The Doug Stanhope Podcast - DSP Ep. #498 "Gomer's Letter to Doug"

Episode Date: July 27, 2022

Day 16 of 30 Days in the Hole and Doug received an important letter from an important listener that he just has to share.   Recorded July 9th, 2022 at the FunHouse in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Tracey (@egglester), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Chaille. Doug's new book, "No Encore For The Donkey" available exclusively at Audible.com - https://amzn.to/31uwvO0 We have no idea what the future holds so get on the Mailing List at https://www.dougstanhope.com/. When we know, we'll let you know. LINKS - BetterHelp.com - Get 10% off your first month by visiting our sponsor at BetterHELP.com/stanhope. The World Record Podcast - The World Record Podcast is the third and final award winning podcast created and hosted by Brendon Walsh setting the World Record for the funniest podcast in existence. - https://allthingscomedy.com/podcast/world-record-podcast Visit the Stanhope Store - http://www.dougstanhope.com/store/ Closing song, “The Stanhope Rag”, written and performed by Scotty Conant for Doug Stanhope and used with permission – Available on Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/scottyconant Photo Credit - ChailleSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Hey, big thanks to our sponsor BetterHelp, easy and affordable online therapy. Get 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash Stanhope. That's betterhelp.com slash Stanhope for 10% off. You're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Good morning. A very early morning here at the fun house. Actually, I've been up since 6, and I didn't know you were out here. We could have done a 6 a.m. podcast. Is that advisable?

You always say, yeah, we should do it super early. Well, I came out here, and then I thought maybe we would do that, and then you left. You said you were getting stuff ready, and I thought you might be getting stuff ready for the podcast. I was getting the new software we were using for the video podcast. I'm still learning it. So I was getting a new camera shot set up and a

new banner so that it's not competing with you guys in the shot i thought when when you left i thought you're coming right back and then you didn't i wasn't against not doing it i go but i thought oh he's up at 6 45 let's uh that's my other job let's chat before noon's my other job. Let's chat. Before noon is my other job. Yeah, I woke up with a start at 6 a.m. But did you take sleepers last night or something? I took double edibles. Which is 20 milligrams? I took a five, the ones that usually really kick, the Caminos. I took the last of that. And then I

realized after a couple hours it wasn't as high as I normally would be. So I took one of those tens that you guys bought me. And then when that kicked in, then it all started going. And I fell asleep in the middle of some documentary on the couch

early. Anarchists. Anarchists I saw and then it was going and i fell asleep in the middle of some documentary on the couch uh anarchists that the anarchists i saw and then it was uh oh the mind over murder is it i don't know they're both hbo yeah i'm gonna have to go back and re-watch the the murder one at least that's the one i fell asleep during and uh the anarchist one just keep waiting it for that's a six part on hbo max yeah because it just it just came up on some oh someone suggested it on the on the um patreon yeah and the trailer like the season-long trailer they go and then the murder. And so, yeah, you're waiting for a murder, and this was episode three, and it closes on, he's been murdered. Let's get to the murder.

They're in Acapulco for a- Anarchapulco. The anarchists. Anarchapulco, yeah. It's a little weird. A clunky name. Yeah, we were supposed to go down. You're trying to be clever.

I get it. Yeah. Yeah, what a bunch of douchebags. It reminded me a lot of the Libertarian Party, where you go, ah, yeah, it seems like it has some great ideas, but then you show up and you meet a lot of them and you go, I don't really want to hang out with any of these people. Like the full gamut of snake handling, homeschoolers. Yeah.

Fucking. When I think of anarchists, I think of just, I mean, I grew up in the early 80s with punk rock and everything. I think of the kids that one day they're just not at school anymore and they wore the jacket with the spikes and they'd egg white their hair up into a mohawk and there was always anarchy. So I don't get the whole anarchy as living that whole ideal. There's the slab city, I whole ideal, you know?

Yeah. There's the slab city, I get it, but that's more like hobos. Yeah, but that's anarchy in practice, not as far as like we're promoting anarchy and we should all be anarchists. Real fucking, not real anarchists, but yeah, those are people that just went out and went, yeah, fuck society

fuck the rules they're not out it's so desolate no one cares that we're here throwing festivals to yeah share or renting out renting out banquet rooms at the alcapulco fucking hilton or whatever i don't know where they were they were but it looks nice where they're at yeah i don't I don't know where they were. But it looks nice where they're at. Yeah, I don't care for rules or government. Yeah, but I don't want to get together and just talk about that. Like, okay. Yeah, I don't either. So what else?

Is it the anarchist group? Is it thinly veiled guys for swingers and stuff like that? Or gun nuts? It's got a lot of that feel. But I think anything does, like Comic-Con or fucking LARPing. If you're all grouped up over some thin, common trait,

yeah, there's probably some fucking furries. Yeah. Oh, I like to dress up like fucking Tickle Me Elmo. And yeah, we should probably fuck in a closet since we're both into the same like fucking Tickle Me Elmo. And yeah, we should probably fuck in a closet since we're both into the same weird thing. Fuckle Me Elmo. Yeah, that bit I used to do about bikers. I wonder how many downloads that ever got.

That's an underrated album in that i forget it's out there but the pop-off vodka presents an evening with doug stanhope i think it's still on vimeo i think it might be the only thing i have on vimeo i don't know if it's even pop-off vodka presents an evening with d Stanhope. And it basically only has like four bits. But I mean, there are extended bits, and those bits have different bits within the bit. But about bikers, and I never understood people grouping up over a form of transportation. It looks like there's a preview on All Things Comedy.

The touching tribute to China is on YouTube on our channel, Stanhope TV. Oh, yeah, we had to put that out because she died right when we recorded that. Then someone named Mad Modder. Oh, yeah, this looks like the whole, is it 21 minutes, the whole thing? We have a podcast, by the way. No, I think that was, the VHS, that was a fucking debacle. That's one of those times I go,

I should have really had been more hands-on with this thing. Yeah, I find out that you were unhappy with it years later. I just found out a couple months ago that you didn't like that, and it's like, we just did what, we put something in front of you. Yeah, that's fine.

And then I find out you didn't like it. Yeah, well, it just kept getting slowed up and slowed up with trying to find people to do VHS. I was imagining it with an actual cover. If you were buying a VHS back in the vhs days it would have a front and back cover uh but i mean i came to you with what we had well and it was a black case a cardboard case and then we got a custom sticker that pop up presents on it and you signed off on it with i mean i don't remember the exact words but it could have been yeah whatever or finally

let's get it out or you know those are your usual responses yeah and i well i didn't know that like there was a a price break at like you could only put the title track on the vhs itself it's not the full hour uh from what i remember i don't know it's a long time ago the point is yes go go listen to that it's got good bits on it the fucking whole that canadian uh border cocaine incident oh yeah up in uh the northeast is that where it was yeah i think it's halifax we landed in yeah that is a good bit yeah there's a there. Yeah, there's a few. There's a few on there. Anyway, where were we? You got up this morning and you wanted a podcast,

but I was at my other job. Oh, yeah, anarchist. Anarchist. Anyway, yeah, I don't have any great television reviews. I've got a... Oh, shit. We're 16 days into your 30 Days in the Hole. We'd be remiss if we didn't mention that. I mean, this is our regular schedule of a podcast,

so that's why this one's going out today. Yeah, but this is the extended version because we've got to put ads in, our usual weekly thing. Patrick Anthony Brennan wrote me this letter. A handwritten letter? Yeah. Dear Doug Stanhope, I hate the internet.

You're going to read the whole thing? No. Okay. It's kind of stupid. I'll start learning how later. Anyway, so he goes on to tell me that he's written a song for me that's all the lyrics are anagrams of Doug Stanhope. And it's a five-page chicken scratch letter.

And as I'm reading it, I'm profiling him like an FBI guy. Like if that was the last thing that you found was this letter and then I went missing. We need to find out like his pattern or like what his profile is and if he's killed before. This guy, I mean, when you look at that handwriting, you go, oh, that's a 13, 14-year-old kid, boy. I guess. But then I'm reading it and it's like it's just goofy and it sounds like a 14 year old kid and then as i'm going i'm like this guy is probably my age or older

like he's well he's he's against the internet so he's at least 50 yeah he's well he's got a phil phil donah references, Donovan's Mellow Yellow as a reference. Donovan's Mellow Yellow? Why did you say Donovan? Ray Donovan? Yeah. Whatever. How dare you criticize me?

It's music, dude. Donovan. His name is Donovan. And as a Massachusetts person person i would pronounce that donovan oh really yeah i didn't know that was a regional thing to raid donovan mispronounced it's also spelled the same as donovan yeah i guess so they would pronounce it donovan but go ahead and help them out donovan's would pronounce so yeah yeah, I would profile that guy.

He's in Lancaster, Pennsylvania, and his street address is as unit two on it, or number two. So yeah, he's an old guy in an apartment in his 60s in a place that Billy Joel wrote songs about. That's Allentown, but I'm assuming Lancaster's pretty much basically the same impoverished ghost of a steel mill. Here, I got another one. I want to smell it to see if there's a any telltale i don't smell nicotine or fentanyl all right oh he's got chords and everything for the anagram song it's really fucking terrible to play it but here here's another guy chile uh

this is a email i got gcd so that's every cult song, most U2 songs. Come on. Ape, dung, shoot. All right. That's what you get from the guy who doesn't use the internet. Here's the guy that does. I get the exact same email two months apart. And this is a little different, I think.

Again, I'm profiling. I won't say the guy's name. Doug, the FBI and CIA have been trying to kill me for the last three years and five months. Very specific. And I was curious because I noted when he got no reply and sent it again two months later, he didn't correct where they've been trying to kill him for three years and seven months now. Oh, yeah. He didn't account for the two months.

Update it. Yeah. That's why I kind of think, because this is not an uncommon email. He goes on, their goal is to steal billions of dollars that is owed to me by the CIA and sweep a massive amount of crime and corruption

under the rug. I'm just trying to get this information out and secure legal representation before they kill me. Copied below is a brief summary of what's going on thank you for your time and as he goes bullet points through the how the cia have imprisoned all of the earth's fifth dimensional eternal beings in a fourth dimension cia system uh where they are used for their omniscience. You know, boilerplate. I don't think

I'm the only guy who sent this to. I was going to say, do you think Bill Burr and David Tell each got one? Ari Shaffir and Sam Tripoli. Cast a huge net. I think this is... Thank you for your time. Below is a Google Drive document with more information.

After the handful of lizard people shit, I don't think I need to know more. And why me, sir, if you're listening? You're a free thinker, Doug. I mean, it's well known that you don't have a... If he's trying to kill... They're trying to kill this guy for knowing all of this stuff that now he told me. I'll tag you're it.

Yeah, so you're bringing me down. That's why I'm not giving a lot of details on the air because then they're going to have to go kill all the listeners. Yeah. He said he is the only. Because of that fourth dimension thing, since they're trapped in the CIA system, they're not able to

be reincarnated as new people. So I'm one of the only eternal beings that are still alive and you're emailing me for what purpose other than to make me complicit make me a target yeah I'm just trying to get through life. And you're the only eternal being left. But you need some worn out in the heel, old transient stand-up comedian. Together, as like a buddy picture,

we're going to tear down the facade, rip the masks off the CIA, show them for what they are. I think he's being a little careless in that he's delivering this to you through the internet, which is, I mean, come on, that's the easiest way to track who this guy is sending things to. I mean, the government can totally track everything now. He's put you at risk, Doug, and David Tell and Bill Burr and Sam Tripoli.

I'm not going to suggest or even hint at the likelihood or not that maybe there's a mental illness at play here. But if there were, that's what might stop me from saying i'm trying to let's call him gomer yes. Yes, we have been following you. Be part of the CIA? Yeah. You thought I was different? I'm one of them. Why don't you just turn yourself in? Come to 212 and next year.

No, no. No, I'm saying I wouldn't do that. No. In case there was some splinter of mental illness there. Yeah. What if he's right, though? What if he's right? I can't fix all the people, but I can stop myself from fucking with him.

It's just the second time. When you sent it again, didn't even correct for the time. The timeline, yeah. You didn't say, like, I'm a fan. I know only you'd get this. No. You just stuck in the name, and you've hit send.

Copy-paste. Yeah. I wish there was a message board forum. Just like those guys that go, hey, any of you guys get a letter from this name? Get an email about, oh yeah, that guy, Gomer. Gomer? Yep, got a whole folder full of his fucking...

The only eternal being left. You never go to past life therapy and they go, yeah, you were fucking kind of a schlub in a past life. Yeah, you cleaned latrines. Yeah, you didn't do much. Yeah. Went from job to job. You hoped to be a street sweeper when a boulder hit you and killed you. And now you're here.

Last eternal being. It's a lot of pressure, Gomer. Yeah, I'm going to take a break. Fucking people. Good morning. Get out there. Splash on some cologne, some aftershave.

Let your pores burn. We'll be right back. And now a word from our sponsor, BetterHelp. Hey, ever find yourself in a pickle where the CIA is trying to kill you and all the comedians you email won't respond? Well, BetterHelp is always there to pick up the call. Seriously, how well would you take care of your car if you had to keep the same one your entire life? That's how our brains work.

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Day 16 or 17, depending on how you call it or how you're counting. Yeah, this morning, Hannigan has been bothering me to write up a press release for the UK. For the tour coming up in October. Yeah, over there, there are tendency comedians over there. They theme their shows. So hey, for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival, they'll go and everyone's going to, you know, this year I'm doing an hour about I Conquered Gout or whatever.

They have a theme. It's almost like a play. So they're like, oh, give us a press release so we know what this tour is about and what's the name of the tour. And we don't theme shit. We don't do it this way. I never did that.

Even when I played the festival, I'm like, yeah, it's a fucking comedy. It's the theme. So he's like, yeah, maybe we'll write up some bullshit because they want a press release. We have a PR person. So I'm trying to write some absolute nonsense and right after you know actually before i came out here i sat down i woke up at 6 a.m and

i sat in front of the computer and hedigan just wrote like a template of bullshit like all right here's like the what it would look like and all right i'll take that and i'm just saying like you're trying to write is the last thing with quitting smoking like no this is impossible triggering probably because you that's when you wrote your first book i remember when you're in the bomb shelter over there. It was just you, smokes, and sitting there with coffee. One after another. And it's always, every time I've quit, that's the last thing that you go,

oh, I can sit down and write without. So I got a little bit into the press release and went, all right, fuck this. I sent it back. I lobbed it back to Hannigan. Here, you go take a stab from this, what I wrote, and you work on that because I... What?

I mean, I'm just spitballing here, but since you're kind of at a crossroads, why don't you punch it up with some of Gomer's details from his letter? I want to do a Google alert thing. I don't know how to do that, but with his actual name, in case he does get murdered. Oh, yeah, Google alert.

You'd put his real name in there, and then if anything ever came up, then Google would alert you that, yeah, shooting in Lancaster or the one sentient being found in Lancaster or the one sentient being found in Lancaster. There could be a few people right now saying, is he talking about my email? I don't remember phrasing it

like that. No, I was reading verbatim, so. And there's only one left of him, it wouldn't be if they shared a consciousness another one couldn't be thinking it was them i mean taking it to the nth degree if they're all in the fourth dimension then wouldn't that all of a sudden i I'm trying to be Duncan Trussell. Should have fact-checked. Let's comb over his fucking manifesto email and look for flaws and loopholes. Oh, here's what I found.

Anyway, so yeah, after I gave up on writing a press release for the UK, spread the word about the UK thing. Whatever I write up about what we're allegedly... Yeah, if you see any kind of press about my UK tour in your local rag, just take it with a grain of salt. If it sounds like... Is it seriously what the show is no so i went back i gave up on the

creativity and i went back to buying dumb things yeah you're saving grace uh and you you came into the little house where i'm working in there and you you had a tape measure and i said something to you and you didn't even respond you just went and started running the tape measure up the wall. And then finally you told me you were looking to install a lavatory door from a 737. Well, first of all, it started, I found, and I've looked before, first-class airplane seats. They had a pair. There's like an airline graveyard in Chandler, suburb of Phoenix.

So, yeah, on this side. So it's like three and a half hours away. There's a couple, though. There's the Pima Air Museum, where they mothball a bunch of stuff. And then there's two more other areas one is like the monaghan uh air force base where that's the one in the middle of davis month yes and then there's another one out towards marana that i haven't been to yet though yeah but this this is one that's they sell shit on oh okay so they're letting stuff go. So I found a pair, first class seats.

Let me see if I got that up. What year were the seats? Is it like from an old, old plane that's been sitting around for a while? This is not from the same place, but the same place has that same pair. This guy's in Tucson, wants $1,500 for that. And they have the exact same pair for $450 up in Chandler. That's relatively new. I'm telling by the lap tray that comes out.

Yeah. I think that would be fucking badass in the revamped guest house. The seats? And then in the corner, there's what now used to be a wall heater, and now it's open. We're going to put shelves in it, and it would fit. They have a lavatory airplane door that would go over that opening for where the shelves are in the corner i think that'd

be a lot of fun i'm saying it could be a fun road trip so i emailed this it's called uh whale tails sales is uh and they have all these like they they'll go out and if you order uh this is the third row two first class seats oh in case you want one unless you want one a or like they'll go out they go i asked them do you have like a storefront can we do free pickup and if so do you have like a shop or thing we can browse because they have endless amounts and they said no not really it's best to order offline because a lot of times whatever you order we just go onto a plane and yank it out. Wrench it out of there.

Yeah, it's kind of like a junkyard. Like, hey, I need a manifold for a 76 Dodge Dart. Go fucking wander the yard. But there's been a couple of ideas if I were retired and had nothing to do but change my mind about what the interior of the fucking 300-square-foot guest house should be. A, when I saw, I don't know what we were watching. Oh, no, it's when we were at the Raton Pass Motor Lodge in New Mexico. And we had a room that had all of that

the woodwork natural wood paneling. This is on the Sojourn you and Bingo recently came back from. Yeah. Yeah, the motel had the natural wood paneling. Yeah. The old school. Not laminate. Actual wood. Yeah, actual wood.

Like that No Country for Old Men. Like half no country for old men. Like, half that movie is set in motels with that wood paneling. And I'm like, if I could find wood paneling like that, I would definitely. Old motorhomes used to have that. Yeah. The veneer.

Yeah. So that was my first idea. But an old idea that's now rekindled was to make the inside of that guest house look like an airplane they have walls like airplane walls with the airplane windows uh it would be really fun to make that into like the interior of a an airplane first class i found lay down seats when i first had this idea years ago i found the lay down seats and I'm like, Oh,

we could put two lay down seats in there too late. Now we have bug beds and you can't put a Helix mattress in a Delta one. Are they Delta seats? No, they're Emirates or something. They're random. Yeah. Uh,

no, the lay down seats would have to be like over the Atlantic or... Yeah, international. Yeah. There's some, like New York to LA, they'll use them. So that door, it's like the long skinny door.

Is that, do you want it to be practical? The door opens and then they have the shelving behind it or you want to or you just want to block up the hole that's why i want to go and like look at this stuff yeah because it doesn't are there hinges are airplane hinges different than i would seem every room i would seem the guest house all airplane i would you know theme the spare bedroom just motel six oh that's what i want to look up is a hotel phones i want to get a hotel phone for the pink room oh yeah just it has the dial with the yeah the different buttons front desk and housekeeping buttons and something like that i don't know i just by the time I start getting on a roll with,

oh, I'm going to do stuff around the house, then it's fucking time to go back on the road. A little every day, Doug. Yeah. So do you want to go get that? I was thinking it would be a fun road trip, but the guy just emailed me back saying, no, we don't have, You can't go poking around.

I could just keep looking online. But if we look at enough. Why don't you just have him ship it? But that's the thing. He goes, it's better to order online. Well, I can't see it online. I want to see what it looks like. And I want to ask you a bunch of questions I could figure out by looking at it.

Where is he located? Chandler. So why don't we just go. Where is he located? Chandler. So why don't we just go get a hotel room up in Chandler, have them deliver it to the hotel? When they call us, then we just go get it. No, he said there is free local pickup for stuff that you bought at their warehouse, and he gave me the hours and location. You want to do a road trip, and you want to get this thing. What's the problem? But I wanted to actually go, like, if they have all this airplane shit,

let me go tool around it. They don't want you poking around. Yeah, I mean, I could cobble together. If I had your whole wasteland where I can point, okay, that could go on one wall and that could go on the back wall, and then we could have that. And they have, like, carts. Do they drink carts and ice carts and meal trays.

Yeah, like if you could see all that stuff together and go, okay, that I see can go with that. Then we're going to be buying outfits or I'm going to be buying outfits and everyone has to be dressed like a pilot or a stewardess when they come into the house and they'll take it way too far. Luggage handler. When we come back from Safeway, we've got one of those big, long luggage conveyor belts that goes right to the kitchen. I'm liking this. Get rid of those carts.

Why don't you get it and we'll do a local pickup? I'm pretty sure it'll fit. And then, yeah, whatever goes over that hole, you're going to have to, I mean, whatever goes in there, you're going to have to do some figuring around the hole that's already there. Nothing's going to fit exactly. But I'm glad you're saying this now before I installed some shelving well no i don't care what's behind i don't want an actual lavatory back there it looks like the oh really you don't mean to install a toilet back there um yeah it look it looks to me that that that hole that's existing needs to be wider, definitely, for that door to go on there. Yeah, it's wider than that.

Anyway, I'm just trying to think of fun themes to do. But I guess we should wait on the floor first. The floor starts tomorrow. Either tomorrow or the next day, based on how much paint we're going to do before. Yeah, so when I got looped into Ewan Hennigan's group text, and he's like, oh, yes, well, I'm thinking about coming down. I think I'll come down early August, which I already told him no.

I explained the whole thing to him. Yeah, that means no people like you or things. Oh, no. means no people like you or things oh no and uh yeah that's well within 30 days is the beginning of april i'll be gone for the first few days um actually the 31st we go to tucson right yeah but he was actually talking about coming down to talk to you about doing more of this stuff that we've been doing, which is fine as long as he has a guest house. Oh, I see. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, yeah, please hold. This podcast is brought to you by another podcast, The World Record Podcast. Hi, it's me, The B-Man, and I'm telling you, you should listen to The World Record Podcast podcast go to worldrecordpodcast.com watch the videos join the patreon it's the funniest podcast in the world listen if you put a frog in a kangaroo's pouch is that safe for the frog mostly i guess because i know in the kangaroo's pouch that's kind of where there's a nip in there so

i'm wondering if the frog was put in the pouch and he sucked on the nip would the kangaroo milk hurt So, Dad, you would have to go to a school veterinarian for that. Okay. So, go to worldrecordpodcast.com. Watch all the videos. Join the Patreon. Listen to all the episodes. Just do it. You ever did Standing Doggy?

Have you ever heard of it? Standing Doggy? What is it? It's a beer? No. It's a position. It's Doggy, but you stand. I don't know what you're talking about, Casey. I don't know what you're talking about.

Wicked! There'll be no Hennigan in the pink room. That pink room is a staging area right now for my my survival kits for my crazy flight let's why don't we put them at the uh shady dell there's no trailer here the blue moon bungalows yeah uh yeah that's you can work that out. So are we getting the door or what? I don't know.

We'll talk about, I'm just showing you these things. Oh, all right. Yeah. I'm just fantasizing. Now that since I've been rendered unable to write anything funny, i just want to make up press the press releases that are just blatant lies like after being canceled in the united states and the series of several investigations doug stanhope is finally coming clean with the answers to all the questions that it is. What is this?

None of this is true. Due to appeal, his incarceration has been postponed, so the UK tour will go on as planned. These tour dates are basically from 2019, right? Aren't they the ones that COVID canceled?

Yeah, two years. Two and a half years ago two years yeah they were scheduled for oh yeah June July no fall was it fall yeah I think September October

oh that's when two years ago yeah yeah or make up a theme yeah well that's what they want you to do. But you just want to do a bullshit one that has nothing to do with your act or the theme of the show.

Yeah, now that I've been given British citizenship or something, that I actually live there uh some legal battle that i'm in uh talks about his time as a as a mercenary for the ukrainian army just get some stolen valor in there i wonder if it would be like the like when you've gone on morning radio and pretended to be something you're not to see who shows up at the show we were talking about that on issues with danny a couple episodes back about how you pretended to be a maga right wing oh yeah And the people that showed up to the show.

Yeah, before MAGA. That was in the George Bush days. But it was definitely polarized. I mean, it always feels like no one from listening to the morning show shows up at the shows. And then you decided to do a little social experiment by explaining. Yeah, it was with Erickson. And we had to do whatever country radio.

And this is around Persian Gulf War. When everyone did radio. Post 9-11, beginning of that subsequent war. And we know that they're not going to like anything we have to say. So we just went hardcore right wing on the show. And yeah, George Bush had just gotten reelected. Like, hey, suck it, Michael Moore. If you don't like this country, why don't you move somewhere else?

Just doing everything that they would do and just inviting all these people to come to the show and uh and all these people showed up all the hardcore listeners back in the days before i had any kind of a name so most people are getting in on a coupon yeah anyway and uh yeah so erickson went up and they they didn't care for him but they're gonna they're not gonna walk out on a middle act no not when that headliner that's so right way your new favorite comedian coming out to yeah i did some yeah whatever whatever jokes right off the top bang bang bang of yeah and then nice obviously not in their wheelhouse just yeah you didn't yuck it up

as a big i'm a big lions fan not the detroit lions the ones that ate christians just short attention spans like just all in a row so you know that you just got fucked and then i told them in case they didn't figure it out yeah if you heard me on morning radio this morning, I was just making all that shit up. I'm not going to let you just walk out on me for free on the radio. I want you to come all the way down here and buy a few drinks before you realize that you fucking hate me. Pay for a babysitter to hate this. Yeah, you have to pay to hate me.

You can't do it at the comfort of your own couch on the radio. So do you want to do it? And that started a procession of slow walkouts, slow but heavy flow walkouts. Chairs scraping the floor. Yeah, as I'm going into my fucking Your God Takes Tuesdays Off or whatever I was doing back then.

So is that kind of what you want to do for the uk or you just no just for the press thing because yeah i'm gonna have to start doing uh fuck if you're uk comics that i know and you have a podcast please have me on because i i'm gonna start doing podcasts and i i have a a bad feeling they're gonna be just whatever a PR person could come up with rather than people I know. Or who's in their stable. Yeah. Oh, you'd be good on this one.

We represent them as well. Their stable. Yeah. Not my stable. Not yours. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. No, Ryan Seacrest did this one. He was promoting a thing. Like what? Going to get a lot of, mean we've i've had so many bad bad dealings with the uk press like that or like the publicists that are representing the tour or well i just i go on whatever bbc things it's places that i just don't belong and they like okay and i don't know how they're forced into having you or if they think it's a good fit and then it goes poorly and then someone

gets fired or reprimanded for having me on for something i said and again it's a whole different world i think it's starting to get a little closer, but I haven't been over there in a while. Where, you know, what you can't say on radio here is fine over there, but what you can say on radio here is what's going to get you in trouble over there. That was more true with, like, saying retarded or something like you could say that on morning radio here all day,

but you can't say shit and fuck. It was back in the day when I did morning radio. God knows what you can get away with anymore or not. It looks like the last time you were in the UK was 2018 on the tour. Yeah, it's four years. Yeah. That was basically the same run. But you did Netherlands last time too I think I'm just going to write it up in that

basically alluding to the fact that this is more than comedy this is indoctrination into a cult and write it like matter of fact like people know this but I have to flesh it out and make it uh eloquent and you need a cigarette for that yeah i know can you see me i'm jumpy you are a little

bit today yeah but you've got you've got a happy energy today you're not in the maybe it's the the airline shopping or something because lately you've been kind of up and down because of the, I don't know if it's just anxiety over getting stuff done or the cigarettes or what, but. Yeah, I've had a lot of energy and I got shit to do today. I got my eye doctor and I got to pick up a shoe that's been mended by a cobbler. He doesn't call himself a cobbler, but he's a cobbler.

He fix shoes. Oh, he's a- Shoe repair. He's also a leather guy, so he probably does a lot of saddles and stuff. He's in Sierra Vista. You have to drive 30 minutes to get there. Yeah, hand-painted sign on the back alley side of a strip mall. He's not on the main thoroughfare.

Yeah. Almost a lemonade stand, but indoors. Gustavo. Do you have to go there today? No, cash. Remember, you bring me a 10. 10 bucks? Yeah, 10 bucks to fix a shoe.

Jeez. But he pointed at the no credit cards, cash only sign to remind me. You bring me a $10. When was the last time you bought lemonade with a credit card? Wait, you don't got Stripe here? Come on. Apple Pay? Are you going today?

Yeah. I got a 4 o'clock eye, so I'll hit the shoes before. No sushi, it's Tuesday. Then let's go to, I'll go with you, because I've got to drop those pants you gave me. I've got to bring them in a little bit, and I want to get my suit for the tour dry cleaned. All right.

To see if it falls apart in the dry cleaners. I went with a theme, and I'm purposely not showing you until the first night of the tour. But it could fall off me. All right, so you're bringing a backup. I'll probably have to. Yeah. Well, just to, yeah. We will be flying back between the legs, so I'll need something on the plane.

Between the legs? Heh. need something on the plane. Between the legs? Zoink. Alright. Oh, your nipple. What's going on? How's it feel? It looks like you've changed the dressing. I changed the dressing because they were a little cheap with the

tape so that one fell off and I redressed it with more tape and I've never I haven't looked at it. I think they did that on purpose so you would have to dress it. You know what I mean? They've done this enough. Yeah, they kind of seemed like aftercare because she said,

I don't think I'm going to suit you this right away. And then they're like, what? And it was a lot of confused looks and eventually they kind of just let me go out the door. Like, he didn't ask a lot of confused looks. And eventually, they kind of just let me go out the door. Like, he didn't ask a lot of questions, so let's not confuse him. He doesn't seem to be detail-oriented. Yeah, she said I could take a Tylenol if I had discomfort. Flash the exit sign.

Maybe he'll work his way out. Yeah, didn't say how often to change anything. Yeah, you can continue the hot compresses. I'm just going to ignore it. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't bother me. It's covered up. And I'll just ignore it until it starts to stink. They didn't give you a salve

or anything to put on it? No. Nothing, huh? No. Hydrogen peroxide. I was thinking more like an ointment. What's that stuff you put on a cut? Bassitracin?

Bassitracin? Yeah. No. Lipitor? No. What? Lipitor is not an ointment. I know.

Fuck. Anyway, I put it... I have a tube of it inside the package of Band-Aids that's in the medicine cabinet. Yeah, I know. I have it too. Neosporin. That's it. Yeah.

Seems like that would be good, right? How big is it? Did they make a hole or did they make a cut? A cut. A cut, yeah. So it seems like it should, yeah. Yeah, but they put that strip in there. Butterfly stitches.

No, that's a strip. Like when a boxer gets cut and they put that strip in there to stop the bleeding. Yeah, they put that in there, but I don't have replacement strips for that, so I'm going to leave that one in there until it starts to rot. Don't do that. I mean, after a while. It's fine. It's like I can touch it.

You should probably let it breathe, right? Yeah, it's not swollen. You're touching it enough that I think it's fine. Yeah. It's good. Well, time will tell. The arm's going to have to go. The gangrene went all the way to your fingertips.

I'm happy that we have a date for Sierra Vista. And we'll work out some more of this. I'm going to go finish up cleaning that kitchen. And you folks, tomorrow, God knows. All right. We'll talk soon. Bye. សូវាប់ពីបានប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពី�នបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានប� Thank you.