The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Extra Weiner - 234 MWHHSB with Dennard Dayle

Episode Date: June 25, 2025

We've worked out our demons now it's time to relax with a confounding game of, "Manilmal Wizard Hulk Hogan Speedboat"

Extra winner! Extra winner! Extra winner! Extra winner! Gather together from the cosmic reaches of the universe. Here in this great hall of justice are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled. Shambere! Brockway!

Guest. It's ExtraWinner, the bonus podcast of the Dog Zone 9000, itself a bonus podcast of 1900 hot dog. We are back with author and aspiring sorcerer, Denard Dale. Thank you, thank you very much. I am here, I've got like a small red new demons with me. I try to like keep it shoestring on the way into like the podcasting only three in the back where they make too much noise. But they are all actually-

How many legions we talking? Just like four legions, you know, like six and a half dudes. Like seven. So today we only have, I think, six bonus games designed specifically for wizards here on Extra Wiener, but we've already appeased a demon, so a few of them are out. We're gonna make this one free in celebration of your launch weekend so that there are the maximum choices for you to make a mistake. Fantastic. I really want my soul like I'm

trying to do a whole Constantine thing here. I think you'll I think you'll get it with this one we're gonna play a simple game I like to call Manimal Wizard Hulk Hogan Speedboat. We're more nutritious Alright, so especially since this is gonna be free You're gonna need a little explanation screenwriters Douglas Schwartz and Michael Burke once recycled the exact same script for Three different TV shows Manimal the, and the Hulk Hogan show, Thunder in Paradise. They seriously, they changed as little as possible.

They only like tweaked the approach their heroes had to take at a few moments. Like they would encounter the same problem, but then one would solve it with the powers of a Manimal, or with the wizard or Thunder, I think was the boat's name. Yeah. And thunder paradise.

Hulk Hogan's name was, I think, boat sidekick, boat sidekick, junior. His name is always just Hulk Hogan. I know that sometimes they call him something else, but nobody calls him that. Yeah. That's Hulk Hogan. So here are the powers, just if you have not heard our three podcast series on this, which you should go listen to them. Manimal is a really reedy little British guy and he can transform into any animal, but it takes a long time and it really hurts.

It definitely hurts. It hurts a lot. He doesn't like to do it. All right, self-hating Beast Boy, I'm into it. Uh huh. Yeah. And when he's upset about something, like if somebody dies, he'll wait like 40 seconds and then he'll say, blast. The wizard is a little person toy genius. That means he invents toys for the government

and they use them to kill terrorists, which he also hates. Okay, so the wizard is like a one-man DARPA thing here. Ready for that. Yeah, but real fun, like little toy clowns and stuff, but then they do kill terrorists. Right. And in Thunder in Paradise, Hulk Hogan is Hulk Hogan, so you can have, when this is your power, you can have all the powers of a Hulk Hogan, plus you have a sentient talking speedboat. Oh man, I cannot wait for the point of the fight

where the enemy's moves just stop working on me and then I can hit them with my boat. Yeah, you can just no sell it. No sell it and then hit them with a speedboat. Perfectly reasonable solution. So instead of a lot of thunder. A tiny clown murdering terrorists I'm just going to bury these terrorists that they have to fucking go to

change promotions All right, so I'm gonna take I'm gonna take a problem a problem scenario from another one of these like 70s 80s action shows This one's from MacGyver Season 7 episode 6. It's called Walking Dead. I don't have to tell you this, but MacGyver is a beloved fixture in Los Angeles's famous Little Haiti. Everybody knows about Little Haiti, right? Of course. And how beloved MacGyver is there. He will only treat his hockey injuries with voodoo medicine from High Priestess Mama Lorraine. Scans.

That's how everybody knows this. Super quickly, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah. Yeah, now Mama Lorraine's niece has just been abducted by the Tonton McCoot. The LA branch of the Tonton McCoot. I'm familiar with them from that shrunken heads video that we watched.

Yeah, the LA branch. They turned her niece into a zombie using blowfish powder as the Tonton Macoute does. She is now on a stage inside the LA sewers. They set up a stage in the sewers. Oh my God. She's the guest of honor at a voodoo ceremony hosted by a man calling himself Baron Samdy.

Now- Awesome. I did- If MacGyver- I am so glad MacGyver has a you only live twice. Yeah, he does. You're right. That's what this is. Maybe more problematic though. Maybe more problematic though. If MacGyver doesn't get the antidote to the niece

within the next five minutes, she will remain a zombie forever. Now as MacGyver, he's backstage in the Voodoo Green Room because it's a really nice sewer. And there's only one exit from this room. There's a ladder leading down to the backstage area He's in there with the guy playing barrensom D And barrensom D is about to leave for the stage and he will leave he will lose his chance to save the girl forever

So this is the first problem. We've got a we've got a stop barrensom D using only the stuff that would be in voodoo sewer green room and got to stop Baron Samdi using only the stuff that would be in Voodoo Sewer Green Room. And whatever power you get from this. Dinard, that's our guest. It's customary to give you first choice. You have Manimal, Wizard, or Hulk Hogan Speedboat powers. Choose one. Tell me how you use it to solve this problem.

All right. So we got to choose carefully because by default, MacGyver is kind of fucked. Okay. So Mammal is just gamer optimization right out because changing stages forever. I'm going to turn into a fucking monkey and she's going be fully zombie down forever by the time I could slugger it It's gonna take way longer than five minutes to show you know a monkey now. Why'd you choose the monkey? Why'd I choose the monkey? It doesn't really matter what I choose She's got a bone by the time I finished shifting but at least the monkey is at a

terrestrial So what I would have gone with a half crocodile, handsome man, sweet character. That would have been smart. Oh, the crocodile. Can Mannimel do that? Can he? Who knows?

Has he tried? I think what he'd have to do is turn into a crocodile and then like have like his watch alarm go off halfway into it. Yeah, just stop halfway through. Yeah. It's Mannimel gooning. That's how we do it.

Mannimel gooning. Okay, so if Mann manimal gooning. That's how we do it. OK, so if manamal is like three monitors, he can do that. Yeah. All right. I still don't know what gooning is. OK, so this is not when you turn mostly into a crocodile, but you're not quite jerking off. Yes. OK. I think gooning is basically joking for a low achieving generation.

So now the Wizard is looking up. I think he might be over-complicating things for how narrow a timeframe we have, all this engineering. So I really gotta go with, I didn't start no selling Baron Sabeti. The boat is nice, but we a Hulk out to win this one Okay, you've chosen a hook. How do you stop? How do I stop him? That's a great question So at first he's really gonna have me on the ropes, right? Like he's just sorcery all over me

Then I'm going to remember that I am an American with the power of America and tear my shirt off Hell yes that I am an American with the power of America and tear my shirt off. Hell yes. This is all, there's gonna be a lot of flailing that ends in a leg drop. Wait, wait, I have a, can I jump in? I have an idea here. Well, you're up next. Oh, okay.

So maybe you wanna save your idea. Or you can help him. Yeah, I'm fine helping. So Baron has- What I'm thinking is this, in this story note, I want him to say like, your powers of America are useless here. This is little Haiti.

And I feel like this technicality will put Hulk on the ropes. And this is his opportunity to call in thunder. Be like, oh, thunder, my America is not working, brother. I need you here, pronto, dude. And then the speedboat can shoot through the sewers, which is like, that's why we set it in the sewers so we could use the boat, right?

Uh-huh. That's good. There we go, there we go. It comes through, it comes through. And hopefully the boat doesn't like, I don't know, smash the girl we're saving or whatever. But assuming that goes fine. So you know, the Baron limps out. He does his highly protected finisher like four times.

I'm just gonna still just no-sail it like every time. It is wind. Nothing is fucking happening here And then leg drop it's like he fucking explodes Yeah, and then the boat says don't you see Hulk all of even little Haiti is America Wait, he wouldn't say that to Hulk Hogan The carry Hulk Hogan would be like no brother say that to Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan would be like, no, brother. No, it's like, no, brother, that's three-fifths of America right there. And then credits.

I got a no-sell that one, Thunder. Pretty good. You get some points for that. The correct solution as it happens in MacGyver is you just push him down the ladder I mean yeah no MacGyver devices you don't like scrape some rust off a pipe and make a flash bump you push it down MacGyver can push and punch so some of the solutions are not like gathering wires and paper clips it's just punching somebody okay and now your next problem Sean to you your problem is still from MacGyver's walking dead episode normally I vary Just punching somebody. Okay. And now your next problem, Sean, to you. Your problem is still from MacGyver's Walking Dead episode. Normally I vary these up,

but these are complicated problems in MacGyver, so we're gonna take them by stages. So the problem now is everyone is downstairs waiting for a voodoo god to show up on stage, and you just pushed him down a fucking ladder. So please choose, Manimal, Wizard, or Hulk Hogan Speedboat Powers, tell me how you solve this problem.

Okay, so the plan is probably to disguise myself as the Voodoo King and be like, everything's fine, I'm here. Or I need some kind of distraction. What if I'm taking the wizard, the toy genius who works for the government, and I'm going to make a bunch of voodoo dolls, and I'm gonna distribute them.

I'm gonna act like I work for the guy. I'm gonna come out, and I'm just some little dude. I'm handing everyone dolls like, hey, everybody, here's your voodoo dolls. Get your dolls. Get your dolls. Everyone needs the dolls for the big voodoo ceremony. And then the dolls are, big voodoo ceremony. And then the dolls are, I don't know

why we got to be cute about it. They're grenades. Everyone explodes because of the voodoo dolls, which are actually grenades. But their heads turn to them and say, time for a surprise. This doll's a knockout. This is stupid shit. You get it.

I would have gone for some sort of voodoo pun that we couldn't repeat on the show. Right, yeah. Some vaguely racist voodoo pun would be perfect. Just the long censored silence. You can kind of hear the room tone being cut out of the recording. Really putting the black in black magic. No.

Yeah, no, no, no. No, sorry, this toy's malfunctioning. This was not meant to say that. Shit. I did not design that one. You can't. I know, we're being real. I outsourced some of the toys.

Like, I'm not supposed to say that. That's the problem with AI today. It's like the racism gets baked into that first generation. You just can't get it out of the algorithm. And then you get the idea. That's pretty good. You get the AI AI basic racism off of another AI's racism. It just comes out of this weird congealed mush. Yeah. I like a crisp racism. A frown.

I don't like the sock. Yeah. I like some snap to it. That's really good, Sean. The correct solution as it happens in the show is MacGyver puts on Blackface. Incredible. Oh. Oh, shit. Did it work to people say like, oh, hey, it's our leader, it's our cult leader. So, well, let's find out.

This is our final round. So, you know, Blackface is always a magical solution to a problem. But, always. Specifically, MacGyver, the person whose only thing is coming up with things in stressful situations. Really, really smart things. Really intelligent things.

Says, oh shit, only one force can save us today. He looks around this room and he's like, what do I have? I have all the chemicals and foundations in the makeup. I have these, I have these voodoo ingredients. I have this man's costume here with me. What can I do? Blackface. And you know what? They are, I bet they're so shocked that he has like an extra 30 seconds of reaction time and they say, is that a fucking cop in blackface? an extra 30 seconds of reaction time and they say, is that a fucking cop in blackface?

And then... ... Again? Again. Always, this is why we started holding them in the sewers. Like, it's always still finding us. Alright, for our final round, there's a little twist. You can each have all three powers.

All three powers to solve this problem. This one, again from MacGyver's Walking Dead episode. The problem is, there's a sewer full of black people downstairs, and you're about to go on stage in blackface. Oh shit. D'Nard, let's have you go first. You have all three powers. Manimal Wizard, Hulk Hogan, Speed Boboat. How do you solve this problem? Alright, so I guess first I'll use my manimal powers to Make the blackface features directly physical like this is I am now a horrible

Racial caricature monstrosity. It's not only like makeup and filler This is like this is like HP Lovecraft's imagination minus fish So you you gooned it you like second frame manimal more This is like H.P. Lovecraft's imagination minus fish. So you gooned it, you like second frame animal morph. That second, yeah, into like a pure... Just be like, no, no, there's something wrong with me. Like medically wrong with me. I am now like a racially charged bloodborne thing.

Alright, and how the wizard and speedboat powers? The wizard and speedboat powers. You don't have to use them, but you can. I think... Well, I guess with the wizard powers I can really make some advanced, like, sort of like martial arts kind of tap dancing shoes for this blackface setup like I'm really I'm trying I'm thinking if the only way through this episode is as much racism until like the film ignites itself and no one can distribute it.

Well that's a good that's a good plan. So I'm gonna smart those and then into the racism. I wouldn't have thought of that you just you just bring I'm just Hulk Hogan I'm gonna go with those and then? Go into the racism. Into the racism. I wouldn't have thought of that. And for the final one, you just bring Hulk Hogan on. I'm just Hulk Hogan. I'm just talking like Hulk Hogan. I am just giving authentic Hulk Hogan dialogue in real life about this situation in which I am going to confront

several African American gentlemen. Now is the hope here that they will flee in disgust and not kill you or is that they'll be like, fuck. All right, he's really committing. That's kind of funny. I think that I'm, I think this is only ending in violence, I guess. Okay. Yeah.

You're gonna die, but you're gonna die how you lived, extremely racist. All right, like- See, I would have gone a different direction, I was going to- Okay, you're up. Okay, I was gonna just completely panic. I was gonna use my manual powers to just turn into most of an ostrich, but with like sort of an ape head still in the blackface and just shitting.

Just shitting in sheer panic. My wizard powers are just launching submarines, helicopters, toy soldiers in every direction. People are being maimed. The girl on there, did he save? Dismembered, completely dismembered by toys. Hulk Hogan comes in on Thunder, doesn't quite see what the problem is. He's like, Blackface, it's pretty funny, dude. That's...

Totally authentic. And Thunder just slowly, in shame, leaves us to be killed as it abandons us down the sewers. Just, and Jim just goes way down. Thunder just goes way down. leaves us to be killed as it abandons us down the sewers. And Jim just goes way down, just putters as it turns around. I know enough about myself to know if I found myself in this situation, I would have no idea what to do. Thunder is just like trying to pull its hat down over its face.

Yeah, exactly. Shows over there folks. He's putting on his shame cloaking device so we can't see him. It's a very tough place for a Knight Rider, you know? You know what, I'm gonna call you both winners. You both won this one. Because what happens on the actual television show

is MacGyver puts on white face over the black face. I think I could see time. Hold on. I think the recursion here. I thought I created a cosmic like racism horror and all it took was a layer of white face over the black face. This is how you get like the little holes in reality that things come out of, you know that, right? Yeah, this is how that's our business model. That's where we get our artifacts. And then if I can predict, I haven't seen this episode, but I bet what happens is half of it gets washed off. So he's half white, half black,

and he makes a point of how like, God, we're all the same in the cleansing waters of the sewers. No, he goes on stage pretending to be Baron Samdey and he does the voice. Oh my God. But now he's in white face on the black face and he does the voice?

Well, Baron Samdy has the white face, but first he felt the need to apply the black face so that he could put the white face on. Oh, I get it. Like not disguising himself as a white person, but like the white voodoo magic face. Like my makeup. Oh, fuck.

But underneath it, he still has the black face. Well, I mean, you've got to be a method actor. You don't want to go with her without confidence. And then confidently starts doing the voice. What a world. MacGyver. Is she fully zombie-ed out by this point? Like, wasn't there a time of it here? Oh, okay? The spectacle is on the stage

MacGyver is doing blackface by fucking MacGyver and they remember he's a beloved fixture in Little Haiti They all know him so they're like MacGyver Blackface white hair what the fuck goal and by now? she is more so than anyone in the background of Resident Evil 5 completely. Just vanished, just gone. We got bigger problems than that girl. Okay, she can deal with her angel dust hangover or whatever. The show must go on. of her angel dust hangover or whatever. The show must go on. Oh God, that's such a, the story behind that was that I,

it was on Tubi and I was like, you know what? Yeah, I could watch some MacGyver and I opened it up and I picked one episode at random. And it was this episode. That feels like something. It's the only one I watched. I think that's like destiny. Wow. Is that destiny? Yeah, that's destiny. It's incredible. That's the only one I watched. I think that's like destiny. Wow.

Is that destiny? Yeah, that's destiny. It's incredible. That's what Megan said. Megan, my wife was like, only you would find that first episode you watched. Cause she walked in, she walked in as MacGyver was doing it. She's like, is MacGyver doing blackface, whiteface?

It's like, yeah, yeah he is. Yeah. It's a monster! Let's get out of here! It's a monster! Let's get out of here!