The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Dogg Zzone 9000 - Episode 96, The Scariest TV Episodes In History (That are Mountain Monsters)

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Brockway hits Seanbaby and author Jason Pargin with a Spooktober relevant prompt: What's the scariest single episode of a television show you've ever seen? You won't believe the mad series of coincidences that ensue, leading to us talking about Mountain Monsters for two fucking hours!

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast work. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on.

You know the number. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero zero.

Yeah. Nine thousand. Welcome to the Dog Zone Nine Thousand, the official podcast of one nine hundred hot dog, America's last comedy website. I'm Grave Robert Brockway, and with me is my scare larious partner, Sean Booby.

Oh, fuck. Wait. And our guest, Jason X. Jason goes to Space Pargent. Hi, Jason. Yes, that is right, listeners. It is our favorite month,

the month of Demon Cocktober. Great. Keep it in there. Keep it all in there. When you're most likely to see a demon penis, statistically. It's old.

It's a very small percentage, but it does go up. It does rise. Nothing but good news. Well, this is got to be your favorite month because you're going to plug something right now. This is irrelevant. Yeah.

If you're listening to this somewhere, I'm having the most stressful week of my life. When this goes up, the book will have come out. Good God, probably the day before. And yeah, the book that I've been promoting for the last,

I don't know, 11 months, it went up for pre-order in January. So the entire year, it is now out. And because of the way the industry works, pre-orders in the first week determines the rest of your life as a writer.

Because it's that first week that depends, that determines on what reports this book bubbles up into and what is going on. And then from there, other outlets determine whether or not to cover it or other stores determine whether or not to order copies of it because they're hearing about it for the first time.

So I'm on many shows. If you are someone who listens to all of the X Cracked People's podcasts, I apologize. This week, I had that on all of them.

You're in some sort of cursed reading. All of them. You're in some sort of cursed reality where it's like the radio station where every station you turn it to, it's the same song every time.

Only it's me giving the same promo. There are some days where I go through some podcasts and I'm like, I think I spend more time with Jason than I do anyone in my entire life. That's what it feels like. Just with the voice, yes.

With Jason singing all of my favorite pop hits in my head all the time, because the voice just lives there now. I do have the freedom rock that you sang all the songs on, and that's my favorite CD. I don't even hear music anymore. I just hear you saying all of the words in order. I would love to know,

do you have detailed demographic data of your audience? Absolutely not. Okay. Because I'm wondering how many of them, because those freedom rock, that was 80s, 90s, right? Those commercials. Yeah, late 80s, I think.

They played late night during wrestling, that kind of thing. They played it all day, every day. You could not escape them. If you're anywhere close to my age, you've seen freedom rock at least 50 times. Anything man related, it was on. It was on like,

like TBS would play it in between action movies, which I was just always watching TBS action movies. So yeah, just anything man related. It was fucking freedom rock, brother. There are certain songs, like the song Slow Ride by Foghead. I only know the three seconds from the freedom rock commercial. Any Janice Joplin song,

I know three seconds of from the freedom rock commercial. And that's it. And it was just this nightmare montage of anti-war stuff. And I'm sitting there as a child of the 80s, like man, the 70s were rough for the 60s, I guess too. But that whole era, it's like, man, that though, we finally got it figured out. Yeah, that sounds like some lean years.

Anyway, I didn't finish my promo. The book is called, If This Book Exists You're in the Wrong Universe. I was going to spend more time like hyping up the book and talking about how great it was and how it's like my favorite entry. But now let's skip all that. You fucking walked right through a freedom rock bomb,

kept the plug going. I'm not seeing anything like it. And let me address Delphine in the room because I know a lot of people are worried about, look, I'm not upset. You've all noticed that only Robert mentions having read the book and liking it and that Sean stays silent all the time.

Sean is running a business. He does not have time to read 135,000 words that another person wrote. I barely have time to write books and I write books for a living. Like it is sinful for me to not read a ton of books. Like writers are supposed to read and I read like three books a year.

So no, it's fine that he hasn't read it. I don't expect... This feels passive-aggressive. I've read a lot of it. That's worse. That's way worse. You should have stayed silent. I'm trying to get to it.

But Andor is just... I'm the edge of my seat. Seven more episodes I think Andor is going to do something. Well, I loved it. I also am dying from a lack of time and I found time to read it even though I didn't think I was going to and maybe didn't want to.

But I didn't have a choice once I started because it was fantastic. I don't know how much we're allowed to go into spoilers so I'm just going to say some stuff is done to dicks that you will not believe. That's high praise. Is there enough time to get that as the poll quote?

We got to get that on the low jacket. Alright, one more problem. Before we start, real quick. Do you have a classic favorite horror movie watched this time of year that nobody else really seems to get or appreciate? I feel like everybody has that one but that might just be me.

In terms of specifically one that people don't appreciate? That you just feel is underappreciated. Everybody watches Halloween this time. Pandorum. Hey, that's a good one. I like that one a lot. Somebody decided to make Event Horizon but good in 2009 with their Randy Quaid

and it is like a perfectly structured script and it unfolds the twists in a perfect order. It is airtight and nobody went to see it because sci-fi horror, even though it's my thing and people seem to like it in video games, boy, in movies, if you're not like the first two alien movies what are the other good sci-fi horror franchises? Event Horizon.

I was just going to say Event Horizon but it got awkward in here. It's a series of tragic bombs that people spend a lot of money on and then the world... Already named one, Jason X, Jason Goes to Space. Which is not the subtitle but I will never not say it that way. I didn't notice at this moment that was not the subtitle.

I don't remember what the real one is but it has to be Jason Goes to Space. You need to tell people right there. No, you need to watch this one because Jason Goes to Space. Matt, that might as well be my pick but I go with Darkness Falls. Nobody watches Darkness Falls. It's not that it's good but it's wildly entertainingly bad.

I've never heard of this. Is it a movie? It's a movie. It was a big budget movie with a theater release. Oh yeah. I want to say late 90s, early 2000s. Darkness Falls. It's the name of their town

and there's weirdly some really good prepped scares in there and some good set pieces and it feels like one guy was really smart and really had the shit down and he was surrounded by just really drunk apes running around ruining everything he carefully set up at all the time and it's so much fun.

Everybody should watch it. I enjoy Bloodsport which is like Event Horizon but the good guys win. So that's my pick. When he does the splits and it takes the whole ring briefly to hell and then back to deal with what they have seen. They don't tear their eyes out.

Now Bloodsport, that's based on a real guy, right? Yeah, absolutely true story. Yeah, we've looked into him. It all checks out. Yeah, I'd listen to everything he said about it and yeah. Yeah, people had some questions and he continuously answers all of those questions.

Until you run out of time to ask more. Seems legit. Yeah. All right, we're keeping it simple for our Halloween episode. We're just bringing the scariest single episode from our favorite horror shows. I guess Jason is going first. Well, this is, if you go out on the street

and ask 100 people, what's the scariest monster you can think of? Like what would be the scariest thing to encounter in real life? Not that you've seen in a movie, but like if you 100 out of 100 people will say the exact same five words. Bigfoot's ghost. I fear the mighty Sasquatch.

All right. His ghost specifically. So the show Mountain Monsters, which is near and dear to my heart, because it is, for those of you not familiar, it's not fiction. It's actually a documentary about a group of people in Appalachia

who have formed a team to go hunt down. A lot of you think of Bigfoot as like a singular creature, but they actually face many big feet and basically a new one in every episode. Dozens of big feet over the years and they, because like the characters in my novels, they're kind of like rural, like somewhat uneducated people in a world

where the authorities are not helping them. Like you don't see them with getting the help of the FBI or animal control or anybody. They'll be more equipped to handle the mighty Bigfoot when encountered. So these guys are forced to go out in the woods with their shotguns and they're not the most physically fit

or young people. I think most of it's muscle. And they're forced to face the unknown by themselves. So I think when you see them out there and it's so raw that just it's them with their cameras recording them out there trying to take down something they don't really understand.

And to be clear, when I say they're hunting Bigfoot, I do not mean they're out to document or photograph Bigfoot. They're going to kill that motherfucker. They're out there to find Bigfoot and kill his filthy ass. They're all out there with pistols. They have knives and they are hunting.

If Bigfeet exists, they are our nemesis and it is us or them. You're never going to believe this, but we actually did a podcast about mountain monsters with you. So we're familiar with the show and we love it. My favorite thing about it is just how dense the lore and world building of this show

because you think it's like finding Bigfoot or something where they're going to go out there and they're just going to beat around the woods and they're going to talk to people and make some theories and nothing really happens. They see Bigfoot every single episode. Yeah, almost immediately. Almost immediately.

I have access to Bigfoot lore that no one else does. Like every Bigfoot they encounter, so here's some ancient Indian stories about Bigfoot. Here's a book I found in the library. Well, I can't show it to you, but let me tell you what it said. And they all have just tons of information about this one specific Bigfoot and its powers. There are so many kinds of Bigfoot, you guys.

We're so fucked. Like I had no idea. There's literally millions of Bigfeet in them woods. If you're curious about Native American history and the history of the tribes in that region, there's a lot of information in this show. They must have a dedicated team of researchers because they really dig into the lore

of how the Native American tribes in this region kept their own Bigfeet to fight as warriors. I'm getting to have ourselves now. This is how those Native American stories stay alive. A group of curbies go into the woods, hunt the Bigfoot, say a bunch of stupid nonsense about Native American stories, and that is how we keep their traditions alive. It's how we treasure them.

They die if you stop telling their stories. So this is noble. You guys said that I was on the previous episode talking about Mountain Monsters. I don't remember that. I think probably that was Alex Schmidt that was on. Yeah, because he's our academic friend. Well, I remember listening to it and feeling like

you were somewhat insensitive to the people on the show and the region they're from. I felt like there was some classism in that you, because these are just hard work in Americans, and in some sense, this is real America. We're talking about in Kentucky and the other Virginians. Yeah, that's what they mean by real America, for sure. I won't be taking that position because these are my people.

This is where I'm from. You guys were raised around Hollywood, both of you, I think. But I'm more from the back country. I knew people like I lived right next to Southern part of Illinois, right across the border from there's Kentucky and the parts of Missouri that you try not to go into. So I see these people and I see like, well, these were some of my friends in high school.

Right. And I would try not to have that sense of superiority over them. Of course. Because they are just doing their best. They're just trying their best. I grew up on a Scientology sex commune, and so we all, I mean, we treated each other as equals, but like the people outside the sex commune,

hunting big feet, we were like... I grew up with a troop of pickpocket orphans on the main streets of Hollywood. So while you're technically correct, you really got the spirit of it wrong. I feel like I really bond with these guys too as a fellow child of grifters. Just roving grifters.

The episode I wanted to talk about specifically is season, it's episode two of season four. And the subject of the episode is a big foot called the Squalene Savage. Oh, a fine pick. Which is one of the big feet of Kentucky, the Kentucky region, which not spoiler, it turns out there are multiple overlapping big feet

in central Kentucky. I try to watch this, and I don't normally talk about like my home life, but I tried watching this with my wife, and partway through the episode, she got up and left. Like she couldn't even handle it. It was so... It's too terrifying.

Yeah. I mean, well, she didn't necessarily say it was because it was terrifying. She just invented an air and she had to go run, but she had not mentioned before we sat down. But around the fourth time, they stopped the show to recap what had happened in the previous three minutes that we just watched.

She left the room, and then I just turned her car driving away. Has she been back since? She's down. She's around here somewhere, probably. She's had to come back by now. So the episode opens, and I'll just walk through it chronologically,

because otherwise we'll get very mixed up, because a lot happens. There's many, many... Well, there's one... There's really one turn of the plot, but it's stretched out over the course of these episodes. I think these are about 107 minutes long on streaming without the ads.

It feels like... It seems about right, yeah. But I guess now, again, I've not seen episode one of season four. They're going to visit their friend Trapper, who is back from the hospital, and they weren't sure he was going to survive. I am assuming he's recovering from a big foot attack,

but it has to be episode one. It has to be a big foot attack. See, here's the thing we learned from our podcast, is you don't actually have to ever see Bigfoot for him to attack you, and it's an amazing array of ways Bigfoot can attack you. So it could have been like a psychic mauling. Yeah, he can run through a shot

and attack a group of Kirby's and escape, and no one will get a frame of him on the camera. It's incredible. They're very fast. They're wily. That's why that's so scary. It's a very scary episode, it sounds like. Right, well, and that's the thing is,

you watch a couple hundred episodes of Mountain Monsters, you will start to understand why there's no good photographic evidence of Bigfoot, because it's not easy. If he's coming right at you, or again, spoiler, the Bigfoot they're hunting this episode, he climbs in trees and drops down on you.

There's not time. You need to get out of there before the... The ninja Bigfoot? There's an agile ninja Bigfoot. It's the coconut Bigfoot. He learned the ways of the coconut. The ways, like the toys taken on the... There's a fucking drop foot?

Yeah, it drops Quatch. The very manic and extremely active member of the team named Wild Bill, who's just, I can't keep his limb still and he's constantly bouncing around. He's missing several teeth due to Bigfoot. Yeah, that's probably where it's from. He has, definitely, he has some post-Bigfoot stress disorder.

By the way, his eyes are constantly darting around at all times. That's another sign of Bigfoot abuse. Here where it may be good listeners, it may be you may need to take notes because things do start to get complicated because they visit Tramper and he says, on our last adventure into Central Kentucky,

we were hunting a Bigfoot called the Midnight Whistler. Called that because he is black and then he appears at night and makes a whistling sound. That's why they call him the Midnight Whistler, but he actually did some research while he was laid up from his Bigfoot wounds and got somehow a, one of those plaster Bigfoot molds

and he's like, this is a foot that is too big to be the Bignight Whistler or Bigfoot. This is a bigger foot. They say there's always a bigger foot. By the way, in Kentucky, if you ask the nurse to make you a Bigfoot plaster mold, she has to do it legally. So based on his research,

he's decided that this Bigfoot belongs to a Bigfoot called the Squalene Savage and then they've got a CGI recreation that has reddish fur. When I first saw it, I thought that was an actual, they had actually captured the creature and had recorded it, but it was just a computer animation. It doesn't move.

It's like Uncle Mary does the CGI. And so the team crams themselves into their pickup and they all fit comfortably and drive to Central Kentucky too. What they refer to repeatedly in this episode as the Bigfoot burial ground, but they never clarify what is buried there because if they're saying this is where the Bigfoot bury

the dead Bigfoots, that piece of land I would think would be of very high interest to all sorts of experts. Scientific community? Absolutely. Of those bones. No, that's local dogs. You disturb those bones and you're getting Bigfoot ghosts, which we've discussed.

That's okay. So I bet if I Google that, I'll find Arquiao just saying, we don't want the curse of Bigfoot on ourselves as an institution. There's probably laws in place in Central Kentucky saying, no, this is a Bigfoot curse. I'm getting that in my search here. So on their drive there,

they mention Buck, who's kind of the... He's just kind of the chunky one. He's a little bit bulkier than the other ones. He mentions that based on his knowledge that since the 1600s, the Shawnee and Iroquois tribes inhabited that area and they were constantly at war

and that it is widely known that one tribe had the midnight whistler as their pet Bigfoot and the other tribe had the screaming savage, the squawking savage as their pet Bigfoot. It's not a fair fight. For the last 400 years have been at war and that his hypothesis is that

even though the Native American tribes have moved on, unfortunately their land was obviously taken away, but that the Bigfoots are still around and they're continuing their feud over that same land. They did not take the Bigfeet with them on the Trail of Tears. They just left them behind like a yuppie couple leaving a cat. That's what he's saying. Now again, he's just referring to the sources he read.

I'm not going to shoot the messenger here. We don't know what might have been the actual historical reasons they were forced to leave their Sasquatch champions behind. Now, would you say this is sort of a riding Bigfoot into battle against each other or was it just like allied with gangs of Bigfeet? So there was kind of a Bigfoot turf war. He doesn't clarify.

I'm sure if you read the books that he drew that information from they probably get into it. It's like a documentary. I think it's like a MOBA where there's a stream of Bigfoots that just kind of come constantly and then you are a guy on a horse and you can kind of run around and do your thing. Oh God, you just came up with a billion-dollar video game idea.

Somebody is going to steal. Mountain Monsters MOBA. Audio certification. Sean, baby. When he said that they had been this war been going on since the 1600s, he did not elaborate as to does this mean Bigfeet are immortal or that there's a family of Bigfeet that have passed down this feud or does he mean it's been the same to Bigfeet?

I do not know if in the lore of Mountain Monsters if they've decided that Sasquatches lived for thousands of years he didn't clarify. At least I've watched the episode twice. I didn't see where he clarified that. Oh, in this episode? No, no, just like general knowledge. I can tell you, everybody knows Bigfeet lived for 600 years on average.

Okay, so these are going to be the same two Bigfeet just really cranky at each other after all these generations. It's kind of like in World War II when there would be like a Japanese guy on an island that never heard about the surrender. You just really got to find the Bigfoot and tell him the war is over. I think that's what the mission must be, right? That's what Bushido translates to is Bigfoot spirit. So next a graphic comes up showing Kentucky on a map

and then showing where they are in Central Kentucky and then they recap everything they said 30 seconds ago. They meet with a local guy named Steve. He has no last name that they mentioned who says I will take you near the Bigfoot burial ground but I'm not going to go in there. Like it's too dangerous. Because again, obviously the Bigfoot curse

and then after they meet with the guy they recap everything that was said in the previous four minutes of the episode including what they just said 30 seconds earlier to make sure you're staying on top of it. Steve, did he have any stories about like the dangers of the curse? Like does he have a buddy that went too close to it or anything? Like what's his evidence? We're jumping ahead in the story because we're going to go back to him.

He actually not only that, but he actually has cell phone footage of the of the elevated young man who did not take his advice about staying out of the Bigfoot burial ground. Oh, wow. So the team of in the name of the team is the Ames team but I don't remember what AIMS stands for. It's does M stands for monsters or it's like something, something mysterious sightings or I apologize to the anti Bigfoot

super squad. Anyway, they, so they head into the woods and immediately find a, a small tree that's been broken and they, they, they say, well, this can only be Bigfoot damage. Sounds very big footy. And then the guy grabs it, but grabs it and pulls up and he's like, well, this isn't even a tree. It's just a big stick that somebody poked into the dirt.

Which, what human would do that? That it was a Bigfoot, right? Yeah. And it's, it's at the sign of that that the guide, Steve says, I, I'm not, this is as far as I go. Like I will point you in the direction. Oh, it's Bigfoot putting a marker down. Don't pass this point unless you want to get fucked up.

Well, they actually, I think Huckleberry asked him like, well, could this be like a trail marker, a person put here? And he says, absolutely not. He's like, people don't mark trails here. Oh, okay. That's just, you know, could it have been a bored child on a hike who just poked a stick into the ground because he's on a hike and doesn't have his phone with him.

So he's looking for anything to do. And so he just poked a stick into the dirt cause he thought it'd be fun. It can't, no, this was the work of the mighty Bigfoot. People love to wander aimlessly in Kentucky. It was Bigfoot putting up his man fence. Now, what is remarkable about this show and what always, I'm always taken aback when I see this. They drive about 20 more feet

and immediately find a midnight whistler's nest. And how long would you say has passed in the episode total? They are about eight minutes in. Found Bigfoot in eight minutes. That's how you fucking do it, guys. Some people have gone their whole lives looking for Bigfoot and never found one absolute chumps. Yeah.

And they've walked like far enough from the main road that you could probably still hear traffic if their mics were a little bit more sensitive. And the midnight whistler's nest, if you're wondering what a midnight whistler Bigfoot nest is, it's just a pile of sticks. Like if you had the cast and a couple of production assistants gather up a bunch of branches, dried branches

and pile them together for literally four to five minutes. That's what, now, how does a Bigfoot live in that? Or, you know, is there any signs of like fur or droppings? No, it's just the sticks. Which, again, this is why it's so hard to get evidence of a Sasquatch because they don't, their living habits, they don't leave stuff like that behind. See, I didn't know Sasquatch nested.

I would have assumed, I don't know, a cave or a burrow, but a nestic. Well, again, the midnight whistler's nest. I'm not speaking from all Sasquatches. This is, again, Sasquatch is not a species. It is a, it is the thing above species that I forgot in high school biology. It's a genus.

It's a genus of creature. King Dyla. Phylum. So this is a bird squash. I got it. He whistles, he makes nests. He's like, he's a very bird-like squash. So we cut to a commercial break.

When we get back from the break, they replay the previous scenes that we just saw. And then they show a graphic showing where they are, which is in central Kentucky. And they recap everything that happened in the first 10 minutes of the episode. See, I think mountain monsters tends to get a little inside jokie.

And so they, they like to stop and explain where they are often for, for new viewers. I think it's just kind of a hillbilly you really. Yeah. Or also if you think about like, um, like fantasy novels, they often have like a map in the back you can reference because there's so many locations, like just knowing where people are is so important.

Yeah, you're going to get lost. Um, so here's where they explain, uh, that the squawing savage is a tree dwelling big foot who has the, as I mentioned earlier, he has the advantage of dropping down on them. So they decide because of that, they're afraid and they're going to leave the woods and come back the next day.

No one brought an umbrella. Um, well, or a light or anything else, any other equipment. They came prepared to fight the midnight whistler. They didn't bring their squawing savage gear. They brought harmonicas, a different action figure set. I see. Yeah, that makes sense.

Uh, so we cut to the next day. Um, and, and like they're waiting for their friend, Wild Bill to show up in his pickup truck with the other trap building guy and he jumps out shirtless and they do a series of jokes. I guess this is like a staple of the show about, uh, how he's kind of overweight. And, and then he mentions, he was a marine.

He was in the Marines, I guess. Yeah. Cause he shouts ooh raw and he jumps to the ground cause he just has Wild Bill has a bundle of energy. Like you've known some people that are like that. They just got a ton of energy and like they're always fidgeting and bouncing on their feet and they're missing teeth and they're kind of like, we call them bigfoot survivors.

They're usually fighting cops when you see them. Yeah. Um, and then he jumps down to the ground and he does four pushups and can't get through the fourth one. I can't finish counting and then jumps to the sea. Like, yeah, I'm pumped. Uh, like totally exhausted from, from the four pushups he tried to do.

I love him. He's the, he's the beating heart of that show. Yeah. Um, if four is assuming he's still alive, otherwise that's an extremely cool thing. He was the beating heart of that show. He has the rapidly beating heart. Dangerously enlarged heart of the show.

Yeah. Wild Bill. Um, and see this is the kind of classes I wanted to avoid because it's not hit anyway. Uh, Wild Bill and hit the other trap builder whose name is Willie. Willie. So they're both, they're both named William.

That's weird. Um, or maybe not. They could both be nicknames that have nothing to do with. Anyways, they, using the logic of someone in their state of mind, say, well, if you're going to trap a tree, a tree, while a big foot, you clearly have to build a trap, an elevated trap in the trees with a ladder and that, that you will then lure the big foot up the ladder and then he will

fall through a trap door into a net. Okay. I mean, a ladder is a pretty rare luxury for a tree big foot. He's got a full convert. Well, they mentioned that this big foot is eight feet tall, has a wing span of his arms span, and he weighs between between 600 and 800 pounds. Okay.

Um, and they're going to make this trap out of some scrap wood and some old chain link fencing that they've got. You'll never believe this. I've watched a few episodes. Uh, that's how they build every trap. It's crazy that there are only materials are chain link fence and some scrap metal and a couple of pieces of wood. You know, it's weird to say it's never caught a big foot.

Well, it's almost as if they were just prying apart the old trap and reassembling it in a very slightly different shape. Hmm. How would you get that trap all the way from Kentucky to Pennsylvania to, uh, wherever else they go to all these other woods they go to that are, that are all over the country.

Globetrotting operation. Um, so then anyway, while they're there, they find a tree bent over, uh, like a young sampling that's been broken over almost like a, either one of them or a production. I remember this big foot. A production assistant bent it over just moments earlier and they say that is a sure sign of big foot activity. Uh-huh.

I knew it. So they go and start climbing up a hill with like some very slippery looking rocks and these very elderly, nearly dead two of these guys. I don't remember which ones it is. I think one of them is, is there one named Jeff? Yeah. Jeff's the researcher.

And, uh, he's the smart one. And one of the other ones. Anyways, uh, Jeff throws a one named Jeff throw. There's a Huckleberry and a Jeff or the two really old guys. Either way, they start to climb up this hill and I was like legitimately afraid they were going to fall off the hill and then sure enough to show custom commercial break

using it as an extremely old, nearly dead, very unhealthy people fall down the cell. Um, so we come back from the commercial break. Uh, they show a graphic of a map showing that they're in central Kentucky. Uh, they recap everything that's happened in the first 15 minutes of the show, but both things. Um, they recap, including the type of big foot they're

hunting. We see the graphic again. Uh, and then they show the pushups again. And I don't think so, but they did show them walking up the hill and they do mostly make it. And up there, they find three dead sticks or three branches, like three, five foot long branches that have been kind of leaned against each other.

And you know what that signals? Fucking big foot. Three big foot. Big foot burial ground. It's the centerpiece of a big foot burial ground. If you ever see that in the woods, that is really 100% what that means. Um, so then we cut through the trailer goers and now things are

getting tense because it's like they could be attacked by a Sasquatch at any time. And this is what it's so fascinating being the universe of the show because in my world, like being attacked by a Sasquatch is a very rare thing. But these guys, like they're terrified every minute they're in the woods, like at any, like we got to get this trap built because we, this thing could jump down from the, the trees at

any second. Well, to be fair, every single episode I've seen, they have been attacked by a Sasquatch. Yeah. Multiple times. It has happened to them like 800 times. So I would be a little worried too. Um, and so the trap builders get to work with a wild bill

rapidly climbing a tree with energy that's almost unnatural like the just the sheer energy he has, it's inspirational. Meanwhile, the rest of the team has to go find their missing trail, trailmaster Steve, the guy who they met there. And they, like one of them says, like this guy is an expert tracker. If he don't want to be found, he ain't going to be found. So then they drive to his house and he's standing in his

front yard. I guess he wanted to be found. Wanted to be found. Lucky. Yeah. Yeah. Fortunately, that didn't, that didn't try to be foreshadowing anything.

And then he slowly falls in half torn in half by the Sasquatch. The razor sharp katana of the Sasquatch. Uh, that's all right. I'm sorry. I just pictured that. He falls into the Sasquatch chain in there with the, the anime sword.

But anyway, Steve, they go track down Steve because he was withholding information. Like there's something he knows he didn't share. And so they find him and he says, he says, well, tell you what happened. Now granted, this is information that could have endangered their lives because it's information about how you, he accidentally called the big foot one time.

So he says he was hunting one time and he whistled to his friend and accidentally attracted a squalling savage, which mistook him for the midnight whistle because he was whistling. Right. Rookie mistake. We then never whistled in the woods. Finally, I understand that old saying, that old Kentucky

Pennsylvania. I forget where we are, but that's where the saying's from. Um, and then he says that, uh, he actually, another kid who told a story to didn't believe him. So he went into the woods with his camera to prove that whistling in that section of the woods would not cause a squalling savage to descend upon you. And the kid actually, he plays with him.

The kid gave him the video because he went and tried it. And sure enough, he was immediately attacked by a squalling savage and got video of it, of the attack. Um, now again, it makes perfect sense. If you were being attacked by a squalling savage that just jumped, jumped down from the trees, you would not have time to point your phone at the squalling savage. You'd be running for your life.

So it is just a video of someone running through the woods while a clip of the squalling savage, it almost sounds like a growl from like a Halloween stock sounds record that you would, you would buy, like you buy sound clips off the internet. Yeah. Um, a lot of those were authentic Bigfoot sounds on those CDs.

Yeah. Well, how else would you get them? So then we cut to commercial and they come back and recap that again, including everything that's happened in the first 25 minutes of the episode seen, but seen by scene of both of the things that have happened. Um, so now they realized from this information that to make their trap work, they of course need to whistle

to lure the, to enrage the squalling savage thinking he's coming after the midnight whistle. And when it's like, oh no, we tricked you. Um, we are, yeah, we are the humans imitating the sound and the, the Sasquatches, you know, they apparently have a little opinion of its ability to attack. I get it.

I get it. I get the twist of this episode. None of them have enough teeth to whistle. Right. Well, they actually have whistles that they're, they actually have like devices. Oh God, a genius. They're one step ahead of me.

So the two trap making guys, and this I think is the scariest part of the episode for me. Um, they unveiled their trap that they've made and it looks like something that, well, I would say it looks like something that children made. That's not fair. It looks like, it looks like something that to like untrained people would make with what they had

on hand in the woods. It's basically a platform stuck to a few surrounding trees with, there's a trap doors. It's just like door hinges and then like six boards. And then underneath that they've kind of sort of made like a net out of the chain link, the sections of chain link fencing they've had. They just sort of like curled it around.

It's, it's a device that, and again, there's a little crude ladder for the, the big foot to climb up. And, and then what they've done is they've made a zip line so that someone will stand on top of the trap whistle to enrage the squawking savage. The squawking savage will rush at them, climb up the ladder and then the person acting as bait will then jump down on the zip line, but they won't be

pursued because what's going to happen, the squawking savage is going to step on that trap door. It's going to fall into that, that basket of chain link. This is how you start a Sasquatch farm in Minecraft. So you're looking at this trap they've made and this is something like the chain link isn't, it's just barely attached and, and it is something that would not hold and like an elderly man or any kind of a

healthy dog. The horror comes because the rest of the team. Okay. The most effective piece of horror I've seen in the last 10 years is the HBO miniseries Chernobyl. Do you guys seen that? Yeah. No.

It is, it is Robert. I am not joking. It is the most, it is the scariest goddamn thing I've seen in the last decade. It is so perfectly crafted in the horror of that situation and knowing that it's real, but the horror of Chernobyl is that it's not just the terrifying forces because it's totally unknown.

There's never been a meltdown before in the history of the universe. And so they're facing the unknown, but the bureaucracy and the paranoia of the Soviets, like they can't communicate with one another. People are scared to report what's really going on. And that's what's really terrifying because it's like things are getting worse and worse and worse.

And they've created a society where they can't give like honest information. Right. This is very similar because the rest of this crew sees this trap that is clearly like a laughable creation. Like in any kind of a sane world, these two men would be fired from the team immediately.

Your kids would build that and you'd be like, that's great, honey. You're not playing on that. Yeah. This is dangerous. Like you shouldn't even be up there yourself because like this thing weighs, you're saying this thing has superhuman strength and is eight foot tall

and 600 pounds. Like any of us could get out of this trap and we can barely walk. Like we're literally taking a golf cart into the woods because we can't walk that distance from the highway, which is right over there. Like there's a convenience store where we all bought like monster energy drinks 20 minutes

ago. Still in the shot. But then he said they're like stunned by like holy crap. Like this is amazing, guys. You're like it's just all positive reinforcement because in that group, they don't dare like shame each other.

Classic mountain monsters bureaucracy, hillbilly bureaucracy, just ruining a perfectly good squash trap again. Yeah. Because there's there's certain you've all had. You've all encountered someone at a bar or in public or on the sidewalk or they confronted you and you wanted to say something rude to them,

but they were like extremely like energetic and like bouncing on their feet and they couldn't keep their limbs still and their eyes were like really wide and they were missing teeth. And there's something. There's just there's just something about their energy that's like, no, I'm not going to be honest with this person.

I'm just going to try to placate them. I feel like that's what was going on. That's what was going on here. Too many yes men in the Bigfoot community. Yeah. And so much support, too much emotional support, I think is what you're saying. Willie says also, so part of the plan is he's dug

three coffin size pits. That's a foreshadow. This here is where we're going to go when we die. When we fall right off that thing. They are covered in plywood with leaves scattered on top. He's like, these are our spider holes. They used these in Vietnam.

So what we're going to do is. Tactics against the big feet. Buck is going to go to the burial ground and desecrate it. I know it sounds like I'm laughing. Are we the bad guys? They hate it when you're pissed on their ancestors. Oh, it's going to get this big foot all around them.

Okay, I'm sorry. We have to pause the recording. Are we sure? Now, are we sure that's the right approach for us repurposing this Native American legend? We piss on the graves of their ancestors. Yeah, you're right. It's a totally different thing.

All right. So now. After that, the squalor savage will pursue him. He will drive his golf cart toward the trap. We will be hiding in the three coffins which are lining the path from the burial ground to the trap. And we will be whistling the whole way to make to further enrage it.

Presumably so. It will think that it's not buckets chasing, but rather than a golf cart. He will lead it to the trap. The squad. This has got to climb up the ladder, fall in the trap, and then they will and then they do not describe what will happen at this point.

Once they have the squalor savage, this 800 pound creature in this rickety Sasquatch prison, they built for it. They're going to, I guess, stand around it with their shotguns and rifles and just riddle it with bullets. Fucking shit. Because they're not like, OK, and then they don't have like tranquilizer darts.

They don't have transportation. They don't have a plan. They don't have a transportation to transport it out of there. They have absolutely not one iota of planning or equipment to deal with a captive Sasquatch. You know what it is? They're they're sports watching. It's catch and release.

They really just want to prove that they can get him and then they just cut him free. An animal that, by the way, has kept its last grudge for 400 years. And winter loose, you have defiled its burial crowd. OK, they're not going to forget that. So everybody's in place, but goes to the burial ground to the altar where this is how he desecrates it.

There's and I know we were all expecting one thing, but those three branches have been kind of leaned against each other. He just goes out and just gently touches it and it just falls over. And he's like, he says to the camera, you ever seen anybody pick a fight with a Sasquatch? It's like, I just did.

So then we cut to commercial. We we then want courage. It must have taken for him to go over and knock over those three Sasquatch sticks. Also, the answer to that is yes, you I'm the cameraman and we've done this eight hundred times. You keep putting your monster energy drink in the fucking shot.

We anyway, we cut to commercial when we get back from commercial. We watch that entire scene again and then they show a map showing where they are still in central Kentucky. They've been in the exact same location the entire time. And then they recap the first 30 minutes of the episode of both of the things that have happened. And then we cut now to Baku, of course, is running from

the midnight from the I'm sorry. The squawing savage and his golf cart. And it throws a tree at him. Well, specifically a small branch is flung toward his golf cart and it's kind of and then he's forced to run from it because he's now being attacked by and that branch that was chucked at his golf cart. Their entire plan utterly falls apart.

He has to drive in the other direction often a totally random because he drives down a trail and then there's another tree like now across the trail like the squatch has put it there to block him in a tree that easily can be moved by either of us. But fine. And then we find out we cut to Huckleberry who's in his spider hole and he is being attacked by a Sasquatch.

He's hearing the squawing savage now that is apparently or a big foot of some kind is now right near him and is like stomping and breaking branches. And so he ducks down into his spider hole again, which is just being covered by a piece of an old piece of what they found. We cut to commercial. We come back.

We watched that entire previous scene again and recap everything that has happened in the previous 35 minutes of the episode. Good. And then we watch again Huckleberry being attacked by Sasquatch. The rest of the team has to scramble to go help him fight the big foot that is attacking him.

He says here it's revealed that he's being attacked by at least two big feet. I was going to say there's more than one. This is that Jurassic Park Velociraptor scene where you're watching one big foot and it's really the other two that come from the sides. And the entire time each member of the team is scrambling to get to that position to help him fight off the big feet that

are attacking him. They keep stopping to give reality show interviews to the camera. Not like while they're in their vehicle. They're stopping. They're standing still looking at the cameras like well we got to go help Huckleberry. He's in his spider hole being attacked by at least one big

foot. It's not more. I don't know why I enjoy the phrase Huckleberry is in his spider hole so much but it's beautiful. And then so they they arrive there and but by this point they've had to abandon the trap. Everyone has has all gathered at Huckleberry's position. Huckleberry says he let out a war whoop that scared away the

big feet. Of course that he says war whoop at that time he looked up and saw the big foot and it was a light color. It was not the Black Midnight Whistler. It was not the reddish brown. There's a third species of big foot. It was a third type of big foot. But also involved in this gang war of big feet.

Well see that's the thing. We then watch there's like they cut together a recap of everything that's happened in the episode including that scene we just watched. And then the team declares that now that they know there's a third big foot in the area they're declaring their investigation over and they're going to leave and move on to the next thing.

And that's the end of the episode. I mean that is. I'm glad they recapped it that last time so that you can track all of the like hidden foreshadowing leading up to that twist. Well by the time he's got a third big foot faction a big as they said there's a third big foot clan which they had not previously used that term.

But I guess they're implying that these are not individual big feet but these are clans now of warring three warring big feet factions. And the census really just has let down the big foot community like so many have been forgotten. I feel like you want to go get a shot of that like you'd want to like your dream shot would be let's get all three of the big foot clans fighting and like that'll be the next episode

but instead they're like done we got to get out of here. Listen big feet have never seen West Side Story. You could just West Side Story them. Oh good idea. You could go to them. Well the way that that that Buck explained it to the camera was that or to the rest of team is like look we were rusty because of the time we were we took off while Trapper was laid

up with his big foot injuries. We knocked off the rust. We should be happy with that. Let's move on to the next adventure and so they leave. They leave the people of Central Kentucky to just be the mercy of three furious and enraged rightfully so full of righteous anger at their ancestors being defiled. We did all we could we knocked over the teepees of sticks

pissed off their ancestors and we left. Yeah they've been they've been raged the entire clan of big feet and then just took off. So like Steve that guy who was afraid to who lives near there but was afraid to go near it. He's your problem. It's your problem now because as they've established basically if you whistle anywhere in those woods within five to ten seconds

you will be attacked by a squawking sandwich. And now they're furious. At least one of them is trapped though at least one of them got will eventually fall into that trap and be stuck there forever. But that's why it this stuck with me for like I think I'll remember this for the rest of my life because it's like real horror like it doesn't give you all of the information. It's very Jaws in the way that you never get to actually see

like in Jaws you never saw the shark like at no point in Jaws did you ever actually see the shark. It was you know it was always like just off camera or you just see like water and your camera be shaking around. It was so scary the way they all the victims had to keep telling you to trust them and that Jaws was there. Like that you could really sense their desperation. Because what you saw in your imagination was always so much worse.

And what you saw in your imagination and then the CGI recreation. I see the CGI in my imagination. It looks exactly like that. I love in Jaws when they cut to that image of Jaws. Jaws like T-posing and spinning around in 3D. That's what he's going to look like if we find him. If we go and defile his ancestors shark burial ground. But anyone who is a fan of my books I think would love this show.

Anyone who's a fan of this show I think would love my books. That's why I picked it. Yeah I didn't want to go into spoilers but this is what Jason's new book is about basically. It's kind of crazy that it like parallel thinking led to this multi-big foot clan war just like in Jason's new book. Yeah and the fact that the book is only three pages long. But you recap it for 80 pages.

It just kind of keeps circling back to remind the people. Because you know attention spans these days. Like people listen to a book they're doing like they're playing Minecraft or something while the book is on audiobook. Like they're not able. Making squash farms. Alright there's no way there's no way you're going to beat that. But Sean what's the scariest single episode?

This is crazy but I also selected an episode of Mountain Monsters. I picked episode three of season four. The one right after? Yeah I just it was really close to Jason's. I'm glad we didn't pick the same one. So in this one they're off in Blair County, Pennsylvania hunting a big foot called the Lightning Man. The exotic lands.

Lightning Man travels with seven other big foots. Yeah they're called the Thunder Brothers. There's a literal big foot gang. There's an actual gang of big feet. Do they have jackets? Do they have colors? They don't show it. Very quickly people think it's some weird coincidence that Sean picked. Anybody who is in the horror community knows this season

and these couple of seasons of Mountain Monsters are kind of at like the apex. It's the same thing when you talk about like the greatest rock albums of all time. It's like well it's from the same few years or same few bands but everybody understands there's like a certain period of time when the culture was at its apex. And same thing here like this is when the show really hit its stride. Yeah this is to go straight from a three big foot clan war

to an eight big foot strong gang. So wait there's the main big foot is Lightning Man. And his gang is the Thunder Brothers? Exactly right. That's a hell of a coincidence. I'm just so happy they found each other. So they start off with a gag where they let Jeff drive which he doesn't normally drive as explained to the viewer

and he's driving a big old box truck. They start counting seats so like one, two, three seats but there's four of us. So they throw Wild Bill in the back and he's just kind of dancing around with the rough cut lumber back there. There's not a lot in the truck. I'm not sure why they're taking this truck. It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter. Bigfoot is, Bigfoot's waiting. Wild Bill's back there. He's got at least eight pounds of tobacco in his mouth. I don't know why he chose to do that in the back of the shaking truck. Now that's the drama. They make a big deal out of that. I don't know why.

Now they show Lightning Man in its very good CGI. It looks almost as good as the first Jaws movie. He's got a silverback gorilla stripe. He's almost pitch black. He's kind of got a werewolf face. They've gotten recent reports of the seven other Bigfoot's. So they've decided it's Lightning Man. It's him and his entourage.

So it all adds up. When you hear reports of eight Bigfoot's and according to Native American lore, the Thunder Brothers would get your attention by making all kinds of noise. And then the Lightning Man would strike out of the darkness and disappear into the shadows. See, that was right.

It's the Jurassic Park Velociraptor shit. Exactly. That was word for word from Buck. And then Jeff said, wow. But now see, Jeff is the researcher. So he didn't do research on Bigfoot this time. He did research on Blair County, which he gives a lot of municipal history.

It was founded in 1754 where they signed a treaty with six nations of natives. And this is when the settlers learned about Lightning Man. You thought he only knew about the municipal stuff, but no, no, no. He knows a little Bigfoot stuff too. So they thought that the Lightning Man might have been a real estate scam to scare off the white men

so they wouldn't take the good native property. That was wacky Native Americans and their real estate scams. Always trying to scam those settlers out of their property. Tales of Bigfeet like a fucking Scooby-Doo episode. Didn't work on our boys. They saw through it. So Huckleberry is always looking for, like,

how he can practically use all this information. So he says, hey, if the folklore is true, the sound of thunder would come from when they was in battle, which means they must have been some hard fighters. And Buck agrees. He goes, they can do a lot of damage. And so, like, that's what we're dealing with, guys. These guys...

Bigfoot, I just learned about. They're pretty tough. This thunder sound might come from just them punching people. Because we have not established they have, like, electric powers yet. They're just noisy. So while Bill is falling asleep, so they swerve to wake him up,

and that's it. That's the end of the bit. They now are in different vehicles. Well, Bill is dead, and they swerve to jab him with some Narcan. They don't need any of the lumber scraps they had in the back. The truck bit was... I don't know.

I think they had a truck. They're like, this will fill 40 seconds of TV. So that's what they did. They got a good gag. A good... But they didn't. But they didn't. They lied.

So they meet some guy named Robert, who ran to the Bigfoot's three weeks ago. He heard thunder, but there wasn't a storm or nothing. The thunder was coming from the ground. Now, you guys have probably heard about heat thunder, but that comes from the sky. So don't be thinking this is a heat thunder story.

And old Robert's just... Not you, Robert. The hibbledy, Robert. He's talking about... It's still me. Thunder, I guess so. The Robert with a big beard that lives in the woods. That's me.

No, it's still you. One of the Roberts thought it was... It was pretty sure it was the Thunder Brothers. No, that's still again. That's still both of you. All right. So anyway, the hunters take in all this data, and they're like, this all adds up.

This is lightning, man. And then Robert says, hey, he threw a plow at me. I was out there with my flashlight. My flashlight turned off. Remember that? That might come in handy later. So his flashlight turns off, and then something throws a plow at him.

And he's like, I don't know what could throw a plow, but these bigfoot hunters are like, you know what could throw a plow? A bigfoot. Oh my God, he's right. Yeah. They're starting to get to the bottom of this mystery. So he does have electric powers.

He could have electric powers. We know he could throw a plow that has an electric element to it, I guess. Well, he can turn off lights with his mind. That's true. Yes. Maybe he generates static electricity by just running around a big huddle with his bros,

getting their fur all together, and then they get all statically charged. That's an interesting theory. They did not bring that up. I apologize to interject here. To get a visual in mind, I Googled Lightning Man on Google Image Search. I am getting everything but a bigfoot.

I'm getting tons of stock photos of a man next to lightning. I'm getting a man who was struck by lightning many times. You have to add Pennsylvania Native American lore. You just got to look for Lightning Man and the Thunder Brothers. That's the name of the group. When he's gone, it's not Hootie and the Blowfish and Hootie Leaves. It's one thing, Lightning Man and Thunder Brothers.

Strangely enough, that does get me just a bunch of screenshots from Mountain Monsters. I think I was lying. None of which are of the creature, but that's fine. I'll sleep with the light on tonight. That's crazy because I'm sure he's in this episode a lot.

Lightning Man will turn your lights off. Sleep with the lights on. If they go out, you know you've got a bigfoot. Normally, this show is very natural with their dialogue. You would agree, right? These are very well-trained actors. Yeah, it's the banter I tune in for. Yeah, but it's also real.

These are real guys hunting real bigfoot. But they have an argument here about whether this gang of eight bigfoots is seven times more dangerous than one bigfoot. And they all have different math on this. And it's a little funnier than usual. It feels like someone thought this would be a funny bit, and they never quite got it.

So between this and the truck, they're off to a rocky start. But let me tell you, it turns around big time. So they wander around looking for the eight bigfoots, and they find a dead bird, a very, very old bird skull and a few feathers. And Buck says, I've never seen one of these dead. He knows exactly what kind of bird it is. It's very bigfooty.

And it does not die. They hear a noise. Yes, these birds are normally immortal. They can't kill these birds. You've got to find their burial ground and three sticks arranged in a pattern. It's also very delicately bleached, as if you'd find it in a weird gift shop in Pennsylvania.

Anyway, they hear a noise. They aim their guns at it. They charge off into the bushes. There's nothing. But wait a second. Huckleberry's light went out. And they got movement. They got moving.

They all dash around. And there's a commercial break. So now, I bet Jason knows what happens next. They recap everything that's happened so far. They play the last 30 seconds of footage. And they all agree that they heard something. The care man's light went out too. They seem to heavily imply something ran through the set

and shoved them all and then escaped into the night. But no one like has the balls to come out and say, a Bigfoot just came in here and rampaged through us. Now, that's insane. Because on one of the other episodes we watched, Buck made it very clear. I believe he said the exact line. That Bigfoot grabbed me.

He's not afraid to say what a Bigfoot grabs him. Well, I think they established in that that when a Bigfoot grabs you, it leaves like a handprint for several days that they, yeah. They did not have the handprint. So they didn't want to like pull the trigger on that. Yeah. Whoever had the tube of lipstick they used to draw the handprint was not here today.

So they couldn't do that bit. So they look around and they find Bigfoot tracks, but like a lot of them. Huckleberry says, there's a goddamn Bigfoot highway over there. So it's got to be the Thunder Brothers, right? I mean, what else could it be? So Buck is like, this is enough evidence. And you know what happens next?

He says, let's get out of here and come back a different time. Because that's what they do once they find a ton of Bigfoot evidence. So that's actually the format of the show. They do call it their night hunt. So they go and investigate during the day. And then they go out to hunt it at night to get night footage. Every single episode is exactly that. So our big feet nocturnal.

Is that why they specifically do a night? Well, apparently not. Since it just molested them all in broad daylight. So, um, Willie has a new trap in mind. And he and while bills come up with this idea while bill comes in with a satellite dish on the top of the truck. And they all find this hilarious because his truck is the wearing a hat.

And, um, that's not why I would find it. I'd find it hilarious that you just happened to like. Meth steel satellite dish. Yeah. He just found an old satellite dish. It doesn't come up later. It's, they don't use it for the trap.

No, the trap they make a steel octagon. Trap. So what this is to sell it. Right. So they, they make a big door on the front and they basically make like a light metal teepee at a garbage. Uh, and I mean, like if two kids shoved this, it would fall over.

Yeah. Absolutely. Big footproof. So the other three are back at the holler. And all those tracks they found on that big foot highway, they're all leading in the same direction. This many footprints is very unusual. Might be a camp.

Might be a food source. They're like, hmm, something's coming through here too big to be a deer. So they're still kind of like figuring out this might be big foot. Like they're like, we got a lot of tracks, a lot of big foot stuff. Everyone nearby is saying, Hey, there's all these fucking big foot. Last night we got attacked by a big foot and they're like,

I think this might be some big foot stuff. These look too big to be deer feet. Mm hmm. They find some hickory nuts. And that sure seems big footy to them. I'm not sure why it seems like big foot would have eaten them, but they're like, no, these nuts, the big foot would really like these nuts if it seen them.

So basically they're wandering through the forest and any single thing they come across is more evidence of big foot. They see some shaking trees and they're like, that's a big foot and they're right. And so they hatch a scheme to like get it. So they set, here's what they do. They separate out by about six feet and they all walk toward the big foot. Then it makes a break for it.

We do a commercial break and when we come back, we've recapped that last 30 seconds by showing it and then recap the 15 minutes leading up to it. And then they're like, oh boy, that sucker can move. So they once again, they basically get out of their car, walk a few feet finding just nothing but big foot evidence and then encounter a big foot who escapes. They didn't quite get a shot of them and that's a bummer.

And then go to the Crick. They find a Crick and these guys are having a lot of trouble navigating this half inch of water. It is really dramatic. But they find a tree and it's kind of beat up. Like there's a chunk of bark missing. And so they're like, wait a second. Yeah, absolutely big foot.

But they think it's the source of the thunder. They think these big foots are beating on this hollow tree with a rock. And then one of them says, hmm, this makes sense. So they pick up a rock and hit where the bark is missing and it makes a thumping sound. And they're like, yeah, this is absolutely a big foot tree. And so... Very briefly, I just want to interject.

For the people who've never seen this show, so many times in horror, I feel like they don't effectively make you feel like the characters are actually in jeopardy. I feel like it's especially with modern, especially PG-13 horror. Like you really don't feel like they're going to... These people aren't in danger. There's no one who's going to make it out of the situation alive. In Mountain Monsters, when you just watch these men

just traverse a shallow stream, you fear for their safety. Oh yeah, at any time they get out of that golf cart, I'm like, oh shit, this is not going to go well. You are surprised when they're still alive at the end of every episode. So we check back in with a Willie and Wild Bill and they're traps coming along. They've welded seven legs to a kind of a frame. It looks like a child swing set.

How is this metal teepee a trap? Well, if the Bigfoot goes into it and then they close the door, then it can't get out. Why would he go into it? Well, they don't really say. They haven't made it. All they know is these are real noisy Bigfoot and they're eight of them.

I don't know how in the world they're going to get eight of them in there. But whatever. So they meet another guy. They have some more information. There's a local guy named John, another good old boy with a big beard. And he has an old barn and he's been hearing strange noises coming from the barn, like timber breaking, something carrying on. The whole barn's all tore up.

It's like, God, I don't know. John's like, I don't know. It's like they lost something in there. They're kind of looking for it. I don't know. So like, I don't know, the lights don't work. It really sounds like something's looking for something in there. And so now Buck's like, hold on a second.

This sounds a lot like the lightning man. And I think he might be looking for something. So the guy's like, OK, well, that's all I have to say. Wait, oh, wait, except for this. And he has a picture of a Native American painting in his barn. There's a lightning bolt on the ceiling. Fucking shit like the lightning man. Commercial break comes back.

We see that whole scene again. They recap the whole show again. And they think not only is it lightning man, but he's looking for something in that barn. Now, see, the thing is, it sounds like he's, John says it sounds like he's looking for something. And so these guys are like, lightning man might be in there looking for things.

But you know when a big foot's looking for something, everybody knows that sound. Exactly. So they decide they don't have enough information to hunt the eight big foots yet. Also, the trap's not done, but they know about this barn. So they decide that's the key. Also, that noisy tree they found.

Anyway, they feel like they have enough information at least to hunt the big foots, even though they don't have enough information to hunt the big foots. So they send Willie and Wild Bill to the tree, a stealth mission to catch seven big foots hitting a tree with a rock. They hear a noise, but it's nothing.

I know you thought it was going to be a big foot, but it wasn't. It could have been, but nothing happened. The others go into the barn. There's holes dug everywhere. This place is all fucked up. And they're like, what was that big foot looking for? And they go, they hatch a plan.

One of them goes, we'll go around and get to that section there, he says. But it's a 60 foot barn, 60 foot square, I guess. So basically he told them to go to the other side of the room and look there. But they make it look like it's like a military tactical maneuver. Again, somebody might have died getting there.

Like even if there are no obstacles in the way, just time would kill any of them at any moment. Walking across an old barn really should be treated very delicately with these guys. But they find something poking up out of the dirt floor. Are they better diggers than big foot? Yes. They immediately find a totem pole.

It's an old wooden eagle. It was buried very deep, zero inches deep. And they find, but they decide. Hold on. Does this also suspiciously look like either something bought from a gift shop and thrown around in a parking lot, or something hastily hacked together by an intern with like a hatchet?

It looks like an unfinished chainsaw sculpture from someone learning how to do chainsaw sculpture. So it's not, it looks brand new. Like they pulled out of the dirt, but it's very clearly. Yes, it's obviously brand new. Yeah. So they, they decide this is not what the big foot's looking for because it was too easy to find.

It is unrelated to anything. I want you to just forget about the people totem pole they found. Damn it. But they do find a lightning bolt under, over under, like a rafter. The one they've been told about. Yes. So they're like, we need to look directly under this lightning

bolt. It's holy shit. This lightning bolt could mean it's the lightning man. It's occurring to them again, that the big foot is in here. It's the lightning man. He's looking for something, but now their lights are going out. Something is in there with them, but they didn't bring any

kind of like anti-electric light source. Like they're like, what in the fuck is doing this? They have no idea. Then all of a sudden Jeff is down. Their lights are flashing a lot and then three very obese men with no acting training or athletic ability pretend the big foot is shoving them. We can't see the big foot, but these guys are getting knocked

around every direction. So they do get physically attacked by a big foot. Yes. 100%. They completely got destroyed by this big foot. And so then everyone's like, okay, I guess we're okay. And then the other two guys come and they're like, hey, what happened?

They're like, we was in that barn and everything just broke loose. That's how they describe being molested by a big feet. So Wild Bill has the idea that big foot doesn't want them to find whatever's in that barn. And then they hear an explosion. They're like, oh shit, that's that thunder, but it's not coming from the tree.

They have a second explosion tree. And so they decide, let's go find that other thunder tree. So they sure it's a tree seal. We're sure that's a tree. They're 100% that it's another thunder tree, just like the one that's 100%. And it's not what we could call the thunder brothers. It's not the seven big feet.

I think their working theory now is that the seven big foot are just hitting trees in the area and they just are going to go to this other tree. So they have a little Tarzan branch and two of them swing on it for no reason. It's just kind of like a branch draping down from a tree and they swing about four or five feet and then fall over no hazards.

It's just flat ground. They swung on, but they included it. God bless them for doing it. That's still work. Buck is gone. They're like a big foot took Buck, but listen to this. Buck knew that the big foots were luring them away from the barn.

So he thought, well, these idiots are chasing that second thunder tree. I'm going to go back into the barn and dig underneath that lightning bolt. He's the brain to the group. He's the Belmont. Exactly. So he takes the other camera guy with him and they're, okay,

they know it's a distraction. They start digging. And then they like, they call them up. They're like, Buck, where the fuck are you? And he answers after like 20 of those. And he goes, I'm in the barn. And then they all rescue. They all run to rescue him from the nothing, but it's not

nothing. He starts pawing at the dirt. Another thing buried zero inches deep. It's a, some kind of a granite wedge. Then here's what's crazy. A fucking big foot hand reaches under the barn wall and grabs for him. It's like, like an actual gorilla suit hand comes.

Like it's 20% definitive proof of a fucking big foot. They got on camera. We got him. And nobody cares. He's like, guys, a big foot tried to grab me. And they're like, well, they must really not want you to have that, that thing. And he's like, yeah, no, no one mentions that they, they have

proof. They got big foot on film. And also you just got grabbed by a big foot again. God, they love to grab you. Yeah. You'd think he'd be all fucked up from that, but he's not. That must have been a different species of big foot. So, um, big foot was protecting this, but he also couldn't find

it. And they start to realize, hold on a second, our story doesn't add up. So they, uh, they've rescued Buck in a golf cart. He's got the stone. He's like, ha, ha, ha. We have the thing they're looking for. Uh, they still don't quite get why.

Uh, they're, I'm, I'm very confused. And I think I'm representing that well because nobody knows why the big foot was protecting it or looking for it, but he couldn't be doing both those things, right? Uh, and so now it's like, well, whatever, uh, time to end the episode. Let's call it a day. We got, we've got the splitting wedge of the big foot and, uh, the

totem, which I guess they just abandoned. They don't need that. So that's, that's it. Very, very scary. I'm very sorry for anyone listening. Uh, if I have one criticism for this production, it's that I feel like a lot of times they assume that the audience has the same level of knowledge of big foot lore as they do.

And so I feel like sometimes they fail to explain things that would fill in the gaps in terms of like the motivation of these creatures or the patterns of their behavior. And they almost just skip over things. They almost seem random. Um, and I know that that's part of what makes it scarier because again these, they are dealing with the unknown and the nature of horror is the human, you know, emotion of dealing with the unknown and, and

the primitive, you know, the primal feeling of going out into, into the wilderness and the darkness and facing what's out there. It's just that here, I had like, why did the big foot put on a gorilla suit? Why did he put on the fake gorilla suit before he grabbed Buck? Cause he doesn't want to be gone on here. He's smart. See, he's out thinking it.

And see, I, I think, I think they leave so much of this unsaid, uh, so that you can fill in the lore on your multiple rewatches. As you come back and rewatch the show over and over again. You catch the Easter eggs. Yeah, you discover more. You're like, hi, now I get episode two. We were foreshadowing, uh, the Thunder Brothers, uh, love of

drums of drum solos. That's what the drum solo was. Anyway, that's why he did it. So anyway, that's, that's the Thunder Brothers story. That's, uh, so scary to me. What did you bring, Brock? What's your, what's the spookiest episode of television for you? Okay.

So I did not know we were doing a bit here. I brought 30 coins, uh, the big baby episode. There's like a big baby episode and 30 coins. Yeah. That was the scariest part when they went away from like the psychological horror and the spookiness and just had like a giant PlayStation one boss. Like that was like, oh my God, now it's scary.

Yeah. The big baby, the big baby. I guess it's, I, in Resident Evil, it really messed me up too. I guess I'm really scared of big babies, which is probably like one of those very obvious like, like, you know, if you go to a psychologist, they're like, yeah, okay. You're scared of having kids as much, but you're scared of mortality.

Well, whatever. It really freaks me out. So. I love the idea of having kids, but that Resident Evil baby is fucked. Okay. So, right? Big babies, uh, really fuck with me.

So 30 coins. The big baby episode. Uh, we start with a exiled Spanish priest, Huckleberry. Uh, he's in the back of the pickup truck, the Vatican's pickup truck, listening to, uh, the other, the mayor of the, of the village buck, uh, we explain. Yes, the sexy mayor. He's beautiful.

And he is, you'll never believe this. He's explaining, uh, the episode you just told me about. Whoa. Uh, beat for beat. We recap Sean's entire episode. And it's my favorite thing is the, is the introductory recaps to these is when they have buck explaining everything they've just been through yesterday.

And the boys, this is the one time the boys are the best actors is when they, their job is to look like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I've never heard any of this before. They, they prompt him. They're like, and what does that mean? Uh huh. Well, well, my God book.

That's so surprising. It's just, wow. Like maybe I, I've come to think maybe they do have some sort of memory problems, uh, just looking at, at their existence and bodies and the way they behave. So buck says, he concludes the entire episode. Sean just said, uh, by saying, this is the most mysterious bigfoot we ever ridden after.

Uh, he also tells me again, the lightning man is over eight foot tall, five hundred pounds, jet black fur, white stripe runs with seven other big foots. They call the Thunder brothers. And, uh, who calls them that? I guess other big feet. I guess like the, the big feet know and are frightened of this gang.

I'm assuming there's six, six nations of natives that in Pennsylvania called them that according to, right, right. We know that from Native American lore. And I'm sure if we look into it. So buck asked the question, obviously that is was going to haunt Sean to the end of days until I happened to pick this episode. Why is the lightning man after this stone so hard?

Why couldn't the lightning man dug it up himself? Now that's what we got to find out. We don't find it out right now, but that's, it was buried zero inches deep. Bigfoot can't dig like that. So you'll never believe this. Uh, they find a local redneck with some mysterious knowledge that they need.

And, uh, he heads in himself. So it's not to spook buck. He heads in himself. So it's not to spook their big foot informant. Uh, I guess he's, he's treated like a CI. They blur his face. In case they take him to big foot court. I am assuming.

And everybody's really freaked out by being left in the pickup truck, like a bunch of children while daddy does his business. And he, the CI, big foot CI, big foot, big foot snitch. Let's call him the big foot snitch is immediately hostile. And he says, now I told you, I don't want to talk to you. I've seen your show and I don't like it. That's the end of the sentence. Uh, it's the first interaction.

I truly believe out of this show. Oh, shit. This is for real. He's, he's really mad. But no, he buck shows him the stone that they dug up and he says, he changes this tune completely. Now he's so frightened, the villager worried if I was hurt, started a fact that shouldn't have been dug up.

You all leave alone. You need to leave it now. And then bucks stands there for a weird amount of time. Then says, uh, so you're saying you don't want no part of it. Yeah. Uh, yours, your line was, you didn't want no part of it. Like, would you say that please? And he's still, he still doesn't say it.

He just says, yeah, that's pretty much it. And look like stand there for a little bit again and then leaves. See bucks, bucks a great improv guy. So you're saying you, you know what you do, would you say, would you say that you don't want no part of it? Wink. Uh, anyway, nothing was accomplished. There was no reason for that.

And that's the end of the scene. Um, can I just briefly interject here? If you do like a look at this episode of the storytelling from like a Marxist point of view, you see that they're relying on local knowledge instead of centralized planning. And you see like the difference between the elites who would probably look down on like someone like this local big foot expert as a bumpkin or as whatever, you know, derogatory term you'd want

to use, but it's like, there's, there's knowledge in the locals that only they understand because they, they've lived that experience and to have someone coming from the outside, like you kind of saw this in Jaws too. You had the academic coming in versus like the local, you know, fishermen coming at it from two completely different worlds, but both with the same goal in mind. I feel like that's why this element is always in the storytelling

because it's like, if you want to understand these creatures, you have to understand the people who have been attacked probably hourly by this thing. Absolutely. Every time they whistle. In this scenario, Buck is the outside academic. Buck's the Richard Dreyfus of this. Yes.

Coming in with his elite knowledge and getting rightfully chased away by the locals for not showing the, the proper amount of respect to the Big Foot Rock. Because he's a fancy reality show personality. Yeah. I've seen your high food show. We all watch it. In the last week, he has defiled a burial ground,

a big foot burial ground, and then stolen a sacred artifact. So he is playing pretty. Yeah. It's a very Indiana Jones approach to Big Foot. More like the Nazis in those movies, I guess. So we go to a second expert Hillbilly. I'm not sure why we needed to. This one's name is Shannon and they drive up on him just in some

random clearing the night like they found him in the forest. And Wild Bill has a, has a weird energy about him. Like I've seen a lot of these episodes and Wild Bill, some episodes he seems a little more down to earth. But right now he leaps off of his ATV and says, can't fire built up. Check that out, man. Yes, sir.

Can't fire right there. He points at the campfire a bunch of times. And I think, I think the psychological like tension of hunting all these big feet is maybe wearing out. And maybe we're going to do like a Jacob's ladder thing with Wild Bill dealing with his Big Foot trauma. But that's for later. Shannon, their local Hillbilly shaman says lightning man,

huh? No one wants to make the lightning man or the Thunder Brothers mad at him. So he knows immediately while you're talking about, they have a long standing relationship with the big feet. They kind of coexist, I guess, is the, is the implication. I know that was, I was hinted at in your episode, Sean, but we're really saying like they're,

they're almost on the Thunder Brothers side. Right. But they got to admit, you know, it's becoming a problem. Down the same HOA. Now we cut away to Huckleberry, who is really mad. And he's saying, he's very loudly yelling into the camera. And he says, lot of folklore goes along with this. And you know what?

I'm having a hard time swallowing it because he was like this in other episodes too. It's because Huckleberry is our Dana Scully character, our powerfully sexual science minded skeptic who doesn't believe the big foot rumors automatically in his filthy overalls. He didn't get dressed in the dark. Shannon, God bless Shannon.

Shannon, the big foot expert is even by their standards, just some production assistant. They had to wrangle in at the last minute because that last guy flubbed his lines. So everything he says is extremely sarcastic improv. Like they tell him they found that lightning bolt symbol and he says, why a lightning bolt? You got to be kidding me.

Because he knows exactly what that is. He's their Pennsylvania big foot expert. Buck hands on the stone. He says, oh my gosh, you boys are looking to be alive. Of course, because this right here is the thunder blade. Now, I'm going to give you a little foreshadowing of this episode. We are going to do, we're going on a big foot quest.

We're going on a Skyrim quest through big foot territory to hunt down a legendary weapon. And this is probably the most outlandish episode of the show. So what I'm going to do from here until the end, I will, there are three things that I have made up. I will sew three untruths into this. So keep track of it and tell me what you think I made up by the time we get to the end.

All right. Okay. So this year is the thunder blade. And Huckleberry says, oh, thunder blade, huh? Never heard of that. But the thunder blade is missing two items, the mantle and the leather lashing to bind it. You won't believe this.

The only thing that can harm the lightning man is the completed thunder axe. So we are doing, Fucking rules. Doing a fucking fantasy weapon quest to kill big foot. The lashing has survived all these generations. The leather lashing. Okay.

And this is not something you made up for comedy purposes. This is. Oh, you tell me. You tell me when I have gone too far, sir. The problem is I'm Googling all of this. I'm looking at all the news sites. I'll look it in the New York times because it feels like, Like, I don't know how this turned out.

Obviously, I've not seen the episode, but it feels like this would have made the news. At least locally. The people taking down the. Taking down a gang of eight big feet with a magical. Again, are you looking up the whole, it's lightning man and the Thunder Brothers. It's a band.

I'm getting an anime. I'm getting a brewery, like a hipster brewery. It seems like you're a little lost. So let's cut to Huckleberry re-explaining everything that just happened. That's why they do that. Now you see, now you're on the, now that you haven't seen the episode, you understand they're walking you through it.

It's necessary. And so he delivers all of this fantasy exposition and in just this filthy, unhappy, uncooperative hillbilly way, where he shouts at the camera. Now that thing's called the Thunder Blade and you can use that again, a lightning man. And that's, that's what we're doing. That's what we're fucking doing boys.

It turns out, well, let me brace up for this next part. It turns out the Native Americans handed the Thunder Blade down to the settlers. That's how that worked. Inheritance, the Native Americans just went ahead and passed down to the settlers that, that came and re-inhabited the lands that they were leaving. Probably not a trap, probably a generous gift from a thankful

people. In every one of these episodes, whenever they talk about like Native American lore, it's always like the Native Americans are completely gone from this earth. And they just tell stories of like the, the gifts that they have left the white man to decipher the mystical threats that we now find ourselves under. So it's, they're the elves.

They're the elves. Did you a lightning bolt on the barn in case man ever needs to find the Thunder Blade? Right. Like, like they're, they're, they're elf, they left their elf magic behind as they retreated from our land to dwell in the lands beyond the sea that we call the reservation.

It turns out it's a blessing and a curse. It's a blessing because as long as you have the Thunder Axe, you are protected from all big feet. But it is a terrible curse if the lightning man ever gets ahold of it because he will become immortal and invincible. Oh, shit. I'm going to assume destroy the world and, and rule it

with, I guess not an iron fist, like a hairy fist, immortal, invincible Thunder Axe big foot. You know what? So behind this axe, like the lightning man can't hurt you, but he could take your axe. I guess they must be true because he was looking for it. Okay.

This is, I'm sorry. I'm trembling with rage right now. This is so irresponsible. We just had a scandal recently with a journalist who knew certain things about the Trump administration, but chose to keep them for a book she was writing. There are things that had potentially national security implications if they had been made public at the time

instead of after he's out of office. The fact that they had what clearly is a threat to, if nothing else, the United States national security. If they're, if a big ship should become immortal. Yeah. In Pennsylvania. That is where they are, right? Yeah.

Yeah. It is very easily, easy to game plan out all sorts of scenarios where that goes badly for the economy, for the fabric of society that they didn't alert the proper authorities and instead saved it for a TV episode is frankly outrageous. And I hope they were prosecuted for this. They could have warned us and of exactly what's happening

today, which is clearly the work of a rogue bigfoot. I mean, I mean, this was, God, this was years ago. This was filmed years ago. They must have, they must have big feet on the inside in the government, in the media. I mean, yeah, that kind of goes without saying. Like I, I don't think, I don't think big, big foot would appreciate you just pointing it out like that.

This big foot's unleashed a flock of bats at me. Now I've got some sort of an infection. It's getting into my lungs. I think, I think you'll find the exact moment that big foot gets his hand on this axe in the episodes. They just stopped filming because that's when the pandemic hit, like immediately they hit them first. So anyway, now that we've established it's a blessing and

a curse protection as long as you have it occurs. If the lightning man ever gets ahold of it, we smash cut to Huckleberry who says it's a blessing and a curse. The protection is it's the only thing that can be used against the lightning man. The curse is if he gets ahold of it and then there's no stopping him and then we, we replay the scene and then we stop him with the thing that does stop him that isn't the

axe. Clearly something stops him that isn't the axe. The axe, the axe is a protection against him, but it's also a curse. I don't think you heard Huckleberry. So let's get Buck in here to repeat it one more time. I feel like we'd be bad big foot hunters where we're like, no, that's not going to work.

Hey, your trap fucking sucks. I don't think big foot's in that bush. Like, I feel like we just ruined this whole show. So we cut away to some backstory. It turns out in the early 1900s, the Sutter family had the axe and they dismantled it for reasons that we will never specify and are probably hard to make up. He gave a piece to each of his boys, each of his three

children and had them hide them across the exact same woods that they, that lightning man lives in so that lightning man would never be able to find them. Okay. And then they put those lightning bolt symbols, the Native American lightning bolt symbols, and it turns out those were all magic spells that made big foot unable to see what they're beneath or what's beneath them.

Okay. Right. Okay. You're following. Don't worry. We just need some. This is the part you're making up. Is this.

I'm not going to tell you now. Okay. Okay. So by and by unearthing it by digging up that axe, you guys have broken the spell and now the Thunder brothers and the lightning man can get the axe. They know where the axe is. So it was safe and you guys just fucked it all up, fucked

it all up for everybody. And now you got to fix it. It's crazy though because normally Buck and this whole team is so careful that it's really rare for them to just bumble into something and just start knocking things over or digging them up, building makeshift traps. Much like all big foot hunters are notoriously a careful and studied scientist people, respectful of the great beast

in these surroundings. So how about one mistake? Just one simple. I mean, all the best stories, all the best quests start with the hero failing so that they can build themselves back up. It's really classic fantasy quest rules we're on here. And also up till now they have not harmed a single big foot. True.

If anything, they've been harmed by every big foot that has ever existed. If anything, big foot's the bad guy when you think about it. Now, a Huckleberry is worried that since they just figured out that the brothers could get the rest of the axe and now that they've broken the spell, he's worried that they might want to get the axe. And so we're going to recap that scene.

No joke, three more times. Right back to back. Not even after a commercial break, we just finished the scene. Recap it. Have Huckleberry recap it. Have Buck recap Huckleberry's recap. And then my God would cut back to Huckleberry who recaps his own recap.

It's amazing. It is fucking the montage from blood sport level of complicated filmmaking. This short-term memory loss is probably why they eat 11 breakfasts every day. It's a real tragedy that nobody stops them, not a single person. And they're just out here hunting for big foot and they forgot they already found him.

It's the only thing that keeps him grounded. So how do we get rid of the lightning man? It turns out that this axe, it has to touch him in some form. He's got to touch it and then lose it before it can be disassembled and reburied. However, it's never mentioned that they have not yet assembled it. So I don't know what this is.

But they've got a tag big foot with the magic axe, but not let him keep it because if he keeps it, then he becomes fucking big foot the conqueror and rules. Hit him with the fucking axe. That was plan A. But real quick, he can't keep it. Don't give it to him. Yeah.

Hit the big foot with the axe and kill the big foot. Oh, yeah. The show takes eight minutes. Is that not the plan? To explain this. It is the plan, but we just figured it out. All right. Luckily, Shannon knows the clues for the other locations.

I'm not kidding. That's what he says. He says, luckily, there's clues. Here they are. And then he hands them several written clues. Fantastic. Well, that in that last episode when they had a clue, it was the text was backwards and that was like the big reveal.

They put it in a mirror and they're like, wait a second, this text is backwards. Oh, no. So I'm guessing these clues are very complicated. Oh, no, gentlemen, it's wonderful. They rhyme. They're riddles. It's a toddler scavenger hunt.

It's completely adorable. So the first clue, they unroll the scroll and say, they bang the trees and the thunder comes. But the thunder boys should bang the drum. And they, huh. Think about this one. It's weird to translate it from Comanche and have it rhyme. They think about this for a while and they come up with nothing.

Uncle Barry said, hey, good with riddles and buck says, me neither. They all agree they can't solve the riddle and they leave. Well, deaf leopards drummer only had one arm. So we're looking for a one arm big foot. So buck then recaps their situation to the camera and he lays it out. Well, we got to solve this puzzle, but it's us versus big foot. Who can solve the puzzle first?

That's incredible. They've entered a battle of wits with the big foot. To solve a rhyming riddle left about the magic acts that they must find the three pieces to and reassemble to banish, unless he becomes an immortal and killable force. That's where this fucking show goes in season four. There are eight seasons. God, I love it.

So good. So it's, do they go to the tree, that tree that they bang on? No, actually, because Shannon's not done handing them the plot to the story. He also says, well, here's the first place you guys go to. I love that. Thank God for this guy. What a handy guy. He says, I have some clues for you and he hands them clues.

And then he says, here's the first place you guys go to. Just a heads up. A crazy guy lives there. And buck goes, oh, great. That's nice. Huckleberry agrees. Well, that's just what we need. A crazy guy.

Just the clumsiest exposition. He knows the next set piece and obstacle. And they were like, I don't know, wing it. And he was just like, no, absolutely not. I will not, I will not wing it. He tells them their next scene. And my God, hillbilly foreshadowing. He's right.

They go there. All right, the crazy guys now. Let's do a recap. Let's do a recap first, right? I'm skipping four recaps. I really should pause. I've skipped. I believe they stopped to recap.

They recap the riddle. They recapped that there are riddles out there. They recapped that they were not good with riddles. And then they recapped that the lightning men would find them. And that's why Buck had to come in at the end of the recap and say it's us versus Bigfoot in a battle of wits. Who is the smarter rate? Now, if I have one criticism of this production.

And you don't. I feel like they're editing out all of the like, because in reality, I assume it took the months to find the next item, the next clue, the next, but they added it down to make it look like they just jumped out of their golf cart and they're immediately at the next thing. With with no almost no effort. Like they basically just stumble across someone who will tell them,

I'm sure in real life, like it doesn't, you know, just as Indiana Jones, that's not real archeology, you know, real life. It's it's a much more slower process. Speaking of, I think it would benefit if you pulled out to the map like Indiana Jones and they showed like the little golf cart kind of going a couple of feet to the right a while away. And then they're getting out and the dot just goes like two feet.

Just stays there for like five minutes. See that golf cart in the background of every shot. They are not willing to leave that. And the same tiny patch of woods. It's someone's privately owned property where they've has to shoot there and it's anyway. Well, this guy's not happy about it. His name is skunky Tom skunky Tom, the crazy fella who guards

Bigfoot secrets. We're looking for the next piece in the forest. Remember, we do have that clue. So we set Huckleberry and Wild Bill on skunky Tom watch and they're going to they're going to try to ward off or or just spot skunky Tom, which of course means wandering through the woods pretending that they see skunky Tom and then realizing they don't and then pretending they see him again.

The rest goes search and they now you think you think based on that riddle, right? Like, let me scroll back up. They bang the trees and the thunder comes, but the thunder boys should bang the drum. What do you think the solution to that riddle is? Where do you think this piece of the the axe is hidden? It's probably in a drum.

My God. Skunky Tom's drum. It turns out it's steel drums thrown about in the woods like garbage. Oh, I see. Hundreds of years. Apparently. They are pretty rusty steel drums thrown loosely in the woods.

They're very clearly just like oil barrels. So they go through each very carefully. There's a dead animal in one. There's a handful of leaves in the other and the other one has like rotted through. And it turns out that's not it. So we move on. You're so close.

We killed four. Bigfoot still one step ahead. But that killed four minutes and also we get to recap it. So. Oh, good. So it did serve a purpose. Now Huckleberry chimes in and says Skunky Tom knows these woods like you know your living room.

The only way we'll catch him is by little movements. We got to be aware of every little thing that moves out here. So we know Skunky Tom lore like Skunky Tom is an offshoot of Bigfoot. They know their they know about his strengths and weaknesses and he's he's the fucking predator. Skunky Tom is invisible if he doesn't want to see. You come into my living room and you will not see me.

You got to look for the tiniest movements. I'm like fucking little micro movements. Just a gremlin running between catches. That's Skunky Tom. So Bucks wandering through the woods and then he says, oh, shit, there's a drum. Another steel drum, a big one this time. And Buck explains, well, that's a real big drum for a real big foot.

That's definitely real. That is not one of the fake facts. I apologize. I know I keep interrupting. I'm so sorry. I Googled Skunky Tom. God, tell me what you got. The top result was a post from the Mountain Monsters subreddit.

Oh, shit. It has 2,109 readers, about to be 2,110. There are four readers in there now, including me. And the person is asking if it's possible that Skunky Tom was a shapeshifter. Now, that is a good question. There are five responses. That is intriguing. OK, we'll present you with the evidence.

There's a lightning bolt on the inside of the lid of the big drum. And they've inside that they find another thing. They find an old pipe with something inside that. That's three things inside three things. A big foot would never find it. They tell Huckleberry they found a pipe and he radios back. A pipe! Gunshot.

Shotgun blast. Shaky, cam, shirtless, hillbilly foot chase. It's Skunky Tom. We got to go get the hell out of here, Skunky Tom. We're going. And Skunky Tom is shot in exactly the same way you would shoot a big foot. Just like they panic glance and you see a semi-naked hillbilly just running mutely at them from the woods.

And he took a shot at him. And he apparently took a shot at them. He's running them down with a shotgun. And they are traveling at what is generously a walk. Then they manage to outrun them enough to get to their golf cart. That's the thing, you look for the small movements. You wait for a shotgun blast and then a maniac comes sprinting out of the woods with their clothes on.

You got to watch for it, wait for it, and he's going to make a very subtle small movement that lets you see him. The exact same tactics the predator used in Predator. Exactly. It's a scene for scene from that scene in Predator where the predator stripped down naked, fired a blast in the air, and then charged at them. They once again, several times, they've recapped the chase

as they're being chased. Explained that Skunky Tom is chasing them and they got to get the hell out of there. Again, not even having cut to commercial break. Well, we might have cut to a commercial, but somewhere in there, we're recapping again. And they say, well, we got to go. Skunky Tom's chasing after us.

Get away, Skunky Tom. And then they get in their little golf cart and charge away and just constantly reminding each other of the stakes like little kids playing pretend. And I love it. I love it so much. It is so good. This does remind me of games I play with my daughter.

Like I do a game where I'm trying to peek around a corner and then I'll accidentally jump out and then make a ton of noise and charge directly at her. And it's a real crowd pleaser for a five-year-old. I didn't know. I didn't know that it's also how a bigfoot hunter goes about sneaking up on someone. Well, a shapeshift and dodging, that's how you counter.

They have just countered a shapeshifter as we have just learned. It takes a lot of time. Yeah, that's true. So clearly, these are the tactics of a shapeshifter. It is shapeshifted into a naked hillbilly to pass as unseen through the lands of man, I guess. That's how it handled it. So the chainsaw opened the pipe.

And the other thing I love about this show is that the chainsaw is at least one thing, every episode. Every time they do, everybody goes, hell, yeah. And they high five. They just love it. They love fucking chainsaw and shit. Inside the pipe is the handle of the thunder axe. Now.

Now chainsaw didn't have. No, they got it. They got it out. But there's some, there's sad news. Buck has to leave because he has to go to work. This isn't his job. Okay. Discovery Plus can't pay the principal farmers enough to fucking.

I actually left that out of my, I had it in my notes for my episode that the scene where it's everybody but Buck, they did say, well, Buck had to go to work. So we're going to work on the trap. And it's one of those guys were walking up the hill and all that. That was all stuff that they had to think of something to do because Buck had to work that day. And they didn't try to like write him out of the story.

They just straight up said, Buck had to go work at Chipotle. And he just got to him at a gas station. Just like, man, I was out there. I wish I was out there bigfooting. Oh, man. Buck has a regular job. He's just big foot.

Big foot larps of passion on the weekends. So again, you will never believe this. They're using the same steel cage from Sean's episode. Like, like they almost maybe didn't have the budget to do another trap. Well, they didn't finish it in my episode. So like, Oh, well, this time it's finished, but, but they're putting another mini cage in front of the cage.

And they're going to put the ax inside it on a rope. And once the big foot reaches for it, they'll zip it away like the dollar bill. That's what it remember. Jason was like, there's no bait in that trap. And now we've got it. Now we've got a secondary cage and literally the oldest trick in the book. But come on.

You don't need to overthink trick in a big foot. Right. This is presented as revolutionary thinking to trick. The whole point is to trick him into touching it, but not keeping it. Remember, you thought rightly so. That means hit him with the ax. They thought two traps, one a teepee, one a mini cage, a pipe,

and a rope to get him to touch it and then yank it away. And then the trap closes not on big foot. It's an axe trap. That teepee, that teepee was meant to hold it. That teepee, that teepee was meant to hold an axe. It's brilliant. It'll work. Wild Bill loves it.

And he gets a little too excited. So before the scene finishes, he runs off in the woods and he goes, we need to find that now. And I mean, right now, let's go. And you take that as a cue to be like, all right. Okay. He's my favorite when he just loses control of that meth energy and just charges off and they all have to improv with it.

Like, I guess he's correct. We got to run from the cops now. Huckleberry says, well, all we got to clue, Jeff, here goes the rain, it falls and then it pools and hides away the leather clue. That's the riddle. The clue, I'm sorry, the clue references the clue. The rain, it falls and then it pools and hides away the leather clue. So they're looking for a puddle.

Yeah. As Huckleberry explains, we got to think in terms of where water pools. And there's some, there's some dissension in the group. And Huckleberry settles them all down and says, well, okay, okay, but we think it's got something to do with water. They can agree on that much. These guys have all the intelligence of a big foot. Huckleberry does seem to be rightfully shamed by this as later when

they're walking through the woods. He says, guys, when I signed up for this, I didn't know I was going to have to be a Riddler Solver. That's not, that was how he said it. Riddler Solver. He seems genuinely ashamed. And I will leave him alone now because it made them feel bad. Okay.

Anyway, you will never guess the answer. Do you want to guess the answer? The rain, it falls and then it pools. It's a puddle. It's not a puddle. It's a big puddle. You guys are one step ahead of this big foot at every turn. A big puddle that's been there for.

Yeah, it's a pond, but it's like not much of a pond. It's just clearly, it is literally a big puddle. And Willie, Willie, the other meth guy puts it so politely what their role is and who they are. He says, me and Wild Bill, we're the athletic ones on this team. So we're going to go get wet. We're going to jump in the tip of the water. Yeah, no, it's true.

When these guys go paintballing together, it is got to be hilarious. It's got to be like four of them just kind of waddling out there. Well, Wild Bill is behind him just like banging him over the head with a fucking paintball gun. Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha, gotcha. We begin. We're the athletic ones on this team. So if you guess there's a little something for the ladies,

some wet hillbilly man aquatic play. You were 100% correct. They stripped down to their stained underwear and they do cannonballs into a two foot deep pool of rusty water. And then they playfully splash each other like, like Koi nymphs in a Victorian fountain. Mad diarrhea for four days. And then all of a sudden I got something dramatic sting cut to commercial.

Recap, recap, recap. What is it? Bucket. He picks up a bucket, throws a bucket out of the pond and they do the same thing to find what looks like a meat cutter. Just like an abandoned meat cutter, a garbage can lid. They're legitimately going to die from going in this pond. Yeah, this is a dangerous puddle.

Only one place they ain't checked under the dock and they found a box under there. And Huckleberry says, a box. That's the perfect place. Nobody checks for a box under a dock. That's true and some 200 year old strap of old wet leather. That's going to be in great shape. Actually, it's an old ammo box,

clearly from Vietnam from a military surplus story. It does not add up to the timeline at all and nobody gives a shit. So let's get past it. But it's watertight. And it's watertight. Wild Bill gets way too excited at this. He stops making words. He just starts going and he starts like slap pulling at the box.

He's totally stymied by the lid mechanism, which is it's a lift. It's a lift mechanism. He was more of a bayonet murderer. He didn't really go for that ammo so much. Just slap fighting it until they literally take it away from him and somebody else has to open it. There's a lightning bolt on the lid and you're right. It is the lashing.

Oh, it's fucking perfect. Huckleberry recaps it for us and says, help recaps the whole thing, but then finishes by saying, we can put it together. And this lightning man coming after it hard. And Buck says, this lightning man is drawn to the thunder axe. He knows we got this thing assembled. He's coming hard.

So he's coming hard. That's what I'm saying. He's coming hard two different ways. At this point, and I know that the listeners have listened to, you know, have her along almost two hours of this episode. There's been so much buildup to the lightning man. Because like my episode, you know, set the stage for who these people are in their quest.

And then Sean's episode like just hinted at what's out there. The fact that we're now about to see the lightning man. Like I'm almost physically ill with the tension because it's like it's been so built up and it's this thing is so dangerous. Potential like apocalyptic consequences if they do this wrong. Literally the stake of the world, the entire world is riding on these eight,

seven drunken hillbillies in a golf cart fighting a big foot. It reminds me of the final episode of Chernobyl when they finally reveal the glowing blob that had formed from all of the radioactive corpses. They have to fight this thing. It's just incredible. You want to be disappointed, but the budget all went to that. Just masterfully handled that giant nuclear baby.

It really freaked me out. I am Chernobyl. I think that's what I think that was this thing. Yeah, that's where that name. That's why we call it Chernobyl. That was the name of the baby. So Huckleberry sees the trap for the first time and says, by God, that's a trap with a bonus trap.

Just beautiful. Huckleberry is my quickly growing to be my favorite, as I'm sure you can tell. He has to go in the trap with all the pieces in case the lightning man shows up. They demonstrate the trap and trap Huckleberry. They got a Huckleberry. Of course.

It works on him. Now, is this humorous when that happens, or is it tragic? It's kind of both. It's a little... It's definitely playing in that territory of like, we're joking around, but you know not everybody's surviving this episode.

This is probably the last time the crew is going to be together. Yeah. You see him going, it's funny, but you know that Huckleberry does spend 40% of his day in traps, and that's the tragic part. They don't even have to try. He's always testing it. Next is the extremely extended tying the stone to the handle

with the leather strap sequence. It goes on way longer than you would think it should, and you probably think it goes on for a long time. They have to finally figure out, well, we can't do it. It seems like a specialized skill. Yeah, they go look it up, and it turns out they're missing another lashing. There was a secret piece,

a secret piece of leather that is missing, and luckily Jeff knows instantly that it must be in the hollow cap of the threaded pipe they found the handle in. He probably was meant to say something like, I remember that further, but he just goes mutely over to the threaded pipe and starts banging it on a rock, and everybody's like, oh, okay, he's doing something,

and they crowd around him, and he just mutely bashes it for a while until something falls out. It's another clue. Oh my God. Ye shall find. It's not, I can't believe it's not the lashing, but a further clue. It's a clue for the other piece of leather.

Ye shall find if you seek in the cabin by the creek. I don't know why it's in Old English this one. What, seems like a weird choice for the Native Americans? Even Buck somehow gets fed up with this and says, this is feeling like some kind of wild goose chase. To just like fucking say, hey, go to the pond in rural Pennsylvania is madness. And then say the cabin by the creek,

it's just like that is literally every single structure for 400 miles. Well, you won't believe this. It's only a few steps away. Of course. Well, yes, I know that. You know that. But like in the fiction of this universe,

these are not clues. Bigfoot's don't have a large territory. It's like somebody's yard. Like it's a very small area that they like to stick to because as we've seen, there are literally hundreds of millions of them crowding the woods. So Jeff Huckleberry and Willie go looking while Wild Bill

and Buck stay in the trap to, I guess, taunt the lightning man with the pieces of the axe they have found. The searchers find an outhouse by the creek and they say, well, there's an outhouse. There's a cabin. So once again, we have a toilet playing a pivotal role in the episode,

which is happening. I want to say three out of four of every episode I watched a toilet plays at least a good comedy beat. So they find this ancient shed. It is clearly hastily built plywood, like straight from Home Depot, like the underside of particle board and stuff with the paint markings on it.

And they're like, they have the audacity to say, you can tell it's ancient by the architecture and then gesture around that. You can tell it's ancient by the press tags. There's a chimbenaya in there that I swear to God, I recognize from walking through the garden section. And there's shiny, brand new aluminum heat shielding instead of like a chimney,

which they must have used a hundred years ago and fresh firewood in there. Jeff knows immediately, we got to light that fire. There's a special light will shine out from the cracks. In the stove. My God. And so they do.

And it doesn't. But the log is weird. There's a weird log and they dig it out and the lashing was hidden inside the log. It was hidden in a metal tube inside the log and then thunder. It's the thunder brothers. They found them. They start banging on the walls of the shed.

So they got to cool it off. We got to cool it off. We got to cool it off right now. We got to get out of here. Stop. Recap the situation a few times. Come back. Still got to cool it off.

You got to know what's happening next, right? I mean, I assume they get the camera steps out of the structure and just sees all eight of these big feet in full, fully lit. Just right right there in the open. No, it's a hillbilly cryptid piss play. He Huckleberry drops his overalls and pisses all over it. And that's how they cool it off. And then they grab the piss covered clue and Huckleberry recaps

his piss. I believe as he's taking it, like they stop mid piss, cut away to Huckleberry says, I was thinking all my damn feet. So I just pissed on it to cool it off. And then they cut back to him pissing on it. They grab it. They run. They're back in the trap.

The lights go out. The lightning man is here. Buck has a lighter. It lasts for three seconds. I don't know why we bothered burning that time. The rest of the crew wanders up to the trap. I thought the big feet were supposed to be around the trap too. That was how they were making it out.

But they're now nowhere to be seen. It's amazing how they can vanish like that. So they wander up to the trap. They hand the axe through the bars. Huckleberry and Bill go outside to watch the trap. Everyone else stays inside. And then once again, we repeat the struggling to tie an axe together scene for like five minutes.

This is the resident evil riddle of rotating the piece and trying to get it to slot together only at seven hillbillies. One piece of rock, one piece of wood, and some leather string. Jesus Christ. They get it together. And Willie grabs it, holds it over his head. The camera pans up his body really slowly. And he says, we have the power.

As the lightning strikes outside and they all cheer for him. That's the one you made out. There's no way this guy watches he man. Actual lightning struck when he did that. Yes. They have somehow summoned a storm now because we have forgotten that it's just about the drumming on the tree. So now they do have storm powers.

So a lightning storm has settled in around the campers. They set the axe. Did Buck get a little orange mask and transform into like a, did he elongate into a tiger at the same time? He did get an orange mask. He really just took off his clothes and then they stood around like they were riding him. Okay.

Huckleberry. If you slap him, his face spins around to be a different face. Of course. The children of the 80s will get that one. Fisto. All right. So they set the axe in the mini trap and Wild Bill comes on to sum it up wonderfully and he says, that lightning man,

huh, huh, he on that thunder axe box. Now, huh. So that's where I bet this is really getting a hold of him in this episode. He a mecha-neck. This guy doing the podcast really likes he man. He remembers stink or two. He thought just by shouting the word Fisto,

that that would be enough. He didn't have, he just said Fisto. And you know what? God damn it all. He was right. It wasn't wrong. It was the whole bit. They called the guy Fisto and that was his whole bit.

All right. So the storm comes up full raging out of nowhere and you won't believe this fucking lightning strikes the team. Boom. They pan up and a small tree is partially on fire. Lightning hit right there. Jeff Rowe is down. Jeff Rowe has been struck by big foot lightning.

Holy shit. It knocked his boot clean off. A buck wakes him up very gentle and tender by saying, I got some bad news for you, brother. Been struck by lightning. Your boot blew off and you pissed your pants. And now we pan down to his pissed overalls. Again, more hillbilly cryptid piss play.

A second example of that in the finale of this episode. And Jeff recaps this by saying, next thing I know, a huge boom blew the piss out of me. Good recap. That's how I would describe it. The trap springs off camera while they're all here watching Jeff piss himself. That's how they spend the finale.

And they go check. The Thunder Axe is in there. They did it. They defeated eight storm big feet and all without having to see a single big foot. I'm assuming he died, I guess is the stakes. Like he just bashed disintegrated into dust and was blown away by his own storm.

I don't know. I do know Huckleberry says, I got happy feet. And he does two steps of a jig before running out of steam and sitting down. I also got sciatica. So let's chill with the feet. So they flee the forest with the Thunder Axe. It's not clear if they're being pursued by the remaining gang

of surviving big feet, but they definitely outrun them easily in this desperately overloaded golf cart full of like a 1,200 pounds a man. They agree in a little hold meeting to dismantle and bury the axe. It's a secret we take to our grave and they all touch the axe and make a solemn pledge. And then Buck says, but we're going to write a riddle.

That way we can reassemble the Thunder Axe in case we have to use it against the lightning man again. I love it. You got it. They just remember where it or they tell us so future generations if they have to reassemble. No, his exact words were, but we're going to write a riddle. That way we can reassemble the Thunder Axe in case we have to

use it against the lightning man again. It's for them. They're in case they forget it, which we have established. They won't remember this episode next episode. Do we hear the riddle? No, they haven't. My name is Buck. I put it in a tree.

Huckleberry sums it all up for us. He has the parting line. He says this lightning man and his Thunder Brothers, they might be big, bad, big foots, but they don't hold a candle to this team. We got a hell of a lot of heart and enough balls to make an elephant blush. Oh my God. And that's how the epic saga of the fantasy quest to assemble

the lightning axe to defeat the gang of storm themed big feet ends for the stakes of the entire world. I fucking love this show. So good. So good. I love that we all picked an episode from the show. Part of it. Yeah, we got to figure that out.

What do you think I made up? He-man part. Uh-huh. Three things. I made up three things. The urine stuff, the pissing on the. The hillbilly cryptid piss play was too far. It was me going back to it, right?

It was me like. At least one of those piece was fake. I agree. I pushed it with the secondary one. All right. What's the third thing? All of it that this entire episode just doesn't exist. God damn it.

Yeah. I wrote this entire thing. No. I lied to you. I didn't make anything up. That's all real. Oh, that's fantastic. What a double trick.

That's very big foot to take out with us like that. So honest question both of you. I want you to give me a genuine answer. How much money would you pay? And this is either out of pocket or from the, the 1900 hot dog treasury. How much would you pay to accompany this team on one of their shoots and watch their creative process from beginning to end,

watch them write, write these and do the whole like, like to be a fly on the wall or even better. Join them as a member of the team from one on one episode. I was going to start low. I would start low in $500, but I'd go up to eight grand. I would. Yeah.

I mean the, the instinct to start low, like walk has to work a day job. I would start with like a Costco case of beef jerky. Smart. Yeah. With, with maybe like an implied promise that there's more to come. Like this is maybe a bottomless situation. But I would go up to everything in my entire life. Just banking on that I'm so charming.

I would of course join the crew and this would be my life now. And I would be a squash hunt and nomad. Roming Pennsylvania saving the earth. Cause you're kind of a Jeff and a Huckleberry. And I'm really into Hillbilly cryptid piss play. That's true. You know that about me. So by my book.

So in conclusion. Yeah. If you liked what you heard today, if you like big feet, sacred axis getting assembled from riddles, desecrating big foot graveyards, Hillbilly cryptid piss play as we have established. If you love He-Man.

Yeah. Cause it's basically the He-Man mythos and just people, just regular folk, true Americans from real, from red America facing the unknown and handling it. And just the worst possible way that that is, that is the part that, that it genuinely does overlap. And now I did finish it and there, there is a lot of piss play.

Let me tell you about the night the Supremes crashed. A little Halloween party called the Monster Mash. The zombies were out. Having fun, the party had just begun. The guests included Wolfman, Dracula and his son. And three finger Louis. Erin Crosston. Adrian H.

Alpha scientist Javel. An Andy brought a succubus as his plus one. And everybody could tell. Andres Larsen spiked the punch with holy water. Armando Navar. Benjamin Siranen. Bimtholzer locked Dracula out on the porch and it really hurt his feelings.

Brandon Garlak. Brian Saylor. Brian Whitney. Brockway loves the meat milly and nobody appreciates the PDA. Burrito Mouth took a swing at the devil. Cerell. Rell.

Chance McDermott was tripping balls so hard he thought everyone was normal. Chris Brower. Curious glare. Dan B. Dracula politely asked the artist formerly known as Devin to leave after he puked in the blob. Dean Costello.

Donald Finney. Dr. Awkward brought Dr. Awkward's monster and was very pedantic when people called the monster Awkward but that was not what they meant. Eric Spalding. Fancy shark. Jellaho just kept making Frankensteins until they drank all the beer.

Greg Cunningham just kept fighting drunk Frankensteins. Hamboon. Araka. Hot pot. Javer Al Aiden. James Boyd brought a Van Helsing as a date and not one of the chill ones. Jeff Orozky.

Jeremy Neal. John Dean. John Hector McFarlane transformed into a bat because it's way cheaper to get drunk as a bat. John McCammon. John Minkoff. Josh Paby. Josh S.

Ken Paisley. K&M. M. Jahi Chappelle broke the chandelier trying to show off for the wolf men and he was not impressed. Matt Riley. Max Baroi split into six parts and hid himself around the mansion

but nobody looked for him. Michael Lea. Michael Wells was a perfect gentleman but Mickey Lohman was the malignant monster on his back and a total embarrassment. Mike Stiles. Mojo. Andy.

Neil Bailey. Neil Schaefer ate every single one of the mummy's hard-boiled eggs. Those were work snacks. Nick Ralston. Ozzy Orlit. Patrick Herps made the monster from the black lagoon cry in the coat closet.

Rayne Vargas. Breannan. Sarkovsky. Sean Chase brought a pure mood CD and wouldn't stop playing it because it was, his words, so funny. Spotty reception. Supernaught summoned a demon

and made it do a keg stand. Ted H. Timmy Lehi. Toasty God. Tom Saccula. Tommy G. Waylon Russell spray-painted all the Hellhounds pink

because he thought it would be cute. Yossarian let all the Hellhounds out and it was not cute. Aidan Mouet. What dialed the cops? The monster cops. They did the bash. They beat those monsters ass.

The monster bash. It was monster police brutality.