The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DAY 26 - Tin Can Rehab

Episode Date: March 15, 2015

DAY 26A daily podcast following Doug's self-imposed rehab to quit smoking. Doug has a plan for the Farmer's market and Chaille signs off from the Tin Can Rehab.Support the podcast with a donation or purchasing some Stanhope merch. Recorded Mar 14, 2015 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope) and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.Links-MOTERN MEDIA - http://moternmedia.com/home.htmlBAR RESCUE "STORMING THE CASTLE" -  http://www.spike.com/shows/bar-rescue/tv-scheduleFAB HABITAT - http://fabhabitat.com/rugs.html HAA SHOW - http://www.haashow.com/GHOST RIDE PRODUCTIONS - ghostride.comDoug Stanhope's #TinCanRehab Playlist - http://bit.ly/1BUwPTcIntro music "30 Days In The Hole" by Humble Pie. Closing song “Real, Real Gone” by Van Morrison. Both available on iTunes.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Are we going? Okay, day 26, which is, yeah, five shows left, including this one. And this is Saturday, so we're really going to try to do this with no edits, no breaks, fucking 20 minutes in, out, because it's Saturday, which you'll hear it on Sunday, meaning you still won't listen to it. So it's fucking Saturday, nothing happens. Sunday, Nothing happens Sunday as generally. Yeah. That my big plan was to,

yeah, I'm just going to take Xanax and, and sleep the whole day through mimosas in the morning with Xanax, double, double dose of Xanax sleep the whole day away. Cause there's no mail and no mail sucks. We got some shit today. Kate Marsh. We got your uh cd a lot of people sent music uh either your own or just shit you made on a dvd i mean a cd and i

listen to those in the uh no tahoe we just listen to uh we listen to some. There was nothing. These are old shit that we got on the road that I had a stockpile of. It's been a while since we've done the, hey, let's just, it's the Chevy Tahoe American Idol. We just listen to three tracks on each of these burned discs. Some of these are actually produced. Yeah, produced. But some of these were given to us at the merch table after shows on the road. And that slowed down when you stopped.

Music, a lot of music really sucks. I mean, I'm not a guy that listens to it, obviously. I don't listen to a lot of music. But I think it's probably harder to find music that's appealing to you with the like pound for pound the gross national product whatever there's so many fucking musicians out there i think it's harder to find music you like than comedy you like because there's so few comics yeah sure comedy is very selective but the glut of music they everybody has a fucking bad how many how many cds have we got we're in comedy and we've gotten a hundred to one music over

comedy cds yeah uh so and most of them it's not that they suck it's just you're not into that that's not your thing fucking i don't know why i guess i i get why i i'm associated with metal you mean music the genre yeah yeah where i i don't don't at all but today there was one guy that was uh actually had a lot of poop songs. And you don't have your name on your CD. It's the best of modern media. Modern with a T. And yeah, it's 50 songs on one CD. 50 tracks on one.

I think eight of them are poop related, at least even just in the title. There might be more than a poop related. There's a urine one, too. There's diarrhea bounce back. That was great. And I'd go, hey. There's diarrhea bounce back. That was great. And I'd go, Hey, that's like Brendan Walsh's bit.

And he actually has a song about Brendan Walsh as well as Todd Barry and Randy Leidke. Yeah. So yeah, your poop songs made us laugh. There was one that was a poop song. Hang on. I'm going to find the track here.

28. It was something about 28, is it? Push out your poop. Whatever it was. Chaley told me the name of it. Oh, poop into a wormhole. That's what it was. And he says, all right, this next one's poop into a wormhole.

And then the first line is poop into a wormhole. And I laughed. And I said, I saw that coming, but it was still funny. 21. Fingernails in my poop. It made you cringe. That's not easy. Yeah. That's gross.

It's pretty gross. It was eating the fingernails. It had nothing to do with the poop at all. Swallowing fingernails. He was scratching his butthole by pooping. That's what the imagery was. The butthole and the poop had no problem. We're laughing about it.

Choking down. I love the poop. We're not even listening to it. Poop splashback. Fucking. Thanks for all the poop songs, best of modern media. And the other people. Yeah, one guy, I said, is this Wednesday night free single solo act at the Copper Queen Hotel?

And it wasn't bad. I know. I'm not going to say the name. Jesus. What do you think? I'm a jerk. I'm not here to shit on people that I don't know. I don't know anything about fucking music.

I invite you to shit on me for my musical selections. So, yeah. Thank you for that. And the other ones, Kate Marsh, we talked to you on New Year's Eve on Skype when we were shit-faced. And I got yours and about eight other CDs that we'll listen to. I got great pajamas I'm wearing. I've been wearing for two days, but I have a second pair to change into. And we had sushi today.

Saturday, we had the Farmer's Market. When I start this cult and get you people out here, that's what you're all going to do is you're going to go to the farmer's market and just have new shit. And then every three weeks you change and you get something else new. Cause we've been going to that fucking farmer's market for the last 10 years. And it's the exact same shit. The guy that I go to is a fucking scam,

and it's nothing but a panacea. Is that the right word? Panacea. Yeah, that guy makes me feel good, like I'm buying farmer's market ship, but there's no... Which guy? The guy that has everything.

He has cucumbers. He has red potatoes, regular potatoes. He's got peppers. He's got lemons, grapefruit, oranges potatoes he's got peppers he's got lemons grapefruit oranges he's good hot peppers garlic garlic you can't be growing all of that ginger he has cherry tomatoes he's got regular tomatoes he's got everything oh yeah i won't be here all that shit came from food city and sierra vista i guarantee it and the only difference is it doesn't have a sticker on it. He peels the stickers off and maybe washes it.

But yeah, he gets ugly. He gets ugly vegetables. That's why Food City sells their produce so fucking cheap. Because they sell ugly shit. And it's fucking ridiculous cheap. It's just you have to drive 30 miles to get it. But that's the European model. France did that.

They were selling only like all the stuff that gets rejected. They to get it. But that's the European model. France did that. They were selling only, like, all the stuff that gets rejected. They were selling it. Right. And then there was a thing that started a couple years ago. It was on Facebook. Why aren't we doing this over here? Because we throw away all the blemished vegetables. Yeah.

And all the premium stuff goes to Japan. So that guy, yeah, he's doing that. Brilliant. It is brilliant. You're buying it i i want to it's so hard to stir up shit here even when i'm i'm laughing out loud at the idea you gotta see these people all the time and they don't have a fucking sense of humor but to set up a stand i've talked about it uh but set it up like all 100 organic organic certified, but then you don't even take the Safeway stickers off.

Like you just wait to get busted, which would happen to me. A hundred percent. What about this sticker? Seems like someone slipped up, didn't they? Your root. I got no, no, no. Those are my stickers. This is not your sticker, sir.

Everyone has emailed me. I've asked about where this sir came from, and a bunch of people have said, I think it's from the Blues Brothers, the scene where they're in the restaurant trying to get the guy to come back. How much for the little girl? They're being assholes in the five-star restaurant.

And the maitre d's, the guy, we're putting the band back together. No, no, man. Yeah, I think it's from that scene. I haven't actually watched any of the links but i go i i think i remember that sir so yeah come out to the farmer's market if you just changed up every two weeks what you were selling and have it something new everyone people will buy shit in this town just because they haven't seen it people go to the thrift store just wander we do it every week just to see something that they haven't seen before in town and they'll buy it oh this you

can't get this at the dollar store or safeway no i want one so uh yeah we'll start the cult everyone will have a booth at the farmer's market selling something that's only available elsewhere. You're talking mainly food, though, right? I don't give a shit. Because along the... Sell porcupines. Get fucking live porcupines. I bet you sell three out of five on a Saturday.

And then the second... Sorry, I'm sold out. Those two are spoken for. Yeah, the second week you'll sell the two, hopefully before the other people try to bring the three they bought back. And then you just beat feet. You buy a a fake toupee you come back the next week all of a sudden you're selling goldfish or yeah he's dried yeah don't worry be happy trout clock billy bass thing so you're totally serious that's the thing the new neighbors are uh they're farmers market people i saw them down there today your neighbors no no not the not the house that's for sale not the one next

to it that was for rent yeah i consider that house even though we're not buying it yours yeah it's ours you will ever yeah whoever buys that you will. Yeah, they'll be vetted or frightened out. The latter, probably. But yeah, right beside them. It's still kind of part of the compound because the dog shit yard backs up to their house. I consider those are the two missing links of having the whole fucking in that block rectangle.

Yeah. Four lots and four lots. Well, we're missing two on the south side. Is that the south? Yeah, south. It's downhill. Sorry. Go ahead.

Yeah. Anyway, they have a thing at the farmer's market. I think he might be the knife sharpening guy or the guy next to the knife sharpening guy i think they bring the tables and the stuff for uh under the tree where the musician is oh okay that's why it's so big it's because there's nothing in like where they park is right next to the knife guy would i know this because we were talking talking to tracy today about it there's nothing in front of their van. So it's like, what are they selling? Oh, yeah, that's right. Because I did see them.

I was walking the dogs before the thing started. And I walked through there. And I saw the young, like, the kid. I think there's a kid, like an adult kid. Someone's got to lift it. Lift the stuff. Yeah, so he was hauling chairs out of that. All right, that makes sense now.

So I don't know what they're doing. I mean, I don't know what they do other than that. Manage. Someone's got to admin the whole thing. Yeah, I guess so. People are in their spots every week. And someone's like, hey, you're encroaching on this guy's space. You got to back it up a little bit.

Have they said hi to you or anything when they're moving shit in? No, but we drive by. They're two doors down. Yeah. All right. I guess we'll send a muffin basket. I was thinking, what if they knew that I had a podcast and started listening? I just always say, when I saw the kid unloading the chairs, I'm like, I wonder if they listen to my podcast.

Why would you think that? Well, they're new people. If they knew I had a... Like, wouldn't it be weird if that well the new people and if they knew i had a like wouldn't it be weird if that's the only like they go oh that i heard they have a podcast and they didn't know anything else and just listen to it you know any one of my uh you know hate-filled speeches tirades i mean i go on about murdering people in specific ways and racial outbursts and Indian rape diatribes. If you didn't even know as a colleague, if you just heard a podcast the same way you could hear over a fence. Yeah.

Like if I was just some of the shit I say to bingo. Like if you didn't know who we are and you just heard that conversation where i'm talking like some old jewish man and i'm screaming obscenities at her and you just assumed it was an old man screaming obscenities if they had a if they had a podcast and we didn't know anything about them i would listen to their podcast every day i would couldn't wait for their the neighbor's podcast that they think i don't know about. And here's another thing I think. You know, Jerry Steinfeld was funny,

but my daughter-in-law sent me the Larry David show for my birthday, and I don't get it. Maybe he wrote the Steinfeld, and he was funny then, and maybe he just lost it, or he put it all up his nose, because it ain't funny, and I don't get it. And I'm going to be back next week with another podcast. We'll see you at the farmer's market. We ain't selling nothing, but we got the big van.

I've been getting all of your cassette tapes to play at the farmer's market, and I'm telling you, you got to step up your games. You have to step up your games you have to step up your games because people want it they want to be entertained they don't want to have to think at the farmer's market so uh yeah don't get all flatty and batty with your tapes send a clean tape everybody has a podcast everybody should like that would be funny if everyone were forced to have a podcast. The barrier to entry into music is just a little bit lower than podcasting.

It takes nothing to get into podcasting. It takes even less to get into music. And that's why there's so many crappy bands and so much bad music out there but you say everyone having it would be the same as as the cds you get yeah you don't even have to sing just talk well i'm just gonna that's why i think it would be fascinating if everyone were forced to have a podcast we just want to listen into what your thoughts are well we did peltma yeah like mind reading is so not necessary because everyone everyone's just gonna put it out there i don't want to read your mind i don't uh all right well it's uh

fab habitat oh wait, we're drinking. Well, we were drinking the pink ladies or pink panthers. It was a pink panther. That's because we didn't have something for the pink lady. No, we were grossed out by the addition of egg whites. Oh, yeah. Well, it says optional, but the other one was. Well, it's gin.

A pink lady is gin, heavy cream, grenadine and ice And we did vodka and amaretto Instead of the gin Yeah that was First of all the amaretto Amaretto was one of those Random bottles of booze That my dad had

When we started stealing his booze It wasn't his It was left over from my mother In her drinking days. So it had sat there for about six or seven years. Getting sweeter. Yeah, with dust

collecting on it. So it was vermouth and amaretto was one. That same kind too. De-serona. And I remember trying to fucking gack that down just smelling the pink lady before it touched my fucking lips that was it so we decided there would be not two of those so we're doing a vodka uh gibson a gibson a gibson martini a gibson martini is a martini with two fucking

cocktail olives in it otherwise onions onions yeah that's what i mean cocktail onions and that made it worth doing just to go find cocktail onions because i haven't seen these since 1973 when i was a kid and uh that's not candy what's gonna go sooner which will you get rid of first the cocktail onions or the campari you know the camp not bad. Well, we drank a lot that night. We did. We fucking went through a whole bottle of vermouth almost. Just in this. Yes.

Like two weeks. There's a lot of odd ingredients, and vermouth is one of those that seems to find its way. Are we out of bitters yet? No. I'm going to have to start like some kind of, I'm going to have to do inventory and shit. I'm going to have to do. You know, inventory and shit. We're going to have shelves every Sunday. Sunday, by the way. Yes, Sunday.

Here's a big announcement again. Reminder tomorrow or tonight, wherever you are. J. Lee should have this out quick because we're going to make this short. No pauses. No goofball fake commercial or anything. Yeah, just boom. Here's a fucking thing.

Dickface. What's his name? John Taffer. Bar Rescue. Bar Rescue. I will be live tweeting that. I don't know what time it's on. I don't even know what channel it's on.

It's the worst commercial ever. It's on Spike. Really? Spike TV? Yeah, it's on Spike It's the worst commercial ever. It's on Spike. Really? Spike TV? Yeah, it's on Spike. So find it. Just fucking search it. If you don't have DVR, for God's sakes,

and you can't watch it live, then just a live tweet, a YouTube version of it next week. So, yeah, I go and I just do the, what do you call it? The recon? No, I wasn't supposed to do the recon. I was just going to sit with him. It's like the undercover. In the truck while the other guys did the recon, but the other guys spent literally like two hours

and couldn't get the guy to snap. So he sent me in. I don't know what they'll cut, what they'll keep in. I was pretty tanked by then. I had a fucking pocket full of sneaky nip bottles. Yeah. And I, so I made a very strong beverage. And then after fucking an hour,

hour and 20, like, oh God, I get a piss. I'm going to go out to the other side of this fence here. Reload another Mr. Pibb and whatever Dr. Pepper shit they had at craft services, mixed with mini bottles.

And then finally, as heroic, you go, hey, send me in there. I'll fucking wind this guy up. No, I couldn't, but I could get more cocktails in there. I don't want to give anything away. Not that there's anything to give away, but a live tweet. If shit stays in there, I'll tell you what goes on but yeah the guy wasn't as full of shit as i thought he'd be but my god that fucking ego john taffer everything i said about you in prior bits i can stand behind uh you're the biggest dick in reality tv and

that's why i watch every week your hook fucking got me me, you prick. And yeah, you make most bars shitty. And every bar, not every bar, but most of the bars you fix are perfect the way they were. Everything you complain about, you're got employees there, she's dancing on the bar.

Her feet, that guy's gonna eat a sandwich. Oh my god, he's gonna put it down right where she was dancing on the bar. Yeah, I'm gonna that guy's gonna eat a sandwich and you oh my god he's gonna put it down right where she was dancing on the yeah I'd love that that you'd eat there I'm fucking yeah I would eat and that's the problem with this show I don't I well no this is gonna go out seconds before the fucking show airs no but they gotta go out fucking raw food yeah and it was really because it's fucking chicken and raw shit that's yeah that's like that's where anything that involves something where i might end up with a colostomy bag

floyd if he's not dead because i haven't called it creeps me out but yeah the fucking having a bag like that's kind of there's a few deal breakers where you go, all right, there's some suicide shit. When I drink, I lean heavily towards suicide is definitely an option. But even in sober, hopeful moments, there's deal breakers. And the fucking shit bag, that's always right there. Yeah. But then I saw Floyd with the shit bag, and he was goofing about it and laughing about it. And I go, hey, maybe I could take another angle. But

nah, I don't know. What? Not you. Nah. Not a shit bag. I don't know. You'd eat a sandwich where the gal was dancing barefoot on the bar. You don't get a shit bag for you. You get a shit bag from raw chicken. You'd be surprised

how easy they make the shit bags. How many people fucking die in restaurants all the time? Because if you watch that show, I'm shutting the place down. You're going to kill people. Then when's it going to happen? It's like my old cock fingering bit. If that many people are dying from fucking raw

chicken being co-mingled with the oh, you used that cutting board for the thing and now you're using the thing. Vegetables only. Yeah. It's, it's... I'd have to, I'd have to,

I should do director's commentary on a lot of this. Oh, that'd be awesome. Because I just come in with a whole head full of a million episodes of shit I've seen and I'm trying to collectively, no, all right, okay, here, this is why this is bullshit. Okay, yeah, raw chicken i understand

that but the fact that the thing has not been he's touching this just the amount of garbage i've said it before subway sandwiches the biggest fast food chain having to use different plastic gloves on every fucking sandwich and then put that sandwich into a paper bag, then wrap napkins around the paper bag and put that paper bag into a plastic bag and then throw away the plastic glove just because, Oh, I'm going to shut the place down. My God,

you just touched meat and then you touch. No one's dying from this. Stop. If you would do it in your fucking kitchen, it's fine. You drop a sandwich meat on the fucking floor where your dog walks and you give you five second rule or maybe you rinse it under cold water for about three seconds in your sink and then you eat it because it's the last piece of turkey you know what it oh yeah oh it's only diseased if it's a, you know, if it's a full stack, then it's definitely.

But if it's the last piece. But if it happens in your home, you're clear. Right. Yeah. I don't understand the whole hair in my food. No, you have a whole thing about that. I have a whole thing about everything at this point in life. I do a whole thing about it. I have a whole thing about everything at this point in life.

I do a whole thing about it. No, but I mean, your theory on the kitchen. First of all, the idea that it's a theory that overprotecting yourself from germs makes you more susceptible to germs. It's not a theory. Ask any ER doctor that hand sanitizes every 30 seconds for a living. They're far more susceptible to infections and germs because you're keeping a Band-Aid on your immune system.

And then you peel it off after a month and it's just white, puffy, vulnerable skin. I'm not a doctor, but a doctor could put this into words that would bolster my argument. Believe me, no one's confusing you as a doctor. What I'm going to do for the word of the day, I'm just going to zip through the book and just thunk my finger down. We're going to get through this podcast. Oh, I was talking about gifts. This guy sent this shit and he emailed me, and I don't remember his name,

and I forgot because I put it right in the fridge, and I didn't bring it out here, where I'd remembered a tonic syrup from the UK. This is instead of tonic water, which everyone who said gin and tonic, man, when I first asked about gin, what do you mix gin with? Well, it turns out a shitload of things we found, and tonic isn't one of them.

Not the tonic you buy. Tonic, if you don't knowload of things we found and tonic isn't one of them. Not the tonic you buy. Tonic. If you don't know the difference between club soda and tonic, get out from behind the bar because you are second biggest mistake made. Other than when you go vodka soda with a lemon and you get lime 99% of the time. Even when you say not lime, a lemon, you'll get a fucking lime. Lime sucks. Lemon is good.

This is tonic syrup. British colonial style tonic syrup. And then you put this in your gin and tonic and then you add the carbonated water, which actually was probably the same shit. It's probably, now that I actually do the math on that,

it's probably the same as fucking, this is sugar syrup, tonic flavored, and you mix it with carbonated water. That's what one of the guns does at Arby's. It's spurting cola syrup in the carbonated water. But it does have a cool label. El Guapo Bitters Tonic Syrup. I like the sealing wax on top, too.

I don't care. It's fantasy world, just like the guy at the farmer's market that makes me feel good about buying a pear that doesn't have a sticker. Like, he has a pear tree right next to his pepper tree and his grapefruit tree and his macadamia nut tree. This is, go ahead. I was going to say. It makes me feel good that that's, yeah, old timey label.

Yeah, this is your cult. They do old timey labels on everything. Oh, yeah. They use the, like the faded paper with 20th century adhesives. I like it, but you change it up. You still have to change it up every two weeks. Yeah. Yeah.

We get 50 products and then you sell them for two weeks and then you shift over to the other side and you put on a fake beard and you sell something completely different for two weeks and everyone buys it and then they find out it doesn't grow your hair back. How funny would that be? Is you are in your booth all day and you make no mention of the fact that you're wearing this stupid, like stupid ZZ top beard. You're going to do something. You know what I mean? And then they ask you, hey, weren't you here last week selling cactus?

No, I don't know who you're. No. First time here. For someone else to do that hilarious but this is the problem when becker and i we used to play walk the dancer and if you haven't heard that podcast walk the dancer in our early years in our mullet years living out of a car we we would go after shows just to fuck around we'd bet a beer and you're the object a lot of these clubs you do would turn into dance clubs

after the comedy's over. Move the chairs. So we'd hang around trying to get pussy and the bet was you found a girl to dance, both of you, and the game was whoever could make their partner walk off the dance floor in embarrassment quickest won the cocktail.

And the only rules were no physical or verbal abuse. You couldn't call her a cunt or slap her in the face. You just had to dance so piss poor and embarrass yourself that she was humiliated and walked away from you to distance herself. And the problem was, if there were people who had seen the show and knew you were a comic, then they'd just go with it Because they think you're being funny

And you're like, no, you're not supposed to be thinking this is funny That's why I couldn't do that at the farmer's market Because people would go Oh, I guess he's doing one of his skits And I don't get it It's not really funny He's just wearing a fake beard Am I missing something?

So, yeah. But I'll get someone else to do it. Well, they'd notice you week to week wearing the same pajamas. Yeah, I've been, I get a, when you have pajamas this remarkable, it's important to change your clothes every couple days. But they're great pajamas. I will never sell these on a fucking eBay yard sale. I say right now.

All right. Tape 30 for 30 for tomorrow night. That's not for you. I just looked at my notes, seeing if there's anything else I have to cover. And I don't, there's a couple other gifts. The one guy sent some shit.

That guy fucking dude sent a flute. Who plays a flute? Do you play the flute? He had sent a flute. A dude sent a flute. Do you play the flute? He had sent a letter. I don't remember making any reference to the flute. It was in a case. Not like a flute that he found behind a dumpster. Like a serious...

Like a student's... Well, I guess any flute breaks down. He sent the film version of inception like the the one you would feed into a a reel to a projector in the theater yeah it's spinning yeah uh when when i walked in you you had had unraveled a large of it, and you were re-spooling it. And I was wondering, what the fuck? Well, he sent it. He didn't put any packaging in this giant box, so everything's just kind of loose.

Like if you just cleaned out your garage and you had a giant box with just loose shit you threw in there. Like a straight arm over a shelf. Yeah, so the film had just all come undone, and it was all, the whole box is just spools. I had to look, I must have looked to sight, as Brian Hennigan would say, I must have looked to sight as you come in and I have a flute and film and I'm standing there in my Christmas PJs.

It was, yeah, nothing shocking. There's a bunch of other shit. And another guy sent some other stuff. He had those dolls. T-shirts, the Bone Zone T-shirt. Yeah, nothing shocking. There's a bunch of other shit. And another guy sent some other stuff. Those dolls? T-shirts, the Bone Zone t-shirts. This guy makes some crazy-ass, like, 70s t-shirts. It looked like that. I can't remember that artist's name.

Big Daddy Roth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big Daddy Roth or whatever. I'm sure I'm butchering it. Whatever. The funny cars, the crazy cars in the 60s and 70s. Yeah, it's reminiscent of that. Yeah.

In case you're sensitive about being compared. I know how it is. So thanks for everything. You guys have been wonderful, and your gifts make me happy. I'm on day 27 for the 26th podcast, and Bingo is just, it was a week ago tonight. Bingo's celebrating her fucking full week, at least without showering.

That's right. It was last week at this time that Bingo had a seizure, took a stone cold out of it, face first, unbroken fall, hit her onto a sidewalk in front of the central school and had stitches put in her head she still she had blood caked onto the back of her fucking skull that she's picking out through her thick uh weave of it's not a weave but it looks like a week she's fucking never showered

after that fall and god knows how many days it was before that because we oh yeah legendarily can go five or six days without a shower because we're slobs but so bingo is at a minimum of saturday to saturday without a shower still has lyrics written on her skin crust dried blood on her eyebrow she's gonna have to wash it before she takes the stitches out. I tried to pick her up by her elbow and make her get in the bathtub. She got frisky with me. So, you know what? If I had a pack of cigarettes here, if I still had sneaky cigarettes around,

I'd take some wagers on who'd break first. Would I smoke before she'd shower? That would be a... She's going to go until those stitches come out, I think. I feel pretty good. I feel pretty strong, but that's because no one's around here with cigarettes. I don't think about taxes quite a bit.

I got to get that shit done tomorrow. Hey, thank you, guys. Oh, wait. I wanted to mention Fat Habitat. Fab Habitat. Fab. Fab Habitat. Yeah. I don't know why now. It's just a fucking, I got the colorful rug. Yeah, it's like an area rug, but it's great if you're a fucking slob. Because I

cleaned that goddamn kitchen floor. i really cleaned it that one day where i remember the day i didn't sit down for the entire day yeah i woke up and was on my feet for like 16 or 18 hours and what was the day i cleaned in there so i bought this fucking thing off of the amazon because they're like they're so slob friendly if it if they if it had the word if it didn't have the word habitat, I go, maybe they could be your actual sponsor, but anyone who has habitat in the fucking name are there.

They would never have me, but it's like such a great product. You should have fucking bachelor slob in the name because it's kind of made of plastic. And so you, all you do is if it gets all fucked up, everything else here there's still i say i gestured a bingo because the last time she had stitches was on her chin remember when she abe lincoln herself she was shit-faced and took a header onto the coffee table chin down full chin so her chin just expanded the next day downwards like fucking like a jay

leno chin it looked like a a blinking beard of swollen flesh it was just completely brick shaped and it was hilarious that she had to get stitches for that and there's still blood stains in the shitty throwaway alco aria. So we got this thing, the Fab Habitat Slob Bachelor, should be called. You'd fucking literally take it out and hose it off. When it's filthy, it's because it's kind of plasticky,

but it looks cool, and they're bright colors, so it works here. I'm like, that's cool as shit. And when we were throwing away all the detritus, how do you say that? Detritus? Detritus? The shit. All the boxes from people who send us stuff were throwing out.

And Charlie's like, do you want this? It was the hemp, it's not hemp, but burlap carrier for the Fab Habitat rug. And I go, I'll never use it and then i i thought that next step of why the fuck do your rugs come with a carrying case they green printed yeah it has the logo screen printed on burlap with a carrying handle a nylon carrying handle who takes a fucking four by six rug with them anywhere uh jimmy yeah do you have a uh throw rug in your kitchen that you can just hose down it's probably gonna be puking a lot tonight yeah no you just hose this one off you just yeah chunks and all shake it out hose it off yeah i'll just bring my

own uh i'll bring my own rug I got a carrying case It's ridiculous Hey Fab Habitat That's stupid So that's your commercial Because I didn't have a fake one So I went back to old school Of just promoting things that I enjoy Yelling

Yeah I feel that my voice has been High gear This whole thing I just wanted to get out of here. So tomorrow night, we'll you and Hennegan. Yeah. Chaley's going away.

He's going to do that haunted house thing. Chaley has a second moonlighting job. He has during the season, which is now to buy shit for haunted houses in family business. It's a family business. You have to go. Yeah. He's got a twin brother out there in St. Louis.

If you're going to be in St. Louis, drop by and see a great Chaley at his boofus at the, uh, whatever convention is for trans world Halloween and attraction show. Oh, is that what you had up? Yeah.

You kept referencing to it and you see, I'm not wearing reading glasses. So March 19th to the 22nd and we're, uh, uh, ghost ride productions, ghost ride.com. Check it out. But, uh, yeah, we got, but this is not open to the public. Yeah,'re a ghost ride productions, ghost ride.com. Check it out.

But yeah, we got plenty of open to the public. Yeah, I think it is. Oh yeah. All right. Well go see Greg Chaley in St. Louis.

Yeah. What is it called again? No one was listening. Trans worlds, Halloween and attraction show. It's H a show.com. Oh, all right.

H a show.com. Uh, and, so yeah, the last four shows, it's going to be me and Brian Ettingen. Uh, and, uh, so yeah, the last four shows, it's going to be me and Brian Hannigan. Uh, and,

uh, I think we're going to be drinking a lot of whiskey. So, uh, yeah, get your whiskey ready. Uh, shipping one more time.

Shipping. We're shipping. You can still order online for any of the merch, but shipping's down until, uh, I get back on the 30th. All right. So yeah, buy shit and then wait for it.

Like normal. Yeah, that'd be great. And watch the bar rescue, John Taffer and Doug Stanhope. And eventually I'll take over that whole fucking job. I would be wicked. Hey, that's a great job. I was thinking that today. Like, where can I?

Because I'm really turning into a miserable cunt. i i don't know what to do about it other than just swallow my hatred and i want i would be a great bar rescue uh but i guess everyone thinks that but you could be a wicked asshole i don't want to be an asshole no don't try to maybe don't be an asshole work on that all right hey this is uh here's a great song to uh close on i have great memories of uh this song from everywhere i love this song but specifically tripping my balls off leaving a nudist resort uh south of buena vista colorado to go find more beer and blazing across this dirt road for like five miles with this crank to the gills. This is real, real gone. Van Morrison. And with that introduction, I realized I forgot these song. The word of the day, word of the day is captious. C-A-P-T-I-O-U-S.

C-A-P-T-I-O-U-S, captious, fond of finding fault in others, ill-natured and overly critical. And I'm done talking about myself. Here's Van Morrison and a song for Chaley, Real Real Gone. Real, real gone I got head, ball, bow and arrow Got me down to the very marrow And I'm real, real gone Real, real gone I can't stand up by myself Don't you know I need your help And I'm real, real gone

Some people say You can make it on your own Oh, you can make it on your own oh you can make it if you try I know better now you can't stand up alone oh

baby that is why I'm real, real gone I can't stand up by myself Don't you know I need your help You're a friend of mine And I'm real, real gone And soundcook is on the radio

And the night is filled with space And your fingertips touch my face You're a friend of mine And I'm real, real gone I'm real, real gone Oh Lord, I got hit by a bow and arrow Got me down to the very marrow You're a friend of mine

Yeah, I'm real, real gone Yeah, I'm real, real gone I'm real gone What's the picket say? In the midnight hour Swear my love comes thumping down As Solomon Brooks said If you need me, why don't you call me? James Brown said When you're tired of what you got, try me.

Jim Chandler said, does a rainbow get my soul?