The Dogg Zzone by 1900HOTDOG - The Secret Men: Part 3 - Black Ops Black Face with Merritt K

Episode Date: August 12, 2026

Question: Has Frank Dux ever donned black face? Answer: CLASSIFIED. Unless you have clearance to listen to this podcast (you do.) Join Merritt K along with Seanbaby and Robert Brockway for part 3 of The Secret Men!

Secret Man Podcast, episode three of a two-part, secret series. If you haven't listened to Parts 1 and 2, congratulations. You are a risk-walker. A listener between worlds and afraid of the unknown, and our Ninja Clan may have use of someone such as yourself. I'm Sean Baby. And if you have chosen, you should have just heard a Ninja Gong! My partner is already behind you.

He has only one last mission hunting the last survivor of the first place, Honks Shidoshi Clan. He's Robert Prokwe. I'm definitely fully heard the gong, everybody. Here's a Rockway Fact. I can kill a man using only a CIA-issued sex brush, and he'll like it. I have no follow-up questions. I received for the same training.

Our guest was recorded on ancient forbidden cameras to win the world record for fastest karate with death blow. She's author and game designer Merritt Kay. Welcome back. Hey, earlier today, I walked down to my mom's apartment, and there was a paint ship of Navajo White on the fridge. And I spun around, but it was too late. I was already dead. Navajo White gets you every time. Yeah.

Was Frank Dukes the fridge the whole time? He could have been. He could have been. He was every pair of socks in your mom's house. Son of a bitch. We're reading more from The Secret Man, the very true and actual memoirs of Frank Dukes, the life liver of the true story film Bloodsport.

This is obviously the most important book and podcast about book to ever be. But first, like our sense has taught us, We must plug. Merritt, where can people find more from you? Well, I write for a website called One900 Hot Dog, which you're official listening to this. You might have heard of it. It's very funny.

And I also have my own newsletter type thing, which I started about 10 years after the newsletter craze began. And that's at patreon.com slash Merrick Kay. Like a lot of them are free. Some of them are not free. And yeah, it's a good time. I posted a bunch of fake tweets about Jimithy, that weird raccoon today. And people thought they were real.

Oh, those were those, you made them up. Oh, I made those up. Yeah, no. The stuff about, yeah, people talking about how Jimothy is like a failure of feminism and how Jimothy just using Timothy to sell their, their femme boy race sex videos. Yeah, that was all. That was the most real one. The femboy one is the most real.

scary though what's scary though is like that could be real though right like isn't that kind of fucked up that like it could it could be real of course yeah we've been living that in that world for what 25 years now where it's just like yeah it's fucking there's no way to know if if something extremely stupid is fake or not and then you meet the person who said it and you're like I still don't know and then they get elected president you're like I still don't know what I think you might be fucking around I really hope I get on snopes again for this one I once was In a Snopes article because I posted that Biden was going to place voting restrictions on blue checks on Twitter. And Snopes was like, actually, this is not true.

It's like, oh, damn, you guys got me. They have to do the mitigating language. They're like, as far as we know. That's my favorite. Yeah. I would have probably known that one was fake or that the person who said it was lying, which, again, is just a different kind of fake that you have to get all this context to decide. for anyway, Brockway, we're living in a broken world.

Where can people find more from you? I'm on another podcast called Big Feats. With, it says here, you? That makes sense. Are you Sean? Is this Sean? Yeah, hi. Also, Jason Pargin.

Wow, these are some big names. These are some big names. I'm on a podcast. Star-studded podcast. The podcast, we're having a lot of fun. People still tell me they enjoy it. The show where we podcast about Mountain Monsters has become. and unwatchable talk shit's long to the death.

Yeah, it's becoming real work. There's so much joy in what we do for a living. And then we get to fucking Big Feets prep. I'm like, oh, this is like being a plumber. This fucking suck. I'm at work. But it's almost over. There's only like five episodes left or something like that.

And then Bigfeats will have covered all of Mountain Monsters. We'll maybe do like an episode on their like behind the scenes show thing. And then we're going to start a new podcast, probably still called Big Feats, but it's going to be about the rival shows that have spun off and the drama behind them. That'll bring the joy back. That right? It has to. Yeah.

It has to. So just stick with us. Five more episodes. You're committed. It only took us, what, seven years to pivot to YouTube drama? So that's pretty good. Yeah. In media terms, that's really hanging in there.

You're right. You're right. That's going to be, I think it's even, it's worse. It's Facebook drama. Yes. Because they're very old. Jeff started a, he got one episode on that like that television platform that turned out to be Nazi on. On like a self-publishing podcast platform that that almost exclusively platformed borderline and possibly not borderline Nazis. Yeah. And he did not quit because of the Nazi thing. I think at a certain age that's just like just your everyday politics. He made the trains run on time, right, fellas? Like, that's the kind of thing you just say.

We'll get to it. You should be looking forward to when we get to Sons of Appalachia and Monster Mondays, which are the spinoff shows because that's when it's going to get fun again. Just stay with us. I still have fun hating the show with you guys. Yeah, the podcast are still good. It's just, it's rough. It's rough to watch.

And some of the people watch along with us. And I'm just telling those people that are watching along with us. Like, I know. Yeah. Look, I know. We know. It's almost sober. But it's like we're all brothers and sisters in our pain.

You know, we're in the trenches together. In a lot of ways, we're the real heroes. And that's it. That's my plug. Oh, it's a great plug. We're talking about Frank Dukes. And we're still in Chapter 3. We're talking about him getting recruited.

And I don't know if he's clear on how old he is here, but he's probably, in his very early 20s or maybe even in his late teens and he's being recruited into the CIA from nowhere as far as I can tell. I think he might have had some military service at this point. It doesn't matter. None of it is probably true. Sorry, spoilers. This man is full of shit. What? I know. Oh, hold on. What's the point of this podcast then if this is all lies? Well, I think there's going to be another twist that it turns out to all be true later. Like, we'll get Frank Dukes on the podcast, episode 45, and he'll come on and he'll explain why all these inconsistencies happened.

I bet if we keep doing this long enough, he will. We'll at least get a letter from someone claiming to be his lawyer, for sure. For sure, yeah. Let me just jump back in. A little bit left in chapter three before we move on. I was in my prime about as fit as a human being could be a martial arts expert. and one of the fastest men alive when it came to reacting on a moment's notice.

I could have picked up this feeble out of shape, old man with one hand, a dashed against the marble wall with enough force to kill him instantly, but physical force does not. That's the first thing, I think, when I see a senior citizen, like anywhere. Also, just like this fucking anime-ass fantasy

of just like picking someone up with one hand, smashing them like through the tiled wall. Every time I see an old man, I'm like, I could fist, to North Star this guy in lone dust. Fucking old piece of shit. It's one of the most common ways old people die is in a bathroom

by just some random karate guys sizing him up and one shotting him. Like, oh, my grandpa died. What do he die? Have he got one shot at in the men's room? Somebody sized him up and realized his karate was waiting. He was down to 3HP. Like, the guy couldn't not get the experience, you know?

Exactly. Yeah. He just had poor impulse control. That's the thing about getting old. You got so little HP, but so much experience. That's true. He carries all that experience with him. All those marriages,

all those snacks that he ate through the decades. Every time you bash an old person to death, it's like defeating a Luke goblin and like a looting game. Just prizes and experience firing out of them in every direction. Your fucking town portal back and dump it in your bank and come back. That's how much loot is on that old man. All right. Physical force does not necessarily equal real power, as I well knew from my training.

No matter what he looked like, Bill Casey possessed the power of authority, not just the authority of his position, but an internal confidence that differentiates men of his type from all others. He exuded the sense that what he said went and that he expected his orders to be carried out with exactness. Somehow that interior force of personality overrode the outer image of the tired, sagging face and body, creating an impression necessary to maintaining a certain type of authority. He exuded the message, Don't mess with me or you'll regret it. I love that he recognizes what actual confidence looks like

and that he doesn't have it. Yep. He's like, why am I not beating this man to death? Oh, right. He's so cool. He's actually confident in his position. Some men have that. I don't know what it's called.

He's done ninja training by this point, right? Yeah, that's how he knew that people with authority should be respected. Right, because he was like 15 and he, He pleased the ninja masters with his skills? Oh, right. Has he stolen the sword? He's stolen the sword. He's become a little French child and stolen the sword.

He does talk about that in the book, but the numbers are all wrong. The movie Bloodsport did not get it perfectly right. We'll get to it. We're probably, it's about four pages from here, so it'll probably look at there in nine episodes. I remember when, when. Who is it with Sean? Was it you who was saying like, oh, we can't do this. Like, there's not enough material for like a whole.

Sean thought this was going to be a three-parter. I think he even said that in like the first episode. Probably two or three parts. Probably two or three parts. We'll get through the rest today. Everybody, don't work. We've almost read a third of a page. I really think we're on pace to get through it today.

Sorry, sorry. Here, I'll. I'm at no rush. Like we're, what the fuck do? Like, what was our last thing? We were talking about Nightwriter episodes. There's not like an urgency to our podcast, I don't think. Let's give, if we could pause for just a second.

Because we, we optimistically, by we, I mean, Sean, thought this was going to be a two or three-parter. We didn't know immediately at the start, but we have, here's my real plug. Go check this out on our YouTube channel. And you will find an incredible. incredible video intro that we did not have done for the first two parts, which is why I'm only mentioning it now. By our own Jamie.

I love you, Jamie. The things that she did to sell this incredible, incredible video opening and outro and songs, songs from Zach from Oral Knots, an amazing song that you should be, you would have listened to three times by now, but we just commissioned it. So thank you to all those people. and go check them out. Yeah, uh, jam all over her feet. Probably the, I was, I was, I was saving that as a surprise.

Oh, okay. Well, we can, Jamie cut that. If you need, if you need incentive, she jammed up those feet. Cut the foot stuff, Jamie, like you always do. She'll never do that. Okay, so Casey tells the, the other spy guy to get the fuck out because he's stinking the place up because he's wearing too much cheap cologne. Okay, so now, um, like, like spines do. They love to stand out with their cologne selections.

Okay, so now he wants Frank to get his hands dirty. So he doesn't have to wash his again. Yeah, that's that's word for word. I'm not trying to make that sound awesome. Everything this guy says is awesome. He's like that Colonel Troutman from Rambo where he just kind of pops up and says something rad. Okay, so he's like, think he can live with that?

And then Frank answers. Sure, I answered. without even thinking. He appeared rather sleepy, but this was one sleepy bear you didn't want to anger. He possessed a sleepy bear. Sleeping bear.

Sleeping bear. Sleepy bear. And then he goes off again about this guy's confidence. Interdetermination. A hell of a lot of money. And the position of the director of an agency associated with power,

both licit and illicit. He stared at the two urinals. Now, who the hell could use this thing? He growled at the only, and the one only about 10 inches above the floor, he turned to me. I want you mean and nasty to everyone but me. He gave my face a more intent look,

almost as if he were annoyed at what he saw. And if this job materializes, this will be the last time we meet that you're not in disguise. Understand? I don't just mean your face either. Of course. You'll be hearing from me,

or you won't, the DCI mumbled as he headed for the door, abruptly termining in an interview. I started after him, but Mr. suit re-entered and blocked my exit. Not quite yet, Tinkerbell, he said. Not just your face. So the dick?

He has disguised the dick? I think that's what he's implying. Can we start with, I'm going to need your hands dirty, so I don't have to wash him again. He's asking you to hold his dick while he beats, right? Like, we can all agree. That's what that was. I would have taken it that way, yeah.

There's no other way to take it. when an old man asks you that in a bathroom. Please believe me. I don't want to go into how I know. Also, the director of CIA had never seen a children's urinal. Who that? What the fuck is this for? So fucking mad at it.

Some sort of tiny person? That's for people with long dicks, dumbass. Jesus. Also, you have to be, your whole body must be in disguise. every time we meet from now on. How will I know when we meet? I better fucking not. I better have no idea.

I love it so much. He hasn't even taken the job yet, and he's already got like an assignment to always wear a disguise from now until the end of time. It's just fucking incredible. Are the FBI agents calling him Tinkerbell because they know his cool secret name, or just because that's the kind of guy he is?

They're just making like an assumption on the fly. Because wasn't it, wasn't it they called him Tinkerbell? Because he makes men fly or something like that. It's just such a- That was just homophobia. I think that's all that was. That's what I'm asking was this homophobia? He's writing the whole story.

So he's technically calling himself Tinkerbell and then and then trying to like back pet. I don't know. That's so wild to call yours to imply that they're just calling you like a homophobic name and then backpedal and be like, no, but it was because I was really cool. You wrote the whole thing, though. Yeah. Have them call you awesome guy. Oh, you're awesome guy because you're so awesome.

Here's a cupcake. Blade slasher of the Night Patrol is what they call me. Even when you're holding a cupcake, we don't call you cupcake. You're an awesome guy holding cupcake. He forgets in a chapter. Has somebody call him Cupcake? They call me Cupcake because I kill guys with cupcakes. The world record for most fastest cupcake.

Not long after my meeting with Casey, I received a call from Ames. The boss liked you. He told me. Just keep in mind, Frank Duke said like three words to him while he was peeing in a children's urinal. He was a stand-up guy. You didn't shame him for not knowing about the children's urinal. He liked that. The boss liked you, he told me, how about coming to D.C. to discuss full-time employment possibilities.

I don't need to remind you not to tell anyone where you're going like I just did. He chuckled, guess I'd never make a good spy. my dad always told me I'd be lousy in the business but I guess it runs in the blood I answered until the blood runs your tickets at the airport under the name of the book yeah really that's how

that's how everybody talks in this book until the blood runs it wasn't really an action scenario though like we're just this is on the phone yeah you know what my blood like my dad's genetics right like the genetics

squirting out of, you know what, cut that one too, Jamie. Stop it right there and cut it. Your tickets at the airport under the name of Williams. You can arrange ID in that name to pick up the ticket, right? A neat little test of my resourcefulness. No problem, I answered. Bon voyage, sucker. I immediately went to work.

First, I obtained a certified copy of a birth certificate through the Hall of Records in the name of Williams, of course. That took me the better part of the morning, which left the afternoon, which to show up at the Department of Motor Vehicles to get a temporary license. as Mr. Williams. Yeah, no, this is what he did. At home, I created a laminated college picture ID just for insurance.

You don't, that's not how any of that works, though. You don't just go in and get a new one made at the official place. That's not how you make a fake. That's not what they do in the movies. You just stuff some cotton in your cheeks so you look like a different dude. You say, hi, William. I locked in my ID at the toilet. There was a small urinal.

It was the whole thing. Yeah. You get it. You don't need all these details. You just go to the official place and ask for a new identity. You go to the place where they need the birth certificates. And they're like, hey, a new one, please. What year is this?

96. Wait, what? This is happening in 1996. Oh, they wrote the book in 96. No, no, no. This must have taken place in 70. Yeah. Maybe the 60s?

There's no computers. This is like the time, the period when you can just like do things like this. Like, this could have, this is one of the few things. things that I feel like could have happened. You could have just been like, I'm from the next town over and I lost my ID. Can you give me a new burst ticket? Oh, yeah. What's your name?

Yeah. Williams. Blaine duster of the night patrol. Williams. And that's, so that all that's my first name. Williams. Don't put, don't put, you're right in Tinkerbell. Yeah.

Tinkerbell. Okay, fine. I'm Tinkerbell Williams, but that's because I'm so cool. And so before I even had time to get back to the idea, I was off to meet Ames in Washington. wondering what in the hell I'd gotten myself into. It was the same thought I'd had when I'd lost my virginity. Now I'd reached a similar turning point, the beginning of another loss of innocence. Does it have to sound so like, was it, was it that hurtful when you lost your virginity?

Yeah, like, so there's two possibilities. One is like, okay, well, Ames is going to fuck him. And the other is that, yeah, like, having sex the first time was like a terror. terrifying, mysterious experience, yeah. As it was for all of us, am I right? Am I right, everybody? I don't see a lot of hands. Well, I hope to one day, sir.

Does it count if you just hold the dick of an old man in a bathroom as he urinates his? That counts. That counts his hand stuff, which counts. Yep. So that was chapter three. He equated getting a fake ID with losing his virginity and had a whole lot of toilet details. Why was it a test of his resources

if you can just go to the hospital and be like, hey, a hauler or a hauler records, be like, new one, please. They didn't think I'd have the resources to get downtown. It's two buses. You have to transfer. I've used my own transfer like a big boy.

So now we're going to start Chapter 4, Casey's Echo. We did it. We made it, Chapter 4. We did it. We did it. We're in Chapter 4. It's just like 17 more ago. We got this.

we'll finish this today. He stared in the other direction, not looking at me as I sat down beside him. His eyes seemed lost in the distance. Still, at this close proximity, I could feel a magnetism that seemed to emanate from some powerful source of energy deep inside of him. My anxiety momentarily allayed at a distance now returned.

Hello, Frank, he said, still not looking at me. His voice was raspy and gruff, surprisingly tense, perhaps due to the cold. Don't look so shocked. I know you were expecting someone else, perhaps Ames, but you'll have to deal with surprises if you work for me. Anyway, I'll cut the small talk and get down to business. I've got an offer for you, son.

One I think you'll find very interesting. He had yet to look at me. Hold on. He promised they would never meet again unless he was in full costume. So is he like in dressed like full head to tell as a clown or something right now? This isn't Ames. It's like some other guy. Yeah.

This is some, this is a guy he hasn't named yet. who just somehow can see him without looking at him and knows who he is. Okay. I guess I assume how many old man decks has he held at this point? I thought it was just one. That's on me. Looks like 11. There's a pattern here that Frank Dukes talks about his father a lot,

but seems to impose a lot of father figure status on these other men he encounters as like these magnetic, charismatic, like, confidence. Yeah, there's a pole. deep inside of him. Yeah. That's the shit you don't say about a CIA handler. It's really weird. That's a weird thing to say.

If you put that on your report to your handler, he'd be like, hold on. What's this part about there being a magnet inside of me drawing you in? Is that really part of it? I don't know. I'm not a therapist, but this page is just, I held Daddy's penis in my hand written over and over and over. And he wouldn't look.

at me. He would not look at me. The two spies sitting side by side, like not looking at each other, is such like a 60s spy thing. I feel like, like, I'm kind of surprised that he doesn't have someone like holding a newspaper with eyeballs cut out on a park bench. It's fully like a Ready Player 1 of like a Gene Hackman movie. If like, if Ready Player 1 was written by someone who just really liked old heist movies. Yeah. They're doing they're doing the pointing away from. from each other's scene, except for one of them has really hurt feelings about it. Except for Gene Hackman's like, why aren't you looking at me?

What's going on? Are you mad? What's with your magnetic pole? Why am I in love with you? But not like that, like a daddy. I would much Gene Hackman do all of this. You see, son, he continued, I know a lot about you from Foresman's Files. You're a real piece of work.

Of course, my code is never to trust anyone completely. part of where you come in. I wonder just how much he actually knew. I know it all, Casey continued. The Marines, never doing a real military tour of duty, never attending any of the required military occupational skills, schools, never serving the necessary. You know what he's doing here, don't you?

Yes, I do. You're a loose cannon, damn it. No, he's doing like, this is the reason why you can't look any of this up. Oh, I see. Of course, Forsman made sure you. You've got special warfare training and performed clandestine operations from inside. You've got the training. Foresman's sharp son of a bitch, and you can bet he covered his ass with you.

Ames managed to ferret you out, or else I'd have never known you existed. Me, head of the fucking CIA. But I like the fact that you're unorthodox, and I don't mean your religion. That's exactly what makes you most valuable to me. The fact that you're not fucking orthodox. We wouldn't be talking if you were, even if it was just a costume that you pulled up in. The Eastern Orthodox, too big, the hats, it's sneaking around.

It's not practical. I love that he built all of the, this is why you can't look it up in there. It's so fucking good. But also just the general idea of somebody doing an exposition dump in a biography. Right. This is your life. This is the exposition dump, the book that you're doing.

now. You don't need a guy. Yeah. He's like trying to hide it in the in the dialogue. It's it's just right it down. Because by this point, this story had been like very debunked. Like Bloodsport had been out for seven years. Even when they published the article back in the whatever it was the 80s, it was kind of like, look, we can't verify all this, but it's pretty fucking rad, right? And you know, at the Bloodsport rap party, they're all making jokes about Frank Duke's being a real spy because they all knew he was full of shit. So at this point, people were asking questions like, how did you go to Vietnam at 14 years old? And how did you become the master ninja?

Why were you doing MMA combat in nine years old? Like, this is crazy. And he's like, oh, because right, like, also there's no record of you in the Marines. Right, right, right, right. Because it was secret, secret Marines. So that's the head of the CIA answer that. What's that? You can look up who that was at the time.

Oh, no. Oh, and he looked at people when he talked to him. Oh, that really fucks my story up. So he's already on rumor control and image control way back in 1996. As he will be for the rest of his fucking life. For the rest of his life. He will never let one of his obviously debunked to lies go undefended. What a genius.

On page 26, this is how far in we've gotten. Out of how many pages? About 29. We're almost done. No, no, like total. Like, total. Like 300 something. I was joking.

I mean, we have a ways to go. But this is all important. I want you to see how we got recruited. I could not agree more. How can one be dishonorable and maintain one's honor? Perhaps that dichotomy is why more marine veterans of my generation would die by their own hands than were killed in the Vietnam War, not to mention those who preferred to kill themselves slowly with alcohol or drugs. Casey coughed as if he was gargling gravel.

I want you to become an echo, son, if you will. Sounds romantic, doesn't it? Well, I won't bullshit you. I need someone who can survive out in the cold. Less than 10% of the covert ops at the level I've gotten mine for you can survive in the cold for the duration of a career. Oh, you'll face all the regular challenges of your glamorous spies, risking torture or imprisonment in some other country,

or the usual dangers, or playing with weapons and blowing your own ass off. But you'll run the advantage. additional risk of being accidentally taken out by your own side and nobody will ever publicly own you. You'd be getting to get the idea, son. Yeah, got it. Got it. Handler has a magnetic pull. He's assigning him romantic names.

He wants to publicly own him. This would be a, this would be a, we re-released this with like a little romanticcy spin. This would be a big hit. Oh, yeah. Make one of them a Velociraptor, maybe. the next several pages he just says over and over that this guy needs a spy for the spies someone beyond the law except for him so he rewards it probably five times it's kind of insane there's more retconned excuses like at one point he says he needs someone too young to make sense like

i need i need someone who's a bunch of secretly a bunch of stuff that didn't work out on any timeline and people caught you and so now what i need is an 11 year old sex machine is what I'm looking for son wait I should have put that in there change the wording on that a little Frankie does he use the exact words I need you too young to to make sense no no no that's like my paraphrasing okay he does uh he says something very very close to that uh it you know it doesn't matter but he is um I can I can find the exact word uh this exposition dump is just uh seathing with sexual tension.

Finding it. It doesn't matter. I was just thinking that I need you too young to make sense. It's just, man, that's like a hell of a Led Zeppelin lyric. It's real. Yeah. It was romancing a 14-year-old in the 70s somewhere. Yeah, that's a warrant song.

So, so I went my second meeting with Bill Casey, one of many such encounters, always in secret and outside usual channels. Casey didn't trust anyone, but I believe he trusted me to agree. greater extent than anyone else. Perhaps because he knew I wasn't a career man and didn't care about power and prestige within the system. He was a maverick himself and he respected that quality in me. More importantly, perhaps, he felt that the link between us enabled him to anticipate my actions and reactions, and to a large extent, he was correct. He also knew that I operated under the moral codes inherited from my father and Tanakasama, my martial arts instructor. Anyone with a moral code

is vulnerable because one's reactions are consistent with that code, a skillful judge of character. Casey definitely possessed the ability to read people. His keen eye could always anticipate the responses of someone who would not waver from his personal code. Knowing where one stands with another individual is perhaps the closest one can come to a sense of trust, particularly in the business of espionage. Casey never knew the full extent of my beliefs, and I doubt that he could completely understand them, but I believe he sensed that my background would save me from the miserable fates of so many of my associates, chronic depression, alcoholism, drugs, and suicide. Some became hooked on the adrenaline rush and then acted without conscience. Someone without a conscience

can never be trusted. In addition, the pursuit of monetary gain contaminated the ideals expressed in John Kennedy's pronouncement, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country. Agents such as CIA turncoat, Aldrich Ames, who at the pinnacle of his career found government pay and patriotic ideals insufficient for his ambitions have become, I fear, the prototypes for the agency's image. So he's the best operative because he works outside of a moral code, but he's so trusted because he works with such a strict moral code, unlike his rogue agents. It was a long passage, not as funny as the others, but I want you to understand.

His philosophy is so goddamn stupid and inconsistent, even from sentence to sentence, that I just I wanted you to know that about the man. Also he says here is 19 when this is all happening. So it was legal when Casey put his hand in me and worked like worked me like a puppet. It was it was all aboard. God damn it. He's being recruited to be like the ultimate authority for like a system and a network of spies. He's the spy to spy on all the spies. Yeah, he's a ninja and a super spy is what you're saying.

he's the spy spy but not the way you're both right he's like a beekeeper kind of he's he's a lot like a beekeeper and a glitter boy the bees and the glitter yeah it's it's a whole thing it's hard to explain uh so he talks a bit for how he's Jewish but like not that Jewish like he does some yom Kippur every now and then but his family's like not that into it they explicitly forbade him from being too Jewish this will change drastically later There's a site that sort of like, I guess it like checks people who claim to be Jewish, like sometimes because they're lying or whatever. Okay. Stolen valor for Jews. Okay.

And there's a page on Frank Dukes and it's like, Frank Dukes unfortunately is Jewish. Yeah. Like the people on the site are like, oh man, look this guy. We don't want to want our team. All the things. All the things to lie about. Right. This is not one of them.

If you want him, you can. have him. But even his faith is inconsistent because sometimes he is extremely meaning like he'll fight you to the death for like saying something anti-Semitic or something he perceives as anti-Semitic versus like

I don't know. I don't know all this Jewish. I was fucking we eat the chalabred. I don't fucking know. All right, but here he says later speaking of his Jewish faith. Later, after discovering it, another drill instructor made a point of my Jewishness through unwarranted,

punishments of sit-ups and push-ups and squats and bends. The platoon was incited to detest my presence. Overnight, my stature diminished from platoon guide, the recruits platoon leader who carries the flag and sets the cadence for marching to a can't do nothing right, scapegoat. I took the abuse because I knew the temporary nature of my presence and the importance of maintaining my cover. Little by little, though, the abuse wore through. One Sunday I refused to bow my head in prayer during the Christian religious service. I was forced to. to attend an action resulting in a blanket party. I woke with a blanket covering my head and fists,

feeding my face and body from behind the anonymity of cover. When I lashed out as much from instinct as anything, several recruits were injured. So while you were out whining and dining and partying, I was studying the blanket. Blanket style. Blanket style. So this is Marine Bootcamp.

And he's like, I, gosh, I, I held the flag when we did our marches. Like, that's one time for one day. It sounds like hall monitor shit to me. And then he's like, and then they started making fun of me because I wasn't a Christian. And then, of course, he injured everybody. But I think the important point is he is already a super spy. And then they put him in Marine boot camp for like, as far as I could tell, no mission.

That would actually compromise him if you need him outside of the system. So the first thing we're going to do is get you in that system. You need to learn you would look you're you're a savage force but you really need to do a lot of push-ups. Yeah, that's that's the key. And then I think he quit the Marines, but and that's when he became a super spy. I don't know. Some of the details aren't explained in the book, obviously because a lot of people would have to be killed because of the spy stuff. It's weird how it doesn't make sense.

It's weird how like it doesn't make sense that it doesn't line up at all. Like even by its own internal logic. I wonder if there's a reason for that. Can you have an unreliable narrator in an autobiography? I bet that happens a lot, actually. Yeah, complete. Boot camp in 1975 seemed little more than an opportunity for career Marines to pump up their own egos. No longer were the principles of honor and a devotion to a code of ethics and skilled in recruits.

So that's why I had to drop out. Yes. That's all of this. But instead, recruits were encouraged to become hostile and mindless hoodlums. Early morning training runs took place to such songs as My Lai, all right, kill grandmothers, kill grandfathers, kill babies, Urah. I shuddered to think of the similarities

between such chance and the stories I'd heard concerning the Nazi SS. That's a real catchy song that they sing. Yeah. Kill grandmothers. It's got a real beat for you to sing it when you're marching. What? Now this is,

a strange take on Marine Boot Camp because they are making soldiers. They're taking normal human beings, young boys, and turning them into killing machines. Sure. And whatever. Like my brother,

when he came back from Marine Corps boot camp, probably told everyone for about two months straight that he could kill them with objects in his eye line. You'd be like, oh, you see that salt shaker. I'll kill you that fucking salt shaker. And he meant it with such sincerity. And it was adorable and insane. it's just what they do.

It'd be weird for him to look at that and say, you know what they should have done is taught us like ethics and philosophy? Because that's what makes a good soldier. If you have 10,000 guys all like doing their best to live their best life and like take care of their mental health, you know what I mean? That's how you execute big military maneuvers. Anyway, I think everyone sees my point that it's clownish to take half a Marine Corps boot camp and then be like, I think they kind of make those kids violent.

I think, you know. They made those kids too violent, says me, the guy who killed 700 people in a martial arts tournament. Yes. Not long after my warning that if the current practices continued, someone would certainly die. Someone did. Under the eyes of his drill instructor, an exhausted recruit sustained a series of fatal blows to the head in a pugil stick match, despite the heavy padding on the end of the six foot stick. In addition, there was the possibility that the recruit,

was semi-retarded and did not belong in the core in the first place. Oh, no. Yeah, just a little. The man who could kill him with that stick, that padded stick, was me. I'm the only one powerful enough. Like, how can he resist, like, making himself? He managed to kill a mentally challenged person with a stick, a padded stick. How can he resist saying, like, are the only one powerful enough to do that?

He was a partial, Lenny, but he didn't get the, tremendous strength of his people. Leave it in, Jamie. They know the kind of person I am. Look, you classed it up with the Hemingway. That's fine. Yes, the Hemingway of Gen X, a victim

of an all too typical, unethical recruiter who bypassed or cheated the screening process to meet stringent recruiting quotas. So now he's got like notes about their recruiting about their... You were 14. and they recruited you in a bathroom when you had to pass the hold my dick test. Don't you don't have moral notes.

Yeah. I mean, if you do, they're about your recruitment. Yeah. Sorry, don't, don't post in the comments. I mean, Steinbeck is mice and then. Oh, I thought you're calling me Hemingway for my beautiful words. Well, I mean, that too. Yeah.

But yeah, no, Steinbeck did my cement. Now that you mention it. I mean, I knew the whole time, of course. I thought this was LeBern and Shirley. Well, that comes later when he starts doing the disguise stuff. So that is that chapter. That's basically his CIA recruitment and marine training. Why does the marine thing happen?

It's just because they're like, we need to get you skill, like marine skill? That can't be it. They specifically said. Yeah, they don't really explain it. He sort of alludes to some sort of undercover op that he was doing. Like he was trying to. Yeah, he didn't want to blow his cover. Yeah, he just.

And he gave up on it. He quit. Yeah. Yeah. And he quit because it was too large. How many Americans died because he killed in the blanket war? Like. Yeah, he sort of wrote himself into a corner because he actually was a Marine for a little bit.

And when he told everyone he was a Navy SEAL and like a commando, they're like, well, no, no, no. You were a radio operator for a month and a half in the Marines. And he's like, right, right, right, right. Because I went off the boat. Okay. Let me say. I got recruited the.

be a super spy. Okay, so this is... There's a bathroom. The toilet was very small. But the penis? Very, very large. I mean, that's the trick, actually. You want to get near the smaller urinals.

It makes it look huge. It's Andre the Giant with like a normal beer can. You're like, wow. You got to use optical illusions. You use every trick you can get. Am I right, folks? Basic Spycraft. Bill Casey was a master of illusions.

I didn't realize until later that his penis only looked that big because of the tiny toilet. And my small hands wrapped around it. Wait, no, not my, not my, they were big, though, a huge, it was just that, I'm going to have to write another book. I love that in his version of the story, he was for some reason I don't understand tasked with going as a super spy into the Marine boot camp. So it was his mission to maybe complete it or do something in there. And then even if everything he said happened, he killed a maimed a bunch of Marines from under a blanket like a ghost and then quit. And like, how do you report that?

Like when you next meet that guy in a bathroom, he's like, oh, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you pack manned all a bunch of Marines and then you quit. That was your first mission? Did you complete the mission? No, but like, they like, there's kids are like crazy. They like make them violent. And, like, they're doing stuff to recruit kids. It's like, I don't think super ethical. Anyway, that's my report.

Did you know about the grandma song? I'll tell you about the grandma's song. It's not great. It's almost like a Nazi song. I'll just say it. It sucks. Okay, so successful mission, Frank Dukes. I think also he kind of blamed the anti-Semitic thing, too.

I think things were going well until they're like, we're going to beat you up for being Jewish. And that fucked it all up. And so, yeah, fair enough. I think if everyone is beating you up, it's hard to, like, do your ninja spy stuff. Chapter 5, identity. And so this is, flash forward to 1993. They're at the Speck War Specialists Conference in San Diego, California.

What was that called? The Speck Wars Specialists Conference. This is so early, but my God, please. Speck War Specialist Conference, please have pictures for the people there. Oh, no. Only new ones. I think this is a real thing with like real military contractors. Yeah, I really wanted to see the 1992 one though.

Yeah. Yeah. Probably a bunch of awesome guys too that just like like this type of stuff. Hold on. Okay. Hold on. Yeah. No, I've got an important development.

Do I have to save it to post it? I might have to save it to post it here. I'm just going to link in the chat real quick. Okay. Okay. Okay. Oh, boy. Oh, canceled.

All right. I'm going to bet he's the one in blackface. One of the three. So it looks like some dudes in like a high school gymnasium all dressed up in like Commando outfits with their camouflage painted on their face. Some of them have like some cool camo patterns. But there's like five dudes who just have full black. full black face.

I think Frank Dukes is probably the cryptid on the left. Yeah. Yeah, he's Babadookin. It's a full Bobadook. All right. Chapter 5 identities. What the hell, Frank? Do you know everybody here?

Keith Adema, a former Green Beret and reputed mercenary, looked up at me, his mouth gaping wider as the list of big wigs increased. I had just bumped into a quizzical rear admiral George Worthington, the retired ex-haired. head of the Navy SEALs. Gorgeous George was balding with a slight list. But he knew his stuff. As far as my experience went, he was a straight shooter.

Now he looked like a leaner, handsomer and more polished version of Terry Bradshaw. He turned over at his hands, the prized mumba knife he had just purchased as he stared. He recognized me, but couldn't quite jog his memory. Don't I know you? He finally asked, giving up? Maybe I replied. I was not offering any information, though. watching him squirm and struggle was too much fun.

It took him a minute or two. By that time, I was headed toward a booth sporting the latest thermal scopes. I wanted to try out some night vision goggles and see if they'd be any improvements over the half-ass junk we'd been stuck with in the past. Blackjack! The admiral shouted out after me. His memory suddenly jogged. I've lost count of the number of nicknames. Are we absolutely sure that we're not, what's a sensitive way to say this?

that we're not mocking the very young victim of an Epstein-like kidnapping. Because every time he meets these very, very strong, handsome men who have a different, a demeaning nickname for him that they seem to pass him around their network at will. I want to make sure we're on the right side of history here. Yeah, maybe we should look that up. Is Frank Duke's in the Epstein files? Hold on, as a victim. Well, this is 1993, so he would have been, how old did that put him?

37, 38? He can have a consenting relationship with a Terry Bradshaw like. I mean, it's probably, it probably works on jockey rules, like as long as you stay small and now cut this, cut all that. He's six foot two. He's a giant. Sure he is. Okay, okay. Let's get this back on the rails.

This is this very important podcast. At the thermal scopes, which did show considerable improvement over past versions, I ran into Hal Merriman, the 6'4 Brown Bear. Hal and I had both operated in Thailand in the past. Got another bear. Yep. He had worked for the CIA, been a seal, and done a stint as bodyguard for Stephen Seagall. Now he was involved with international projects.

The list of people who recognized me and the laughs went on. Army Major General John K. Singlob, a former member of the OSS, a number of ex-spooks, and Admiral Smith, a Gulf War commander and the current big chief of the seals. The last time we'd cross-pass was in Saudi Arabia when I delivered intelligence assets needed for General Norman Schwarzkopf's implementation of a plan to disguise U.S. helicopters as Iraqi copters to penetrate Iraqi airspace. I checked out some joystick video exhibits by Lytton and then headed over toward the diving gear.

Near the tanks, I ran into Tony the Tiger, an old friend and former member of the ultra-secret elite unit now dubbed Nest. We had mutual enemies in Panama, where he had been shot and wounded. After recovering due to circumstances and the fickle nature of the business, he ran a brothel in Milwaukee for a while.

Now he was a vice president for a Midwest defense-related manufacturer and personally responsible for making sure I was in attendance at the private seal UDT, underwater demolition team reunion party that night. The confusion of my identity was magnified because in the past I had often used doubles. The employment of doubles, however, creates an invisible box meant not only to protect but also to contain covert operatives. It made outside verification of operations and participants almost impossible. Like clones?

Like this was like clone bodies? He's sending clones to the high school reunions of his military crew. It's so easy, guys. He just finds guys that kind of look like him, brings them in on very, very, very top secret missions, dresses them up like him, sends them in to talk to people he knows very important high-ranking military officials. They don't catch on because they don't pay a lot of attention to him. Oh my God, is this fuck? What's his name?

Blackjack? I thought it was Tinkerbell. Look, he's so low self-confidence. He's got to answer to whatever we call him. Like, watch this power washer. Oh, here he comes. I feel like if you're just making a home movie and you were just Craigslisting a guy who kind of looked like you for the home movie, that's a half a page of story.

This is a guy doing international, like, high level, very high danger. spy operations. And he's like, you know, yada, yada. I got some doubles. I use doubles sometimes. That's why a lot of people don't recognize me. But here's the cool list of people who did. And that's also further because I named all of those people by their actual names and ranks,

I'm assuming that if you go ask them, hey, you know this guy. They'll be like, fuck no. That's because I use a double who did not look like me. I did find some stuff I couldn't substantiate it of people who like new friends. Frank Dukes from one of these conventions and was like this fucking guy, like, acted like people knew him, but like nobody did. And how could they? He's like the guy they made Bloodsport about.

He's not a real commando. I believe he goes to these conventions. That's one of the things I believe. Sure. But I bet he has a booth where it's like, meet the guy that Bloodsport is about. Meet Bloodsport. Oh, hey. Back in Panama, you save my ass, you son of a bitch.

Blood Jack. Okay, so anyway, one cannot imagine the sad but sometimes humorous confusion that can result from using doubles. And I'm glad he's saying one because I know you had a lot of questions, man. One such incident involved Priscilla McDonald of Canon Pictures. During a Showtime promo interview for the movie Bloodsport, the Canon feature film based on my experiences in the Qumet Championship, it took the reassuring presence of Jean-Claude Van Damme to convince Miss McDonald of something as simple as my identity. And that's because of all of my body doubles. He uses all the doubles.

She was confused by the array, the nonstop array of body doubles I had sent to her. Hi, Priscilla, it's me, Frank Dukes. What, who? Ah, the confusion must be because of my doubles. How sad and humorous for you. No, listen, at an earlier instance, she had interviewed my double while I was clandestinely abroad. He had alienated her to mask his true identity and to prevent my possible exposure. Oh, what?

The guy who was sick to. You got the guy who grabbed your butt wasn't me. And he only did that for spy reasons to keep you from suspecting. You see, your ass just saved America. That's a great. I got to use that one. Absolutely. Now, here's a story that, you know, it's not important.

My military records indicate conflicting identification. One entry lists my military occupational specialty as a communicator, but notes no military communication school attended. According to another account, I'm an intelligence specialist, but documents fail to mention any intelligence training school. And what about my record as a Marine Corps reservist? Unconventionally serving the required 130 days of active duty as a recruiter. Yeah, so this is just him, you know, kind of explaining why when you look up his military

service, you get no super spy stuff. Yeah. Despite him loving to tell people about the super spy stuff. Or even very impressive normal stuff. Right. But what you do get, your ass grabbed by a double, buy a clone jutsu. As I learned from Bloodsport, the movie business can be almost as demanding, detailed, and cutthroat as politics or intelligence work.

And these guys weren't missing a thing, including me. A few years earlier, I would have ignored their encouragement to talk. revealing my history would have seemed unpatriotic, cowardly and foolhardy. The intelligence community thrives on secrecy and deception, and I believed that clandestine operations were absolutely necessary to protect the national interest. Since the CIA was forbidden by Congress to direct or carry out domestic operations, I was convinced of the necessity of the soldiers of the twilight, independent such as myself and blind to the ultimate consequences personally and publicly.

However, my views have... changed. Do you think he calls himself a soldier's of the twilight when he's doing the black face with his... That's how they got the name. That's what we call us, the Soldiers of the Twilight show. I mean, squad. Pirate! A voice rang out.

It was my turn to be surprised. The short, wiery guy moved quickly, particularly because he limped and carried a cane. Bucky, I exclaimed in delight as he rapped me in an enthusiastic hug. They took the breath out of me. Bucky and I had a number of adventures together,

including special duties. in Central America. We'd survived Somazistas, Sandinistas, and Contras, not to mention the ineptitude of our own side, whoever that might have been, sometimes we weren't sure. In fact, we'd nearly died together so many times that we often joked that if one of us ever hit the dirt, the other would go at the same time. I was glad to see that Bucky had survived and hadn't lost any of his unique charm. If I know you, that canes. Not just a cane, I commented. I was right. It turned out to mask a blade And Springlock that once released

Turned its silver head into something close To a medieval mace He's got He's got He's got a comical Waddling secret Mace-wielding I assume dwarf

I assume like we're specking into other races Yeah, I don't I just can't even picture my head I know it must exist He probably found it in a spy magazine But the idea of a cane that turns into a sword Fine A mace is fucking

stupid. I love that they're so in love they will go at the same time. Yes. I like that he's given himself like a comical sidekick that surely doesn't exist. This is not a real person. Well, he's pirate now. He was Blackjack a few minutes ago. Yeah, he's pirate, blackjack, Tinkerbell.

Yep, whatever. Tinkerbell's real good. Power washer, I forget if I made that one up. No, that sounds right. Bucky's grin let me know I was right on target. You know me, pirate. I like the satisfaction of a person. personal effort, more than some impersonal explosives.

Keith joined us, shaking his head in amazement. You worked with Frank, too? Frank. Bucky didn't know me by that name. The guy who was going to die with him forever didn't know his real name. No his real name. Okay, but this gets better. Keith gestured at me.

Frank. Frank Duke's, this sorry, son of a bitch. Bucky's mouth almost hit the floor. You're Frank Duke's? the Frank Dukes, the one Van Dam tried to impersonate in Bloodsport, I'll be damned. The one Van Dam utterly failed to capture the sexual majesty of. I had no idea what he looked like, but I assume that's the case. Oh, incredible.

This guy, he saw Bloodsport and he's like, I know the guy this movie's based on. He's the only one who did. He must have kept the Kumete secret from him the whole time, too. Also, just this is why you don't go to spy conventions, because somebody's going to come up and be like, Frank, you're like, God damn it. You just blew like eight, eight different covers right there. Yeah, all those guys are on missions. I thought this guy's name was Blackjack. I've been calling him Tinkerbell.

Your name is Frank. Everybody, everybody knows him even if they don't know him. What a perfect liar. What a beautiful liar. Welcome, World War. to the second annual hot dog Kumite Supreme Division. You are all here because you are the best fighters your country, school, or local strip mall can produce. Let's get this roll call started.

Adrian H. It's like you're fighting frog style. I don't know that one. A lot of jumps, I presume. Alex Nolenberg. Un-Andi. Armando Nava, you're fighting crane style. That's a classic, notorious warriors, the cranes.

Brandon Garlock, Brockway famously loves the meat millie, Christopher Worthen, see you're fighting crab style, nice, Dan B, Dusty's Rad title, Elevator, Fate Elevator, love the name, can you define for me what magical morality elevator style is? Uh-huh, uh-huh, that's fucked up, God have mercy on your opponents, Elizabeth Shope, Perit Christian Bird says here you're also fighting crab style. Don't worry, no rule against pinch it. Jello, Greg Cunningham, Alpha Scientist, Javo. You appear to be some sort of shaved beast entered as a joke? Looking around here, actually, let's do this all at once.

Please roar or shriek if you're actually a shaved beast entered as a joke. Got it. Toasty God, Matt Riley, Devin, the Rogue Supreme, Timi Leahy, Mr. Bob Gray, I'm going to need you all to step out of line, but good news, we will be holding an all-naked Novelty Beast Division next month. Get your shot. Grumpy Phoenix. Harvey Pinguini, you will be fighting using Uninvited Uncle style? Gross, man. I'll be a law against you people. Up to, but there's not, welcome to the Kuma Tag. Hunk. James Boyd. Jared Mountain Man. Jeff Arraski, are you?

Are you also using crab style? No, no, it's not a problem. We just try to mix it up a little more here in the Kumitae. John Dean, John McCammon, John Minkoff, all good. Joshua Graves, you... Did you not hear me when I asked all-saved novelty beasts to vacate the line? Oh, you're not shaved. Oh, you have alopecia, but you are a beast.

Let me... No, no, you're right. Nothing in the rule book. You air-budded me. That's a fair play. Justin B, Katzat Studios, Ken Paisley, says here you'll be using gun style. Now does that mean you just brought a gun? No, no rule against it. I'm just, I'm honestly amazed nobody tried it before.

Uh, K&M, Lisa, leopard queen, you're fighting leopard style, love to see the classics again. I am curious to see how that will counter gun though. Amjahe Chappelle, Mark, Max Broy, Michael Lair, you'll be using insane, I don't know this one, insane vehicle style? Oh, oh, I'm sorry, Michael Lair is an insane vehicle and will be using American Fender Kenpo Karate. Gotcha. Mort, N.D., Neil Bailey, Neil Schaefer, again, using crab style. What's going on, folks, is there a new dojo in town or what?

Must be good. Nick Levino, obsolete, says here, you. You don't have a style and you're just gonna fucking flip out when you get in there. That's a solid play. Orn Re Weevil, Ozzie Olin, Patrick Herpes is going to try negotiating. All right. Pee Wee's Uncle, practical ZFS, re-brandrew. Red wine time, you're using drunken kung fu.

Okay. Oh, what was that? One more time? I can't, I can't understand. Oh, no kung fu. You're just drunk. Got it. Rehan it.

Russell Bauman, Sam Kocknick, Sean Logan Chase uses human tornado style. Hell yeah, man, can you do the noises? That's great, it cracks me up every time. Seed, Taters' Tales, Thomas Cavatzos, you're using clone Jutsu. I didn't know that was real. It's not, it's from a cartoon? Then what are you gonna... All right, never mind, your business.

Tommy G. Bilo, Yvon Clapham, Zach and Eva. Oh, I'm sorry, Zach and Eva. No tag teams in the Supreme Division. You're conjoined. Can I see where? Oh, excuse me, that makes me the pervert. I'm the pervert for trying to do my job.

All right, all right, you have it your way. Super knot. Your crab style. Hold on, hold on. There's something wrong with the rest of my list. Uh, Jaber, Al Aden, Spotty reception, Dean Costello. All crabs? You are.

Booster. Sailor, Sarah, Crab, Crab, Crab, all the way down, all right. Waylon Russell, Crab, Elliot Watson, Crab, Neku 104, Crab, David Schult. What's that? Mud Flat Fiddler style. Good, I was worried these were all gonna be, oh, that's a type of crab style. Okay, Space Jam fan, you crab, you crabbing? Okay, Victor Malavankan, no need to answer, I can see you're scuttling right now.

Craig Lemoy, also crab? Also crab. Oh, Fancy Shark, that's more like it. I got you down as shark style in the fancy subdivision. Good on you, pal. What's that? No, you cannot change crab style this late in the game. I don't care how much fun it looks like they're having.

All right, all right, folks, settle down, settle down. Let's get this Kumete started. If you'll all head in through these doors, single file, and hey, hey, craps, crabs, crabs, crabs, craps, craps, craps, hey, stop it. Crabs, stop pulling each other back. One of you has to go first.