The Doug Stanhope Podcast - #553 - "New Bar/Old Crew"

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

Chaille is in town and Chad comes over to help christen the new bar in the FunHouse. Fall asleep to Stanhope's Ambient FunHouse video: https://youtu.be/BzdKoMcq3t8 Thank You Patreon Subscribers. We could not do this without your ongoing support. Recorded May 17, 2024 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Derrick and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced by Chaille. Stanhope merch - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/  We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Yeah, I put a stool back there for you to sit on if you want to sit back there On a wooden stool pull that a little closer to you. Yeah, there we go. Nice That way we have the feel of talking to a bartender when we're just talking to you and Unless it's really necessary. You don't even have to talk back How easy is that? That was a thumb sideways. These microphones make the bar immediately feel so much smaller. Why?

Because they're giant microphones. Well, it's just a microphone. I'm just saying, just the bar. This is grand opening of the the bar this is our first at the bar podcast with all the fucking uh the the old bar crew from back when we had a bar these are giant microphones what kind of nanotechnology are you he's been using you know i'm saying it makes the fucking bar look smiley i haven't really get used to the microphone doesn't make anything by the way Your perception. Yeah, also your perception. Well, I actually took a half edible if that's what you're talking about Oh, I fucking tripped we tripped for the first time. Hold on a second

Is Derek our bartender? Yeah, Derek can get a soda or a non alcoholic in there is a NA beer in the door non-alcoholic in there? Is that any beer in the door? Please. Do you want vodka? That's it right there that's fine. I actually ordered these with vodka. It's just I didn't want anyone to think I was drinking again. You never really stopped? Never. I like that about occasionally have a drink just to prove. My last one was we're at Eddie V's in Philadelphia steakhouse. You know Eddie V's it's a it's the one in Austin that we couldn't get into. Hmm. Right on Fifth Avenue near everyone was talking. Yeah and then we go there and they're like sorry we it's too close to closing which I appreciate that

We just we will never remember that. Yeah, I know that's probably another reason why they didn't let us in But I went there and I I knew I was gonna have a really good steak and a nice glass of Merlot Which I haven't had a glass of wine In a year, maybe yeah So what's your go-to drink when you do, all right, I'm gonna go off the wagon for one drink or two drinks. If I'm at a good bar where, like,

it's a bartender that really knows how to make good drinks, because sometimes we do that with the conventions, you know, we'll go to a nice meal store, and I'll get a really good dirty martini, or a good glass of Merlot. But like one, I won't do five. Yeah. And then, hey, should we go to a bar now?

I find out the drink, and if I just wait till like I was about to go towards bed anyway, and then I have drinks in bed, first of all, it's hard to drink in bed. You forget it's there. Yeah, and it's on the nightstand and then you gotta get your head up. It's not a good sport for sloth.

You don't go to bed drinking. Yeah, you can't, oh wait, yeah you don't fuck uh baby let's start with a baby uh reindeer we can't i haven't seen it well it's just uh no no we did no spoiler talk okay yeah it's not spoiler talk it's just uh because i had the i was working on bits that i i didn't know what whether i should or not and the fucking baby reindeer guy, the controversy is not gonna fucking end anytime soon. Are you taking off? Yeah. Okay.

I don't know if you wanted to tell about your foot, but we'll save that for another. We'll save it. We'll save it. All right. So baby reindeer is in episodic? Yeah, it's like nine episodes on Netflix. On Netflix. It's seven and they're short. So everyone knows the premise.

I'm not spoiling anything by saying this is a guy. I didn't know till the end that the guy is the guy playing himself. The guy wrote this as an Edinburgh Fringe Festival show, this stalker story, and then it became a series, and he plays himself, and it's fucking brilliant. I mean, this guy, both the stalker and the guy are acting.

So someone did get a deal out of Edinburgh? Oh, wait, that's, talking about, I mean, Just For Laughs is the one I was shit on. Oh, Just For Laughs, that's right, that's mean, just for laughs is just for laughs. That's right. That's different. That's the Canadian one. And actually, that's that they weren't nearly as bad as the Fringe Festival and how they fuck the artists. Well, that's why I mean, usually no one gets anything out of them anyway.

It's just a lot of work for free. Yeah. Oh, in fact, they don't have a just for laughs this year. Is it fucking bankrupt? And I thought, oh, what a great time to go up and do Just For Spite and fucking go up in July. Is that when it usually is? July? Yeah, late July, I think, or August or whatever. Well, if there's a void, someone's going to fill it.

Yeah. If anything. Just For Spite, that's great. Just For Spite, yes. There's a void, someone's gonna fill it. Yeah, if anything. Just for spite, that's great. Yes, that's when we did it at the car wash and the punk rock club a couple years in a row. Anyway, so it's fucking everybody is all about the baby reindeer and,

sorry, there's ducks. There's and I think you're gonna piss he farts during this too that we'll put that out on the patreon are you you want me to turn that off the distractive is your edible yes exactly right at the fucking time oh this is my favorite part this is where Dr. John farts at the, at the urinal. We tape recorded a, we videotaped a poker game and it was supposed to be a podcast, but it was just too much fucking chaos.

And it wasn't like planned out. We're still gonna do that, but we'll invite, okay, someone, Kenny will deal slowly Just I invited poker players and I'm like, oh, that was the dumbest thing I could do because they're all about the game And yeah who's in you're fucking small blind. I'm like, all right, there's no conversation But what he did is he filmed the outside of the fun house so you can In fact, I'll tell you how to get it sneaky. It's Six small just put it on the Patreon.

Alright. It's six hour fun house, but it's six HR fun house, no spaces. Six HR fun house, and that's the only way you can find it. It's basically a live stream of the outside of the fun house, which is beautiful by the way. Yeah. I mean I'm not on mushrooms, but that's kind of like a mushroom look. I have that one in the middle to fucking like show.

I don't want to spin the camera around. Well, yeah, well, should put one of my chicken ones up over here. Oh, yeah. No, just give me the footage of your chicken one. I can I can produce it so we can actually put it as another ambient. Exactly. Yeah. I want to make a ton of these so the stalker thing she's now doing interviews so like Piers Morgan interviewer people found out who she is the fucking doctor and she she

really looks a lot like the actress there's a picture of them side by side and you go oh my god they fucking nailed it and she denied Anything like I didn't I don't I didn't even have his phone number. I don't think I didn't call him more than ten times It's just fucking crazy so now that the stocking thing like I I had that bit that I was writing and I working and reworking about My two stalkers. I've had two Had you come with guns I

Think this one's dangerous. Oh if Chad says so so when I get a restraining order the other just got fucking Dropped on the outskirts of town by the local police. Kind of a Rambo style. 1877 style. We're gonna drop you at the city limits and I don't want to see you. Yeah Rambo that is exactly what they did. So I was working on a bit about like because I know a lot of comics but they're mostly female comics that have had stalkers and they're like, yeah, you can't talk about it on stage because then you're just feeding into it.

And I think it's been long enough and I don't give a shit. So I'm working on this bit and all the angles, and then I watch Pete Davidson's latest special. And I think even the title is based on us It's a stalker incident is like the pivot point of the whole and it's a long fucking story and I'm like, yeah fuck you know like I Thought I had a stalker angle original exclusive but then at the end of his whole stalker story He tells you how well then I got the restraining

order or whatever and then I found out she was stalking some other celebrity that I've never heard of and then has a fantastical story of a, he saw she posted a clip of this and that and then he goes, okay, all the last part of that was a bullshit, but it was too funny to not, like, no, it wasn't that funny. And it was obviously that made me question your whole story. And now I go, okay, I can do my fucking stalker story. Now yours was a chick, mine's fucking, my two were the same guy basically,

a fucking late thirties, pockmarked fucking meth induced psychosis. Our podcast is talking directly to them and they even looked similar He's the one who is dropping photos of him like shooting. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I blocked a guy. Oh Cody Hucker I blocked Cody Hucker on reddit Because you thought it was the other guy he was saying like I know that I've been and he He always Cody Hucker always like shits on himself, but the other guy's name is Cody So when I see Cody in the name and he has like, okay, Ohio

I think my soccer guy was from Ohio and I get way too fucked up and I send him too many messages and Like this is that fucking guy. How do you? You see Cody and you stop reading for a last name? Well, it didn't have a last name. It's like mcody57 or whatever, but Cody is in whatever his handle is. First of all, am I the only fucking idiot

that uses my real name on Reddit? Because I want to troll some of the other groups, but I put real Stan Hope as my you can create multiple accounts and then have an anonymous anonymous TAC diamonds kicking in maybe you should explain what brought to you by diamond Dusty's or night sticks as I call them. This is the hybrid one. Derek's fucking high as shit, too. This is the hybrid, Derek.

The indica is worse. Or better. Oh. I'm on brain power. This is day three of Brain Power, brought to you by Top Trainer, toptrainer.com. I'm taking brain power pills. And I still feel fucking smarter than Derek. He's pretty smart.

And Bingo's doing the top trainer powder. She's back to her workout thing she was doing. Remember when she turned into like the Terminator lady? All ripped during fucking COVID. So yeah, top trainers, promo code Stanhope. This is a Charlie the Intern vouched for product. So what could possibly go wrong? I ate lead riddled, fucking recalled cinnamon

for a year in my oatmeal, and I hope this is gonna turn that damage around. So what are you smoking that evening? You go, I'm not smoking this shit by myself they're just resin in live resin infused joints dusted in THC a diamonds and I think Shailesh right that's just a marketing term I don't think that's science I mean that's how you sell it right but it is dusted in something so I don't know. It's making me cough just. Well the proof is in the pudding here these two I mean they smoke weed

all day every day and Derek I mean he's so stoned he's not even talking so. Derek just just for the fun of the folks I don't want to mess with the cameras just come around and put your face into the camera like that same just do we look slow slow for yeah yeah that's high. I'm laughing for the people at home. So okay, so I had this whole thing where, okay, now I can fucking do my stalker bit and I'll actually use fucking Pete Davidson and his, I don't like, okay, that didn't really happen.

Don't do a long fucking story and then tell you immediately that half of its made-up Cuz then the whole thing sounds like a fucking lie and it's a fucking lazy shitty writing so you can make fun of it Yeah, you can't you do it poorly because I was feeling bad that you watched a P Davidson Special but if you can use it, you know to make fun. I'm trying to get back out on the road with you. We're plotting some fucking silliness for the summer. Hey, email me if you have a, if you're in the mountain time zone states and you have a place that four of us can stay. Oh, gosh.

All right. That is all right. How about two of us and I'll do that. I want to do that separately is probably the best way to do that. I want to do a fucking just stay at fans houses, hopscotching across the country. But not with Andy. Yeah, not with the.

That's a lot of dealing. Yeah. Yeah, OK, so they're separate. We just get a bunch of me too. So Andy just stole their shit all the way across the country. When he came here, I just put a little tray on his nightstand that had four bars of Xanax, so he didn't have to go trying to fucking root through everybody's luggage. Halfway through the tour, Andy's got two suitcases. It's like you came on tour with a backpack.

You got two roller bags? So the stalker thing, then I go, okay, now that's back in play. Wait, what was I just talking about? I was going on tour. How am I off? It doesn't matter. There's the animals. Wait, what was I just talking about us going on tour? How am I off? Doesn't matter there's the animals

Well, I mean you were talking about Well, yeah. Hi Derek to get in the camera. So That kind of threw you off. Yeah, the point is then I once I go Okay now I can do it and I'll use Pete Davidson as the reason I'm talking about my stalkers And then I like oh This show I'm on Netflix. I just put it on to go to sleep, baby reindeer. Oh comic as a stalker No, fuck always something I Can't do my bid anymore cuz and then I'm like alright this yeah your story is way better than mine

bizarre my stalkers uh Yeah, and they they wouldn't even get famous like like she's getting famous now not how she wanted to By the way, she's turning down interviews and Well, it's probably cuz they're making a little bit of a fool right? Well mentally ill severely mentally ill was how she came off. Oh really? But she's got that Trump thing where she just like, when someone's a pathological liar,

they're just going to lie to get out of a lie and as much as they, yeah. Yeah you just ignore the logic part and keep going. Right. So yeah, we're putting an act together a little bit. I'm starting. I got my notes to sort out. I want to go to Slab City. I want to detour. I'm booking this myself by the way. So if you have places to go. If you have a bar and you're in the mountains. Wyoming we always had a hard time finding a place.

Didn't have a hard time but there's probably better places. Yeah that place we played last time. I mean it was fun but we could do better. It's going to be weird to tour without smoking, because that was so much of the tour. Was there a place I could smoke? Okay, if I have to go outside, can I get back in? Now that I don't have to deal with that, it's going to be simple. Simpler. deal with that it's gonna be simple. Simple or? Well also it was an excuse to be somewhere else a

lot of times too I think so you're gonna have to figure out a new excuse like you can well I gotta go smoke over in the place where. Or you could just say I want to be alone. I mean you don't have to be in the light. Or just say you gotta go smoke. Yeah. That's the thing that's why I want to Yeah That's the thing that's why I want to travel with Where I don't give a fuck about the money for a while, but just alright, we're gonna we're going to fucking Butte, Montana I want to go to the copper king if it still exists because the copper queen is sorry I don't know if we're sister cities, but might as well because they're copper town And well, I think that the sister to Copper Queen, I just saw this,

is Jerome is a gold king. That was the mine in Jerome. Yeah, we just went through there on a handy thing. I thought there was a lot more to it. It's more slim than Virginia City, Nevada, if you've ever been there. There's 4,500 people in Bisbee, give or take. There are 450 in Jerome.

There's three high school kids and six elementary school kids in the whole city. So is it the Tool guy that lives there? Who's Maynard? Is he Tool? He's the lead singer, Tool, in Perfect Circle. He's got a winery up there. There's a documentary about it.

That's probably the only job. It's a lot more wine talk in that documentary than rock and roll. That's good. Oh, Inman started a podcast. Again? He's had him before Has he like three episodes? Yeah, I had Ken Harris who I've heard of the author Yes, his first and so far only guest see you next I didn't watch it. Uh, I watched the clip and

Well now like you gotta know I gotta be in the right mood for Inman but he's like down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down,

down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, down, Who are these people I think? All right. That's right. And he, so I retweeted, hey Inman's got a podcast. And he said he wanted me on it. And I said, okay, fly me to MCI, Kansas City Airport and get me a room at the hotel closest to the airport and I'll do it. And because that's what we did for him.

Yeah. We brought him here. We flew him out, put him up. That's why I saw that GoFundMe. He started a GoFundMe. Yeah, I just donated six bucks. GoFundMe to get you to go out there? Yeah, I donated six bucks. I wrote that it's because it's six dollars more than the least that I could do. I just saw it a little while ago. I was gonna donate to it too so. Yeah, my friend Okie died but that'll be a whole separate podcast. Yeah, this is fucking perfect health December, fucking hanging out. Yeah, I'll come out in the summer when we go to go to cooks and fucking steal a canoe

Alright, I'll fucking be here. No. No, you're well. He'll be there forever So yeah, I threw out there go fund me It's floating around. He's a good guy. Yeah, he was a great guy. I don't know like I Here's the thing with GoFundMe's. First of all, I had to. And then fucking Doc Sinnet throws a grand and I go, I guess he set the fucking, I was going to go out a thousand and one just to be a dick. Price is right. Yeah.

Well, who's a better friend? But yeah you fucking donate a body to science and you don't pay for a thing for funeral expenses. Some of them are really high you know we need to get this funeral and it's $20,000 and you're like what kind of... Oh bullshit. Well we need to buy a car to get there in you know you didn't... well are you telling the whole story? What the fuck is mine is because I just redid my will Neptune society is the one we sent mother to I don't know if that's national or local. Well, you got to be by the water. You still take it dead people. They're not there's nobody taking dead people anymore.

That's one of the audible ones you should listen to if you haven't. In Phoenix, they got one of those places that was taking dead people. Like crematorium? No, it was an independent thing. There was no law governing it at the time. You could just say that we're a body, and they'd solicit people, donate your body,

and then they went in there and they had one chopped up and made into a Frankenstein, and they were sending people dicks In packages. It's a wild story. It's on audible. God damn it. Now. I need to remember what it's Derek's taking notes over there I think there's a podcast called up and smoke or something is about cremation and everything I shouldn't have said anything because I don't know enough about it. But Caitlin, smoke gets in your eyes.

I think that's what it is, yeah. Caitlin Doty, I've read, I've listened to that. She has a YouTube channel, too. She's creepy, in a good way. She's got some good information. Yeah. I think she was one of the ones, will the cat eat my eyeballs? Yeah.

One of the kids asked questions and she asked answered. Sorry what I said write that down. You have a pen and paper right in front of you. Yeah exactly I was looking for my notes to point to Derek. But there has to be universities still have to take cadavers for fucking classes. They're full. My grandma, I know this because my grandma asked me, that's what she wants to do with her body and I told her you can't do that. She wanted to before and I think she was actually on the list of the university and they contacted her and said, hey you're not on the list anymore, we don't need anybody.

They call you when you come up on the list, they go, are you sick, you feel sick? They drop you down. How you doing? However it works, it can't be fucking illegal to fucking not pay for a dead person. David Cross, like a million years ago, he had a special where he's talking about

people who won't be body donors or something he's like you're fucking dead I don't you know give my body to necrophiliacs and let them fuck me up the ass and have a party as I don't care cuz I'm dead if your significant other were to pass unexpectedly would would you care what happened? Yes I would. We want to be cremated is all we've decided and you know that's the easiest thing to do and you know taking up. I wouldn't take a high-speed corner and let the door open and go I guess I lost her somewhere back there. And that's part of. She's dead she doesn't feel it. Part of that podcast is they found out like people would donate their bodies and he was a pacifist so you can't you know put him in anything violent you know test him with that

and they're like, all right. And then they ended up selling him to the military and they would strap him in and like blow up jeeps with him inside of it and shit. They're like, no, that's the opposite of what we wanted for our son. And you probably just once, right, blow up one jeep for them. You can't use that body twice. You double dip on that thing. I would have like, really, if Bingo were dead, I'd like, ah, if I'd get it out. Like a bat flew in your house? Exactly exactly what we did the mother after they realized their mistake when they tried to pick bingo I still love that the body and then yeah so they just called oh yeah she wants to be go to science what your grandmother can't do that they'd have nothing now she's got to get

cremated and up on the hill and nothing under a grand I think. Cremation. Well even whenever I got did for my mother they try to was she needs a coffin for this one for what's she being cremated well we have to transport. Oh that's bullshit. What do you transport homeless people in I told him he's like oh well that's just like a thick cardboard with some reinforced corners We want I go. Yeah take her in that see they fuck what you can upsell me for. I'm not the guy dude Call the fucking local There's one right down there on the

You want to get a quote so all of that stuff is marketing. And they have conventions where they talk about the way that they're supposed to approach this. Because even like getting the, like everything they're doing to preserve the body and stuff like that, that's not necessary. That's actually prolonging the decomposition. That smoke gets in your eyes.

She covers all that stuff. Because they try and tell you that, oh, it's illegal. We have to perform this during the preparation and if you stay around long enough in the mortuary and tell them I'm not buying that coffin eventually they'll give you the cardboard one or they'll give you a box to put it in and you'll have to pay $25 for a box. I made it clear that I was like no I'm not the guy. Oh shit.

Is Peter Holm from EA Health U? Hi, I had just a couple of questions. It came up where we were just talking about donating your body to science, which is what I did with my mother with the Neptune Society back in 2008 and my friend says there's been new laws where you can't just here's my point of view when you die or someone dies I'm sorry sir, hold on just one moment. I'm sorry I have to interrupt you. You've reached the answering service. No I'm not able to answer. Oh jeez. I can't put on what you're saying but I can definitely forward a message.

No, no, no, no. I need to... I want to know your opinion still. Yeah, what's your opinion? Should you have to pay for someone that dies? If your father or your husband or someone died in your family, they shouldn't be able to force you to pay money to get rid of that problem, right? I really can't comment, unfortunately, but I can definitely... She could have commented. You're on a podcast, for Pete's sakes. You don't have to call someone who will comment.

Thank you. Have a lovely day. I'm not gonna plug that funeral home in an hour. What kind of hours do they keep there? That's what I was getting ready to look at, what time it is. I'm like why are the answers for this lazy ass funeral home? This is prime body prep time. It's a guy's name funeral home that I've never heard of. Let's say John Doe Bisbee Funeral Home. It's... Oh, it's Bisbee. That's why you call Bisbee.

It's right over there by Safeway. I think you could call anyone. Fucking how about, yeah, let's go to Sierra Vista. Call Brendan Walsh and have him patch in a call to his favorite mortuary. Oh my gosh. I fucking... World record.

Walsh has been putting out like vintage prank reviews on his Patreon. Do you follow his Patreon? I follow but I can't keep up. He's putting out a ton of stuff. So that always goads me to write more fucking... So today I wrote a very long one, probably too long. I didn't edit it to marshals in Sierra Vista but from the point of view of a teenage girl sounding

Richard Kimball from the fugitive. Richard Kimball? Yeah, one man killed my wife and then I wrongly convicted, long story short, put on death row, but I escaped in transport and now your guys are after me. Oh, marshals. Yeah, marshals. Oh my God. And so I stole his gun and he's all like, and I'm all like, I'm so not guilty, I'm so innocent. And he all like and I'm all like I'm so not guilty

I'm so innocent and he's like I'm I so don't care and I'm like I'm gonna say I know where you work and I'm gonna talk to your manager So I went in and there's a really long line. So evidently a lot of people so yeah go to Google reviews Actually fucking funny. That's how. That's a long one. Oh shit. And we're back. Fuck. Sierra Vista, Sierra. Yeah. Funeral. There we go.

Hatfield funeral home. Oh no. I prefer the McCoys. The McCoys. Exactly, the fucking jokes were built in, thank you. Will you prepare a body by the McCoys? Hi Melissa, I had a question. My mother passed in 2008 and what I did is as her wish was to be donated to science. We had the Neptune Society that we gave the body to and they sent later on, months later, the cremated ashes and it

didn't cost a dime and my friend is dealing with a grandparent that died and it says that's no longer an option is to give a body to science. Is that accurate? There's science care. Is that the name of the place? It is. Alright. That's not the one that got shut down for all of the atrocities, is it? The ones that got shut down aren't even operable. The other one is SWBA. It stands for Southwest Institute of Bio-Advancement.

Got it. Alright. Well, you are a treasure trove of information. Awesome. We were... There's definitely two and I believe the U of A is accepting donations again. Do they have a drop box? I get 24-hour drop box? At one point in time they were too full with their program and so they weren't taking new donations and I believe they're back to taking donations again. Alright, well maybe she aged out of the program. It's an election year so you know what they probably have less dead bodies than more votes I guess.

Hey thank you for your time and you're welcome we didn't make any McCoy jokes. Well there you go. I love you. Haven't heard any of them yet today. Good luck by now. Okay. So it was so. I just saved you like under a thousand dollars. So it was the U of A that she was with and she said they did stuff so apparently they start taking them but maybe they don't want my grandma. Maybe it's a specific thing. Wow. She's white, right? She's white but she's 91. There's almost nothing left of her. Well, I mean, there's a lot to look at in damage and the fact that she's blue.

Yeah, that would be a... That might be good or bad. You think I should be able to sell her. Because that's rare. Nobody else has a blue grandma. Wait, is she like not on the blue? Not on this side of the silver, the colloidal silver, silver, appleation, Putin poison. Oh, no, no, no, self inflicted. Yeah, I think no. It was self-inflicted. Yeah, I think there's more of the blue bodies east of the Rockies. We can wait. It's alright.

She was delightful. Your Hatfields gal. I know. That could have gone. I could have called more people. I mean, I... Turns out that was just the answering service. She's just really fucking good at it. Yeah.

I do like question. Oh, damn fucking... Do kids crank call like in the junior high age? You know you your know They have social media so they don't need to do that they don't have a dial-up phone anyway Wow, I guess you could block your number or probably even spoof. Yeah over now. No Yeah, even easier, right? Yeah, even easier, right? If I grew up, because I was such a troll when I was a kid, I was the fucking prank call

king in any kind of vandalism. If I had the knowledge of computers, and like, because you can be a professional troll now. Yeah. I was looking at online pranks one day, like a rabbit hole of, and you go, this is not, it's just people fucking with people in like a Walmart. Like, hey dude, hey, your life's so fucking ugly. Why are you so fucking, why are you fucking ugly, lady?

I'm like, I dare you to punch me shit. Yeah online. It just seems a more antagonizing Yeah, people will just antagonize like you should like fuck you and they're like, oh I win, you know, I antagonize Spray that bug spray in that guy's face. Yeah Yes, I don't understand it We're past that age to have to understand it. Speaking of pranks, Chaley finally found, did he tell you this? The fucking missing Brooklyn commercial that got us fired.

Oh. Oh. I just ordered some Brooklyn cheats, too. They'll be here Saturday. I love them. Still have them. Yeah, my bar is four out, so Jenny just had me order some from Yeah, we did get...

We have been wrongly convicted. No. Twice we lost sponsors where I want to like, I want to go to court with the company. Like get the fucking head of Audible here and the fucking whatever New York... Well, it was at Madison Avenue for shitheads who wrote that ad copy and I think we did both of them a service we still use Brooklyn and Cheats even though we were so rudely fired from one of the funniest commercials I think we've ever done. I think the audible one which is

different because you came off really caustic Yeah, which we're not gonna listen to that one, right? But it'll be available That one you really I think honked off someone at the ad agency Yeah, who then told the sponsor we need to get rid of these guys I don't think audible had anything to do with like hey, did you hear that? Someone's butt got hurt there and they got an ego. That's what I'm saying. I would I would want audible in court with their own PR people and say, okay, 100% me for a fucking brilliant ad read or you're PR. But what you brought out was that come see audible or

something like that was that was the line and you're like, see, this is just poorly written. You hear audible and you were making a point. And you're like, this is a long dissertation about how much nine minutes audible fucking books that meant in my career. Absolutely. Yeah. It was, I commit to a goddamn sponsor and some ad agencies starting to make you look like shit. Well, I won't tolerate it Well, it's just lazy $65 a month So are we gonna listen to the Brooklyn yeah we can if you want because it would be a listening party

I could have done that while you were making a drink I remember that there was always like it was started in 1998 by a couple fucking Donnie and Marie I'm afraid that it's not gonna be as fantastic as I remember it now I'm like oh no I do I want to hear this I was thinking the same thing because because in my mind we really it we were it was just we just riffing and making up shit. And it was funny. And in my memory, I can't hear the sound of my own voice. Yeah.

That's the only problem is you two have to hear your own voices. All right, you want to save it till the end? Let's just play it at the end, and we won't listen to it. Or maybe we will. We can listen to it off mic. Then we'll play it at the end. But I mean, it's still, it's a solid story.

And the fact that you guys were just improvising. Well, they said that in every read, so-and-so, whatever their names are, started the company out of there. It was very personal, so we made it more personal as though they were our friends. Yeah, like your friends started a sheet company. Yeah, so we kept making up these absolutely ridiculous

stories about our interactions with them, and it always ends up with how great Brooklyn and Sheetz are. And this. Well, during it, I was a little nervous, because I didn't know what the fuck you guys were doing. Because you basically told Chad, Chad, follow my lead. And then Chad kept expounding on what you did. I'm like, this is going pretty good.

Little tag team here. And then I'm going, this is not going, this, whoa, it gets dark. I did not know the end game until a certain point. And I go, I know how this can go. I know how this can go. At the end, I was like, all right, I'll submit this. This works.

You have to listen to the end. So that is well done. And I listened to it yesterday, and I stand by it. Fun times. If you guys out there want to ISO this and the commercial and then use your social media and send it to Brooklyn, they'll hear it, say, hey, these guys need a second chance because this was brilliant fucking theater.

And when someone gets fired for doing their best work, it makes them uninspired for years and years and years. And they circle down into the bottom of a plastic jug vodka bottle. All right, I had a, well I wanted to talk to you about, I almost bought a conversion van, because we have two fucking Suburbans. One was to replace the other, but for whatever reason,

we didn't trade it in. So now I have one Suburban with too many miles and one with almost too many miles. I wanna trade them both in for a really nice Suburban. We don't need two, it's just for touring. And then I found a conversion van. What's a conversion van? It's a van that they made real fancy for living in.

It's like captain's chairs that swivel around. Seats nine, higher ceiling. Okay. But it was on eBay. But not like high like a Sprinter where we can't go through the drive-through? No, not high profile at all, just like. High profile.

Yeah, it was... And seats nine, but it didn't have enough pictures. I go, that back looks like it folds down into a bed if you want it to. What, you're shopping online for this? I was, yeah, I was on eBay. Oh, I thought you went somewhere. I've had a lot of free time.

You know how many places I've gone to just doing travel porn in the last 36 hours. I've been on fucking had flights to every continent. I'm picking up the seats and I go all right let's see what else we could and we could always go here up until as recently as an hour ago when I was checking Kansas City flights for James Inman's podcast. Fucking fly me an MCI baby. You can fly me an MCI, baby. Where were we? What was my entire point? The conversion van.

Conversion van. $58,000, 24,000 miles on it, 2018. And it was in Rio Rico. And it was ending with a private party. Yeah. It's not a dealership or used car no like who's sorry and I've I've bought a lot of cars off eBay and I've been fucked every single one of those times that Pacer that he said was 4,000 original miles and then when I sold it the person who bought it found

it where he had listed it before I bought it for with a I'm assuming a hundred and four thousand mile you told me I've still never fucked with that guy a motorhead bought the the Pacer that's why he found out the the van that I had a picture of forever the bathroom that we took to the first of the W bus VW bus was piece. The one I bought, the unvertible, that was a Death Valley piece of shit. That Cadillac I bought for Bingo, the old fucking 73 Cadillac.

Oh, the red one, yeah. Convertible. That thing was great. Yeah, but it was a piece of. The greatest thing of that is the picture of you and I and Floyd sitting in front of it. There's a great picture, yeah, it just has the whole yard and everything

and then there's this badass convertible. I know the guy that bought it and drove back to, he was happy with it but I was not, I was, like the first week, the stick shift broke and it took like three weeks to get the part and it was like, this is a fucking nightmare. nightmare and leather seats black leather seats in the fucking Arizona Sun I never did think I could get in seat covers anyway I've never and how are you expecting someone to spend fifty eight thousand dollars and you only have nine pictures

of it yeah but it was a Rio Rico, and I'm like, I could drive there, but it's ending in 17 hours. I'm not gonna fucking. Drop everything. I doubt if they're gonna sell it in 17 hours. That sounds really high. It also sounds like it could be a scam. I don't like that there's not more than nine pictures.

There's just someone fucking lazy as shit. Yeah, that's a lot of money. I don't know, what do you, do you, no one, I was gonna say no one's gonna do that, but I spent fucking like 18,000 on that stupid Pacer. That's vintage. That was antique, I think. I think we're old enough that,

well, it used to be classic cars are antique cars now. Yeah. What? I don't know. I thought there was a period after that. Yeah, there was. All right. If I want to be reminded of how old I am, I just need to go back to the doctor.

Yeah, you can get historic license plates on the vehicle from the year you were born. Yeah, so someone's in the neighborhood drives like a piece of shit just regular pickup truck. And it's got antique the gold is gold with a red embossed lettering. Yeah, yeah. That's a it's like if I put a **** like a personalized plate on the mom car. Yeah, but that that is like a 50s pickup truck. No, not not the photographer. Oh, I'm talking about like it's it's

probably like an 82 or something. What? Yeah. It's an 80s. You know the one I'm talking about there? I think they'll have to be 25 years old to get a historic license for that. That doesn't seem right. Yeah. My fucking act is 34 years old. Oh.

My act is outgrown a demographic. I've been doing it 34 years, so, grown a demographic like I've been doing it 34 years so and that the target demographic is 18 to 35 so at this point no one would even try to advertise to my act that that makes some high logic I tripped in here Some fucking weird guy. I'm sure he's listening. How else would you know all this stuff? He can't we dad a Kentucky Derby party for Margo because Margo if she's 85 now or 84 and we went out to dinner and she always had a Kentucky Derby party one of the first things I did When I moved here was go to the Kentucky Derby party one of the first things I did when I moved here

Was go to the Kentucky Derby because she sold me the house. Oh, you can come up to the party We always have a party. She had actually sold this house Wait, no, that's a fucking completely wrong story. That is a story about the cart races Anyways, you always had a Kentucky Derby party. so for her birthday I said, I'll throw a party here, she's too old to throw a party and worry about clean up or invite. He said, I'll throw the party for you and you come over and anyone you want can come over. Four days advance notice.

Yeah, it's busy, like, what's people planning, fucking's some here. Yeah. So I confirmed 40 or so people and then she bailed out. Her friend said, yeah, Margot, she's not gonna do it. She's afraid, I think she thinks she has to invite all the people and maybe she'll change her mind. But now she bailed. And oh, she did actually get sick. She got got I don't want to have people that going through what I'm going through and well yeah I when I didn't see her I thought maybe

she got here earlier and I just missed her stroke that she always has when she comes over here you just missed her yeah to ambulance just left oh it's already stroked out and well when you remember that Super Bowl where I think it was me, you and Becker just realized, wait, there's a big party here and then there's a big party on the patio. But we just sneak into the living room all by ourselves. No one's in there. And we'll just watch the fucking way. I think we watched an entire half of a Super Bowl, knowing that everyone in here would think we're out there and everyone out there would think we're in here.

Perfect cover. It's fucking great. Got anything on your list there? Yeah, I got everything on my list. I was going to talk about my stockers more, but I look for them. Because Pete Davidson, he touched on some of this stuff. When your stalkers stop stalking you, you go, okay, what did I do wrong? Did you not like the last special?

There is something, or maybe it's just that's how egomaniacal I am, like hey. Well I think that's even that baby reindeer that's one of the things I liked about it is it points out like there's all sorts of different angles. Yeah. To that situation. That's all I'll say. I'm trying to think of a way to say it. I know it's killing you guys I'm sorry but. Well the first one. I didn't know I had a homework. The one I get the restraining order against yeah he's like not even, like is he still following me on Facebook? But if I blocked him- He's foot messaging me from, he's messaged me from several different accounts.

I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah, that was the South Dakota one. He's like, I find court records, he tried, him and his buddy tried to sue someone for personal injury. And I go, you're evolving as a tweaker. You're going a little bit more white collar with. Yeah, that's like all those tweaker. Yeah.

So good on you. They're Levi and and yeah, I got one intelligible email probably in the last year from the Cody one Like hey, I'm just a fuck-up I know he had a lucid moment where he wasn't accusing me of stealing all my last special from his thoughts But he'll go back to it Gretchen Bonaduce for mayor. Get on board. She texted me. Are you part of the team? I think I'm more of the part of a team that in her imagination than I am in mine. Like an imaginary kitchen cabinet.

I said that, she was trying to get a reality show. Yeah. And I've been on, in the pitch meetings, trying to help her get a reality show. When she moved here, she wanted a reality show just making over the Greenway Manor. And like, people don't give a fuck about, you're not a you know a home repair kind of

Well, I don't know a name for any of those shows anyways, so I said like I'll I'll help you I'll help you pitch it But when it comes to the show like I would be I would do like a Gilbert Gottfried Esk cameo as your like campaign advisor and give you terrible ideas. So you are involved? I would, yeah I said I would do that. I don't want to be like if it's some kind of Kardashian whatever if it gets picked up. No I'm not gonna be like a regular guy. was she somebody? Like an actress or something before or before was she just Danny Bonaduce's wife I don't know and I think I might have read her book

She wrote a book and it had a very clever title and I don't know what it is But she was on the reality show with Danny Bonaduce She and now the fucking our mayor is coming out of, he wanted to retire. Yeah, he did two terms I think. And he's like, yeah I'm done, I'm 72. And now he's running again, because people are like, you can't let Gretchen Bonaduce be the mayor. First of all, you have the fucking stolen also,

and cliched and hackneyed, keep Bisby weird. First of all, you have the fucking stolen also and cliched and hackneyed keep Bisbee weird. Well, you know what? Either vote Bonaduce or scratch that bumper sticker off your fucking car because Ken Budge ain't weird. No. He's a nice guy and a heck of a mayor. But fucking Gretchen Bonaduce runs all these businesses and they're thriving.

So I fucking keep falling for that. And that's me. I just walk through and I keep thinking I'm looking at a security camera. Forget that it's well, it wouldn't be nighttime outside. And we're in that building. Yeah, and it's nighttime. Oh yeah. And we are in that building that we're looking at.

The thing about that that we didn't mention before well We did say we could hear John cutting a fart at the at the urinal Is that it is a good sleep ambient video because it is long and it's quiet din of people talking Yeah, the background can hear fucking go hear Chad easy and but you don't pick anything out. Yeah The chicken one that I just did is all early in the morning and my pond is right there next to him. So you hear the sound of the waterfall, the water and then all birds and then chickens chirping. That's the whole sound. Car drive by once. I wonder if you guys let me know. And Reddit is the fucking best way read it. I love the reddit So yeah, let me know if you guys actually watch

Or listen to ambient Background shit because I love making it and I want to make more. Here's this real Stanhope on reddit. Yeah Yeah, what are you on reddit HD fatty, okay At least I figured I used the one that everybody. You have a weird one. You chimed in and I go that has to be Chaley, but it's is it one job? I don't know. I don't look at what mine is.

I just see that you're something comes up under yours. So then I'll click over and I'll check it out. I rarely go in and check out Reddit or something that I'm looking at. All right, well, yeah, get on the Patreon. We have a ton of stuff. I did throw out that Mitch Hedberg thing to the fucking high rollers, the killer termites.

And again, we're going to change up the names of the levels. But that thing that you released, that was a Patreon only and only to the higher level. Yeah, well we should drop that to the... I don't know, there's an issue with the... anyway, we'll talk about it. I don't know how you put something out. He's got some music in it. Oh, so there's a problem with copyright? YouTube like, like, how do you there's a business meeting, but

I want to give that to the Patreon people. You can remove it through YouTube. Or if it's they might not it might not be a copyright strike. It might just be hey, you have a copyright notice. It's a video of me and Hedberg that Hedberg made. He had a fucking camcorder back in the day and he was making movies from the minute. He was a fucking middle act. And so it's I think he edited it.

I don't know if you told me this or someone else that like editing, like hitting play on one VCR and recording on another and hitting pause on the record and then fast forwarding to another spot. He's not he doesn't have tape and a razor blade splicing. This was like, like, like you would record songs off the radio, make your own mixtape. But that's why you get all the track. Get some commercial and you got to back up.

So that sounds like high tech to me. What you just explained was baffling. Well, now it's like you don't even think about it because all that stuff is consumer level. You can produce anything. But back then that's the way you had to do it unless you were going to buy an editing day. Which I don't even know if they had one that would even be reasonable. The other thing that's available is the drive up to Sedona with Andy.

Oh yeah. That was Patreon only. See I asked Alex and this was before we knew what the fucking issue of Andy was about to be that like hey if nothing else let's film the whole drive. We have the part of the drive when I picked Andy up at the airport that was funny but we had a camera mounted in the front on the dashboard and it burned out. Like it overheated. The shot from the back going up to Sedona was so nice. It was relaxing and it was just two dudes talking. And that's, I'm not only me, but people in the comments were talking about it too. It was really cool. Like they were sitting in the back seat listening to you guys

talk the whole fucking trip. I mean, I know it was edited at some point, but it was, you usually don't talk driving. It's just so odd. What's I, but you were doing it. I was doing what better help or I should say, um, uh, teletherapy online therapy. Yeah. It's not necessarily who I use when I'm pranking them, not pranking them.

I'm having having but that's I did what they did I guess is Andy like really is that so do you think that was how did you recognize he was in crisis at that point. Oh yeah when he crawled in when he called the skull that was when you knew that it was definitely. No no when he crawled out of here that morning to fucking load in the car and he's like, you weren't watching the security camera on 430 on the stage where you go,

the security camera actually cuts off right before the stage and he goes, oh, thank God, thank God, because I do a little episode and I don't... Okay. Let's talk about it on the drive. Oh, that empty. That's why he was so overcome and rejoiced and born again after Sedona and that long hike to the...

To whatever... The Devil's Bridge. Yeah, it just. It answered a lot of questions because he didn't talk about any of that shit on his own podcast. So yeah, and I don't know if, Chad, you didn't watch it. No, you don't need to.

Well, you know the story by now. I don't think he does. Oh, all right, I'll tell you. I'll tell you after. I'll tell you once you sign the story by now. I don't think he does. Oh, all right, I'll tell you. I'll tell you after. I'll tell you once you sign up for my Patreon. Yeah, it's, yeah, let's just close on that. Because it's a good, yeah, you guys, if you wanna hear the story, go to the exclusive issue

with Andy on the Patreon. On your, Doug's Patreon. And now I'm gonna tell it live in person after we hang up on you. Hey, thanks for coming to the new bar. We don't have a name for it, but we're starting to trick it out. It's this fun house up front.

Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, oh fuck, we have that painted. It looks awesome. Oh, it's in the video too. All right. The ambient. God, that looks so cool. I know. All right.

Yeah. Hey, thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next week. Plug your dates. Oh, yeah, my dates coming up. I think if it's you, me, Andy, and if Jeff Tate is available available but Junior is always available. Jeff Tate is smoking again. Yeah, I know.

I saw a clip of that. But that might be because if you're...to have... I'm not worried about smoking. Okay. I have no fucking issues with that. I mean, that's the way to quit is to be able to be around the stuff, live your life. And yeah, the last thing is always the writing. That's the problem.

That's why I haven't been on stage. Oh, curious. Why has there been no writing? Yeah, there's a fucking stack of half notes and shit that they usually just chain smoke and okay, this goes with that that goes with that New York Times Sunday fucking crossword well I started taking notes whenever you told me so that I could at least have something to say if I have to go see you doing it for you and Andy yeah yeah yeah

I want to fucking completely go out and do kind of like Bert Kreischer but our beautiful low-end version I don't want to do fucking arenas I want to fucking completely go out and do kind of like Bert Kreischer, but our beautiful low-end version Oh, I love I don't want to do fucking arenas I want to do that though. What's the name of those at the little field in where I? Was doing for our own entertainment the Idaho Falls where the no encore for the donkey that that pepper tree Pepper tree and it's the little tree like a root all torn up yeah that was the the the that's what those catalysts is the word I'm looking for for the title of the book oh by the book yeah no encore for the donkey to get merch while you can quickly oh and it's the 20 year anniversary of deadbeat hero the

fucking when you were asking me about why is watching Pete Davidson as I'm starting to write I will start to watch comedy where it's not I used to avoid it but now good comedy makes me want trying to watch Chappelle after a tell, watching anyone after a tell special. You see how much they fucking phone it in. Okay, you got like fucking, you put eight jokes, eight laughs in that. Fucking a tell, put eight laughs in a joke.

And like, it's fucking difficult. His new one's good. So so I watch great comics for inspiration and I'll watch horrible comics for inspiration or comics I just think are horrible. I just always hated Pete Davidson's face. I never knew anything and I did laugh a lot at his stuff but it did fucking step on my stalker stuff quite a bit and then I was happy when he fucking lied and did one of those Yeah, you can't make this stuff up. Yeah, you can I

Forget my point so yeah, we'll be out it will be out there somewhere this summer in a fucking Conversion van that I hit I'm drunk and high. So yeah, I'll buy that for $58,000. Wait, what no wheels? model that's this big. Hey, Derek, come around. I'm just can you watch it? Both of your fucking faces melting. Like I'm definitely contacted. Hi, just look into the camera and do a bingo and take us out. I'm going home.

See you guys. Now he's saying, OK, bye bye now. I have my own version. Oh, yeah. He's got his own catchphrase. I say bingo is a catchphrase. Love you guys. OK, I'm killing this.

Ugh. Oh my god, that was so good. That was juicy. That was juicy. That was vomitous. Yeah, because that's not even beer. I've done that with beer because it's foamy, but that was good. Wow.

That was all the insulting things that I was trying not to say earlier and I belched them all up. Derek, I don't know if you listened to the Footloose podcast, I don't know if that's what it called, but Derek, a year ago, remember, attempted murder. Like that was, I feel like somehow I'm to blame that that was such an underwhelming story. Like as far as, well GoFundMe's don't fucking work anymore. There's too many of them. But still, like the fact that there was an attempted murder at Derek's house with fucking

Deb Stoxx in the house where a fucking meth head shot up the house, blew our friend footloose is what we, Jennifer is her real name, but there's too many Gens, so we call her Footloose is what we Jennifer is her real name, but there's too many Jen So we call her Footloose because she blew her fucking foot off with Derek's rifle Fucking tweaked out of her head thinking that the people and this is in the fucking The police report and in the news that you can find of it Because she thought that the people in the house were trying to harvest her organs and that's the kind of fucking crazy stalkers I get. You know what I don't get an unattractive woman like Pete

Davidson. I get the kind I don't even get a woman. You at least had a woman that was accusing you So she finally threw the like the whole court process. She's finally got sentenced to seven and a half years I did not go I Derek you had to give me the wrong fucking he goes. Yeah, it's on the 15th and I'm like, oh that's the same day The NFL schedule comes out. It's a big day in Bisbee for me.

I get to see who's playing on Thanksgiving Packers against the Dolphins, the night game. Very exciting. Our fucking Dolphins guys, Kirschner and Bingo and the fucking Packers. Oh, it'll be a bloodbath. And, and then I get to go to the sentencing. But he fucked it up. The Tuesday was not the 15th, Tuesday was the 14th.

So he's like, I'm on my way over. And I had just showered. I had my fucking socks to match my outfit and stuff. Tuesday's usually my best day of the week. A lot of times, my only day of the week. I don't know why it works out like that but where I wake up and I got fucking yeah we better do this while it lasts because tomorrow I'm gonna feel like shit. I did not go but he told me I get to read my victim's impact statement and I just have to write it down. I go, do you want me to help you write it?

No, I got it. I just have to write it down and he's like, he's writing in the like the boundaries of whatever the paperwork the court gave him. He's trying to write his speech in around it and you left holes in my wall and now you are going to go to the hole. And it wasn't even that good. I guess that was actually one of them, but it wasn't I couldn't do it dumb enough. But I mean you had a good you had great thoughts. You just needed polishing me to rewrite him. It's called punch-up work in the business there.

So I like all right you got right, we got about 25 minutes before you have to leave. We can crank something out. And it was the worst, because like once, okay, this will do. It's funny enough. But then the whole day I'm like, fuck. If I had like a day's notice.

Yeah, what you should have wrote. Derek and I said to Bingo, she goes, do you think he's gonna say it? I go, he's like fucking anchorman. He's gonna read what's ever on the teleprompter. And he did, like he was doing it for me, but there's zero attempted an acting chop. Like there's no emphasis.

He's reading it like people do in court. Ever since I will never trust again because Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Teletype going behind it. I don't want to tell you Oh my gosh From what I remember it was What's her name?

Natalie. Natasha. Natalie, whatever, same fucking lady. She's a, she's, the first beat was, I've always been a caring, a giving and trustful person. So when I let you a stranger into my house, I assumed you would not shoot off my friend's foot, try to kill everybody in the house and leave people emotionally scarred

for the rest of their lives. That's what you get for assuming. And I coached him on like, just go off on the silly part. But I'm also a man of God. Oh, boy. And the God I believe in is a very angry and vindictive God. So even if I wanted to forgive you, He'll never let this go till the end of time.

There's no protective custody in hell. Sucks to be you. Right into the record. And how did that go, Derek? I got to say it into a mic. Yeah, you always do. But he said everyone, like, as soon as they go, it's like you jibber jabber in the court

and blah, blah, blah, white noise and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and they go, OK, well, victims of the state. And everyone went dead quiet and silent and serious. So he said that Natasha or Natalie, whatever, Natasha, just looked at him like he meant it. He said only Footloose herself was the one like stifling the laughs and one of the bailiffs because Footloose has a bit. She's also a local comic and she has a bit that she does at chuckle heads about if I was going to harvest your your organs you've already

harvested what's that how's it go I remember making tequila man you've been harvesting your own organs which I think they mean what do you call preserving preserving your own organs she needs some punch-up work well I don't I this is a very Chinese telephone because this is from her. This is through Derek. So anyway, so she already had the bail of trying not to laugh. Derek followed it strong. I practiced the inflections. I did my best.

I still to this day. Nobody's making any expression. It's like doing comedy in the UK. No reaction from the audience. Or on TV where the cameraman can't laugh. And that's who you're looking at. And you go I've sucked like I come from a stand up background and you stare at the person laughing. But I still like after that I'm like, Oh, no, this is what we should

have. Derek would have read anything off the it's reading it off a paper. Yeah, we should have. Derek would have read anything off the end. He's reading it off a paper. Yeah. And we could have fucking done so many things. Like, I personally attack her. Listen, you will. I can't tell you how your crime affected me and make you care, but I can tell you things about you that'll hurt just as much.

Wow. A lot of people, like just like a roast. A lot of people on this jury think, well, you've had enough punishment with that 55 pounds you gained since you've been in prison. You fat pig. You had seven years and fat and seven years of ugly. When you get out, you're going to have to shoot someone's foot off to get any dick inside. Like just whatever. Like just attack her on such a personal level. Because you know that would have hurt more than getting sentenced to seven and a half years in prison. That's a lot. Killed in front of everybody and nobody can, not only did I lose my gun and you shot a hole in my wall, I had to throw away the couch that you slept on

because your vagina stinks so horribly. Yeah, everyone's talking about it. Listen, you know you get real pale in prison because you don't see a sunlight but then it really brings your acne out. Oh my God. I want to cut my statement short because looking at your face is making me kind of fucking whatever just just go after and stay with her maybe that's the thing of

victims impact roast would get more people there and it would actually be more damaging to the to the the perp yeah hang on I'm fucking I'm sure there's guidelines that you have to stay within two minutes you know anything you want for two minutes I'm sorry I didn't see the light is it which light is it? We're there Did you have wait you did have some guidelines because you were that's what you were writing I know that paperwork was for the if there's a probation officer. It's for them to They can see what you say about the person or whatever So it wasn't it's for you to break your statement. All right, but did you have like guidelines? Did they tell you to keep it to this amount

of time? Don't use this kind of language? You know, I think you can say whatever you want unless the judge says, you know, he can say that. I just wanted to say, fag it, because it's, they don't let you say it at my local open mic. I just wanted to take advantage of the moment here. That's all there. You have to say like the F word or queer or something. What year?

I would like to do a, a song acapella because I'm 86. I'm 86 from karaoke, the Hitching Post. So in my victim's impact statement. This is the last stage time I get. I just want to take advantage. I don't want to give you any more attention than you obviously need by shooting off my friend's foot. So I'm just going gonna do a song.

Always wanted to do it karaoke. I don't even know the defendant or the victim. I just saw the people lined up outside. I wanted to get my two minutes. It's hard to get stage time in Bisbee. It's hard to get stage time in Bisbee. I just think I didn't go. I'm glad I didn't go. I know some judges that don't want to burn any bridges on this foray.

And nor do you. This is a segue. And the judges. You can't escape problems. Remember the years back when we go, oh, after all this time, he found out he really doesn't have any kids, but they still keep happening to you. It's nonstop bullshit. You sent me what I thought.

You're look like a ghost thing picture. But it's a nighttime security camera up close. That's always scary as fuck. Yeah. When there's something close, a human being close to a security camera at night. Oh yeah. Well, and then it was one in the morning. I'm sleeping in Globe and my phone's meh. Oh, you got notifications.

And it takes me a second to wake up and go, wait, the only thing that would do that right now is someone on my front porch or in my driveway. And so I grabbed my phone up and I looked and it- Well, you reached for your gun. Well, no, I'm far away. Instinctively though. So I look and it's, I go that's a guy with a guitar walking through my front driveway.

Rocking my front yard. Which in Bisbee would actually be... So I'm sleeping so my mind is like, is there a party going on in the neighborhood and this guy's lost? And then it dawns on me. I hit the live view and I just see flashlights, people looking in my window and I go it's fucking cops. So it was a cop vest and he had a flashlight. So I panicked and I just hit, there's a siren. Oh yeah. So I hit the siren, because I thought,

well maybe they'll just, I still wasn't sure it was cops in my mind, you know, somebody with flashlights looking around. So I'm like, well if I hit the- And it's grainy nighttime footage. If I hit the siren, they'll go away. So I hit the siren, and all it did was make the cop walk up to the camera and talk to me on the intercom.

And I'm like, what the fuck is going on over there? And he's like, do you know this red vehicle parked in front of your house? I go, no, I don't. And he says, I said, there should be no vehicles in front of my house. So he keeps asking me questions, and I keep telling him no. And it was my son telling him, no, and it was my son's vehicle.

And I knew it was my son's vehicle, but you don't fucking rat out your fucking family to the cops if you don't know what's going on. You couldn't have known. As your attorney, I'm gonna strike out what he just said. He said he was asleep. He couldn't have known. Yeah, what red vehicle?

And I really did. I don't know for sure. He was saying in theory he would never rat so it comes he tells me well he says we were on a we got called to a scene and His vehicle pulled up and as soon as they saw us They turned her out at all that and we chased him here Hmm, and I was like what the fuck so he goes so he goes well he goes we need to I said was he under arrest and they said no and I said

well he's not at my house my house is locked there's nobody in my house and he goes well he goes we want to check on him we think he might be hurt because he might have wrecked and I go well you know well and I'll get a hold of my wife and we'll figure out if he's hurt or not. And, and- Wait, is the car wrecked? He's trying to, yeah. They're tricking you.

The car was wrecked. Oh, it was? Yeah. Oh, okay. But not as bad as they made it sound. But I mean, still. But they were just trying to give me, to give them permission to go inside my house.

No way. And I kept telling them, I go, well, there's no, there should be nobody at my house, is all I kept repeating. There should be nobody at my house. So I said, there's, you know, and they finally, well, is this your son? And finally gave me the name and I go, that's what, yeah, that's my son. And he goes, well, sir, I think he's hiding in your house is what I think. And I said, well, is he under arrest? And he goes, well, no. And I go, well, then I want you to leave. And I said, I'm not home, and there should be nobody at my house,

so I want you to leave and take care of this another time if he's not under arrest. I said, you can go. So the cops left and peeled out in my fucking driveway. Oh wait, so this is all over Ring? Yes. Okay. Oh wow.

Not a sponsor. Well, the first part of it was was and then I gave him my phone number and then we talked on the phone. So then I found out later that my son had went in getaway because he was drunk and he didn't want to get a DUI. So he ran over there and went in the house, went over and was on the roof so he heard the entire conversation between me and the cop. So he was like, fucking dad saved my ass. So basically told the cops to leave. And and so he got them not having any real concrete evidence

other than a car abandoned in the front yard. There's no sign of entry. And they ran immediately ran. We saw the cops suspicious, There's no sign of entry. And it ran, immediately ran when you saw the cops. It was suspicious. But they had no legal rights. But on your property, they can only do so much, and then they have to split.

As soon as I told them I didn't want them there, I said, I got animals there. I said, my wife is at work. I said, my house is locked up. I said, there's nobody at my house. And so you can leave. Nobody in the house. You can leave and come back during the daytime whenever somebody's there if you need to talk to somebody. And you can leave. Nobody in the house. You can leave and come back during the daytime

whenever somebody's there if you need to talk to somebody. And they never did. So I still, my son is gotta be terrified to talk to me because he has not talked to me still. Since? Yeah, we ran into him at breakfast. I don't know if you know this. Chad and your wife and my ex-girlfriend and Junior are on

a wordle group every morning. What I do is I wordle. So early you wordle. So fucking early. I wordle early. I know Doug's ringtones. He gets his first when it wakes me up. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Well, we have a, we have a, we're at the tree on Friday. We have two different rooms. Oh, you didn't get to do that. Well, yes, yes I did. I know. We're both men of a certain age that don't need to share. Oh, me and you are sharing a room

and Bingo's getting her own room. Oh, I don't know if she is coming out. OK, yeah, because of the going to Palm Springs. Anyway, you leave at four in the morning. And that's when we get done partying because we're on meth. None of this is true. Now I forgot my point again. Oh, you saw my son that day.

Yeah. It's like early morning. I went to breakfast up at the the Royale of the day after. Yeah it's like early morning breakfast up at the the Royale. The day after this incident? Oh boy. But I didn't know so I took a picture I go oh fuck it's like I'm Chad's son and I'm like oh yeah of course you are and I took a picture let's send a picture to Chad it's like in what nine in the morning eight in the morning I don't know I put it on the wordle thing cuz I know he's awake yeah he wordled and and then he's like I thought he'd be like oh it's so cool you're hanging out as me and was it you no I was on the phone with you Kenny oh that's right oh my god Kenny wait yeah well that's a two-parter

yeah Kenny that's a fucking story coming up. Hopefully. Oh my god So, yeah, I responded I'm not happy with that kid I was like, oh jeez Is that it was one of those mornings where you wake up? You're still a little bit high. Yeah And yeah, I thought that was gonna be fun and Yeah. And you're like, oh, I thought that was going to be fun. And Okay, yeah, well, Kenny's going to be its own thing. And let's say it's still developing.

Yeah, but there's like, there's so much of it that you can't tell, but you do because it's Kenny. And then it's like there's the legal problems that haven't come up. And then there's the personal problems with relationships that, yeah, we should just, I told him that I would put him up and jail him in the crawl space. Remember when Inman, well no you don't remember, it was the first year, New Year's I was here. I'd only lived here six months and I'd go, hey everyone come. I wasn't here, no. You weren't here.

Shawcroft was here I think. Shawcroft, yeah. That's why we want to go hook up with her in Palm Springs. That's close enough. If we We get this week to Palm Springs. She can meet us there anyway. Yeah. Inman stayed down in the cross space because there was nothing here. There was no no fun house or anything.

And that's not a fixed up living space. It's got dirt floor There's a roof. I can stand up. It's got dirt floor and part of it. Yeah, yeah, so there's some shitty carpet on top of dirt. Yeah, yeah. I can stand up in some places. But you can't walk to the door standing up. And I'm five-seven.

Yeah, you have to hunt. Hunt your dad down. And it was dad posture. The point is, you could sleep down there. We were a different breed. We were younger people like you still sleep in your car. Oh, speaking of sleeping in the car, I have a I want to ask you some questions because we are road tripping and you have this fucking tricked out van for when you go to globe. Now you don't need it.

But do you still stay in it when you go to globe. Now you don't need it, but do you still stay in it when you go to globe? Uh, no, I haven't stayed in it when I go to globe, but I've stayed in it here. Uh, the last two times I was here, I've stayed in it, I think. And, uh, it's handy as fuck. I know cause bingo is like, uh, she's back working out. She's like, uh, not drinking. Uh, so she's like, well, if we go on a road trip, I can't just be around food, I can't eat and

alcohol. And I'm like, yeah, but you've been so active on the social media now. She's always like writing something. She's back creatively and that inspires me. And I go, you can film me because I need to put more shit out for our you know Social media and patreon like we're fucking road tripping you can work on Filming me. Yeah You and Vigo in a fucking tricked-out van rolling along would be fantastic Yeah, you get the fucking fucking old burb there and I took those two

So yeah, you got the fucking the fucking old burb there and I took those two Very high dollar things you had for the chaise lounges up on top the orange things. Yeah the cushions Yeah, I kept kept those are nice. And so I just threw them in the back of the suburban for the two of us Oh, that's good. Yeah, if we go to slab city That's like that's as thick as a sleeping pad for a camper. Yeah. And been going on drinking. If I if we want to sleep in a fucking parking lot and a cop goes, hey, she can be in the driver's seat because it's sober. So check out van life on Reddit is one of the they were just subreddits. There's a van life that's pretty cool.

Who is just van life was here that that same weekend was a Allison Bisbee land and fuck. Oh, it's a person No van life is like community Eva from oh, yeah afraid Yeah, she probably had this and Bernarella It was like it was like eight festivals in a weekend. She owns the John Quill with the, is that, does she have a husband? Some dude?

Who is the other dude? Her husband's soon died. I wasn't introduced to him, I met her, I think. Oh yeah, yeah, I think we've forced ourselves upon them. But I've never gotten over the fact, have you ever got past the whole, if I have fun I'm gonna hate myself tomorrow, and I'm gonna think everyone really hates me mine just gets worse

You guys when I first went with you guys you and Shaili when I first started hanging out with you guys I learned a really important lesson about just letting the previous day go because We had to because I was well you got a couple hundred miles ago And you were about to do it over a tummy full of bad time You're gonna start dwelling on what happened yesterday Then you got to think about what happened the day before and the day before and that's good So you have to be able to just shut it off and go keep going And so then that's the same thing with the pocket like if I think about all the dumb shit that I've said on all the podcast I would never do another podcast again

Like that's after I'm dead like that's what's gonna be left for my family to look at like oh look our relative was a fucking Moron we're so proud of him, and he you know talked about it, so I Just cut it off off I have fun in the moment while I'm hanging out with you guys and then I just pretend that never happened again if it creeps in I shut it out I've never actually seen it but I heard about it is described to me and so it feels like I've seen it was the at the end of one of the blue-collar comedy specials they're all sitting in a Waffle House three of them and then Ron White

shows up late and all absolutely fucking craggy fucking hungover look at these and they said they said hey how you feeling you don't look so good today they're giving them shit about being hung over. And Ron White says to them, listen, I didn't get to where I am today by worrying about how I'm going to feel in the morning. Well, if I do ever get to talk to my son, which he'll talk to me tomorrow, he'll come over for weed tomorrow. The first thing I'm going to tell, he's afraid because I'm still his dad. Because cops ended up on your property.

And that's all I'm telling him. First thing is, good job not getting a fucking DUI yeah, and fucking really cute girlfriend and Don't then okay knowing does not make up for it though But it's a package deal I didn't order that part but Is you know first thing is good job not getting into DUI but second don't ever bring the fucking cops to my goddamn house ever. That's a horrible. My

grandma told my grandma about it and when she goes and she's worried about we're you know all ruining our lives having to go stay with her. Yeah. So she's like well see wouldn't it be better if you were there? No, no, grandma. In this instance, this happened the best way it could because if I was home, I said I would not respond well. The cops shine their flashlights in my goddamn window and I would respond aggressively. Like kind. And it might've, you know, you might have just been doing a podcast reading a news article about me right now if I was home. So, but hopefully my son will,

you know, I know he's afraid to talk to me, but I will tell him, you know, good job, but don't bring the fucking cops to my house. And we're back. Driving drunk man, those days are over man. What the fuck? Yeah, he's the, he's in his mid thirties. It's the one that though he has that brain. Oh, that's right. Aneurysm and I know that it affects his thinking all the time and when then he drinks and it really

affects his thinking. And any attorney could probably get him out of a fucking DUI because of that. Or at least that program. Well the first time. But they're not going to do it for free. No. Well when he first came home, I don't think I told you this or maybe I did, but when he first came, well I know you know about it, but when he first got home, he had a warrant for not paying stuff when

he had moved to West Virginia. So he got arrested whenever he first came home and we had just found out about this giant aneurysm mass in his brain. And I did use our friendship with a judge and Told him this is the situation and he still says the same thing like hey I don't want that fucking dude dying in the goddamn jail. So you did me a favor letting me know too But yeah, I was real appreciative of the Santa. I was like I just I needed I need I went to Lawyer shit for you know a will Stuff and she goes out a I lawyer shit for a will stuff.

And she goes, oh, a guy we know. He did your last will. I go, yeah, that's the problem. All the lawyers I know are now judges. That's a problem. Yeah. Well, it's, so only a problem because I need like more legal work.

I don't need judges. I don't know. I'm beyond a fucking place in my life that I'm going to be pleading to something. Even though I still pack ditch bags. It's in my notes to write a bit about the fact that I pack fucking bug out bags or whatever you call them, bitch bags and what we call like I'm ever gonna be on the lam. Well so I drive around in my Ranger it's all dirt roads out where I'm at so I'll just get beer and drive around drinking and I find places that I'll

take over during the apocalypse. Oh, scout? You're doing a location scout? Yeah, scout. There are places with giant solar arrays, and there are places that have big water. So I have like three picked out that I will go and take over my new house during the apocalypse. But for you, it's more plausible.

For you, it's more likely that you might be on the lamb with a bug out bag. Me as a homeowner and a registered. I am not going to be doing the fucking the OJ white Bronco where I'm going to need $fuck $10 thousand dollars in deodorant. That would be a fun podcast is to be this high. We should never fucking start a podcast while we're getting high. We should be that way at the start which is I think how this will cut in as a separate entity it was all so far so far it all works yeah continuity wise but the ridiculousness of what I put in my fucking bug and I have a have a list

like this inside the bag of what's in it. So I can check real quick. Oh, that's smart, though. Stan has got bags with ten thousand dollars in them, just stashed all over. He's forgotten about him. Yeah, that's but that's the thing, because I thought about, OK, if I was going to make that the basis of a travel podcast. OK, it's the bug out bag podcast where I'm just going to fucking. All right. At any moment, you fucking I'm going to podcast where I'm just gonna fucking. All right. At any moment, you fucking I'm going to, I'm going to pull your ticket.

Let's say, and I'm going to go to your, uh, you're in Pennsylvania. All right. I'm going to grab my bug out bag. It's like, whoever fucking texts me first or bug, you'll figure out the rules. I'm going to. I'm going to I'm going to your house. You're the safe house fan from Patreon. Where am I going? And I'm only taking my bug out bag. I got like, one of each mini bottle of whiskey, like a tequila run.

It's a bug out back. You know, they're gonna provide booze at the house while they're doing show and tell with all their swords and cool stuff. They've collected. Oh, you're a flea market booth we're running. Oh shit. Oh fuck I completely lost. Bug out bag podcast. Yeah and that would be going to people's fucking houses.

But like, all right, how much of this shit do I need? I have enough stuff. Where, okay, at a rest area, if I, over the counter sleepers, I'm gonna do a fucking shot of fucking whiskey, and then try to get a few hours of sleep to get to Pennsylvania. I have a lot of ideas. I'm still an idea man.

You know, uh, I had to, I helped, uh, I have to do a lot of the paperwork and all the official stuff over my grandma's estate and stuff. My dad, my dad is, but my dad's in his 70s and hasn't embraced technology in any way. So all the paperwork and stuff is difficult. So you just sign his? So I just make sure it all gets done. So I had to do all the life insurance paperwork.

He retired from APS as an electrician, and he had life insurance, so I was filling it up. But it got me thinking that I have life insurance on me but like I need to take out more life insurance for like each one of my kids there's no reason that I shouldn't treat myself like a like a guaranteed scratch ticket for my family you know that's that's a good I you know idea I'm gonna go at some point not you know you have dependents so it's good it's a good idea. I'm gonna go at some point. You have dependents, so it's a good idea for some kind of life insurance.

Could we, I didn't even write this down. Well, you're saying it now, why are you writing it down? Because I wanna do the Will podcast, where like silly shit, where we all come up with like silly shit that we have Around that makes like that. Well, that's Bingos actually but like okay here let's go to the patreon and

Vibrating phone. Sorry, I go to the patreon and hey That I've had that Murphy versus Galvis fucking boxing post since Renee Renee and I get that in Reno. Okay. So what you're saying is you want to you want to find Patreon subscribers put them in the will. Interesting. Alright. Very interesting. Do you still have that, there was that, was it a hat or something that someone. A beret. A beret that they reneged on a eBay yard sale. I think we sold it to the second highest bidder. Oh yeah. Yeah. But yeah, shit like that. All right, let's plan that. That's interesting. Yeah, my grandma keeps trying to give me stuff all over the place right now. That's basically what we do is walk around and she's like, hey, do you want this? But like, she wants to give you stuff and then, but then you want other stuff. I don't want

anything and I'm afraid that my aunt and uncle do want stuff and I don't want her giving me stuff that they want Yeah, you know, I don't want to do it cause any friction in that fucking family that usually happens around us But my family's really all cool with each other. So I don't think it's a big deal But like she give me a big butcher's block full of knives That's cool. Yeah that I'll never use. All Alright, so okay for the will, we can do Patreon and Derek's. I hope I remember what that means. I don't know. We just talked about it. I don't know what that means. Okay, that's why. Derek gets first choice? No, no like okay. Well, we'll do stuff for patreon people you can pick from this Selection here's our here's our grant

This a lot with a bunch of but very but then we keep my but we can come in with our own Okay, there's things I want specific people to get that I know like okay if there's something I want for Derek if there's something I want for people to get that I know. OK, if there's something I want for Derek, if there's something I want for Kenny, you, you. See, what this does is make that pod. What if Kenny and Derek had to play like Plinko to see who wins the item? So they're in the lawyer's office?

That's part of your will. Oh my god. The lawyer's assistant comes in and is setting up Plinko. What's going on here? We're about ready to read the will. Just let her get that set up. What if now that Plinko, now that I'm tacitly married to a Bonaduce for mayor, I just don't, even if she was awful. She

couldn't fuck up and I feel like what if now I do sure over and I we do our own pod reality show. Stay with me. The fucking mouth is the brain is working. The mouth is stuttering. What if now that I'm part of the Gretchen Bonaduce campaign for mayor, I double fucking fucker and run Derek and Kenny again. Oh wait, because it's too late for the signatures. What about writing? You can run a write-in campaign. I don't know how that works here for that. Kenny Bangbang's also. Well, ain't nobody got to win anyway. I mean, it doesn't matter. It's all about just doing it. Yeah, write in whatever you want. Yeah. Yeah, when you hear that history. What's the Brewster's Millions? Where it's a vote for none of the above. She at least is right in whatever you want.

Derek, thank you for, you know, being a victim. Did you get your rifle back yet? No, I have to wait nine days like August 5th. You are a true victim. Yeah, who's gonna... Undefended. This poor man has been left undefended. Yeah, we have to talk about this thing that we've uncovered where because mentally ill

people are being denied guns. Yes. Now, and it's been proven scientifically that, whatever, people are burglars, home invasion robbers are now targeting mentally ill people. This is something that we have to talk to, what's the mentally ill, the wacky, they do the walks. It's a, who promotes the mentally ill, the wacky, that they do the walks. It's a, there's a, who promotes the mentally ill? The wacky, the do the walks, funny, five fun?

Oh, they like, oh, we're gonna do a fucking. That's the ministry of wacky walks. We're gonna walk for, to raise money for mental health awareness. Susan Coleman, that's breast cancer. No, it's it sounds like WIFI or something. Anyway, the point is because they're denying mentally ill people guns, now all these burglars and home invasion robbers are targeting the mentally ill because they know that they

can't protect themselves. And that's coming up on a very politically charged episode of this podcast, making up bullshit stories that people would latch onto. So start spreading that story around that. No, it was in like the New York times or the guardian, whatever. They did a study where they're fucking like, yeah, like 94% of all fucking home invasions now are on the mentally ill because they know they don't have guns to protect themselves.

I like, I like this idea, except for I want you to call it cross talk. And then we all just talk over the top of each other with different opinions, crossfire, but cross talk where we all just state our opinion at the same fucking time. But we start. If you would do me a favor, Chaley, just cut like any segment of anything so I could just promote it. But we would start this with, okay, this is a thing that they're targeting mentally ill

people because they don't have guns. And then do that simply and in your face and get you afraid. And then we just cross talk for forever. No, no legible. Have you guys ever, I haven't binged into it because every time I think of an idea, Australia's says, oh, Tim Heidecker already did it. Oh yeah.

But are you aware of like Tim Heidecker spoofing? Not at all. All these fucking, I was gonna do my own, Are You Garbage? I wanna do that podcast. I love it, I love them, I love the premise. And I'm like, but I have to go to New York and you know how much I hate that.

So I was gonna just do one episode. Did they put a GoFundMe together? Am I garbage? Oh, am I garbage? Yeah. A million episode. Yeah. And just to say, if you'd like to call in, I'll be doing a spoof of your and see if they'd call in. They might, they might not. It's funnier if they don't. Point being, when I started talking about spoofing,'s like Australia's is oh yeah you haven't seen

Tim Heidecker's like he spoofs this fucking Bill Maher is the creepiest podcast of all these a little bit of it and it's he comes down like Hefner into the basement making his guest wait and I alright but he does have Rogan that's like 12 hours long and he literally does Some Andy Warhol shit, I know I know I Have a weird place that's why I started tripping is to try to get out of it where you go Well, I'm 57. I'm not gonna do anything because I don't have that kind. I can't watch a 12-hour thing I only have like several years left how many 12 hours yeah it's like yes all right let's go wrap it up it's me walking out of here yes say goodbye well we're just

probably gonna cut this in somewhere else right we'll take a break I'll say goodbye goodbye you guys guys. Thanks for tuning in. Hey, Brooklyn and Sheets. Brooklyn and dot com. You spend a third of your life in your sheets. They make a difference with how you sleep. Getting better sleep starts with better sheets. Until you die and then you don't need any sheets at all. But you're not dead. You're listening to this podcast, Brooklyn and Sheets.

Let me tell you, I like to give anecdotes. I don't just sell you a product. I'm not a fucking shill. I'm not Shaquille O'Neal. Actually, he believes in his products too. You've heard me talk about my close relationship with Rich and Vicky Fulop. They started Brooklyn and Sheets in April of 2014 and their philosophy, the most beautiful, comfortable home essentials, no crazy prices.

Crazy Eddie? Where is that guy now? In a fucking asylum somewhere. They don't want crazy They want fucking legitimately sane Medicated prices. Let me tell you a story Right around the founding of Brooklyn and sheets rich calls me. I don't answer the phone I know it's him then he starts texting me crazy bad thing bad thing happened thing happened. Need your help. 911, please, please.

And I'm like, I know he's going to call Chad. Because that's your, he's the cleaner. Middle of the night. Rich shows up, trembling. I'm using your description. Sweating fucking vegetable oil. Well, you know how the Fulops love the sangria. Right, Becker? Oh, yeah. That, I mean, many Fulops love the sangria, right, Becker?

Oh, yeah. That's many a night. I don't remember that. Yeah. The bubbles tickle my nose. You know, there's no fucking bubbles in sangria. But Vicky, you know, she gets kooky. Vicky, evidently, she talks some smack about this and that. There's an altercation. We still don't know. I mean, who do you believe at that point you had to believe rich because rich shows up Chad's doorstep dragging the carcass of his deceased wife who he's sure he killed in

some domestic thing that I can't really remember ambient sangria I don't know I woke up and I found her. I don't You you know how to bury a body you've told me. Well, that's why we had to take his word for it It was because he was the only one conscious but he had Vicky in the Brooklyn and sheets Drug her there the Brooklyn and sheets didn't even have holes in them. I was so impressed I thought she was gonna be all scraped up in there nothing everything was intact and you're cool as a cucumber it's not the first time someone showed up at Chad shank store with a dead body well I'm

thinking blood evidence right away I don't need blood dragged up my driveway so you know but the first time they've ever showed up first time they ever showed up at Brooklyn and sheets. Well to my house. Yeah Yeah, he thought you were what are you selling these door to door? I remember you told me you said that he's got a dead body And Chad is still jiving him with what are you selling them door to door now? And but he was inconsolable He's weeping he's asking for more drinks. He's saying hey, what's your wife Ty? She's hot asking for more drinks. He's saying, hey, what's your wife, Ty? She's hot. Is she Ty? Well, we were trying to,

it's because then I tried to tell him, oh, so would you bring her for a gangbang? I was still trying to make jokes when clearly he was upset. So then he was trying to riff on. I don't mind it cold. That's what you said. You said, I don't mind it cold.

Yeah, we went back and forth a little bit. We're all right like that. I was trying to chill him out. Right. You know, he was upset. So you calmed him down. You gave him some of I was trying to chill him out. He was upset. You calmed him down. You gave him some of what I don't even remember what the weed was called. You used to bring your weed over here and you'd always read the label from the medical place and it was always like fucking... That was when I used to get it from the white market. I get it from the black market these days. Now it's called Gary. It's called Gary. No more

Madinouska Thunderfuck, it's Gary. Always Gary. It's reliable though. So so he gets rich fool up. God bless his soul. High enough that Rich doesn't give a fuck about Vicky right now. He just wants to eat. And of course, Jenny's right up fucking three o'clock in the morning cooking up fucking something in a wok, I assume. Blue apron. Blue apron.

Cross pollination. Get to the funny part. As Rich is in a fucking giggling fit or whatever he was doing. Well, I had to do the cleanup operation at this point. I go to open the Brooklyn and Sheetz. With the saw? Yeah.

Well, I need to... Once I saw that the Brooklyn and Sheetz would hold the blood and I wouldn't have blood evidence around, I was going to just chop her up inside the Brooklyn and Sheetz. And I take the saw and I turn it on, it's an electric skill saw, and whew. Skill saw is not a sponsor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Go ahead, tell us, this fucking, Rich is gonna be so mad we told this story. She jumps up out of the Brooklyn and Sheets! What's going on? She turns out the Brooklyn and Sheets were so comfortable, she slept through almost getting buried alive and in pieces. That's a Brooklyn and Sheet, and that's why I can sell you this product with every inch

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