The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DSP #481 "Scenes From An Outback SteakHouse"

Episode Date: February 23, 2022

Doug is seeing everything through a movie lens. Recorded Dec. 20th, 2021 on location in Chicago, IL with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Tracey (@Egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced ...and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. Stageman Underwear - Stageman Underwear is ergonomically enhanced first layer gear for men. It's innovative design gently lifts the male genitals up and away from the legs for maximum performance and comfort. Go to www.Stageman.com and use Promo Code 'STANHOPE' to save 10% on your order. The World Record Podcast - The World Record Podcast is the third and final award winning podcast created and hosted by Brendon Walsh setting the World Record for the funniest podcast in existence. - https://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/world-record-podcast Stay in the loop with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Need more Chaille? Check out Mix Tape Time Machine Podcast with John Norris, Matt Collins and Ggreg Chaille - https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mix-tape-time-machine-podcast/id1554596023 It's FREE to join Chad on his Twitch Channel. Go the Chad's Twitter page where he has pinned a tweet with instructions - https://twitter.com/hdfatty Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Thank you. you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast are you waiting for the music i'm too because i don't have any i'm waiting for you to tell me what we're recording three two slate clap wait no it's uh okay rolling uh speed speed set hold and action the chalets are out here uh in the chicago the Chalice are out here in the Chicago exterior. Chicago land. They call it Chicago land. Yeah, we've never seen any of Chicago. We never will, which is fine by me,
Starting point is 00:01:12 because if they had to film in downtown Chicago with all the fucking trucks and the parking situations. One ways, yeah. I mean, it's already fucking bad enough at some of these locations. And I mean, it's already fucking bad enough at some of these locations. Uh, just, I don't know if I talk about just trying to take a dump on the last no, like so many of these, like you're, you're renting a house out and even the location shot, like you get there in the morning, wait a couple hours while they set up like 15 crew people and the talent.
Starting point is 00:01:46 And you go, I woke up early and got out here, but I haven't had my first cigarette. Which is? Breakfast. Yeah, that's when you have to take a dump. And you go, there's one bathroom. And those nervous dumps and the hurry dumps when someone's jiggling the handle they don't come fast and loose it's just you're clay and then someone's in here someone's in here and there's never ozium i keep trying to remember to bring poop spray ozium because there's like not one person
Starting point is 00:02:21 on that crew has thought maybe we should get some febreze or something well that's probably someone else's union job that they'll get in trouble for that's another thing we'll talk about that maybe one day fucking union shit christine hodge said she once got yelled at on a a set for moving a bar stool like you can't do that and uh i don't know if it's a union thing but the the the girl that does craft service is sweetheart and saba but she's just bringing in bags of stuff like breakfast food on one of the early shoots and i went just like i would at football sunday i just starting to help her spread it out and she came in and she goes don't touch that that's my job I do that I'm like oh and then when Christine said that about the unions maybe it's a union thing where you well you can't be helpful no oh there's a guy they'll come and tell you why you can't be helpful if you're too helpful I know uh so yeah that's a different podcast but the chaley's uh
Starting point is 00:03:26 tracy's been helping katie arts i call her katie from the art department or is the art department was her she was wardrobe and arts all at the same time and fucking completely over worked and uh so tracy's she's so very happy to have tracy and chaley helping out chaley's doing his one job which is everything um i am out of hats though for my extra work oh well you still haven't presented your bright yellow hair so well that's true isn't that the guy with from Isn't that the guy with the red beanie, the tan hoodie thing? Yeah. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:04:09 I'm honored. It's fun. Yeah. And they're very – Fitzsimmons. We got Fitzsimmons on the shoot. The Curse of Mikey. We've not talked about any of this. Yeah. The role of Mikey, Michael Biehn was going to do.
Starting point is 00:04:24 Submitted himself before – he just wanted to read the script. talked about any of this yeah the role of mikey michael bean was gonna do submitted himself before like i even you know he just wanted to read the script and he goes yeah i submitted myself for that part and then like they had to bump a guy to get michael bean and at the last minute he had to bail out so then uh we got fucking bobcat goldth weight like awesome get to yeah like 30 minutes after i get the bad news from michael bean i just happened to have crossed paths with a mutual friend of bobcat and i had just texted him the night before he had when bingo was in the coma he sent this little say that fucking name malinati's malinati's pizza it's famous chicago pizza he sent us a a pizza delivered yeah yeah delivered yeah and i didn't even i didn't even really know bobcat like he just came out of the blue and sent
Starting point is 00:05:12 condolences and so we've vaguely kept in touch text here and there hey just thinking about you and so when i was here i had this lou malnati's pizza and texted him a picture hey i ran into your friend uh tim kazarensky was on the set played a part and uh he's the one who brought up bobcat like i'm gonna take a send a picture of us me and tim to bobcat and then i sent another picture with the lumal nadis pizza yeah and the next morning michael bean bale's out so i go hey by the way if you want to work go hey by the way if you want to work two days on a you know easy roll uh playing my you know stand-up comic buddy yeah uh it pays probably as little as is legally
Starting point is 00:06:06 uh allowed allowed to offer you and he goes yeah sounds great and then uh and he lives out here so I mean that that was another stroke there yeah then he got the vid it's like he's not he's doing all right he's it hurt but uh yeah he's not he's not on a ventilator or anything yeah like yeah now we get the curse of Mikey the role is Mikey's uh so yeah we got Fitzsimmons to he's flying in last minute to do it and which is going to be great because I haven't caught up with Fitzsimmons since I did his podcast maybe six years ago I remember more than that it was yeah yeah might have been seven eight years ago I don't know I remember because because brian and i went to some warehouse over by the formosa cafe in hollywood yes yes his studio and uh we were early so we're just sitting there waiting for him to come in and he comes in about to get into a fist fight with some like
Starting point is 00:06:58 parking attendant who had followed him in he's like you uh you and i don't know what the words were it was some altercation about where he parked or something but he's like you uh you and I don't know what the words were it was some altercation about where he parked or something but he was like ready to throw down it's like a violent moment and then walks away from the guy just storms right past us doesn't even like he's so seeing red that he doesn't even have a dress and then minutes later we're in the studio and he's like oh yeah that guy's a i guess a dick whatever like like it was nothing like you were just about to throw down on that guy so that's the last time i saw him so i'm very excited but you did this podcast though right yeah we did the podcast but like
Starting point is 00:07:36 immediately yeah it went from like such a race 60 to zero yeah how you been i get it. You know how I smash things. I just don't, you know, it's not with people. I have those moments with inanimate objects, and then I'm fine. Bing goes, I should leave. I go, no, it was uncooperative, the door, so I smashed it. That used to be the way you'd get a new computer yeah no I mean you guys have probably all heard this story about the time Chaley had to build a stage when we were in Fort Lauderdale and it was a standing room only and there was no stage so I was standing
Starting point is 00:08:20 and I'm short so only the people standing right in front of me can see me. And it's very awkward because it's just like face to face. Like I have a microphone, but I'm still just standing at your level. I don't know if I can describe how awkward that is to people who haven't done stand-up. And it's not like a theater. It's straight back, a shotgun bar. So bar running lengthwise, people are standing on the rail you can see people's heads you're standing around whatever bar you go to that's you know small and cramped
Starting point is 00:08:50 and you stand in there and a guy just walks up in front of you with a microphone and he's short and he just starts talking to you because if there's no stage and so chaley went in the back green room and i can get cases of beer while I'm actually doing comedy. You made your own stage. You took a stool from the bar and stood on it so people could see you. And I'm like, oh, that's not going to end well. You're going to do a whole set standing like a seal balancing a fucking ball on your nose. So I went back there and grabbed one of the bus boys,
Starting point is 00:09:27 not bus boy, a bar back. And I go, hey, where's the beer? And the case is a beer. And we went back to the walk-in and he grabbed two cases. I go, keep bringing them out and stack them next to the chair that he's standing on. And then it was really kind of fun because it was seamless in that you were doing your jokes i went and got the stuff we set it down next to
Starting point is 00:09:51 you you didn't break what was happening and then they have these big pieces of cut uh plywood plywood four by eights so it's cut in half and i and they use that to block the liquor at night so the employees don't steal and we took those and put those right down on top and you just like walked right down at a normal level to a stage so we have this scene we're filming for this uh the same thing i show up on my call early and uh they're like yeah there's no stage like this we were supposed to film downstairs uh but they were upstairs there's no stage. We were supposed to film downstairs, but we're upstairs. There's no stage. So we're trying to make this look like a comedy club. And I go,
Starting point is 00:10:29 hang on. And I fucking did. I go, what would Chaley do? And I went downstairs to the bar where it was, you know, the lower bar that we thought we were going to be in. And I found some of those dishwasher trays.
Starting point is 00:10:42 Yeah. The bar. To go in the industrial dish rack. Yeah. I found those. I got. Solid. I'm walking in. dishwasher trays. To go in the industrial dish rack. I found those. Solid. I'm walking in. I found a banquet table, folding banquet table to be the slab.
Starting point is 00:10:53 I set up. I go, yeah, you haven't met the guy playing the MC yet, have you? No way. He's got to be like 330 pounds. Well, maybe we put another banquet table on it. Double it up.
Starting point is 00:11:13 But the point is, I fucking was immediately in go-to, and the director is going, don't stop. Don't put that down. He's telling you to you you're our star you shouldn't be doing that i'm like that's like yeah we we do crossword puzzles for a reason like yeah there's a problem i want to solve it this is fun for me just because i'm the star i wouldn't have someone else doing my crossword puzzle for me. Don't take the fun away from it. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:46 Those are the great stories. And I want to be the guy that figured it out. And I did. And then they made a call to someone, Greg's sister, who's fucking a champion on this, getting us locations and getting us out of tight jams. The director's from out here. The director's sister.
Starting point is 00:12:04 Oh, wait. Yeah no i'm she's with the fucking you know pta or something they get a riser from one of the student events and so they replaced my beautiful concoction with something that would support us rated for a thousand pounds but it worked out it's it was. So funny. I solved it. Hold on. You left out one variable. He's 350 pounds. He's a sweet guy, too.
Starting point is 00:12:33 There have been fucking great actors on this. But my head is so involved. Like, I was rewriting parts and punching stuff up, like, the way I'd say it and the way I'd do it. But I don't know camera angles like i don't know how all right how much movement do i have on this if i'm walking out the door is that going to be like i'm not so now i'm conditioning myself to think in scenes and locations and shots well if i walked out of frame on that then they'd have to do another fucking hour of setting up the lights and shit.
Starting point is 00:13:07 Like I don't, it's one of those things where if I don't understand it, I think it probably isn't that important. And it probably is really important. But what the fuck is it? Yeah, well, you get a fucking get the Gemini on this and you're fucking I'm at a 2.8. So fuck. No way. You're just just you're fucking I'm at a 2.8 she said fuck go no way you're just just you're justifying your job like makeup every day I go into makeup to look like a fucking a reckless
Starting point is 00:13:36 alcoholic and I go I just showed up here at 9 30 in the morning like is there any point that I would sit down in this chair and you go no you're perfect you did it yourself no you're still going to be in makeup for 25 minutes so i know that i know that a lot of this is necessary and i just don't understand it i just don't know how much the the makeup they did the other day that which is the the end word yeah when i have to look the most alcoholic dying it's the little things, man. I told Shaylee, I was in the fucking chair for, I think, 35 fucking minutes. I said, if I spent one more minute in that chair, I better have a pig snout and tusks.
Starting point is 00:14:17 Because this is like getting into special effects. Fucking Regents. Yeah. Yeah, Willie the. So good. Yeah, the makeup guy guy and it's his first movie so he he wants to do more like people are getting their makeup done that are not in the cast he'll go down there and saba is taking a union break to get her makeup done and even katie get her makeup done yeah she just wanted her like her eyebrows But Willie was like, oh, no, let me do the whole thing.
Starting point is 00:14:46 At a day rate. And she's just walking around wiping her face and itching. Like, I never wear makeup. This is itchy. I should have known better when I sat down to have my eyebrows done that I'd get a full makeover. I think everybody in the world is secretly in love with Katie. Yeah, she does a lot.
Starting point is 00:15:04 She jumps around like she's, she's a tiny girl and she she jumps like, Oh, I'll get that. And she's like vault over the bar. Like she's doing parkour and grab this thing and then tumble. I said if we're filming a fucking Ocean's 11. This our little chinese guy in the box so great uh but like what time are we at because i want to tell the my the movie i i saw being made in my head at the outback steakhouse yeah take a break yeah i'm so into the movie making that everything is a scene to me and this was just a brilliant scene i'm gonna tell you when we come back oh wait this would be a good place to uh put in uh an official ad for stage man underpants our newest favorite is bestest sponsor stage man.com promo code Stan hope it's the whole package
Starting point is 00:16:08 just go buy two pairs and you'll never have to buy another pair of underpants for your entire life just trust us on this one that's stage man.com get yourself a pair get yourself two pairs so you can wear one pair while you wash the other pair. You don't really need to wash the other pair. You just like to look at them off your body and go, Oh, my God, I can't believe how good these make my body look when it's really not that good at all. Oh, and don't forget, use promo code Stanhope. StageBand.com. Use promo code Stanhope. StageBad.com. Use promo code Stanhope.
Starting point is 00:16:51 So I was staying at this hotel that's close to, it's been kind of fucked up because at first we were staying in that weird town in Zion, but the Wisconsin border. 45 minutes north. Yeah. They thought that we were going to have locations around there and that changed so we moved to a hotel when christine got here hosh it's playing my playing herself basically anyway uh yeah i don't i get a note from tony i was telling one of the the
Starting point is 00:17:23 the bit actors that uh like what the how the movie goes and he just comes up and loud whispers in front of the guy don't tell him too much about the movie just you know tell him generalities and then the guy that played the big joe he goes why did he have to whisper that so loud right in front of me i go i don't know but now i know don't talk too much about what the movie's about just give generalities well you know i'm playing a drunken alcoholic chain smoking comic it's great because like when i do have my smokers hack it fits right in like sometimes i like keep the cough in there and then i have to invent a you're putting the sound effects guy out of work though
Starting point is 00:18:07 the union guy is going to contact you for that so uh the only thing at this hotel is outback steakhouse which is ironic because i on my last special uh which i is supposed to go out for free on youtube hennigan said he was supposed to go out for free on YouTube. Hennigan said he was putting it out for free now on YouTube. If it's there, there'll be a link to the show notes, but during quarantine we go, yeah,
Starting point is 00:18:34 eventually this will go out for free, but in the meantime, you have to pay whatever. I don't know. It's a, do you remember the dying of a last breed? Yeah. And I have in the setup to one of the bits, I go, the shit you wouldn't do anywhere else, but you have to on the road
Starting point is 00:18:52 because it's the only thing close to you. I would never go to an Outback Steakhouse. It couldn't be less authentic if Jim Jeffries was your waiter. It was in the setup to the bit. And now here I am stuck in a hotel that only has outback steakhouse and you can't tweet oh i'm so sick of eating filet mignon every night that makes you sound like a but uh but i would get to the point where i know all the
Starting point is 00:19:20 bartenders names and and i'm so in movie head that I I walked in after a long you know 12 hour day of of shooting and I walk in I'm I go towards the middle of the bar I sit in the middle of the bar it's a long bar it's a wide shot and there's a woman sitting with seats open on either side of her, almost cougar age, you'd guess. Probably blonde. And she has a thick accent. And as they sit down, the bartender, Kara, is saying, Daphne, why is it every time you come here, all the guys are hitting on you? And I'm like, okay, so now Daphne is a main character. I come here all the guys are hitting on you and i'm like okay so now daphne is a main character i get that and i'm getting fed back story at the beginning of the
Starting point is 00:20:10 scene that everyone always hits on daphne and when she says it two guys at the other side of the bar bit players turn and they start talking to her like oh everyone hits on you so we can hit on you so okay i got a scene going on in my head here i go out exterior night outback steakhouse smoking outside i'm smoking outside uh and a couple with a younger like maybe 20 year oldish daughter are walking in the guys and overalls he looks like bukowski if bukowski was a farmer is a grizzled old guy with fucking curly gray hair and overalls and the woman has her hair tied up on the top they're 50s like in a scrunchie but pulled really taut on the very top going up with makeup like Mimi from the Drew Carey show. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:07 Garish makeup. And I don't really get a look at the daughter kid, but the lady had, it was like the hair was pulled so tight. It was like a life hack facelift. Just tie my hair so tight on the top that it makes my eyes go up. So you can see my blue eye shadow on the top that it makes my eyes go up so you can see my blue eye shadow purple whatever it was uh and so i go back in and the guys are still chatting up daphne on the other side of her and uh at some point i see that threesome leave that that couple with the young girl younger girl they leave and uh and then
Starting point is 00:21:48 minutes later the man and the young girl come back and they go up to the thick accented she's German by by now I've determined she's German because Daphne yeah Daphne because the two guys are like they're trying to speak German. Like, Auf Wiedersehen. They're throwing all the German words they know kind of hitting on her. And the guy comes back with the young girl, and he says, Listen, my niece convinced me that I should ask you for your phone number. It's creepy right away. He's got the young girl there using her as a wingman.
Starting point is 00:22:21 It's creepy right away. He's got the young girl there using her as a wingman. Yeah. And she speaks some German, and he makes her say a sentence in German like she's a fucking, you know. Or like he ever had any interest in her speaking German. Dance for her. Say the German thing. He goes, so she convinced me to ask you for your phone number,
Starting point is 00:22:43 but you're probably only in town for a couple of days, right? Because we're near the airport, he just assumes. Yeah. It was just like the creepiest pickup line. And he's so fucking out of our league. It's like in the old days when Art Hinty used to try to hit on. You're an obese fucking 55-year-old man with fucking skin skin tags and you think you're gonna hook up with bingo's 28 year old friend it's not happening andy stole her from me what uh so it was like that so
Starting point is 00:23:15 i like i'm i'm writing down his pickup line on a cocktail napkin because i want to remember like this whole scene because again this is a movie vignette playing out in my head like i stopped myself from like chiming in as a couple of stools down but i like i had a few lines i could throw in there like i'm punching up like oh this is where my character would intervene but she you know politely blew him off after two or three minutes and then he left and I turned to her and I say to break the ice with my co-star I say was that the creepiest or sweetest pickup line like was that what am I and she goes I think it was sweet and i don't know you know it's just this my niece convinced me to ask you i don't so we chat a bit i have my script in a the orange binder like a fucking high
Starting point is 00:24:16 school student and at one point she says why do you bring your homework to the bar i go i've if you got to work you might as well do it while you're drinking and uh then she says oh do you have a cigarette and i go yes i do i'm always ready to go outside and smoke and uh and i could see the crestfallen looks on the fella's faces like ah the guy just stole her away tonight yeah because he's a smoker god damn it why didn't i smoke i get her outside and we have some discourse i didn't quite pick up what she did she was from lived in alabama she's german but lives here i found out later she's a flight attendant because she started talking about we're talking still about the creepy guy and huh it's in the airport that's in the hotel sorry oh yeah but she she lives in gadsden alabama i don't think lufthansa flies to gadsden anyway so she's there a lot so she comes she's a regular at this airport bar
Starting point is 00:25:28 uh and she starts talking about uh she thought this like human trafficking might be involved he said she oh with the little girl I didn't hear the them talk but both the girl and the wife that I never heard spoke she said was speaking in a thick eastern european accent so she was thinking maybe human trafficking with the little girl and how because as a flight attendant i put together later yeah they they're trained to look for that so interior back in the bar now she's very curious about my notebook and I'm not giving up anything about what I do or fucking just things I don't want to talk about. And I'm just deflecting or lying, which of course intrigues her even more. And now I'm the focal point. So I go back out
Starting point is 00:26:24 to smoke for a third time now in my head i'm going okay what we would have done if this was a film i would have done all my smoking scenes outside all in one shot and then yeah okay okay and do the first line now you're doing we're going to bring in daphne for the second and then we do the third, again, smoking alone. This time, as I'm about to finish my cigarette, I look across the parking lot. Here comes creepy overalls guy alone. He's coming back for more. So I'm taking the last few drags off my cigarette to stamp it out so I can get in in front of the problem and let her know, okay, here he comes. I move one seat close. okay here he comes i move one seat close so there's only one seat in between us and then an empty bar to my right and the two big dudes that were hitting on her the bit players to the
Starting point is 00:27:12 left and only leaving one seat this guy's brazen enough to come up and take the seat that's in between us is this seat taken like all right this is really creepy but now my whole fucking louis episode i felt like is uh it's gone to a different level he sits down gets creepier but now i can hear everything he's saying and he's like you're you're one of those uh you're one of those like uh uh foreign girls has comes over here looking for an american husband so you can get a visa huh yeah oh and so i'm behind him pantomiming trying to get anything to get her eye contact to fucking like get her out of this situation and she's not looking at me. She's just absorbing this fucking creepiness from the guy. And so finally I go, God damn it.
Starting point is 00:28:09 Sometimes I feel like I'm the only smoker left on this planet. And then she goes, oh, yes, do you have another cigarette for me? Okay. I got her out of the situation. She's like, we go outside and I don't know what to say to I do these oh she's being polite well we're scheming about how to get out and get the fuck out of it so I go all right I don't know if you improvise well but yeah over the course of a cigarette we put together a I just said all right just tell me the town you were born in and she goes it's
Starting point is 00:28:45 a Strausberg it's actually in France but it's on the German border perfect okay we'll go with that and we walk in and as we get close I go that's so funny that you're from Strausberg and I'm like I'm seeing this as dialogue written on a page it's so funny you're from strasbourg and that's where my grandparents were from and then she's we get back in our original seats on either side but we're talking over him so without letting him get a word in edgewise and she's fucking quick she's fucking hitting the beats and we're making it up you know i only i've never been but i only talked to him on social media and i I just hate Facebook. And she jumps on the Facebook.
Starting point is 00:29:29 And we get it to a point where I said, you know what? Let me come around so I can get closer to you. And I sit in the seat in between the big guys, the bit players and her. And I let her carry out a sentence. And I'm secretly writing on a cocktail napkin, guy next her creepy as fuck we're trying to save her and i slide it over to the two big guys so now they're on the same page the one closest to me slides it to his friend and now we get a fucking team uh of rivals with a common cause and uh we just keep talking all now it's you know the four of us all talking all shutting that guy out well he's he's on the house now he's on the outside we get an in thing
Starting point is 00:30:12 and finally he just paid his tab and walked out without saying a word and then we're and i'm looking at hers so i have the eye line of when he's hitting the door so this is this is my my my main shot reverse shot of him finally leaving and as he's getting to the door i look at we're all maintaining the same fake conversation like background people and i go and three two one he's out the door and we all stood and fucking victory and high-fived. And I bought a fucking round for everyone. And we laughed about what a fucking creep this guy was. This episode is brought to you by the World Record Podcast.
Starting point is 00:31:01 Go to worldrecordpodcast.com. Watch the videos. Join the Patreon. It's the funniestpodcast.com. Watch the videos. Join the Patreon. It's the funniest podcast in the world. Check it out. They're trying to get a headstone.
Starting point is 00:31:12 Yeah. This is a headstone company. Are there rules with headstones, sir? The rules are determined by the cemetery the person is buried at. He wants to write something
Starting point is 00:31:21 on the headstone. Basically, he wants to write eat shit, Linda, on the tombstone. It says he wants to write, eat shit, Linda, on the tombstone. It says, hydroplaning to heaven, eat shit, Linda. I've never, yeah. So go to worldrecordpodcast.com. Watch all the videos.
Starting point is 00:31:44 Join the Patreon. Listen to all the episodes. Just do it. Hello, it's me, Hellman. Who's this? Hellman. Hellman. Who's Hellman?
Starting point is 00:31:54 I'm me. I'm Hellman. World Record! You are listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. We laughed about what a fucking creep this guy was. At this point, this is just like B-roll, but I moved back to my original seat to give them the fucking carry-on. The firm is over. There's nothing more to do.
Starting point is 00:32:22 That carry-on luggage, the carrying, like, they still want to hit on this girl. And, you know, that's her role, the girl that everyone hits on. I sit down at the other end. This is a side story. But this kid, guy, he looks like one of those, like, you know how people in the 1950s their yearbook pictures they still look like they're 40 years old he looked like that he had that kind of hair that was like molded and uh he said something of just small talk and he goes yeah well i listened to a lot of joe rogan i go wait you know joe rogan but you don't know who i am who are you and i'm like yeah we
Starting point is 00:33:07 co-hosted the man show and he he seemed puzzled by the man show oh so you must be 29 years old he goes how do you know that because i did some quick arithmetic of okay when was rogan big that how old would you be to not know the man show but no rogan to the joe rogan experience and fear factor on yeah so that's my uh that's my next grift in life is just carnivals guessing your age by the stupid things you say uh i say good night uhettle up my tab. I have not checked into the hotel. I came directly from the shoot, got my keys, and went directly to the bar
Starting point is 00:33:51 because that's how I do. I go up to my room. It's probably 9 o'clock at night now. And I don't turn on the light. I set my backpack down, and I hear a pouring sound. And I think, Oh shit. My sneaky bottle of liquor,
Starting point is 00:34:09 which I haven't had to use on set yet, but I have it there in case I panic. And I go, I can't do this scene sober. I hear, and I turn on the light. No, is a major rainstorm outside.
Starting point is 00:34:21 It's leaking in through the curtains and splashing on the carpet. So I called the front desk. I'm like, you better get someone up here before the fucking ceiling collapses. Come down, get your keys for the different room. I got my keys. And then one of the guys, the two bit players, as I'm about to get on the elevators, coming to the elevator he goes hang on a second you're you're your girl there she's coming this way so i let him take the elevator and i get on the elevator with her and she's staying on five and now i've been moved to eight we've been in five different rooms there
Starting point is 00:35:02 because i keep going all right tonight i'll check back in there rather than take the long drive. So we've gotten five stolen Bibles. If I stay in the same room, I don't get a stolen Bible. She's getting off on five. We have a minute. I know this is where in any script that I would hook up with her. If I was George Clo in uh what's the airplane movie where yeah up in the air yeah anyway so rom-com that i only watched because
Starting point is 00:35:34 he's a frequent flyer status and i like i love that i love any movie where there's airplane scenes anyway this is where i could close the deal and when she said she's on five I go oh I wanted to ask are you in 507 because that's where Christine hodge was staying when I stole her hotel by Bible and uh I was wondering like and then I thought if I said hey what room are you in do you mind if I come by and steal your bible that would be the only creepier line then my niece convinced me convinced me that i should get your phone number so i just let it go and that was the end of my louis episode that i saw in every camera angle with a 50 on the on the close ups in the Gemini running
Starting point is 00:36:28 hot. 19% battery points, points points that uses sticks on that. Points. Yeah, when they're carrying like the lighting tripod, anything that might like has sharp edges. Yeah, where you'd say right behind you in the kitchen they saw our coffee points points I'm gonna fly out on here instead of kids yeah I'm gonna fly out of this position it's fun that movie making yeah I'm really having a fucking great time and i've been sober like not was sober yeah i don't do podcasts sober i don't yeah so yeah it's been fun i feel like i
Starting point is 00:37:15 have purpose and i'll be very happy when it's over you got exposition so your next thing is write a movie i think exposition I've been using wrong. What's the shit they tell you is happening? Exterior night. I thought that was exposition. Dumpy couple. I might be. I said that, and they said, no, that's not exposition.
Starting point is 00:37:36 Oh. I might be wrong. Lame insurance. You guys can look it up. Yeah, we will. We have nine more days, and we're shooting every day yeah yeah i do um that's pretty much it oh two are coming up starting in ronald park on march 5th so yeah all of the california that we choose play, but it's like 14 dates. Comedy store.
Starting point is 00:38:05 I'm dying to see what the comedy store is like in the post-apocalypse. San Diego and LA. Yeah, San Diego too. I haven't been to San Diego in far too long. And yeah, hopefully I have some stories to tell. Well, the Bible's to sell. Well, that's the thing that it's actually
Starting point is 00:38:27 great about doing stand-up is i'm no longer engaging in any fucking twitter shit if you want my opinion come to the show i'm not gonna fucking get into a war for free on twitter with people i don't know yeah if you want to agree or disagree with me, you do a live. That's it. If I'm high and I want to write some dumb fucking trolly shit on Twitter, that's one thing, but I'm not going to engage in opinions that are so fucking tiresome. But come live we've been having a fucking gas at the live shows and uh life's too short to sit indoors so come indoors and watch a comedy show yeah come indoors i wouldn't go out but you should
Starting point is 00:39:22 I wouldn't go out, but you should. Oh, I wish we had Junior on. Junior just called us with a story. He just saw Crypt Daddy perform in Chicago with Aaron Berg and Anthony Cumia and someone else. And we'll hopefully get him on. We got him a part in the movie playing a security guy junior junior so maybe we before i leave we'll get him on or we'll zoom from home i don't know it's it's his story i know he zooms because he's been on the um he's been on the happy hours yeah and he's endlessly entertaining and gave Christine Hodge a walking tour of Chicago because she had three hours to kill before she caught her flight.
Starting point is 00:40:08 Oh, that's cool. Yeah, of Junior Chicago. Yes. The stuff he likes. He loves this town so much, and he's so adorable. She fell in love with him right away. So thank you, Junior. That's how you get in the pictures.
Starting point is 00:40:25 You got to do favors. That's how you get in the pictures. You got to do favors. It's who you know. You take her for a nice walk around Chicago, I'll make you a security guard at the Coliseum. All right. Thank you, guys. Fucking especially the fucking, I put out tweets to get extras, and we had people drive from fucking Kalamazoo, Michigan,
Starting point is 00:40:44 and fucking Des Moines, Iowa, or Cedar Rapids, wherever in Iowa, just to be fucking unpaid extras. And it was like the producer and the director are like, that's your fans. It's crazy. It's just crazy. Yeah. And it fucking made me look good.
Starting point is 00:41:05 It made me look a fucking hero. And this goddamn movie needs some heroes. Awesome. It'll be fun. All right. Thank you guys very much. Keep an eye on the Twitter. I'll tell you the next time.
Starting point is 00:41:17 I think Tuesday. When does this go out? Wednesday. Yeah. It'll be Wednesday for the public. It goes out earlier for Patreon. Anyway, but yeah, well, keep an eye on my, get on the fucking mailing list. That's how you find out everything first.
Starting point is 00:41:32 And with no, I don't bombard you with spam because I ain't got nothing to say until I have something to say. All right. I love you. Thank you. Take us out, bingo. Okay. Bye-bye now. out bingo okay bye bye now សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់� Thank you.

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