The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DAY 06 - Tin Can Rehab

Episode Date: February 21, 2015

DAY 06A daily podcast following Doug's self-imposed rehab to quit smoking. The safety cigarettes are very tempting. What did Doug do? Word of the Day plus a bonus word.Support the podcast with a donation or purchasing some Stanhope merch. Recorded Feb 22, 2015 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille).Links-Hana Tokyo Sushi in Sierra Vista, AZ- http://www.hanatokyosv.com/Junior Stopka- http://juniorstopka.com/ Intro music "30 Days In The Hole" by Humble Pie. Closing song “"Canned Heat Blues"” by Tommy Johnson. Both available on iTunes.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

I'm gonna be honest, I'm a little drunk. I'm a little bit drunk too. This is a day six podcast, meaning day six is in the bag. And we're kind of in the bag on day seven. Sticking to kind of sticking to my rules too. First of all, after seven days with no cigarettes, not even a fucking cheating drag. And I came in this morning. I had the fucking wind. Nothing bothers me more than wind. And the wind was making that fucking trailer. So I skimpered out at like 5.30. Even fucking Ichabod was creeped out.

The dog's been staying with me. The stinking fucking dog. We were both stinking. I showered. He still stinks. He says the same thing about you. I walked into the fucking house at like 5 o'clock in the morning. And I just reeked fucking immediately cigarette. And I had my two fucking sneaky American spirits.

And I snapped. The safety cigarette. You're fucking with my head. Like, I know they're there. This is a constant thing. And I'm fucking, I went into a hissy fit for at least 45 seconds. Slamming fucking shit. Dishes.

Here's the thing. As I'm slamming fucking dishes and cabinets, I'm emptying the clean dishes and putting them away. So I'll slam a bowl right where it belongs and then slam the cabinet, because at least I fucking clean up and I'm productive. While you're being irrational. Yes, while I'm being a fucking asshole.

Yeah. Oh my God god if i could anyway so uh yeah so yeah seven days if you're a fucking hardcore smoker if you're to the point like me and atel and more at all and yeah where it's definitely a huge problem that you're ignoring seven days and my fucking my train whistle wheeze has gone away my coffee pot phlegm gurgle how many times have you heard me on a cd or a special say oh that's death right there we had to just fucking cough up fucking gunk. It's gone. Seven fucking days is all it took. I feel fantastic. Nothing at all, huh? And the

fucking two drink minimum, which, yeah, it's drifted into three a couple of times this week. Doesn't matter. The point is, it's down from 20, and it makes you appreciate the drink so much more. Today was sunday and i go fuck it champagne i get the you know mini bottles of champagne let's do splits mimosas yeah let's

do mimosas and day drink because we have to be up early to get the fuck out of here to go to tucson tomorrow mimosas with pineapple the Orange juice pineapple. Simply juice? Yeah. Much superior to regular orange juice. Well, no, I fresh squeezed. That's the brand. That's who sponsors us. Don't you drop your simply juice in here. Oh, there's fucking Bingo right now. Hang on.

Hi, Bingo. Did you want to apologize for anything? Did I do something wrong? Yeah, what did I start slamming dishes about this morning? I need toming dishes about this morning What kind There you go Alright you're on the podcast Okay Just come over

Don't ever smoke my god damn cigarettes again It fucks with my head Bye She smoked the safety cigarettes Yeah she smoked one of the fucking safety cigarettes Oh just one? Yeah. Because I thought one is if there's only one.

I have a whole thing that goes on in here. And you think, oh, it doesn't matter. Yes, it does. There's a whole fucking psychology to this. And it's all about how to mind fuck yourself. Quitting smoking cigarettes, it's like, can you trick you? Like, if you're a moronon you could go to a hypnotist and think a hypnotist made you not want to smoke because you would just believe that so if you're

a moron you're way better off you have to out outthink yourself on some of this shit and i i i have my ways did i tell you about my mom went to a hypnotist to quit smoking? No. She smoked 45 years. My dad went into the hospital and like overnight he had to stop. But it was like your doctor. He goes, look, don't stop smoking. Just cut out butter. My dad's like, I'll cut out smoking, but I have to have butter. Wow.

Yeah. So he goes into a – in the hospital, he's going to get seven inches of his colon removed. It's diverticulitis type deal. Yeah. So he goes into a – in the hospital. He's going to get seven inches of his colon removed, his diverticulitis type deal. And he goes into a – he snuck into a fucking like a broom closet in the hospital and smoked a pipe. That's fucking beautiful. And that's it. And then never did again. And my mom continued to smoke for a year. And then after a year, she goes, this is fucking – it's got to be murder, right?

She didn't say fucking. But she decides I'm going to stop. So she decides to go to cold turkey. And then she talks to some of her friends, older people, hypnotists, hypnotists. She goes to the hypnotist, and she sits in this group, almost like an AA circle where they all sit around and they talk about their situations. And then they break, and they're going to meet once a week. So she goes back the next week, and they start off in the circle again telling about the week that they had just had. And they go around, and they go around, and everyone talks about how many cigarettes they had because it was their first week.

Stop smoking. And they get to my mom, and they go, well, how many cigarettes did you smoke? She goes, none. I thought we were stopping smoking. Everyone else had said, I'm only smoked four or five. And she goes, I thought the whole point of this was to stop smoking. And she hasn't smoked a cigarette since. Well, there you go.

And she's still alive being a burden and a thorn in your side. So keep smoking, kids. I yeah. Cock cocktails have been fantastic. You enjoy them. You savor them. We've been, I bought a bunch of shit to make all sorts of Manhattans and old fashions. And, you know, yeah, last night, the whiskey sour, Tom Collins, I want coming up. I have this old fashioned pint glass. It tells you how to make all this old fashioned shit. Drink Collins I want coming up. I have this old-fashioned pint glass.

It tells you how to make all this old-fashioned shit. Drink recipes. Margaritas. Not with margarita mix. There's no sweet and sour mix in 1962. So fucking, yeah, you use actual juice. So, yeah, it's fun. So I get a lot of that. And a couple times I've had to take Xanax just because when the lack of sleep builds up on you over days and you start getting a little fucking cornwalley.

Yeah, a quarter, 0.25 of Xanax to sleep. But other than that, no drugs. But I am considering, and I know you should tell me, no, Stan Hope, don't do it. Hashtag weed ain't for everyone but I am considering doing an edible where I've given it a thousand auditions since I was 13 never fucking worked but always in a social situation never by myself in a fucking 6x12 tuna can trash can hashtag tin can rehab by myself or you just fucking ride it out if i'm sticking to the wall i stick to the wall i don't have to do a show i don't have to

talk to joe rogan i don't have to fucking figure out which benson i is the one to stare at so i think i might try an edible and not fucking panic like a candy or a pastry weed store here yeah but that's a it's a medical i just don't want to smoke it smoking it how ironic isn't it yes it is that's i think that's one of the major reasons i never liked weed is smoking it made cigarettes taste terrible so you still wanted a cigarette but you'd smoke it and there was this hollow feeling to it and it would make your yuck mouth even yuckier but not in a fucking nice way that cigarettes do so i think i think my cigarette proclivity overrode it was like you know uh henry phillips is when a new dog comes around yeah my cigarettes are like that's the fucking

that's the alpha male here fuck off pot smoke uh and another uh uh uh fuck grand announcement this is the look at the smile on my face i found on amazon lump lump fish caviar which the only person who would understand why that makes me so happy is bingo because it was the only thing in london australia they sell this it's it's like if you eat sushi it's like masago a little bit bigger and fishier bigger than tobiko and Masato. Fish eggs. Yeah. Black. Yeah, black cat. Black is nice. And very fishy and cheap as shit. You say caviar and people go, well, caviar? Lumpfish sounds rather pedestrian.

Champagne dreams and caviar, whatever. Nightmares. I mean. Yeah, I forget how it goes. But so I found that on Amazon. And I just I ordered three to make sure it's the same shit we would get overseas. And we get it last night and fucking bingo. Who would never eat. Who's watched us eat sushi numerous times and never even ordered like the miso soup.

As simple as shrimp. She will get it in her mouth and then grab a napkin in the most histrionic theater. It's a fucking shrimp. It's cooked. Stop with the act. So last night she was drunk and fucking eating caviar.

Just slimy, poppy little black fish eggs, and kept eating them. I'm like, I only get three little tiny jars, asshole. And she preferred the fishier, the lumpfish, to the tobiko, the orange that you usually see, which I thought, which is a sweeter taste. Yeah, which we bought to make crab salad. Let's get to that. All right. But first. Wait a minute. I'm trying to make this salad. Let's get to that. All right. But first...

Wait a minute. I'm trying to make this one fucking succinct. We're already at 19 minutes with that boring long story about your mother. That's a 10. Oh, all right. I already cut that out. No one even knows about that.

Yeah, I figured you would. That went on and on. I already had this all fucking going. That's a 10. All right, let's quickly break for the succinct hashtag tin can rehab version of ads or announcements. Hey, this is Alan Thicke. If you owe the IRS more than $10,000, you're fucked.

There's probably nothing you can do. I don't know of any fucking programs at all. They're going to come and they'll bleed you dry and they'll take you to court. Their fucking lawyers are stronger than yours. You don't even have a lawyer. Just plead out. Just beg. Call them first and just beg them.

Just throw yourselves at their fucking mercy because I don't know any other way. And anyone who says that they can help you, probably full of shit. All right. There's a commercial. And also, get on the fucking mailing list here just play this in every podcast chaley get on the fucking mailing list whatever you do if you like the thing you want to donate and you want to buy merch that's great but the most important thing is get on the mailing list i don't hound you you know my work ethic is lackadaisical. So please get on the mailing list.

And that way is the only way you might find out if I'm playing. I play, hey, Lancaster, Pennsylvania. I played there. If you're from there, you probably didn't even know it. Because it's at some fucking bar. But you will know it. And I might be tonight playing right above where you work, in that little space, some fucking hipster's loft.

So you'll only know it if you go to DougStandUp.com and get on the mailing list. Do that. And then we can start playing some fuckwits. I have to talk to Chaley. I have some ideas. And it's just podcast-only, mailing list-only fuckwits. Oh, where were there in on

the joke pranks where yeah you can you shit you can't pull off on twitter and facebook but you tie it in with it because there's you always have narcs on facebook and twitter people that follow you just to hate you and fuck with you and then you go hey let's pull this prank they're gonna go oh they'll tell the person the mark whatever it is yeah it's fucking doug fucking stanhope but no one listens to this podcast who just to hate it i hope that'd be a supreme waste of time so yeah get on the mailing list get on the fucking get in the cell i want to keep referring to my fan base as a cell. A Stanhope cell? Yeah. It's a fucking sleeper Stanhope cell in Lancaster, Pennsylvania. You got a shout out, didn't you?

All right. Back to the fucking thing. Oh, wait. I also want to do word of the day. Someone gave me a... I didn't bring it in. Don't worry. I have it written down.

No, I don't. But I remember it. I can yell out. Maybe Tracy can hear from... It Don't worry. I have it written down. No, I don't. But I remember it. I can yell out. Maybe Tracy can hear from. It doesn't matter. I think it's Hennigan actually gave me this one. A lot of people gave me books. Thank you very much.

I don't read fiction. Joe Vernon sent me one that I might read. The Wacky Packies. No, the Wacky Packages. That's a good shitter book. Good read. Finished it. But I, Lucifer or something.

I, whatever, a devil name. I read the back cover of that, but it's still fucking fiction. It's so hard for me to get through. That counts as reading it. But Hannigan gave me just a Roger's Thesaurus of words for intellectuals. So we're going gonna do word of the day i wanted to do this the whole way through but i forgot till i found that book so we'll double up for the next seven days and then we'll just do word of the day and the word of the day today

stultify and i don't have the fucking written can i go get it no? Because it's pointless to give the word of the day and then not have the definition. I could mutter through it. Use it in a sentence. It's to make someone stupider with your fucking... Nah, yeah, alright. Go get it. Pause. Just hit pause. No, you might talk while I'm gone.

I might talk while you're gone. What am I gonna say? He's gone. I've been smoking cigarettes the whole goddamn time. No, I'm kidding. Hello, this is Seth Rogen. And this is James Franco. And you're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. and the word of the day stultify stultify to render foolish or unable to act intelligently

stultify i am going to stultify you with my rhymes. That's very fucking, yeah. Any rapper would just find that word, look it up, and then. But I would too. I would, if I could remember stultify. You'd weave it into a conversation. I'd throw it into a fucking. But what I do is when I have a big word and I know that I'm using it on purpose. I try to say it, then get my accolades.

Even if I have to go, come on, people, I'm this drunk, use the big word and then say what it means. So fucking dummy in the back of the room can do what I did. Why did you point at me? I was pointing the back of the room and you're facing me and you're in the front row. I'm pointing over your shoulder. Why are you so paranoid? I should have said that. If you didn't want to get fucked with, why did you sit in the front row of my'm pointing over your shoulder. Why are you so paranoid? I should have said that. If you didn't want to get fucked with,

why did you sit in the front row of my pod? They told me it wasn't going to be a problem. And then they handed me this trash bag to put on my head. You came to this podcast all by yourself. What are you? Fag. Couldn't get a date. All right.

I need it. All right. Your second bonus word, since I didn't do this for the first five days, second bonus word. You can't drink those for the first five days. Second bonus word. You can't drink those. Those have been hot in a fucking cooler. Yeah, no, go here.

Drink this one. I'm not even supposed to have this. This is my third drink I'm not supposed to have. It's a fucking Coors Light. Fuck you, Coors Light. The only reason I could justify drinking you as a third drink is because your Coors Light, your shit. It's the same reason I can justify putting a Bailey's in coffee instead of a fucking French cream creamer. Because it's not.

You are such dog shit. And you make your cans so they don't fit in a fucking normal sized koozies. And they don't fit into the beer chute in any goddamn mini fridge. size koozies and they don't fit into the beer chute in any goddamn mini fridge in any fucking man's stupid half size refrigerator man cave beer chute in the door they don't fit in anything you made your can weird you're fucking you you you cater to idiots and i'm holding one i'm trying to give it away i'm a fucking alcoholic i'm a as someone on twitter said late stage alcoholic and i'm trying to give your product away it's in my hand and he's like no no i'll drink a hot fucking bud light all right back to the podcast now that chaley's good as drink

what was i talking about oh second bonus word of the day. Second bonus word is. I picked ones that seemed like they'd go with the podcast to start this whole thing out. And if I if on the next one, I forget to do word of the day. Whatever. You're up. You're up. Yell at me on. You're up.

Hey, where's word of the day? I tune in specifically for that. I was hoping one day you'd do word of the day. How am I going to get by in that job interview? Soporific. Oh, you stayed in the S's. Soporific. No, actually, it's weird how it's mapped out.

It'll give like, I remember mistaken or mistakes or mistake. And then it's like- All those that- All under that category. Synonyms. Yes. And then adjectives and then antonyms and whatever.

They go with the subject. I need to look up synonyms. Give me the book. Synonyms for synonyms. All right. Soporific. And this is... I should memorize this one.

Is boring to the point of sleep. Oh, like when I told this story about my mom. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Soporific should be a callback for the rest of the longevity of this show, however long this podcast might last. And I will be like I was the last guy on MySpace, the last guy podcasting, where everyone is like hypersounding or whatever the new thing is,

whereas a guy is like a hologram of Bill Burr is in your living room, shucking and jiving with a fucking Irish hat and a shamrock doing a jig. And I'm still doing just the audio thing. Like, why aren't you in my living room? I don't know how it works. Kaylee doesn't live here anymore. Now available on cassette.

Uh, uh, yeah. So, okay. Yeah. So, soporific boring you to the point of sleep.

That's what we intend to do with this podcast. And that's very important. Any comic out there who has a podcast, never be funnier than your act on your podcast. Because what you're using this for is to get people to see you live. And if you're way funnier off the cuff than your act well just get less funny let me be your guide through the podcast world uh phone it in just say some dumb shit just keep people involved and say their names hey do you have any questions tweet me you know i'm fucking i'm a, I'm a weekend. I'm a guy who has not, not smoked and drank for 35 years with a few windows of, uh, but other than that, I'm a, I'm a fucking wreck and I'm having the best week of my life, not

drinking and smoking and living in a goddamn trailer away from everyone except the pets now fucking the two boy pets nowhere to find me actually three out of four. The only one that doesn't find me in the trailer is the one that hates me. Is the one that would kill you if given one chance. Fucking hate that cunt. You know, Tracy and I were talking about that today. You're like, it's confusing. I've been around you for many years.

And I don't know if you're ready to go off or you're like extremely happy and energetic. It is such a fine line of like, like doing something that pisses you off or like, Hey, let's go run. Let's go. Let's go fight. Hey,

I just got back from the horses. Let's go. Let's go walk out there. I got more carrots. You know, it is a, it is an odd thing. I'm not,

I'm not afraid, but no, you can handle it. it well i was thinking about that today because yeah i do uh i do have a tendency to snap like when bingo smoked my fucking your safety cigarettes safety cigarettes she doesn't understand how that oh here she comes shush mom's the word but nothing happened tracy nothing happened just so you know oh she brought it fucking we're just in the middle of talking about it. She brought. Is that an American spirit? All right.

Put it in the pack and put that pack where no one. You're not even supposed to know where that pack is. You know who you know? You know who's not supposed to know where that pack is? Doug. Bingo. Hide it somewhere. And tell me.

One of those. Honey, there's lumpfish caviar in there. Help yourself to the lumpfish caviar in there help yourself to the lumpfish caviar i bought uh i after she started eating it i'm like bingo eats nothing you know except weird shit uh and last night when she's just hooning down the caviar the two ounce jars and i'm like oh shit all of a sudden i finally got her to eat something I only have three of and I was I lit up like fucking Christmas morning when I found out I could get lump fish

caviar here. You waited to present it last night it was a whole thing. I get it delivered to my fucking door? Really? I would walk an extra fucking mile in London to go to the place that had lump fish caviar and I just live on that it's awful no one's gonna but

so then I went and I panicked. It's still written on my hand right there. I still do that even though I'm not drunk. I still write shit on my hand out of habit, assuming I'm going to forget everything in the morning. And I wake up every morning. I sing, it's a beautiful morning to Ichabod at my feet because I remember everything.

I feel good. i'm not hung over and i had lump fish caviar written on my hand like yeah and i i know sober and so i ordered 10 more tins little tins and then you said oh did you split them up because there's a bunch of different kinds so then i had to go get eight or ten more of different kinds. Variety. White fish, salmon, wasabi, caviar. So, yeah, I'm going to be caviar-ed out. It's all going to come in one flurry. I got table crackers. Well, Bingo now eats it.

The lump fish. No, she was sleeping on the couch when I came in. After I threw my hissy fit about the fucking cigarette, I was telling him how I was slamming fucking dishes and cabinets. But at the same time, I was actually cleaning up the kitchen, putting those dishes away. Slamming them into their proper position in the cabinet. Take notes, Bingo.

Yes, hissy fit, yet also productive. Production! It all boils down to the means of production. Forward momentum. Right. So, lumpfish caviar. production you know it's all boils down to the means of production forward momentum right so uh so lumpfish caviar so here bingo uh i don't know if you want to end uh or but i'll just talk at you since you don't have a mic but if you want to have because this one of my comfort foods and i added fish eggs in later when i found out you could get tobiko at that asian market is uh but the the original one was jello with uh bacon bits and french dressing and not that not the catalina

french shit the the new england massachusetts uh ken's steakhouse or uh uh wishbone the that electric nuclear orange. What the fuck are you talking about? Do you know French dressing that's like bright fucking orange? Not the dark shit. Yeah. Yeah. So that with bacon bits on Jell-O.

And then once I bought Tobiko, I go, oh, this is going to be perfect with that. That's a comfort food of mine. What kind of Jell-O? It doesn't matter, but red Jell-O generally is what's available. It's a long story. My mother used to make Jell-O molds and she put all the Thousand Islander shit

and you just wanted the Jell-O, so you'd have to eat all this other stuff around it. But why would you put bacon on Jell-O and then go, hey, you know what this means? I started with the bacon bits because I would eat that at the salad bar at Bob's or Abdao's Big Boy in Massachusetts, but Big Boy's. Abdao's?

It's different. It's Frisch's up in Michigan. Yeah, there's Mark's and Bob's. It's Big Boy's. It's the same fat kid with the weird hair. Pompadour. Yeah. Checkered suit.

So I was thinking that since you are now a fan of fish eggs bingo that i will eat yours if you eat mine because bingo some of the fuck some of the things that i would wretch just thinking about eating that you eat and swear by bingo loves a V8 juice with cottage cheese in it, microwaved, so the cottage cheese expands and blows up into squeaky cheese curds. Hot V8 juice and cottage cheese in a bowl. She'll make one and then eat it and then make another. Yeah. That's how delicious it is to her.

Yeah. And when we were first together it was a whole wheat tortillas in a quesadilla was splendid in the middle microwave to the point of the way it's just toxic air it's union new jersey in the fucking air bhopal india bhopal nice call nice call all right so yeah maybe we'll maybe maybe, maybe stuff you actually will eat. Like, I'll dare you kind of factor. Let me let me put this in here, though. You have to understand that you will have to eat what he picks.

Well, I'm saying that, like, I actually she knows that I actually eat. You thought about dressing bacon bits and fish. You've thought about it. She hasn't. Yeah. She will have to. You just wrote all that fish eggs. You've thought about it. She hasn't. Yeah, so think about it. You'll have to put all of that in play. I just wrote it down. We want to get rid of this fucking podcast quick.

Let me see. I've got to put my reading glasses on. Again, I don't know why I don't learn from you and just write bigger so I don't have to put on reading glasses. Get a bigger notepad. Fucking crab salad. You were fantastic with the crab salad, but there's nothing funny there. Yep.

We've been hitting the sushi in there. You were fantastic with the crab salad, but there's nothing funny there. Yep. We've been hitting the sushi in there. You read that, I'll tell us. No, no. Oh, that's why I had crab salad down there is because part of this 30 days, the hardest part is no TV. Maybe the hardest part. It's just such a

common thing to just shut your head up and put on TV. But I was at your house because you're making, we're trying to remake the exact same imitation spicy crab salad that the sushi place makes. And you did recreate it almost flawlessly, maybe better than theirs. But he spent hours. Three different recipes and tweaking it but honestly that the stuff

I wish Hana and Sierra Vista fucking nailed it so good and thank you for saying that I even got close I mean if I got within a mile that would be a fucking that is so good there

we're lucky to have something that we can actually go to that close. Yeah. I'll, I'll Yelp them next time we go, I'll take, take down their names and try to think of funny shit to disturb them. Uh, so,

uh, the, my point is TV happened to be on while I was there with Chaley making sound. Not like I'm never going to look at a television set at all. If I see one, I'm going to block my ears. No, it's just I don't want to get into bad habits where I can literally sit for 15 hour days and do nothing but watch Netflix, sleep, get up, watch Netflix, sleep, get up,

not get off the couch except to make a quick egg or take a shit. So, yeah, that's why I'm avoiding TV. But she, your wife, Tracy, is a big hockey person. And the fucking Boston Bruins were playing the Chicago Blackhawks. And that's my team against Junior Stopka's team. And the fucking Bruins were crushing them. And I think they were winning when we left or won six to one. And so it was a nice to be able to call up Junior Stopka and rub his fucking big, fat, stupid Polish nose in my anal smegma.

And good luck to you on that. I don't even know if you can talk about it. So let's just say a television competition show about stand-up comedy. Follow at Junior Stopka. He's going to have to make all of his fucking bits family-friendly, and it's going to be beautiful to watch. Not family-friendly, but family-friendly enough.

He can do it. Yeah, no, he can. Yeah. That's awesome. I didn't know about that until i overheard you yeah i told fuck you know what call me day or night make no decision i'm in a fucking i'm in i'm in rehab right now a self-imposed prison of my own making yeah call me day or night before you fucking send off a version of your joke please call me just don't don't don't do this on your own, Junior. Junior, don't.

Let's play this one smart. Yes. Before you get going, let me just say in merch, I now have ringtones up, and I also have Brett Erickson's only CD, which is his CD called Merch. Yes, he's explained that. Has he on the podcast? Yes, he has. Oh, because he didn't.

He's not selling them even on his website. All right. But we're selling them on yours. Yeah, he explained why it's called that. Yeah. But he hasn't pitched it. No. Or sold it.

And we're not going to right now. We'll do that on the next podcast. Go to the merch page at DougStanhope.com. Tomorrow we're getting up at fucking very early, and we're going to drive up to Tucson, and I'm going to buy a new car. Hopefully. Hopefully. What we wanted to do and unfortunately we we can't uh uh we wanted to uh bring uh at hd fatty up and do chad shank negotiator and have him fucking garb up in his bikery best and just, yeah, and wire him for sound

and just watch people sheepishly go, I guess I could come up with a lower number, sir. And have Chaley all mad maxed out with his weird hair and I just dress the nebbishy accountant guy. Yes, listen, he just gets a little fidgety. So why don't we go and have a talk? Because he... Chad seems to be a little bit agitated.

So let's go outside. I'm all white suit and yellow shoes. Like Mad Max. Where the one guy's petting the other guy to calm him down. Yeah. Exactly like that. Exactly like that. He starts rubbing Chad's head.

So yeah, hopefully me and chaley alone can come with home with some good story uh and uh and that's it i'm gonna fucking close out i hope you're keeping track of all these songs because it's gonna be battle of the bands and we'll put it to some kind of vote and uh whatever fucking it'll be the best song of all time. Listen to all 30 closing songs from the hashtag tin can rehab. Never happier, Bingo, than fucking sitting in there alone, fucking just stretching out. Ichabod doesn't bother me. Cat's bothering me, but he sits there.

He's fucking lazier than me. The sun comes through those windows in that fucking trailer. There's no problems. There's no phone. There's no nothing. He's fucking lazier than me. The sun comes through those windows in that fucking trailer. There's no problems. There's no phone. There's no nothing. It's great. So we're going to close out now because, hey, this goes out to the folks up in the Midwest, the Northeast. I guess the entire country is getting pummeled with record lows.

I had to leave the trailer today and actually go into a house with television because it's way too hot in that trailer because it's about 70 outside. But in the trailer, it gets up to near fucking 80 and I couldn't take it. And yeah, I'm being that prick on purpose. I wonder if people do that. Like you would like you call people and you go.

Yeah, yeah. I heard you having record freezing temperatures. And yeah, it's 80 degrees by the pool. Would you do that to a starving country? Because I would like if I could if I could. I bet someone out there could actually find a phone. Well, I guess it wouldn't. I was going to say, if you could find a starving encampment of refugees in Darfur or Sudan. That far?

Well, just the most starving person you could find. I guess they wouldn't have a phone is my point. Well, they'd have a flip phone. if you're near a starving person and you're in Darfur, if you're one of the many Peace Corps, Peace Corps people that listen to my podcast while healing Ebola and Sierra Leo, if you could put a starving person on the phone, so I go, Oh, you haven't eaten in how long?

Yeah. I heard you heard you have a bit of a drought there. Yeah. I have Kentucky fried chicken, right? More of it's fallen out of my mouth and going in my mouth i'm hurling fucking full breasts out the car window so they don't get grease on my seats before i trade this in i don't like white meat yeah so yeah i was that was what i was thinking about when i was selecting this last song

which has nothing to do with it this is canned heat blues by uh uh tommy johnson and this song is about actually uh being a fucking hobo on the street drinking sterno cooking fluid to get fucking liquored up but it fit well with the fucking tuna can being too hot to sit in during the day hey fuck you new england why don't you get out like I did? Here's Can't Heat Blues, Tommy Johnson. ¶¶ So low to learn me Tryin' to turn in mama So low to learn me Take a car up to

Take a can of dew Tryin' mama, mama, mama You know Katie killed her and me Cryin' mama, mama, mama Cryin' Katie killed her and me Katie don't cry, baby I woke up dead morning, Waking it on my mind, Woke up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go?

Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go?

Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Wake up the hill, where can he go? Can't he load all my mind?

Grind on, Lord I want him Can't he load to learn me? Take care to rub it Turn it, but my soul Pick up your scale Go to the easy road I woke up early morning Tryin' toing candy From my bed Crying

Somebody Take a candy Blue Crying Somebody Take a Candy Blue

Crying And take this candy blue Cryin' mama, mama, mama Cryin' candy killin' me Bleed too much so long They gon' kill me dead Ma sona, e gant eo mi-del © BF-WATCH TV 2021