The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #113: Doug, Jobi and Chad Shank

Episode Date: December 10, 2015

Doug delivers Chad's mail and Jobi catches everyone up on Death Pool.The Stanhope Store only ships until Dec 12th so get your orders in now. Donations to Chaille can be sent through this link (here.) and are always appreciated. Thank you.Recorded Nov. 15, 2015 in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Jobi (@stanhopesCDP), Chad Shank (@HDfatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS -LEO MONTANI “THE ESSENCE OF INFLUENCE”http://amzn.to/1OAiwrgKEOKUK, IAhttp://www.cityofkeokuk.org/Carlos Valenciahttp://carlosvcomedy.com/https://twitter.com/carlos_valenciaDoug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Poolhttp://bit.ly/1lO7PRjhttps://www.dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com/GLENN CAMPBELL Movie - “I'll Be Me”http://nflx.it/21PRovV“WOLF PACK”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rDbqcMfUdlI“RUBBLE KINGS”https://vimeo.com/109054520“TAR CREEK”http://tarcreekfilm.com/Necronomicon Suh@NecronomiconSuhhttps://twitter.com/necronomiconsuhBISBEE OBSERVERhttp://www.thebisbeeobserver.com/Closing Song, PARTY TIME by The Mattoid. Available on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

shot clog let's go over this shot like drinking a shot clog like a clogged drain shot clog since we've decided to go with that i i guess we muddle through it someone sent was it a tweet or a text someone said it i don't know someone was saying today oh yeah they said they spelled it Shawclaw. Or Shotclawed. C-O-L-D. I've seen them both. The W and a D. Shotclawed. Joe, you gotta eat the mic. Just so you know.

I'm eating it. I think it was about 60-40 on people who were for and against that. But you still can find it. It's Doug Stanhope Podcast. You'll still find it. I don't give a shit. Hey, wow, did we make a social faux pas?

I was trying to clean out some of the clutter under here, if you noticed. Behind the bar. Yeah, behind the bar. Because you guys sent so much shit. And if we haven't said thank you, thank you very much. And I tried to clean it out, and I went through the box with all the police beats, you know, old ones versus ones we haven't caught up on,

and viewer mail, and I got some shit here. I don't know. Leo, let's get the name right. Leo Monsanti? Leo Montani. Montani. Leo Montani. Like, plural Montana.

Montana-y. Yeah, he sent a book, and evidently we goofed on it. Lately. A podcaster or two ago. Well, you recognize it. Chad Shank is here. Joby is here. And Greg Chaley.

And we goofed on the book because it's... Read the title. The Essence of Inf the book because it's read the title. The Essence of Influence Practical Mind Control for Business. Right. So, of course, we're not going to read it. And I'm chucking shit out that I didn't even know we had talked about this. And it had a rubber band wrapped around it. The book did?

Yeah. And, well, on further inspection, right before this went into the thrift store pile, well, there is a very important chapter in there after all. This backstory is all new to me, by the way. I didn't know this. What? This part that you're talking about.

Oh, yeah, the envelope was inside the book with a rubber band around it. So we just read the back cover and went, nah, on the air. So it was here last time when I was watching that. Yeah, it was sitting right in there. Holy shit. So, yeah, that was months ago. Your name was on that.

Thank you, Mr. Montani. So what happened? He had an envelope marked Chad Shank. Retention fund. Retention fund. Yeah. Chucked 500 bucks Chad Shank shanks way holy shit i'm waiting for a second envelope telling me whose ass i got a kick you better check that box down there so if you are in business and you really need practical

mind control for business you have to pick up the the Leo Montani book because you're going to be winning right away. I assume they all come with this envelope. The title is... Go ahead, Chad. Plug that. The Essence of Influence, Practical Mind Control for Business by Leo Montani.

And I'm about a quarter of the way through it now because I'm going to read this book. It's a quick read. Yeah, see how easy it is to get a quarter of the way through it now because I'm going to read this book. It's a quick read. Yeah, see how easy it is to get a plug on the air? Put the envelope on the outside next time. Man, I'm glad you didn't throw that in the thrift store. No shit. I opened it up. I pulled out a $100 bill.

I was expecting maybe a $20. I was excited as shit and then realized there was more in there. Kept growing. Yeah, you were all cranky when you showed up. Yeah, ruined my whole bad mood. Money ruins everything. Yeah, it does. It really does. Except for the bar

and this whole place. Money doesn't ruin the podcast, by the way. That's okay. Yeah, you can also buy merch and help Chaley be retained. And you can get in the celebrity death pool. It's fucking that time of year, too. We're winding down.

Winding down and getting ready. Yeah, we're winding down and getting ready, so this is a busy time. Yeah, start doing your research for 2016 in the death pool. I didn't think about that. Yeah, I never do. I got shit to do. I'm going to tape this special and then I'm done. Go to South Africa for vacation.

Do a Dave Chappelle vacation. Are you leaving the airport this time when you go to South Africa? Yeah, yeah, because bingo's going. We have to go find lettuce and chicken. A couple of nice hotels. There's two different parts of Cape Town that are supposedly both decent. The white parts?

Yeah, yeah. Pretty much the white parts. I'm no... I'm no hero. I don't want to see the local flavor. You're not going to do any kind of research on something you should see? No, there's a fucking beach at one of the places.

Oh, really? Yeah, I'll go to the beach. Shipwreck beach or something? No, it's a nice beach. Cape Town's supposed to be nice, in the nice parts. That's the south, right? That's the tip? I don't know. I don't have a fucking road atlas. I don't know. Don't look at me.

Hire a driver? I don't know if you have to hire like bodyguards yeah I would definitely do all that I know like Johannesburg oh yeah you hire a fucking guy with a armed escort bulletproof glass shit

maybe you could get Pastorius to do a podcast interview he's out right? yeah he's out I think they took away his legs or something for several months. I read something. They couldn't put an ankle bracelet on him because he didn't have any ankles. Just get a drill.

Just drill a hole in there, right? I don't know if that was a spoof article or not, but I remember reading that. What's the movie where they put the thing around their necks and if they tried to escape prison, it blew their head off? Roots?

Oh, no. What? Oh, it's the one. The guy's at the end. His head blows up. It's Scanners. No, no. It's Prisoners and they have the bomb around it.

Escape from New York? No. Maybe. No, I don't think so. Fuck it. Who cares? Scanners had that one really good thing where the guy's head blew up at the end. It was like a big meat flap that went forward.

Oh, it's all mind control. Yeah, that was a mind control. That's not even at the end. Yeah. I remember that. Michael Ironsides was in that. Yeah, he was the guy. One of my favorite actors, yeah.

So do we start with Paris just happened, but by the time this airs no one will care right now you're all sensitive on fucking twitter about paris so many people care right now yeah but like people that follow me like i wasn't hashtagging paris to be a dick like if you follow me that's what you should fucking expect i thought it it was funny. Yeah, it was a fucking ripoff of another piece I wrote for my website after Dimebag Daryl. I just tweeted something about quoting the tour manager of the band arguing with the venue. Saying, no, you can't take those 118 people off the headcount. We sold this place out. Who speaks French in here?

So he's like oh we we uh you didn't seem to hit our number you're only 95 percent fuck you man yeah they may not have walked out of here but they walked in here and there's some people in bands that even gave me shit like you must have never fucking worked in your fucking garage band if you don't understand the fucking hilarity in venues and fucking tour managers haggling over fucking bricks and peanuts, yeah, that's the fucking joke. No, they never got to the level where they had a tour

manager that tried to, or a club manager that was trying to jack them up on the... Some cunt from some band fucking something luddite. It's like, oh, yeah, so you know, the merch guy for that band was killed. So I hope you have another really edgy joke about that.

And I went, oh, thank God the tour manager's okay, because I could really look like a dick in this one. Yeah, if they ever found out that you wrote that tweet after you found out the merch guy died, that would really ruin it for you. Yeah, the merch guy, fucking it's his fault. He's at the front of the house. He's your first line of defense.

See something, say something, motherfucker. They called that point man in the audience. Yeah, watch my six. Yeah, Chaley's going to do. When you're working merch, you're working security as well. It's by default. You're stopping problems before they happen. Oh, and then you're taking care of the problems in the lobby

because you already got them kicked out. You know the problem? They probably had girls' shirts. Girl tees. Pantera baby tees? Yeah. Bippy tops? Bippy tops.

He's putting up the bippy tops going, we never fucking sell these. No, they'll sell. They'll sell. It's friends. Eagles it's death metal the chicks don't buy shit why am i doing they probably get shot in the back and that's the fucking that's the tragedy you're saying he's running for the door saying i can replace a merch guy but a good tour manager chaley i've learned i get it if you know the people but you're not gonna i don't know it's like 200 less than 200 people did any of did anybody cry when my mom died no because you didn't fucking know her exactly actually bingo and i cried a little bit laughing we were laughing so hard we cried i used to do a

bit about that because my dad died in 2001 just before 9-11 and uh you know if there were every bumper sticker said never forget your dad i would be like i want to forget my dad i don't want to be reminded of this every time i go into fucking traffic jesus it's just because they died in a weird way it's why people like get all you know airplane crashes get all the press in the world but a bus crash well you can imagine that and the news is a for-profit business that's it's like people think the news has their best interest or something that's what i did for profit yeah derrick said uh earlier today oh yeah 150 something people died in kenya today and never got news yeah uh okay hey doug kenya's in africa oh yeah i hope we're not going so you know yeah i am kind of creeped out a bit about going to south africa with all this bullshit going on

oh oh with the ice yeah i don't know where the fucking uh muhajideen is where these fucking people live the beheaders i know they're cranky anyway in South Africa. If you go into, you take the wrong left turn. Oh, I never noticed you were having these troubles. Get a map. Don't use GPS. Yeah, they do the necklacing over there. They don't fuck around with the beheading, the swift chop.

They put a tire full of gasoline around you so you can't move your arms and then set it on fire and they so you run around wedged in the tires is running the time that's brilliant yeah it's pretty horrific yeah i don't know if i'd like to be beheaded that might be kind of fun but i don't know about that. Yeah, no, burned to death and buried alive, two biggest fears. And as I said, those are your two options, what to do with your body. Three options. Now that you say drowning, yeah, they can throw your ashes out to sea. They can burn you and drown you or bury you alive.

How do you prefer to? It's interesting that fun to Chad Shank is the necklace or the beheading and finding $500 in an envelope. It's kind of a fucking good day. Yeah. I started to open that envelope and I'm like, wait, it says to Chad Shank. Yeah. So I left it. We're very aware that when things show up here

with someone's name on it, we do not... It goes to that person. Yeah, someone sent a box to Gretchen care of me. It's sitting in there. Yeah. But I mean, Bingo gets a lot of stuff and we just leave it

for whenever she ends up opening it. But it's one of those things where that's a thing. This is almost a satellite of the post office. We will branch out and make sure they get that. Right. It's on their time schedule. General delivery at 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee 85603.

So, yeah, what was your road rage situation before you got $500 and got happy? Yeah, I was all fucking mad today. A guy pulled out in front of me. He was going 60 miles an hour on the highway. It's my wife's birthday today. I went and bought her a plant. I went to town to buy her a plant because I'm going to be here drinking with you guys. Yeah, it's ultimate fighting tonight.

As we speak, it's the day after Paris and the night of the Ronda Rousey fight. Let's see which one you remember more in two weeks. Holly Holm against Holly Holm. Who? Exactly. So I had to go to town to do that. And I'm coming back. I'm 60 miles an hour down the highway.

And a guy pulls out directly in front of me. I would have plowed right into him. I had to cut into the other lane without hardly looking to see if there was anybody there. I was just like, fuck it. I'll run them off the road rather than slam into him i had to cut into the other lane without hardly looking to see if there was anybody there i was just like fuck it i'll run them off the road rather than slam into him luckily there wasn't anybody there that was a guy right behind me though and so i fucking laid on my horn and flipped him off as i went through and then i cut him almost off the back off the road and then he had the fucking audacity to come around the side of me and flip me off as he was turning to go the other direction. So I fucking cut off two other people while I flipped the bitch through the intersection.

Kind of fucking ironic. I know. I'm sorry. It's like a one-upmanship. I'm a fucking asshole. But I chased him up through a residential area. Is that why you're late? Well, and I was trying

not to. That's what I was going to tell you earlier. You ruined my good mood, but I try not to come around too much, and I think about why if I'm going to hang around here too much, you guys will know, you know, see the real me instead of fucking the guy that's having a good time, and then nobody will like me.

So then I focus on that part, and I forgot completely about the part is if I hang around here too much, I'm not going to fucking like any of you. So I try to stay home a little bit. Yeah, no, I get to that place. By the end of football season, I'm like, just get the fuck away from me.

Remove the TVs. Yeah, no more of this. No, no. No Thursday. No, it's Jacksonville versus Tennessee on Thursday night. There's no football on Thursday. So, yeah, but that was my grumpiness. But anyways, now I'm not.

Wait, well, you chased him into a neighborhood. I really shouldn't have cut you off right then. Like a low-speed chase, right? It's anticlimactic. Yeah, it's a low-speed chase. I'm driving behind him doing the fucking what's up fucking with my arm out the window. Like, are you going to pull over or what, guy? You're not trying to do a pit maneuver to throw him into the paint.

Well, I've got to try to go. I'm not trying to go to jail. The whole plan is to knock him unconscious as fast as I can before he can hit me and then leave before anybody can see what happened. We don't condone this behavior, by the way. I do. I totally do. You almost cause an accident and somebody flips you off. You just fucking take it like a man and just

fucking go, sorry. I'm a fucking asshole. I didn't really cut off people when I went through the intersection. I just said that because it'd be funny. You almost pulled that off. I just realized. I do that on stage all the time. I have to lie for a bit, then I'll tell you afterwards.

That was really... And it fucks up all my momentum. But I have to be completely honest. After you get the laugh. You get the laugh, and then you go back. Yeah, if I find myself where I just bailed into a... That didn't actually happen. There's a bit I'm doing now where I didn't actually say it.

I said to the guy that i was gonna say it after i didn't say it but now the bit is only works if i said it so it's a new bit i'm gonna have to go to the transcript i got lost anyway the point is i get what you said yeah but the rest of the story is true and that's but not a lot happened after that he wouldn't he wouldn't stop and then uh he kept flipping me off out the window, though. Is that on your way here? No, it was before. It was my way home to take my wife's plant home.

And that got you out of her birthday and ended up watching chicks fighting? Sorry, Beth, I hear you call it, but it's a Ronda Rousey fight. Happy birthday, Jenny fight Happy birthday Jenny Happy birthday Jenny

Happy birthday Jenny Yeah she won't hear it By design He's smart So he finally he pulled over And so I Immediately threw it in neutral and pulled emergency brake And jumped out with the trucks to the door open

Fight mode Yeah I was running towards him. I wasn't running because I didn't want to fucking wind myself before I get there, but I was walking towards him. A brisk good move. I was aggressively walking towards him and he fucking took off. Oh, that's fucking

great. I mean, for an opponent. Did you get his plate to say that I saw this car hanging around a schoolyard and the guy was wearing no pants way more effective i did think afterwards that i should have used the phone trick where i'm fucking you know filming and the other thing that i immediately thought was i was when he took off i jumped back in my truck and was gonna follow him but then i'm like i'm gonna be the guy who follows this guy to his house. And then he shoots me and gets away with it because I was the fucking. On his property.

Yeah, I was the douchebag. So I'm like, I'm just going to go. George Zimmerman you. Yeah. So I left. Yeah, the cart shaming, shaming move might have been good. I thought about that after. Yeah.

Don't we all? Yeah. I was shaking. I haven't been that close to getting in a fight in quite a while. You made the right decision. This is the first time I've been next to Chad when he tells these stories because while you were gone, I had a bar between him and I. You're a little afraid right now, aren't you?

I felt safer. I'm in a corner right here. This is kind of weird. Joby is here still from Oklahoma. He's got a few days left on his uh he's on leave work furlough yeah and uh you got some death pool shit we gotta go over before we forget uh yeah yeah let's uh let's talk death pool i guess uh because that starts wait is it the 15th of January?

Yeah. It's a grace period because we used to do it on New Year's Day. New Year's Eve, boom. But we need to run the site. Back when we did it alone with just our friends. New Year's Eve, that's where we all released our picks. That was a big thing. Right. But we need that two weeks, that 15 days to wind down the rest of the year, the last year, and then start the new year.

It would be a little overzealous to assume that people that are in Death Pool want to celebrate their New Year's Eve by three, two, one. Who had Marlon Brando or whatever? What did he say? I don't know. I don't know. But yeah, yeah, we're winding down a bit at the end of this year. But, yeah, I wanted to go over with – It used to be fun to do when I had more time off,

and now it feels like finals where, oh, shit, I only have a week and a half to do research for Death Pool. It's like fantasy baseball. It's just so intense, you know, and especially for us towards the end of the year uh and and but it's great for everyone else with real lives and real jobs and family and shit where you have to go to the in-laws for three days in keokuk iowa oh honey i gotta work on my death pool stuff i only get a few days i'll be down in a minute. I love your grandma.

I just wanted to work the trade round the end of this year, but Carlos Valencia is so far ahead right now. Is he? Yeah, he's crushing it. Is he in first? Jesus, Kyle. Fuck you, Carlos Valencia, who actually had a very funny tweet about the Paris

thing. He said, in order for 100 people to die at my show, I'd have to instill a 40 person bringer for any ISIS member. Yeah, he's he's killing it. And this is just this is not site wide. This is just in our league, you know, just in our funeral home. But about, I don't know, it was a trade round or two ago, combined with the weapons-grade depression I was in and self-loathing, I had... I thought you were still in that. I am, yeah. But it was worse then. I had like 102.5 fever. I was like sick as shit and was doing petitions.

And I wasn't thinking right. I could barely even see the screen and I didn't add people that should have been added and denied people that should have been added. And so people were really pissed off. Yeah, I've fucked up a couple of times here and there. So I decided, all right, let's get Chad Shank as a second opinion. An appellate court. So yeah, we can, you know, someone else besides me, because I get all the hate mail. Let's get a second opinion in, you know, and for the most part, you know, most, we're generally like 90% on the same page. Yeah, who's going to argue with Chad Shank? Even by email.

He will show up on your doorstep. You can crank that up, but we're smoking the fuck out of this place. Thank you, Derek. But, yeah, it's been, you know, I've sent Shank off, you know, some. Shank off. I'm going to use that in my act. I was shanking off to this one girl. What does that mean?

We'll hear the rest of the bit on our next tour. It's actually very violent. So yeah, he's helping out with petitions. And these are all fringe petitions. These are not like, oh, George Clooney. These are ones that are on the fringe where, could they be a celebrity? I'm not sure. They're difficult.

And you know now, someone else has seen it with their own eyes, how difficult it is. And it's tough. It really is. I immediately, because you have, and then you start looking deeper into stuff like, oh, there's a precedence for this. There's another guy like this one. You're like, I can't fucking look at that. Fuck that.

That's my suggestion to Joby was just to fucking make it. The answer is it's arbitrary, and your fucking guy might get admitted, and he might fucking not. And there isn't a reason, and fuck you. It's not a court of law. It's death pool. Maybe without the fucking. You're not gambling with us.

It's not like we determine the outcome of our own pool. Sure. You have your own league, and you have your own friends if you're betting this is not a betting site this is a works out all the bullshit so it makes it easy for you and your friends to bet and uh sure but you know everyone thinks because they have a right to an opinion their opinion is right for everybody i get that and it's oh i want this guy my opinion is right i'm saying we play honest and i've gotten shit declined where i'm like oh yeah that's well how about jihadi john is wikipedia dead wikipedia dead uh yeah all sorts of say first of all was he was he a legitimate yes he was in the database really i had a terrorist

that got shut down that was on the lam right yeah and some terrorists some isis members are in some are not but you know jihadi john made global news so why wouldn't he be perfect timing because i have him in this set that i'm gonna put on a special and never have to say again next week. It made the beheading Jihadi John relevant again just in time to film the special. I'm like, oh, Jesus.

I make this shit happen with my mind. You just run into it. It just falls in your lap. I just hope the parish shit doesn't get more out of control so it's an elephant in the room that's not part of my set, but that's all right. I still do 10 minutes up front anyway.

And then just like the last special, like eliminate all that ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the stage. And I don't want to have to sit through four minutes of fucking applause to watch a special on TV. Well, no one's going to sit through it on the DVD. So what the fuck?

Why would they? It's a warm up. It's basically. So I go out and I address all the elephants. And yeah, the fucking cameras are weird. And it doesn't feel like it feels. People feel like they're on stage when there's cameras behind their head and over their drinks and shit.

But when you address it like that, you've now alerted everyone, like, look, we all know what's happening here. We don't have to pretend. Because now you've said it on camera. It's a great way to start a show. And then the thing opens with you in the middle of a bit. Especially when you've got two shows to do in a night.

No, no. We're only doing one. But that cuts a lot of time. The only time I only did one show was the Oslo piece of shit. But that was a piece of shit for other reasons. It was all new material.

That's the bar. We just have to be better than that? Yeah, because fucking Hennigan got a deal. On chairs? No, cameras. Cameras. On chairs.

I couldn't pass it up yeah no it'll just be one show and it'll be 150 people which is perfect that's the other problem with fucking everyone special is in a theater yeah we could have filmed 3,300 people in London but then you're

then you have 3,300 people fucking up your show with inappropriate applause because they think they're supportive. They're fucking up your timing. You're selling like 30% applause breaks when you play Exeggutor. And fight breaks. Yeah, fight breaks. This fight sponsored by. So Jihadi John was, and now because wikipedia says he's dead he's dead

we decided to pull the trigger and uh award points today to everybody that had him you know i don't know there's 25 people and you're using wikipedia as your well in every news source it says yeah it's we're pretty sure oh's dead. That's better than Wikipedia? If it's a general consensus. They're never going to find his body. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, but we've talked about this before as far as your perception of what a celebrity is, and you've always been kind of on the fence

of the whole terrorist thing. No, I don't like the terrorist thing. All right, but if they're well-known in that country or throughout the world and they're a terrorist, because this is a global game. How could you say Bin Laden wasn't a celebrity? You're right. But I still don't agree with it.

Oh, that's a good one. Is there a Halloween mask? Defer to Spirit Store. Defer to the Spirit Store. I mean, you only get to do it two months of the year. Oh, great. Now we only have 23 celebrities in our database. Awesome.

That's great. If there's a dispute, then you go to, okay, we're going to wait until September 1st. We're going to head down to Sierra Vista and check out the spirit store. Excuse me, Brad. Can I see your terrorist section? Is Freddy Krueger dead? I mean, is that on Wikipedia? is freddy krueger dead i mean is that on wikipedia i get a freddy krueger mask well that's another another point is uh which i have to run through a lot of

these petitions is uh would you consider any politician that's either a congressman or a senator or above no see and i'm i'm with shank on this okay if you're just a senator in some shit podunk district all right and you've done nothing other than just be that a senator or a member of the senate or a congressman you know that has done nothing senator yeah i think i think that totally because that is something that is inherently american and is something that is part of our do you know all of them senators no i don't right but they make news they make news some of them do yes yeah but they, I don't. But they make news. They make news. Some of them do. Yes.

So they should be included. The ones that make news should be. But what if the ones that don't? What's his name? He died. Traficant was a good example. Everybody knows who that guy is. He's the one that had the Don King hair and the real radical views on stuff.

Sure, but if he's never made news and never done it, he or she has never made news, never done anything other than just hold office for four years. Is that a celebrity? So you can go back and check if they made news? Well, yeah. Then that would be the way to do it.

Well, you read the Wikipedia page. Right. They're not notable. They're not noted for anything. There you go. Notable. And then you go to Chad Shank saying, like, and then we have final say, fuck off. Right.

Yeah. Yeah, basically. you go to chad shank saying like and then we have final say fuck off right yeah you know yeah basically they're not notable they probably won't have a wikipedia page unless it just says they were a senator from 82 to 86 and that's it yeah yeah and those usually all kick out they have to have done something significant which would be on their wikipedia page but it was significant enough like it would land on wikipedia like i donated to wikipedia after one of the million fucking begging alerts hey we click on it and i somehow i treat them like you know a pbs like fuck you yeah they'll be here public access but i actually did donate 30 bucks

i paid the if everyone paid three dollars right now we'd have this done in a all right here's 30 i got me and nine friends fuck off but then then one two three four that should immediately disappear from your wikipedia page yeah oh they probably solicit you more after that i'm sure it's a fucking uh what is this uh while while you are away thing did you like this or not and either way if you say it didn't like it you still get it i was away on twitter did i say twitter i'm saying twitter i mean on twitter you go to your you know feed while you are away and it's like your friends and shit yeah you talk to the most i don't know how they pick them oh they they know i think it i think it treats you differently though based on your level of things i got more access recently like as i got more followers from the podcast they give me more access to see like i can view

tweet activity and see how many times my tweets been viewed and shit Let's see who gets verified first. Bingo or Chad Shank? Let's do that. Let's try and get Chad Shank verified. Chad, he tweets quite a bit. Is everyone following at HDFatty? First of all, are you all on fucking Twitter? Stop with the Facebook. It's silly. Get on Twitter.

That's where all the fun shit happens. I was shit-based and just fighting with people about the Paris attacks all night. I don't do that on Facebook. You're missing all the fun shit happens. I was shit based and just fighting with people about the Paris attacks all night. I don't do that on Facebook. You're missing all the fun. So let's get him verified. Let's get back to Joe. We'll get Chad Shank verified.

Chad Shank will get Chad Shank verified by verified by threat yes just by a stern look so back to uh death pool uh yeah it's really it's uh you know as far as petitions go and and definition of celebrity i get a lot of you know hate mail not a lot but i mean the the handful of guys that are pissed off because oh you allowed this guy in and didn't allow that guy in and they actually do their homework and yeah you know i've fucked up a couple of times here and there but it's fucking death human error part of the game you know what that was a fucking ball not a strike in hindsight yes it was but fuck you but now we have chad sh, so it's no longer human error. It's right.

And listen, if you can't read between the lines, go and update the Wikipedia page to fucking say what you want it to say before you make your submission, you fucking retards. It's easy. Doug Stanhope almost tapped to be the host of Family Feud. It's Wikipedia, for fuck's sake. Do you have... Yeah, Wikipedia used to say that I was a cast member of The View on ABC.

I was born a hermaphrodite. Nice. Because, yeah, my fans... It was a lot looser back then. You could go in and... I think it's more tightly controlled now. Yeah, now that they hit their funding, Mr. $30. Yeah. They're checking everything oh and yeah when when you say i get all these angry emails

you have to understand all my emails are angry you know oh you fucking asshole hey faggot you fucking douchebag why don't you ever play alabama we love you down here you can stay in my house you fucking jerk off so yeah yeah, don't take angry emails seriously. Oh, I don't. It's death pool. It's not serious. Yeah, yeah. Don't assume they're angry. They just need to bitch at something. They like to talk like that.

Yeah, I'm glad that they can bitch about something and it's, well, it's... Associated with Doug Stanhope, there's an inherent tone that accompanies every email even if they're praising you, there's something that I'm like, hey, Tracy, read this. I think this guy hates me. And then I find out he

donated me 20 bucks. What the fuck? Here you go, queer bait. Yeah, it's strange when it's not in person because you immediately read your mood. You read your mood. So if exactly. You read your mood. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So if you wake up looking for a fight, fuck you. Yeah, well, yeah. Towards the end of the year when I get 40 to 50 petitions a day, and yeah, I'm already irritated. And they're all fringe celebs now, you know. So that initial, hey, you fucking asshole. Oh, okay. Yeah, I want to try.

People with default photos where they're flipping off. Translate that to hello. Yeah. All of these people should read The Essence of Influence by Leo Montani. Ah, nice.

So yeah, get your shit together. Yeah, play some Death Pool. If you got any suggestions for the site, which were the Code Monkeys are supposed to be doing a bunch of stuff on it uh email me is in number one oh let's see well figure it out while you're looking it up jody i'll ask you a question all right uh do you have that somewhere in the rules of death pool like the overall encompassing

rules of like and by the way last rule we have the final say uh yeah petitions are it's in there if you know if we deny it it's done you know so i mean it's not like they're gonna sue you no i know i'm just saying it's like i lost 140 000 in my high-end whale death pool whale yeah i'm a chinese heavy gambler businessman i fly in my private jet i i spend most of my year in macau but then i spend one week with my first week of january with my death friends in a dimly lit room a lot of red velvet, black leather. Death pool LARPing. Wonderful. All right, let's go to break on our best joke. Oh, yeah.

Okay, wait. Hang on a sec. If you guys want to email me, more hate mail is great. You can email me directly at reaper at dscdp.com or follow us at Stanhope CDP or Doug Stanhope Celebrity Death death on Facebook. And, uh, yeah,

play some death bullets. Uh, if you don't get it going for 16, we've got a lot of stuff coming up. Well, you got it up. Who's the top team now? Cause we're not the fucking top team.

What's your, what's your funeral home? We're not even close. I don't think it's, uh, no, it's we're in, right.

Actually we're in number. We're in ninth place. Doug Stan Hope's Vulture Club Start Start Vetting who we invite into Death Pool Aren't you supposed to?

No, I'm saying Because we're playing against other teams In theory, not for money Yeah, for bragging rights Basically, but it's uh burns funeral home and crematorium is number one so yeah they're oh larina's kitchen is the one those were the ones we did try to do the podcast with in victoria bc oh yeah they're in second place with the baby and spaghetti yeah they had that's their uh default isn't it yeah yeah yeah they had the friend that

ate her baby and spaghetti but they didn't have any good story, and I was still kind of half-tripping from the night before on acid, and I was having a—yeah, I couldn't— And, listeners, if you wonder what he's talking about, that's one of the lost episodes. Oh, is it? That Dick Scott is this guy who tweets at me all the time. He's in third place with You Can't Spell Funeral Without Fun.

So he's a good guy it's top three so play some death pool and uh yeah hit us up yeah we'll be back after this cocktail cocktail holiday special yes holiday The boss went out of town and Chaley went crazy. Fucking Tracy and Chaley are leaving us alone for like three weeks or something. And then you come back and then you leave for another three weeks or something. No, we're leaving for 10 days, at which time we'll still take orders. But then we leave in December because we have family. And we go visit them during the holidays. All right. Well, the Chaley's have left me high and dry.

Merch orders stop on December 13th. So you have enough time to get your merch order in for yourself for Christmas because you don't buy my shit for someone else. Not off the podcast. It's not like your wife is listening to the podcast going, oh, what can I get them that's on sale? You have a, what do you get them that's on sale? What do you have?

What's your special, Chaley? What's your merchandise? Well, we've got the new Funhaus Fanatics football patch. Yep. And we're going to throw that in with a sticker pack and a t-shirt, whatever t-shirt you want. We'll set it up that way. All right. What t-shirts do we have?

We have the podcast t-shirts. We have the Killer Termites. You still have UK t-shirts? We've got plenty of UK t-shirts. Fucking UK t-shirts. We have the Killer Termites. You still have UK t-shirts? We've got plenty of fucking UK t-shirts. Get them over here because you know most Americans don't even have a passport. They'll never go anywhere.

They'll go to the Cape. They'll go to fucking Smudging Island. Smudging Island? Yeah, somewhere right near where they go that has a fucking pond. Just that far out of international waters? Yeah, they'll never fucking go to the UK. So get a UK poster and a UK t-shirt.

I love that idea. Yeah, and then say, oh yeah, I saw them in Copenhagen. Yeah, frame a fucking UK poster and look worldly in front of fat girls that you meet at fucking Comic-Con. We'll have a holiday special available at doug stanhope.com yeah the way i'm losing my mind and my body's falling apart uh yeah it should be worth money pretty soon you'll sell a t-shirt for double the price once i die soon you say oh i ordered that because of this commercial where I pretended to be at the UK. Help Chaley help himself.

I'm Doug Stanhope, and I approve of this commercial. Hey, Pop-Off Vodka, we haven't, our long term, our longest sponsor, we haven't pitched Pop-Off Vodka for a while. Hey, Pop-Off Vodka, people. It's a plastic jug so big you can crawl inside with all of your deepest fears and still fit comfortably. all of your deepest fears and still fit comfortably. Pop-off vodka. Go down to the bottomless shelf of your local barred window retail liquor establishment in that part of town. Get yourself a bottle of pop-off vodka.

It makes you smile like you just got 500 surprise dollars in the mail. And now back to the podcast. Already drinking. Pop-off vodka. in the mail. And now back to the podcast. Already drinking. Pop-off vodka. Yeah, we haven't pitched pop-off vodka. I don't know why we pretend to break for it. I guess we do make a drink,

but then we just pick it up like we're still talking. It's not like there's a big break. I'm just trying to think of a... it's the first choice from the last shelf. Drink with drink pop off and drink with the stars of the Doug Stanhope shot clog podcast. Uh, uh, yeah,

uh, I don't know. I, I must've got mentioned somewhere in some sports world podcast. I kind of think Artie Lang maybe dropped my name because, again, two-day period, all these sports writers, verified guys. Chad Shank still not verified. We checked.

Yep, over the cocktail break. At HD Fatty. How many followers do you have to have to be verified? I don't know how it works. It's a secret skull and bones kind of right that I don't even know. I don't even know if the death pulls. No, no,

you're not. Doug, maybe you can get one of your influential friends to drop a line to Twitter. You know who got me verified? I'll tell you fucking Dane cook. Oh yeah. Dane cook. Hey, do you want me who got me verified? Who? I'll tell you. Fucking Dane Cook. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Dane Cook. Hey, do you want me to get you verified? You have to, you know, they'll send you this, and you have to fill out this and this and this. Well, you and Dane always, no one knows this, but I don't know. I hope it's okay to talk about it. You and Dane always spend December 26th together at Morning's Cafe here in Bisbee. Yes, we do.

And that's a sweet thing that he did for you. Yeah, because when I moved out, when I was run out of L.A. and put in my personal Siberia, Dane Cook said, hey, I know what it's like. I was accused of stealing jokes. It's the same thing. And so he comes down on a missionary kind of thing right after christmas the same thing as being on the man show but he did he said hey i can get you verified

yeah i don't know what that means but i'll do that sure and that fucking blue check every day i go haha i'm blue when you're blue checked you can see this is This is how I know about Joe Buck. You have an extra button that you can see just your verified comments or notifications. So if you're just a fucking cool people, I don't care what you say, proletariat. I want to see what the verified people are saying about my tweets. I knew there was different levels of access. It's great. It's very Illuminati. We'll get you there chad's

hugely illuminati as soon as we figure out how to do it we'll get you there yeah don't worry about that i've been to ground zero i've been in the twitter compound i've been at the bohemian grove of twitter and it's fucking amazing where they work it's like half of the rooms are game rooms with like a foosball and video games like stand-up beanbag chairs a segue in every corner yeah it's beautiful like that you walk into the place you initially walk into the buffet where at lunchtime they had a dj working the buffet like a caesar's palace buffet they they had a DJ working the buffet like a Caesar's Palace buffet. They had a bowl of bacon, like a giant bowl of just crisp bacon. I'm sitting there.

I have pictures of me and Henneken just eating bacon out on the, like, what do you call that? Croquet? Like on a pitch. On the roof outside of just the buffet they have a rooftop patio that's like a football field of benches and then like you know fucking mini golf i don't know what they had they had all sorts of shit like a chill area up in san francisco and then they gave me the tour of like two or three floors of shit and then it's just mostly people like did you stage this whole thing for me it's like the movie uh the game yeah where he finally finds all the people that have been

fucking with him and they're all in the break room and shit just everyone's sitting there all like done up truman show i was gonna say truman show this looks like if you were staging a set for a college brochure and everyone's lounging in lounge chairs and reading. No one's working at all. There's all these people. There's a DJ cranking out fucking tunes. Everyone's in smoking jackets. It was amazing.

It's how every business should work. If you had to hump boxes at UPS, my go-to shitty job. But it was all fucking cool and stuff. I don't know how you could make UPS cool, but go ahead. What were you going to say? I was going to say, when you leave, they're still not working. It's not just for you. But it looked like.

It is a lot of like, there's a lot of activity like a beehive. Somehow the honey gets made, but all the things you're seeing doesn't make the honey. I don't fucking know. Gather data and sell it. Yeah. 270 people or 3000. I don't know how many people work. They're all deciding whether or not Chad Shank gets verified.

Yeah, but I wish I mean, I worked in the corporate world for a couple years at Real Networks I would love to go back in time and know how bullshit it was at the time it was vital I needed a job and I really tried I was in earnest this is a place you go I want to work there oh you can do your work on a fucking iPad and some Ikea Copenhagen

fucking lounge chair leather weird furniture like we have over at the other house yeah when you when you decide that it might be too much to come in every day you go to hr and then you figure out a plan for you not to have to come in every day it's fucking amazing i didn't know about all this shit until i quit like a fucking asshole. I could have gone in and a guy told me from Major League Baseball he said, fuck you. And my fucking boss wanted to know if I wanted counseling.

Because the guy goes, fuck you. And I'm like, no, that's just the way we, this is satellite acquisition, this is pretty heavy duty, it's intense, right? And this guy was like, is there anything we can do? Do you want to speak to someone?

For a guy saying, fuck you? Yeah. I could have milked. I could have fucking owned that fucking floor. Hashtag prayers for Chaley. Trending now. Let us never forget. Never forget.

I'll tell you right now. These days are a malingerer's dream. Where we're living in. Malingerer's dream. If you ever living in. A malingerer's dream. If you ever get an act, that's the title of your first CD. Malingerer's dream. So someone must have mentioned me in some kind of sports, I don't know, podcast or world,

because in two days, Joe Buck, the announcer. I hate him. He only follows follows he follows as few people as i do like 230 people or something and like well and dante culpepper oh really yeah and then all these verified writers i'm like what the fuck and i tweeted that at Joe Buck. I only like the uniforms. I watch a lot of sports, but I like the betting line and the uniforms. And in Ronda Rousey's case tonight, I hope she loses, but she probably has the better uniform, let's say, to not sexualize. They'll have Reebok uniforms. Yeah. Yeah, it's always weird

Anthony Bourdain follows me oh I love Anthony Bourdain he's the only guy he's not even really a cooking guy what? he's a kitchen confidential did you read that? the point is his show is not

every single other cooking guy is a complete fucking tool yep like the worst gordon ramsay jamie oliver go down the fuck the guy fieri oh jesus oh i'd pay chad to smash his fucking face i'm gonna make a drink while you guys talk about fucking cooking shows but anth Anthony Bourdain, I get to fucking tweet him after the show. Absolutely. He's amazing. Because he has my fucking bucket list. I actually got my phone to do this and forgot.

I watched on Netflix. Oh, see, I'm all over the fucking map here. Focus, Stan Hope. I got some Netflix recommendations. Focus, Stan Hope. I got some Netflix recommendations. He's doing this thing with Bill Murray. Anthony Bourdain is?

Oh, no, I saw that. Really? Yeah, I think it's New Orleans or something. That's the only thing I have on my bucket list is to get drunk with Bill Murray. And I'd say my time's limited because of him. And you. But yeah, I might be too. And this segues into the fucking Netflix because I watched Glenn Campbell, Here I Am.

Yeah. His last one. It starts with him getting diagnosed with part uh alzheimer's and they're like uh do you know uh what year it is and he's like it doesn't concern me you know these are things that just uh i put them out of my head do you know who the president is you know again it's one of the some dick dick. But my memory is just walking from here to go check the fucking pork. Oh, shit, we got to check the pork. We do. Yeah, it's done.

Yeah, it was scary. At what point do you... Because I was talking to Bingo about it. Pork? What was I talking about? I was making a drink, but I think about i was making a drink but i think glenn campbell was making a pork roast i missed part of it but where you don't have that option of suicide where you get diagnosed so late that you're like i'm going in there to kill myself honey uh you know we've talked about it and the end has come and then I go in and I check the pork.

Forget about it. Like Robin Williams had enough wherewithal to attempt and successfully kill himself knowing full well what was ahead of him. Yeah, boy.

Right, but by the time he got diagnosed, he was already kind of lost. He could still remember how to play guitar. I could do the tit fuck joke, but I'd go down to fucking Ace Hardware to get a rope. I'm buying thumbtacks. I'm buying paint.

Zip ties are on sale. Yeah, and then they have to remind him that he has Alzheimer's and he doesn't believe them. Where did that rumor get started? It's fucking scary. So I think I'm going to kill myself now but I'm going to wait for Ronda Rousey see if she loses

because if she loses I have to stay alive for the rematch. She's not losing. This is a chump fucking setup. Yep, Buster Douglas, baby. Oh, yeah. I watched two documentaries on back-to-back almost in two days. Champs on Netflix and then the 30 for 30, both about Holyfield Tyson.

You tweeted one that I watched because I was doing absolutely nothing, and I saw it almost as soon as you tweeted it, and it was about those kids in New York. That's so good. Wolfpack. Oh, Wolfpack is fucking brilliant. That was awesome. I'm like, this should be nominated for Academy Award,

but it's in the running. I looked at their Twitter feed after I didn't tweet that. It was interesting. And it's all still new because that guy, he has a Twitter account, the oldest kid on that, and he's in Sweden at the oldest kid on that. And he's in Sweden at the film festival and stuff. He's got a life now and stuff.

Oh, yeah. See, I looked him up on Facebook, but then I get distracted and didn't follow through. That kid should be... I would rather that kid be elevated in celebrity than any of the Kardashians. Because he actually went through some shit. I couldn't tell the kids apart. There's three that I couldn't tell apart. Even after they cut there. Well, at the end, I'm not going to give shit away.

I'm waiting for the next documentary because it was so incomplete. Like, there's so much more to that story. Like, you want that kid. You want that to be a series. That kid, like, their take on cinema. Let me explain to anyone listening. That kid, like their take on cinema and they're like, you know what I mean? Let me explain to anyone listening. They're not Amish people, but imagine an Amish kind of lifestyle where they don't get to leave into society,

but they live on the 23rd floor of a housing project in Manhattan in a shitty neighborhood, and they just don't leave. They're late teenagers. 15 before they... Basically, they've been in a cult by their fucking crazy-ass dad. Jehovah's Witness. I'm gonna submit that dad to the death pool. That guy's gonna fucking kill himself.

I'm telling you right now. He'll die from alcoholism. He's too narcissistic. He sits in his bedroom and drinks wine all day. That's why he's not in the fucking... He listens to the Beatles and makes sure no one leaves the fucking property. And slaps his... In a housing project.

But now that world is crumbling down. But the kids, they've learned most of life through movies. So while they sit in this, I assume, three-bedroom tenement? Three-bedroom, yeah. The seven kids, and they recreate all these movies. They go. They're all actors. That's what I was going to say.

They can all go out and become actors because that's all they've ever done their entire life. Let's not even try to fuck. Just watch the wolf pack. Yeah, it's good. Yeah, it's it's and it's subtle. It's not bang over your head. It's real. It's a very so many.

And it's subtle. It's not bang over your head. It's real. It's very so many. There's it's intermixed with with handheld like like novice videotape of like real life situations and then recreations. And it's all using them. Yeah, it is. I thought that was very one year. We went out nine times and then another year we only went out once.

And then there was the year we never went outside. And then they go outside. And they weren't allowed to make eye contact with other people. Yeah. Or talk to anyone when they went outside. The Lost Boys of Sudan. That's what it reminded me of. If you've seen that documentary, they take these refugees from the Sudanese war, and eventually, after time, they get some Christian missionary place in Minneapolis to fly a bunch of them over, and they show them on an airplane.

So they've lived in nothing but B.C., no running water, nothing. The middle of Sudan desert, eating gruel. And then you show him on a plane. And the one guy's eating the pad of butter that comes for his roll. And he's eating it. And he's like, it tastes like soap. I prefer our gruel. Yeah. I watched that one. When they got to their apartment, they would take, like, crackers and milk and make gruel to eat while they had an apartment.

Yeah. Crackers and milk. Grind it all up in a glass with a mortar and pestle. So this is kind of like that, where these kids have lived in fucking Manhattan. Excuse me, past the bugs. Shaking bugs on. Like a fucking condom knocking on neighbors doors uh where they they know they they have all the outfits of uh reservoir dogs and they know all

the wolf pack going back to wolf pack has all And they have the outfits, and they know the dialogue by heart. And the guy even does Steve Buscemi perfectly. Yeah. They're wearing an afro for the fucking... Yeah. With Vince and the other guy. Pulp Fiction. He's dressed up as Samuel Jackson, the kid,

and he's got the weird sideburns. But like with a Sharpie. No one's doing any crepe hair. But he's got a wig. And when they do the... Star Wars and they made full outfits. All the guns are made out of... He did Batman, the Dark Knight.

And it's like, yeah, I've made this out of cereal boxes and a yoga mat. I'm like, these are brilliant. I love it. And it looks good. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So the Wolf Pack. The other one was Rubble Kings. Did you watch that one yet? I didn't watch Rubble Kings. Oh love it. And it looks good. Yeah. Okay, so the Wolfpack.

The other one was Rubble Kings. Did you watch that one yet? I didn't watch Rubble Kings. Oh, fuck. It opens with a graphic that says in 1979 Warner Brothers released, or whoever released the movie The Warriors. Oh, yeah, yeah. Nine years earlier in New York City, the reality

was even worse. Far worse. Whatever. Those gangs existed in the 70s. I dismissed that when I added it to my list, but it had the word hip-hop in it. It was the birth of hip-hop. And you go, I don't want to watch any more about fucking hip-hop. How did Keith Richards phrase it?

It's a lot of words with very little meaning. Oh, meatwigs. I'm going to get on the fucking mic. So Rubble Kings had... Rubble Kings. Did you watch it? No, I haven't, but I remember you talking about it.

But just because it had hip-hop somewhere in the description of it, you were going to dismiss it. I was going to dismiss it. Should I watch the Warriors before I watch Rubble Kings? Warriors come out and play. No, I haven't seen Warriors.

There were literally gangs every block in that time. And biker gang. They all wanted to be the Hells Angels. They said that in the movie. But they couldn't be the Hells Angels. But we can in the movie, but they couldn't be the Hells Angels. But we can steal the look. It wasn't like Crips and Bloods.

It was black or Puerto Rican or even white gangs. But every block was a gang. It's fucking amazing. So should you watch Warriors before that? If you're a tit-fuck joke kind of fan, watch Rubble Kings. If you're a tit fuck joke kind of fan watch Rubble Kings if you're a fan of something a little more yeah I want to get it yeah

I'm talking for the listeners you'll like both what is uh there was one that I watched not too long ago fuck no I don't remember never mind what was it about here's the thing i i because i did i i had to do after we got home we were binge drinking for three out of four days

and then finally after football was over i did a 24-hour netflix rehab like all right i know i have a lot of shit to do but i'm just literally gonna stay on the couch except for pissing and snacks from the refrigerator for 24 hours i might have slept three fallen asleep in and out of fucking netflix dumb shit and i watched a lot of awful stuff but i don't tweet oh this is awful don't watch it it's just a dick move but i got i got like three five stars out of 24 hours, and I can't remember what the other one was to save my fucking life. But just one after another after another. That's why I rate them, because I know if I watched it or not. Because I've watched, you know, you go 40 minutes into something and go,

oh, I've seen this. Tar Creek was one that I watched on netflix that you might like it's uh a super fun uh we don't get sponsored by netflix i should you know what we should just say on a subscription on one of the subscription streaming channels yes uh tar creek it's in oklahoma it's about a uh mining community but they started recognizing that all the kids were retarded or something oh you told me about this yeah like everywhere else in oklahoma well it was it was more of an anomaly than the other retardation that's prevalent in oklahoma okay so they super retard yeah super retarded they ended up it's not how the school system made them it's how they showed up

the before picture it was basically how fucked up it was they kept contributing money to the super fund they spent $70,000 per property to dig up like 8 inches of dirt and move it out

and then later they were like that didn't help you guys all gotta fucking just go and there's like 80 year old people who've lived there since they built their little shit shack and they're like we'll give you 20 grand didn't this happen to you in Globe?

well no my cousin lived in a place where there was asbestos oh okay all right yeah and they ended up making everybody move out of that place because they did the same shit in bisby because the mines were here so yeah the one lot we had torn up by the mining company uh freeport mcmorn yep uh and yeah actually they're a sponsor so yeah but no one has kids here so there's no problem with having retarded kids because it's all artists and homosexuals so kids are not really an issue here well and retardation doesn't really show up when you're around those people everybody's kind of retarded i think yeah well they're not wall-eyed with giant heads uh only the drinking

the water is going to affect my sperm wait can i get it by the gallon the sperm or the water whatever bang right back to chad shank you asbestos is a whole different story yeah my cousin ryan and i used to sit in a they lived in a trailer park and we would sit in the backyard. Globe, Arizona is another mining town. The mine's still in play there. Yeah, I worked in the mines in Globe. I describe it as Bisbee without artists or tourism. If Bisbee was still working, it's a shithole. Without nice things.

Keep Globe black lunged. Oh, God. There's churches and bars in equal amount there. But anyways, we would sit. There was a giant pile of white asbestos with like 100 yards from us. We'd sit there with spoons playing cars in the backyard. And then whenever they figured out, oh, that's fucking bad for you. I remember I was a little kid, but I remember they crushed everybody's place in house.

They threw you out of where you were living, right? Well, I was my cousin. I remember we talked about this when I was very hammered. It was my cousin's house, but I stayed there a lot with my aunt and my uncle and my cousin because my mom worked two jobs and stuff, so I stayed there with them. And then, yeah, so I was there a lot. But didn't they, like like you have to go right now you can't bring your shit that's what i remember was that i one of the things i remember was i

think they had just got new washer and dryer and stuff and they're like well we can't even take that they're like no no they you couldn't even move out you you have to just crush no toothbrush no nothing nothing it's very toxic here you have to just move they crushed it and buried it asbestos is a problem once you disturb it if once it's laid down then i get this from the rehab shows and the flip this house once once you're moving something like if asbestos is just stop licking the walls but if asbestos is in the area he's already born retarded from the mine. Look. Lead is yummy. But literally. If you're not going to do anything, then everything's cool.

But if you're going to touch it, then that's when they come in and they go, you got to leave. But a washer and dryer? Well, literally, like I said, less than 100 yards from his backyard over the fence, there was a giant tailings pile of just white asbestos. Yeah, that's our bad. Sorry about that. Blowing in our face. We're outside playing the mine and people are so ignorant i still don't know what it was but people used to think they would you'd wake up some mornings and you could taste sulfur in the air just horribly you'd be like oh the sulfur uh the the smelter that's what people used to say the smelter

is running today but that but then later i worked at the fucking smelter and the smelter, that's what people used to say. The smelter is running today. But then later I worked at the fucking smelter, and the smelter runs every day. They just put shitty stuff in it that day, and it fucking burned up and poisoned everybody. In the Pinal Mountains, which is right next to Globe, they did Agent Orange testing and sprayed Agent Orange all over everybody. Oh, they tested by implementing it?

Yeah. And there's a whole bunch of people. It's the same range by the ranch. They used to do Apache helicopter runs in the same area. I forgot. That bombing range. I'm guessing the 70s, early 70s, Vietnam? Well, before Vietnam.

It was before it tested it. Why wouldn't they be testing it? Yeah. And there's big class actions. I don't know. You can Google it. I don't know. It was before my time. Can we get in on this? I already looked on it. Why wouldn't they be testing it? Yeah. Yeah. And there's like big class actions. I don't know. You can Google it. I don't know. It's before my time.

Can we get in on this? Yeah. I already looked on it. That's what I said. Have you checked your... Yeah, I'm manipulative. Because you said you had a chest cold today. Yeah.

You hadn't even smoked pot because you had a chest cold. That might be mesothelioma caused by asbestos. And or globe. Or Agent Orange. Conspicuously absent from your story earlier was the fact that you didn't smoke pot until you got here. And maybe that may have precipitated the event. It could be, but I think I still have. That would have happened either way.

Oh, I know what happened either way, but following the guy. And no, that would have happened either way. All right. Yeah. Just all of it would have happened either way, but following the guy and... No, that would have happened either way. All right. Yeah. Just checking. All of it would have happened either way. That's why I don't leave home as much, but yeah. I didn't smoke that much pot today.

I did smoke from, I have to tell you too, another guy who was a fan of the podcast, Jason. I won't say his name because he's been kind of my weed guru, helping me with weed-related things. Like cultivation? Yeah. Is it Lindstrom? Yeah. That's a county prosecutor.

I bleep that. Don't worry about it. He's in another state. But he sent me some honey oil that he made. If you bleeped it, it makes it sound like you actually – the joke was the county prosecutor is selling him weed. If you bleep it, then it makes it sound like you actually, it was the joke was the county prosecutor selling him weed. If you bleep it, then it makes it sound like maybe the county prosecutor is giving. I'll bleep this part then.

All right. Are you going to bleep this? Just bleep the whole thing. What about this? One long bleep. Bleep. Anyway, I wanted to say thanks, Jason, for sending me some awesome stuff, especially with my chest cold.

I can't smoke weed. Thanks, Jason. You wanted to plug, because I didn't know it exists, because I miss shit, and Henry Phillips doesn't keep me abreast. Henry Phillips, the comedian, not my dog, who guaranteed the Green Bay Packers.

By the time you hear this, you'll know if the Green Bay Packers covered 11 points playing green bay in lambo because i was who green bay at lambo field at in green bay playing who the lions are playing green bay my team yeah in the pool uh i was sitting here making my bets on bet online when i tell you i got locks of the week or i get a fucking three three team dog parlay i had 140 left in my sportsbook account and it's so hard to get money into offshore accounts now well you have to call them and they put it on your visa and the visa declines it and then you have to call visa and tell them it's an offshore thing it's like fuck it i'll just bet with my friends.

I don't need the $10. I just want to win, and I want to be right. You need some action to make it feel alive watching it. Yeah, it's fun. I hit a three-team underdog money line parlay last week with the Panthers. San Francisco beat Atlanta, and the Colts beat Denver. And I had that as a three-team parlay. It paid like 25 to 1.

I bet $1.47 on it. I wanted an even number. I was at that point like a 56-47. I go, I'll get it down to $155 if I bet $1.47. And I won $36. get it down to 155 if I bet a buck 47. And I won $36. And it was a huge hit. I'm just trying to keep that alive. Two years I've been working with around 100 bucks

to start the season. You were so excited over the smallest amounts of wins monetarily, but the idea of winning. Three big underdogs on one parlay ticket? Fuck yeah. you get so excited about those things I always have to check myself what the fuck

$30? What the fuck is that? It's the fact that I can say I nailed that you did, good job so what was my point oh Henry Phillips, I'm in here going through my bets for this week Detroit's playing at Lambeau they're an 11 point dog dog, and I said,

all right, Henry Phillips, silent dog. I said, Henry Phillips barked once for Green Bay, or Detroit, barked twice for the Lions. And then I looked at her, and she went, grrrr.

Grrrr. She doesn't bark. You can make her speak for for a treat but you have to remind her how to do it i'm like fuck yeah that's my lock of the week and detroit over green bay no no she grown twice for green bay that's not what he said was it i corrected myself all right point is that i put that out lock of the week henry phillips my dog groaned twice and then paris happened so as i'm talking shit on twitter i said i have to go to bed but green bay was my lock of the week now my lock of the week as i go to bed they're saying the death toll of paris is at 153 i'm taking the under obviously i shortened up the tweet but that by the time green bay kicks off the death toll will be far less than 153

because they jack up the death toll and they keep bringing it up and it's like playing the stocks all right it's plateaued for the last three hours it's been at 153 now it's going to go down and now a lot of people's going to go down. And now a lot of people are going to have to eat crow and say, you're right, Doug Stanhope. You saved at least 14 lives of people that were dead and came back to life. Except for the ones that are actually injured and will die later. Right.

Last I saw, I was down to 129. We'll see what it is by kickoff tomorrow. All right. We're all hopeful people. Yeah. Well, I was down to 129. We'll see what it is by kickoff tomorrow. All right. We're all hopeful people. Yeah. Well, we want Doug to be right. Right. That's what I mean. And the segues into Henry Phillips, the comedian.

That's how I get off topic. I was asking you guys if you saw the new Henry's Kitchen. Henry's Kitchen. If you don't watch that on YouTube, Henry Phillips does this cooking show. Brilliant. Oh, see, you did have something to add in for cooking show. Wow, you could have... We could have segued this whole fucking thing. Smooth as shit.

You walked away for a drink. The bottle's always calling Chad back. I thought you guys were fags. Sorry. I should have stayed. Turns out... Henry Phillips, Henry's Kitchen on YouTube. New video is Veggie Turducken i believe and it's

fucking fantastic veggie turducken that's where they put a a chicken inside a goose inside of a turkey yes duck duck or duck yeah and this is the the vegetarian version all right so yeah look at henry's phillips at henry's phillips henry's kitchen henry phillips on youtube uh i get a couple of uh other things i found in the viewer mail and gift pile that i was cleaning out and uh this is a this one never took off where i said just send me a postcard with a tweet it can only be 140 characters and it never took off where I said, just send me a postcard with a tweet. It can only be 140 characters and it never took off. But this finally showed up and it just says, was being too loud and using the word fuck too frequently. In my opinion, if the word fuck is offensive to you, then either you should.

Yeah, just beautiful. Starts awkwardly, stops awkwardly. And that's via Paravion. Yeah, that's from the UK. Really? Let me see that. And it's a good postcard, too. I like that. Yeah, I like that. It's vintage, it feels like, almost.

And this is, I think we mentioned this earwig factory. I think we were just blowing through shit. You did. Oh, fuck. This is is gonna get me on a tangent that I can't do yet just save it for later no no no I'll save the tangent but this

turns out I got two letters with the same package one has this graffiti art but they're both I guess from the same band I kind of perused them but these two CDs are Whiskey Girl and Nowhere Man jamming with this band called Phoenix Casual. Phoenix Casual, right?

Phoenix Casual is the name of the band, and they have old shit starting from 2003 up of jams they recorded with Whiskey Girl and Nowhere Man. So, yeah, I'm fucking glad I actually stopped for a second. You made 500 bucks and we have, fuck, priceless two in a row. I'm going to start double checking your mailbag before I leave here. Or your trash can. Start shopping in Bisbee thrift stores at least.

We should hit some police beat. Hey, thank you Phoenix Casual. I gotta get these to bingo. Yeah, they're doing a Whiskey Girl benefit right now tonight as we speak for the Lupus Foundation

and don't support that shit. That's not fucking what whiskey girl would have wanted i'll get off on this later but whiskey girl didn't she didn't even want i knew she had lupus because but i didn't know it was not public so i made a joke when we did that benefit for fucking animals by trade out belly button for animals surgery thing and I mentioned she had fucking lupus and she's like fuck don't say that so yeah we'll get off yeah remind me for the next

podcast I have a lupus story too so write it down yeah whiskey girl would not want to be known for fucking lupus her music their music I must fucking told oh yeah I'll save it i'll just fucking see that's a good fight it's a good fight oh save it yeah i know but i wish i had more of the people that have

it's the post hedberg uh death where they had the uh the golf the golf yeah that turns out that even shawcroft said well you knowedberg loved playing golf with his dad. He didn't himself. Something no one else would have known. Yeah, so I was wrong on that. What? Yeah. The Fonz is wrong?

Wow. All right. We'll be right back with the... Oh, shit. I got to do a commercial and... No, we're going to come back. Come back. Police. Maybe we'll do something at this break or Chaley will make one of those sounds.

Hey, if you're coming to Bisbee and a lot of people tweet me that they are, if you're not a comic, I don't really pay that much attention. But if you are staying here the rule still stands if you're coming to bisbee stay at the shady dell if it's available and i will step away from my book and come have a beer with you even ichabod says yay on the shady dell the shady dell.com the shady dell.com it's a vintage trailer park trailers done to the nines just like it's 1958 you're gonna love it i will come down i'll have cocktails with you i might maybe we burn a state i don't know but stay there if you're in town and i'm in town i will see you there and now back to the podcast already in drudgery all right let's just uh this is uh this is advertising this is the the ad that you get because i don't know uh what the fuck this

means because this is all thank god joe b's here otherwise thank god you're fucking great at death pool necronomicon sue necronomicon necronomicon necronomicon sue yes it's a play on endomicon sue the defensive tackle of the miami dolphins formerly detroit lions and the book of the dead from evil dead. Necronomicon. Necronomicon. Yes. Sue S U H. Yes. Yeah. First of all,

I good luck finding that shit. Rewind and hear what Joby just said and Google it. But that's the name of the team on celebrity death pool. He wants us to advertise his team because a lot of people, like we do the one, my B team. Like, oh, you want to play with Stan Hope? You can play with Stan Hope.

Yeah. But you can only take so many people. This guy wants people to join his league on Celebrity Death Pool and for no money. Does he say that? Really? No money?

Yeah, he says, join the league and entice listeners to join the league for fun. Everyone's invited to join. He gives out prizes and random shit to the winners of his pool, but he doesn't play for money. He lives in Puerto Rico, but he's not Puerto Rican. He's evidently a transplant of some kind. And he says he listens to the podcast and it feels like he has family and friends. And I don't know why he wants us. He's not this.

This ad is getting less money than you, Chad Shank. But we do respect him because I think he kicked our ass last year. His team beat the fuck out of us last year. And that's why, you know, when Chaley brought this up to me, me, I thought he was just hedging it. All right. So he wants more people to be in his league. I think he's buying friends. And you know what?

I'll plug that. He's all alone in Puerto Rico. Well, if he was smart about it, it's a fantasy baseball Yahoo. Which I think he's being very smart about it. He watches all that POV porn. I want you to look at me when you suck my dick on the U-porn. Yeah, so everyone pays 50 bucks to get in, and then he clips 5% off the top and still makes money. But he's not doing that, obviously, by this letter.

Well, I think there might be a... Cut! Wait. Point is... You still have to join through the regular ranks of joining Celebrity Death Pool. Yeah, but we don't make money off that. Yeah, but he's...

I mean, there's nothing over and above like a regular joining of a funeral home. Go to... It's for prestige. Yes. He's a prestigious funeral home who is. Yeah. And he's,

he is. Yeah. He's been kicking ass. Chad's behind it. He doesn't even know there's a, there's a, there's a, well,

you don't know this part. He says, I'll also throw in an extra 50 bucks. Each of you, Chad and or Stan hope this is to Chaley. Evidently. No one wants me. No,

no, you're not a regular you fucking disappeared to oklahoma everyone forgot you all right thanks the league is up now for people to join and launches on the standard day january 15th so the league is up now as stanhope celebrity death pool go and find necronomicon so. That's the team or the funeral home is still the site nomenclature. That is. Yeah. Necronomicon. And if you have any problems with that, please feel free to email

Necronomicon Sue at gmail.com. Good luck. Wait, hold on. There's a Twitter account there too. Want to read that? It's at Necronomicon. Jesus, don't you have fucking some alias that makes it easy for people to find you? I'll put it in the show notes.

That spells it out. Anyway, yeah. Yeah, the guy wants you to join. It's at Necronomicon. Because you can't join mine. We're full. So join his and see if you kick our ass next year. Because, yeah, 2016, we're going to own it again.

We're coming back strong. And this is the first freelance ad that we've gotten. Yeah, it's weird. I said no initially. But, yeah, I recognize the name from our own failure. I had to buy new cables. I'm not going to be a bad sport about it. I had to buy some cables and these... I'm not going to be a bad sport about it. I had to buy some equipment.

This helps. Alright, let's get right to Chad Shank with the police beat. Did you want a minute to read them over? They're right in front of you. Sorry, I guess I should have told you. No, they're all the wrong way. I just have to turn to the right page.

Break, break, break, break, break, break, break. See, you kept doing this. I know, I keep doing this. That looks like you're opening a newspaper. Okay. I thought you were trying to get me to go to the police beat. Breaks ago. And you're doing this.

You're right, you're right. This one usually works good. I don't want to cut, but I guess I do. Yeah, you cut. Let's just say we need to go to break. What do you think? It's going to sound less professional if you just go, hey, let's go to break first.

This looks like stop the jack off. Chaley has some fantasy world. That would be appropriate. He's back in terrestrial radio where he started. I have a problem already. I know. I don't know which one's my last one. Oh, yeah.

All right. Well, let's take a break because we've got to watch. Chaley needed a break. Oh, I get it. I know. I don't know which one's my last one. Oh, yeah. All right. Well, let's take a break because we've got to watch. That's why I barely needed a break. Oh, I get it. Please hold. All right, now we're going to hit the mean streets of Bisbee because Paris is not the only city in trouble. This city lives in turmoil every week in the Bisbee Observer, which you can subscribe to. It doesn't matter where you

live. Look up Bisbee Observer online and you can get the Bisbee Observer with all the hot Bisbee news once weekly, highlighted by the back page, which is the police beat. And these are all horrifying tales of the mean streets of Bisbee and our own crime reporter out there in the field chad shank with the bisbee police beat what's going on now chad how bad is it gotten a real skunk not an apparition chased the entire ghost tour group at taylor avenue and opera drive how did they know it wasn't an apparition? I don't know. You know what?

We don't have Ghostbusters down here. We don't have any kind of those paranormal, paranormal, ghostbusters. I just did a real-life Elmer Fudd. Well, you know, yeah, the Ghost Tour is one of our few tourist attractions down here. And, you know, sk, the ghost tour is one of our few tourist attractions down here. And, you know, skunk apparition or not, we should fucking solve this problem. But it's going to take resources and you're going to have to give up some of your liberty in order to get safety.

How does a ghost tour apply for like a license, a business license? I don't know if they have those here yet well eventually there will be but how do you get a business that is basically just fucking scamming people it's fucking scamming it's like selling invisible beer if you

fucking eliminate them you'll have to eliminate the church oh that's true yeah what else is going on Chad a daughter from Elfrida advised the church. Oh, that's true. Yeah. What else is going on, Chad? A daughter from Elfrida advised her mother was not in a right state of mind. Oh. What daughter is?

This could only go to bad places. Where's Elfrida from here? That's where we used to get mushrooms where bingo was soft raped. Yeah, I could bring you to the place. So that's the least of their worries. Right. Right.

Soft-rape didn't make the paper. Oh, but not in the right mind. My mom's acting weird. She's all happy and shit. I don't know what to do with her. There's a limp I'm suspicious of. Go ahead. Chad Shank's still out there in your blue un helmet i picture him as he

stands across the bar and his flak jacket a foul smell coming from the neighbors prompted a call on west vista that's not too far from here what yeah that's where the trick-or-treaters go that's not too far from here. What? Yeah, that's where the trick-or-treaters go. That's where the... Up and down the park. Farmer's Market. Oh, yeah, there's a lot. Hippies. There's a smell of despair.

I'm downwind of the hippies. What foul smells. What foul smell? You know what? Farmer's Market, that's what it is. Farmer's Market takes... The Farmer's Market here has, like, cantaloupes and everything...

Papaya. Butternut squash. where are you fucking growing papaya motherfucker really and that was a woman i was talking alpacas yeah that one guy has every single type of this is not local grown it's not fucking well the one farm to table one asian gal i bought a mango and then i looked on it there was a tag on it what you got your own fucking tags sticker fucking fruit sticker they're marking them up from safeway well it didn't say safeway but there was a barcode i'm like you're fucking incorporated she runs it over a fake scanner and goes peep with her mouth well it sounds official yeah so what the farmer's market is doing is

they're smearing this in manure to make it seem like it's legit, fresh grown. And the Vista people are complaining. That's the Beverly Hills. The Vista is the Beverly Hills. It's two streets. I know. West Vista, East Vista. And yeah, they complain about smells here.

We welcome them. Back to you, Chad Shank in the field. What do you have for us? We welcome them. Back to you. Chad Shank in the field. What do you have for us? A man put his wallet and iPhone on top of his car and drove away from Safeway.

He stated he saw an elderly male subject in his 50s around his car at the time of the incident, who was always in the parking lot and is usually not happy. You know what? Unhappy people. That's our black people. Didn't they shoot that guy? There's a lot of unhappy people. Especially in Safeway parking lots. You read that description.

I'm looking at Doug thinking you fit that. Unhappy in the Safeway parking lot? I'm usually happy at Safeway. I'm usually... Not's a good part of my day. Not going in, because you're going to run into Brokey or someone. Yeah, no, I yell in the car, but once I go in, I put on a fake half smile. Your story holds for now. Back to you, Chad.

In Hereford, a woman was trying to steal a box of candy from the person reporting and his daughter. It was the daughter's fundraiser chocolate. You know what? It's weak. It's almost like stealing candy from a child. It's not even real candy. It's that shit.

It looks like a Toblerone. World's finest chocolate Yeah world's finest Bullshit First of all what is this? This was in the box of shit people sent to us And it's called monster candy Yeah yeah

There's a lot of them They're great boxes though Yeah they're really cool boxes And you know it's going to taste like candy cigarettes Yeah Which is not No That's exactly what I pictured

When you saw When you get it When you get it When you open it You think it's going to be Candy cigarettes It looks like it's gonna be gum but it is it ends up being candy cigarettes well it's colored like pez so i like

oh i want pez but i know that's gonna be oh no it's a total letdown the best thing wicked i ate some chalk earlier i'm good the best thing the best thing is the box the best thing in the box well i'm gonna leave them out same Same with this podcast. Sorry. Packaging. The packaging is way better. Go ahead. Chad Shank out in the field with the police beat. A suspicious male subject who parked on high lonesome at Double Adobe Road looked like he was up to no good.

This is a time, and I have to keep in mind Paris. Let's not forget praying for Paris. It's time for hyper hyper vigilance. So if you see someone out on high, lonesome road, high, lonesome road says it all. And they look like they're up to no good.

What are they doing in the fucking desert? That's high. Lonesome road is, you know, where double that's high lonesome road is you know where double adobe and high lonesome road is they used to have a steakhouse here it's like what what are they why are you out there yeah yeah what is he building in there everybody is suspicious so much of the police beat you just know all these nervous nellies and all these dark houses on these streets they just sit there you go is that house abandoned no there's a woman peering some guy drove up my street and then down my street that doesn't seem right shouldn't he be in it shouldn't he be in an internment camp don't we have those for the the browns the browns i thought you meant a person

called the like their last name the browns i get it now back back to chad shank let's wrap up this police beat finally doug the hospital advised a female patient left the premises in a hospital gown and with an iv still in her arm, bag and all. They asked the police to locate her and bring her back so that they can remove the IV. Bring me back my bag. That's my bag, lady. She just took off with my bag and the roller. I use that as a coat rack in the break room. Give me back my bag. It's interesting. The only thing they're interested in getting back

is the equipment, not the welfare. Like, why was she there? I'm assuming it was a regular. Well, we'll get it back when she comes back. She'll be dragging it behind her. Hey, Kelly, your usual? Thanks. Yeah, jack me up.

These veins all shut down. You're going to have to get me in the shoulder. Actually, we've already got the vein popped. You just need to switch the bag, which I've been dragging behind. Take out the needle real quick and throw in the bag needle. I don't even need your cart. I stole a Safeway cart to put my IV bag in.

All right. Thank you,e b at stanhope's stanhope cdp cdp stanhope's cdp and at hd fatty for uh chad shank and greg chaley is at greg chaley c-h-a-i-l-l-e and i'm at doug stanhope and fuck facebook follow us on twitter it's party time Laugh your laughs and heat your heats It's party time Smile your smiles and blow your blues It's party time Dance your dance and shoe your shoes It's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks It's party time, yeah Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks It's party time Crap your craps and fuck your fucks

It's party time Crap your, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time One more! Crap your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time Here we go! Party time! Party time, yeah Party time, party time, party time, party time Party time, party time, party time, party time Party time, party time, party time, party time Party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time,

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