The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DSP Ep. 492: "It Could Be Worst"

Episode Date: June 1, 2022

[FIRST THINGS FIRST. A bit of an audio gear gaff in this episode discovered during playback. I apologize in advance. Dave and Lauren are so delightful I couldn't see ditching the episode due to a little echo. If you are burning to email me a complaint, I understand. Thanks either way. ~Chaille] Doug welcomes traveling tattoo artists Dave and Lauren Tedder to the FunHouse. Check out Dave's Youtube channel - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vARjTY7_ezw&t=1s Recorded May 24th, 2022 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Dave & Lauren Tedder (thecustomtattoo.com), Hennigan (@MrHennigan), KD Arts, Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - Helix Sleep - Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope - Helix is offering UP TO $200 off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners. Find your perfect mattress at HelixSleep.com/stanhope. Stay in the loop with the ISSUES WITH ANDY podcast featuring Andy Andrist, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank and Chaille. New episode every Friday - https://www.patreon.com/issueswithandy Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - TraceySupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Big shout out today to Helix Sleep. Take their two-minute sleep quiz and they'll match you to a mattress that will give you the best sleep of your life. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners. Find your perfect mattress at helixsleep.com slash stanhope. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Yes, you are. We have Brian Hennigan here, the Traleys, of course, and special guests, David. I know you probably go by Dave, but we know too many Daves. So you're David and Lauren.

All right. Dave, the Tedders. It's a great name. The Team Tedders are one of those rare people that are immediately your friends. Before I even met you, Bingo had met you. They're like,

they're so fucking cool. We've been doing some shit and I'm like I don't even know who knows them but yeah well you immediately everyone in the fucking group like all those guys are so cool and we're filming a chunk of material that's a few years old that we never uh put on a recording so it's gonna be like a mini special uh the king of thailand and they go oh well this guy the tattoo artist and yeah you chaley tells me everything and i don't listen and i'm absorbed with other like my end of the thing you guys do the sound and the camera work and all the shit so i still had no idea other than everyone that met you and as soon as i met you like yeah you're fucking you fit right in you have your own stools at the bar what really happened was uh we were

going to film this thing and doug just never told me when we were going to film it and so i just assumed it was going to be later on in the week because handy game was coming in on Sunday. And then I found out on Saturday that it was going to be Monday. And I knew you guys were coming in and I gave you the opportunity to go like, Hey, how'd you come down? You know,

I'll be around. We won't have anything to do. And then everything was crunched because I'm like, Oh fuck. And then I wanted you guys to go to it, but you weren't going to be here until the 25th but i didn't think it was a problem no no until i found out it wasn't going to be we're we're filming on the 23rd monday and then we had to scramble so that's how they got out here you know they contacted you to come out and just they were passing through for their project here's what i here's what i know is their tattoo artists yeah that are on a months-long journey i

guess you can correct me uh selling your artwork to tattoo studios from north carolina in a big loop around the country coming through here but But you also happen to have high-grade filming capabilities, but no tattoo equipment. Correct. I think Bingo brought it up. One time we were shit-faced. They might be wearing a wire. We were shit-faced at Johnny's house,

and he was looking for his tattoo equipment. We were shit-faced at Johnny's house and he was looking for his tattoo equipment. We were going to get tattoos and then when she brought that up, I was thinking, oh fuck, we might get tattoos because they're here for three more days. I could find some if we needed some. But it's weird that you have camera equipment that is like, Brian

was fucking blown away. So Dave dorks out and goes all out and everything. He golfs, he gets all out and everything. You know, golf, he gets all the good clubs, the camera stuff. He gets all that shit, yeah. Thank fuck you weren't

on the golfing hole. We didn't have any room in the car for that. The truth is, as an artist, I'm always trying to stay relevant, you know,

and as much as I like photos, video seems to be the current thing. So I'm trying to teach myself how to edit video just a little bit better just so I can make more videos because that's what people seem to want myself how to edit video just a little bit better just so i can make more videos because that's what people seem to want well your video camera does take

pictures it does it does exactly like for sure and that is why they're out here is they're doing a project that will have them explain but the the camera being used for the filming that was just a coincidence that that they were going to be here in time and then they had the equipment, which was great. Yeah. Chili forwarded me the email exchange and I read down the camera equipment list and it was one of those situations where you go, oh, you've got all the right stuff,

meaning you must know how to work this. Right now, Katie Arts is going through their trunk of their car. We lured them into, oh, we want you to be podcast guests. I hope you didn't leave your car unlocked. Not responsible for lost valuables. No, so we're coming through and selling art, but the main purpose of the trip is we're trying to meet my brother in Vegas.

But I'm a psychopath. Sounds like a buddy picture, road movie. Right. Well, I crammed a million things into one. Why is he going to be in Vegas? He already was. It was his birthday. He'd never been to Vegas.

And it was their first trip post-COVID, same as us. We haven't done anything since all of everything shut down. Oh, really? It's your first venture out? We did the tattoo convention. We did't done anything since all of everything shut down. Oh, really? It's your first venture out? We did the tattoo convention. We did a couple of small tattoo conventions, but this is like, you know, I mean, we used to travel a lot. Still work. And then when everything shut down, we took it serious for a little bit, and we shut down.

We live in a small town, and we've been locked up there. Near Asheville? No, we're six hours from Asheville. Six hours from Asheville. Complete other side of the state. Two hours, two and a half hours from Raleigh. All right. And that's the closest?

Yeah. Raleigh's the closest. We're two hours from the interstate, dude. Wow. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I thought we were fucked an hour and 45 from an airport. Y'all got a cool town, though.

We're fucking. We're a military town. It's a cool town. You know, it's not an art community. That's for sure. That's a lie. It's not a cool town. It's not an art community, that's for sure. That's a lie. It's not a cool town. So we're traveling around, and I'm working on this cowboy project.

Cowboys and Indians kind of reimagined as samurais from the Edo and Miji era of Japan. I do a lot of Japanese tattoos and all the Japanese tattoos that I really am inspired by kind of find their start in the 1800s in the woodblocks from Japan. And it coincides with the frontier era, you know, and there's a whole lot of that between St. Louis and Kansas and Vegas and then going back to North Carolina. So our goal was to kind of sell some of our pictures that we've been painting since the pandemic started. Reimburse the trip a little bit. Reimburse the trip a little bit. You're like old school traveling salesman.

We try carpetbaggers. It is so demeaning at times. Yes, we are like old school traveling salesmen. So you go door to door to tattoo shops and sell your artwork for tattoos. Yes. For money. Get counter-girled a lot by these new tattooers. Yeah, we get counter-girled a lot.

Tattooing is changing a little bit. You get what? Counter? Counter-girled. You know, the shop girls, the girls that do the phones and the emails. Okay. Up front. You know, the receptionist.

They're just... Back in the day, they used to be into the tattooing, and now they're just girls looking for a job kind of thing, unfortunately. Screeners. Screeners. That's exactly it. It's 100%. Oh, my God.

I wish Tom Konopka was here. We'd go on about how you have to get past the fucking... 100%. Is this a sales call? No, it's not a sales call he knows what it's about some shops are set up to where they have a bunch of artists that hide in the back and they have their counter girl their screener up front you know and trying to figure out how to like hey we're here selling art if the tattooers could look at it a lot of them would be interested Before I forget, do you have a website so any of our listeners that do tattoos say,

hey, stop by on your way from Bisbee back to North Carolina. Stop by my place. How do they get a hold of you? See your shit. Thecustomtattoo.com. Thecustomtattoo.com. There's links to everything else from there, like all of our social media and blah, blah, blah. You can email directly through there.

At Dave Tedder is my Instagram. At Lauren Tedder underscore is her Instagram. Reach out to us. We're headed back through Silver City, Roswell, and Oklahoma City. So if anybody wants anything through there, I'll be happy to stop. And you'll take a detour if someone yeah gets a hold of you for sure absolutely we'll take a cool detour yeah yeah yeah absolutely uh because i'm looking at your ink and by that i'm not saying at your wife's upper tit area

uh yeah yeah you fucking do good art thank you man thank you we uh we put in a lot of hours in the middle of the night uh just trying to get better i think like like any artist does you know for sure do you send her in first or do you do you do you judge the counter girl yes yes we've 100% worked this out like yeah it uh you, I'm loud and boisterous and, you know, sometimes it's not exactly awesome to be like a loud white man, just walking in, trying to like,

you know, so, you know, uh, so yeah, that real quick. So Lauren's a little shy though. Very shy,

very quiet. COVID got me a little bit more timid too. But we, you know, like, yeah, Lauren goes in and breaks the ice for sure. And then I compliment the shop. Like, you know, we've got a whole little routine down like like yeah but it uh you know

we walk in try to try to tell them that we're tattooers and that we have this art for sale and blah blah blah and then i try to find something cool in the shop even if i don't like it oh yeah always affect the ego right yeah and just try to get the conversation going. And just get to the tattooers, man. If we can get past the counter girls. But they hit you with the, oh, our guys do our own stuff all the time. And they're custom. Yeah. You know.

But, you know, you only need. Like art, too. You hit enough shops in a day. Like, that's the real, like, if you do enough work. It's a numbers game. It's a numbers game. That's what it is. That's totally what it is.

How do they use your art? Put it on the wall. I don't have a tattoo, but I know enough. When you go into a tattoo shop, they have the shit on the walls or a book. Kind of like a hairdresser has. What style do you want? A bob? It's cooler now than anything.

Right. Go on. What style do you want? A bob? Right. We have stuff that's like flash and that's like little jammers that like back in the day that we've just recreated. And then we also have our prints and they're a little bit bigger, but those are like custom paintings

that we have done. So he's doing samurais and koi fish and dragons and I'm doing geometric patterns and girly dot stuff and, you know, we keep it to each other's style. No, like everything, there's nostalgia.

And some people do come in and pick stuff off the walls like they used to. Most people don't. Yosemite Sam, back off. Right, right, right, right. I love doing Yosemite Sam. The classic. I cannot tell you how to save it up for one of those. We got a Taz sheet.

He wants the Taz with the tits. There's a pin-up Taz with tits. I want to get that one so bad to go over the rest of the hookers on my arm, man. In your early tattoo days, have either one of you done something that would show up on one of those bad tattoo websites? Have you ever misspelled something? Regerts? Yeah, for sure.

Color the nautical star wrong. What's the one that wakes you up in fear at night? Like, oh, this still hurts. Oh, my fucking course. This kid. It could be worse. It could be worse. This kid came and we lived in France

for a little bit. We lived in Corsica. I'm not very good at second languages. Oh, don't worry. Hey, listeners, this is going to get weirder when we get to Corsica and your dad and I don't know whose mom. I forget. Corsica was wild. I'm not good at second languages and couldn't get their language too much. So I said, fuck it real quick.

Just told him I didn't understand. I don't understand. So I had this kid come in and he spoke a little english and uh he wanted it could be worse on the back of his arm in english and you know i'm doing this french language tattoos of like little you know love and you know just sentences and it's like like french words i don't know this shit it's all fucking commas above e's and shit i don't know like i don't know if it's right or if it's supposed to be there so it's an anxiety attack every fucking

time i have to do some french lettering of like fuck did i put the thing right you know well this kid wants some english on the back of his arm it's cool so he writes it down the shop girl is like oh lauren she you know he wants like this and yada yada i'm okay cool cool cool but it's not like this it's like this he has it could be worst he has the e or he has the t yeah i tell him no no no it's a e well they have three different fucking ways to spell you and her and you know so i don't you know but i tell him it's not like this it's like this and he fucking tells me in english that no no no google translate says it could be like this and that's how he wants it and i told him it was fucking wrong and gave him the you know you want the t or d at the end i got so frustrated that i'm like you know what fuck it i

don't speak your language what do you want you want the t or d you want to tell me how to spell my language i'll do it you know t or e he says t i said cool sit down he's in atlanta at the time so it's just me there and i'm doing this all by myself you know and uh i go home and i fucking call him when the time change meets right and i'm like crying and he's like what's wrong i really fucked up a tattoo today and i knew it and he's like what'd you do and i told him the story he's like, what'd you do? And I told him the story. He's like, fuck that kid. Fuck that guy. Fuck that guy. He gave him a T. Yeah, fuck him. He knew what was up. But he tells me he's going to New York the next month.

And it's like right under his sleeve. So many times he's wearing a short sleeve shirt. It's just, it could be worse. And all uppercase. All uppercase letters. Just bold as can be on the back of his fucking arm. I go to work the next day. I'm like, Steffi, you know the kid I tattooed yesterday?

She's like, we, we, you know. I'm like, you call him and tell him I need to put two lines on there. I got to add the two lines on the T. I got to make it a D. I never heard anything back from that kid, but it still fucking haunts me. And anytime I say that word, I put the T on there. It could be worse. Maybe that was the idea.

It's a joke. Yeah. Maybe. It is now. Yeah. Poor kid. It's a joke. Maybe. It is now. I don't think it was. Dave had to saran wrap a guy to the fucking chair one time. Saran wrap a guy to the chair out there

because he wouldn't stop dancing. Wait, hang on. Steam roll that one, please. Americans are, you know, let me show you how much strength I can endure and that's how strong I am. Pain? Pain.

So when Americans get tattooed, if a dude wants to look tough, he just sits there. I did notice that the prevalence of tattoos came around the same time that painkillers were widely taken recreationally. More available? Yeah. who are widely taken recreationally, more available. From my personal, from our experience in France, They're very theatrical. Whenever a French dude wants to look tough while he's getting his tattoo,

he shows you how much pain he's going through. Oh, putain! Oh, putain! It's kind of like jackass. Everything hurts them on jackass. 100%. They know how to play it up. Oh, my God.

Wait, this thing about you saran wrapping on the chair? I will. This sounds like a drunk person on an airplane. Correct. Correct. Yes, you nailed it. It's like a drunk client in America. It's like they're sitting there getting, oh.

But we can't talk to them. We don't know how to be like, you know, dude. I'm just trying to be like, attend. Bouche pas. Bouche pas, you know. Assez vous. So to really kind of stress it. Fermez la bouche.

Assez vous. I'm there to do the tattoo. I'm there to finish the tattoo I don't you know I'm there to finish the tattoo and make it the best I can so fucking strip that guy down

to the chair and wrap him up with some saran wrap that's what I got I wish you could find that fucking picture of the other guy

I'll pull it up I'll pull it up let me show you what I'm going through over there for sure it was unfortunate times. Nah, it was fun while we were there.

And then it wasn't, and then we weren't there anymore. To the course, you guys were very great to us, just so you know. Corsica is where, Brian explained to me, an island off... Mediterranean. Yep. Where fuckface Napoleon. Yep. They love their Napoleon out there.

Wasn't he exiled? Yeah. He was from Corus. He was exiled to Corus. And he staged another rebellion. And I think he was exiled to Elba. I might have those reversed, but I think that's the order that it went in. Well, how the fuck did you wind up there? tied to Elba. I might have those reversed, but I think that's the order that it went in. How the

fuck did you wind up there, and does this go back to Jeff the Jew? No, this was before Jeff the Jew. Before I met her, I caught the European bug, and I was traveling to Amsterdam, to Luxembourg, to Belgium.

Wait, why would you travel to Luxembourg? We got a great friend out there. I like Luxembourg to bell like i was trying wait why would you travel to luxembourg i like luxembourg i like these weird little fucking places like this you know like dude i love luxembourg luxembourg's awesome okay i would definitely go there yeah just because it's weird i went to i went to gibraltar for no reason other than it sounds like a weird place to go. And they speak English, which, you know. They speak English in Luxembourg, too. We had some clients come to Atlanta from Luxembourg, and they seemed cool.

And I was staging some European stuff. So I said, yeah, I'll go to Luxembourg and try to get some tats. We'll make that happen. So I went to Luxembourg. Where were you tattooing when they came to you? The shop called All or Nothing in Atlanta. I was going to say, that wasn't in the middle of nowhere. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

They were vacationing in a real city, not Havelock, for sure. Are we breaking? Yeah, go ahead. So at the time, I was traveling through Europe. I had the European bug. I was spending the maximum amount of time I could spend in Europe, and then I'd come back to the States, and then I'd go back to Europe. Did you have a backpack?

Oh, God, dude. Yeah, man. He was a gypsy when I met him. Yeah. How old were you? How old are you now? Wait, wait, hang on. I'm going to go 46. How old am I? How old are you now? Wait, wait, hang on. I'm going to go 46.

How old am I right now? Yeah. Oh. Oh, man. Yeah. I'm 42. Close enough. Close enough.

That's not close enough for Doug. I'm 39 and holding. I'm 39 and holding. Doug usually gets within two years. Oh, okay. All right. Yeah. Well, I must be looking rough. All right. So, backpack. Yes. At the time, I had a

backpack and I was traveling through Europe and I had all my possessions in a backpack. I sold everything else. I was living like, you know, high speed, low drag. I met her and I had already been in contact with the people in Corsica about a guest spot,

which is where a tattooer usually travels to another studio and he hangs out for a length of time, whatever, a weekend to a month or whatever. And then he goes back home. I met you and I already had the court, the thing set up in Corsica. I went to Corsica and I worked there for a month. Came back and we officially hung out. Pulled a bunch of money out of there, came back, and then we kind of like officially got together. This is what year?

2014. 2013 is when we met. 2014 is when we got married. There was a couple of trips back and forth for me to Europe in that moment. And then I had it worked out to where I got a work visa in Corsica. And that was, you know, I was a little under the table prior to that. Wait, for all of the other work that you were doing over in Europe, it was all under. Educational.

Yes. That's what it was. It was all very educational is what I was doing. Yeah, and we give away all of our T-shirts in Canada. Yeah, absolutely. So then I had a work visa set up over in Corsica. And I just started working different people on the Internet and and seeing what's what and what's happening where. I met this guy over there on the internet.

He's from Marseille. He's not actually Corsican. And I had it set up with him. I went over there and I worked. And they worked out a work visa with the prefecture. And we got married. So she could come with me. Well, we got married because we were in love.

And it was a little no no actually marriage is a more like uh acceptable to me if it's for business well okay okay so so so it was a let's get married and move to france kind of proposal for sure which we could not do if we were not married yeah but that was a whole shit show too. It was us moving over thinking I was going to be tacked on to his work visa since I'm his wife. And we had everything. We thought that was going to be the last step

for that whole process. We go back to Atlanta to finalize everything and they say, you can't. We're fucking idiots is what it is. We thought we were just right there at the edge and we're like, oh no, you can need your own fucking visa. And that was a whole whirlwind of fucking... All the visa shit.

Then you just go, only if you catch me. Yeah. We have to break to piss and do our sponsors and please hold... Helix Sleep, Mr. Chaley. After I get off the road after a string of horrible shows where I'm stuck sleeping in some off-ramp motor lodge

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and they'll match you to a customized mattress that'll give you the best sleep of your life. They have a 10-year warranty, and you get to try it out for 100 nights risk-free. They'll even pick it up for you if you don't love it, but you will. Helix Sleep is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash stanhope. All right, we're back. And as always, during the commercial break, we start talking about shit. Save it, because this is Jeff the Jew. Yep.

You're going to hit him with the intro of how we met? Okay, yeah. So the whole backpack thing right right right when we first met I sold all my shit I used to have like a sweet casket and everything else is like the centerpiece in my living room like you know sold it all I have way you're living out of a backpack how do you ask it prior to that like shit I collected a bunch of things as you do. Who bought the casket?

I tattooed a mortician for it. Trade out? But who bought it from you? Another tattooer. Oh yeah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mike McMahon, another tattooer. Did you sleep in it to be cool? I didn't ever sleep

the night in, but for sure I laid in it. A couple of times I laid in it. be cool? I didn't ever sleep the night in. But for sure I laid in it. A couple of times I laid in it. It's so fucking creepy. It's still for dead people. No complaints. It's about the most comfortable thing. But yeah, I sold all my stuff.

And it was like the first convention weekend that I did after I sold everything was the Asheville Tattoo Convention on the other side of the state. I was living in Atlanta at the time, so it was only a three-hour drive. We went up there. I met her that night. I was walking around with a trash can full of ice and a bottle of Jameson in it so I could drink it cold, tugging out

the bottle. I don't tug out the bottle anymore, but it used to be a thing of tugging the blackout. You know what I mean? That was the case. I don't tug out the bottle anymore, but it used to be a thing of tugging the blackout. You know what I mean? And that was the case. The night I met her, I was tugging pretty hard on the bottle and I'd spotted her earlier in the day. We had a little conversation.

Earlier in the day? Yeah. Did we? Yeah, you saw my tattoo and hit me with the... Did you discover her in a malt shop? No no she walked by And I was with my homie I have a tattoo of the girl holding up a mustache Oh that's I did hit you on that

Hey girl let me ask you if a mustache is a pussy magnet or not Was that earlier today Yeah that was the first time I ever met you that night And I said is that a tattoo Hey everyone out there listening Single men that can't ever get laid in cells. Yeah, he got a fucking really hot young lady just by saying, hey, is my mustache a pussy magnet? No, see, the funny thing is, is he didn't have the mustache, but he was a very well-known tattooer beforehand that had a very, very impressive handlebar mustache.

So he was kind of known for the fucking badass tattooer. Wait, wait, wait. Was this a sort of celebrity thing where you're in the same industry together and he's an older man and he's got power? Yes. Oh my God.

See, it works. Yes, but no. Yes. I am not one of those females, but yes, but no. So yeah, long story short. You disappeared. I saw her earlier in the day with Josh Lindley, and I said,

that's my speed. And that night I saw you again, and that's when I started talking to you. I don't really remember much of it. Oh, I do. I remember standing there in a conversation with a fucking voice in my ear from behind me talking about, hey, girl, I just want to let you know you're the sexiest girl at this convention this night.

And I said, oh, fuck. Oh, fuck. I'm going to have some fucking homeless dudes behind me. Yeah. And I turn around and we fucking. You just got to be in there. You got to be in there. Yep.

He hit me with the, are you taken? And I said, unfortunately. That night I was hitting on her right in front of her boyfriend. Whoa. We were done. We were already on the end though. He wasn't doing shit. But the next morning he told her dad, Jeff the Jew, who's a hard ass.

Fiery old motherfucker. Like an old hard ass tattooer. Ready for some shit to pop off. That I was slapping her ass in front of everybody, which I wasn't. Never happened. I can handle my own. So Jeff's at breakfast with all my homies that next morning talking about, who the fuck's Dave Tedder because I'm going to whip his fucking ass, you know?

My buddy Thomas came up to me and said hey look Jeff the Jew the breakfast was when I'm talking about how he was gonna whip your ass and you might want to kind of get in front of this thing I'm not trying to tell you the business now I got a little bit of backstory about Jeff the Jew so right now Jeff the Jew doesn't sound like the most intimidating nickname but But wait. Go ahead. He's what, 69, ready to fuck you up? At the moment he's 69, ready to fuck me up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I call him for breakfast.

I'm staying at somewhere else. He was staying at a show. I call him and say, Hey, what are you doing? I'm ready to kick somebody's fucking ass. Who the fuck is Dave Tedder and why did he slap your ass last night? And I said, what? None of that happened. And he was just ready to fight. The first thing I do is find

I go looking around and try to find Jeff the Jew early in the morning before the floor ever opens, which I do. And I approach him and go, hey, listen, I hear you trying to kick my ass. Which, you know, I got a daughter. If you really want to fight, I'm not going to fight you back. You got every right. He said, if you want to I got a daughter. If you really want to fight, I'm not going to fight you back.

You got every right. He said, do you want to knock my block off? I'm here for you. Knock my block off? Yeah, well, I mean, hey. Rock'em, sock'em robots reference. Hey, my dad hit him with the fucking handshake and it's good to meet you.

He really appreciated that I came looking for him and he didn't have to come looking for me, you know? And then you got him that free T-shirt. And I offered him a free T-shirt, and that's where the Jew part comes in. Boom! And then he hit me with the text, hey, your dad's got my number now, so I don't think he would knock my block off if I gave it to you.

Me and Jeff were homies after that, you know, for sure. We have been separatable since. That's the fact. How was the boyfriend's home trip? Yeah, we went to Walmart that night for an air mattress and it was real fucking uncomfortable. He hit me on Facebook at 3.30am talking about

I told you I'd stalk you until the sun came up is what he told me. Wait, so you dumped the boyfriend immediately? Immediately. We were already off on bad terms and yeah, I went home. Fucking moved out. Moved back in with my dad or something.

So we did long distance for about a year. Like she'd come every month. She'd come visit me for a week. And the next month I'd come visit her. In Luxembourg or what the fuck? No, just Atlanta. So the moments that I would be in Europe, we would be on a break. And then I'd come home and I'd immediately go see her.

And the next month she'd come see me. We got married at the Eiffel Tower in Las Vegas. We got married at the tower in Las Vegas. The next month we went to the real tower. Then we moved the course. Let's get to the backstory of Jeff the Jew. Your dad. Yep.

Give us his history. Okay, so Jeff grew up tattooing from a very young age. He grew up in the Bronx. moved down to Fort Myers, became a tattoo artist. He got his first tattoo at like 13 at Mom and Pa Taylor's down in Miami. Became a tattooer at a very young age. Moved to Chicago. Got tattooed and hung out with Cliff Raven, another, like a super famous Chicago tattooer.

And then he got into cocaine. He liked cocaine. He liked cocaine a lot. He didn't like it. He just liked the smell of it. That's right. That's the old joke. Is this him?

That is my dad. I took that photo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Jeff the Jew right there. Absolutely. He's the one sitting on the motorcycle. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He looks like he could kick your ass at 70. Well, he's like Mel Brooks, but on cocaine, you know? And tattooed. He quit the cocaine later on, but. But he didn't quit selling it. He didn't quit. When I came along, he did. Yeah, well, shortly after 82.

It turns out he sold a little cocaine after you were born. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He told me some stories about the house getting raided and me thinking he was fucking Santa Claus. I guess like Christmas Eve, he got the door busted down and I'm all ho-ho at two years old. Fucking Christmas, you know.

Years ago, Jeff used to fly cocaine back and forth from Columbia into Fort Myers. The Fort Myers airstrip. Cocaine Cowboys. A lot of those dudes used to be jeff's homies and pilots and shit that like he would watch the cocaine cowboys documentary be like oh yeah that guy flew a plane for me twice like yeah yeah like his mom

jeff's mom yep was 96 and visiting him on work release visiting him on work release yeah yeah he would be flying coke in from work release on prison he said he would be flying coke in from work release on prison he would he would him in it dude like i guess the world used to be fucking crazy right like with prison and work release and all that shit because like jeff was in there on drug charges but was able to fucking go home for the weekends in prison and there was some fucking he was in there with some indian dude who was in there on some murder charges but was also out on work release and they would be flying cocaine into Fort Myers.

Like, maybe not them on the plane themselves but the plane would be coming in to meet them and, no, he wasn't on the plane because your mom said, his mom your fucking grandma said they were going to pick him up and he'd be on one side hugging his grandma and the other dude would be unloading

the fucking cocaine on the other side of the plane yeah yeah that's great because i i've watched this i think there's two cocaine cowboy documentaries i just watched the the george carlin two-part judd apatow's new carlin uh documentary and i'm like, I never met Carlin. I heard he was great. But everyone that's commenting, like, I know all these people. Fucking Patton Oswalt, W. Camu Bell. Like, I know these people. But I think it's way cooler to watch Cocaine Cowboys and know, yeah,

this is fucking Jimmy the Chin or whatever the fuck you're like i know him yeah yeah man jeff went to different schools together with all those guys who's the uh students erica strata yep jeff was banging his old lady while erica strata was filming downstairs box was about hit jeff was banging his old lady in the apartment over the tattoo shop. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Went to prison with Ted Bundy, sold cocaine to Gene Simmons. He said Gene Simmons got an eight ball off of him one night and called him a couple hours later and was like,

that shit was bullshit, I need another one. He said, let me tell you something, you're not going to tell me my shit's fucking bunk if you're going to buy another one. I'll sell you another one, but don't insult my cocaine. Fucking sold him another one. Those are my favorite stories.

That's so bad. So how, and he's passed and dead? 2018. Overdose? No, he wishes. Oh, yeah. Bar fight.

Yeah, he probably would have preferred, for sure. In the 30 minutes before we decided to podcast, you told me a million stories. Oh, and he's dead, and he overdosed, not on purpose, or she died of a thing. He died of cancer, and my mom fucking decided to party a year later. Jeff died from a brain injury.

He took a fall out of the Oh, that's how it started. He took a fall out of the shower and he was on blood thinners and it ruptured a little thing in his brain that kept bleeding and nobody really caught it. He just had a headache. As far as he knew, he had a headache and he laid down with a headache and he just, he didn't wake up, you know.

Oh, that's a full house. Yeah. What's his name? Saget. Saget. Yeah. I mean, you know. And how old was he?

He was about to be 71, right? He was turned 71. Yeah. Yeah. And mother? His mom died of what no your mother my mom died a year she started partying how old was she later like i this is like an andy andrews bit where he's like i want to know how people died that are my age obituaries never tell you they just say oh he's brought up to the loving arms of God. But yeah, but

what did he do? Did he jack off in a sauna? I do that a lot. My heart beats like a little bunny rabbit. He's probably 55. He's not very close. She was kind of shit my whole life, but she tried to be there, so

it was more traumatic my whole life than anything. I was assuming, just like guess your age, I'm guessing if he's selling cocaine, he's fucking way out of his league, way younger. So now that you say that, there's a... That's Jeff Speed right there, right? So we live in a very small town, and we keep the shop going.

He opened his tattoo shop in 83, and it's still going strong. We're there in the shitty town keeping it going. but i have all these fucking broads coming up and oh yeah your dad was so great i used to clean the house oh yeah for hours yeah yeah and you know me and my dad were friends you know we were close so you know i knew what was going on and i didn't want to know but like we were we were up to speed on everything you know, I knew what was going on. I didn't want to know, but, like, we were up to speed on everything, you know. And these girls were going, oh, yeah, he's cleaning his house. And I'm just like, oh, fucking gross. We used to go hit him with a, oh, yeah, I used to get in the hot tub.

Oh, Jeff's totally the hot tub. He never drank, but I did. Yeah. I hope so. Yeah, if he was on coke, she wasn't blowing him quickly. He wasn't blowing him quickly. He wasn't in the coke case back in the old days. Keep going.

He gave up the coke. He had a heart attack when I was a kid, and I think it was from the coke case. I think that's when he really actually hung up. I think the heart attack gave him a little bit of a scare. Now, you said you have a kid? I do, yeah. Yeah, I have a 16-year-old. I was guessing by looking at your earlobes. Oh, yeah?

Is that? David, you have the giant, what do you call these earrings? The fucking stretched out ears. But you've had them and you've taken them out. So now you look like the one night stand that you have, or you go, God, how many kids did she have? Cause you have a giant hanging vagina earlobe. We're working on that.

How do you work on that? There's piercers that use, there's piercers that like stitch them up, man. They'll like cut half your earlobe off and like. Just reattach it. Just reattach it, yeah. I think they use some Mexican supplements to kind of help with the pain.

It doesn't bother me, but it'd be better without it. We were on an overnight bender one time and I was sober enough to drive. Tracy was still going strong with jj girl girl jj oh yeah and tracy something happened to where jj whipped out of the car and grabbed the seat belt it was next to tracy's ear something hit your ear no i was okay i had to go back into the garage and get the little green vacuum because it was very cute. And I had to bring it with us in the car. This sounds like a drug story.

And I sat down and it caught on the door. Oh, that's right. Yeah. You had like hoops in or something? Yeah, I had it like a floating ball. A dream catcher. It became a dream catcher. So it was hanging there like loose.

Two pieces. Yeah. Dangling. Yeah. So I called my brother's father-in-law, who's a doctor, and he's all, a lot of blood? I go, not really. And is she in a lot of pain?

I go, she's in no pain. And he goes, all they're going to do is probably glue it or something at the emergency. So just find out what she wants to do, but just get it back together kind of thing. And it was... We had medical grade glue. Yeah, yeah. We just glued it and he taped it. And a green vacuum.

Yeah, green vacuum. Just kind of put it back together and then it just stayed. So I was fucking half a retard whenever I was, before I was a tattooer, I was a piercer. And I stretched my lip hold right here out real big. Is that a labray?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I stretched out about the size of your pinky fingers. Aye, aye, aye. I know, I know, I know, I know. Still regretting it. So for a while there, like occasionally I'd get drunk

or just occasionally super concentrate and like I'd drool out of my lip just a little bit, you know, down on my chin. You know what I mean? Oh, that's a good one. Like an upside down Joaquin Phoenix. Man. So this Army medic in Fort Bragg.

You forgot about that? I didn't. I didn't. So this Army medic in Fort Bragg, like one of my clients one time, right, agreed to stitch it up for me, which is like cut a hole around it and then like. Yeah, you have to. You have to. This is such an Alaska story. Yeah.

You have to cut the scar tissue. And that. Yeah. So. So in this dude's kitchen, we're in there and he's like, yeah, for sure. Cutting all the way through and stitching it up. But but the stitch job doesn't do a good job of stitching. Itips right back out after a couple of days right for a day and a half shouldn't have blown up all those balloons i drool onto my chin far less now than i did before

but i still drool onto my chin you know what i mean like there are still like in the middle of a tattoo there are still moments where I go, do I have a fucking white fucking chin on my shoulder? Jesus. You got dirty gloves on. You can't use your hands. Right. Oh, is it like in the middle of a fucking one take thing where we filmed the King of Thailand last night?

No one told me I had a fucking giant booger in my fucking nose. You even were talking about it beforehand. Yes. You even said that to the room. I got to do a booger in my fucking nose. We're talking about it beforehand. Yes, you even said that to the room. I got to do a booger check. Yeah. And then I'm on stage and then after the fucking taping, Tarek brings me aside

like he's going to tell me my mother died. Brings me around the side of the funhouse. Hey, I need to talk to you. And I thought there's a problem with someone in the fucking audience and someone's drunk or going to talk to you. And I thought there's a problem with someone in the fucking audience. Someone's drunk or going to fight or something. You had a booger the whole time. Why didn't you just stop the fucking filming and go, hey, pick a fucking booger.

It's not in Target. Target's placed to do that. And I try to make it feel better. He goes, should I have stopped everything? I'm like, well, if you would have done it at the time, you would have been hailed a hero. We watched the footage today. And thank you for filming, David. We had three cameras go.

What did you think? Why would only Tarek notice? And then when we're watching the footage, all I could look at was the fucking burger oh that's all right because we were filming yeah i got in different locations it's not a thing where you would notice it right off it's not like hanging down from his nose it's just that when we knew it was there then you kind of yeah yeah well it's like Andy when Andy filmed his special here he did two shows as you should and one of the shows he's wearing this obvious

like weird necklace thing and the other show he didn't so now that's all you're ever going to see when you watch Andy Andrist last shot last shot get it but it's not a little necklace it's like this like carved bone Watch Andy Andrist's last shot. Yeah, last shot. Last shot.

Get it. But it's not a little necklace. It's like this, like, carved bone. Yeah, it's like a shark. Hawaiian fish hook. Like, native fish hook. It's huge. Why did you take it off?

Sometimes not. Yeah. I'm sure only the people that will listen to the podcast will know about the booger now. Wait, what? I didn't, like, go out. Like, Andy had to go. He didn't go, oh, I'm going to keep this booger in for the first show and take it out for the second show. I don't know where the fuck we were. Fuck, I don't know where the fuck we were.

Fuck, I don't remember. No, you just got your labrae sewed up. Yeah, I got my labrae sewed up, and I still drool on my chin. So I'm thinking about getting my ears sewn up, you know? But at the same time, I'm still kind of terrified. There's probably like an ever-expanding market. Still kind of terrified. There's probably like an ever-expanding market.

Boy, is there a reason that you took out the big fucking thing that goes in there? Yeah, man. I fucking grew up, you know, I guess. Yeah, but at some point. At some point, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, you know. You have something on first, God. I wore them because I was single and I needed a woman. And I got one.

And you said, it doesn't bother me so much. So I said, thank fucking God I'm taking these things out. I hate putting them in every day. I used to have a plate in my lip like aboriginals. And I thought, I don't know where that was going. Because I needed a woman. was going no i was i needed a woman well you know i figured i figured something in my ears was better than these fucking cats vaginas that are hanging off my earlobes and well your earlobes weren't always dangling like spock upside down i chose to make them like this when i was a young

man and uh you know you live with those consequences for a while. Have you, we ask this question a lot. Have you made more bad choices because of a woman or because of alcohol? Ooh, I think those combine almost always. They do, but I think I'm more embarrassed of the things i've done sober because i was in love than i have but the problem is with alcohol it's hazy you don't remember the clarity right no the shame comes from when you're sober over over oh yeah no the shame

there's no such thing as drunken shame. Yeah, no, no, no. I'm ashamed of myself right now. That's a bad night. I laid down in petrified turds in Corsica. I'm not ashamed of that at all. I lost them in the fucking bushes. I thought, I had no idea. I remember we were doing dabs. We couldn't get weed in France,

so we would bring a bunch of wax over, and we were doing dabs. And I remember, that's all I can remember from that day is you standing over a glass coffee table, fucking with a torch, trying to torch the dab. I'm like, you're going to fucking burn this house down. Then you wake up in the bushes

and ant piles and shit. We had a chimney over there. I used to throw the dog turds behind the chimney. It was this little area behind the chimney. I got super blackout drunk on a boat with all our buddies. Oh, yeah. That was the boat day.

That was the boat day. It was the American that brought the bottle of whiskey. And tugged on it. Tugged on the bottle of whiskey. And the French are like, oh, no. We drink the wine. Hang on. Hang on.

Hennigan's has this perplexed. I thought dabs is what you did in china the hash what was it okay what did you do oh hot knives yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i used to smoke with hot knives we're old school people We're old school people. We did a little bit of hash in France. Of course it's on the plate. We smoked a lot of hash. It smelled like incense.

But you were just saying on the break that you've never fucked with hallucinogens. Nope. Too scared. I don't know why. I think I'd like it. I get super seasick. We've had mushrooms in our freezer for like four years. Maybe. Something like that. I don't think we're any good. freezer for like four years. Yeah. Maybe something like that. Yeah. I don't think we're any good.

Probably not. I don't know. I'd like to, but I get super seasick and super motion sickness. And I think that like, I don't know. I'm terrified of getting sick and then being stuck in it. I've talked to multiple people and like, it seems like it's 50-50 of the, oh yeah, I threw up. And I, you know, and then people are like, Oh no,

it's not going to mess with you at all. And it's just, I, I, I, I, I, one of the biggest reasons I don't fuck with it anymore,

other than I know that the reality of how much I hate myself is true. And that will come out of my reality of it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not one of those fake, that imposter syndrome no it's not a syndrome it's real and it'll come to light if i but i used to like hallucinogens but the puking part was always it's the opposite of drinking you start out vomiting and then go i should do this every night of my life i don't really not bother

them at all when you throw up i don't i don't drink much because of that like i don't like not knowing where i am and who i am you know i don't i'll control myself i'll drink but i don't get blackout drunk i don't like throwing up like i'm one of those throw up and criers i think i'm terrified to do mushrooms like it they can stop yeah yeah i don't like it so i think i'm terrified to do mushrooms and be stuck in that and just be stuck and not have a good time i'd probably love it i'd probably love it but i'm terrified well now ketamine uh was uh what's her name uh letterman yeah annie letterman does ketamine all the time. The first time it was given to us, Bingo and I were in London, and someone told me about K-holes, which is claustrophobia,

like buried alive kind of feeling, which is my biggest fear. I'm like, no, I'm not going to fuck with it. But now it's being used for therapy and stuff. Lynn Shawcroft went through ketamine therapy legal. I'm like, yeah, I should try it. I trust Annie Letterman. But now I still have that K-hole claustrophobia thing in my head. I'm good.

23 years ago. Fucking no interest in fooling with that shit anymore. But that Carlin documentary, that's what said changed his career from being the suit and tie guy was acid. And I'm like, yeah, that did work for me. If I had kids,

I would definitely have them do hallucinogens. I had a premise of a bit once where if you were an honest, proper parent, they would take your kids away from you. If you told them the truth, you can't tell that to a kid. But it's true. Yeah, but I don't think I need to do it now again. But when I have fucked with it,

Carmen came around with the fucking small tablets. But I get the same thing from edibles. Edibles make me feel like I'm tripping controllably. I can't find the right number with the edible thing. The past few months, we've been from D.C. to Denver to Vegas, and everything is so fucking different with the milligrams. I just make me want to sleep.

We smoke so much weed that these people talk about taking 10 milligrams, and I'm taking 120 to 140, and he's taking 160-ish, and it's like, how the fuck are you having a good time on 10? Oh, well, tolerance.

Yeah. You saw Bingo tonight. Bingo tonight woke up from an extended afternoon nap. Boo snooze. Boo snooze. And then came in here, drank two drinks, and was shit-faced. That's how I am with edibles.

I can take 10 milligrams and be fine. I can take 10 milligrams and be out of my fucking head. Man, I wish, man. I think people's livers process it differently or something too.

I know drinking. I know it. Right. Yeah, we smoke blunt after blunt after blunt, so I don't know. If we didn't, maybe they would hit us a little harder. All of our friends here, all the pot smokers, smoke pot relentlessly the way I smoke cigarettes, and they're always fine. I have to keep telling you how high I am.

10 milligrams. And it's been like three years. I keep saying I'm now. She definitely told me how high she was the whole night with her snacks. Every time I saw her, she was eating something else. I'm so high. She did it one time. I love it.

I'm so envious. I wish I did it one time. I love it. I'm so envious. I wish I could be like that. I love it. Five milligrams and I'm... But we were watching. Nathan, for you, there's actually... You saw that, right?

Is that that show? Oh, my God. It's so funny. And we were both high watching it in here. And she... Katie Arts is in the background making props for tomorrow's shoot she's laughing so hard and i'm high laughing too and at some point she's going

the dog the dog and like what are you talking? And we realized she's talking about two episodes previous. Oh, my God. You're so fucking funny. It's just a weird dog that kept barking at Nathan. She's like, what is she laughing at? The dog. Oh, from. Yeah.

But I never want to lose that that's even when i was doing mushrooms i was always fucking ridiculous and silly and i never want to get good at it like i am with drinking i'm a fucking just a normal drunk and i will if i do mushrooms or do edibles. I want to be 16 years old, ridiculous, laying on the floor laughing. Yeah, why would you want to get better at that? Right, right. No, it's not fun. It's expensive. When your weed guy says,

do you know how much you guys spend on weed every week? What the fuck is wrong with you? Just take our money. One of our guys said, bro, there's you and there's like people that work in the weed industry. That is right. I forgot about that. It'd be funny to see them with Andy.

Well, once it became legal in Arizona, recreational. Recreational legal. People are just, hey, you want to like there's such an influx it's like when uh david summers across the street our old man neighbor he was probably 115 years old uh he when he had a peach tree and when his peaches like all right everyone who has peaches are like, hey, you want some peaches? Anyone want peaches?

Because you can't. Pomegranates. Yeah. Pecans, too. Oh, really? Pomegranates are big down here? Man, that's awesome. In season.

And then everyone's trying to give them away. And that's what weed was like when it became legal recreationally. Anyone fucking. Yeah. I got some extra. Who did? You did. Oh, yeah. I gave some extra. Who did? You did. Oh, yeah.

I gave you three bags of the actual smoking weed. I don't like to smoke that shit. Leads to dancing. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. I hated smoking weed. God, we got my dad fucked up also. No, they just smoke blunts. Yeah, he hit me last night with it. It's acceptable to smoke cigarettes here, right?

No! No! No, right? No. That's right. No. No, you're going to roll. No. That's a gateway. That's a gateway. Yeah.

So much. Trust me. Well, that's why I hated smoking weed is because I got the cotton mouth, which would ruin smoking cigarettes. Right. I don't want to, I want to smoke and it just made cigarettes taste awful And everything My whole mouth tasted awful I never got into smoking cigarettes I was around tattooers

That smoked my whole fucking life Only regret I have in life Is starting smoking I was definitely the 13 year old Selling the cigarettes out of the freezer You know the dad's girlfriend's cigarette And they're a little fucking skinny guys What happened to Hennigan He had a story to tell the cigarettes out of the freezer. You know, the dad's girlfriend's cigarette. They're a little fucking skinny, guys.

What happened to Hennigan? I think it was going to fucking... He had a story to tell. He's dead. He's dead. Look at his ear. Get on the mic and do Hennigan. Oh my God, do it, Katie. I went to a rave the other night.

I went to a rave the other night. I went to a rave the other night. You guys are hilarious. Hennigan had a, he tweeted something before he came down, and he said, well, oh, I should save this for the podcast. I almost got into a brawl at a concert. It's weird fucking thinking about Hennigan going to a concert at all he gets like a way more than i thought also here's the here's the the the song that he told me you you know this band Anyone? No.

I don't know what it is, but I know it's a song. It's from Coldplay. Not Coldplay. Bastille. I don't say that like I know. I mean, I know that because he told me The only Pompeii by Bud Steel

I know what that is The only music I know I know against my will At least since Pearl Jam 10 was the last CD I remember buying It might have been a cassette tape I don't know I didn't know any of the karaoke I knew all the songs and then I'm know i didn't know any of the karaoke left like i knew

all the songs and then i'm thinking i'm like i don't know any of the fucking words to any of these songs i know all these songs i don't know a fucking word to them that's because you're 28 yeah that's right as far as i two years yeah if i say it, it's right. Yeah. Slippin', Doug. You can go back to be 28 like he's 39 because I guessed it. And you, 46-year-old man. So I'm still 12. 39 at home. Do 12-year-old again.

What? Do 12-year-old again. I guess it would sound more like this. I sound kind of like Bart, I guess. I love it would sound more like this. I sound kind of like Bart, I guess. I love it. Yeah. Did you tell them about what we were doing for prank calls? Not on the podcast, but I did say we made prank calls

because I was talking about the different ideas we had. We had a lot of ideas this month and most of the time you've just been locked inside that little house and better have a fucking second story by the time you leave on Saturday. Well, I get pulled out of it a lot, but there's a new mini

bar in there. I'm here for some fucking prank calls. I know, I love them too and we finally started doing them. I had a buddy that called Walmart and called him up. He bought a new laptop. He bought the warranty on the fires and all nine. He just moved to this new apartment.

Didn't have his water turned on yet, but he had the electricity turned on, so he's charging his laptop. It caught on fire. He didn't have the water, so he pissed on it. But he bought the warranty, so he needs to know if he can come get a new one over spills and leaks or whatever. So Walmart are like, uh. So now he wanted to talk to the manager.

He went for fucking hours talking to the person above the person that he was just talking to, repeating the whole fucking story. Just over and over. Over and over. Like, God. Passing the buck yeah i was trying to call airlines yeah and uh complaining that their uh pre-flight safety announcement video showed a female pilot and terrified my children that they thought, wait, no, this is a prank, kids. There's no way a female can fly a plane and I need you to apologize.

And she would do the 12-year-old voice. Just explain to my daughter that women can't be pilots. I want to play a pilot. Well, I was probably more like four years old for that one. But I got to take a tour in the cockpit and the pilot showed me around and made sure that there was no ladies

in there. The problem is I can't call my airline of choice and get directly through with the status that I have. So it was like 44 minutes to call fucking American Airlines, who's shit. You can't call Spirit Airlines because they still do the mime.

There's no video on a shit airline. The guy that answered the phone that was the other problem he was very nice oh at the end he was like honey you can uh there can be women pilots you can grow up to be whatever you want you want to make sure that i knew that as a four-year-old. It was so sweet. Of course. It was a fucking sport. Oh, that's right. His name was Keanu. Keanu. Yes. A foreign call center.

Twice I've called, not even prank calls, where I was just calling to yell at like DirecTV or something. And twice I get the same guy over a course of a long time, but it's, hello hello my name is maximus your name is not maximus i forget the entire that actually turned into a bit i didn't use maximus i used a female name but that was based on the guy no my name is maximus you're gonna swear on whatever god you have that your born legal name is maximus and then the second time i love my name is maximus months or a year later i'm like maximus

it's like it's like those stories where a fucking cat that would get lost in florida got found its owners in new Hampshire. What are the chances? That guy probably tells way more people in the world that his name is Maximus than he tells his real name to. You know what I mean? So, I mean, isn't his name Maximus at that point? Yeah. If you're a stripper long enough, you're Mercedes. Right.

Yeah. I guess we're going to have to shut this down because Brian Hennigan. Died. Died. He passed away. Dead to me shut this down because Brian Hennigan. Died. Died. He's dead. He passed away. Dead to me anyway. Just kidding, Hennigan.

He doesn't listen to this anyway, does he? No, Hennigan. That's a great thing about Hennigan is you can talk all this shit in the world about him because he won't listen to my podcast. Because of all of his clients. No, I'm his only client because he won't listen to my podcast because of all of his clients. No, I'm his only client. He won't listen to my podcast. David and Lauren, plug yourselves again because this is, we'll give out the date because people listen to podcasts,

but this is May 23rd. You're going to leave on May 25th in this year of your Lord 2022. And you're going to start making the journey back from Bisbee slowly towards North Carolina. How long is that trip going to take? All right. Yeah, we're leaving Bisbee on the 28th, going into Silver City. Pinos Altos. Pinos Altos.

Correct. Bear Creek Cabin. Cool. Yes. And then we're going to head into Roswell for a couple of nights and do the Lincoln County stuff for Billy the Kid out there. And I'm going to do some alien research out there, too, for a couple of paintings. I got an idea for it. Nice.

And then we're headed up to Oklahoma City because there's a real cool cowboy museum up there. And I think it's also a market. If there's something cool in Oklahoma City, please plug it. Well, you're right. The cowboy museum. I've heard good things from other tattooers on my trip. It's the second worst city in America

next to Indianapolis. I threw a liquor bottle at a guy's head at a tattoo convention in Oklahoma City one time. Imagine when we go around selling art. You're going to hear a couple of stories about me like while he's drooling in Oklahoma City. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then from Oklahoma City

we're going to hit Chattanooga because her brother lives in Chattanooga. Nice. Days in Office Lounge. Best day drinking bar of the top three in America. You can actually, you can stay in a railroad car. You can stay. Is that the Chattanooga Chew Chew?

No, no, that's a different place. The Days Inn has the office lounge where last we were there, you could still smoke, has a 24-hour diner in the place that gives you these grotesque proportions of food. That's right. We were at the old train station last time. That office lounge is where I made the mistake of telling people where we're drinking. And there's like four bar stools and two tables, a jukebox. And it's a lot of pissed off locals.

So, yeah, Chattanooga, big fan. Chattanooga, and then we're back home to Havelock after that. So how long is this stretch that you're going to? From now until June 6th. We're leaving here on the 28th, and then we hope to be back in Havelock by the 6th. So we'll be in Chattanooga on the 4th or the 5th, Oklahoma City sometime around the 3rd.

As vagabonds, Yes. if you don't get back by the 6th, can you stretch it into July? Are you that free? I have a friend coming from Chicago, so not that week. We're not.

No, no, no, no. We're not. No. But you could call your friend and say, fuck off. I'm realizing this now because I'm off till mid-August. And I realized as soon as we're done with filming all this shit and Katie Arts leaves on Saturday, I have two months that I could just go fucking roam free like I did last year, driving through Nevada and Utah. I'm like, why don't I?

That's the strip. The truth is, yes, we could do that. We do have a tattoo shop that is pretty important to keep some semblance of open. Right now, we've got two super talented tattooers, and they're holding it down for us while we're gone. Child laborers?

Both those dudes are traveling. Yeah, kind of. But they're travelers, too, and they're both itching to get the fuck out of there as soon as we get back. Which would be good because we're selling art along the way, but it's decent money, but it's not good money. It's kind of supplementing the trip. It's going to pay future dividends because we have our stuff hanging on walls. But currently, it just kind of like, it gets you by.

You know what I mean? You don't make a whole bunch of money. You're just getting what you can while you're there. My suggestion would be every time you go in to sell art, we used to do this on trains, on Amtrak, when we'd get a sleeper car and just for vacation. I love Amtrak, except it sucks. But I love the idea of a train.

They seat you with other people so we would just make up different personas like we're gonna have to sit with some old fucking train you know nostalgia old fucks at breakfast so okay what are we gonna be today because they're gonna ask you what do you do where are you from and so make up a different story so to assuage the shame of being a traveling salesman make up a new persona of who you're gonna be when you go in make up a backstory and make it fun for you like improv where you go okay if they fucking hate us well we were kind of pulling a prank anyway but also in the with the the intent of selling art so i i that's that's my advice that's what i would do because that way when they say fuck you we don't know we don't buy

shit yeah you go ha ha they believe me I used to do that on the Metro train when I would commute to work in the city. Eat the mic, the little tiny Zika-headed voice. I used to do that on the Metro train traveling to work in Chicago. And I would do, I even had different wigs. Yeah, the pink one got a little more attention than I would have liked

but because she's wearing it on her vagina yeah yes i have wigs yeah it's fun it's even more fun if you do it in the bathroom try and change as fast as you can and then come back out different person while there's people waiting in line. Asking for your triple mouth. I love it. I ordered the chai. No, you didn't. Oh, yeah. It's a pleasure having you here.

Thank you so much. We'll get a few more days. This was super cool, man. This was definitely the best part of the trip. We love Bisbee, and we're going to look for any excuse to come back, for sure. Well, you're always welcome. Awesome. Awesome. Awesome. Thank you.

Hey, bingo. Take us out of here, you drunk whore. Okay. Bye-bye now. Thank you. សូវាប់ពីបានប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្� Thank you.