The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 88, Twinkle Ninja Fantasy With Dirk Marshall

Episode Date: August 24, 2022

Seanbaby asks Brockway and guest Dirk Marshall to discuss business and then SMOKEBOMBS into a ninja outfit before launching hundreds of feet in the air, never to be seen again. It's the Godfrey Ho podcast, it's Twinkle Ninja Fantasy!

One nine hundred hot dog! One nine hundred hot dog! Have Podcast Slams with Maximum Hype! Say Hot Dog Podcast Word! Yeah! When you taste that nitrate power You're in the dog zone for an hour! Come on!

You know the number One nine hundred! One nine hundred hot dog! One nine hundred hot dog! One nine hundred hot dog! One nine hundred! One nine hundred hot dog! One nine zero zero zero!

Yeah! Nine thousand! And my co-host is the Thunder of Gigantic Serpent to my robo-vampire Robert Brockway! I know all of those words, but I don't know them all together. I'm Robert Brockway. Here's a Brockway fact. Yes, I have been arrested in a ninja costume. No follow-up questions. God damn it!

For this very special Ninja Challenge Day, we are talking to Portland organs leading Godfrey Ho expert, host of the VHS podcast and hot sauce mogul, Dirk Marshall! It's an honor to be here. Thank you for having me. It's an honor to have you. Full disclosure, Dirk and I have been friends for 20-ish years. We're all drinking buddies from Portland. Oh, I see how it is.

Let's see what gets you on this podcast. That's what I did. Yeah, I earned it. So, some collusion going on, but also, our daughters play together and we share a love of terrible cinema. Terrible is not the right word. You know what I mean. Godfrey Ho style cinema. I think terrible is a pretty good word.

I'm obviously familiar, but I have not watched a ton of these. I think I had seen maybe two back in, I want to say mid-90s, back in like Central Oregon. And I did not remember them. And yeah, terrible is okay. Terrible is okay for this, I think. Some people say Z-grade, which I think is pretty rough. That's very fair, I would say.

For the most part, sometimes he does very competent things. I guess there's a couple of viral things that people listening have probably certainly seen. Like when Richard Harrison picks up the Garfield phone for a ninja mission. Like most people have seen that clip. That was just Godfrey Ho who was like, you know what would be fucking cool here? A Garfield phone. Or that's just what they had and there's no time to go get another one. He's like, are you serious?

You only have a Garfield phone? You didn't tell me you'd need my phone. He brought it to set. It's probably one of those Garfield phones from that beach where they keep washing up. These cursed ocean Garfield phones. Everybody in the movie just picks up a Garfield phone every single time. What are we going to do with these? I don't know, pick up a phone call from a ninja.

It's a fucking ninja movie. God, you're such a genius, Godfrey Ho. Most people have seen, I think we mentioned this in the podcast before, the Cynthia Rothrock movie, undefeatable, where it's like two youth pastors who were just kind of gym buff, like fighting each other until one gets hung by the eyeball on a meat hook. If you search for the greatest fight of all time, it's usually what you'll get. And any number of like very stupid ninja vanished gifs that you've seen, that's probably from a Godfrey Ho movie.

He's made an impact on the world, even if he has no idea what he's doing. It feels like he may have invented the ninja, but also doesn't know what a ninja is. That's a perfect way to describe him, yes. It feels like all ninja roads lead to him, and that's what went wrong. I think about him as a director, kind of like when you first get mad libs, and you don't realize the power that you have, and then as a child you realize you can just make everything bouncing sweaty hairy butts. And that's sort of how Godfrey Ho is, only it's hopping vampires, exploding ninjas,

and sometimes a dollar store robocop. Exactly, God, that dollar store robocop is so good. I knew we wanted to like pick a movie that we could all like watch and sort of discuss together. And my first choice is Robo Vampire, and Dirk was totally like fucking hipstring me. He's like, I don't know, it's kind of everybody's first Godfrey Ho movie. I was like, okay. You really want to be that guy? You guys covered a bloody muscle bodybuilder from hell or whatever,

and that's not something widely seen, so, and I really think the caliber of films that you guys cover. Okay, that was specifically a challenge, though. That was like, because Peter Klein, who was our guest, worked in the movie industry, and he wasn't allowed to talk about basically anything that people have been in. So I had to find an impossible movie that nobody has been in, and there were three people in that movie. You do not. They were in Japan, and they never made another movie again. Like, you cannot possibly know any of these people.

And we still cost him a project. No, Netflix canceled his show. His evil dead ripoff. So about Godfrey Ho, as a director, he has over 150 credits. Jesus. Each one of those movies has at least fucking three titles. He's called himself at least 70 different names during the process of his filmmaking career. Give me some.

Okay, I'd have to pull up IMDb. I did not take notes. They're all like, Bruce Dan Ham. Oh, please. Yeah, Charles Lee. The three movies he did with Cynthia Rothrock, he was Godfrey Hall, which is my favorite one. That's pretty good. Basically his name.

Alton Choong, Bruce Lambert, Henry Lee, Ted Kingsbrook, which is when he did... That's a great one. I'm British now. He is also... Lord Benedict Kingsbrook IV. He was trying to crack the BBC. He's also Willis Chan, but that's spelled like Wallace, but with an I. And it's Prince Carlin, Willie.

Yeah, that was for Clash of the Ninjas, one of my other favorites. I love that one. There's so many. And there's so many people that believe that those are actually different people, which I think is so ridiculous. What was this British one again? Ted Kingsbrook. Ted Kingsbrook.

Right. Fantastic. Trying to write an episode of Dr. Who. Ted Kingsbrook. The other thing that makes this confusing is that most of his films, if not all of his films, are chopped together from the parts of two or three others. And I have a question for you, Dirk. Does he ever use the same original footage in different movies?

There is some overlap footage in some of the films, but because, like you said, there's like three different titles, some of the films have been re-edited, which is really bizarre. But like, I know that when he had Richard Harrison for one film, he cut him into over 20 films. Yeah. Yeah. He basically ruined that guy's acting career.

Who was not like, was not a ninja movie actor to be career. No. Richard Harrison's career died by ninja. Ninja movies. Not even once. I kind of read a bunch of articles to get a take on him. And a lot of people say he's a nice guy to work with, but other people say he's like a triad linked con man.

Yeah. Obviously Richard Harrison did not have a lot of great things to say about God for just because he's like, sure, I'll do a single ninja movie. Why not? And then there he is that the ninja king of Hong Kong. So he sort of had a directing style. This is the interesting anecdote I found where someone said that all he would sort of scream is more acting.

And so he's like, okay, how should I approach this scene? He's just more acting. And so he just wanted everyone to bug their eyes out and like wiggle and like to the scenery. And so like, that's basically all the direction that he gave when he was filming his parts. And generally his movie, he takes like two Hong Kong movies or Malaysian movies, wherever, whatever you can get cheap, whatever's not finished. And then he chops them together and then he films his own random ninja fights that he

sort of sprinkles through. Oh, so all ninjas are proprietary. Oh, and this, I think so. Yes. So he did invent the ninja. I think in many ways, 80% of what people picture in their head when they think ninja is Godfrey Ho's fault. Yes.

So if what they're picturing is like a seven foot tall white French man in a orange ninja outfit, that's like, when that happens in these movies, because sometimes you're just like, oh, okay, this is like a crime show or something. But the top of every syndicate or anything is white French ninjas or Italian people. It's so wild. And the idea of a ninja is like to not be seen, but he's so into these day glow ninjas with a headband that says ninja on it. I think in this case, if you pay attention, all of the low level ninjas that are dispatched

instantly are in all black. And I think that's because they need it. I think that's because they they're so weak, they need that camouflage like to become the night. Whereas the guy you don't fuck with is the day glow orange ninja who you cannot miss in any scenario. If it's just a guy doing ninja stuff in a tank top, like that guy's going to kill 30 40 year ninjas.

Yeah, absolutely. I like God for you because he sort of hates this low shit. So in his movies, like ninjas will just kind of pop into a scene. Like if it's two people talking, you're like, where is this going God free? It's like, you're right. You're right. He can like tell when you're getting bored and like a ninja will just fucking pop in and say, we're doing the ninja part now.

Smoke bomb in from one of one of the people involved will smoke bomb and be a ninja and everybody's like, oh, shit, what? I guess we're doing this. And I do love that you suggested this movie, Dirk, because he does another thing in some of his movies where he kind of goes out of his way to explain stuff in like maybe overly complicated ways. Like he's like, I got an idea on how we can use every second of this footage. Yeah, this guy did this and this guy.

And so I will get to that, I guess, when we talk about the movie, but there's just parts that are way too complicated for no payoff because I don't think he can keep a thread in his head longer than like two scenes. Okay, so I'm not an idiot for not understanding this. This movie is completely insane. So by the end, my notes are just like, well, what? Who is who is this? No, why did that?

Yeah, why are two of the main characters that are going to be talked about named Martin? Like it's just like, right? No joke towards the end, my notes just stop and it's like, ask Sean baby to explain this. Yeah. And I'm going to ask Dirk because I think there's a certain point in my notes where it says that as well. I'm going to kick this shit up the chain. My notes just say, I bet Dirk has seen this seven or eight times.

He might know. I've seen it. I've seen it five times. I can tell you that. But I do like you mentioned the numbers, the Godfrey Ho numbers. And it's a crazy amount of films that he was a part of allegedly because he was taking footage and music without paying anyone for the royalties. I just noticed that he did 41 of his movies in 1988.

Wow. That does not seem possible. It's so crazy. To be fair, that is how a ninja would make a movie. Yeah. It's other years are like 10 to 20, but that one was like, it's so crazy. Those are Bruce Willis numbers. Oh, no.

I also love it. It's like a real busy train ride for Bruce Willis. He just gets one as a filmmaker too. Like he's going to show me something I have never seen before. And he's going to do it using other people's footage that I may have seen before. It's just very gutsy move. Very gutsy. There's another thing that he does in his movie.

I like where, where he realizes he's made too much story and sort of have one character explain stuff. Like a character will just be like rapidly spelling out their motivation. Like, how dare you make a zombie soldier of my husband? We were to meet in the afterlife and I'm not much about to destroy you. If only to undo your curse to give us a chance for love in the next world. Going out to prepare this journey. And then like an actor will come in and like take over the speech and like, yes,

earlier, like what I was saying about the vampires in the afterlife. I want to double up on that, but also a few more notes. It's, I don't know. It's, it's pretty special. No one else would think to do that. No. And also like since the movies have so many names, the people that are actually watching a lot of God free host stuff.

We just create like shorthand for them. So there's a scene in this movie that that's what I call this movie. I don't call it the other three titles in like clash of the ninjas. It's like the cotton ball exploding ninja movie because they explode into actual cotton balls. It's just totally nuts. There's another one where a ninja turns into a stick and trips somebody and you're just like, this is the ninja stick tripping.

If you like, you just. Yeah, there's no question. Yeah, there's no question you call this the fish one. No question at all. So, uh, I think that's enough background on God for you. I think we should all discuss the movie we chose to watch together. Ninja fantasy, sometimes known as empire of the ninjas, sometimes known as ninja project, sometimes known as twinkle ninja fantasy.

I got twinkle ninja fantasy and I have some notes on that. I believe that one of, one of those things, one of those words in that three word title was in this movie and the others were very not very not. Yeah, I, I love his titles and I just wrote a couple down and I just would like it if the both of you could tell me if you would be in just based on the title. I'm going to say yes before you. I mean, I would have been in on twinkle ninja fantasy on the way.

What about thunder ninja kids? The hunt for the double boxer. Hell yes. Scorpion Thunderbolt. Uh huh. Ninja operation license to terminate. Yes, that, that is what my ex-girlfriend called me. Ninja Terminator.

That's what I'm actually seeing that one. You've seen that one with the tiny robot. It doesn't even have a Terminator. It's amazing. Uh, and then full metal ninja was the last one. I was like, no, I'm out. Well, yes, the tiny robot was like a knockoff Omega Supreme. If I remember.

Yeah. Was he tiny in the movie or was it like they had a tiny robot and we're trying to make it seem like it's, it's their big deadly robot. No, it like delivers a message. It like slowly walks to a man and delivers a message. It's basically all it does. It's like literally a comedy beat from the Kentucky fried movie where there's all these ninjas and they're like a toy robot and they're

like freaking out over the toy robot. But like they fucking did that for real years after that as a non-gag. And I thought that was pretty palsy. What if, what if this wasn't a joke? I also like how they always have like little pewter ninja things that you'd get from like the mall ninja store and like they'll put those there as like ancient magical artifacts.

There's a clip I love where like a guy gets delivered to his office job like, like a little hand holding a ninja sword and he pulls a napkin off of it and he sees this fucking like eight dollar Chachki from the mall and he goes, ninja challenge. His friend goes, oh shit. God damn it again. Are you kidding me? Eight ninja challenges today.

I'm getting anything done. That's the other thing is like the way they drop the profanity. It feels like a seven year old who just learned how to swear. Yes. I love it. So, okay, let's talk about this movie. We start off and some guy gets pulled over and he gets his permanent inspected, his documents are fake.

He's like, fuck this. He jumps out and it beats him up. And then during a free stream of the title ninja fantasy, there is a shadowy gun fight. We can't see a fucking thing. Could not see it. That's how the movie opens. The whole thing we don't know doesn't trust a guy he doesn't know

and fight. Okay. Fight in the fight in a fucking swamp in the dark, in the middle of an eclipse, fucking underwater. It was incredible. I had no idea what was going on in this movie for like 20 minutes. Yeah. Just shapes like most filmmakers would call this a waste of film

because you can't see anything. God for you, I was like, this is my credit sequence. It's got some music to put over it. And it was even harder because like you can only go off of sound, but it's that old style dubbing where it's like three guys who have a total of five voices they can do from like inside a bathtub. I'm the ninja that talks like this. I'm the ninja that talks like this.

And then those two will repeat over and over into other characters and you can't fucking, because there are three pixels to work with in this copy, you could only be like, is that the guy from before? There's no way to tell. At one point in this movie I wrote down, I think two of the other guys were sick and just one guy had to dub this part. Yeah. It's very possible.

I like all the fake outs too. Like during this fight, a guy with a white top hat shows up and he's like, oh, I recognize the thing. I'll be able to recognize this guy later in the scene. He must be important. He just gets immediately shot. I'm not kidding. Visually, I picked up none of that.

There was a guy with a white top hat that got shot, which seems awesome. I did not see it. I had no idea. So I don't think we need to know any of those characters. I don't think any of them come back. I don't understand why this inspection happened. I think they all died and it was all, all of them made this noise. Son of a bitch.

So they cut to the next day and there's some ninjas hiking. They're opening drug boxes. I love it because one of them screams, let's grade it. And then instead of, instead of like pulling out a chemistry set, they pull out the red ninja who comes up and sticks a bunch in his mouth. They call out the ninja, the ninja who grades cocaine. We got to grade this. Get the red ninja.

Those are our cocaine ninjas. He said, all right, guys, step back. Excellent. Very delicate process. Handful cocaine in the mouth. That's the first thing we see a ninja do. And this movie is cocaine. That's a good point.

Perfect. So they do say they have 10 grand worth of cocaine. And from what it looks like, this is a pretty special operation. This is not something to do every day. So these ninjas look like they're making about 10 grand a week, 10 grand a month. We don't know. Split.

Split like 50 ways. All these ninjas. The red ninja probably gets most of it. Yeah, that's what he eats. No, I think that was his face. All right. You did your job. And it was also the payment for the job all in one.

It's like, I fucking love my life. Now I can do backflips. There's someone watching them. It's a narcotics agent. He goes up to them solo, like fucking hundreds of ninjas. He's like, send her. But they're ninjas so they don't. Here's a couple of weird things happen here because he,

he shoots one of them and it doesn't do fucking anything. Did you have any thoughts on that? Several of them and we're explicitly shown that they don't die when you shoot them, but we're also explicitly shown that they don't like it. It's always make this like frowny face. Damn it. What's your problem? Wasn't sure if they're just magic or just tough.

Or if I can just, they, I mean, they're, yeah, but later the ninjas are very fragile. I guess, but they are fighting other ninjas that there's that ninja three rule where only a ninja can kill another ninja. I think it's also a possibility that the squibs went off early and they, we can't, we don't have the footage to do this again. So it's just, all right. Yeah.

We'll do another take and Godfrey was like more acting. It's the only English he speaks. It works. No, no, no, we can't use the take the stuntman fell over because the squib way too early. More acting bigger eyes. We can't use the squibs. Wait, am I doing the more acting or okay.

So it does not go well. The, this drug agent who decided to single-handedly take down a ninja camp. His plan was to hold them at gunpoint for an unspecified amount of time. I guess he was going to have them handcuff each other. I don't know. It was a bad plan.

They cut to some street gambling and a fight breaks out. And then the. And so someone runs over construction site. Yeah. No sense at all. I was just rereading it and I'm like, Oh no. And it's exactly what happens to the movie. I, okay.

I literally had only everything from this point on just has question marks at the end of every sentence. So I'm probably going to speak like that, but I think, okay, I think this guy's name was Jim, the guy who's gambling and does something wrong. That's possible. And I think he shows up again. Many times in this movie, it is impossible to tell there were

eight pixels total and they were shared between every actor. I think Jim's role, if it, if this was the same guy was literally just to get the shit kicked out of him over and over and over for no reason to no character development. Yeah. That's an important job. Is that correct? Did you guys get that same takeaway?

Did I pick that up at all? Well, it does show the importance of communication on a job site because there is a lot of parts where one man goes to another man and says, someone's fighting Jim down in the quarry and then another guy goes to tell on that guy to a lady. I actually, that's one, I think I have two grand lines. I wrote down in this, which was, Paul, look, Jim's being done over down in the pit.

It's true. And when he says being done over, they were like spraying him down with a fracking hose. Like he's just being fucking covered in muddy chemicals. That actor died from 20 different diseases that afternoon. They also, they threw him down like a porous rock hill and did slow motions. And that's the worst possible thing you could do because it

doesn't look very impressive, but it fucks you up really badly in real life. It's like the opposite of stunt work. Maximum damage, lamest shot. Another way to describe a God for your movie. So again, this, we cut to this, the scene where just several people are being beat up. We don't understand why we don't understand who they are.

They tied to a truck and start dragging him out of the quarry. And I really liked this because this truck is like, we're just struggling and revving like the dude weighs 50 tons. It's a reverse a Suzu commercial. Just that truck was having such a hard time with Jim, with getting Jim up a soft hill. Well, they're just murdering this stunt man for no good reason. Right.

And then there's a series of tattling, like Dirk said. I have that in my notes that the scene had two different tattles until it finally gets to a woman who pulls a gun. And then they're like, okay, well, this lady is going to shoot everybody. Fine. We were fine with the fracking hose and the quartering the man with the truck, but. And once again, I think we end this scene having not met any of our

main characters. Correct. Or the story or having met the central plot. Correct. My notes say cut to some new guy talking about drugs. They must know the ninjas. They don't. They don't.

That was me with high expectations of God for you. He did not meet. So we're cutting, we cut again to some drug agents and they want to get revenge from the agent we saw earlier. I have no idea how they found out he died, but they did. Another theme of this movie is everybody knows fucking everything about everybody. And I think my theory for that is because that's God for you.

His way of explaining to the audience, like what's going on, which he sometimes. Oh, it did not work. It did not work. No. But I think that was why the characters have information they shouldn't be able to have. Now, did anybody else pick up what they called themselves?

The CIA. They called themselves the United States Drug Agency, which is shorthand for the USDA, which we already have a USDA. We do have a USDA. And that is not what the USDA does. Just. I bet the USDA would have a problem with how that red ninja tests cocaine.

No, that's not. You can't count that. No, you have a hand washing station if you're going to eat cocaine like that. They do got beef with ninjas, but I think it's a different kind of beef. Thank you. Good night.

That's a 10 out of 10 joke. God damn it. So these two, they have some drug agents and they're just in the dark. They're sharing a system. They have some drug agents and they're just in the dark. They're sharing a cigarette, watching a presentation video. And the presentation video is a scene from a movie that God

freehose taking clips from, which is another trick that he uses to like work these plots together. So they're watching just home videos. And while they're watching, you're like, oh, that guy's Jim and that guy's Martin and that guy's also Jim and that guy's another Martin. So they're trying to like help us along uselessly. Like we have no context for any of these names they're dropping.

And there's no way to pick them out because this is again, they played a low res video in a low res video. Yes. I needed your help to know that it was a video on that. Like there was just two smudges moving. I don't, I don't get what's happening. What are they looking at? I just wrote Martin Smith and Martin Clay are the main two drug

dealers question mark. You might be right. That's the, that's the information I supposedly got. Also, I've seen everything that you can possibly watch from God free. Oh, now because of Sean baby asking me, he's like, you've probably seen it all and it hurt me to admit I hadn't. So I've watched everything I can now.

I saved you into it. Yep. This is the first one I've ever tried to understand the plot too. So this was really wild. Yeah. It's impossible. I don't think we, we're going to do it, but we're going to keep,

we're going to keep finding because at this point in the movie, we sort of have some plot and characters after, I don't know, like seven fight scenes, which to me says a perfect movie. Like this movie had seven fights and then we finally learned someone's name. It does not turn out to be valuable because I think they got replaced or they died. It doesn't matter.

I think so. Again, I like, I would almost feel racist, but I swear to God, it's because none of them have full faces. They, they all share a pixel. You cannot tell. You just, there's no way. There's no probable way. There's that too.

And they're all being done by one guy doing three voices. So it's just, it's a game of guess who designed for you to lose. When they have the same name, face and voice. It's not really fair to the viewer to pretend they're different people. An age old ninja trick. There's a, there's a section where the, I think the main guy needs to go to investigate. And it's this.

Hello, Jack is dead. Who are the murderers? I think it was Martin Smith. Take me to Martin Smith's house. I want to investigate. And then it goes, are you serious? And then he says, yes, I want to find evidence. Take me to Martin Smith's house.

I want to investigate it. Sounds like a good place to look. That's how, that's how an investigation is conducted. God, let's go investigate this. I am a police. Give me the information. Thank you for the information. Let's go get some more.

That's, that's Peter and Peggy in that scene. Those are the two names that they said maybe three times in the movie. Yeah. I didn't get Peggy until like deep into act three. I had her as unnamed girl in so many of my notes. And then finally it's like Peggy, but I didn't do a, I didn't go back. So, so some of my notes might have unnamed girl, which might be Peggy. Yeah.

That's fair. It doesn't, it doesn't matter. I know more about this movie than God for you does. And I think that's what matters. I didn't even write down guesses at the character's name. So the ninjas, they know that these drug agents are coming or somebody's coming. And then they try to explain the film again, which I appreciate, but it did not work. So we went from no information to maybe too much information.

And now we know they're kind of good going to do a Yojimbo. They're going to start riots between the local drug dealers. This is the ninjas plan. Yeah. Then that will distract them from the ninja drug dealers so that they can have all the drugs. Again, seems to be about 10 grand a month. For ninjas.

Yes. I think this is the scene where one ninja puts his hand over his mouth and whispers to the other ninja who then says, good plan. Start it once. They do that a couple of times. We were in actors like, and here's the start of a sentence. And then they just cover their hand and put it up to somebody's ear, which is such a mystery because like, you know how we're at the edge of our seat?

Like, oh, there's just one tiny little hole in this plot. That's, oh, what's that whisper? I love it. He's hoping to start that lost in translation mystery. What did he say? What do you think he said? What do you think Browner thing said to Blue Ninja? He's going to be at some college talk for the release of his indie film, his career.

Someone will stand up and say, God for you, big fan. I just have a quick question about twinkle ninja fantasy. Did you get this a lot? What did Brown Ninja say to Blue Ninja? Go back to him. Oh my God. Thank you. So then the new agent, he goes there to find the ninjas, but he's already being stalked

by ninjas and also a weird giggling guy in the bushes who I don't recall if he makes a second appearance, but he just like the agent guy leaves and then this guy steps out of the bushes and just stops to giggle. I thought that's fucking great. That's a Scooby-Doo shit. I don't even know what that is implying. I was like, is that implying somebody's tracking him or that they sent him here as a trap? Or is he just going to jerk off to that? Just unrelated pervert.

Yeah, just an unrelated pervert. So there's another businessman hiding behind a tree who's also following him. Everybody knows everything except of course the audience. So now we cut to some guys that are talking drug deal failures and a second covert plan. The agent is watching this entire thing and so the businessman attacks him. I love it. The one who's stalking him. And so we're like, okay, great.

It's a fight. But this finally lasts two seconds before our agent guy's like, oh shit, this guy's kicking my ass and he just leaves. Great. No notes for that. But then he becomes a ninja or maybe an unrelated ninja arrives. It's hard to tell. Is this the blue ninja or the brass ninja?

He's the blue Psy ninja. Okay. And then he comes back and then the businessman turns into a black Katana ninja, which is very much like a 10 year old, 10 year old's understanding of ninja rules, which I love. I would like to hereby refer to them as business ninja and narc ninja. Okay. I think that's, do you think that's fair? That's better.

Yeah. That's fair. Okay. So narc ninja wins this fight. He kicks him and then he knocks him 20 feet over a fence, which you'll never guess how they filmed this shot. It looked as if some guy jumped from something very tall and they reversed the footage. I was going to say, I have my notes, but it looks like he fell to his death and then

they reversed the footage, but that can't be right. That can't be. That can't be how they did that. That's the end of the fight. Like they don't really show him leave, but it's like, he's just kicked off into the sky and they're like, well, going to take him a while to get back here. So I guess that's over. There's like two parts in this that I love so much.

The part where Peter, who I think is the, he becomes the blue ninja, but he blocks the sword with his forearms and then explodes into blue ninja with his size. Yes. And then the other part is where the business ninja leaps up in a tree and Peter can't figure out where he went. Ninja magic. He doesn't know about op yet. So good.

I'm still, I just, I can't even picture that ninja just kicking him off and then it's never resolved. It's just never resolved. Still out there somewhere. Business ninja stalking the night, giggling from the bushes. He lands. Show me in another movie. Cut it into another movie.

I need closure. Oh my God. Can you imagine if he tried to tie that into another movie? He kicked him into another movie. So my notes now say that there's a driver they want to bribe. And so they go to his house and they're like, Hey, driver, tell us where the drug deal is going to be. And he's like, I'm loyal.

I'll never tell you. And, but he's a kung fu man. So he, he jumps up and fights. It almost seems at this point that every person in this entire world is a kung fu fighter and it's the only way they've ever considered solving any problem. So he loses by whoever that guy was. I think that's Jim. I think that's Jim again.

And I think he gets the holy shit kicked out of him because I don't know. I don't actually have a guess. I think it's the same guy. And I think he gets his just ass absolutely. I think maybe he just made God free. He like got him the wrong coffee. Just gonna kick your ass the whole fucking movie. Congratulations.

You get lines. Oh, thank you. Not, not, not so fast. They're all, oh, oh God. Oh, we now cut to a swimming pool and there's like a sexy lady and some guy, one of the drug bosses. And they start doing a lot of exposition that seems useful if it was some other movie, but very useless here because they're talking about characters we haven't met yet and the

loyalty of those characters and how one of them is not, does not have a very good attendance. And I'm like, what? I swear to God, one of them doesn't show up. Like they're talking about people that haven't been in the movie and then refuse to be in the movie. Yeah. They're like reading my favorite line. It says Jim is supposed to be here today.

What was the line? Oh, so this has one of my favorite lines. She says, you shouldn't think so much. You know how you are in bed when you've been thinking. Which I was like, what does that mean? God, it's so, that's such a deep insult. That fucking is going to bother him for years. That's going to, that gives you a rectile dysfunction.

That's what happened. Like you are now all of a sudden are going to think of that every single time. Be like, Oh God, she's right. I thought and now it's gone. Do I overthink it when we're fucking or not think enough? God damn it. Ruin that man. So Rose, I think as this sexy girl's name immediately betrays that guy.

So the character we just met seems to not want people to die. And so she turns on, just turns her back on this life of crime. Basically everyone in this movie shows up and either turns into a ninja or betrays everyone. And then sometimes they cut off and sometimes both. Yes. And then they cut to some trucks. And here's one of my favorite lines. Once the trucks are arriving, one of the ninjas says, put even more explosives on the road.

It's a great plan. You wait until the bad guys show up, of course. And then you run out there and quickly dig some landlines. No, but the implication is that it has already been mined. And he's like, yes, he's here and he just got so excited. Fucking mind it again. Do it all again. And they do.

And it works. So there's a convoy ninja ambush and a gunfight. The agent is there watching and he's like totally going to just jump in this random gunfight. He's like, oh, fuck this is so awesome and going in. But then he's got this lady contact. He's like, no, no, no, don't jump into the random gunfight. That has nothing to do with you. He's like, okay.

But then then there's a scene where everybody looks at each other. Like there's bosses watching the ambush and they look at the ninja agent and the agent looks at them. I think they kind of react to each other, but then they just leave. I don't think they were supposed to be in the same shot. I think two shots got mixed up. And then they definitely caught it. They definitely weren't in the same spot, but I couldn't tell if they were like looking at each other across the gunfight. In any other film, it would be very clear visual language.

That's what that's what's happening, but like most of this movie is mistakes. So you kind of have to forgive stuff. Yeah, you're not even sure if that was supposed to be there. So how can you possibly guess the motivation? But when the agent leaves, there's now a hunting scene in the woods, but not for the agent. It's just some random survivors from the gunfight. Yeah, Peter and Paul get tracked by the ninjas. Is that the right?

That's where we are in the movie. Another favorite line here is he says, oh, Paul, I am so very thirsty. And the other guy's reply is, I'll be right back with a glass of water. Just going to carry it through the jungle. Glass of jungle water. I'll go get some lemonade from the jungle lemonade stand. So the agent and his contact are following the ninjas and they do a fucking full on like ninja vanish while they're watching them. And you won't ever guess how they did this shot.

They held the camera very still and then they had all the ninjas get out of the frame and then they hit record on the camera again. The only thing that I wish was in this movie that's in so many other Ninja God for your movies is the part where they run behind trees and then vanish and then come out from behind other trees, which he loves so much. I wish he was in here because he figured out how to do that. He's like, guys, I have an idea for a shot. They're like, I think the six year olds watching will figure out how you did that shot, Godfrey. I don't think it counts as a special effect when it's something your dad does like on the Christmas camcorder video. I don't think a cut counts as a special effect. And so now here we are at what is easily the best moment of this movie, maybe any movie where they're now, they can't find the ninjas.

They just start wading into the lake. The tonal shift here is like they're from this chase scene. They look around for the ninjas and don't see them. So now they're going for a walk on the beach together. Like immediately they just stumble on the beach and are like, oh, beach. All right, let's get our walk on. They just get walking. They walk straight into the water in their jeans and tennis shoes like dementia patients.

And then in the water they start seeing all these catfish. And then suddenly the catfish start jumping out of the water and no bullshit explode. Just just fish flying at them and exploding. Never in the history of humankind has there been an explanation for how ninja exploding fish could manifest themselves. But somehow these ninjas vanished, either became fish or summoned fish. I had to rewind it several times at that point to be like, what am I missing here? There's a missing component that would make this make logical sense. And it never did happen.

So I had to just let it play out and then piece it together backwards like, oh, okay. And you have to remember the budget these ninjas are on. 10 grand a month for the whole army. Yeah, you have to eat a lot of coke to turn into a fish, I think. So Brock, wait, did you know the scene was in this movie when you were watching it? No, I had no idea. Like I said, I've seen two Godfrey ho movies and that was when I was a kid and I did not take notes. So yeah, I never stood.

I never stood a chance. I took notes this time and it's the best way to see the Godfrey ho movies is not knowing the scene. It's going to be known. I know bullshit. I rewound it several times sure that like there has to be some context like what is this pixel? Is this a fish pixel? What is happening here? And then I finally was like, I'm never going to get it.

And I let it play for a good five more minutes. And then we went, it was like, okay, those were supposed to be ninjas. I'm not sure why they exploded and didn't turn into ninjas at first. I think that's what threw me. And then later they exploded and did turn into ninjas. It's so confusing. The first ones were done. They were supposed to be.

When he gets a sword and stabs a fish and then as he flicks the fish off the sword, it turns into a flying ninja. I was like, come on, this is incredible. That's the best. Yeah, that's when you get it. So when he stabs a fish and then he pulls it off of his sword and then it poofs into a ninja and dies. Until that moment, I thought this was like a ninja sorcery or a ninja weapon. Like these were grenade fish. Yeah, that's what I thought too.

And then, yeah. And then it's like, no, these are the actual ninjas that are exploding. Like giving their lives to kill a DEA agent. They fucking ditched. Like he has no idea where they are. They are also fish. They could presumably just swim to somewhere, a different shoreline and leave. There's no way they knew that they were going to be there.

So they had just been living as fish. But died as ninjas. It reminds me of your turbo teen episode where you're talking about him turning into the car at like totally inopportune times. If you're a lethal ninja and you're like, no, but I'll turn into a fish and attack the person. It's like, that's the wrong direction. You're right. They might not have had a choice. They might have been cursed by some sort of science ray that turned them into fish.

And then they got, they got horny under the water and exploded into ninja. They love those feet. Like they walked in with their fully clothed feet in the fish. I can feel that horniness. But the agent has now turned into a blue ninja to fight the remaining fish ninja who are now in ninja form. He starts killing a lot of the fish before they explode. They turn into ninjas. It's fucking amazing.

There's a scene where he swims through the water like hacking his sword through the water. And my note here says their suits fucking suck for the water. Like they come out and they're like sticking to their head sideways. They can't like see out of the ninja hole. They are quite literally because they're ninja face masks and they're soaking wet and then they have to like dunk each other. They are quite literally being waterboarded. They're waterboarding themselves this entire fight. And the whole fight is in slow mo, which is a really bad decision because we can see how bad it is.

They're just sword fighting the water and they're just fucking missing and gently tapping each other with swords. They're just like fucking around, just jumping and spinning with these toy swords. One of them throws a drop kick. Just the most gentle of taps on the guy's chest. And it's just in slow mo, there's no mistaking it as like just a botched move. Like, okay, cut. Let's fucking try that again. I thought that was a sweet two footed drop kick.

I will. I'll forgive a lot of water boarded ninjas for that sweet two footed drop kick. Captain Kirk style. He did make contact with one eighth of one of those feet. So it's a pretty good shot. So then blue ninja gets grabbed by surprise other ninjas who like swam up as fish and grabbed him. And then he maximum ninja away by ditching his costume and vanishing. Like he vanished so hard that he like Obi-Wan Kenobi disclosed.

And I mean, that's at least triple ninja. Those guys were fish, but this guy's somewhere nude. Like he vanished. Nude in the jungle. Fantastic. He could be a fish again. We don't know. That's true.

There's no reason I think this guy couldn't also be a fish. So just ditch the fight and just like, fuck it. I'm fishing out of here. He's like out there in the lake. Like, how did the fuck do you guys transform with your clothes on? Because I am a fully nude fish. So we cut to drug dealers shooting at each other because they found, what's his name? Peter?

Yeah, possibly. Okay. So they're maybe maybe Peter. You could make an argument for it. It's the most I'll give you. You could just pick a name. No, it's going to be Jim. I don't think there's been a Peter before, but okay.

We'll call him Peter. So they're hunting Peter and they throw a grenade. And there's like a lady with Peter and she gets just hit by the grenade. Peter's nowhere near it. They leave without checking her body, which is pretty classic villain move. But one of them like doubled up on that like bad trope by saying, that should have done it. It's just very clearly telling us to the audience, we have decided that explosion probably killed

them. And also it was a hand grenade. So yeah, it probably should. It was a hand grenade against a love interest, which would have died to a bullet. Would have died to a strong word. It definitely killed her, but did like nothing to the other guy. That's another thing about this movie is people are taking bullets or hand grenades and they'll kind of go to another scene and be like, oh, I got shot.

And then they'll be fine after like getting their head forehead dabbed with a Kleenex or whatever. Very fast healers in this film. So everyone back in town is sad about the dead guy and they, they hate Paul. Paul is the guy that almost got hit by a grenade. I don't know if he was in the movie before that moment, but they go back and they're like, hey, the big drug boss is dead. Paul did it.

And they're like, oh, Paul did it. I agree. I believe you. And so that's now the drama of the movie. Those are the stakes of the movie is that Paul has been framed for the death of this crime boss, who everyone loved. And we possibly know Paul, so we're invested. Yes.

I think either the actor got replaced or something, but like, I, I think he's Paul from here on out. The bad ninjas have the spy contact, the lady that was hanging out with our ninja agent. I think this is Peggy. In my notes, say she doesn't have a name, but that means she must have been revealed to be Peggy later. Yeah, it's Peggy. So, so those are our two dramas.

Is this the scene where, where she mourns the guy that wanted water in the, in the jungle? Yeah. I think so. Yes. There's a scene here where it was amazing. She goes, the dialogue was, oh no, why did you die? I can't stand it. I just want to die as well.

Oh, and then she faints for a minute and everybody kind of looks at her and then she gets up and goes, oh no, she's back up against screaming. And what was, I think what was supposed to be happening was that she's supposed to be a bad actress in this scene, but she's also a bad actress in the movie and she's being dubbed by a bad actress. And directed by someone who said bigger, bigger eyes. Bigger eyes, more acting. It's like five inception levels deep of just shit that you have to wait through and like,

so what does it mean? There's no way to tell. Well, they do explain it here in this next scene. They cut to the pool and then she just lays out exactly what just happened, which I, in my notes says, thank God for this because I was confused. And it's just like, it's perfectly executed explanation of what we just saw. There's also one character that they keep mentioning because in this scene, Clay's wife, Rose finds out that he's dead and then Django has to deal with the body.

They keep referencing this one character Django where I was like, wait, we have two Martins and then there's a Django. I don't think Django is in this movie. I don't think he showed up. I think they meant to include him in later shots. Yeah, that's definitely true. He might have been that ninja that looking across at the guy in the gunfight. There's no way to tell.

So there's some gunfight. There's a gunfight between people we don't know. One of them lived. He's taken in by a girl. This new guy is the son of Clay. Yeah. So I think now who is the crime boss? The one that's dead loved.

Yes. Yes. Paul killed. Okay. So that means that means this Paul didn't kill this scene with a gunfight in the town that that he just barely escaped. They, they did like the background chatter of the crowd. Only they only had like two guys and they forgot to isolate the audio.

So you can plainly hear one guy just go murr burr murr. Hey, hey. Arma. Arma. Arma. Hey, bird bird. Bird bird. And then there's a gun.

It's just the little details that make these movies so magical. Murr murr. Hey, hey, hey, Murr. Murr, Murr, Murr. So this new guy, the son of the crime boss, he's like kind of a fighter. a fighter like so he he sees some bad guys coming while he's resting from his ass kicking and he like ninja evades them then comes down and fights some different guys I might my notes at this point have so many question marks yeah

it's all question marks from here on out well we've introduced four different main characters and some of them are just gone possibly flying through the air into another movie one of them's definitely a fish and then there's this new guy who's clearly the new main character who wants revenge for for the bad guy of the previous yeah sure so so he also can't fight for shit so he keeps getting in these little fights and losing really hard I put down that there he's losing all these fights to the Malaysian Mentos song which is what I called like this this little this little tune that keeps getting played during

every fight is that the one with the wacky boing boings in it it's just this happy little candy song another fight another lady breaks it up with a pistol which is how they've stopped a fight for the second time in this movie the ninjas at this point like we cut back to them and this is a god-free hosene and so it is just ninjas branding this lady spy just for no reason just laughing and branding her and yeah Peggy and then the main ninja comes out and he like wants to actually get information I was like oh shit are you torturing her we should probably ask her some questions and he's like splash some water on her

wake her up and one ninja grabs a bucket of water that is filled maybe one sixteenth full and he goes he recharges it up he's like charging up the bucket throw and he goes take that it takes the tiniest amount of water on her but all full ninja attack with this bucket of water throw which I guess that when you have the ninja costume on I think everyone knows this you can't not do that like if someone like you just waving hello in a ninja costume you're like he also says wake her up and torture her again yes she is an iron woman she is an iron woman okay so this means we have jumped past one of my

favorite lines see this is why it's so impossible to talk about because I'm never even sure we're talking about the same thing and there's no way to tell unless we have like five minutes of discussion and we all remember the right ninja doing the right crazy thing at the right moment we're like okay we're at the same point in the movie but there's a there's a point where the guy the new guy whoever the new guy is is like being nurtured by the woman she says just take it easy and rest and he says but hmm no I've got to take revenge to think about it I can't just sit around like oh it does sound good to take

a lot no I got to do this across several lines of dialogue but we don't have the footage for that so all of the conflict will be here in this line anyway I'm sorry to derail you but that happens somewhere between one of the points where we're talking in this point yeah we're talking there's there's another line that we had jumped where we learned that Rose was in on Clay's murder and then the dude that she's with is like I've employed first-class killers and I was like how is that not what this movie is called absolutely and that was like the setup line to like this the other movie arriving I've employed first-class

killers from a different movie here they come now on motorcycles and more guys from tracks I wish so they so here's this guy he's he seems like he might be like a detective in the original movie but in this movie he's very clearly just some fucking random guy who can't fight he doesn't know how to investigate anything yeah he's trying Bob Bob right trying to solve solve Clay's murder and his next idea is he's going to follow his stepmother who is Rose who was Clay's wife who pretended that Paul killed him okay so we're all caught up so this dude's Bob's plan to fucking follow Rose

is just go stand out by some shitty pile of debris out in the jungle wait for her car to drive by and park right next to that pile of debris and so he does that like that's his plan it works perfectly and then here comes Paul who is stalking her and so now Bob and Paul are having a fight Paul throws a watermelon Bobby and he fucking kicks it out of the sky which is fucking slow motion just shatters watermelon that was a great decision try this at home next barbecue have someone toss a watermelon kick it out of the air and like tell me you don't fucking feel like a million bucks everybody wads I guarantee you yeah it's

just a crowd pleaser so they take I guess they both kind of fuck each other up I think Paul escapes they take Bobby home to get healed up again but now this is his stepmother Rose who is just throwing it at him just so lusty and I think this is either really bad luck for the found footage I think like Godfrey I was like oh shit I just remembered this is a stepmother oh no he has a couple lines in here he didn't forget he's like no no no you are my stepmother like the fucking body is still warm of his father and here is here's his he let's it go for a while though before saying yes no we can't

you're my stepmother he gets like half a handy and it's like it's not working for me I thought I could get past the stepmother thing yeah it's too weird I tried to power through I'm sorry so again I feel like this is just he's like I'm not changing anything I decided this was a stepmother in the last scene she doesn't have to be for the record like he could have easily changed it so she was not his stepmother and this scene would have made a little more sense but no he's stuck with it I think he might just have a thing for step mothers she betrays him so the bad guys are gonna go there and kill him she's

like oh hey Bobby's here come kill him he tries to fight off the assassin but still can't fight this late in the movie he gets a shot and I think he wounds a guy during his panic escape there's a wonderful move he does where maybe he can't fight but he gets kicked like through a door and using the same inertia he closes the door on his way out and just runs with the momentum to continue running away that is a man who is professionally running away from fights that is some like he got ninjutsu for cowardice like there's a cowardice ninjutsu and he learned thank you gentlemen for helping me escape

some other stuff is happening there they're harassing the girl who found Bobby earlier but she's not really involved anymore so like why they beat up a guy and Bobby arrives the guy I was Jim the guy was Jim they beat the shit out of him for like five solid minutes just a just a litany of feet hitting his face until all of his attackers are like alright that's enough and they agree to leave so so this part this part legitimately is fucked up because Bobby's like oh hey I need to meet Paul can you go take me to Paul and the guys like sure I'll take you to Paul but then they cut to footage of him

like hunting this man in the woods like the tone really shifts between yeah sure I'll take you there buddy to like oh my god I've got to run and so this is just like the footage just didn't matter very much like the stepmother scene but God for you still trying to make it work he expresses this this internal turmoil of like pretending to take medicine to this man that he's hunting and tracking another man to bring him in the line he uses to express the inner turmoil of like this betrayal is mmm mmm mmm and then that's it just so perfect and a gasp you you bring up a good point that all of this audio is new and so when

he's like following his friend and it suddenly turns into like a death hunt they add a real suspenseful music track which they could have just not they could have put in the Malaysian Mentos song and then it would have been and then it's just Jim fucking fight drunk trying to get through the woods real bad because he's right he's not running normal he's running like his hands and feet are mad at him I don't think they could I don't think they could have salvaged that without the music it still would have been like it's happening so that scene ends with Bobby hitting him with a stick and then he finds Paul Paul beats the

shit out of him because Bobby can't fight and then the guy from earlier comes back to explain oh hey yeah Paul what's happening oh this guy did not kill your dad and he's like okay well I just killed Jim for Jim to find my way here oh fuck I almost fucked my stepmom to find my way here glad we could work this out so quickly though I mean that makes a word so they now they have to save Ada who is the girl from earlier not Peggy the one being tortured by ninjas so they got speaking of God for you now remembers Peggy and she's back being tortured and that's just to remind us the viewers like what the stakes are

there's two ladies that need to get saved by two groups of men unrelated to each other one group is a super ninja and some unrelated super ninjas that he picked up off camera and the others three guys who don't know how to fight so those are our teams so our three guys that don't know how to fight they find two guards and then they the guards split up as they split up to fight two guys one of them calls one of them a nerd which I thought was pretty funny like I'll go handle that nerd over there yeah the henchman says hey I'm going up for a leak like it's like it's a power-up and then one of our guys goes huh you take

Baldy and I'll deal with that nerd over there like really just calls him out yeah I just realized that I was just listening to the two of you tell me the plot because I love it so much to have someone explain the logic of a God for you movie to me I was like I don't think I've said anything in about 15 solid minutes I've been enjoying this so much that's our broadcast skills we're like oh yeah fuck we need to let our guests talk sometimes I just love it it's in true God tradition we forgot about your plot line and let's pick it up but now did it line up with your theories like are we kind of you're making more sense than

I some of this is just me I wrote more people fighting people not basically it I well I think the thing is none of us had any idea but we're slowly piecing it together so I think you need three people to watch a home movie and they all take notes and compare afterwards and yeah one for the source material yeah then you can get feel like a god-free home movie is kind of like a bottle of whiskey in that you can just consume it yourself but it's like a little a little sad it's better to have a group you're gonna have a better time if there are others helping you out yeah and don't worry at the end nothing will make sense

anyway right so they where the fuck are we at these notes the the nerd it turns out to be a pretty decent fighter and there nobody they run into was a worse fighter than them these fucking guys they really struggle but I feel like they shouldn't feel like team ninja has this a lot a lot better is this a metaphor for like for privilege because team ninja team ninja has multiple ninjas and they don't even have one guy who can fight a little bit that's a good point in fact one of them gets humiliated by his guy like he goes out to fight the nerd and like steps in the back of his neck and he's like a son of a bitch like just

getting humiliated to death until he finally picks up a brick and like bashes him on the foot and then beats him with a brick while he's like tell me where to find the thing and smashing him in the face of the brick it's it's grotesque like this if the filmmaking was better this would be like a really disturbing Eli Roth scene so they're they're taking he learns that they're taking Ada somewhere out of the country like he beats this man to death with a brick to find out they're taking her out of the country and he's like okay I'm satisfied I'm glad I killed the guy he gives him a double axe handle to the

tummy which is a sweet move just the full double Kirk punch your second in there I wrote down Sean will know the name of this move yeah well it's called the Kirk or the double axe handle if you're really being technical then Paul meanwhile with his guy he puts a grenade in his guy's mouth to end the fight and just says good luck friend you'll need it not a good not a great grenade in the mouth line like zoom into his eyes just going like fucking crazy so he has a hand grenade in his mouth and that's the end of that that's the end note there's no explosion or pay off he may have gotten out of it we'll never see why he

couldn't pull that out of his mouth doesn't I don't know they just cut to a different movie the different movie that Godfrey Hill has put a job that's where it's Rose bashing a guy to save Ada and then they get captured again and then Rose gets shot and killed so that's her arc the stepmother has been killed now back to the ninjas they're on the ninja phone blue ninja has a yellow yellow outfit sidekick now narc ninja so there yeah narc ninja has like off-duty power ranger sidekick and they're they're off to save Peggy there's some stuff going on at the dock the bad guys are taking the drugs out to see and they have Ada

the police are there although I don't know how they found out about it yeah this is the big finale where all the threads come together and I don't know what any of those threads are or how they're coming together I have a theory because I think Paul has a gun here and he's hanging out with the cops so I think this was a police movie where Paul was a policeman probably Bobby too and so then they just cut all that out so now they're now that Paul and Bobby are just two ordinary dudes who the cops like hey fucking get it on this boat rain all right I got nothing better so when they're moving they just go around

losing fights to everybody until they die that's why it was never released people were like no one wants to see it Godfrey I was like I'll give you 800 bucks for it so Jim takes a bullet for Paul I think this is where I first started to realize like oh this was from a buddy cop movie where these guys were like really close so I get wait did Jim die earlier some I Jim somebody took a bullet for Paul and they said his name was Jim I'm not sure if it was the same Jim from earlier I think Jim earlier survived the 2x4 beating from Peter maybe only to die off-screen by like sacrificing himself I don't know the

line that they had was I'm so glad you came I thought I died and the other guy goes we're all gonna live delivered exactly like that we're all gonna live such a perfect Godfrey Ho delivery that's really like like trained actors could not nail it like you do it's just dead on so they have to storm the boat to get Ada they're like oh we can't just shoot the boat because we'll kill Ada and like we've only got one choice we've got to like run onto the boat and beat them all up with our karate and then Bobby does the cutest little run after the boat like he kind of puts his hands out to the side like he's like he's

doing a penguin thing and he kind of tastes shimmies after the boat and then doesn't make it and like hops coquettishly into the water and sort of water skis into it I think he was supposed to be having fun I think they recut a great time like maybe that was the ending of his movie we was like okay we beat crime now let's go have a beach party like I'm a penguin I'm a we do that shit it's hilarious music from that he was playing from the search for it's Bobby's penguin thing in the credits and then they have some more classic fights where they just slowly strangle men to death while they

like just get to contemplate their final painful moments over the course of like several minutes just agonizing pants shitting death jokes for every bad guy on that boat juxtaposed with like ninjas throwing a exploding mouse or something just goofy ass ninja antics and then then hardened cop movie deaths they are they are Pune guy which I love like when you're on a boat you kind of got to use boats to kill people he takes a lot of like strangulations yeah and just an agonizing like it's it's like they hit him with the harpoon they're like well you use these to kill a whale and you kill a whale over the course of

like several hours so let's try to incorporate some of that into this fight scene he's just more whale yes more whale squirt blood from your blowhole so now we come back to the engine that's kind of wrapped up the boat scene the yellow guy has a sword now the yellow tank top guy are we now is this a field yeah we're in the we're in the field owned by the transition to the field so now this is like what are the stakes here I've completely lost myself on the boat is it like owner these guys those guys are trying to save Ada Ada wasn't on the boat Ada was on the boat yeah okay but

now she's in the feet no no in the field they're trying to say Peggy Peggy is the one being branded by the totally clear now right and so now the off-duty power ranger guy in the yellow tank top is just wrecking ninjas with the sword one of which we have only met five minutes ago yeah just showed up we don't I don't think we know his name he's just like the agents like friend yeah USDA called for backup in yellow ninja answer he's like I just arrived what's going on you know the deal Peggy's being tortured cool and there's Ada and couple Martins there was a Paul it's like oh and what's with the field why are we in the field I only

brought the same field so many movies it's out of control that's true he found like a park where he didn't need to get a permit like nobody uses this fucking park I could film all my ninja movies here it's because they have that foot path which they use so beautifully there's just like a foot path coming down a steep hill and the narc ninja runs up it and all the ninjas are running down and he just kills them one at a time because they're unwilling to leave the foot path and stand in the grass they're just waiting they turn it's not on the cliff you could just walk around it's not thermopoly it's just a nice little

foot path like if somebody was coming with the dog you would just step over on the grass be like hey these ninjas beautiful day oh wait my turn ninjas abide by that keep off grass signs posted right at the front of the field so these ninjas are just getting wrecked by a yellow tank top guy he is the best he's killing a ninja two more up here kills them so many ninjas die dead dead dead dead then lieutenant black ninja he just like I can't believe this shit and he shows up and the instantly yellow tank top dies they there's no like special death moment he just gets stabbed a bunch of times and gives out

it's great two minutes from that guy that look like fantastic job there's a scene in that ninja slaughter where they I think they're trying to do the thing where they all freeze and then he runs through them with the sword and then they hold still for a minute and then die only they didn't actually watch any of those scenes first so they all freeze before he gets there and then he just runs flailing his sword around like he's having a great time and then he leaves the scene and then they fall down at normal speed like they like they were making a child's make-a-wish dream come true or something like hey I'm Bobby and

this is we're gonna do a new budget anime day and then that's what that's what happened so now it's narc ninja fighting the several many black ninjas yellow guy took them out he's in them out pretty good and they do it another slo-mo scene here where there's you see the guy just fucking rest his sword on him after doing a 360 like they're all trying to twirl together in this sort of sword dance and like they fuck it up as badly as you can fuck it up he hits him directly with a sword and then it like stays on him and they're like God for me I was like oh yeah let's let the audience look at that for like 22 full

seconds so whatever it was shot the cinematography and and then the death run happens and then here comes the crossbow which I think is fucking magnificent filmmaking he's got a little crossbow that makes like that explodes in beautiful colors yes yes just random rainbow colors while it's going like which I think they got the guy who does all the voices just to make that sound as he just as the ninja just runs through gender reveal parties it's what it looks like it's a girl it's a boy it's a girl that's exactly what it looks like it didn't occur to me but that's exactly what it looks like and

finally he's hoisted on his own ninja petard I guess you would say and he throws one of the ninja gas clouds back at him and the black ninja explodes yeah and and how does he it's amazing somehow he catches I guess the crossbow bolts were like hula hoops because if you watch carefully he catches what looks like a small hula hoop and then throws it back and the right and that's that's a motif to lead us into I think the next scene where the red ninja the cocaine ninja comes out and he fights with hoops he's got like sort of oh okay I did not get that I I think artistically that was just a motif to just sort of say hey

this is it's time to move on to the hoop phase we kind of tie it into the hoop somehow or people will be lost it does not go well they're just kind of bendy hoops versus a sword he just gets fucked up this is the guy from the beginning right the tang ninja yeah yeah this is as close as we have had even though we haven't seen him the rest of the movie it's as close as we've had to a bad guy to like a solid villain and he just gets his ass kicked like his name is Jim I love that you call him the tang ninja because I called him orange Julie is in my notes for all the fights but it's

a it is a high-vis ninja outfit designed designed for maximum safety I'll be bright I'm carrying hoops let's do this ninja design for nighttime road work so he's gone we all loved him but he's dead he steps in so hard he does a full flip he just stabs him really hard and then he does a flip yeah man go out why you go out fancy I mean might as well one last flip I respect it he cuts down Peggy and he's like helping her she has been branded by ninjas for days and he goes you okay Peggy she's absolutely not okay the end that's it that's it like in the last sentence I have in my notes is we have never seen this woman

before it might have been a new Peggy maybe Peggy I don't know I'm assuming you're right but that's the understanding that I had on my own before we compared notes was he just saved a woman we've never seen before and I know six the end that's my one complaint about about the ending of this film is that in a lot of the Godfrey ho movies the ninja fight happens and the last person explodes usually explodes but how they die however they're gonna die and then it really quickly smashes to the end like before you're ready for the movie to be over he's just like I'm done that's what you needed it's over and this

one there's a little bit of a wrap-up and that kind of lets me down because I like the confusion of just being out of the film randomly but I see I say this about every movie I have ever seen but especially here I think it would be better if they ended with a Jackie Chan style series of outtakes over the credits I don't think there's such a thing in a Godfrey ho movie he puts in everything he films everybody would actually die it would be all the times they actually died zero safety measures or practice would just be Jim falling in a sewer hole over and over again I'd want like a 20 minute behind the scenes of

how he did the businessman ninjas shot he's like what I what I did is I I told him to jump off the roof and there was a safety pad down there there wasn't but like he doesn't need to know that and then I did after he died I took the footage and here's what I did I took it and reversed it so here's the thing when you reverse the footage it looks like he's going up like he's like he's jumping in reverse up and so you know RIP he was a great friend but like for audience's expectations it looks as if he's doing a ninja leap and that's the end 20 minutes scene is just yeah that's what I want business ninja flying

backwards through all the other Godfrey ho movies I now feel like just you mentioning that he kept kicked into another movie that I maybe have seen him land you gotta find you call yourself you have to find it is there something you'd like to plug oh yeah just the podcast VHS the premise of it is that every episode is about a film and then the guest has the professional experience portrayed in the film so I did the vibes psychic movie with Cindy Loprange of Goldblum and I had a psychic medium on for that I'm basically just contact strangers and have them watch movies so I did this season started off

with Sons of Steel which is a Australian heavy metal musical and I got the singer from the dead milkman to watch it so that was a fun episode yeah I did an episode of your podcast where we watched a guy who was hunting world champions of different martial arts yeah and so I wanted to thank you for having me on for that because I did do that for several years yes my day job well there's an alt for the format where we just talk about movies but my other one episode I wanted to plug was that I did a deadly games which is a movie about a kid kind of like home alone but he's killing Santa Claus and I got a Santa

and it took me a year and I had over 20 Santas declined in character so no yes I was rejected by 20 Santas that would not real like they just wouldn't be up they they wouldn't break character I couldn't believe it like grown men but that's really funny that movie does rule though it's so good yeah yeah as a writer I could only do every single Stephen King movie all right I'll have you on for that that's a good pitch no there's some good there's some good maximum I think you should do maximum overdrive because Brockway has been killed four times by vending machine right and your motorcycle friends so we could probably find a

motorcycle friend movie I don't have friends I have a motorcycle it's in the podcast I heard you say it he has the motorcycle is his friend yes I have friends that are motorcycles is that would you know I get it those are the friends actual motorcycles this would have been a good time for the dirt bike kid song to be on our soundboard all I have is you're in a stunder come on you can't see the mom yeah ladies and gentlemen from gladiator arena here in beautiful dank knob Kentucky Poxco Productions presents the supreme gladiators three-finger Louie

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