The Doug Stanhope Podcast - #555 - Another Other Austin Incident

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

Mini-pod! Stanhope is a man of his word and flies to Austin just to watch Tracey watch the hockey. Never without incident, he gets into trouble, cheating death once again. Also, Bingo shares her pregnancy news. (Couch-surfing recap coming soon!)Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

So yeah, I wasn't really in the mood to do a podcast and we just stopped at Safeway on the way back into town and someone said, Bingo! Oh my God, you're pregnant! They went on down in the mood. No, she didn't say, Oh my God, you're pregnant. She said, Bingo! Are you pregnant? And you should have leaned into it.

She should have just said yes. Yeah but what I did I said no I said I said I'm just fat. I just said I'm fat and I ate some pie and I'm very happy. I didn't want her to feel bad. You don't just just never ask that because I'm sure everyone has and you just feel so horrible for the person that asks. Yeah, but I just kept saying, I'm just so happy and fat. And then she went to the paper towel aisle to cry her tears out.

Oh, that poor thing. It's made me endlessly happy. She had to pick up beds. I go, what, for your morning sickness? Yeah. He, you know. Ah, wow. Ugh, that was quite a trip.

Yeah, it was. Injuries, it was a dangerous trip. Yeah, we got in really late, so then there was nothing the first night we got in, and they said, oh yeah, there's a bar's open for two more minutes. And I went, all right. And you had to piss or take a shit and... Yeah, so I missed about a minute and a half of that party. So I was counting down the seconds and I'm like, you got 18 seconds and you better drink

that drink up. But we ain't like fucking pigs. I'm sure that your pregnancy is, that's like a, as Brendan Walsh used to say, a giant 14 pound hoagie baby. Food baby. Yeah. A hoagie size, giant hoagie sized food baby.

Yeah. Um, cause we just ate everything continually. You were nowhere near a diet. And I don't know why you didn't. The Faze and the Sky Clubs and then. If you want to live forever with Doug Stanhope, if you could just take fucking six pills of psyllium husk a day. I know, but I have to take so many pills a day and then you put a handful of psyllium

husk it makes me sick. Like the amount of psyllium husk you take is dangerous. That poop I just made was glorious. Dangerous. It smelled dangerous. I hovered over the toilet. It smelled like Austin. That's what I was saying.

That's a great segue. Sixth Street in the summer. I mean it was horrible enough. Yeah. But yeah, in the dead heat of summer, it's just the proverbial wet dog just just the fucking humidity pulls all the fucking stink off the fucking stumble bumps. There's bodies in the fucking street. Yeah. We stopped in to the club. We watched a hockey game at a sports bar. Be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be, be,. Hockey's really fucking, I love it when it's on and you can look up, but to really pay

attention to it's just fast forward soccer. We went to see Tracy watch the show. We were watching Tracy watch the show. That we were never ahead. No. So it was, yeah, you're only rooting for one person and they're losing. I am.

So afterwards we went to the... Oh, the Speakeasy. Oh yeah, we went to the... We stayed in a hostel because I wanted to stay in bunk beds. That's actually how Bingo ended up on the trip. I was just gonna go in and out. And I found this, when I scheduled a play there last March,

I canceled it, but at first I was gonna stay, I was Collie Tyre, fucking whatever, I can't, some Irish comic, I can't ever pronounce his name right, wanted me to do a St. Patrick's Day show. And I get up, he said, I'm staying here. And I go, I found this room at the hostel. It's like fucking like half a block away.

And he goes, why would you stay at a hostel? I go, cause it's funny. But the hostel. But then I go, you're a 57 year old dude. You're gonna look fucking pretty creepy staying on a hostel. Even though I got my private room, I didn't want to share a bathroom. Especially with these giant fucking turds. Massive psyllium husk turds.

I didn't want to have to. But once I saw there were book beds, I'm on the trip. Yeah, so. In a hostel. Bunk beds in the hostel. I'm like, I'm going. And it didn't pan out any better than the last two times I stayed in my own bunk beds and fucking woke up in a heap on the floor.

I don't even- He fell out. Again. Yeah, we had to recreate it because there was like a shoe on the top step. These are like severe bunk beds. In fact, I filmed it. Maybe, uh, I'll tell you about it. And then if you want to just cut the footage in. I'm gonna prove to you how the body is my body, a drunkard's body, maybe perhaps my own body is the... before there was a Tesla, my body became a self-driving car because we're staying in a youth hostel, which I thought it'd be funny because it's right next

to the sports bar that we're going to watch the game at. And that's why Bingo's here filming is because, I want to say the hostel because it's funny to say you stated the youth hostel even though we've got the private suite. We're not sharing bathrooms. And because it has bunk beds. Now this would be the third time I bought bunk beds for our guest house. Yes you did. Yeah, so I tried twice sleeping in the top bunk and both times it ended up on the floor. Fell out.

But this time I go, oh this is different. This one's walled in after. It wasn't different. So I've damaged myself. I've seen your blood sock. We haven't looked at that. But I'm trying to recreate the crime scene. There was one she was here. Here's the thing. My body is designed, it went through a period in my middle years where I occasionally get up drunk and like piss in a closet or wherever, thinking it's a bathroom. But then as time went on, my body figured out how to unconsciously get up, go piss in an actual toilet,

I go piss in an actual toilet. And then go back to bed. And that, I only figured that out after three times now of sleeping in a top bunk. Where my body gets up naturally and goes to step. What would, so there was a shoe here when I woke up. The other shoe was down there. This was knocked away from down there. This is knocked away from the wall. This is on the floor. There's a

my there's blood seeping through my sock and there's blood in the bed where I climbed back in. I evidently realized. Yeah. Oh, and then I remember going out. There's got to be something wrong with my toe. But you haven't looked at it yet, have you? And then the heel of this foot is deeply bruised. What did you call the heel of your foot? The Pelma. Tracy, what? Pelma. Tracy used that in Wordle and I learned that word is the bottom of your foot. Pelma. So yeah, once you've trained your body to be a self-driving

automobile, don't change your parking space. Stay low to the ground. And we're back. I'm not gonna take this sock off until I get it. So you're actually not gonna look at it right now, honey? I'm not gonna look at it right now. We'll do the reveal, the gender reveal party later. It's just gonna be a fucking...

I'm...the only rough surface. This is very hard, the cement floor. Yeah. That's what bruised it. I can't do that with this foot because that would hurt real real bad. Oh, baby. This has a scratchy, it's a guts, you know, gripping. So I probably when this shoe came off, probably led to Oh, can you just imagine you're fucking dead asleep getting up

and get this death? Go back? Oh, yeah, go back. Go back. Sorry. Okay. Okay. Here. You're out of your wit. And you think the next step is you think the floor and then you do this and your next step and you go fuck it that far. Yeah that's a... That's a drop. Of the three times I've done this, that's amazing that I... I think you've outgrown bunk beds. In a tent or in a wheelchair I should be. The fact that I didn't like... if I fucking

went head first... you'd be in you you were in a fucking coma from I only went down three reasonable sized steps. You fell from a zany coma for a month. Alright thanks Tucson and sorry about the blood stains. Wait, Tucson? Austin? Cut. But it was fun. Kill Tony was going on. Oh, this is great. So we went to the aftermath of that

by the time the hockey game was over. The Speakeasy and the Firehouse, Firehouse Lounge lounge and hostel is a great bar so we did a round of that and then we went to Mitzi's the bar at at comedy mothership and it was all the that afterwards of kill Tony so I saw red band and I saw that was fun red was awesome. Kill Tony was fun as shit. And Kerry Mitchell, once you see Kerry Mitchell, you know you're not gonna remember the rest of the night.

Yeah. So the next day, Chaley picks us up to bring us back to the airport and he says, he says, I remember Tony said, you can't put that tape out. And we're like, what tape are you talking about? What tape? And he just kept saying, don't post that,

don't make that public. And we're like, what are you talking about? So I got through my phone and I got some tape, baby. I got five minutes and 32 seconds of tape. No, don't worry, it won't go out. It's not, but. But it was funny, because, you guys, Chaley says, you know,

you don't remember with the, one of the clubs, what do you call it? Mixed Martial Arts, Kung Fu Dorman had to walk you guys home, you're both shit-faced. You had bodyguards. Yeah, we had bodyguards which she fucking I don't know. I don't I didn't know. Tony or or they just looking out for us. But yeah, that neighborhood just to go a block and a half of I'm glad because we were both pretty fucking ripped. And I guess I was, I was challenging him to, uh, to use his clout to get us back

into the speakeasy cause it was closed. That was really cool bar. And Tony should have the clout to get it open, but you've had a buzz your way in and there's no one at the front desk at that hour is behind a bookshelf. So you have to pull it open. So anyway, he gets him in the code. So they're in the lobby, but the speakeasy is locked shut. But Tony's so cute.

He's like at the locked part of the bookcase. It's Tony. It's Tony Hinchcliffe. Hello. It's Tony Hinchcliff. Hello. It's Tony. And I'm fucking losing my mind. It was the most adorable thing ever. And then he takes his top, you get him out of his top. I don't know what else happened. I get him shirtless?

Not shirtless, but out of his, he was wearing a racing uniform or some shit, like a jogging suit and you get him out of his jacket he was so adorable and fun but and you guys were holding hands the whole way there and like you were they were two peas in a something yeah you don't need to see tape you get a good enough explanation tape could only ruin what we yeah painted, the picture we've painted. But yeah, there's all those rules at the hostel about the quiet hours are between 2 a.m. and 8 a.m. That's not going to be an issue. We were just talking about, I can't remember the last time I saw a last call, like a real 2 a.m. last call.

Well, we did. And I'm sure we were breaking the quiet hour rules. But yeah, I don't think I'd do the hostel again. If I did. Maybe with regular beds. Well, they have the eight person dorm where you just share it with. I think that would be fun.

That would be funny. But start. That's a funny, you fall out of the bunk bed there, like a pile of trash and wake everyone up. And you're a bandaid for your little baby toe. Hey, old man. So yeah, other than that. We had a good time. Yeah, it was nice to be in a Sky Club again.

Tracy was awesome. Gave away a bunch of Delta shit. Then you saw that, you saw the Instagram live with the kid. In the airport. He was so sweet. He was a very... We gotta get him down here. Unique looking character. We gotta get him down here. Yeah, Adam st. Sear CYR I just I

Added him as a friend on the on the old Instagram that I still can't figure out how to use or share Hey, Brendan Walsh and I are doing one of his Saturday, no, his Afternoon Delight shows. Portland? Saturday, Sunday in Portland. I don't have the bars. I think we're going to do one of them at the New Mary's. Titty Bar is the only Titty Bar I'd ever go to. But it changed locations.

Yeah, it did change locations. I don't know what the new one is. I think it's in Chinatown. And I don't know where the other show is, but. When is that happening? August, August, I think it's 11 and 12.

We should get that. It's whatever the Saturday, Sunday is. Cause they're going to the Ween shows the two nights before the Thursday, Friday. Yeah. And then we'll say, yeah, if you don't know his afternoon delights, he does live prank call shows and with a guest, so I'll be the guest both nights.

Is it up, so? 10th and 11th? All right. So yeah, stay on the social medias for that. I'll put out an email blast now that we can figure out how to work the email again. And did we talk about making people airs? Once we get that top level,

in on the joke level on Patreon, once we get all this stuff ready to down, I wanna give away, Chaley has so many recordings that he because he would tape every show on the road and he just has them on hard drive somewhere that I thought if anyone who joins for a year top level will get their own random show from the from the collection when I, it's in my will. I'm putting you in my will.

And it's still like Pearl Jam. Didn't Pearl Jam do that where they just recorded every show and then they released all of their live shows so you could just go and get December 12th and fucking Perth or whatever. I think they did that, but I think that's a fun add on. So I'm gonna get to work. This is just take a mini bonus podcast to get the shakes off from the Austin trip. Sorry,

Edmonton. We tried our best. And the other thing, there were actual Florida Panther fans in the bar. Like nobody likes a fucking Florida hockey team. Tracy knew them. We knew one of them. Yeah. So yeah, that sucked. It was, but it was still worth it to see Tracy and Chaley. Yeah, it was.

Some of the kids, Keith Ray, we ran into, he said, he texted me, yeah, where are you, we watching the game anywhere fun? And I go, I think we're just gonna stay at Tracy's house because I knew he probably didn't give a fuck about hockey and he just wanna talk about comedy. So I lied and then I saw him over it. He was great.

Then I saw him over at Mitzi's and I said, oh yeah, I was lying to you when I said that. We were right next door. The worst liar ever. I mean, I'm very good at it, but then I tell right away that I'm good. Just so you see how good I was at it. All right, I'm gonna go catch up with the cat. Good.

Did you come to the Safeway store? Safeway. I was just, I got caught fat. Oh, that's right. Oh, that's it, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, pregnant big girl. It's a big deal to me, thanks Alex.

A big deal to me. All right, go take some helium husk and poop. Hey, let's live forever with Doug Stanhope. Cheers, you baby.