The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Episode 39 - The Ninja Podcast Podcast, with Jason Pargin

Episode Date: September 8, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway challenge author Jason Pargin to the podcast kumite, which involves taking on other podcasts in podcast-to-podcast combat! First up: The Ninjutsu Podcast episode with Frank Dux, the magnificent liar behind Bloodsport, who also claims to be a ninja!

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine hundred hot dog. Our podcast slams with maximum hype. Say hot dog podcast work. Yeah. When you taste that nitrate power, you're in the dog zone for an hour. Come on, do not remember.

One nine hundred hot dog. One nine zero zero. One nine hundred hot dogs. One nine hundred. One nine hundred hot dogs. One nine zero zero zero. Yeah. Nine thousand.

Welcome to That Dog Zone 9000. I'm TV's John Baby from the Internet. And I'm joined. He's feeling sick, but ready to punch Dick's Robert Brockway. I'm here with the Brockway fact. I once stole a car worth one point three million dollars.

And the owner thought what I did with it was so hilarious, they did not press charges. No fault in the questions. Ah, god damn it. And our guest today, he is a novelist. The wise Yoda of the Internet.

The legendary cracked editor. Jason Parjan. Gotta say, this is another episode that I am nervous about, knowing the subject matter. And I've said that before, that sometimes I feel like we dance too close to the edge of danger. This is very much

in that category. Dance too close to the edge of danger was my favorite song. The Bloodsport soundtrack. This is for those who have not seen the title of this episode. We are at least later going to be discussing

the modern ninja master Frank Dukes who claims that he did ninja work on behalf of the United States intelligence agencies for years and whose life was the basis of the movie Bloodsport. And that's what I'm worried about.

Because there is no way, Sean, Brock, what either one of you can say with 100% certainty that Frank Dukes is not in the room with you right now. That's 100% true. I think he's on this podcast. That's what I'm worried about.

It's that halfway through we're just going to get out of here and then... I've been here for every episode. I'm Frank Dukes. They make Bloodsport about me. You're not in the fucking Navy SEALs training manual. Okay. Because we had spoken on a previous episode

about that we suspected he had a cracked column about that you wrote mocking him many years ago taken down. Yeah, it was 100%. The easiest thing in the world to do was to get a cracked column taken down. I thought it was due to some sort of illegal threat.

But I actually dug into it and they came back and said no, that article, that file just disappeared from the server. Yeah. And I said, how is that even possible? You would have to be there in the server room in person to delete it off.

And they said, we don't know because that server is housed in an actual fortress on a cliffside. There's no way any human would have gotten in and out undetected. And it has to be some sort of a glitch. Not unless they were the best.

Frank Dukes just curled up into a little ball looking exactly like a server. People walking past him. He's got a server jacket on. The exact quote from the host, the web host was it would have to be some sort of a human shadow who can just move

like the wind. And now they did say they had three guards turn up dead that next morning, but they thought that was unrelated. Yeah, that happened all the time in the cracked headquarters. It is suspicious. All they saw was like there was like a dissipating, like a

smoke cloud, like some sort of smoke bomb gone off, but they said they were sure that didn't have anything to do with it. And they heard like soft pitter-patter of footsteps running away, and that was it. Soft pitter-patter of ninja footsteps. To be clear, we were talking about modern Frank Dukes now.

Yes, we're like today, like this week Frank Dukes. Yeah. Jason, before we begin, could you like make some announcements about who you are and how Frank Duke could find you and see more of your work? Sure. I am a full-time writer

of novels. The last one is called Zoey Punches the Future and the Dick. It will be out in paperback this fall or is out on hardcover if you're willing to show out the extra money for it. The next book is out next year. Otherwise, I write more serious columns at substack

at jasonpargin.substack.com and that's just a blogging platform that emails the columns to you same as Patreon does if you want that. And you can be heard on every other podcast as well. Of course. Yes, professional podcast

guest. I'm seriously on like two podcasts a week. It's hard to overstate how many podcasts I'm on. I did like your new substack. You do a good job, I think, of sort of speaking

maniac, I guess. The conservative messaging that tends to filter through to my bubble is so deranged by the time it gets to me that it's hard to remember that some of those people are real people, you know what I mean? And you always have a good perspective to sort of say

the duphuses you see are there. This is high difficulty, I feel, whenever we bring you on with something like conservative thinking adjacent, it's real, it gets real crazy. This is some real deep maniac talk. This is pro-level maniac.

By the way, I'm sorry, I have to stop. I have to bring the entire podcast to a screeching halt right now. Let's do it. I just saw an image on Twitter and I promised I'm not going to keep interrupting, but apparently at the time this is going on, at the time we're recording

this, the guy, maybe from the cover of Nirvana's Never Mind album. Those of you too old to own that album, it was a photo of a baby underwater like a naked male baby and it was swimming after a dollar bill which when I was 14, I thought that was like

incredibly deep. But the model for that baby is now today, obviously an adult, that album came out 30 years ago and is suing for child sexual exploitation that he claiming he was an infant at the time and was not able to give consent

to that photo being taken. Yeah. But the reason I'm bringing it up is not to discuss that, you guys like you listeners, you can discuss it on your own, but the issue is the news story on TMZ about the lawsuit, it has

the iconic album cover but they put a little black censorship box over the baby's penis. Just incredible. So a photo that I never in my entire life ever perceived as dirty or sexual or anything else. It's an infant.

It is now. Yeah. That black box makes that photo seem like a felony. It makes me like afraid to have it on my computer screen. For some reason the censorship is so much worse than if it was just

the baby's genitals. And as a piece of art, like you talk about how you thought it was deep at 14 years old the baby is like, you know, entering capitalism. But like throwing that censorship bar on the baby is just like oh, this baby is entering like this this world of like

fucking hypocrisy and stupidity that is limitless. It's stronger art than it was before. He has spent the last, I don't know what is it, 35 years? Oh my god. However long it has been since that

that was taken 30 years. He has spent the entirety of that time making his living off of that or at least trying to. Yeah, he's an artist and he's all of his professional connections and everything came from that. Anyway, I'm sorry to have derailed the

podcast with that. I find that image fascinating because it's a case where the effort to try to sanitize it makes it profane. I don't know. And this guy has

literally been signing posters of him recreating that scene as an adult. It's got to fuck up the grift when you've been sort of writing on the coattails of that and trying to make money off of that and then all of a sudden be like oh yeah, also that thing was super bad and I need money.

Certainly the poster grift is over, right? Yeah, it's got to be over. You can't keep doing it after the lawsuit where you're like well, I'm going to do this fun thing. I created a photo wearing like swim trunks. He's not. Right, but even then like if he's saying this was child pornography

you can't then continue to sell like a fun take. Oh, I know. I was trying to correct the mental image the listeners had in their mind of this guy swimming with this hog hanging out. Because that would be the weirdest possible thing to do.

It's like it's me, the nirvana baby. Oh god. You can get it on a mug. Get a child molestation mug. You remember this famous dick, don't you? What happened to that dick? We checked in. We found the nirvana baby's dick. It nearly

doubled in size. Okay. All right. Jason's like oh, I didn't know we were doing dick jokes. This is bullshit. Okay. You can cut all this out if you want. I have severe attention deficit problems

and this is your all paying for it. He sort of seems like spiritually aligned with Frank Dukes and that he just shamelessly will do anything to make money and including losses. I was going to make a joke about how there's no way you would have a perfectly smooth segue from the

nirvana baby's dick to Frank Dukes podcast. But here you go. Good job. A lot of people say I'm the best. I don't know if they're right. Today we are going to talk about Frank Dukes today. When did this podcast come out that we were listening to?

It was like maybe last year, maybe this year. It's certainly within the last year. This is modern day Frank Dukes on a modern day ninjitsu podcast brought to our attention by Mr. Penguin Man from the Discord. Thank you Mr. Penguin Man for

seeing this just fucking lunacy and thinking of us first. So to back up for the people because again, some of the people listening literally have never heard the name Frank Dukes before right now, right? Long-time fans of 1900 hot dog, like you've brought him up a

few times, but for those of you who are totally unfamiliar, Sean if you could summarize why you know this guy's name and how he is famous within his circle, that would probably be helpful. Okay, you're right.

So Frank Dukes in the very early 80s was like a rotty magazine man, like just a pretty standard like Taekwondo guy that would do articles on like the coolest spin kicks you can do. And so then he realized that he could sort of add elements to

this story and no one cared. So he became like a Taekwondo guy who was also like maybe a special forces guy, maybe a super spy. And then he decided to go all out and said I was part of a gajillion man secret underground martial arts tournament in a sealed

off temple city inside of Hong Kong. And I won I'm actually the greatest fighter who's ever lived and you just can't find any record of it because that's how secret the tournament is. First man, the first Western man, they made it

a huge deal out of honor and gave him like a special sword. Yes. He set all the records and the thing to note about Frank Dukes is he's a terrible liar. So a lot of the records he gave himself were provably fake just by common sense

or math. So he said in one tournament he knocked out 56 consecutive people, which anyone who's ever done a single elimination tournament knows that that number puts it far, far above the entirety of the world's population. Many magnitudes

over. All of human history, I believe. I think it's way, way more than all of human history. You'd have to compete against like the dogs and chickens. So he's the reigning champion of everyone that shall ever live. He had 329 matches

in two tournaments, which again seems insane. That's like more than a lifetime of the most prolific fighters. He said he had the fastest kick with a knockout at 72 miles an hour, which implies that in the early 80s, ancient

Tibetan monks had like radar guns pointed at each of your limbs during fights and kept sports records for like each of the blows that did a knockout with the speed next to it. So again, like even today do they do that? Does that technology even exist now?

The technology is much better now. They have cyber robots on the edge of each of the kumite mats and they just measure full kinetics of every competitor. You measure your chi power in every blow. Yeah.

It's pretty good and your lung capacity, everything. And Frank Dukes is such a bad liar. He said he had more chi power than the entire human race in all of human history. So obviously this was very, very stupid, but in the 80s we did not have a filter

for it. So when someone said, I'm actually a magic ninja, they said, everyone said, oh my god, that's fucking amazing. Holy shit. Can we make a movie about you? And so they made Bloodsport, which is no bullshit, one of my all-time favorite movies. If lying led to it, then I think I'm okay with it.

Like, I think the end justifies all means. So I love Frank Dukes for giving us Bloodsport, but he's a very stupid liar. And he's very like mega-brained so that he kind of knows

he's right even when he knows he made it all up. So when someone says, hey, that's stupid, that didn't happen, he'll sue them. And seems enthusiastic about like destroying their lives for daring to question the obvious lie. He's hyper aggressive about defending this

ever-escalating series of lies that continues to this day. Defending this mountain of lies. I do want to talk about that right off the bat. Just try to get inside the head of a guy who, what, 30, 40 years ago made up a story, people believed

it, and then almost overnight after Bloodsport, I was like, wait a second, this is, this can't possibly be true. Right, they showed it to audiences, and then somebody in the audience was like, wait, wait, all of that's dumb though. Yeah, finally one person. Great movie, no notes on the movie.

Except for the based on a true story part. I think, so Frank Dukes, like you'll, he's got that mentality of like a flat earther where it takes a whole lot of conspiracies to make what they say true. And at this point, if he said

to everybody, okay guys, look, I'm sorry, I'm a dickhead, I made it all up, like 2% of the people in the world would like hear that and go, oh wow, what a great guy. 98% of the people would miss it. It would be like some news blip that would last half a day on a Twitter feed, right?

They'd go on with the rest of their lives knowing full-weather Bloodsport was a stupid lie from a stupid liar who never came clean. Now, that's just in the regular world he makes no impact, but literally everyone in his life would feel so betrayed and hate him.

So at this point, there's no way for him to say like guys, I fucked up. Like, he has to keep this lie going until he dies. It would topple his entire vast network of people who have like built their mountains of lies

on the foundation of lies that he has laid. These have become like generational lies that people are building entire livelihoods on. If his lies crumble, then all the lies crumble. All the lies crumble. So like today, is he profiting from this?

Does he run a school? Does he teach? Or is it just something he does? Yeah, he runs a school. I saw an ad for his school digging through the Facebook page of this podcast, the Ninjutsu Facebook page.

I saw an ad for a school for Dukes Ryu that said alpha's only, beta's next door. Nice. So there's got to be a beta school next door. So he is a professional martial artist. What if his accolades are true?

What is the stuff that is actually verifiable? Okay, I think he probably has like a black belt in Taekwondo. I don't think I can verify anything else. I think whatever you get in

Ninjutsu, I think he has that. If they have black belts in Ninjutsu, he probably has that. But I mean, you can give that to an eight-year-old. Nothing that means literally anything. Some of the Frank Dukes demonstrations are really funny because they're sort of like

carny feats of strength. He'll do something like he'll punch through bulletproof glass, but it's not verified in any verifiable way. So it's just like, yeah, this is totally bulletproof glass. And then he punches through it and you're like, tada, I did it. There was a sequence on That's Incredible

that I loved as a kid where he had like a kid in a wheelchair in his Ninjutsu class. Then he's just like this kid. He's like, yeah, I love Ninjutsu. Frank Dukes is changing my life. And you're like, this is such a beautiful story. And then Frank Dukes always

fucking takes it too far. He said that he has these ancient massage techniques to fucking make his nerves better. Rubbing this kid's leg and you're like, no, they're not going to do it. But yes, they do. Where he fucking says, yeah, I'm going to use my Ninjutsu to help this kid walk.

And he pulls the kid out of the wheelchair using just like core strength and the kid is dangling from him like, like a elephant seal. Like his, his toes are rubbing topside down on the floor and he's literally being dragged across the floor while the entire

class cheers. Now, if you looked at this like he was a magic ninja, you might be like, wow, he's, he's kind of helping that guy walk. But looking at this with any cynicism, you're like, he's he's dragging this kid across the fucking floor. Does that clip exist on YouTube?

Yeah, look it up. It's amazing. The mom is crying and everything and it's it's fucking a hilarious because he always goes so far that like, that you know it's a lie now before you're like, well, maybe Ninja magic exists and he taught this kid to walk. But nope, they, they lingered on

too much. There's another one I love where it's pretty modern, like Frank Dukes is an old man and he puts on this blindfold and he gets in this other guy's face and he's just like, I'm just going to move with you. And so the other guy starts like moving around like, like he's doing his karate footwork and Frank Dukes is matching him step for step

with his blindfold on. You're like, okay, what he could probably just see through the blindfold, right? And sure enough, he's stepping with him and he does this for like 30 seconds to like the delight of knowing everyone's like, yeah, what are you looking at? He's just kind of waltzing with the guy. And then Frank Dukes like goes

too far. He turns his back to him and he's like, I'm going to do this backwards. But he still turns his head and points his eyeballs at him just to demonstrate. Yeah, yeah, I was just looking through this blindfold. And so again, you're like the most obvious thing is probably what's going on and he's

and that's the thing. If you're surrounded by a bunch of little kids who think magic is real, then sure, they'll be like, I can't believe it. He's blindfolded, but he can still see where the man is. But anyone else is like, yeah, I think you can just make out that dude's shadow through the Yeah, yes, nothing. And so he's been keeping up this game

for getting close to the lifespan of the three people on this podcast. Like basically as long as we've been alive, he's been doing this, this act. Yes. A lifetime of Ninja Lies. And he has all the things

we've done in our life and then think, well, Frank Dukes is just trying to convince us that the one lie he started at the beginning of our life was real. It's in a way, it's crushingly sad. In another way, it's powerfully inspiring.

He got blood, we got blood sport out of it. You can't take blood sport away. Because that brings us to today when I Sean sent me a link to Frank Dukes appearing on a podcast that is a Ninjutsu podcast. It turns out is a thing.

And we're going to go through it almost with forensic detail. I can't wait. It's like an hour long conversation that there's a fascinating little insight into the subculture because the host like regards Frank Dukes as an absolute

legend. With the, you know, with the awe that you would talk to someone if you actually thought they could do all of the stuff that they had spent years doing Ninja stuff for intelligence agencies and stuff like that. And you finally got to talk to that person in real life.

You would be, you'd be honored. So it is fascinating. And that never goes away. That, that star struck like initial like, oh my god, I'm really talking to Frank Dukes. It never goes away. Yeah. And you realize that there's this circle of people who believe in him so much. And then I went and looked

at the Ninjutsu podcast Facebook page. And it made me so sad that I had to like turn it off and get off the computer for a while because it's a lot of, it's a lot of like white, nerdy kids

who are learning Ninjutsu via podcast I guess. And I've bought like Ninja Swords and stuff and they're, and they're posting photos of themselves and like they're small and sometimes very messy apartments like holding their Ninja Swords

and well, to be fair, the clutter in the apartment would help a Ninja hide. That's true. And for all I know that's, that's part of it because if, you know, if someone invades your apartment, you could like hide in the shadows.

He's got, he's got shuriken hidden in like each of those McDonald's wrappers. So this is a subculture that I did not know was a thing. And in fact, I may be using they're calling it Ninjutsu. I'm immediately equating this to like Ninjas from, you know,

80s movies and that they're teaching you how to be one of those. Maybe that's completely unfair. I actually don't know. I got the idea from the podcast that they sort of hate that shit that they thought that was like commercialization of their like traditional martial art. Okay.

But again, I look in a lot of subcultures like I really like YouTube videos on video game speed running. Sometimes I'll like do a deep dive into something like NFTs just to be like, what the fuck are these guys doing? And I don't think I've ever seen a subculture so up its own

ass that like it just seems impenetrable. I cannot figure out what they're talking about for most of this podcast and like preliminary research did not help. I'm just like, I don't know who they're mad at. I don't know how they keep this grift going. There's a

there's a part later where I started listening to this and I was like from from like episode titles that were very wholesome. They had episode titles like I've got a black belt in uniform time to do ninja stuff. I was like, oh like these guys are really into whatever their hobby is and like it's pretend and that's

fine. It's there are worse things to do and I wanted them to sort of enjoy their enthusiasm I get into this podcast and this so much of this podcast if not the entirety of this podcast is them just explaining their various in fights to each other

and who they hate and why they are the embodiment of everything you should hate in the world and you have no idea you have no context for who these other like rival ninja schools that none of them exist in a very technical sense but they all hate each other completely and there's a line

I think probably three quarters of the way through this podcast where he says something like and you know one of these days on one of these podcasts will get to like what we love about ninjutsu but they're like several episodes into this podcast and they have not talked once about like what

ninjutsu is how they do it what they're like it's just all yelling about like the cowardly commercial ninjas I guess that are ruining the sport of ninjutsu I'm terrified after the five years we've been through that this will turn into a trump podcast

but like these fuckers are so mega brained and I do feel like they have that classic fascist mindset where they're not defined by the stuff that they love but by the other well this will floor you I found Frank Dukes is twitter and he's full he's full

he's full trump stuff I got that from this from this podcast interview but I think that's what defines more who these people are is who other people aren't he sure gave like a rallying cry to this type of grifter that like

has to believe their own story like they existed long before trump he didn't invent them but he sure gave them like he gave them a king and the hell said this guy behaves exactly like me and my many griffs that are that are only kept

from monstrous success by vast conspiracies that nobody can understand right and Frank do some bodies embodies the idea that like part of personal strength is imposing your really fucking stupid lie on the world and just like saying yeah everybody knows it's a lie but you have to

fucking pretend it's true because I'm I will never admit it and I will sue you under any circumstances if you would you know so it's very very trumpy that line of thinking so again I forgive everyone if it's gonna it's gonna come up because there's too many allegories

and too many you know well it just to be fair it just did it just did so this episode it kicks off and it will like it starts with the host being extremely thrilled that Frank Dukes is finally

on the show and then as far as I can tell like I kept notes of it and like the first 8 minutes is him talking about his beef with rival ninja schools and rival with factions of ninjas without

ever explaining what they are or who they are it's assumed that the listener that you're all up on this obvious this drama between the various ninja schools right they don't make it approachable like our podcast I also

got the idea that the host didn't know what the fuck he was talking about because he was just like exactly yes like every time Frank said anything he was just fucking whatever it's not the host's beef like they're both sharing their personal infighting beef neither one has any clue what the other side

is talking about because they just keep relating their whatever that beef is back to their own personal beefs and nobody comes out of it understanding anybody but they they're also mad also mad at the other ninjas so we are pivoting on the dog zone

9000 just criticizing other podcasts yeah that's what this podcast is this is a podcast about another podcast I love that we're doing it when you had this idea I'm like it's fucking brilliant I love it okay I'm telling the listeners right now there is a 97% chance

that the ninjutsu podcast will do an episode about this podcast because this is like how podcasts get traffic to themselves is like you create a beef and I don't think there are that many listeners to the ninjutsu podcast

so if we have to then come back and do a response to that one then I promise it will never happen this is it by the 5th podcast exchange it will just be a ninja fight we will have our own inexplicable beefs that we will just yell at each other

about nobody will ever be able to penetrate it totally a totally impenetrable to anyone who is coming in cold like but that's what I love about this because this is such an insulated little community and it's so clear that they don't

know that it's so clear that Frank Dukes assumes that everyone knows about his beef with the fake ninjutsu he criticizes them I don't know like 10 minutes in or somewhere around there says that like Wall Street

like hijacked ninjutsu with the ninja turtles and sold there the Hollywood version as if we all assumed the ninja turtles was an accurate representation of what ninjutsu is he ties the ninja turtles into his personal beefs from attacks

by big ninja which is nowhere near as cool as that sounds I love it when he's talking about big ninja but he's like ninjutsu is intelligence gathering at his core and the he and the host don't agree on anything but this is Frank Dukes saying that's just basic

common sense and those are his words and he says there's historical documents all those things about smoke bombs and poison and I love this because one of the things you can do to sort of prove ninjas aren't real is just be like oh yeah you can't really make like a glass

globe of concealment powder or like all the stuff that ninjas do in the movies in the books like that's obviously magic and here's Frank Dukes saying like no no no just fucking look it up it's just fucking right there recipes you can find recipes for smoke bombs

and poisons and like that's true you can find recipes for smoke bombs and poisons that do not work in the way they don't work and probably wouldn't have worked a thousand years there see that's because the real stuff is never written down yes the same breath when he tells you to just go fucking

look it up he tells you the real stuff is never written down it's amazing like he can't go automatic two seconds without just fucking up his own lies so the stuff he makes several statements of fact which is actually hard to to find in this because

so much of it is just like he constantly keeps repeating this line about that the people trying to debunk his story are criminals that is a criminal like he says it over and over again I don't know if he's criminal conspiracy to take out the ninjas in this Sean like is this

almost certainly yeah anyone who says blood sport wasn't real is a criminal and and he gets livid like it's hard to even understand what he's talking about he's so mad he doesn't make sense but that's where his brain eventually ends up is that anyone questioning him as a criminal and

he has a reasoning for it he just has not made it clear what that reasoning is and he winds up saying toward the end that his critics are like literal Nazis absolutely yeah he does I do have that in my notes that's such a crazy fucking part

and the host there's a pause there that I love where the host is still trying to yes man him but he's like he's hey yeah yeah I guess legitimacy is what hitler invented hitler invented legitimacy right hitler

invented legitimacy and that all just goes back to you Jennings and the host there's just a long pause and the host goes hey and then tries to get on the board like okay well here's where we're going I'm really learning a lot from you Frank Dukes now Frank

I'm still talking about my notes from the very start of this podcast where he talks about his instructor who had multiple families and he said that like he's a fucking genius for doing this but like he was that he was such a secret ninja man that he would like vanish on a family and then start another family

like a traveling business man and that's why he couldn't find that's why the LA Times says they couldn't find him when they looked into it because he's a ninja I mean why he wouldn't be a very good ninja if you could find him right idiots right to be clear in the in the late 80s LA Times

is like yeah I guess we can do an article on how blood sport isn't real what the fuck and so they sent a reporter out to just investigate and they're like yeah there's no evidence that this dude trained under some guy named Tanaka and Frank Dukes is like so pissed off about that he's like oh just oh so you can't find him

so he doesn't exist and it's like okay yeah I guess like couldn't he just come forward and say yeah it's a giant movie now I guess everybody knows about me I trained Frank Dukes it would be so good for his dojo or whatever if it was right if he was a real guy

to just be like I'm the guy that trained the guy from Bloodsport it's a millionaire it would be bad for seven or eight other families though like I would have to deal with the reckoning from several angry ninja families which yeah that's probably not a great idea I understand

yeah so in addition to having multiple families he also brags that he worked for governments that's what that was his quote he worked for governments so the phrase he used was he worked in the intelligence industry oh okay yes that's the phrase I wrote down

there you go in which he had to use his ninja skills just to keep himself alive that's one of the few factual statements I recorded out of this so he does not expound on that in detail right

right the vagueness of that is the power of that if you're this podcast host from the Nijitsu podcast and you're like oh my god yeah intelligence yeah that sounds like the evoking images of James Bond character

I have heard of intelligence and that's again here's another conspiracy so we're like four conspiracies deep as to why the guy from Bloodsport is not believable and he's bringing up like he's bringing up just

owns on himself to just to like make up lies about them and it's astonishing the way that they don't tie into anything yeah he's got like these arguments for like the people that caught him in lies

none of which are on the Nijitsu podcast yes so we are hearing this you know nine layers deep in this fucking lasagna of conspiracies and who knows what the fuck is going on with him so anyway he trained

under this ninja with multiple families who does contract work for multiple governments who also trains children in martial arts but the real shit not the shit you get from a book stuff that's magic that you can't demonstrate but Frank does anytime someone points a camera at him

he'll do something magic like teaches children to watch is the most magic you could do now hold on to be fair this is actually good ninjas would totally take the parts that work from like faith healers to scam

that is what a ninja would do that's true this was not that though this was very much him dragging a kid across the floor while he kind of shook his hips a little this was not like the adrenaline rush or mass hypnosis or whatever goes on at those faith healing things

or plants right like this kid really did live in a wheelchair I look forward to you guys watching that video it is so funny and it ends with the mom crying too it's just it's comedically the perfect video it is hard to overstate the burning

ball of just sheer sadness that is underneath the surface of all of this it is so there's just it's such a depressing thing to dive into because like

just one millimeter under the bravado is it's a place like I don't want to go it's just like if you ever have been in a position in your job where you've given job interviews I don't know if you've ever been in a supervisory position and you'll have

that guy coming in like well you know I put the references from my last job on there but you talk to them I'll tell you right now they're a bunch of liars everything they say about me like all that I'm telling you right now they've had it of me from they went in you're just like oh my god this is this is like the saddest thing this guy's trying to prepare me

for what his terrible life he's led and this is this guy is so much of it is like that it's just this endless list of grievances like well you know I was accused of this and it's like well you know you you go look me you know

news stories about me and it's going to say this but we know the truth don't we and you know and it's always like oh my god what have you done it's just unless you were just already an absolute like zealous fan of him

you get this really just I don't want to keep using the word depressing but it's this very depressing portrait of somebody that is just trying to stay on top of all of the very easy debunkings of everything he said and it's

not easy to do in the information age but he's been doing it this long and there's obviously no going back now it is amazing how not fun they made a ninjutsu podcast like when I first went to listen to it I expected

it to be bullshit of course but I expected it to be fun bullshit because otherwise why do this why take something goofy and hilarious and obviously not true like being a ninja in the modern day and make it depressing

and angry and just why are you even doing this then I like that Frank Dukes is constantly talking about how it's criminally liable if he says a lie and you can't prove it's fake

but how do you prove that mysterious invisible people don't exist you can't so checkmate and by the way for that logic you're welcome all religions and superstitions and metaphysics like basically if Frank Dukes is right about this you can be wrong about

everything and there's something kind of beautiful about that so for example again I don't want to take you off if you have like a list of points you want to hit Sean but like 28 minutes into this show the evidence he presents

and if you've ever like argued with like a young earth creationist you'll recognize this where he says that his contract with the blood sport people said that they don't have the right to fictionalize the events that they have to only portray

them in the movie as they happen and that this is proof that all of those things happened because we all know how a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie how studiously they're going to research their true life events

so they don't accidentally misrepresent like the journalistic standards of that studio we all are familiar and he throws us out there like like it's his trump card it's like checkmate nerds you know how can anything

I say be untrue because if it was untrue it would be literally against the law because I signed a contract with the studio that said that they can't portray anything that didn't really happen I love that so much and I think he sued them because they made a second blood sport which

obviously fictionalized it because he didn't go to blood sport and turn into it or he didn't go back to the tournament and turn into a different guy I don't know but that was a really funny part to me too that he pulls up this thing that's 100% not proof of fucking anything and yet just sits

back smugly you can I love that he included that they only have the rights to use the name of the movie and if they want to make a remake it has to be a shot for shot word for word remake like they just have to film every scene again

implying that everything said in that movie is an actual transcript of what the real life people said provided of course by Frank Dukes yes as an American shithead who makes tricks with bricks don't you change a syllable of that

you're not allowed to change a single word of that that's what he said you're not allowed to change a single word of that yeah the same as if you're working for the New York Times and you're quoting a senator you're not allowed to just paraphrase you've got to actually quote word for word to quote or else you know you're in trouble

that's exactly the same way that Jean-Claude Van Damme movie's work they operate under the exact same rules and we have to assemble and say otherwise word for word yeah that's real what I love about this whole story is that

he said that there's 329 victories he had in those two tournaments right obviously that means that there's more people in this tournament and there are atoms in the universe in the late 80s like any random yellow belt could have said like yeah I was one of the other guys at the kumite and Frank Dukes is wrong

and then he would have been the new ninja star like that's all it would have taken and nobody did it we make fun of Frank Dukes for this stupid lie but like how dare everyone else not also make a stupid lie he opened you up for a world of lie there could have been a whole new world of lies

how are we just now getting to this vast world of lies in the modern day and it would be so amazing if one of us has to make like an anonymous account and come out and say that we were in that tournament and that actually Frank Dukes came in second

I'm the actual winner and that if he doubts it then we're going to sue him because if you can't prove that what we're saying isn't true then you have to accept it as true or else you're a criminal and they gave me

two swords that's one more sword than he has you can't get Katana by stealing that's what we learned from Bloodsport so if they hold two Katanas that's proof because Bloodsport is word for word true there's another thing that he brought up in the podcast about proof where he was talking about

how he has all these fight tapes but all these criminals have always been trying to prove that Bloodsport was fake so they kept breaking into his karate studio and so they stole the fight tapes which is awesome because there's so many people in that fucking tournament why do they only tape one

guy in one fight and why didn't his opponent also get a copy of that tape ah you see because Ninjitsu is recording that's a big part of Ninjitsu is recording and then erasing all the tapes except for one tape and then giving it to Frank Dukes

but he also said he tried to bring those tapes to the LA Times before they were stolen of course and they just ignored him completely and wouldn't even look at them and then of course they were stored in a vault in the karate vault

that all Ninjas have and then were stolen by Ninja Bandits, rival Ninja Bandits I assume they wore different color Ninja outfits like maybe the blue Ninjas took them sons of fish, blue Ninjas

motherfucking blue Ninjas Frank Dukes, I'm gonna get some of the details wrong on this so please don't sue me Frank Dukes he has a history of weird storage mishaps because when he was making the quest with Jean-Claude Van Damme

it's basically Bloodsport meets Bloodsport with few Bloodsport elements and so he came up with the story by credit in that movie because he was the one who came to Jean-Claude and said we should make Bloodsport again which again, great idea and so Jean-Claude Van Damme said sweet idea, I will give you

20% of the gross they had some sort of agreement that is unprecedented in Hollywood history yeah, it was a really high number and again, I don't know if it's exactly right so I expect a lawsuit soon but that went to court because he's like hey

where's my fucking 20% of the gross Jean-Claude Van Damme owes me $1,700 and then he said that the documents proving this were in a safe that got destroyed in a fire and it was sort of a weird rare fire that only destroys

safes and no other part of your house safe fire, yeah and so is it like, you know, a safe fire great, that was that big recall on exploding safes back in the 80s right, and that's of course what he stored this napkin that said I owe you all the money Jean-Claude Van Damme

and once that was destroyed then I guess that was the proof but there's court, I watched a court video 15 years back whenever of this whole thing and I thought what a fascinating lie that this guy has a special piece of paper that says

Jean-Claude owes him money that got destroyed in a fire that did no other damage to his entire house and I'm gonna go to court on that on that specific lie to a room full of people whose job it is to detect lies and who see lies every day

that's where he's gonna bring up that just fucking entry level remedial lie like that's a third grader trying to get out of trouble and then he calls like all the non-ninjas a cult he's like that's just like they're a cult fucking so I believe he calls everything a cult, he calls the other ninjas

are certainly a cult and the big big ninja is a cult I'm not sure how big ninja is a massive industry and a cult but it is also said that his wife broke the story on the nexium cult, the one that HBO did that many series about, do you know what that is

is his wife a famous journalist yeah he says his wife is an investigative journalist which again is a terrible thing for a ninja like that's a really bad decision on a ninja's part maybe that's how they met not gonna disparage his life for a career I don't know

but I'm just saying you as a ninja have made a very poor decision but like we don't know is that true, is he married to a reporter for the New York Times or something or is that also something you just pulled out of us I'm looking it up

I have no idea what if it is like a deep cover thing and she has been dating him and married him to try to find Tanaka yeah to try to uncover this legacy of ninjutsu you understand why I'm asking to follow up on that

because if so, if that's true that is fascinating yeah, if she's like a serious award-winning journalist and she's married to Frank Dukes based on the strength of fell in love with him due to his being a legendary fell in love with him

during the kumite which was the plot of Bloodsport is she the lady from Bloodsport I think Frank Dukes talks about this this part of the podcast which I really loved is like the financial benefits of ninjutsu for everyone else and how like big ninjas like doing all this stuff

they're putting like ninjas on hats but like ninjas on a freaking blender man yeah charging money for a blender with the word ninja and he's like he just keeps telling to look at the historical documents um

ninjutsu isn't a martial art it's just whatever ninjutsu is he never quite lands on it which I think is really funny yeah it's definitely not a martial art it's like an add-on course for martial arts I guess

so it's a little supplemental course like a little code certification uh it's tradecraft it's an art it's a big secret but also just an add-on just fucking go look it up it's also an upsell for martial arts

you can just throw in another $25 and get the ninjutsu it's the weather sealer of martial arts it complains about parkour that he's like why was doing parkour before there was parkour I complained that parkour got adopted like the sport that you charge people money

to watch and do or learn I have no idea he's so mad about everything I was doing parkour before there was parkour I was doing ninjutsu before there was ninjutsu is what he says I'm not sure how that works since he had a master in there they'd discuss

like ancient families he said you can read like read the old manuscripts did you write are you immortal he traced it all the way back to like Jacob from the bible and the Israeli spies we're gonna have to dig into that whole part now

but he was bragging about how he never put out DVDs and he could have made a fortune putting out Frank Dukes DVDs I believe he also said that he could have invented MMA but he could have well he was the grand champion of MMA before it was

MMA literally that's his whole origin story is that he was in an MMA tournament with multiple styles the first MMA fights were they not promoted as hey this is like Bloodsport except they were exactly Bloodsport

they were Bloodsport the movie we watched UFC 1 and it was incredible it does not play out the way Bloodsport the movie does did not look anything like Bloodsport mini martial arts styles are not anything it turns out we don't have to repeat that whole

podcast but yeah that's literally saying is that all of this stuff comes from but he has this thing he's one of those guys who is constantly boasting and then every third sentence is something like well I don't glorify it

I don't find this romantic when I was doing this intelligence work doing ninja work on behalf of the secret government agencies I don't brag about that because those of us who did it it's not something if you're really there you don't romanticize it and it's like his whole career

he literally made it into a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie just from bragging hey a Jean-Claude Van Damme documentary yeah literally a documentary it should not be in the fiction section of the video reenactment I was going to say that

he's in the middle of this really braggie temper tantrum and he's talking about how ninja training is about humbling yourself and like fucking you can't control your anger you fucking assholes you fail as a ninja the whole podcast

is just being mad at everybody that he's ever met when he's talking about how a ninja has to like consort with the enemy those were his words and he's like you can't do that if like you lose your cool anytime someone says like so and so and you're like it's insanity see I thought that he was being metaphorical

where you have to like use ninjutsu to go consort with the enemy army and he says but if you lose your cool while you're there they'll turn on you and you're like oh so you were being literal about using ninjutsu to infiltrate enemy armies

in this argument about people hate you so you were going to infiltrate the army of big ninja that is ruining ninjutsu right and he says it's just ninjas just like outlines of how to do stuff right like poisons and all that and like I defend myself with poisons it's the thing he actually says

I wrote that down too defend yourself with poisons he defends himself with poisons and the host is like yeah totally yeah exactly mr. frank dukes because what else would you say I'd say you fucking did you just say you defend yourself

with poisons I have a lot of respect for you too but if either one of you said you defend yourself with poisons I would have follow up questions yeah I believe there would be some legal ramifications for you defending yourself with poisons I don't think that's that's quite kosher there

so the thing I was when listening through this and trying to get through all the sad parts I was trying to write down specific specific tangible claims things that you could look up or maybe compare to

reality and I only found two actual tips for how to do ninjutsu like things that and I think Shawn you said the same thing yeah he only had two tips I think the entire show

and they were great though I wrote them both down I wrote down I certainly wrote down that you should always carry different colored socks that match various walls I believe the exact color you want to look for super rare is Navajo white socks

apparently they match a lot of walls because as you're sneaking you can I guess take them off and use them to conceal your hands against a wall but then not your ankle your ankles you will have to sacrifice but you will be invisible

now some of the listeners at home or in your cars are trying to get a mental image of what that tip would entail like how does that work there's no there's not one more word of explanation to that

the host did not ask Frank Dukes did not elaborate on it he simply said tips you know things that ninjas who teach like for instance you bring a variety of colors of socks with you so that you can put them on your hands to match whatever the color of the wall is

for concealment I have a question do you think you store those socks in like a bandolier like a bandolier of socks yeah where do the many balls of socks go on you is it just a backpack the cargo pants on your ninja pants

the cargo pockets just bulging with socks of various colors just I mean and when one errant laundry day where you throw a red in there and his entire martial art is destroyed you've just destroyed thousands of years

of ancient secrets and again the issue is not that I think that this is untrue the issue is I can't figure out what the lie is I can't figure out what like sometimes when people, Sean you wrote a whole column

about this years ago about how you can tell like a fake fight story like you can tell somebody's never been in a fight before by how they describe it because they're going based on what they've seen in movies right like they here I can't tell what Frank Dukes is picturing in his mind

and what a disaster if a fight does break out and you have fucking socks on your hands significant disadvantage sock puppet fool literally anything else pick up something or anything you've constrained your hands and socks

but you're imagining a scenario where only your hands are visible but the rest of your body is not only your hands match the wallpaper so full body sock I can't figure out what he's mentally

picturing if he's thinking of what cause I is it just to help your hands sneak in place or just your hands is the rest of you in like a closet and just your hands are out like you just got like a little hand

poking out yeah but then why do you need your hands poking out if there's a curtain there you can just be entirely behind the curtain like there you want them on your feet that's when you want socks on your feet that match the wall you don't want them on your hands or yeah we're revealing our our idiot ninjutsu we're just such

beginners we don't even understand but say he has the ninja suit does he also have to switch that to the Navajo white ninja suit because he said the words Navajo white you need to look for that the rest of you is already Navajo white except your hands now

so but it also doesn't extend to the socks I don't know those of you out there who are if you want to pursue a career this is unrelated Frank Dukes but if you want to become like

an elaborate storyteller of some kind and make that your personality by far the best way to sell people on a fake story is to throw in oddball little details right like if you lie and see you got pulled over by the cops on your way somewhere throw in the detail

that the cop had like a huge mustache because it what the listener thinks is well why would you make that up this is something every fiction writer knows you throw in these odd little details so Frank Dukes throwing in the detail that one you carry a bunch of socks with you and until the Navajo

white is by far the most useful that's a thing that he has learned you throw that in there that's going to it's going to sound like oh you like why would you make that up where you were wherever that even come from yeah but the problem is it doesn't

there's no coherent narrative for it to like it doesn't it doesn't help his case in my mind yeah you can't pull on that thread at all there's another story he told that that I made note of we talked about

like Ninja Clans in Japan and he talks about how they used to kill left-handed babies in Japan I could I could find no evidence of this but what would what would happen is they some people didn't want their babies to die so they would leave their child at I quote a certain place

and then that child would be I again I quote gathered and then they would grow up to be a ninja adopted by ninjas they had a special ninja adoption rock in every village and you would leave them there and here's here's why the ninjas adopted them

because they would teach them to hide themselves in polite society by using their right hand God it's so awesome any ninjas could teach you to be right handed so so this grown man talking to another grown man says yeah they used to kill left-handed babies in Japan

and if you didn't want your left-handed baby to die you leave it in the woods ninjas would take it raise it to be a ninja and the host who here who hears all of this says right as everybody knows oh no so the other actual tangible tip that I wrote down

that he shared was that he had learned to self hypnotize so that he could hide in a ceiling for days without sweating or any other bodily functions giving him away that wasn't a tip that was his explanation

he says at some point that the ninjas are into a cult and he thinks that's silly so that's great that there's something he thinks is silly but the ninjas are into a cult and he still opened himself up to learning about that and what he discovered was really what they were doing

was self hypnosis so all of ninja's magic spells are real but they're really just self hypnosis to help you just go dead for like days so you can hide somewhere without I believe he says burping to give yourself away

it was shutting off all bodily functions for days meaning you stop your digestion you stop again his specific example was to stop yourself from sweating so your body's ability to regulate heat which is what sweating is you're turning that off too

that that's something that ninjas know how to do so that if you're up in the rafters of a room for as he said days waiting for to drop down on somebody I guess to kill them waiting for them to show up that's pretty standard ninja magic

it's just self hypnosis but there is ninja magic right just look it up just look at the historical documents they don't write down the real shit trained word for word by Tanaka so if that wasn't one of the techniques

what was the other one that you had for him he explains at one point that he trained one of his students that got jumped by 5 guys and what he did was he ran away which again if you jump by 5 guys that's a good strategy and then he used cover

so he hid which again good strategy didn't realize that was ninjutsu but then what he did the specific tip was he went in a house and he slammed a door and then ran away from it to distract them so that they think that that's the door that classic loony tunes

loony tunes ninjutsu everybody that was the tip I wrote down that you go to a door and you slam it but then you don't go into that home you go a different direction and I'm like it seems practical it just seems like something like you can't get out of first grade without

you literally can't get out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon right that's how they get Elmer Fudd so that was too sad for me to write down as an example yeah I can see that alright I got that and he mentions finally

the last note I had is like toward the end of the podcast like 50 minutes in he mentions that he wasn't formally trained I guess the issue is that he can't document his training he doesn't have a certificate I guess is what he was saying

but that he didn't need formal training because he realized that when you look at all styles of martial arts you eventually realize that there are really only 12 angles of attack that can occur this is where recording is ninjutsu he said ninjutsu was recording

it's information gathering so what he did was he ninja recorded all of the various masters of each style and discovered through multiple examination there are only 12 attack vectors so if you memorize those 12 you're invincible and that's just biomechanics

yeah it's just science which is what ninjutsu is it's just science which is gun kata you invented gun kata from equilibrium ninjutsu is just sandwiches okay so

has he ever and again Sean you've done more homework on this than I anywhere else listed the 12 angles of attack because again if you or I were hosting the ninjutsu podcast one it would be a different show

but two we would follow up and say oh that sounds interesting Frank Dukes what are the 12 angles of attack for our listeners whereas of course in this show he throws that out there and then just immediately skips on the next thing and at best the host I don't know what his reaction was

like of course the 12 angles I think the idea of these guys actually fighting is so ludicrous but when I hear 12 vectors I'm like does that mean like two straight punches

two round punches two round kicks, two front kicks I'm trying to think like all of the human attacks that Frank Dukes has like I think he meant literal angles I think you have to memorize like 12 positions on your body relative to somewhere else and that's the only

12 places that an attack could come from but I feel like even a child knows there's more than 12 degrees from which someone could attack you and I think just everyone has four limbs and each of the limbs can do kind of an unlimited number of things

I would want to know what the fuck he means by the 12 vectors you clearly haven't studied Dukes Ryokurati well sure but just practically what does that mean I'm fighting a man I know the 12 vectors how do I what the fuck does that look like

do I stand do I stand a certain way and I'm like okay I've blocked six of them now I need to just be cognizant of the other six I mean that's what you've seen from equilibrium you just stand you pose, you vogue a certain way and then they can't hit you and then you hit them

and then you vogue a certain way I just feel like even on your first day of boxing class they show you how to hold your hands to sort of minimize the number of things that can hit you if you just stay like this I'm going to try vogue I'm going to go to a boxing gym

and just vogue and I'm going to see their fucking minds get blown out of their skulls as they just wildly whiff around me he's adopted the style of Madonna also has just now occurred to me for the first time in all the many years since the movie came out how do you

practice gunkata to get good at it you practice those poses that's what I'm saying you just pose you do this pose are you practicing just with paintballs like how do you because you have to get hit

like other martial arts you have to get hit to learn how to to block but gunkata is where your punches are bullets paintball seems a little fun for that maybe just rocks I think you're thinking too practically about it

if you're doing a gunkata even in traditional martial arts you don't have an opponent it's all imaginary oh okay so you're just imagining other bullets missing you just like Frank Dukes imagines all 12 vectors before we duck out of the

entirely into the equilibrium podcast I was just trying to steer us back from because I can talk about equilibrium for easily an hour to do another episode about that movie because we already we did actually talk about that once we can do it again

no it's all right no that's fine very briefly Sean I know there's somehow a lot more to cover here but to someone who's never been in a fight since childhood the theory that you could just look at all the martial arts

and just say well they're kind of all doing the same thing because a human has two hands and two feet and so I'm going to boil it down to just like take what they all teach and just kind of to me that sounds totally reasonable not being sarcastic like as someone who doesn't

fight and I don't watch MMA it does feel like by now it would just have evolved too well like these are the blocks that actually maximize you know like there's not when you watch boxers they don't have wildly different techniques they all kind of to an untrained person

exactly the way you guard the way you move it's all very standardized so what he's saying there sounds reasonable to a novice which I think that's who it's supposed to sound reasonable to yeah okay but is it nonsense what he's saying I would say it's

110% nonsense yeah like just the idea that anyone who's ever seen UFC knows that like takedowns are a thing so like if you're saying hey there's 12 vectors of attack you're like okay which one of those end with them tackling me

or end with them like grabbing a foot or something and so like if you're saying if a guy has a stick there's 12 ways for him to hit you with it maybe you're kind of getting close to reasonable but the idea of like a person who might just like jump on your chest

invite you like does that count as one of the vectors does that it doesn't if that's all I know about it I'm gonna say a person saying that is a fucking idiot see that's why Wilt Chamberlain did that in Conan the Destroyer he knew Conan knew all the 12 attack vectors

exactly and the 13th attack vector is bite tackle if any of you listening have followed this you're here because of the link I gave you on my socials the previous three episodes of this show you guys were

Sean Brockway and Lydia Bug watching the Conan the Barbarian movies the Schwarzenegger movies and Lydia had never seen them before please go listen to those after you listen to this because they are magical

and Sean's Arnold Schwarzenegger impression it's like 6 out of 10 easy his greatest talent whatever else he does in his life he also has a killer Mako and a great Malik let's mark it

because those people I've never I've not heard before his Arnold is spectacular and it's worth it just for that that's so sweet I'm not gonna do it now but I really appreciate that if you started doing it now it would derail this

they would have no reason to go listen to the other podcasts see now we're selling them you're never allowed to do it again if you guys ever had like a ton of spare time if you just did like a commentary with Sean doing it as Schwarzenegger the whole time

I would pay hundreds of dollars for that myself like it would be worth it just for what I would pay to listen to it here's why I'm a robot what did you do? I go through my landlords being a dexter I go through all the options that I select

fuck you asshole we ruined our entire scheme back to Frank Dukes I'm very bad about taking podcasts off Sceptic this is the danger of having me on the show I believe we were

on the part where he says the Jews invented samurai and also ninjas a theory so convoluted I can't tell if it's racist or not it seems a little racist if we're taking votes I vote racist

well the theory of course is that you can why do you even start because he starts saying why he invented this term which I assume the real story is that in the 1980s you could just make up a Japanese word

and everybody would be like yeah sounds like it and that's it that's what he did but what it really what it really means is that she of course represents the number four in Japanese represents the four ways

that he described earlier of being dead to the world and the last she is Chinese for corpse so what it really means is the four ways of the dead being dead to the temptations of the world all together

across Japan, Korea and China so you see that I've had 30 years to try to think of a reason for why somebody called me out on this lie I told and that they put in a movie and I didn't think to correct myself I really like this

because obviously it's such like almost racist like martial arts fans idea of wisdom I just took a Korean word and a Japanese word and a Chinese word and I threw them all into one and I'm like kind of wise that way I'm kind of like a man of the world that way

so I love that but also his Shidochi was Tanaka that's in the movie Bloodsport where he goes who cares it's Bruce Springsteen it's his Shidochi so if Tanaka is his Shidochi and Shidochi is something he admits he just made up in the last 20 years

like another giant part of his story just fell apart oh man I can't wait for the response podcast where he has a 20 minute explanation as to why that is I just get Frank to do something to do for 6 weeks unless my theory is true

and he's immortal and he taught it to his own master right? anyway this is all to get to so you can track that's why you can also track Ninjutsu from Japan to Korea to China

and then from there to the Middle East and all the way back to Mesopotamia you can follow it back to Jacob and the spies and the land of Israel and that's why Jiu's invented Ninjutsu I think he kind of tried to track the concept of

sneaking through and he was like that's Ninjutsu so the first people to think of sneaking were the Jiu's there's sort of a theme every time he opened his mouth about the proud tradition of Ninjutsu and I feel like

he went into this podcast thinking he was going to have a historical discussion about just all of Ninjutsu and I think he thinks of himself as a very wise Ninjutsu man coming in to see young kids about the history of Ninjutsu so most of the time he's babbling

which I can relate to I like to babble but like this has nothing to do with anything that they were discussing as far as I know other than they were talking about how Samurais were very rigid and the Ninjas were like fucking cool and they would use guns

and as the host said rat feces potions and those are his words they were awesome and they would use rat feces he got so excited at that part he was so excited to unveil his rat feces potions to Frank Dukes

who just didn't even appreciate it in a way this is kind of my nightmare that someone one day will go through one of our podcasts and like write down all the dumb shit I say when I'm like excited but it is a fascinating podcast of somebody

who doesn't know anything about anything making up everything about everything and nobody learns anything completely unqualified and uninterested in learning anything more and following up and expanding on anything

just here to go uh huh yeah Frank Dukes big ninja you say the cult of big ninja is ruining the presidency you say Hitler invented legitimacy

you say so when people say you're not a real ninja that's Hitler shit so he has now to circle back now that the listeners have heard us explain what went on in this extremely baffling podcast

if you've listened to us summarize this podcast episode and you're like man I still can't figure out what exactly transpired there I promise you going and listening to it will not help you well you have had expert notes of people trying to explain it to you if you listen to the source material

it's dangerous for you it literally is just Frank Dukes hopping from talking point to talking point just without anything connecting the two and he's answering questions that nobody asked that there are things like he has all these grievances and all the stuff that he wanted to come in and voice and all that

and I guess this is just what Frank Dukes interview sounds like bringing us down I went to Frank Dukes' twitter where he is just a humorless maggot shud all the way through how many followers does he have? like a thousand

the inventor of Bloodsport only has a thousand followers? yeah I don't want to pick on anybody from their follower count since that doesn't matter but also you had 30 years and you invented Bloodsport anyway I didn't find any bright spots or anything funny except for a picture that I'm going to share with you now

in our discord I've got to take him on prepare myself he photoshopped the aviators oh it's a picture of him looking into the camera as photoshopped a pair of aviators I guess he couldn't afford aviators but wanted to look

like he wears them and then photoshopped in stills from Bloodsport of Van Damme again not him Van Damme screaming in each of the aviators that Van Damme is playing in the movie and in his eyes

just incredible what a picture I want to thank you for sharing that with me I don't have a way that that like ties back into society or anything I just liked it no I mean it doesn't have to I guess but look

anybody out there any kind of martial art any classes you can take anything you can learn to do good ant if that's something that the nerds of the world can go out and do and

it's like a discipline you can learn and practice that is almost universally good for you as long as you don't actually think it will help you win a fight I think that's the most dangerous part of martial arts people thinking if a guy bugs me if I'm in the club and some guy slaps my girl

on the butt you know I'm gonna whip out the taekwondo it's like no no don't do that but you know that's like a universal good in the world there's just learning a thing even if it's ballroom dancing something the lessons you can do and practice

and steadily get better at that's something that a lot of people miss out on I feel like and their lives are worse for it so if that's all he was doing then I wouldn't care I wouldn't even care about him claiming to be the basis for the movie Bloodsport if that helps

inspire his students to want to learn again as long as he's not claiming that this will let you win a kumite which is not an underground kumite there's not a thing it's that his whole personality is it appears

at least from this it's all about just yelling at people who dare question this patently ridiculous story it's hard it's hard to get because we're in a place as a culture where

organized religion has kind of collapsed the number of people who don't attend a church of some kind has gone down so it's very clear people are looking for something this is why guys like Jordan Peterson all of these health help goers are so huge on the internet

because yeah these people are somebody's adrift they're looking for somebody even just telling them the basics of like self control and discipline and organizing your life it's like somebody's got to do it but that's not what this is

this is not that and it's not even like it's made him rich as far as I can tell right like he's not he sues a lot of people for actual money which does not imply that he's doing okay but on the other hand Bloodsport

yeah like whatever problems this guy has like he still gave us Bloodsport which is so much more joy than most people have given the world so anyway I just want to end the podcast by having us all say thank you Frank Dukes well that was actually the last

point I wrote down was is he like a gifted storyteller like he came up with Bloodsport he's certainly the best liar well but I'm saying that why not just could he make a career of writing karate movies

like why not just do that he did have a second chance and he wrote Bloodsport again the quest is he just had Bloodsport he just had Bloodsport which again I will say is enough better than what any of us

have inside of us it's true he made up that story about killing left handed babies that's something this is a great this is actually a great cautionary tale for anyone any writers out there sometimes if you go too deep into the lore

you're just making it worse so for example Ridley Scott if he just stopped with Alien that would have been better than trying to give us Prometheus and everything else it's like this is his attempt to expand

his own lore just kept digging himself deeper and deeper the left handed the ninjas raising left handed babies is Frank Dukes as Prometheus I said who did Frank first I said who did

I said who did Frank first I said who did Frank first Ya Noi 1000 Ladies and gentlemen please welcome the 1900 hot dog dancers

these are your Supremes Refinger Louie Adam Ruth Alpha Sciences Javo Armando Nava Benjamin Sirenin Brandon Garlock Brienne Whitney

Chase McPherson Oh hey also doing the robot it's Chris Brower Dan Bush the artist formerly known as Devin the laziest man on Mars Dean Costello Dr. Awkward

Hey it's Eric Spalding Jaybur Al Aiden Jamie Gordon Jeremy Neal next up it's the J squad that's right dance troupe within a dance troupe here's John John McCammon John Minkoff

Josh Paveon Josh S that's your J squad K&M Lyman Mark Matt Riley Hey Mike Styles

Mojoo Nd stop stop doing the robot Nd we have enough Neal Bailey Neal Schaefer Nick Ralston Nick H Patrick Herbst

Holly Poisuo Bria Bria come on the stage is crowded with robots here I'm dying Rich Joslin Timi Lehi Toasty Guy Tom Sikula

Yo Sarian Zachary Evans Zadar Fan and Flamenco dancing for us tonight it's Matt Cortez that's that's the robot Matt god damn it