The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Extra Wiener 96 - Bigfoot Revue With Jason Pargin

Episode Date: October 19, 2022

Brockway has determined that 2 is not enough hours to discuss bigfoot. He pits Seanbaby against guest, author Jason Pargin, in the Bigfoot Review Revue - a game where they must guess the insane bigfoot book by its unhinged reader reviews only.

Extra! Winner! Extra! Winner! Extra! Winner! Extra! Winner! Gather together from the cosmic reaches of the universe! Here in this great hall of justice are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled! Sunberry! Brockway! Guest!

Extra Winner! It's a monster! Let's get out of here! It's a monster! Let's get out of here! It's Extra Winner, the bonus podcast of the Dog Zone 9000. It's self a bonus podcast of 1900 Hot Dog. We are the full-size candy bar in your half-size sack. I'm so happy I get to another chance at the spooky names. I really fucked up the first one.

I'm Robert Brockway, and with me is my partner in comedy, Scream Booby. And our guest, the Stop Motion Skeletons from Jason and the Argonauts Pargent. I see and I don't have... Yeah, welcome to Haunted Tover. I would have also accepted you're in the Spook Zone now, bitch. Today we're going to be playing Review Review, and that's spelled two different ways, so it's cute if you see it written out, and it's absolutely nothing if I say it out loud. This is where I read you Amazon Reader Reviews, and you're going to tell me what the book is about.

And I'm actually going to give you a leg up today, or should I say one big foot up? No, I should not have said that. I don't get it. I don't get it. I'm bringing three books. All of the books are about bigfoot. You just have to tell me the angle that they're about bigfoot. They'll get a little more difficult as we go, but I think you guys are bigfoot experts now. I think you've taken Bigfoot University, so I'll nail these. Just go right into it. Here's the first review for the first book.

Despite the stupid picture on the back cover, this is a serious book. One case in it is a probable hoax, but all the rest of the stories are believable, or at least possible. There are some interesting viewpoints that make you think, and that alone is worth it. I was delighted to find that one of the chapters is a reprint of the very rare impossible to find booklet. I fought the eight men of Mount St. Helens. If you've been seeking that one, it is within this book. The very last section is a weird little essay on psychic brain parasites. Don't know why that was included, but whatever.

I love that. His review is basically one of these is obviously a lie, but the other ones are only probably lies. But it's enough for me that they're possible, and it's certainly enough to include, I fought the eight men of Mount St. Helens. But that is a volcano, so this could be a volcano Bigfoot book. Yeah. It's either that or it's got to be a compilation of stories of people who have successfully fought Bigfoot or Bigfoot type creatures.

Who have killed a Bigfoot and watched him dissolve into ash, which is why we never find any evidence of them. Because if you do capture one, they immediately kill themselves and dissolve into ash. Yeah, I'm thinking the title is something like the men who fought Bigfoot in one. That's a pretty good guess. The only problem I have with that answer is I would have read that book 50 times by now. That's certainly in my life. I own that book, sir. I know I have fought Bigfoot in one, and this is not.

Alright, second review. I fell asleep one night searching Bigfoot books on Kindle. I woke up the next day and had seen I had somehow purchased this book while asleep, LOL. I need this to say the title must have stood out to me, and I decided why not. So I opened it and gave it a read, and I enjoyed it a bit. The stories are good. I love the way the author presents this book. I have to say the best Bigfoot book I ever bought while asleep. It tells us nothing about the terrible second clue.

That tells us nothing about what's actually in the book. Other than dream powers. Other than that he liked the title and that the title stood out to him. He might be being cute, and they are Bigfoot dream warriors that got him to... They controlled him during his dreams. I was going to say look a little deeper. Why would there be psychic brain parasites? Don't know why that was included, but whatever.

Well that was from the other... Are these both from the same book? These are all the reviews. Second review of the same book. But the other person didn't know why the psychic brain parasites had been included. They could have mind control powers. We did run into a mind control Bigfoot on Mountain Monsters, that one episode. So some of them have that power.

Yeah, I mean that is documentary we have established. We've also run into a lightning Bigfeet, so I'm assuming... There's got to be a vegetable Bigfeet. There's got to be a lady Bigfeet. Yeah, they work on Gremlin's two rules. Alright, any guesses? Dream warrior picture, that was my guess. Bigfoot, great guess.

I'm going to go Google all of these if they're wrong, and then I'm going to look them up anyway. Third review. This book is surprisingly entertaining. The author was a proven con man on many levels, but he did some interesting writing and helped develop theories about UFOs and various weirdness. With no way of really knowing if these encounters happen or not, they make for a thought-provoking read. Do they?

Now, I know he's a con man, but this might be right. He made up a lot of stuff, but this stuff might not be made up. God, it goes against all natural science. It was written by a con man, but it's interesting and fun. One of them survived a volcano Bigfoot attack. One of them controls consumers in their dreams to buy books about him. And then one of them had brain parasites. Just unrelated.

Is this book specifically just about Bigfoot, or could it be on a broader subject that just happens to include Bigfeet under the umbrella? They're all specifically about Bigfoot, but as we have proven with Mountain Monsters, Bigfoot is about anything. Just whatever you want. If this is kind of a grifter, I would assume that he would know the real money is in claiming Bigfeet from our aliens so that there's some sort of UFO Bigfoot connection.

So I don't know what the title would be. It could be from other dimensions. Otherworldly Bigfoots? Yeah, but I think it feels like he would try to get money from all of the paranormal communities, you know what I'm saying? Like he would try to double dip into... Right. So that would be my next guess.

It's some sort of a thing positing some theory that Bigfeet are aliens. And again, the first story was that he fought them, right? So it's his ongoing battle against aliens in mine parasite Bigfeet. Give me that title. No, it's word for word, that exact title. I don't know if you've ever been deep into the Kindle self-published Kindle stuff. The title is exactly like that. It's just 27 words of keywords.

It's a Japanese light novel. None of you get that, but it's got to kill the nerds out there. I can't believe this. Jason fucking got it right on the very first guess. It's a collection of Bigfoot fights. Amazing. However, it's a little more specific, but I'll still fucking give it to you. It's called Bigfoot Shootout, Terrifying Tales of Inner Species Conflict.

And what it is, is all times people have gotten gunfights with Bigfoot. How does Sean not own this book? Is there only one copy of it in existence in the Kindle? Bigfoot Shootout. I'm going to own it as soon as we're done here. Again, for aspiring Sean's out there. Bigfoot Shootout, Terrifying Tales of Inner Species Conflict by Gray Barker. Let me read you the book jacket before we move on.

New Saucerian proudly presents Gray Barker's Underground Classic. The magazine is called New Saucerian. This 1983 book, which was way ahead of its time 30 years before shows like shooting Bigfoot. There's a fucking show where people shoot Bigfoot. Features Barker's musings on the unusual intersection of Bigfoot UFOs and firearms, as well as special reports submitted to him at his Saucerian headquarters in Riffle, West Virginia. This smorgasbord of high strangeness stales into alarming matters, such as Bigfoot's surveillance of livestock and humans,

the kidnapping of prospectors and hikers by Sasquatch, the mystifying aerial lights that seem to provide cover for these dastardly deeds. Jason was right again, got it right twice. Does Bigfoot occasionally kidnap, terrorize, hypnotize, and attack human beings? Can he shapeshift or disappear before your very eyes? If you shoot him point blank with a machine gun, will he just laugh at you? This is the book jacket. Are the ape men stockpiling weapons stolen from unwitting civilians

hoping to turn the tables at some future date? These questions and more are answered in this special 2015 reprint. God, that's how you sell a book. Listeners, do you understand that when Sean goes in to try to find a physical copy of this book, he's not going to look at the price before he orders it. He's just going to order it. The price is just not going to be relevant. I don't remember which one this was, but I did buy one of these books for $3.

One of these books, I believe, was very expensive. So fucking roulette. Spin it. I want to read it one more time before we move on. Are the ape men stockpiling weapons stolen from unwitting civilians hoping to turn the tables at some future date? God, I hope so. I hope that's how it all ends. No need for a question mark at the end of that sentence.

That is obviously true. This world ends in a big-foot firefight and we all knew it. Rhetorical question. I had my mic off, but I was excitedly reading your titles of these other books I found. Oh, go again. Oh, hell, we lost all of that. You have to do it again. The devil is in the detail and Satan is behind the UFO phenomenon.

Great title. Love it. The other one was Flying Saucer, Fire and Fury, Aliens in the White House, and Other Top Secret Tales of Pufology, the best of Great Barker's newsletter. And it has Hillary Clinton literally about to kiss a space monster like a sectoid. They're like embracing. God damn it, I found my new favorite author. I found my new favorite newsletter. Holy shit. All right, book two, first review.

Different book. It's all the same reviews about this book. This answered my questions about what Bigfoot really is and how they live. While reading this book, I kept getting the smell of marigolds off and on in my house in winter. I was wondering if a female Sasquatch was checking me out. Eventually, I took out my video camera and started recording and got some crazy amount of orbs flying around my house. I was even able to ask the orbs to slow down and move certain ways and they complied. I don't know if that was Sasquatch or Ancient Ones or something else, but I think it is a first step to making my own contact.

Thank you for giving me this information. By the way, the digital version is a mess with missing pages and broken pages. Get someone to fix that. Could be or related. I don't know. Just the way it is. That is just the book. Anyway, I think I fucked a Bigfoot ghost.

I definitely controlled aliens. Could you fix this book? What was their star rating? Oh, I don't have that information. I could not give a shit. I'm assuming these are all five or one stars. Why would I? Why would I bother with them?

So this is clearly a, it sounds like the book was giving them instructions on how to attract or contact a Bigfoot. Because they seem to be thanking them for the success they had in not only attracting the Bigfoot, but all sorts of orb ghost energy. Yeah. Will of the Wyss, probably. But this is probably, again, speculating the Bigfeet are some sort of interdimensional thing that can be summoned. So I would guess the title has the words summoning a Bigfoot for dummies or something like that. Summoning a Bigfoot for dummies. It had a magical element.

The marigolds made me think of witchcraft or fairy summoning, which is a big thing. There's a lot of books about capturing fairies. And then the orbs, it all felt like not so much interdimensional or outer space, but witchcrafty fairy hunting. So maybe it's summoning the Bigfoot with fairy magic. When you wish upon a Bigfoot. A secret. Oprah Book Club. All right.

Review number two. I loved this book. So fascinating. If you're into the woo side of Sasquatch study, you should get this book. If you're only into the flesh and blood side, you'll probably not like it. But you should consider it. The woo. The woo.

See, I think I got it right in the first guess again. I think this is about using magic to summon a Bigfoot. It spells. You can cast whatever or incantations, whatever you can use it will summon a Bigfoot to your location. They could mean John Woo. And this could be like a, like when you're back to back in a gunfight against a Bigfoot. When you're watching Sasquatch face off.

Oh my God. Sasquatch face off. That's the title of the book. Another billion dollar idea. You just throw out in the middle of the show. Somebody's already working on it right now. All right. So Sasquatch face off is what we're going with.

Yes. All right. One more to summarize who is civilized and who is not. If you go hunting for Sasquatch and you have a gun or a camera with you, your intent is to bring home a trophy rather than to make peaceful contact with real people who are yes, maybe a bit shaggier and taller than us quote unquote civilized humans. You will never find what you're looking for. This is a good place to learn about other philosophies about the universe and how different

living creatures traverse it. This book is called We Are The Real Bigfoots. Just an insufferable smug Bigfoot. God, we're just nothing. When you think about it, if you have a camera, that's like the same as a gun. He's just a trophy to you. He's a treasured friend to me. Okay.

You're objectifying Bigfoot. But see that, that does not fit perfectly with my guess because it seems like this is, this would be discouraging people. From using magic to someone in a Bigfoot to be your servant or your friend or to go attack people on your behalf, which is what most of us would do if we could summon a Bigfoot. Absolutely. Like the ending of Never Ending Story, but with a Bigfoot instead of Falkor. So I will bet this is something about the ability to psychically commune with Bigfoot.

Yeah. Living among them. Mind powers tapping into the vibrations of the universe. Like a brain dances with wolves with four Bigfeet. Yes. Brain dances with wolves with four Bigfoot. Had a number close on a Bigfoot. All right.

Last one for this book. I ordered the book. It proves that Bigfoot is a bigfoot. Bigfoot and space aliens, etc. All of the same feather to delude the Bible and God. I also believe that Bigfoot type creatures are responsible for the countless people who go missing each year in our national parks without a trace. When these people go missing, bloodhounds are afraid to track or can't pick up a scent.

Search and rescue workers feel an evil presence in the area the person went missing and strange storms appear out of nowhere. In order to cancel the search, which proves supernatural powers are at work in which these Bigfoots possess these creatures appear out of nowhere and become physical, leaving footprints in the ground and they can give you commands telepathically and vanish into thin air. Animals are very keen at detecting the supernatural, which is why tracking dogs are afraid to participate in searches.

Bigfoot is a bigfoot. Bigfoot can vanish. Proves my point that they can grab a hiker and whisk him away for its next meal. If you ever come across a Bigfoot, ask it to recite an Our Father in a Hail Mary. Wow. So what I'm saying is please do not look for missing people in national parks. And if your Bigfoot can't recite an Our Father in a Hail Mary, you kill him immediately. That's the test.

There are holy Bigfeet. Can you imagine running off an animal in the forest that cannot recite the Lord's prayer? That's evidence that it's demonic. I guess that is true. That is the point. I'm totally lost now because that person now, there's possible that when given a space to write their review, they instead went on a totally unrelated search. And given a space to write their review, they instead went on a totally unrelated rant that

they would have made whether they read this book or not. Jason has figured out the trick of the podcast. It could have been triggered by the sorcery, like if they're really Christian. This proves it. I knew Bigfoot was using sorcery and he's evil. I've been waiting all my life to prove that. Sean, what do you, based on that, what do you think this book is called? I feel like it's living among the Bigfoot.

Is there a biblical Christian element? Are they claiming that Bigfeet are... Oh, no. I don't think so. I think the theme must be something to do with magic and that's why this person became so livid because magic goes against the teachings of Christ. And so I think the author probably associated Bigfoot with the sorcery and then that's what got this guy so pissed off about Bigfoot and other Bigfoot kidnappings.

Because he's okay with a couple of kidnappings. It's the non-Christian kidnappings that he has a problem. You don't even fucking know the Lord's prayer. Take all the kids you want, but you better goddamn get that prayer right. Not even asking for forgiveness for his terrible Bigfoot urges. Okay, I'm going to guess this book is called Sasquatch Sorcerers. God, that's a good title. No, that was the last review.

Jason, you got it right. First guess again, Sean. Sean got it second guess. It is about Sasquatch people stepping between alternate dimensions and that's why you can never find them. It's called The Sasquatch People and Their Interdimensional Connection by Kiwane Lapsertitis. Kiwane Lapsertitis. And here's the book jacket in its entirety.

This book is the product of 55 years of accumulated knowledge based on ongoing encounters with the psychic Sasquatch as experienced by author researcher Kiwane Lapsertitis. The 187 documented cases have clearly objectified the reality of sigh with this phenomenon. All you need to know, baby. 55 years and that's 11 five-year-olds broken up across 11 five-year-olds. That's got to be a huge book. That's 187 documented cases. Presumably it's documenting in extreme detail.

Clearly objectified the reality of sigh with this phenomenon. I mean, nobody can argue that. That's objective. That's objective. All right. Your last book. Here is your first review. It has no reviews.

Name that book. So we're talking about a big book that is so out there that no one has bought it yet. Right? Is that what you're suggesting? My God, you're going to figure it out. Go on. Because everything has been explored at this point. There are books about how Bigfoot and the reptilians are in the conspiracy.

Big feet that are from UFOs, that's a cliche at this point. That's boring. Yeah, that's not going to push the envelope. That's an entire genre. And anything that's Bigfoot erotica, you will find literally at the top of the Kindle self-published bestseller list. Big feet play. That, again, is an entire genre of thick on the internet. That's not like a couple of weird stories.

There are subgenres within that genre. So, boy, that is rough because you're talking about like something that even Bigfoot people wouldn't buy. I will say your logic is 100% sound. Okay, but Sean, how many books about Bigfoot do you own or have you read? I'll probably like seven or eight. It's not the biggest part of my library just because, kind of from a genre where they're just so full of shit that like, it's hard to find something that's like notably crazy in the Bigfoot genre. Brockway clearly has. This is my space.

I'm sitting here running through because there's surely been plenty of popular books about Bigfoot time travelers. Bigfoot as an interdimensional traveler is like the prevailing, the theory right now, like the Bigfoot is some sort of interdimensional being. That's not even weird. That's right. Bigfoot morning. The Bigfoot as some sort of a religious or divine messenger. That's old school. That probably predates our current conception of Bigfoot.

Man, I am struggling. I think it's my time as a Bigfoot hunter by book. This is that day job he keeps running back to instead of hunting Bigfoot, he's typing up these memoirs. It's really big, his Bigfoot erotica, which pays the bills for him to find the real Bigfoot to fuck it, to get it on. I think I've got it. I honestly think I've got it. Give it to me. Bigfoot doesn't exist in laying out the evidence.

That would be a good twist. What would that be called? The Bigfoot lie. Bigfoot lie is a really big hand. Yeah, or debunking Bigfoot or something. They gave it like a journalistic title and somebody was like, I'm going to just disperse with this nonsense right now and they worked really hard on it and not a single person read it. I'm going to give you half credit.

You veered the wrong direction at the end, but you had the logic at the start. This book was Bigfoot Lives and he is an immortal magician living deep below the Earth's surface. Magician is such a funny choice of words because he could have been a wizard or a sorcerer, but a magician makes you think that he's like doing tricks for kids. It is ridiculous that there are, I refuse to believe there's no reviews on that. No reviews. I think there are reviews. That have been suppressed by the Amazon or whatever platform you bought it off of.

I think they are not allowing the reviews. Why the psychic abominable snowmen who live far above the Earth and they're constantly in mind war. Are you right? That's it. Here is the entire book jacket for Bigfoot Lives and he is an immortal magician living deep below the Earth's surface. I love when a book says and this book will reveal the truth about Bigfoot. Did you know, bullet point list, Bigfoot is an immortal magician who existed before the Earth was formed.

Bigfoot lives deep underground in psychic torpor as he meditates for peace. Bigfoot's DNA was stolen by red aliens to breed a species known as blood bonded apes. That part is actually true. That's an episode of Mountain Monsters. Each Bigfoot sighting is actually blood bonded apes, not Bigfoot at all. Blood bonded apes are natural demon hunters who spend their time hunting down demons and trapping them inside crystals. Demons have infiltrated the CIA, FBI and the US military and are attempting to take over the entire human race by destroying Bigfoot. J.R. Fleming, that's the author, is in psychic contact with the real Bigfoot and you can be too.

Okay, I feel like despite that title, he still managed to bury the lead. The thing about that, there's an army of demon hunting blood bonded humanoid apes trapping demons. That's the part that matters to me. The fact that there's a Bigfoot at the core of the Earth is kind of a footnote. Yeah, he's in psychic torpor meditating for peace. He's a guy from Captain Planet. He's not even really involved. He's less relevant to something that I would run into in my everyday life or sounds like this other thing is a real problem.

But not the blood bonded apes, those are the good guys. They are demon hunters who trap demons inside crystals and I am assuming based on my Japanese RPG knowledge that they use those cast spells. Yeah, or upgrade your skills. Or yeah, you could slot them into your blood bonded ape weapons to power them up. Okay, I know we've been recording for a long time and maybe your brain's not working so good, so I will forgive you for this. Do you honestly think those demons are going to remain entombed in those gems? It's a good point. That's the stakes.

That's what lends at the stakes. The more you cast, the closer the demon comes to breaking out. You got to balance your magic points. You rig up an octagon steel cage, right? You put a tiny box inside there. You put the demon crystal in there and then if it escapes, boom. Close the cage door. Of course, of course.

Anyway, what we've learned is the real enemy is the CIA FBI and the US military who want to kill Bigfoot at the heart of the earth. Hillary Clinton kisses aliens. Just going to say it. Just going to put it out there. So yeah, buy my book.