The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DAY 10 - #TinCanRehab

Episode Date: February 27, 2015

DAY 10A daily podcast following Doug's self-imposed rehab to quit smoking. Doug welcomes Alex O'Meara (also a guest Episode#39), also in the process of quitting smoking, to talk about his experience on Resort Rescue. !!!SPOILER ALERT!!! - There is frank discussion that will ruin the ending to every reality show ever produced. You have been warned.Support the podcast with a donation or purchasing some Stanhope merch. Recorded Feb 26, 2015 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Alex O'Meara, and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.Links-Zombie Recipe- http://bit.ly/1ABvGPxIntro music "30 Days In The Hole" by Humble Pie. Closing song “Got The Time” by Joe Jackson. Both available on iTunes.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

all right it's uh fucking digits. Thank you for joining me for day 10 podcast as we drift into day 11. Day 10, double digits in the can. And if it weren't for you helping me with my lifelong struggle with cigarettes and alcohol and red meat and television and sloth and gluttony. I wouldn't be where I am today. I am.

This is the first time we've had a guest on because Alex, you might remember Alex. He's been on the podcast before talking fantastic stories about his early encounter with Hunter S. Thompson. We had a fun time. The practicing or semi-practicing fake Catholic, Catholic, who's given up cigarettes for Lent.

So he's six days into my 10, and I didn't want to get together with you either because two drunks, and you haven't been drinking at all. No, not at all, because i equate cigarettes and drinking so closely that's why i had to keep myself at two a day which i've cheated into the three it's ongoing thing i don't count bailey's coffee as drinking i got some eggnog from walmart with that's made with some brandy and rum and shit for coffee. I don't count those as cocktails. No, who would?

No. I'll tell you who would. A fucking 15-year-old girl that found that in her parents' liquor cabinet and that's all they had and they drank it all in a sleepover and barfed from the sugar and not even the booze. And then looked at each other's pussies the way they planned on anyway. Lisa has more hair. Well, if you want to count drinks.

That's what we're doing. Zombie night, motherfucker. We figured out how to cheat more. First, I start cheating with the Bailey's. Coffee's not really a drink. You know what? Hard cider, one during the day. That's not really a fucking drink. No. That's more. You really a drink. You know what? Hard cider, one during the day, that's not really a fucking drink.

You're a diabetic. That's more of a diabetes problem than an alcoholic's problem. Absolutely. I can tell you that. So we've kind of manipulated and massaged these rules to make, all right, tonight is zombie night. Only having two. In fact, you're having one too, only because, you know,

there's no cigarettes here. Because you and I drinking together, we'd talk ourselves into smoking. We would totally convince ourselves to do the right thing by ourselves. Absolutely. Yeah, absolutely. So we're not doing that. We're having zombies that Chaley made. Chaley, tell the kids what's in a zombie.

You brought the thing out. Well, you got us going on the old-timey drinks. The old-time drinks, the madmen drinks. Sidecar. Old fashioned. Old fashioned. Manhattan. Tom Collins.

Seven and Seven. Singapore Sling. Whiskey Sour. Oh, yeah. Those are good. A lot of them are so horrible. Old fashioned. Yeah, the old fashioned is actually kind of horrible.

It's a sipping drink. Yeah. You're not like, oh, these go down so easy. They're like white Russians. I can drink it like 11 in 15 minutes. Turns out that's the problem. Yeah, I drink delicious drinks, and it's the problem. You start drinking Manhattans.

You drink it old-fashioned, and one's enough until the shrimp fajitas get there i'm fine that's the one that's that one's good i didn't even have two that night yeah the idea of seagram seven with anything is enough to put you off alcohol well bourbon and whiskey is is my uh kryptonite so i like finding one drink seagram's seven uh i have a a kitchen top shelf, like a little tiny shelf, just enough to fit a bunch of mini bottles. Like up so high that you just have like six or eight inches. It's just crowded on both sides of the kitchen, up and down with probably 80 to 100 mini bottles or half bottles for display.

And if someone comes over and say, oh, yeah, I want a fucking a wacky duck with whatever. What's in that? Well, it's got cream to cocoa. I probably have it. If you would order it at a bar, worst case scenario, I probably have it in mini bottles. We could cheat it. Right.

We could cheat it. Exactly. Two fucking this. Whoever. I don't know if anyone in fucking Bisbee owns a computer. You rat fuck motherfuckers. Derek or Kenny. I don't know which one of you fucking assholes or your friends.

People that drink half a mini bottle and put it back up there. There's a fucking fireball. Wow. And first of all, do you think i need the half just chuck it away maybe you drank fireball and it was so repulsive as it should be that you go oh i don't want to finish this don't put it back for god's sakes all right water to your to your parents liquor or something man that's exactly, like I wonder, are they watering down other bottles? Am I the dad that's away when I go on the road? You become the dad.

By the way, Doug, that was me. That cinnamon was too hot on my throat. No, it was not you, sir. You felt that, did you? So here's what's in a zombie. There's a rich history behind these drinks. I'm not even going to go into that. A zombie has,

if I say a measure, it could be a shot glass, or it could be a fucking, whatever. It's one measure. It's a percentage. A percentage. One part dark rum,

one part white rum, half a part of apricot brandy. Delicious, turns out. It's pretty fucking delicious. Not on its own, I'm just saying Two parts pineapple juice Half part of lime juice Two teaspoons powdered sugar

Granulated sugar works in a pinch And then a garnish, which we didn't have But who the fuck cares We're not here at the cell phone I put a lime, they want a cherry or a pineapple wedge I have maraschino cherries, they're up on the same shelf Next to the half-open, fucking half-finished Seagram 7 in the Fireball.

It would have been so much better. And Bitters is up there, too. Two of these drinks is equal to seven regular drinks. No, it's equal to two. It's a part. Unless you're here. One part the first drink. One part the second drink.

There's two parts. Carry the one. Yes, exactly. Now I've talked about it. this would be the third podcast. We just watched what I said I wasn't going to bother watching. But then I go, oh, if I do watch it, I can have Alex over because Alex is on the fucking thing. That stupid, awful reality show I told you to record, but it was on on at 7 a.m instead of 7 p.m resort rescue nude and rude was that the nude and rude is the episode yeah right here in bisbee arizona not nothing ever happens in my town but it did they came here with this fucking awful it is the worst

reality show not good bad, but bad bad. Like they don't even know how to fake shit. It's on the Travel Channel. It's so incredibly boring and fake. Fake to the point where everything about it was fake. I was in it. And I'm going to take it off my IMDb. I'm going to disown it, man.

Because it was embarrassing. I'm glad that I didn't have any lines. But'm going to disown it, man, because it's just, it was embarrassing. I'm glad that I didn't have any lines. But no, when they filmed it, when they shot it, we were faking everything, and we thought that would be part of it. I didn't realize the extent of the fakery, but for no apparent purpose. Nothing. They had this setup. What was the one with the, they had a streaker.

Ooh, how 76 can you get get right so a streaker that was alone at the jumped into the pool in the daytime going whoo to no one and then raising his cocktail and then covering his cock and balls with his hand in camera nobody at the camera shot yes only because other times he was walking around with both hands up when you're streaking alone and you know the camera angles I'm sorry should I do the tree in the forest falling and no one's there to see his cock and balls does he still cover

it and cup it in a hand and when he was chased out he left to where rushing in broad daylight in the fucking main street Bisbee or whatever the streets that is. Well, how did he get in there with no clothes?

I know they don't care to follow him out with the camera. We're a pretty liberal town. It's so bad. It's so poorly done. The guy's name is Shane Green. And I'm going to fuck. I got to remember to tweet him when I get back to my trailer and and just say, hey, we do a show called Reality Show Rescue, where we help people who have no idea how to even do like good fake reality show. Like you're like John Taffer, who I used to be a fucking my mortal internal enemy until he invited me to do his show. I believe you keep asking me on Twitter when that episode I'm as curious as you and I'm as curious as when my fucking paycheck is going to get here from them.

Yeah, I had to I had to track them down. Yeah. Hey, don't make me do that episode, John Taffer. Oh, yeah. You don't even pay your employees. I'm fucking union cocksucker. I don't want to be, but you have to be to do any television. So you know what i would get fined by my fucking union i don't want to be part of for not getting paid from you cocksuckers so

give me a fucking check faggots and i say that with seven different colored dicks in my mouth i love you faggots don't fucking leave me now because no, it was brutal. No, like no hype. Boring. It was bad. It was just bad television. There was no payoff. There was it. And even the guy's accent felt fake.

I don't know if it was real. The fake Australian thing going on. It was a hardcore Australian. It's just it's just. Yeah, it was rough. He didn't know how to create fake tension, or he didn't even yell at people. And the coolest part was the solution to all their problems was they hired a manager. And the manager, because I worked there for three horrible days once.

Pre-taping. Pre-taping. Okay. Because I've been on both sides of this action. Let me quickly back up and explain to the listener. This took place at the resort. It's just some, uh,

it's the center of town in old Bisbee, copper queen hotel. Right. And it's got a bar and a restaurant and they like 38 rooms that are old creaky rooms. Like the hotel. A nudie pool. Nudie pool.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's just a place you go and there's a a balcony you can smoke on if you're having cocktails. That's the only reason I go there. Yeah, and overlook the town. Yeah, it's a quaint place. It's not a resort. No, I wouldn't say it's like something from Tucson or whatever one of those places.

No, no. So a guy comes in. He has no idea what he's doing. He has no focal point. He's not John Taffer. Shut this place down. You're going gonna kill people which you can always manipulate you could do that yeah and make at least watchable bad tv sure but

he couldn't even do that it was bad bad reality well they fired one guy who we're pretty sure was a plant everyone was a plant they do this over the the the supposition is this is done over a course of several days right and if that's the case our friends greg and emily we're sitting in the restaurant in the same booth or table for three days for three solid days in the same clothes absolutely in a before shot and then after the staff meeting the next day in the after shot shot, in the same spot asking for iced tea. Yeah. So he goes in to help fix this resort. And the girl at the bar, who also cuts my hair.

Yeah. Yes. Rachel is the bartender. And she's spending too much time with the locals and not enough time with the plants. Like, she's doing table service, which they don't do. They don't do. Right. time with the locals and not enough time with the plants. Like they're giving she's doing table service, which they don't. They don't do. Right. Alex, every fucking part of it's fake. Yeah. Alex

said Alex said there are signs they approach bartender for service because and so they did that and they took her for task for not doing that. It's just the whole thing was. But the worst part I, I was at the, to solve it,

their problems for the, after they hired a manager who pulled it all together and it was beautiful, except the manager had worked there for like several years before they even shot this thing. Okay. This is the same guy who, when I worked there for three days, couldn't pay me for four months after visiting

him every every two weeks to say hey how about that check hey how about that check hey how about that check so and this is they wonder why they have problems anyway the whole thing was just laughable and uh we got someone to laugh at it's this is a one of my peeves is that when when you start trashing reality for being fake you can't do it on Twitter because there's not enough characters to people go, oh, wow, news alert, reality shows fake. You don't understand the depths to which it's fake. Yes, you know that they build a storyline out of the they create conflict and they with the editing. You might understand that when you understand that some of these, like every fucking part of it's fake to this day, people refer to Jerry Springer.

Oh yeah. They're all these like, Hey, see white trash people like, you know, fucking Jerry Springer guests. No, the Jerry Springer guests are actors.

You stupid fuck. Stop using that analogy. If you know, it's Springer guests are actors, you stupid fuck. Stop using that analogy. If you know, it's fake. I know two people in Bisbee who have done Jerry Springer like three times each. You know, three. Oh, really? Oh, well, now I know. That's right.

Yeah, I did it too. Doug did what you did. Didn't mean to cut the alumni there. There's a show called Mystery Diners that I love reality television. Oh, I think it's great when it's fun. And I watch, I try to spot the bullshit. Bar Rescue and all that, yeah. Yeah, Bar Rescue, the fucking Gordon Ramsay,

even the fucking Chinless Zero on fucking Restaurant Impossible. I don't know if we just talked about this or we just talked about this on a podcast we dumped and didn't air and redid. But either way, the guy from Kitchen Impossible is the worst with his tight fitting shirts and his Nazi pedophile.

Yeah. Grotesque. But I love. But you watch it and have a good time. But I like to watch where they fuck up. I look for all the editing. and have a good time, but I like to watch where they fuck up. I'm like, I look for all the editing. Okay. Oh,

wait, you fucked that up. If you're saying this, why would you say that earlier? All right. Who's the plant? Who's where's the grift. Right.

And I, one of the things I was surprised about on bar rescue is I thought it was way more set up than it was where it, it should have been more set up than it was where he just showed up and went, what are we going to do? All right, we're going to brainstorm here. Like, really?

You didn't have this shit in place weeks ago? Don't you have people? Yeah. So that was impressive. I mean, guy's still a dick, but be full of yourself while you can. Sure. Everyone's got 15 minutes of self-flagellation.

So what was I talking about? Oh, Mystery Diners is a show. It's worse than this that we just watched. Okay. Resort Rescue. For industry folk out there, this looked like a presentation pilot that you would shoot to show

the network what the show would look like without any of the meat like if you fake the whole episode just to show them what it would look like but we'll have real people in the real version and then they decide based on that whether they buy it mystery diners i don't know if it's still on i'm sure a version of it's still on is where they oh the the employee is stealing from you so we're gonna set up uh hidden cameras and find out how your employees are fucking you over right and they sent you know they do that it's so absolutely a slap in the face to anyone's intellect that's watching this even knowing it's one's intellect that's watching this even knowing it's like they i comics that i know are pretending to be waiters and shit in restaurants right and uh there was one i'm like all right they they were

uh one of the beats was uh even bingo spotted this this is how fucking bad it was even bingo went hang on a second pause this the the employee the waiter was stealing a keg of beer and the security camera inside yeah catches him opening the door to go out to the parking lot and then the parking lot camera catches him coming through sure on the way out the keg is tapped on the parking lot size kegs not tapped spot six differences in this cart yeah yeah right right continuity editor yeah right bingo is the one wait hang on well i was telling you for this thing i remember when they did it a year and a half ago when they shot it everyone who worked there i was saying the the the hotel copper queen was really happy that they had rooms booked but

they were all the crew from the show who were, who were filling the hotel. And they're like, Oh yeah, they're shooting a TV show here. Uh, some rescue thing. I don't know.

Everybody knew. I mean, it wasn't, you got paid a hundred bucks. I got paid a hundred bucks for, for like four hours work. So it was pretty cool. And I got to have lunch with the copper queen and pretend like I was going to

be on TV. And that's probably the only time you've ever eaten there. Cause I don't know anyone that's eaten at the Copper Queen. That is the only time I've ever eaten at the Copper Queen. I just recently ate there with the Bratchels. We went there for happy hours. They have a really good outdoor... I know.

On the show, it was the employee smoking area. But it's actually the bar balcony that overlooks that street. It's fucking great. It is. When the sun's coming up, that set's right there. And they told us you can't go out there and expect service because there's only the bartender. So if you want table service, come up here.

We'll bring it to you. But you have to order in here. They were very outright with that. Oh, all right. But you didn't go to the restaurant. Restaurant side. They also have a balcony, but I've never been over there. And you would think it is the premier center of town and all that,

that that would be the town restaurant, kind of like in Gunsmoke or something, you know, whatever. It's not. No one ever goes there. No one recommends it. I go there when people are coming into town that I want to meet. It's easy to find. It's easy to find.

Okay. Someone's coming in. All right, you're going to be here at 1 in the afternoon. All right, Copper Queen Hotel. You'll see it as you come down Highway 80. Okay. Someone's coming in. All right. You're going to be here at one in the afternoon. All right. Copper Queen Hotel. You'll see it as you come down Highway 80. I'll be on the balcony. And we'll go from there. And I'll be smoking cigarettes.

This is what I thought you were going to say. This is the place I have people meet me when they come from out of town, and I want them to leave right away. Oh, yeah. I don't want them to know where I live. Meet me here. No, I got a room upstairs. I got a suite.

You know. Oh, yeah. Mystery Diners. There was I got a room upstairs. I got a suite, you know? Oh yeah. Mystery diners. There was a, that the one with that waiter, he was, uh, serving minors like,

uh, knowingly some cute chicks. And look, he didn't even ask for ID. This girl is it. So I called the place knowing it's just over the top fake being sold. Like, like lizard lot towing shit these are based

on true stories mexican novellas yeah so so i called this pizza place in southern california that was the place where it was filmed and i said i i need to talk to sean or whatever the waiter's name is. Right. He's not here. And I go, well, I just saw the episode of the Mystery Diners, and he was serving underage people, and I need to talk to someone because my daughter was killed in a drunk driving accident after leaving there, and I think he was the one who must have over served her hold on manager gets

on the phone and obviously has to just that whole show is scripted we don't know any of those people they weren't real employees just had to spill the fucking beans completely otherwise I had nothing that yeah my daughter she's in heaven right now because

sorry that's the only voice I have Is a Saul Rosenberg Nice So well congratulations On making your TV debut Thank you it was really They didn't use a word they didn't use anything I did I did good work

I did a lot of good work I got one laugh that they showed Left my best stuff out man My hairdresser fucking monopolized the whole first 20 minutes She stole it I did a lot of good work. I got one laugh that they showed. Yep. Left my best stuff out, man. It would have changed that whole- Yep, my hairdresser fucking monopolized the whole first 20 minutes. She stole it. She stole it. She did.

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of folks we know. And Greg and Emily. Greg and Emily were in it. Actually, the guy, I did a play years ago with Greg and James, who was also in it. Oh, yeah. That's the guy you're sitting with.

And then Emily, Greg's wife, yokoed it all up. But, you know, otherwise, it could have been the three of us. Things happen. Things happen in showbiz. A lot of people. There's a lot of elderly grandmothers who just can't sleep past five

and think about going on a cruise that watched Travel Channel for the premiere of a seven... What fucking show on Basic basic cable premieres at 7 a.m the first showing yeah un-fucking-believable well it was a pleasure to watch you i starstruck the whole time i didn't know how to react thank you we're gonna break quickly and uh what kind of time we at what time it at oh jesus christ, we're going to have to save that other thing for tomorrow. All right, we're going to break with a quick commercial

that has been prerecorded, and I don't know what it is. Sex! Rulers of the underpants universe sex keep your balls off your legs and such sex underwear don't have sweaty balls was that good? I don't know

okay we're back how was that for a commercial fantastic have you heard it before great we're back how was that for a commercial fantastic have you heard it before great we're uh you know what don't go to the mailing list today i'm just gonna do non uh announcements don't buy merch don't oh whoa whoa whoa whoa all right do all that stuff do it in spite of me just to spite me uh tomorrow i have we have a lot of shit we didn't get to today. So tomorrow is going to be chock full of shit we should have talked about today. But we had Alex here, and we're all hyped up on zombies and sugar. Or a zombie, I should say.

Just one drink. Jesus. Mason jars, people. Mason jars. Mason jars. I'm going to fucking buy some tiki equipment on the ebay tonight i've been all inspired by this wow uh so uh yeah we're gonna uh do word of the day alex you're a big uh english guy you're a fucking book writer i am a book published book writer book writer and everything

yes i was uh again gonna read your book in the trailer. Yeah. I thought this time. Don't worry. The first book I brought in, I'm only 10 pages. Now I'm 10 pages into. In 10 days. A page a day, I'm with books. Wow, that's good. I'm way ahead of you. I have a stack of books in there. A stack.

Thinking, oh, that's all I'm going to do is burn through books. So we're doing word of the day. We let Alex pick, and you picked a great one, and it just happens to blend in with the reality show nonsense we've been complaining about. We got a theme going. It's a fucking great word. Write this down.

Hey, you know what? Keep a pen handy. Pause this podcast. Get a pen, because after the word of the day, I have something else I want you guys to do for fun for funds all together as a community of the uh secret people that listen to this podcast all the way through okay all right the word of the day is pedophagy pedophagy it means petty dishonesty or trickery. I will put it in context.

Let's put all this pedophagy behind us, said Mr. Powers, and start dealing with each other in a more straightforward manner. Hey, let's make a reality show based on real events, not just a hodgepodge of pedophagy. That's pedophagy. Ta-da. That's pedophagy. That's with two Ts. I know you're thinking it has something to do with pedophiles based on this podcast. No.

Petty. Pedophagy. Like a fogger. Like a mosquito fogger. Hey, everyone. I just turned my D into two Ts really quick. I was writing it down. You actually did. That's a foggery.

P-E-T-T-I-F-O-G-G-E-R-Y. That's two T's, two G's. Pettifoggery. And an I in between. I just changed an A to an I. Pettifoggery. That's a good one. Yeah, with a British accent, it probably sounds...

It's very Python, very Monty Python work. Exactly. Yes. Pettifoggery. Trickery. Dishon dishonesty i like it that's uh that might be my favorite word of the day of all the words of the day good seeking in that uh and uh we're gonna we're gonna close on this uh we uh chaley and i went into sierra vista oh lolly lolly automotive. Finally, you know what? One one-star Yelp review.

All of a sudden, that part, they couldn't find anywhere to fix my recall problem in the suburban. Oh, they found it right away, didn't they? Didn't they? Yeah, had it fixed within an hour. Yeah. Clintwood was nowhere to be found. Yep. But the ladies in there were.

No, Clintwood was the fucking, I had to deal with Clintwood. When I went in. Oh, yeah. ladies in there were. No, Clintwood was the fucking. I had to deal with Clint. No, when I went in. Oh, yeah. They think you and I are the same person, I think. Well, you look so much alike. I think they were just on edge. When I walked in, even the girl who was clearly eating at her desk was the only one who didn't

have a phone to her ear and was choking through and telling me, no, no, hold on. Yes. Did you hear the one? Thanks for coming back. by the way oh really this girl at the at the service department of lolly automotive right in sierra vista she looked the one that gave you the car looks just like pd his ex and russ's oh yeah you've met her on the road she was in uh albuquerque when anyway you wouldn't remember. She's the one who asked about the caddy. I go, oh, the Cadillac convertible? She's like, yeah, how is that?

I go, it's for sale. Oh, the lollipop? I thought you were talking about PD. No, I don't know who that is. Oh, wait, maybe it's your dad that sold us that. That sounds familiar. She was very interested. No. I don't know who that is. Oh, wait. Maybe it's her dad that sold us that. Could be. All right.

That sounds familiar. She was very interested. All right. Is that running? Oh, yeah. It's running. It's running. Oh, all right.

Cool. Oh, Doug. Doug, the shop that sold it to him or the lot that sold it to him may have sold him a quote unquote running car. Yeah. Doug got it actually running. No, it was running. It just needed brakes and stuff.

It takes like a stem for the... It was in the steering column. It took three weeks to find the part. It's for fucking bingo. That's bingo's responsibility. That would be a pain in the ass

to me. To bingo, that's a... that is it will rust around the neck while she tries to swim in the deep end so hey listen we're driving around anyway i just i want to start doing more little like tiny fuck with so just for fun as a starter fuck with get your pen write this number down is uh so how's my driving it's just some cochise county vehicle in front of us so i just wrote down the number and the car number because nothing bothers me as much as how's my driving you fucking 1-800 narcNARC numbers like that. Did you see someone litter? Like, fuck you.

Is someone speeding? Do you rat someone out? Are they drunk driving? Here's the number to rat. Call on your parents. County vehicle. Call on your parents. County vehicle, more than likely, there's a GPS.

They could tell when the guy's speeding or if he's stopped. If you don't trust him, why'd you hire him? Why did you put him on the fucking road if you have any question about his ability? At the taxpayer expense. The teardrop tattoo should have been a sign. The tourism should have been a giveaway. Just for fun. Just for fun today when you're sitting around.

And this is why this gag only works on the podcast gags like this because people don't listen to it immediately like a tweet if you put out a tweet everyone will call all at once and then never call again yeah yeah and it'll just be this one glut it's gonna be podcast people will yeah someone might be listening to this in 2017 some of them are gonna get it at 4 a.m. And they're going to call. They just saw this guy's like, we're not even open. Well, that's what I want you to do. I want you to call this number and tell them positive things.

Only. Only positive things. About the driver's driving habits. They can be spectacular, fantastical situations of heroism. And he jumped over six buses and threw a flaming brass ring and saved a baby. You just be creative.

The cleanest lane change I've ever seen. Yeah. They can be benign. Broadcast broadcast, but celebrate that. Yes. Take your time, write write it down think it through more drivers like that on the road question the people like i don't understand why you

would have to ask me how his drive driving is i'm a busy woman i i have to take time out of my day to report am i going to be invited to the company Christmas party? Because I feel like I'm an employee now because I have to report on your drivers. Can I bring the other non? Am I a paid informant? Just do whatever. Be creative. Fucking tell me

about it. Positive. All positive. No negative. Yeah, if you fucking record them. I'll fucking link to them if they're funny. I don't know how to do shit on the computer. No, everyone does. Alright, if you fucking record them. I'll fucking link to them if they're funny. I don't know how to do shit on the computer. No, everyone does. All right. You're the only one who doesn't.

You ready for the number? It's 800-949-4801. And the driver's number is 106. And this was a white pickup truck. It was a white vehicle, but you could get by with just that. If they ask. What department are they called? They're called Cochise County?

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it's Cochise County car. Whatever. It's Cochise County government. I mean, this is something I do on the road. You can't tell that it's Cochise County. We saw it.

Something I do on the road all the time just for fun is call 800 number. How's my driving? And that's my thing to do. So make it your thing to do. Call this one for sure. Be like Doug. And just keep fucking hammering. Driver 106 and celebrate all the things he did.

He stopped at a crosswalk and helped ducklings. Whatever. The kittens he saved. Yeah. Baby he helped deliver. Whatever yeah sure absolutely fucking yeah isis get isis in there a whole virus be topical bustle and nuns and he's saved from being captured by isis sure you know yeah uh he was had jeb bush in the cars jeb bush is supposed to be in there he was they were some kind of collusion about rigging an election i heard it at a red light so yeah and yeah tweet me with what how you fucked with him and uh that's that uh we uh we appreciate

you being here do we have a closing song that last night's song the first time i get a bad tweet about a closing song one guy and i'm sure a lot of people did not like tim curry's paradise garage do you have a song that you fucking offhand but remember what i told you about that paradise it's not available anywhere i got it off youtube yeah so i don't know what recording you heard but either way no it was it was the whole thing from the engine revving all the way through i have no idea part of that out because even from paradise garage anyway i'm just gonna drop this bar i'm gonna fucking drop this right now i was gonna try to save this for the last one i don't know if i can top this one but uh yeah you're gonna fucking turn this up

because and get ready to pogo stick all over your your goddamn kitchen and break dishes because yeah this is the one i was probably gonna save till the end and I have nothing else. So I'm just going to spend it now while I'm in double digits. It's Joe Jackson. Ladies and gentlemen, got the time. We'll be right back. Sit down, got another letter to write Think hard, gotta get a letter just right Need to ring another telephone Oh no, gotta write a letter later

No such day as tomorrow Only one, two, three, go Time, got the time tick, tick, tick it in my head Time, got the time tick, tick, tick it in my head Time, got the time tick, tick, tick it in my head Tick it in my head Tick it in my head Tick it in my head. Take it in my head. Take it in my head.

If I tell you what I'm doing today, will you? Shall I make it out of my way? Someone asking what the time is. I don't know. Only know I gotta go now. No time. Time to get to watch Repent. No time.

Never got a thing to wear. Never ringing on the telephone. Oh no. Here ringing in my head now. So such day as tomorrow. Outro Music Take it out of my head Take it out of my head Thank you. We'll be right back. Follow me. One, two, three, go. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time.

Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time.

Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time.

Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time.

Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time.

Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time.

Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time.

Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time. Time.

Time. Time. Time. Take it, take it in my hand