the workout gym bag

and so now like Doug's like in the kid's face the kids saying like you took away my dream and he's like no you're gonna do it and the kid gets like more and more angry and says I'm gonna shove it all in their face

so I actually looked this kid up he went on to work for a company called Launch Peer which based on reviews is a scam operation designed to take money from inventors so he that's what he's doing right now of course but so amazingly

he grew up to be just like Doug, Doug and turned out to be right the kid had my favorite quote of the show which was I wouldn't have thought of it if it wasn't a great idea Doug God bless and Doug called it

I know a kindred soul when I see one you're innocent now but you'll get corrupt kid you're gonna wind up just like you I learned it from watching you Doug straight up super villain origin story so that's pretty much the show

a lot of tears and speeches that continue for far too long and awkward people spilling unfiltered emotion into the world God why are they crying so much it was like it felt really unhinged to me like it was just too much crying over nothing well some of these people would come in and they just I think it was that September 11th thing

yeah they're really milking and then after after Katrina it was like it's up to us it's up to us to do it with this therapy buddy therapy buddy is gonna fix the next Katrina did you say Katrina? it's a yes for me 1900 Frankfurt

1900 Frankfurt and the podcast came out and with Maximalim Chow talk Frankfurt podcast correct this is not track this is not without send it to the dogs come on Jean

you kid you 1900 1900 Frankfurt 1900 Frankfurt 1900 Frankfurt yeah 9000 my dick here a Grubowski is a kid who

isn't a fair haired kid on the block because everybody wants to be that kid that's a smith and a Grubowski has to is a bad guy a little bit but not a bad guy Grubowski has to work a little bit harder it's the American dream here are the most supreme Grubowskis I know

free finger Loa Grubowski Aaron Crosston is one hell of a Grubowski Adrian H Grubowski the H stands for Grubowski Aidan Moe Grubowski Alpha Sciences Java Grubowski Andreas Larson is so Grubowski it has become a problem with friends

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Mark Grubowski The laziest Grubowski Matt Riley Grubowski Michael Lair Grubowski and Michael Wells Grubowski We call them the Mike Grubowski brothers They are not brothers Mike Stiles Grubowski

Mojo Grubowski N.D. Grubowski and that stands for no-duh Grubowski They're the sassy Grubowski Neil Bailey Grubowski Neil Schaefer Grubowski Nick Ralston Grubowski Nick H Grubowski and the H stands for

Grubowski again Ozzy Olin Grubowski Patrick Herbst Grubowski Rain Vargas Grubowski The Grubowskiist Grubowski Rhiannon Grubowski Rich Jocelyn Grubowski Sarkovsky Grubowski

Who was already part Grubowski The ski part Toastie God Grubowski Tom Sakula Grubowski Tommy G Grubowski and the G stands for Good Yossarian Grubowski and Timmy Lehi

Smith You know what that means Grubowskis This man is a natural born enemy of Grubowskis everywhere I declare a Grubowski Holy War Every true and faithful Grubowski must pick up axe and flame and take to the streets to no get off me

The corner of this earth can be rendered safe for a smith or I will not think this through I have justice on my side You can't silently Grubowskis We are legend, we are Grubowski We will have our revenge