The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Cuckhold Kenny lands the Gig of a Lifetime!

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Doug sees Kenny's band perform and offers them the gig of a lifetime - to perform at his super bowl party. We also get a full update on everything Kenny You can then head over to YouTube to see the halftime showSupport the show & get 20% off your first Lucy order with code STANHOPE at https://www.lucy.co/STANHOPE Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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your band Derek got me down there to see your band play what's the name this is metal Monday if the listeners don't know you've you've transitioned from your rap career your hip hop stylings and now you've gone full fucking

metal. Yeah. Like throaty, grouty metal. Yeah. It's more fun, actually, then I still rap. He just can't understand a fucking word I'm saying, which is more conducive because then, you don't, you know,

we don't have very many people yet. Well, Biggio saw you, and it's a three piece, right? She saw a side pony, I think. You're on vocals and you have a guitarist and a drummer. Yeah, she saw, he saw us on side pony when my voice didn't work and somehow I made it work that whole set and it was I don't I'm no idea how it worked but it did well your voice sounds uh and in in the way that I

guess would be authentic to the genre sounds like something stuck in a garbage disposal yeah perfect something in the midst of being alive for a limited time only yeah that's exactly what it's supposed to sound like and the name of the the band monkey Monkey keg? Monkey keg? Yep. All right. Is there a back story to that?

I don't know where we came up with the name. We just said it one night and there it was. I just said monkey keg. I had no idea what it meant. Pretty much monkey goes with, yeah, anything. Monkey, anything is a good name. Yeah, I think, I don't know, might not be, but, you know, it's fun. It's three of us.

This is Josh Kegg. Hello. A monkey keg and Miguel's over there doing what he usually does, He usually does drinking as our drummer. And they play what, and this is the drummer over there. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, uh, Miguel Keg, M keg, J Kegg, the guitarist, and then myself, B K Kegg, the vocalist. And we are monkey keg.

And you've been with this, uh, this trio for how long? Well, let's see, last February, let's see when I, yeah, pretty much. Almost a year? Mm-hmm. Any infighting? Well, yeah, we haven't had one rehearsal yet. And so, of course, I was, a matter of fact, before we even showed up to the Fun House today, I was listening to one of my bandmates getting yelled at by his girlfriend at the big house above you at the school,

the old schoolhouse. And you could hear all the way at Blacknog just going fucking to town. And I'm like, oh, God. So you have something in common? Well, not anymore, because I don't have nobody yelling at me except me, which is she doesn't even come back to the house

to like pick up drawers or something no she got in all the new stuff I guess the guy you know I don't know Gavin said he saw her the other day and had a drink Have we been over this on the podcast? All right so

yeah she's Your wife left you for her boss you sure we haven't talked about that maybe not she she she she dear ken me let this one slip past I would call it instead of a Dear John letter, she just dear Ken me without the letter.

She went to work one day with a bag and never came home. I was, okay. And here I am, still sitting there waiting. This has been like five weeks or something. Oh, longer. Longer? Still in the house? Oh, yeah, I'm still sitting.

I'm fucking going nowhere. What the fuck you mean? I ain't got nowhere to go. I'm just going to sit in my room. Like, nothing happened. I'll clap. What do you mean? She left me.

She talked me into coming back and then left. She's staying in the next town over, which for the listener is 30 miles away. She's living a whole life over there now, working for her restaurant, and I'm not going to say its name because I don't want to promote it very much. Well, yeah, I wouldn't either because the Sinnets, Doc Sinnets, took us to breakfast there and raved about their breakfast. Oh, great. Since, no, it was not the breakfast they remember.

There must have been a change of management. or something since they had last been there because it was fucking Spartan. It was shit. It was fucking dog shit. They apologized. They picked up the tab and we let them. That's how bad it was.

Went to the donut shop up the street. Yeah, well, there was a goodwill next door. Dropped off my to-go boxes. I just wanted to say their name without saying it. Yeah. Oh yeah, perfect. Yeah, and so she starts banging, and you were with her. Yeah, I was there.

I was with her. I mean, he was down the street one, like on one of the Metal Mondays. As a matter of fact, he showed up. So he came to town because she texted him while we were at lunch at the table one afternoon. And I was just like, go ahead. He ain't going to show up. Nobody's ballsy enough to show up. And that motherfucker showed up.

Fucking 27 minutes later, he was sitting across from me. And I'm sitting there like, this motherfucker midget showed the fuck up. And I'm like, hmm. And I'm like, I'm told her I'd be good. And I'm like, well, I'm going to be good. So I go smoke a cigarette and I'm hitting my joint out front. And I'm just like, fucking, now I have to fucking, then I come back in and they're like, oh, let's go walk around town.

And I'm like, oh, that's smart. That's real fucking, yeah, let's do it. So I'm fucking puppy dogging behind him is. It's like, la-di-da-di-da. As we go bar hopping through the fucking, through Bisbee and to all the bars. So you had to, like, designated drive? I was straight cucking that one. That's for fucking sure.

And, yes, I was designated driving with no license, by the way, allegedly. And risking the biscuit for no reason. It's always a winner. That's me. But, uh, so here I am fucking going around. and I finally end at Elmo's and I'm just outside pacing and I come in a couple different times

and there's locals that are in Elmo and I was looking at her and looking at dude and fucking one of them looks at me is like the fuck is this guy and I'm like I was asking you, I was about to ask you the same question and then I'm standing there and he buys me a drink so I'm fucking slam my Yeager bomb or whatever it was

that I get at the moment. Oh good so you're drunk driving as a designated driver. Yeager bomb is not really too bad yes and at this point fuck it why not kill us all and then straight into the pit but no and you've been

I had a full stomach including the breakups that were yeah and I'd been how long were you together it'll be it had been 20 years coming up February 3rd of this February so it's been a it was a long relationship

of sorts for me of you know yeah oh it was sheer hell yeah well of course absolute fucking hideous torture like this like cops episode every time they were together. I am surprised we weren't a cop's episode every time the fucking we were together because it's the truth.

There was points there where we were allegedly doing bad things and she was still trying to get the police called on us. I'm like, the fuck is wrong with you, lady. You just want to go to fucking prison or what? Just shut the fuck up. The only reason why she'd shut the fuck up is we'd have to, we'd go to the casino in fucking Tucson. And then finally she'd be quiet and just push buttons.

That's fucking how I got her to stop yelling at me. That's it. In the early days, she would come around a little bit. She wasn't as bad in the early days. She was fucking still, you know, loud and obnoxious because she had to be the... Well, she was awful to you. Yeah. Like, smiley, like in a party and just shut the fuck up, Kenny.

Anyway, and then she's fucking, you know, half her tits are coming out and, like, sloppy, drunk. Then she gets drunk and you start... Are you trying to fuck everybody here at that? the same time. And then she's asking for blow. Fucking following every person when they go to the bathroom. Are you doing blow? Are you doing blow? Now, she's... Do you think dude has a lot of blow? No, dude. Apparently she's clean. And that's, I mean, whatever. I mean, she's drinking.

To me, that ain't clean. Did she have liver problems for a while? She had fucking, yeah, she had gut cancer or whatever it was. No, but before that, didn't she have, like... No, I'm not, I mean, she was working on it. I'll tell you that much, because she worked out what looked to be like my... I vaguely remember you saying that she had to quit or supposed to quit. She was supposed to quit because she had like fucking, I don't know what it was, some bullshit, but she kept going and plowed through it like a champ would do and, you know. Excuse me.

So I'm sure that that can't help but feed your pension from that. I'm not trying to talk bad negatively because, you know, she'll listen to these podcasts. Apparently that's what got me in a lot more trouble is Homeboy knew how to get to me and he showed her all the podcasts that we did after we broke up the first time. And that was awesome. And I mean, I didn't really say much then either. I didn't say nothing too bad. You guys know I'm a fucking weak ass at.

And you fucked her again? No. No? Nope. Not while I was awake. I mean, I spoke the truth, but I mean, she heard all the shit that happened, you know, the things that she's, oh, yeah. Is that you or the phone? Yeah, you're going to really kill your phone.

Your phone has diarrhea. Yes, I know. It about made me poop my pants. I'm like, whoa, I was drunk last night, and that's what it felt like when I woke up this morning. Well, let's take a look. Derek is acting as your agent on this. What?

Derek's been quiet as fuck. I walked him in his house. He didn't even know I was standing next to him this morning. Again, he's another problem with his not drinking. drinking. And he's got some kidney problems. He's got a whole new diet. You got to just drink through it so they come out, Derek. Trust me. I did it once or twice already. All right. So this is... Oh, is this me? No, this is going to be appearing on the screen for everyone else. But for me, because I was there, honestly, I showed up your guy... They were all late.

Everyone was like an hour late. It's fucking piss me off. Five people there and three of them are in the band. That one of them has to leave because they forgot a chord and had to go home. And a fucking, and a mallet for the fucking double bass. And I'm like, all right, I don't really need to see this. Yeah, I need that was coming. Some other guy, one of the other people that was like a...

One of the fans. Yeah, played guitar. So he sat in for the guitar player that was going to get a chord. He did. I could watch 30 to 45 seconds of this. This is a new one. This is a full minute. Okay.

This is the new one. I don't even know what it put on. All right. I did. Ready? I'm going to rip it off. Mimsy and Derek shrugging. I was hoping you got, I was hoping you'd get some audience shots because that was the audience.

That was the audience. Derek and Mimsy's shrugging. Well, that was all I really needed to see. That was just the intro Yeah After you left We went another I did a good

What is it like 25 minutes Or 30 minutes or some shit there It was pretty good You guys That was probably your best set I've seen No And see the thing is I actually belt out some weird shit

When I'm going I went off on Trump And immigration My song was called Fuck Ice and fuck immigration And yeah I was belted out some fucking mean shit Yeah you could probably

When you're using that voice you probably much say anything. You'd drop an N-bomb. No, I'm not doing that one. I'm not trying that one. No one's going to understand with the buck. You could be doing that in Spanish. That was my Prussian.

Derek said that if he takes the reign of your manager, as your manager and your agent, your people. He wants to be your people. He wants to be in the monkey keg business. He wants to be like he used to be for you back in the day. Well, he wants to book you for a Super Bowl halftime. Oh, yeah. How does that work, Derek?

How is that going for us? Well, your bandmate said they were in for sure. Which one? They said, does it pay? And I'm like, well, Stanhope usually pays pretty well, so I think it'd be worth your while. No, no, that would be. They could do it. That's a way to talk them into it, Derek.

We're already fucked. We already know. Tip jar's coming out. Again, like it's like, oh, did I tell you last night? what they did in my tip jar, by the way. Mm-hmm. I still have one in my pocket. So I go reach in my tip jar to get my money out.

And it is fucking doused with fucking what I would call lubricant of fucking some sort that they had sprinkled all over my fucking tips. So I reached my hand in last night and grabbed my tips and it was just sopping wet with fucking- That's fucking great. As you can see, this one still has a rim. It was not as bad as the one I gave to NAA at the fucking gas station.

She was like, grabbed a towel and was wiping the fucking thing off. I'm like, only for dildos, what can I say? They tip, you know, that's how they tipped. I'm trying to think it's someplace that has a change machine. You know, the laundromat? The laundromat or the water wheel, the windmill place. Yeah, you just throw that in. just hit fucking coin return you'll get coins instead yeah then they'll get this fucking greasy

ass fucking it's not yeah if we had a titty bar here that would be fun that'd be good slide right in right in yeah that's you lady yeah that's all over your skin it's not my dollar yeah that's all you yeah that's all you I had to have the shame of handing that to the circle K clerk last night it fucking when I was done with bowling for deldos and he was like I ain't taking that but you have to Because I ain't got nothing else. And so you're taking it, and I need cigarettes. And he took it, but he was laughing.

It was really bad. I didn't realize how bad. Now I can remember, because I was fucking shit fakes last night. Yeah, when you literally have to launder your money. It was, yeah, it's my delto money. What do you expect? I'm not keeping that shit. I got to cycle that shit through.

No, you throw in the washing machine. Do you have a washing machine? Yeah, we still do. We'll get to the halftime thing in a minute. but we're back to circling back to the um circle k to circle k and where i'm living yeah back to where you're living now she's abandoned you in her own house that she's paying for you have no rent you just have i don't gavin pays rent all right for him and his daughter oh you get a kid there too yeah she's like 15 do you have you have your own room oh yeah hide my own corner my corner is my

my corner. I mean, it's not a, it's like a hurricane hit it because I'm left alone and I don't know how to handle myself very much. I just sit there and watch DVDs now. I would, I would say we should take a, nope, but yeah, yeah, you're not doing it. Yeah, you know, getting footage of inside. No, maybe one day we set up. I do have some footage of you do have footage of inside my house and allegedly the day you guys came to get me on that morning to tame me to the ER. Yeah, we've never told that story. And you took me to get me that morning to go to the ER? Not morning, it was like...

It was night, evening time. And Derek came... Why did we take, I couldn't remember why? Because my... I was passing a kidney stone. Oh, okay. And I couldn't... I remember you didn't... I didn't answer my phone for like the whole day. I remember you.

And you were like, you showed up to my house and made me get into the truck and go to the ER. Well, yeah. Allegedly, I'm glad you didn't go look on the other side of the curtain that day, because it would have been bad for me. But I'm just saying, thank God you took me to the hospital. Wait, what was on the, wait, where's the, where's the, where's the, yeah, it was complete dark. It was so dark and exactly, every light he tried to turn on, it wouldn't work. And he's alone?

No one's seen the inside of Kenny's house. Where is Kenny Kinney? That light doesn't work, that light doesn't work. Keehani. Oh, up. One of them burns out after. Johnny? He's eight to.

Yeah, but does he have lights that work? No. You can walk. You can walk. All right. Come here. Watch out for there's a hat on the floor. I have to get in here and clean this up while you're gone.

Oh. Make sure it's locked. It was like it was when I woke up the morning to the feds outside in my living room. in my living room. They were like, not a fucking light works in this place. You can hear her saying the same thing. So what the fuck?

They're like, how the fuck do they see in here? What you say to there? Kirk, I don't really have a clear memory. So when you walk to my room, you guys all went straight to my room because Derek knows where my room is. And he drug me out of bed.

He didn't used to be, my room used to be straight back in the hallway all the way to the back of the house, which is like the size of a block. Pretty much, it seems like when you're in there. But we had a curtain up right there at the time. So there was basically, it was my fake wall.

It covered whatever the fuck was going on that I didn't know about. But yeah, you guys went to the right room. At least he didn't play Russian roulette and go down to the basement or something and get a new documentary film about some dumb shit that I didn't. But anyways, that's allegedly. So you're living. rent-free but you're still paying a price. Yeah, I'm paying a hefty price and stress and I don't eat much because I don't want to,

I don't fuck it. It's not my, I'm not, yeah, fuck it. Even if I put it in the fridge, once it's in there, it's not mine anymore apparently. So fuck it. It's, yeah. Do you ever win? No. I do not. I'm still waiting for that one to come through. I'm gonna be like, oh man, it's gonna feel so good. Get that dub. Like, finally, I'm gonna run around naked probably. This was all set up to get you to play at the Super Bowl halftime. Oh, Fred will have a heart attack.

It'll be awesome. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Neighbor Dave. Look in the crowd. Something on his oxygen. It wouldn't just be Fred and neighbor Dave that would frown upon it. It would be every single person. in attendance.

So then I was trying to think that's the best part of it. What if we have them play on top of the deck? Only once have we had a neighbor will be here? Oh, that way you could probably you would. Oh, just go through the whole neighborhood. It would.

It would just fucking go through the whole neighborhood on Super Bowl Sunday. While they're all trying to watch and I'm fucking what's his name? No, no. Bad Bunnies. Bad bunny. Who's supposed to come out wearing a dress and I am not wearing a fucking dress.

So, you know, hey. Alex. My. Fat Michael Noah X would wear a dress. We're a one up in this motherfucker. Are you going to get fucking, um, the original metal god to come down? Then I thought, though, Dukes. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Now, we're, this one's out. Tour. See, they're on tour, huh? This, this one. God damn it. You need to get Dukes.

So I could get picked up and run fucking opening for him. Then I thought instead of doing it at the halftime, which if we did it on the upstairs, I do it the whole Super Bowl. I was thinking maybe a song. Or every commercial. Because the worst song at the Super Bowl isn't the halftime show. Every football game, the worst song is the national anthem. Let me do my national anthem.

If you could do a national anthem. on top while they're doing the National Anthem Oh, I could So everyone Oh there is no problem with that I even know the National Anthem So there's probably five or six houses

In our neighborhood That when they play the National Anthem The dude gets off his couch And takes off his hat And you would be doing that over I like that idea Better than a half time I'm gonna tell Josh tomorrow

When I see him whenever the fuck I see him today Whatever today is Friday I'll see him somewhere Yeah tell him to But we're going to negotiate. I'll negotiate with Derek on the amount of nothing you're getting paid. It's good. I'm not expecting a shit but an empty tip jar with some lube in it now.

So I could dip my hand and get it moisturized for the fucking later on in the evening for the Super Bowl. Then I'm going to win. There'll be lots of leftovers. Not as many as there would be because the synets are not going to be able to make it. They're not coming? Fuck, man. He's got to do doctor shit in the morning. and he might see me in the morning, who knows.

So, yeah, but there'll be plenty of leftovers. Now that Derek's on his new diet. Have you been working? Have you been sticking to your diet? Yeah. Staying away from the proteins. Very weird diet with the kidneys. Stay away from wheat.

Stay away from meat. I read this is the whole thing, which you should probably. take back because you probably forget a lot of it. I can't understand it. He can't understand. He needs a translator. It's like he's watching the Mexican station at home which he has. It has studied Derek's

whole ready. I didn't study. It gives you a graph. Instead of this, eat this. Instead of chicken breast, have chicken drumstick. The fat is good for you or whatever. And it just breaks it down. Here's this. Here's an alternative

that's better to that. And All you have to do is look at the stupid part. You don't have to read the words. Just look at the stupid part. Like the paragraphs. It is stupid. It says root beer. There is a place where it suggests lemon lime soda and or root beer.

Oh, my God. But I think that's instead of transmission fluid or something. It's, yeah. Instead of anti-freeze, try. I've been trying to come up with menus for you based on the sale papers. I'll try to make you something special for Super Bowl so you don't feel left out. Derek platter. Well, shrimp is on the thing as far as...

What about sushi? I can have rice. Are you going to fucking eat raw fish from Safeway? You're right. I have seen him eat some crazy shit. Sishi in my house. he goes outside and waits for me to get to the meat. Because he eats that ship from Safeway.

I'm not bullshit, dude. Oh, that's right. They do have over in that deli area, that pre-made sushi. And he will buy that's fucking worse. I just get a piece of salmon and have sushi. You eat that salmon raw? Yeah. He cuts that shit like it's fucking fresh.

Well, first of all, none of it's really fresh. We're in Arizona in the desert, bro. That's not a thing. You ever heard of farms? You can order sushi from Amazon and it'll show up fresh, but the Safeway is... Not fresh. Like, they have to, on the label, tell you when there's color added because if it's that farm-raised shit, which is what they're... Yeah, that's not wild-caught salmon.

And that stuff, they fucking... They have dye this color and fill it full of. I'm sure you've seen... This is why your kidneys are fucked. What was that seapocalypse or something? One of those seafood, the reality behind what you're eating and they show you the gray matter that the salmon is before they treat it and color it.

That's what to get. Burger King sounds great now. That's what we're going to get if they eliminate and all the food dyes. I have a dollar that I'm going to hand it to the Burger King clerk and saying. I think. I don't know, but it's pretty rough. And they only sell like fucking huge slabs. of salmon.

They can't get, you can't get like a five ounce cut. No, you eat the whole thing, though. He eats the whole fucking thing. And yes, I do. You're sitting?

I have to go out. No, he hits it through the day. He'll heat it through the day. So basically he'll keep getting up from this spot and then go to the kitchen and I can hear him go, and then I come back and I'm just like,

what the fuck was that? It's like when he's eating his chicken thighs in the kitchen too. He does the same thing. Oh, chicken thighs. It's so horrible. I'm like, oh, my God. This is why he eats in the kitchen.

I get it. But that chicken thighs is good for you. It is. He bakes it too, so he does it the way you're supposed to, I guess. But he'd be sitting there the whole time waiting. You can just see him. I have a specific, I get up and I eat an egg on an English muffin. I have a smoothie in the mirror, or what's that mixer called, the little one?

He has a mini smoothie. Bullet. That size smoothie. What do you put in the smoothie? Whatever fruit you did. I bought a bunch of those frozen, like blueberries and the other bag with the strawberries, and now I can have bananas and stuff, so the mixed bag and then blueberries. But just that size.

But no vegetables? Only I eat. Do you put milk in it? Yogurt? He's got water. He's got just water and berries. Yeah. All right.

I get some new cillium husk. I should have brought the fucking, you don't want to look. Oh, my God. What is it? Here, you know what? I'm just going to text you this photograph. I'll just, they're most recent. They're like, no.

I'll just show the camera like, is it. You have to look. You have to look. All right, huh? Oh, God. All right. This is a double strength. Oh, what the fuck is that?

Come on. You can see. Yeah. You can see from here. Yeah, that's north. It's insane. Australia. This is going Melbourne to Darwin.

He makes me come look in the bath, is that streamed together like rock candy? It's a bad one. No, do the second one. The second one's more impressive. No, I'm not looking at the second one. All right. Anyway, yeah, I got to plug that. Are we taking poop picks now? Is that what we're doing? Yes, every day. Multiple.

Okay. I'm going to start sending any my poop picks. Like, you don't know when I make those smoothies and I have to dial it back not just

because that's so, so, addictive to poop that much and that large. That's a lot to you? It's a lot of,

yeah. That's a giant fucking monster poop. Okay, I'll send you a pick of my next poop. You're going to be like, is it a log jam?

Is it a log jam or is it just? It's a lot. I'll jam, jam, jam. You put it that way. If he goes in the bathroom, he's in there at least half an hour. At least. Minimum.

Wow. You, I, I can't, I don't know what's going on. Just tell me, like, what did you eat yesterday? Nothing. What is going on with Kenny? Wait, did you eat in my house? No, I did not. I ate sunflower seeds.

Well, what's making you shit that much? That's because I'm not going to shit until I eat. I'm guessing it's because the toilet at his house doesn't work. No, it works just for walk all the way to good to go to use their toilet. No way. And he's lazy, so he waits for days and days and plugs it up with wax. Oh, no, no. He uses carnibou wax.

Ask him about his fucking diet. When he does, he eat its gas station food. Yeah, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, it's all fucking those pizzas that you used to. That's all I've lived. I am not going to fucking. No, I don't eat that pizza unless I really have to, which it was Wednesday. That was probably the last time, I think.

Let's see, I ate, yeah, I ate Wednesday night. And then Thursday, I don't think I really ate much. Then I drank a lot, which is bad. And then I still didn't eat much. Well, all right. Poop comes from somewhere. It does, and it comes from my binge. Not when I eat it.

Yeah. Yeah, like, do you dumpster dive? No, hell no, I can't do that. I'm like one of those motherfuckers. I'll starve to death before I eat a goddamn dumpster steak. If somebody says the word dumpster in my, in a sentence that I'm eating the meal at, I'm done. Put it that way.

You're well aware of my discount meat. But I don't talk, you don't talk about it, and that's fine. Well, there's just a whole special about it. I don't listen. Title discount meat. I don't listen. So you get it. You're not discounting free.

You still pay at least 36 cents a pound for it. Stern did this, where they got a couple of the guys from the show, the interns, to, I don't know if he's just daring one guy or two guys who guys are going against each other, but who could take the heaviest poop? And he's eating massive amounts of food, and then they weighed their stool.

I'll break a toilet. Well, you do it's definitely a two flusher and if i'm curtis courteous lloyd and neighbor dave have both broken my toilet if i'm courteous i will flush the for before it goes to the end but there's different reasons yeah bingo's bingo's the clogger she's the one that her diet this whole like cottage cheese maybe i should try that 32 ounces of cottage cheese and blueberries with blueberries mixed in microwave and if two of those in a day and the next day and the next day like it's it's look there's been

it's plain it doesn't flush because it's made like an ant hill yes no no you're right no exactly what you're talking about hill bingo I'll give you a point on that one I feel you it's see monkeys are making it goes into the thing before and then it just builds itself like a pyramid yeah so the water is rushing over it and then I pour bleach on it to try to yep it's a two flisher it's gonna come up no no it's no it's stuck

oh wow you've got the brutal one yeah it's like it's like heavy refried beans like the most dense refried beans I did eat beans that we did make at the house we got some free bags of beans that somebody left outside on the front porch

some free food that Gavin's Oh wow Never thought of that You know how you just when you No, you know how you fuck up your

I'm trying to nurse this because I'm getting drunking. You fuck up your cutting board and you get a new one every time you stain your cutting board. You get a new one at the dollar tree. Just allow me to get a new toilet brush every time I go and I will clean up my own mess.

Just get it. And you can shut the Fuck up. That's what I have to say. Or, or you could try my new cillium husk. I wish I knew. It's like $20 a jar.

Because I get the cheap store brand shit. What's it do? Make you poo? And I put it in all your smoothies. Our smoothies. That's what happens. You mother trucker. That's what's going on. No, no, that's the other stuff.

And I still took my cillium husk on top of that. This stuff. This is a brand name and it's double strength and I put that stuff. I overported a bit. That's why I don't run all. Two of their smoothies I had a hard time like sucking through a straw because they are that dense after I put that shit in there. I have an idea.

What? Put it in my sugar-free pudding. Oh, there you go. And then I'll eat it. All right. Okay. All right. It's in.

Okay. Yeah. Get some. Sure free pudding. I'll eat it that way. It's tasteless, odorless. She's just eating a box of aspartane powder. But that's okay.

Cheers. Deal? Deal. I'll do it. All right. In my pudding. Derek, you're awful quiet over there, buddy. Quieter than normal?

Well, yeah. I walked into his house today. When I got to his house today, he had his little eight-pound weight out. And I get it there, and he didn't even realize I was standing next to him. He looked like he had just done like 16,000. sets with this little curling thing. He's like looking at Telemundo and on mute listening to Life of Agony.

And I'm standing there. I'm just standing over and like he just I was staring at the ground. As soon as the song and I look, I was like, yo, he goes huh. I'm like, what the he's like, then he's just right back. I was staring at the ground. That's huge. No, you were staring

straight ahead, dude. You were in his own. And then he your weight back up and just went back into it. It's 11, not 8, by the way. It looked like 8. Odd number. It looked like 8. I think I found it in Bingo's trash. Speaking up, hey, I'm going to get rid of,

if you guys want an actual, an entire exercise, a full gym. Yeah. I'm ready to dump that. If we don't get an offer on that on eBay, I was just going to call Verheelshaus. We'll take it. It's in.

More workout stuff at the house. It's a treadmill. You got to move a treadmill? Oh, yeah. He's in. It's two 15 pound weights. He has no fucking clue. He's in.

I'm calling him. We don't have a truck anymore. What the weights? Yeah. All right. I don't use them. You get a treadmill too. No, he don't use the fucking treadmill.

That dude and he can't get off the couch on a recliner. That's his treadmill work. I can't do treadmill. It's the button. The leg goes up, goes back down. The leg goes up, goes back down. That's his treadmill. Treadnil has only been used.

I've had it three years, and it was only used when I first got it to plug it in to see that it worked, and it's never been used. Oh, no. We're working it. It's on. All right. Take it. You walk all the time. I do walk.

But in my cardio, look at my blood pressure. I bet you it's higher than yours now. It was normal last time I checked. You'll check it again. Because the other day, I checked it. I checked it home. No, he don't get it. Because I don't be at his house.

He'll hear. Dugo do you said I had to move it to get the weights. Yeah. So I'll move the treadmill to his place and I'll take the weight. See how that works? All right. And we're going to do a dump run too. Ooh, what else is in this?

That's the only dumpster diving I'll do is when Stan. Behind the fun is a pickup truck. Wait, is that guy, guys coming to pick up a desk tomorrow, right? Does you know what time? Uh, two o'clock. Uh, you're on at two? Two o'clock. Help that guy move a desk.

Oh, wait, unless I make it to baseball, then I won't be around. Then I'll be in Phoenix. Wait. Because I have a baseball tomorrow. In Phoenix, I guess I got a ride with some girls to go to Phoenix. Oh, wow. See, maybe you meet a new lady. There is one or two on the team of their girls team that are kind of on the plus side of hot.

You mean young? They're not young. I don't know what that meant. It didn't mean nothing bad, though. I'll tell you that much. This is what gets me in trouble. It's like last night, I guess. I was talking to a hot girl and then apparently I scared him away.

I guess I just get overly happy when I'm drunk until I'm not. Then it becomes, yeah, bad. You can sell the treadmill. I don't give a shit. If I can sell it, I'll sell that bitch to Gavin. Just kidding. No, I'm not. But anyways, we can't smoke cigarettes in here, huh?

Yeah, you can. Oh, really? Okay. There's an ashtray in front of you. I noticed I've been staring at it since I sat down. You're not gonna. I'm gonna try to make sure they're real cigarettes. He has to make sure that they're not those...

I just take a drag to make sure there's no like, uh, they're not candy cigarettes. Oh my God, is this the time and place? Is this why you gave me go, is to give us trap about his smoking habits? Yeah, what happens in the office? What happens to just chew some gum and smoke? How do you do that? See? I hate it.

No human ever. Look at her. She's about to kill us all. My God, it's a... Pour her another drink, Mimsy, quick. It's way better than... No more. No more drinks. It's way better than the fucking... That acid smoke that Andy and fucking Chad Shank.

You got spark it. Yeah. What? Mm-hmm. There's that Jeter over there, been sitting in that jar waiting for us. Jeter? Yeah.

What's a Jeter? That's a Derek Jeter fucking branded weed cigarette, as they call them. He's got his own weed? No, it's just called a Jeter. It's just called a Jeter. We call them gibbers.

Tyson does? I mean, yeah. Fuck, if I was a fucking athlete getting paid, man. I'm like, I'm a sponsor. I'm diving. all in. If I'd have had the money to back that shit back in the day, hell yeah, I would have

been in it. I was going to say, Jeter also owns the Florida Marlins. Yeah, well, why not? Own a fucking weed company, too. That puts out bomb-ass shit. Well, because it's illegal in Florida? This isn't a Jeter. How do you... He said it's a Jeter.

It's weed. I just got fooled. How do you have a lighter, a cigarette, a pipe? I'm juggling. A joint? I'm juggling. That's what happens.

Maybe we'll get Suzanne Walsh to fire dance while you play the national anthem. No. On the roof. No, do not do that. She'll probably light Josh on fire or something. Yeah, I don't think State Farm would pay for another, like, a house fire. No, not the Fudhouse fire.

They'll be like, that wasn't electrically engineered correct. Mitch must have done that electric. What is one thing? If you're going to perform, because of liability issues, we're going to have to piss test you from now until the Super Bowl. You're technically an employee now. You're going to get dirty pee. It's going to be liking a lot of marijuana. A lot more alcohol than usual.

Maybe a couple bumps of cocaine here and there, but not much. I'm not doing that stuff. Being good. trust me the devil's on my shoulder going hey ken let's go get fucked up yeah and your financial advisors on your other shoulder going we're broke yep all right well uh unless you guys have any other stories to add uh we're go ahead we decide which guitarist is going to be on the gig oh no we got Josh Josh Kegg I mean unless he's not available somehow which is not the one that

saw in the video. Yeah. That was a stand-in. That was a last-minute replacement. Josh is the guy that he's in another band called, I forgot, Galena. That's what it is. And him and Miguel, it's just a two-man band, which leaves everybody's faces perplexed because they're like, where's the bassist?

And we don't have a bassist in our band either, which we've tried to get a couple bassists to play. We had one two weeks ago, and he showed up and rift it pretty good. but that's kind of the easiest one to get right the bassist yeah it's just like a three plucker you know you're just trying to get a little baseline in there with your fucking can you play any instrument at all fucking lick i am tone deaf when it comes to instruments i've tried every single one of them and i just sit there and make noise it doesn't matter what instrument it is it just you can have the fucking notes lined up on them and i'm still going to just make noise the only

song I can do is for release on piano, just the first, like, ten notes. And that's it. And other than that, I'll sit there at Sam's on his guitars or star banjos and just make noise while we're playing golf.

And they're like, fucking want to take it from me and just slam it against the fucking floor because I make, it's just annoying. And I'm like, I can't even find one note. I don't know. Where do you play golf anymore? We play we golf in Sam's living room. I haven't played real golf in like three years. I feel like I'll be really good at it when I do play again.

Well, I get those little putting things, like you're using an office. Oh, those are awesome. I got a bunch of those because I want to do the Lithic links. Lithic is the construction company that did my floor when I did the redo after the fire. Oh, yeah. The floor is just like every Bisbee floor. They didn't level that shit. No, you should sue that dude anyway.

But no, I should, no, that guy's, he's, he's, he's, he's done fine work for a lot of money. But I'm going to need him in the future, but, but. To what, tear his floor out and redo it against? No, I have some other construction that we don't talk about on the thing that's in the works. Fucking full disclosure, huh? He's got the Jeter over there. All right. Well, we'll wrap this up.

We're going to, now we're going to do this live, however. He's going to have a live feed of some kind, probably in the fun house with no volume, so people can watch the Super Bowl with us. So the camera will be faced towards the people, so there's no copyright violations. But we will live stream you on doing the National Anthem. We will probably go live specifically for halftime on YouTube. We might do the other one without sound like on Patreon. whole episode in the other.

Maybe we do it a gong show style? Oh no. We'll get gonged in the first 12 seconds. The first fucking two notes. Yeah, that too. I mean, you never know. I did get a card. She's a fan.

She'd let it go along. She bingo stayed for my whole set for the most of it, I think. At chuckleheads. Did you head bang a bit? No. There was people there too. I thought it was a great show.

And there was people there. And I was, like I said, I couldn't even talk before the show or after. But I somehow pulled it to fuck off. I told Steve Joe I found our boy grown up. Yeah, it was good. And it's all riffed too. This is all freestyle. Everything I do is made up.

It's not, I don't write anything because if I write it, it sucks. So I just make it up as I go. And it works. Well, that's, in this genre, that's a lot easier to do than with, you know. Yeah. Because people don't understand. You're kind of relying on all these words. I still freestyle.

I still freestyle, too. But it's not like, there's nobody to freestyle with. Everybody wants to talk about it. Well, when you're rapping and you just hit a wall where you go, oh, nothing rhymes with orange. Well, there's all kinds of things that rhyme with orange. You just have to slow it down. You say storage or porridge or, you know. I saw the M&M clip of this.

Exactly. of M&M talking about, yeah, things around with orange. You just slow it down, and it's true. Then you listen to M&M. And it doesn't. It still doesn't rhyme. You just forget that he said orange. That's all.

All right. Well, you know what? This is not the Get to the Points podcast, but let's go around the room. Last I saw Seahawks were a four and a half point favorite. Go ahead, Derek. Who's your team? Who you pick it for the Super Bowl? I think it's going to be a 10-point game with the Seahawks winning.

Kenny? I've got the New England Patriots winning by a field goal. No shit. Bingo. Patriots. Patriots or Seahawks. Oh. They're both.

Seahawks. Fuck. Seahawks. I'm going to be rooting for the New England Patriots, but I'm going to have all my money on Seattle. I should have hit it at three and a half, four and a half. But, yeah, I think it's going to be one of those late 80s, early 90s Super Bowls. It seems like there were like five in a row that were such amazing blowouts, like 55 to 10.

That's when the Buffalo Bills were playing. Yeah, there was the one that was the Niners and the Chargers. Oh, God. Oh, God. Yeah, so yeah, I'm expecting a gigantic blowout where maybe we let Kenny just do the whole second half of the Super Bowl because no one's watching anymore. I just rap about it. I just scream about the Super Bowl sucks and how all the fucking advertisements are expensive. And this is how you get good advertising.

Wow, that would be a great proposition bet for, like, if you can understand the lyrics, how many of the lyrics to the national anthem? Can he get correct? Yes, we'll see. That's a good, that's a jeeter. Did you guys have to learn all the lyrics to the national anthem to get work visas over here? A condition? No, at least the Pledge of Allegiance, though, right?

They had to stand in the classroom where I planned allegiance to the flag the United States of America, to the Republic, before we just stand, one nation, under God, indivisible, liberty, and justice for all. Those were delicious skinny margaritas. Thank you very much for that. Thank you.

And the presentation. Now I'm drunk again. Sorry. Floating fruit salad on the top. God damn it. That's gorgeous. I feel like we made a lot of headway here today. So basically it's, you guys all have the sea harks.

Oh. All right. Oh, Venga. Have you seen your photos? I saw the dancing ones. Oh, wow. I've seen some nudity photos up there That was sweetly and stout together

Yeah there's a naked extreme Elvis I remember him a lot fatter than that You were wishing was a lot fatter than that The unverteable How about it And that's back when the photos Mint stuff Yeah

No it's just like they're They're all on fucking hard drive somewhere in the crawl space or in somebody else's crawl space you know not mine I'm just saying all right well that that's yeah anything else that we haven't addressed always go to the the merch merch eBay we've Mimsie's been cranking stuff out on eBay so keep an eye on stink chicken is the is my whatever username our store name steak chicken. Shit, I was supposed to be somewhere at one o'clock today.

Well, let's get the fuck out of here. All right.