The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DAY 23 - Tin Can Rehab

Episode Date: March 12, 2015

DAY 23A daily podcast following Doug's self-imposed rehab to quit smoking.  It's the triumphant return of Chad Shank. The kids discuss purple mud bunion, India's rape phenomenon and more.Support the podcast with a donation or purchasing some Stanhope merch. Recorded Mar 11, 2015 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.Links-Vintage Spirits and Forgotten Cocktails - http://amzn.to/1imiIsc Intro music "30 Days In The Hole" by Humble Pie. Closing song “Superman's Song” by Crash Test Dummies. Both available on iTunes.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

What's the worst that could happen? As we talked for an hour ago, that sucks. Let's dump the whole thing and start over. Because that buys me another drink. It's day 23 as far as you're concerned. And fucking Chad Shank's back. I guess you heard from some people. Yeah, I got a few messages.

I'm glad that everybody's nice to me. Because I'd hate to be like Troy Holm where everybody's on the end of your wrath coming down because I forget my phone makes noise until you do something like that, and then it starts buzzing and making all kinds of noises. We've had a few Troy Holm light on just this 30-day thing. So for the last 22, there's been some characters that have come out, but I'm not even going to fucking mention their names anymore because they just make me crazy continuing that.

But I will mention we did hear from Peldma. I don't even know his first name. We just call him Peldma. That's a really Mad Magazine kind of name. This is some guy that sent me $200 to kind of critique his podcast, which we did really cold, brutally. And then didn't hear back from him. Like, wow, were we too mean to that guy?

Because we just kind of talked about him on the podcast and never heard another word. But he did. He actually sent us some CDs of his podcast, all cleaned up with a long, like a 20-minute, here's just to Doug and Chaley. A personal message. Yeah, we listen to that.

And I get it in the Tahoe, which, yeah. So when I'm driving around to the grocery store, I'll listen to it. I listen to it. I try to listen to it today, some of the other stuff, and just to hate it. Because I know it's not going to be much different, but we know that. But the girls were in the car and they were cackling,

so I shut it off. So on my silent mornings of hate and rage, I'll drive around and go, ah, this podcast stinks more than mine. But that was very nice of you to make that effort to get back to us after we shit all over your podcast so

the last time I saw Chad Shank except for briefly where you were at the when I showed up because I get to call that bingo is having EMTs attend to her because she was having a fucking piano move for her video.

Yeah, onto the stage at the school? Yeah. So she had Chad and Joby and Derek and Kenny and so, yeah, I showed up, which is nice to run into an old friend at a scene of an accident

where they're fucking, they're strapping your fucking girlfriend into a neck brace into a gurney and taking her vital signs and she's delirious and doesn't know where she is and then you see your all your buddies are there so you go over and fucking swap out some hugs and high fives be right there baby what are you doing man last time i talked to you chad shank you had a fucking walnut for prostate then you're gonna try to ignore it away i do like the new standing arrangement for the podcast that helps the prostate problem yeah when you called and you said it was fucking bad like you're gonna have to force a piss and whatnot oh man it's some bad shit i never had no problem

they kept asking if i had an STD. So I guess STDs can cause prostate problems. But I looked up online. Unchecked probably, right? I looked up online. I think they said like jerking off too much can cause it too. I don't think. I don't know why I got it, but I got some sort of.

I guess we'll hear about it on Twitter. Because if there's a crew that can answer that question. I think our listeners might help you out. I've had so many fucking medical problems that I just cured by tweeting about like, alright, the chalazion's on my eye.

What are these fucking weird lumps? And then Dr. Steve from the Opie and Anthony show. Hang on, there's probably... I've had it myself. You can go Opie and Anthony show. Hang on. It's probably. I've had it myself. You can go to YouTube and see him being removed. They kind of went away. Fucking everything I've had has eventually gone away.

I just usually wait. You said, yeah, the doctor, they said I should definitely go to the hospital. And then my wife looked it up online as a second opinion. And she said, I should definitely go to the hospital, but I've got to go all the way to Tucson to the VA hospital, and that's a pain in the ass. So I'm just going to. Like four-hour wait, probably. I'm not going to sit there for that shit.

I can't smoke weed. I'll probably be there for a couple of days. So I went to the local VA hospital They give me some Antibiotics and I'm taking those And it's somewhat Subsided, it's weird I get weird

Raging boners that are bigger than Any other boner for the first Couple of weeks I kept showing Them to my wife every time Look at this Be alone. This is gigantic. It's all piss.

I don't know. I don't know what it was. Oh, fucking hurt, though. It's bad. Jesus. It was like a plum. Like someone shoved a plum up my ass. Did you go in after it?

Did you fucking root around in there? The chick at the doctor's office did. Nice. Slower. Oh, my God. That's not a good fucking sign. That's really big. I was like, I don't even know what the fuck that means.

I don't know if I should feel proud. Is it bigger than your boyfriend's? Yeah, I felt kind of proud at first, and then I realized that's probably not a good thing. So that's the fix, is they give you some antibiotics. Yeah. See, you can't pronounce that. He says antibiotics on purpose

i just wanted to say it's called ciproflaxin yeah it's weird they have to give you a special thing with it apparently it causes your ligaments it can cut one of the side effects it can cause your ligaments to detach from your bones or some weird shit like that interesting i've never had to take so. So you threw them away. I've been taking them. That's crazy. Billy Bad did that. I don't move a lot.

Remember? That story. Yeah, Billy Bad is a buddy up in Alaska. He earned his name. He was trying to lift a hot tub or something by himself at his cabin. Go ahead. And as he's lifting it up, he's trying to get it into the back of the truck and it's like that one last one more and like his his muscle tore off of his uh his arm like whatever wherever it was attached like his bicep down here and he he said it was like a cartoon where it rolled up and just detached and the whole

muscle just swank right up to like a old uh like an old curtain or something a shade a shade that you let go he wasn't laying in bed watching game of thrones though was he because that's what i've been doing he was he was after that, after that, he had to drive himself to a hospital. He was at the cabin by himself. Yeah, I don't care what the side effects were. If they said it would make that shit go away, I'll make

it go away. That's some of the worst pain ever. Wow. Yeah, it doesn't seem like that's an antibiotic thing. Yeah. That's a... Ciproflexin something. And you have to take it for a long-ass time. Yeah, it doesn't seem like that's an antibiotic thing. Yeah. Cipro, Cipro, Ciproflex and something. And you have to take it for a long ass time. Yeah, because this has been a while since I talked to you.

I don't know, fucking days dragged. Yeah, this fucking day 23. Really? It feels like I just gave up and created a new lifestyle. I go back to what? I don't know what I used to do. It doesn't seem like I did much different. I don't even remember.

I think that's a good sign. Yeah, well, fucking Joby came over here for five minutes today, and the first thing I did was look at his tit pocket for those Winstons, and he had them. On my way over here, usually I'll call or text Doug and, you know, do you need anything before I pass the grocery store? It's on my way over.

A pack of Marlboro Lights never hurts. And I was on my way and that's the first time I went to call and I'm like, oh, no, I'm not even going to call. I'm just going to go. But it wasn't even like, oh my God, I'm going to break.

I just, yeah, all right. He's got cigarettes. I know it's not, I don't feel like, you know, I'm going to break. I just, yeah, all right, he's got cigarettes. I know. I don't feel like, oh, you know, I can't even smoke. I could. Yeah, I could definitely. And I probably would if he hung around, and I'm glad he left. So, yeah, it was fine.

So, yeah, I saw you at bingos. You talked to her for a minute. She doesn't seem there. No. At one point today, I was going to say's uh at one point today it's uh i was gonna say it's not funny but it's definitely funny uh but i it's i'm not not serious yeah in that yeah her yeah her head is fucking gone she she she biffed it well enough today. I said to her, I go, have you even showered yet? Like she had blood in the emergency room.

She had blood caked to the back of her skull from where she was sitting. I evidently was spurting. I with her heartbeat. Yeah. I was spurting when they they got there. Fortunately, I missed out that part. You can see the big spray on the ground right there from when I first rolled her over.

I was... She was two steps behind me. We had just walked out of the school there, and we were going down to meet Derek, and then we walked out, and I've heard behind me just that sick smack. I've heard it before. There's no other sound like it

than somebody's head hitting the asphalt and they did not try to stop themselves. So I knew what I was going to see when I turned around and she was just face down just wigging out. She was fully involved. I knew right away she was having a seizure. Yeah, there was no mistaking it.

And I just rolled her over and Kenny was Johnny on the spot. And for everyone out there, I appreciate all the texts and Kenny was Johnny on the spot. And for everyone out there that said, I appreciate all the texts and bingo will to, if her fucking head ever comes back, I'll tell her about it. But yeah, she's,

she's not epileptic. So everyone is, Hey, I'm epileptic too. So I know she's not epileptic. She's had two seizures. The first one, she didn't tell anyone about a few days before.

And then that one. And so, yeah, we have to go to a neurologist. She's never had seizures before. So this is not like we have no idea. Well, we have some hypotheses, but I've had seizures from psych meds before, too. Yeah. had seizures from psych meds before too yeah the fucking doctor at the emergency ward said well that's uh you know 99 of the seizures we get we can't account for so that's why they call it epilepsy because they don't know what else to call it and i go oh kind of like autism yeah or

as burgers yeah you just have a name the myrophilat what is that fibromyal Fibromyalgia. I hurt generally. What's the tired all the time one? Chronic fatigue, I guess. Epstein-Barr. Oh, Epstein-Barr. He's got all the fucking psychosomatic attic insane. She's got a dog. It's so fucking small town here oh when i asked her if she showered yet because the fucking caked on blood in her hair like it

was like dreads she filmed a fucking video she actually filmed that i don't know how they got her to film it but she pulled it off uh with the eye but she still and i said you haven't showered because she's pretty fucking rank and that scab like that will come off if you fucking just get in the shower for like 10 minutes and a lot of that shit that's flaking off your face black fucking blood dried still grounded dirt yeah and she goes well it just happened yesterday and i went oh honey it's wednesday that happened saturday and then she that look of like i imagine that's what your all alzheimer's grandpa gets when dad realizes oh ooh, it's getting to time. No, I'm Cindy, dad.

Barbara's your older daughter. You're not my wife? So she gave me the... No, it's not yesterday, baby. So, yeah, to get... The emergency room said you got to get... Whatever. Someone has to send you to a neurosurgeon. The emergency room said you got to get whatever. Someone has to send you to a neurosurgeon.

Your primary care physician has to send you to a neurosurgeon. So her primary care, we have a fucking clinic we go to if we need anything. Yeah. So that's as primary as it gets. And that guy couldn't even get her. She has to go. She couldn't just make a fucking call. She says, oh, all He, she has to go. She couldn't just make a fucking call. She says,

Oh, all right. A neurosurgeon. Well, here I'll have my fucking secretary patch you through to fucking gym up in Tucson. No, she has to schedule an appointment.

So she had to wait a fucking week on Friday. She goes to see him so he can send her somewhere else, which will take another fucking week. And meanwhile, she doesn't know where she is, what day it is. She always talks. I mean, she's't know where she is, what day it is. She always talks. I mean, she's there.

Yeah. But she talks like she just woke up all the time. Slower. Yeah. She talks like she's on pain meds, and they gave her no pain meds. That's what I kind of thought, too. You said that. I didn't know.

I thought maybe she had pain meds or something. Fuck. You know what? I just realized. I hope someone's monitoring her meds, meaning her friends that are in town. That's what I was going to ask you is because she's on a pretty good schedule of regular meds. Yeah. When she gets back, I should have her come over here once a day.

And we'll set her meds out in front of her. And then I'm going to have them with my shit when I take my poop pills. You can give her the job. Oh, I've been shitting black. Hey, do you like caviar? No, you're not a sushi guy, right? What a weird series of questions. It's actually dark green, but I just rapid cycled through a bunch of thoughts there.

It's so nice to have fucking Chad back. It doesn't seem weird to me. I'm the same way. I haven't talked to anybody since the last time I talked to you, so it's great. I'm on track. We're drinking Negronis tonight. Chad Shank is opted out. No thanks.

He's having a Bud Light, which is a nice cocktail in itself. And some heroin. Oh yeah, that's the actual name from the green green pharmacy and Bisbee heroin always nice to like what how many fucking businesses would love to

do that like how many TGI Fridays like guy would like how do we just like say it's like heroin oh it's a you bet you can't eat just one no i want to actually say heroin can we call them heroin wings because you're just gonna keep fucking banging these down your head we can't say heroin well the fucking green pharmacy they're a pot dealer why can't we do that you could i've gotten some called green crack before no shit i'll suck your dick can i get some more of that i'll suck your dick blooming onion

i'll suck your dick blooming onion beautiful fucking chaley ch. The little bit of Peltzman podcast we did listen to. Chaley had the only punchlines. And he was killing. Chaley's in the car listening to it. He's fucking killing. And I'm trying not to talk because I know you're listening. He's telling some run-on story with no fucking punchlines about, I guess, being in a whorehouse and fucking some woman in a whorehouse.

And there's a mirror there and he's talking about some esoteric fucking religious experience or leaving his body or something. And when I looked at her and I could see myself in the mirror I was like, it's out of my mind or something. And Chaley goes, so are the guys that were looking from behind the mirror.

Like, wow, there is a laugh in here but you have to have chaley in the car i come with i come with every cd uh yeah we're drinking uh negronis uh what is this is this is a whiskey you got it right there i don't have my fucking reading glasses on. Okay. Oh, it's gin. It's one ounce gin, one ounce sweet vermouth, one ounce Campari, and one slice of orange, which really does a fucking... We have a blood orange.

That's the blood orange you got today. It's a blood orange. Yeah. Speaking of... This is called the Chad's Prostate. It's got the blood orange. That's what the difference between a Negroni and the fucking shank steak. I squoze it myself.

And it's good. It's fucking, it's bitter and nice. Good drink if you're only going to have two. Well, it's got that aromatic. The Campari, I guess, is aromatic. And that's that kind of aftertaste. Well, it starts out good, and then it turns into kind of like

if you started an orange by biting into it. That kind of... I got this book I ordered on the Amazon. It's called Vintage Spirits and Forgotten Cocktails. And it's all Prohibition-era, old-timey cocktails with the recipes, which is nice. It gives you some history on the drinks. And then the recipe is all I really gave a fuck about.

And it's cool. It's spiral-bound, so it looks like an old Betty Crocker cookbook. And I don't really give a fuck about the history. Sometimes you pick up a little thing. Like, I think, did we talk about the French 75s? They're named after French, yeah, French 75. It's like, I don't know, I think bourbon or vodka with champagne. And it was called the French 75 based on the 75 millimeter cannons

the French used in World War I. And the kick of the cannon. This has a kick. It's champagne, French, but it's got a kick, which is the vodka. I saw one recipe with bourbon and champagne. Oh, I don't know. A lot of these. All right, so that's nice to know.

You look long enough. The point is, if you're drinking French 75s at a bar and you need something as a conversation starter let's do those before double sadness sorry the point is uh so i got it for the recipes because we're doing this like every night for at least seven more nights and uh every fucking recipe i opened this to when i first got it has something that doesn't exist or unless you're in in liquor world the biggest liquor store in the world that prides themselves on having everything

that ever like a museum of liquor you're not going to be able to make any of these fucking drinks so whatever your name is the author you're a fucking asshole. Here's recipes in theory, I should have said. With recipes, asterisk in theory as a footnote. Alright, here, let's go. This is a golden dawn. What's in the golden dawn?

Is that D-O-N or D-A-W-N? Dawn. Dawn. D-A-W-N. The golden dawn. IngredientA-W-N. Okay. The Golden Dawn ingredient. Right off the bat. Three quarters ounce. Calvados. Do you have any Calvados in your bar?

The fuck is a Calvados? It's capital, so it's a proper name. Dry gin. Got it. Apricot brandy. Could probably find it even in Bisbee, maybe. Probably apricot. Orange juice.

Got it. Pomegranate grenadine. Okay, thank you. Was that fucking big in Prohibition? Was pomegranate a flavor that they just invented like 10 years ago? The fruit might have existed, but they didn't have pomegranate-flavored shit or fucking acai with the little squirrely sperm thing over the sea. I don't know. Do you even know how to pronounce that? Acai? Acai? Acai? Acai with the little squirrely sperm thing over the sea. I don't know. Do you even know how to pronounce that?

Acai. Acai. Acai. Acai. Acai. I know. There's still some fucking samurai says when he's slicing a fucking melon or some fucking jinx head off.

Acai. Pomegranate fucking grenadine okay then you fucking turn the page and you go okay I honestly nine I in a row wherever all right we got the the hanky panky they go in alphabetical order

okay one and a half ounces gin one and a half ounces sweet vermouth and then just two dashes of frené bronca oh i was so close i had the first two oh i had cherry cherry and if i just got that third cherry i'd have i'd have a hanky pankanky. But no, no, the fucking Frenet Bronco. Excuse me, Safeway, do you have any of that Frenet Bronco from the olden times? Drink your hanky and shut up.

Don't worry about the panky. It goes on. Oh, this one has red pomegranate. A real pomegranate grenadine. I guess the other one was fake shit. Imitation. You know, since you said that, I looked it up. Grenadine is made with pomegranate juice, sugar, and water.

That's what grenadine is. So they were just specimens. This is real pomegranate. Now we're getting deep. And this one has a, I don't even know what, have a heart cocktail. One ounce or three quarters ounce Swedish punch. And it's spelled almost like beer hall.

Putsch is like, it's all fucked up. P-U-N-S-C-H. Punch. Swedish punch. Please have some punch for my cocktail. It's right here, Doug. This will totally solve the mystery. Here's Rose's Grenadine Syrup.

And you're concerned with why they're calling it pomegranate? Wait, what is that? This is Rose's Grenadine. Oh. So as you can see here in the ingredients, high fructose corn syrup, water, citrus acid. Well, what was supposed to be? What was the other shit? No, the Rose's Lime.

That's different. Oh, wait, hang on. What did you just say? I'm all fucking screwed up. No, the pomegranate grenadine. They're just saying pomegranate grenadine. That is what grenadine is. Okay.

But then I went to go check our Rose's grenadadine which has no pomegranate it's just corn syrup and flavorings so maraschino liqueur is that like cherry brandy i don't know i don't maybe if i read the words in the beginning of the book it would like spell some of this shit out uh so anyway we we fuck we we we we did make some negronis it sounds like uh like brooklyn italian slang you fucking negroni suck my bug you fucking you got moosh you're fucking negroni you fuck let's go take a break get back with uh more chatter if we're gonna get in a chad shanks prostate with the uh with the uh what do you call that camera i forget the name of it

i was gonna say a speculum i'm doing the inchworm with my finger arcoscopic it's like that but it's not that at all that goes in your knee that's joe rogan does that to clean out his fucking bad knees all the time. Get that. We don't have that camera, so you'll have to use your finger. Colonoscope. Thank you. The lady in the back. Thank you, Tracy. All right. We'll be back with more fucking

peppy talk after these messages. Hey, this is the Boston Marathon Bomber, and even I can't pronounce my own name. And you're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. And now a peek into Santa's handbag. What did we get today in the mail? Bingo's friends, the the filmmakers they're down here and uh and yesterday we got a bunch of shit we got the bottle of vodka and they walk in and we get all

this stuff the empty boxes and they're like just people just send you stuff and i'm yeah i get that bottle of 42 below vodka and uh bingo's got all sorts of shit flowers with tulips you know does that happen every day and i go yeah pretty much like i want to fucking be you i mean yeah you should have been like it's i love it i can't wait i i think i've already said this today sund Sundays, I just want to eat Xanax and sleep away the day because there's no threat. We get the triple threat, UPS. The mail comes early. Mail gets here at 10.30 to 11.

And then if you get blanked on that, Tuesday seems to be a suck day generally. Yesterday, we did good. Tuesday is a fucking weak-ass mail day. But then you go, oh, there's still UPS and FedEx. What am I going to get? I got one thing today. This guy sent me this.

I got a 1965 collector's edition, the big news yearbook. And it's just fun to look at shit. Ronald Reagan, will he be governor? This is really good. The Negro Revolution. So, yeah, it's old-school-y news. And on the back, this is fucking great. Look, you can mail order.

This is what we were talking about, Mother. Oh, she'd send out the packages. The merch would go. Remember when you used to order something, it would say, wait six to eight weeks for delivery. So these people can kiss my ass. That's when Mother would do merch. That doesn't work anymore, Mom. There's no more six to eight weeks for delivery. So these people kiss my ass. That's when mother would do merch. That doesn't work anymore, mom. There's no more six to eight

weeks for delivery. On the back of this, there's a bunch of like these, you know, the things that when you open a magazine and the shit that drops out to try to get you to subscribe to it. But yeah, but this thing's full of them all six to eight weeks for delivery. No, that's that was

the note from the dude. But on the back, there's a joke book. Be the crack up at your party. It's fun to be a Polack. It's a whole fucking book of Polack jokes. Mail away for a dollar. The joke book that's sweeping the country. The party joke book to end all party joke books.

Yeah, probably. Yeah, that probably ended it. Fucking. No more jokes. No more jokes. No more jokes. I got cartoons for coons coming. What?

No. No, they ended that. Come on. It's fun to be a Polack. Yeah, they ended that with the Polacks. The joke books are no longer. Polak! Yeah, they ended that with the Polaks.

The joke books are no longer. For just $1 or 25 zloty, that's going to be Polish currency. I see what they're doing. You can be the mirth man of the hour. You can also keep a copy on your desk or in your lunch basket to convulse your buddies. Yeah, it's fun to be a Polack to work. Leave it on your desk as a conversation starter.

I fucking hope when they wrap up that sorry bag of shit show Mad Men, which I loved at the beginning, and it just, all right, come on, fucking be some reason to kill a guy again. The guy hung himself. That was fun. Yeah, I would love to see the, it's fun to be a Polack in guy hung himself that was fun yeah i would love to see the it's fun to be a polak in the like final episode of mad men like that's how he gets fired that's how don draper that's his undoing as he has it's fun to be a polak on his desk right when that became

uncool to have and they go uh we're firing you and by the way this whole don draper thing turns out yeah this whole p-o-w-m-i-a thing where they're going back to find the fucking yeah they found don draper all buried in a hole you're not him all right if you've watched mad men you'd know but yeah i, I'm letting the cat out of the bag. It ends with him being fired for having it's fun to be a... Funny to be a... Fun or funny? Fun. Fun to be a Polack.

And they have the guy in a white wife beater with a fucking... Some kind of... Of course. He's got a drink like ours. He's got like a zombie in his hand. He's got a Negroni. Yeah. And his boxers.

I wish I could... Let's try to find this book. Hey, find that book for me on eBay. You don't have to buy it, but try to find It's Fun to Be a Polak, and that's P-O-L-A-K. There's no C in it. Polak.

P-O-L-A-K. That's that. I guess on my top 10 songs that are not going to make it as a closing song, I guess I gave you nine. So I guess I forgot to say, and this is what Chaley does, when he's fucking editing things, pricks. Oh, I'm looking at a fucking wrong list.

The one I missed was Keep Me in Your heart for a while by warren zeevon i had i there was at least five warren zeevon songs that were in the running and that was just too uh low tempo sad it's fucking great song so yeah if you're if you're making a playlist of the top 10 that was the 10th i guess i skipped it last night. Maybe we should let Chad pick the song tonight. From your list or from his playlist? No, I have a list somewhere. You know what? First of all,

speaking of Chad Shank, since we got him here, let's go to the much neglected crime scene here in Bisbee. Chad Shank is going to read the police beat. Chad, are you there with me? A white truck with a trailer hit a speed bump on Barnett Road and lost part of its load. The driver got out, examined it, then left without picking his load back up.

And it's all too often that we hear stories like this so please make sure to stay alert and stay vigilant and call in any kind of erroneous reports like this because you never know when you might save a life chad shank what else do you have for us out there well doug i just want to add always uh pick up your load as well just be courteous you You know what? That's a good sediment. A thin white male wearing a black hat jumped up and looked in the window of a house on Shearer Avenue.

And you know what? That's not just profiling before we start getting a lot of emails and phone calls. That's not profiling. That's just trying to be safe in a world that grows ever more dangerous. Thanks, Chad. Anything else we should know about? A subject was asked to leave the Copper Queen Hotel, but stayed on the front porch talking to himself.

Well, you know what? It takes a certain kind of spirit that can get out there on those mean streets and have the courage to take all this in and report back to us. Thank you, Chad Shank. We'll see you on the next broadcast. Thank you, Chad. And now, with the word of the day, our sponsor today for the word of the day. Who is our sponsor today? Hey, those animals aren't going to feed themselves. our sponsor today.

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That's 217-234-7373 at 2001 Western Ave in Mattoon. Tell them the Doug Stanhope Podcast sent you. Yeah! This ad was Doug Stanhope Podcast approved. let's get to the word of the day the word of the day today from roger's the source of words for intellectuals and yeah i actually get a giant check from roger every time i drop that fucking name and if you want to call me a sellout and one of roger's little fucking uh little uh uh nymphs what are the what are the oliver twist kids those little what do you call them urchins urchin street urchin yeah rose roger's urchin yeah roger gives me a check

signed with his big flowery liberace signature. Roger is all it says. Glitter comes off the check. Dead serious. All right, this is the word of the day. It's an adjective. Contamacious. Contumacious. Contumacious.

Contumacious. Contumacious is obstinately resisting authority. I think Chad Shanks here. Disobedient. Insubordinate. Contamacious. Do you always have to be so contamacious? I like, and it also, you think they're about to say cunty.

Do you always have to be so contamacious with your backspeak? Please, ma'am. Ma'am? What did you call me? You. You. Hey, beaver face.am. Ma'am? What did you call me? You. You. Hey, beaver face. Don't be contumacious.

How do you spell that? Contumacious. Wait, wait. I like it. The contumacious defendant eventually had to be gagged. That's how the Roger puts it into a sentence. C-O-N-T-U-M-a-c-i-o-u-s contumacious i don't think anyone's

gonna use that word in a sentence today i think they're all gonna just ditch this word because they're all excited about hearing this song that they just heard uh chad shank yeah he hit record as soon as he as soon as you started clearing your pipes he fucking hit the button

silly sneaky I still want to talk about the fucking Indian thing but I'm trying to do current events they fucking this mob in India like thousands of people another Indian chick was raped

and this time the townspeople said no more did you read this? and fucking thousands of them went in like old movie style and busted down the jail door and went and fucking got the guy out of jail and drug him out and they were going to lynch him but they accidentally killed him before they could even get to the lynching

fucking pummeling they drug him too hard yeah they beat him with fucking, they were stoning him. It was one of those things. A thousand people, you're like, well, how do you want to kill him? And everyone's got an opinion. Don't throw the rocks stringing up a thing.

Well, I have nails here. I have nails. They crucify. We're not even in the place. He's unconscious. Finally, finally fucking people are going to stand up for fucking women's rights with all the fucking rape nonsense going on over there in the India. Well, it turns out they only did this because the dude that fucking raped her was Bangladeshi. He was a fucking migrant worker.

Like, oh, no fucking, they're stealing all our raping jobs you fucking and you you should have known that it was not a fucking indian that did the work because he did it alone because the indians have to gang rape and my theory is that the indians gang rape because of their extreme femininity as men they can't rape alone they don't have the upper body strength i think if women didn't exist indian men is who we would pleasure ourselves with they are the women of men so if there's no women they they're like they're the back of the train so i think it's almost empowering when an Indian man gets to rape. Because one-on-one, he can't beat a woman.

He's going in there. It's a fair fight. So he has to get a bunch of friends. And they do it trying to work up. They have to draw straws for order beforehand. It's a whole process it's like you with uh like when rogan's in the room or chad shanks in the room all of a sudden you have a little bravado right yeah right yeah uh so yeah fucking just learn from the bangladeshis don't hate them india

just one day maybe you can rape one on one. You fucking filthy cowards. If you're an Indian that doesn't rape girls or just does it by yourself, I'm not hammering you. I'm... How many Indian gang rapes does it take before a solo artist gets some respect or at least i'm like stand out at least you didn't like bring your friends in on this like there's no nepotism it's just straight up one-on-one like all right not as cowardly like thank you judge

thank you for noticing i'm an artist you have many push-ups i had to do to get this upper body strength to hold it straight in in the the doug stanhope podcast world not being an indian that doesn't rape is actually the same as an indian who rapes solo well no not the same but i mean he's next not the same but equal he can league up like he can go, you know what? I proved my point. I raped all by myself and I'm moving on. All right. It's like a subcast system.

I'm picturing the Indian woman on the bus. It's always on a bus. Is it always on a bus? Or did I just hear about the bus one all the time? I'm just picturing it's always on a bus. And then she's getting raped. And the girl's like looking around and going like, wow, is this slow season? There's nobody.

It's just you? Oh, fuck. I'm going to make my stop. Every bus in India is overflowing with people. They're hanging on the outside of the bus, right? Yeah, maybe it's not rape at all. I'm sorry. I had no other room for my penis.

It was either my penis or my backpack. I had to choose. It's a bumpy road they're going down. Come on. My hands are up here. All right. Glad we got some rape material in. I don't have an open mic where I live, so I can't work out my Indian. Indians are the females of men,

so they have to rape and pax bit. But by the time I get back on the road, maybe Indian men will have fucking learned that that's not right. And maybe you should fucking respect women. Maybe we should start gang raping Indian men. We as Americans. No,

just the three of us. Like, like in Bisbee. I think there's one. We're going to get out the phone book? There is one. Hang on. You got the math?

Phone book? You got the police beat right here. I'm going to show you. There is one. There's two Asians. I don't know where they live. Is it a rape story? You know there's a Chinese restaurant that no one ever goes into?

I've never seen the door open. Besides Safeway. It's like three doors down from Safeway. Chinaland. It's called Chinaland. Chinaland or China Garden or something. Chinaland. We went in there once just to see if it was actually open.

Never seen a soul go in and out of there. We went in once 10 years ago when we moved here and they seemed weirded out to have customers and we never went back. But now that place, that hotel, where is it? Come on.

It was in. Oh, here it is. The San Jose Lodge. It's on Naco Highway. It's a motel, bar, and restaurant that used to just have breakfast all day. That was terrible. They're like, all right, I'll just make my own. And now the restaurant is American Mexican Hint of India.

So, you know, it's Patel Motel Mafia. That's the smell drifting over from the lobby. Exactly. That's a hint. All right. Would you like some curry coffee? Yeah. We just fucking walk in, all of us.

We look at the lady and she trembles because she's from india and she knows a fucking group of dudes is always a problem and we go we're not here for you this time step aside and you point at the fucking husband that's how they met you could have heard a pin drop when tommy stopped and locked the door drag him out to the parking lot to our bus. Everyone considered them the coward rapists of the county.

No, please. Leave me alone. Chad goes in by himself and she's like, I can take him. And then you walk in and she's like, game over. All right. Chad, we're going to do your song tonight. I had to pick.

I had to fucking. I was going to tell you. I had to cut some. You know what? Maybe we wait for. All right. No, tomorrow. This is a great fucking song.

Crash Test Dummies. I get the version where it's just Brad Roberts, the lead singer. He's the fucking guy. That voice. It's just a wicked good song. I think I have three Superman songs. So it's Superman in the title in my iPod. But this is the fucking one.

This is the monster. These are the ones that get cut because I had to boil it down. We only have a week left. And I know what fucking number one is. And I have three others that i can't ever get cut so i had to pick between big country in a big country scottish band sorry scotland i fucking love you and i love that song but it had to go people know it i want to rock it's a fucking great song you you want to pump up before a show, get your yeah-yes fucking rocking.

You're going to play Fargo at the Nestor's Tavern. I want to rock! 70 people, and you're sitting in raw sewage in the basement. Yeah, I want to rock! Rock! What do you want to do with your life? This is a fucking closing song tonight. Hopefully we get more of Chad Shank coming around.

This is Crash Test Dummies or Brad Roberts, if you get the live version. Superman song. And you really got to listen to the lyrics in this song. This is not a dance number. This is you got to hear the story. It's a fucking beautiful lyrics. Enjoy. Wasn't a ladies man He'd just come along

And scoop my thunder His arm like that Quick as a cat in the jungle But Clark Kent Now there was a real gent He would not be caught sittin' around in no jungle ski Dumb as I'm he, doin' nothin' Superman never made any money

For saving the world from Solomon Grundy And sometimes that dispel the world And never see another man like him Hey Bob Soup had a strange job even though he could have smashed through

any bank in the United States where he had the strength but he would not Where he had the strength but he would not Folks and his family were all dead The planet crumbled but Superman

He forced himself to carry on Forget Krypton and keep going Superman never made any money For saving the world from Solomon Grande And sometimes I dispel The world will never see Another man like him Tarzan was king of the jungle

And the Lord over all the apes And bodies could hide their strength together For words I toss and you change Sometimes When soup was stopping crimes I'll bet that he was tempted To just quit and turn his back on me Join us in the forest But he

stayed in the city Kept on changing clothes and tidy all the phone But still his work was through Nothing to do but go on home Superman never made any money The same in the world from Solomon Gandhi

And sometimes I just feel the world We'll never see another man like him And sometimes I dispel the world We'll never see another man like him Like hell