The Doug Stanhope Podcast - #557 "Couch Surfing"

Episode Date: July 29, 2024

Sleeping on random fan's couches cross country to a James Inman live podcast may not sound like most people's cup of tea, but for Doug, it was the perfect distraction from life's responsibilities. Watch along with him as he relives his back-road journey from Bisbee to KCFollow u/realstanhope on redditStanhope merch - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/  We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

I did a, what was it, yesterday or the day before I did a podcast called Obsessed with Death podcast. I fucking could, I want to call that guy all the time now. I thought I could, I guess he's done 60 episodes or something, but you go, all right, how much death can you talk about? But then when you look back at this podcast, those are always the best episodes I could talk. There's not a lot of things that I get chatter boxy about, but, um, yeah, death

obsession and a frequent flyer miles and, um, Safeway checkers. and Safeway Checkers and I don't think the other two would be a good podcast but the death thing so keep an eye out for that it's obsessed with I don't even I didn't even get the guy's name but yeah I'll let you know when that's coming out hey this was, we're, I don't know even how long ago this was. It seems like it was like a fucking year ago when I was couch surfing on fans, couches across to the James Inman podcast. That thing, I don't know if,

if we're gonna link to that. James Inman put out the podcast that I drove out there for, for him to do a podcast that ended up being my podcast and it was live and I wasn't a guest and I was but he's a he's a piece of work but I can tell you this James Inman if you go to James Inman dot com he did a podcast a long time back and there were only four episodes and it's fucking brilliant It's I've only gotten about halfway through the third but if you know that the the

Shut up little man They were legendary underground tapes in the 70s or 80s Cassette tapes of these two old gay guys in San Francisco, drunks that would scream at each other and just have these massive fights. So these young guys that were the neighbors, they would record out the window, like in front of their window and they were just brilliant tapes. So Inman, it's very much like that. He's with his neighbor in whatever fucking

flop house apartment building they lived in and they're just fighting the whole time about well you know you're you're you're you're you're ruining the podcast and well I'm not I'm not even supposed to be funny and it's called drunken idiots podcast and it's it's accidentally fucking brilliant I mean James Inman has no idea why it's brilliant it's fucking brilliant. I mean James Inman has no idea why it's brilliant. It's fucking brilliant. Listen to that. And fucking Alex set up this, I thought I thought you was gonna try to green screen but you actually made this fucking TV work and it's very impressive. So we're gonna go through the couchsurfing across half the

country. The whole idea was I wanted to go on a road trip anyway. I wanted to go to southern South Dakota, southwestern Deadwood, Badlands, Black Hills and I was planning that anyway and then when Inman said he was doing the podcast they go okay I'll give two birds one stone and then at the last minute, it was always an idea to do the couch surfing for whatever reason. I go, well, we'll do that on this tour.

So I started from here in Arizona. Where are we? Where do we live again? Jesus, a lot of these towns aren't gonna be on the big... Yeah, Bisbee's not even on this map. Douglas is. So, yeah, fucking all the... I just took all back roads that are not gonna show up.

So, I just, as they're crow flies, I drove the first day, went nine and a half hours to Taos, New Mexico, which is also not on the big fucking map. And I don't want to go flipping around pages. But it's about nine and a half hours. And it was a guy who lived off the grid in the same off the grid town as Chad Raiden, who we had on a few months ago. He lives up there as a comedian and Chad actually, Chad Raiden said, Chad Raiden was notorious

for getting calls from me in the middle of the night and then talking forever and then realizing oh this is the wrong Chad. I thought I was calling Chad Shank. Sorry. And he said, uh, yeah, come just stay crash at my place. And I said, I can't really. It's like the whole thing is, you have fans couches and I know you. And then another guy from his town, like he, he wrote in and, uh, he actually emailed Chad and said, Hey, if he stays at your place, will you invite me over? Like, I'll just stay at your place. It's uh, it's all the same He lived in a fucking tough shed like the kind that you you you buy that outside of a Home Depot

He just had that set up and his cool as fuck and he was just he was smoking. It's not dabs, but what's the like? It's a very Shatter I think it's Shattering he's smoking it. He's smoking me out in the fucking in this little tiny shed and I was getting high as fuck and then we started playing music like if I'm listening to music and suggesting it I'm high as fuck. Oh, I did take a little bit of an edible for tonight Here's the thing. I don't remember anybody's name from this. Not one, I think there was one guy named Jeremy

because it was in my phone. That is all folks living away from the man. No bills, no running water. Maybe they have running water. They gotta have running water. I don't know how they have running water. But yeah, Free is a bird. And he had a loft, there were two lofts,

and he had a cat and a loft and a couch. Well, I heard in your latest special, you said, I'll be dead soon. Right? My latest and my first. How many specials have dead in the title? This one's going to be called expired. I think just expired because it goes with the dead theme. I filmed it over a year just over a year ago. And it was like part of its pre COVID part of its post COVID. So there's no car.

Are you talking to him about him? I fucking go all the way out there to tell him your own fucking problems? What a day. There you go. Discount me. Oh shit. Australia's discount me. Fuck, I'm not gonna trust that to someone's gonna look at this. Hang on a minute. The text discount me. I'm known from podcast listeners because of my pension for Safeway discount meat. And I just, you know, I could have a billion dollars and I would go to the discount meat site.

See, already talking about death and fucking Safeway. Only topics I have. Would always, oh yeah, and you have the shits and And he knows he's wrong so but yeah, I'm up fucking There's a lot of people that I'm sorry Non podcast listener. I'm not gonna Yeah Oh yeah. Yeah. Good stuff. It's on a new day, day, day, day, day. It's on a new day, day, day, day, day.

It really was a fucking blast. Shaking away, shaking away, shaking away, shaking away. Yeah, there we go. Hey, we're driving drunk. Really, really, I'm not really drunk. This, okay, so this is the next night we go up, I get, they say, on the, what do you call it, Reddit. Hey, why don't you come up if you're in Taos,

come to La Junta, Colorado. And I, I've been through there. Last time, been going out road tripped while we were taking the back roads. We went through there, I'll go to that little town, I go, send me your address, and he said, how about I just call you, this is Sam Talent. I'm like, all right, motherfucker, I'm already on my way.

And it's a very deceptive, because this angle flips, so it makes it look like I'm on the driver's side. So when I'm saying I'm driving drunk, like no like I'm on the driver's side. So when I'm saying I'm driving drunk, I know I'm being driven drunk. Go ahead. I'm the only drinker in the fucking car. So I'm in the passenger seat.

I don't know why Sam stopped drinking. Don't do it. Don't do that. You're fucking dumb nuts. You've even been to Bisbee, but did you play there? No. No I didn't. Shane Gill has been there. Did he play there?

No. You both fucking owe us. You didn't even think. Owe us. Wait, I'm still on the road. I am now staying in La Junta or fucking Medicine Hat. Honeycomb. Rocky Ford. Oh honeycomb. It's the next town over. God damn it. Rocky Ford. Rocky Ford. Rocky Ford like like Rockford, Illinois makes sense, but you make it into two words so

It makes sense, but you make it into two words. So Ford isn't a word unless it's a car. Hey, I still don't have a place to stay tomorrow night. People are not being, just, if you're within five hours of La Junta, Colorado. Here's the thing. Three to four. There were people that were saying hey come to Boulder come to Denver I mean, I want to go to that weird place. I don't want to go to a place like that

I play this as much as possible. It's Five wherever just Hopefully north ish And I can crash on your couch tomorrow. This is like a cheat day, even though it's day two, of me doing 18 days of sleeping on fans' couches. But I did actually say, hey, yes, I'll stay on your couch. Email me, and then fucking Sam Town telling goes how about I just text you this is Sam talent

a lot of people are saying hey, you can stay with me in Denver or Boulder and Hey, we're any letterman. Why do I even have to marry? Ogalala, Nebraska I'm a redundancy. Long story. So I'm going to be in Aberdeen, South Dakota on Saturday. So hey, Spearfish, Deadwood, Rapid City, step up. Yeah, I have no fan base there. That's why I haven't been there in 40 years, 30 years.

I can sit you on. I sell lots. That's why I've been there in 40 years, 30 years, 30 years. I don't need your charity sir. We just have to go deliver twins. Oh yeah, Sam Talott's wife is a doctor. I forget that part. I'm the only one drinking and I'm the only one that's going to deliver twins in the sister city of fucking Mad Hatter, Colorado and now we're going to the Jenta.

Oh shit. Oh come to Tupelo, Mississippi. This is what fucked up everything. Like I go, oh this is going to be a fun thing to actually go crash random fucking fans. I'm going here. Couches and like hang out for one night. And they want me to go here. A lot of people really need maps.

And people think that I'm archaic. Is that a road atlas? Yeah it is, it is. You get ideas looking at that. You can't just like look up, hey where's fun to go on my little fucking phone? You need this. You need the spread.

And that way you won't go, hey, oh, between Colorado and Kansas City, come to Hawaii. Feasibly, like, when I'm driving, I don't have a fucking stop sign. Sorry. I don't trust this guy's driving. He's fat and he's wearing shorts. This came up on the death podcast is like one of my fears and it just gets worse as I get older is when someone else is driving and there's a green light or a stop sign I don't think they're gonna see or I think someone's gonna come through like go in a Sierra Vista there's that one light and it's you're at 55 miles an hour yeah I'm just like I'm like stomping on brakes in the passenger seat so yeah that was one of my death fixations and that's what I

just did damn stop stop sign. Worst vaccine driver. But you know that that terror you feel when you're you're dreaming and you're falling or on a precipice about to fall and claim that like I that's what I get that in like it's it's a physical it's as irrational as it and like it's a physical, it's as irrational as it is, it doesn't matter because it feels like I'm gonna fucking die. Oh my God, we're at the hospital.

We're about to deliver some babies, against their will. Thanks for hanging out. You think a baby should be delivered, okay As I was talking about on my live Instagram We're here to help this lady a new doctor and the lady so you know Sometimes you need guidance she's trying to deliver some twins Sometimes you need guidance. She's trying to deliver some twins. And I'm saying this is how you do it.

Because she's in a hurry and she wants to come drink with me. So this is the lady pregnant with twins. What you do is you as a doctor, you sit and you lift up the legs and spread them. Spread the legs. Come on honey. And then you bounce your ass BAM and you push those babies out and this is Nathan London he's a catcher baby catcher salam boom salam boom and yeah well oh it says we're now live on instagram live

i don't really know how to do anything on Instagram other than just do the wrong thing. I mean I don't know how to look at other people's shit. I just tried. I don't know. Yeah. I was clicking on someone's profile up top and you were saying, oh yeah, they see when you read that. I'm trying to look at their profile page.

I couldn't even, I had to search the person I was looking for because those, it just doesn't fucking make any sense. And it's not interesting enough that I wanna learn. And I'm with, here's Jake and Steve. Hello. Yeah, they're, and that's a Christina over there flying a kite Okay, so this guy Jake is Jake is the one that and his gal pal

They were the people that were putting me up and Steve was their neighbor and he Very much like James Inman neighbor in the shut up little man podcast that he did, the drunk idiots podcast. And I think I was getting a little saucy with that guy. And I maybe, maybe I, but I think he was, uh, he was in his happy hour too. So you know, when you don't really talk to strangers much ever you go yeah I forget like how much you get away with by just oh he's a comedian and then they're like you're a fucking moron he got me with that one he called me a

fuck I'm gonna take the one for you. I asked you when they first moved up here, but the seclusion up here is there's... How many people come visit you? You know, James the Time. Okay, once a week. Once a week. Celebrities like myself. It's a pretty exclusive list of Doug Stan. Where is the whole area?

It's funny, I brought them a book, but they already had the book. And I go, you know what? I should be like, if I was Todd Barry, I'd still try to like sell him the book for 20 bucks, even though they're putting me up. I should take a page from Todd Barry, the cheapest motherfucker in this lived in comedy. This is just day three of crash. This here is, maybe this is what I'm about to say, but it's day three and the truck is so fucked up.

Like there's just stuff everywhere because I'm waking up in the morning and just throwing things. So by day three, I don't even know where just like the basic holder for my phone is like, it's just a pile of shit. In people's couches that are allegedly fans. And this has been definitely never heard of them. No, no.

It's not showed up. I mean, you said he was a Joevis witness, so I said, hey, Joe, nevermind. You're not even on camera, shut up. I'm not here. Yeah. You see if we- No, I love you. This has been very difficult with me being the only camera person.

I can't read all that stuff, but people are writing in things. We had a- People are looking at this? Neighbor, what was it? Steve. Yeah, that was and then what did we just called somebody? Joe, my dad. Oh yeah, we called her dad. Did a lot of drunk dialing fans, friends, and folks. Listen, as much as you think, I'm gonna stay here on Pike's Peak and start a family with these two

Said you get us both pregnant. You promise wait. Did you not I thought she said you promised that If you've ever watched a drug movie where they say don't get high on your own supply If you want a baby, you don't get high on your own supply if you want a baby you don't do it with the girl that cuz she's you have a baby with her all of a sudden she's blown out Yep. Wait, so not that? Wait, I don't want that. Yeah, you steal babies from an orphanage. Oh, oh, that's like raising Arizona shit. See, I could have done a call back to the babies I delivered the night before in La Junta, but they wouldn't

have got it because they weren't there. Oh, here's some breaking news. Wake up. Breaking news. Breaking. Oh, geez, I just spilled on your shag. Breaking news, he just spilled on our carpet. Last night, high as fuck with Sam Talent, I thought, oh, that's the title. And anyone who listens to it. That was the night before.

And I didn't remember that it came from that guy's house. That was fun to watch an actual idea happen that I stuck with. Not just a bad idea that you wake up and go, oh, what the fuck was I thinking? Good. It's like my Achilles heel is I go to Safeway to buy discount meat and then I ignore the fact oh I had the shits for

three days but it couldn't be that 30% off tilapia. That was a good deal. No. It was just a fucking pure coincidence. Yeah. All right so tomorrow let me that. There's a specific 30% off tilapia that I'm talking about when it's, I don't have the greatest memory anymore. But yeah, this was, can I get that new COVID instead of what I have right now with this fucking tilapia fucking, it's coming out of three holes I'm peaking while I'm shitting so much that it's coming out of my nose Hmm a lot of people don't have maps. Oh You're staying with your fans for nights in the time. Oh come to Nova

Scotia well you gotta get a map. This is only just now. It's between Pike's Peak, Colorado and Kansas City. And I'm not that's Kansas City is the goal. Oh, well, St. Louis Louis. Well that's on the other side. I'm not going to go east of Kansas City. I'm not going to go west of Bisbee on my way back. But I will be... I think, I wish I had written it down, but I know it's probably about between 2,500 and 3,000 miles I did.

And I'm just looking at it where I'm going... I... The amount of it where I'm going I The amount of interstate I was on was so negligible they was almost and especially when we get to that part of Nebraska and Nebraska is known to be one of the most boring states but up in this northwest corner That's where it start its borders on South Dakota and Wyoming and it's fucking incredible that's yeah okay so I stayed with that was whatever it was Garnett is this Scotts Bluff next door and the guy was oh me and my wife don't get home from work five or six or something And I go I'm not gonna I'm here if I I'm getting a hotel And I I did get all my shit put back together, but that was short-lived

So that we had no footage of that because we were out at a bar and I didn't I didn't record anything But it was fun and it was gorgeous and then I went to Deadwood and where I could play poker. Deadwood is like Tombstone, maybe I'd say this. I'm not going to say anything. I watched the video and don't say something that I already said in the fucking video. I live from Deadwood. Hey, earlier I made some disparaging remarks about Deadwood, and don't come here, but I need to be very clear.

Everything coming into Deadwood is fucking gorgeous. This entire part of the country, if you ever go anywhere, go to the Mountain Time Zone. South Dakota, Wyoming, it's fucking beautiful. Western Nebraska, beautiful. Deadwood is just, it's cheese dicky but i even after i had i um i just ate at the gem which was Swearingen's uh old uh place his dance hall and whore house and that was a pretty good it it was like if the holiday in

It was like if the Holiday Inn bought the Swear Engine's place in 1983 and remodeled it to look like a 1983 Holiday Inn steakhouse. But it had good food and they had a lot of pictures and that made it worthwhile, which you could do online. I'm going to compare Deadwood to Tombstone Arizona. The difference is they're both cheese dicky, like old west renaissance festivals, but western themed with shootouts and shit. The difference is Deadwood,

everything coming in and out of Deadwood is gorgeous for hundreds and hundreds of miles. Where to get to Tombstone and be disappointed, you look at dog shit nothing desert. So it's worth the trip and I've already lost $100 in the poker room and I'm gonna go back. You know I never think oh I might need cash on a trip. When I'm doing the fucking, the slow moving OJ on the lamb, I will have a credit limit. I won't have cash.

So now I'm gonna have to go find my ATM card and because I spent most of my cash on a hundred bucks. All I have left is $2 bills I tip with. So I'm gonna try to win my fucking hundred dollars back aces and eights baby so yeah that there actually was if it hadn't been for the poker which was you know just to say you play poker a dead one a guy did pull over with a I don't know is a it was a three-legged dog, it was a dog that just got out of surgery, but he like almost slammed on his brakes and just like pulled

into a parking lot and he's like, dog stand up! And I'm like, yeah! I went over and we chatted for a bit and I'm like, I could probably stay in this guy's truck. Like with him and the dog, he was so excited. But I'm a, yeah, I was gonna say I'm a gambling addict, but I'm not. All right, I guess my last video wasn't a minute long, so I'm doing it over. I'm downtown Deadwood.

Oh, is this with the gunfight? And they're about to do some shootout in the street reenactment. I just left. And I have so little interest. But I do know that down there where it's empty because everyone's watching this shit, means there's no waiting at a steakhouse. So I'm going to eat a giant steak. I could just leave my phone here if you guys wanted to watch the shoot out

If you really loved this show deadwood Just just watch the show don't come here It's it's it's there's a mister who's that just passed the whole bar casino and you know five six times a day someone walks in going swindling cocksucker and the people want to kill themselves at work there and feed themselves to the hogs all right I'm gonna get a steak tomorrow Aberdeen South Dakota not not Scotland I So that yeah that shootout went to the gem for

And the shootout was like fucking massive it was a is a scene from Deadwood like the hole in the streets and fucking and I just like it like alright, well, I Already turned off the camera, but I'm not watching. He says, and I was sort of why I kind of wanted to watch. But when you get that, you know, your smug face on and it's hard to change gears and go, I really like gunfights. Why am I being a prick?

So yeah, I went back and then I lost interest in poker that's my biggest flaw was you know that's why I love gambling like tomorrow I'm leaving to go watch Tracy watch game seven of the Stanley Cup finals because her team the Edmonton Oilers I said before game one the day of game one of the the finals series I said wow if if your Edmonton Oilers can get this to to game seven I'm gonna have to go out there and watch you watch it and and then they're down fucking three games to nothing so they're definitely out no fucking she called me last night.

I didn't, I couldn't remember what the fuck, how the night ended. Oh, it was me trying to befriend your cats. And then coming back, I get a call from Tracy, game seven, motherfucker. You better get out here by Monday. So yeah, those are, that's a gamble. Okay.

Yeah, whoever, my lawyer. All right, you're in Florida. get out here by Monday. So yeah those are that's a gamble okay yeah whoever my lawyer all right you're in Florida I'm in Arizona whoever loses the bet has to fly out a bottle of the other guy's favorite booze to dozers. That's a risk but yeah oh I could win $35 it's a I can't really pay that much attention to car I don't I don't care when to hold up or fold up and I can't really pay that much attention to cars. I don't care when to hold up or fold up. And I don't really wanna watch your face while you're reading your cards.

And I got other thoughts and there's a TV over there. And it's, oh, TV. So yeah, terrible at poker. But, and it was a pleasure to lose there It was a really cheese dicky casino. Just like any casino. They're all fucking awful but Off the bucket list, but here's where we fuck up. I Now take all this backroads of South Dakota

I wanted to go through Pierre the filthiest capital city I've ever seen. It's just decrepit. It's like Billings, Montana, but it's not. It's even worse. But the whole point was to go through the fucking Badlands. I went through the Black Hills on the way in. You go through Wyoming a little bit and then cut back in. So I saw, it's just Sturgis,

I went through a little bit of Sturgis and not, you know how I feel about bikers, or maybe you don't, maybe you're not really a fan and you never caught that bit. Because that's really the most remote special is the Pop-Off Vodka Presents in the evening with Doug Stano. Because it's basically only four bits,

but one of them is about bikers and I don't understand how you group up over a form of transportation and it goes on and on it's a very strong bit and I don't even know if that's on our channel but eventually we should have everything I've ever done on our YouTube channel and that will be the day that they fucking ban us for something ridiculous. All right, so yeah, so I had this whole circuitous route to take all the back roads. It's a long day. There was one end of the state to the other

to get to Aberdeen, and then I realized, oh shit, I could have cut down and gone through the Badlands, which was the whole point. The major thing I wanted to do on this entire trip was just see the Badlands, because I had an out of body type of experience, existential, yeah, fucking kid comic coming of age, living out of his car, driving from Minnesota

to the Northwest to find a girl that he fell in love with. And I stayed in my car. It was November. So there's a snow in between these roll and I Yeah. And I forgot because it'd been up all night gambling at a poker table. Never once thought about that girl. Never once thought about that girl. Hey, I'm with Jeremy here. We're in Aberdeen, South Dakota. Jeremy, I remember your name.

I don't know if that made the cut, but I remembered your the one name I remembered. It's in the South East, Northeast corner of South Dakota. It's in the fucking state somewhere, but I don't know. It's like right on a goddamn giant lake. And, uh, this is the, this is the, the boathouse as I call it. Uh, but it's a lake house. Looks like a lot like a tweaker. Sorry.

God, I'd be murdered, which is the fun part for all of you. Jeremy, come down with us and, us and show us what's going on. He used to own this and I don't know what was here before. It was like an 800 square foot octagon shaped house and then like I was telling Doug earlier, I think my dad might be the nicest squatter in the world because he just kind of Bulldozed my house one day and then built his own house on my land without you know you didn't have no idea No, I just came up there pause. I just get a piss And we're back

And we're back. Audio. I I splashed it around a bit for you to get the good audio. All right. I just trashed your 800 square foot bucket squatter camp. It was fantastic. It was a perfect bachelor pad. By the way, Jeremy is the first person on the fan couch surfing tour that's sober. So we did go downtown and got to go to his old bars where he used to bartend and sometimes fuck ladies

in a broom closet. Did you want that on the thing? Or should we edit that out? No, no, that's fine. It was a cold closet though. Cold closet, yeah. And I'm like, maybe we'll wait till we leave and settle up at the house to talk about all the times because I did get busy in a Burger King bathroom

But it was a Denny's and then I and then my friend another open mic comic from Phoenix. He goes Oh you did that? Well, then he brought his girl to fucking the same toilet and they got caught and thrown out. Why would you do that? And we're like, we're eating our breakfast. Like, yeah, you should have gone first. All right, well, so this is, what's the lake? Richmond Lake. Richmond Lake.

And we have that one story, but we'll settle in for that. It's that story, that's a- Oh, that's a- Oh, okay, okay, yeah, we got a clip of us at the Flame Gorgeous Bar Restaurant Steakhouse. Alright, we'll get back to have three minutes and 32 seconds of the hockey game that we cannot describe according to the laws of the NHL and with Jeremy, he's day six, we're in Aberdeen, South Dakota. First, I think I mentioned this already. Just want to say, when he told me he didn't drink, most of me secretly lit up because we were going

directly to dinner. And he's out in the stakes. And I can't imagine there's a lot of Uber running around up there. I don't know. But when he said that, I'm like, that's fucking perfect because I want to go out. We did find a nice restaurant that had decent done cocktails. And I'm like, oh, I want to go out. We did find a nice restaurant that had like decent done cocktails and I'm like, oh, I want to try that one. I want to try that one. Give me the one with the foofy stuff. And yeah, I know I have a driver. I don't have to worry about shit. He was happy to provide. The first person who has quit the scourge of drinking that's put me up, which is great because it was a little bit of a ride

into town to get from the lake house. No, god damn it. Every fucking, don't talk to laughter the clip. Boathouse, however you want to call it, into where he used to work at the Flame Restaurant and Lounge which sounds as gay bar as all get out I don't swear anymore in case we got to sell this shit to fucking YouTube fuck anyway so uh so yes he's a he's quit drinking he has he lives over in the Minnesota state but

he's got this fucking gorgeous place here. And so he used to play hockey. So like Tracy Wernit used to do for us before she turned coats and left us. He played hockey and he's just talking about the most abusive hit you got was in high school, not even college. Yeah, high school. The hardest hitter I ever played with caught me open ice at full speed and all I really remember was

waking up to him shaking my head, screaming my name, and then rolling over and coughing up blood and- On the ice? Yeah, oh yeah. This is high school. Yeah. And they didn't stop any. Oh no, they didn't let me play the next game.

All right. Did you know the guy? Yeah, he's a good friend of mine. Really good friend. I've played with him my whole life. All right. Did you know the guy? Yeah, it's like a good friend of mine. Really good friend. I played with him my whole life. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Great. Just still love the guy to this day. Yeah. He murdered me. He just killed me. Did he say anything like, oh, I didn't mean to say I accidentally. I said, I'm sorry. And do you need a ride home? And I said, yes, I would really like a ride home. If I knew knew it was you I wouldn't have used my stick. You shouldn't have been wearing a helmet Oh, oh, yeah, that was everything. He hit me so hard when my stick came back against my body

I broke it in three places one here one here and the blade exploded off the stick and shot 15 feet over like Fucking nasty dude. Oh, and this has to be, if you're in high school, cause I, this is before cell phone footage. Oh yeah, I know that. Where your parents still probably go, if honey, one regret before we die

is we never get footage. If I, if that hit was on video, my own father on first dates when he first met a girl would probably be like, you got to see this shit. Like, look at this poor fucker get lit up. It was, God. Like, still to this day, when I bring that hit up to some of my friends,

they just kind of smirk. They just kind of go, yeah. We're gonna go watch it. They're gonna go watch it. They're gonna be open net if they're not yet. Not yet. Edmonton is still in the series up on nothing. We're Edmonton people,

because we're Tracy weren't it people. At the club I said, wait till we get home because it'll remind me to take my vitamins. I take a shit load of vitamins. And every time I have to take a handful of vitamins, I go, what if I choke on this? Nobody's gonna be here. So I always look for a corner of furniture

I could throw myself at. I don't know if anyone has these deaf fucking daily things. Do I just say the same things over and over in a loop? My entire life. What's going to kill me since their early thirties every day and you think that every fucking title of every special I put out has death in it? Do you look would you just take your vitamins to live forever?

Do you go oh I'll probably choke and die on that and that'll be ironic you know people will go oh isn't it funny how Doug Stanhope abused his fucking body and he died on vitamins like the Jim Ficks fucking yeah Bill Hicks fucking who cares but I do I look for a corner of something that sits sits, I'm a man who's unloved. What's the point of this? Am I going somewhere with this? I live up the street and couldn't, I look for a corner of something I could dive on that would make me Heimlich automatically.

And a lot of them look uncomfortable. And when he told me this story, or he brought me to this, the flame where he used to be a bartender, good heroes welcome, fucking, oh my God, Jeremy, woo, the owner was even there, got up, all right, my 115 year old, I'll never forget your service. And then he's like, I boned a girl

in that fucking coat closet. And then we're coming up with all these stories about things that sexual things we've done in places that you shouldn't. Let him tell the story, asshole. Yeah, well, this is the place where I learned I'm never going to be a hero. And so on the other side of the bar, I was standing on the other side of the bar, I was standing on the other side of the bar where me and Doug were sitting tonight and just doing my thing.

And I looked up to where the family section is, and it must've been like a table of, I don't know, 10 people and, uh, like an 85 year old grandma stood up and made the universal sign for, uh, my time is running out, um, and, and it wasn't heart related, It was all right there. And so I, you know, of course, we're trained to leap into action. And that's when I looked up and then I looked over and I saw Rick, my other manager owner of the place. And then I looked back at the lady like doing this and I just said, Hey, Rick, you want to handle that for me? And I went right the fuck back to work. to handle that for me. And I went right the fuck back to work. Eric, you want to handle that for me? Fuck, I fell apart at the bar. I put him up. I put him on tape against his will to make sure he told me what he told me that. Yeah, all I did was I don't know what next time you're with your friends

and you see like a fucking whatever, fucking car on fire. Make that your own personal inside joke that one day it's routed back to him. But 15, 20 years from now, they'll just point out any fucking thing, the Gaza Strip, Hey Rick, you wanna handle that for me? You don't have to be an Asian gamer to start a meme. Click. I'm glad, I'm glad that at least you guys saw that,

because I have thought, hey Rick, handle that for me. A million times, but nothing no other than him would get the joke because this wasn't out yet. Oh, fuck, I forgot about these folks. Shit, where's this? Probably because I wasn't I know I want to I was in Farmington was not farming this somewhere in Cause I was in, I know I went to, I was in Farmington, wait, it's not Farmington, somewhere in Minnesota where I like, I just like, I can't fucking.

Des Moines. No, no, no, I stayed. Oh, they're in Des Moines, yeah, okay, all right, good. All right, cause yeah, there was one night between cause that, that fucking stretch from Aberdeen. Yeah, these guys were in Des Moines and do I well we'll find out if I talk about going to my alma mater which I referenced but I didn't film Stanhope State University

does that come up no in fact I don't I got I get some pictures but I don't I don't even know I don't I didn't even do video there, because it was where I go, oh, I can find someone to crash here. Stanhope State University's, Stanhope, Iowa, is right outside of Ames, Iowa, where the college is, the big college. And so, Stanhope State University is,

they're tailgaters. They basically support, I think mostly hockey, but like the college and they call themselves that and they have merch and they sent me a certificate, a diploma, the membership card, a koozie. I brought the koozie to where's it by Spain where I went? Nobody goes. It's not Guatemala. Come on.

It's a English principality, but it's actually off the bottom coast of Spain. You can see Morocco from the hotel. bottom coast of Spain you can see Morocco from the hotel there have daiquiris that are like three dollars and fifty cents at that hotel, but I can't What the fuck how am I all right? Oh, I fuck you took an edible These people I'm fucking no I'm gonna sit here till I remember the name of it. It's close to Monaco. It's a world war two they had all the fucking guns built into the the rock of Gibraltar thank you the rock of I went to Gibraltar and I brought because they get people to send us pictures of this from every state and country and I go no one else has bucking Gibraltar I got

this one so I go to Stan Hope I DMed him on Twitter, but they hadn't tweeted in for a long time. And so I went to Stanhope, Iowa. And it is a fucking four way stop. Basically, it's got a couple cute shops and it had a vintage sign for Stanhope car wash. That's all. Did you mention that? And I didn't even stop and get a picture of that sign because it was an awkward place to park and it's one of those it's a town of 400

people I believe and it's in rural Iowa where people look at you like why would you be here it's not on the highway there's a sign on the highway. There's a sign on the highway, but it's about 15 miles off the highway. And yeah, as a... And after that long of a drive, you're a little fucking shaky. I don't wanna fucking, yeah. How about I'll leave you alone? There's no room at the inn.

I'm not Prager's with the Jesus and I don't need to sleep in your barn. I'll just mosey on down and get to Des Moines with these characters. Doug Stanhope's calling me. Should I answer it? No. Yes. Okay.

Hold on. Doug, Doug, I'm on Legion of Skanks right now. Oh good. I'm on my own podcast right now, but that won't go up till later, but I'm couch surfing fans Couches across the country and they got married at skank fest And so I'm recording at their house sleeping on their couch and they this lady knows you She says she knows you Okay, she knows you does his family vacation in Seaside Heights?

Hang on hang on first of all you're in the background I'm finally seeing they're explaining to me how you your your friend big Jay Okerson fucked my mother out of milk madness Jay Okerson fucked my mother out of milk madness. Don't watch it. Yeah, we're watching the episode. You're watching the episode right now with us talking about Doug's mom? I paused it to see if anyone would take my call because it makes them happy. Cody is the girl's name. She says... Oh, we love Cody.

Oh, nurse Cody. Hey, hey, Doug. Doug, if you can hear me Dave Smith here listen first of all if you were there in person I think your mom could have taken that thing and number two I will say you're a generational talent you don't have to live like this Tucker Carlson and I went, oh fuck, that guy's smart. I'd rather be smart than funny. I wouldn't. Well Doug, that's awesome that you're there, dude. Are you gonna be hanging out at Skank Fest this year?

We were just talking about it, yes I will. Oh, Doug Stanton at Skank Fest. Go back to yours, I'll go back to mine. We love you, dude, you're the fucking man. Bye Doug. Love you. Let me say, let me say this, and if they're gonna be at Skankfest again, you're gonna have to remind me who you are. Yeah, there's it's full. It's the the the the the RAM or megabytes of fucking memory or yeah, I have to delete some old photos to get you in the picture. So don't feel bad about reminding me. I like it when you do. But don't go. He just snubbed me on. He just snubbed me. He just all look like people after a certain age. You just Alright.

We're on the pod. Your show but you didn't know what's okay. They're in New York. They can't come to Kansas. They're on they're doing a live show. Mine is just on an iPod. Hey, thank you. All you guys were gonna do this fucking horrific fucking Bungle in the Jungle fucking live podcast with James Inman. It's just it's getting so ridiculous as we get to Jethro Tull references of one trip is very fucking hard to find bungle in the jungle I don't know where I pulled that fucking reference from but I guess ever since that horrible band on night one fucking

ruined our happy hour playing skating away on the thin ice of a new day yeah and now but yeah we'll have a whole Jethro Tull episode. That's something I can go, I know heavy horses, I know some deep tracks, but that's another podcast. Let's hit it. Closer, and this probably won't come out until after. Mary's on the Prairie, what? Because the Midwest, Mary's on the Prairie,

right at the bungalow in the jungle. Mary. What because the Midwest Mary's in the prairie read them bungle in the jungle Tell after two drinks She's been hanging out with me and I don't drink so I don't think she does. I told her to pace herself. Oh, no, she's fine. She's fine. I don't know. I mentioned that they did. They met at the Houston where we all got COVID.

But did I say that you got married? Yeah. And we've been together for two years since. Two years since marriage. Des Moines, Iowa. I went through Stanhope, Iowa. Do you know what? There's a sign that I thought if I could fit that

in the rig. But it wasn't worth it. It was, I'll tell you. It was a Stanhope car wash, but it was basically a small airplane hanger that would fit a car that you could like, if 1940 sprays. But it had a big sign that said,

Stanhope car wash, legit old school faded. And I go, the fucking building's for sale. I'd buy just this building. The building's for sale. Did you look it up? I don't know. All right. The sign is crazy.

We could try to get it for you. Stanhope car wash Stanhope Iowa. Hey, thanks I'm still gonna get home. Someone buy that Stanhope car wash. Just get everyone in patreon to put in a little bit and we'll have we'll have we'll start a fucking cult there and we'll dress like in robes, like go scary looking cult, like my big hats, like pope hats, but not the pope hat because they'd never know. Well, it's not weird when it's the pope, so why is it weird when it's them? We chant a lot in the middle of the night or just don't do just have tapes of us chanting. We all right here, Stay with me. This is what we do to stand up. I will. Oh, by the way, another thing I want to

do. I want to like I always put the cat food down and eat. Like, I give them as much as he'll eat. I don't fuck it because he wants to eat all the time. So I give him all right, I'll feed you like a little bit five times a day instead of a lot twice, but I was Just cuz he's always I mean, I think he thinks about the amounts like to just get a giant plate I think make a mold like a bowl upside down, but coat the entire outside with cat food So you're plopping down this giant thing just to see if the reaction is what you'd imagine like if he sees this much food in front of his little tiny head.

How long are you going to stay there? I know they say a dog will eat himself to death but I don't think this cat is far off from a dog. Let's get back to business. Or these snippets to come to all put together. Oh no no no. See I already forgot. This is what we do in Stanhope. The car wash is out of business. It's basically an eroded barn. I'm sure what's ever is inside is like a hose with one of those old-fashioned

nozzles. They spray it out this way and you sprayed. Yeah, this is a fucking dumb idea. This is just a high thing. That's like, we'll talk about it at a bar one day. Buddy, if you could hit that button without hurting your husband's feelings. Cool, show light control. All right. No, leave it alone.

We're live. Oh my gosh. Gosh light control. Alright. No, leave it alone. We're live. The gosh. Gosh darn dogs. Don't! Don't! Oh my god. Here's a... This is a... We're on the home stretch of couch surfing into Kansas City. At the Comedy Club. The Kansas City Comedy Club. It's got like the fucking most boring name. Like it's, I know the website is thecomedyclubkc.com.

And I, all right, I get the simplicity, but who fucking, anyway, so I'm here. This is my friend, Taylor, Tyler? Tyler? Got it. And uh, yeah, he wasn't here for the first four hours. So his wife and I were drinking and she's fucking plowed. You don't want to see her. while I was taping our segment for my podcast that will come out with all the people I've stayed with, well, I called them while they were live podcasting. So when they cheer for Cody, well, to your respect, I don't know if that bears well.

Go on your relations. Everyone knows Cody at Legion of Skanks. We all know Cody! How do they know you in Brooklyn? You're from fucking Ottawa or something. Shit, she's from Canada. She's wearing fucking daisy dukes. All right.

We're known. This is the only place I've stayed where I go, oh, there could be problems. So I'm just going to take a X, tie my shoes together. So in case I wake up to piss, I fall flat on my face and piss the floor over and walk into the wrong bedroom. I bet you. Please, somebody come out to the Kansas City Comedy Club on Thursday night. This whole thing with fucking Inman. I just had to stop myself from responding on Twitter because I got to save all this shit because he's such a fucking asshole and his wife's dying and I don't care.

I hope she does on stage. Well, I can't take that back. You can't edit that out. That's a lie. Yeah. It's good for business. Because he's such a fucking beautiful, beautiful person. I mean, if you're going to die anyway.

But then when you fuck with him, you go, oh, there's a reason. Because you're a fucking asshole and you fucking, just trying to rip everyone off. Yes, I was a guest. I was booked as a guest if you followed the whole thing. Oh yeah, I'll be a guest. You just have to fly me out there. Oh, I'll fucking beg other people for the money. Okay, and now we're going to bill it as your show.

Wait, no, I was doing your show. You're a fucking cunt, Edmund, and now, oh, well, we wanna get the door, no, I get the fucking money now. Your fucking wife dies of cancer, no one, you don't need money. You're gonna live in your fucking car, and I'm taking everything, and et cetera, et cetera.

This makes me look like the bad guy. Death movies. Yeah. All right. No, yeah. Green back, Green Room with Paul Provenza. Okay. Unbelievable. The Green Room with Paul Provenza is every podcast.

Exactly. Oh, it's like, it's like. Real Nick Swardson? That's Nick Swardson. Oh, it's like, real Nick Swartzen? That's Nick Swartzen. Oh my god. Nick Swartzen is the only person I still love. I think. There could be others.

Oh, I forgot we're doing a podcast. It was giving me ideas of, hey, let's do a drunk dial me podcast. If you have my phone number, I'm going live right now. It's like 2 a.m. on a Saturday. I don't know that, like, I'm sure there's guys that drink, but I don't know that I like I'm sure this guys that that drink but I don't know I wouldn't know anyone that closes down bars anymore I can't remember the last time I saw last call or got a call from someone at last call I remember Charlie Carter Charlie the intern would, oh fuck, oh by the way, yeah, try Top Trainer.

Go to toptrainer.com. It's given me this physique and I've lived forever as far as you know. Oh, I haven't been taking my brain pills. I started taking my brain pills, but I guess I didn't get hooked enough under the toptrainer.com brain pills to remember to keep taking my brain pills, but I guess I didn't get hooked enough under the toptrainer.com brain pills to remember to keep taking my brain pills.

Or I cleaned up and then I forgot, because I had to keep them out. Not part of my usual regimen. Not something I'm afraid of choking on and fucking having to throw myself on a thing. Which I was actually, I just took my vitamins and I was gonna say that when I was talking about being obsessed with death, and thank God I didn't, because I was actually, I just took my vitamins and I was gonna say that when I was talking about

being obsessed with death, and thank God I didn't because I said it in this, and I just say the same things over and over again because I never leave my house. So I just regurgitate the conversations. I feel like I'm Steve. Steve from that, yeah, everyone knows about his 20 year marriage and he's single now, well tell him why you're single. Yeah, I'm that fucking boob

And hopefully I'll be dead soon because I'm obsessed with it did I mention it alright, let's go Oh Okay Are we live? Okay All right, this is This is towards the end of the outbound. This is the end of the outbound. I'm just going to bed. I'm sleeping on a fan scout that was in my walls. My fan scout.

I'm like, hey, alright, I took some downers. You guys go to bed. I hope your dog sleeps with me because I like dogs. I'm like, how can I complain about the most adorable thing in the world? But it's like monarch butterflies. They go, oh, I love, oh, but they just flew up your nose like you're trying to sleep. I fit this dog's ribs. Oh ribs! Oh my god, someone's into this as a fetish. Just use the other ear for fuck's sake.

Change it up. I'm in Des Moines, Iowa. Well, plug the gig, you fucking whore dog. Kansas City Comedy Club. Oh my god. Any ladies can buy one of those. Oh, and then Friday, Margaret Cho is there. And I'm going to see if she wants to, uh.

What happened? Oh, all right. This is, ah. Hey, I'm in Des Moines. I'm going to see if I can just sit and take it. It's the most disgusting thing. It's like the the the tongue is so deep in my ear. And I'm the guy who goes, Oh, I hope your dog sleeps with me.

Miss my cat. More of a cat person. All right, huh? I'm gonna stick my tongue in your ass. Holy fucking take it dog. All right My cat would kick your fucking ass. All right Alright, uh... I can't just... Maybe I'm gonna do less couch surfing on the way home after Kansas City. Kansas City, come do the fucking thing. It's gonna be fucking...

Alright, I can't even fucking hang up. Why did you have a problem with that? It's so disgusting to watch. I can feel it in my ears. It's just like... It might be funnier. We actually could try it with both. I love the idea of a giant fucking plate.

It's just me opening cans, like the big cans, and like just, we would cheat it. Like, we wouldn't show him that we cheated it. We'd just show opening it, can plop, can plop, and then we put it in the bowl. So it looks like a giant fucking, because Meatwig would be better because he's constantly,

wow, wow, wow, wow. And just to thunk that down, Fucking, because Meatwig would be better because he's constantly MWOW MWOW MWOW MWOW And just to thunk that down, if just, if it does One of these for just a second, that's a fucking Perfect clip Or if it just eats the whole thing, I don't know That's it, always trying to get some sort of reaction And I don't know, I don't know. That's it. Always trying to get some sort of reaction. And I don't know why it's funny to me, but since last year I was gonna do it at the hotel last year

is just me and my fucking one of my travel suits, suit up for the plane and a fucking roller bag and just fucking walk in my thought and then pan back that I'm on the treadmill. and just fucking walk in my thought and then pan back that I'm on the treadmill. That's how I, that's how I, the only exercise I get in real life. And we're back. Go ahead. Hey, we're live. What's the name of this bar? Louisa's West.

Louisa's it. We're in Lawrence, Kansas. Louisa's West. Louisa's West, though. Louisa's West. There is a Louisa. In case he didn't have a fucking compass on you. Yeah, this is, I a couch surfing with actual friends

This is Justin and Evan Sheraton or Sharon Evan She bartended the bingos 40th birthday party. I Call her Evan twice Sheraton Evan no, it's Erin you fucking that's your friend. You just fucked up your actual friend's name That bingo was in a coma for her and I go Yeah, you should still come down and bartend because there's a lot of us that need your remember when everybody walks in we said surprise Do you remember that? remember

Joby laid out a fucking line like this across the entire bar? Edmund is in the wings somewhere waiting for us to get across the river to Kansas City. Andy, Andrist, and Mamou are coming in. If you read anything good... Piss on her toes? Piss on her toes? There's like live calls. coming in. If you read anything good. Piss on her toes. Piss on her toes? They're like live falls.

We'll get our shit together tomorrow when everyone flies in. Even Hoot Looney's flying in. God knows who else is flying in. Hoot Looney? Yeah, April. Hoot Looney. That looks like a fucking, like a, that looks like a brain cancer scar from where I keep my fucking, oh shit. Woo.

Where I keep my fucking readers because my hair's so thin and short, it leaves a fucking, like, oh, I think he had probably a tumor removed. That's why he's talking like that. Yes, me and Inman, Inman will just take a fucking beating. I don't want to make it a roast of the guy

because his wife is dying. But he's just, you know, he's just a sweet, no, he's a fucking dick at the same time. That's why he's like Perry from Windy City Heat, because Perry is such a just all about himself fucking shitbag where Inman is a very pleasant side and then just drifts into oh why do you have everything I have nothing. God. And started GoFundMe because...

He doesn't have equipment to do a podcast. He's hired people to do... anyway. Yeah. That's cool though. So you have 58 people in it right now. I think that's what that means, right? 57. You have one dropped out.

Oh, it's 6. Oh, 57. Okay. I'm not staying around I'm so it's time to sell She's a cutie that Evan See if it wasn't well, it's fucking Saturday night, I just want to piss again I'm here in the fucking Ocho is playing music and I'm like, oh shit I'm cutting to a place where there's you know you where you'd say yeah this kind of feels like a Sunday doesn't it now I don't even that I don't even have

feelings for days this feels like a maybe a season like right now yeah but it could be like this is how dark it would be at dinner time during Christmas and it feels a little Christmassy. It feels a little 1997. Oh my God. I think if I get like a giant Jay Leno chin implant, would it just pull all that neck skin up and make it all okay Two birds one stone. Did you fuck?

Good Nothing. I'm about ready to tweet how lazy you are where you won't get up in the morning to do radio You don't have any bootstraps left. It's over for you Doug. I mean come on How is it we should be in that studio? Because it's funny funny I mean come on. How is it we should be in that studio? In the in the in the words of Matt Becker there is no I in we But there is but there is a you in cunt Why do you want to be when when did you become involved in me doing radio did and did they call you to be on Radio I Texted the producer he got back to me. I told him my idea

Me being in the studio calling you on the phone acting like I got your private number, which is a hilarious idea. He goes, uh, that's a good idea, but try to get Doug into the fucking studio. And he said, I'll try. And I even called Craig gas last night too. But I told you specifically, I wasn't going into the studio and not, and to not fucking call them. But you fucking did. So guess what, James? I'm canceling. As soon as he dropped off Andy,

I go, don't fucking tell him I'm in town. I got, and he, as soon as he, in the parking lot, he fucking, like I'd already worked it out. Like, okay, they don't know that I'm in town because if I could do it They expect me to do it. Don't any fucking Show no, you're not canceling the show. You're out of your mind. Are you should be saying this on the radio? Canceling the show. Yeah, no, I absolutely will

You're canceling the show. Yeah, no, I absolutely will. Andy has cancer. You're canceling your own cancer. Everyone has fucking cancer. That's hilarious, Doug. All we have to do is just not say fuck. Brenda has cancer. Hey, what do you think he uses more, Andy?

Fucking Brenda has cancer or unbookables? You should be saying that on the radio. I'm not. I like the first idea where you go into the radio and call us on the hack number. Yes. That's funny. That's funny. I know. What the fuck am I even laying on?

This entire shot is...oh that's unfortunate right there that that's an old woman's cleavage from Florida Man in radio Why don't you do that because I just want to be on the radio it's my town and I've always wanted to be on that station I mean I used to do it all the time on the headlines, Stanford's You know Yeah and they didn't want you to come in? No, I always came in. I was, when I headlined Stanford.

Yeah, but they don't want you to come in now, is what you're saying. Well, he wants me to try to get you in. But I mean, sure, if you called him and said, put James on the radio, I'll be on the phone, we'll play some kind of funny thing No, I'm doing like a 10 minute spot. I'm not getting out of bed fucking Yeah, I'm going right back to bed

Okay, alright that's fine If you're not in your clothes or anything if you're not woken up then fuck it just do the phone thing Yeah, yeah, I mean my pajamas with the eye mask on the top of my head and that's what I plan to do. You're just not a morning person. I wake up every morning at like four or five in the morning. But I won't be mad if you don't do it. I was just trying to get you to do it. If you don't want to do it, don't do it. You know, you'll still be a pussy. But you know, I get to make fun of you over it. As an American citizen, I have that right to mock you. We'll see what happens in court today.

What? Well, you don't have that right yet. This is the thing, like Inman, this is my hometown and I love that station and I go and and you fall for that and then well we should hang out and go to Hooters and do some live Instagrams like you just you just want more oh you know what we only yeah we got like a hundred viewers that's pretty good but I think we can get more maybe we should just like when can I go to bed? Well, you're rich It always ends with everyone has more than me

Call up on the hack and then say you got the hack number Producer was trying to work get more from you when you delivered a fucking winning idea and he goes yeah But let's do this You know ideas shot the shit cuz Brendan needs the car. Oh And my socket so Brendan needs a car. So I need to shut the shit now. She can't drive me there. Yeah Because she has cancer. Yeah No, it's just gonna say the laying down. Let's not do the podcast where I lay down. Let's avoid this. Now my interview might be later because you fucked with it.

You know, here's here's what I'm going to do. I obviously won't cancel the show, but I'll cancel your appearance tonight. You have the night off, James. No, it's my show. You can't cancel me on my own show. I can cancel you because you're one of the comics on the show that I booked. So you can't cancel. But then you had him bill it as a Doug Stanhope show. But but then you had him bill it as a Doug Stanhope show so I can't call Dustin right now, but yeah, I'll call Dustin. We won't have any problem whatsoever with a James Inman free.

Hey, that's fine with me, I don't care. All right. I was just staying home. I love you, it's good to see you. All right. All right. Let me just point one thing out. These reading glasses are, one of the times where, like my mother,

when she was a hoarder of stupid shit, and the one time you needed stuff, she'd be, ah, see, aren't you glad? But those are these fuckin' travel readers for when you lose your readers, and you guys are young, so you don't know what the, but you've seen the amount of readers that are around. But this is in my important pocket is the emergency.

They fold up like a fucking get smart gadget down into a business card size thing you could fit in your pocket. And evidently needed of that. And I was very happy. Inside, I'm not listening to Inman. Inside I'm going, see? I had reading glasses. You thought it was silly for me to buy this off wish.com and wait for six weeks for it to come from China for a penny

But now look who's laughing And maybe that's the title of this video Let it stop bouncing. But stop bouncing! See that? Yeah. Boom, boom, boom, boom.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Huh? Yeah. D-d-d-d-d-d. I'm in a cold time in the M7. 7M, yo. We're new talent, doin' old classics. We ain't Korean, but we're trying to be in more Korean

than we're even being. I can't even tell which one of the sisters is talking about a problem because the other sister looks just like her because they Korean. I'm working, Hannah, Priscilla, you know you look like a gorilla. Priscilla and Miranda, who's the lander? I just tried to find something. Thank God. Damn Rhynden, I'm already racist.

God damn. Are we lying? No, we're not. I wouldn't do that. I was going to ask you, how much of this was live Instagram. And did I film anything other than that that was just for film? Or was it all, did I give you anything to work with?

You guys? Yeah. Well, here we go. It's all worth it for the, at least the dog licking. I don't know what we had just watched to inspire us to do a fucking fake TikTok, but it was worth it. Yo dog. You'll notice that I always,

anywhere I, anytime I'm drunk, simulating post-coitus with another aged man, of like a one man short of a lemon party, I have a deal in place where I have to wear my do-rag t-shirt inside out so they can see the Calvin Klein brand and I guess you influencers you know and now I'm spilling the beans on how we make our money. Thanks man Hunter S. Kansas City thanks for all the couches. I've hooked up with my kc. Yeah hook up with my fucking my little bro here and the andrist and

Tomorrow we're doing this this live podcast at at the Comedy Club of Kansas City, Kansas City Yeah Is that the most fucking brilliant name for a comedy club is the Comedy Club of Kansas City. Kansas City. Yeah, is that the most fucking brilliant name for a comedy club? Is the Comedy Club of Kansas City when there's other comedy clubs in Kansas City? This has been. This is what happens when you fucking let Chaley go fucking work the haunted house circuit and you go, I'll do this my goddamn self.

Here's the biggest issue. Go ahead, honey. I got a, I got a. Oh, okay. Here's the biggest issue. Go ahead. I got I got a Hey, man, this is this ain't what it looks like. I mean, I left my wife here. Hey, we're doing laundry. We I left my shirt was a fly. My I told my wife I said, baby, I got a flight to Dallas. I got a flight to Kansas City. So I get

the airport and my flight been canceled canceled in my room like two days to get there Good. I got no bed. I got no bed and Doug We had a bed. Well, he opened it up. He says like well, you got a you got your own bed But we can you know, you know Well, you ain't got your own bed, but we can, you know, we can, you know. He's, he's, he's drippin' Vodka soda all over my back, baby. I don't feel like I'm dying of pancreatic cancer right now. Alright, so the other problem, here's the big problem.

The big problem That I just I just get up women no this live podcast people like oh I'm not coming out live podcast and then my own friends My own friends why is it funny to pretend to be gay? Because it is! At home or take a look. Hey can we watch it in the fun house? No!

Oh fuck! Is that why people are saying well we're not going to come out if it's a live podcast? Because they think they can watch it at home. It's only live to the people that are at the live show, you dumb motherfuckers. I don't think people understand comedy unless they see nipples. Like this, you know?

Yes, it's not live to the world. It's not the fucking end of the world podcast. It's live in front of a It's just a like a Instagram little private thing a couple gentlemen put up. It is undersold and I'm very happy about that because sometimes I love my fan base and sometimes like how many of you are so fucking dumb? So gay. A lot of you are here at VamPace. Gay. No, not enough of them are gay.

Okay. Alright, what's wrong with laughing at being secretly gay while you're openly gay? Being gay! Do we need to take some Q&A's? Oh, my God. Fucking James Inman, who I don't even think has fucking Instagram is so already wound up. He fucking picked up Andy at the airport shows up really.

Oh, just trying to drop him off. Oh, and I meet him at the hotel bar. It's fucking seven thirty or something at night. James and I don't drink much anymore. You know that I go Yeah, you tell me that every time I see you when I'm buying you a drink. He drank two drinks and he was already like, you guys are fucking with me. We're just trying to plan out like you brought up Ukraine. Oh my god and UFOs and Nazis, these are two subjects I brought up on.

I've read up so much, UFOs and Nazis. You know, the Nazis have been in the Ukraine since 1951. And I go, yeah, but you just said you also believe in UFOs, so how can you have any? See, you're fucking with me. Yeah, at the same time- It's gonna be fucking beautiful. Yeah, yeah. It's fucking beautiful. Yeah. Yeah.

Yes. He's ready to roll. He's right. Like this guy's asshole. We're touching the feet and it just feels natural. I just noticed. I noticed it. I noticed it.

I noticed it. I noticed it a minute. Yeah. We're rubbing feet underneath the blankets. And they go up. Yeah. No, it's, it's, it's, it's gay. Maybe it's not all for the camera.

It's gay on the surface. Jesus, we could fucking, how much can we just like torture fucking Jimmy Norton and just do our own like, yeah, no. We're just fucking old gruff men who blow each other. Exactly. No, like, oh, geez.

No, no, this blonde chick tricked me. He's sort of blonde. He looks like Dolly Parton. But then I started thinking maybe it's a dude. I have to repeat my face with this dick. I'm like, wait, that ain't a clit. That's not a clit. That's not a clit. That's a P like that.

I mean, I haven't been in a lot of buildings. What are you saying? We're gay because we're two men who fuck each other and are in love and kiss with tongues? Have you ever made apple pie? You gotta break some apples. Jimmy is innocent. That's the one thing. I haven't closed one eye.

You know, I fucking love Jimmy Norton more than anything in the world. Oh, gee, I'm sorry. Oh, he gets jealousy boners. When I say I love Jimmy Norton, it makes me hard as a crow. LGBT music. LGBT music. LGBT. Hey, tell me your, tell me your subjectives. Your adjectives. Your projoratives. Listen, this is very important.

Who's your, who's your mama? Who's your dad? Who's your slave owner? He gets wider when he's going to attack. Name your name, Cuntacinte. Cuntacinte. Oh no. This is going to get us thrown off of Rumble. I'm sorry, is Owen Benjamin live casting right now? And we're cutting into his action. I love you, Owen.

Oh, god damn it, now I forgot. I just came and now I need to pee. Oh, geez. Get me a rag. There's man wipes. In the broom closet. I don't know. What was he gonna say?

Hilarious about using man wipes after gay sex. We should do a fake commercial. It's just, oh yeah. You read as, like just write as ad copy. Man wipes, you use them for this, you use them for that. And you know what? Sometimes your man wants you to smell fresh when he's going to be in your man parts. So use man wipes and just throw that in as one beat. Just steal the copy from someone else that does man wipes or did man wipes and just do almost all of it, but have a whole like just for gay sex.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Leave that in in case we don't ever actually do it. Maybe they can laugh along with the idea that we forgot. All right we should we go again let's go again yeah Andy and I are gonna go one more time see you tomorrow at the Kansas City oh yeah it's the comedy club KC calm Oh drip drip, drip some of that hot candle wax in my car. All right. Yeah, that's a that's enough. I guess I Oh, you know what I can throw in for for a follow up? I did drive out of

for a follow-up, I did drive out of, yeah, and I drove, like, I didn't do it in fucking one move. The longest I've ever done is Madison to Bisbee, and that was, I was hallucinating by the end. This was, I did it in two days with a very short fucking nap in between on the way I stopped in liberal Kansas right by and I and then the last I think it was almost 14 hours I drove in the second leg and it's fucking really invigorating to know you can

still fucking crank out a 14-hour drive and drive and still just do a little bit of that and you're fine because It's kind of like tantric sex With long driving where you you focus on you know what all I do all day long Is just sit around like this That's all I do I never go oh I've been sitting for like 14 hours at home. I've been just staring at this laptop sitting. Oh, oh my ass. No, you just, so you put yourself in that mindset with a good book on tape. I should have had a fucking list of the fucking audible books that I read.

I had a lot of, there was a lot of Nazi, I blame James Inman, but god damn it. I'll pull up a list one day when we have a format or maybe we never do. You're along for the ride, you're going down with us. But I drove back quickly, I got back in two days, a day and a half, and Inman, see, here's what happens with the money. Inman, I say, Inman, I will come out there if you buy me a ticket and get me a hotel near the airport. Which I know he can never do. He fucking tricks me by doing a GoFundMe and gets you to pay for it because I thought I

had an out and you thought you were helping. But no, my out was he had to pay me to go there and then see, we need to communicate more. That's why I pushed the Reddit. Talk to me. In on the joke. That's as soon as we can fucking get this Patreon levels changed.

The top level is gonna be the in on the joke level where I can, what we used to always refer to as the Seal Team Six. Yeah, all right. If we, people I fucking can trust and that, yeah, we'll get the people a level that James Inman can't afford so you could say okay this is how we're fucking with someone and he's not gonna see it he he gets me to go there then he invites Christine

and Andy and says he's got an investor that's going to pay for them to come out. And then he springs on this, oh, we're going to do it as a live paid gig now using your fucking name. So whatever it was 20 bucks ahead. Yeah, he's expecting that that's all going in his pocket. Oh, you go, you know, you can't't. So it came out to about forty eight hundred dollars total between what you gave and what we brought in at the door at whatever twenty bucks a head. So he wanted all the GoFundMe. I go well that's twelve hundred bucks apiece and everyone's you know square and you deserve fucking none

of it because you're a liar and he'd know he wanted more than that he wanted all the go fund me money and then we split the 3600 is 1200 go fund me roughly and 3,600 at the door 40 he wanted to go fund me and and then I don't go know that does it Like this is fair. I know it's fucking you look everyone gets a quarter of the force of Well, you know you I just had to pay the camera grew and well, it's your project Yeah, the your expenses coming out of you I spent a lot of gas going on the long route to get here that's I'm not saying you have to it's not your expense my idea I had fucking I had steak and eggs for breakfast I didn't say oh that comes out of the group fund, people who eat fucking English muffins. No, that's your expenses, motherfucker.

Well, Brenda has cancer, and I thought all the extra money would go to her cancer because Brenda has cancer, and I thought, oh, you are the fucking, just the most, but that's why we love James Inman. And that's why I would fucking couch surf across half of America to go be a guest on his podcast because it's it's it's good banter. Alright that's how it ended. James was finally satisfied with the fact that we

all made a quarter of a pittance of money and I was very, I was blessed to stay with the people I stayed with. Heading to Tracy tomorrow, go Edmonton Oilers, you'll know if she had a good night or not by the time this is done. Bye now.