The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - Extra Wiener - Tom Reimann Enters the Hot Dog Games

Episode Date: March 10, 2021

Seanbaby and Brockway grip Tom Reimann close and whisper to him of the games to come. They're fun. They're low stakes. We're trying to ease into The Running Man here.

Extra! Winner! Extra! Winner! Extra! Winner! Extra! Winner! Gather together from the cosmic reaches of the universe. Here in this great hall of justice are the most powerful forces of good ever assembled. Sunberry! Brockway! Guest.

Extra! Winner! It's a monster! Let's get out of here! It's a monster! Let's get out of here! Welcome to Extra! Winner, the pizza buddies podcast for one nine hundred hot dog. And we're here with Tom Reiman, and we are going to play Brockway's Wiki Why. Why? Why? Why though? Why?

And I'm going to ask how we start these off. Tom, what do you know about Wiki? Give me your impressions. I know, at least I think, it's basically just like Yahoo answers, right? Like somebody asks a question and then anybody can post an answer and it gets, the answers get upvoted or downvoted by the community. They do have that section. They have that section at the end of a WikiHow, but it's more like eHow. It's a site where random people write a guide about something. Oh, so it's just pure chaos. Okay.

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. It's a structure of order that is then answered by pure chaos. That is what every WikiHow is. If you set out to learn something from a WikiHow, you will absolutely ruin that something and probably also staple yourself to that something. It's ending in an unexpected pain that you could never have foreseen coming. Right, but you do learn something. Well, not guaranteed. I mean, even if the lesson is just don't trust WikiHow, you'll learn. Right, yeah, some sort of truth about the universe.

In a very Buddhist way, you will make progress. Yeah, in the grand scheme of the universe, I suppose a lesson will be learned by one party. So with that in mind, this is how it works. I read you a few pieces of advice from an actual WikiHow page. And you and Sean, you've discussed you're on a team. You're trying to figure out what the subject is. The twist is there is one piece of advice from another WikiHow page linked at the bottom. So WikiHow thinks that page is related.

Our team name is Centaur Buddies. Oh, we're doing team names. Tom, do you have any notes on that? Centaur Buddies? No, hell no. Centaur Buddies it is. I'm all in. All right, the Centaur Buddies. Okay, so we're going to go, this is our first piece of advice.

Don't go looking for trouble. Let it come to you. And try to stay out of it. Okay. Do you want that one more time? No, I think I get it. I'm just thinking what it could be. So you said we're not looking for trouble. We're waiting for it, but then we stay out of it.

Yeah, you get fucking juked like three times there. It's just very, very passive. As if like, whoever wrote this is a pussy and they're writing it for other pussies. I feel like that could be said of most wiki haos. A very strong opening clue. I feel like that's a foundation we can build from, but I don't know what it is yet. I feel like that's the unofficial slogan of the site, wiki hao, buy pussies for pussies. Can you repeat it? What was it?

Don't go looking for trouble. Let it come to you and try to stay out of it. And this is one of the responses? No, this is just a piece of advice from the guide. So don't go looking for trouble. Try to stay out of it. Man. Yeah, what is it? Is it how to like survive a bar fight?

Like I feel like that's, that's not my brain conjures, but that just might be my resting brain state. It's a good vibe. It might have been because we watched too much Danger Island. I'm just thinking entirely in conflict. Now everything, everything is bar fights from now until the end of time. How to, how to survive a school shooting? Well, that's pretty good. All right. What are we going with here?

Let's, I don't think it's either one of our, I feel like, I feel like if, I feel like an actual conflict is too, it's too correct. Right. Like it has to be something weirder. If that makes sense. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's too straightforward. It's too logical for it to be about an actual conflict situation. It has to be about something dumb like making oatmeal. And we have to remember the source Brockway. He's fucking with it.

Right. And, and you have to remember one piece of devices from another WikiHow page linked at the bottom. So it might be related, but not exactly on. Okay. Or it might not be related at all, depending on how crazy the link is. This could, this would be an unusual start is if you gave us the unrelated one. That'd be really cold-blooded. Right. But I might fuck with you like that.

That's true. Okay. It is a game of wits. You're a, you're a, you're a, you're a cruel task master. Centaur buddies are up to it. But if you defeat me, you get my treasure. That's. Give me your amulet.

Your G. Any guesses. Let's make a centaur buddy packed. You get the amulet for one year. I get it the next year. Sure. Yeah. We just trade. You're going to turn on each other.

You're not going to want to give up the power of the amulet. We'll see. We'll see how, how each one of us is able to withstand the amulet. Listen, you talk like I didn't split this amulet with somebody at the start. Okay. I know. I've killed that man. I love doing that.

You also have to remember, by the time we're done with this WikiWhy, we will be one WikiWild, WikiHow lesson wiser. So we will, we'll be better people, better centaurs and better buddies. Yeah. I see what, what Brockway doesn't know is I'm actually looking up the WikiHow article that he co-wrote with his former amulet partner on how to split an amulet. Successfully. You got to learn what I did not. All right.

I'm going to use your own, your own wisdom against you. There's a lot, there's a lot of unspoken lines in there. Read from the tragedies I've lived. I have no idea. Well, we'll go, we need more official guests to move on. We'll go with how to survive a school shooting. Yeah. That was your last guess.

That's the most fun one. Okay. It is fun. Your next piece of advice, take solace in the dark clothes and powerful vibes of a mysterious person. Oh, yes. Okay. Is this like how to navigate like a vampire orgy?

I like that direction. I don't know if you've nailed it yet, but. There is a big, just if you're not familiar, there is a big black magic wiki how section. Like there's a, there's a community that just does like black magic. Oh, is this like how to summon the devil or something? That'd be pretty sweet. That is a viable guess. I just want you to know and be in the right headspace for wiki how of the madness that

goes on there. So we're not looking for trouble. We're waiting for it. We're going to be out of it and we are on the lookout for a mysterious power held by a person, by a being in black. We are going to take solace in the dark clothes and powerful vibes of a mysterious person. They're vibing pretty hard. Okay.

Okay. This is, this is definitely like a vampire, the masquerade type. Right. Yeah. This is like how to host a vampire game. I think I like that. Let's, let's, let's put that as our official answer and see what Brockway says. How to host a vampire game.

I like it. It's not quite on. So we'll keep going. All right. Your next, your next piece of advice. Keep in mind that although many people think sociopaths hunt people for sport, this is often not true. They simply do as they please without caring about how it affects others.

Okay. If that, that feels like it's part of the other ones. I don't think this is the wildcard yet. I think this might be like how to like, how to navigate like a social situation as a sociopath. Like how to survive high school as a goth or something. Yeah. Something like that. Or maybe full on like guide to fitting in for sociopaths, how to fit in as a sociopath.

How to fit in as a sociopath. What do you think? How to fit in as a sociopath. You're getting closer. Well, we're whittling it down from vampire orgy. So this is your hint. I feel like a sociopath would do really well in a vampire orgy. Like you're writing the wiki if you're a sociopath in a vampire orgy.

All right. And with that in mind, your next piece of advice is make sure you take excellent notes. Okay. Okay. So we also doesn't feel like a wildcard one. Yeah. There's no way you'd be in a different wiki and say, take excellent notes. That's hilarious.

I got to use this as my wildcard one. It's impossible. This is a real one. Okay. So we were on the right track with how to host a vampire orgy and with how to fit in as a sociopath. Or those. And you're taking notes. I feel like that.

I'm taking notes. I do feel like that changes the tone of the piece from something like as you first started, how to survive a school shooting. You're probably not taking notes. I'm going to kind of come from a different direction here. Is this maybe something having to do with how to steal someone's identity? How to like become another person? All valid guesses.

I feel like it's going to be, it's like how to, hmm. Gosh, it's going to be something like how to blend in as a dark wizard or something. I don't know if you'd need notes for that though. I guess you would write down like spell components and that type of thing. I mean, dark wizards must have a notepad. They've got to have a little, they've got to just dabble in a few scrolls at any time. Yeah, you've got big sleeves, you can fit shit in there. Some of them are going to be visual learners.

They'll need to, you know, write it down. You're not just born knowing how to dark wizard. Can you give us the previous clue again? Keep in mind that although many people think sociopaths hunt people for sport, this is often not true. They simply do as they please without caring about how it affects others. Huh. You can revisit any, I'll read them all to you again if you want.

I think I've got them all. I just didn't remember the details of that one. So he's saying we don't hunt people. I'm taking it as if the wiki how writer was a sociopath because he's, you know, really leveling us about how they deal with stuff. So. Oh, is this maybe how to like hunt a sociopath or like hunt a serial killer? What a good twist.

Yeah. How to detect, how to detect a sociopath, how to detect a serial killer. Yeah, I think I like that. Yeah, something like that. We'll take that as your guess. We're dancing around it. We're not quite there. So let's do another one.

It's almost too easy to put every event, success and failure, every frustration, anger and joy up on Facebook as a status update. Does it all really need to be there for everyone to see and diss you? You know the answer. You son of a bitch. This is a real curveball. Yeah. Huh.

God. I don't think that helps us how to. But this person has a contempt for social media. Yes. I think this might help you. The word diss is in quote marks. Okay. Yeah, this is a yeah, this is a middle-aged white person for sure.

Mm-hmm. Um. That's a look. Huh. Ah, fudge. Is this like how to talk to your kids about bullying or some shit? How to talk to your parents, your kids about. Okay.

Keep in mind, keep in mind, only one was fake though. Everything else is real. It's only one fake. We've already had a, you have given us a fake one. Yeah. This is how to be. I'm sorry. This is the last one after this.

Okay. You're just getting it. I've given you one more clues, Mr. Policeman. You should know this by now. I do feel like I'm getting kind of a private detective vibe. Like this could be like a guide to being a private detective or how to solve a mystery or. It's, it's a Facebook one's really disruptive to all my.

Yeah. Well, it doesn't seem to jail with the others. Like the others seem to be about hanging around weirdos or, you know, like quote unquote weirdos. Right. And then Facebook is like, don't put all your shit on Facebook. It's like, well, yeah, I guess that's good advice. Cause the kids will quote unquote diss you.

Cause they will diss you. And you know what? Is it worth it? You know the answer. Why would they diss you though? I mean, are you goth? Are you overweight? Why, why, why would they, why would they diss you?

You'd have to be some kind of a, some kind of a thing. Right. Some sort of, some sort of nerd, some sort of. Yeah. Some kind of an outcast. Yeah. You're, you are some variety of Melvin. And we just need to figure out what that is.

Sociopath. How not to be such a fucking Melvin. Yeah. Honestly. I'd be a damn Melvin. You'd be a fucking Melvin. Man. It's kind of got an in cell vibe.

Something. Like. Oh fuck. This is, oh no wait. That doesn't make any sense. I was going to say this isn't like how to talk to girls. Is it? But that doesn't make any sense.

Yeah. Remember there's only one fake one. Right. Yeah. They all feel like they fit together really well. Except that Facebook one. That's the one that kind of feels a little out of place to me. Yeah.

Or maybe this feels like something a sociopath, a self identified path would say though. Yeah. Unless the sociopath one's the fake one. That's true. God damn it. Brockwood. You wily bastard.

Because now you are trapped within my game. Okay. Okay. Okay. So what were the other ones that aren't this? It was like take copious notes. Don't. What is it?

You're drawn to the some dark clothing or. I can read them all to you again if you want. Okay. Let's do that. Part of the official reread. Yeah. All right. Let it come to you and try to stay out of it.

Okay. Take solace in the dark clothes and powerful vibes of a mysterious person. Keep in mind that although many people think sociopaths hunt people for sport, this is often not true. They simply do as they please without caring about how it affects others. Make sure you take excellent notes. And finally, it's almost too easy to put every event, success and failure, every frustration, anger and joy up on Facebook as a status update.

Does it all really need to be there for everyone to see and diss you? You know the answer. God damn it. Wow. This is. I'm always, I always get so stumped by this. Yeah. This is a, this is tricky.

Man. Like cause it in the entirety of knowledge and experience is what it's drawing from. But it's, there's such a whimpering patheticness to it that. I feel like that's true of every wiki. Yeah. Yeah. That's what we're working with. Even the knife fighting one.

It's like, what little bitch wrote this knife fighting guy? Right. Like every wiki how is somebody that just got other, it doesn't matter if it was just like how to build Ikea furniture. Somebody wrote it because they were utterly destroyed by doing this task. And I'm going to try to make sure somebody learns from my failure. Oh, okay. Okay.

Um, is this like how to be a superhero? Like how to be like Batman? Hmm. I don't think it's. Yeah. That's true. Like I don't, now that I say it, I don't think everything quite fits that. I don't think it's.

I don't think it's. I don't think it's. I don't think it's. I don't think it's. I don't think it's. I don't think it's. I don't think it's. I don't think everything quite fits that.

So we've guessed that it's like a sociopath trying to fit in and it's not that. And it's not how to host a vampire the masquerade party. And it's not like we asked about like tracking a serial killer, right? It's not like that. Right. I mean, we got to, we got to just do a guess. I don't.

I foof Tom. What are you thinking? Combine them all, combine them all into one. Don't start. I want you to include the the Batman one too. Okay, so the okay, so it's Vampire Party how to host a vampire party party how to hunt a serial killer how to be Batman How to fit in as a sociopath Right This is a guide for someone who's woke they just woke up and they're a vampire batman

Who can't empathize with others and they need to blend into human society. That's our guess Well, that's a really good guess before we get to the answer Do you have a guess as to which one was the fake piece of advice? That's your bonus round? God damn it the sociopath one I'm gonna say the facebook thing I want to change mine to that fucking mysterious stranger one. Oh, that's a that's that one's really throwing us off Yeah, maybe it is that yeah I just because I feel like That's the one I want it to be just

For my own brain sanity Okay, that's the consensus. So It's a how to survive a vampire orgy as a superhero And I yeah exactly. Yeah, no, that's that's that's like precisely what the question If it's not word for word that And and the same time buddies will concede defeat The fake piece the fake piece of advice is take solace in the dark clothes and powerful vibes of a mysterious person That is what that's what we're guessing. Yeah, I am fine with that. Oh

No, I'm sorry. It is how to be a normal teenager Okay, I mean we were pretty close Yeah, I we we got further and further away from it But you can see that there were times you danced around it. Yeah, that's how to fit in as a sociopath was I think the closest we got Yeah, that was Actually the fake piece of advice sociopath was a fake piece of advice So that means the real pieces of advice for how to be a normal teenager where Don't go looking for trouble let it come to you and try to stay out of it

Take solace in the dark clothes and powerful vibes of a mysterious person real piece of advice on how to be a normal teenager Was that like you're supposed to be the mysterious dark clothes person? No, it wants you to take solace It wants you to find a stranger with dark clothes and powerful vibes and just Try to seek comfort from them. Oh, I'm onto them. Okay That's how you survive as a teenager. I don't think that's good advice. That's I would that's really bad advice. Yeah It's at least neutral advice. It's strange. It's like strange advice. Yeah, it's not like What does that mean like all kinds of people wear dark clothing like what does that mean? I would say this is this is something I would throw in this is a one sentence thing

I would throw in to a wiki how guide if I was trying to get teenagers into my van If I was like I would I'm gonna write this whole thing straight And then I'm just gonna throw out right in the middle of it take solace in the dark clothes and powerful vibes I'm a serious person. Yeah, you need to find a dude with a weird van Maybe his name is Dennis inside the van. Yeah, maybe you don't like the way the van smells, but I'm saying It's comfortable. Maybe you don't judge Dennis for the way his van smells Let's trade pants with Dennis Listen, you miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take

Oh man, that's oh Taking notes is pretty funny. Yeah That's a real excellent notes as a teen excellent notes Hello fellow teen those are excellent notes you're taking How to fit it as a normal teen for a martian like who is this guy for? Take notes on human behavioral cues Yeah, all the other teens love that when you walk up to an engagement with them and then start taking notes Like imagine getting a hundred teens in a room, right? Just a total random selection and saying, okay

How many of you have written a wiki how or have any desire to write a wiki how? What do you get like two hands raised? I I think I've just proven my point. I don't I don't feel like an average teenager writes a wiki how Right, you get the one weirdo that is like all of the mistakes I've made. I'm going to tell you about now right And if you followed my advice you will not be pants tip prom I repeat Yeah, no, it's it's like the the bald 32 year old they bring in to tell you about like drunk driving or something

And I got to tell you kids the best move best move hands down. I ever made it was I took solace in the dark clothes a mysterious vibe I just I found the weirdest dude And he's just he was a wizard and he changed my life. I found a fucking wizard Live it his name was alamo frankenstein living in a pit and he was my best friend This has been wiki why oh man Okay, so I was a very challenging that was a diffie it was funny though because the one that got us closest to the answer was the fake one that you gave you gives the fake clue and that's the one where we're like, oh, it's like uh

Uh Somebody trying to fit in as a sociopath like a little in like an in-cell outsider Right because again, when I went to the page, I don't know if they change or what but these were like related This article was how to spot a sociopath So Related to how to be a normal teenager is how to spot a sociopath And I do see how those are related because the guy reading how to be a normal teenager is probably a sociopath Yeah, it's got a lot of sociopath vibes in all of the advice

I'm getting I'm getting some extreme uh powerful vibes Or maybe not sociopath, but like definitely like on the spectrum like not Not tackling this team problem from um like uh social Angle more of like a martian studying teens angle like a very I feel like if you took If you actually read through and I have not but if you actually read through how to spot a sociopath And then applied all of those lessons to the write-up for how to be a normal teenager you'd be like

This isn't a I I've spotted the sociopath. I found him. What do I get? Do I get the amulet? He's right there Find whoever wrote this I really didn't want that fucking amulet. I will get it next time. She wouldn't ever get my amulet It's a monster. Let's get out of here. It's a monster. Let's get out of here