The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Extra Wiener - Stephen Blackmoore Plays WikiWhy!

Episode Date: February 9, 2022

In this free bonus episode, Brockway asks Seanbaby and urban fantasy author Stephen Blackmoore to step into his parlor for a pleasant game of WikiWhy. The fools! They agreed! Subscribe to the Patreon for bonus episodes like this every single week!

Extra! Winner! Extra! Winner! Extra! Winner! Extra! Winner! Gather together from the cosmic reaches of the universe. Here in this great hall of justice are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled. Sombry! Brockway! Guest!

Extra Winner! It's a monster! Let's get out of here! It's a monster! Let's get out of here! It's Extra Winner, the bonus podcast of the Dog Zone 9000. It's self a bonus podcast of 1900 Hot Dog. We are givers first and takers second. I'm the Robertus Brockway I know with me is extremely Sean baby and our guest the most goddamn Stephen Blackmore I have ever seen.

And today we are going to be playing a wiki-wai. Why? Why? Why? Why though? Why? Well wiki-wai is a game about wiki-hau which is a site that teaches you how to do very basic things incredibly wrong. Like change a faucet. I mean you look up how to change a faucet and then you've accidentally killed your dog.

That's why Stephen has 13 toilets in his house and no sinks. And no dogs. Alright and here's how the game works. I read you pieces of advice from an actual wiki-hau page and you and Sean are on a team. You work together to guess what the subject is that that advice is for. And if you win you get my magic amulet which I need to live. High stakes. High stakes.

Alright. Now I like living so here's the twist. One piece of advice will be from a different wiki-hau page. It'll be one of the suggested results at the bottom that wiki-hau thinks is related. But remember wiki-hau is completely insane. So that fake piece of advice it could throw you off. It could help you if you guess what it is and figure out how it's related. Or it could do nothing at all and it's mostly the nothing at all thing.

It is a complication we do not need because it's already very difficult. But I also insist. Yes. Alright. So I'm just to recap. Is it okay that I just completely spaced out there? Yes. Because I'm going to recap quickly.

You and Sean are on a team. I'm going to give you pieces of advice from wiki-hau page and you're going to guess what that wiki-hau page is trying to tell you how to do. Alright. Okay. Here we go. Your first piece of advice is think long and hard before you do this. That can be anything.

Doesn't really narrow it down much. And now you've phrased your guess. You've worked together to figure out what the article is and then you give me the name of that article. How to kill a dog with a faucet. It might be because a couple weeks ago some girl from a reality show was farting into jars and selling them and almost died from it. And so that's all I've been thinking about this entire time.

But I think it might have something to do with farting into jars and selling them. And almost dying from it. Because you might almost die. You followed the wiki-hau page for how to fart in a jar and it almost killed you. Yeah. I can't top that. That's a real thing. Did you hear about that Steven?

Yes. I didn't hear the almost died bit. Yes, she like gave herself, I don't know if it's a heart attack, but if it was, they should have called it, of course, from Parks and Rec a fart attack. Yes. And yeah, she basically ate so many beans that she fucked herself up and had to go to the hospital. I just think.

Which is just so fantastic. I actually knew who this girl was because 90 Day Fiancé is a show that we enjoy in our lives. And this girl went to Australia to like have a relationship like our first girl on girl relationship. She like claimed to be bisexual, but like had never really tried it. And this girl was like bubbly and cute and adorable and fun and had all these great dates planned.

And like she never kissed her. Like this girl just said, I'm a bisexual for the attention. And then they said, okay, cool, here's a great girl for you to date. And she's like, guys, no, I was, I totally fucking made that shit up for attention. So like everyone hated her because she was trying to like use this, you know, bisexuality as, as like a personality when she didn't even have that, which is pretty fucked up. And here she is just farting into jars for like what a plumber makes, you know what I mean?

It's just like, it's not like it was a real lucrative salary. I thought I saw that it was for like millions of dollars a year. No, I saw something that was like 300,000. I think that was spread out across like two years. It was fine money, but, but for like the, you can't do anything else in your life after your fart jar person. You know what I mean? Like that's a huge step.

Yeah. You're pretty much topped out at that point. Yeah. Like that's, it's over for you. I saw this. If you had a different career and you're started farting in a jar, they'd say, okay, it's time to wrap it up. This is, you're the world's leading expert on this now.

I saw this take on Twitter, but I had the thought immediately on hearing of that and that it's nice that she actually did it. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. She really did it. She had a whole technique where she would put like little absorbent leaves in her butt and then fart and then put that leaf in the jar.

So she was like putting a jar over her butt and then farting and then clamping it shut quickly. So yeah. So she was making like little mini car air fresheners. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She actually had some work ethic to it, which is refreshing and wonderful.

I mean, the farts aren't, but the work ethic is. Right. Because most of the panties I buy on the internet, I'm like, someone just soaked this in Tabasco. This isn't a real panties. Jamie, we'll cut that. Fucking nope. No, we won't. Wait, is 90 day fiance the one with the guy that looks like Ram Man from He-Man?

He has no neck and he tried to buy a woman in the Philippines. It did not work out for him. But he has a powerful ramming action that can break through any door. Yes. I forget what we're doing. Are we doing something on this podcast? It's now an official 90 day fiance podcast. He gave Filipino male owner Bride some mouthwash and toothbrush and he said, oh, your breath,

it's not very pretty. And she has an ulcer. So she's like trying to explain to him, yeah, motherfucker, I have an ulcer. This really hurts my feelings. And at no point am I going to say it looks like you've not survived high gravity. It looks like you landed on Jupiter and it has changed you. So yeah, I really like that show. And we've got all of this from the words, think long and hard before you do this.

That's what happens. If you leave the door that open, I'm going to fucking jump through it with 40 minutes of insane stupid shit. Oh, okay. Well, you were never, God damn it. Right. Is it part jobs? You're never going to believe me that it's not after I tell you the next piece of advice,

which is, which is, God damn it. Make sure their scent remains wherever you smell them. It's fart jars. Fuck you. It's fart jars. We got it. Yeah. I'm sorry, but it's got to be fart jars.

Yeah. Oh shit. I can't believe that was the next tip. Yeah, you can stick with fart jars and if you're right, I'll give it to you twice. Okay. The third tip is try to feel their hair. Okay. Hmm.

Well, farts don't have hair. So, well, I guess if you did them right, they would. Okay. Think long and hard. So we need to keep the, what was that? Keep the scent where you found it. Make sure their scent remains wherever you smell them. Okay.

And try to feel their hair. Try to feel their hair. It could be like Somalia terms, like the hair is like the long note of the fart. I know I'm thinking like what is this like expressing anal glands on a cat or something? I do. I'm definitely getting a cat thing. Maybe like. Yeah.

Like some kind of animal embarrassing move that you have to make. I don't know. Hmm. How to embarrass an animal. Wild animal thing. Like how to establish your territory if you're like living among the wolves. That could be a wiki. I'm going to make a note to look that up.

I think lions. I think expressing a cat's anal glands is it's it's good because it incorporates some of our previous butt stuff in our, in our current gas. It feels like we're building something with that one. Okay. So what, what's your guess? Praise it. Like an article.

How to express your cat's anal glands. Very well put. That's exactly what I was going to say. Okay. That's not quite it. Your next piece of advice is getting rid of them means you're killing them and that's just like killing a person. Oh.

Then it's definitely expressing your cat's anal glands. I feel like the piece of advice is you can't just get, you can't throw your cat away when they need it. Or you can't tear out their anal glands. They'd be like, Oh, I'm so sick of this cat poop. Tear out the anal glands. Because that's just like killing a human. When you rip the anal glands out of a cat, that's just that old saying.

I mean, we all have that on our grandma's pillows. It's just like when you rip the anal glands out of a human, it's the same exact thing. Same exact thing. And we've all been there. We've all harbysit fishered a woman. That's what they call that. I have leered at women while they belly dance. So I have actually harbysit fishered a woman.

Yeah. I think I want to stick with the cat thing. You're going to get like quadruple credit if this is what it is. That's what it is. All right. You're going to get off of this, but based on this next one, go for walks and do this until it feels natural. Wow.

Huh. Wow. This is... Okay. Among a certain community of fetishists, that could still be... Well, like where this is going, that could still be expressing your cat's anal glands. It could be, you know, take them for walks until it feels natural so that they won't... They can go on their walk and you won't need to do this.

Because if you do this, it's like killing a person. God, that's so weird. Now remember... I don't know if I've ever been this... I've never even come close to winning one of these, but I don't know if I've ever been this lost. That or you're talking about like real doll silicone repair. Oh, I like that one too.

Express the anal glands of your real doll. Okay, also keep in mind that one of these is going to be a fake piece of advice. So it's going to be from something WikiHow thinks is related to this article that you're guessing at. But yeah, one will be... I think this one is part of it because this is humorlessly distracting if it's not part of the real one. Like if you're going to find a fake one, it's going to be silly, I think, at least some

element of silliness. You're not going to be like, oh, take it for a walk. Haha. You're not trying to just fuck up our game. I don't think. I don't think. And yet you've guessed that before and I have. That's true.

You have weird pockets of sadism that I never will understand. So I think that the real doll is interesting. It's an interesting angle that this could have something to do with like a weird like sex doll at home because it has a darkness to it. It has hair. It has that strange comment about how killing them is the same as killing a human, which is very unusual. So it's either a pet or some sort of madman's concept of something human like a simulacrum.

I don't know. You're the necromancer author. So maybe you know. I'm sticking with the anal gland real doll thing. The best in the history of the show. Yeah, I agree. That's a really strong guess. Okay.

The next one is determine their level of sentience. Do they do things you don't expect them to do? Oh, definitely. Okay. Yeah. This is a real doll. Yeah. The real doll has come to life sort of mannequin style.

How to tell if your real doll has come to life like from the hit movie mannequin. Yeah. It's not super lucid like Kim Cattrell, but like there's some spark of life there. It's screaming. It screams when you do things to it. And don't don't kill it. It's just like killing a person. Maybe a real person from medieval times that has forgot how to be human.

That's true. It could have been a rat from medieval times. It got thrown into the wrong mannequin. I'm not sure how that, that movie didn't start with a real story like Kim Cattrell was an ancient Egyptian woman who got cursed with this ability to like travel through time into different bodies. The mannequin element was new. It's a strange movie that has informed this decision to say this is absolutely how to

deal with a real doll that has come to life and has an anal gland issue. Take it for a motorcycle ride. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Because that's, that's part of it. That's part of how you fall in love. Yeah. Show her how fast modern man can move.

She will be impressed and terrified. Okay. Your next piece of advice is talk to them. You can talk to them about the weather, your day at work or school, your friends, a TV show you like. Still not seeing how this is a real doll. Yeah. I feel like there's like no joke answer.

I feel like this has something to do with an AI simulation of a person or some sort of a pet, like a fake pet, uh, like a Tamagotchi, but... Tamagotchi. Right. Yeah. Like a fuckable Tamagotchi. A fuckable Tamagotchi with hair. How to fuck a Tamagotchi.

There's no accent. How do I start an inappropriate relationship with my Tamagotchi? I don't think there's such a thing as a non-fuckable Tamagotchi. You got that, Jamie? I knew that was coming. Only on this show would I know that was coming. So it's, uh, yeah, how to start fucking a Tamagotchi is the guess? Yeah, close enough.

Yeah, let's go with that. Your next piece of advice is try to imagine a conversation with them. Think about what their reactions would be. Drawing them helps. Oh, oh, this is not even like an AI simulation. This is like someone who's falling in love with like an RPG character they created or like a, an anime character. This is it.

That's getting in line with Wikigal. Yeah. There's an edge of real lonely darkness here. What is it? The, uh, uh, fake boyfriend thing? Yeah. Waifu. This is like how to make a waifu.

Yeah. Something like that. Like an NFT waifu. How to invest in NFT waifu. Waifu. That's good. Oh, it's probably not that because you just gave it to us, but I think it might be how to invest in NFT waifus.

Okay. Your last piece of advice, and then you have to make your final guess. Find a large open area where you can play together. You don't need a top secret room and a top secret facility on a top secret private island. You can just play. Oh, he's taking his NFT waifu like to the park. Oh, okay. So can we get all of them from the top?

Sure. It is. Think long and hard before you do this. Make sure their scent remains wherever you smell them. Try to feel their hair. Getting rid of them means you're killing them and that's just like killing a person. Go for walks. Do this until it feels natural.

Determine their level of sentience. Do they do things you don't expect them to do? Talk to them. You can talk to them about whether your day at work or school, your friends, a TV show you like. Try to imagine a conversation with them. Think about what their reactions would be. Drawing them helps and find a large open area where you can play together.

You don't need a top secret room and a top secret facility on a top secret private island. You can just play. Okay. Total at a left field. How to replace your dead son. Oh, what is it? Those? Fuck.

They're infant dolls that are specifically for parents who had a stillborn kid. Have you heard of those things? They're creepy as hell. Yes, but I was kind of hoping I never had to hear of them again. It's one of the things that weirds me out the most. The one guy on your show. Yeah. Fake babies for sad couples that can't have a baby or had one and lost one.

They're these dolls that you can get and they're like, oh, you've already heard about this. Sorry. We just heard about this two minutes ago. I'm sorry. Fuck. Okay. Is that the finalist?

It's how to replace your dead son with a doll of him? Yeah. Or you can phrase it. Yeah, let's put that one. You can phrase it however you want. That's it. Wiki why. Goddamn it.

Goddamn it. Oh, you should never give us, why don't we give ourselves one new toy to play with? We should know. I swear to God, next show it's going to be all air horns. We're going to get like meta with it. It's going to be fucking unlistenable. I'm four minutes away from complete non-ironic like drive time. Yeah, every intro you do is basically drive time anyway.

Now we've given you a sound board. Yeah, it's just fucking, that's why they all sound like that. Mike Toppe and the chuch coming at you. I'll be either one of those guys. Okay. No, you're so close. You're dancing around it, but it was how to create a tulpa. Oh, I don't even know what that is.

Do you know what a tulpa is? I thought tulpa was like, Christ, I want to say like a Tibetan spirit or something. Yeah, a Tibetan spirit monster that you invent with your mind. And this is the WikiHow page for how to create a tulpa. How to create a Tibetan spirit monster that you imagine with your mind. People who have one or more tulpas are tulpamancers. Maybe Eric Carter can fight one of those. Yeah, why not?

Yeah. Okay, so extra credit. What was the fake piece of advice and what article was it from that was related to this somehow? God, they all work for this. Well, the hair. The hair or does it say, what was the hairline? The hairline was try to feel their hair. Okay, that's possible.

That could be, what about the scent? Make sure their scent remains wherever you smell them. Hmm. Because if it's, you know, a Tibetan mind creation, they're probably not smelling like much. Well, a tulpa is a being that you imagine so completely that it really. You think into being. Yeah, that it really exists. So this is a guide on how to make a creature, a person, I guess, that really exists with your mind.

What I love about that is it's so non actionable. Like if you're like, Oh, I smell them here. I must not remove the scent. It's like, would you keep people with burritos away from it? Like, like, what the fuck does that mean? Like, make sure it remains. Stick a jar over it. Sell tarp.

Sell tulpa farts online. It's fucking nonsense. So maybe it's not that it's go play. I maybe that it feels weird that you'd play with a tulpa or maybe not. Easy to really have that. They like to play. God damn it. They all work.

They're all topa. They're all topa. That's my answer. You're trying to. And there's the hair playing the scent. Think long and hard. Think long and hard. And there was one other.

Taken from walks. Determine their level of sentience. Talk to them. Try to imagine conversation. Drawing them helps play with them. Getting rid of them means you're killing them. And that's just like killing a person. Yeah.

They all work for topas. These are all topa. I'm thinking it's either the center of the hair. Okay. I'm almost going to give Sean points for this. You know what? I'll give him a bonus. One bonus point for this.

It was your first instinct, which was find a large open area where you can play. You don't need a top secret room and a top secret facility on a top secret private island. That was from how to play with a tulpa. That was from how to play with a tulpa. You don't need a top secret room and a top secret facility on a top secret private island. That was from how to play squid game. Amazing. Okay.

How to murder each other for money. Now I have a little bonus info for you. There's a line in this that says in the extra credits. Tulpas are often associated with my little pony lovers, but many different tulpe exist. Oh, shit. That's so sad that there's people who like the cartoon ponies and then they're also trying to create companions from their mind. Creating a tulpa of their pony, I guess.

Yeah. I mean, why not? They're already going to die alone. Yeah. Well, yeah. It's just sad all the way down. It's sadness all the way down. There were some success stories.

There's a section in WikiHow for success stories for people to testify. I'm very interested. Kaylee says it helped me to create a tulpa so it can help me. So that's good. Okay. Obviously I have some follow-up questions, but she's been killed by a tulpa. Drake says, actually, I succeeded a while ago in making a fully fleshed out imaginary friend, but I hopped onto this article and took it to the tulpa level within a few days.

The possession mention was quite interesting as well. Oh. Well, good for him that he's like trying to advance his imaginary friend game. Rock on. And lastly, Jay signed on to say, I don't really have a success story yet, but this article helped me. He has hope, and that's enough for Jay. And there's a question section, too. Jasper says, can anyone else see my tulpa?

Oh, no. Oh, you don't go there. And the answer was not unless you share a brain with them, which seems awfully sarcastic for this WikiHow about how to do this. Yeah, that guy's in on it. That guy knows. Will the process of making a tulpa work if I'm interrupted while forcing? I know. And that's when the tulpa, I imagine, kills you.

She can't interrupt the tulpa. Not like a bell movement. It will still work. It'll just take longer. You must have time and concentration to correctly force a tulpa. So there is a way to force a tulpa. Or you could still be talking about gas and anal glands. I just like that it implies the tulpa does not want to be, and especially does not want to be with you, but you can still force it.

Turn me to oblivion. We're hanging out. Fuck it. I want to be nothing, Jeff. I want to be nothing. Jasper is back from the success stories to say, why can't I base my tulpa on existing people? I mean, that's a fine question. Because you could, like, hang out with Harrison Ford.

Why wouldn't you? The answer is your tulpa will feel very real, and if you didn't create them right, they'll probably have deviations from your plan that you didn't expect. If you try to create them based off a real person, you'll be disappointed, or they might have identity issues because they're a copy. This is how we got Frank Stallone.