The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Comedian Kristine Levine: Podcast #16

Episode Date: December 11, 2013

Comedian Kristine Levine finds her way own to Bisbee to talk kids, taxis and Sandy Hook with Doug and Hennigan. Recorded Dec 2, 2013 in the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope, Brian Hennigan, Kristine Levine and Bingo. Engineered by Seany. Produced by Greg Chaille. @gregchailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Pass me the lampshade, I'm drunk again Blew my drug money on a quart of gin Well, I am a cultured man with tastes discriminating But I'll settle for a tall glass of anything well am I the only one drinking tonight

the only one drinking tonight the only one drinking alright you got cocktails? yes tonight the only one drinking alright you got cocktails? yes

hey it's the Doug Stano podcast it seems like we haven't done this for years but the last time we did this with you and me was in fucking Florida and it was a lot warmer yeah no it was and it was a lot more fun.

Right now, I'm decimated from work. We just wrapped up filming the Charlie Brooker... Is it still called News Wipe? It's called Weekly Wipe. Weekly Wipe. It's always a different wipe with that guy. So, yeah, we just finished up filming that here, sitting on the runway at the Bisbee International Airport in 40 degrees, blowing cold wind, sitting in a dumb outfit on the runway, yelling.

And then we close it up with a show in Tucson with Christine Levine, our guest tonight, as well as Brian Hennigan and our de facto Chaley Shawnee he's our guest Chaley our guest Chaley you've guested a few of these actually every time you've guested one it's never aired because it's always drunk and out

of control this is not going to be the best podcast no but we're just all of a sudden it might turn into control. This is not going to be the best podcast. No. But we're just... Yeah, all of a sudden it might turn into that. Pour us shots, bingo. Maybe shots will help us. Yeah.

It works on stage. If I have no muster on stage, the first thing I do is scream at the bar for shots. Let's get some of that whiskey stuff. Oh, the Spiber shots. Yeah, let's get some of that whiskey stuff. Oh, the Spibern. Spibern. Spibern?

Fuck them. They're never going to be a sponsor. Yeah, if you hadn't brought me. Bingo, there's whiskey out in the funhouse. If you hadn't brought me that shot on stage, I feel like that's when I started to hit in Tucson. That's where I hit my stride was after that shot. I was like, oh.

And once I felt it go through me, then I go, oh, God, I got this. Well, I did bury you in Tucson. You did. That's true. Christine Levine. Christine Levine was. Hang on. You want whiskey?

Yeah. Just shot size shots. All right. Yeah. We can pass a bottle. No. OK. Yeah.

We're here's the thing. For the Charlie Brooker... Weekly wipe extravaganza. Yeah, for the segments is the word I'm looking for. Yeah. Yeah, they film me yelling into a camera in a location, and then they bifurcate. Why can I only think of big words

when I'm trying to think of the small word? They splice. Yeah, they cut back and forth between me on a location and me on stage saying this shit. So I'm just opening the show. Christine Levine is headlining and I did

like an hour and fucking ten minutes or something. You did your time, babe. Well, I had to. There were camera issues. The whole camera went down in the middle of the shoot to the point where I was about to have to redo the entire set in front of a live

audience that they just sat through. After they'd driven to Phoenix to get a new camera. Yes. I had to kill time. Then I closed by invoking uh nowhere man whiskey that was fucking great on their home turf and made everyone sad and said here's christine

levine it's a classic fuck over yeah i should have been prepared for it that's my bad yeah that's on me i was not i did not think you would ever do that i know other stories are camera fuck what like worst ever sort of you know pre-statement before saying and here's doug stanhope you must have had yeah no i've had the the classic the club owner breaks down in salt lake city and it was this guy he looked like uh he was one I can't remember his name one of the classic Oakland Raiders linebackers who had the big uh what do you call that mustache yeah Fu Manchu like the Ben Davidson was his he looked like Ben Davidson and it was a it was uh uh it was a charity event for whatever his wife had.

And he broke down crying. This big stoic Viking man broke down crying. And then I had to go up. But I had already heard a million of those stories. But that was, I mean, that was orgain. This was just a complete, ah, fuck you. Did you ever hear David Crowe's story about the ice house in Pasadena? No, no.

Yeah, David Crowe was a very funny comedian from Seattle. Love David Crowe. Introduced me to Doug Stanhope. And he was opening for Pablo Francisco, I believe. Oh, you did tell me this. This is great. This is great. David Crowe was opening for Pablo Francisco, I believe. Oh, you did tell me this. This is great. This is great. David Crowe is opening for Pablo Francisco in Southern California.

Southern California. His home turf. Yeah, so it's like the home crowd has turned up for Pablo. And Pablo is a no-show for the show, for reasons I don't know. But at showtime. At showtime. Like your crowd. And, um, but at showtime, at showtime, yeah. And so the,

whoever is managing the club that night said to David Crowe, walked in the green room, walked into the green room and said, you have to tell the crowd that Pablo's a no show and that you're their headliner. And had to cover his time. Yeah, exactly. He had to do his own time and pablo's time no problem one man one way one show who can't do that for an hour i love pablo well funnily enough i think David Crowe, who is in some respects, I think like an intellectual Jim Carrey,

is well qualified for that type of impersonation. Oh, look, Christine Levine's here. Yes, I'm here. Hi. Anyway, I'm going to do this shot. Tell us about your journey down to business. We're doing a shot right now. You kill time. Please hold. Oh, hang on. Everyone's doing a shot right now. You kill time.

Please hold. Oh, hang on. Everyone's doing a shot apart from me. You don't need it. That was... This shot, Jesus. I'm the only Scottish guy who's not drinking whiskey. Unbelievable.

Okay. I don't want whiskey. Hold on a minute. Hold on. Sorry. Get that down your esophagus, John. God damn it. So I just want to let everybody know That that swishing sound you hear

Is everybody's bundled up in parkas I thought someone was approaching on ice skates So my journey down to Bisbee you mean? Yeah that's interesting Yeah it was pretty weird I was supposed to rent a car but i'm a child and i can't yeah you're you're 40 years old so brian tough loved you and said no you have to figure out how to get the fuck out of yourself and i said no problem so i made

reservations i rented a car i thought i rented a car. I was really proud of myself, Brian. I thought, shit, I'm a grown woman. I'm an adult. You actually sent me an email to that effect. Yes. I did. I said that in that voice, but I did send him an email saying that. I was so proud of myself. Then I got an order from Enterprise saying

that I cannot rent a car because it's attached to my child support and it's not the right kind of debit card they want. So I need a new card. Okay, well, I don't have another card, but I was really proud that I had the thing. So anyway, so then I think, okay, well, I tell my friend Mike that I need another way down to Bisbee.

He says, no problem. There's a shuttle. You can take a shuttle. I had just the right amount of money for the shuttle. Like an adult, she called a friend. Yeah. I was on a plane. I was on a plane. I'm on the right amount of money for the shuttle. Like an adult, she called a friend. Yeah. I was on a plane. I was on a plane.

I'm on the plane now. This is how, like, you know, and he's like, no problem. You should take a shuttle. Who's Mike? Who's Mike? Mike. He's a cocaine guy. Oh, sorry.

No, you just said his last name while I was saying cocaine guy. Shaylee, edit this part. Yeah, he will. He's good like that. Don't let that go out. Anyway, okay, so Mike arranges for the shuttle for me, and the plane lands. It leaves at 1 o'clock.

The plane lands at 105. I am informed that the shuttle has left for Bisbee without me. So at that point, I don't know what I'm going to do. I just go to the taxi cab place. I don't know where, you know, outside the airport, where you just wait for the taxi cabs and I just sit there like a little match girl,

like a homeless lady. And I'm just like, I'm going to get myself sorted. I'm going to figure it out. You said to the cab driver, do you need a cab? Yeah, yeah. Well, I said to the one cab driver

and one cab driver said to me, do you need a cab? And I said, yes, I have to get down to Bisbee. He literally just turned around and talked to somebody else. Like, go fuck yourself. We really need to stop the door.

No, we don't. It's background music. And then I sat down sitting there, and then this other cab driver, Bobby, he goes, you need to go to Bisbee? Well, you need a cab? And I go, yeah. And he goes, how much money you got? I go, $120.

And he goes, I'll take you. No problem. You got to get to your family. I go, but it's Thanksgiving. And he said, no, that's OK. That's what we do. We got to take. No problem. You got to get to your family. I go, but it's Thanksgiving. And he said, no, that's okay. That's what we do. We got to take care of people. You got to get to people that you love.

You got to get to, it's Thanksgiving. Get in the car. Let's go. And so I thought, okay, maybe he doesn't have people that love him. I think he's got nobody. Let's contextualize it. How far is that? Like two and a half?

It's a hundred miles. A hundred miles. Two hours on Thanksgiving day. Yeah. On Thanksgiving day. Okay. So then, but then, okay. A hundred miles. Two hours on Thanksgiving Day. Yeah. On Thanksgiving Day. Okay. So then, but then, okay. So I think he must not have anybody that likes him.

No chance of a fare back. Right. None. Right. Let's just say little. Yeah. But I thought, I thought, okay, nobody clearly cares about this guy. It's not a big deal.

If he's offering to take me, you know, maybe thinks I'm going to suck his dick on the way down. It's a, Maybe I would. But it turns out, I listened. If he's heard of you. Well, right. And he hadn't. And he hadn't.

But it turns out, as we're driving down, he's calling. He calls his dad and tells his dad that he won't be home in time for Thanksgiving. Then his 70-year-old, yes. Then his 70-year-old mother, upset, calls him back. And he has to keep going and telling his mom, well, this lady needed to get down to Bisbee. Well, that's not, you know, and I know she's probably asking about, like, is it a lot of money? And he's like, well, that's not important, mom. It's Thanksgiving and that's what we do. The important thing here is he's playing the Thanksgiving fairy to somebody who doesn't give a fuck about Thanksgiving.

Because you left your three children in Portland to come here and drink. He's left his family. That's how she got here. And I'm just coming home to drink. That's how she's trying to get herself away from sucking dick. I know, but it's just...

It's by just playing the sad face. No, I was happy to be here. You don't know. I wanted to come down after the people are dead. But then you got here and you didn't actually have the cold hard cash to give the Thanksgiving fairy.

We play fairies the next day though. Yeah, we play fairies. Well, I did have somebody that I gave him. So you turned up at Bisbee and said, by the way, I have no money. No, no, I did have $120. I gave him that.

I gave him, I gave, I did give him that. And then, um, I told him, I said, I'll get paid from this gig and I will get you your rest of your money.

Somehow I'm going to give you the rest of your money. Don't understand that. There is like, that's standard fare. I thought it was one 25. No, it's two. It was 200 something. I thought you said he125 for a cab. No, it was $200 something.

I thought you said he agreed to take you for $120. He did, and that's what I had on me, and he agreed to it. But I said, I will get you your whole fare. Somehow I'm going to get it to you. And I'm going to give you that money. How long have you been a comedian? 14 years. 14 years.

You don't know that your debit card will not get you a rental car. No, because I was a very good student this year and my parents gave me a car. So shut up. That doesn't explain the lack of learning beforehand. Okay. The lack of learning I think comes from, you have to know, I've been a comedian. I've been performing in Portland almost the whole time. And I don't go out on the road very much.

I just don't go chasing waterfalls. Okay? I stick to the rivers and lakes that I'm used to. We've established your note, Paul McCartney. I'm not an experienced traveler. So I just, anyway, I got very lucky. And then- Sometimes Brian just likes to be a prick.

And we could have. It's fine. Kenny would have gladly come up and pick you up to get away from his family situation. I could have hired someone. There's no way. This is how bad I felt. There was no fucking way I was going to let anyone from Bisbee know that I fucked up this bad until after I got here. from Bisbee know that I fucked up this bad until after I got here.

I did not want anyone to really come get me or anything. Nobody here was going to have to leave town to come get. That was such. Brian. Brian didn't tell me till the last minute that he told you you're fucked. I forget you're even coming. I'm in the middle of trying to. I'm these fucking bits for charlie booker or rewriting them i should say a lot of them are old shit don't you fucking tell me to shut up i didn't know

yeah a lot of the charlie booker bits are reworked old bits that's what you do they want immigration can you do the immigration stuff because it's big in the UK? Yes, I can. Yes, you can. But rewriting old bits is almost harder than writing shit from scratch because you go, how am I going to plug that into what's new now? Okay, this bit was written about a guy who's been dead for four years. How am I going to rewrite it about something else? So I'm up filming all day. I don't work. If anyone out there thinks I work really hard at this job, I don't.

I fucking put. So sitting, filming all day and then writing until one o'clock in the morning. That's Louis C.K. territory. Yeah, that's shit. Fucking guys with ambition do not me. That's why I came down early. So I could stay on top of it. Keep the train moving. If it weren't for

Hennigan, I don't know where this would have gone. You don't have a mic either, Gretchen. Well, anyway, lean into the room, Mike, if you need to chat. I didn't want anyone to know, and I didn't want anyone to know. Lean into the room, Mike, if you need to chat. I didn't want anyone to know, and I didn't want you guys to come get me, because I felt like a big fat fuck up again, and so I just wrote it out, and I promised Bobby, somehow

I'm going to get the money to you. We're going to work it out. Well, Bobby shows up at the show. Yes. In Tucson. In Tucson, yes, on Friday. And we got tipped heavily at the show, and I was able to pay him. We?

What? I didn't know anything about this. Oh, I paid for her cab. Oh, right. Yeah, you paid for the cab. Anyway, so we got... And one guy tipped. And then one guy tipped us, and then we gave Bobby the money.

Oh, yeah, yeah. And then he... We got tipped heavy. Yeah, we did. We got tipped a lot. And then we ended up... We gave Bobby the money, and it was... I didn't even count a lot. And then we ended up, we gave Bobby the money. And it was, I didn't even count it.

I don't know how much, but he was super happy. He was really happy. And so what is your relationship with Bobby now? Well, I think it might be romantic in nature at this point. I don't really know. Did he ever make a move on you? No, not yet. But the last email, he sent me a Facebook message.

And we're friends on Facebook now. And his message to me was very, very nice and had lots of X's and O's. And then I was immediately friended by a woman friend of Bobby's who we only have one friend in common, and that's Bobby. And so I think she's curious about how things are working out between me and Bobby. So I haven't friended her yet, but I think I might ask Bobby how this is going to go. Bobby, by the way, did you see him?

He looked like the second string cop in the... Beverly Hills Cop? No, in The Fugitive. The one who at the very start is doubting that Harrison Ford is telling the truth. Just so people have a visual image.

Yeah, he's got like a little newsies cap on. If they have a visual catalog of every movie they've ever seen. Why wouldn't they? Because some of them drank for 30 years. But we put Bobby on the guest list. We made him feel special.

You don't know. The truth is we made this guy's night, and he told me that. And then he said that next time I come to Bisbee, my next write-down is on him. Or maybe on him. Yeah, you fuck a cabbie. It's like a tells bit about fucking a horse, because that way you always know you have a ride. Junior Stopka's out there filming his first TV show with David Teller. Oh, that's nice.

What's that like? That's gotta be nice for him. Yeah, that's what you get when you don't have kids. Yeah, you get to go out on the road. I made my decision to have children. Christine Levine is... Yeah.

I chose to have children because I tripped and some dick falls into me and I get pregnant and I don't like I just cranked them out and I had them, I thought I was normal I thought my life was going to be normal what I was trying to say is generally

I don't think women are funny not usually, no you're right about that and they're not good football players and I think men are yeah well at the same time generally men aren't funny well yeah if it's a numbers game again it's a form of plumage you develop comedy to attract women women don't have to do that they they use vagina yeah that's usually true yeah mommy says as long as i've got one of these i

can have as many of those as i want oh yeah christine is uh has some bits i've never had seen a female comic where i said ah fuck i should have thought of that premise. But I couldn't pull it off. I mean, with my crowd, I could, yes. Yeah, you could. But to hear a woman say it, I don't want to burn any of your bits. Don't worry, they're all garbage. No, I don't even care. I'll just, the premise of,

why is it that females are not responsible for themselves if they get drunk and fuck a guy, that's rape. He raped her versus DUI. They should be the same thing. are not responsible for themselves if they get drunk and fuck a guy. That's rape. He raped her versus DUI. They should be the same thing. She makes it hilarious. That's very funny. But the fucking premise is so goddamn solid that it's inarguable.

Right. Yeah. I'm tired of us getting treated like that. At Christine with a K, Christine Levine. At Christine Levine on Twitter. Oh, I need Twitter followers. Yes. Yes.

Okay, here's something. Can we talk about this for a minute? I still don't understand Twitter. I've got my kids working on it. They're helping me with it because they get Twitter. They're like, it's 140-character goof, Mom. This is what you've got to do. You've got to get a joke and make it 140 characters and make it funny and just send it out.

And I said, so I'll run my tweets by him. I'm like, is this funny? And they're like, yeah, that's a good one. But that's what Doug said this once. And I've said this to everybody who's ever asked me. You can say, I don't get Twitter. I'll say, find the nearest teenager that you know in your family. That's right.

Put them on the job. Well, here's the bullshit thing is you fucking use the locals you're a portland comic you don't leave there so much so that you don't even know how to rent a goddamn car that means there's there's young comics that will gladly help you yeah there are yeah i was a fucking chump hump comic when i I started out, yes, I was glad to go out and work for fucking nothing just to be on the same bill at an open mic. You're going to get me on open mic? Oh, yeah. Okay.

God damn it. I was happy to do it. And they will be happy to do it. You know what? I feel so bad. Comedians, we haven't had a raise in our wage. I'm talking about doing triple gigs. We haven't had a raise in 25 know in our wage like just i'm talking about doing triple gigs we haven't had a raise in 25 years we're still headlining for 200 meanwhile the

price of gas and everything else has gone up and these fucking comics that want to go on the road with me they also have families they also have to eat and i feel so fucking bad taking them on the road with me and then i make them pay for gas or i make them help me out or whatever i just feel like like i feel like I'm a mom. I want to get them on my teeth and suckle them and I end up paying for gas. In town, you show up at an open mic, you're a fucking

king there. Yes, I am. They're pretty cool to me. So yeah, they'll help you do shit. Well, I got my kids on the Twitter case. That's good. And then I was one of Portland's top five funniest comedians last week, BS. And I wore the onesie that you and Bingo bestowed on me to my photo shoot. It's called a Union Jack.

It's the one-piece long john, red long john with the butt flap. Yeah, I wore it to the photo shoot. And that's just because I respect the whole process so much. I came dressed appropriately. Fuck it. shoot and uh that's just because i uh i respect the whole process so much i came uh dressed appropriately fuck it so whatever all right if if you don't know christine levine you will soon because but follow her on twitter in the short term yeah yeah yeah but uh she she was uh forever since i've known you for 20 years maybe maybe. Well, like 15 years. 15 years. Yeah.

You were a porn clerk. I was a porn clerk. Well, I don't actually know how you two met. Is there any story of that? Yeah, it was old. When I first got online, there was ACS. It was our news group for comedians. All.comedy.standup.

I was an open mic-er, and he was him. Yeah, they had a get-together. Like a little festival or get together in la and that's where we met his little man showed up at my hotel room and you're asking for prinny and um yeah she's here whatever and i didn't even know who you were yet and then you walked in and then you dry humped prinny on my bed and i have a photo of that and then you look at me and you i was laughing so hard and you go, you want some of this fatty? And I said, no, sir, I do not want any of that with your beanie on and your fucking

long coat and weirdness. And then you started walking towards me and I kept taking photos. So I have pictures like a fucking flipbook. It's just you humping. And then you left printing, who was also a large lady at the time. I don't know if she is now. And then you get up and then you're closer and, and then closer, and then closer, and then your big fucking face in my camera.

And then you threw me on the chair, and then you put your dick in my face. You have these pictures still? Yes, I still have them. Of course I do. Wow. We could sell them. She's a hoarder. I'm a photo hoarder.

She's a bit of a hoarder. We could sell a flipbook. Yeah. Hey, merch. That's pretty funny. Yeah. Chaley would be dancing in his pants if he was here right now it's pretty cute merch yeah it's pretty cute that's the first time i ever saw you if you've heard me ever say

this this is the girl i used to have a bit about well i always said i was saving heroin for last i i've never tried it but i'm saving it for last because i don't want to be out of options of new things to do at the end and also one of the things when she worked at the smut shop uh renee and i at the time went in and she's like just take whatever you want and there was nothing in there that we hadn't already tried or owned or that would fit except for one thing was this handcrafted glass butt plug on it like it was a mounted thing they presented like a diamond but with a electric like you could electrocute yourself like yeah with a knob that went up to 10 like a volume knob but it was like a glass yeah it was a glass butt plug. They had glass dick ones, like all kinds of shit, yeah.

And metal on the side so it would conduct. And it was some outrageous price. But again, I said, you know what? Again, I want to save that for last. When I have the needle hanging out of my arm, I want to be on the glass-mounted butt plug on 10 with my hair standing up like young Einstein. And that's how I want to drift into the oblivion.

Well, I'll make that happen. I still have friends in high places. I've never actually been in a smut shop other than for business purposes. Really? Business purposes? Yeah, because, like, say... You manage hookers? I need to find you

or... What's that? I've never been in a smut shop apart from one for business purposes. Because you needed to find me.

Or, like, there's a place near where I live in West Hollywood called The Pleasure Chest and they have a comedy show. I've done that show.

Yeah, so, I've been in there for that, but I've never actually been into a... I've never gone into a smut shop. To buy stuff? No.

Because you're a normal person, that's why. I don't know about normal. Turn that mic around. Oh, you can hear it. Alright, I trust you. He probably just doesn't like sex that much. I've heard different. I heard Brian's a monster.

No, I'm not a monster. I heard he's amazing. I heard Brian's a monster. Yeah. No, I'm not a monster. I heard he's amazing. I'm just a normal person. He does have a giant cock. Yeah, for sure. That's been verified. Yeah, that's been verified.

There's nothing normal about you. But he is a giant cunt at the same time. So he fucks himself. Yeah. I'm a walking dichotomy. Fortunately, one of them is literal, the other one's metaphorical.

My name's Brian Hennigan. Thank you. I'm out! On my podcast next week. Bingo has a story she wants to hear from you. This is what a cunt Brian is. What? Go ahead.

I'm just going to title it the nipple hair thing. Oh, the nipple hair story. It's just I love that story of yours. Okay, well, I'll tell the story. Okay, thank you. So there was a girl. I was, let's use the word courting, when I was living back in Edinburgh. She was an American.

And I don't think, I'm not going to pull out any generalizations about Americans from the story but she was American and and the night came when she put out so to speak and when we were sort of in the advanced stage of groping on my velvet sofa

Why do you need a smut shop when you get a velvet sofa? Yeah, velvet sofa. That's the name of a smut shop. How can you heighten the experience anymore? Velvet sofa in a room with no television. And so... But a wise painting.

Yeah, yeah. And anyway, so my hand was creeping up her blouse or jersey or whatever the fuck. And it got to, you know, you get a tremendous level of expectation when you get to the breast area. Anyway, she had really hairy nipples. Oh, God damn it. And again, you know, you get that, you get that. My hand retracted like it had been almost got into a mousetrap.

It was like, whoa! Whoa! And did she say, whoa, what's going on? No, no, no, because then you start to think, oh, what's the worst that could happen? So how many hairs was it? Like five? Well, it wasn't, no, it wasn't.

Here's the thing. Did it get tangly? No, no, no, here's the thing. Well, that is kind of the thing, actually. It was only about five or six, but they were long. Oh, that's enough! No, that's the thing actually it was only about 5 or 6 but they were long oh that's enough that's the thing

it wasn't like a man's 5 o'clock shadow it was like the straggly hairs on some sort of 60's hippie listen a 5 o'clock shadow you can handle because it means she's tried she was working on it you know you can be like there's hope for this bitch she's making an effort

this was more like the tender shoots of recovery she just doesn't even care was working on it. You know, you can be like, there's hope for this bitch. She's making an effort. This was more like the tender shoots of recovery. She just doesn't even care. Like, he's Scottish. He's not gonna fucking notice. That's what she thinks. They don't even cut their dicks here. He's not picky. I'm an American. That's what she thinks. Go ahead, Brian.

Obviously, you know, we completed the deed. It wasn't like... You didn't even stop. Oh, I thought you walked out on the thing. No, no, Brian. Sorry. Gross. Obviously, we completed the deed. It wasn't like... You didn't even stop. Oh, I thought you walked out on the thing. I thought you... No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no, there was like a recalibration of where he put on his eye mask, pinched his nose.

Yes, exactly. A recalibration of expectation, maybe? Yeah, it was... No, there wasn't an absolute retreat. It was more of a retrenchment. Is that French for, were I surrendered? No, no, no. I gave up?

Yeah. Okay, so you did it anyway. Yeah, we weren't advancing on Moscow. We were retreating from Berlin. But you just never called back. That's true. Did you just, you just told her, like, we don't read from Berlin. But you just never called back. That's true. You just told her, like, we don't read the same books. Well, no.

He found another better reason. I don't know how you broached the subject of, hey, that nipple thing really isn't working. You know, I don't understand how a woman could think that was appropriate. How could you possibly think? That's what I'm telling you. She just figured you're Scottish.

Like, you're cool. Well, she wasn't holding out for me. I imagine that when she was back in Washington State, which is where I recall she was from, she had hairy nipples there as well. Yeah, but people in Washington don't care. Really? She probably thought you were cool.

You just summed up an entire state. Yeah. Well, I've been there. It was an individual thing where she thought it's fine and he didn't. I hope I didn't tell this story on... We've only done 11 of these podcasts or something.

14? 15, I don't know. But I fucked a girl in Thief River Falls, Minnesota. Thief River Falls. I was a young, mulleted... What a great name. Opening act in a fucking hotel lounge, whatever.

And after the show, it was bar light, and she... It was really where you were tricked by the bar lighting. And she had a lot of accoutrements. She had a hat, and she had eye makeup real dark and overblown. But the gig is in the

hotel. And I said, I'm going up. I was trashed. And I said, I'm going up I was trashed and I said I'm going to my room and she goes do you want me to come with you I go listen if you come up there it's only to fuck it's not I was like so out of my head trashed

I'm laying down the law I don't want you to come up and play some song and dance so I said that your whole business and she. So I said that. You're all business. Yeah. And she's like, I'm in. So we get up to the room, and now it's light, and she starts to disrobe. And her body, I don't know how many fat kids came out of it,

but it was the most distressed body. And she had these handmade prison tattoos and one of them was like a second grader did it lefty. Said, I love guys. It's like a Henry Phillips bit.

Did she do it herself? She said, I love guys and she said, said, no, I go, I love guys. And she said, leave me alone. I was 12 or 13 or something, some young age. And I go, you could have gotten it removed. But now I'm staring at this atrocity, which looked really hot in the bar with all the makeup

and the fucking hat and the, you know, and, but I've already laid down the law. You're coming up here only to fuck. I don't have any way out. Oh no. So did you do it? Yeah.

I sure, you had the, you had the wear of not having an erection. Well, that came later in life. Back then I could still get it up even for ugly girls. Okay, but I just need to go back. I just need to know one more thing about Brian's situation.

Brian, you're not as kind as Doug. You're not as kind as me. You're not a kind man. I just don't understand. I am very kind. No, I don't know. I am enormously kind. I wish I could think of one example.

Keep going. Okay. What I'm saying is that you're very, you're very, you have no problem telling people the truth. Why is this woman with nipple hair? Why did you have to

dance around her? Why couldn't you just say? You see, that's where you don't understand the difference between business Brian and personal Brian. Oh, so you're nice.

Personal hair is a big difference. Yes, there is. So you're super, but isn't this, if he could have made money off of nipple hair, he would have put in some kind of fertilizer

into her areolas. Yeah, she'd be fucking farming now. Believe me. No, like, for example, you know, recently got somebody to help clean or fucking whatever you call it over here, maid. And I had to say to the guy

who was in the same apartment building who also wanted a maid stroke cleaner, whatever. You have to handle negotiations. I'm not good at this. Because there was something very odd about it. It was like it was personal. It involved my apartment. And it was very I couldn't.

You couldn't get it. I couldn't see look somebody in the eye and do like, you know, whatever, you know, 45, okay, 40. You know, there was something, you know, there's something. Whereas if I'm jacking somebody up about Doug or telling people where they can, you know, take it and shove it on a business deal, that's entirely different. That's entirely different. That makes sense. I guess so. It's not

personal i guess so maybe i have maybe i'm not the kind one then because i can just walk away i don't give a fuck see i don't give any kind of fuck but i can't tell people what i'm worth or that i'm important or whatever except for the worst part about you know especially when you're trying to four wall deals or or just get out there avoid comedy clubs comedy clubs tend to tell you what you're worth they know you just go okay am i willing to do that right and you just take that for granted by the way i have thought of just to follow up just since on the nipple hair story yes i have thought of something i did that was very cruel in personal relationships oh no, now I'm excited.

Her name was Elaine. And she was in Edinburgh, again, where I used to live. And she was very hot. And to some extent, I'm always surprised when anybody's interested in me at all. So are we. And I was remarkably surprised that Elaine was interested in me. I mean, the problem was that she didn't have the intellectual faculty for me to be sufficiently interested in her for a long time. And I think it was week three and we're lying in her bed and we're watching The Lion King. Because I realized that if we watch things on television, then we don't have to talk.

The Lion King! Here's the thing, then we don't have to talk. Okay. And then the thing was, here's the thing though. I'd already seen the Lion King. So I got to the point where I recognized that maybe it was the first appearance of Whoopi Goldberg as the hyena. And I just, I got out of bed. I put my clothes on and I left.

And that was the last time I spoke to her. Did she say, where'd you go? No, no, nothing. She knew. She fucking knew.

That was probably one of the cruelest things I've ever done. I love that she didn't even ask. Have you ever had a chick turn on you? In what sense? I don't. South Dakota, whatever is by Sioux City, Sioux Falls. Again, young mullet days. And this girl brought me back

because I was too drunk to drive and brought me back to her place. You can sleep on the couch. She went upstairs, came down, started to fuck me, and then just stopped and went back upstairs. Wow. What did you do? I'm like, were you serious?

She's like, my kid's gonna to come home or I'm going to do a thing. Yeah, just stop. I've never had anything quite as dramatic as that. I have no problem doing that. I had no problem jerking off on her couch. Everybody's happy. Yeah. Oh, God.

Come in. Oh, that was brilliant. That was my old move in my young days is, hey, can I just jerk off on your tits? And you could always get away with that. Ralphie May would still say, oh, the Doug Stenhope signature move. Can I jerk off on your tits?

Oh, is that how you met him there have been boys where i've just been like just jerk off on my tits just because i want to get out of it just go away and i even like oh you suggested it yeah just like just jerk off on my tits let's go and i got you know i've got my. I've got shit to do. So let's have this happen. And they're watching. Yeah, whatever. My kids are looking. Why don't you just jerk off my tits so we don't scar them

too badly. Stan, would you tell the story of the older prostitute you were with? I don't want to give away the punchline. You told her to. It's my favorite prostitute you were with. I don't want to give away the punchline. You told her to. It's my favorite prostitute story

of yours. I don't know if I've told that. No, you haven't. I know you haven't. You haven't. This is my favorite of your prostitute stories. No, I think I did tell this story with Rob Mungle. Yeah, I'm sure I told this. Alright, I'm not telling it.

But if I haven't told it, hey, email us. Email us if I did not tell that on the Rob Mungle podcast at the Allen Park Inn in Houston. Say, hey, we'd like to hear that story. Or tell us anything else you'd like to hear. Because we don't

know what the fuck to talk about. I will after this uh vacation we're going to uh we're on our way on vacation in december no uh europe yeah that's weird we land in london that's all we know it's a weird story we have a lot of good stories that i can't talk about shit that's going on. It's fun. And once I can talk about it, every fucking way I can work it into a conversation, I will work it in.

But until then... It's that good. Yeah. It's that good. Or it might be that bad, which makes it better for comedy. Until then, you're like Marilyn Monroe's doctor. Just don't know what happened. Yeah.

Oh, God. All right. Sponsors? Sponsors? Sponsors. We're sponsors by... Sponsors by... Bobby the Taxi Driver.

Bobby the Taxi Driver. If you ever come to Tucson, you want to get a ride to my house, ask for Bobby at the cab stand. Outside the Tucson airport. He says he's Mexican, but he looks kind of white. Yep. He says he's Mexican. And we're also sponsored by Dave's Killer Bread. It's not Killer

Dave's Bread. It's Dave's Killer Bread. Dave's Killer Bread out of Oregon. It's very tasty. I don't eat that fucking whole wheat shit, but sometimes I'll cave in because bingo is always on a diet of some kind so I bought this because it had a cool logo.

Basically. And it was fucking great. Dave's killer bread is phenomenally tasty. Yeah, but didn't you guys hear about the trouble that he ran into in Portland? Yeah, but why bring that up? Why rub fucking egg in his face

he makes good bread yeah that's true he's just trying to make if he goes back to prison it's still gonna the bread's gonna be out there it's still gonna be good he wasn't

that's true everyone needs a slice of luck he's just trying to make some dough he's our oh oh god Brian he's it was so weird

I didn't even get it but he's like our Rob Ford like he can fuck up whenever he wants to and we're still gonna love him that's the thing I just I made a tweet saying I like this fucking bread and he's sent the fucking

huge carton of bread and that worked out I'm good with that kind of sponsorship you see in the old days you used to be able to live off your product in the sense of you just needed to make a decent loaf and that would be sufficient, but now you have to be

able to steer clear of the cops as well. Yes. What time are we at? Do you have a time? 41. 41, that's good because what we're going to do... Hang on. Oh, I wanted to mention no, you can't come to Super Bowl. Oh, yeah, sorry.

Last year I was drunk and maybe on hallucinogens on Rogan's podcast. Hey, we're sponsored by Rogan's podcast, because, hey, Death Squad shows up at my shows, and I appreciate. So, yeah, I said that anyone could come to the super bowl evidently and a lot of people showed up and a lot of people were really cool but one guy was a douchebag and that's all it takes to ruin the fucking super bowl so yeah no no it's not a wide open thing we've had a few people occasionally stop by at 11 o'clock in the morning

because they know my address. 212 Van Dyke Street. Oh, Jesus Christ. Bisbee, Arizona. Mail us weird shit. Steal shit from work and mail it to Bingo. Can I put out my address too, please? Hang on, hang on.

Christine Levine wants to put out her address. Shut your fucking mouth, Hannigan, or I'll put your address out too. May I please? I lived there for 10 years. Go ahead. He says no. Why do you say no?

Shush, put it out. 6-5-0, no. 6-7-0-5. Hold on, I'm drunk. 6-7-0, no. It's 6-7-0-5, Southeast 93rd, Portland, Oregon 97226266266. Can you do anything without your kids? Yeah.

Oh, can I? Yes. Yeah. Oh my God. My kids have been amazing. I also have a podcast PS by the way. Oh yeah. It's called Levine large and it's a podcast with my children and it's, I love it.

I love fucking doing it. I love listening to my children. I love harassing them and teasing them on the show. We had an we have a podcast coming out where I talked to my son, Josh, about his jerking off in the bathtub. And I sat in it. Yeah. No, no, no. That's yeah.

You don't. Yeah. All right. That's enough. So you're going to give away the whole thing. OK. Well, I'm pretty gross. It's pretty gross.

But we have a talk about it. Well, I'm pretty gross. It's pretty gross, but we have a talk about it. And then, um, uh, I don't know. The kids are just fucking just raw and weird. And it's, I love it.

I just love the expo. Like that. They aren't afraid of nothing. They just fucking talk about anything. My son, Josh also told me that he's, uh, that he doesn't.

Do you understand her trailers? What's the, what's the podcast again? It's Levine large. that he doesn't jerk off with me. Do you understand how trailers work? What's the podcast again? It's Levine Large. It's on the Podaholics Network, and you can find it there. Do you have any more DSAs? Yeah, I do.

I do a lot. Oh, yeah. No, I'm going to close with that. Hey, we will be coming to the UK in 2014 later. Reluctantly. Get on the mailing list. DougStanholt.com When fucking Twitter will go the way of MySpace as will Facebook.

I don't even check Facebook. I post shit that goes to my Twitter. I follow Twitter. But get on the mailing list. Javelinas. Javelinas. Those are javelinas. Javelinas. Those are Javelinas. Javelinas. That's nice.

Isn't that a sound effect? Those are dogs or something. Jesus. No, those are the dogs. The Javelinas are walking down the street right now. You can follow the trail of Javelinas

by the way the dogs bark on the neighboring streets. And we're going to... Chaley is going to cut into this. I don't think we'll be back doing a podcast for a few weeks here because we got weird shit going on in Europe

you guys make it sound like you're going to Prague to get ladyboys or something it's going to be weirder than that you know that so yeah Chaley's going to throw some shit at the end of this we were talking about so yeah Chaley's gonna throw some shit at the end of this

we were talking about when we played in Albany, New York and Junior Snopka Junior Snopka snapped and I've never seen him go haywire but he did fucking snap and I went up and just

I know I'm going to continue his snapping clothes fuck that guy throw this guy out we're talking about that but here's what I forgot that's on the podcast snippet coming up after this is

there was a kid from Bisbee and I was already in a tear like fuck this and all sorts of shit broke out and this kid after it ended I'm from Bisbee and I I'm like yeah great and I started to talk about

it was right after Nowhere Man and Whiskey Girl shit happened and I started to talk about that and I went into what was developed into not a bit, but yeah, a bit. And I said, well, our friends know where a man and whiskey girl

and he goes, they're dead! I'm like, that's kind of the end of it. The people don't know. And he destroyed and I went, yeah, I know. And I fucking snapped on him. But he was this meek kid.

And he didn't mean to do that. He was trying to be a part of the show. Yeah, he thought, I know, I know. He fucked it up. He left crying. And I didn't know that to laughter. So I'm sorry, that guy. But I was thrown into a fist fight.

It had nothing to do with that. And I was thrown into a fist fight between it had nothing to do with that and I was angry and if you ever saw the movie The Wanderers when the fucking dad starts fighting the ducky boys on the football field and then ends up hitting his own kid

with a fucking bench from the football field yeah that's what I did to you. So here we go. That's an outro into some other shit. We'll be back. Bye-bye. Hey, until we know what the fuck we're doing,

please feel free to email questions, suggestions, all the dumb shit to Doug at DougStanhope.com Put podcast in the subject and include your first name and where you're writing from. And then we'll read that shit maybe. Okay. We're in Bisbee with Christine Levine

and Brian Hennigan. This is the Robert Ludlam special edition. I don't even know who that is. All right. Let me throw out a few fake drops. You know what? Fuck it. We decided that instead of that Albany thing,

now that I've said the apologies to the Bisbee kid we wanted to fuck with Christine Levine who's a smart person I consider not an ambitious person not really good at business

but a smart person who showed up here saying that Sandy Hook never happened. And I love a conspiracy theory. It didn't happen. But she's dead set. No, absolutely didn't happen. Sandy Hook shooting kids never happened.

I always feel that I'm fairly abreast of the conspiracy theories that are going on and we were watching football on Sunday and I suddenly became aware that behind me there was a conversation happening about Sandy Hook not happening and I'd never heard that conspiracy before and turned around and lo and behold it was fucking Moby Dick

here saying that you know the white whale told you set you straight. Yeah. Yeah. It didn't happen. It didn't dick here saying that you know the white whale told you set you straight yeah yeah it didn't happen it didn't happen and and that to me and i love conspiracy theories but if you said to me the world trade centers never fell like i there's all the the yeah inside job yeah I get a lot of that you can sell me on some of that but to say those buildings didn't

exist well they were didn't JFK's head didn't explode but you are sold on this I'm completely convinced and I tried to look at some of this on YouTube this morning and it was

there's a lot of videos. I watched one of the most boring woman going and this is why you can tell. I know what video you saw. I'm not going to say she's not boring but she does if you can just sit through it.

No, I couldn't. I couldn't. I have shit to do.'s not boring, but she does if you can just sit through it. No, I couldn't. Okay, I'm sorry for that. I have shit to do. If you did, you would know the Sandy Hook didn't happen because you can just, she lays it out. Her name is Sophia Smallstorm, and she just lays it out. She lays it out. She lays it out step by step. Sophia Smallstorm. Yes, and she lays it out. She lays it out. by step. Sophia Smallstorm. Yes, and she lays it out.

She lays it out. For the dummies. If you were fucking her and you go, she just laid there. Lays it out. She just laid there. Yeah, but I could just. She's shoving it down your throat. I could just invoke Bertha Bigweather.

Just do it. Just look at it. Just watch it. I couldn't watch it. do it just look at it just watch it and you know watch it first of all if you have something that needs to be told so badly oh this is the big yeah and uh okay so you're saying if you have something important to say you're gonna hire somebody with a little bit of charisma yes that's gonna like draw people in and whatever but and if you had a good story you could get someone with charisma for pennies on the dollar if they believed it.

But no one believed her, so she had to do it herself. There's so many people. And most of the researchers that are looking into this are women because we have children and we give a fuck. Oh, men don't have children. They don't care. Just women. No, women care more about this issue than... Tell me how Sandy Hook didn't happen.

Sandy Hook didn't happen because... Okay, look. Tell us. Just talk us through it. Where do I begin? Here's the real reason, the bottom line for me... This is Joe Rogan .01. Okay, but let me get through this.

The bottom line for me is that as a... I watched the day after and the parents were the parents of the surviving kids were a quote unquote surviving kids because the kids aren't dead. But the parents were letting their children be interviewed by ABC, which I think is absurd. And then they interviewed the parents of the kids that were dead, allegedly. And they were smiling on television. They were happy. And then when the cameras turned on them, and they were smiling on television. They were happy. And then when the cameras turned on them,

then they were like crying and sad. But you don't actually see any tears from these people. There's no tears. There's no bodies. There's no blood. Nobody comes out of that pool with any blood on them. Where's the fucking blood? Sorry, stop.

So are we going to do a point-by-point rebuttal? I think we have to. Well, where's the blood? I'm saying that when Columbine happened, we saw people being removed from the school. We saw kids that were injured. We saw blood on the teachers that were trying to save the kids, that threw their bodies on the kids that tried to save them

or help them in some way. We saw actual footage of what happened from inside the school. There was cameras in Sandy Hook. We are not allowed to see any of that. We haven't been able to hear any of the 911 calls. Neighbor Dave just told us that they're going to release them on Wednesday. I hadn't heard that yet because I've been in Bisbee.

Thanks. Neighbor Dave is like the BBC World Service in Bisbee. Neighbor Dave knows. So if that happens. Yeah, exactly. Neighbor Dave knows. So if that happens, okay, I want to hear that. But man, if I don't hear fucking kids screaming in the background, I still won't believe it. I would like to go back.

I hope those kids are dead, to be honest. I would like to go back to something which is something a matter of judgment. This is a judgment call you just made at the very start of your proposition, which is that people who are upset behave in a certain way. And as evidence, and for people who are familiar with this podcast, I'd like to introduce Amy Bingaman, who told us

how she felt when Naomi Ryan and the Whiskey Girl died. Amy? How I felt? Well, she mentioned yesterday, you mentioned yesterday that the fact you... Well, she mentioned yesterday... You mentioned yesterday that... Like the fact you... Wait, wait, hang on. How people react to tragedy.

He's trying to say that because you had a happy voice when we're making jokes about it. Right. But that's not the fucking news, Brian. That's a wee... No, but the point is... That's what I'm saying. It's not the news.

Bingo herself brought this up yesterday when we were discussing it. Right. And this wasn't me bringing it up. She brought it up as a rebuttal of the whole idea that there's a stereotypical, 100% accurate way to behave when you've suffered a loss. I agree. The guy that CNN is promoting, thank fucking Christ, that did 25 years for murdering his wife that he didn't murder and now he just got cleared of it and the jury decided against him because he didn't show emotion exactly

i totally understand that and i get that but for all 26 family members to not be moved enough to even cry what you saw this you've seen oh yeah oh yeah forgive me let me let me be accurate you're talking about when they found out their kids were murdered or they were worried about their children and they had cameras there yes they had them on hey hey everyone we know we're all drunk please let people speak because the worst podcast in the world is all yelling at once so so yes they didn't they didn't emote well they emoted but they emoted i would say poorly okay just watch it i emoted poorly yes then i emoted poorly as well no i'm saying i'm saying just one person, okay, ten people, okay, I'm like you, B. When I get tragedy,

I just start laughing or whatever. I get it. I do. Listen, have you ever lived in upscale Connecticut where everyone, they're all rich homeowner association like cunty? So, yes, no, homeowner association, like, cunty.

So, yes, I know, I haven't, but I still know, I know what you're saying, that poor people may emote more fully. We may be more inclined to throw ourselves on the ground or pitch a fucking fit. Yes, that's probably true. That's my baby! Oh, my God!

That's my baby! Oh, God damn it! I know! I raised him in a ghetto and I threw him in a ghetto! Oh my God! Dad, my baby! Oh God, no! I raised him in a ghetto. Oh Lord! I knew him again, but dang! Oh God, Sam! How am I going to go on?

Listen, it's okay. And in that respect, upscale Connecticut, I imagine, is slightly similar to Britain, where when people encounter tragedy, they're kind of reserved, and it's like, yes, we lost our baby. Madeline McCann's family was devastated.

Absolutely accurate, yes. But Madeline McCann's family were totally devastated. Yes, but not on camera, they weren't. I saw them crying. I saw fucking puffy eyes. And they were poor. No, they weren't. They were rich. The point is, they go on camera a lot.

I would say that by American standards, they're very reserved. They didn't boil it into an actual profession like Adam Walsh. Reactions aside, let's talk about why there's no blood. Let's talk about why we haven't been allowed to hear any of the 911 takes. There's no blood on even any of the teachers that left. There's no blood on anything. Okay the teachers that left. There's no blood on anything. Okay, can I ask you a question?

Yeah. Have you ever seen Jackie Kennedy's pink dress? No. Well, it's an important point because it's been in the National Archives for, I think,

it's legally obliged to stay there until 2110 or something. You're never going to see the blood. Did they clean it? No, it's not been touched. But the point is, are you basically saying that

lack of evidence is evidence of absence? Yes. Well, that's a fallacy. I know you're going to say that's a logic fallacy. 9-11 inside job has some... I've seen enough of those documentaries. But there's a motive. What's the motive?

They're going to pretend to kill a whole town to get gun control? Yes. Yes. Because it's a movement by the government to get gun control. But they haven't? Not yet, no. But there's a movement towards it. And you can see that in the families that have their children still alive, by the way. Their kids are still

alive. Okay, so let me get this right. This is a tragedy, a supposed tragedy, that happened after what happened in Boulder City with the Batman cinema killer. Yes? Yeah. When it was demonstrated to all concerned that gun sales soared,

that gun sales never went higher after that. And so the government's way of promoting gun control was to have another one where gun sales soared. Every single one of these families has been associated with this movement, a bust. They've been on television saying we need more gun control. They've been promoting it. Every single one of these families has been on television. All 26 of them. Every single one of these families has been need more gun control. They've been promoting it. Every single one of these families. All 26 of them.

Every single one of these families has been public about gun control. They're from Connecticut. So that's why? Their children were killed by a mad gunman. Not all the people in Colorado. The kids

are not actually dead. They're not dead. They're alive. She's saying that that's like some kind of weird cult in Newtown. Yes. The parents are a cult. That's what I'm saying. Sandy Hook, yeah. Yes. Yeah, Newtown, Sandy Hook.

Just look it up. Look, I don't have all the time in the world to tell people. I try to watch this shit. I try to watch this shit. I'm saying what I believe. Look, when I worked in radio, we had access to 911 calls the next day for every fucking thing that happened. I listened once to a five-year-old call about his mom on the ground because she'd been dead for like five days. Like my mommy won't wake up and she died of a diabetic, like a coma or whatever.

And so what I'm saying is that why didn't we have immediate access to the 911 calls? They're always released. Because there's always a criminal prosecution element. But they're always released. I've always been able to get access to them and they would not let us listen to them. Are you familiar with what the laws of Connecticut

are in that respect? No. Okay. Also, okay, but also, also How many kids were supposedly killed um 24 children and two adults they also said that um the the coroner also said that um he showed this is how he went about id'ing um the dead children and family and the two teachers that died uh to their family members as he took photos of them on his cell phone and then showed them to the families and said, here's your dead child or, you know, person, beloved person that you love.

And as a parent, that would not be enough for me ever. You could not keep me from my dead child. Okay. So I can ask your question. No way. All these families are like, no, we didn't see our dead child. That was one thing I did see that they were denied. They were denied access to see access to identify their own children.

Which is weird. That's fucking super weird. Can I ask you a question? Was that where they denied access according to one or two sources? That's the coroner saying that he denied them. What was your source for the coroner denying access? The coroner saying it. The coroner said that.

So then is there a second source that said confirmed that the coroner denied access? The parents that said that afterwards? No, I don't think. The parents afterwards saying that they denied. I don't think it is. I object. Because a coroner would not

deny access. It would be the investigating body. No, he did. He said that he would not. He's on. He cannot do that because they need to have. Well, that's what I would think, that you couldn't do that. But the parents even said that that happened. Well.

That they were denied access to their children. Maybe this becomes something. I don't know. They allegedly let the bodies sit in the school for two days. We never saw the bodies being removed. That never happened. They may still be there. When did that happen?

Name me one time that did happen. Columbine? You can see the bodies being dragged out to Columbine. No, where? You saw people being chucked out of windows and stuff, but you didn't know who they were. Well, they were later identified. You could tell

later who they were. I'm just saying this isn't normal. When there's a tragedy like this, we always have, there's always blood, there's always a body, there's always something that we know it happened, but this, we've got nothing there's really no evidence except for that the the media showed up and told us it happened and what what

kind of gun and bullets okay now this is some creates blood and some does not this is really fascinating they alleged that they alleged that um this little boy adam lanza who um allegedly this just came out that he weighed 110 pounds and he was six feet tall. How is that possible that he carried 40 pounds of weapons into that school and shot them? I mean, who could? Bullshit. He's fucking young. No, no, no.

Carry a lot of shit. 110 pounds. I've seen people who are five feet tall. And that's what they said that he weighed when he died. That's what his coroner reports. I know what the adrenaline is like when you think you're going to get fucked. When you're going to kill a lot of people. When you're going to kill a lot of people.

You have retard strength. Why does Adam Land's death certificate say that he was killed on the 13th and not the 14th? Because someone fucked up. I read a debunk website. I know, that's what I thought first. We got to get to this so we can close this. This is a drunken conversation about something none of us know about.

That's right. So I want feedback from you, the populace, the fucking 1,100 people that listen to this dumb shit. Yeah. That's true. this dumb shit get to I know get to

where the kids that supposedly died this is what killed me last night the kids that supposedly died turned up turned up singing at the Super Bowl they were at the Super Bowl

when you say it you make it sound so stupid. I can't think why. Why would that sound stupid? Listen, listen, listen. If you know anything about this, you can fucking compare the pictures of the kids who died to the kids who... Yes, I tried to do that. I tried to do that this morning at 6.30.

I woke up and I went on and I listened to the bullshit on the internet waiting to see the comparisons. You can see all the pictures. I couldn't find it. You can find those children. Listen, those kids that sung at the Super Bowl did not attend Sandy Hook Elementary.

They were not Sandy Hook students. Oh my god, it gets worse. No, this is real. This actually, everybody is common knowledge. Anybody who even thinks it happened doesn't think it happened. It doesn't matter. The kids that sang at Super Bowl

were not Sandy Hook students. But in fact, actually, they were because they were the kids that were all... The models. They were the dead kids. They were models for dead kids. No, they were the dead kids. The kids are right in front of us.

They're not dead. I know, that's what I'm saying. They modeled as dead kids for Sandy Hook. And then got a rebooking. Because it's not too soon. Too soon. Hey, can you sing as well? They're like, not really, but maybe we'll just go on tape.

Maybe they lighten them up with a treble gig afterwards. Oh, God. If only I could get one of those. All right. So we find this video where? On Sandy Hook Hoax YouTube Google search that. No, you can't Google search. It's only on Christine's computer.

That's what she... No, okay. No, no, no. All of the stuff that I was trying to tell you guys last night, like some of the important stuff, like the comparisons to the photos from the kids in the Super Bowl, that is on my computer because I have done a lot of looking into this. And I'm pretty serious about it.

No, because I didn't... I'm not crazy. I don't make YouTube videos that show the pictures or whatever. I've just done a lot of independent research because I'm a mother that gives a fuck about kids. That has nothing to do with crazy. That has to do with ambitious. I just have a little bit of time on my hands right now because I got fired from the porn store. All I'm saying is that these children are not dead and everybody needs to know about it.

It's pretty important. That's kind of where I lost my way with... So contact us here, the Dog Stand Hope Podcast. Oh, yeah. Okay, this is important. All the people moved away and the houses were sold of this, all 26 families had their houses sold

back to them for a dollar. They were purchased. How do we know this? Because you can look online and see like, okay, inland we have a website called um pdx uh pdx homes.com or something like that and you can you can build a home at the airport no you can just google like you can just look up and see you can track the houses and who bought them and when and all of these these homes were purchased and then sold back to the families for a dollar why and then everybody just moved away so is this information only on your computer no

this is not only on my computer you can just go look in connecticut and see and see where shit was purchased and stuff not only that but i have i actually listened to a phone conversation with the head of police, Paul Vance, and a reporter that called him up and asked him, hey, who cleaned up the blood at Sandy Hook in the school? Like, who did that? What company did you guys have do that and take care of it? And he said, what blood? And she goes, you know, the blood that was shed when the guy killed everybody. And he goes, oh, oh, oh, there was no blood. Oh, yeah, that blood.

Yeah, I don't know. He says he doesn't even fucking know who cleaned it up. Maybe he doesn't know. Maybe he's an idiot. Or maybe he's a transsexual that's trying to hide something. Probably he's a transvestite that I watched suck a lot of dick on Adult Friend Finder maybe that's it if you ask Brian Hennigan

maybe I found that video and saw it listen Doug Stanhope performed in Kansas City who was the local feature act and he said I don't know you don't know maybe he doesn't fucking know

conspiracy for him to ask no he said what blood And you don't know. Maybe he doesn't fucking know. Conspiracy! For him to ask no, he said, what blood? What blood? Good question. There is no blood. I'm not against you, Christine. I want every conspiracy theory to be true. And that's why we will be drunk right now and ask other people to fucking look into this.

Straighten it out for me. Because my fans have nothing but time on their hands. If they show me one picture, one photo of a bloody kid, that's all I want. I want one fucking picture of a dead kid. Because that's how you... I'll shut the fuck up. That's the only way you can come. All right.

This is the end of the Doug Stanhope Conspiracy Theory Podcast. Please, let us know. I am the George Norrie of your night or day, depending on when you download it. Alright, that's it.

Hey, that was Doug Stanoff's podcast. And we'll put the Albany shit in something else. Or. Or. I regret to tell you that earlier today, a burning burnt umber Kia was fired. Sorry. What? That was Brian Hennigan trying to uh oh no close it up strong

jesus good night sorry about this good night play the mattoid listening to the doug stanhope podcast recorded in the Funhouse in Bisbee, Arizona, with Doug Stanhope, Brian Hennigan, Christine Levine, and Bingo, engineered by Shawnee, produced by me, Greg Shaley, opening music by Miska Shubali, and closing music by The Mattoid, both available on iTunes. Check out Christine Levine's podcast at Levine Large with Christine Levine. Keep up with both Doug and Christine through Twitter, and as always, you can check out Doug's upcoming dates at DougSanhope.com. Thanks for listening.

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