The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Bonus Episode: A Guardian Reporter Tracks Down Doug

Episode Date: September 29, 2015

A UK reporter for The Guardian spends the weekend in Bisbee interviewing Doug.The Guardian Article - "Biker-baiting, rum smoothies and magic mushrooms with comic Doug Stanhope" by Sam WollastonDoug's UK TOUR MERCH - http://bit.ly/1KQLuVBDonate to Chaille here. Thanks. Really, Thanks a lot.Recorded Aug. 11, 2015in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Sam Wollaston (@samwollaston), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS -Closing Song, "Party Time" by The Mattoid. Available on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

All right, so last night was the first night of football, the Patriots versus the Steelers, and we packed out the new studio to the walls, and we raged and we partied, and I finally collapsed into a slumber on Xanax, and I woke up at about 10.45 this morning. And since I'm going to the UK, Brian has all of these interviews he sets up. And he just, rather than tell me every time, he just says, all right, if your phone rings at 11 a.m., it's an interview. So he just set up all my interviews at 11 a.m., which seemed reasonable until this morning.

I get a phone call, and it's two guys. Hey, hang on. We're just trying to figure out Skype because it's a podcast. I told them no. I told them no. You know, it was actually, yeah, and keep telling them no on podcasts and Skype stuff. But it was actually turned out well. I just jammed two cups of coffee down my

head as quickly as possible and started chain smoking and trying to figure out how to put words together. So, and now we have a journalist from... What happened? I bit myself.

From The Guardian in London, who actually flew out to spend the weekend here at the compound to write a story. Yay! And so I figured I'd do the same fucking thing to him that I had to deal with. You just walked off an international flight into Tucson, then did a two-hour drive down to Bisbee. It's like four o'clock in the morning your time. I think it's about four, yeah.

Yeah, so we threw a drink in front of your face and went, ha, ambush journalism. I've got a big gin and tonic right here. It's very nice. It's quite strong. I fucking told you. I told, never mind. Oh, I told Derek to get your camera so you don't start taking pictures

right in my face when I'm trying to talk. Sound good? Everything's great. Great. He can get a little closer on the mic. Not only. Just pull it. There you go.

Am I going to do ambush journalism straight into the fire? I'm going to interview me with all the same stupid fucking questions that uk journalists wake me up with what which is what like uh are you following what made you are you following the natural in the footsteps of uh hicks is that the usual one you get that's the one i get and uh evidently you as the tv critic for the uh for the guardian yeah is it true you replaced Charlton Brooker? Charlie Brooker? No one replaces Charlie Brooker. Well, you're in the same role that Charlie Brooker was.

Charlie Brooker, known as the Bill Hicks of TV reviewing. Everyone's the Bill Hicks of something, yeah. I didn't replace him. We were kind of parallel for a bit, and then he moved on to the stratosphere and is now incredibly famous. He is incredibly famous, and I'm proud to have him on my resume.

Yeah, no, I gave those guys on that podcast shit about giving him shit, about putting me in the new Black Mirror. Black Mirror just got picked up, I heard, on Netflix. Oh, yeah. They're doing a new Black Mirror. Yeah, yeah. Have you seen those? Yeah, yeah.

The only one I haven't seen is the one I want to see is the Christmas one. Yeah. They did a Christmas special with Jon Hamm from Mad Men. Yeah, they did. Yeah, that was great. That you recently reviewed. Yeah. I've read some of your reviews. I'm familiar with your work.

You used a word un-ersine. Did I? Yeah. I want to know if you're going to be using big words like that in the story about me. Yeah, no, I am. What does that mean for my stupid viewers? Un-ersine. Would that be not like a bear, I am, yeah. What does that mean for my stupid viewers? Unearthing,

would that be, like, not like a bear, I think, probably. I don't know what that was. No, wait, it's crazy, people, because the story was about ghost bears. There you go. It was a review of a documentary, a slightly tepid documentary.

It's No Grizzly Man says, oh, I forgot to say your name sorry this is sam fuck sam fuck just looked it up it's right over there walliston walliston yeah walliston yeah well then oh uh yeah uh uh so how do you find the United States in the two hours and ten minutes that you've been here? Dark so far. We had some flashes of lightning coming over, which was exciting. And what might have been a coyote apparently running across the road. So we have we break out all the bells and whistles for you.

Both were very exciting. So, yeah, it's been good so far. Now, Sam, as a writer, I see that in the UK you use the letter U in words like favorite or color. Yeah. How are you going to make the transition to writing in America where we don't use those U's? Ah, just leave it out, I guess. That would be the simplest thing to do. Well, I guess

I have a whole list of these stupid fucking questions. Anyway. I left a... So you're staying at the compound. Fuck the stupid questions. Don't do that. The ones I always get

are the superlatives that you can't answer. What's the worst show you ever had? In 25 years, do you think one stands out? I would have to get shot at or something.

What's the worst review you ever wrote? The worst review I ever wrote? The bad one, I think. The ursine. That was pretty bad. I think you're just trying to remember one. I led the witness.

You must have watched some piles of shite. Yeah, but the question was, what was the worst review you've written? Not what was the worst thing I've watched. Oh, I see. Yeah, and I've watched a lot of shite as well either not right or or uh for political reasons like go soft on someone what what do you mean political reasons like you know the guy or yeah yeah i have to throw out a fluff piece yeah Yeah. Or, yeah, I've done that. I've done fluff because of various reasons.

That stinks. Yeah, it stinks. Yeah. I'm not proud of it. I have a lot of good friends that are comedians that you go, you know what? If I say you've got to go to this show, I feel partially responsible. And then sometimes you get a tweet. Oh, I know.

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I've seen the emails. What else do you get from the British interview? I just need to know so I can try and be different. Well, where do you get your ideas from? Where do you get your ideas from? Where does anyone get their ideas from? They come into your fucking head. Vending machines.

Do you shock for the sake of it do you get that probably yeah uh yeah i actually had that in my my dumb notes for you i've got that in my list of questions okay is any yeah what is what how far is too far and where do you draw the line yeah is that are there limits is there any tv you won't review? Yeah, there is TV I won't review. Is there? Like what? No, there isn't. I'll review anything.

Do you have carte blanche to review what you want? Or are you told you must review this show? So I get hints. They tell me a little bit. They steer me a bit. And sometimes I can... I like the idea they give you hints. Like it's a parlor game.

We'll give you a hint. Yeah, it's just a big parlor game basically my life is one big parlor game yeah it's all a big pile of stupid questions and a big pile of shit basically yeah that's what it is well okay let me think what was the most i'm interrupting you no no go ahead what was the most surprisingly good thing you ever watched like Like something you thought, this is going to be the biggest pile of excrement in the history of capitalism. I can't. Exactly. The thing where you watch people watching telly. That's very good.

Have you seen that? No. What? You watch other people watching TV. And that very good. Have you seen that? No. What? You watch other people watching TV. And that's television. It's called Gogglebox. And people have cameras on top of their TV watching you and then they put that on TV.

Honestly, the UK has the worst television. I do. Charlie Brook's television is quite good. But just to flip channels when you have no idea what's what, you stumble across. I would watch music videos over there, like MTV shitty,

just because there was no other options. Everything else looks like it's filmed. All those old Victorian soap opera-looking shows. And then what's the famous one, the trailer park-y one? Downton Abbey? No. EastEnders? Yeah, I think that's the one.

Coronation Street? Yeah, Coronation Street. These are on, like you have nine channels, but they'll repeat different shows. Wasn't that just on a different channel two hours ago? Awful. Dreadful. So I really sympathize.

I feel bad for what you have to do. Sit through British television. How many hours a day do you have to do it? Maybe five hours a day, probably. I watch. You must have just a litany of words for boring. Unursing is the main one.

There's not a thesaurus big enough to carry enough words for boring. I really thought it was nonursing, but it's definitely unursing. I don't know. I think I'm not proud of it now. The more you say it, the more I hate that word. It's bearable. What other questions did you have for me that you're worried about? Are you a misogynist?

I need to ask that early on. Yeah, I figured with The Guardian, you'd have to ask a lot of questions like that. No, I don't think so. But the amount of dudes that come to my show versus ladies might spell it otherwise. Maybe I'm just being read wrong. Is it a big high proportion of men at your shows? Yeah, I think our Facebook demographic is...

It's different in the UK. is it's different in the uk it's definitely different in the uk oh yeah that's i need to ask you about the uk and differences between uk audience that's is that okay to us that's the one that i actually i heard it one too many times not this morning but well also this morning but yesterday when i was really uh you know just i was coming out of safeway and i forgot so i'm sitting in my car and the guy came with that question and i just said that's the stupidest fucking question that was my second one after the yeah that's in every single interview and it's because there's really there's it's like saying what's the difference between a wednesday

show and a thursday show it depends like there's no but it might be quite interesting what but you know different uh what people find uh good about you in different places that i think it's not that boring i think it's i think it's interesting yeah and people do ask i guess it has some merit but they are generally a little bit more reserved. And I say that, and then I go to Glasgow, and it's fucking chaos. More reserved in the UK. Generally, yeah. But that has a lot to do with the venues.

When I was playing Leicester Square Theatre, it's a proper theatre, and people tend to treat it as such. But if you're in a comedy club, it can be absolutely brutal. It can be like black audiences here. So it depends on the venue. It depends on the night. Friday, Saturday is a bigger deal over there than it is over here. Everyone has their hands in their pockets Monday through Friday

and keeps their mouth shut and then drinks themselves into oblivion on Friday, Saturday. Where here you can get that on a Tuesday. You can get that same kind of chaos midweek. But again, it really boils down to more of the demographics of the actual show than you're in Scotland or you're in Wales. Yeah. Okay, you're right. It was a bit of a boring question.

It's, yeah. I liked it. I guess it's one you'd have to ask because people ask me over there. Yeah. First of all, how do you like it over here? Well, it depends.

This sandwich sucks. How do you like it over there? You know what? I'll ask you. How do you like it over there? I complain about the UK endlessly. And after 10 years or 12 years of going there, I think most of it boils down to alcohol.

Because that's what I base most of my day around is cocktailing. So just the minor differences in how I enjoy drinking make up for a huge portion of my opinion about the UK. They don't use ice. If they do, they're hollow cubes and only a few that melt quickly. You don't get a little straw like this. You have a measured shot. I don't know what little straw like this. You have a measured shot. What is it for? I don't know what to do with it. What is it for?

You know what? It just slips around the whole time. It's getting in the way. I sip out of it because when we're podcasting, the ice will rattle around. If I'm drinking, it's clumsier without the straw.

I just like the straw. That's the purpose of it, to stop the ice rattling. No, no. I can sip from it without having to tilt the glass. And I drink. I tend to measure my drinking better than I drink. Oh, you actually drink through the straw. Oh, okay. All right.

It's very covert if you're listening and you've got headphones on like a lot of people listen to podcasts. Yeah. And you'll hear he doesn't like mouth noises from anyone or himself, and that cuts down the slurping. Also on stage, as your ice melts, if you're drinking out of the glass, then you'll get the errant half-melted cube in your mouth, and then you have to chew the fucking thing up in the middle of a joke. So technically, it works better. Yeah. But just i i like to drink out of that you don't have bar stools over there generally people stand at the bar stand up and wedge in drinking is standing up is good to drink i think yeah it's more it's this seahorse posture is built from sitting in a stool slumped over the bar slowly spilling my way

into it yeah another thing yeah i'll wait i have to say bacon bacon bacon bacon the world over drives you insane bacon yeah yeah he goes insane over bacon the The cured meat. Is that what we're talking about? Well, not Kevin. Have you had American bacon? Yeah. Strips, crispy? Yes. Not yet.

Well, you hope you don't have it soon. You goddamn well. Put it on the list, Derek. It's on the list. Don't worry. We're going to go to a break soon because I never do podcasts sober, and this is my first drink. But I wanted to

just to fuck with you, put a mic in your face as soon as you flew 14 hours and drove another two and now we'll have some cocktails and relax and we'll be back after something Hey I'm going to the UK and Europe, the dates are at

DougStanhope.com we're doing uh england scotland ireland denmark iceland uh amsterdam norway i think we're even doing sweden go to doug stanhope.com but for the five weeks that i'm gone there's no way i'm gonna try to pack fucking podcasting equipment and trust brian the filthy uncut Scotsman to do it. He can't be Chaley. He will never be Chaley. So my thought was to have Chad Shank fill in for me for five weeks and be my guest host of the Doug Stanhope podcast.

Well, that's up to you, the listeners. If you'd like him to do that, tweet him at HD fatty at HD as in Harley Davidson, fatty F A T T Y. And if more people want him to do this and he gets more tweets, it will affect his ego and make him smile more when he's trying to not kill people at home. All-star podcast since you guys have bought those fucking football helmets or are buying those to pay for this. Coming soon, Andy Andrist and Christine Levine. Click. Hey, UK merch is on sale. Where? In the UK? No.

Just on the website. Can't deal with all those problems with selling merch in the UK. But you can get UK t-shirts on the website at DougStanhope.com and posters. Oh, Jim Ether's doing posters too? We got posters. We have t-shirts. We have everything you need to go out in public naked. A poster to cover your genitals

and a t-shirt to cover your voluptuous man top. And go to DougStanhope.com and look for the merchandise page, My World Tour, asterisk, places that speak English that will still book me. Yeah. I heard about your cat, by the way. I'm sorry to hear about your cat. That cat was fucking great. It's the only pet that doesn, by the way. I'm sorry to hear about your cat. That cat was fucking great. It's the only pet that doesn't interrupt the podcast.

She was so good. Every other one starts barking or crying or... More boring questions. As soon as we went to break, everything we were saying, save it for the podcast. Oh, yeah. And now I can't remember why I said, all right, let's just go back. We were talking about your cat, weren't we? Oh, you were just... I can't remember why I said, all right, let's just go back. We were talking about your cat.

Oh, you were just, yeah, the cat that was miserable. Because, yeah, she was just kind of normal. And then I realized she was losing a lot

of weight. So I go, we should take her to the vet just to see. She seems a little skin and bones. And they, yeah, it was, yeah, water

built up on her. It's a yucky story so yeah like that we it was because we live in a small town the vet was about to close on friday on holiday weekend labor day here bank holiday for you and they weren't going to be open till tuesday so uh i wanted to spend the weekend with her before we put her because it's like 4.30 and they close at 5 and I go well she may get through the weekend so I don't have to grab her and race right back to the vet and put her down

and they go well she very well might live that but if she doesn't she's going to suffocate to death and it's going to be brutal so I just had to run and try to make it before five. Like, all right, hurry up, get in the car, going to kill you. So, yeah, it stunk. It was a bad death.

Did you feel it was a good death? If it weren't so rushed, were you like, I'm going to kill you before they close? They didn't have a minute to spend. You were basically the couple walking into a restaurant five minutes before they close. They didn't have a minute to spend. You were basically the couple walking into a restaurant five minutes before they close and wanting to order a full meal. Yeah, and they have to kill your cat to feed you. Sorry, you're the one who came back from break. You said you had some other questions.

No, I didn't. Yeah, I had more questions. From my dead cat, my face. No, I know. Captain fucking rainy. Cloudy day. But euthanasia is one of your things, isn't it? I mean, you've often talked about it.

Yeah. And it just happens. And it's so much easier. This time we're talking about a cat. Yeah, with people it's easy because you have a dialogue. You have a communication. You're not putting all of your own emotions onto, okay, what's the cat feeling? And trying to figure out this fantasy world of what you believe a cat wants or needs or is aware of.

But you felt that the cat would have wanted that. Yeah, rather than suffocate to death. Drowning in its own fluid, right? Right, just like mother was. Because you did have a similar experience with your mother. Right. But I could talk to my mother. Yeah.

She wasn't confused or conflicted about what she wanted. But a cat, you go, hey, that's my best pet. I keep yelling at my other animals, it should have been you, Ichabod. It should have been you. Should it have been this one? Any one of them at any given time. The other one, the black dog hates me. She's left me for the Chalice.

These are the Chalice, by the way. The Chalice. Greg and Tracy. Oh other one, the black dog hates me. She's left me for the Chalice. These are the Chalice, by the way. The Chalice. Greg and Tracy. Oh, so yeah. That's his last name. Yeah. The black dog lives down there. Ichabod just stays under my feet, waiting for food to drop. Yeah.

The other cat's pretty good. He's my new favorite. I go back and forth. But the other one, the cat that died, I would always say right in front of my pets. Trousers is my favorite. Why can't you be like Trousers? Trousers was the cat's name. The dead cat, yeah.

The dead cat, yeah. Do you have pets? I know you have that son, Jack. How do you know that? I do fucking research. Yeah, I have a son, Jack. You don't like them, do you, sons, much? Kids, no.

No. Babies, worse. I have a baby as well. Charlie Brooker's got a baby now. Is that why you don't work with him anymore? You know what? I've only met Charlie Brooker maybe three times. I've never met him.

I might work with him. Oh, wow. But I've never met him. But he has babies now, so maybe he's gone over to the dark side. They all do. They all eventually do. Even Joe Rogan has kids, who I thought would never have kids. I don't know who Joe Rogan is.

That's alright. The listeners do. Okay. Who's Joe Rogan? He was the host of Fear Factor. He was my co-host on The Man Show. He's probably most known for he's the commentator on UFC.

Yeah, okay. I know who Joe is. I know who he is. Yeah, I know. I know who he is now. Yeah, no. I have them, yeah. I'm going to ask you how old you are, but since you're British, I'm going to let everyone guess silently. I will go with 38 because you look 50,

and that's a British thing. What do you mean by that? What do you mean by that? Yeah, what do you mean by that? No, British thing. They age harder. Harder years. Does that make me misogynist?

What did you say? Age like women? Age like women. Quickly. Yes. Yeah, yeah. I'm 50. Oh, fuck.

All right, see? That's how I look your age. Oh, great. I'm 50. Oh, fuck. All right, see? That's how I look right now. You look your age. Oh, great. Well, that's good. How old are you? 48. Yeah.

You did some research. I did my research, yeah. I used to work at the carnival. You look younger, see? You look... Well, that's why I stay in bar light. Yeah. Wait till you wake up next to me. they wouldn't sell us the bar lights until he

put in a bar so here's the deal this is what uh sam uh flew into not knowing what he's flying into yeah not only is it opening weekend of football but andy andrist and christine levine are doing a show tonight in tucson and then after show, they're coming down for the whole weekend. Sam's here the whole weekend. So the entire place, including the Shitty Dell trailer park, the Tin Can Rehab trailer, I actually got a second one that matches it. So there's two down there. There's the rape trailer.

There's the guest house. So you're in the guest house. I'm in the guest house. Yeah. Thank you. The little house. Yeah. And Andy and Christine. Yeah. Thank you. The little house. Yeah. And Andy and Christine, you don't know.

Andy Andrist is just a pile of falling down problems. He's the funniest guy in the world, but he's... Is he the unbookable? Yes. Yeah. They were both unbookables. Unbookables. Yeah.

And they're traveling with two other comedians, which I didn't know about. So the two other comedians, this place is jam-packed. Why didn't you get them on your podcast? Because comedians are funny, not the jet-lagged British journalists. Yeah, yeah. We can follow this up. You know what? We can do part one now, and then part two at the end.

It's going to pick up, I think. We really don't have any bosses. We can do whatever we want. Okay. Yeah. It was a suggestion. If we start it with this, we can end it, part two, in the same podcast Sunday night after you've experienced this wall of chaos. Yeah.

This drunken tornado of comics. Yeah. this drunken tornado of comics. I think most of the time they'll probably be scouring the streets of Old Bisbee looking for drugs because that's what they do. I'm not really much of a drug guy anymore. And what would you find in Old Bisbee if you were looking for drugs? Andy would huff off a gassy rag if he couldn't find anything else. I'm being facetious. But yeah, they'll look for shitty stepped on Bisbee cocaine probably.

Or across the border. Yeah, or if they go across the border and just get Ritalin or Adderall. That's on my list of shitty British questions to ask about. It is? The border, I think. Oh, yeah. There's absolutely no problem. In fact, I tweeted during the Republican debate.

Trump seems to be a lot about that border, doesn't he? Yeah, he's huge on the border. So while he was talking, I went outside and took a picture of a monsoon cloud coming over a sleepy hill behind my house and said, this is coming in illegally over the border, Mr. Trump. How can you stop it? And then I didn't want, I didn't do it because I didn't want to creep the guy out. But my landscaper was working on the lawn across the street. He's a white dude.

I wanted to take a picture of my white landscaper here on the border. Stealing American jobs? Really? We're on the border. I got a fucking white landscaper. Yeah. They stay over here and steal their jobs or something. Yeah, I didn't want to just be some weird guy going hey do you mind if I take a

picture of you weed whacking but there's no border problems I've never well there's sea border patrol there's three borders in the area there seems to be a border within quite a long way within the States. Oh, they can fuck with you up to 100 miles

from the border. That's the Border Patrol's jurisdiction. So you have checkpoints you'll go through on the way out where they'll ask you if you're a US citizen and you can either lie and use it. Can you do an American accent? No, I can't. Brian can do one, but he

won't in front of us no he did it to me on the show to me it sounded good it was probably dreadful i'm sure it's good but he refuses to uh unleash it for us oh well i've heard it so occasionally before he got uh his green card whatever, going through that border, depending on if we were in a hurry to get to the airport, he'd be like, I'm American. Oh, really? Yeah. But he won't say it. Hey, Joe.

He won't go into discourse in front of us. Yeah. But that's how you – it's like a Venus flytrap for drugs because if friends come in with drugs, you don't get stopped. But on the way out, they have dogs. So all the drugs stay here. They can't leave. Yeah, you don't want to leave with drugs. Not through the checkpoint.

They get dogs. Unfortunately, it's weed that they're smelling. And I don't smoke weed, so I don't get anything good. But Derek, our house boy over there smokes day and night are you a pot smoker or can you say on the air uh i i i can i like the occasional joint yeah all right yeah i smoke pot i guess you're a bit more liberal about shit like that uh yeah it seems drug test you to write at the guardian no no it wouldn, it wouldn't do that. Although, yeah, I think it would be okay. I mean, I don't think I'll lose my job over that.

Yeah, The Guardian. In fact, one of those reviews I read, the one about the bear, talking about the bear shitting in the woods. You can say shit in a major newspaper like that? Yeah, if it's a well-known expression, you can. But, yeah, we can, yeah. That's right, yeah. No, of course.

I've done all the BBC stuff with... We'll get into this later. Okay. But it was weird, the things I couldn't say on Charlie Brooker that over here would... But you could say fuck all the time. Oh, so what couldn't you say? Anything that leaned towards religion bashing, soft targets. Touchy on, yeah, anything to do with, yeah.

I'd probably try to bastardize some of that breast cancer awareness into stuff like that. Well, you're making fun of charity. Charity, I think you'd be allowed to you'd be allowed to there was so the concept of charity is okay i think you're shitting on it you're shitting on individual kind of uh i can't remember individual things but i remember a lot of like soft touch like where they're going yeah i don't think you're really that like a standards and practices person like we have here?

Yeah, they'll ration you like if it's a necessary cunt, you might have two cunts and five cunts. Yeah, we have a very – at the Guardian, we have a very clear guideline. We have a book that you have to look at. If you want to use a bad word, you have to look at it and you have to be sure that it was absolutely – Check it out, like checking out a book at the library? Sure that there was no other word you could have used and it was necessary in that instance to use that word.

And there's someone – It's not just – you can't just say cunt basically. Is someone overseeing that? Yeah, we have a cunt overseer. No, we do. That's not their title. They have a different title. Read is editor they're called

but their job is to we know what that means now police the cunts basically police the cunts that is their job well you are yeah

this will just be a non-stop weekend of chaos and yeah you keep telling me yeah

I'm looking forward to it well we have the blues festival the Bisbee Blues Festival is in town Bisbee Blues Festival is in town as well yeah we don't leave this compound Yeah if you want some peace and quiet

You can go up and do live bands I'm not here to do a travel article About the area I'm here for you You can't send me off to wherever you were trying to send me off to Before Tombstone Get used to that bar stool I'm afraid I'm here

This is about you It should be fun Tomorrow we have all those guys to podcast and send me off to before a tombstone. Get used to that bar stool. I'm afraid I'm here. This is about you. It should be fun. Tomorrow we have all those guys to podcast with, as well as Chad Shank, and Sunday is the first full day of football. I need to be talked through a little bit of that because obviously I wouldn't understand a word of what that was about.

Yeah, I don't know most of it. I've been watching football my whole life. I don't know what a 3-4 defense is or all that shit. I know which uniforms are my favorite, and I know point spreads. But yeah, it's mostly a party. Food and booze and... And who...

Try to pace yourself through 12 hours of drinking. Who would be playing on Sunday? Everyone. Everyone's out. I was like, everyone's playing. Everyone except this Monday night there's two games and last night there was a game. So there'll be

13 games on throughout the day and night. Brilliant. And that's all in here? And out there. There's a TV out at the patio and there's a fire pit and yeah, a bunch of loud obnoxious people.

Brilliant. And welcome. Thank you. And we'll get back to you to see how your weekend went after we've had normal human being-like dialogue. We'll be back. And play the mattoid. Party time Party time Party time Party time

Drink your drinks and eat your eats Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Smiles and do your blues, it's party time Dance your dance and shoe your shoes, it's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks, it's party time Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. Everybody! Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time. One more! Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time.

Here we go Party time Party time Party time Yeah Party time, yeah! Party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, hey! Party time! Hey! Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do