The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #100: Electric Dave & Cedric Pt.1

Episode Date: October 9, 2015

It's the 100th Episode and Doug announces the new name of the podcast. Doug welcomes the builders of the new Funhouse bar, Electric Dave and Cedric.BEYOND THE JOKE.CO.UKhttp://bit.ly/1huC2JADoug's UK TOUR MERCH - http://bit.ly/1KQLuVBDonate to Chaille here. Thanks. Really, Thanks a lot.Recorded Sep. 22, 2015  in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Electric Dave, Cedric, and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS -PEOPLE'S HISTORY OF BISBEE – SUSAN WILLE - http://bit.ly/1VJpMCEAL GOLDSTEIN - http://bit.ly/1OqC1naPRURIENT - http://bit.ly/1jTGfICALAMOS SONORA - http://bit.ly/1JXKAj6Closing Song, "I Can't Remember When You Were Mine" from Mishka Shubaly's new album COWARD'S PATH. Available now on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

And welcome to the 100th episode of the podcast. I said that I'd have a new name by the 100th episode, but I'm not sure. Chad Shank is here, Bingo is here, Chaley's here, and we have special guests coming up just after this segment, Cedric and Electric Dave, who built the new studio. Actually, a lot of people built it. But they built the main component, which is the bar. Yeah, we were at Betty's house for some reason.

Betty, who's been on the podcast. Mayor Betty, Nurse Betty. And we were over there and they had a fucking great bar in their living room. And I said, see, I've always wanted that in the Funhouse. It's like a serious bar. And fucking Cedric goes, I build bars. Why didn't you tell me that in the last seven years we've had this place? So Electric Dave and Cedric made a nice 12-seater bar here in the uh fun house

that you the listeners helped pay for with the nfl auction helmet auction so uh the only and i just remembered this word uh hennigan was on the podcast once and he had this word I'd never heard. And after when we were drunk, I said, that's the fucking name of the podcast. So I'm going to put this up for a vote from the listeners. Either we keep Doug Stano podcast, because it's simple, and no one else is using it,

that I know of. We were going to go with the Funhouse podcast. It seemed kind of a no-brainer, but there's three already out there. Shotclog. You ever heard that word? A shotclog is someone who is an annoying bore that you tolerate only because he's buying the drinks. that you tolerate only because he's buying the drinks. So I thought that it's a completely appropriate name for the podcast.

Doug Stanhope's Shot Clog Podcast. It rolls well, and I really like it. But I'm going to leave it up to you, the listeners, on the Twitter as I head to the UK. Tell me your opinion. Shotclog. It's a fucking brilliant word. So this is either or.

Yeah, or Doug Stanhope's podcast. It either stays the same. The Doug Stanhope. I don't even know what the fucking name is now. You should try listening to an episode. I like the name. I can sit through it. You like what? The Doug Stanhope podcast or Shotclog?

Yeah, because then if you just search Stanhope, then it comes up because that's usually what you're looking for. Yeah, and it's such a random, obscure word. It's almost like you're coining it by bringing it out of obscurity. Resurrecting. Doug Stanhope's Shotclaw podcast. Okay, so you would leave Stanhope. All right, I like it. I remember when we were drunk and everybody liked Shotclog.

Yeah, and then in the morning you just hate everything, so you assume you're wrong about that good idea. Because every other idea you had sucked. The UK is coming up quickly. Starting to panic because I've got to get all this shit done for the book before I go. And then remember what the fuck I'm going to say when I get there. I'm doing a thousand interviews. And this one, you guys got to check it out because you guys are going to be the only one in on the gag.

There's a comedy website over there called beyondthejoke.co.uk. And they have this interview. If you click on interviews at beyondthejoke.co.uk, you'll see my interview. And what they do, they have a section. It's called Rarely Asked Questions. So when the PR girl sent me this list of questions, she goes, here's an example with a link. And I click on it. And all the questions for all the comedians that do this are the same.

So they're not interviewing you. They're basically giving you a form to fill out with 13 questions that are random. form to fill out with 13 questions that are random mostly what bothered me about it is the first one is what's the first thing you do before you go or last thing you do before you go on stage aside from check your knickers and pick spinach out of your teeth like all right you're using a joke over and over again like if you're going to be a fucking cartoony interview, you can't have the same joke. It ruffled my feathers. It sounds like a match.com setup. So what I did is I non-answered the first two questions

just with my opinions about... I'm not doing an interview. I'm filling out a comment card. You couldn't make this less personal unless you had multiple choice answers. And then I originally wrote, you know what I'm going to do? I'm just going to, since you're giving me questions you've already asked other people, I'm just going to give you other answers from old interviews I can find online to different questions from people who are actually interviewing me.

So I just started filling in copy and paste answers I gave in other interviews into that interview that didn't make any sense. And then Brian shored it up and made it. He found old answers that almost made sense with the question but still sound like i'm just a rambling idiot who just didn't listen to the question and they don't know that i did because we took out the part where i said i'm just gonna put in other answers and we just put them in regardless so check that interview out i thought it was – I had a hoot doing that. So instead of just waking up at 11, doing the interview, and getting the fuck through it, you actually did research to fuck with their process. Yes.

Which extended the actual project. I did consider that. This has taken way longer than just giving some flippant answer. Just fucking do it and get it over with. I couldn't consider that. You know, this is taking way longer than just giving some flippant answer. Just fucking do it and get it over with. Yeah. I couldn't do that. Yeah, the interview process is getting a little old. Because they ask the same questions all the time, but...

Not just them. You're saying, like, every time you do an interview generally ask the same litany of questions and even if uh so you just feel like you only have one answer so you just feel like it's almost like doing the exact same act over and over again and i'm going well i like i said in other interviews So if anyone's Googling for interviews, they're not, he just says the same shit. Well, they ask the same shit.

It's like a career-long junket. I fucking love when an interviewer actually has done a lot of research and goes, well, you said this before, but how did that make, and like they're segueing from other boring questions that I've answered repeatedly.

Those are nice, and they're rare. And with the fucking UK, it's always on Skype where there's a five-second delay and you say something. What kind of publication do you work for that can't afford a fucking landline? 15 minutes of international charges. Really? You say the answer and then you hear your answer back as he's cut in.

Because I stutter like a pig. And so he starts another question and then you can hear your echo that's interrupting his question. So it's mostly, I'm sorry, can you... Go ahead. No, you go.

Go ahead. Fuck this. Just make something up. Just get some... Go find other interviews and copy and paste my answers into that. I'll say I talked to you. You could do it. If anyone fact checks it.

You could fake it. I would love if anyone just put out an interview that I never did. And just put outrageous claims in it. Yeah, that would be fucking hilarious to me if you have some kind of dumb comedy website just make up an interview I never did and if it ever if it ever

comes back I'll go yeah I must have been drunk I don't remember that but I probably did it b Bingo Bingaman. Now you're all about public speaking. Bingo Bingaman. No, I wouldn't say that. While you're leaning into the microphone. I wouldn't say that.

Bingo had a showing here on Sunday night of her two videos that she has out, the one that the finished version of the Unfinished Whiskey Girl song and then your own song. Yeah. From your soon-to-be-released album one day, Ten Years in the Making. Yep. And so she actually had to go up. They had her and another woman that showed a couple of her own music videos

and Bingo Bingaman had to go up. They had her and another woman that showed a couple of her own music videos, and Bingo Bingaman had to introduce it. And if anyone knows her, she will absolutely not speak in public, much less she won't even perform music in public or even at the Fun House for a Super Bowl party or a private function, You can catch her at a thrift store if they've got an upright piano for sale at the Goodwill. She will perform there, but any time there's a group of people that are there to see. Nobody's paying attention there. That's the thing. Well, you don't think they are, but yeah. I'm fine if I'm on the same level as anybody, but you put me three inches up on a stage

where people's paying attention, and I fall the fuck apart. I understand. You've seen me fall apart public speaking as opposed to doing stand-up comedy. That's true. I have. Yeah. You've crumbled before.

Yes, absolutely. Wanted to move out of town failures. Yeah. Just speaking at City Hall. Yeah. Terrible. Unless I have everything it has to i've done this so long that i have to have my stool and here's my drink and i got a drink waiting in the wings and everyone's already happy to see me and clapping and that doesn't happen at city hall you don't get a fucking huge, thunderous standing round of applause

because you want to speak your piece about plastic bag issues. Actually, City Hall would be a great place to start to really build your metal, you know? I'm going to use that in an interview because that's one of the common questions. What advice do you have for young comics?

That's it. Well, I don't have to say it in an interview. I just said it here. Yeah. You know what? Before you email me and ask me. Quote it in your interview. Use it in your interviews.

Go to city council and speak on a topic and make it funny. At least three before you give up. Yeah. And email me when you've done that. And get your friend to videotape it on his phone. And don't put it on YouTube. You fucking, all these open mic people that, hey, this is a YouTube video of my third time on stage.

Tell me what you think. Well, I think you shouldn't put your third time on stage out for the public. My friend said I did shit all over you. Everyone stinks for years. And that's permanent. I have notebooks I'm ashamed of, but they're not on YouTube. I'm just terrified someone's going to get in the crawl space and read one of my early notebooks. Oh, my God.

But bingo, just like an open miker, bingo had how she was going to introduce the songs. And for about 48 solid hours, except for a couple hours of sleep, she was pacing in circles around the house, just saying it out loud over and over. I would do that for maybe an hour before an open mic at my most amateur day. And you just on a loop. I know. I was so nervous. Just said it out loud, said it out loud.

And then we went down, even though you scheduled this fucking thing right in the middle of a Packers game on Sunday night. I didn't schedule it. It was someone else. I'm not a Packers fan, but everyone that comes to the fun house. Oh, you're talking about the Seahawks game. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's your team.

So, and it was the night game. So I've been drinking since 10 in the morning. And then at some point I go, I can host the thing if you don't have a host, because you don't want to go up cold and being you. Can't send bingo out cold.

So, yeah, I went down and I was in my pints feeling very... You dressed up for me. You wore a suit. Yeah, almost a tuxedo kind of thing. Yeah, it was great. I was impressed. I don't know what I said, but you did great. You still read it right off the paper.

You did fantastic. My knees were knocking. I was shaking. She even went off script at one point. I did. Oh, dangerous. Dangerous. That's so, I did not expect that at all.

But yeah, I went off script just to say. It was like the Southpaw Rock moment. Like out of the blue, Bingo's going off script and riffing. No, no, let her go. Let her go. Let's see what happens. But she's riffing because it was about Whiskey Girl and Nowhere Man. I felt like when I was up there, I had Bisbee all in a room and they were supportive and it was cool.

But I wanted to tell them that I spent the last day with Derek before he killed himself and that I always felt like a suicide note of his. Like I should have been sharing what that day was like with people, with Bisbee especially. Because after she died, he came right back here and it was just you two at the house. Derek came to spend the time with me and then he killed himself. But I knew what state of mind he was in. I knew everything that he said right before I did it. I knew everything. And I don't know what they think, but I know that they would probably want to know that

day because we weren't wasted. I don't know if people think we were drunk. But we were gone. So you were at the house. It was only me and Derek the whole day. And it was a brilliant day. I know exactly what state of mind he was in when he did it. I know how planned out it was.

I know everything. And I always thought that maybe Derek would have wanted me to share that with people, with Bisbee especially, like I said. So I had Bisbee all in a room. And so I just said, you know, I'm ready to talk about it. And if you have any questions about it, I just said I'm ready to talk about it. And if you have any questions about it, I just said I'm ready to talk about it. I just don't know how to start.

So if you have any questions about it, please ask. And I will do my best to answer on behalf of Derek. And so I said that and then introduced the video. Did anyone ask questions afterwards? Because we didn't do a Q&A on stage. You didn't want to go back. No, we didn't want to go back.

We did a vodka social afterwards at one of the rooms there. So did anyone know? No, I was still kind of to myself. I didn't socialize all that much. You didn't sell merch? No, I didn't sell merch. I didn't sell merch. But yeah, I was terrified up there.

Get your bullet hole necklaces. Yeah. I wore my bullet hole necklace there. Yes. Bingo, cut out the bullet hole. You explain it because you're wearing it. Yeah, I always wear it. Well, the bullet hole is in the wall,

and I was just overprotective of this bullet hole for some reason. I don't understand why, but I didn't want anybody to fuck with it. And I did. It's okay. I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to to fuck with it. And I did. It's okay. I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to fucking make you crazy. But so finally. I didn't stick my dick in it or anything.

I just tried to have it fixed and then she went mental. Well, not all the way. No. But. Not that that caliber is beneath me. I'm more of an exit hole kind of a guy. Wait, no, that's not it. That doesn't sound right.

Oh, hello. Tobacco road. I want to get a tattoo over my ass that says entrance only. With a lube dispenser mounted above it. Just that I'm against shitting. Go ahead. Sorry. No, it's okay.

Sorry. Back to your dead friend story. All right, all right, all right. Wrap it up. Wrap it up. Signal. So when I was ready, I cut the bullet hole out of the wall, and there was a piece of material in between the drywall.

So I have the bullet hole as a pendant that I wear around my neck. Yeah, you had something formed out of the bullet hole in turquoise. You can't have actual holes. No, this is the bullet hole right here. Yeah, I know, but there's turquoise in where. Oh, yeah, I just put turquoise behind it, and that's... You pulled out the section of the wall with the bullet hole, had a mold of that made, and now you wear it on a...

No, it's not a mold. No, no, that's the material. This is actually the material that was in the wall. Oh, there's something behind it. Yeah, it was in between the drywall. All right. So that's what I had a pendant made. It's got to look stylish.

Yeah. A little turquoise. Yeah, so that's what I wear on It's got to look stylish. Yeah. A little turquoise. Yeah. So that's what I wear on my neck. I knew with Electric Dave coming in that this is at least a two-parter. But with this, it might be a three-parter. I feel that because I had the fucking booze shakes today coming into this. Oh, yeah, you did.

Just trying to cram all this stuff and actually getting nervous and drinking coffee, which I can't do with an alcoholic nervous system. Caffeinated coffee and just trying to jam all this mother stuff out, fight for a title. Should I even give out the title that I want? Because it's for sale right now on... No, because there'll be another book for sale on Amazon with the other title. Well, this title, if you can use this... You should wait.

All right, I'll wait. You should wait on it. At some point, I go, well, if the publisher gives me enough shit, maybe I have to release The Hounds. Get The Killer Termites to go. We like this fucking title. Wait for that.

We got months to go here. The thing is, I'm sure the publisher does not want this just to be selling to my fans. In fact, they're kind of almost open about that. They want chicks to buy this book. So maybe the killer termites is the worst idea. So maybe the Killer Termites is the worst idea. But yeah, I've got to fight for a title, anything other than the working title. But you can still pre-buy it as One Funny Mother on eBay.

I mean, eBay. Fucking Amazon. Pre-order it. They have a fake cover and a fake title. No, I do have a signed one. But it is a real book. I do have a signed one on eBay. So there is one link. That link will be in the show notes.

All right. We will be back. Oh, wait. Anyway, bingo. I didn't know if I... Did I just roll over you? No, it's okay. It was good.

Yeah. All right, good. So are there any speaking engagements coming up? Maybe a city council meeting? No. No. An open mic somewhere? I'm done for a while.

All right. Let's pour more heavy cocktails, and we'll be back with Electric Dave and Tales of... Tales? Yes. Just Tales. Just Tales. Electric Dave has, he's the Bisbee get, where Stern would be impressed when he gets Paul McCartney. I have the Bisbee get. Oh, wow.

In fucking Electric Dave and Cedric. After these cocktails, on the Doug Stanhope Shot Clog Podcast. The Shot Clog Podcast where the drinks are always free. Hey, UK merch is on sale. Where? In the UK? No. Just on the website. Can't deal with all those problems with selling merch in the UK. But you can get UK t-shirts on the website at DougStanhope.com

and posters. Oh, Jim Ether'sStanhope.com and posters. We have, oh, Jim Ether's doing posters too? We got posters. We have t-shirts. We have everything you need to go out in public naked. A poster to cover your genitals and a t-shirt to cover your voluptuous man top. And go to DougStanhope.com and look for the merchandise page, My World Tour, asterisk,

places that speak English that will still book me. Yeah. So, Dave, you want to be about that far away from it. Like that far? Okay. Is that the right angle? Well, you can to be about that far away from it. Like that far? Okay. Is that the right angle? You can tilt it up a little bit, but it's directional right on the front. So it's right there.

And the closer you get to it, the warmer the sound. Just imagine yourself as taking the load for the money shot. Okay. To save the world. Yeah. If you were on YouPorn and the chick, you can tell when the chick obviously aims it down a little bit and accidentally misses her mouth. First of all, that fucking disgusts me. I wish there was a way you could non-search on YouPorn where you go, don't take it in the face because it's disgusting.

Yeah. And you're like, ugh, I don't want to gag while I'm coming. That and the up-close gynecological exam-type views of, look, I'm spreading this open and the camera almost fits in there. You're like, I don't want to see that. Yeah, shoot it on her belly because that's what I'm doing. Wow, it looks like you have diverticulitis. T.O. said he's for the beer.

They probably do after all that action. It should be in the fridge. I didn't know until after I bought the T.O. said he's that you're supposed to refrigerate it. It looks like it lasts forever. We are on the air, by the way. Do we have to refrigerate that stuff? He said he probably might want to. But they say that about Bailey's and Kaliwa.

I live in my house, and it gets to 110 in my house, right? I live in an Airstream. It's like a solar-heated oven. Cedric and Electric Dave, who built this bar, they built this city on rock and roll. Yeah, very excited to finally get you on. I want to hear, because you just segued in the break into your City Hall story. Well, right. And I have to say, it's incredibly terrifying to talk in City Hall, because you go up there

and talk about stuff that is mostly political and these people have no sense of humor and they actually basically have no sense basically they have you know you up there and it's like the only person you can see that has any sense of humor might be the cop who's maybe the the guard for the whole thing i have made him laugh coronado i made him laugh once and it was just at my suit like when he's behind you because when you speak at city hall he's behind you, because when you speak at City Hall, he's behind you, and he always looks grim. He always looks like he's about to cuff you. But in the hallway out front, just because I was wearing a toupee and a weird suit, I got him to laugh. Yeah, he has a little bit of a sense of humor, but none of the other people that were there.

I mean, Gene's not here, so we can say that, but they have no sense of humor because, you know, well, Gene doesn't drink. Gene tries to have a straight face, too. When he does have a sense of humor, I know he's trying not to laugh, which that's not what you want in an audience, especially when you're— Hurtley's cracked me up many times. Oh, inadvertently. Inadvertently, exactly. Exactly. And then when I was bartending at the Elmo's on Tuesday nights,

several of the members of the city council used to come in and drink afterwards, right, which was how I got all my political knowledge. But we kept the bottle of pink wine refrigerated for one of those members of the council. And I was like, really, what is this thing doing down here? And I found out there's one person who drinks it, right? Yeah, we had a a former mayor who'd come over after meetings and uh they would act like uh they i don't normally have more than one but i guess i could have one more i don't normally smoke cigarettes but I guess I could try one. That was Tom, huh? Yeah, that was a gender-neutral rendering.

Okay. So, Electric Dave. Now, I read that someone put out, and I think it's a fantastic book, even though it's awkwardly edited, I think gives it charm. Have you listened to... maybe you were on it. I know you're mentioned a lot in it.

It's a 12-hour audio book, The People's History of Bisbee. No, I don't think I did that, no. All right. I think her name's Susan Wild. I would have researched it if I knew I was going to be bringing it up. But it's a people's history of Bisbee, and it's a lot of the colorful characters of Bisbee telling their tales all the way from the old mining days and the deportation all the way up through. They're still alive?

Well, what's the – Scott, Benny Scott. He's still alive. He remembers a lot of that shit. Some of them are older. He's still alive. He remembers a lot of that shit. Some of them are older. Not the deportation, but they talk about it. They know about it. He doesn't remember my name.

Sometimes that's a good thing. He's a former cop. You don't want him knowing a lot of shit. It was great. He came in on us one day when we were doing coke and we were uh we had you know we're doing coke and we're drinking shots right and uh knock on the door bang bang bang come on in right benny scott walks in we got the tray out there we're smoking a joint you know

shots right there and benny says you know I'm going to try that one more time. He goes back outside. We put the tray underneath the couch. Bang, bang, bang. Come on in. And then he's just sitting there, right? I've had nothing but fantastic experiences with Bisbee police. No, he's actually a pretty cool guy. When he was a cop, he was way fun.

He said that on this People's History of Bisbee about how drugs and, yeah, there was people that did drugs. And I feel like that's your own business. But when it got to, like, then it got into, you know, now with methamphetamine, which has even split me away from the legalized drugs a bit. It's just not a very social drug, right? Yeah, it ruins people. Yeah. And there's no benefit to it. Alcohol at least makes you funnier.

Yeah, meth is a horrible drug. People just wander around the house walking into walls and babbling and then walk into the next room, but you can't even have a conversation with them, right? Yeah, or each other. I would say still that meth affects people different because I'm a better person on methamphetamine. I'll do chores. I'll thinkphetamine, I'll do chores. Like I'll think about people like I have hygiene. Like I'm a whole different person on methamphetamine.

The problem is, is that it has such fucking wreaks havoc on your body. And it's fucking horrible. I fucked with it back when you just snorted it just a little bit. just a little bit but you would immediately as a young 23 year old 22 year old after one 12 hour binge you feel like your bones are rotting and yes i i couldn't never imagine people getting addicted to that like this is fucking awful yeah uh but you're a different person and you're not sitting there smoking it out of a glass pipe in a corner, seeing spiders. Well, I don't know what you do.

Part of that would be true. I've smoked it in a glass pipe in a corner. But like I said, it just makes me feel like a regular person. I care about stuff. I was worried about you doing shrooms at one of those podcasts. I know you were. Yeah. Rightfully so. Yeah. I'm an unstable podcasts. I know you were. Yeah. Rightfully so.

Yeah. I'm an unstable guy. I know that. But yeah, you made you all fucking chipper. And we'll try to get you some mushrooms for when you're guest hosting for me while I'm away. As long as I just eat a few, I'm good. We'll have a nurse Chaley just meet them out to you and check under your tongue. I've got several requests from people on Twitter that say, yeah, do the podcast, but only if you're on shrooms.

So after listening to that book, once it got into the hippie era, which is around when you came here, you're 58 now, you say? Yeah, I moved here in late 77, I think. I don't know where to, I think. All right. I don't know where to start. Way too long ago. Why? Because you started to tell me your NYU story. Yeah.

Where are you from? I'm from New York City, right? And then I got expelled from high school in 11th grade. For what? I think it was during the Vietnamth grade and I got a – For what? I think it was during the Vietnam War and I was a little too political and stuff like that. And it was a private high school and we're supposed to wear like school uniforms, right? But basically, I just cut the collar off my white shirt and cut the tie like right here and then I put it underneath my sweatshirt and wear that to school. You got expelled for that? Well, I think because I was in a scholarship to high school and the school was going out of business.

They just cut me free, right? Political reasons. It's all political. But being expelled for like making a false dickie? Exactly, a false dickie, right. And I thought it was funny, but apparently not. But I got expelled and then I got a full scholarship to NYU that summer. So that worked out pretty well for me.

And I went to school when I was 16 and I was sitting in the classes at NYU. And you could smoke back then in the classes. And I sat next to this really hot chick, blonde chick, and she would smoke those French cigarettes all the time. And, you know, it was just way fun for me because I'm like 16. I was riding my bicycle. I was riding my bicycle through midtown Manhattan to get to NYU, hanging on the back of buses. That was a long time ago.

But I did have a good job with the cable TV scene back then. We were doing a teleprompter cable, which was a public access TV in New York City at the time. And at the time, it was public. Late 60s? It was early 70s. And they were trying to establish public standards for pornography, I guess, or what obscenity was, I guess. So Time Warner.

Lenny Bruce days. Lenny Bruce. Time Warner. Couriant interest. I still can't say that word. Yeah, I don't know how to say it right. But the Time Warner owned the company at the time, and they wanted to push the stuff to see at what point they were going to get sued

so they could establish what prurient interest was, and then they could make that line, right? But in reality, it's very difficult. So we had Al Goldstein had a show on called. Al Goldstein owned Penthouse Magazine. Screw. No, Screw Magazine. He had Screw Magazine.

I heard someone... Oh, that was the other guy. I forget his name. Italian guy? Yeah, Italian guy with an Italian name. Al Goldstein had Screw Magazine of the year. It was like the mad magazine of porn. Yeah, it was.

It was like a joke. Everything was a joke, right? But he was very outspoken about free speech. He was. He was always at any event. He used to go on Howard Stern a lot. And he was always about free speech. Exactly.

And he ended up getting shot for that, right? But the whole thing was, yeah, so we had the Midnight Blue and he would do the really obscene stuff, right? I think I was 16. I was the cameraman. And we'd do the studio shots. We'd have the pubic haircuts and stuff. You had some gay guy give me this chick a pubic haircut and stuff.

I'm in there. Everybody's got the cameras on the dollies, but I got the portable camera on my shoulder. I'm down there on the floor. Just like now they do. Trying to hide your wood? You're 16. You're crouched down, A, for the angle, and B, to hide the boner.

And no one asked me how old I was. It's like, yeah, you know, what the hell, right? So that was a good show. But we had some really evil stuff on there. Because they were trying to really get sued, right? That was the whole point, right? So we had this guy called Ugly George, right? And he'd stand there with a port-a-pack.

In fact, then the port-a-packs were these reel-to-reel things, right? And he'd stand there in Times Square and he'd just have the thing on. He'd go up to girls and say, hey, you want to fuck? You want to fuck? And then he'd get eventually after about 50. The original bang bus. Yeah, I watched that on YouPort. Yeah.

Good work. Good work. The 50th girl, he'd get some girl in some alleyway and she'd give him a blowjob and he would videotape it, right? It was,

it was, we called him Ugly George. It was just, it was horrible, right? You know, it was so demeaning

and it was just like, but. For who? Wait, for which one? The gal? It was demeaning for her

or for Ugly George that you were? No, it was demeaning for me to have to edit this material. Hold on, I'm writing down demeaning as me to have to edit this material. Hold on.

I'm writing down demeaning as a search term on YouTube. The unknown soldier of porn. Then we'd have to put these half-hour shows together, right, with this sequence of Ugly George and stuff, and then the pubic haircuts and whatever else we were doing and stuff like that. A lot of the stuff they had pre-made, and then we'd bring it in. But Al was always trying to make it the most offensive thing you could do. And then I don't know.

I don't remember if we ever did establish what prurient standards were. So I'm just going to tease my listeners. This does drift into drug smuggling and prison event, but I'm slow burning this motherfucker. I got what I deserved eventually, yes. So did you graduate NYU? No, of course not. I left after about a year because I didn't want to stay in New York City. I was only 16.

I wanted to get out. And so when I was a kid, I said, oh, I never want to leave New York. It's the greatest thing in the world. And as soon as I left, I said, fuck this. I'm not going back. Exactly. That's how I felt in the world. And as soon as I left, I said, fuck this. I'm not going back. Exactly. You know, so. That's how I felt leaving the East Coast.

Right. Then I went upstate New York, went to school, did a bunch of stuff up there, and then eventually worked my way over to San Francisco and then ended up in Bisbee, where I retired. Hitchhiking, I assume? I hitchhiked, yes, all over the U.S. and Canada. I just assumed that was the major form of travel before 1980 was just hitchhiking. Exactly. It was great until like 1975, and then it got to the point where everybody got picked up with some kind of pervert, right?

But before that, it was smooth sailing. It happened every time I went through Knoxville for some reason. And then I said, so I just got out of this car with this guy that's got the little baby, pictures of little kids with big dicks on them, and he's got the boy's underwear over the stick shift, right? Oh, shit. Back when you're proud to be a pedophile. This guy was ready from your rear view mirror.

This guy's maybe 300 pounds, and we're in these, and back then those little Jap trucks, they were kind of new, right? So we're in this little Jap truck. I'm squeezed in there with this guy. It was just hideous. I finally get out of there. I said, okay, the next fucking ride. Are we going to get more email from Japanese people

or Knoxville perverts? Forget fat people. Oh, yeah, those two. I didn't know what it was about Knoxville, but I started to dread going up Highway 81, hitchhiking up the East Coast, and going, oh, fuck Knoxville, right, you know. So I said, if I get out of this ride alive,

I'm going to just get a next ride, I'm taking me to the bus station, right, you know. But then I get picked up by this cute girl with this giant German shepherd sitting in between us in the front seat. I said, oh, this is such a relief, right? You know. Oh, that doesn't go anywhere. Oh, that doesn't go anywhere.

No, it doesn't go anywhere. Thank God. I thought Al Goldstein was going to pop up with a camera. See what she does to the German Shepherd. Yeah, I didn't check out the German Shepherd. I was just so relieved to get out of that other car. I'm writing cute girl and German Shepherd as a U4 search term. I'm writing cute girl and German shepherd as a euphoric search term

invariably the German shepherd comes in her face why always the face? why the mouth? why do you have to show me that on your tongue? that's like hearing someone cough up a fucking loogie and you're waiting for him to swallow it and you're like

do something with that the jizz shot in the mouth, that's what it does to me. I think those are illegal now, those ones, yeah. Nothing's illegal. We haven't figured out purient. Purient. Purient? Yes, fucking impossible to say.

That's why no one can figure out what it is, right? So, let's get to Bisbee. Wait, no, San Francisco. You went there. Of course you have to go there in the 70s. You have to go to San Francisco. I lived on the corner of Hayton Ashbury above the jewelry store

in the apartment up there with a couple of my college roommates. And then I went down. I played a club on Hayton Ashbury. Club Deluxe in San Francisco. I got a 60 or 70-seater several years ago. You go, oh, wow. How times have changed. But these are fucking young.

It's a disgusting neighborhood. It's fucking ugly as shit. Was it ugly back then? Yeah, it was ugly. It was a bunch of street people and stuff. Actually, my friend Loki from Bisbee, I met him up there in Golden Gate Park because I was selling LSD, and I think he was selling mescaline. And we ran into each other really high, and we traded it.

But we were both first initially afraid of each other because we were afraid we were going to rip each other off, right? Doing that thing, all right, you hand it to me at the same time I hand it to you. I was thinking of Reese's Peanut Butter Cuffs. You got your mescaline in my LSD. Exactly. But then Loki was the only person I ever knew from a previous life that I later met in Bisbee. That's great. One day I walked out of the Alamo's.

He was sitting at the bar. I said, finally, you know. Those fucking moments in life. That's what you live for. That's why I have Facebook. Just to run into some random person there's one guy in the book keith kingsbury that i i know he's probably in prison or a plumber so it probably wouldn't be but just those random like yeah fuck i remember i sat at a bar where

were we in uh chattanooga t Tennessee? Down the street from the purpose. Down the street, exactly. Are you sure? And I sat drinking with a guy for all afternoon, and then at some point he said, what do you do? And I had to say I'm a comedian because I didn't have a lie in my pocket ready. He's like, what's your name? And I said, Doug Stano.

He's like, oh, fuck. We were at the – he was at the Ginger Lynn Porn Poker Party. He was the bouncer. He goes, yeah, I think he might have been the guy that procured us products. That's what bouncers are for, right? Yeah, and gave us rides. Yeah, the stuff you do. We treat it as like real titty dancers.

So anyway, back to Loki. Well, then I ended up in Bisbee. I drove my Volkswagen that I had down. I drove it down to Bisbee. Why Bisbee? Because this is the bad local interview question. Right, right, right. How did you wind up here?

I was in San Francisco and I said, well, you know what? I grew up in New York City. I don't really want to be in another city. So I said, I think,

so I had a couple of buddies of mine with me, with me, and then they were from upstate New York and one of them said, I'd been in Tucson before. So we went down to Tucson

and they, they got there. We got there in one afternoon and they said, fuck this, we're going back to San Francisco. So they got out and hitchhiked and then I had this 64 Volkswagen Bug

and I said, you know what, I don't want to go back to San Francisco. So I poured concrete on day labor in Tucson with a bunch of Mexicans. I was the only white guy in the crew, which they really killed me. And you know what,

I lied to get the job because I really had never poured concrete. How old are you at this point? At this point, I'm 20 at this point. Did you lie and say you were Mexican? No, I lied and said I could pour concrete. Sounds like you were going to be a manager until you opened your fucking mouth. But it kept me out because I was willing to wade through the concrete with the tamper and stuff in my shoes.

And then I was camping on Mount Lemmon, and I met this guy. Oh, I said, I heard. Keep in mind, this is back in a day where hippies worked. Exactly. We had to, yeah. It was before food stamps. No, not quite. Anyhow, I was living on Mount Lemmon, and I ran into this other hippie. Oh, no, I heard Fourth Avenue was living on mount lemon i ran into this other hit oh no i heard

fourth avenue was cool so i said i'll go down to fourth avenue on a saturday night and see what's going on tucson and tucson right and i said well i got some lsd maybe i can sell it right not a chance right but i didn't wait let me back up that's how you got your nickname electric dave because you did become an electrician for a while, and everyone gave you credit for being Electric Dave for that, but you are already. I was already Electric Dave. That was just a coincidence where I became an electrician later on. Yeah, so it was for selling acid. Nice.

Well, I already got the name. What can I do next? Yeah, so I see this hippie walking down the fourth avenue. This is boring down here, right? And I start talking to him. It turns out he lived on Mount Lemmon also, and he had some Quaaludes, right? This is back in the day when they still had those, right? So I think I bought them from him.

I don't think he even wanted any of my LSD in trade, right? So I got the Quaaludes. He happened to be camped up near me, so we camped out together. Then we went down to Mount Wrightson to go camping, and he says, you belong in Bisbee. I said, really? I said, okay. So I left and I went to Bisbee and pulled into Bisbee and my Volkswagen

and lived with a couple different communes. I moved into a commune right away. They're well documented on that people's history of Bisbee, so I know what you're talking about I lived in the Mays house just for the listeners Bisbee at that time in 75 the mines closed

so everyone fled and all the property values dropped one thing I picked up from that book that I didn't know because everyone in town brags about how they moved here in 78 and bought a house for $1,200. Well, these were fucking miners' shacks. So all these stories I hear about $1,200 houses,

no one ever says, well, we had no plumbing or electricity. We shit in a hole in the back. The roof was falling in. But you could still, for a fucking young hippie kid, you could get lucky because that one guy, he and his wife, they were here and they were going to leave. And then he went out for a walk and came home. He had bought a hotel for $19,000, like a 20-some room hotel right in the gulch that he bought. And then they stayed.

And that was it. But, I mean, that was – Well, that could happen. Yeah. So I was living in upstate New York before I went to San Francisco. And then I came to Bisbee, and then it's wintertime in Bisbee. And I'd been living in upstate New York in a $60 a month condemned building, right? And then I come to Bisbee, and I say, well, it's Arizona, right? What the fuck, right? I'd never been so cold in my life that first winter in Bisbee because I was living in a house where it was a minor shack,

but the walls were shored up with cardboard to cover. You could see the outdoors, right? Was it corrugated tin on the outside? No, corrugated tin on the roof, and it was a 1x12s on the wall with a batten board. But they were falling apart. You could see outside, and the wind's blowing through your house. This was another commune I lived in, but I'd never been so cold in my life. And I just lived in upstate New York for a winter in an old condemned building.

So I'm in business. I can't believe it. This is not the way it's supposed to be. Not what I expected anyhow. But yeah, so these are the houses that went for $200, $1,200. Yeah. I think I paid two grand for my house. Hey, what was the bathroom like?

Sunk and tough? I don't recall that was the bathroom like? Sunk and tough? I don't recall that there was a bathroom. Oh, no. That was in Zacatecas. There was an outhouse, yeah. This is in the years before toilet paper. Yeah, newspapers. You wiped your ass on a bum.

The Douglas Dispatch, I believe. Yeah, the newspapers. So, because I want to know know when you first met margo did you know her back then i did know margo i can't remember when i first met her we've had her on the podcast and she's got great stories and i imagine you two yes being partners in crime even though i know that we've done some stuff in mexico together and stuff and stuff. We'll get to that. But, I don't know. Margot is a

classic. She's a classic lady. Someone said they just found old pictures of her. I did. She posted it. I think it's her banner shot on Facebook. You don't expect to see something like that. This isn't bad.

This is just her much younger and probably in the in-between time of the stories we heard of her moving around a lot because she was beautiful. Yeah, she was good. I met her 39 years ago or something like that. We have to do the

hapless addendum of she's still a handsome woman today at 75. Yeah, but you're not searching her right now on YouPorn. You don't need to say that. And she doesn't drink like she used to. Au contraire. No, really, she doesn't. Oh, wow.

That's why we haven't had her back on the podcast. All right, so now you're 20 years old. Oh, living in Bisbee. The heyday of Bisbee. In the communes, right? The Elmo's was still the same. Actually, it was way more happening back then because all the other bars were closed. The Elmo's was like the only real bar going on at the time.

The Copper Queen was kind of it was still open and it was actually it did some good stuff elmo's is the bar in town if you want to get into a fight you go to we had fights every weekend back then fridays and saturday nights the mexicans versus the hippies i mean the minors versus the hippies and it was all kind of semi and then minors and uh whoever wins minors and hippies goes up to Mexicans. It's around Robin. Yeah, it's all weekend long. And then there was also – even back then we had a big gay population.

So that was also in there too in the mix. I mean, Elmo's was great because you had to share the bar. Since it was the only real bar in town, you had to share the bar with everybody. And so you got to know everybody pretty damn well, right? So it's a totally cross-cultural experience, right? Kind of a subtly tolerant intolerance, like an underlying intolerance that had to tolerate each other. You all hated each other, but you'd still play pinball or something together.

You always hated one group more than the other. It's almost like comedians, where I hate your act, but I hate the audience more. So let's fucking hang out and get rid of these douches. But, you know, people would throw pool balls around in the bar and cue sticks, and then we had a baseball bat behind the bar at the Elmo's, right, to deal with the stuff. You had to rent it out like a good cue? Actually, the bartender had to guard it with his life. Was Buzz at the Elmo back then?

Buzz was not at the Elmo's, but Dan Oldfield was a bartender back then. And I saw Dan jump over the bar twice just when I was there. He'd put one hand on the bar and leap over that bar to beat somebody down that was one of the customers

and take him out the door, right? We had bartenders, and this is what, when I later on bartended there, I always kept, this was my model, because we had bartenders that would get so fucked up, their eyes would cross, and they'd be fucked up more than the customers. So it was always an influence on me when later on I bartended there. I said, I'm never going to be more trash than my customers.

And I kept it to a minimum. Just a couple times it happened. Well, that's what I, because I have an audience that are, my fan base are legendary drunkards. And that's pretty much where I try to keep it. Don't be drunker than the audience. Because they'll get drunk and fuck with you. That's why I don't do two shows in a night. Because I can only get drunk with one crowd.

If you're all getting drunk together, eventually you're all going to be assholes, but if you do it at the same time, you're brilliant. No one's going, Jesus, look at you. And then the next ship comes out of your trash. We did that to Russian Butters, Butters' evil twin that came over the other

night and he was just so fucked up and he was adamant on driving and he's like 21 or 22 shouldn't have even been here i'm like go get his fucking keys you can't let that kid walk out of here and then he's got i'm gonna walk back to palomino's 19 miles with no sidewalk in the desert at night no lights i'm like we have fucking open beds just just lay down and we had to talk him down and watch him for so long that at the end, we're completely more shit-faced than this kid is. Is he really related to Butters?

No, he looks just like a Russian version of Butters. Very funny. Evil Butters, Russian Butters. But point B, back to the story. Back to the story. And what are we up to now? Well, I know. It's hard to condense it all.

I mean, I'm like, usually. I guess everyone dealt drugs back in those days. Well, that's what you did. If you didn't paint. What happened when people come to town all the time, right? Because they'd come to the Almos and they'd say, we want to buy 500 pounds or 50 pounds or whatever, right? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What?

Yeah. They'd go to Elmos to buy 50 pounds of weed? Marijuana, yeah. It was the new Wild West. All the miners had fled. There was only one bar, right? I mean, so. So the town was completely depressed.

It's a listen to Billy Joel, Allentown, and catch up. Come for the drugs, stay for the weather. So there's nothing going on except all this influx of hippies and druggies and artists. And people would come to the Almos because they were looking for weed. Wholesalers. Yeah, and they'd come in from out of state and they'd drive in. Or out of country because of proximity to the border. No, most of them.

No, that's the wrong way. They were bringing it the wrong way. These are guys driving in with Lincoln Continentals or Wisconsin plates and stuff like that, right? And they come in and they say, hey, I want to buy 50 pounds. I'll just go up to the first guy at the bar, right? And so he'd say to the next guy, hey, who's got 50 pounds? And he'd say, oh, I think I know somebody. He'd say, hey, who's got 50 pounds?

And then at the end of the day when the guy would show up, or me or whatever, would show up with a 50 pound, everybody at the bar would make $5 in each pound, right? So it would just increase the price, right? So whatever, because the people from out of state didn't know how much it cost, right? Yeah. I mean, I think back then. Wisconsin, they'll take whatever you got at whatever price, right? I think, yeah. Well, I mean, it was like, you know.

Well, they're not afraid to go ask the next guy. That's one good thing about it. Every school is full at this bar. The wholesale price is $25 to $50, right? But the real price that it actually sold for was hundreds of dollars, right? Or maybe back then, yeah. I can't remember back then. Still a healthy markup.

A healthy markup. I think because if I was paying $25 and selling it for $150 or something like that or $200, but actually the price went up pretty rapidly, and it peaked around $500, $500, $600, and then it's declined as far as I know. I really don't know how much it costs now. But I've been out of the business for quite a while. For good reason. Well, what do you want to know, 500 pounds or 1,000?

Because the kids usually get 1,000. Yeah, yeah. Oh, well, I know. The holidays are coming up, so maybe 2,000 pounds because you can't forget the in-laws. It's not like it's going to sit in your closet. Come on. I once bought two pounds, but I didn't get a price break. So I don't know.

Well, a lot of people don't give price breaks. They don't understand that. Baker's dozen? They're not from New York, right? So this starts shortly after you moved here? No, I think I moved on to that stuff. Oh, I know. I was working. I had straight jobs for a while i worked at the radio station that you can't tell because i'm a little nervous behind the microphone but you know but i did that and i was an electrician for a zillion

years uh nervous behind the microphone is when you yell in a high-pitched thing like this. Yes. You don't trust yourself to have a nice, natural conversation. But, I don't know. I started doing... I was... Oh, in the late 80s, I wanted to do the... Tracy? Sorry. Oh, I'm good. Our bartender left. She's knitting.

She didn't leave. It's crocheting. There's a difference. It's crocheting. It's another ten years before knitting starts. Then it's needlepoint. Then you're dead. Chad, what are you drinking? To men. Vodka soda something?

He's got it. He's on it. Alright. I was doing the Bisbee thing and then working construction, working at the radio station. And then my buddy calls me from Mexico. He says, Dave, I need you to come down here. You can make $500 a day down here, right? And I said, oh, come on, right?

And then he says, no, really? I said, no, bullshit, right? I said, what are you doing? He says, well, I'm a gardener. And I'm like, in Mexico? What was his name? I said, what do you doing he says i'm a gardener you know and i'm like in mexico what was his name i said what do you know about gardening killer you know i just made it up but these people are paying me 500 bucks a day right he says come on down here i get he says because i used to do electronics work work you know so so i go down there and and uh i said oh i was

working at the radio station but i'd already every time I've had a straight job in my life. Chad does a lot of electronics work when he's doing meth. Well, yeah, exactly. The project never gets finished, right? Who needs a broken toaster? Dave, what were you doing – I mean electric. What were you doing at the radio station? I was the midnight till 6 a.m. disc jockey.

On air? Did you do any – In Bisbee. In Bisbee. In Bisbee. In a depressed Bisbee. No, I did it in Bisbee. I did maybe three different radio stations in Bisbee. They used to be radio.

They used to be an AM radio station. Yeah, no, that's, again, in that book. And they talked about when the last advertiser finally pulled out. Yeah, K-Sun, the last advertiser, because they had this guy that was doing the Mexican, he had a Mexican broadcasting program that he would do

certain hours of the day but no one spoke Spanish so they didn't realize he was actually selling ounces of weed on the air. It was great, right? Fucking brilliant stories

from there. But that was AM radio, 1230 I believe, K-Sun. So you're doing construction and radio? And I'm doing radio. I'm working at KZMK, 92.3 or something, 90 point, I don't know, whatever, Bisbee, Arizona, even though we broadcast out of Sierra Vista.

No, we had a 50-watt transmitter on top of the Divide because we had to limit the transmit power because we're so close to the Mexican border. So 50 watts, a little bit less than one of these light bulbs here. And how many do you have here? I've got 15 of them right now. So this is like a pathetic radio station, and it's all playing top 40 music on several reel-to-reels that were like, it was all formula music, right?

You had to have a program. You just punch the buttons, put the two tracks in, the tracks that you – Carts? Carts, yes. And then you do that. But then I worked the midnight until 6 a.m. shift. So we had another production studio. We had turntables in, and I would bring all my records in there.

No one's listening, so I'm playing whatever I want, right? I got in trouble once. I think the boss woke up in the middle of the night. Captain Beefheart, let me guess. Exactly. Was it? I saw Captain Beefheart at the Roxy back in L.A., back in the early 70s, I guess. But yeah, I had some Captain Beefheart and then a lot of Frank Zappa and Neil Young stuff,

but not top 40 stuff, right? So I was cutting the top 40 shit. I was like, I couldn't handle it. You start your shift and end your shift with what you're supposed to play. Exactly. In the middle. Yeah. And then in the middle by two in the morning, the only people that are listening are like

night watchmen and stuff like that. Gacked out on your ass and they just sold out your day job. So I'd play whatever I wanted because we had the other studio with the production studio that had turntables. I'd just go in there and queue everything up and then play that you know and then it was more like a it was more like an east coast

I can't remember the formula they used to call it back then but adult no adult contemporary that's AC adult contemporary is still something but that's not Captain Beefheart this is from the 70s but I did this into the mid-80s. Do you know where you're going to?

Do you know the things that life is showing you? All right, sorry. That's not Captain Beefheart, is it? No, I was doing Adult Contemporary from 1978 that I remember. I saw the Captain. I don't know if they called it Adult Contemporary back then, but there was some latitude when you knew. I used to work in radio also, when

the program director or no one was going to be listening, you could just do whatever the fuck you wanted, because the only time it was that you got in trouble for saying fuck on the radio is if someone heard it. Oh, I hope

here she goes. I hope she's not going to fuck ugly George. I hope she just blows him in an alley. Actually, when I worked in upstate New York as a DJ, my first job, the first song I played was Sweet Virginia by the Rolling Stones. And then you had to log the obscenities. That's all you had to do, right? Oh, so they came back to you. I had to scrape the shit right off my shoes.

You had to write that down at what time you played it, right? That was the only requirement for the obscenities back then. But in Bisbee, it was no big deal. Actually, my program director came on at 6 o'clock in the morning, so I knew he was definitely not up listening to my show because he was supposed to come on after me, and he was frequently late. So I would cover for him. I would just stop talking.

I would play the actual program music until 7 know? Yeah, and then he'd slip in. Until 7.30 when he would show up, right? Out of the hippies, the bikers, the Mexicans, and the gays, which ones were the biggest fans of the adult contemporary channel? Actually, I don't think anyone I knew listened to my program. I was just thinking about that while you were telling the story. Sorry. With the hard-hitting questions. Sorry about that.

Some guy's working at the hospital all night listening to Douglas or something. We're listening to it. I worked at other radio stations at Bisbee. We were actually trying to give away free tickets. So I'll take the 10th caller, and then an hour later, I'll take the 8th caller. I'll take the damn first caller. Someone call me. I don't think my phone's working.

Pretending. That's what it's like now. I did an evening radio after drive time, that next shift in Reno once, and the guy's doing, okay, it's a battle of the bands. We got this whatever, I don't know if they're even local bands or new bands. And I did an hour of breaks with him. And he got one call after he's getting votes for the Battle of the Bands. And it was a personal call.

Like, really? I fucking drove out of a casino off of roulette wheel binge to do this to promote my show. And you can't get one fucking caller to vote on your Battle of the Bands? Yeah, but that's what you have to do to promote yourself. It's a terrible thing. No, you don't if no one's listening. It's just like saying cunt on the radio. You have to do it a hundred times before you hit, right?

You have to imagine that there's a... No, you have to not play Reno. I love that the only call was, Ma, I heard you. I'll bring the milk home when I'm done with my radio shift. Because now a radio is a dead medium, right? Because now you're – Yeah.

I mean, so finally – Satellite and podcasts have taken over. Not mine, but – I hate to say the Bisbee thing. I tried to help those fuckers in the Bisbee radio station and stuff, right? And I said – Because my friend Lee Sphinx, we used to work together in radio. And he started to start the Bisbee radio station, KBIRP.

I said, those are the worst fucking call letters I've ever heard, right? I think it's fantastic. KBRP, KBIRP. It's fucking funny. I forgot what it was. Except they don't realize it, I'm sure. Well, I don't think I even knew what they were talking about. I mean, it's KBIRP, right? So anyhow, and they have a nice thing going on now. But when they

first started, it was like, it took them 10 years for them to get on the air. And I said, well, I have already, I built this little transmitter and I built this nice antenna. And I said,

I could put you on the air tomorrow. And like, let's just go on the air pirate, right? Why not? Because that's what FM radio is closing down. They closed down

the FCC monitoring station that was down in Douglas. They just shut it down because there was no, no one cared anymore, right? So they shut it down and then the people were like, oh no, we're going to do it the right way.

It took them 10 fucking years to get on the air, right? Oh, now I got ideas. You got me at that perfect cocktail where we can do podcast and pirate radio. Well, you can. I had a pirate radio station in my brewery. I built this giant fucking J-Pol antenna out of copper tubing, and I had my little transmitter I built. And I played a lot of my old tapes

and my old shows and I just had it on, you know, just automatically playing all the time and it went down as far as the safe way, which is not that great. It's better than KBRP. It's better than KBRP. Were you down in the low frequency doing low power? No, I was doing

low power on FM. I was doing Yeah, but the low frequency on the dial. I believe I was, I think In the 80s. No, I was doing low power on FM. I was doing – But the low frequency on the dial. I believe I was – I think – In the 80s. No, you're right. In the 80s, yeah. I think I was doing in the lower frequencies because I think all public radio stations are supposed to be below 92.

No, no, no. That's where you fly low. That's because I was on a low power station in Alaska because a program director got fired. And then he figured out they released some bandwidth from UHF up in Anchorage. And they survived for a while. The station is now in regular FM. If this was Stern and I was in a car, I'd go, get back to Mexico. Oh.

No, I was just curious. Who listens to FM radio? No one listens to radio anymore. But you can exist. I'm talking about this show. Oh, this show, yeah. Go back to when you go to Mexico to make 500 bucks a day. My point was that –

Pretend I'm a caller. The 80s in that frequency, no one's really paying attention, and it overlaps with UHF as well. Because the FM frequency starts at 88, and then the lower end of that was reserved for public radio and stuff. FM frequency starts at 88, and then the lower end of that was reserved for public radio and stuff. And so there's only like one station that's broadcast on that, so you can use any of those frequencies. But I put it on an empty band and where people might be able to tune in. Like, you know, the Border Patrol guys might have been listening or something. An FU band? And what were you doing on pirate radio?

Just playing music and stuff, right? But it's unlike some of the other stations I worked on in Bisbee where they had cable radio stations. But it's unlike some of the other stations I worked on in Bisbee where they had cable radio stations. And I worked on them. And they said, well, we're going to play modern – not modern jazz. I can't remember the name. But it was basically Al Jarrett or something. I said, this is fucking pathetic.

No one's going to listen to this shit. Smooth jazz. Smooth jazz. It's like this is – no one wants to hear this shit. It's like why don't you just play Muzak? But since it's pirate radio, were you – That was a cable radio station. But I was doing pirate radio, and I never got any feedback on it. I didn't care because it –

There's no way to get a hold of you. You're not doing seventh caller and giving away tickets. Exactly. I'm running on a nine-volt battery, right? Because it's only using like half a watt of power, right? Touching your tongue to stay awake. It's still working, right? Oh, yeah.

All right. You know, let's I get a piss. All right. And we're going to take a break and get back to Mexico and the drug smuggling. I assume. Sure, we can do that. Unless Chaley goes off into reading fucking VHS instructions again. We'll be back after this cocktail.

Hey, I'm going to the UK and Europe. The dates are at DougStanhope.com. We're doing England, Scotland, Ireland, Denmark, Iceland, Amsterdam, Norway. I think we're even doing Sweden. Go to DougStanhope.com. But for the five weeks that I'm gone, there's no way I'm going to try to pack fucking podcasting equipment and trust Brian the Filthy Uncut Scotsman to do it. He can't be Chaley.

He will never be Chaley. He will never be Chaley. So my thought was to have Chad Shank fill in for me for five weeks and be my guest host of the Doug Stanhope podcast. Well, that's up to you, the listeners. If you'd like him to do that, tweet him at HD Fatty at HD as in Harley Davidson, Fatty, F-A-T-T-Y. And if more people want him to do this and he gets more tweets, it will affect his ego and make him smile more when he's trying to not kill people at home. All-star podcast, since you guys have bought those fucking football helmets or are buying those

to pay for this coming soon Andy Andrist and Christine Levine click hi this is Amy Bingo Bingaman and you're listening to the Doug Stanhope Podcast, brought to you by Cream Cheese. All right, call me if you can't find it.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay, it's really boring. No, it's very good. Bye. boring. It's very good. Sorry, we were recording all that so people know all the hijinks we get up to on a break. I think it's on the counter.

Honey, I'll be late. Dave, scoot up a little bit. I'm like... You can just move the chair just so it's more comfortable. I tend to slouch, right? Yeah. Especially the more I drink, right?

I slouch forward at a bar. I had this posture before it was legal to drink. I've never fallen over backwards, but I can see it could happen when I get older, man. God damn it. You just said something that I wanted to. Well, we're getting back to $500 a day in Mexico. As I sit over a 1970s ashtray, this thing is filling up. I know.

I haven't seen one of those in a long time. I know. But the amount of cigarettes, too, in it, it's going to start spilling over. No one does that anymore. Is that real marble? Are those real cigarette butts? When I get a gift, I don't ask a lot of questions. It's like an unattended casino ashtray.

And those are the only casinos I frequent. But they don't put these kind of ashtrays out there because you could kill somebody with this. Oh, yeah. Like your dealer. That's why we moved it in front of your seat and not Chadad's speaking of killer i like the way electric dave things we've uh we're segwaying into uh oh killer the gardener your buddy so killer calls me i'm working at the radio station he says says dave we can make 500 a day coming you come down here to alamo sonora i get you i said that's bullshit right I said, on the other hand,

I did mark my calendar, and the six months that I said I was working this straight job is almost up. So I said, okay, I'll come down there, right? It's meant to happen. It's meant to happen. So I quit the radio job because I've never held a job for more than six months unless I was

incarcerated and they made me do it. But even with Cedric, maybe Cedric. No, I haven't worked for six months with Cedric, no, ever. So I've never held a job more than six months. So I go down to Mexico, to Alamos, and I start fixing the electronic stuff. I'm fixing this electronic organ for this old guy, Pember, who's a totally cool old guy who's a pharmacist, thank God, who's a totally cool old guy who's a pharmacist, thank God,

and married to the woman that owned the heir to the patio pool fortune, which apparently was a big fortune at one time. Oh, yeah, they still exist. They still exist. And then Alamosanar is this all-Spanish mining town where they raped all the silver out of there and basically financed the whole renaissance in Europe by taking all the silver out of there and basically financed the whole renaissance in Europe by taking all the silver out of the New World, which was Alamos, and then shipping it back in those galleons or something to Europe.

And then they all spent it, and then the money got all passed around, and then whole Europe went through the renaissance, and they fucking figured it out, right? They went from the Dark Ages to the renaissance, right? came from alamos and art which is a weird story but it's a brief yeah i thought we were moving forward chile's uh boring uhf stories and into the and now you're going back to spanish galleons oh yeah okay so yeah so i go to exactly so i go down there and these houses the architecture is beautiful right you know so they're all because these really rich spaniards had it, right?

And then white people. Didn't movie stars and stuff move into Alamo? Actually, the Spaniards are white people. I forgot that. Yes, but yeah. So yeah, and movie stars were there and also the president, the guy – they named the city after him. It wasn't Hermosillo. It was Obregón, General Obregón.

Oh, my God. He lived there, right? Sorry, I'm telling you to move back and take pictures up high if you can do it. My Mexican history is not that great, but anyhow, I go down there. That's not what you're here for. And this is Margo comes in at this point, right? So I go down to Alamos, and Margo's a real estate agent down there right but so uh you're imagine a conversation with you and margo when you first met her say hello margo we're gonna role play so nice to meet you what's your name say that

oh hi margo i'm electric dave but you're from bisbee right right? Hi, Dave. I'm Margo. I've heard about you, Margo. What have you heard? I've heard that you're a real woman. If you haven't heard Margo on the podcast, go back and listen to it, because Chad Shank and Margo sound almost exactly alike. I can actually understand what Margo says, even when she's drinking tequila for an hour and a half.

Two hours, I guess. If wishes were sailors, horses would ride. Margo really is a woman. I've had friends tell me. Okay, you'd be Margo. Margo's a real estate agent. I'm down there with my friend Killer who told me to come down. The Gardner.

The Gardner. He told me to come down there. He's from, who told me to come down. The gardener. The gardener. He told me to come down there. And he's from Boston, right? He's ridiculous. He doesn't know anything about gardening. But he's got all these fucking – You know more about a Boston accent than Ray Donovan casts combined. Go ahead. So, yeah, he talked to all these people down there.

He's basically entertaining them. They're paying him money to entertain them. And he does this, fucks around in their garden, putzes around and does stuff. Then he calls me because he says, Dave, this is the great entertainment show. Come on down here. You can fix their... This one guy, Pember, wanted me to fix his electronic

organ. I'm like, I guess. I'll go down there. Fortunately, the thing is built in the 50s and the 60s. It's got individual transistors and stuff. You can actually unsolder them and put new ones in. So I fixed it. It was no big deal. Then they wanted me to fix their satellite dish,

and that's kind of a little step up, right? But I said, okay. I go up there, and I lay hands on the fucking thing and bend it around and point it the right direction, and suddenly it works, right? Like rabbit ears. Yeah, exactly. That does sound complicated.

Now I'm an electronics genius, right? Yeah, you're like the guy from Idiocracy who comes from the past and what? They pay me 500 bucks a day to fix the organ, but then when I actually produce results, they're like, want me to do all this stuff, right? And so then I'm very popular with all the gringo community down there. I'm making $500 a day.

Killer was not kidding. I'm like, I never would have believed you, Killer. You're just a fucking drunk from the Elmos, right? You talked me into coming down here. So anyhow, we start smuggling satellite dishes into Mexico. Because you're an expert. How do you smuggle a satellite dish? Not the same way you do a condom full of heroin.

It hurts more. Well, the problem is that back then the satellite dishes, especially when you're down into Mexico, the footprint of the satellite is to the north, so you have to have a bigger dish in Mexico. So we're bringing these 12-foot satellite dishes into Mexico for the Mexicans that want us to do it, because they heard the rumors how great gods we are with satellite dishes. So we're bringing these things down and they're actually making them in Agua Prieta, which

is in Mexico, but it's just right here. On the other side of Douglas, Arizona, it's a Mexican town. And they're making these dishes and they're these giant fiberglass, giant monstrosities, right? And with the Mexican electronics. Because back then you couldn't bring electronics into Mexico. They were trying to have protectionist economics where they had to make everything in Mexico. So they had color TVs that still had wooden boxes and stuff around them.

It was like some Mexicans made them. But back then they weren't as good as they are now. Because actually now all the modern TVs are made in Mexico. But back then, they were the Mexicans designed ones, right? How times change. Exactly. I love me a good – Those were the days.

I love me a good wooden TV. Exactly, a good wooden TV. So you're bringing these satellite – That's a little spinning tool. Yeah, so we're – Satellite dishes. How do you – Okay, so –

As a legitimate question, how do you smuggle them? Do you say they're drive-in movie screens? I'm driving a 53 Chevy pickup with a five window. And so we put the satellite dish in the back. I pick up the satellite dish in Nogales, I believe. So they had it moved over to Nogales. I picked it up there on the Mexican side. Does it come apart?

Yeah, they're both together, but they're just giant petals that you put together. It's one at a time you're smuggling, right? A whole dish. One at a time, though. Yeah, just one at a time. You're not bringing in like a container. I have a 53 Chevy. We can't bring him.

No, I'm just kidding. Go ahead. Go ahead. So we go down there in the 53 Chevy. We pick up the satellite dish, and then it comes with this Mexican guy, right? I'm like, really? He comes with this Mexican guy, right? I'm like, really? He's going with the dish, right? I'm like, okay, what the fuck, right?

Get in the truck, right? So we're going down, and we're in Nogales, and we hit the checkpoint there 25 miles south. They said, no fucking way, right? I tell them some bullshit story. They said, get the fuck out of here, right? So we go back, and I'm in the parking lot there, and I started asking all the truck drivers, hey, how do you get around this checkpoint, right? And they said, there must be a road from Cannon Air, right?

And they said, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. So they tell me how to – This was before Trump built the wall. Exactly. No, the wall was – In case this goes out late. The wall was a figment. The wall was something in someone's eye at that point, right?

But the wall is the stupidest fucking thing in the world. i don't want to get you off track but you get turned around you cannot you cannot pass so i find this dirt road to canada from nogales to canada and there's this dirt road so we go down there the truck drivers tell me how to do it so i go down there we're like fuck we're doing great right you know and we hit this checkpoint there's this guy in this little 12-foot trailer in the middle of nowhere who's a federale, and his job is to guard this road, right? So he comes out, and I said, he looks at it, and I said, oh, these are parts from my dad's boat. And the guy's like, no fucking way, right?

And I said, well, we've got to take him down there. He says, no, you can't. You can't bring him through here. I said, how about all these penthouse magazines? And the guy looks at it and says, no. And I said, here's $100. He says, no. And I said, well, it's Cinco de fucking Mayo.

Let us just let us go. And he says, okay, but don't tell those guys, the army guys at the end of the road that you came through my checkpoint. It was Cinco de Mayo. It just happens to be a coincidence, right? Penthouse magazine. Are you trading for double bubble bubble gum?

Well, Penthouse magazine has always got me far in Mexico before, but this guy would not take a bribe. It was unbelievable. I love that. This is a long time ago. The guy would not take a bribe. We're unbelievable. I love that. This is a long time ago. And the guy would not take a bribe. We're like, oh, God, I finally found an honest Mexican cop.

So you get your delivery where it's going? So we go through the checkpoint. You get laced through because it's Cinco de Mayo. He says, fuck it, just have a nice day. So we go down there. And so at this point, because I was electric day, we all take LSD, right? Because we're like, oh, we made it, right? So including the Mexican kid that we brought with us who we have no idea what he's saying.

Or why he's there. Or why he's even here, right? We give him some too. Yeah, you were the Knoxville to him. He's like, oh, goddammit, this guy has boys underpants in the goddamn truck. Exactly. If you could only speak Spanish, you'd understand that he was trying to tell you, this satellite dish is broken.

Actually, it wasn't, thank God, because we went through all this trouble. So we get down there. We take the LSD, and then we finally hit the road where it tees into the pavement, and we're all coming out of the LSD, and we're drinking Pacificos. Back then, it was legal to drink and drive in Mexico, right? So you could have – we're drinking Vienas, which is a quart of Pacifico, right? Tall boys. Like a 40.

A 32. There were 32s back then, right? So we all have 32s and we come to this checkpoint and there's all these guys, soldiers with M16s or whatever, maybe M1s. I mean, they're antiques probably. So we pull up and they stop us. Did they have a red cap in the barrel? No, they did not.

They actually had bullets in them, it turns out. They make the toy sound. So the guy. Stop or I'll annoy you. Exactly. I got you. No, you didn't get me. I got you.

You did. Time out. I always thought that was true, but not on this story. But another story, they actually do have bullets in them. But so the guy grabs my door and pulls it open and my baena falls out and spills on his shoes. And I'm tripping at this point, right? Because it's been a couple hours on this dirt road. And driving.

And driving, right? And my baena spills out of his shoes. I went, this dirt road. And driving. And driving, right? And my band spills out in his shoes. I went, oh, fuck. And the guy looks up at me and he smiles. I said, really? Okay. So I get out of the truck and I walk around the truck and I'm showing him all the new rebuilt engine and the five window stuff and it's like

52 or 53, whatever it was. And he's like, yeah, yeah, I get to the point, right? And then he says, what is this? He's at the car show. Yeah, exactly. And so I said, yeah, yeah, I get to the point, right? And then he says, what is this? He's at the car show. Yeah, exactly. And so I said, entertain the guy, right? I said, this is – he says, what is this?

This is parts from my dad's boat. And he's like, this is not a good story, apparently, because they all know what that thing is, right? Because Mexicans are all lusting after satellite dishes at this point in late, or mid-1980s, mid to late 1980s. They're all lusting after that satellite dish. They know what the fuck that is. So anyhow, the guy's like, no, no, no. I said, well, I'm lost. I came on this dirt road. I'm trying to get back to the border.

He says, oh, well, take a left here. Esqueda, right? And then, and I said, okay. And so we all get back in the truck and we're all, and the Mexican kids freaked out because the guys were all got guns. And Mexicans are terrified of the Mexican cops and the federalists because they get the shit beat out of them regularly, right? But white guys don't, you know. So we have a free pass, right?

White privilege even exists in brown countries. Exactly. It was bizarre. So we get back in the truck. We all wave goodbye. Thank you for the directions back to the United States. And I get in the truck, and I was supposed to turn left. I just turned right and just fucking floored it and just took off.

And I said, are they shooting at us yet? No, because we entertained them. They don't want to shoot you. If they like you, they're not going to shoot you. Is that to where you're going. So we make it down there. We trade off the Mexican kid, get rid of him. He turns into a fucking crack addict later on.

He's totally worthless to us. I mean, he didn't even turn into a good kind of junkie, so he wasn't worth anything to us. But he lived in the town. What was he before that, though? We don't know he was just some guy he was just a tag along he was the relative of the guy from the pharmacy that hired us to bring the fucking satellite dish down making sure it got safely yeah he was supposed to be the

yeah he's supposed to be the guy who's supposed to be keeping an eye on us we're like keeping an eye on him trying to keep him out of trouble because you know he's getting he's well i haven't heard him getting you in trouble yet. Well, you're about to get into trouble because it turns from satellite dishes into product. So we start – we get stopped several times. We're all fucked up and they have the green angels in Mexico and they pull over and they – Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back up and explain a green angel.

A green angel is this thing where they have – Mexicans have this group of pickup trucks with tools and parts of them. They drive up – I don't know if they still have it. They used to drive up and down the highway. Good Samaritans. They were good Samaritans. They would fix your car on the side of the road, right? Oh, yeah. Kind of like AAA, but like –

But they were the Mexican government. They might show up. It was like a sort of thing. And then – but they kept – they'd stop and we'd say, we're too fucked up. They said, no, I got it under control. We'd fix the truck. And then we'd drive on another 100'd stop and we'd say, we're too fucked up. I said, no, I got it under control. We'd fix the truck. And then we'd drive on another 100 miles and then we'd stop, break down again and have to fix it again. You know, and then they'd come up and sit down.

They were like sick of us. Hey, my spare's gone. And the alternator. But, you know, the Mexican kid's like, you know, he's like freaked out, you know. But we took him down there and then we dropped it off. And then, so then we're doing, install the satellite dish and do the whole thing. And then suddenly it's like, well, now we've got an empty truck. What are we going to do?

Right. We've got to go back. So that's when the deal changed. Beer this man. Do I need the beer? No, Cedric. Okay. beer this man.

Do I need a beer? No, Cedric. Okay. So, it turns out that we, we, it turns out we knew a bunch of people. We didn't realize

that we knew them that were, because we had hired all these maestros to help build these solar pool heaters while we were working down there. That was another one

of our scams. That was Killer's idea because he's the guy and we want to heat up these fucking pools in the Yads for these gringos and stuff. We heated up the pools in the Yads

and so we needed solar pool heaters. We built all these solar pool heaters with the Mexicans and we hired the Maestros to do it. What is the Maestro? The Maestro is the guy who's the top of their trade. We interviewed all the Maestros in town because we're building these copper solar heaters with corrugated tin that is painted black on these angled, welded-up frames.

Like a primitive solar heating system for like a pool. What channel pirate radio did they listen to? I don't think they had pirate radio down there. Sorry. You've totally tapped into the consumerism of our friends south of the border. White people, yeah. Heating their pools and watching

satellite TV. I can't tell how drunk we're getting. Let's get to where the deal changes. Okay, so the deal changes. No, no. Let's talk about pool hoiers. Okay, so the deal changes. No, no. Let's talk about pool hoiers. Okay, the pool heater thing. The whole pool heater thing was

so we knew all these because we had already hired all the maestros in town and when we'd interview them, they'd come over to our place for an interview and we just had a yard that we lived in that was like tennis courts but there was no actual house. We just lived there because it was Mexico. We slept on cots, right?

But we would get it for free. So we'd bring all these guys over and then we'd – Honey, I have a tennis court in my backyard. Well, the front yard is desert. But I get a tennis court. Yeah, okay. So these guys would come over and the first thing we'd do, we'd open up a vena and pass it around, the Pacificos and them,

and then we'd light up a joint and pass it around while we're doing the interviews. If they didn't smoke or drink, then we wouldn't hire them. That's kind of how you get to be a guest on the Shot Clock podcast. Well, I guess it was a precursor of the modern-day drug test, so we're just doing the drug test on these guys. So the guys we hired, we all turned out to be excellent fucking workers. But then later on, when we decided that we needed to bring something back in the empty truck, it turns out we knew all these guys already because we'd already hired them for $8.

Oh, because they wanted $8 a day. And we said, no, $8 an hour. And these guys were floored, right? So we were paying them huge money for Mexico at the time. That was a mistake, right? No, it was not a mistake. Yeah, it's like giving Kenny a hamburger that's 93%. Look, he'll eat a 20% meat hamburger.

What the fuck are you doing? So they all loved us, of course. So then when we said, well, you guys got any good weed? They showed up with all kinds of shit right away. So then we said, well, what are we going to do? So we actually did end up trading. The first load we did, actually, we traded the car for it. Did you refurbish the-

You traded the car for marijuana? How did you get it back? Well, the problem was we took the bus back to go back and get my Ranchero, right? My 61 Ranchero, because you can put it in the body. Wait, where did you put it on the bus?

No, no. We came back on the bus. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was picturing him like, hey, can you open the luggage compartment? Sells a car, takes a bus, brings his ranchero down. So we gave the car to the guys in exchange for, I think, eight kilos or something. Not that much. A little small about me. Just enough for a week or so.

And then, but then, but we, turns out we, I'd given my partner Killer money all this time to pay the bills and he hadn't been paying them, right? So you're paying that guy, but he, and he hadn't been paying them, right? You're paying that guy, and he's going, oh, yeah, I'll go pay those guys. I knew Killer. He's an alcoholic from the Alamos. So he wasn't paying the bills. He was just drinking it.

And we're trying to get on the bus to go back and get my truck or my ranchero, and we get stopped by the local cops. On this side of the border? No, on the Mexican side. We're in Alamos, and they stopped us. Actually, it by the local cops. On this side of the border? No, on the Mexican side. We're in Alamos. And they stopped us. Actually, it wasn't the cops. The taxi drivers all drove up and blocked us from getting on the bus, right, physically.

And you didn't want to get into an altercation, even though my partner killer is 6'3". It's a bus, not an Uber. My partner is 6'3", and he's killing me. And they were like, you're not getting on the bus. But, of course, they don't speak English. they were like, you're not getting on the bus, but of course, they don't speak English. Why did they not want you to go on the bus? Because we owed all this money that we hadn't paid our bills, apparently,

because we hadn't paid our bills to the hotel that we were staying at some of the time. We hadn't paid our bills to our restaurant where we're eating all the time, and I hadn't paid our phone call bills,

and any of this stuff. You owed money. We owed money, money right it wasn't that much it was a few hundred bucks the taxi cabs were the eyeballs of the and they kept an eye on us and then when they when when the other people we owed money to they hired those guys to come down and fuck with us but even this is like in the 80s so even back then i'm bigger than most of the mexicans you know and because they were all short you know back then and then and then killer's six three he's he's a monster because back then. And then Killer's 6'3". He's a monster.

Because back then Mexicans were shorter. They called Killer, Killer for a reason. Well, not really. All right. His last name was Pillar. Oh, all right. He's a little person. He was kind of a sweetheart, but he could be vicious.

So, you know, the taxi drivers hold us there at the bus station. The fucking cops finally show up. He takes us under, takes us and arrests us. And we got like, you know, we probably got a couple ounces just for the ride back on the bus, right, to get back to the United States, right? And so, killer's got it.

He says, ah, I gotta take a shit really bad. And so, he goes, and they take us to the restaurant where we owed the money, right? She's like, I got to take a shit. So he goes in the bathroom. You know how Mexicans, they have the trash can full of toilet paper because they don't want to put it down into their sewer system. So he takes the bag and puts it down at the bottom of the hole. You mean their hole. Their hole.

They don't want to put it down the hole, right? It's not a sewer system. It's a hole. I was trying to be nice. They don't flush the toilet. That's where the kid ended up, shoveling out the hole. So the killer puts it down at the bottom of the basket. Then we come out.

We're under arrest. And he puts us under house arrest, which means we have to stay at the hotel where we owe money to. And we have to eat at the restaurant that we owe money to. And because they knew that I could make $500 a day. It's like getting suspended from school for skipping school. You're like an indentured servant because you keep owing more money and they don't let you leave. Right, but the cops knew

that I could make $500 a day. This rumor, everybody in town knew this story. It was like, wow, he really is making $500 a day. Don't let him leave. So they said, okay, we're putting you in a house arrest. You have to make the money. And then so we got the car back from the Mexicans because they didn't want to do the drug deal anymore because it was like the car was – Too much heat.

We were too fucking hot, right? We were under arrest, right? And so – Or vacation. I don't know how you – Yeah, we get – and the Mexicans are all on horseback. So the lines of communication are very slow. As is this podcast.

Exactly. Did they have flashing blue lights on their horses? No. The Federalists would drive around in the evening and go get ice cream. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm getting lost. But anyway, it was no big deal. But we paid your way out, I assume.

I made the money in a couple days, paid everybody off. Everybody thought we were great. We sold the car to the people. We had the hotel. We had the bill. And we forged all these documents, eight pages of documents at the city hall to sell a car. Were you pissed off at killer? I was a little pissed off. When you're under house arrest, are you going,

fucking, you were supposed to pay this fucking bill? Yeah, it seemed like that shouldn't have happened. I was totally pissed off at him. I said, you didn't pay the pharmacy either? He's like, well, now they're all in our case, right?

You know? I mean, that's where we get our Percocets. He was bigger than the Mexicans, but he wasn't bigger than killer. It was unbelievable. So, but I paid everybody off, even our pharmacist, and everything was good

again, right? And we left town and then we came back, but then we'd already made the... With the Ranchero. But then we came back with the Ranchero, so we'd already done, we already did a practice run, and the cops all knew it already, so we wanted to do it again, right? So we already knew the chief of police at this point. You know, take a right, not a left.

He was the one who arrested us, so he was a friend of ours, right? You know, so, and we'd go out and buy, you know, I'd go out to the campo and buy 25 kilos or 50 pounds or whatever, and then we'd bail it all up in the middle of the night because all the guys that were working for us were all involved in the stuff, and Alamos was a big drug smuggling, a big drug growing area, marijuana growing area. It was like the over in Sierra Vista, the flea market. It's just like the flea market. And then so the cop, the chief of police had already arrested us and we had entertained him while we were under arrest. So I'd load the truck up and I'd drive up to,

in the end, I'd drive up to the police station. In Mexico. In Mexico. The same cop that arrested us in Alamos. And I said, hey, yo voy para Estados Unidos esta noche. ¿Quiere un poco de coca? And he was just like, and it's a concrete, cast concrete desk and a cast concrete room. And he'd whip out whip out he opened the drawer and give me a little bit of coke right

you know because he was our chief right you know anyhow he ended up tipping out i assume well we didn't have to tip out because everyone else we were paying was tipping out for us no he you were getting coke for the road, right? So you could make it back. Yeah, but I'm saying... He was bringing commerce to the area. Exactly. We were very popular. Do you want me to take the call?

No, this is my... Early NAFTA. Uh-oh, I think I took the call. Where's that cricket? Hey, Larry. You stole my NAFTA reference. I was going to make a nafta joke. Larry, I'm in the middle of a podcast with Doug Stanhope.

Just say radio show because your friends are as old as you and they don't know what podcast means. Margo thought she had to get into an actual pod and dressed up. Larry's true story. That was crazy Larry from prison. Good. I don't know. Maybe that's a teaser for part two. What time are we at?

That might be, yes. We're at an hour and a half. Well, we can... Let's get up to a nice teaser. Okay. So, anyhow, we ran several loads back and forth and stuff like that. So the Maestros, did they outfit your Ranchero so it could take stuff back and forth? Oh, no.

What I did was I had the very first Makita cordless drill, right? I mean, they just come out with them. This was like in the late 80s. Middle, yeah, late 80s. So I had it. 18 volt or 12 volt? I think it was like a six volt back then, right? It was all, the batteries were built in.

It was this little thing. You got ahead of this shit. And we go down there and we're taking the truck apart. We had a socket on the end of it. We're taking the truck apart because it's a Ranchero. They used to be Falcons, but they made them into pickup trucks. They put this sheet of metal down there. You take it off

and there's this huge space to put all this weed in. Will you smuggle drugs at some point? We put the drugs under there. We put the drugs in that spot. And then you can put them in the side panels of the rancher. You can get over like 50, 60 pounds in there, right? Wow. And then you fucking, and I would drive it.

I'd go get the coke from the chief of police. And then I would drive all night up the back roads, up the Sonora River Valley. And then. Don't turn into a GPS on me. Get across the border. Well, we don't have into a GPS on me. Get across the border. Well, we don't have a GPS back then. I'm talking about now. And then you take the service.

So then I get to Naco. So then I get to Naco. I eventually get to Naco, which is maybe like it takes 10 hours, I think. So I'm in there in Naco. And my partner on the Mexican side, my partner was the chief of police in Naco because somehow I got to know an old friend of mine was his girlfriend.

Get through the fucking border! So we go there. I pull into the chief of police. He's got a junkyard with a fucking junkyard with a tin shed. So I pull into that tin shed and we open the truck apart. We pull out the weed, and then we cross the border after

that. Dave, did you not at some point go airborne with your business? Well, I did have an airplane. Well, that's going to be part two. We're going to take a fake break and I'm going to keep everyone on point I hope for a part two because

we get a lot of cocktails going down our heads here, and we know that... I'm getting lost. I'm sorry. No, you're fine. We'll get to the meat. There is no meat. This is the meat. You do go to prison, and I hope when you go to prison, you don't go,

hey, you know what? And chow hall. Speaking of chow hall, what's up with biscuits and gravy? Who likes biscuits and gravy? Tuesdays with tacos. That's why I met Larry. That's why I met Larry. We're getting there in the next podcast because we're already at an hour and a half. So we'll make the next one a little more succinct.

All right. We'll be back with part two with drug smuggling in prison with Electric Dave and Cedric. Thanks for listening to the 100th podcast of the Doug Stano podcast and the first podcast of the Shot Clock podcast. We'll see you in an episode. Where's that? Where's the cricket at? Where's the cricket? It's outside.

It's outside? I love the crickets, and I love the tinkling ice. We have a bar. It should sound like a bar. Cricket. Yeah, give her your glasses. Whiskey. Whiskey.

Yeah. Boxes and boxes of unlabeled crap. If I die now, will they ever get unbanned? Boxes and boxes of unlabeled crap. If I die now, they will never get a new guy. I can't remember when you were mine. I can't remember when you were mine. I can't remember when you were mine. 2003, Bill Barton, 1989

Sweet child of mine And that nightstand I built for you Is it lonely for me alone in your bedroom? Does it cry at night or does it understand As you tremble underneath your new mantis I can't remember when you were mine I can't remember when you were mine I can't remember when you were mine

2003 feels like 1989 Sweet child of mine All those messages that you've been receiving That I can't remember leaving It's a small relief still It's a good thing You're deleting without listening. They disappear like pennies down a wishing well.

Tiny good intentions on the road to hell. But I'll go bankrupt and that well will overflow before you'll forgive me and let me come home I can't remember

when you were mine no I can't remember when you were mine No, I can't remember when you were mine 2003 feels like 1989