The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Doug Stanhope Podcast #502 - “We Were Really High”

Episode Date: September 23, 2022

We catch Doug and Hennigan pre show in Birmingham for a run down of the UK tour. Recorded Sep. 22nd, 2022 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ and Birmingham, UK via ZOOM with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" now available in hard copy exclusively at Amazon.com. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Helix Sleep - Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope - Helix is offering UP TO $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners. Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope. BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - CHAILLESupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

And now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Easy and affordable online therapy. When you want to be a better problem solver, therapy can get you there. Visit BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope. How long have you had your mattress? How has your sleep improved? Helix Sleep is a premium mattress brand that provides tailored mattresses based on your unique sleep preferences. The Helix lineup includes 14 unique mattresses, including a collection of luxury models, a mattress for big and tall sleepers, and even a mattress made just for kids. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Go to helixsleep.com slash Stanhope.

With Helix, better sleep starts now. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Hey, kids. Hi. Hey, Brian. Waiting for Doug to unmute. Oh, sorry. Hey, Brian. Waiting for Doug to unmute. Oh, sorry. There you go. Tracy, you look amazing this time of day.

Definitely, you actually made her get up. I didn't make her get up. I just don't look like it. We're still kind of on East Coast time. Really? Well, yeah. I'm getting up at like 6.30. That's why I'm getting up early.

Just not getting dressed yeah you gotta you want to get in that guest house before the heat of the day what for whenever you work on it i don't know bass board oh yeah yeah yeah all the stuff i'm learning on youtube tutorial videos While I'm abroad Okay You're doing DIY how-to videos Yep all day all night And he's also learning The harpsichord It's going so well over there

You're picking up a trade Well let's say we have to Pick up a trade that's what we've learned Yeah we're doing it's uh drug smugglers yeah well i mean it uh it bears mentioning that we tried to do this two days ago and we also tried to do it yesterday uh two days ago you guys came in hot. That was the only time I hit a breaking point during this tour. It was one thing.

I even had it written down. Don't get that one hangover that you can't recover from. Unfortunately, I had it on the one day off. Thankfully, the queen died. So I had that day off because, yeah, I went to bed high, like eating edibles, going into bed already high, eating them to be high. And then waking up and eating edibles on my way to the bathroom to piss. And I sat till like two in the afternoon hard. And then Brian came in my room where we a like a five or six o'clock podcast and he four o'clock in the afternoon he's breaking open cookies you want half like okay

i didn't eat anything so by the time i was done that other podcast i was flung yeah we got done with the uh well i mean i i called it i got an audible i turned to trace i go we got to get out of here like soft way softer than that and doug's like yeah get out of here why are we still doing this i'm like well we're we're doing this because we need to close this because you've told the same story three times after each break i thought it was four well i stopped before he went into the other one. I go, I just feel like after this break, we're just going to go right back into the same part of the first break.

The first, the first, the A part, the A block was completely repeated in the B and C block. I was shattered. Yeah. Yeah. Brian asked me the next day, don do we think we should just redo that one i go i think it's fine or chaylor would have said something well and then i went back and i watched it brian after uh i we kind of scheduled something to to go to take its place i mean i was all for

just not even saying that ever happened but then when i under the context under the context of what was going on and everything it was actually pretty funny to watch i'd probably have to do some voiceovers to give people kind of voiceovers context a little voiceover like like and by the way he'd been this is doug uh you know all night doing edibles and you know what happened at the show or Just add a little context to it. We've been high every day except for Dublin. Once we got to Nottingham

and a guy cooked a bunch of edibles. We have been high for every show, every day. Nice train rides. We should probably bleep that little bit about where we got the edibles.

Let's just say we had an able baker. Good car. Yeah, it's weird. It's illegal over here. I know. Otherwise, it is very bizarre. How funny it would be if we're down to our crumbs before we fly tomorrow so we're we're gonna have to count on the uh kindness of strangers on

the last couple gigs uh but uh yeah tomorrow morning we're gonna sprinkle the the crumbs in our porridge or our cereal at breakfast and eat them before the plane. But that would be like the weakest fucking 1972 drug bust is me and Hennegan get busted. Like every rock and roll star ever. They get busted with weed at Heathrow, but we have gummies. Yeah.

Or part or a gummy wrapper. or a gummy wrapper evidence of a we'll have to make up for it with the ferocity of our resistance to arrest you have to get some kind of fist to cuff just try to no eat it quick before the cops come

and you get a mouthful of fucking gummy bears gnawing on them. But yeah, it's I mean, it's still the UK but it's that weed that whole I'm a different fucking man.

Like high on stage, like high all day and then high on stage. For the most part, it's been a lot of fun. I can vouch for the fact that Doug is a changed man in terms of having been with him on every single UK tour or presence ever. Doug is very different when he has access to it. Wow.

And you know what would help? A fucking elevator. The last two nights nights the fucking one night that it was five flights of stairs to get to the green room last night was four flights of stairs to get to the green room fortunately they both had like a little smoking deck which is rare over here we get fucking so lucky with our venues in the states so Let me smoke here. They follow the fucking rules and they have a very inordinate amount of people that are fucked up in wheelchairs and leg braces

for having no elevators. Because the green room last night, that bathroom was like so handicapable. It was like a rock climbing wall. There's nothing that a handicapped person couldn't grab onto at some point in some angle and save his life, but he'd have to get his wheelchair up five flights of stairs. How do you get there to begin with? Yeah. And they actually told us that the elevators were out of operation. Oh, so they do have them. Yeah, but they're out of operation.

Permanently. Well, I should say we tried to do a podcast yesterday from the green room at the aforementioned elevator-less venue and the Wi-Fi was... Just log on to

Cardiff Free Wi-Fi if you want to get out of doing your podcast. Cardiff Free. Yeah, card of free Wi-Fi. If you want to get out of doing your podcast, it's carded free. Yeah. Free card of Wi-Fi. When you don't want to make that call. Free. We got to see Dennis from.

Oh yeah. We saw that. Yeah. It was so great. He's such a sweetheart. And he is very charming guy. His wife, Claire. Oh, cool.

And then Mrs. Duders came. Gina, she brought a gal pal. And our old friend, Lena G, who covered Bingo's song, I Like Your Toes. She was there for two nights. Yeah, she came the first night when I was outside. That was the only bad show I had was the Hammersmith

show. That was the night you said someone was crying and it turned out to be her. Yeah. I was outside my little smoking area and she came up crying and now I'm used to it since Emily. I think Lena's come before, I thought.

I don't know. I'm sure she must have. She must have. And then, of course, we met Dara O'Brien from your famous... And Glenn Wool. Glenn Wool. Oh, yay.

Yeah. Very cool. So backstage at the second London show, which was the O2 Forum in Kentish Town, that was as busy as we've ever been on any gig ever. And there was like 12 people. And I said to one of the people there, this is the busiest backstage we've had on the entire tour.

And they were like, what? You mean you had 12 people? busiest backstage you've had on the entire Stewart tour. And they were like, well, I mean, you had 12 people, 12. Well, there's like Dennis and Claire. Okay. You know, other than that,

it's been pretty much just me and Hennegan. Bobby mayor did open the Hammersmith show, but he came alone. Yeah. Like a professional. That's right. We should probably go back and do a little bit of Dublin. The whole thing

started in Dublin, which was great. As you know, I hate the Irish, but they are a great crowd. You know? And it was Garth Brooks was doing five nights in Dublin. So the entire town was fucking redneck Irish people, like slappers with pink cowboy hats on.

It was ferocious. It was everywhere. And we landed at like a hard rock hotel or something which you might as well been at a fucking Margaritaville or something. You know that's where these fucking people are going. It's a hard rock.

shit. I was going to say about Garth Brooks people. I can't remember what it was. Anyway, everyone was very pleasant. That was very, what the fuck did I was about to say about Garth Brooks, people? I can't remember what it was. Anyway, everyone was very pleasant. That was very nice. Also, we unexpectedly found a really good Italian restaurant. In Dublin?

Yeah. Like, really good. We've been eating pretty much margarita pizza, cheese pizza, every fucking night. I would say that's the tour staple. And chicken fingers. I mean, chicken wings.

Chicken wings. Chicken wings. I have a question about the Dublin gig. That was the start of the UK gig. No, no, no. It was the start of the UK and Ireland. UK and Ireland, I'm sorry.

It was on September 11th. Was there anything brought up about that? Or was there any, sorry for your loss? It was the first night of the tour. So just like any, I was throwing fucking all the spaghetti against the wall to see what's not going to work for references over here. But I'm sure I got to 9-11 at some point. But even Manchester, even Dublin and Manchester,

fucking polite, which is so unlike them. Manchester, huh? Even getting down to the middle. The Manchester audience was great. Wow. It's the new normal, huh? Yeah, the only one that sucked was Hammersmith, of course, the biggest one. Yeah.

That was your first London. I was too high for that bigger room. I went out there, and it was a weekend. We avoid working weekends in London because fucking everyone's out of their mind. Weekends over here suck because they mean too much to people. So we had Sunday, Monday book. The fucking queen dies. And then so they moved the Monday to a Tuesday because they made the fucking Monday a national holiday, which made this Sunday a fucking weekend.

So I went out high to the 3000 seat or people from the back screaming, make fun of the queen. Three-day weekend crowd. Yeah. People were demanding jokes on a certain subject. Well, then I got back and I was really high and I logged in a little bit to Twitter

and some guy was shitting on me and saying the show's a shambles and then other people were chiming in saying the crowd was fucked. And then a lady started defending the guy who had kept yelling i mean when i get off stage this guy just kept talk about the queen where's the jokes about the queen to the point when i came off stage they go yeah we told that guy like seven times to shut up i'm like well maybe after your third time he wasn't really listening how about six have six be the limit i mean come on but then

some lady on twitter is defending in his uh in his defense uh doug could have done some jokes about the queen and shut him up. Oh, shut up and idiot. The elephant in the room. And wait, I should have, he wouldn't have shut up. What if he was yelling,

suck my dick? Should I? Well, how much could it hurt? Doug stand up to take one minute to suck his dick so we can go on. She said he's had a week to write jokes about the queen. Like, what, a deadline for the topic? That's the elephant in your room, lady.

There's no elephant in my fucking room. That's a cock block to my fucking Monday gig. If they want queen jokes, go to an open mic. Or go on fucking social media where there was nothing but 10 days of constant, non-stop jokes about the fucking queen. You think I'm going to compete

with the fucking... We're trying to run a business here, lady. Yes. If you want the free shit, go on Twitter. And then we took a five-hour car drive to Southampton. Hey, let's get to that when we come back

after a quick break. Oh, yes. Oh, please hold. Now, a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. You ever find yourself trying to cut a radio ad in a hotel lobby, and these parentless children are just running around like apes, screaming and yelling? and you go, I just want to kill these kids. I want to kill the kids. I'm focusing on the problem

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That's BetterHelp.com slash Stanhope today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. I have my, I have my, I don't know if this is going out as video. Yes. To Patreon only. All right. That's why I look this good. Yeah. You guys, I have that, that my,

my week off between now and going to the southwest southeast i got my football schedule i get in on wednesday night so thursday night football i'm in that bed behind you with bingo and probably kenny because thursday night football is going to be Dolphins at the Bengals. And then on Sunday, there's going to be a London game. So I'll be up at fucking six in the morning out there. I'll just stay out there and I'll maybe set all the TVs to come on with an alarm at six

whatever, because it's going to be Viking Saints. And that goes into all day football and I'm going to be in that fucking bed for all of them. I think we have F1 that weekend, too. For sure. Don't stop it.

Brian, when we ever see F1, it's Formula 1. Their logo is in F1. No, don't ever say... You're telling me their logo is not an F and a number one. I don't want to hear it. Alright.

It's Formula One. All my friends in Frisco call it F1, so... Frisco and Cali? It's like that stupid Americanism of, hey, they got a PK. Fuck off.

It's a penalty. Don't call it a PK. Oh, from the goalie? Yeah. All right, Brian. This is the most Brian and I have talked. So you're going to tell us about a five hour drive. Yeah. Well, we that we had a five hour ride to Southampton to kill time, do the show and then take a two hour drive into London right after the show. So we could get in late at night during the Queen shit under the cover of darkness. So finally, because I've been literally that music thing is just getting so

out of fucking control everywhere you have to explain the music thing because that was on the podcast yeah what's it's i fucking hate music and i'm trying to think all the time and everywhere you go and it's so bad over here you have to pay for your music over here. Like all the shit we play pre-show, you can't do that. And they want a fucking 4.5% of the gate. If you play music? That's the gross sales they want if you play

your own copyright music. So one of the guys here, Hennegan told him what we're looking for, some kind of public domain, just stupid shit and pomp and circumstance, whatever. And this guy found some old,

like 80s elevator music, like do, do, do, do, boo, do, boo,

do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

And, and they play that before the show and it fucking kills me. It's so good. Brilliant. So it's so good brilliant brilliant so it's like Muzak but 80s the cheesiest of Muzak like when Muzak first started little Spanish B

kind of shit yeah it's okay but I would say here's an interesting thing because Doug alluded to it on the previous like aborted podcast. It was the first time I've ever done this which was, and I understand

why Doug's doing it and therefore I didn't mind doing it but to lean into someone in a car and say I would like, we would like to drive without music in total silence it you're when you're saying it you're that's when you actually become aware of how awkward a conversation this is because until i said it i didn't realize what it felt like. And it really is.

You're shutting down someone's world. Yeah. This guy's got to do that five-hour drive. And I assume drive five hours back in the same day. And not only did Brian say, yes, we'd just like to do the ride with no music in silence. And he said, okay. Yes, we'd just like to do the ride with no music in silence. And he said, okay.

And then you would assume it's because we have business meetings and fucking shit on the phone. Then we proceed to not speak a word to each other for five hours. Without being asleep. Yeah. Awake. Wow. And occasionally you say, did you want to stop to piss? And that was the one time, other than that, no conversations.

Five hours you stopped once to pee? Yeah. Oh, man. Not even like road snacks or anything? We weren't drinking anything. Well, yeah, but still. Probably high. We always get drinks on the road.

But we're pretty high. Okay. But seriously, I assumed that I even assumed that I would fall asleep and I didn't. And so I looked around at Doug and see, he wasn't asleep. And I was thinking, I just thought the poor driver who thought, well, if they don't want music, they're probably going to have some very interesting conversations. No. If they don't want music, they're probably going to have some very interesting conversations. Nope. But then the guy for the second drive, his whole ride was tricked out with like neon tubing going through the interior of his car. You know, he's like just hoping to pick up chicks that are drunk after raves and get laid.

Bruising on a Friday night on Whittier Boulevard. after raves and getting laid bruising on a friday night on witty boulevard yeah when he heard fucking silent for his trip because he was already he had his fucking dance beats going when he picked us up and he was not happy and then he brought us to the wrong fucking hilton oh the wrong location and then just took our bags out said well this is what it says this is where it says it is like they're saying this is not the hilton and he just chucked our bags out and then, well, this is what it says. This is where it says it is. I'm like, they're saying this is not the Hilton. And they just chucked our bags out. And then we had to walk in the middle of the night to the other hotel. Now you can walk in silence to the

wrong hotel. Yeah. And crowded silence of fucking queen mourners. That fucking last call. But no one really fucking mourned the queen. No one cares anywhere. We had a minute silence yeah there was a national minute of silence yeah yeah and uh bobby mayor that's one of the few

times we've had the support act bobby mayor was gonna have to go out immediately following the one minute of silence and then he was all prepared for it, but they didn't get silent. They made the announcement and the entire crowd just kept talking at fucking wedding reception levels. They didn't even hear the announcement, I don't think, much less care.

So Bobby had spent a fucking hour preparing what he was going to say, having to follow a minute of silence, but then they fucked him again. Yeah. And also, let's not forget, Doug, the unique

outside doorbell in Southampton. Yeah. All of these are fucking, again, these five-story, they're old theatres and old buildings we're outside smoking in southampton and if there's one of those where you have to put your cigarette pack or something jimmy the door open so you don't get locked out because if you do you'd have to go

around this whole giant fucking castle to get back to the front but But there's a bell. When we did get locked out, there was a bell up top. It said, old doorbell, like 1900s doorbell. It said, push here for boiler operator. Boiler room operator. What? And we did eventually push it, but no boiler operator. Nobody showed up. I bet you that's to notify

the guy running the boiler that there's a coal delivery. Exactly. So he probably looked on the camera and saw there was no coal delivery and thought, oh, those pesky kids. These fuckers messing around with my coal delivery button.

Yeah. Well, that was Southampton. What about Sheffield? I was curious about that. I would say the only thing is what's important, you have to understand, if you're arriving

into Sheffield, you're gambling with your life because only 50% of taxi drivers can take credit cards. Oh, yeah. Uh-oh. We took

some cabs a minor distance and Brian gives him a credit card. He goes, oh, you don't have cash? He goes, no, I'm sorry, just a credit card. Oh, well, you need to know only half of cab drivers here even take credit cards. Like, you should always have cash.

Like, no, that's why everyone takes a fucking Uber slapstick. Yeah. And also, what made it even more ironic was he dropped us at the Novotel Central Sheffield, which is a cashless hotel. You literally cannot give them money. So, yeah, it's like, get your fucking town in order, Sheffield. Wow.

Or you won't be seeing us again. So, Doug, we've talked about on the podcast uh at length of our process of going to the gig early so you can sit in the green room if you if there's a green room and like the process is there anything different about the the process before the show uh in the uk that's different from what we do over here in the US? I've never been high for a whole tour. By the way, Chaley, this is going to be good for you. I assure you.

I don't understand. We have to look at what states we're playing on the Southeast Tour that are recreational, legal, medical, legal, illegal. Chase will have a list. This is going out to They're recreational legal, medical legal, illegal. Yeah. Chase will have a list. And this is going out to the U.S.

So we're going to have some help. We need more guidance than just tell them this if you get pulled over. We don't want that. We want to see something that says it's legal. No offense to Medusa Farms. Their heart was in the right place. Oh, yeah. had enough that was that we would have been busted for distribution yeah it was there was one place where i said is oh i think it was uh what's your name the the charlene i go so is it legal in new york and she goes well it's kind of weird well that means no that's no yeah it's kind of weird. Well, that means no. That's no. Yeah. It's you can grow six plants.

Oh, I'm not starting a farm. I'm here for four nights. Oh, I know what she's talking about. There was one place where it was legal to grow plants before you could buy or sell it. It was like a year, six months or a year that you could have plants, but not buy or sell weed. Yeah. So it was weird.

Germination time. weed yeah so it was germination time at some point i mean there's a there's a lot of the aspects of the high thing that where i go it kind of does like what alcohol does where okay i'm tired of saying a lot of this shit but but when i'm high i'm like more motivated to riff on stuff sometimes too motivated to riff too much down fucking dead end streets but but I know that I gotta

just kind of stick to a script while I'm here I mean I can riff within the material but getting high makes it more fun to do but I gotta stick I can't start trying to write new bits while I'm over here. Like that's always my fucking hang up is, Oh,

did I already do this bit last time? So yeah, stick with the shit that we're fucking unloading. It's the last call for a couple of these bits that I fucking love doing, but I've done them everywhere in the States, and I'll do them here in Canada and Australia. A great bit you, a great, not bit, but let's call

it a tool you have, is the separate lists. Yes, the pocket, breast pocket, and then the back pocket, or whatever, yeah. Yeah, and again, when I get back there, I'm going to have to just re-fucking connoiter everything in my act again, to get rid of this stuff that I've already done in the Southeast and go back

to what we were doing when we left New York and Connecticut. But again, as soon as I leave a UK tour, it's fucking like someone attached a thousand helium balloons to my jacket and i'm just walking on sunshine everything's easy it's like over here it's the on deck plate where you have the fucking three weights on your bat but once you get home it's like that bat's flying motherfucker i don't have to worry about you're gonna get my references now i just have to worry that my references are two old man references. But

at least they come from the fucking country I'll be playing in. Hey, we're going to go to one more break and then we can do some final thoughts and then you'll be home in a couple of gigs. So please hold, right?

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And again. Bottoms up. It was one glass. Is it? Are you drinking wine? No, Jesus. By the way, that's great. Again, should I save this for the pot?

We're back. We are we are we've been back so one of the great things about the weed uh which i know from home hometown consumption is that if you get kind of high enough or you know suitably detached from your circumstances, you don't feel the need to imbibe as much. And like, I don't think I've been on a tour with Doug. What are we now? Like 10 days in and we've had between us like two hangover days, you know, because they're brutal, the hangover days you know they're brutal the hangover days and I'm fucking sleeping so well

sleeping till two o'clock in the afternoon and mostly I've been really good about breakfast I've only missed a couple when breakfast is attached to the hotel but I've gotten up, gone down, eaten, and gone right back

to bed and slept for three more hours. And yeah, the travel has been easy. Fucking love the train over here. We had our own train car today, basically. We got first class seats, and then this car had

an overflow room like that's sectioned off where you go it's a dead end car so there's only 13 seats in it and then it goes to the conductor and we had that all to ourselves today yeah and then at the very end this old fuck comes in and both of us are like, I think we should ask to see his ticket. I'm your private car. Yeah. He showed up like 20 minutes after the last time we had stopped anywhere. So he would just thought he was sneaking into an empty room. And then just all he did was ruin our time.

Yeah. It's 20 minutes. Yeah. Fake deal. So, let's see. You've got, well,

you've got a, you've got Birmingham tonight and then you've got, you've taken a flight to Scotland. Glasgow, legendary. Yeah.

Hey, if Manchester can be cool, I bet fucking Glasgow can be cool. Uh-oh. It is a weekend, but so is Dublin. And then, yeah, then it's Leeds and Bath is fucking adorable. And we always close there. And then we have two days off.

So I have the Sunday off. I can watch late night football, whatever they show here. I'll have that night off and the next night and then fucking flying home after the bath gig. And you said you've got a, you've got a hotel for. Yeah, we're all set. We'll be there. We'll be there early on, on the 28th.

And yeah, you don't get into late, so we'll get some shit done. Anything else on our list, Brian? Any other stories? No, you don't get in till late. So we'll get some shit done. Anything else on our list, Brian? Any other stories? No, we have covered. I mean, you mentioned Dennis, didn't you? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we've covered everything.

All right. And other than that one, that first London gig. Where you were too high on stage and you just read the room wrong, everything's been great. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I think that's Doug being way too critical. Like, if we genuinely look at the Twitter and social media feedback, it was phenomenal.

There were some people, and I'd say is there people who didn't understand what a dunk stanhope gig would be like yeah yeah that was i was just it was bad for me in that i was high to a point where i could not like skills i would normally have like judging the volume of someone do i need to respond to some problem in the room or should I plow past it? Stuff you'd normally just know instinctually. That's what I was missing because I was high. Just small things where I'm going, maybe I just fucking ignore that.

I don't know. Way too big of a room to be fucking with high. But otherwise, yeah, I'm a quick fucking, I'm a quick pickup on this. this yeah it wasn't it wasn't like you know social media was not filled filled with people going that was a terrible show they were filled with people going it was a fantastic show great i i was just basing this on just kind of recapping what doug had said earlier i was i don't look at social media and stuff like that so well yeah once i read that lady and i was in bed again hi that was the night before a night off crawled into bed after eating

more edibles with a cocktail and i like once i just read the lady defending the heckler that he's right i should have done the queen jokes like he asked. And I had a week to write him. I go, now you're really like killing my buzz. If you really think like how fucking entitled is the audience feel now that they, well, he should have had queen jokes prepared for this. It's not like I was hosting the Oscars and forget to fucking write jokes about the movie. Hey, I do have one more question. The topic that's been coming up on the last leg of the tour in the U.S.

was we were kind of critiquing the green rooms, like not having audio, not a back way to get in without going into the audience to get to the green room stuff like that what are the green rooms been like over there uh in the uk well they're relics these are fucking buildings from fucking 1692 uh so yeah and even the fucking hotels you like go through a hallway and then down three stairs and then through a fire door. And then you have a choice of three doors and you go, which one did we come in? And then occasionally it might say reception this way. And you go down a few more stairs around another hallway to another two fire

doors. And there's the lift that you went the wrong way and had to go to the whole. Yeah. Everything sucks over here. There's fucking, there's elevators that are as small as the closet in the greenhouse.

I mean, the little house. I'd say the big, the major thing that we can do that is predictable is that I can comfortably tell every single venue that we're dealing with, whatever you thought of as a lot of ice is wrong. Like, their idea of a lot

of ice is simply always wrong. A Magner's glass. Will this be fine? They would literally give us a pint glass at the bar. And the problem is that once you do that, because that can often genuinely be the only thing wrong,

what happens is it's like Chinese whispers. And the gig last night in St. David's Hall in Cardiff, they were bringing like boatloads of ice every 20 minutes because they'd heard that there was some Gestapo comedian who demanded ice to cool the body. That's going to be the answer to our question.

At the fucking, at a Heathrow, a Heathrow, a fucking Hammersmith, they had a party tub of ice where they had a party tub of ice where they had like four bottles of club soda and a bottle of vodka and glasses in it.

And beside it, a bigger garbage bag full of ice on a dressing room table. So it's just like slowly leaking out with the condensation and pouring into the chairs that are by it. I'm like, wow, this whole ice thing, they're taking it.

Are they being snarky? At which point they're basically mocking us. They're mocking us. Here's your bloody ice. I have to ask, Brian, do you have any insight into why there's a kind of an ice desert, if you will, backstage? there's a kind of an ice desert, if you will, backstage? No, but I would say that it wasn't until I moved to the States that I appreciated how great ice is and having a plentiful supply of it.

Therefore, I genuinely think it's just a, forgive me. There's no ice machines in hotels. I mean, if there are, it's very rare. You have to go down to the front desk or the restaurant and then they give you a tiny little fucking bucket with a sneer. Before we just bitch about the ice forever

like old men, we have to give the Glee Club a huge fucking props in Nottingham. The Glee Club saved our ass. We found out like a week and a half before this started that the promoter there had been selling tickets to a fucking gig that he didn't have the venue.

So he's just selling tickets to this venue until some fan clued us in to i called the venue they say there's no such event going on so go ahead brian no you're right entirely right like and the glee club were fantastic their staff were fantastic they you know they they as as doug said on stage they could have gouged us because they knew the predicament we're in and they were actually incredibly accommodating and we at the last minute not only had to get a different venue we had to get two nights at that venue because it didn't hold as many tickets as we saw so we had to be two nights instead of one but they yeah they fucking bailed us out in the last minute and by

the way if anyone wants to know, and again, you don't want to muddy the water too much, but I'll just say this. If you're thinking of getting into bed with Daryl from just the tonic, you should make sure he has all the things he says he has. Wow. Or just book it yourself. Jeez.

By the way, Tracy, I'm just going to say this. I've always said this about chicks, including you necessarily. No makeup is a great look. Thank you. Thank you. Rolling out of bed. That's good. Yeah.

Go ahead. I just think so many girls I know or have known, they look great without makeup. Tracy looks great in the morning too. She looks good haggard. Good haggard.

Thanks. Well, you guys got gigs tonight. Well, you got four left. Gig tonight. C, you got four left. Yeah, gig tonight. Cereal bowl, edible crumbles for breakfast. High flight to Glasgow. Oh, we didn't even talk about that. The fucking flight from, oh, my God, under an hour.

The flight from Dublin to Nottingham. Oh, right. A choice of fucking breakfast sandwiches, different kinds that were great. A 50-minute flight on a shit fucking, you know, Ryanair. Yeah, no, it was Ryanair. And then we got cocktails.

And then they brought out the old duty-free catalogs with all the shit you could buy duty-free and colognes and fucking toblerone and and i just i don't there's no way they're actually selling this shit but i go so i can buy this watch right now and she goes hang on i came back with it so i had to buy this watch because i thought i was calling her bluff so i bought bought a fucking $100 watch, a Hugo Boss. And I'll probably... The paninis they served on board were perfect.

They were toasted wonderfully. In a 30-minute flight? 50 minutes. By the time you get up to altitude, you're starting to come back down. Yeah, they had the cart full of all the duty-free shit up and down. We didn't realize we could bring four liters of booze into the UK. So at the last minute, we bought fucking three more bottles of booze, a watch.

We just finally got the booze down to one sneaky bottle, a quart bottle, the sneaky bottle of quart bottle and that because we were fucking usherping like loads of alcohol this entire time and mixers we finally got it down to well the idea is that tomorrow people everyone assures us that so that was Ryanair from Dublin to Nottingham, which is technically international. But everyone has assured us that EasyJet, which is a Ryanair equivalent, from Birmingham to Glasgow will be the same. So our goal, like true journalists,

is going to be to document for American audiences what gets done in an incredibly short flight. Sure. Show them up. All right, Brian, bring down some of those cookie crumbs and let's eat a little bit of nibble and let's go down and eat some more food at that

restaurant because chicken wings don't really fill you up. It's what? It's 4.15? I got... I had twice as many chicken wings don't really fill you up. It's what? It's 4.15? I got... I had twice as many chicken wings as you. Yes, you did. Wow. Look at you two. I don't like the pizza here.

It says Chicago Town Pizzas, which means it's probably all fucking dough and no topping. All right. We got problems. We're going to work all this out. Then I'm going to do my fucking show. Then I'm going to do my show two more times. Then I'm going to take...

Yeah, then football. Tonight, Browns over the fucking Pittsburgh Steelers. Hell yes. Obviously. Definitely. Enjoy, kids. Bingo, I know you're back there somewhere. Take us out of this okay bye bye now Thank you.