The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. # 112: Mr. Hennigan Ties Up Some Loose Ends

Episode Date: November 29, 2015

Brian Hennigan would like to tie up some loose ends.The Stanhope Store only ships until Dec 12th so get your orders in now. Donations to Chaille can be sent through this link (here.) and are always appreciated. Thank you.Recorded Sep. 15, 2015 in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS -GMRX MEDIA - http://on.fb.me/1RdIuU0LASER-ENGRAVED.COM - http://www.laser-engraved.com/COMIC RICHARD HERRING –http://www.richardherring.com/“LET'S PLAY MURDER” - BOOKhttp://kck.st/1CpeQ7aWONDER SHOWZEN - http://bit.ly/1NBIaz0Closing Song, "Alcoholison" from Mishka Shubaly's new album COWARD'S PATH. Available now at DougStanhope.com and on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

the lemonade shine i don't see i don't have that guy's name anymore i got it right here all right his name is joe drink it while you're sitting there or what's the deal oh you know what i just want you to set it over here let's just let's start the thing because we're already recording let's start it with the shots so i don't know how you drink this shit what is is it? Joe sent us a bottle of lemonade shine. Oh, Joe. Moonshine with... Read that. Holy shit. This is how they got Rasputin. It's over 100 proof.

It's over 100 proof. This is how they got Rasputin. Joe sent Rasputin a random bottle. Rasputin just believed him. I don't know that dude. Is he funny? Well, yeah? There was a song Ra Ra Rasputin Ra Ra Rasputin

Wow that sounds like a Is that not exactly like a Lady Gaga song? You might be Slightly late to this but yes Oh is that already out there? Yeah I remember that song from being a song that's pretty much the the

this was the takedown on our opening volley of hits was you've just taken sweet and bony m and all these bands and like in a remix them a bit the band sweet sweet you must have heard yeah i know sweet he had the oldest drummer. Ballroom Blitz. Ballroom Blitz, yeah. Right. Fox on the Run. Sweet did Fox on the Run? It's a fucking great song. I used to have that on my iPod before it all went away.

Teenage Rampage? Oh my God. Yeah. Name the singer. No idea. Brian Connolly. Wow. Yeah.

Name the guitarist. Jim Spencer. Steve Priest. Close. Yeah. Now touring. Gary Rickrath. They're now touring, I believe, as Steve Priest Suite.

All right. So, shit. Yeah, I didn't know her. All right. Evidently, we're doing a hundred and something proof. Do we have little shot?acy would say we need the little shot glasses all right new bar like this you'd figure they'd have all right we'll do those shots once you get shot glasses uh i'm here in the aftermath of a thousand people that were here

over the course of seemed like weeks yes it always does when it involves andy andrews yeah you gotta you gotta keep your eye on andy yeah because he never goes down you always think he must have collapsed and then he resurfaces like bella lugosi well you know when he when he when he moved uh from the trailer to the blue room like he left it with all the pillows like and a blanket like he had gone i think he might have slept on the roof of the funhouse uh-huh because uh the the chaise lounges that are usually put away at least one's turned over from what i noticed coming in and then all the pillows and the top blanket from the bed he was on are in a pile and the bed has not been slept in. Yeah, I was walking across the courtyard at one point

in the middle of the night. Wow, that sounds fancy. You make this place sound fancy. The courtyard. It says, shuttling past the gazebo. I was on the way back from the arboretum and

a voice hailed me from above, and it was Andy going, and you're like, oh, you're on the roof. It's like when you can't find a spider. There is a deck for the listener. There is a deck. He's not on the roof of a house. Like a stray dog.

He hadn't gone full It Follows. So he was sleeping at one point. But by the way. That's when we went and had breakfast. Two to four, Andy will sleep on the roof, open air, al fresco, when beds are a shortage and one bed will go empty while someone's curled up on a love seat somewhere. Well, the two kids they brought with them, Damien and Nico, they had left.

Yeah. Yeah. It sounds suspiciously like Greek priests. Damien and Nico. Nico, yeah. Do you have that letter from Joe? You just have his name. Joe, the provider of this alcohol in front of us.

Yeah. I always love when someone sends you a bottle of something. Oh, you just sniffed it and recoiled you know when it smells of alcohol yeah this is gonna be bad yeah i know thanks for doug thanks for all the laughs negronis without the orange are still the shit hope this gets to you gets you to where you want to be bottoms up fucker jo just simply Joe so yeah we'll start this with a lemonade shine I suppose cold lemonade shine

do we have any idea what's in there it says it's moonshine with natural lemon mixed into it okay off you go alright here you go barely stable cheers it's good it's thick All right, here you go. Barely stable. Cheers. Cheers. Okay. It's good.

It's thick. It's way sweeter than it smells. If you ever drank... Yeah. If you ever drank... Hold on. I'm about to turn my engine over here. Jesus. When you were kids, did you ever make lemonade from concentrate,

frozen concentrate? That whole lemonade thing is an American thing. But you're talking about the concentrate, the frozen in the- Did you ever have an orange juice that was frozen in a Pillsbury Doughboy thing, and then you mixed it into water? Like a cylinder, like a cylinder of concentrate. Yeah, I know what you're talking about, but I only encountered them in America. Well, that tastes like when you ate it straight.

Yeah, yeah. Like a spoonful. This is like a slush. Yeah. Yeah. It's thick because it was in the freezer, which is, I think, the way it should be drank. Yeah.

But... Probably shouldn't be drank at all. No, probably not. That's fucking diabetes in a cup. I remember we used to steal liquor from George Galvez's parents' bar. George Galvez. They weren't big drinkers, so we could take whatever we wanted for a while.

Oh, so the Galvez's wanted you to think. Then it got down to where we were just taking parts of bottles and mixing them in our own bottle. Those tasted better than that. I thought that tasted fine. It didn't kick you at the end? I've been smoking so heavily for the last six months in that bunker

that maybe I just can't taste anything anymore. There was a clear grain alcohol after note. I didn't get it. Yeah, I didn't get it either because I didn't drink it. It escaped me involuntarily. Yeah, I ain't going to Jones Town this early. Yeah.

We'll see how this podcast winds up. Chaley, help yourself. Where's that bartender? There was the podcast with the one where Chad was on mushrooms. Uh-huh. And actually, like, three people were on mushrooms. Chaley and I were just drinking. I didn't know how drunk Chaley was.

But I know at some point we attempted to do another podcast, Drunks vs. Trippers, and the trippers are all just silent as soon as they get to a mic. When you're tripping, the last thing you want is recording equipment. So we just kept going. We knew immediately it would never air, but we just kept going with it. And they were tripping, so they're fully aware. They're heightenedly aware of how bad this podcast is,

and they kept going, you're not going to air that, right? Until the next morning, they see Chaley, and they go, hey, you're not going to air that other podcast, are you? The Trippers versus, and we'd already said, this will never air and bailed out at some point because everyone was fucked but chaley had no memory of ever doing it evidently well when i when i looked at the uh the card that i record the podcast on them all why are all these files on here i thought maybe i misdated some there were like six files.

I usually use two to set room tone or something like that. What the fuck is this? And when I listened to it, it was hearing it for the first time. I don't remember. Chaley said that he, and this is all according to Tracy, that he left the fun house, went over to Black Knob, made himself a full meal, cooked it, ate it, and then immediately went to the bathroom to evacuate it, throw it up. He woke up naked in his bed with a trash can beside the bed with no memory. Lovingly placed next to the bed

that would explain again that is a great photo I've taken this on Facebook of Tracy tending to a injured trail trailer as he lies on the sofa he has no memory of the photo being taken looks like something from the Civil War

and she's like bent over him and he's like on his back. Facebook.com slash Hennigan. See the picture of Chaley and Tracy. Today I was going to call someone that was here last night. And then I realized they weren't here last night. And I'm glad I stopped myself. Were you going to abuse them?

No. Now I can't even remember why i was gonna call and say something and to me no someone i i don't even remember who but at some point this morning i thought oh i should call them and uh apologize well no i thought they were here last night and they probably haven't been here in months and that would have been weird weren't you at my house last night no so yeah it's been that kind of uh it's not even was way more than a weekend fucking people here for a like a week uh let's recap the oh first of all let's deal with this before i forget yet again

and put it off but uh some guys from Australia? Or is it New Zealand? What? Oh, shit. You're talking about Alan Brady and Rummy. They're the guys from GMRX Media. Yeah, I think this dates back to when we were fucking with the... What was the name of that podcast guy? Peldma Podcast.

Peldma. Yeah. The Peldma Podcast. And we were fucking with thiseldma podcast. Peldma. Yeah. The Peldma podcast. And they, we were fucking with this guy's podcast. Well, he asked us.

He sent us a hundred bucks. You reviewed it. Yeah. And so these guys said, hey, if you review our YouTube clips, we'll pay you money. I don't know where you came up with a,

an amount, but it, a deal was reached. Doug listen if you stammer on the amount they might not pay it i just said dollars and they said australian go ahead and you said no i hope if you say no on the amount, well, then we don't do it. Yeah. And now you cut out the price, dummy. That's why I was doing that. Oh, is that why you're paying?

Yeah, that was that. Well, it's gone up. I'm bona fide now. Yeah. They paid us $700. So what did you do with that? $700, Chaley. so what did you do with that 700 dollars so um sorry who are these people the point is if we're gonna fucking whore bibles after a show

sure sure as shit will take your money to review your youtube clips and they openly said uh we would be proud to have you shit upon them which which I fully expected to do. And I watched the first one. I go, this is pretty funny. Vaguely funny. It was very Tim and Eric. Well, I mean, it is very Tim and Eric. Well, the second one wasn't much different. Exactly.

Well, again, that's what Tim and Eric is. No, Tim and Eric at least have five or six beats. Sorry. I mean, they have a style, but the style is rather Tim and Eric. Right. Yeah. Which I love Tim and Eric. But the thing I felt about it was this.

I mean, it's a parody of a television commercial, correct? Two regional television commercials parodied. Ones I looked at. I gave you three to look at. I gave you three to look at. You gave me three to look at, yeah. To help because it's a lot. Right. So here's my wee take.

If anything you're parodying has to be the same as the original. These were one minute and six seconds and one minute and 30 seconds. A television commercial is 30 seconds. That's how long their television commercials have to be. Sure. That's actually good. Yeah. Well, that's kind of what I – you put it better than I could have,

but I said it's like watching sketch comedy and realizing that they had an out, that they should have at least made them a conscious effort to be done at three seconds like you do in broadcasting or that's it we're just rehashing we're going to keep doing the same thing over and over again because they're they're going for that you know the badly made commercial thing they can just cut whenever they can cut mid sentence and that's the end of the commercial yeah i put zero effort into this podcast and we've had at least three different types of commercials yeah just on a whim like all right let's just google search any kind of uh dry cleaner in you know uh pensacola

and then you just riff a stupid commercial. Yeah. Now my hand's going up. Stop! But this comes down to a thing about parody that I remember very early on. The point is we have bigger range and I'm not even a character guy and you guys can do that shit. But they'll get better. I think

the first one I watched, I go, yeah, that's kind of funny. Yeah, I agree. Goes on too long. Yeah, it goes on too long. Which, yeah, which boils down to you have to be exactly the same as the parody. Yeah, I don't know how to pitch these guys. Yeah. So, and then they moved on to, the third thing you asked me to look at was basically a sketch as opposed to a parody. It was called Good Cop, Pirate Cop. Uh-huh.

It was called Good Cop, Pirate Cop. Uh-huh. So what was good about it was the actual sketch was that it established very quickly what the concept was. Absolutely. That, you know, once somebody's a pirate and the pirate is set in a genuine cop situation. Interrogation room. Yeah. Like a law and order type situation. Like immediately it's like you know they got it.

They nailed like where they were at. I'm going to be kind of brutal at this point and say the whole thing, the whole enterprise was let down by the supporting cast. I thought the central comedian, who's one of the main comedians of the group. The bearded guy. I just realized that us

taking a small amount of money to review this is going to kill our podcast because no one gives a fuck. They haven't watched this. Yeah, good point. As a matter of fact, furthermore...

Let's speed this up. Yeah, furthermore... Let's keep this in a... Well, I was wanting to get to that anyway as well because I think what they've discovered is an underhand way to get a free commercial for people to look at their podcast

or their fucking you know sketch cast vidcast what the fuck are they calling it their their url under the rubric of being reviewed and they've only paid 700 dollars compared to the thousands that other people have paid to be advertisers on this podcast the fake money that comes in for the fake ads is way more lucrative so you know what I'm not going to talk about the third one. Okay? Because we're on to you, Aussie subterranean earth dwellers. But this isn't live. I could cut this out. Well, this actually segues.

Brilliant. Yeah, no, that's the problem. If we do video in here, you guys built a fucking beautiful studio with that football helmet auction. And pretty much broke even. Came pretty close. Isn't that the way you're supposed to do it? Can you review just for... What was the helmet thing?

You auctioned off all... Yeah, the 32 full-size football helmets took up half of this wall. Right. Where we wanted to put the TVs. And you're like, all right, something's got to give. Yeah. You don't have the TVs. So I gave up the football helmets.

I replaced them with little mini helmets in a little mini cabinet. Which are very quaint and delightful. Yes. Yeah. I think that was a gift from Castle Rock Kenny. Ooh. Stay. Be prepared for the upcoming Castle Rock Kenny. Ooh. Stay. Be prepared for the upcoming

Castle Rock Kenny fuck with. Inspired by you, the football helmet bidders. I want to, I'm not even going to, yeah, let's leave it alone. That's a good enough tease.

Just let it lie. Basically, there was an eBay auction and all the helmets are now gone. Put that fucking thing down i'm looking at what are you okay is if it's podcast related of course it is yeah sure it is you get it off that don't put it on the edge fucking brian hennigan tweets during the goddamn podcast hey listen so so yeah we we uh we auctioned off all 32 helmets and uh the winners of each helmet we

we're getting a plaque made up with your names. Oh, by the way, if you won a helmet and your name on eBay is different than what you want on the wall, the main guy, the one, the biggest... The guy we care about. The biggest overall bidder won an invite to the super bowl yeah and his name according to his ebay is jonathan but uh he goes by jonah in his email oh yeah so if you have a different name uh let us know what the name is because we gotta wait till everyone's paid up it's gonna be a minute before this fucking plaque is made up. That's who's doing the plaque.

Jonathan Franzen. Oh, well, say yeah. You don't have reading glasses on either. It's Adam from laser-engraved.com. He's the one who did the laser-etched Floyd colostomy bag. That's the only place I go to when I want my laser etchings.

Absolutely. I work for a large municipal council. When I want a leather pouch to hold my colostomy bag when I'm at a nudist colony, that's who I go through. Yes. I swear by him. Brilliant work. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. A colostomy bag yielding nudist. Yeah. Fucking awesome. I'm serious. Yeah. No one says, wow, see how small his dick is? You could just

stick a colostomy bag onto you and parade around and probably get lots of doors open. Can I get you I'm going to the bar. Can I get you something? I remember being shit-faced at Chilkoot Charlie's and

jumping on the stage to do Rapper's Delight with Clan X, who's a disco cover band with Colleen. Butt naked, completely naked. And I was just worried that I fucked up the lyrics and I

can't sing. That's what you were worried about? Yeah, that when your lack of talent outshines your lack of penis. So, yeah, I would wear a fake colostomy bag on a nudist beach so no one's noticing my eight-inch balls and two-inch dick. Where are we? where are we we're talking about the football helmets this is what happened with the football helmets

we're watching in the the studio I'll put an update on my website as soon as possible and I will mention all the names of the people that are newly responsible for the cost of this studio slash bar. We built a bar into the funhouse. An actual legitimate bar that seats 10 stools comfortably around the bar with an area for audience over there with the recliners

and the kickback chairs, and then plenty of space to sit behind the bar where we're doing our podcast, our podcasting corner. Loser's Corner is what Chaley has. I called it up. Oh, did you call it that? That's actually the bar. I called it that when I was drinking, and he referred to it the next day. That's the corner that all the regulars used to hang out in the bar members late night at Chilkoot Charlie's on the South Long Bar.

All right. Yeah. Where everyone knows your name. Yeah. I'm certain there's more than one loser's corner in this universe. Oh, really, Chaley? I'm certain of it. So we have TVs going around behind the bar.

Five TVs. And we're going to figure out how to hook up Skype to one of the big screen TVs and occasionally have a guest or a caller or I don't know. Mostly so we can keep an eye on Andy. Stuff works. Fortunately,

I will be in the UK for five weeks while someone figures that shit out yeah but don't worry there's gonna be people here so don't think about reading the plays no there's gonna be people here figuring out how to do all the the studio work and maybe video you know yeah Yeah. Here's what happened with the helmet thing. At the end, as I put out, the biggest bid overall gets to come to the now exclusive Super Bowl party. Because it has to be. Yeah.

I ditched last year. We went to St. Martin for last year's Super Bowl. It was a fantastic miracle finish at the end. I'm like, God damn it. They're still having a party at my house. It was fantastic. The pretzels were here. It was

great. It sucked shit for us. We're in St. Martin at some resort with all these elderly people in lawn chairs where at halftime we're like, this stinks so bad. You're closing early. And there was like a sad, deflating, enormous Patriots figure. Yeah, they had a blow up, like the wacky arms guy kind of thing. Oh, the flappy guy.

Yeah, but it all deflated and fallen over. And they had old school widescreen TVs, like the big thick ones out at the pool area. And everyone's in lounge chairs and no one cares. Yeah, it was pretty. Sucked. So we left at halftime and watched it in our room. And then, wait, this game's getting great. And then we ran back down and everyone still sucks.

Yeah. We didn't tell you that at the time. We told you we're having a great time. But now we can tell you. Yeah, we had a good one here. Turns out you just had to leave. So we're doing a... It was decided by the football helmet auction.

All right, I'll invite someone to the Super Bowl party. And then Chaley says, Oh, so we're doing a Super Bowl party? I guess so. Yeah. oh so we're doing a super bowl party i guess i guess so yeah uh and then we're just like uh like the open invite thing yeah no no that happened once when i was drunk on rogan's podcast that's true and like no no that and i keep repeating, that's not the case. And this year we're talking to one of the cops that shut this place down a couple of times. Shut it down. Local cop.

Yeah. To just do what everyone else does and have local police be security. So Chad Shank, you don't have to watch him going. He's going to have to stab some fucking random fan that showed up. Just to address this on air for a little bit, as recently as like 40 minutes ago, there's somebody tweets

so I don't want to show up uninvited but I'd like to come to Bisbee and meet you. Occasionally I meet people. If I'm in town and someone emails, hey I'm in town, a few people I've gone out and had a drink with at a bar or had over to the house, but

yeah. But here's the thing, here's what I tell people, because occasionally people ask and I say, well, look, if you're going to turn up in Bisbee, maybe it'll be there, maybe you won't. And maybe I'm not in the mood. Exactly. People tweet and basically want to confirm a meeting

you know like like they're booking a dental appointment think less dentists think more northern lights yeah it's like you know what that's a very good point that's very good that's very good thing about that was very good i'm i already heard you this is first time saying it i love it no henning can give me a compliment. That's fucking awesome. Northern Lights. Sometimes you see it. Now I forget exactly what I was going to say because you said it too many fucking times. Maybe Chile will see it again. Let's recreate that moment.

But yeah, maybe. Again, you can't see, hey, dog, I'm coming to Bisbee. I'm coming to meet you. And then expect a response that confirms this. What time are you? What time can i see you yeah i have yeah i have no idea what shape i'm gonna be in tomorrow morning yeah if i said yeah i'm i'm in town tomorrow yeah well i might be hung over as shit and we release the dogs on

yeah i'm his so-called manager and i'll make appointments he doesn't keep so i mean it's like you know it's a crap shoot it's a crap shoot here's what happened with the football auction off uh off of that yes so yeah we're local cops that'll keep the fucking dregs out from the locals yes oh no they're gonna have fucking cops as security they want to it. They want to be here anyway. Who does? The cops. Oh, right. We don't know that for sure.

They want to, but we're hiring if they do. Like, everyone does that. It could be a double bluff. Fucking, hey, Tupac. Yeah. All his security was off-duty policemen. Yeah. There's someone I know...

I know, but... That's very famous as a... So why wouldn't Bisbee cops do it? Yeah, but... Just because they don't have the opportunity. Well... But, like, you know, I'll wobble back on that for a second. Tupac, yeah, it didn't really help, did it?

You know, that night... It'll help keep people that you don't want here out the people that you know there's a few people that show up and you go all right now i can't watch a game because i'm just gonna have to follow that fucking guy around and make sure he's not stealing shit you mean we had a tucson some fucking cunt tucson open, fucking can't handle his booze. He was trying to steal, like, plastic jug whiskey and then hide it. He was just, I'm going to do this. Which is no different than shit like Andy Andrist and I did at Robert Evans' house

when we were there for a Comedy Central premiere party. Andy's, like, unscrewing a fucking picture i don't even trust andy at my house christine levine left and said i didn't steal anything and i and i my first thought as i'm sleeping on the couch while they walk out is andy probably did yeah so yeah i i don't trust former me's. But you're at the age where you have that luxury, that you know the former you. It's hard to, in a town this size,

you don't want to look like a dick. But then again, you know how many fuckheads and tweakers and just you know catch wind of you know yeah free plastic jug whiskey go I got a scheme yeah I got a Ocean's Eleven but there's only two of us baby you know I started it just on

Sunday like the whole thing like hey we're cracking down around here Gino the mayor a welcome congressman The congressman. The congressman. The prime minister. The prime minister. He came in, but he came into the front door of Van Dyke.

And I was hooking up some video. And he starts to open the door and I go, oh, hold on. And then I push the door open because they stop. And I go, oh, do you got your wristband? And he, gracious, had that look of like, oh, was I supposed to, who do I get the,

and I'm like, really? This could work. This could fucking totally work. Yeah, we'll get a door man, but it's not going to be Chad Shank. Chad Shank just started self-policing the party that year. Some fucking weird biker dude showed up, and they were having some prison showdown in their eyes.

Chad Shank's like the Aragorn of the setup. He's like a sort of a ranger who comes from the wild. Yeah, I don't need that shit in town. It was awesome, though. It was awesome that Chad Shank was here. Oh, no. I couldn't have drugged that guy. Had Chad not been here, that guy would still be falling asleep on your wall.

Yeah, they had to lay him down next to his motorcycle. It was like a fat Danny. What's his name? That fucking. DeVito? No. A yellow? No, the fucking guy that's all scarred.

The next. Oh, yes. Machete. Yeah, Danny. Trujillo. Yeah, Danny Trujillo. yellow i know the fucking the guy that's all scarred the next oh yes uh yeah danny is like to heal yeah daddy to heal yeah and he had been to gigs before oh you've all been to gigs yeah i remember i remembered fucking with him because he had two uh uh pudgy girls under each arm and he's laying back that's how i think it might have been salt lake some gig and he's laying back. I think it might have been Salt Lake, some gig where he's laying back and I kept fucking with him. Just because he looked like he had to keep his arms around him like he's a pimp.

He's like, I don't really talk to people. It's probably not a... You shouldn't probably go to parties uninvited if you don't really talk to people. Fucking give me the creeps. Oh, you're so funny, Stan Hope. You cut me up with your barbs. Well, yeah.

I wish Chad was here for this one because he could tell you the details if we haven't already told him on another podcast. But he's like, when's this going to happen, man? Because he's giving when's this gonna happen man because they were he's giving them stare down Chad should just fucking put on a polo shirt and cut his hair a polo shirt and cut his hair

wear khaki pants and no one would fuck with that instead of a ponytail a top knot and then he pops his collar sure but then that would interfere with your security protocol, since the only protocol you've got is Chad Shank being here. Chad Shank dressed in a cop's uniform. I don't think there's a law against that if it's on private property. That's true.

That's true. Dressed in full Bisbee PD blue. I don't know if we can get away with that. That's true. Border patrol. It's an authority figure. That's all that matters. Have you ever mentioned that?

Yeah. We have talked about that? All right, good. Okay. No, I was wearing a Border Patrol. Someone gave me a Border Patrol jersey at Safeway. No, gave me, and I wore it to Safeway. Oh.

You wear work shirts. You wear Boy Scouts for them. Some guy confronted me and said. Where did you get that? I go, what do you mean? I told him to go fuck himself. Why don't you take that to the UK? That'd be cool. I still haven't got to the football helmet thing.

I know. Jesus, we're waiting. Well, it did fantastically and uh thank you all who bid but a lot of people when it came down to the last you know few hours were uh kelly who just left here with bingo uh she ran the thing because i i don't work e. I don't sell things. I don't know how to do this shit. Saying, hey, I want to win the highest bidder, but no one's bidding against me. I want to get invited to the Super Bowl. Can I just pay you or bid that high?

Can you outbid me or upbid me? How do you tell me how to win the highest bid? Yeah, because no one's bidding against him. I never did the math, and I still can't do the math. But it's like down to the final hours. We're well into our drinks because football starts here on the West Coast at 10 a.m. It seems like cheating. I don't want to cheat someone. That's the thing, though. It's kind of a self-selecting darwinian process

uh the person who worked out how to be the highest winner is the highest winner yeah like you could get your well first of all i figured uh well just tell them to bid on the san francisco 49ers is my new favorite team for this season begrudgingly, because they're in the same conference as my Arizona Cardinals. Your ex-Arizona. My former Arizona Cardinals. Yeah, my Arizona Cardinals. Your rivals now. Fuck you.

Jesus, what a turncoat. Oh, that's fucking, that's exactly Brian Hennigan. Brian Hennigan will completely, he'll show up during season in a Cardinals jersey for the first time on the weekend they have to play the 49ers. I ordered my jersey the next day. I'll show up like Banco's ghost. Yeah, don't worry.

I do these jokes just for Tracy in the background. Yeah, laugh louder if you don't mind. You should laugh louder so I know he's actually accurate at what he's saying. Oh, that was cutting. Ow. But yeah, we did not jack you guys up. We realized we could have, for the four people or so that had either tilted their hand that they wanted to upbid or outright asked. Or had a tell that they explained to you.

Yeah, we could have jacked you up. But I play fair, goddammit. And you know what? It's pretty close to breaking even on the new studio. So thank you guys very much. And Jonna or Jonah or Jonathan, depending, So thank you guys very much. And Jonna or Jonah or Jonathan, depending, the guy who bid overall that's coming to the Super Bowl.

Jonathan Franzen. I shouldn't give out his last name. We'll just call him Jonna. JD. Do that. Yeah, yeah, JD. Wait, that sounds like somebody else. Yeah, that sounds like Jack and Dino.

You're not coming to the Super Bowl, dick. All you do is get drunk and surly and make people feel more uncomfortable than you look in your own skin. Highlight it. It's highlighted. I know his name. I didn't want to say his full name. He doesn't want to be the target

of any aggression that we rile up with this next segment bashing Muslims. JD, I get it. Jack and Dino, come on. Yeah, I got it. All right, fuck. We haven't even got to the shit yet. The part where we take a break and drink?

I don't know if we have shit. Let's do that. Let's take a break. Hang on. What are these? No, that's at the end. Oh, that's later. Hang on. One of these. No, that's at the end. Oh, that's later. Yeah, we'll do that.

We have a loose format. Please hold. Hey, please hold with Doug Stanhope. How's that for a podcast name? All right. I like it. I've never said it. I say it all the time in real life.

Please hold. I think it'd be funnier if you had... I think it'd be funnier if you talked into a mic. Well, I thought you were taking a break. We never take a break. I think it'd be funnier if you just... That's the running theme. It's just always asking to identify the podcast name.

We'll just keep it as the Doug Stanhope Podcast, and we'll just make up new names every time. Yeah, here's the thing. It's like late night television. It's what people call it and they'll always call it the Doug Stanhope podcast. Yeah, I think we're too far in. My name's Brian Henning and thank you.

All right, I like that. We'll be back after we drink one more drink and have more ideas. Holiday special. Yes, holiday special. Yes, holiday special. The boss went out of town and Chaley went crazy. You fucking Tracy and Chaley are leaving us alone for like three weeks or something. And then you come back and then you leave for another three weeks or so. No, we're leaving for 10 days, at which time we'll still take orders.

But then we leave in December because we have family and we go visit them during the holidays alright well the Chaley's have left me high and dry merch orders stop on December 13th so you have enough time to get your merch order in for yourself for Christmas because

you don't buy my shit for someone else not off the podcast it's not like your wife is listening to the podcast going, Oh, what can I get him that's on sale? What do you have? What's your special, Chaley? What's your merchandise? Well, we've got the new Funhouse Fanatics football patch.

Yep. And we're going to throw that in with a sticker pack and a t-shirt. Whatever t-shirt you want. We'll set it up that way. All right. What t-shirts do we have? We have the podcast t-shirts. We have the Killer Termites. You still have UK t-shirt you want. We'll set it up that way. All right. What t-shirts do we have? We have the podcast t-shirts. We have the Killer Termites.

You still have UK t-shirts? No, we've got plenty of UK t-shirts. Fucking UK t-shirts. Get them over here because, you know, most Americans don't even have a passport. They'll never go anywhere.

They'll go to the Cape. They'll go to fucking Smudging Island. Smudging Island? Yeah, somewhere right near where they go that has a fucking pond just that far out of international waters? yeah they'll never fucking go to the UK

so get a UK poster and a UK t-shirt I love that idea yeah and then say oh yeah I saw them in Copenhagen yeah frame a fucking UK poster and look worldly in front of fat girls that you meet at fucking Comic-Con. We'll have a holiday special

available at DougStanhope.com. Yeah, the way I'm losing my mind and my body's falling apart. Yeah, it should be worth money pretty soon. You'll sell a T-shirt for double the price once I die soon. You say, oh, I ordered that because of this commercial where I pretended to be at the UK. Help Chaley help himself.

I'm Doug Stanhope, and I approved of this commercial. Cheers. Cheers. What the fuck is that you're drinking? Same shit. Oh, Jesus. It's the XL. I can't believe you. Honey.

Yeah, hit it, hit it. Oh, it's running. It's running? Yeah. Just get bingo freshening you up. What are you drinking? It's a... It's the Tito's on ice. Yeah, we just did another shot of the lemon shot.

Tito's and... Just straight Tito's on ice. Thank you very much, Big Go. Got it. I got it. I got it. Nice early Seinfeld joke reference there. Okay.

Yeah, that's not a way to kick off the... That's a burner. When you get on a runner like that, when you have so many people here for so many days and so much shit and Thursday football and Sunday football and Monday

football and when are you leaving exactly, you people? Yeah, today you were watching the... I was watching Man United being crushed by PSV Eindhoven. Yeah. It was a Tuesday game? And it was a Holland team. Yeah.

I have different teams. I'm changing them up. Oh, yeah. Well, not necessarily. Holland in the World Cup. That was my team because they're orange. Okay, sorry. I just want to be pernickety for a minute.

I want to be a little bit smartfuck. Holland is a province of a country called the Netherlands. Right. So you have to call it the Netherlands. No, I don't have to call it. You do. I don't. We already sold the fucking place out

unbelievable i think it's like 80 seats i'm just saying if doug stanhope internationally is about one thing it's about truth yeah and one thing i'm about is uh moonshine that's a very american thing and when you drink it yeah you say Holland or Amsterdam instead of the Netherlands. But when I was tweeting it vociferously during the World Cup, wearing an orange suit on that tour. No bigger thing. I was a fucking. Yes. And Mikey, you're the only fucking person that's comped into Amsterdam.

We're doing whatever date. The pudgy chick? I have no idea. I still don't remember her. She was pudgy. I don't care if she's pudgy. It's her fucking default. Whose phone is that? That's my phone. Is it me? Am I calling you? I don't have to turn my phone off during a production.

Wow. If it's Dave and Becky, tell them to fuck off. It was three steps away from Doug But Tracy went all across Oh wait that was the Shady Dell Oh Because you held up a sign to make sure I Plugged the Shady Dell

We will be doing a show Super Bowl weekend I don't know who's on it Maybe Jeff Tate Jeff Tate and Brett Erickson are confirmed on the show. No shit. Absolutely. Yeah, they're going to have their own Super Bowl party at the Bisbee Royale.

And we're going to do a show there the night before Super Bowl. So if you want to come hang out the night before Super Bowl and still be excluded from the Super Bowl party, they're going to be having their own. And maybe I make an appearance. Probably not. There's no fucking way. All right. But, yeah, stay at the Shady Dell anytime you're in Bisbee. If I'm in Bisbee, this is the running rule to go back to.

Hey, we can't schedule it if you're staying at the shady dell and i'm in town i will come down to at least have one beer with you that's a that's on the record and we promote the shady dell it's a vintage it's the shady dell.com look at the vintage trailers 50s vintage trailers decked out to the extreme down to record players and 1940s movies on 1940s televisions in 50s or 60s. I don't know. That block of time.

It's like going back to shit you don't know about. I got married there. It's a fantastic place. They have a 37 foot dry docked yacht that you can stay in and get married there. It's a fantastic place. They have a 37-foot dry docked yacht that you can stay in. And get married on. Tiki Yacht. And get married on.

Yeah, if marriage is your thing. Can I just put this one caveat out? Your proposal is very generous. I had no idea this podcast had caveats. The one caveat is don't call from the shady Dell at 445 and want to meet Doug for a happy hour. You tell Justin or my stalker girl. If you follow the podcast, we call her stocks now. She knows what you're dead. Yeah.

now. She knows what you're Deb. Yeah, Deb moved in across the street from me after seeing my show coincidentally in Southern California months before. Yeah, she's the laziest stalker in the world. Doesn't really bother me. She's in bed by

10 and now she's taken over running the Shady Dell. So they're up and alive and uh yeah stay at the shady dell and check my schedule if i'm in town tell justin hey doug stand up said he'd come down for a beer i will come down for a beer stocks knows the protocol has to be stocks or just talk to them they're the only people there and you'll you'll it's fucking amazing it's just that's what originally sold me on this town you come through the tunnel and you're going holy fuck but then

when you see the shady dell and you go this you can rent this like a hotel this is this is fucking brilliant just for your own amusement go to the shady dell.com and look at the places you can stay it's amazing all right i don't know if i should even say this say it say it it's only funny if you say it bingo uh oh i was talking to uh justin jason the owner of the shady dell and and reserved the shady dell for her birthday a year a year and a half hold birthday a year and a half from now. Have we not talked about this on a podcast? We've talked about the fact that she's omitting her 39th birthday to prepare for the 40th. She's 38.

She turns 39 in a couple months. But she's already talking about, i'm planning my 40th birthday so now she's she's already booked the shady dell for a year and a half from now and you know it's justin just going okay got it just wrote it down yeah yeah the same way he He has no books. You have to understand. Hold on. That's not it. When Jonathan. That's not it. All that happened.

Hang on. When Jonathan that won the biggest football helmet, I go. Jonathan Franzen. Jonna. I said, okay. Yeah. Yeah. You're definitely invited to the Super Bowl.

I suggest staying at the Shady Dell. It's the best fucking place in Bisbee. Except if you don't want to drive drunk, but Justin will get you around. And he went online and online everything is booked because he's still like he's coming out of a bad

situation. So he just has a website basically shut down and I had to call stocks and go, what's up not every fucking date for the rest of ever is booked well no he's just gonna kind of shut down right now because he's not really back into

that's why she took over well it's already booked for her birthday not online go online it used to say by the time people going to impact you. By the time people listen to this.

You know what's also booked for your birthday? Narnia. Bingo said, I want to book the Shady Dell for my birthday. And Justin Jason says, okay, when is it? And she said, no, it's my birthday, but I want to rent the whole week. Oh, Jesus Christ. Did you take notes down on me and Hennigan, too?

Are you wearing a wire? People are flying in, and they're going to stay right here. But he did not write it down. It's a year and a half from now, Bingo. Are they flying into Bisbee International Airport? Oh, I don't doubt that one bit.

Well, here's the thing. We have to tell you now. Doug had booked this exclusive resort in the Caribbean, but you enjoy your time. Oh, it's picking up. Lucifer's or the Caribbean, but you enjoy your time. I don't care. I don't fuck up for my birthday. I'm having a party. Oh, it's picking up. I was just going to say right in your notes, Mike, the audience,

just get one mic that hangs from the ceiling. We're in the process of using your money wisely. Testing your money. Testing your money. Actually, we're going to sell one of the mics, your mic from the podcast, the last mic we had before we upgraded to these. I'm going to do that on the eBay auction.

No, this is something we have to talk about before we leave for the UK, which we have to get back to, is if Chad Shank is going to guest host or guest guest and you host while I'm away, because we're not podcasting from over there. Well, we might.

We might swap cast if we have a day off. I can't do the fucking Richard Herring podcast because he can only tape it the day, like right before I go on stage in Brixton. Is this a production meeting? No. No, no. People have been talking about this on Twitter. Richard Herring is a fucking fantastic comic, and I was really excited to do his thing.

If we could fit it in. But it happens to be, like, the afternoon before I go play the fucking O2 in Brixton. You know me. And that's after already doing Hammersmith. But O2's all... I'm doing the website now. I don't know if you know that, but I'm actually maintaining your website.

The point is, it's two London shows in a row that are huge fucking shows. Those are big ones. The O2s? Okay. Well, both London shows, basically. Yeah, both the London shows. I gotta be prepared. I can't because if I'm gonna do good on

I you have to understand people I base my talent around my drinking. So I know I'm gonna be hungover from that show, and I would want to drink to be fun or feel fun

on Richard Herring's podcast, which means I'm too drunk by the time I get to the paying show. And that's just the way it works. You have to accept that. Yeah, I'm a fucking drunk, and I'm doing pretty good at it. And unfortunately, I can't do Richard Herring's show. I mean, I get a lot of emails from people saying, hey, hey, why can't we fill in that date between this here and it's got a blank day? I say, do you understand, Doug, at all?

Do you understand occasionally has to be a down day? There have to be days where there's nothing. Or travel. Travel. Just getting from one place to another. Also days where there's nothing. Yeah, I'm not that comic that I want to get out there and... No, I'm terrified of you as an audience,

and I drink accordingly. And, yeah. Hey, don't die before you get to fucking Terre Haute, Indiana. Well, I never knew how you pronounce that. Yeah, and then if I get to Terre Haute, Indiana, you'll go, come fucking drink with me, man. Wow. Border Patrol. Yeah yeah that's low flying yeah sorry for a lot of you out there listening uh a low-flying helicopter is probably a regular event but here in bisbee you go either someone's uh getting life flighted out like mother

from copper queen hospital or Border Patrol. Someone's jumping over your fence. Who's flying to Mexico for life flight? Wouldn't they go north to Phoenix or Tucson? No, they circle over here. Oh, really? Oh, yeah. That's what we in the Narcos call getting your grass moon.

Mother got life flighted twice, I believe, at least, but she didn't remember it. Only one of which was for attention. Was it? I mean. Well, when we get back from this. You don't want to talk about it? It's sensitive?

No, it's in the book. It's in the book. Yeah. You don't want to promote the book? Yeah, but we don't want to cut into sales. Jesus. I get it. No, over the course of us podcasting during me writing it, that shit is fresh in my mind.

Yeah. I've heard all this over a course of fucking eight months of podcasting. They will have heard all this. Anyway. Manchester. Holland. Oh, yeah. Holland. My holland team yeah your holland team you and your holland team beating the mighty manchester allegedly i didn't know i i just anytime brian is i root against whatever team brian is rooting for which is unfair since part of the time i support scotland and we're and we're already a huge underdog.

So to be rooted against is really not fair. So the Manchester United team, who's the coach? He's Dutch. Oh. From the Netherlands, not Holland. Holland's not Netherlands? No, he might be from Holland, but he's definitely from the Netherlands.

But isn't... I don't know where you're going. I do what Brian does to me with football. Where now I'm a 49ers fan out of obligation to the... Died in the wool. Right.

Yes. I bought a goddamn vintage jersey today on eBay. And I will have to root for them when I'm here. Who had those jerseys we saw on Sunday the Cleveland Browns oh Cleveland Browns the new uniform is fucking beautiful and San Francisco

kind of not I like their old uniform just fine and now they're trying to dress it up they were wearing black. It was more dark midnight blue. I think they're making a concerted effort. This is me, an outsider. I know nothing about football or sports.

You are the outsider. I am the outsider. You're the constant outsider. I've noticed that they're pulling away from the red, white, and blues and the bright colors, and they are going to, like, because the Cleveland Browns. They're changing their uniform to sell more different jerseys. Absolutely.

But the color palette has definitely changed. There's been a shift. It's the same as us selling t-shirts. People want black. People want black. Actually, that's all they want. Podcast special oatmeal t-shirts are on special right now at DougStanup.com. Are you making fun of fat people and you're my manager?

That's our fucking demographic. They're all comatose by now. I was down to 145 pounds today. Today? Yeah, and I thought, oh, wow, am I going like trousers did my cat? Yeah. Sounds like it. Fluid in the lungs.

But my gut is still so prevalent. I'm losing weight on all the wrong places. I haven't fucking dropped a pound since we got back. You should try these cigarettes. Yeah. I don't smoke. Yeah. You should.

Fat fuck. I know Jesus. Unbelievable. I know Jesus. Hold on a second. I know Jesus because of what he said, or I know Jesus because I'm fat. What? You exclaimed, I'm trying to close this podcast up.

Yeah, close it. Because I have to. Shut it down. Wolverhampton, I've got a lot of tweets. Yeah. When I'm watching the football, either with Brett Erickson or Brian Hennigan, anyone I can talk shit to just to make it fun, since I don't understand it completely.

I understand it a lot more since World Cup, but I don't fucking know what I'm talking about. So I talk shit. Hennigan, it's easy. I know what his teams are by now. To push his buttons? Yeah. He gets really upset. I don't even get that upset when I watch my football.

Well, bear in mind, I self-admittedly admit I get so upset I can't even watch Scotland play. I mean, most of my teams, I can't watch them play live because I get too upset. Scotland were starting it, but they don't play. See, this is what I don't understand. Scotland's not in the Premier League, right? No. Nor is PSV fucking Holland. Like, they do other fucking games, like side jobs?

Yeah, basically. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so the season is going on, but all of a sudden... There's two seasons. I come in and I see on the TV it's Manchester... PSV. Yeah, but is it United or City

that you root for? Manchester United, for fuck's sake. We're not fucking bellicose, fucking billionaire pig dogs. You used to be, though, like four years ago. No, no, I never supported Manchester City.

How dare you? But weren't they the pig dogs four years ago? Who? Didn't the Manchester switch who was the New York Yankees? No, Carlos Tevez traded from one team to the other. Well, Chelsea was in the middle. Oh, yeah, Chelsea.

That's Brett Erickson's team. He'll take it anywhere. It's fucking terrible. He's a cunt. Bellicose billion. But I thought Manchester United used to be the New York Yankees that spent the most money. And then it went to Chelsea.

So what happened was this. Manchester United were, let's describe them as the most prevalent club. But they weren't spent the most money, bought all the fucking good talent. No, that's the difference. They were never the richest. Biggest slave owners. No. No? No. What happened was that first Chelsea and then Manchester City redefined what it meant to buy the victory. They came in from nowhere and became a major team. That's the difference. It's kind of like if suddenly the Cleveland Browns won three in a row. That would be a big change.

Doesn't the right start with those vintage jerseys? Yeah. I've always been a Brownie. You know that. Thank you. Yeah, no, actually, that was his first favorite team when we made him pick one. It still is.

And that's what I'm doing now is I'm picking one. And last tour, it's been three years since we did the UK. It's been three years since we did the UK. And what I did is I'm going to base my favorite team on the best show. Of the run. Right. So Wolverhampton was actually a Premier League team back then and definitely the best show. I don't know why the fuck we're not going back there. Probably because the money didn't add up because I don't book the shit.

Don't yell at me. Don't yell at me. Well, if you're going to fucking Shropton Shire, you could make a brief stop in Flippshire Bournemouth. flip share Bournemouth. Anyway, the point is, you know, we felt we were going to the nexus of this shithole of the UK that's called the West Midlands, which is Birmingham.

Yes, but Wolverhampton got relegated. Correct. And all the games that get aired that I can fuck with you are whatever the top. Premier League. Premier League. So I'm going to have to get a second favorite. Wolverhampton, you will always be my favorite.

But you're dead to us. But my favorite, according to Hennigan, will be gauged on this tour the best show and I don't even know where we're... But here's the thing, we've got issues already though because yes, Wolverhampton are excluded because they're not in the Premier League, right? But I'm saying we're playing... There's no other teams.

No, we're playing cities that I don't know that that team is part of... The Premier League. Well, there's London teams that are not made in London. I know. So I don't know that. Okay.

So let's go through them. Go. Tell me. All right. Chaley, what's the first date? The first date is October 2nd in Glasgow. We love Glasgow. Glasgow?

Glasgow. All right. Okay. So one of the first things, Bingo might want to step out for this bit. First of all, I always take Scotland over England because I just found out that I'm,

like, whatever that generation is. My great-grandmother, I found her birth certificate from Scotland because we don't give a fuck. I know. In America. No, no, you don't give a fuck. Every other American does. No, no. you don't give a fuck. Yeah.

Every other American does. No, no. Chaley's adopted. He doesn't care. I don't know where I'm from. But you don't want to know where you're from? No, I don't. I really don't know.

Your we is limited to this room. A number of boring conversations I have with Americans saying, I'm Scottish. Oh, my God. It's like, no. Keep going. They care about it the same way they do an astrology sign. They don't care. They have no connection. My family, I don't know.

Other comics that like to start out with, I'm Italian. From where? Got a birth certificate? Who's that guy? a birth certificate was that guy yeah yeah yeah no no no yeah go ahead so uh one of the first things i ever bought you was i bought you uh uh uh doug stanhope i forget if we've when i got it there's a rangers and a celtic top yeah you and renee and i had i think it's i can and a Celtics top. Celtics, yeah, for me and Rene. You and Rene, and I had,

I think it's, I can't remember who got what, but. I remember putting it in your thrift store. I know, it's really annoying. Everything I've bought, Doug, everything has ended up in your thrift store, and I've often re-bought it, because I thought Doug would like that. It's kind of walking distance from theshadydell.com.

That's right. As a matter of fact, if're want both accommodation and a cheap you know boutique shop you can walk past pretty much guess what i gave away yeah uh so uh get to the uh glasgow we know but get to glasgow it's not in the British Premier League. Correct. According to the vote? Okay. No, no. I don't know.

Basically, it's like soccer apartheid, and Scotland is kept out of the Premier League. I don't want to talk about it, because I'll just get me upset. The first team that so-called matters is Newcastle. Newcastle was fucking great. Yeah. Newcastle, the show there

and conversely, Sunderland, I hope you're playing against children in the lowest league with blindfolds on because that show sucked. And also Sunderland, they're like clingers.

They're like fucking... No, this is your fault. No, what was? The book... I played to 200 people in a 2000 theater. Hey, don't blame me. All right. I'm talking about...

We won't name names. No, but the point is, with Sunderland as well, they're like Pittsburgh. The only fucking thing they've got in a dying town is... All right. They should all leave, right? And Newcastle, the only thing I've got against... Newcastle, are they in the Premier Right? And Newcastle. The only thing I've got against... Newcastle.

Are they in the Premier League? Yes. Only just. You might be my favourite team if you fucking live up to last time. This is where it gets complex because your next favourite team might be Leeds. Leeds has a team in the Premier League? No. That's the problem. That's what we were talking about. Here's what I wrote. Again, my memory is shit uh but leads all i remember was that weird

stalker guy from the joe rogan forum not not mark hayden yes how do you remember his name right because we interviewed him on the steps of my apartment in edinburgh yeah and and that footage has never been released. Oh, no. Another Brian Hennigan fucking production gone beautifully. That's going to be like Jodorowsky's Dune. I say that you're holding that as your, if Doug Stanhope drinks himself to death,

I can release this footage. There's no real if there is there. That's why I hold him down. There's no chance of it is there. That's why I hold a myth. There's no chance of it being released unless I'm dead. Yeah. Because that's his life insurance policy. Oh, yeah. Over the course of three fringe festivals in Edinburgh, he had me filmed day and night.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Documentary style. I mean, oh, filmed? No big deal. Oh, two, oh, four, oh, six. And then he'll go, we have all. I mean, oh, filmed? No big deal. 02, 04, 06. And then it'll go, we have...

I don't know what happened to that footage. I don't know. That's how I talk when I'm being reminiscent. Yes. But we actually have on camera Doug and I meeting

for the first time. Oh, wow. Yeah. And you'll never see it till I'm dead. It'll release it. What was the shit we were going to give him about what

oh yeah all this fucking footage I'm teflon I sent him hours of footage can we get back to leads no we're fucking doing this what happened to all that footage you said I'll check on that

and I never heard back I'll check on that. And I never heard back. I'll check on it again. We're going right through fucking Brandon. Hey, Brandon, we're going right through you. Brandon's in a hell hole. None of us can even imagine. He does not respond to me. When is the last time you heard?

Oh, he answers my email. Okay. Don't worry. We're going around you. I know. He has a corporate job now. We see your fucking snake-ism. He's very cool about... Brian is so terrified that I'm going to quit comedy.

I'm not terrified in the least. Yes, you are. Quit comedy. Just don't quit t-shirts and posters. Paranoia. I don't make any money from t-shirts and posters, so why would I give a fuck? I know. That's all... Greg Chaley, please buy merch. I can do t-shirts and posters so why would i give a fuck i know that's all greg chaley please buy merch oh i can i can do t-shirts and posters there's the merch plug yeah all right where else uh oh no leads how do you feel about leads

all i remember is that guy so i hate leads because of that guy but i don't think i had bad shows there wait is, is that the old the theater where they go, oh, we've been around since 1899 and that's another all of us, almost all of them. It's either Leeds or where they

like no, it's not Liverpool. It's Leeds. Okay. Well, seriously, are they Premier League? No, that's the problem. They're Leeds. Okay. Seriously. Are they Premier League? No, that's the problem. They're not yet. All right. Fuck them.

The O2. Birmingham. Birmingham. We haven't played there. No, we don't. That's like the... That's probably one of those cities that has teams that are not... There's no Birmingham team.

There is Birmingham FC, but there's also... Not in the Premier League. Aston Villa. Aston Villa! That's a good one. Bingo! You and I... You made out on an Aston Villa shirt.

No, no! On that last tour in 2012, we would... What was the drunken tour guy that drove the van? Oh, fuck. You know. Phil? Phil. Phil. Get over here. Get over here. Phil

would listen. He was a big guy. I think Man U. He's a Man U fan. And he would put it on the radio and we'd have to listen to it. So every every team just like we fuck with you every team that was playing against man you we would be fans of and in the uh uk they have fight songs or whatever songs for for whatever team and so we would make up our own fight song b and bingo and henry phillips would sing fight songs but we just make up our own and sing them over each other about and i

remember aston villa i remember aston villa and we're all singing and do you remember? I don't remember how it went. Well, no, it didn't go. It just went. It's like, yeah. At the finish line, the best team ever. Go, go, go. And everybody has it. Go, go, go.

And we just do this, like, all singing the wrong song over each other. And he was always, like, leaking like leaking weeping eyeballs what's that cartoon the cartoonist from the 70s with the giant eyeballs with the red veins in them uh i think of yeah the car magazine yeah rat fink had the car yes we he would be looking like that and just muttering under his breath how much he hated us. So you say you have sympathy for us. He's the guy that fucking while he's got money on the Grand National. I know.

And he's just sitting there. A lot of people get a lot of horses die during this. And this is good. Horse lover. So you say you have sympathy for Aston Villa. I remember Aston Villa from that. So yes, I tilt towards Aston Villa. They are one of the few sporting teams in the world

named after Roman fortifications. All I care about is, was it a good show? But I need a good show. I think we're going to our favorite here they're not in the Premier League they have a phenomenal

sporting heritage and it's one of your favorite venues because they sold seafood in the intervals Nottingham oh fucking

Nottingham Nottingham Nottingham as I will say it all the time just to make it crazy in between like they had an interval.

And a man came around selling seafood. Out of the inside of his coat pockets, basically. Watches and seafood? Yeah. They have an intermission? And it wasn't even branded. Are we working the comedy club? Yes.

Good. Thank God. But we're working on our rules this time. The corner house yes there were no that place was perfect oh yeah i didn't know they had a football team yeah i thought they had a forest they have one of the most famous football teams of all time nottingham forest as in yeah as in you know robin hood robin hood but more importantly they were managed by a guy called brian clough who's one of the few soccer managers that even Scottish people respect.

Are they in the same league as Wolverhampton? Yes, they are now. Well, then I'd have to make a decision. There's a little trouble with the sheriff. No, it has to be Nottingham. Yeah. Well, no, no, it doesn't have to be. Okay.

Wolverhampton, they were actually banging on the van doors as we tried to escape from the back, because in the front there was a fight when they were trying to put people out, and we had to escape from the back, but people found us and are banging on the fucking van doors. That was great. Like Elvis. Like Walking Dead, yeah.

Well, I was thinking Elvis Beatles, and you go right the Walking Dead. Well, I was thinking Elvis Beatles and you go right to Walking Dead. With my crowd, more Walking Dead. So they were on to the cornucopia that is London. And here's the thing. I have no idea when it comes to people like Arsenal, Tottenham. Tottenham. Tottenham, I like to say on stage because it makes people crazy

and who else well you've got Chelsea you've got Queen's Park Rangers Queen's Park Rangers we did sing that song Queen's Park Rangers go go go and we're the best of the Queen

I thought QPR got relegated they did fuck them but they have the nicest uniform we're the best the queen and that QPR got relegated they did oh fuck them that we were talking about but they have the nicest uniforms and they also had

until fairly recently Joey Barton was their captain and he was an outspoken secularist and atheist and to have

a captain of a soccer team could you imagine like having like the main like Tom Brady of any team in the in the nfl who was an outspoken secularist and atheist i mean it was brilliant here's a ah fuck it that that's gonna go down a whole different trail but the tim tebow thing oh yeah

tim tebow got kind of shit on all over the place for being an outspoken religious guy, and he'd bow after a touchdown and pray to God. That's what Bingo does at Morning Cafe. But every athlete in the US does that. Not everyone,

but he was so insistent. He got shit upon because he really believed it. Where other people just go, yeah, no, I do this and point to the sky after a touchdown. But you don't really believe that shit because we're going to a titty bar. It was like a faith arrogance that T-Bone had.

But more importantly, the point you're making doug is he was he was he actually believed it the other people are just fucking like pantomiming it right like everyone in the world does for the most part yeah well that's what they told me to do yeah i do that and i did you really actually believe that? And you preach that? That's stupid. Yeah. Which is more contemptible, the guy that does it because he believes it or the guy who does it because he's told to?

I think we know the answer, folks. So now here's an interesting one, because the next gig, Bath, it's kind of a rugby town. doesn't really it's a kind of a rugby turn i i i would rather watch rugby if i had someone explaining it to me which i've never had like i soccer's not that difficult so brett erickson when we watched it with him he's soccer coach. And he would explain how it works. Rugby, I've never had anyone saying, well, this is what's going on right now. This is why they did that.

This is why they stopped running. I'd rather watch rugby with someone who tells me what the fuck is going on. Right. It's boring. Boring. Okay, so Bath, we just forget about. You skipped London, though.

No, it didn't mean to dress London. Oh, I'm sorry. We got to get to the end of this. Here's an interesting one. Sheffield. Because Sheffield has two great teams historically. Did we play there last time? No.

We didn't. Sheffield United. Is that why we lost our ass and everyone's going, why are your ticket prices so much? Because I fucking lost my ass on that last tour and I swore I'd never come back. We can cut that bit out, yeah? No! So, the point

is though, Sheffield is unique in having a town, sorry, a team that has in its title a day of the week. Sheffield Wednesday. Yeah, that's a major team. Sheffield Wedding's Day. Now, are they Premier League?

No. They were. No. No, okay. I need a Premier League team. I like Ace Black because we're back in Manchester with Man City or Man United.

Yeah, yeah. They're getting relegated. Both those teams. Well, we're doing two nights there, right? Yeah, yeah. All right. Ooh, pit one All right. Ooh. Pit one for one.

How about first night is Man U, second night is Man City. Perfect. Because the first night's already sold out. Shit. Boo! Ah, goddammit. All right. Well, whatever.

Man City, perennial losers. Actually, I'm looking at my notes here. Doug was supposed to say Man City first, followed by Man that was in the production meeting today i'm sorry i'm sorry it's all right everyone's confused and uh unless someone in the rest of the tour because we got uh norway denmark and sweden yep and amsterdam yeah we netherlands it's called the Netherlands. I don't even know where that's at. Jesus fucking idiot. I don't even know where it's at. Yeah.

Unless one of those three can beat the Netherlands in World Cup, I am always orange. Yeah. And I think we're fucking way too long. Boom. Way too much lemon shine in this podcast. Lemonade shine.

Lemonade shine. So, do you have anything to say about Iceland? How long is it? Last time you were there. We're doing Dublin

and Iceland, too. That's right. Dublin and Iceland. They don't play soccer in those fucking places. No, no. Wait, wait, wait. This is really exciting.

Wait. Iceland. He just hit. Wait. Iceland. He just hit his note. Iceland have qualified for the European Championships for the first time ever. Is that like the Jamaican bobsled team? That is exactly like the Jamaican.

Bear in mind, here's the important point that you don't know. I was going to say T-ball. The European Championships, right now, the Netherlands aren't going to be there. They're not actually going to. The Netherlands have played like a pack of fannies and are not going to be in the European Championships,

whereas Iceland, the population of a quarter of a million are. Less than Tucson, the small airport I have to fly out of. Yeah, and remarkably convenient. Hey, Henning, I will edit... Goddamn good sushi. Very good sushi. I'll edit in some crowd cheer on that last statement. They'll get it now when I say it.

All right, a couple of things that came in that I managed to start kind of a folder here let's play murder is a book google that let's play murder it's kind of a children's book and it's a alphabet book where children murder each other and they put my quote on the back. Really? I said, yeah. You didn't see that? No, I haven't seen it. It says, great book. This is me. Great book if, like me, you like illustrations of children murdering each other without being drugged down by a lot of words.

So, yeah. Just pick a letter. I. I is for incineration. Oh, that's good. So yeah, just pick a letter. I is for incineration. Oh, that's good. And there's a girl burning a little boy with an aerosol can and a lighter. That reminds me of a story involving my late father,

which I never talked about my dad because I didn't like him. But he died of drinking too much Carlsberg Special, which anybody in Scotland would know is fucking... It's like just toxic. Sounds like liquor. It's toxic beer, right? And so you're always looking for...

Special. You're always looking for that, like some sort of drawbridge over which you can meet when you've got nothing in common. And he liked Westerns. So when Unforgiven came out with Clint Easterwood, which kind of reinvented the Western genre, he went to see it.

And I had been to see it separately. And it was like, oh, and it's like, oh, finally something we can talk about. And I said, Dad, what do you think of Unforgiven? And he went, too many words. and he went too many words what in the title Zachary Rodriguez

sent to bingo Wondershowsen which is that a David Cross thing no no that used to be on late night TV yeah but it's in the like it's a like all alt guys oh yeah totally i loved it it was uh very frantic cartoon but the cover of the he sent season one to bingo and it's a it looks like a kid's show it's not she opened it i know but she opened it and went, oh, they found my intellect.

She didn't use the word intellect. Did you? All right. She said, yeah, well, it's appropriate for my intellect. She knows words. I know. But it's not a kids show. It's actually a funny show I've never seen.

So I look forward to seeing it. Yeah, it's acid trip kind of fucking weird edits. We need to put in a resentment mic there to catch Bengals like, what's she saying? I would call back to those guys from Australia, but we never came up with a name to find them on YouTube.

Well, they had the Oswald Arts Council. That's one of them. Either way, that's the end of the podcast alright we shit on them I did the nice things thank you everyone

who bid on football helmets we have that weird thing coming up with Castle Rock Kenny but do you want to tease that at all? yeah I teased it

I teased it one last time that's the end of the podcast play you know what play mishka me and you we made quite a team just the loveliest girl and your drunken drama queen. Now you've got your music industry douchebag boyfriend and I've got soft porn on the late night TV screen. Yeah, it's heat rash and panic attacks Drugs that hurt my teeth and scare my friends And long, desperate letters to your parents That I will never send

Allison The alcohol As much as it's helping It ain't helping at all well see your worried face in my dreams I'm a man of my word. She said, I hope that you find yourself

Out there running those tires down But if I did, I wouldn't like or even recognize The man that I found So I left With my guitar And a frying pan and fork And the tattoo name of a girl who doesn't love me anymore Alison, be out of all As much as it's helping

It ain't helping all Well, I see your worried face In my dreams. Allison, the alcohol, as much as it's helping, it ain't helping at all Well, see your worried face in my dreams Alison, the alcohol As much as it's helping It ain't helping at all Well, I see your worried face

In my dreams