The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #121: A Swapcast with comedian Jessimae Peluso

Episode Date: January 25, 2016

(L-R) Stanhope, Chaille, & Jessimae PelusoJessimae Peluso's "Sharp Tongue Podcast"Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon  A Swapcast with comedian Jessiemae Peluso (Stand-Up, MTV's "Girl Code", Funny or Die, World's Funniest Fails).Recorded Jan. 19, 2016 in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Jessimae Peluso (@JessimaePeluso), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS -TIO CEDDY'S - http://www.tioceddy.com/ JESSIMAE PELUSO: SHARP TONGUE - apple.co/1UhQP8w    Twitter - @JessimaePeluso   Felicia Michaels - bit.ly/1KvPntPYannis Pappas - http://yannispappas.net/ROB DUKES – GENERATION KILL - https://twitter.com/rob_dukes   BIG JAY OAKERSON - https://twitter.com/bigjayoakerson  OWEN BENJAMIN - https://twitter.com/OwenBenjamin    Hedberg Joke – "I write jokes for a living, man. See I sit in my hotel at night, I think of something that’s funny and then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen’s too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain’t funny."The Impractical Jokers - @truTVjokersPre-Order Doug's book “DIGGING UP MOTHER” through Amazon athttp://amzn.to/1NXiQy5Brian Hennigan's book, "Patrick Robertson: A Tale Of Adventure" Available now -http://ataleofadventure.com/Closing Songs, "Party Time" by The Mattoid. Check out The Mattoid on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Oh, dates. There, you do that. I don't even know what my dates are. You're the straight man. Oh yeah, where do you go next? Let me read your sheet and see. I do that a lot too. Oh, I'm in Addison in two days. I knew that part.

That's the weird one. You did Tucson last night? Oh, Tempe. Tempe, and then Addison, and then San Francisco isn't it weird? that's great routing coming from LA right?

my routing is the worst it's like East Coast winter, West Coast summer is that your manager? does he need a t-shirt? no that's my man you're just getting into the beef here you're like Chelsea Handler. I am?

Yeah, where you have some gorgeous man-boy that doesn't say anything and wears this weird open-shaved chest thing just to show off. And he was with it because we got burnt, and he was unsure about wearing that because he didn't want to have like a burnt chest. I thought she was on one of those combo tours. Where'd you get burned? It's been shitty weather in Arizona.

We did a fake tan. Ting. Oh, yeah, yeah. Got to get that vitamin D in somehow. Fake vitamin D? Is it real, vitamin D? Well, you know, it causes cancer supposedly, but obviously. The cancer's the same in both. I'm not worried about the cancer.

Because you're fisting and drinking and smoking. Yes. I don't know. But looking good on top of that, I'm not taking those kind of chances. I'd rather be pasty. That's just an added pressure. It's just an added step to maintain. A lot of people, they play Phoenix, Tempe, Mesa, Scottsdale,

the quad cities. They go, hey, I'm in your town. And you go, it's fucking Arizona. Yeah, Arizona's huge. To get to Vegas is like nine and a half hours, and that's border to border of Arizona. Yeah. So you're not my town.

They don't understand the proximity to other places. Because, yeah, they don't drive. You drove. Yeah, I drive. If it's within five hours, like the gig, five, six hours, I'll drive because then I can bring my dogs. Yeah. And not be on a dirty-ass airplane.

We brought our dogs. We brought one dog on a road trip back when Ichabod was a puppy. And we left it in the car for a minute, and it chewed through the seat and the seat belts. And Chaley was going ballistic. Was it crazy in the car? Well, it was a puppy then. When it was chewing your shoes. They eat everything when they're puppies.

It would have been better if Ichabod actually chewed through the shoulder strap. Ichabod actually chewed through the shoulder strap, but he ate it down to where there was just a thin cheese slicer of that seatbelt material, which is really durable, that would have just cut right through you. There would have been no

displacement of the force. It would have taken your left arm off. First night of the tour. The wake of the dogs chewing takes off an arm. I don't know how well you remember Bingo, but she's a bit daffy. Yeah.

So this was when she first got the dog as a puppy and wouldn't let me give it to the pound. It was her best friend. Just like a child. I'm going to feed it and walk it and pet it. So she's in those early stages of loving the dog so as much as he's going the fucking dog's out of control she's like this is my puppy women go crazy over dogs like i was i was yeah for six months and now i'm walking it for eight years that's the way it goes like girls want it in the beginning then the dudes have to do all

the responsibility i was walking with my little dog on the trail and every chick is like, aww, aww. It's all like these predictable bitches just needing to take care of something. My first dog was great for getting pussy.

When I was a young man, my first dog, take it out in the park, oh, your little dog. What kind of dog? Oh, my dog likes your dog. That was a shepherd husky mix. The best dog I ever had.

Good eyes. And they're all retarded since then. I just happen to have a really smart dog that I thought was a product of me training it. No, he was just really bright. The years of breeding. You're like, no, I got it. Sit, stay, come. I got it.

Every dog I've had since then is a fucking retard, and the latest are the worst. Do you always go pound? Do you get them at them at the pound no they showed up at my house they these are like real like just dogs up the street they're not even rescues they're squatters they're homesteaders they were on the property went on the road for three months how hard it is to get rid of squatters it's a legal problem yeah we have a open crawl space under the house. And the Ichabod, we went on the road for three months, and he was living under there. It took us four days to even get him to eat food. I don't blame him.

I wouldn't trust you guys coming back. Did you have all these colors up, all these bright colors? No, no, no. This was back when it was dull. He knew the colors were coming, though. There wasn't even a fence. He could have just left. The fence wasn't up.

That's how he got in. He's like, something tells me there's emotionally damaged people here. I'm going to stay. This looks like a cool ride. And the other dog hates my guts. They live in the house. You haven't seen the whole spread, but they live in the house that's down behind here. And any time they're home, my other dog just wants to stay with them.

My other dog hates my guts. And she was a squatter too fuck you yes henry phillips she hates me unless it's time to go for a walk she likes me at 6 a.m and 5 p.m she likes them better than you anyone that's not just them other people when they're not staying there we have other comics staying there brett erickson and mitchell yeah they she'd scratch at the door to get out of my fucking house she's got enough room to have her own shit going on i don't know dogs are they're all very like they're individuals they're little

assholes they're all assholes as much as i i think the dog whisperer is a phony caesar milan he's there for like weeks it's the same way people need to believe in psychics or religion i would believe in caesar milan just to figure out why my dog hates me even though i know his answer is probably bullshit i need to believe there's a reason that that dog i love so much just fucking hates me he would just say you need to be the back leader. That would be the only thing he says. If you did not have dogs, Henry would be scratching at your door and then eat your

dogs and sleep in your bed. But she won't sleep with me ever. Hey, this is the Jesse Pelosi He has never once said my name right. Do you know that? I said it right all day. However many years I've known he's never once said my name right. Do you know that? I said it right all day. However many years I've known

he's never once said my name right. It's the best. It's always something different. You're really creative with the way you say my name. I think I wrote it wrong, maybe. Oh, see, he wrote it right. Let me see.

Did you write it wrong? No, he's lying. He's lying on my behalf. He is. He's saving you. Bro code. Bro code. Bro code.

I said it right all day. know yeah you did now i really can't think of the right way because i so peluso peluso snakey s's gangster hillbilly at your service do you have a name for your podcast sharp tongue the sharp tongue yeah all right i'll fuck that up by the end do it so we're even i look forward. Yeah. Fuck it up as much as you can. Hey, this is the Jesse Pelosi shaved tongue podcast. Shaved tongue. That sounds like a new sexual experience. Oh, no, it's going to be your hangover in the morning. Oh, God.

It's a swap cast. Have you not picked up on this? If you're a comic with a podcast, talking to another comic with a podcast, you put them out together as a swap cast, and that saves us time. Yeah, it just makes more sense. Crosses the audiences.

Why do two? Your fans learn about me. My fans learn about you. Right. They all argue with each other. They get into Twitter wars over us. Oh, my gosh. I shouldn't even bring this up.

Do it. I want to know. Yeah, well, it's a back story from our last podcast where I had an indiscretion on a cruise ship after a 48-hour solid bender. Not got hungover, had some breakfast, drank all day on a cruise until I passed out, woke up, started drinking again morning, noon, and night. And then something happened

with another girl. Oh, the plot thickens. This is my favorite part. So Bingo and I broke up. Have you talked about this already? Yeah, yeah. We already talked about this a lot. But I have some notes to ask you questions.

Okay. But I talked to Hennigan, my manager today, who's back in Mexico for a third time. Why is he in Mexico for three times? He has some girl down there, but he's very secretive. So he gives us no details. Interesting. Curious.

He's been there three times in four weeks. And I can tell when I call him, because it doesn't ring. It goes, beep, beep, beep. Yeah, that's when you're in different places, far away from your home. International ringtone. Where you could go missing. Yeah. I go, you're back in Mexico?

So I said that we're doing a podcast. He goes, well, now that you're broken up, I guess you can have sex with her. Oh, my God. Hennegan. I remember him. Yeah. Oh, was he? Yeah.

I talked to him on the phone. Oh, on the phone. We did those shows together. In Syracuse. The palace. The palace. You hated it. Well, you were doing.

It was so empty. Well, it was almost half full. You were doing an... We co-headlined it, for lack of a better term, but you were doing some MTV show geared towards 15-year-old girls. That's right. And I had people that raped 15 year old girls it was a

maglamation of the worst of society it was undersold yeah it was fun though i mean that that one of those was it two years or three years that we did it 2013 we did two oh yeah you had another show yeah yeah the first one was okay yeah And then I think the second one was the one where I ate the biggest dick of my comedic career on stage. Massive dick. Just a huge dick sandwich. I know. I didn't enjoy the show. It was horrible.

It was so bad I got off stage and I cried for about an hour. You ever have one of those nights? You just cry? Oh, yeah. It hurts you so bad? Yeah, no. Probably a few. Yeah. That was one of those nights? You just cry? It hurts you so bad? Yeah, no, probably a few. Yeah, that was one of those nights.

And when I think about it, I have a visceral pain in my spleen. Oh, I know those shows where I'll forget them, but if someone brings it up, that acid floods into your stomach. That's what it feels like. Like, we got to kill the witnesses. Lock the fire. Every of it, you're like, oh, we got to kill the witnesses. Lock the fire. That's the memory of it. You're like, oh, God.

It was my hometown. Like, all these people I grew up with and my dentist, my fucking dentist is there. Oh, this was the palace theater. Yeah. Yeah, because your family was in the front row. All my aunts. All my damn aunts. Betsy, Janet, Carol.

When I saw Carol roll up, I said, it's over. Those are the only ones that panic me now is when you have to play your hometown and some douchebag from junior high school that is probably the reason you got into comedy because you hated him so much and he picked on you, but you don't remember anymore. Right. into comedy because you hated him so much and he picked on you, but you don't remember anymore, but you have to wonder and that's the only time that guy's going to see you and so if you suck, he's just going to go, I told you he's a douchebag

in 8th grade. Same guy. Just one of the worst, man. Let me get back to the hot tub thing. Get back to the hot tub thing. Indiscretion. We were at the moment where you had an indiscretion with the lady. And Hennigan made some joke about, well, now you can have sex with her. And I go, you know what? I don't want to end up the punchline in someone's joke that's probably as desperate for material as I am.

It would have to be. I mean, there would have to be a punchline yeah the one in the hot tub was a stripper so she's prone to the things in the hot tub no we had i had a party in this hot tub i was so drunk but i felt like king of the world you know when you're that drunk and everyone seems to be paying attention to you they're probably saying what a douchebag but you think that you're the life of the party you get your lampshade on well everyone went ashore because i think you said you were in cozumel right yeah we were in cozumel and it was pouring rain the entire cruise poured rain but everyone's off the ship because they're going to buy trinkets and

sombreros and whatever the fuck they buy duty--free shit. Yeah, and so I just took over. Like, hey, fuck it. We're all sitting here out under the bleachers trying to get out of the rain. Let's jump in those hot tubs. Yeah, there's no kids on board anymore. They're all out in fucking Cozumel buying chiclets. But a stripper is one thing. You never want to fuck a comedian.

Brian, is it? I'm sorry. Peter. Peter. Peter. Peter. Brian. It's Peter.

Have you wound up in a bit yet? You know my dad. Not that you know of. Have you? What one? It's not me specifically. No. I don't think you have.

That'll be like. I've got to get on there. That'll be after our first breakup. You'll be in there. All right. That's when you hurt my heart. You'll be in there. This must be new.

That's in my notes. That's in my notes because I was having this conversation with, with bingo. When you have, when you, when you cheat, When you cheat, you never blame. You might ridicule and mock and hate the person, but the person that's not part of the relationship is never to blame. They didn't make the commitment.

That's true. And if you're a dude, every option is money. Yeah. You only live so long, and on some level, especially in your early years fucking is what gives you drives you what drives you and uh the the motivates no but it makes you i won i just won i fucked her it justifies okay i'm a good person. She actually fucked me. She validates you. Validates. Validates.

Thank you. We got it. We got to it. He's not just pretty with a fucking shaved chest. He also knows a big word when you need it. That was an episode of Match Game. Gene Rayburn is getting tough on his questions. But yeah, you don't blame the person that's not involved in the relationship.

No, you don't. You fucked up or you fucked up but as easy as it would be an external thing and you want to because you want the first thing you want to do is put blame someplace yeah and that vacillates i've been going through that for days like well if like you go backwards i find myself trying to make her the bad person even though she's not. She's wonderful. But you're still trying to make yourself somehow exempt from guilt. It's difficult because

you think about all the shit you've been through and then that makes you more angry. So you want to blame them because, well, what about all this shit? You're just going to throw all this shit away. And so you want to blame them even more for that. Yes. But, yeah, you can't really blame a third person because they're just.

Trying to get laid. They're just trying to get some. They're as drunk as you and they have nothing to do. They don't have to apologize the next day or lie or hide baby oil handprints all over a cruise ship cabin. So bad to use baby oil. I had it with me. In your vagina? Not your vagina, but somebody else's? She at one point said, no anal.

And I went, oh, waste of baby oil. What a waste. Look at that, $1.79. Well, the reason I had baby oil and a lot of dildos was I smuggled a bunch of booze on a cruise ship and which they're nazis about it's like trying to get drugs or shanks in a prison yeah where they like so i had the fat suit made of booze i smuggled on and then i brought a bag

and you got it on you got all that on a cruise ship oh How did you get through? Over two gallons. But the bag I had, it was a backpack, so it's tall. So when they go through it, they have to reach down. An actual backpacker's pack. Oh, so the hiking. Cinching at the top. No way to get in until you go up to the bottom. So I layered it with dildos, which here, you've seen the town.

We're 100 miles from the local smut shop. So I had to put out word to the ladies. I know, hey, if you have a spare dildo you don't use anymore that's broken, chuck it in my mailbox because I'm making this bag of dildos and porn. So I get friends that gave me dildos, porn. I put a dog leash, baby oil. It's like everything that you would not want to touch as a security person on a cruise ship. And then put the booze in these rum runner bags at the bottom.

And I got everything on. I got my fat suit. It was slipping by the time I got on because I had to wait for two hours. I'm sweating. He had man spanks. Minks. Yeah. Man spanks with a compression.

A belly belt or whatever they call it. That's commitment. It's a compression shirt. Compression socks to smoke. How long were you in this? How long were you in all that? Five days. How long were you in this?

How long were you in all that? Five days. One of the reasons I was that drunk that I thought it would be okay to bring a 23-year-old stripper back to my room with my wife and go, Hey, what do you think? Huh? Should we? You're leaving? Okay, I'll do it anyway. It seemed right at the time.

Wait, was she stripping on the cruise ship? No, she was just a cool chick in a hot tub. From Florida? No, Louisville. No, Lexington just a cool chick in a hot tub. From Florida? No, Louisville. No, Lexington. Wow. Kentucky. Yeah. Kentucky. I guess it's similar. I just think all the strippers come from Florida. I just assume.

Oh, she wasn't like a Rogan-style stripper. Oh, no? Yeah, she was a Doug Stanhope-style stripper. Okay. Like outside of Dairy Queen or something. Yeah, she was cute. She looked like Felicia Michaels, the young version. Okay. Did she have all of her teeth?

I think so. I didn't check them all. Tattoos? I checked the ass. She said no, and I didn't go for the teeth after that. How are you going to be a stripper and not want any butt action? She's 23. I don't think she makes much money at it.

Does she have a good body? Yeah. Flexible? I'm not flexible. I don't try to do much money at it. She have a good body? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Flexible. I'm not flexible. I don't try to do a lot of weird shit. Like, you know, I feel like strippers, like they make more money if they can put their legs.

I don't know. I honestly, if I fuck once a year, it's Viagra fueled or it's quickly at my wife's expense. fueled or it's quickly at my wife's expense so yeah but i was yeah i was jacked up on mexican viagra because i thought my wife was gonna get in the hot tub and when she didn't i go well let's go somewhere else point is i don't know what my was it good i don't remember no you were like i would i'm 48 fucking years old fucking a 23 year old stripper is good yeah i guess especially when you're like me like that dude could be 48 right now and you'd be going no you can fuck anyone he wants because he takes care of himself you're like you're like you're like exactly what peter i remember like but the worst

the worst part of it is that what you're saying? You're the black of Peter's soul? You're the black of Peter's soul? You're the dark side of his moon. Is that what you're saying to us? I've made jokes about it, but I jerk off with a t-shirt on in case I have to look down. That's a joke that's based in truth.

I'm a disgusting human being. I explain this to my gal pal, Bingo, however we stand, that it's like, you know open micers? Yeah. Did we talk about this last night on the podcast or off the podcast? I don't know. You know what? Open micers that have been doing it for 10 or 12 years.

As open micers. And they stink and doing the same material and they stink. And you go, where do you get your self-esteem from? I know I suck in bed. And every time I have to fuck my wife, I know it's going to be horrible for her. And I don't want to put her through that. I have a self-awareness that I'm just not good at this. Why do you think that? Why do you think you're not good at it?

I know that I'm not good at that. I'm just not good at this. Why do you think that? Why do you think you're not good at it? I know that I'm not good at that. How does an open-miker that stinks for 13 years and shows up every Tuesday not know? They don't know. It's like blind confidence. I do know.

That's my point. I'm aware of how much I stink in that same sense. I have no wind. I'm a fucking 35-year smoker. You're just a sprinter? Yeah, I have no... Short I'm a fucking 35-year smoker. You're just a sprinter? Yeah, I have no... Short bursts. Ballast.

Can your next DVD be called Short Bursts? 30 seconds with Doug Stanhope. Yes, if you want to be a 50-year-old comic that's still doing dick jokes above fucking your wife and people in the crowd, I remember I could name names, but when you hear 50-year-old fucking 60-year-old comics talking about fucking and boners.

It is jarring. No one wants to hear this from you. Yeah. I remember doing a show at Bananas. You ever do Bananas? Oh, I fucking love it. I love Bananas. It's so weird, right?

That place? It's kind of weird. It's so weird, right? That place? It's kind of weird. It's the best bar next door. It's really small. That's the only place that now I'm out of material. I have to go build a new hour. You go to bananas. And that's where I'll do a full week.

Everywhere else, one night tops. Bananas is great. But there was an older woman, older road comic. She was, I think, maybe close to 60, and she was on her hands and knees talking about fucking her husband. And it just was jarring to see that. You're right. Just at a certain point, it stops. It takes over onto another meaning. And it evokes a different reaction out of you.

You're like, this isn't sexy. This is terrifying. Okay, well, kind of in the same theory where someone says a joke over and over again or they just keep repeating it and you go, why are you doing this? But they do it enough times that it's funny again because they're relentless. Right. There is that same gap with old to elderly where when you see a 78 year old person talking about their balls or fucking, it's hilarious because they don't do that at that age.

Right. You're like, all right, this is, it's like a kid. If you have an eight year old kid that you're putting all of your desires that you never fulfilled about being a standup comic and you make your eight year old kid do dirty jokes.

Yeah. You laugh at an eight year old kid. Because of the positioning of it and who he is and how old he is. Right, and it's so completely out of the realm of reality that it's hilarious. You can't even fathom the truth of it. But then when you see an Archie Bunker talking about, and my balls hang so low. It is gross.

Yeah. Old balls. Are yours low? Have they dropped? Mine have been low forever It is gross. Yeah. Old balls. Are yours low? Have they dropped? Mine have been low forever. He's the winner. How long are we talking? Do they really drop a lot?

Yeah. A couple inches? Uneven, too. Like the 80s breasts. They just look like a goat neck. One way longer than the other. But we have one friend that owns Chilkoot Charlie's up in Alaska. Chilkoot Charlie's? Have Alaska. Chilkoot Charlie's?

You ever played Anchorage? No. Yeah, he booked that forever. And the owner, every time I'd go up there to see him, we'd party out of control to the point where eventually who's got the longest balls competition. He'll come out. How do you do that?

He will always beat me. Flashlight on the wall and you mark it? No, it's Anchorage, so it's light at 3 o'clock in the morning. You do it by a campfire. It's just eyes, just naked eye judgment. You eyeball it? No, it's standing side by side, stretching your balls as long as they can go, and I still always lose that one.

Oh, God. And that's the worst. To have the longest balls in the world is great, but to have the second longest, there's no fucking trophy. There's no parade. No, there's no trophy. No convertible for Doug. You're just a loser that's unattractive to women again.

You can't even be great at being bad and gross. Like if I had the longest balls, you'd go, oh, I got to see those. I got to see them. You got the second longest? Get out of here. Yeah. I know the guy with the first longest. Hey, where's your friend?

Where's your friend with the saggy sack? Where's saggy sack Sam? The saggiest sack. I want to see that. Yeah. Saggy sack. Where is he? I don't really understand.

So back to cheating. Yeah. Yanis. Yanis. Last I, or first I met you, you were dating Yanis Pappas. Yanis Pappas, yeah. Funny here because two times we've had the police called, both Super Bowls, Saturday night before,

usually have a big band out on the patio and comedy, and those are the only two times in 10 years. Noise complaints, never. We've had bands, but when it was comics or there were loud music at 4.30 in the morning was the other one. Christine Levine, do you know her? I don't know her personally, but I know what I mean.

The first time we go, hey, the band's done. Let's put comics up. We have a lot of comics here. When you go out, you've just been here for a little while. If people are talking two blocks away at this level, you can hear their conversation. Christine Levine is on the microphone blaring. Everyone in two blocks that way and four blocks this way.

Every home is invaded by comedy they don't want to hear. That's amazing. And she's talking about how having four kids made her vagina look like it swallowed a dog who chewed its way out. Wow. Blasting across the neighborhood. Well, plan B, I'm going to stock up on that tomorrow. Yeah.

Jesus. Well, it didn't happen here. It wasn't, hey, on the way to work today. It was over a course of... But the cop that showed up both years to tell us to tone it down is named... That's right. Yanis, right. Yanis Pappy.

Yeah. I'm like, I have a comic friend who has almost your same name. I think I was with him when you called. Yeah, I... Yeah, you called. You're like, you're never going to believe a cop just came to my house with your name. I was with him when you called yeah you called you're like you're never gonna believe a cop just came to my house with your name i was with him when you called him you probably were yeah i was we're friends now i see him at safeway we're at the deli counter hey how you doing hey do you mind if i introduce you to my brother like this is

the fucking best town like not being afraid of, but actually being friendly with them, even though they know you're a fuck up. But yeah, that's funny. And the second time they came, he said, I go, hey, we try to keep it down. We try to kill the music by 10. And they always show up just after all the shit got shut down. So it sounds like some nosy. Yeah, just some rude, boring ass neighbor with no life is just trying to. Fucking Kravitz from the.

Gladys Kravitz. Gladys Kravitz. Is that really one of your neighbors? No, no, from Bewitched. Oh, yeah, from Bewitched. I was like, what? Gladys, that's a great name. And then she looks like an asshole for calling.

And it just, everything says. It's like when you go to get your car inspected. You're like, no, officer. But no, it makes a knocking sound, but it's not doing it now. Yeah, it's not. And he said the first time he came in, he walked in on Christine Levine. There's 80 people down here. You pulled up in front.

You can't see down here. No, you can't. It's very well hidden. So it's just a fence. You're like, what's happening back there? A little tiny house. He opens the gates the first time for Christine Levine. There's 80 people staring at the stage, including her staring at him. So he's in the spotlight.

It's like fucking with a heckler. I'm putting the spotlight. And now he feels like a dick. And he goes, all right, my first question is, why weren't we invited? Oh, that's awesome. So the second year, he shows up, and it's all quiet. He's like, yeah, yeah. I go, I always try to be cool.

He goes, yeah, we were here last year. I go, oh, you're the why weren't we invited guy? He goes, yeah, why weren't we invited again? So Sunday morning for Super Bowl, called the police station and went, hey, just want to let you know you're all invited. There'll be some illegal gambling, but the house isn't taking a cut so there should not be any legal problems come on bye they did not but they're fucking cool as shit that's awesome though so yanis yanis did you ever cheat on him no i didn't you ever cheat on you i don't think so no i don't

think you did i heard you on a podcast once talking about the breakup, and I have no recollection of details. I swear I did. Well, we were living together, and his mom was there as well. She was in her 80s and had Alzheimer's, so we had to take care of her. It was bad. She'd leave the pot burning, and the door open, the dogs would be gone, and all sorts of things.

Her and I would get into yelling arguments over sticks of butter. That was a reoccurring fun situation between her and I because she liked to put it in the fridge. I liked to keep it out. Fly butter. Right. That's good for toast. Exactly. Toast butter.

Thank you. And I found myself screaming at an 80-year-old woman with Alzheimer's, and that's when you have an emotional turmoil moment where you're like, what am I doing with my life? I'm in a kitchen yelling at a Cretan woman about butter. I'm losing myself. And I'm getting more work than Yanis, so I don't know if I need him anymore. No, it just was a situation where I... He's funny, but I'm hot. I get the

upper hand. Fuck you. I don't know if he's funnier than you. He's funny. He's got his own thing going on. But it just got too hard. I started getting work and he didn't like it. I think his ego was affected, which I understand, but then it started to bleed into the relationship and it just got too hard.

Is that the only comedian you dated? Yeah. For any length of time? Yeah, that was my third serious relationship i i dated one and she was new are you gonna say a name uh betsy wise yeah she's a fantastic person what a great name it's like a pinup she's yeah she's into some other shit she she was like giraldo she was a, quit to do comedy. Geraldo!

I was hot for her. She had one really funny joke as an opening act in Davie, Florida. And I'm like, that girl's really funny. Well, you know when you get caught by even an open miker and you just hear one joke and you go, oh, that guy's brilliant. And you realize they stumbled upon that joke and don't

even know it's funny. And you realize they stumbled upon that joke and don't even know it's funny. Yeah. And that's it. And they don't even know how to bleed. We spent a year where she's developing an act and I was already developed. So you'd have to. That's hard. The different levels.

Don't you think it's impossible? In a relationship where you can't say, that fucking sucks. You can't because I always call comics insecure narcissists. It's like an equal balance of insecurity and narcissism. You need that. Those are like the two fuels to keep you going. Yes. You need the insecurity to have the realization that sometimes you suck.

Dave Attell. Yeah. And then you need the narcissism to keep going, you know, to just keep yourself going when you're failing. Yeah. or desperation. Yeah, whatever it is. But, yeah, it got hard. It got hard. And we were in the hallway.

We had this one argument. And I just was like, yo, I need my own space. I'm living with you and your mom. I can't handle this. I'm just going to get an apartment or something. And he didn't like that. And he was like, go ahead. Go get an apartment.

I'm going to go out and we'll fuck a bunch of bitches. And I was like, okay,. Go get an apartment. I'm going to go out and we'll fuck a bunch of bitches. And I was like, okay. Well, that's proper communication. And then I was on my girlfriend's couch for a couple months. And then I moved. I officially got an apartment. How long together? Three years.

Oh, fuck. Yeah. I lasted, I think, a year with Betsy. Yeah, I lasted longer than I should have. I was in for longer than I should have. Well, Betsy was also new. So she was uh like the party after the show in the green room and then the after party going to somewhere and

that was new to her man but then when she moved to la and realized well that's my life at home too she's like all right i i she's like uh you're a fuck up right i gotta go it takes a certain type of person to be able to roll with that yeah well you're a you're you're, you're a fuck-up. I got to go. It takes a certain type of person to be able to roll with that. Yeah, well, you're a drunkard. Yeah, I like the sauce. I've curbed the drinking. I'm not doing it as much. I don't black out anymore.

That was a regular occurrence. I just had to curb it. I have a weird heart situation, so I can't drink like I used to. It's not even like an age thing. What's your heart situation? Pulmonary ventricular complexes, PVCs. I love it when you talk to me. You like that?

I just pulled a line off a general hospital. I have no idea what that means. I'm just some weird, you know, I got a deformed heart. I'm probably inbred. Who knows? How old are you? 33. All right.

Well, Hedberg had the same shit and he died at 37 let's make the next four let's hope next four years let's make the best of them let's oil down your boyfriend in that fucking silky chest down come on he doesn't do that on his own no no oil up oil down Doug's trying to get rid of that half bottle of oil i told bingo i brought that home with us use the oil on him oil them down uh should we uh take a break what are we at do you have a sponsor i have well i'm on sideshow network have you heard of sideshow network it's a podcast network and we just got it. He doesn't even listen to podcasts. I really don't listen to them much either.

Do you have any drops you have to do for your podcast? Shout out to Nancy Finley for shoving me out of her vag hole. That's my mom. Can you imagine if it wasn't? That'd be so awkward. Who's this lady? Whoever you are. You're a nice woman.

You're not a ping pong ball. You're a child. Did the stripper that you banged, do you bang her? Finger bang or full bang? Full bang. It's Mexican Viagra. What did I waste my fingers on? It's not in junior high. It doesn't make your

fingers hard. What's Mexican Viagra? Your dick smells like a taco? What's the difference? It's very economical. You're at the border. Do you have a passport? I do have a passport. Go over and get some drugs. Some Mexican Viagra? You could get some Xanax or some

Lipitor. I don't know what you're... Tylenol 3. I probably need Lipitor. I could use some Lipitor. I don't know what you need. Oh get. I could use some Lipitor. I don't know what you need. Oh, man, I just peed a little. Well, you're a girl of a certain age. Yeah, it happens.

Stuff starts creeping out of there. Yep, 33. Old bag. Old. You want to take a break and make a cocktail? What are we at? You never told me. I said 34.

Oh, 34. A little bit older than you. Let's take a break, and we'll be back after this urination. Hey, Pop-Off Vodka. We haven't, our long term, our longest sponsor, we haven't pitched Pop-Off Vodka for a while. Hey, Pop-Off Vodka, people. It's a plastic jug so big

you can crawl inside with all of your deepest fears and still fit comfortably. Pop-off vodka. Go down to the bottomless shelf of your local barred window retail liquor establishment in that part of town.

Get yourself a bottle of pop-off vodka. It makes you smile like you just got 500 surprise dollars in the mail and now back to the podcast already drinking pop-up vodka that is so funny that's a funny line I got one line here that's funny you have to write that down are you going to remember that no it's all yours

I can't use it I'm already ugly I'm going to use it I'm writing that down see as a girl with ambition oh I saw some cocksucker stole a Hedberg joke. That fucking cunt. Oh, no, no, she's a cunt.

Let's save this. We're recording anyway. Write that down, and then I'll talk about this cunt. She's a blogger. Video blogger. YouTube celebrity. Fake fake ass not comedian hot stupid and she's the one that did like

a fat shaming thing and caused a minute of even though I hate to say the name because people are gonna google her and stuff we're gonna bleep her name he's already done all you have to do is say it and Chaley is fucking a monster Don't don't. You know what? We're going to believe her name. He's already done. All you have to do is say it.

And Chaley is fucking a monster on it. But then she tweeted a fucking Hedberg joke. And I hope I have the same person. But if I don't, we already bleeped her name. But someone who is like, what was the guy that was like the big stealing tweet things oh uh big fat jew yeah the fat jew it was like that but it was a chick and she did the headberg joke about sometimes i think about something that's funny but i'm too lazy to get out of bed to get a pen so i have to convince myself that is not funny funny. I know I ruined that joke. No, yeah, I know what you're talking about.

That's the joke. It is, it is. It's almost verbatim. Yeah, I missed a few beats. Hedberg would roll over in his grave a little bit. He'd roll onto his side. Yeah, he wouldn't roll all the way over. He didn't have that much ambition.

Come on, man. Jesus. How come Shawcroft won't put out any of my material to make me legendary like Bill Hicks? Like Bill Hicks. If I thought Shawcroft listened to this podcast, I'd say cut that out. But I mean that. She didn't credit him?

No, no, that's his wife. And she has a stockpile of unseen footage that she won't put out because she's like a lot of us that are too fucked up in their regular lives to get around his stuff and she's a terrified person and i fucking want to punch her in the face every time i think about how much unseen hedberg footage is out so much so much i know and there's like so limited like everyone who dies they're like what else they live in infamy but the hedberg's been forgotten because she doesn't get around to putting shit out. That's great. It's infuriating.

I don't blame you specifically, Lynn, but I've been drinking, so tonight I do. You want it. Wait, so this chick, I'm talking about this chick, this chick tweeted, she didn't say?

She tweeted that fucking tweet, and it was one of those times where I wake up with a lot of anger and I want a target that I can just eviscerate, but I had other shit to do, and and I want a target that I can just eviscerate. But I had other shit to do and then I forgot about it until now. But yeah, that fucking cunt. I'm sure it's that same cunt. So you didn't even get to respond to it?

Did you see anybody else respond to it? Someone tweeted me because I'm an egomaniac that I basically only look at notifications and not my home. That's everybody. Yeah, I'm assuming. Yeah. But I wanted to take full credit. You can. You can take full credit for being an egomaniac, the only one.

Did anyone else tweet about it? Yeah, no, someone tweeted me. But again, so many people don't remember Hedberg. But that's the problem. I know. Because then that's going to be the barometer of her funny level. Hedberg holds up,

and there's not a lot of comics that do. Oh, God, he's timeless. His stuff is timeless. Woody Allen, that one album Becker ever showed, that still holds up. There's guys that don't. Stephen still holds up. This guy's the don't. Stephen Wright holds up to an extent,

but kind of Hedberg kind of usurped him in the same style. And Hedberg, now he's over completely in his grave. Cause I said that. Now he's in a fetal position. But he kind of took that genre and made it actually real. Like he was doing one-liners but in between them he was a human

being. Oh man, that didn't work at all. I'm going to have to strike that. Are you people still going to like me after... You people don't like me. He made it a human, like, here's a joke, what do you think? He definitely had his own little

flow to it. He brought it to a new level. He gave a little... The life? I don't know if life is the right word. Humanity. That's it. He gave humanity to the one-liners. Instead of it feeling like this regurgitated tone,

like a monotone thing. And he did it brilliantly. The glasses. It was weird because there was a humanity to it, but there was a veil. And then Demetri Martin brought it down to the worst levels. I can't. Leave that in.

Make it louder. Leave it in. Pump up Demetri Martin by 10 decibels. Check that out. Check this shit up so the cops show up. Why don't you invite me? First of all, I don't think that guy's been... I know that I'm out of the world of what's relevant,

but I don't think he's been relevant for like eight years i haven't heard the name in a while but i don't then again who knows there's a lot of stuff that's relevant out there that's mind-boggling all right here's come on come on you're gonna burn your fucking knuckle i'm fucking lighting cigarettes off the stripper you banged on the cruise. Are you lighting cigarettes with no blowout birthday candles? So I wanted to ask you this because it was funny earlier and maybe it falls flat now, but bingo came by. We had another talk after our breakup thing, and it's tough. And at some point she asked me the wrong question,

which is how much have you really cheated on me in the last 10 years? And I said, I don't know how to answer that question. And then she said something smart, fucky, but nice. And I said, well, then maybe the answer is not enough. Because I don't. And then we started talking about this cruise that we were on and she's going i go i'm trying to write down beats for this podcast of just what happened in the last week and she goes well then we were on stage with the impractical jokers and that girl

kelly and the other girl i don't know if you fucked them too and i go i don't remember being on stage with the impractical jokers much less the girls you're talking about and i go i don't remember being on stage with the impractical jokers much less the girls you're talking about and i go that's why it's a flawed question to ask me how much i've cheated on you in the last 10 years because i don't remember i wouldn't remember cheating on you on that cruise if you hadn't ratted me out by spotting me. You're a narc. You're a goddamn narc for telling me that I cheated on you. Oh, Jesus. I put it on her, and I thought that was a very clever way.

I don't like Keanu Reeves, but I saw The Devil's Advocate, and now it kind of got me into it. Did you feel like you were in that mode? I could be a fucking good lawyer. Yeah. You feel like you were in that Ke? I could be a fucking good lawyer. Yeah. You feel like you were in that Keanu Reeves devil's advocate mode? Who's Al Pacino in this situation? Remember the beginning where he figured out how he could get the pedophile off the charges? Yeah.

Because he's smarter than them. I just found a smart way to get out of this, but it's wrong. So I laughed and said, all that's that's probably wrong shit man that's heavy that's some heavy shit what are you gonna do what are you gonna do you're gonna bang like a cheerleading squad what's gonna happen now no i don't that's the point i thought oh now i can go bang everyone but i still have no sex drive i was just jacked up on Viagra. Mexican Viagra in black dildos. I always say Mexican Viagra because some fan gave this to me after a show, and if he's listening, he'll probably be going,

that was me, and it was years ago. It sat around on the – Andy Andrist is the only one that's ever taken it. Hey, you got any more of those Viagras? I think your friend's looking at me weird. And your Crisco oil, whatever. What did you have? Baby oil. But I also had the pair of

seven pairs of my best friend's panties here. Chaley's girlfriend Tracy. I didn't use those. God, you're that room. Your state room in that cruise. You had a good room too. Which is filled with dildos and panties. Empty bags of booze.

In a fat suit filled with booze bags. No, I saved the fat suit parts in case I try to smuggle shit again. Did you bang the stripper in the fat suit? Put it on. Put it on the bags. Bucket list. Check it out.

Feed me. I would love it if a chick had a weird fetish like that that made me feel not so weird. To bang her from behind while she has a feed bag? Like, really? Did you say a feed bag? Wouldn't it be weird? I would love it if a chick had a weird fetish like that that made me feel not so weird. Like, really? Did you say a feed bag? Wouldn't it be weird? What if a girl was like,

I want you to hook up a feed bag to my face, fill it with post-Mexican Viagra cum, and I want you to bang me from behind while I munch on it. Would that be? I was thinking today, anytime I cheat on a girl, I should do something so revolting

that if it ever got back to the girl I was cheating on, she'd be going, oh, thank God he didn't do that to me. That's good. You make it so, you're like, babe, I love you so much. Anytime you have those urges, you go out there. Kill again. Kill again.

That's fine. You go tag team a girl with a Siberian tiger. I don't want to be anywhere near that situation. You just come home. We'll make you a pie. We'll have some pasta, and we'll watch Netflix. You have the normal existence with your girlfriends, and you go take care of those salacious moments with other people.

Mary, have you ever cheated on the girl? I'm sorry. I've called you Peter and Paul, so I go on Mary now. Oh, Peter, Paul, and you go take care of those salacious moments with other people. Mary, have you ever cheated on the girl? I'm sorry. I've called you Peter and Paul, so I go on Mary now. Oh, Peter, Paul, and Mary. Have you cheated on her yet? Three times. Three times, and she knows about it? I'm all good.

I'm a 21st century chick. I can roll with the punches. How long have you been with this guy? We met at a show a while back like a week ago oh let me guess okay first of all first of all you're with beefcake guy he's but he's not a beefcake he's calendar calendar quality beefcake he's calendar quality and i want to hope that he met you after a show where you were a hot chick that kept talking about how I can't get laid. Because that would be great.

No, that's not what it was. Because that's what hot comic chicks do. I don't talk about that. You have no guys want to talk to me after a show. I get laid. I don't talk about that. He met you after a show you were on? It was my show in Pittsburgh at the Pittsburgh Improv in Homestead.

Not near Pittsburgh at all. And he was there on a date. Fucking Westworld. So Peter's a chuckle fucker. A chuckle fucker. What's a chuckle fucker? You stole him away from a girl? What?

Wasn't it a first date? It was just a first date. They didn't even know each other. They barely knew each other. And I saw him. I was like, oh, he's kind of cute. And then we just started talking and have been chilling ever since. He's a very intelligent person. One week.

A week? I mean, we just keep saying a week. Why? Because the truth is more painful. Isn't the truth always more painful? No. Truth is hilarious. always more painful no truth is hilarious truth is hilarious pain is hilarious i should say that pain is truth is a lot of times boring yeah truth is boring with the pain the result of the truth i sit at this bar a lot and hear people's honest stories that you go who cares the pain is the funniest pain is funny yeah

and truth doesn't always yield pain but you you're right about that. Truthful pain. We've been chilling for a little bit. All right, good. Do you want to pipe in? Do you have anything you wanted to talk about? You know, one thing I want to know, because we were talking about this earlier. Do you remember one of the worst shows you've ever had? In recent years.

I'm not talking like starting off Growing Pain comedy stuff. I'm talking like getting off stage crying after opening for Dust and Elk. Recent years, Chaley would remember. Old years, I remember. Chaley is my tour manager as well as my podcast lady. You know, I'll tell you one on the tour where we did the Syracuse show with you. Two days before that, it was at Valentine's. Where's that?

Hang on. Kaylee doesn't understand the difference between a show that goes horribly wrong that you can't wait to talk about. No, guy getting thrown through a plate glass window and shit. That's what I'm talking about, where you have no control over what happens. Right, where it's them, not you. Right. When it's me.

That's interesting as well. I want to hear both. I know the difference. I know the difference. I just remember that show because I was looking through the tour diary when you told me

she was going to come in for the podcast. I had to rob Dukes because there was no security at that show. Wait, so what happened? Valentine's in New York. Where in New York?

Albany, I believe. Albany, New York. That's right. Albany. So this doesn't sound like a comedy club venue. No, no. It's rock and roll shit. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wait a minute. I, New York. This doesn't sound like a comedy club venue. No, it's rock and roll shit.

Oh, wait a minute. I just remembered something. This is another thing that's horrible about that show that I didn't even think about. You may have forgotten. Remember, they had a fucking band downstairs playing a benefit from like 5 o'clock on. So we were up above and you could... Oh, my God. That's terrible.

Standing in an upstairs sweaty pit. But someone it was Junior Stopka. Junior was the one on stage. Junior, where's Junior? Where's he been? Evidently, there's some controversy. We'll talk about that. I haven't checked into it.

But he was someone like heckled him out of his skin and he started to melt and he doesn't do that. So he got broken down a little bit by that. On his closer, he's leaving the stage. Some fucking guy and I just went up and went, you get the fuck out now. And there's no security. So Rob Dukes, who's the lead

singer or was at the time of Exodus, which is a hardcore heavy metal. He's in Generation Kill now. And he's also doing something with Run from Run DMC. I saw something about it. No, not Run. I think it's the DMC.

Not Reverend Run, the other guy. I saw something about a mashup. A weird combination. He wants Bingo to actually perform with them. But anyway, there was no security and he's a badass looking

dude, so I made him throw the guy out. He didn't get thrown through a plate glass window. He got thrown out and then found a cinder block and threw it through the plate glass door of the venue. While the manager is standing on the other side of the glass?

Into the club? And this is like 12 minutes of just getting the guy thrown out until just to start the show. But that's not a bad show. That's a show you brag about. So you performed after that, I'm sure. Oh, fuck yeah. Everyone's like, yeah, it's crazy.

But that's a podcast. It's like podcast gold where it's crazy. Yeah, people think... That's a podcast. You know, it's like podcast gold where that sort of thing happens. Right. Where I just fell apart. I can't remember the last place. I'm trying to remember where you came off the stage. Where he just was like... There was one show in Canada.

An emotional duress. Well... Where it just wasn't... Nothing was clicking. As a drunk. That doesn't happen till the next day. You wake up. Oh, damn.

I got to really work on my shit. Yeah, but it does make you work. And that's just your theory of narcissism versus insecurity. Yeah. of narcissism versus insecurity yeah so alcoholism plays into that where you go oh i thought that was so funny last night but it wasn't so i'm gonna have to really shape up and put some effort into this show and then the next show i'll fuck up right you just you go on that that constant loop of you know regretting it and then trying to improve it and then just getting into that thing. You sent me a text message.

You were like, I wish I could – I wish I had somebody to write down all the things that I said because I don't remember what I said last night. When you called me, it was just all the stuff you were telling me about, everything you've been going through was making me gut laugh. I was laughing. I had tears coming down my face. You were drunk too. I mean, I had, you I had a little bit of weed

and a couple pops, sure. You smoked the weed? Yeah. Call Backdoor and get him up here. I love the cheap. You don't have weed on you, do you? I do, but in the car. Don't leave here with it. Don't leave here with it? There's checkpoints. You go back through

checkpoints with dogs. Really? You remember that, yeah. Not in this state. No, that's checkpoints. You go back through checkpoints with dogs. Really? You remember that, yeah. Not in this state. Yeah, no, that's feds. Yeah, that's Border Patrol. Every time? Yes. What if I put six joints in my butthole and seal that with caulk?

As long as we get pictures. First of all. What if we just do a video of it and I seal my butthole with caulk? Listen, we live here. We'll do that for you because If you don't cock it right. If you gotta cock it right, where's Bob Vila? Buy two cocks, get one free.

The good news is wherever you're going, which is Addison, Texas next. Oh my god, is that even a real place? Addison Improv. We like that. Hang on, what date is that? It is January 21st to the 24th. Yeah, this probably won't come out until...

I don't know what date it is. I have a fucking lot of problems. And then Punchline. Let's just put it in. This is going on this week. Punchline in San Francisco. Love it. Yes.

That's... January 28th through January 30th. And then I'm going to be near your place of birth, Laugh Boston. You're not driving from fucking San Francisco to Boston. No, I fly some of these places. Listen, I'm going to fly to Addison. What do you do with your dogs? I have a white guy with a beard watches them.

I bring the little dude with me. Chaplin comes with me. Carlin, the bigger dog, goes with the hippie with the beard. He takes care of my big guy. Have we talked about the hippie with the beard? No. What hippie with the beard? My dog walker. My guy. Have we talked about the hippie with the beard? No. What hippie with the beard? My dog walker.

My dog's in it. Where do you live? L.A., your favorite. But that's not on your list. No. I said Laugh Boston, February 11th through February 13th. I'm going to be flying there. Because you were worried about me driving.

Oh, and this one, Doug. You remember that guy. Do you like American Comedy Company? What happened? We have remember that guy. Do you like American Comedy Company? What happened? We have left that guy alone. A name brand comic had to call me after we had problems there and go, is this guy crazy? And you go, that guy's fucking crazy.

Are we talking about the guy who runs the place? Yes. I think it's Jeff, If I remember his name. What happened? We'll talk about it after. Okay, cool. Because a lot of people, a guy that played there that would never really talk to me. Alt guy.

Famous? Yeah. Famous to us. No, we'll talk about it after. Okay. But he didn't want to. It's almost like. He didn't want to. It's almost like. He didn't want to what?

To make an equivalent to rape, but not saying there was no rape involved. But where someone goes, I don't want to press charges because I need this gig again kind of thing. That guy's a fucking. And we have copies of emails of that guy's fucking crazy yeah just unleashed fucking out of his mind that's i don't i can't come up with a bad show right now for you but i can come up with a bad owner and there's no one worse than that one you were there for that we did a podcast in the back of the room and the guy wouldn't even come in oh it's we'll talk i want to know we're almost done with it was it was it was a puppy dogs and

lollipops before the show started and then and then once the show started just went down well no just huge i was just making fun of the club like you do everyone all comics do that and he's he was walking to tables going what do you think about what he just said? During your set? Yes. Is that true? But then you read the Yelp reviews of that fucking club, and they fuck people over all the time,

and the guy's a complete insane person. Wow, that's insane. I mean, it's a shame because... This has been going on since he worked like San Jose or San Francisco. Was he at improv? I believe it was a San Jose improv. Which is a weird club in and of itself. Then he tried to start his own management company or something.

Wow, you really dug into this thing. Well, no, it started with Hennigan. He Googled. Hennigan has this litany of, you're a pariah on comedy, my manager. Good for him. Just crazy shit. And then when we got there, I'm like, oh, my God, this is a fucking... And it's still open.

That comedy club's still open three years later after this. And usually those problems will end up being... The craziness didn't start until Doug actually went on stage. And it was the first five minutes what Doug was talking about on stage. That's a horrible time to start a problem. I didn't know what was happening until afterwards. Doug was just going through his set, and then they came back. And it's really weird because stage left is a door that goes to the green room.

Right there. It's kind of funky. You almost have to do a guest set to get to the green room. No, you do. Just to get in there, you're a part of the show. So someone coming to the room to get me out of there, it must be important because you've got to almost cross the stage to get there. You're being a part of the show. So a manager wants to talk to you right now.

And I head back there and he's pacing like a panther. How do we stop this? And I'm like – Pacing like a panther. The time to have a problem stop this and i'm like i mean listen the time to have a problem with this is before he goes on stage so everything that led up to doug getting on stage was because you believed that he would be a good comic would be a good draw and you were we assume aware of his material now he goes up and he does something you don't like in the first five minutes and you want you want me to get a big fucking hook and drag him off the stage? No. It was about the club, though.

I was making jokes about how they oversold it over fire code, which they did. Which I think is a good thing to joke about. But then the reviews is what you got into. Was it about the reviews? You're talking about the Yelp reviews? He held refunds hostage until people gave him a five-star review on Yelp.

Oh, that's right. He was saying you get free tickets or something if you make five stars. Charlie Murphy canceled the show, and it wasn't the club's fault. And then someone on Yelp said they went in to go get their refunds because they said, we'll refund your tickets. And the guy said, I'll refund your tickets, allegedly, that I will refund your tickets after you give the club a five-star Yelp review. That's like a businessman move.

I would do the same thing about my burgers, even if, you know. But it was because there were so many one-star Yelp reviews of people. You have to be here by 730 or you don't get in. Even if you have a ticket. Even if you have a ticket and there's no refunds. But that's not on the ticket something like that wow i'm protecting myself from a lawsuit allegedly allegedly just say these are on on yelp but there were numerous you can read the yelp reviews i just i'm not

quoting them accurately because i don't have instant recall of a shitbag comedy club owner from three years ago but at the time i did due diligence and go wow this guy's a fucking crazy person crazier than we even knew because we already had a history and he's like a good history you know no he was in san jose and oh that's right from him being hennigan shit well and then what are you doing next let's's get off this. After that? Well, yeah, after that. Tampa. I'm going to go visit your stripper girlfriend in Tampa March 11th through the 13th at the Improv.

Have you ever done that one? Lexington. Oh, that's Kentucky. Same shit. They're all from the same... I can't land Tampa quality strippers. What tattoos does she have? Tell me what tattoos she had.

I'll show you. I feel like Kentucky... Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, you got photos? She let you take photos had. I'll show you. I feel like Kentucky. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. She let you take photos of her? She was passed out, to be fair. No, she's been texting me photos of her. Oh, girls just toss up the titty pics like it's nothing. They just throw the cat photos right in there?

Do you just get those? You get those photos, like tit pics? Well, if you accidentally fuck someone in a hot tub on a thing, and she was a nice girl. She was tossing up tit pics no no bikini pics oh okay that's good that's a good girl good kentucky girl what tattoos did she have i asked this before small tattoos i can't read them it's on a it's on an android i can't i don't even know how to blow those pictures up i was so confused because i'm thinking like i'm looking at them in the flesh, and he's like, they're on an Android. I'm like, wait, her tattoos are on an Android?

How does it even work? He didn't want to put on his readers to check out her tattoos. He had to put on the glasses with the extra square in the middle, the thicker square, so you could see. I feel bad for what she had to go through. She wanted to fuck all the impractical jokers

and had to settle for me yeah oh come on come on did you have fun on that tour though yeah those boys yeah those boys are nuts fucking love those guys they're great aren't they great we paid for that fucking tour that uh cruise he didn't work it you didn't you just went on and fucking chill as soon as they tweeted it i bought tickets that's awesome we Bingo loved them. We loved them. Oh, that's so much fun. They must have loved having you there. Well, then they gave us a deal memo.

I go, I don't want to work on this. I want to get shit-faced by noon. I don't want to work. I'd rather pay for it. Yeah. So did you end up doing it? Plus, I'm not going to. Impractical jokers people are happy people.

They don't want to hear me piss all over their lives. Oh, they do live shows. They do sketch. They play their stuff. Oh, they do live shows. They do sketch. They play their stuff. Oh, is there a sketch group? They do banter. They do banter. Improv group, I think.

Well, that's fun. That's interesting. They do one show a day, right? We missed all of them. I was always drunk from primetime. I miss Gilbert Gottfried, who was on the top of my bucket list of comics I want to see live. I was always drunk by the time he went on and fell asleep. Who else are your favorites?

Attell I can watch every day, every day. Attell is the best. Absolutely. When you think about all the elements that it takes for a comedian to be good, if you want to say it that way, I feel like he just encapsulates everything. Vulnerability, confidence, darkness, a little bit of lightness.

Would you... He's back, hold on. Peter's back. Would you be as miserable as he is as a human being to be as funny as he is? Yes. Really? Yeah. Do you talk to him much because he's always in a state of disarray emotional agony he won't take a vacation

he won't do anything fun he hates everything about himself and just walks around trying to fix it. And I'd rather be mediocre than that good and miserable. Well, because I think that to be that good, there's a sacrifice. There's something you have to give up. Not even give up. It just is innate to who you are as a human being. You're not even missing anything. It's just who you are. Yes.

But it's easy to look at it as an outsider and have the perspective because I'm not nearly as good as Dave Attell is, and that's a great question. But I don't know, man. It's just so great to have that parameter. But you have more Twitter followers. What the fuck? That doesn't mean anything.

Yeah, that was the end of the Brian Hennigan conversation where I go, first of all, I would never want to be a punchline. I fucked a comic once. I would never want to be a punchline. I fucked a comic once. I would never want to be her punchline. He goes, she has a lot of Twitter followers. I go, yeah. Brian Hennigan. Yeah, I don't think they're going to start following me

because I'm a punchline of what a poor piece of ass I am. I could be the one that changes it all. I'll just be like, yo, he is the Don Corleone of the Vag. That's like the worst fuck you from an emcee that tries to fuck you over by saying, the next comic is the best comic you're ever going to see in your life. Yeah, that would be the same as you going, ooh, this guy's a great piece of ass with a huge dick. I don't want to follow that what drives you nuts about like do you have like any idiosyncrasies about like younger comics or hosts or features that just drives you nuts like i don't here's one of mine i don't like

the um generic host banter of like you know i don I don't know, like, just like, you know, I'm your host guy and all that like stupid little stuff that said, well, you know, if you're working with people that the improv, they have their, they have their thing. You're not choosing your own. Right. Right. So the improv tells them, here's the announcements. This is what you do.

And they have to do it because that's how you get into comedy yeah so you bring your own people i hate comics that are fucking brilliant and don't work that's what i hate because i've i i a lot of guys i've brought out going this guy's fucking brilliant and then three years later it's the same shit and you're like you gotta fucking work but don't you think like that's, I don't mean to cut you off, but don't you think a part of that, I always believe that when people are great like that, when you see somebody who's really great,

that there's an element of fear of what that... Insanity. Yeah, well, yeah, I mean what that entails. Like look at, look at, look at... Junior Stopka. Look at David Tell. Look at Junior, look at David Tell. No, David Tell works endlessly

but I'm not saying he's not working I'm saying his greatness like that it comes with a huge price so maybe like these younger comics they're just

they don't even want to think about what that risk is they just they would rather be here instead of like lifting themselves and doing the work

they have to do because of maybe they think about what it would entail to have to achieve that it's a lot of fucking work I can name a lot of fucking work. I can name a lot of names.

I just threw Junior under the bus. Junior! I hate that expression. I'll throw you under the bus. I should never say that. It's tired. But Junior just... He was funny, man. No, he's still funny.

And the same bits are still funny. But he's happy to just be the big shit in the fucking Chicagoago comedy scene and not go he has no ambition which i appreciate too but you're like he's so fucking funny i want to hear more new like divulge into and there's other guys i know that they're just the funniest people to hang around with and on stage but but they don't know why. So they just ramble on stage and no direction. Yeah.

They have no idea what to do to make that work. Yeah. And those are the guys I love. Sean Rose, the fucking funniest guy. So good. So good. Dark.

I love that dark shit. Yeah. But that darkness comes from a lot of personal abuse. A lot of real problems. Yeah, comedy's the last thing on his list when he's trying to stay alive. That's true. But damn, his outlook, he's got a unique situation. His whole thing is unique.

He's in L.A. Isn't he in L.A.? Yeah. No, last I knew he was back in Katy, Texas. Really? Oh, damn, I thought he was still in LA last few years he was in Katy he's great friends with Giannis

and Attell Attell has done so much for him but that's frustrating you don't do anything with it you don't do anything with that you want to take these guys that are not really maximizing themselves and having that ambition.

What are you going to do with this? And go fucking work at Dairy Queen. What the fuck are you doing on stage? Devil's advocate. There's also people that say, oh, I discovered this guy. I hate that. Straight out of Compton. That was a great thing and a beat in that movie I just watched.

Paul Giamatti? Paul Giamatti didn't make us famous. We are fucking good. Yep. And there's a lot of people that take credit for it. And I never wanted to do it. Like, hey, I'll help you out, Sean Rouse. But you have to do this.

What you do with it is on your own. You were already funny. It's not like I'm helping you. You guys aren't working on jokes and like punching up his set you're funny i just give it an opportunity as much as i could and that's all i do yeah but i mean again you can't you know that's the frustrating part about it and the other thing i can't stand about it is the competition between comics i don't get that i don't get that like i see it a lot in la not so much in new york but i lived in new york for like 10 years

and being in out in la there's such a different lack of camaraderie. And the camaraderie exists within these specific circles. And the circles are like these jerk circles of people who have specific credits that they can benefit off of one another for tweeting about each other on each other's timelines. And it's just this vacant, vapid existence between each other. It doesn't mean anything. You're not fucking friends. You don't care about what they do with their careers or their lives and I can't get into that lane. For me, I find a hard... I have strong opinions.

I was going to say, you're fired up and that's great, but I don't even know if you even... Doug, do you even see any of that? Are you aware of any of that? Because you live out here in Bisbee removed from a lot of that. I started out on the road. i was a triple gig guy i was a yoder whatever fucking shit booker for years before i ever got to la so your only friends are the guys in the trenches it's you and the opening act or

you and the headliner if you are the opening act against a shitty audience at a Penguins in fucking Sea City or something. So it was just comics. It was only camaraderie. And it wasn't until I got to and that's why I still have that fucking still have that beef with

David Cross. It's not a beef but it was an incident where I realized oh that doesn't work in L.A. Just one shitty moment where I went, oh, fuck, it's different out here. It's different. It's different. It's a contingent thing. The relationship is contingent on a lot.

And I have probably three or four of my greatest comedian friends are in L.A. I'm not saying it's all this vacant existence, but for the most part it feels like there is an exchange that has to happen and understanding before you can become friends with somebody. For me, I don't understand the competition level. I'm a different voice. You're a different voice. There's no competition. If you're good at what you do, you're going to get what you deserve. If you're good at what you do you're gonna get what you deserve if you put in the work you're gonna get what you deserve so i

don't understand like the comedian competition do you do you know when i when i moved there i had been on the road so long that everyone ends up in new york or la if they have any kind of chops any and still not even everyone so when i moved, I knew a bunch of road comics, which still have a stigma in L.A. Which is crazy to me. Well, there's a lot of them that are just doing hacky shit. Yeah, but it's still. The most hacky shit.

But still, I had enough friends that then when it got to that alternative circle back in, this is the 90s for me, when it started. Yeah, that's the beginning of the alternative scene. Yeah, just fucking nose up and no jokes. Cat humor. Tell me your favorite Janine Garofalo joke. Tell me. You know what?

Let's go to break. We're going to spend the night a night we're gonna take a hot tub we'll hit the sauna we're gonna tweet about it and then we'll take the top five still waiting for that seventh caller for one of your favorite Janine Garofalo jokes. Point being, I still find her interesting. She's very intelligent. I enjoy her. Yeah, totally.

I do too. But when that whole crew would shit on you where you don't have any crafted, like you have nothing that's memorable. A tell has shit you want to tell other people the next day. And you have an emotional reaction to. And there was so much of it, you can't remember it. Yeah. Like, it was so funny.

You just remember the feeling of it. Yeah, it was, what was, and then he, and you don't, because there was so much, and then there's those assholes. And I felt like an outsider for the first time in comedy, where I was a shitbag in fucking school like i i thought we we might be compatible on some level but no no and it's weirder for you because you're a hot chick so you have a stigma of being dumb or some dudes writing your jokes because you're fucking Richard Jenny.

Whatever. Did that get out? I didn't think that people knew about that. Did you Google that? He's a little bit dead. Son of a bitch. I'm into that. I'm into it. Standards are that low.

I'm into necrophilia. I'm into that posthumous sexual experience. God, I love you. You guys would be great on a cruise. We should do a cruise. We should do a cruise. Let's do a cruise. Are you ever going to go on another cruise, Doug? Absolutely not.

And that was one of the things. Oh, before we close this, I want to drop some names of the people that were on that cruise. Big Jay Oakerson. I get to watch his podcast, which we've promoted on this show. The Bonfire. Bonfire, but I think he had another name. I think he might have two.

He has another one. He has one with... Oh, fuck. He had Phil and Guess either way. Just Google search. Well, let the people do the fucking legwork. Big Jay Oakerson's great. One of my favorites.

Legion of Skanks. Legion of Skanks. Legion of Skanks. That's what it was. And he's got the new one also as well. And Bingo and I sat in that podcast, and Gilbert was the guest. Oh, that's great. And I was fucking laughing my balls off. And as much as I did not want to do time on that cruise,

we're watching from a balcony. And then there was children in the show oh my god in the second row fucking and they kept fucking with the children and then fucking with the parents for having the children in so finally after about 40 minutes they walked and i went we're getting those seats because i i that i want to be called up on stage. I want to be part of this. And then I sat there sheepishly. But that fucking podcast was so funny. Big Jay is so goddamn funny.

He's so funny. He just goes into the deep end. Another guy that I laugh my balls at to a point where I was questioning, because I've lived here for 10 years. I don't see comedy. Have I become an easy laugh? No way.

Or is this guy fucking hilarious? But Owen Benjamin. Oh, he's so talented. He's one of my good friends. He's one of those guys. Fucking, I was crying. He's so good. Bingo and I were crying, and it was relationship material.

And I turned to whoever I was with. I go, get a picture of me right now it was relationship material and I turned to whoever I was with I go get a picture of me right now crying at relationship material but it was good I swear to god it was fucking good. Oh that's so great you know he'll like he'll crap his pants for years knowing that you love him

he's my neighbor. Well I told him that and then I felt like a douche like oh what I'm someone special that you should be proud that I laughed at your material? No, but that means something. Even though in your mind it doesn't mean anything, it does mean something. And it's very humble for you to say that. But even me being here, I feel very fortunate to be able to talk to you.

And for Owen Benjamin to hear that, that's something that's like those little, you know how much failure this shit is? It's just a bunch of fucking failure. And so when somebody you look up to says that shit, it gives you that little extra nudge. There's comedians I like because they told me I was really funny, and I would have gone, that guy stinks. Oh, wait, he thinks I'm funny?

Oh, he's good. Yeah, he's great. You saying that about Owen Benjamin makes me remember the Grinch when his black heart finally had one little beep. It's like you have a soul, Stanhope. Yeah, you do. You do. You deny it, but you do.

Chris Gethard. It's spelled Chris Gethard. That's hilarious. I didn't see him. I didn't see him. He has to pronounce his name that way. He had to tell me. It's one of those times where you go, I'm sorry, I'm a blackout alcoholic, but he was on my episode of Louie.

He played the emcee. When you were at the village on the... Cellar. Yeah. Comedy cellar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hello. Yeah.

We're leaving the boat, and we're trying to get off this fucking boat. I was going to swim like a Cuban for the 20 feet. Like a white girl trying to get off this fucking boat. I was going to swim like a Cuban for the 20 feet. Like a white girl trying to get away from her husband. Those bitches. There's always one bitch that jumps overboard. I can't deal with you anymore, Gregory. Well, one of the crew made a private line to cut my entire line. We're like five people.

And then they start a line of like 40 fucking people to cut in front of us. And I'm like, no fucking way. I'm getting off this stupid boat. I hate everything about me. Norwegian cruise lines, everything. And you're still drunk. And then, of course. Yeah, yeah.

Yes. Did you really get in the water? I cut in line. No, I cut in line. And this beefy chunk of Midwest fat dude goes, this is a private line i go really well it's not now he goes it is if you're not part of my band the guy's not in a band unless it's a polka band you're a fat khaki shorts fucking milwaukee guy you and i go well i'm part of your band now and I cut in and Chris Gethard who played the MC

on that is behind me and I go sorry man and he goes no no Doug you're welcome in I played I was on the Louis episode with you and that guy's a douche so thank you Gethard Chris Gethard

stop pronouncing your name gethard it's get hard who's the other comic that i mispronounced your name because it's jesse may pelosi is what it was not you no there's something else that was uh oh he's in uh la or irvine or something oh no it's a guy that came here it's bo laughman oh it's a real la ff man l-F-M-A-N? L-A-U-H-G man. No. Is that a birth given name? He came here like he was passing through. He's moving from like Austin to L.A. and stopped in to hang out at the bar.

And I go, Bo Laughman, really? He goes, no, it's Bo Laughman. Come on. But it's spelled Laughman. Why wouldn't you? When you work at like the Hobbit school? No, it's. It's not Laughman when you work at like the Hobbit school it's not Laughman it is it's Laughman L-A-U-A-G-H-F-A-N-A

no one's going to look at that and say Laughman I know that's the point and he had his head in shame going I know that's a great name though he belongs in Vegas he's an opener for Carrot Top exactly for Carrot Top Bo Laughman is a guy I didn't

name who told me I was a his favorite comic one New Year's Eve and I go Carrot Top did yes no Scott Thompson did because now I love Carrot Top because he said I was his favorite comic one night you didn't like him before and he said you were. It was back in the Bill Hicks days of the 90s and everyone hated him. He was the pre-Dane Cook. He found a thing. He found a thing. He does it better.

I know. I had to get old enough to stop hating people. I've seen the show. I liked it. I've heard great things about it. It was 10 years ago, but I liked it. You know, he's got... He's a good guy. I like props. He's got great things about it. It was 10 years ago, but I liked it. He's a good guy.

I like props. Does he still have the shoulder implants? Do we know? He had a bunch of shoulder implants. Shoulder implants? Carrot Top had a bunch of reproductive, reconstructive surgery on his face and shoulders. Shoulders? Shoulder implants.

Of course. I want to be ugly so people don't hate me as much. Everyone feels bad for the elephant man no one says elephant man isn't funny oh i thought you were making me a drink you're making me a dog no she's holding chaplain and who the last person on the cruise i want to i had so much fun, aside from the impractical jokers who I love with all my heart. They're great. Joey Fatone. I hear he is so much fun. Yes.

Or no, I think NSYNC. That's another one. Fatone. He's known as Joey Fatone. People like to switch that. So your guy, Loftin. Well, he's not thin, but he's cool as fuck. He's hefty.

We had some good times. I blacked out three out of five days. Four of fuck. He's hefty. We had some good times. I blacked out three out of five days. That's good. I hear he's a fun time. He's fucking great. Consistently people say he's a good dude. So that's good to hear. Well, it sounds like you had a great time on the cruise.

And Jesse May Palumbo, I want to thank you. Oh my God, thank you guys. Check me out on Matlock coming out on Tuesdays and Thursdays on HLN. What's the sharp talk? Shave tongue. Sharp tongue. Sharp tongue.

Yep, you got it. We'll find out. Third time's a try. Yep, I still have baby oil on my asshole, so we'll see how sharp that is. You got any more of that Mexican Viagra? How big do you want your clit to be? Jesus. Well, I need a reduction.

I need a reduction right now. Oh, my God. Looks like a moose trunk. Say a moose trunk? Yeah, it's a combination of an elephant and a moose. It's terrible. All right. What are you doing after these five dates you have?

I'm on the road for the next seven weeks, seven weekends. So I'm just on the road. We may go to Amsterdam, Montreal, do a little downtime with no chest hair over here. Peter, Paul, and Brian? Peter, Paul, and Mary, yeah. We're going to do a little traveling.

Working on trying to sell a show. You know, all the bullshit. How do we close this out? Well, I have a couple announcements. First of all, Kyle, one of the fans, has taken the job of posting all of your episodes from number one with Andy Andrist all the way through the most recent on the YouTube channel, Stanhope TV.

Wow. I mean, that's dope. That's amazing. Honestly, as much as I shit on my fans... That's so great....they do all the work for me. Yeah, that's awesome. Send them something. Honestly, as much as I shit on my fans. That's so great. They do all the work for me. Yeah, that's awesome. Send them something.

So he converts it into a slideshow. Fuck you, guy that does this. That's awesome. Also, you can pre-order Doug's memoir right now on Amazon. That's coming out. You said there's a different release date? I'm going to order it right now. They might be moving that up for some delay, but either way.

Pre-order it. And the people who are emailing me about ordering it through doug's website through our merch i'm traveling tomorrow i delayed my flight for jesse may thank you but i'm delaying it till tomorrow to jack that cocksucker out of fucking finishing the uh the uh forward for it and he said he was holding it hostage. He knows I'm in a bad position emotionally, which I hide well on a podcast. And February 6th, the Super Weekend Comedy

All-Stars with Jeff Tate, Brett Erickson, Christine Levine, and Junior Stopgap sold out. I'm ordering your book right now, so it is still available. You can order it pre-sale right now. He'll sign your phone when you're done. This is kind of... If you were pre-ordering my book on... I'm pre-sale right now. He'll sign your phone when you're done. This is kind of... If you were pre-ordering my book on...

I'm pre-ordering your pre-cum. I'd jack off to just hot chicks pre-ordering my book on you porn. Or your boy toy with the shaved chest. He's not a boy toy. He left. You made him leave the room. He's not a boy toy. He left.

You made him leave the room. I was confused for Gilbert Gottfried and Murray from The Impractical Jokers. Murr. Murr. James Murray. Yeah. Murr. Someone said, you're Murr's dad, right?

That's worse. That's worse. Then someone else said, wait, you're Gilbert Gottfried? I go, Gottfried? They thought you were Gilbert Gottfried? Two times, honestly. Did you go, I can't even do a Gilbert Gottfried. Wait, wait, wait.

In the line at the airport at security, when we left, someone that was on the boat, I got TSA pre-check, and he's in the other line. He goes, how are you ahead of me? I go, I fly a lot, and I always wear my Delta Tide tag. I'll always be branding. And he goes, maybe they just think you're someone else. I go, I know.

I know. I know. You have to do your Gilbert, Godfrey. I don't have one. I was doing it when there was other noise. I know. There was other noises happening. You were laughing.

You were behind noises. Gilbert. Gilbert. I don't want to talk shit, but it's funny. Fuck it. Go ahead. He talked to Sal Volcano. Sal's my boy.

I love him. So, all right. One of my faves. Let's skip back. Okay. The Beatles are the impractical jokers. Which one do you have a poster over your bed, a water bed, that you masturbate to at night?

Mine? Mine? It's probably going to be, I'm going to have to say Q. Q is a? He looks like the missing link. He's like Sasquatch-y, a little dumb, loud. If I'm drinking at a bar, I pick Q. Q.

Murr is the cutest. Murr's the one you marry. Q's the cutest. Cutest. Sal's the funniest on the show because he's so... Malleable. We'll tell her that Sal Vulcano at the Super Bowl party right here where I'm sitting. Is this a version of F. Mary Kill the Decapitate?

Yeah, Joe Gatto. And Snuggle. And Joe Gatto. Joe Gatto when I was so fucked up. Wedding date. And I'm trying to explain. Joe Gatto's a wedding date. Joe Gatto, he's fourth.

He's fourth. It's not a bad fourth. It's a good fourth because you have the power before you. It's a lot. I wanted to tell people on the cruise that I was the Pete Best of the Impractical Jokers and I got fired before they got famous. Just act all bitter. You were like the one that got kicked off.

You were in the original group. Yeah, you know, before these guys got famous, you know, I was there. I was there from the beginning. You were that guy. All my dares were pull my dick up. Well, they didn't dare me to, but I did anyway. They used to be edgy. You know, back in the day, we used to have edge.

We used to have women running away crying. Now we got commercials we have to do. Then we punch them. That's why I got fired. We used to kick puppies. Now they're a bunch of pussies. They're out there throwing pies in each other's to kick puppies, not a bunch of pussies. Kick puppies. They're out there throwing pies in each other's faces in Central Park,

like a bunch of goddamn... I miss those days. I miss those days. Is that a fart? No, that was a drink sliding your way, which means we're closing. We're done with the announcements and all that. You can do...

Sold out show for Super Bowl, and yeah, all the filming stuff got put off. Yeah, don't show up. Sold out show for Super Bowl. And yeah, all the filming stuff got put off. Yeah. Don't show up. You won't get invited in if you're not part of the football pool, etc., etc. I love you, but we'll see you next year, maybe. And thank you, Jesse May and Peter, Paul, and Brian. Thank you, Doug.

Tracy for bartending. Greg Chaley for making this happen. Yeah, great bartending. And everyone who sent... Oh, shit, yeah. Nick Steele, thanks for sending that thing. And we got a bunch of packages we haven't opened yet because I had some problems with my relationship.

Do you have any music you want to have played that doesn't need licensing? Just any sort of like porno music will be fine. Whatever you bone that girl on the cruise to. Sounds of her going, are you almost done? Sounds of her going, I liked Murr better. All right, this is a swap cast. That means anytime you fucking cocksucker comics that have a podcast where you interview another comic that also has a podcast,

put them out together, two birds, one stone. It's called a swap cast. Please steal that from me and make it a fucking thing, because it makes sense. This is Jesse May Peluso, Sharp Tongue Podcast, and the Doug Stanhope Shot Clock Podcast. You know what a shot clock is? I feel like that happened on the cruise.

What is a shot clock? Shot clock is someone that you put up with. You jerk off into a shoe. No, you put up with because they're buying the drinks even though they're annoying. I know a lot of those. Does it make sense now? Yep. It's college. clink play the mattoid Party time Party time Party time

Drink your drinks and eat your eats It's party time Laugh your laughs and eat your eats It's party time Laugh your laughs and heat your heats It's party time Smile your smiles and do your blues It's party time Dance your dance and shoe your shoes It's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks It's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks

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hey! Party time, yeah! Party time! Party time! Party time! Party time! Party time! Party time!

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