The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Day 09 - #TinCanRehab

Episode Date: February 26, 2015

DAY 09A daily podcast following Doug's self-imposed rehab to quit smoking. A debt is paid and a cranky Stanhope emerges.Support the podcast with a donation or purchasing some Stanhope merch. Recorded Feb 25, 2015 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille).Links-DOUG STANHOPE CELEBRITY DEATH POOL - https://dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com/RENEGADE HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES - http://amzn.to/1FvYJn3RESORT RESCUE ON THE TRAVEL CHANNEL - http://www.travelchannel.com/shows/resort-rescueCOPPER QUEEN HOTEL - http://copperqueen.com/KILL PRETTY MAGAZINE - http://www.killprettymagazine.com/Resort Rescue, Nude & Rude - http://bit.ly/1ahCbx0 Intro music "30 Days In The Hole" by Humble Pie. Closing song “Paradise Garage” by Tim Curry. Both available on iTunes.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Happy days are here again. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. We're back in the fun house. Hey, sorry about last night. I told you to tune in for that resort rescue, some kind of bar rescue knockoff, which is a knockoff of seven other fucking programs. But it was featuring the Copper Queen Hotel here in Bisbee

with some of my friends on it. And I told you to set that on the Travel Channel Resort Rescue for 7 o'clock tonight. Well, it was fucking 7 o'clock this morning is when it was on. So I have it recorded. I didn't watch it. I was first run. Yeah. It's 7 a.m.

You know, you have a quality program when you're on fucking triple digit channel, fucking travel channel, and you're premiering at 7 a.m that's when your show premieres not to mention you're in bisbee looking to complain about it right a resort so i was gonna i was gonna break my uh 30 days of no television part where i just keep rewriting rules all the time you know bailey's and coffee no that doesn't count as one of my cocktails i can have a fucking bailey's coffee that doesn't count ever and i added hard cider to that list today of things i didn't even have one but i saw one in the fridge and go you know what you can have a hard cider because that's when i'm drinking normally i drink fucking hard cider if you walk into a restaurant and all your friends are there having like uh yeah they're out for lunch and

having some lunch cocktails and they go oh you want to want to have a drink? And you go, ah, fuck. If I start drinking now and you do your math, if you're anything like me, you go, no, I can't because I have to drink tonight. And if I start drinking now, I will won't stop. But if I have a hard cider, I can have a hard cider and that's not going to kick me into fucking high gear. Hey, we're off to the races. I'll have a hard cider and go, oh, that was a Red's Apple Ale. No, never will count against my fucking cocktail quota. A social drink.

Right. You can't have more than two of those anyway. So I guess you could, but you'd have to do it on dare. That's all I'm saying is all so uh that's that sorry uh resort rescue i was only gonna break stride to watch that so i could live tweet it and go that's bullshit i know that guy hey that lady's nice and uh but there's no sense in doing it now uh or maybe i will just so I can bitch about it on the podcast. But you don't want to call attention to a fucking show that stinks. Maybe I will watch it.

If I desperately need something to talk about on the podcast, I'll watch it, and then I'll write down a bunch of notes. You can still tweet it whenever you do catch it. If you catch it live. Yeah. Well, you know, run know run not yeah well that's what i was thinking like watching resort rescue just because my friend's on it who's also quitting smoking alex o'meara quitting smoking yep for lent remember him he's the fucking catholic

did we podcast out or did we just we've a million nights we've gotten shit faced and then just you know you did you did a whole podcast with with alex though because you talked about his dad in bisbee and uh and i'm sure we brought up the catholicism or maybe we didn't maybe we cut him a break it's one of those like it just goes down like when there's one black guy there and like you get it always devolves if you get drunk enough then you start like bringing them pulling out the race card the other way the opposite way shawnee can't spend a drunken night here without someone you know throwing out some kind of uh creative uh racial infective

uh so yeah so maybe i watch it maybe I don't. I don't, yeah. I want to, everything I want to know about, like I'm on the internet. I waste as much time, I realize, on the internet. Just searching for flights yesterday. I must have spent two hours. Killing the same time, uncreative time. So now I'm kind of working myself on the internet. All right, is this something creative? Is this something that needs to be done? Is this business? All right. If you check an email

tweets right before the podcast, all right, check some tweets. If you want to respond to someone, but don't just sit there and fucking refresh and newser to see if anything did Bobby Christina die. She has to die by Saturday or everyone in the death pool is fucked out of a lot of fucking great points she's only like what 23 or something and she's got a black person during Black History Month those bonus points are sweet sure most people have her but we get rid of all

the dead weight that didn't have her if she dies before the 28th is done so go die Bobby Christina Brown die peacefully go into the yes die peacefully quickly is done. So go die, Bobby Christina Brown. Die! Peacefully go into the light. Yes, die peacefully! Quickly! Before the 28th. There's no

leap year. Just so you know, no leap year, Bobby. You think, oh, just tough out one more day. Don't! Not helping anyone. No. You die in March, it's 25 less points. So that's that. I was cranky.

I actually taped this podcast once, and I didn't like it. It says all cranky and doing that throwaway. We don't even, I haven't said it. This whole thing stinks. Why do you even listen to this? I was doing one of those. We were talking about this last night where, you know, Bill Burr doesn't fucking edit his podcast.

He just talks till he's done and then puts it out immediately. And I go, that's what we need to do. Just because the fact that Chaley is going to edit anything gives me that safety. No, when you're on stage, you don't go, you know what? Fuck this. Let's just let's try the whole thing again. Let's just dump that whole set. Oh,

there's been nights. Oh yeah. Yeah. There's, there's been nights. We basically say that, but yeah. So I,

I need to train myself to do this without assuming Chaley will fix it all afterwards. Let me get some, uh, thank yous out of the way. Uh, yeah. Lots of letters and postcards

that are either supportive or violently slanderous. Yeah, so thank you for all the cards and emails. Kill Pretty Magazine, get your magazine. Thank you. I'd love to do an article. It's Kill Pretty. It's the, what's it called? Unsuitable periodical.

They call it 18 and up, which I think, honestly, when I just skimmed through the magazine, when you say it's 18 and up, I think it's probably 18 to a maximum of 20. You have at least 85 pages in there of graffiti, but it's a slick looking magazine and I'm starting to peruse it. And you're right. Yes. Now that you caught me in the fucking trailer with nothing to do. Yes, I probably will read it. And, uh, uh, thank you for that. And I, your stickers are on my trash can. I used to have my giant trash can, like the 80 gallon or whatever it is. The one you pull out to the curb. Yeah. It used to be covered with every sticker I got from every band. And, uh,

curb. Yeah, it used to be covered with every sticker I got from every band and then that whole thing got trashed. So I had to start over and I have Kill Pretty stickers on my trash can. On the new one, you're the first stickers on there. So thank you and I'll do that interview.

What's that? Their web address is KillPrettyMagazine.com Oh, KillPrettyMagazine.com. Oh, killprettymagazine.com. You could have just said that rather than maybe look from my reading glasses. This is great. A couple people mailed or emailed about why my website is blocked at your job and how to fuck with it and deal with it. And a couple people people got real technical and

I just send them to Chaley. But the one life hack I gleaned from it is if you're trying to get on my website from work, the simple way to start is to just instead of HTTP, do HTTPS with the rest of it the same. And that will usually skirt a web block or site block. So yeah, do that. Thank you, guys. And this was cool. Where's that fucking email? Ba-ba.

With the $100 bill. There you go. I think I must have referred to him on the podcast when we first started the rehab thing, but I know I mentioned about Loud to Chaley because it was just one of those. I I fucking snap in the morning. If I if I pick up my laptop and put it on my chest in the freezing cold trailer, just one smart fucky thing. Yeah, I block about one person a day just out of spite.

Or trash them. You're a fucking retard What are you talking about you're retarded Some kid I guess I say kid Because he had like an anime emoticon Avatar thing Like is this Butters Are you Butters And

Said I wish I wanted to buy a t-shirt, but they only have tour shirts on your website so I couldn't buy one. So do you want to buy one of your personal Haynes Beefy Tees? I could see the fucking retard thinking, well, I didn't

see the tour and since they're only tour t-shirts, I can't buy one. What the fuck does that even mean? Wrote back, can I send you guys some artwork? Because I want to support Greg Chaley. Make my t-shirt into a shirt. And I go, what the fuck? And he goes, because I wasn't on the tour.

I didn't get to see you on my birthday, so I can't buy a tour t-shirt. I go, that's fucking retarded. Go fuck yourself. Oh, you hurt my feelings. And then I read some of his other tweets, and he really is a touched soul like butter. Oh, so you did? He cried.

Well, yeah, I don't know. It's just at that hour in the morning, yeah. If I read it and it irritates me. You can't control when you're going to read it. All right, well, this guy, this guy irritated me because when I, like, second day of the tin can rehab, we posted or tweeted a picture of me inside the trailer or a vine or something. And this guy goes, I'm willing to bet he's at the Shady Dell, which is a vintage trailer court that you can rent like a hotel. Friends of ours.

Best place in the world. The Shady Dell dot com. Look it up. And if you're ever in town in Bisbee and you're staying at the Shady Dell and I'm around, I have agreed I will come have one drink with you at the Shady Dell if you're renting down there. And so this guy thought, oh, he fucking, he smelled a fly in the ointment. Well, he's in a trailer. I'm willing to bet that he's just at the Shady Dell, which is a sponsor of this podcast.

You can Google it. Oh, you crafty little fucking Sherlock Holmes you. First of all, if I was at the fucking Shady Dell, what difference does it make if I'm inside a fucking trailer for a goddamn month, you

fucking asshole? I'm still in a fucking trailer. Not really mine. Why would I do that? I'd go, all right, I'm going to be in a fucking, I would promote the Shady Dell because they're a sponsor. If I was at their fucking trailer,

you stupid cocksucker. So this is what I'm thinking. And so I just wrote back, oh, you're willing to bet? All right. How about you put your fucking money up there, fat mouth? Et cetera, et cetera. And evidently, I didn't actually know he responded, but he did make the bet, and then obviously he lost

since the rest of the fucking pictures and shit have come out of the trailer on my fucking slab. Not at theshadydell.com, a sponsor and a dear friend of the podcast, theshadydell.com. Come to Bisbee, stay at the Shady Dell. Stay in a 1950s vintage trailer made up down to the fucking, everything from 1950s records

and they have a little drive in it. It's great. No kids. No kids allowed. Fantastic. Yeah, so the guy sent a letter in to me at 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. Yeah, keep your shit coming.

It fucking amuses me. He said, Doug, I was challenged to make a bet. I accepted the challenge and have apparently lost. In closed, please find the payoff I proposed to you on Twitter. I wish you success in your rehab efforts. I have been through it myself, and no, firsthand, it's no joke. Well, yeah, it is kind of a joke. First of all, he signs it with warmest regards to Bingo Mike Fatmouth Cosgrove,

a.k.a. his Twitter handle. And, yeah, so he sent with a $100 bill in there. Here, hold it up. We'll put that as the picture. Here, hold it up. We'll put that. Here, hold it in front of that light. No, no, no. In front of the light. No, this way.

Block the light. Yeah. Block the light. Perfect. All right. No, no. That doesn't work at all. Stand right.

Don't get near the light. How about fucking take the picture later? Stay away from the light. Why does it have to be in the middle of the podcast? You take the picture. Why is that necessary? Now, that's the picture. You're yelling.

You're yelling without the $100. I'm willing to bet he took that picture, not during the podcast, but posed in front of a microphone. I'm willing to double or nothing that $100 that that wasn't even taking while he's trying to fucking finish his sentence. He should hold up a USA Today and the $100.

Yeah, so that was... You know what? Fucking more of you animals should be as honest as mike fat mouth cosgrove and fucking when you're when you're a dick on on twitter and you're wrong send me a hundred dollars that's the that's what any man would do a real man would just go hey i'm wrong i was the guy with the anime emoticon default photo on twitter that said he couldn't buy a t-shirt because you weren't actually at the tour for the tour t-shirt here's a hundred dollars i was a fuckhead oh that was his problem

is that since he didn't since he wasn't he didn't watch a tour, he felt it was kind of a... It was, like, false advertising that he was actually a fan that watched the tour. Yeah, but he baited me like a little fucking 15-year-old girl. He just put that out there, like something that doesn't make sense unless you see what he's going to do. So he wants you to go,

well, why can't you buy a tour T-shirt? Little fucking Pac-Man with puppy dog eyes for a picture oh sicken me who else oh uh eric salter yes i got your uh shit eric salter a long time gift giver i got your shit. I got your text message, Eric. I didn't text you back because it took too many fucking thumbs

to reply in kind. But yeah, I got your package, the first one, the one for bingo sitting here. She hasn't been here to open it. She's got a project going. Thank God I'm in a fucking trailer rehab so I avoid any responsibility helping her

with her project but she hasn't opened the one that just showed up uh but i got that old one with the he sent me a a ron jeremy like skateboard top with no wheels and chaley tried to explain to me chaley and harley across the street try to to explain that it's called a deck and it's like, you don't have to use it as a skateboard. It's like decorative or like people use it as art. They take it like as top of a skateboard and they like put it on your wall, glue it to your wall and add Ron Jeremy on it. And,

uh, like, uh, but you didn't know who sent it to you. Yeah. I thought Ron Jeremy sent it. Cause he's that kind of, you know,

whores himself out and he has a million products that nobody wants because he's as ubiquitous as fucking Kathy Griffin. He's the Kathy Griffin of porn. Like Andy day. He's just everywhere. Anywhere you can, he can put his face. He'll put it there. So there's really no joy in having any Ron Jeremy product when you know he has like any product. If he could put his face on a fucking number two pencil, everything in your house would be Ron even have Ron Jeremy stuff.

If you saw the documentary about Ron Jeremy, it's really fascinating. And he's one of the cheapest people ever alive, literally getting on a plane where he wouldn't buy luggage. He just has his stuff in a garbage bag. Like, that's his luggage. Yes. A garbage bag. Like why why would you waste the money he's that fucking cheap like crazy reality show cheap they did a reality show about cheap people he's one of those people and uh i don't know what my point was now uh i think it was just to let us get that picture of ron j Jeremy schlepping through an airport with a trash bag.

Yeah. That's beautiful. It's a lot. Yeah. That's what, Oh, that's what I was going to say. That would be Ron Jeremy.

Like if I could get a trash bag, like Ron Jeremy trash bag luggage, that'd be funny. But yeah, I have no idea. So I, I, if I haven't regifted the Ron Jeremy skateboard top,

I'm just going, someone said they're skateboard, but they forgot the wheels. As though I'd be skateboarding. But I didn't know that that's something you'd put on your wall. I think if you sign it, then someone might want it. We could sell it. That's another thing. If you sign it, then someone might want it. We could sell it.

That's another thing. We're wearing some fucking really shit quality cream to white sport coats. Kind of sport coats. They're kind of canvases. Yours is a poly. Mine's more of a linen. We got them at a thrift store in Douglas, Arizona, down the street today. And just because they were a dollar and we can trash them i could wear

this for the entire fucking rehab and just spill you know gravy all over it and then just throw it away because it's a piece of shit but i was also thinking should i have we talked about doing another ebay yard sale you've talked to me about yeah well we haven't talked on the podcast what is it that was a year ago. I think this time I was thinking, should I wait till I actually have a cause to do it for? Because last time we never actually got a specific, like the atheist girl.

So we just started just giving out money. Oh, what to do with the money that you get from giving away clothes. Before we do another, because I have tons of fucking good stuff for another yard sale, including a Ron Jeremy skateboard deck, now that you mention it. So, yeah, give me your thoughts on that. Should I just do it and keep it like every year in March? Or should I wait till I have a specific, all right, a portion of this is going to go to this specific thing?

I don't know. It is about the time when you do all your cleaning. So unless you want to keep holding stock on the shelves. Oh, I have two suit bags full of shit I wore last year. But that was just that. We haven't even added in some of the other things like the Ron Jeremy skate deck that will be signed by Mr. Stanhope. Yeah, you know what? things like the Ron Jeremy skate deck that will be signed by Mr.

Stan Hope. Yeah. You know what? When you sign the mailing list and I know you will include in there your, your, your, your, your coat size and your pant size. So we can target specifically the 40 jackets and the 30 where our demo is lying. Yeah. Hey, you get special treatment there for 40 regular.

10 and a half shoe. Oh, we're going to bump you to the top of the list. The closest you get to a 32 waist, the better your odds and sporting some good, good clothing. Yeah. And someone bought me a squatty potty. Thank you. I only know that because I get an email saying that confirmation. I'm like squatty potty. I don't buy that. I just goofing on him. Oh, I see. I goof like, Squatty Potty? I don't buy that. I was just goofing on him. Oh, I see.

I goofed on him on the podcast. And yeah, someone else emailed me after I was goofing on the Squatty Potty, not getting the whole, maybe they weren't caught up on the whole, hey, don't you hate going to the post office? Me too. But there's no other choice so just suck it

up and deal with it we don't have sponsors yeah they weren't getting that i heard you talking about uh shitting normally uh well there's a some kind of device someone made that they sell for that now and i forget the one you i'm about like explain. I'm about to hit reply and explain. That's one of my Achilles heels, my fatal flaws is I feel a need to explain the fucking joke to eggheads. And I like, don't, don't, no.

Just, no one else does that. No one else goes, um, here, well you know, actually we started doing this. Fuck you. Why do you, why would you? Why would you demean yourself to explain a stupid... I'm not a fan of myself today. Kind of fake cranky. Sometimes you fake cranky.

There's no fake about it. Fuck off mood. I called it earlier. Yeah, yeah. But as enjoying... Like, Hennigan is like already like all right yeah i know you're planning shit for after this but like all right why do i have to fucking talk to someone now all right all right so yeah so then i was being cunty to him but i don't i have no

problem with the whole thing uh so so that's that yeah you're not even Halfway in Right now I just started a fucking Great book I know Ten days Nine days we've Completed

And I'm not saying Ten days right now Cause I still I'm smelling that Fucking emergency cigarette In the drawer Right now I can smell it

Oh the drawer Just a drag Yeah Alright Yeah That's where they are Don't fucking touch him i've you'll you'll get what bingo got when she smoked one of them yeah that's part of the

fucking dance those two cigarettes having having never been a smoker uh i did say something to tracy who who did smoke for years and who doesn't smoke now hasn't smoked in like six or seven years and i said something about your uh your, your safety cigarettes, the two American spirits that are somewhere over there in the house. And I said, I'm grabbing those. And she goes, you better not. No.

And she goes, you don't understand. And I go, listen, I understand. I would go right to the fucking store right then and buy a fucking pack to spite you. I said,

I understand that he's going to want them, but if they're not there, she goes, no, no, you don't understand. One of those is mine. You know, I can imagine if you if you haven't smoked and especially smoked at my level uh what a cunty thing this

would sound like to you because generally if you're never been a smoker or not a heavy smoker for a long time you go oh yeah oh he quit smoking so that means he's probably cranky and so the whole idea that i would fucking move into a fucking trailer for a month would seem silly to you just because i'm oh i'm gonna be flippant you have no idea and i understand how stupid it would seem to you just because I'm, oh, I'm going to be flippant. You have no idea. And I understand how stupid it would seem to you. But I've been smoking for 35 years this year since I was 13 and smoking heavily where I, my day revolves around my cigarettes, my social structure. Like, oh, before I think, can I go there when i'm planning a vacation i oh wait let's go if we go to costa rica you can smoke which you can't anymore a lot of places but yeah smoking is

like that's fucking that's the pivot of my entire life and i'm like a goat on that fucking pivot stick and i eat the lawn in a circle. It's completely denuded. Nothing but scorched earth where you can get to, and everything else is lush and green. The podcast is set up in here because this is where I can smoke and just fucking kill the place, and it's not going to make all the fucking sheets and clothing and inside stuff stink.

Yeah, that's where I need to be. So it is a big deal. I understand why it wouldn't be to you, but it's a difficult thing. Not that I'm whining like, oh, you don't understand. I'm saying, if you're saying I'm a huge cunt, I understand why you would say that. I would say that too. If you were a, whatever your problem is,

you're fucking molested by a fucking uncle. I don't, yeah, whatever. I go suck it up. It's just a finger in you. What's a fucking big problem? Fucking 40 years down the line, you're still going to some counselor. Yeah, so yeah, I would be that dick.

Maybe there are some serious repercussions. I couldn't understand it myself. And then all you're thinking is finger. Ooh, that's about the size of a cigarette. All right. Let's, uh, let's wrap this up. Cause I get a good book. Uh, it's not from a fan. It's actually from bingo's friend. And it is a renegade history of the United States by Thaddeus Russell. I'm only eight or nine pages in. And immediately I went, oh, this is fucking good. It starts out talking about the founding fathers and quoting John Adams, saying that my biggest fear about winning this war, the Revolutionary War, saying that my biggest fear about winning this war, the Revolutionary War,

is that Americans don't really deserve freedom because they're piles of shit. He had you pegged before the fucking war was over, saying that his biggest fear is that they'll win freedom and Americans because they're all fucking devious and backstabbing and deceitful piles of greedy shit. He didn't say it that way, but I'm not reading out of the book. His biggest fear is we'll win freedom for this country and then these Americans will embarrass us across the globe because there's these fucking slovenly backstabbing shitbag fucking ingrates.

It starts out really good. So Dick Cheney didn't come up with that sentiment? No, I'm saying when you go, well, the founding fathers, you know, how would the founding fathers feel? They'd feel like you're a bag of shit for calling into that radio station. You lump of fucking nothing.

So yeah, I'm going to really, really enjoy this book. And Chaley's got a good one. Chaley and I might go up to the mountains up in New Mexico where there's these cabins. enjoy this book and chaley's got a good one chaley and i might go up to the uh to the uh the mountains up in new mexico where there's these cabins we'll still get a podcast out but we both have a good good book so we're just starting and we can get away from all the fucking clatter and the the nancy's fucking the wives and bingo's got a project and has a million

questions a day. And we can drive two and a half hours. Well, no, but we can drive somewhere to upload a podcast and then drive back to the cabin. Yeah. Yeah.

The cabins in the middle of nowhere. Still do it. No internet, no cell phone service. And 10 minutes down the hill, you go to supermarket, we can get some food and, uh,

you know, some, some wine and get right back up to not answering a fucking cell phone because it doesn't work and just reading books and we might do that but we'll still get podcasts in and we still won't be much different than the fucking hole and uh that's it that's uh thank you all the people who sent shit in. Hey, let's break for a quick word from... Hey, do you ever worry about your laptop? Is it running slow?

Is your computer... Do you ever worry about viruses? I wish there was a place that could clean all that up for you. But you're probably just going to chuck it away and buy a new laptop. That's all I got, because we don't have sponsorship. All right.

Hey, the word of the day is get on the fucking mailing list. Hang on. The word of the day, yoink. Wrong book. Wrong book. It's over there.

It's over there. Got it. Boy, you love that book so much, you just go to it anytime you're looking for any book. It's sitting right in front of me. All right, this is a great word. It doesn't have great meaning. I found one with great meaning, and that's aphasia.

Oh, no. Aphasia. No, aphasia. Not aphasia. Aphasia is the inability brought on by brain damage to understand words and or ideas. Aphasia. I was going to go with that, and that's a fun word. I like the meaning of it, but it doesn't ring well. Not like the word of the day today, avuncular. Try to be avuncular today. Get out there and be nice to someone. Avuncular means kind, genial, benevolent, like an uncle. That's what it says in the Roger's Thesaurus of Words for Intellectuals. Kind, genial, benevolent, like an uncle. we must,

uh, we'll have to assume that Roger had some really nice upbringing where an uncle is automatically someone who's kind, genial and benevolent. So if your uncle wasn't, well, don't be a vuncular with your next to kin. Uh, anyway, a vuncular try to be kind and genial.

Go out there and do something special today. Make yourself happy. Go out and send me $100. Because you felt you did something wrong. And I will burn that $100 in a special ceremony. God damn it. I don't have my list of fucking songs. Jesus, this is the most unprofessional.

I thought for a minute we could get through this with no edit. I thought for a minute, oh, there's some clumsy parts, but no edits. We could do that. And now we're going to have to edit. Why don't you go to one of our commercials

that we made before and then come back in with maybe a celebrity sponsor? A celebrity drop. Go to a commercial, a pre-taped commercial. It's an ID. Yeah, and then a station ID from one of the many celebrities who's given us station IDs. And then I'll come back and I'll tell them what song we're closing on

because people at home have long lists. I get it right down this song. And what is he drinking tonight? Oh, I was drinking. I'll tell you what I drank tonight. I had I had a smoothie and I'll tell you the ingredients I put in my smoothies. First of all, there's no better product of this is a fucking blatant plug for someone who would Vitamix. It's a fucking $400 blender, and it's goddamn worth it.

How could it possibly be? That's what I said when Bingo bought a fucking $400 blender, and you can't hit a girl, especially a retarded girl with blue hair. You go, fuck, you don't spend fucking $400. Yeah, and then you realize it will grind you could just put a pineapple in it like a whole pineapple and it would grind that all the fucking husks you'd never know it's liquid you can drink it yes you can in a regular straw yeah you could probably i wouldn't try a coconut but you could probably. I wouldn't try a coconut, but you could probably. I've seen him do a hockey puck. I'm serious.

Really? Yeah. Will it blend? Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah. In a Vitamix? It's on YouTube. It's fucking amazing.

So, yeah, that's what I had. And I'll tell you what I put in my smoothies. You, the health conscious, following this rehab. Does no one have questions about the 30-day rehab? The 30-day. Like, if you have questions, tweet them at me or email me at Doug at DougStanhope.com. And yeah, if you have questions, if there's somewhere I can go with this that I'm not going, I'll tell you some of my hints and strategies,

but I will tell you my smoothie recipe. And you have to figure out how much of each, just a little bit of a lot of items. I put a couple of little heads of broccoli three two three asparagus spears uh half to a quarter generally a quarter of a beet gives it a lot of color gives your poop color this caviar i've been eating the food coloring in the caviar mixed with the fucking beet coloring oh my. My poops are all sorts of fucking. Yeah.

It's a, it's a, it's a project. That's I should tweet pictures of my poops. Picasso over here. Yeah. I don't know if he's, it's colorful. Yeah. You're blue period. Yeah, it is.

It is a bit blue. No, it's green. Actually blue green. The food coloring makes it green. And then the beets, I don't know. Anyway, so it's beet, asparagus, broccoli, spinach, and or kale. And then a little bit of fat-free yogurt. And then a quarter of an apple, half an apple, half a banana. Frozen berries.

And in this one, I put 99 blackberries and not like 99 bananas brand, but it's blackberry flavored and some Bacardi. And that was a kicking fucking drink. That was almost flammable. So I had one of those to get my nutrients and a beer to offset that because that's too much sweet right there to begin with. But a lot of fucking good, wholesome vitamins, whole foods, and then a beer. A lot of fucking, yeah. That changed my whole attitude. What? A smoothie?

One smoothie. Yeah. No, it changed your attitude after you drank the smoothie, did a podcast, and then said, we're doing it over. No, I drank the smoothie after the shitty podcast. Okay, well. And I said, fuck that. That podcast sucked.

I would stop listening after that podcast. I was so down on myself. And I changed my attitude even before I drank that fucking thing. And now the better podcast has you reading ingredients to your smoothie. Oh, yeah. People want to know. They're afraid to ask. If you want to know what is in that other podcast.

Yeah. And now we're going to go to a commercial already in progress. TheShadyDell.com. That is where you stay if you come to Bisbee and you're staying at the Shady Dell and I'm in town I will have a beer with you I won't hang out that long, we're not gonna be good

friends, I don't want you to fucking tell me you're gonna kill yourself but if you're staying at theshadydell.com vintage trailer park with all 50's, 60's trailers that we live a mile away from, and we look for reasons to go stay there. Come to theshadydell.com.

Sponsored by... I might even come in and clean your toilet. I don't know. Hi, this is Richard Simmons, and you're listening to the Doug Stambo Podcast. Hey, I want to dance with somebody. See, aren't you glad we took that little break? Now we can get to the closing song. And I know you're keeping track and you're writing these down

and you're judging them and you're making brackets. March Madness is going to pale in comparison to the number one song of the Doug Stanoff 30-day tin can rehab. Top five albums. I don't have the top five, but I know this would be in it would be the best of Tim Curry. Yes. The guy from Rocky horror picture show actually had a music career kinda,

and he put out a few albums and then a couple. And one of them was the best of Tim Curry. And this is from that. Fucking love it. Listen to the whole fucking thing. I quote the, there's like little pieces of it, but then again,

you got a lot of free time. That's from this. This is a paradise garage by Tim Curry. Play it loud and enjoy the fucking saxophone. to paradise garage took my place in line the catcher said are you alright I said I'm feeling fine I'm a stranger to Nirvana I don't box outside my way but when I stepped out of the taxi

I did not anticipate this feeling oh excuse me sir I know after you I know, after you. Baby's got a dream and she can't forget. Daddy's got a groove that's commanding. Drama's got a vision of a permanent possession.

Me, I'm hauling up my best machine. And it goes like this And it goes like this Well, I'm from Glensboro, New Jersey And I didn't bring a date I guess I really wasn't sure if you'd be bogeying this late I can't think where I put my wallet, naive suburban fool You wouldn't think that I'd spend hours outside French polishing my cool And she is so strange

I said after you you I'm a gentleman Well, my implication Daddy's got a dream and she can't forget Daddy's got a crew that's come and clean The drummer's got a vision of a permanent position We are all in a like a dance machine And it goes like this And it goes like this

And it goes like this And it goes like this Baby's got a dream and she can't forget Daddy's got a groove that's a mad thing Mama's got a vision of a permanent position We are all in on my dance machine And go like this And go like this And go like this And go like this

Well, I really only step inside to bury my routine You see, I read about this Disco Tech in New York Magazine Hey baby What's your sign? Haven't we met before? You know I really must suggest That we've achieved a rare That's for

At the Sea of Lies Thank you.