The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #102: Chad Shank hosts the Shotclog podcast

Episode Date: October 15, 2015

Chad Shank guest hosts the Shotclog Podcast.Doug's UK TOUR MERCH - http://bit.ly/1KQLuVBDonate to Chaille here. Thanks. Really, Thanks a lot.Recorded Oct. 07, 2015 in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Castle Rock Kenny (@cstlrckkenny), Reverend Derrick, and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS -Closing Song, "Pick Up Lines" from Mishka Shubaly's new album COWARD'S PATH. Available now at DougStanhope.com and on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

So, what do you want to do for an intro? I don't know. Oh, someone gave me a good one. Oh, the guest cast. As a guest host. Is that dumb? Yeah, no, I don't. Oh, I think it was gone cast.

This was the one that I saw. Gone cast? Yeah. You don't have to use anything. I don't. I'm just trying to think of something, some way to... Because this is the Doug Stano Podcast with guest host Chad Shank. And I'm your guest host, Chad Shank.

Welcome to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. I'm not Doug Stanhope. I'm Chad Shank. Yep. Filling in for Doug Stanhope. You just did it. Temporarily. You just did it.

That's it? Is it going? All right, use that. Done. Cut. This is the beginning. This did it. Temporarily. You just did it. That's it? Is it going? All right, use that. Done. Cut. This is the beginning. This is it. What are we talking about then?

So Doug is in Europe right now. Saving people from suicide. Well, one UK, I don't know. Where the fuck was he? I don't know. I saw it. Yeah. Glasgow.

We saw it last night. Glasgow. We saw it last night. Glasgow. Doug was in Glasgow and everyone's seen that. Yeah. There's an article on Chortle, I guess. I didn't see that one. I just saw the tweet. Yeah.

There's a bunch of stuff about him saving someone's life. I was going to call him a hypocrite. You know, it is when you look at his body of work, he should have pushed him rather than pulled him down. Right. His facade is crumbling. Actually, his reaction should have been to continue smoking and not walk over there, not to push him.

Pushing him would mean he's... Or film it on his phone for live leak, maybe. That's what people do. I tried to get him hooked up on Periscope before he left. He still doesn't want to do shit like that. I do remember the other night when we were here with the band, Black Pussy just came through and hung out. Those guys are so great.

I had so much fun hanging out here. I've never even seen them play yet. I hadn't heard any of their stuff. And it doesn't matter because it's way more fun hanging out on their day off after 40 days on the road and then this is where they end up. Oh, that was a fantastic

night. Yeah, this has to be the best pit stop in the world, I would imagine. Yeah, I mean, yeah, there was no pussy hounds. It was football, of which they won three squares, or they had three squares and they won three quarters. Yeah, I talked them into that shit. They were like, I don't know how to do it.

I said, yeah, you don't have to have any skill. You just buy some random squares, and then they won everything. Yeah. So, yeah, it was that and booze and plenty of anything else they wanted, and we had a good time. Yeah, I brought a lot of weed. We smoked a lot of weed. That's for sure.

Or a mason jar full of weed. I didn't know if I should say there was weed. Oh, I think it's all right. Yeah. I think we're in the clear. I don't have any narcs listening. So, yeah, they had a great time, and I forgot why we were talking about them. They left a swag here.

Thank you for the t-shirts, Black Pussy Band. Yeah, the t-shirts, hats, trucker hats, and most importantly, there was also vinyl. And what else was there? There's a screen print poster they left here. They left a ton of shit. I got a CD, a t-shirt and a lighter so thank you guys. The lighter. The number one thing you could leave here in the funhouse is

a lighter because they're always looking for them, the smokers. The most ill-equipped people to need fire is a smoker. One stoners. I always bring three and I leave with zero. So Chad. Yes,

sir. You're hosting the Doug Stano podcast. That's apparently so we'll see if it goes anywhere. How does that feel? It's interesting. I don't know. I don't feel a lot of stuff. I know.

I'm trying to see if we can get out of here. Doug asked me one thing. He's like, this still got to fuck with your ego. Like, could people fucking like you? And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I'm trying to see if we can get anything out of you. Doug asked me one thing. He's like, this still got to fuck with your ego. Like, could people fucking like you? And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I still have an ego. Yeah. But I don't know.

I mean, it's very open. You have good days and bad days. Yeah. Well, and it's not like I'm just coming here and talking and being me. I don't have to. There's not any pressure. I guess we should address that. Because I'm probably going to play the first part of the first recording that we did because it was how you and I met on tour.

Oh, okay. And how I was alarmed when I actually did find out about your background and being somewhat, sometimes unstable to yourself. As well you should be. Well, and it was a bit of a shock that we were now on the road for a couple of weeks together. So we're going to probably run that probably here. Welcome to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. Guest hosted by me, Chad Shank. Handled by Greg Chaley.

You've got two wonderful guests here. Castle Rock Kenny. Hello, hello. And Reverend Derek. Hi. That was very sexy. I'm going to turn down the creepy thing on that. Just a tad, just a tad.

I turned your squelch up, though. Oh, man. For those of you who are already thinking there's a conspiracy theory, that is not Stan Hope doing Derek impressions. That is actually Reverend Derek. It is, Reverend. I'm not going to mumble no, it's not.

I guess that proves it. Proof has been set. Levels are good. Everyone's good. Everyone's situated. Everyone's got a drink. Yes, sir. Alright. What are we talking about on this podcast? Well, Chad, as you know, this has been announced well in advance of Doug Stano leaving to his UK tour right now, of which he's two nights in.

And I got a report today that the Glasgow show, five fights and nine ejections during the show. I think I saw that online. Was that accompanied by the picture with, like, balcony seating? Yeah, yeah. This is a proper theater. That was amazing. A thousand people. I have a question.

Five fights, nine people. The math here. Was somebody fighting themself? No, no. Five fights, nine ejections math here Was somebody fighting themselves? No, no, five fights, nine ejections Yeah, five separate fights You can get ejected for different shit than fighting Yeah, it's a different stat I've almost been ejected for heckling

And I wasn't trying to heckle Kenny and I were betting on this So I needed to know He heckles as a guest Settle a bet, Shaylee. The circumstances to get ejected are much different than being ejected for fighting. Because you could be a shithead to a bartender or a server or an employee, and you can get fucking bounced out. Or just disruptive.

Yeah. Run your mouth too much. So really what it should be is five fights and then nine ejections with an asterisk that says not including the ten people that got kicked out for fighting. Or however many people. If there's five fights, there's at least one or two girlfriends that got lippy and got fucked. You too, lady. You're out too. Would this go on the back of Sandhoop's comedy baseball card?

As a stat? Yeah. Well, on the tour that you were, what was your role? When I went with you guys? Yeah. That was the dino ruts, right? I didn't have a role. I was still new to

being around people in general at that point yeah but was that the dino rides 2013 i think so up in the montana and all that shit yeah yeah that's right because i ended up in utah and then i split and you guys did a couple more days so during i do remember that because Doug and I were way more at ease at the merch booth because we had muscle standing there. And I didn't have to rely on some guy who doesn't fucking know me that works for the venue or maybe not work for the venue and would fucking handle any kind of situations. But Chad being there, things smoothed out pretty fucking quick i thought it was funny because stanley would be like hey don't look like you're security or anything and i'm like all right and then by the end of the night i was fucking security every time it's funny because the way it all worked out it's like it's like doug's pep talk was like uh make it look like

you want weed because that's all that happened they would, make it look like you want weed. Because that's all that happened. They would come up and they would offer us weed, but then we would just give it to you. I guess that doesn't make sense. Well, no, I really did want weed. No, you did. How do you put that mask on? It's always on.

You put a sign around your neck that says, I want weed. But we don't travel with anything. And at the same time, there's no reason for us to take weed except Chad Shank on the road. Well, I don't, I'm not on meds. I don't take any medications. I just, I smoke weed pretty much constantly. But I've been on all the medications. For a while, me and Bingo were on the same medications, but I didn't them so i just give them to her were you lactating too no it was that one though i didn't take it smart yeah i already have breasts i don't need them

fucking milking it was odd i think we talked about this already on the podcast but at some point already on the podcast but at some point mid uh mid tour i i did find out that you could could possibly be unstable and i looked at doug i'm like what did you think maybe at some point you should tell me that this guy could go off the rails which i'm fine with i felt bad when i learned that you didn't know because i I was real open when I first came here. Absolutely. When I first moved, when I first came down here, people asked about that. I apologized to everybody on Twitter. I asked for suggestions on Netflix shows and stuff.

So I'd have something to talk about. And then I just fucking ignored everybody. Sorry. It's still early on we're only a few minutes in people asked about how i first met everybody and uh down here and so i came i saw a little background okay first how long have you lived in the area before doug got here which is about 10 years ago i moved in 2002 moved to sierra vista all right and then uh i had heard doug on xm radio i had xm radio and i did that's the only exposure i had to him but he was my favorite one out of

everybody that i had raw dog channel 99 but i didn't know i didn't know neighbor dave i didn't know about bingo i didn't know the whole fucking world that you guys had here the stanhope universe i had no idea i only knew his stand-up from the thing and one day he posted on facebook that he had to help his disabled neighbor move who was that you know uh i don't remember some guy that was mike that was mike and uh ken Kenny's our color commentator. It was Mike Lawson. Oh, yeah, I remember that name. All right.

There was like 30 of us that showed up. Because Doug put it out there, and everyone who showed up pitched in and got this guy moving quick. It took like 20 minutes. The guy had nothing to move. He was the least disabled out of all of us. I think Doug's talked about that that before maybe not on the podcast but uh so just i hung out that day and then i told him there was you know why did you know everybody said what are you doing here and i said i fucking am a sociopath fucking shut in i don't fucking know people i don't fucking go places i fucking heard of his you know stan, Stan Hope's comedy.

If you're going to fucking be able to hang out anywhere, that probably would be the place to hang out. And Stan Hope was real accepting of me. And that's within, it was just within a couple of months, I think, of me hanging out here that he asked me to go on the road with you guys. And you and I, I don't think had met. Oh, wow. Yeah. Fucking flipping my. Wow. Yeah. Fucking flipping my wig again. Yeah.

Yeah. I don't, I don't, that may not be, that may not be for sure, but it was either way. Cumulatively. It wasn't that long because I would come over sometimes for football and then I

wouldn't for same as now, like, you know, well, I come over a lot more now, but the time, the time I remember you, like, like, it really sticks out in my head is when that one guy showed up at the, at the Super Bowl party and was falling asleep, sitting up on the,

on the, on the wall in a poncho. The biker guy. And it was like, how did, what do, who are we going to, what are we going to, and it's like, oh, Chadad can you go ask that gentleman to uh be on the other side of the wall well early on that guy just challenged me i didn't know that nobody knew him because i was still new still so i thought you know i just take for granted that everybody else has been here a while i'm the newest guy and uh when stanhope introduced me to that guy he told him and I didn't catch on at first but

Stanhope told him this is a guy who takes care of things around here and I was yeah and then Stanhope kicked you in the shin at that point he should have told me before we walked over there what the situation was I didn't know this might have been his great friend. Not Doug's style. So I immediately learned, Stan Hope walked away, and the guy looked at me and goes, well, I guess maybe we should just fucking fight right now. He said fight right now? Yeah, and I was like, something to that effect. I don't know what the fuck he said. I was already drunk.

It seems like in tough guy speak, there'd a like a shifting of the weight to like forward he immediately just said since you're like you're the guy since you're the guy i guess i'm the guy you know we gotta fight right now we gotta get it and i and i just told him i said if that's what you came here to do i said let's uh you know we can take it out and then he calmed down right away and didn't decide he didn't want I think you're a hypnotist because you made him go to sleep. Yeah. On the wall over there. We sent him home on his motorcycle.

I remember that. We made him leave. Well, I mean, listen. Yeah. I'm not going to. Well. It's a good thing that I didn't know exactly what was going on because I would have just grabbed him by the back of his neck and took him out immediately at that point had I known that nobody knew.

That's why I'm glad the year that the guy got drunk and was talking shit to you and Sandhope's brother, Super Bowl a couple years back, there was a drunk guy talking shit to everybody. Maybe it was me talking shit to everyone. Thank you for not kicking the shit out of me. I wasn't here. I left early because I knew right away there was a bunch of people here I didn't know and I was uncomfortable.

I didn't trust myself, so I left. So that's what happens when you hit a ceiling of the limit of people I could be around that I don't know has been saturated. I've got to get out of here. The amount of possibilities increases that there could be a problem.

So I have to then isolate myself from that unless I want to become part of it. Pardon? Unless you have to be part of it. I try not to cause the problem. No, I get it. I don't want to be the problem. Yeah. Which goes back to when we were on the road and you didn't know anything about me and I fucking lost my mind one night.

That was, yeah. And, uh. You ended up in that, like, it was a fucking motel. Two-story, like, motor hotel. Like, that had, like, its heyday was probably 1967, right? You started drinking by the pool, like, 10 in the morning. Oh, shit. With that lawyer.

Drinking hard. Yeah. And then it ended up we were trying to get a hooker to come to the room. And we were going to – as soon as she walked in, there was going to be three dudes, and we were going to just have her sit down and interview her. But the first thing she'd walk into is three dudes yeah one like dimly lit and she's like oh no in like a place where she's used to coming i mean in wyoming or yeah wherever we were i don't remember montana montana at that point but uh yeah something happened and then you split and then you went to, like, at the end of the road, there were these sketchy guys that were waiting for a new engine to arrive to put into their car, which I thought was just a fucking scam.

I thought they were trying to, like, work people for money or something like that, but you had a whole story about what was going on. Oh, they're probably tweaking. I think I was drunk talking to those guys, but I was, I don't remember at what point i lost contact with fucking reality but everybody was against me those guys were against me you guys were against me i just remember fucking you don't even fucking know who i am or what i'm fucking capable of i agree i don't i don't i'm i i've been the first to moments. You ended up in some abandoned building nearby talking to Bingo on the phone. And Doug and I were like, what do we do? He could probably run faster than our car.

So we should probably not leave. But we had talked about that beforehand because I didn't want to go at first. leave but we had talked about that beforehand because i didn't want to go at first and my wife told me you know this is you know you should go and do this and expand your fucking self a little bit i was probably wanted me out of the house yeah now she could have friends over yeah yeah i go out of the fucking house but the whole thing was is that i knew that i could just bail away from you guys you guys would keep going on and i would catch a flight back home if you had i wasn't very far from home yeah you know we were a few hours from home by plane no matter where we were so you know that's the country you understand i had a well i don't know i don't leave i'll leave

my house i come here i'm i'm not i'm not getting i've been to other places. So you ended up that night. You ended up, I don't know how long it was until you came back. Because we were all sharing one room, weren't we? I don't remember most of it. You don't remember any of it? No. Then you sang karaoke.

Let me finish. No, that was last week. We finished that, and then the next day is when I realized that now I understood who we were with, who we were rolling with. And at the same time, it was very humbling for you because that's when I found out, and the world did, when I find you throwing up at a stop sign in a little town. It's not enough that you just threw up out of the car. But it's like when we pulled up to a stop sign there's people at a crosswalk and you're like out the window. And at speed.

We were going 60 miles an hour. That was where I started was when we were going like 70. No slowing down. These guys will know. Let me pull over while you puke just fucking and videotape yeah then when we stopped i remember an old man at the stoplight right next to us vomiting violently out of the window yeah it's Oh, yeah. But then I figured it out. Apologetic.

Yeah, it was definitely an interesting experience. And apparently you did, too. I did. Because that was pretty intense. I did really well, I think. I mean, considering how long we were gone, considering how many breaks from reality I have on a regular basis that I'm aware of, to some degree.

But like I said, I limit my possibilities of you control your when you don't interact with anybody it doesn't fucking matter how crazy you are unless you hurt yourself and you know okay and a different bill whatever that's a different podcast but so that i thought i did really well only having basically that one time that i was real bad and then and then after that when we hit salt lake uh i left and then you did uh one or two shows after that coming back i mean so you did fine yeah yeah i helped sound of uh i did your i handled the merch and stuff for uh sold bibles and stuff and i think he's in Flagstaff. I did good. And if I don't,

then I'll just say, we tried to do this before and a bunch of people showed up. Yeah, I think that's what went wrong before. Yeah. Chad works good in small groups. Actually, Chad works really good alone. That's where I do all my best work. Right now, you and a pair of scissors.

Lone gunman. Yes. A pair of scissors. I was going to tell you. That was the one thing that I wanted to tell about. A podcast called Sword and Scale. J.T. Habersat turned me on to it last time he was here. And it's about murders and psychopaths and stuff so he thought i would

like it and i do so listen if you listen to sword and scale that's a pretty cool podcast but the one i was going to tell you about i researched a shitload about it because uh it happened in canada and the way they treat mentally ill people in canada is different from here in that if you commit a crime, no matter what, if you're found to be, have mental illness, you're not criminally responsible for it at all. So in 2008, a guy, Vincent Lee, Chinese immigrant was in Canada on a Greyhound bus and just started stabbing a dude in the seat next to him for no reason because he had a psychopathic episode. Eating Fritos? They said it was completely unprovoked.

He was listening to headphones and sleeping, and the guy just started stabbing him. Witness said it was with a Rambo knife is what they described it as. So what do you think that means? Like a survival knife is what I picture. I think one of those things where the knuckles have the metal over them. And maybe like a serrated edge on one end. I see the serrated edge. The knuckle thing's a bit more advanced.

That's all right. But yeah, a giant knife. That's a Rambo II knife. Sorry. So everybody got off the bus. The bus stopped, and everybody got off and ran. And then a truck driver pulled over and decided, maybe we should help the guy.

Wait, wait. They pulled the bus over, and I assume this guy wasn't sitting in the back. The very back, yeah. He was sitting in the very back. Yes. All right, so everyone just ran, and as this guy is just squishing assume this guy wasn't sitting in the back. The very back, yeah. He was sitting in the very back. Yes. All right, so everyone just ran as this guy is just squishing into this guy like a wet kitchen sponge. The one witness describes he saw him stab him in the throat at least three times with this Rambo knife.

So I probably would have ran too, at least at first, because, all right, that guy's beyond saving probably. Well, I guess he's contained right well me in this situation me being not the guy with the rambo knife let me clear that up wait a minute have you ever thought of it in that scenario just right now i had to i had to clarify wait i'm not sure on how i'd actually react i keep thinking of different scenarios now that i'm finally thinking of how i react if i'm not the guy stabbing someone. So then a truck driver pulls over, I guess,

and figures out what's going on and gets some crowbars and says, let's go in there and see if we can help the guy. They start to get on the bus and the guy Help the guy? If he's taking the tire bumper and slapping his head, let's go help this guy. No, they were going to help the victim.

They weren't going to help the killer. The guy with 75 fucking stab wounds. Three in the neck. When they got in there, he basically already sawed his head off with this knife on the bus. So they ran away again and barricaded the guy on the bus. The guy stayed on the bus for five hours. The police got there, and he ate his eyeballs. He ate part of his heart.

He cut out. The guy's mother is interviewed. The victim's mother is interviewed on this sword and scale, so that's a really good source. She talks about how everything that can be cut off was cut off. Every organ that can be taken out was taken out. He spent five hours in there. They found his nose and stuff in the guy's pocket.

Oh, that little tiny pocket in a pair of Levi's? That little tiny one where cops know you're going to put your bindle? It took him forever to get it out. I think it's a nose. To be fair, the victim was an organ donor. Was after this. They finally, the guy tried to break out. They tased him and took him into custody.

And since it was in Canada, they didn't charge him with murder. They put him in the mental hospital for being schizophrenic. This was in 2008 2014 he was already back walking the streets whoa whoa whoa yes that's what fucking blew me away about this he got unsupervised release visits to go back in after he had to carry a cell phone with him mind you i mean they. I mean, they're not idiots. So what am I? A schizophrenic killer out on

parole? So they... To be fair, it's not a smart phone. Maybe they were tracking his movement. They give him a clamshell. One of those clamshell fucking Verizon phones. Obama phone. An Obama phone? It's in Canada. that probably wouldn't be no

i don't know who their guy is but but it's not obama no i guess not um i think yeah i think i had notes that i took whenever i was researching this because it was fucking crazy i think that's it the guy's out the guys so he's walking the streets he's back out this because it was fucking crazy. I think that's it. The guy's out. The guy's. So he's walking the streets. He's back out now because he was never charged with murder. Oh, because he was found incompetent or mentally ill. Schizophrenic.

Yeah. It wasn't really his fault that this happened. Sure. And now he's all right. Now he's. He asked to agree to take his medicine. How dare they? How dare they? How dare they?

Yeah. Is he allowed to have a knife? You know, they didn't say. I don't know Canada's laws on that. That's a good question. I would imagine not. Is my client supposed to just take big gulping bites of everything and just rip a steak apart with his hands? Listen, he's already got to walk everywhere cause he can't take the fucking bus.

Oh no, no. The, the, the, the state has made sure that there's a, a driver. At first he had supervised visits out in,

and then they just, you're, you're all better. How would you, how would you like to be that supervisor? Knowing what you've seen this guy's file. He just, he fucking unloaded a fucking Rambo knife into a guy who was sleeping next to him listening to headphones. Me as a normal person would never do that job.

I can't imagine who would as a normal person. How would that person, what kind of fucking bleeding heart? You'd have to be as crazy as that person to sit next to that person? Come on. And the parents, and there's a whole bunch of people who are outraged, of course, about this. The parents of the victim. Probably everyone on that bus. That's true.

The guys were saying he's getting all this medical. They're all concerned about his mental health. They want to make sure that his mental health is know is fine he's like what about mine i had to watch him waving this guy's fucking head around dude i never seen that before that's drinking drinking the guy's blood out of the old guy's own mouth his city ate a third of his heart so i mean it's probably that bad he ate his eyes it takes a while to get through it. I would cook the heart. He only had five hours. That's ridiculous. Anyway.

Was he washing? Was he cutting it out of a piece and then going to that fucking smelly toilet in the back of a crayon? And like going, look, I gotta wash it off. Like, fuck, come on. I'm in the back of a bus. I do remember distinctly now that you've asked at one point, I already said he was licking and smelling his fingers as he was eating the victims.

Like you or I would do eating ribs or corn on the cob. I don't know about smelling. I've never smelled my fingers as I'm eating, but I will lick them if I have food on them. Smacking. Getting them all so yeah that's the uh the psychopath type podcast that uh sword and scale sword and scale i tried listening to it but i listen to a lot of podcasts at night and that's not one i want to listen to yeah as i go to sleep he uses creepy music and stuff he does a good job with it i think he says it's a lot of production value on it, I think. He puts a lot of effort.

I like it. I started at one, so I'm kind of at the evolution. I'm up to 30-something. Oh, that's good. The one that I'm talking about is 31, about this guy, episode 31. But Vincent Lee is his name. I think when you find something, your tendency is to just jump in and start listening now. But there is, what we just said,

there is a genesis to a podcast. If you go back and listen to the Doug Stanhope podcast, number one, Andy's Molester, there's a lot of difference in the way we even handle doing this. We're actually trying now.

There's effort that goes in. There's effort. Well, that's good. I listen to a lot of podcasts. There's effort that goes in. There's effort. Well, that's good. I listen to a lot of podcasts. That's one I haven't listened to, and I won't at night. It is dark. It's very dark. It's stories that are not a lot in the news, but there are some that were real big. One of the early ones that I really liked was all about Bohemian Grove and about these child prostitute ring that politicians george bush

was mentioned in it even there's like this huge conspiracy oh is that the one with the uh the guy from the uk too the print uh one of the uh what a royalty maybe so i don't i don't fucking remember i've listened to a shitload of them who cares fucking psychopath prince queen oh yeah what were you talking about you were saying that you were talking to tracy earlier about uh nightmare next door because i mean obviously it's october i hope to get this out in october uh and uh we've been talking about halloween and stuff like that but you guys uh we're talking about something called the nightmare next door that's one i just found on Hulu. It's a movie?

It's a series. But I think it's on the Investigative Discovery Channel. I don't know because I found it on Hulu. It's on ID, but they're real cheesy. All the ones from this ID channel seem to be cheesy that I've looked at. But this one, it's nice. Cheesy meaning low quality yeah yeah i guess so i guess that's how reenactments a lot of reenactments well this one is unique in its

cheesiness it's fuck i was laughing hysterically while i was watching it because like the first one is about an eight-year-old girl who goes he gets murdered she's missing and gets murdered across from her street but the announcer instead of having a somber tone and say the little girl was riding her bicycle at the church across the street from her very own house you know he's real bubbly about it who was this little girl why did they kill her like he's really got a and then he uses when they're looking for the suspects they're talking about it and he's he uses stupid puns all the time in addition to having this up voice because the guy worked at a hamburger place and so he's like uh the suspect working a fast food

he was hotter than a flat top grill and then he and in less than 30 seconds later he calls him burger boy and then and then he said he was slippery as a slider it's like what the fuck is this this is supposed to be serious about a murder and this little girl and then there's non-sequiturs like at one point he goes into the police chief was having a very hard time with this case so he did something that helps him concentrate and it goes into a whole montage about how this police chief likes to make pizza and it shows him making pizza at home and then it does not relate back to how that helped him other than i guess it helped him relax except for they go in using like pizza puns when they go back in. When he got back to work, there was a whole menu of things to do.

Fuck. So it was interesting. It's hard to watch because it sucks bad. Was it sponsored by Pizza Hut or something? That part was just... We'll be right back. Now word from our sponsors, Pizza Hut. Boboli.

Boboli. You like to make pizza. Well, you want pizza, but you just don We'll be right back. Now word from our sponsors, Pizza Hut. Boboli. Boboli. You like to make pizza at home. Well, you want pizza, but you just don't want to go out. When that murder is cracking your brain, make a Boboli. The second episode... But you like it. You like watching. It's funny.

No, I finished watching it because I was laughing because I couldn't believe. Because every other one, like I said, is real somber and this guy's not at all. The second one I did, I watched the second one and he used alliteration almost non-stop through the whole thing. He said,

she had a secret suitor and dedicated detectives are looking for the lost Lothario. It's like, you gotta got to be fucking kidding me. I can't take this murder fucking mystery seriously while you're doing that. So anyways, I thought that was funny. Well, that's at least a 10th grade education, using alliteration. That's advanced.

I guess so. It's very interesting. It's hard to watch. You saw that on Hulu, though. Hulu, yeah. That's a good sponsor. Nightmare Next Door. No, we don't have sponsors.

You know how this works, Chad. That was all I had to talk about. People tweeted me. I asked them to tweet me shows and stuff. I thought maybe I'd watch shows, and then I just ignored everybody and didn't watch any shows. You get a lot of tweets about hosting. I get a lot of tweets that say,

you go do it, I appreciate it. Now people are getting angry because they're like, where the fuck is the podcast? Hey, guess what? Black Pussy showed up. There's two days out of my life that I don't recollect. So we're a little behind. But we have a bunch that we banked with Doug before he left.

You're on some of them with Hennigan and Bingo and myself. And yeah, we'll get out what we can. It takes an amount of liquor. And it's a weird thing because I did this with Brett Erickson before. And you kind of want to do what you think you should do. But you know it's never going to be the same. Like, you can't. And then you're going to get some people that are going to go like,

who the fuck? Where's Doug? It's like, well, you know, he's not here. He's given his fucking blessing for you to do this, so that's enough. If anybody listens to this, you should know. I fucking usually sit here and laugh like Ed McMahon at stuff, and then I'll interject something once in a while. I'm not the fucking carry the podcast guy.

Fuck you. And then we show up here, drink a couple of beers, and then Shaylee goes, so how are you going to start this? I don't know. I guess fucking push the red button. Drink and talk. Well, I think we've had enough time to take a break and do another limoncello. Those are good.

And we can run an ad for the UK merch. I didn't need to say that, but I just wanted to reinforce the fact that we're selling the UK merch only online. Somebody tweeted me something about go do a podcast so I can buy some of Doug's shit, and I didn't understand why they couldn't just buy Doug's shit if I didn't go do the podcast. Why would they say that? So, I don't know.

They're waiting for you to do it. And I might have read it wrong, too. I don't pay that much attention. I appreciate that everybody fuck is nice to me. It's not that you don't try, Chad. You've got other things to do. Well, I've been over here a few times already. A lot.

You've been over here more in the past two weeks than you have in the past three months. Don't I know it? I feel it. But you've picked some good ones. So, yeah. Let's take a break. Let's do a shot. Yeah.

All right. We's do a shot. Yeah. All right. We'll be right back. Hey, UK merch is on sale. Where? In the UK? No, just on the website. Can't deal with all those problems with selling merch in the UK, but you can get UK t-shirts on the website at DougStanhope.com and posters.

Oh, Jim Ether's doing posters too? We got posters. We have T-shirts. We have everything you need to go out in public naked. A poster to cover your genitals. And a T-shirt to cover your voluptuous man top. And go to DougStanhope.com. And look for the merchandise page, My World Tour, asterisk, places that speak English that will still book me.

Yeah. This is Black Pussy, and you're listening to the motherfucking Doug Stano Podcast. Bitches. All right, are we back? We're back. We're back. I have no idea what we're talking about, though. Well, what we were talking is uh what we've been watching for the past two and a half hours during the blackout uh we talked about what we had been watching and then

we watched some more and then we decided to podcast we've been watching the uh walking dead marathon new season comes out soon on sunday but you you are fucking totally into walking dead not totally into it but i fucking enjoy uh anything apocalyptic i really like yeah for sure but you remember a season after season you remember what was coming up you were telling well i just recently re-watched from the beginning up to where the governor and shit comes in so So all this stuff I just rewatched a couple of months ago. Oh, so it's fresh. So it's pretty fresh. Yeah, that's why I remember.

So we're at the prison scene now, and it's interesting watching that. Because you second-guess everything they're doing. It's like you're looking at the tattoos. You're looking at the dudes who were penned up for 10 months by themselves. And you're like, they should be a little more extreme than that. I know you got your own food. Yeah. But, I mean, just eat oatmeal every day and maybe a Salisbury steak.

There's going to be some dynamics in that group that they're not showing. They're not very violent for guys who've been locked up for that long, who are in there for probably being violent. To begin with. A lot of holes in it, especially when you watch it the second, third time around. Yeah, yeah. A lot of holes. But you're looking forward to it?

Yeah, I watch it. I got a subscription on the Xbox. I ordered the season. So it comes out Sunday, and then Monday it'll be on my Xbox to watch. So I got to wait a day and don't look at social media or anything fucking. So you're totally off cable and anything like that. You don't have a satellite or cable TV or anything. No, but I have every other thing.

Sure. I have Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime. You've cut the cord. You've cut the cable. I still pay way less every month than I would otherwise. And I don't suffer for it. I don't have to watch a ton of commercials. All right. Do you guys have all those things as well? I don't suffer for it. I don't have to watch a ton of commercials. Alright.

Do you guys have all those things as well? I don't fucking know what's here. I use the capabilities of what we have here at The Compound like I use what my brain is capable of. 10%.

There's DirecTV so I don't even try. I go, oh fuck, that's right, we've got a Comcast. We could watch any Little Rascals or Three Stooges on YouTube. I never do it. Roku, I forget that I've got that hooked up. And then once a month, I'll go, oh, we should watch fucking War of the Gargantuas. Yeah, there's one I was going to see. Netflix has Narcos.

Narco. Yeah, Narco. It's a new see. Netflix has Narcos. Narco. Yeah, Narco. It's a new series. Yeah. Have you seen that? No. I want to. Looks good because we like drugs.

And we know the history. No? Yeah, somewhat. I don't know why. There's a documentary on Netflix about Pablo Escobar too, Sins of My Father, I think it's called, by his son. I was going to watch that first so that I would know the history. You know, the Escobar one that I really liked was 30 for 30.

I haven't seen that. Is that what it's called, Chase? Do you remember? I thought those were sports ones. This was... Fuck. Smuggling drugs is kind of a sport. It's fun to watch.

You can win. A lot of spectators. Very few players. Yeah, there was a documentary on Escobar. Oh, it was 30 for 30 because it was his involvement in FIFA. Because the Colombian team went from nothing to like, Pele was like, this team will win. And then I think their striker ended up scoring a goal against himself.

And then they shot that guy. Oh, shit. himself and then they shot that guy and then but they they told the whole story of like all the drug cartels the other drug lords in colombia that also had soccer teams and they were they were doing this is the fuck is crazy capitalism in three years they like catapulted to the front and then we're like we're like picked by pele to win fifa FIFA. And at one point, the other drug lords were telling the coach of the team, these people will play because one of their guys was not a starter. So he said, he will start tomorrow. It's like, fuck you.

But then they had death threats on everyone's TV when they went back to their hotel room. And this is 70s technology. Oh, shit. Yeah, it was fucking crazy. That's a good one. 30 for 30 Escobar. Maybe it's not Escobar. Maybe it's FIFA scandal.

I don't fucking know. But that was Escobar. It was Escobar because he was the one who put fields everywhere, like soccer fields. He was the Robin Hood in Columbia because he was going to the poor neighborhoods, and he was outfitting them with soccer balls and shin guards, I guess. I don't know.

Smart. That's a good one to watch. How do we get on fucking that? I don't know. Where were we before? I forgot already. So do you have anything? I don't know where were we before i forgot already so do you have anything uh i don't think i have my list i think i have everything exhausted already this is the last

ditch effort when i go to my list yeah i don't i don't know well i don't do anything i know i'm pretty apathetic i stay that way on purpose well uh do you remember Halloween last year? Absolutely. We did it over at the – well, we did it. We celebrated Halloween together over in the Suicide House on Black Knob. And you, Doug, Tracy, and I actually pulled together a small haunted house and four kids showed up. Yeah. Solicited kids. Yeah, we had to call them to come over. But this year, we're doing it again.

We got stuff coming from my brother's company, GhostRite.com. They've got tons of stuff. He's sending some stuff down, and we've already started buying some stuff. And I want to give you the invite to come down. Absolutely. Let's get the fuck out of kids. Halloween is my favorite fucking holiday. I would love to scare people.

You are like the haunted house. You would be the guy at the end. You, Chad, if you wanted to get into this gig, you would be the guy with the chainsaw at the end that makes everyone pee their pants as they're leaving the fucking haunted house. So it's interesting that you would love to do that, but you would never seek out to do that. When I was in the Army, every year we would have haunted houses.

We could do the back of the PX and clear it out. The PX is where you buy it. It's like a Costco. Yeah, just the store that has everything, department store. But they would let us take the back. One year they let us have the whole back and make a maze out of it and set up different stations. There was a guy who was really into rappelling, so he set it up.

So he jumped off, and he was in his harness, and it looked like he hung himself. Oh, wow. We built an electric chair with a strobe light built in. So we'd hit that guy, and he would flip the light switch, and the strobe light would go. We used to do fun shit. I liked Halloween.

All right. If I was ever going to commit a real crime, it would be during Halloween because it would be the easiest to get away with. It would take a couple days to catch up to you. Yeah, nobody would know. You just walk through the dragging the dead guy down the road. Well, then they'd probably

just look for the guy from Canada first. Have you seen that movie Trick or Treat? Trick or Treat. Trick or trick or treat wait is that new it's sort of new it's in the i thought there was one from the 80s no no this is within the last five years or so i would think trick our treat yeah trick or treat but with just the r in the middle so what's up toys are us it's uh i don't know i don't remember a lot of it it has wait a minute you brought it up.

Well, it's good. It's my new favorite Halloween movie. I try to watch it every year at Halloween. All right. But I don't watch it any other times. I don't remember all of it. But I know it has like four different stories that they intertwine. And it has different, like almost of a comic book, comic strip.

Kind of like Creepshow was? Creepshow, that's what I was trying to think of. I knew somebody would come up with the word if I started saying the right fucking catchphrase. Just keep talking. Yeah. Creepshow type feel to it. And it's different stories that they tell, but at the end you see how it all...

There's a thread. Excellent. Excellent Halloween movie. Trick or treat. It looks like it'd be kind of for kids, and some parts are, but there's parts that are dark too, so it's great. I don't know what else. We're good. Just chill.

Have a drink. We could go to Lies I Told Cops. I try not to lie as a general rule. I try to be as truthful as possible because it's hard. Just trying to pick which truths I tell is hard enough. I don't want to add lies on top of it. It's bad enough trying to figure out which truths I'm supposed to tell people.

Chad, and this is only because we talked about this earlier, not on the podcast, was that when you were younger and you with a group of other people were in situations, you were the first one to pop up with the fucking most plausible explanation as to why underage kids were in possession of empty beer bottles. Most definitely. Stuff like that. If I think that I would have been good at something, it would have been being a lawyer. Being a lawyer would have been the best thing I could do because I can make people see shit

my way even when they shouldn't. But yeah, when I was... Oh, I see what you're saying. When I was a kid... Thanks. I'm really good at that. I was being subtle. I was being subtle.

We went for spring break when I was a kid, and nobody took food. Everybody just took booze. Nobody had food or water. Booze and sunblock. Yeah, that's it. That's all there was. Music. Made sure we had cassette tapes, I think.

I don't remember. But we got out there and realized it. And so the girls that were in our group went over to some guys that had a camp and got a fuckload of food from them. Like bagged off food? Yeah. They were really hot chicks in bikinis. They just went over there and were like, we don't have any food. I don't doubt that it happened.

But that was their plan. It's like, we're going to go get food for all of us by going over to that campsite over there? Yeah, just fucking manipulative assholes. We're going to go get those guys to give us food. Oh, I'm very aware of those. And then it was set for those guys because they showed up. They came over to our camp later to talk to these girls.

And we're all sitting around eating hot dogs that they got from them. You're eating all their food? Yeah, we're eating all their food. And you're like, oh, my my god all i smell is dracar noir oh man but that was but uh some guys came up to the party and their battery died in their car so they went around waking people up in camps asking them can you give us a jump and nobody would fucking do it because we were being loud assholes the whole night everybody probably hated us already they went and stole their fucking battery from their boat.

So the girls went and stole the battery? No, these were some Mexican guys that had came over. Wait, hold on. There was a whole bunch of us there. Oh, is your group, though? Yeah, yeah. Okay, so your group. Yeah, they came to our group.

Your group went and stole a battery. It wasn't the people who originally came in our group. They came and hung out with us and partied. Secondary. Played all their music and their battery died. So they'd try to leave in the middle of the night while we were camping. And in order for them to leave, they stole the battery out of a boat so they could jump their vehicle with it and then left.

Did it work? Yeah. Oh, work? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. And then they went and took the battery and put it in this other girl who was camping with us in her vehicle. So ditched the evidence and split. Well, they didn't even ditch it.

They just put it with us. Yeah. Now- That qualifies as ditching. Yeah, I guess from their perspective. I wasn't looking at it from their perspective, but sure. I mean, really what they did was, as they slowly rolled by you guys, they threw it out a window.

And if you're going to ask people if you can give them a jump and then steal their battery, they don't know who they're going to ask first thing in the morning? I mean, there's a short list of where you're going to go find out. And they weren't even cool about it, so they just stole their battery. They stole their battery and then set their boat adrift. Yeah. Fucking assholes. Yeah.

Anyways, I woke up early in the morning and realized what all had went down. And we still had this battery in our camp, so I went and threw it in the fucking lake. And sure enough, the cops came and talked to us. And that was the first thing they wanted to know why do you have all of these beer bottles here i told them sir we purposely camped here because we wanted to clean this place up we believe in packing out more than we came in with we have garbage bags to take we fucking bought it total bullshit he didn't buy it i'm sure but what was he gonna do It was all empty beers.

I guess we had full beers at other places. But, Chad, the difference between a ride down to the station and them just walking out is someone in the group having the wherewithal to think to say something like that. Yeah. Because I've not been that guy in the group. I've either suffered by not having a guy in the group or having someone that was able to pull that off.

At the end of that same trip, we were headed back home and the guy in front of me got pulled over because we were all hauling ass home. And when I saw he got pulled over, I pulled in behind the cop and ran up like frantic to the cop and told him that i had just witnessed somebody drive off the cliff like two miles back and i was trying to find somebody and you rushed up it was before thank god yeah yeah there's no cell phones and i was giving him details i saw lights down at the bottom of the canyon tail lights and just a bunch of

dust and i was yelling to see if there was anybody down there but nobody would answer me and he fucking hurried up and just fucking turned on all that so my friend looked at me and was like go go I have a similar story in that we were fucking assholes 20 years old

we were going to the Billy Idol concert We were fucking assholes, 20 years old. We were going to the Billy Idol concert at the Irvine Amphitheater in Southern California. And there's – to get – it's the old Lion Country Safari. So it's like – it's in kind of a boondocks area, right? It was back then, 25 years ago. And there's like a two-lane road from each access point, right? So you have to go down this long road to get, to turn into the, the,

the venue. Right. But it's out in the middle of nowhere. And so it's fucking, it's lined up with people going one way to get into it. But the other way is, is empty. So the 20 year olds,

my brother, myself, and a guy we call BBJ, big bad John, uh, we got our California coolers, like in Manly, and we're fucking driving on the shoulder in my Datsun 510, hucking the bottles like we had saved a bunch of them, and now we're hucking them all before we might get checked going into the thing. At one point, there was a cruiser behind us at our rate of speed following us. Stop throwing the bottles.

Pull the vehicle over. And now the worst thing is, is that you've got this line of people like waiting to get in, like inching their way into this amphitheater. And now we're pulled over as these cops and cadet cops, not even like, like barely has a mustache. Right. And we're pointing out California coolness on the side of the road. on the side of the road and finally the one guy comes over and says uh hey man this is this is littering this is underage and possession of alcohol but i have to tell you you're lucky there's a fatality up ahead oh shit go but no more drinking or whatever whatever the fuck he said right but it's like wait a minute i got lucky could someone die and then this was a time when you you give

like littering is like the most offensive thing i think back then that was probably bigger than possession of alcohol i mean this is 1987 right that was a bigger thing was the fact that we were littering that's what tipped him off well the cloud of dust on the shoulder shotgun like sound of glass exploding down the highway and And I love it. It's like the breaking the reverie of what we're doing is cops on a bullhorn. Hey. Stop littering. Hey, dumbass.

But none of us had any reason or an excuse or, you know, there was nothing other than we're caught. And then he said, you're free to go. None of us had any reason or an excuse. There was nothing other than we're caught. And then he said, you're free to go. Reminds me whenever I was younger again at a party and the cops busted the party. We were all underage.

And one person there had a van. And the cops agreed that if everybody got in the van, they could drive us out, and nobody else would go to jail, you know, if whoever agreed to get in the van and leave. Yeah. So we all left and went back, and we went to my buddy's house, and my truck was there because we had ridden to the party in his truck, so his truck was still over there.

So we decided we'd go to his house, have a few more beers, and decided, well, fuck, everybody's probably gone now. Let's go back and get your truck. So I drive back, and it's me and two of my friends. And we go, and as soon as we pull up next to the driveway, I see that there's cops backing out of the driveway. So I downshift and fucking haul ass. Now I'm in a town of probably 3 000 people at the time so there's less

than bisbee yeah it's a little tiny fucking place so i take off haul ass because i know he's coming after me turned off my headlights and started just turning down streets finally turned down a street and it dead ends and he pulls in right behind me. Fuck. He turned on my lights and he walks up. What are you boys running from? I said, running, officer? No, I'm not running. And we were all hammered.

Well, I smell alcohol, so how much have you had to drink? And I told, no, sir, I haven't had anything to drink. I was giving my friends a ride. They've been drinking. That's, you know, I'm trying to give them a ride. Great answer. He immediately goes to my friend next to me. How much have you had to drink? He follows suit with me.

No, sir, I haven't had anything to drink. You can test me. How about you? Goes to the third guy. Nope, no, sir, haven't been drinking at all. Literally, the guy shines his flashlight back me back to you which drunk are you driving home so i go this i'm looking at them and i go before the football game i had a beer but i haven't had anything since you know before the football game now it's like 2 in the morning, so I figured, right, I'm clear with that excuse.

My drunk friend next to me elbows me. Dude, just tell him the truth. Thanks a lot, dick. Yep, these guys are completely sober. I'm fucking drunk. So the guy, of course, already knew we were fucking young and told me, you need to tell your mother what happened. Because first he said, where's your mother?

And I said, well, she's not here. She's out of town. Because when she gets back to town, you need to tell her what happened. And I said, okay, yes, sir, I will. And he let us go. He said, I don't want to see you back out tonight. You go wherever you're going. At 2 a.m.? Where else is there to go? Yeah, I'm done already to see you back out tonight. You go wherever you're going. At 2 a.m.?

Where else is there to go? Yeah, I'm done already. Fuck, man. Are you kidding? I'm fucking beat. Yeah, I want to go home now. I've been drinking all day. So he lets me go, and I went home, and he never asked me for my ID.

He never did anything. So I'm like, fuck that guy. That motherfucker called my mom. She really was out of town and when she got back into town she fucking, come here. You have something you want to tell me? Nope. Drinking and driving in my truck?

Oh shit. He just ran the place. Yeah, I didn't get in trouble. As a kid I didn't know I was going to get in trouble for it. But my fucking dick friend, I thought I had it covered. I'm driving these guys the reason you smell alcohol is these guys we got pulled over in texas uh it was uh doug and uh junior stopka and i was speeding and there was it was clearly a speed trap or like

you're coming over a hill and it's like it's like 65 45 it's fucking stupid right and then about a mile and a half later i've got the fucking smokies on my tail i pull over and that was the tour i wasn't drinking at all at all and he he goes uh a uh driver out of the back out out and come to the back right and uh he has me open the trunk i don't i still don't know why right i didn't have to but i knew we're fucking clean i and i'm sober i i have not been drinking and he goes uh i smell alcohol i go you damn right you do those guys are still so pickled from last night and it's like like juniors top it's whiskey so it's like it's not even you're not even pulling it off right with whiskey there's nothing you can say and i and i'm like oh yeah yeah those guys they're so pickled that's why they hire me because i'm a driver i don't drink

and we're on tour there's a couple comedians there and that was it that's all sure and i got a warning that if i got another ticket within the state of Texas, and I think it's one of those things where they might give you a pass, hopefully they'll give you a pass on the first one, but if you get another one within 60 miles, I don't know.

Can they track that? I don't know. These days, probably. But it was really funny because it was that what your guys should have said was like, yes, I'm drunk. I just want to get home. Yeah.

And they're like, tell them the truth. Yeah. You're the only one drunk here, driver. Yeah. My friends are too dumb to get that fucking plan. But you had the wherewithal, drunk, to have a good story. I've always been that way. had the wherewithal drunk to have a good story i've always been that way because you drunk sitting in that car smells the same as you sober sitting in a car with a bunch of drunk guys until that

guy fucking i don't know gives you a mouth kiss how's he gonna fucking know or he tests you right right but you gotta try to get away with what you can those are all steps towards that. I consider it my fault for hanging out with dumb people. I mean, that's all it was. What's your excuse now? I haven't had to lie

to the cops in a while. I thought I was being hanging out with dumb people. Oh, oh. That was my excuse for having to talk to the cops

hanging out with dumb people. Now I'm smarter. I did call the cops on a guy the other day. I thought that was kind of a douchebag move, but I did anyway. He wrecked on a dirt road by my house. Like on his shoulder? Yeah, not bad, but he was high-centered up on a barbed wire fence. Yeah.

Yeah, it was decent. On a fence is high- Yeah. Yeah, it was decent. On a fence is high center. Yeah, yeah. So I went to pull over, and I was going to see if he needed any help, and he fucking flipped me off. I was like, fuck you. I flipped him off, and then I was going to turn back around. I was like, you're fucking feisty.

I'll go fucking have fun. But then I was like. You want to flip him off again? No, I was going to go fight flip him off again no i was gonna go fight with him yeah yeah i figured that oh i figured it was a good candidate to get in a fight but then i figured i was like well i'm not gonna go to fucking jail or something that stupid because this fucking guy flipped me off so i called the cops and i said i just saw a wreck and i don't know if the guy's drunk or what but i went to pull over to see if we need help, and he flipped me off.

So he's really aggressive, so look out. Oh, as a side note, there were bales of something wrapped in visqueen. I think he already had somebody coming to help him. That's probably why he flipped me off, because later I told him I didn't want to leave my name or anything. They go, well, what's your name and information? And I go, no, I just want to be anonymous. I go, he flipped me off because later I told him I didn't want to leave my name or anything. I go, what's your name and information? And I go, no, I just want to be anonymous. I go, he flipped me off. I go, I don't want him to find out who

called on him. He's already mad at me. And they called, the sheriff called me back and said, hey, we can't find this accident. They just left a message. I didn't answer it, but apparently he was already gone. That's a dumb story.

Go back for a fight? That guy's already having a bad day, Chad. Flip me off. All I was trying to do was something right. I'm always looking for a reason to fight with somebody. I don't care what it is. I had this was a while

back. I was headed home and my kids were still little. And a guy flagged me down on my dirt road. But you live off of a main road, so there's a dirt road. Yeah, there's a dirt road right off the main road that I had to go to my house. And this goes back to lying to the cops. He flagged me down, and I stopped. And it was a guy who was huffing paint.

He had a sleeve of his hoodie pulled down over his hand, and you could see he'd been spraying paint into it. What color paint? I don't know. It was dark, and I didn't even fucking focus on that at all. I could smell it, though, so I knew what it was. But I stopped to see if he was all right. At first, I didn't know what was up because he was waving me down on this dirt road,

and it was dark. So I slowed down. And he grabbed me, and he opened my door, and he grabbed a hold of me and tried to pull me out of the vehicle. So I jumped out of the vehicle willingly and grabbed him and threw him down into the ditch and I was going to kick his ass and a vehicle started coming. So I jumped in my vehicle and went a little ways down the road until they went off the dirt road onto the main road. So you get turned back? And I pulled over.

And I walked back down. Okay. And I couldn't find him. And I kept yelling for him, you know, fuck you at. And pretty soon I could smell him. I was going to say, the smell of paint. As I walked past one area of mesquite trees, I could smell paint. And then I couldn't smell it anymore.

So I walked back. And when I could smell, I started singing in a really low voice because i knew he was fucking already freaked out and he was high on paint so i said hey there little red riding hood you sure are looking good and he fucking comes out what do you want and i fucking smashed him i picked i had picked up a big chunk of mesquite and i smashed him in the head with it and i was because my plan i was pissed mainly because he tried to carjack me right and what i kept thinking was it could have been my wife there's old people that were right across the street from me that lived that went up and down that road all the time they were disabled so in my psychotic head all i kept picturing was this guy grabbing one of those guys so my decent guy plan was to knock him unconscious and leave him there so that when

he would wake up in the morning like and go i should never fucking do that again oh and you were gonna take his pain yeah i was like a i was like a good samaritan but i didn't you can't knock out wielding wielding a big chunk of mesquite. Listen, I don't want to hurt my hand. And singing a standard. That was psychological warfare, and I didn't want to hurt my hand. So all of this is logical, at least to me.

But you can't. I didn't know. It's hard to knock out guys that are high on paint, apparently. I hit this guy. They're kind of zombies. He did like a cartwheel when I hit him with this stick and still got right back up and tried to punch me. I grabbed his arm, so I threw a right and punched him,

and he went down again and popped right back up again. Wow. I was like, holy shit. And then he started running. So I started chasing him and he was yelling, oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus, help me, Jesus. Jesus, help me, help me, Jesus. And I remember chasing right behind him.

And I was yelling at him, you should have found Jesus before you found me, motherfucker. And I knew that there was a fence coming up that he probably didn't know about. Like off the highway, there's usually some kind of a fence. It was people's property, but it was undeveloped property, but they put fences around. And so I slowed down and backed off. And sure enough, this guy bounced off the fence, hit, bounced off the fence. And I turned around right into me. I uppercutted him, hit him, knocked him down again.

Like a WWE turnbuckle hit. It was perfect. I timed it perfectly. I knew where the fence was. It was fantastic. Still couldn't knock this motherfucker out. Got up screaming at me, Why are you doing this to me?

Like, fuck. Freaked out. And I didn't know what to do. Because my plan, again, was to knock him out and leave him there i couldn't knock him out so i ended up pulling a gun out of my pocket on him but i didn't put my hand i didn't put my hand on you yeah you left that part out well because i when i first moved here i used to carry a gun in the vehicle all the time because of where we were at. There's a whole fuckload of different... Paint sniffers?

That was the one time. But there was, right on the corner from where we moved in, it was a pickup point for illegals from Mexico. So I would hear my dogs would go nuts, and I'd go out there, and there'd be like 20 people 100 yards from my house waiting for somebody to pick them up. So I always just carried a gun with me for a little while when i first got here and which wasn't a good idea just carry mesquite i went with mesquite first i kept the gun in my pocket i didn't plan on it but i did put the gun in my pocket after i pulled over the first time knowing that i might but again full well i didn't put my finger into the trigger well. I didn't plan on shooting the guy. I just wanted him to be afraid. And so I

just pointed at him and told him to fucking get on the main road and start walking and don't ever fucking come back. And the cops picked him up. And he fucking called the cops on me. On you. Yeah. So the cops ended up coming to my house and I told them part of what

happened. I told them about the part where he tried to grab me and i says and then i just i pushed him down into the ditch and they're like well he's really injured did you cause all these injuries to him he also has metallic purple paint all over his face and they knew that too so the cops were already basically on my side i wasn't it wasn't a real struggle to lie to them. You fucking neighborhood watch, dude. They were pretty much happy with me. My wife worked at the hospital, so she could call over to the hospital

and talk to the people who were in the emergency room where they took him. Where he's admitted. Yeah, and he was fucking ranting and raving about, why isn't this fucking guy being arrested? Why isn't this guy being arrested? So they came and... uh my exact words were i says he tried to pull me out of my vehicle i said and we tussled a little bit yeah and the guy says he's got pretty significant injuries did you cause any of these injuries and i said i'm pretty sure sir that he

had those injuries before he found me once Once again, a great fucking response. They're not taking knuckle impressions off his face. And what it boils down to is, do you have proof that I caused those injuries? No, you don't? Then no, I did not. Purple Rain Sniffer ain't going to fucking, he's not offering up anything. My word's better than his already because he's a fucking paint sniffer ain't gonna fucking he's not he's not offering up anything my words better than his already because he's a fucking yeah paint sniffer but that was i i lied to the cops i said but i

already been around i knew exactly what to say so i didn't get charged on you are you as long as you got the right people around you that can follow your story at least at least catch your lead. You've got an ability there, my friend. I hope to just stay out of trouble for the rest of my life is the plan. And I'm not criticizing, but part of staying out of trouble is not turning back around, flipping a bitch. I seek it out. After a guy flips you off. I seek it out, and that's my thing.

That's why I seclude myself at home 90% of the time. And this isn't an intervention. I love your stories, but that was nowhere near what I thought you were going to tell me. I was grasping for two minutes, and we've already done plenty. Okay. Yeah. You know, we've got – here, I'm going to just put this in front of you. But we can end the podcast.

I think you did a fantastic job. Thank you, Charlie. I had fun. I got kind of drunk. Those shots are good. Whatever we were drinking was – Limoncello. We should do another one of those.

We'll do another one of those. All right. But, you know, Doug is in the U in uh uk right now in the uk right now uh doing uh a tour that uh is the lion sheriff his work this this year on the road so uh if you have a chance to go see him you're lucky it's uh it's a it's a dry year for seeing stanhope but uh you're getting 21 days over there in the uk so uh if you get a chance, go check them out. And I guess we can end the podcast. Hey, thanks, everybody, for listening.

Mishka Shibali's new CD, Coward's Path, available now at DougStanHope.com. We're going to end, if we do more of these, I guess we'll end with Mishka Shibali songs on all of them, huh? Yeah, we're going to do that from Mishka. All right, here's from Coward's Path, Pickup Lines. Thanks for listening. Hey, you honey dripper, you heart stopper. You in the market for a broken hearted pill popper. You could star in my drunken dates, I'm soap opera. Leading lady in my melancholy melodrama.

Would you give it a try? In the stairwell, in the green room. In the hallway, outside my hotel room. I will be alone I will be alone Alone with you Hey, you heartbreaker Away, my breathtaking

You in the market for A knuckle-dragging troublemaker. Beer-drinking hell-raising, constant blotto-belly-acre. I'm a heck of a guy. In the stairwell, in the green room, in the hallway, outside my hotel room. I will be alone. I will be alone, alone with you. In the stairwell In the band room

All the alcohol In my hotel room, all the alcohol in my motel room. I will be alone. I will be alone. So will you. Cause I'll be sleeping in the stairwell, crying in the bathroom, I'll be sleeping in the stairwell, crying in the bathroom, hoarding alcohol in my motel room. And I will be alone.

I will be alone. I will be alone. So will you.