The Doug Stanhope Podcast - #545 - "Pygmies and Lead Poisoning from the Patio"

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Pygmies, Lead Poisoning and Letters from Prison, it's a Podcast from the Patio. Thank You Patreon Subscribers. We could not do this without your ongoing support. Recorded May 21st, 2023 on the patio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope, Chad Shank, Kristin Levine, Gary Lucy, Derrick, Alex Hodgins and Bingo. Produced Alex Hodgins. Edited by Alex Hodgins and Ggreg Chaille. Signed copies of "This Is Not Fame" available while supplies last at Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Support the podcast at patreon.com/stanhopepodcast Photo by Alex HodginsSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

What do you know about Delta 9? Oh yeah. It's a weed thing. I've heard of it. The weed derivative or whatever. It's legal. It's like not weed though. Well it is.

It's like a... I don't know anything at all. Just Google it. Is that the diet stuff? We talked about it a couple years ago. Sponsor, please hold. It's a type of THC. You need a little more bingo.

Can I get more bingo in my monitor? Delta 9 is one of the you know chemicals in cannabis I know that that's diet smoke yeah what the fuck is this tell us Australian Alex is back if you haven't noticed and Derek

I did 10 milligrams he did 10 milligrams did he do anything else I don't know. How many did he do? Are they good? Did he do anything? I didn't notice anything. Okay.

It's a THC, I think. I wouldn't know what you feel as someone who smokes pot more than I drink. See, here's the thing. I don't hardly ever do gummies or edibles. Well, like last night I did. I make my own. I have Rice Krispie treats. The butter and stuff in there.

But I'll eat 100 milligrams and then just pass the fuck out. That's the only reason I eat edibles. Like a bear getting shot. Yes. We were high as fuck. I wanted to do a thing, because I get so fucking silly when I'm high. We were laughing so hard, and he was filming.

This is a Dollar Tree. This is another thing we have to do. Oh, yeah. What is going on? Yeah, this is the one that's recalled that I've been putting on my fucking oatmeal every fucking morning for over a year. Almost a year. And what's up with it?

Can we test the lead? It's fucking full of lead. Can we test it? I wonder if we can get a lead test. At the end of this, I want you to show us laughing because I'm on the website. I want you to show us laughing because I'm on the website. I was spitballing a fake commercial for this, and it's got now with lead. So I'm reading the Wikipedia page of lead toxicity and how much it will fuck you up.

Yeah. So every single fucking day since I get the high triglycerides, and I'm going to be on a good diet and eat oatmeal every day for my cholesterol. I'll tell you what, it could be a blessing in disguise. The other day I watched a video of a whole family that lived in a house full of lead and it was the funniest

fucking thing I've seen in a long Those people were funny, man. Oh. They weren't dumb? Well, they were completely retarded, but it was funny and soft. Yeah, I think it chips away at your... Yeah, yeah.

I mean, they were almost nonverbal, but I mean, think about it. That's still easier than being verbal. You can be funny without talking. Yeah. That's still easier than being verbal. You can be funny without talking. Yeah. So at the end of this podcast,

hey, didn't see you guys sitting out there. Yeah, throw up some of last night. Was it that funny or was it completely not funny? Is it going to be a commercial? I was fixated on, I found, I don't know how pygmies came up. Other than it was a great opening word for wordle today. I sabotaged myself.

I took a six. What? I took a six on wordle. I think I got a four after missing completely on the first two. Good job. I think if you're a guy, you usually get it in four.

If you can see this. Where's he go? Uh-oh. Brendan Walsh. I have a second wordle group, but Brendan Walsh. What? You cheated on us? I fucking lost.

He X'd out on six. So I went. Loser. Loser. and then later on Oh yeah, pygmy. We'll do more of that later. Yeah, we're going to bring it back. All day long. That's great. So, what was I saying?

I remember that. Oh, the fucking pygmy. So I don't know what started this, but I started going down this fucking hole of pygmies. A hole of pygmies? A rabbit hole of pygmies. Like human pygmies? And so there's one tribe, the Tarone, which in 1960 they found this tribe of...

Oh, yeah. It's the only Mongoloid, they're like Tibetan, kind of that area. Tibetan China. Never seen people before. No, no, these are little pygmy people. Yeah, yeah. And they were down to like, in the, 97 was the last time this guy went, and there were only 12 of them left. And at first, he had to like hike fucking 600 miles into into the remote parts of Burma,

China, and the one tribe at first wouldn't cop to the fact that there were any of them because they used to keep them as slaves. And snacks. Good chance, good chance. So finally when they knew these guys

aren't here to punish him for having pygmy slaves, they go, oh, okay, come here, here's the 12. There's only 12 of them left, and they said they weren't breeding anymore because all their babies come out so fucked up. Oh, no. That it was self-extinction of a tribe. And you go, okay, last I've heard of this is 2013 and I can't find anything else. Like a tribe that decided, listen, we're too inbred.

Oh. That we just keep having babies with small heads. Yeah, we're done. And they're too much pain. So they decided like, hey, we gotta stop. Yeah. We can fuck outside the tribe, but who? Yeah.

Maybe like the UN or something. Like Perron. It sounds like Bisbee. Maybe some group can truck in some midget chicks or something to them. You know, and help. I mean, they do it for pandas and different. They try to sustain the species. Oh, my God.

That's what I'm saying. This story falls off the fucking map. A tribe is... You can't have a fucking blue-ass fucking woodpecker without people protesting. You can't cut down that tree because of this fucking...

Save it. We've got to protect it. We've got to let this one go. Get those little people in there. So it's been 11 years since anyone's even mentioned these people that were going out of business. Going out of business. We're a close enough shop. Everything must go.

Half off sale. If you're going to do some due diligence or run over there to Burma and take a 600-mile detour, it's the Tarone. T-A-R-O-N people. Didn't we watch something about a remote... Not the Tyrone people. That's completely different. It was on a YouTube thing.

Yeah, the guy doing the map or something. Yeah. He was doing Google Maps. Yeah, Google Maps and then he went to the place like in Madagascar. No, was it Madagascar? I think it might have been in Madagascar. Yeah, and it was like in the middle and they had to drive and then move. Yeah, it was like super remote community

and they were just like super suspicious of everybody. It was like a cult though. It was a little bit like a cult. Different, but not. The Senegalese, the lost tribe of, that's where the Christian kid tried to, I'm going to get to bring the word of Jesus. In the name of Jesus.

In the name of God. And then, whoopsie. And then the arrows. I think they did eat him. They were God's arrows. Right, yeah. No one stopped by to say, hey, you eat a body or anything.

Family, you know how they get weird about they want the body. I would do that mission, though. That would be my... Where's the body? Ah! Oh, sorry. Fat jail! What part don't you eat?

Is there a pile? There's got to be a part you don't eat. Open casket of just knuckles. Just a pile of dicks and knuckles. We don't eat the dicks or knuckles. We make hot dogs out of it. Just hot dogs.

Oh no. God, that's right. That guy, that guy that stupid kid yeah and there is like a video of him that your canoe motion like he did that he really like rode to the place like that's how bad he really wanted to go i we went to costa rica Rica once and went to a bullfight. I happened to have found in a thrift store, a vintage shop, a Toreador. You went on a

special. No, that was a pilot's. But anyway, yeah, they booed me. It was a cultural appropriation. That was the thing. They know what that is. What about them hats that kind of look like Mickey Mouse ears? can you get them oh yeah they do they're so cute yeah but i really really thought that uh because we were doing drugs and we went and we got to where

they let people run around in the ring it's kind of a bullfights meets the running of the bulls where the general public can get in the fucking ring while you're fucking with the bulls. And so we have to. And then I really, I was tripping. So I really thought I could communicate with this bull I was making eye contact with. And fortunately or not, someone talked me out of it. Like I was going to go and fucking rub his head. People are booing me

because I'm wearing a fucking stupid bullfighter jacket. Oh my God. But I fucking, I still to this day think I could have petted that fucking

thing on the head. Because if you, if you could do that, it's when you're tripping. Yeah. So you're like a tourist, right? So I'm saying,

to come back around, I wonder if that guy was tripping balls when he thought he should bring Jesus to the fucking untouched tribe of the Senegalese. And it was a Mormon god too, wasn't it? Yeah, I think it was. Or maybe Jehovah's Witness. Jehovah's Witness, something like that.

It was a hard god. Yeah. It was a hard god. G with a hard G. It's a hard God there's a hard God it's a hard G God of the capitals even the pygmies are like that kind of sounds like bullshit dude

you all hear that the plates the pygmies when they describe the pygmies it sounds like the most racist shit. Like, beyond racism, it's humanism. Like, where they refer to them as, like, hunter-gatherer. Like, a live person that he met.

Like, you can't... Hunter-gatherer is like... Like they're Neanderthal. Or they're a species of monkey. Like Gecko fucking caveman. Well, I mean, they are kind of, right? Gecko caveman. Aren't they?

Yeah, yeah, but it just sounded like we can't. Yeah. I mean, they're people. Technically. Yeah. Are we sure? Yeah, they're people. How come they're so little?

They're so little. On the Wikipedia page it says, Pygmies has been, whatever, declared a slur, but there's been no word to replace it. There's no word. Well, how often do Pygmies come up in conversation? Not often. What? Sorry, Gary, you were about to say something. Oh, no, it was Traje de Luces.

That's what the bullfighter things are called. The suit of lights. The suit? Yeah. With sequins on it? Yeah, but I don't know if the jacket has its own name, but maybe it's the jacket of lights. Ah.

You don't still have it, do you? I'd love to see it. No, no. We haven't even been to Costa Rica in probably... I don't know. We did go once. The last time I remember, Joby was with us.

Remember the treehouse? Didn't you get robbed one time or something? Yeah, one time we got robbed. But do you remember the treehouse? Yeah, that was when there was a big tension with Becker and... Everyone? Yeah.

The people who say, I hate drama, you go, well, that's where all your stories come from. Sometimes it's fun. Yeah, I think we need more drama around here. I do notice as I isolate more and more, I just have less and less to talk about. Yeah.

Me too. Us too. We find that like, man, why don't we get into trouble? I just keep cutting off more avenues of social. You guys are it now. avenues of social. You guys are it now. Yeah, it's a conscious

decision on some level where today I was in the past few days thinking like, yeah, I know I could change my mind to just think like I used to think if I was, whatever, 40. I was still fucking

creating fucking conflict without getting like, alright, we don't want to get sued. There's a boundary there. Okay, let's be let's corral fucking crazy into a somewhat organized place.

Right. And that all starts with flying Andy down. We're bringing him to Doc Sinnott's. We're vacationing with the Sinnott's. In Mexico. In Sedona.

I talked to Jenny. No, you keep thinking of Mexico. Former Mexican. Sedona sounds like Mexico. No, it's Sedona. It's Sedona and Australia? It's Mexico. I mean, are you from Australia?

Yeah. Let me know if you asked me to be nice or if you need me to help corral Andy, because I can go help. You're very good at it. You're a good whisperer. I always get bunked up with Andy because he's, you know, if you don't get along great. No, they said they have room for eight.

Bring all your friends. So they were going to move one of the twin beds to make a queen bed, a king-sized bed. I'm like, don't do that. I got people that take two twins. Yeah. When is it? Oh, no.

Second. Oh. Yeah. One of my sisters has a cult in Sedona. That would be a good interview. She could put you in touch with the spirit realm. I want to go. I want to go.

He's head of a cult. Every other person in Sibelius is head of a cult every other person in Sibylla is head of a cult hang on so because that's Sina was like hey no you can do it come on up here you can work from here I'm like well we get a if we can figure out something to justify it oh your sister's the head of a cult

yeah I'll get the I'll get more of the details. So it doesn't look like we're making fun of her, but, you know. Here's the thing is Andy is very likely to join a cult. So she is kind of a lead, really. I was going to say, they're never going to come back. I mean.

They're going to find out about all those positive vibes. Andy's looking for a way out, I think. He might join that cult. Yeah, he will for sure. Andy's looking for a way out, I think. He might join that cult. Yeah, he will for sure. He's vulnerable. He needs a group with love and light and tells him what to wear every day. He needs that. He's going to end up with Jehovah's Witness if we don't get him

into some other cult. Andy shows up at your door and says, have you heard the good news? He's bent over looking at the ground. Yeah, Jesus, evidently Jesus was, uh, I don't know. I get a free vacation

at Disneyland if you sign up for Jehovah's Witnesses. Can I use your bathroom? I need to look through your medicine cabinet. I mean, pee. I need to pee. He does. He's going to join the Jehovahhovah Witnesses just to get into people's houses. It's too old to crawl through dog doors now. I've knocked on their door about five times this week, and they don't answer their doors.

I know there's no one living there, or they're not home. What a great way to case houses you just hold the bible it's like paper moon alright play a commercial I gotta throw my shit

in the dryer there was I was cleaning out my garage yesterday and all the dogs in the neighborhood started barking and I was like

what the fuck somebody's coming around because we have a dead end i live on a dead end so i come out of the garage and i walk over and the neighbor who always yells at people to slow down she's a bitchy old lady but i love her because i'm not gonna yell at people to slow down because but uh there's a guy messing over with her fence and so i heard heard her, you know, can I help you? And I was like, oh shit, let me go fucking see if I can help this old lady out with weirdo in the fucking neighborhood. So I kind of went where they couldn't see me,

but I could hear them. And the guy was like, I'll come over to personally invite you to our Bible study. You read the Bible, don't you? And then I was like, oh, fuck. So I go back into the garage, and then I just hid and

watched the security cameras so that I could just be rehearsing all the fucked up shit, I would say, if this guy comes up. Because I got no trespassing signs all over my fucking property, obviously. Does that make a difference in Arizona? The signs?

Yeah, you can shoot people if it's marked. Oh, you have to have a sign on it? You have to get a gun first. I have one in Spanish. I do too. But no, no, it's just, it's the circle with the line through it, but it shows a priest and a nun figure, and then it's like no with the line through. There's a Bible with a nun figure, and then it's like, no.

There's a Bible with a cross. No religious shit. I have one that says, if you come through this door, you will be shot. And then it says it in Spanish underneath. You should put it in one of those languages that has different symbols. My uncle gave me that one years and years ago. It's in my toolbox, actually. I thought it was funny.

Anyone need a cocktail? We're all good, I think. Did you notice this at the end of Black Mamba? Can you bring a cup of ice? Watch for Pedestrinas. I'll get it in a box. I don't even think that's Spanish. I've never seen that.

I think that's just bad spelling, I think. Yeah. Watch for Pedestrinas. Pedestrinas. Yeah, I'm going to look at it. At the end of Black Mamba. That sounds like, is that like hookers? Maybe.

Yeah, look at that. It really says that. That's just a dyslexic sign maker. Yeah, that's a dyslexic sign maker. Dyslexic sign maker. They've got to hire him. Wow. D-O-E.

That's good. Pedestri. Oh, they just switched the A and the N, yeah. They had one job. Can you send that to me? That's crazy. Have you heard from your friends everything's good? Not yet, not yet.

Let me see. When are they getting here? Derek, I'm high. It was good weed, huh? Mm-hmm. I did that in Senoida and then this dude John Saskatchewan

listens to both podcasts sent me this jar sent me a remote control an RC truck is it neat? I've been having fun with it all day mount my GoPro to it I posted a thing saying I was going to I wanted to get one so that I could follow my chickens around.

Oh, there you go. On the Twitch stream. Take it there on that trail. Me and Honey walked up that trail. It's rocky as hell. Oh, shit. Yeah, that would be fun. Did you go all the way to the top?

Yeah, yeah. We made it all the way to the antenna. There's like a little building up there. Yeah, I haven't done that since quarantine. Oh, wow. I want to do it. I got a goal. I haven't done that since quarantine. Oh, wow. I want to do it. I got a goal. I was telling these guys, I saw my Instagram, I put a clip video of me

rolling the little truck with the guy that listens to both podcasts, yours and Andy sent me a RC truck because I had posted, I was thinking about getting one to attach my GoPro to it and follow my chickens around for my Twitch stream. Oh, nice.

And I was just joking, but he was like, I want to see that here. And he sent me a truck. So it got here yesterday. So I got the GoPro mounted to it. And I'm trying, I have to figure out how to drive it, but I keep wrecking it. Preston has one. We should have him bring it and we could have races. But he gets such good footage.

I was going to do that. It's like a drone, but that drives down the road. It's like a drone that drives down the road. It's like a lazy drone. Would you watch this? I wanted to put my camera on top of a Roomba and let it go at Sierra Vista Mall.

I'm afraid you would just film nothing that's the problem that'd be like my twitch stream it would be boring I would watch that just going there's gonna be someone eventually that notices these things I was more afraid that someone

a Sierra Vista very fucking Trumpian that someone would think it's a fucking bomb and they're gonna close down the mall but it's a fucking bomb. Oh, yeah. And they're going to close down the mall. But it's not, so there's no crime committed. Yeah. The other thing would be what, like, we'd have to make it real tall. Because if it went under someone's fucking skirt.

Oh, there's another. See? You've got to think about this stuff when you've got something to lose. Well, then let's use my truck with the goddamn camera on it. People get right out of it. My chickens get right out of the way of it. I'm working on building a trailer that dispenses chicken feed.

Oh, nice. From the truck? Yeah, from the truck so that they'll follow and I can Twitch stream the chickens from the RC truck. My sisters, you can drive it like your Mopetrol car so you can make sure it doesn't go out. Oh, yeah, the new Roombas, they're buying a new car. Really? Yeah.

You can steer those now. Yeah, my sister says automatically you can take it over. All right, you don't have a microphone down there. Thanks for guiding us somewhere. Who needs lights? I'm good, thank you. I'm good. Yeah, they do fucking crazy stuff.

I just have a basic old one, and I'm such a control freak that I have to supervise my roomboat. Yeah, I know, me too. I'm like watching it, are you okay? At the bottom of the bar stools it gets stuck on because it's trying to... Improvise my Roomba. Yeah, I know. Me too. I'm like watching it. Are you okay? The bottom of the bar stools, it gets stuck on because it's trying to... And then I have to be there to kick it. No, no. What's its name? What's your Roomba's name, Santa?

Honey. Did you name it? I've got two of them now, and I ran them together for the first time. Oh, wow. Roomba fight. Roomba fight. I finally found where they were about to... Battle bus.

And my old one fucking chicken first. You have an alpha Rootbook? Yep. I feel like a dick father. Like, young man, you are not done. It just goes back to its base. Look at this piss poor job. Get back out there.

I know, it'll go, returning back to base. And I'm going to pick it up and go, no, honey, not today. Did you ever sweep shit in front of me? Yes. It defeats its purpose. You've got to bust it around a little bit. That's what I've become.

We have room for fucking conversations. Yeah. Adultery. Not only am I on next door and active yes next door and active yeah that's right i also belong to a dollar tree group no where i commit with women of a certain age about and i had actually on Nextdoor, you can find where I go, there should be, we should go to like, put out like a red dot on everything at Safeway as a code of you can get this. And I said, these are two things I said, almond milk, as you guys know, is a buck and a quarter there compared to $4.49 is the cheapest at Safeway. And I go,

cinnamon, the cheapest one you can get at Safeway is $4.99. Buck and a quarter. You don't mind a little lead to you. And then a week later, the fucking recall. Oh, you killed old ladies. Is your next book going to be about how you

slowly turned into the person your mother would have been? Carrying a torch. That your mother would have been. Oh, Bonnie. The person my mother never had the chance. Fulfilling her legacy. He's got stranger cats.

He's stolen cats from the neighbor. That's not... That's the neighbor's cat. That cat is Jim Bob when he goes to the neighbor's house, but I haven't seen him go in several weeks. That's a good thing. I think the neighbor's brought... You've looted him.

Yeah, the neighbor's brought some fucking broke-ass Purina to a fucking Sheba fight. Purina to a fucking Sheba fight. We went the other way thanks to Dollar Tree because we get like, you know, those like chub packs of the fancy dog food

that's refrigerated. More expensive than hamburger. But then we, like a pack of the dollar store hot dogs because it's $1.25. She fucking loves it. She will just,

she can't wait for her to have her hot dog every day. And it's great. So, yeah, we're saving a bundle. Thanks, Dollar Tree. Yeah, thanks. Thanks, Dollar Tree. You know what? If I have to take a little bit of lead to get a few dollars up, my almond milk.

So weird. Oh, my God. I wasn't using all these brains to be in one. You only use 10%, they say. Oh, well. It's just the rest is for storage. Big deal. Oh, my God.

She really loves the hug. That is weird, isn't it? Yeah, she gets nervous. She's psycho. She'd turn her back to the cameras to... I don't want to chew on it. Shame eating. I don't want to chew, and I don't want anybody to see I'm fat and judge me.

Oh, you look terrible. I don't want to chew on it. You are such a fashion freak. Alex is looking at me funny like, don't you fucking chew on it. Your outfit's always... What you crunching? What you crunching?

You look like you slimmed down from the last time. Yeah, get it real close to your mouth. Seriously, for sure. Let's try it. What you crunching? I quit taking that medicine that we were both on. I forget the name of it now. Oh, the tear.

Yeah, no, I know which one. Yeah, yeah, the anti-seizure. What you crunching? I think it fatted me up even more than normal because I've been going to the gym and everything and I just keep fattening up. No, you look actually kind of... Well, I've lost 10 pounds since I quit taking that fucking medicine.

I was up to 280 or something after that medicine. And then my doctor, the last doctor appointment I had was in August of last year because the next appointment, a couple months later, she ghosted me. And then I contacted the VA every month since then and they can't, finally I was like, fuck you then. I was hoping they'd give me some speed to counteract. So I have another appointment with them

where I can bitch at them and I'll work that angle. I had to go off my meds because you guys wouldn't fucking schedule another appointment for a year almost. And then I got fat as fuck. Now I'm trimming back down because I quit taking the medicine. I'm homicidal, suicidal, but I'm not that fat. I'm going to go out looking good. I want to live longer to kill more people. This guy, speaking of kill more people,

Joshua Day. Hey, if you guys are in the mood to write to a... I don't know. He didn't spell out why he's in jail and wants correspondence from anyone, really. He's a big fan. I mean, he memorized my address from us giving. 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603.

Joshua Day is in jail for long enough that he wants, hey, please talk to me. Let me give it to you off the top. Joshua Day, inmate number 144446. That's four fours. 144446. Care's four fours. 144-446. Care of Mail Processing Center. 144-446. And Zoom.

He said Zoom Penitentiary. Video Box 9175, Seminole, Florida, 33775. That's inmate correspondence. You have to... Anyway, he mentions you. He's a big fan.

He mentions Christine Levine. Andy... It's not my first fan letter from a prisoner, by the way. The problem with this, Buck and Levine, is he mentions that his... I was born from shit because my mother was a schizophrenic alcoholic and my dad

or a sperm donor because he was never involved in my life was also a serial killer slash spree murderer whoa depending on who you ask because you know true crime people are talking about the details yeah so and then he mentions another time another time that his dad has been the subject of podcasts. He's killed eight people, and he's been the subject of podcasts, but the guy says, I can't listen to them. Yeah. And I'm like, well, tell me who the fuck your dad is. Yeah, now I got to know. This is the way I'm going to write a letter.

I get carpal tunnel of making a grocery list. I'm not going to fucking sit down and pen you a fucking song. Well, can we Google it? I'm trying. I'm already trying. Joshua Day. But that's the thing. I don't know that it's...

I didn't try Googling it because the way he talked about his mother, he's probably not named after his dad. Yeah. That'd be amazing. Okay. Man. he's probably not named after his dad. Well, yeah. That'd be amazing. But if you can find out from Joshua Day, just rewind to where I gave you the whole address

at the Inmate and Ossetian Center. I might want to talk to him. I've watched all the fucking true crime shit. I'm on my second go-round of forensic files for fucking guys. Hey, you won the magic envelope. I won't ever write.

I was supposed to be writing other stuff, and I still haven't. Think about the people on the loose in Florida. Imagine the ones they caught. They locked them up. That's got to be... Probably fun. Probably fun. No, he's not in Florida.

That's one of the things. This is the inmate processing center. The whole fucking prison industrial complex is so fucked. He's in Michigan. That's one of the things. This is the inmate processing center. The whole fucking prison industrial complex is so fucked. He's in Michigan. Oh, fuck. He's outside of Lansing. Lansing, Michigan. Hey, Michigan. There you go. I don't fucking know anyone in Seminole, Florida.

So fuck those fans. I get a lot of Michigan-based people. Is it O'Day or just Day? Just Day. Joshua Day. He's in jail for shoplifting. What? Really? I said because he couldn't get disability because his ex-wife made too much money.

So he was shoplifting to pay his way. And I'm not a bad guy. I'm not proud of what I did. God damn. See, now I want to know his method of shoplifting. Maybe I should write this, Scott. Well, then later on, he's like, I got crazy stories. Ask me about the time

I fucking, I got smuggling fucking drugs into Japan and spending weeks in dive hotels with hookers and terrible blow. He seems innocent to me. Yeah, he seems like, what a big deal. This is stupid crime.

He's 48. It's just going through that phase. Yeah, he's just a kid. He'll grow out of it. Wait, I'm 48. You'll grow out of it too. I've been the same for a while. I don't think I'm going to change.

I don't think I have it in me to change. I got the apathy. Oh, that's nice. That's what keeps you from killing anybody. Yeah. You don't have the drive. Fucking golden apathy. This is my yard time.

See, I stay in prison for my own making. I stay there nonstop, all the time. I don't have any out, but then someone's like, hey, come over and do some yard. Some yard time. Yeah, it's great. It is. It's perfect weather. It's 68 degrees today, which we did reverse train Alex that you, okay, how I learned it is you double it and add 30 for Celsius to Fahrenheit.

So it works backwards. Right. Deduct 30 and then cut it in half. So 68 is 38. Half of that is 19. So it's about 19 degrees. Celsius. Yeah.

Can't you just look at your phone and just switch it to the. No, he can't. No, he can't. No, he can't. He just hit the button and set it. See that light up there? Well, one of the screws that he had up there was he was moving it, and the screw wasn't big enough, so that whatever, the thing that it's attached to fell down and would have smashed that table,

but his phone was in the way, and it smashed his phone instead. the thing that it is attached to, fell down and would have smashed that table, but his phone was in the way, and it smashed his phone instead. Died a hero. Whoa. Yeah, this podcast. Rescue Secret Service. Hey, yeah, check some money at the donation button.

Do we even have a donation button? I'll find out. Yeah, this is like an $1,100 podcast. All right, I've yammered on long enough. Who's up for commercials? You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. And we're back. Shush. Don't tell them.

Come on. I'm so sorry. Almost smashed the Big Lots table. Yeah. These have been fucking around forever. They're champs. Ever. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, this... I'm a little disappointed all the times that we were here. When I was younger, I had a coffee table and it had four of these in it like this. They were smaller. And at one point I had a party and everybody had pulled one out.

One guy was sorting a whole bunch of weed on one. One guy was lining up a whole bunch of lines of probably methamphetamine. I was just going to say, I was wondering if you were going to go with the coke or the truth. No, I'll tell the truth.

Methamphetamine was definitely more common than coke. Oh, that's funny. And that was before we knew that you should smoke it so that you could take a nap if you wanted to. Right. It gets out of your system faster. We would snort it and then just...

Did that? And then stay up for fucking 70 hours. Yeah, I did that. I never knew that smoking or napping, I was already like... If you smoke it, it still works, but you can make yourself eat a sandwich and fall asleep at some point. I know. Novel.

Isn't that cute? Oh, what do you know? People judge it. I just call it dirty Adderall. Bunch of fucking judgy bastards. It's a good thing I don't know a meth dealer. I'd be microdosing that shit. I'd be a way better person. Microdosing meth.

I have known a couple people. Well, yeah, you only want to, you take a couple hits in the morning, get all your chores done, and projects, and then by the time the afternoon hits, you're like, I think I'm fucking ready for some raviolis.

I'm feeling picky. It's weird. I always, you don't give all the drugs. Hey, you know what? You can drink normally. You can drink socially. You don't have to do it all the time. And that's not a question.

But if you do meth, you definitely get addicted. That's like saying if you drink a beer, you definitely. Not true. I think that's why they don't give me the Adderall, because I've told my therapists. Oh, get a new one and don't ever say it. I tell them, I said, the best version of myself that I've ever seen is on methamphetamine. I can't do no wrong. I'll take showers and brush my teeth.

I can't go from one room to the other without looking around to see if there's trash that needs to be taken. I'm like the most efficient organizer. I mean, I am a great human being on methamphetamine. Or Adderall. Either way. Or Adderall. I don't discriminate. One's dirty and one's clean.

I have this job now. I'll text you where you can get it. I'll text you. Done and done. I feel like my life might be changing. But I'm not going to say on this stupid podcast because you guys are all nosy. That's a different level of Patreon. Yeah, you've got to find out where I get it.

Where my Dr. Feelgood is. That kind of information costs money. A lot of money. Yes, it does. Thank you for that. Value, man. You got to know where your value is. Oh, I love hanging out with you guys.

Cheers. Turn it around, honey. You're done? If I had to have no friends in the world except you guys, that's the way I'd like it to be, which is the way it is. Yeah, me too. Pretty much, yep. Yeah, that's like, why would you live in a city?

Yeah, who cares? We got everything right here. And Amazon. And Amazon. Amazon for stuff you don't have yep anything you wanted to say in closing Derek

Derek you want to wrap this up for us please I saw a car pull up to my neighbor's house today and he had two somebody got out with two plastic bags of food and walked up to the house and delivered I think they might have been like a door dash or something but then as he I was leaving and he was driving off it looked like his mother was in the passenger seat so I actually

have no idea what the fuck was in a truck no it was a car okay kiss Mustang for sure oh shit good Tony oh this might be UPS for us. Stop, wait a minute, UPS, man. Wait, UPS, man. That would be a great close to the podcast. Oh, shit. That was the UPS chick. That's why. You took the wrong chance.

All right. Do you want to plug anything? Not yet, no. Not yet, but just you wait. I don't do Twitch very much anymore, but I am going

to maybe hook the GoPro up to the new remote control, follow chickens around. Ah,

I love that. Or I might just take walks and make it go ahead of me. You're going to end there. Or I might just take walks and make it go ahead of me. You're going to end there. Or I might just take walks. I might not switch at all.

I might just take walks. Fish come hard is still a thing if anybody needs a t-shirt. Oh, yeah, we do. We still have fish come hard. We've been making a little bit of side hustle income on our website. And season two found dead merch. Yeah, we're trying that. Season two! I know.

We're working on it. Alright. What? Found Dead podcast. I gotta listen to it. Yes, you do. I binged it. Very bingeable. I gotta tweet that shit. There's gotta be something better than Twitter.

I fucking hate it. Twitter might be dead. I don't know what there is. I have a Reddit. Subreddit. The Doug Stanoff subreddit. I like fucking Reddit. One guy said you're

so fucking not funny and I go, finally a guy can drink with. Just tell me I'm fucking unfunny all day long. Just don't tell me how I should feel about the Gaza Strip. Let's get back to basics. Me. Well, somebody posted on your Reddit, too,

about all my book recommendations on issues with Andy. And I know who it is. It's Charles. He's my book buddy. That's what I And I know who it is. It's Charles. He's my book buddy. That's what I call him. We message all the time about books. Yeah, no, he was saying, I can't listen to audiobooks.

And then we talked to... Yeah, he's a nice guy. Blitzed is the one I recommended on that thread. Blitzed. Started it today. Drugs in Nazi Germany. Wow. I started it today.

Oh, neat. So good. I want to read a book about the drugs in the Trump administration. I read a Rolling Stone article, and it is great. I'm like, they know about Provigil. Our fighter pilots? Ronnie Jackson was prescribing them to everybody in Trump's White House, so they were doing the same thing, like getting high on meth.

Pervitol is the one that not... Pervitol, that's it. That's right. It's actually P-E-R, Pervitol. That's right. That blitzkrieg was completely fueled by this methamphetamine, Pervitol, that they were forced to take. You have to

stay awake for three days. You have to. Wow. There's a fucking army of meth heads. Fuck Nazism. Berserkers. Berserkers. Yeah.

I don't have a house to clean, but I'll fucking kill somebody. You give them no chores and mess. They gotta take something apart. This floor is already buffed! I don't know if they got to this part but they were testing it because they didn't do enough testing before they made their dreams come true

you don't say they did one test where cognitive skills were okay you guys are on meth and the meth people answered the questions faster. Got them all wrong. However it worked out, they go, this is perfect for a soldier. We don't want them to think about it.

Just move. Kill, move, kill, move. Oh, my God, that's great. I worked at a metal shop one time, and I got fired for being so slow. And my uncle was the boss, the head of the metal shop. And he comes over and he goes, do you see this guy, Christy? He just got here and he is working so fast and he's packing all these boxes. And you aren't doing shit.

You get out of here. He's going to do twice the boxes today. He's going to pack them all up and we don't need you anymore. out of here he's gonna do twice your boxes today he's gonna pack them all up and we don't need you anymore and i was like what devastated and then i found out like two days later that they had shipped those boxes and it was just basically just thrown in all of these metal parts just thrown in and he's positive for meth can you come back, please? I was like, I got my fucking job back.

I'm slow, but I'm good. Great. Anybody need some metal blackened? Yeah. My girl. You need a gun part? Turn black?

I got you. Like it. All right. It's time for Shredded Beef Tacos should be shreddable by now. Thank you guys for being here with us. We're going to do more of these because it's

springtime here and there's no bugs. It's the only good time. Not too much wind, but there's lead. Now through May, it's not too hot. It's not too cold. And there's no fucking bugs

that come with the monsoons. So we'll be doing a lot more patio podcasts. So make yourself up a little table where you watch the podcast and put a little picnic table and then have a little ice bucket and make a picnic for yourself.

Make it a thing. Right here. Bye-bye. Okay, make it a thing. Join us at the seat. Right here. Nice. Love to have you. The Doug Stanhope Podcast. Bye-bye. Okay, bye-bye now. It's got food in your teeth. No.

No, you don't. I need something done. Don't fall. I don't know. Hi, I'm Doug Stanhope, as seen on YouTube over 600 times, and I'm here with a message for you about Supreme Tradition brand ground cinnamon. Now when I was first diagnosed with high blood pressure and gout and nervous disorders, lupus, gum disease, upper and lower gums, as well as high cholesterol, I was told, eat oatmeal and don't be such a fucking asshole.

asshole so to enhance my oatmeal I turned to Dollar Tree Supreme Tradition ground cinnamon which for over a fucking year almost a year almost over a year by two months under for 10 months I put this every fucking day on my instant oatmeal which was going to cure all of my things and now you might have heard edit for you to cut in maybe you've seen there's a recall on this $1.25 Dollar Tree. Dollar Tree is the best of the dollar stores still everything a buck and a quarter for the most part and uh yeah but they they recalled this because of massive amounts of lead in it and what's the problem with lead you say I say the same thing people lead let me tell you, has been published. Lead's high density, atomic number, and formability form the basis for use as lead as a barrier that absorbs sound, vibration, and radiation. and radiation. Who wouldn't want that in their oatmeal? Are you crazy, Dollar Tree, or do you just not need my buck and a quarter? Lead has been known to have copper alloys such as brass and

bronze that improve mechanability and for its lubricating qualities. And who doesn't like a bit of lubricating qualities, people? If you ask me, what kind of cinnamon do I want? One with no lead that can and alibis. Stay with me. Buy my products. I can't legally sell you this recalled product even though I bought several because I don't want to get left out when they're no longer available for a dollar and 25 cents so maybe maybe i bought a whole case and then i can't sell them to you but if you buy my book

no encore for the donkey go to the website go to the merch page and maybe a bottle of lead riddled ground cinnamon by supreme traditional supremely supreme traditions maybe that shows up like we're handing it off see you on the Patreon. Here's another thing lead does. Coding for cables. Toxicity. Lead is a highly poisonous metal, whether inhaled or swallowed. By the way, even after it came out that this is being recalled because it's full of lead, this specific brand that I've been putting in my oatmeal for 10 months,

I've still been using it because I mix it. But I mix it with really expensive shit and green powders and fucking fiber powders and protein powders and all this stuff. I'm not going to just like, how bad can it be? I finish off the batch of shit

I mixed it with. Hang on. How bad? Lead is a highly poisonous metal. Whether inhaled or swallowed, affecting almost every organ and system in the human body. This is my doctor, who's a medic from the war. I don't know if he's going to like it. I've made it a point to now, anytime I say my doctor,

I go, who's really just a medic from the war. He was never in the war. It's funny when you say that. It gives him not just credibility, but an image where I go, okay, so oftentimes when i ask him about this he'll just say google it he's a medic from the war it's not a actual he's a medic so so go ahead let's say um So I go, listen, I get kind of like a rash. Yeah, just fucking look it up.

How often should I take that? You prescribed me these like antiferamones or whatever. How often should I take them? Fucking read the fucking bottle. That's my doctor. Just fucking read the fucking bottle. Sorry. I was looking for some bedside man.

Yeah, fucking call your mother. Lettuce highly poisonous. At airborne levels of 100 mg m3 at the top like uh it's immediately dangerous to life and health most ingested lead is absorbed into the bloodstream the primary cause of its toxicity is its predilection for interfering with the proper functioning of enzymes, which, that's where my fucking liver went. Hoo-hoo. Enzymes.

I don't know if just because the word enzyme and my liver and this brand of cinnamon come into play, coincidence or something more? Hmm. It does so by binding to the sulfhyd! Groups found on many enzymes are mimicking and displacing other metals which act as cofactors in many enzymatic reactions. The essential metals that lead should read separately. That lead, here's another. Let me just go sideways for a minute. Lead and lead should read separately. Lead, L-E-D, lead, L-E-A-D. One should have one.

Okay, I led you down the path. Then why do you have to have lead spelled two different fucking ways for two different meanings? One fucking spelling means one meaning. What fell? Goddamn. Do you see that it fell standing up? Yep. It's heavy on the bottom. Maybe that's what's going to be my saving grace is that lead. If you saw saw this I'm sure we can rewind the camera like a zap router film what this did it fell and then it landed straight up which see a million times you're not going to do it lead Lead.

It was lead that led me down the path to a leaden desultatory, desultatory? Check it. Lead made me feel not too good at the beginning and then the more it started to destroy my my my my spinal column my brain synapse the more i felt closer to lead because it led me down a path to being more like Derek, where everything's happy at every turn in the crick because I don't leave my house neither. I sit here and I just stare at my feelings as though they're wobbly little ghosts with little jello bellies, and I go,

who's got you in the belly feeling emotion and then I forget all about it and I go back to lead can cause severe damage to the brain and kidneys and ultimately death and I didn't write this. Some promotion just speaks for itself. Lead can cause severe damage to the brain. What they don't tell you on Wikipedia, and this is what the mainstream media is against you as the Dollar Tree buying public want to know okay lead can lead to death and brain damage and shit in your pants and

Having a high ayahuasca coming out of the back of your fucking spine But exactly how many how many licks does it take to get to the center how many bowls of oatmeal are you going to heavily garnish with lead riddled supreme tradition ground cinnamon before I can say oh you are definitely the cause of my brain trauma because I was pretty much relentless for 10 months every single day. Hey, wait. I'm certainly drunk, but how drunk wouldn't I have been if it weren't for the fact that by mimicking calcium,

lead can cross the blood-brain barrier, which is kind of like the sound barrier or the speed barrier, the blood-brain barrier. Wow! It can cross that. It degrades the myelian sheaths of neurons, reduces their numbers, interferes with neurotransmission routes and decreases neuronal growth and it's only a buck and a quarter yeah yeah yeah negative negative negative that's all we do anymore in the human body lead inhibits propofenilinogenogenesis and furcucigalatase,

prevents propranogenesis from motion, and the incorporation of iron into the propranogenesis, I ask the step that hemisynthesis causes microanemia. Oh, anemia is on my latest days. What I'm saying, negative, negative, negative. It's an election year. But what about the savings? Buck and a quarter. Oh, where is the store brand? $4.99. That's what you get at Safeway. $4.99 versus a buck and a quarter and you're not willing to risk a little bit in a child's developing brain lead interferes

with synapse formation in the cerebral cortex neurochemical development including that of neurotransmitters she says as a snarky aside and the organization of ion channels well if you don't like that you sound to me like just some kind of narcissistic leftist some kind of fucking shotgun in your one hand and your blue healer biting on your rabid wife's tit fucking trump happy fucking negroid loving fat on ecstasy that's what you sound like to me now why don't you get yourself if we're going to come together as a society maybe we get a little uh christmas cheer a little this eggnog out of this bottle of red eggnog i guess whatever and uh when you pour yourself an egg noggin you say come over bring your sunblock and come over for Christmas Eve

we're gonna pour a little bit of this Jim Jones lead Lead-based. Lead-oriented. And also, lead by lead. Oatmeal in a jar. And we're gonna break bread. And finally, put this Middle East shit to sleep.

Floats on the top. That's how you know it's got lead in it. Drive me home, lead foot. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� 🎶