The Doug Stanhope Podcast - ARE YOU my GARBAGE man?

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

Doug invites his garbage man, Ryan, in to play-out his own version of his favorite podcast, AYGSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Hey, this is a very special spin-off podcast. This is a, it's not are you garbage, it's a, are you my garbage man? This is our sanitation expert, Ryan, who we've known for, I don't know, you've been to a few Super Bowls here. Yeah, this year's my third one. All right. And this one you were invited to. Yeah, Derek invited me originally. but the second time I was like,

fuck and I'm going. Derek said, yeah, you know, Ryan, he's your trash guy. He coached all the Super Bowls. He just sneaks in. He's really sneaky because I only met him this Super Bowl and never seen him before,

so that's really sneaky. Yeah, you look like you're just not a problem. You just assume you're with someone else. Yeah, someone might be. to Browdom? I don't know. I don't have a security guard or a fucking checklist. I might... With my memory, I might just go, hey, how are you doing? I got that fuck. Do I know that guy? I probably know that guy and I can't remember his name. So I think, like, most celebrities you would think would fall for that. Like, if you random to a Tom Cruise and you

go, I haven't seen you since I named some movie from 1991. He's going to go, we're fucking 90, fucking 900 people on that set. He'd go, oh, yeah, yeah, it's great to see you. How you been? Still in Scientology? Oh, yeah, yeah. So, yeah, so, yeah, I thought it would be fun to have you on it and kind of spoof a little are you garbage and then get to know you so we know you.

so we know you better next time at Super Bowl. And you did stop by, actually, and I didn't know, I didn't know if you were doing it on purpose. We had so much trash after Super Bowl that was fucking overflowing out of everywhere. And you pulled up out front. Yeah, I texted Derek, hey, I'm going to swing by. You guys need anything, you know? And I just wait.

I didn't know if you're, like, on the phone? Yeah, Derek made it seem like he was there, like here. you know, and I was like, I don't know, just waiting on me. Then eventually I left. Well, then he called and he goes, yeah, he stopped by. He's going to take out your trash. I'm like, oh, fucking, you should have called me. I just waved at him and blew him off.

Sit out in front of my, that's a very cool, classy move to fucking come by the day after Super Bowl. Hell yeah. That is one of a, I think that was a bingo question. Have you ever used your trash truck, garbage truck, whatever you call it, for personal reasons. Oh, yeah, every Friday. That was my question.

You go to the bank, you cash your check, take it to the... No, I just, you know, my trash day is Monday and, right? You know, Monday is the worst day of the week, in my opinion. It's fucking awful because Monday, just Bisbee Road is Monday, and that's the main street. And they switched from dumpsters, which were fine. to everyone gets an individual ugly bright blue fucking can. Yeah, it's Sierra Vista. Yeah, they got them from Sierra Vista.

Do you prefer the, did you work with the dumpsters? Never. I mean, I do the dumpsters sometimes, but like a... So you've... Yeah, every once in a while I do it. You're new on the job to wear it. Yeah, it's been less than a year. Because, yeah, the whole fucking street,

everyone has a bright blue can out. You didn't notice the dumpsters before. I want to make a I wanted to do it with the dumpster for funny but with the big blue cans could I make one of those so heavy like fill it with concrete that your truck couldn't lift it? It happens?

It happens? Yeah. Wow. People fill them so full you can't even breaks the truck? Weeds, leaves. And it's all fucking wet.

So it's all now. Yeah. And the truck doesn't pick it up. Oh, wow. So what do you do? Leave? Take a picture of it, report it. Okay.

When it's windy, do you have to pick up people's trash cans if they blow over or do you get to just be like, fuck you? You should have been home. Oh, Havilinas? Oh, yeah. Havellinas. Yeah, you have to. You have to get out, huh? Yeah, yeah.

Sleep it up. Oh, that sucks, because that was another thing. That's why you wanted dumpsters, because you can't put your trash out the night before. And you come by, like, you know, you know, you know, it's. you know, 8.39 in the morning. So you have to get up in a fucking winter when it's cold. Because if you leave your trash out, packs of havelinas are like wild pigs. They'll knock that shit over and your shit will be all up and down,

blowing around the neighborhood. I'm laughing because I'm picturing I have neighbors who, to combat that, they just put a big boulder on top of the lid of the garbage can and then take off to work. I'm like, the garbage man has to fucking hate that. That's... Yeah, you could just like shake it off. Oh, you just fucking... Yeah, like, it's hydraulic, so just give it a little, like, and it just falls off.

All right, okay. That's not too bad, then. Oh, here's a personal question I have to ask you real quick, then. Our garbage, we have those same ones, but our garbage used to come more often. And when they've cut back, they said, well, we'll give you two cans. Well, I'm the only one who has two cans. How far apart should I put... I try to keep them a good distance, but I wonder if I'm being more annoying.

The guy's probably like, you put these closer together, so I don't have to drive it. 20 feet, pick up your second can. Yeah, just like a few feet apart. It really helps. Okay. Hey, Mint Mobile, and I'm sorry, Kenny Mint Mobile, Mint Mobile, Kenny, is not here to present and promote the way he's paid to. Why are you paying so much for your phone?

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five-gigabyte plan required equivalent to $15 a month. new customers to offer first three months only then full price plan options available taxes and piece extra seat me about dark stuff already learning there was a police beat I couldn't find it so it must be one we already sent out with merch it wasn't the most recent one but there was a a police beat where someone complained that

a neighbor was parking in front of her a house blocking her trash can so the trash guy wouldn't pick it up now how far out of your way do you go to like if someone's parked and the trash is behind that I'm like is that me you just if the car's in front of it or it's too close

or take a picture but it usually it usually backswires because it like two it's like hey can you go get that trash can yeah I took a picture of it oh well they called okay yeah I'll go do it how full of your phone is pictures of people's shitty trash

situation we have a tablet we actually take pictures? Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I had a fancy.

I got a few things here. All right. I'm full out money. Well, see, I have too many. Have you ever hit on or gone on a date with a client? Never.

All right. Have you ever been recognized against Safeway where someone says, hey, how do I know you? Not yet, no, no. Now? How long have you been on the job? I think June will be a year.

All right. Yeah, but I've been in BISB four years, so. I always, I would never see. Well, for one, I don't know what my garbage guy looks like because I always feel like I'm inconveniencing. But basically I have the two cans, but then I live on one side of the street, so he goes up the other side. So I always go and finish my dog shit real quick before he hits the dead end and then run out. and drop the dog shit in the can at the last minute. And I always, for some reason, I just feel like a asshole.

So I always just fucking wave without looking at him. Like, sorry, dude. And I don't even know why. It's funny, because all that, all that, whatever's in the can, it goes right through the vents in the truck, and you instantly know what it is. Oh, yeah, you had that as a question. What's the worst?

Oh, yeah. Worst smell. Yeah, it's definitely hands-down thewies. An old Bidzby? It's a, yeah, Vietnamese restaurant. No bag or nothing, just a mountain of just, what is it, an Asian restaurant?

Yeah, Vietnamese. Yeah. It's just like a bucket of fish heads. Yeah, it's the worst when it sits for two or three days. Yeah, summertime, that's got to be rough. You guys don't have a rule where people have to put it in bags or anything

that they can just put it. That's interesting. Yeah, people don't even pay their bills. No, no, I don't just throw dog shit in the thing. I throw it in a bag and tie it up and throw it. I'm not a fucking asshole. If they were going to defund the police and defund the trash collectors, who's going to get more complaints? Who's going to be back on the job first?

I would definitely say trash guy. Yeah, probably sanitation. 100%. The impact would be felt immediately. And I want you to know, I did the fucking research, too. Fucking heroes. I knew this, but I wanted numbers. Fuck a cop and a fireman.

You're in the top five deadliest jobs in the country. Logging, number one. Second is fishing slash hunting. Roofer's third. Pilots, fourth. And those are always small planes. Not fucking. And refuse collectors, fifth.

But can cops and firemen not in the top 10? Yeah, definitely. They have the, at least I'm a cop or fireman, you know, like, it's looked highly upon, but sanitation is kind of like. Yeah, but yeah, you're far more heroes and don't get the respect. Yeah, especially in Bisby. It's very unique, you know, like people cut down a tree and call this and say, hey, pick it up, you know, and we come and pick it up for free.

Like other cities, like waste management, you know, for cans, not. close completely, they'll charge you more. And wherever you're picking up trees. Do you ever get tipped? Yeah, sometimes. Around the holidays. It's actually really nice. We're supposed to tip the garbage guy? I tip the, yeah, I should tip

this guy. I try to tip the UPS lady, but they changed out drivers right after Christmas. I'm like, hey, I'm like, well, you do it. Who the fuck are you? What do you got? They'd be an awkward time to try to tip out now.

No, it's cool, though. People are actually really generous. It makes it worth it, you know? Like, here's a 50, here's 100. Like, that really changes your perspective. Yeah, and especially with the fucking football parties here. I mean, we used to, that's why I missed the dumpster so much, because that dumpster was right out front.

And with the size of the parties back then, like just one football Sunday and that thing was overloaded. Yeah, that's what Derek was saying. He said it used to be like 80 or 100 people, you know, 5, 10 years ago. Yeah, none of them watching football. Yeah, well, for Super Bowl, we'd have those kind of numbers. Not for Sunday, but still, there was enough trash and, you know. And the other thing is most people stop drinking.

So just the beer bottles, that's one of yours. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So, okay, my neighbor is an alcoholic. So whenever garbage hits there, if I missed it as it went this way, I always can hear his because it's nothing but beer bottles. What it dumps into the thing. Do you have a map of the severe alcoholics on your round? Do you know who is? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Tintown. High life, natural light. Milwaukee's best. Not a single bag. Yeah, Bingo is wondering if there's any hip of violation. Oh, yeah.

If you were to do like the Bisbee garbage gossip column on the podcast, would you get into trouble for that for narking out people who? No, I don't think so. I guess it depends on what you shared about them. But can you cherry pick? Like, is that, I know cops can. Cops can go right in your trash because it's now technically not yours.

Can you cherry pick and have you cherry picked? By cherry pick, what do you mean? Like, seen some shit in the trash and went, that's fucking cool. I'm keeping that. Oh, there's some stupid stuff every once in a while. Like you see like a printer? Like a printer or something?

Oh, okay, printer, whatever. All right. Or what else? That's an, are you garbage question? Yeah, you find some cool stuff. It's kind of unique. Do you ever get something, like, you know, get a printer home and you get it set up, and then about three days later, you realize that there was, like, mice living in it.

You're like, oh, fuck. No, under the printer. I really, I'm very, like, picky on what I grab. Like, the RV park, I did grab some stuff from my house. What's the coolest thing you found? I found, like, a tent one time. I was like, okay, whatever. A tent?

Like a $10 bill. Oh, cool. Someone fucked up, you know. That's a couple beers. I found like an outdoor game at the RV park and all busy and I was like this is all plastic and it's just in the trash can like there's nothing wrong with it grab that what else people grab like yeah if you see it like people leave shit out

and just have with a sign that says free you just yeah yeah we'll grab that as a truck and then just go down in the corner and take it back out yeah some people like get really carried away like oh there's a weed eater I'm like it looks like it's 20 years old Yeah. Like, is it worth fucking with that? When I was a kid, we'd go to the dump, we had the landfill, and you just go dump your shit with it.

And one of the fun things was while you were unloading it, you'd scavenged through all the other shit. Now there's signs all over. I'm fucking taking garbage. No scavenging, yeah. Yeah. I had an uncle that worked for waste management in Phoenix, and, man, he would come home with just cool shit,

like brand new shit. I guess it was like a rich area or something, But like all the ceiling fans, matching ceiling fans in my grandparents' house all came from him that were in the dump. Yeah, there's always good. Yeah, old busy has a lot of stuff like that. People put it on the side of the road or put it by the trash can. Yeah, when I asked you, he does, he's not familiar with the podcast, are you garbage? Do you listen to podcast, by the way?

Yeah, I do. Yeah. Question on the job. Sometimes if I'm pretty bored, you know, driving that truck all day. I don't know if it would be too loud. like to hear shit in there. No, it's actually, it's pretty cool. Like, it works out well, you know?

Pretty comfortable in there, your cockpit there? Yeah, it's like, very nice truck. But do you, pair it up? I think they used to be paired up, but it was dumpsters. Are you by yourself? Yeah, yeah, by yourself generally. So it's that much more dangerous? No partner.

I don't want a partner. I work alone. No, it works out better that way, because after you're like, you just zone it out, doing your own thing. thing, you know, like... Yeah, that would be way better. Yeah, I asked, I met at Super Bowl,

I started to ask him about doing this and said, you know, the podcast, are you garbage? I thought it would do a spoof. Are you a garbage man? He goes, yeah, I worked for the state, and I'm like, I didn't really, is that offensive to say? Do you have,

like... No, just the city of Busby. So, so if a chick ask you what you do, is that a sanitation worker, Yeah, sanitation. Yeah, sanitation. It's actually a really good job. Like, you're not overworked.

Yeah. No, I would love it. To me, to me, that's one of the best. If I had to get a job, that would be one that I wanted. You don't have to do. I would rather deal, like, I have, like, my son works. He drives a truck and does a route of pumping septic tanks. And that's what I always tell.

I would, I would rather deal with actual shit than human being shit, though. You see that in the trash cans. You see it. You see shit in the trash cans? Yeah, from the bumps. Like, it's, it's pretty bad. You know, that's, how would you shit in the trash get? You didn't need a small ladder.

I just imagine, like, a five-gallon bucket he sits on or she sits on. Oh, and then they dump it in. Right on top, you know, like, today's a day, you know. That's a way to learn things. Like, if you were ever homeless, you go, okay, I don't know. I'll get a five-gallon bucket, and I was just... I'm saying, that's my theory. I don't know, but it's bad.

Like that. That's what you're talking about when you say the smell hits in through the van. when you dump it. Yeah, like old Disney, like it's pretty bad. You start gagging. What's the name of, do they have a name for not Tin Town,

but the homeless encampment behind Safeway? Have you ever been in it? We cleaned it up a while back, like a portion of it. Like if you drove, oh God, that would be fucking hilarious footage. They have a dumpster too,

though, which is funny. I was going to say, if you drove a trash can into this is like, a slab city kind of area, would they flee like ice going into a construction site? No, generally it's like, how are you taking my stuff for? Like, you know, or people love to drive by and why are you picking up the homeless guy's stuff? Like, he has mental illness. Yeah.

There's nothing in here that's of value, you know? And you get some of that sometimes. Oh, I know that guy. I know the guy talking about that. It has all the shit. He'll come start grabbing stuff out of the back of the truck and it's like, dude. Colorful dresser, too. Yeah, anything goes.

Yeah. Pretty nuts. But you're completely out of his mind. When you just drive by someone and... Yeah, shopping cards. And I've mentioned it before. Chain the carts up at Safeway? Because we dump them, take them back.

And it's fucking nasty. And they just haven't done anything yet. Like, it's quite, like, funny. Like, how does that continue? Because I'm sure, you know, the carts, what? They got to be something. When they purchased them, you know, like 20, 30 bucks a piece or something.

Yeah. And then they're all nasty and shit. And we just take them back and it's like... Well, they get rid of all the plastic carts and replace them with the fucking nice black, sleek metal carts. And now I've noticed that there's not nearly as many of those black carts as when they started. They make good shitters. But I've noticed more of the plastic carts are coming back. Like, are you actually doing a trade-in?

which would be kind of honorable. Like if you stole a plastic shop cart and the new line is in, to bring back the old one before you stole a new one, I don't agree. I don't think that's a good, I don't think that's a nice gesture. Hey, I've been collecting garbage in this.

I'm going to bring it back so you can put your groceries in it. Let's, no. No, we bring it back, and I mentioned it before, you know, to the cart guy, hey, you may want to clean these because I've done my part.

What's the guy sleeping in it? I don't know. Yeah. And, uh, okay. Yeah, I'll clean them. And it's like, dude, they've been everywhere, you know, bring back six or seven cars. Do you think he's safeway cleans them themselves? Shit, no.

Like, that was one of the fake jobs we used to tell people on the road. You never say, you know, you're a comedian or you're going to be stuck in a horrible conversation. So traveling, when you check into a hotel or whatever, oh, you're here on business? What do you do? And we would, one of the fake jobs we said is that we go into a supermarket. overnight and we fix all the wobbly wheels on the carts before they open in the morning, so no, it's inconvenienced, town to town. Well, the tweakers just do that here.

Our friend, you know, Christine Levine, Mamu, they call her. I probably sit around, but I haven't matter. She's a comedian. She lives right across from Derek, a blonde gal. She's a comedian and she has a podcast about finding dead bodies. And she's found several. And one of them was she was a clerk in a porn shop. And a guy had a heart attack and died in one of the jackshacks.

And before she called 911, she went through his pockets, grabbed 35 bucks out of his wallet. If you found a dead body Call the police Would you check his pockets? No, that's By the time we found it would be pretty disgusting. Have you ever seen something

that you thought might be a dead body? Like on the burbs and the Tom Hanks and they throw it out of garbage out. There was a couple days ago I was like, man, that smell, whatever it is? Like, is that what that smells like someone that's, you know, no longer alive.

And I was questioning, and I was like, is that what that smell? Like, is that what it is? But no, I've never seen anything. Are you ever afraid you'll get used to the smell? And then just, like, not notice it in your own apartment, that something's gone bad in the fridge. Oh, my dog died. Fuck.

You do get used to it, but, yeah. I just don't have that sense to smell anymore. It's not really bad. Dad, dog's going to be dead for a month before. Oh, Jesus. Go to your nose, because that yours... I don't even remember most of what I had in how to get in the seat. No, I think we hit most of it.

Oh, I know. Do you have specific customers that you hate because of their garbage habits? What they throw away, how they place it, how they... That's what I have. How they, not the name a name, but do you have certain ones that are like, this motherfucker again? Yeah, 100%. Like, there's a lady on this street, Van Dyke Street. And, uh, crazy Mary.

All the way at the end on the right. And, uh, the can is always chained up, right? And you can't tell if it's chained up, right? So you use the truck and, oh, okay, it's chained up today, whatever. And always calls, always, oh, my trash thing can get picked up, but it was chained up. And it's like... the back of her house. Yeah. Then I know who it is.

Yeah. So do you. No, Suzanne. Yes. So it's, so it's like, so it's like a news like I delivered, I worked at the newspaper and we had to deliver. I was in charge of newspaper delivery people and like people called in and you'd be like, I didn't get my paper. And the guy would be like, I fucking delivered it. And you got to go deliver it again. What do you have like the garbage can't truck at your house? You got to, after you're off, you got to head back over or what? Oh yeah. Really?

I picked up, like, trash cans like three times. Really? All right. I didn't ask you who this person was. No, I don't know who it is, but... Let's just ask some, are you garbage questions on the phone? Chaining it up, it makes sense, but, you know, every Friday, it's like, damn, it's still chained up. And then they call, and it's like...

Come on, answer the phone. Ask that person If they change her garbage up Hello You have reached The voice of Dr. Suzanne Walsh Of physical therapy She's dating what

Everybody Do you lock up your goddamn trash can It better not be you We have a we have Ryan The Trash guy on the podcast here And he says Some lady down around your a house, locks up their trash can, and then makes him come back and go get it because you

forgot to unlock it on trash tape. It better not be you shaming this street. At least it's not our block. She has a hot tub. That's one of your questions. Do you ever have the height advantage of your car that you can see in people's yards to see stuff that they weren't expecting? expecting you to see. Because Suzanne Walsh is known for having her hot tub back there, if it's the same house with the chained up garbage, where she wants people to see her in her jacuzzi naked. Maybe she could make it up to you somehow.

That's why she's trying to get him to come back off hours. Yeah. That's a 15. No, nothing ever that's... You never had the, as you phrased it, the crazy naked, half naked lady, racing down going, oh, I forgot to give you my trash. Yeah, people who follow you, oh, I forgot to put it out.

Oh, yeah. It's like, fuck. Yeah. And then it's, oh, I'm related to so-and-so, and I'm like, I don't know who that is, but okay. People name drop to get their trash. Or I work for the city. It's like, okay. That's funny.

That's fucking great. When I was, when, when Derek said, Yeah, Ryan, your trash guy. And I'm like, that's a fucking hookup. I mean, I've had some hookups in this town, but that's one that you go, we need that guy on our side. Yeah, I've actually seen yours like it'll be,

when you come down the street, you always start this way. It'd be on the left and then it'll be on the right. Or, you know, like when you're coming back. Because they pick up on the other side first. So if I'm up in time, I'll move it over to the other side so I can get it done with quicker. But, and then sometimes I've, yeah, well, sometimes I've had to use, like this week,

I had to use that lady's. And I opened it and she, there was nothing in it. She brought her trash out. I think she just likes to talk to people. But, yeah, I had to use her trash can, which they, how, like, I don't know why I feel, I feel guilty about this, but I can't justify. I have one lady on my street who does not have treats.

The only lady who doesn't have trash service and she just goes out on trash day and hucks her trash in whoever has room. I was so fucking angry when they took away our dumpsters that I refuse because that's a heavy-ass can. I'm a weak-ass kid. I don't drag a 40-pound empty

that fucking can dragging it up hill to the street. Fuck you. So I would just take my trash every time I left the house. I'd have Safeway bags full of whatever trash and bring them to Burger King, especially Burger King. I fucking hate Burger King. Does Burger King ever try to order from you?

You do get that, though, like an old lady in any of these little sub-areas of Busby. You know, she'll put it all the way out to where you can't get it. It's an end of the road, and there's like two Safeway bags. I'll get it next week. And today, hey, you didn't pick up this one. And you go back and it's the same two Safeway bags. And it's like, really? At this rate, you know, once every six months.

And that really sucks. I got that, well, you don't do that. I get things for the free dump run. I don't know how, is you have a size limit? Or is it just what fits in the can? man. Well, he said they come and pick up trees and shit, because ours don't do that. So these guys are nice. Couches, uh, anything like that pretty much. We could have called him to pick up the mattress from the suicide house. Wow. What? No, it just gets left and we get called to do it, which it's not much,

but it's all the time, especially old Bisby. So then, but there's stuff that you can't use the arm for that arm is for only the trash can. So you got, if there's a mattress, you got to get out. Like really heavy bags. You got to, yeah. See, that's what I, I'm going to have. I'm going to have. have to have Verhelshaus guys come the shit behind there. That bar, that fucking idiot trying to build for us. It's all back there. There's a chunk of the corrugated fence from where they that's as long as this fun house back there. What the fuck am I going to do with that? Why did you leave that from me? So yeah, we have to hire Verhesthouse guys. No, the city busy is really generous, like really generous

yeah that wouldn't be bad to be you know with the little what is it like a bus driver arm or is it just a button that you push or how do you just have like a hydraulic you just you just crank the little arm out of that can you do you do ride-alongs what you mean he's still don't want to go along

I don't have a ride along oh that would be so funny the cops I asked the cops once I drug dialed the cops I think we have it on oh that's great had I told him I had a great idea for me to do a ride along with him.

They got back to me eventually, like days and days later, the Bisbee police is calling it. I'm like, what the fuck? Yeah, people really hate the policemen. Like, Bisby is... Busby's great. They're exceptional. Like, they have a few bad instances in the past, but...

Those guys are gone. Yeah. No, I actually, one of... The guy that killed the guy... I don't know about that one, but most of them were great. Yeah, then he became like a... Like a... Yeah, behind safely.

When I called them, they showed up in two minutes. I mean, I live in Bakerville, so it's like, okay, this is right by the station. Oh, we're already there. Yeah, yeah. Like, they show up. We were in Kenny's house already. We were in Kenny's house. Yeah, yeah, after your house, we're going to go to Kenney's and see what he's got going on.

You know, in Globe where I'm from, there's a certain areas of town that have old school garbage. Like, they have those same garbage dumpsters, like at my dad's house. I'll sit at my dad's house when I go visit, and if it's trash. I love it. I'll sit out in the street and watch them because they only have a pickup truck with side stakes of wood on the back. So they have to have,

it has to be bagged, but there's a guy who drives the truck and a guy who gets out reaches in those things and hucks the bags up over into the truck. We do that every one's wrong. And I'm like, oh, that guy is a fucking meth head,

but that is a perfect job for a meth head. He's just out there. We do it for Old Busby sometimes. Really? If the truck breaks down, because they just have the one, so if that one's done, we do it that way. So you guys just have the one truck for Busby that you drive. Yeah, and that one... Wow.

If that breaks down, it really sucks, because phone calls left and right. This is the one that does the dumpsters? No, we have the small truck I brought by that one day. All right. Do you only have one truck that does all the cans? Yeah, it's just one... Yeah. Fuck.

Yeah. It was just three trucks. That was their whole... So I'm saying one little whatever, like computer system or something with the truck, that one's out of service, goes to Tucson or Phoenix, and then it's by hand. You know, it's fucking anarchy. Yeah. Dude, how does, okay, so now that really gets interesting.

How does that work with the big ones that are like full of shit and stuff? You got to pick those up? You just keep driving because it's like, I already know that one's going to be fucking nasty. So you skip up. Just a bunch of highlight bottles like. The studio we have still have a dumpster. uh that a can't i always forget i'm like i have i could just drive it to we the um corner of 92 and uh uh no highway the little like three unit uh anyway yeah there's a dumpster there

right there but cronclan yeah yeah yeah yeah so so yeah so yeah so yeah so they still have a truck that was their excuse for why they gave us these shitty ass cans is because the truck that with the dumpsters broke down and it's too expensive to fix it. Well, you only have one of these trucks and you still have that other truck that fucking works because you have dumpsters. I have one just not in my house. Who does the, is that a separate county thing or something? No, we do a, we do dumpsters, commercial, residential.

You ever have to go switch trucks? You know, go do these trucks and then go get in the other truck and go do the dumps? there a hierarchy, like back at the, first of all, I like to, I like to picture that you have, like, a, like, an office, like, like, taxi, like a place where you all meet up and then you get dispatched, you know, the show taxi. Yeah, yeah, over by the transfer station. Yeah, like, yeah, what do you, yeah, you all have an office where you hang out and then, and is there a hierarchy where you go, one day I'm going to get the fucking dumpster run? This guy. No, that one's not, because it's just you're pretty much just driving all day. There's no getting out, you know,

maybe sometimes like a bum gets in the dumpsters and leaves a mess, but that one's pretty easy. If there was a bum in the dumpster, would you pretend you didn't know? Oh, what happened? Yeah, that would be... Because there's a bunch of cameras, so that would be pretty crazy. I don't know how the person would get out. Trash man, body cam. You're gonna get a dick. What happens? talking about body care videos.

That happens in Phoenix, Tucson. Oh, that's great. Yeah, nothing here that I know of yet, but... Well, nobody missed those people is why. They went right in the dump. They went to the dump and nobody even knows. Now that we have an inside man, you kind of want to pull a prank

now that we could have it accomplished, which is very important of hidden camera pranks. You have to have you set up someone that you know is going to be in on the... Get the joke when you go, ah, we're just fucking with you. Where we get Chaley, he does the haunted house stuff and he's

the most realistic dead bodies. There's one down to that fucking shed right now. We could set up. Yeah, that would be pretty funny like because you'd already like you you'd have to explain to us

like where the cameras are located to what they see to reverse engineer the prank because you'd be, he'd be the unwitting mark not only is he the mark but he's filming himself it's his own camera camera yeah it's so funny because they have all these cameras right and they're like hey you forgot a can on whatever street and it's like no i went down that one i promise it's not a big town well they call and say you didn't get it so it's like you just go back i'm like what are these

cameras for then like nobody checks them yeah check the camera buddy I picked that trash job. It's funny. Yeah, we throw a dead body in one, fake special effects dead body. They're going to be looking at those cameras a lot more. Hey, here's a, not an RU garbage, but an I am garbage.

I've been catching mice in my garage. So I go over and huck them in my garbage can. But if I find mice and the garbage, is not going to be there for a little while or if it's empty. And I don't want to just throw a mouse in there and it says on the bottom. Then it's going to stick there. So I just take my mouse, mouse, triple, and fling them into the neighbor's yard because nobody lived there. Yeah, you see mice.

I would never consider such a thing. And then a couple of days ago, people moved in there and they have two dogs. And I'm watching their dogs go crazy all in that area where I've been hucking mice. All right. Oh, that one of a fucking shooting. Yeah, you see him sometimes, though. Yeah. Am I garbage?

Do you ever have someone to say, I say, hey, what's your drink of choice? And they say, uh, tea those and cranberry. And then I go, okay. And I say to myself, I have a bottle that says teetose. How don't we get it? I'm saying, that's probably not teetone. That's probably some fucking plastic.

plastic shelf vodka. Oh, I see what you're saying. I probably drink all the teedos. Cheers. Yeah, most of those, people drop off like high dollar bottles of, well, not high dollar,

but like bullet rye. It's, yeah, and that's a fucking handle. And, yeah, if I have, yeah,

I'll definitely, if that ever gets finished, I'll refill it with connection. Canadian club. I got a bottle. Gretchen Bonaducci bought me a $500 bottle of Don Perion for helping her with her campaign. Gretchen Barrett? No, no, Gretchen Bonaducci. Oh, I don't... Yes, no, Gretchen Barry is, that's the correct order to know them in. Gretchen bernetka's seniority. And she used to just be Gretchen. Now she has to be Gretchen bearer. But yeah, if I ever find any occasion that I deem worth opening a $500 bottle of champagne, that bottle is staying here. And anytime I'm having mimosas on any given

Sunday, I'm pouring Andre into that motherfucker. I'll get, I'll get some kind of epoxy so the label can't fade when it sits in ice. Yeah, that's a vodka we got on the flight that you mixed with tang and made it explode. Yeah. I have one more question in my list, and I remembered it because I have to go pee. Do you have a spot on your route where you regularly stop and pee?

Or do you have to have a pee jug in your truck, like a trucker? We have some spots that we stop. Oh, okay, good. The Red Bull, the coffee. Yeah, is there, is there like a trash man bar, like a cop bar? No. Do you actually hang out with anyone? How many?

There's only a couple of trucks. It's going to be the only guy. How many guys are there? We have, what, four? Including, like, bosses? Yeah, including the boss. I mean, we've been to almost, but. Is there a company Christmas party?

Ah, yeah, actually, we asked something. Did you? Yeah. Do the white elephant thing? No, we just had everyone there, just food and stuff. Oh, I want to do. This is what I want to do with the rest of my career. I want to host that Christmas party and do the white elephant,

but it has to be something you found in the trash. That is so great. I love that idea. You should host the party for the garbage man. I would absolutely host that. There's a bunch of people that. He should host the Christmas party. That would be pretty funny.

There might be a few, but the one that doesn't is the one I'm trying to avoid. No, there's no one up there like that. He said there's a lot of people would like to meet you. And I go, yeah, but there's one that doesn't. I don't want to risk it. No, that would be pretty funny. Hey, I thought of a question while I was peeing. How did you get into this line of work?

Have you done it before? And was it a hard job? Was there like a lot of people vying for, because it seemed like in this town, that would be a city job is about the best you can do. It's super hard to come by. That's part of the reason why I did it. Because at first I was like, man, I don't want to be the trash guy. So you're just interested in whatever city job?

Yeah. Yeah, okay. And I went up there and I did the application, did the interview. And there's, you know, three or four people hiring for that position. And they called like a couple weeks later. And I was like, yeah, I'll do it. Because I was working at Budweiser and it's the worst job you could imagine. That's why you know, Coach East Row, right?

Yeah. It's so weird. You notice a Budweiser side, but you go, it must be old. It's just their product. You don't get anything else. You don't get stock, like three holidays. So did you drive a truck for them? Yeah, I did.

Okay. So that was probably what put you over the edge over the other losers. They'd be like, these guys don't even know how to fucking drive a truck. This guy's haul Budweiser. He can haul other garbage. Yeah. Yeah. That place is like the worst job, you can imagine.

Unless you're like. How did you wind up in Bisbee? I overheard. you have kids. Yeah, I had a few kids. And I walked away. And we had a piece of land here, my dad and I. And I ended up moving here after I lived in Denver.

And I just liked the speed of it. You know, I'm from a small town in Oklahoma. And so I'm like set up shopping. Altus? Hmm? Altus? No, I lived between, I lived in Kellyville and then Bristow, Oklahoma. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, it's right off the turnpike. But I'm saying after I left Denver. If I hit Altus, you'd be, how the fuck did you? Right. I was going to throw out the only name that I know in Oklahoma. I was going to go with Lawton. I had family that lives in Harkshorn. Oh, I don't know that's that.

See, he doesn't have a Harkshorn accent. But yeah, we. You don't have any accent as a matter of fact. Yeah, I mean, it's Arizona. It's just not talking much. We're doing, we're talking over. I've been here almost 10 years now. Right.

Yeah. But Bizby for four. Yeah. Yeah, we built a house. So is there a wife to these kids? Yeah, yeah, I have a wife, yeah. We're not legally married. You go, yeah, me and my dad.

And I'm like, I don't think. No, no. Was that where that? Yeah, no. Yeah, she's. We struck the set from that baby that was on the last podcast. Oh, is there? Are the kids, do the kids look like this?

He's with the sitter. So you're still together? Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah. Yeah, this is definitely a. Yeah, we're a rough town to be single. Oh, yeah, there's not a lot of options. Well, but I mean, like, if she, if she was a bitch, at least you're the garbage man, you know.

Yeah, I got the garbage Friday. That's the thing. You're out of here. I know where to put you. You never have to worry about that. And porn, it's always the cliche porn is the pizza guy or the pool man. It's never the fucking trash guy. Oh, the garbage man.

How will I ever repay you? No, it's actually, it's actually great. I think I'm putting like 700 books a month away for retirement. And, you know, after 30 years, you could do the math on that. It's a great job. This is not fucking L.A. or even Tucson where like if you were single in this town, there would be no stigma with garbage man. That would be, you have a job?

Yeah, that is a, that stigma here. That's a good fucking job. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think anything about it. Like a negative. at all. Yeah, it's outstanding. You don't have an ankle bracelet?

Right, yeah. You haven't been busted smuggling people across the border. That's a big thing. Wow, yeah. Who would guess? Who would, what heathen ice officer Border Patrol would look at a garbage truck

and go, I want to take a look in the back. Dude, you can hide some people. If you're under some trash, just to make the ice guys dig for it. And put the stinkiest trash on top. Yeah. And then bring it back to Kenny's because the fucking wife

abandoned the fucking house. Every time we have a perfect million dollar criminal enterprise, we're podcasted. Ruined it immediately. And then we put it out to the public. Especially being like, why, like, I've driven like the biggest U-Haul they had

through Tombstone. It's just, it's comical. But here are guys that are Mexican and it's like, oh, secondary. It's fucked up. Yeah, yeah. My own kids, you know, like my boys are brown. And we got stopped trying to go to Tucson

for when they used to stop at the checkpoint. We got to stop and checked out at the checkpoint. Yeah, it's pretty fucked up. Like 30 foot U-Haul or whatever, 25 feet. drive to, you're good, go ahead. It's like, thanks, brother. You know what I mean? Makes you wish you had better connections with the...

You do have a very certain I'm a complete Yahoo look that that guy's... No, it really helps. Like, yeah, like, been definitely been given some grace. Yeah, you're... That guy's, where are you going to fly fishing? That's what he says. Oh, pretty much.

He just has an whole persona. Yeah, I love fly fishing. so that's what's pretty funny. Nailed it. Oh, you do fly things? Yeah. Night. I haven't in a while, but as a kid I did. It'd be hard to carry yourself like that if you weren't that guy. You don't act like this. Like that would be if you, anyway, I'm getting high. So I want you to keep your eye up for any like top shelf bottles that are empty and not,

scarred up. Oh, yeah, yeah. Bottom shelf. There's plenty of those whole Bisbee. They probably do the same shit. No, it's been great, though, like building a house here and,

I don't know, kidding with the community. You just built a house? Yeah. From the ground up, it was a fucking nightmare. It's still not finished. That's pretty honest.

Yeah, yeah, definitely. There, I got that. Yes. 41.4 deaths per 100,000 refuse collectors do you have a favorite

title sanitation what was on the job application when you applied the city business is just very generic you know whatever you got does that mean that they can be like

hey the fucking council member is sick this week you got it when you're done dumping that You work for the city. You got to come over and send... You're going to have rubber stamps and stuff on with the Justice of the Peace. Yeah, you're just a blanket job. You're going to push through some legislation quick before Sandy gets her voice back.

No, it's actually great. Like, we have inmates too, and they make like 50 cents or a dollar an hour. Oh shit. They do a lot of that... Lugther Hellst House, guys. Let's get some prisoners there. They have, they do a lot of things in town that people don't really realize. really realize what people do or then they call and the inmates were doing this and it's like

man they love it 50 cents a dollar an hour they can buy the cigarettes at the end of the day and a lot of complaints but like they really change a lot of yeah there you see about there a lot of things yeah picking up our right wave I flicked black power I flicked half a joint out the window nonchalant yeah I've heard of people give them shit too it's fucking funny My dad worked at a prison up there in Globe, and his first thing that he had to do when he got that job was take people out to the Roosevelt Lake, the prisoners out there.

And they'd be like, can we go swimming? Yeah, go swimming? I don't give a fuck. He's like, it was great. He got to what they wanted. One of them jumped in and got a catfish. And they were like, can we eat it? He was like, fuck, make a fire.

Eat that motherfucker. I don't care. Yeah, they changed a lot of things here in town that people don't really. And it helps us out too because... Now I want to do all this stuff. I wanted the unliftable trash can. I always wanted to do that first with a car

because in L.A. on street sweeping day was the biggest pain in the ass. You had to move your car and everyone's fighting jockeying for spots. I'm in a little shit. Yeah, go piss and refill. I wouldn't have refill as ice. So I would go out. I got it.

Oh. Oh, yeah, that's easier. Yeah. So I just wanted to make an untollable car And just fill it Take all the fucking wheels off And fill it with cement or fucking molten lead I don't know just like

You'd have to get demolition crews to And then I wanted to do it with the dumpster When they were going to take it away Now you know that they'd just bypass it They'll just take a picture of it And drive I know I just drive on that Now it's your problem again. Fuck.

Yeah, he never did answer that question. Well, if you can't lift the thing, what did? Yeah, they just take a picture of it and keep going. Oh, and so then it's back to the person's problem and make it lighter? Yeah, we can't pick that up unless you take half of the dumps you took out of there. And I can name a few trash cans that would fill halfway with cement. So they could never get picked up.

Man. What a prank. How didn't we do that? How did we never think of that as kids? When I was a kid, we had a trailer parking. We would run around and steal all of the chrome valve stem caps from everybody's cars to put on our bike. We had huge collections of good valve stem calf. Never occurred to you to get bags of ready mix cement to just drop them in somebody's trash can with a fucking five-gallon bucket of water.

Who was about to do that at Super Bowl? Some of us fucking, you want me to, I had an idea for a bag of cement. He was like, I got it now. You want to do it now? No, that's a dumb idea. I was just saying it would be funny while I was cooking fucking barbecue. Oh, it happens, though. People throw some fucked up shit.

We're going to, I got a pizza, speaking of high. And, all right. That fucking thought really fucked what my other thought. I got to go take my dog for surgery tomorrow, so that's why I didn't. I was going to bring whiskey, but instead I brought beer because I have to drive to Tucson. What's going on?

So my puppy, a few weeks ago, started limping, about three days, took her to the vet, charged me $400 for him to feel her leg and go, ash, her, she's a luxating patella. Her kneecap slips out of place. you'll have to get her surgery. Here's the Tucson surgery clinics. I'm like, fuck.

So I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to fucking pay for surgery or either pay for surgery or plot an accidental dog death is one of the things I have. And so in the two days while I'm trying to sort that out, she takes off running across the yard with a bad leg and then just slides and rolls. It's her left leg. Both of my puppy's legs are blown. out. She's 14 months old, so I'm like,

I can't just run her over. This is bad breeding. I did a DNA test on her when we got her. She's got 12 different breeds that pop up from Pitbull to Chihuahua. So she's just bad breeding. According to Bert Kreisher, right,

that fucking, the purebreds are the ones that have all these problems. Yeah. I don't know. I've never looked at Bert Kreisher as a dog expert. Galmatians. They're always fucked. Well, this one, a bull of mast if he's always. This one The vets were even surprised.

They're like, this knee displacement usually happens in like Yorkies and these little toy dogs that are bred. They're not usually in these bigger dogs. But so now I've got to take her tomorrow. And my dumb ass thought that I was going to get double leg surgery until it dawned on me like, they're probably going to do one at a time. They're not going to make it so the fucking dog can't walk at all. Oh, yeah. Even when I had teeth pulled, I did one side.

Yeah, that's just common sense. But of course it didn't occur to me because I'm dumb. So then when it did, I was like, oh, fuck now. So tomorrow I have to take my dog for the first of her two surgeries. At Tucson. All the way to the east side. Yeah. Yeah, I'm waiting for that day, man.

I have a great day. Life expectancy is like eight or nine years. Yeah. At most. Yeah, I just paid off the credit card that I put putting down my last dog on. Dude, that shit's a scam, man. The dentist. The fucking vet.

The list goes on. I even told Jenny when we got this dog, I said, I should get that pet insurance for this one. This last one cost us a bunch of money, didn't end up just having to put her down. So we get that pet insurance, and then we didn't fucking do it. Yeah, and the fucking get it.

Yeah, because you can't verify anything. Like, at least a doctor, you can Google. Of course, the neuter procedure is weight-based, and I have a great day. I mean, fuck. You take your dog to Mexico? That's what a lot of the food you do here. Oh, no, you put your dog on Ozmpic, and then he loses weight.

You pay less for the neutering, and then you let him get bad again. Yeah, it'll be food in Mexico. Yeah, I joined a fat club with a VA. It's called the Move Program. And I had to do a, they said, you're going to talk to a dietitian on a Zoom call on this day? I pull it up. The other day I'd get on there and pull it up, open it up, and as soon as I do it, there's about 30 other fat fuck staring at me.

Oh, fuck, so I heard it and turn off my camera and muted my mic. I don't know it was a fucking fat fuck convention. I thought it was just I was going to talk to a dietitian. But it was an orientation to this program that you have to attend to get accepted into this program. Or you don't get accepted. You just have to be fat. But apparently, the reason why I brought it up is apparently they go out, your BMI, they're probably going to give me weight loss drugs in the next month.

or so. I don't know if I want to take him or not. Well, it's kind of like, come on. How much shit did issues with Andy do just because he had to have content? Come on. All right. All right. You'd have to do it. Okay, all right. I'll do it for that. There's a good reason.

Yeah. I look at all of these skinny people around in society now, and you're immediately like, you look better fat. And why did you do that? And now, I'm like, I think I'd just rather be fat. You should do the shot? I don't think I have a choice

I think they just give me whatever they give me and the reason is is because yeah it's a VA and they said the reasoning is is basically if your BMI is over a certain percentage or whatever then you're going to cost us a shitload

of money in the long term so we're going to get you down I need the opposite gain weight yeah the same weight since high school how old are you 28? Oh shit oh you'll get fat and yeah

fuck dude I was scrawny at 28, brother. Yeah. You don't worry about it. Baconville kids. An automatic arm to do your heavy lifting? Yeah, you'll be tubby as shit by 35. After I got married and was in the army the second time when I was married to Jenny,

then I was telling my son the other day, I said, yeah, they put me on what's called the fat boy program in the military because married started eating a bunch of good food. You know what I weighed at that point? 208 was on the Fat Boy program. And I weighed in the other day, 288. I just weighed in at 158.6. I try to stay under 150. But that fucking football season,

after I get off the road, the fucking eating football shit, because everyone leaves that stuff and I don't want to, I'm not going to buy other food. Yeah, you bring everything. I'm eating, you know, fucking Shepard's Pie

and, chilly just all this What is it for you? The travel or? What's that? Like I'm saying you're always busy. You've got to be here and here. Like what is it just always going?

Oh, the road doing comedy. Yeah, I'm saying over the road. Like what is it that keeps you at 154? Oh, no, no. The road's terrible too because you just eat. Well, you think it would be backwards. You know, I'll meet now because I'm in hotel. Well, this is my like rehab season.

where okay now I'm not going to be on the road till it's decent weather in the rest of the world so yeah I'll eat my smoothie in the morning of oatmeal and a piece of chicken Stan will be surprisingly healthy it was one of the things I had to sort out after first hanging out like we went on when he took me on the road whenever we first were hanging out and I realized that

I can order something really small because I can also eat half of whatever Stanhope Or He usually only eats about half of his food and I'm like, oh, fuck, don't waste that. Oh, fuck. That's the right way to do it. When you get all full like that, it's like a... But the difference between 150 and 158 is your pants. Like, oh man.

No, like that, I just ran in to find a shirt and I can't wear the... My other ones are like, I'm gonna blow buttons off of it because all it's right here, all my fat. That, well, that's what will keep you having to wear. clothes on a regular basis because I realized I tell somebody at Super Bowl, that was my downfall was I started dressing like Adam Sandler all the time. I'm like, fucking, I don't have to go anywhere.

These fucking and one basketball shorts are fantastic. And then I went through my stuff the other day. I'm like, I have 10 pairs of pants that I can't even put over my big fat fucking legs anymore, much less my waist. Kenny is fucking always, and he's 50 or about to be.

Is Kenny 50? 48. I swear he's like 30. Just his problems. When he starts talking about his problems, I'm like, I swear you're 30. You have such youthful problems. You really think somebody 48 would have got their shit together a little bit. Wow.

You almost 50 have such juvenile stories. Whoa. Dude, Kenny's funny. Kenny, how did you meet? So, who did you know first in four years here? Oh, Derek. I'd always be talking to Derek or Kenny. Derek.

Derek at the hitching post. All right. We'd be just talking for a hour. Oh, I'm a mechanic, and I got a bunch of screws and plates. And I'm like, oh, shit, you know. What else has he been? What else? That checking Derek?

Dude, he's. No, but Derek's been a lot of things. He used to be in finance. I haven't heard that one. Yeah, he has done a lot of stocks. Stocks are fine, so maybe both. Derek's awesome. Hey, give me a vodka titos or what does he say?

Tito's in a, or vodka soda. Yeah, I'll get you one, Derek. You know, just always. Derek's badass. Yeah. Hey, the Super Bowl's coming up. You want to go? Yeah, I'll go.

Oh, he invited you. Yeah, I'm going to be working security. I get there and there's Derek. You might be working security. This is the stories we love. Derek has it. He acts like he is what was Elvis's

fucking Colonel Barker. He runs with it though. I know. I got this friend that's got a compound. I'm like, what are you talking about? Oh, Doug. Oh, okay. Derek could barely

throw himself out of the party. I know. I've heard so many things. Well, your friend said that it's, like, Derek, why are you telling him? people that, like, Jesse

footloose, you know footloose, Jennifer Fife. I don't know if that is. She's the girl that was on his couch when she'd got her foot shot off. Oh, Jennifer? Yeah, Jennifer, well. Yeah. I saw that one. That one was crazy, man. Yeah, but she

comes over occasionally to do housekeeping when she needs work. And she goes, oh, well, Derek told me that you don't like people to come in between you with these hours and what, you just crazy shit. I'm like,

I wouldn't never, none of that is true. That's what I'm asking the other things that Derek says he did or does or... No, Derek actually pretty cool though.

He helped me, he changed, he got some tires off of my four wheeler and I was like, dude, thank you. Like, I couldn't get lost. He's great.

Yeah, yeah, but shit like that, he's really good. Yeah, I'm not saying he's... No, no, Derek's the best, but he's... His story is...

Yeah, he's Derek. Yeah, he's Derek. Yeah, he... You know what? I've never heard him say. I don't have any idea. Ask him a question about anything for fucking... Stars in the sky and constellations and... Cassio Pia is sometimes misaligned and mistaken from Mars.

So funny, man. I'm driving the trash truck. What is it? This first one, Blackknob? Derek, you're backing down. Yeah, it's been... You know, I have a trip and transmission blew, and I just made it back. This is, like, what, probably four or five months ago?

It was over the summer where he was in Missouri. Trans the transmission and Doug gave me this suburban. You're going to have to start learning to do the derrick when you talk. Yeah. Everyone does the Derek now. I didn't used to do it either, but then I realized it's not demeaning. It's just accurate. It's like Henry Phillips.

He can't do. Henry Phillips without talking like Mike McCrae's impression of Henry Phillips. Hey man, how you been? I'm good. They're just still working. So you met Kenny in rapid succession? To meeting Derek pretty much, yeah. Yeah.

Because Kenny's always doing the pool tournament. Yeah. Do you do that? No, never. I mean, I would be interested, but I don't really play. Yeah. Yeah, I don't have any talents or interests in this town.

Like, they do the frisbee golf and the fucking... Oh, that's kind of fun, but... Pickle ball, bingo, trying to start a pickleball. You're just chasing those fucking frisbee's way out, and you can't see them, like, it's like... How old are those horrible kids? Hmm? Oh, one and three.

Oh, God. Yeah, nice. They're both. boys but so you guys watch trash truck on Netflix everything

it's trash show it's fantastic it's funny I pull the I pull the truck up beside the house and they're fucking going nuts are they autistic

no not yet right but uh just waiting for the right stink it's too early to get out of that truck

yeah but but uh Benito and Gail they're a spitting image of me. It's crazy. They're six foot two? Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. They have beers? Is your wife a different ethnicity than you? Yeah, she's Mexican. Okay. Yeah. A Benizzo. That's what I was, I was just picturing two white kids.

I thought they are, though. They are, though. Yeah, that's great. But it's crazy. That's fantastic. They're everywhere. I was just not just noticing, but drinking in the beauty of how you never see children in this town. Anyway, you just don't see it.

Maybe it's Safeway, but there's no kids like in the streets like if we lived here at, you know. Especially kids in like a good environment. Like that's just my opinion. Yeah, there's no kids like riding bikes up and down. There's a park at the end of the road from you and there's no kids. Never. And that's the great thing that I do a bit about them. Like, they're all on gadgets indoors because they exist.

They have a whole football team. They have a whole fucking high school. So somewhere those kids that are doing something. Like, when I found out there's a bar in NACO that you can get into it at 18 and 7 miles away. Oh, yeah. If that was, we had to drive an hour to the closest state that was 18 when we were, you know, that when it was all moving to 21, Vermont was still 18. And we'd fucking drive an hour to Brattlebro to fucking drink legally. I don't know how every fucking 18 year old is not over in Naco, Mexico.

Yeah. I thought the same thing. Never heard a single story. Yeah, the same way. My daughter. You find a way. like she she took it a little bit extreme she didn't just go over there and go drinking at the bus she went over there and bought a car put my address on it registered it someone tried to drive it across

the border full of drugs yeah she fucking she went whole hogs does that happen in knocko knocko sonar that happened yeah yeah it's always funny funny crossing through there like i just bought my truck and the previous owner was Mexican and they're like, do you know so-and-so? No. Okay, well, pull in the secondary. Okay, and go stand in the cell. Oh, they recognized this truck? Yeah, they locked the door and I'm like, what the fuck? Dogs all jump into my truck and shit. Just got it at paper plates. And, well, you're good to go. It's like, what the fuck? You bought your truck from the cartel? No, I did the opposite. I did the opposite. I did the fucking Phoenix. I had a Toyota once and I sold it to the cartel.

That sounds interesting. I'm saying, I bought it in Phoenix and went over there to get food, come back, and they're going ape shit. You know, where are you from? Where do you work? Blah, blah, blah. Okay, go to secondary. Dogs all in the truck. They're knocking on shit.

And it's like, dude, what the fuck? And what's worse is I had a car, my second car. And I had Oklahoma plates, and I would cross in, like, Lukeville. and both sides they would go ape shit, just knocking. And it was a German car. They would just knock and what are you doing? Where do you work? blah, blah, blah.

What are you doing here? And secondary, just crazy. I'm like, what the fuck? You're listening most of the reasons I don't go anywhere. Well, I'm just saying, like, I give you my ID. I'm 100% certain nothing comes back. You know, never been arrested, never a misdemeanor or anything. And you guys are going ape shit.

it because I'm going to Rocky Point, where I'm going to Naco Sonora to get food, like an hour. And it's just, it's funny the way that works. Is your wife speak Spanish? Oh, yeah. So that makes it a lot easier, I'm sure, though, because that's the main reason I won't go is because I don't speak Spanish. Yeah. My wife's from Thailand, so everybody thinks she speaks Spanish, but she doesn't. So then they hate us because they think she's a Mexican who doesn't speak Spanish.

There's nothing worse than that. They go in their family or the female part of her family, or they're going to Italy and What did Doug want on speakerphone? Would Doug want it? Absolutely not. I don't want to go anywhere they don't speak English. No, the lady where I adopted this dog, when I told her I got to take this dog for surgery, and fucking put me in debt, like a worse than my car probably.

And she's like, oh, she goes, well, we have a surgery clinic in NACO that's like half price. So you can go over there. And then I started looking into it. I'm like, I got to find somebody that can speak Spanish. to talk to him for me, and then I have to drive over there. I can't just walk through the fucking turnstile with my dog and go over there. So I'm just have to drive, and I'm like, fuck it, I'm just going to go into debt. I'd rather go into debt than go to fucking deal with that.

How do we not know someone like that that fits the bill, which is Derek, Kenny, anyone that can speak Spanish? Like, the Spanish part. Huh? No, no, I'm saying. Like he's saying those guys need to learn Spanish so they can reclaim some value. They used to have value around here and now they really don't.

So he's saying maybe they could be... So many people do speak Spanish. How come I can't think of Denise? Denise, but... Oh, Denise. Then you just run up into the next problem is, do I really want to hassle Denise with my fucking issues

that have nothing to do with her at all? No, I'll just fucking pay twice the three times of money. But that's the problem. We used to know people we could hire. You used to be able to hire Kenny. And now... Hire Kenny for what? Like, just had dumb shit around the house.

Oh, like 20 years ago. Do some weed eating? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. He had enough motivation to do that. He would weed eat and then complain about it. I was actually going to try to segue this podcast into Kenny and Derek if they're around. But I think Kenny would try to play to him too much.

Kenny wouldn't be himself. So we'll separate. Separate but equal. He does have a lot going on. as I would describe as young problems. Both Kenny and Derek are deceptively smart in certain ways that... Very much. Like when we played word games with Kenny, he fucking crushed, boggle, scrap.

He's fucking... Yeah, he's... I still can't understand how he hit two cars and can't remember what happened. From here to Bakerville. Oh, he can't remember. A lot of things that happen when it's a behooom. moves him to not remember.

Yeah, it's probably a, what, selective memory? Yeah, it's other, yeah. I like to call it self-preservation. If you don't have it, you're a fucking bitch. Yeah, Kenny's cool, huh? Yeah, they make us laugh, especially when we pit them against each other, like we're some awful morning shock jocks from the 80s, but it's still funny.

I would I would love to just put them in the guest house for a week. We've had a million ideas like race them cross country one in a Greyhound bus and one on the Amtrak. Hey, I like that.

I like the odd couple idea now. That's true. That would be too normal for Kinck Benck. Too much consistency. Oh yeah, but not Derek. Derek would fucking go nuts. That would be, Kenny would be your straight man. It wouldn't bother Kenny at all.

A week in solitary. He'd be like, I'm going to go to the post, man, if you want to go. No, no, just one week in solitary. They don't leave. It's 300 square feet, that little guest house. They don't leave. How much weed do you give them? Oh, I guess we'll have to follow the template of every reality show and set challenges every day.

Kenny, did you do your dishes? Ding. Yeah. And he gets a weed out of like, like when they feed rats, cocaine. It's like an escape room, but it's just hidden weed everywhere that they have to unlock. That'd actually be pretty funny. Joe, you're not a weed guy. No, I used to be.

Probably because of piss testing. Do you get pissed tested? Never, but if something happened, I would. I love edibles, but just in this point of my life, it's not possible. Right. What is? It's just not worth the hassle. Pretty much.

Not possible. Yeah. So if you broke up with... If you can't fool the peacops. So if you and the wife did split for whatever reason, would she get the kids? Oh, 100%. All right. So you get an out.

All right. You got a fucking fire alarm at least. Women always win, like... Yeah, yeah, but that's good for you. I know you think that they're the best thing in your life. But, yeah, once you hit the fire alarm, I don't know if he thinks that, because he also told me,

and kids, before he mentioned, he had a little lady. I too was like, this guy, maybe he's a single dad. I don't know. I couldn't. It's crazy with the kids, like, you know, they want to use, like, the hand tools or the shovel, whatever. Bring you a beer, whatever. Won't use the toilet.

It's just, it's beneath me. I don't get it. Well, you only got one that's old enough to be doing that yet. Is he shit in a five-gallon bucket yet? Shit in his beers while he's pissed up. No, I'm saying, bring you a beer or food, and it's like, dude, try the toilet. No, I don't want to. You got to make it exciting.

I'll give you the hint. You get a potty train. I had a lot of kids. You got to race them to the toilet. No, I do. I started building my house like two and a half years ago, three years ago, whatever. And so none of my house has, none of my house, it doesn't have any doors, right? I have a front door, which that took like fucking four months.

That is a very biggerville house. Pretty much. It's awesome. Well, no wonder he thought he might have Mexicans, whatever Kenny was getting busted. They might have just wandered in. He doesn't have any fucking doors. We don't have doors. But the bathroom, I don't have a door on it.

So the kids are. Oh, inside. I was pictured out. So I'm getting very high. We took the funnier angle. All right. But that's what I was preaching. So I'm saying, the kids are always right there.

If you're pissing or taking the shit, I'm like, dude, you want to try your toilet? We have her here ready. No, I don't want to. It's like, dude, come on. You've seen the whole process. Like, sit there. Start using theirs. Yeah.

Start using theirs. But it's funny. Do you get you outside? Get them outside. Staying them going to pee outside first. I've tried that too, man. Yeah. Taking a piss by the truck.

I got a compost thing. going right night. You get towed drill holes in it. I have a big shredder. I shred all my cardboard from Amazon and stuff in there. Shred it. All my coffee grounds. I save them. I have a big thing full of coffee grounds and shredded cardboard and I just piss in it. It's all three compost ingredients. I'm making badass compost for my garden out of just coffee grounds, cardboard, and piss. Hey, could you grab me a Sharpie out of there? Yeah, it's just funny the way it works out. I'm like, come on. As your, as your wife ever tried to

in a fight, throw the trash man or garbage man at you? No, never. Never once? Never. Man, I would be. Oh, yeah. You're just to, whatever. In another economy, maybe, but again, here, remember, that's top tier.

We discussed it is. It is 100% type tier. Yeah. Yeah, you're not going to get asked all the time, hey, you guys looking for anyone else? Yeah. I'm like, dude, you know, you can't be pushing 50. You're not doing this one. I grew up in Globe, Arizona.

I've ever heard of that about four hours from here. Same, about the roughly the same size, and it's the same thing. They have an active mine there. So you can work at the mine or you can work for the city. No, that's a good job. Report or. Yeah. Yep.

No, it's great, though. Well, it's been a nice visiting with you. I hope it continues to work out for you. If you want to sign a red, I just wanted to sign this for him. I'll sign it because it's my book. Yeah. In lieu of a tip. Yes.

No, I'm not asking. I'm just saying it does. It's funny when people pop out and give you like a 50 or something. No, that's like, I've never seen you before. Well, and you know, we should be more appreciative of someone who halls, you know, because that's it. Like you said, that would, that would be one of the things. If that went away, you would suffer immediate. Yeah.

You know what I mean? Especially that. You would. They're like a private company or something. Yeah. If someone stopped taking away your. shit that you didn't want, you would fucking hurt. There you go.

And I'll put these stats in there with it as a bookmark. It's a bingo. There is a hero in all of us. And here's the top five people that you're in that risk their lives every day. Not for your freedom, not for your fucking, just for your fucking lack of fucking recycling, you fucking pigs. He is, I think you'd have to do the math cops.

It's weird. It says between 10 and 18 per 100,000. I feel like he asked Chat GPT that. No, I Google. Seems like completely made up. I'm still trying to figure out which part of your job is dangerous. It's actually a great job. You want me to show you?

Yeah, yeah. You want me to show you to chat GPT? Oh, I'll ask mine. It is. No, no, you're right. It was Chad GPT. So it should show you. show our previous conversations.

If you know how to do that. No, it's a great job. But it's, yeah, it's, I think I was asking Derek. Deadliest professions in the U.S. There you are. Yeah. I was asking Derek a while. I was like, does Doug one or another trash can or something, you know?

Like, I know he's got, oh, people over? No, we're getting rid of people. Do it just for, like, you should get an extra trash can just for, like, a status to let everybody know that you're, like, in with Ryan. You know what I mean? Like, I'm, yeah. I got. I got the extra trash.

Hey, don't put your shit in my ex. I sometimes put out an empty trash can. If you're a local listener or watcher, a viewer of the podcast, when you see Ryan at Safeway, you go, oh, Ryan, oh, I just wanted to thank you for what you do. Start banging your pots and pans. Yeah. And that's what we did during COVID.

No, it's always, hey, I got some stuff in my house. Can you back the truck up? Yeah, we'll back the truck up. Can you back that truck up? Mm-hmm. Some of the lady. All right. Well, we're going to make you some pizza and then get Kenny and Derek over.

Oh, yeah, that's going to be good. Kenny and Derek. Seriously, I appreciate you coming open and hanging out. Yeah, thank you for having me. Yeah, that was awesome. Yeah. Yeah, very cool. Good to me.

Good hanging out. Interesting enlightenment. And we'll give you a. a clap and then not the clap don't worry and then think of all the other shit oh yeah fuck I was gonna ask

that yeah can our garbage can say we're in oh shit there you go of course has anyone and why haven't we

can you paint your garbage can so it doesn't that ugly fucking blue up and down this is a call out oh let's mural garbage. I'm just going to say we're in my grind.

If this is a fucking artist community, why does Bisbee slash Douglas Road look that fucking ugly every Monday? You can't do some fucking watercolors. Write that, text me that fucking call to the public

for open mic. That will be my bit. That's my bit. Now I know mine too. Mine will be my new small business you can hire me to paint your garbage care. We'll have to sign up together at the same time

because they go in order of who's on the sign up seat. You can tell him what's going on after you, but don't air it. I like it. Howdy? We're going to cook pizza together. Okay. Here's what you're going to do.

What? We're going to cook a pizza together. You're going to go get the pizza out of the freezer in the little house and I'm going to turn on the oven. Okay. Then we'll get a third person to time it. Okay.