The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 84, Steel Justice With Geoff Thew

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Seanbaby asked Brockway and special guest Geoff Thew to be patient with the 1992 detective movie, Steel Justice. The film-length pilot about a grief-stricken detective who summons a monster truck dinosaur when he loses his temper. It's Robosaurus! Seanbaby promised them Robosaurus. He fucking promised!

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast work. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero.

Yeah. Nine thousand. Welcome to the dog zone nine thousand. The official podcast of one nine hundred hot dog dot com. Where the last comedy website come read us and support us. We have an all star cast of amazing columnists along with me. The internet's Sean baby and my co-host. The robotic operated Brocky.

Robert Brockway. Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact in the sport of car jousting. I have never been defeated by a man. No follow up questions. Damn it. Our guest today is a popular. You tubist and anime man known online as mother's basement.

Jeff through. Welcome. Hey, it's good to be here. Thanks for having me. I must say. It is an honor to be on a podcast with the man who invented being funny on the internet and Robert Brockway. The pleasure is all ours.

As the man who invented being funny on the internet. As the man who invented being Robert Brockway. I thank you. We're both geniuses. In exactly the same way. Now, Jeff, our stars aligned recently because we did an anime week here on our website and Brockway and I teamed up to talk about happy science. The death cult who made a cartoon.

One of the Japanese death cults who made their own cartoon. And we have to be specific. To be clear, they're not a death cult yet. Although they have had rivalries with several death death cults. And one of their movies does like very lightly advocate for sacrificing an entire stadium full of people for the sake of holding up your faith in the great El Contare. I would argue they're getting to death cult lately.

They're getting there for sure. The COVID denial. Well, not even denial. They started selling magic cures for COVID that did nothing and did wireless vaccinations. It's musical medicine for COVID. I feel like both of those things count as death cult for me. Killing a stadium of people and COVID denial both count.

Well, no, they're not killing a stadium of people. So in this other movie that you guys didn't cover, there's a charlatan running a cult pretending to be the reincarnation of Buddha. And obviously the real reincarnation of Buddha, Ryu Ho Okawa, isn't very happy about that. So they have like a big cult fight in a crowded stadium. And the main character, so the evil Buddha is like, you have to denounce that Buddha is the fake Buddha and say,

I'm the real Buddha, or I'll kill all the people in this stadium. And she thinks about it for a second. She's like, nah, El Contare is more important than that. It feels like they're really just testing the waters for a death cult. Like they're like, how would you guys feel about maybe a little death cult? Maybe a little bit? There's, yeah, no, this is a whole rabbit hole. There are 30 years of films at this point.

And you guys did select the craziest one, the one where Hitler and Nietzsche poke battle with God Eagle to... Yeah, Hitler's giant mechanical war elephant that he psychically tandem pilots with Friedrich Nietzsche. Yeah, it's going to be a tough one to beat. I feel like there's flying Einstein's. I don't think they really bounces off my brain. I don't remember all the details.

No, there's infinite Einstein's. Infinite Einstein's. He could like replicate himself to infinity. And they use that to form sort of a shield towards the end, which is, are we just talking? We're just talking about this movie. I'm sorry. We're talking about the wrong movie.

We are talking about the wrong movie. We're supposed to be talking about steel justice, though it's sometimes called the much better name, Robosaurus. This is a failed to our pilot from 1992 for a TV show about a cop whose grief lets him transform into the monster truck Robosaurus, except not exactly. That's how it was sold. But as we'll get into it, that's not exactly how it plays out.

How? Okay. How do you back down from that? How do you say, like, this is what it's about and then not follow through on it when it's such a great idea? That's a super good idea. I do want to clear one thing up. There was another movie five years earlier called Steel Justice.

It was about the bad guy from Karate Kid, who was also a cop. But instead of turning into a monster truck, he hunted the evil Vietnamese general that he knew from the war who was now like a drug dealer in America. So don't get them mixed up. So this is a franchise is what you're saying. Yes. Yes.

This is a sequel to that movie. Yeah. That's like a Robosaurus. I mean, it's like a metaphorical Robosaurus. I didn't read the pitch for this before I agreed to do the, like the actual like summary for this before I agreed to do this movie with you guys. I looked up Robosaurus and I saw what Robosaurus is.

I was like, oh boy, this is a real life Mecha movie. So he's going to be talking about the actual like monster truck robot thing. Yes. The real the world's first real life pilotable giant robot to my knowledge. And I was like, that's perfect. I'm an anime guy.

That's Mecha basically. And then I actually watched the movie and it's not that. You know what? This does count as American anime. This is, this is how American does anime. It definitely does. I mean, it started with like five straight minutes of just stock footage of old maps and stuff.

And that's a classic anime move. Yeah. The lore changed like 12 times throughout the runtime. Classic anime move. It all works. A good point. Power of friendship saves the day. Classic anime move.

This is clearly anime. This is the US. Robosaurus. We can look up some Robosaurus facts. Well, can we can we pause real quick here and entertain what I'm certain is a ridiculous possibility, but we should entertain it. What if people don't know what Robosaurus is?

Impossible. It's just in the name. It's in the name, you fucking idiots. Okay. But it is. Okay. It is a genuine. I, what was it?

Like mid 80s invented. It is a genuine actual functional robot. It's like three stories tall, kind of supposed to be a truck, kind of supposed to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex. And it was mostly at monster truck shows where it would pick up cars with its claws, kind of pretend to eat them with its giant steel jaws and blast fire out of its nose. And it, it fucking kicks ass.

It's a, it's America at its purest. I mean, it really is. And I mean, if you've got something like that already that actually works, why not make a TV show out of it? Right. You already had it. It exists. So just let somebody film it and you have all of the money in

the world. Unless you do exactly what this show does. They did actually build him in two years before they filmed this. So the second they made him, it took that long before they made a 90 minute TV show pilot out of it. See, I would be, I would, I would have made it immediately. The second it came online, I would be hiring Don Johnson.

You would be making multiple TV shows. Like if, I think, you know, any of us in, in our modern hustle culture understand that you got to like, you know, you can't just put your eggs in one basket. So if I had a Robosaurus, if I had a Robosaurus, I'd be making a Robosaurus reality show. Robosaurus, you know, the scripted drama, obviously I would find some way to take it on tour and put children in danger

with it. Of course. That's the best. I think they had, I think that's the one they actually did. Pretty sure. I would have it be a Louisiana law enforcement officer. Oh, that's a good one. Steven Segal.

That's, that's a much better concept than this movie. Robo Segal. I don't know. Robo Segalus. I think you just keep it simple. Robosaurus and Segal. Yeah. Yeah.

They, they team up. I like then everybody's version. Robosaurus gets top billing. Yep. Only natural. We read today that it costs $2.2 million to build and weighs 31 tons and it recently sold, well, not recently, but in 2008 it sold for a quarter of that in auction.

For $500,000. We could conceivably maybe pull that. Like if we, if we really wanted to, we could track it down. We could kickstart that. Yeah. That is such a deal for a Robosaurus. That would, that would be, I think the, the hook that this podcast needs to really hit the next level.

Just a rope, just have a Robosaurus in the room with you when you record it. Okay. That is legitimately a great idea for a podcast. Just start a podcast and the whole mission is just, we're going to eventually pull enough money to buy Robosaurus. I like Jeff's idea to just record the podcast from Robosaurus. Just screaming from that.

Smashing industrial gears and fire. That's what you do. You will record your podcast as you destroy everyone who opposes you. It's the perfect plan. Plus it takes for itself. And that's, and that's when you, that's when you pivot into political podcast and where the real money is.

Get Joe Rogan up in that head. And now Joe Rogan is going to push the fire button. COVID is alive. Fire. I see Dr. Fauci. Fire. What are they going to say? You're Robosaurus.

We just cured COVID or at least we fixed it. So no one will acknowledge COVID for fear of Robosaurus. Great start to a podcast. Yeah, I agree. I agree. This. So Robosaurus is played by Robert Taylor. Who's the main guy.

David Nash is the character name. He has been, according to IMDB, he's been in 75 things. And really, I think it's a testament to his charm. That I have never seen him before in my life. And I have seen several of things he's in. It's like Australia. They tried to make their own Richard Dean Anderson and didn't quite get it.

It's co-starring J.A. Preston, who according to his IMDB has played a judge 2,700 times in his career. So congratulations to him. He's the guy that looks like a fucking judge. He really does have a judge thing. He kind of plays a weird time hippie in this. But like, he's very judgy, I guess. And also starring season hubbly.

How can you not say season hubbly? They gave you a chance to say season hubbly and you're leaving it to me. So I took it. Thank you for taking care of that. His partner is played by a woman named season hubbly, who her IMDB looks like it's mostly soft-core porn. But none of that's in here.

It's a very chased show. Robosaurus does not fuck, like let the record show. This is proper Christian entertainment. I'm putting together something that can prove definitively season hubbly fucks. I'm not even joking. About a month from now, somebody will get this callback. Remember it.

Mark it. The season hubbly seed has been planted. OK, so it starts with like a dream setting. Magic Voice is talking about like some people are given the rare gift of transformation. Just absolutely not what you expected to be looking at the back of this box. How do you whiff it this badly?

When this started, I was like, wait, I got the wrong one. Because I saw there were two steel justices. And this started with like a map and it was like fucking harps. And then there are sky druids at Cloudhenge. And I'm like, oh, this is not the Robosaurus one. The sky Stonehenge. It's like Microsoft and Carter clip art for mysticism.

It's just fucking generic. The Stonehenge like that made me laugh out loud. I didn't know what to expect going into this. But it was a fucking Stonehenge. Yeah. So there's time travelers who go around finding people throughout history who can transform things. One of those things is a Robosaurus.

But it's not clear from the opening monologue. I don't think. Or the rest of the movie. So utterly pointless. It's just like, here's some details about this magic. We're not going to remember or pay attention to ourselves. Plus it's already magic. So do you really fucking care?

It's magic. Like, all right, hold on. That's enough. Why on earth would you get this prompt? You have a show. You have Robosaurus, right? And you're like, OK, we're going to need to do some real stretching to explain this.

No, you don't. Because Robosaurus' entire very successful career is showing up at a monster truck rally and just fucking eating cars and everybody loves it. It is proven that people do not need an elaborate back story for Robosaurus. You could probably buy VHS tapes of Robosaurus just doing that for 20 minutes.

I could and have. So one thing I'm a little bit... So one thing about the intro that is confusing is it's not clear what the power of transformation is. The second thing is I don't think they're actually time travelers. I'm pretty sure they're just immortal. He's just very old, yes. And yet they do say they are traveling through time.

And they also say that they teach people to transform. Not just to transform things, but we teach people to transform. So yeah, they have established their lore right up front and immediately they're confused about it. They're like, wait, what did we just say? Fuck. I feel like they got translated into another language and then back. I mean, technically speaking, technically speaking, we are all

traveling through time right now. That's happening. I feel like you should say that way more nasally. And also technically speaking, he said he teaches them to transform, which is an open-ended sentence. So you are correct. You're right. Insufferable, but correct.

The best kind. In what way have I lied, my lady? So he snaps away from this dream and he's like on a stakeout just having a nap and explains the dream to his cop partner. So can I do the quote? She has someone it's about and he says it's about this black guy traveling through time, finding different people and teaching them how to do weird things.

So there's one guy and you describe him as a black partner. There's one black time traveler. That's just his police training in action. He knows how to get to the material facts of a case right away, which is that the guy was black. And then forgets about the whole transit. He teaches them how to do weird things. Mostly foot stuff.

It was a weird dream. So I do like how so much of what he tells her was conveyed, like in the text of the show, like it's kind of a bit mysterious, but more or less communicated like, hey, we're magic druids. We have these powers. He explains it all to her anyway, which I feel like it sort of demonstrates they have no faith in their audience. Like they're just like, okay, we'll show you the dream,

then this character will explain the dream to you. I guess I just made a note of that, that that's what they think of us, the people watching Robosaurus. And they're probably right that we're dumbasses. But anyway, our main guy is the kind of person who tells people about his dreams. That's the main point. There's not a worse kind of person than that. So already I hate Robosaurus.

Where she can't go anywhere. Please shut up about your dreams partner. No, you don't understand. You're a wizard, but black, if that makes sense. That doesn't make any sense. You're right, that is crazy. And then, then he begins with just so much, I'd say 30% of the show is voice over,

and I want to play some of it here. Oh, joy. I'm a cop working the B sector of the city. My partner and I are attached to a specialized police unit. That's Gina Morelli, my partner and best friend for the last six years. I'd be lost without her. Yes, this is the same energy he carries throughout the entire show. It seems as if the whole world is here.

This resulted in grossly overcrowded conditions and clashing cultures. Oh, no, he can't have that. Cultures. That's like listed in the top three things that are bad with his dystopia. It's like, God, some of these are fucking, I don't know what you call them, Muslims. There is like a weirdly racist kind of vibe to this, in a way that isn't like 80s obliviousness. It's calling things out.

I mean, like the one of the two black guys in the movie, or one of the, sorry, one of the three black guys in the movie, is named Tyrone, and is a gang banger. No, nobody's allowed to do his voice. You are not allowed to do the other black guy's voice either. Yes, the other one who has an identical voice, he is like placing bets on things, on like crimes, like, hey, that guy's going to get away with crime.

Give me a hundred dollars. I think his words were, I need that C note, baby, or something close to that. Yeah. Yeah, so in this dystopia, the justice system is so borked, that just because two detectives lit a fire on a guy's doorstep without knocking in order to bait him out, that gets the case thrown out, and there are criminal scum.

Can you believe that shit? You can't even burn anybody anymore. And it's such a crap shoot if dudes will get arrested. I mean, to be fair, they were like, oh, you didn't read him his rights, and the guy shot up like half a city block. Yeah, it feels like. I didn't know that I had the right to not do that. But there's some, police procedure didn't quite go right.

So I guess the other theme of this is that, hey, police are just handcuffed by all these regulations. They should be allowed to murder at will, which was the theme of every cop show. Yeah, it was every. We can't blame this one for it. When you combine that with clash of cultures, you're like, okay, I get the tone you're going for. Everyone should be the same and cops should be allowed to murder.

I get the theme of your show. But it was weirdly out of proportion for the time. It was definitely really hitting that hard. Which is not something I expected of Robosaurus. I didn't. Yeah, I didn't expect that either. I didn't know it's racist. You know, you learn all of these, you look up to somebody for so long,

and then you finally meet them in person and. They're not a robot dinosaur. They're not a robot dinosaur. They work on magic and they're racist. And it's just like your whole worldview shattered. Really a transforming racist white cop trying to impress his son. I feel like we're getting too far ahead. I do want to talk about this crime, this bus that they fucked up because

they go after the perp who like just, they light a fire to say, hey, fire, you should leave your apartment. He just opens fire on his own front door because he knows he's like, there's no fires. And then this is the cops doing that old fire trick. And then they chase him across the rooftops. And it's kind of a sweet scene because our guy does the Jackie Chan roof to window one floor down jump.

And it's like a pretty kick ass stunt. And then in there, the black man from his dreams. Remember, these are his words, not mine. He appears to like help him find the perp. And not in time to stop like many more murders. But then he goes up to the roof and shoots him. Not a killing blow. He hits him with like a really like seems deliberately noisy like

cop gun like boom, he's just like what fucking fully sound affected they pull this from. It's so noisy. Hits the guy and he slowly screams to death for like 40 seconds. Do you think that's about right? Maybe maybe three minutes. I don't know, but it was a very troubling death scene. Normally.

No, he doesn't. He doesn't die. Right. You're right. I said screams to death, but he does survive this horrible pain. That goes on for a very, very long time. And then the guy puts the time traveling wizard in his police report. And his CEO is like, dude, did you just say that there's like a fucking

magic time traveler up in that, in that apartment? Because the family who lives there says they don't know a guy like that. He's like, you missed, you missed an important detail about the family that who lives there. You're right. He did tell us what their nationality was or their race was. As he has to do every time he introduces the time traveling wizard as the black guy.

Yeah. You said he was black 11 times, but the family there is Chinese. So your story doesn't get out. Also, maybe leave the time traveling wizards out of it. You know, we live in a TV show where if we do something wrong during the procedure, then we have to let all the crime go. Anyway, also the, what was best was that he really just does point like the time traveling wizard just kind of points over there.

Like he went that way. So you did not need to specify. It's not like he refloated down from the sky to help you catch him. It's just a, Well, maybe he did need to specify, right? Because he's like taking active on the scene advice from a black guy, right? And that's in this police department.

That's probably not good procedure. So he probably had to justify it, but oh, he's a time traveling wizard. You know, that's why it's just why I followed his advice. Also says here, you told your partner about your dreams for like six hours. Maybe expressly forbidden in the handbook. Also the boss hated the jump. He's like the only kind of guy who tries to jump like that is a guy who doesn't care if he makes it or not.

But his partner was like, no, that jump was sweet. So and Jackie Chan, that's either somebody with a death wish or fucking Jackie Chan. And he was being Jackie Chan as fuck, sir. I don't like it. None of my force. He should have shot that guy. You know the guy I'm talking about.

Don't make me say it. So now we learn that his son is dead and his wife left him. Like he's a very sad guy who probably did want to die when he made that jump. They show him, did he have like a space microwave or something? Did he like that? He tried to make it look like such a sad life. Like he's divorced out of grief. But he like, he just sits alone and reads like a nice book for a while.

He makes himself a little meal. His apartment's not a shit hole. It's he's got like. It seems like he's really thriving. All things considered. This is what a single man looks like. Yeah. He's got a table that cooks his meals for him with lasers.

I didn't think they should have him jerk off for 40 minutes. I mean, like. This is what a single man's life looks like. It's true. It's artistic honesty. Uh, so now he, uh, he has a flashback to his son's death. Uh, now I loved this so much because it really did seem like a, uh, like a, like a 90s SNL sketch.

Like the kid is, the kid is in a baseball hat. Just like, like a dictionary drawing of a kid. He's so happy. He's just down in the car waving to his daddy like daddy, I'm a boy. I love baseball and waving. And then this fucking dude comes by with a bazooka. Just apropos or nothing. Explodes the shit out of that boy.

As, as, um, as his father, heavy rain screams from the porch. It should also be mentioned that at this point, he is holding a piece of Robosaurus and showing it to his son as though like. No, he had to, he had to go in to get Robosaurus. Yeah. That's why he wasn't in the car. Well, I couldn't be there. This damn Robosaurus.

Robosaurus killed that boy. Exploded my child. And then the time travelers there, uh, the black guy, if you're, if you're wondering which one I'm talking about, uh, and he's like pointing over to a, I guess this to me was very confusing. And it almost seemed like this was going to be a time travel story where he was, go back and prevent this bazooka death of his boy as Robosaurus. Because we're now 15 minutes in the show.

I'm like, it is time for our main character to turn into Robosaurus. Obviously, as we were promised. Yeah. This, this is the nightmare that, that turns him turbo teen style. It's gonna happen soon. Instead we're treated to some more flashback or some more voiceover. Let me play this for you. It was the same recurring nightmare.

David's death, feeling of helplessness and despair. And the mysterious figure beckoning to me. It seemed to be somehow tied into the Robosaurus toy that Davey and I had built together. But how? But how? Oh, that's it. I think Zencast actually sped that up for me. So that was nice.

You know, I used to say, I used to say Robosaurus normally, but after watching this entire movie with him going Robosaurus, I can't stop. Like it's like it's a last name. Like it's Mitchell Robosaurus. His formal name is Steel Justice Robosaurus. The third Esquire, DDS. So he just wakes up.

He does not fix this through some sort of time travel. He does not turn into a robot dinosaur. He just wakes up. He sees Robosaurus like in his house and he's like, oh, yeah, I'll just pet it. As soon as he leaves, it lights up. And in any other movie, this would be so fucking sinister. Like it's just these evil red eyes and vicious shark teeth. But no, like, theoretically, this is going to be the good guy somehow.

I like that in case we didn't get it before closing the door, he says, my dream seems to be tied to this Robosaurus toy we built together. He says that to nobody and then closes the door. That's another way that this is quite like anime. I don't know if you guys watched a lot of children's anime in the mid 90s. But oh, man, they sure loved explaining everything in every second of silence. Yeah, it's definitely just a constant, constant running dialogue of exactly what he's doing at all times. Like he has no object.

What is David Nash thinking about? What's motivating David Nash at this very moment? Like, it's just, no, they'll stop the show. He'll look right at the camera and explain it. It's my son's explosion. I'm thinking about it again. Let's roll it again. Hi, daddy. I love you. I love you.

There he is. Bazooka time. Daddy, I've exploded. But you can't bazooka that kid. Oh, so fucking bad. So toons is the driving cat. It's just completely absurd. Even though a cat is dying, it's still, you know. And yet as we learn later, it's not absurd at all.

That's right. They do pay it off. It's not completely random. It's a mistake, but not completely random. But we're getting ahead of ourselves, which was the one rule of this Robosaurus podcast. Sorry. They go to the police station and then we learn that like everything's corrupt. You can just do whatever crimes you want because police can't ever keep all their paperwork straight. Mostly exploding children.

I mean, like theoretically they probably could get a bust, but like it's so hard to do police work without like severely damaging public property, abusing people's rights and killing people. It's just, it's so, you know, you got to feel for these. They were just allowed to do those things or maybe I don't know. This is going to sound crazy, but turn it into some kind of robot dinosaur maybe. So this guy, that scene ends and our hero goes back home to watch a home movie of his son inventing Robosaurus like he does every night. Like this story. This guy's whole life revolves around this toy.

And then we cut to the underground stomp percussion band that the criminal just, they just let him out of jail and he went back to his people and they are exactly what I just said. They all are just stomping and drumming. You know, I thought this was a bar where everybody has to drum like one of those obnoxious theme bars because it pans over literally everybody in the bar and everybody is drumming on something. Even if it's not a great thing to drum on like, like this is the rule that all Latino gangsters in the future do. They go to the drum bar. It's actually a nice community effort and I bet it keeps them out of a lot of trouble. Yeah, I think you're right. He was doing the Lombada with some lady on what seemed to be the dance floor, but there's only like the room for the two of them.

So it looked like this guy's gang just drummed so he could dance with one woman at a time. The party gets interrupted by some like weird commando guy doing a really big personality that's sort of hard to describe or nail down. He's like, the girl wants to meet with you. And he's like, okay, sure. So the Colonel is the, he's the guy has a, my notes say he has a voice like a cartoon porcupine. He's the guy that tried to give Arnold Schwarzenegger the pill in total recall. Yeah, it's just about to say you don't have to describe him to our listeners. Just tell him he's the guy from Total Recall.

Okay, thank you. He has a little Chihuahua. It's like just kind of eight different Bond villains all smashed. They called him the Colonel and then they cut to the guy from Total Recall with a Chihuahua. What? Yeah, and he's not in a military uniform. He's in a military uniform and has nothing to do with the military. But I, you know, he's got sort of a Chihuahua voice too.

And I think, I think it's interesting to see a villain who's like a less menacing kind of dog, but still just like gobbles the shit out of the scenery in every scene. Yeah, I really liked this villain. I feel like he could have used six or seven more things, like maybe a cape, maybe maybe had two peg legs. I don't know. Like I just, I feel like they could have gone into a prop closet and just put some more stuff on him. So the, the guy wants some MG 78s. He's like, I need some MG 78s to kill everybody. He's like, sorry, all I have is these MG 80s.

And the maniac's like, no, no, no, fuck you. And he's like, no, check this out. So they just go outside and they use the MG 80 and they shoot a rocket to kill the guy from the stomp bar. So like, this is what happens when you fuck up around the Colonel. Even though I got, got let go, the Colonel's like, well, I can't have you getting arrested. So he explodes him with the missile. With the rocket. Yeah.

Rocket launcher. I think the MG stands for missile gun, which rules. Yeah. I don't know. Yeah. I thought that's going to be a machine gun. And here he's like, oh, I've got to give you a rocket launcher, which is a very different weapon. I would think that if you want machine guns, someone hands you a rocket launcher.

You're like, okay, I got to shift, shift gears a little bit. This is very, very different from what I think. Yeah. I meant, I meant to kill like some specific people, though. Do you have anything that could let me like specify who I kill is, is really what I'm in the mood for? Well, like a fucking spoon. Get the, take your rocket launcher, get the fuck out of my office. I mean, in this universe, rocket launchers do seem to be the go to weapon for assassinations.

Yeah. After this, I mean, or just, just child killing, unless he was assassinating that child. So at first I thought that like the kid was assassinated because, you know, his dad stepped out of the car and then the kid got blown up. So I thought it was like, they were trying to get the cop and then couldn't. But it turns out that they just were test testing the rocket out and the car happened to be occupied. They own like a trucking company. Like they have so many giant parking lots where they could blow up something more or less without committing 200 felonies and murdering a child. Well, there's a, there's a, the next bit after they explode Gomez, the colonel says, you can take it, you can take down airliners with this thing and Tyrone only understands drive buys, of course, in this movie.

And he's like, is this good for drive buys? And the colonel is like, yes, it's good for drive buys. It is not good for drive buys. That is the worst weapon for a drive buy you could ever have. But I mean, the colonel's a good salesman, right? Yeah. He knows his market. He knows his product.

I, I, I, one of my favorite, like, little things about his character is like after Tyrone leaves, he's like, oh, I missed the days of, international terrorists. They did so much better violence than these petty crooks I'm dealing with now. He really was like longing for the good old days of terrorism. When they, when they had style. So let's see what my notes here says he next he dreams and then tries to decode his dream. So he goes to the titty bar. Can I, can I do the quote with it where he, where he wakes up from that dream and decides to decode it?

I haven't been inside a public library since high school, but the dream had been going on for months. Just good. That's what he fucking said. It's just good. And then he walks past like just the Blade Runner. Like it's already, they're kind of doing a Blade Runner thing, but here they are like walking past like what looks like, like a knockoff of Blade Runners famous like setting. Anyway, in a way, you can't not see it. Like anyone watching is like, okay, yeah, we get it.

Blade Runner. That's what you're going for. Then his beautiful Asian neighbor throws herself at him. I say she's Asian because everyone in this show needs to be identified by race. Because you have to call her that one. Yes. What's her name? Carol Lau.

Carol Lau throws herself at him. She's like, oh, you have a bunch of lame ass dream books. So fascinating. I love stupid dream books too. And she's like, oh, oh, you're just ignoring my advances. Oh, okay. Suicidal cop. I'll try again later.

Like she has no interest in her and she is way out of his league. It's just such a fucking stump. Like he leaves her in a bar to, oh wait, no. We're getting ahead of ourselves. I'm getting ahead of myself. Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself. I should have taken notes like you professionals did. Yeah, normally they try to sell anything about this man as attractive.

But in this scene, he literally just like sits there and waits for her to finish talking. I'm like, that is his role in this scene. You can see her just struggling like, give me a look. Do something. Just he's the fucking stump. He's an unadorned stump of a man. She's just rubbing up on him. Yes, yes.

I need to get back to Robosaurus. Speaking of that penis, I need to go, you know, take it into my apartment. Think about my, my dead son. Unrelated. It's unrelated. I just, I just, I need to take my penis with me, you see. It's not for that. It just has to come with me because it's attached to me.

You get it. Oh, you're still interested. I see. Weird. You love it even more, you say. So he comes back in the Robosaurus is a different spot. Now, as a keen eyed viewer, you're like, oh, Robosaurus has moved. As someone who read the back of the box, you know that this robot is obviously alive and

part of some sort of magic plan. But they still think, you know what, we ought to explain this to the viewers. So the voiceover explains how, hey, toys can't move, but that dinosaur robot is in a different spot. So then he puts it back in the closet and it lights up the second he leaves. I feel like the toy is as frustrated with this as we are. Like when the fuck are we going to merge to form Robosaurus? It's 30 minutes in now and he's still not a robot dinosaur.

So we're long past like the first episode of a 30 minute show. And also it's becoming clear that like he's not, he's not transforming the robot dinosaur. He has a dream connection with the robot dinosaur. Yes. It's just there sometimes looking awesome as shit. Yeah. But when it, but like the dream connections weird because when he dreams about the dinosaur and launching a car in his dream, the dinosaur goes and launches one of the model cars in

his study or possibly his kid's room. As if to further spell it out to you. Like, do you get it? You goddamn idiots. You don't get it still. David, wake up. I'm eating a car. Yes, he does have the dream.

I hadn't thought of though, which is that you're right. This would have been a pilot split into two, which would have been, you know, 45 minutes with commercials an hour. Where's the fucking break point that gets you to watch the second episode in this? There's nothing. Maybe they cut it for the theatrical release. Is it the RoboSource like eyes lighting up in the closet? Like what?

I don't feel because that's 30 minutes in. So like, we'll watch for the break point in the next 15 minutes of notes. Perfect. So yeah, he's, he's having the same dream. RoboSource is still like, Hey, I'm alive. Please pay attention to me. The voiceover explains he's kind of figuring out something is weird. The toy gets out of the closet again.

At this point, I'm kind of turning around on all of it. And I think I love it. My notes say RoboSource is like a hotter ET. I like that at some point he visits a police therapist in this section and he says directly and looks at him and says, I am having trouble separating dreams from reality. But he's like, do you think I'm fit to arrest people, hold a gun and like hold power of life and death over this city? And the therapist's just like, Oh, you tell me.

Yeah, probably. I feel I am a danger to myself and others. Do you think I should have a gun? I'm seeing toys move. And I have constant dreams about time travelers and my son's death. Everywhere I'm emotionally okay. My son is exploding. Sure, whatever.

Always exploding. He does mention that the time traveler is black to the therapist. Just in case anyone's wondering, he does make that very clear. That's just protocol when talking to any police therapist. That's true. That changes the whole dream. The therapist is just skipping ahead. So after you shot the time traveler, what did you do next?

No. That's the thing. That's the thing. I didn't doctor. Oh, this is it. Now you're not making any sense. They're not fit to hold a gun after all. Give me your badge.

Oh, we have fun. Okay. So meanwhile, the bad guy with the scooby-dooby-doo personality, he rocket launches a truck. So basically they've eliminated all of Gomez's gang. Basically is doing random drive-bys with a rocket launcher. He might have changed his mind, but he's like, no, I'm just going to give it a shot. Got to try this. It sounds crazy, but it might work.

They just took, for this, they took gangs and then they set them to rocket launcher like it's a multiplayer match. I mean, you got to have a proper interest curve. You got to escalate your story correctly. And when what you are escalating to is Robosaurus, you got to start with rocket launchers. I think it makes sense. Right. Like tons of 80s movies had taken like gangs, but then they get ahold of more powerful guns.

Like this is firmly a thing. But I'd never seen him just take it so that every gang member has a rocket launcher. Not just a rocket launcher, a titanium rocket launcher. Oh, that's right. They're very special rocket launchers. But they've, they've killed that gang now. So that arc is all wrapped up. And I feel like this might be where they would end episode one to say like, oh, hey, you

thought Gomez's gang was going to be the threat? No. It's actually the other bad guys, the ones that already have all the guns. That other gang is just unrelated to what we're doing here. Tune in next week to see more Robosaurus. And everybody would have said no. Yeah. What?

Of course, the toy from the dream that hasn't done anything. He did eat a toy car. I shouldn't. I should be clear. And he's got a lot of charm. Robosaurus is very clearly a functioning like remote control device that's kind of cruises around the living room and he can sort of spin like a forklift. I really like Robosaurus.

Yeah. This show ruled that would have sold a lot of toys. Yes. Yeah. The practical effects in the, in the show are legit. Nothing to sneeze at. Yeah. They're blowing up trucks with rocket launchers.

Moving a lot of time traveling wizard action figures. Some of the acting is pretty good too. The black guy does a good job, I think. Yeah. His first non-judge role. Fantastic as a. I never once thought he was a judge. Yeah.

No, I got time traveling hippie the whole time. He's honestly like the best part of every scene he's in. Yeah. Well, the next thing is when he like arrests him, right? Well, yes. Because of course, of course he has to do that to his spirit guide. He has held on so long. He knows his spirit guide because he's seen him in like five dreams at this point.

Got to arrest him. They called David Nash to the crime scene of this rocket launcher attack. And he's like about to retire from being a cop. Like he goes up to a CEO and he's like, God damn it. I've had all these dreams. My psychiatrist thinks I should be a cop, but I don't think he's right. And then then he sees like something about serial numbers. And he's like, wait, shit, those are the serial numbers from the rocket launcher.

They killed my boy. Like it's I didn't follow it at all. So they were the serial numbers on the titanium plate from the rocket. We're silk printed, which is and nobody else silk prints their weapons. So it has to be the same supplier. Of course. That's his detective work at work. So, but the dream guy is there like in person.

He's not a vision. He's like, Hey, you're the guy from my dreams. And he's like, yeah, dude, we have a destiny together. And he talks kind of crazy. And then he stops all exposition. He goes, these modern times, the women are spectacular. And then he just starts ranting historically. Like just, I guess the one bit of everyone knows is is mannequin with Kim

control when she just constantly goes on and on about like, oh, this is when I was hanging out with Galileo. Oh, this is when Leonardo da Vinci and me went like to brunch. He's doing that shit where he's just like, yeah, me and Napoleon bone apart. We're all we're all pals. So he might be a time for everybody's also pretty crazy and weird. And he knows David's name. And so David's like, fuck this, you're under arrest.

So maybe around here is when they would end the first episode just to let us know that this show is going to really suck. Our hero is literally arresting the man from his dreams who would help him become Robosaurus. Like that's how not Robosaurus this show is. That is like some of the most like genuine kick in the blue balls. Yeah. Pacing I've seen in in like a story at some time, like, like they finally bring

the man and his spirit guide together. And he's like, OK, the story is going to get started now. I oh, no, the cop in me. It's I can't. I got to arrest you. What are the charges? Time traveling, dick. Myself, you know, as a kid, if I was watching this show and that was where

like the episode break was to an end next week, I think I might have cried. I think I would just start crying. It's really sad. I would have the mechanics to deal with that level of disappointment, not seeing Robosaurus of all things. But the best thing to see. If all the actors turned and looked at the camera and just said, fuck you, you don't get Robosaurus yet.

Like it would have the same exact tone and feeling. So they cut to the bad guys and they actually know the cop. They know David Nash because they killed his kid when they were testing out rockets. Like they know all of this. So it feels like things are coming together. They're each hunting each other because this guy's got to find the guy who does this rocket launcher. And then the guy's like, oh, I know who that guy is.

He killed this kid. He launched his son. He's like, we have to find out if this is just a coincidence. My professional hit man who blew up that convoy just now. I need you to follow this guy. And then if he's the guy, kill him. So I guess each side is trying to kill the other. Except one side knows who the other is.

And one theoretically will one day become a Robosaurus. So I guess that's a fair fight. It's basically death note. Yeah. That must be an anime. So I don't know why I said yeah, because I have no idea. Yeah, that's right. It's like the hit show death note.

Sure, of course. The dream guy is named Jeremiah J. Jonas, which my notes say like, God, let me find it. I don't think you're allowed to name a black character that. I said he should be asking for pictures of man spider. He is a, I think three J's that's taken. He says he was born in a Mesopotamian village. So Jonas is a Mesopotamian name.

Yeah. Nice fucking name time pixie. Get the fuck out of here. The computer guy even asked like, did you just dream him up? Like no one can find him. He doesn't exist. Like surprise. The magic time traveler from your dreams was a real magic time traveler.

You fucking idiot. That you arrested for what? Vagrancy disturbing the peace. Like what are the charges? He just throws him in the cell. Anyway, he says he's 2356 years old. And then instead of saying like, okay, this is all starting to make sense. I believe you.

He's just gloats. He's like, fuck you. You're in jail. A sad cop. And I'm still white. All crops and bastards. Even the robot dinosaur ones. So,

Especially the robot dinosaur one. Especially. Honestly. So this, now who we know to be a fascist lunatic. He goes back home. He runs into his hot neighbor who is just throwing herself at him sexually. She's like, Hey, put those handcuffs on me. He doesn't care.

He doesn't even fucking notice. So then he. He takes her home first before the bar. Yeah. She offers to strip for him in the middle of the street. So he is what he takes her in after she, she. Yeah. After she's like, Oh, what if I got naked?

Would you use your handcuffs on me? Yes. And so he takes her up to his apartment because like. It's pretty clear where that's going. But then his son's toy is in the. He got cock blocked by RoboSaurus. Yeah. He starts complaining about the robot talking about his dead son.

He's like, Sorry about RoboSaurus. My stupid dead kid made him fucking thing. Doesn't even listen for shit walking around eating cars. So they go to a jazz club and they're still stomp of a man. Yes. They're still talking about his dead son and RoboSaurus at the club. And the way they edit it, it made it look like he's just doing this for like fucking. The whole right there.

Oh, let me tell you about my son. He had a hat and he loved to wave before he exploded. The only thing he did not like being exploded. That's the real tragedy. He specifically told me. His favorite things were RoboSaurus and his least favorite things were being blown up with the rocket launcher. His second favorite things.

You get the tragedy, right? Unlisted. So he takes me to an ice bar. We have to mention the ice bar. It's a safe legal way to stay cool. So that's some kind of global warming thing. See, I kind of forgot that this was in a global warming future. And so I was like, I thought this was some sort of, you know, new drug,

like a safe legal way to get cold. And then they show up there and there's a huge block of ice on every table. They have to like look around it and lean around. It's the dumbest and clumsiest thing I've ever seen on a set. Nobody thought that through at all. Super bad. So the dream guy, the, how do you say, I guess he's, I guess he's, I guess I'll just say it.

He's black. He's a very black mother. Yes. He's escaped from prison and he's now playing saxophone in the band. In sunglasses, in sunglasses inside playing saxophone. So the cop is like, I'm sorry, extremely sexy lady who's told me multiple times in the last half hour that she wants to have sex with me and keep saying it harder and harder.

The more I talk about my dead son, there's a black guy out of jail right now. I have to go. What's he doing though? He's playing saxophone. He kind of like lures him sexily up the stairs. He's just, I got to like pipe pipe him up the stairs of the saxophone. He gets up and he's like, it doesn't like, he doesn't get up there and

say like, okay, you're obviously magic. Like the only explanation for what's going on here is that you're magic. He's just, no, I'm taking you back to jail in my personal car. And then he, on the way there, he realizes, oh shit, I left my date. So then he's like, Hey, he calls into dispatch. He's like, someone needs to come pick up my date from the bar. Like, I don't feel this is a responsible use of police resources. She could just get home on her own.

Theoretically. Anyway. And I mean, like the worst part is like a minute after that, he decides to just let the guy go. And it just got back and got her. And where does the guy go? He goes right back to the ice club and plays saxophone with his sunglasses on. I was having a good time doing that.

Until our hero is ready to finish his refusal of the call, which has so far gone on for an hour at this point. It was a weird storytelling thing to do the refusal of the call in like three parts with an interruption. Yeah. So clumsily here, because the guy's like, Hey, you need to start listening to your dreams. That's what the timed traveler says.

And, and he's like, Yeah, fuck you. But like, he's already listened to them. It's all he does. He quit his job because of the dreams he, he tells them to his partner, his stalker, his commanding officer, his shrink. Like there's no character in this movie, not fucking sick of his dreams and how much he listens to them. So anyway, 50 minutes in, still no Robosaurus.

Because the only part of his dreams that he doesn't listen to are the part where he's like, you need to transform a Robosaurus. Come on, buddy. Take the hint. They're all like holding up signs. Robosaurus is like, you could be me. So there's a bomb in this apartment, but who cares? Kill him.

He wants to die. He doesn't want to be in this movie. Robosaurus grabs the toy, grabs the bomb. I don't know how he knows it there. Say it. He just rolls it into an alley. Oh, I fucking love it so much. He takes off adorably, like holding the bomb like he's proud of it.

Like, look at this. I love it so much. And then in case you missed that, the cop is like, I didn't realize it at the time, but I've been saved from an assassination attempt by a friend nearby. And exactly at that moment, they cut to the Robosaurus toy in the middle of the street doing donuts and clacking its claws in victory. I didn't realize it at the time.

It's just like, fuck, yeah, it's me. I'm Robosaurus. I had that in my notes. His quote was, I didn't know I'd been saved by a friend. And as he said that, it's the most fucking beautiful glamour shot of Robosaurus like cruising through the night mist. I'm like, this movie rules just every five seconds, every hour.

There's just this moment where Robosaurus just steals the scene. I love it. Yeah. When it, when this movie goes hard, it goes hard. It's just like, for some reason, they chose to put the same flashback in it four times. And like you said, split up through a refusal of the call. You know what?

Three different scenes. The only thing that needed to be changed for this to be completely awesome is if Robosaurus was like the POV, if this was a non-character. And it was, this was a story about him trying to get this stupid fucking human to realize that just all of the things he does, like whipping his claws out, holding them down. Honestly, I experienced that. I experienced the film that way. That's exactly how I was watching this movie.

I was so frustrated for Robosaurus the whole time. He goes back to work and he tells them about a logo on the truck in his dream. But he, he doesn't say that it's a dream yet, right? He's still saying like, this is my blind snitch. And they're like, you're blind snitch or your magic dreams. He's like, oh, who exists? And so he's very excited. He like, this is a real lead because after the guy blew up his son with a rocket launcher,

he drove into a clearly enabled truck. And so they're like, all we need to do is find the logo on that truck and then we'll know that whoever owns that truck ordered an explosion hit on my son. And what was that logo? It's like a little genie coming out of a lamp. It's an Indian man in a turban over a lamp or smoke making a circle all around it. More casual ladies racism. And then he, he's so excited.

He kisses his partner on the mouth at work. I made a very special note, but this is weird. His partner who it's important to note her like their big character thing is he's constantly treating her like one of the guys. Yeah. And that's, that's their, that's their character conflict. And like you do with the guys, he's excited. So he kisses her on the mouth deeply mouth.

I like that they stayed with her for a second. And she's just like, she's, she's just like thinking, oh, that, that, that Asian bitch. She's not, she's not going to hear him. Talk about his dead son into the wee hours of the morning. Now where's the black guy? We need to find this Indian man. So he goes to Jeremiah J Jonas and they talk about his transformation powers and they slowly,

slowly, slowly get to the promise made by the tagline of the show. And right before he realizes, oh, fucking duh, I can turn into Robosaurus. Of course he just leaves. He's just like, I don't want to hear any more of this transformation crap from your magic dream mouth. So he takes his partner to the bar, confesses that yes, I've been just following shit I see in my Robosaurus dreams. Again, I'm not sure if it's a bar because I think they realized it was faster to turn off the lights than to build a cyberpunk set. So it's just the darkest movie. And they're just kind of by candlelight somewhere.

They go to the trucking company. Well, hold on. This last scene was where he's telling her all this shit. She, she starts that by saying like, you were telling me the wildest stories and none of this adds up. And like, you need to start making sense. And he says, I promise you, you meet me at this bar and I'll tell you the wildest story you've ever heard. It is the direct opposite of what she wants. No, what I'm complaining about, David.

And he sure enough tells her the wildest story she's ever heard. And she's like, all right, I guess. And you know, she got all dolled up for that. She's like, finally he kissed me. Oh, it's happening. And she's like, did her makeup and she's like, oh, we're meeting outside of work to tell a wild story. Like, we're finally going to fuck. And he's just like, my dreams, my dead son, David.

It's, it's important to note that between those scenes, there was also a cutaway with the villains where the Colonel tells his hitman that he must have been lying about putting the bomb in the apartment. He thinks he like chickened out. Yeah, you're a you're a coward. You, you, you coward. That's why you, you got out and didn't assassinate the guy by putting the bomb in his apartment. I know you. I know how this went down. You got to the door with the bomb and then you were like, oh, I can't do it.

And he threw it in an alleyway. Sir, I have exploded children with a rocket launcher. Do it all the time. Does he fucking murders children? I think, I think he doesn't have a problem with this. So he goes to the trucking company to find the leaser of the truck that took the car that killed his boy. And he, the Colonel's like, I didn't do it. But he's like, he clearly did it.

He's like taunting him and he like gives him a big stack of paperwork. He's like, this will prove I didn't blow up your son. I mean, had trucks in the area. I killed your boy. And it's just such a showdown. Just this candlelit like wizards basement. And in case, if in case you don't pick up on the vibe, the detectives like it sure was a weird place in there. Lots of guns, too many guns for a regular shipping organized operation.

And also the Colonel seemed really evil. At the end of that exchange, he asked the Colonel, are you even a real Colonel? And the Colonel says, no, mad that I outrank you. Like, fucking not really. You're in the imaginary army. The same sentence. I'll name myself Star God. There's nothing higher than that.

So he goes home and he meets his partner and he's like, look at all this. His partner is like waiting there to ambush him. He's like, I know you went to that fucking trucking place. You maniac. And he's like, look, I got all this paperwork that proves he didn't do it. And then like, the bad guy's idea to kill him is just to drive his car into him. You can see he's frustrated. He got called a coward because this guy somehow got the explosive out of his apartment.

He doesn't know about Robosaurus. So obviously he's got investment in ramming his car into this guy. If he doesn't do this, his boss is going to think he's a chicken. And his boss tends to blow up people he thinks are chickens. So like, you know, yeah, they thought that little boy was a pussy. There's only one punishment and it's rocket launcher. So he rolls over the top of the car like you do and he comes up just shoots the shit out of the car. So this should be a pretty easy catch for the police.

Like, hey, I got run over. You're looking for a car with 200 bullet holes in it. Instead, he turns around and his partner is dying in the garbage. And she's like, she gives a very long speech about God that is a little strange. Then she goes, I'll be waiting for you up there. So great. More grief for sad cop. Now women want to bang you in the real life in the afterlife.

Just and you're just a stump. You're nothing. You're a remnant of a man. She's dying. She sure had a lot of breath left though, because she like goes through like a whole thing about that. She's like, you know how I said, I didn't believe in God. Well, I do. Like just a whole like sermon about that.

And then she's like, also, I've been secretly in love with you the whole time and like explains her whole character arc. Like by that time, like three minutes have passed and then she finally dies. He's like, no, we could get you some help. No, no, no, fuck that. I got a lot more talking to die. So this poor guy, I think that his neighbor who really wants to fuck him should maybe consider that everyone in his life dies. He's that type of main character. So just just a little warning for her.

His boss finally takes his gun and badge because his partner before she died told everyone about his dreams. Like he's following leads from dreams. So anyway, his boss is one of those like 80s cop bosses who just doesn't believe obvious shit. So he's like, no, boss, I went there to talk to this guy. And then he tried to kill me with a car. And he's like, no, that's just a coincidence. People are always killing each other with cars around here, which, you know, stuff like a problem. Yes.

He's like, I swear, boss, if you go down there right now, there's like 100 guys with machine guns and rocket launchers. It's the most. The legitimate business weapons smuggling operation I've ever seen in my entire life. No, you're fucking crazy. And if you go down there, I'll have you arrested. It's the colonels crazy rocket launcher depot. Everybody knows about that. They're having a great sale today.

You'll find a dusty Dick Tracy car just filled with bullets that I put there. We're not looking to look. You're allowed to run over cops in my town. Well, former cops, give me a fucking badge. So David goes home as a civilian. And the first thing he does is saw a fucking shotgun barrel off and his sexy neighbors. He take she take this opportunity to come into his home and try to fuck him. She sees like a maniac sewing off a shotgun.

She's like, I still want a piece of that. I think we may need to consider the at this point that maybe this lady has some issues. Yeah, I feel like she's got a strange fetish that we may never understand because my fetish is Robosaurus and that's it. The colonel is hanging out with a guy named Tyrone, who is fantastic. He has a gummy haircut with a knitting needle jammed through it rules. He's the best. He talks exactly like the other black guy just just to say a problem. Yeah, any of his lines.

But now Jeremiah shows up and just as David's about to just run in there with a sawed off shotgun into a very into a rocket launcher depot. Yes. And Jeremiah shows up and just fucks up his infiltration. He says, he says, give me 30 seconds of the rest of your life. That almost sounds like something until you realize it means nothing. I mean, that's a that's a fair argument. He's like, Hey, I know it sounds completely crazy that I'm a time traveler who is here to teach you about the power of transformation so that you can turn your son's tiny Robosaurus into a big Robosaurus and fight an entire army of arms dealers. But like, you're going to kill yourself anyway.

So you may as well listen to me. Right. I do love that he's not there to show him a more peaceful path. He's there to say like, no, your shotgun won't win. You need to kill all these motherfuckers with Robosaurus. Don't you want to blast your fire out your nostrils? Make no mistake. I'm not like some time traveling monk.

Like we're going to kill these fucking bitches. So he's like, take your love for that boy and and that toy and turn it into a flaming massacre. So they build and build and build and build as if like it's finally going to happen and then nothing. God damn it. It's just it's exactly what his Asian neighbor would experience. I feel exactly. I was so just I was you know what I've seen this movie and I don't believe that Robosaurus is in this. At this point in our notes, I don't believe it.

Yeah. I at this point, I was convinced he'd never show up. Like he didn't as far as I'm concerned. We are now an hour and 15 minutes into it and he's still not turned into Robosaurus. Even though this guy the whole time has been nagging him to do it. Robosaurus is growing impatient. He's doing Robosaurus shit as the Robosaurus toy. He's like, fine, I will take care of the bomb as the remote control toy.

That's all I'm going to get in this show. I'm sure the remote control toy would have taken down that entire building full of arms dealers if he had to. I like that show too. I just need more Robosaurus. Yeah. So Jeremiah's plan now is to call the arms dealers over and like try to trick them into killing him hoping that Robosaurus will finally save this homeless saxophone player. He's arrested twice for vagrancy. You'll be like, no, you do not mess with my best friend.

The dream guy keep arresting. So that's his plan. To which they say it goes like this. The gangbangers say, what are you doing out here, old man? And he says, finding out a friend of mine is a powerless chicken. And here's the thing. All the gangbangers laugh, but they don't get it. They don't know David's over there.

They have no context. They don't know what that means, but they're like, fuck whatever that guy is. That's how good of an actor he is. And then the boss gangbangers like, nah, don't kill this guy. Just let him go. He's fucking funny as shit. Didn't you hear the line? Let's go get his chicken friend, though.

So he like, he like doubles down on antagonizing the guys with guns. And that's something he's been doing this whole movie. He makes it quite explicitly clear that he can die. That he won't die by natural causes, but if he gets shot, he'll die. And then immediately after that, while a cop has his gun in his face, he's like, while he's arguing with that cop, he's like, what would your dead son think about that? But to paraphrase a wise man from the start of this movie,

you don't say a line like that if you want to survive it. Yes, the two main characters are both tired of living for sure. Everybody with an unexploded son raise your hand. Oops. You treat me like you treat that hot neighbor of yours. Not doing shit. So he keeps fucking with the guards and now it's working. His death is imminent.

And David's like, oh, I've got to save him. And he starts to turn into Robosaurus. And the acting decision he makes here is very much ecstasy. Robosaurus is making him come. He's just over by the gate hiding, he's just getting blasted in his soul's holes by his dead son's toy robot. And there's like a mysterious storm that blows in. His face is lighting up, his hair is blowing around.

Very anime stuff. It seems kind of like he's thrusting along to the lightning strikes, which rules. That's fine. I love it. I wish the whole thing would have been that. And I mean, this is honestly like screenwriting 101, I think. If you really want to build tension,

what you got to do is like have one of your characters go over and just ask guys with guns to shoot him and then have the other character just stand in a corner jerking off as fast as he can. So that he comes before the guy gets shot. So that he comes a full-sized Robosaurus. So that he ejaculates Robosaurus. Jeff, I want to add a fetish to my list of fetishes. We are learning podcast.

So Robo, he transforms into Robosaurus. Wait, no, he's still him. That's what it says in my notes. I was so excited to become Robosaurus. And then it's like, no, wait, what the fuck? Like I'm like legitimately confused for five straight seconds where Robosaurus is over on the side and he's kind of looking over Robosaurus. And that was his power all along was to make the toy big.

But again, I did the same thing. I did not get that. I was like, what the fuck? You promised me like he's going to turn into Robosaurus. And I was expecting like, I don't know, American werewolf in London style transformation sequence or something. Yeah. Like an awesome turbo team, like a useful turbo team.

I'm also confused because I don't know if he like, I don't know if he did transform the small toy into a bigger Robosaurus or if he summoned it because Robosaurus wasn't with him. That's true. So he did ejaculate a Robosaurus. Or maybe it followed. I don't know. I think no one is the most likely explanation.

An hour and 20 minutes for the scene. And this is how much we understand it. My problem is that if he didn't transform into Robosaurus, we know that any maniac with like a monster truck show can make a Robosaurus for $2.2 million. Like that happened in the world we live in. So he doesn't have any kind of a superpower at all. He just is nearby a thing that exists.

And rules. He's nearby a thing that rules, which you know what? It's the best thing he's done so far is to stand next to something awesome. That's true. I got you got to credit the drug dealers, which would see a Robosaurus, which in their world does not exist. So they don't know. Nobody knows this exists.

It's not even a toy. It's a toy they custom built. So the plane throwing 30 foot tall robot dinosaur showed up on their front gate and they were like, we got to kill this thing. It's a fucking work ethic. My God. They don't think like, hey, is this one of the boss's new toys or something? They're just like, we got to fucking kill that.

Whatever that is. You got to feel that. That is enemy. Robosaurus is enemy. And Robosaurus goes about two miles an hour because it really is just the actual Robosaurus that they drove out to this warehouse. So it's a very, it's a real practical effect they're doing. So these guys could theoretically like lightly jog into their place, load all their trucks and leave.

The building's fucked. But like as long as you move at two and a half miles an hour, Robosaurus can never get you. It's like the, it follows monster. Like you just stay on the move. You've got to stay six feet away so it doesn't get you with its one ability, flamethrower nostrils. So here it is just really driving over crates and fences in a warehouse parking lot.

And I love this. It's, it's so real, but also looks so fake. I don't like while it is really happy. They use models. But like, no, they really did it. They just somehow made it look fake. I don't know. It looks, it looks faker than most like 80s action movies.

But we know for a fact that that was a real giant robot that like really tore parts off that building and lit it on fire. Yeah, it's so awesome. And then he reaches in and he grabs the bad guy through the window. And he is squealing and squealing, which again, it's on point for this show. Like people in danger in this don't just die like in an 80s show. They squeal and plead for their life. And it's really troubling.

And it takes, it does take several minutes to kill anybody in this show. Yeah. Yeah. Unless they're, oh wait, no, I was going to say unless they're the partners or the main characters partner. Awesome. No, she took three, she took a solid three minutes after being killed to actually die. Really just the boy got out of this easy.

Yeah. With the explosion. Even he left like 40 minutes of dreams and voiceovers. Oh, and the gangbanger, he died pretty, pretty quick. Anybody who gets killed with a rocket launcher. That's probably why people in this universe. People in this universe are so much more resilient than they are in our set, in our reality.

Right. So they need to kill them with rocket launchers or else they'll just suffer. Yeah. Just listen to him complain for an hour. So Jeremiah walks up while his guys being dangled from. Just squealing. But to be clear, by his suit, like he's not in any physical pain unless like it's kind of pinching his armpits or something.

But he's fucking. But again, he's got a romboceros phobia and he's just learning that. So Jeremiah laughs at him and he like demands an apology. And the guy's words I wrote that you probably wrote this down in your notes, Brockway. His apology. You know, I, I did not. You'll remember when you hear it, he goes, Mr.

Man, Mr. handsome man. I'm sorry. That's right. Really, really good. Mr. Man, Mr. handsome man. He's just. I have like no notes on this script. Honestly, it's perfect.

There's nothing I'd change about it. It's just I'm learning that I will forgive a lot if the last 10 minutes of your movie are Robosaurus. I 100% agree with both of you. I was complaining earlier, but an hour and 15 minutes Robosaurus appears and I'm like, I love it. This is fucking magical to me. Yes, this is great.

It would have been better if you did this at the start and the whole thing was this, but you know what? Fine. Yes. So the first two episodes of this show would have been shit, but then the third episode, you'd be like, okay, we're getting somewhere. I do want to talk about that though, because next to the movie, David is chasing the Colonel through an escape tunnel.

And the Colonel carjacks just a piece of shit, like a suspiciously looking piece of shit, which you'll find out later. It's because Robosaurus eats it. They don't want to like spring for a real fancy car. It's because Robosaurus can do one thing. He can pick up a car exactly that size, lift it up and then blast fire on it. That's the only thing he was designed to do. And he sure as shit does it in this movie.

Yes. And the bad guy is in it. Like this rules. He, they don't say like, oh no, we need to take him in for fucking information or to have him see justice. He's just like, no, Robosaurus ate him. He's dead. He grabs the car.

You just, just a bunch of Chihuahua screams and then they, they, they drop the car on its, on its top just so you know, he did not make it out of that. And then it explodes because that's. It explodes. He does a fucking Jurassic Park T-Rex roar and then vanishes with the car. The Robosaurus and the car vanished to the Robosaurus to mention, I guess. Wait, do they like live in his subconscious now?

Is that how he summoned Robosaurus from? So now he has Robosaurus and a shitty station wagon. Is Robosaurus, is Robosaurus a stand? That's the best fucking stand. I was just thinking that if he is pulling all these dark souls into him, they could do an episode later where they go inside Robosaurus and like, find all their dead villains. The junkyard of horror that lives in David's brain now.

Yes. This is why he can't fuck. He's just got corpses and destroyed station wagons in his brain. We really lost something amazing when this pilot wasn't picked up. I think we're realizing that now. So much potential. I do love that his transformation power was not becoming it. At this point, it's growing on me.

I guess it's weird that they're just toy growing powers. So if his kid had a like a teddy... Or toy ejaculating powers, it's not entirely clear. Yes. He'd be like squirting out his kid's favorite toy, whatever it was, and then be, you know, a giant storytelling bear rampaging through the city or whatever, a giant hockey stick or whatever the fuck. So the next day after this, he is back on the force.

Like they're like, the dreams of his panned out. So they're like, if that's how you get your intel, that's fine with me, officer. And Jeremiah is going to want her on. And then he's like, okay, cool. I taught you how to be Robo source. I really have a job to do. I'm a time pixie. I got to go tell other people how to transform things.

And he's like, you know what? Maybe I'll just move in with you for 50 years. And that's like a real conversation they have just to sort of say like, no, I'm a recurring character on this show. Should you pick it up? In that, in that conversation, maybe slightly before it, David gets a voiceover line where he says, after he summons a Robo source to destroy all of his enemies,

he says, suddenly, I don't feel so powerless. Fucking homie. You were a white cop in an authoritarian dystopia. Like the most powerful thing that ever existed. Like now that I have Robo source, I'm not so scared anymore. He literally went to a psychiatrist and said, I'm insane. Take this power of life and death from me. And the psychiatrist was like, no.

So I think what we're all getting from this right now is that this is probably the most accurate portrayal of a cop in all of fiction. It's true. We have learned this from various tragedies. He's got all the power. He's got all the power. And he's just like, I need a $2 million giant robot

that shoots flames from it. I'm pretty sure that the New York police budget had that underwritten. Oh, yeah. It's why fucking small town police now own APCs. You could see Robo source as an allegory for like police budgets. Just this is the police military spending. Oh, yeah.

The police military industry behind me represented by a robot dinosaur. So this was an important video essay. I see. I see. Yes. No, we've really cracked an important truth about this movie. Also, before we check out of it in that same scene,

the chief who gives him his gun back says, listen, someday you got to teach us all to dream. Might make us better cops. Is that what's wrong with cops? Is that the problem with cops? I was wondering what the message of the movie was the whole time. And then cops don't dream. Cops don't dream enough.

That's the problem. No, the message of the movie was that the power of cum retention grants you control over Robo source. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, Frankfurt. And the podcast comes out. And with Maximalim, ciao. Do you say Frankfurt podcast?

Correct. Correct. Yeah. The power is not trapped. It's not without. Send it to the dogs. For an hour. Come on.

You can do it. 1,900. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, yeah. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900. 1,900, Frankfurt. 1,900, Frankfurt.

Yeah. No, 1,000. In 2020, a crack commando unit was sent to internet prison for crimes they absolutely did commit. These mavericks properly escaped their corporate captors and fled to bespoke comedy websites where they paid the ultimate price. $50.

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