The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #122: General Nonsense with Chad Shank

Episode Date: February 1, 2016

Stanhope & Chad ShankPre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon  General nonsense with Chad Shank.Recorded Jan. 28, 2016 in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), & Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS -Joe Rogan - @joeroganROGAN PODCAST wtih Doug - http://podcasts.joerogan.net/podcasts/doug-stanhopeERIC EVERHARD - @ERIK_EVERHARDNEAR THE WILD ALASKA PODCAST  - http://nearthewild.podbean.com/ROATAN - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roat%C3%A1nBIG BANK HANK - http://rol.st/1B3Veq6WONDER MIKE - http://on.fb.me/1m8E9FnBLUBLOCKER RAPPER - YouTube - bit.ly/1TxpZeqFULL COMMERCIAL - http://bit.ly/1QCtHkoPre-Order Doug's book “DIGGING UP MOTHER” through Amazon at - http://amzn.to/1NXiQy5Brian Hennigan's book, "Patrick Robertson: A Tale Of Adventure" Available now -http://ataleofadventure.com/Closing Songs, "Blublocker Rap", by Dr. Geek . Check out here.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

uh uh this is probably not going to be a podcast let's just be honest with ourselves i don't know he started well he just he starts whenever point is when you like rogan's podcast you sit down and i didn't even know we did four hours i thought we were at three hours when i was like i can't talk anymore i have to stand up but i'm on camera but i can't like anymore. I have to stand up, but I'm on camera. But I can't. I'm drinking the entire time. I have to at least move my legs to get the blood flowing or otherwise I'm passed out in a fucking chair. Yeah, I think you were about three and a half hours because I listened to it on iTunes, and he added him and that other dude added over a half an hour of ads. Oh, that's how the four hours came still.

And it's just no breaks. No. Hey, let's take a piss and go make a drink. And you sat there for four hours, a long fucking time. But you didn't get up at any time. Yeah.

At one point I get up to piss. And at the end, I just, cause I had to stand up to stay, not swaying, sitting down. down you i told you when i tuned in it was like your last hour and you were hitting the jack daniels straight for the bottle and you were like i'm done and then they tried to give well they were giving hennigan a plug for his book and you stood up and and joe goes no no we're almost out of here i just gotta we're just gonna do some uh you know take care of some business and you stood up and Joe goes, no, no, we're almost out of here.

We're just going to do some, you know, take care of some business. And you're like, no, no, I'm gone. I'm walking to the car right now. You finished up without me. And you stood up so you're completely out of the shot. And then you stayed standing up, which was a good move because you've been sitting for so long. And they had to keep switching around you because anytime you started talking, they'd

switch to you and then you'd just see your chest in the camera. That's why I was looking at the GoPros today. At Best Buy, they have a GoPro display with a screen so you can see the quality, and it's fucking amazing. And we keep talking about putting them in corners. I don't like being on camera. I don't like having a camera in my face. But if you had a distant shot from over there of this loser's corner at the fun house, I could deal with that. But we edit the fuck out.

Chaley edits the fuck out of this so we can take breaks. If he starts editing video on top of that, you'll never see him. I don't like being videoed. Mainly because I'm fat and ugly. But other than that, I don't really have any reason. That's why you stand next to me. Get used to being on video, sir. I want to ask you

about Rogan's facility. That's what I say. He's a fucking monster. The facility is beautiful. Last time I was there, I think he got angry with me because I passed out. They were smoking so much pot, and there was a big comfy couch. It was at the ice house. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I fell asleep, man. It was late at night. It just kept going on and on. There was tons of smoke in the air. You wouldn't even smoke? You wouldn't even smoke? No, I was awake. Well, Chaley's in denial narcoleptic anyway.

I agree. I agree I am. Chaley will just fall asleep in the middle of just hanging out and snore loudly. I think that's what happened. And then you'll go, what was the name of that Phil Collins album? And he'll just come out of it and go, no jacket required. And go right back to snoring.

It's the most bizarre thing. But yeah, the, the, the amount of energy and interest that Rogan has, whereas it's just relentless. And he's been doing shit all day. Just whatever he does from the gym to the thing to the interview

to the documentary filming to the gym again and then four hour podcast with nothing planned out you know at least you know before we do a podcast i go did you do anything this week rogan just any time he could do 100 podcasts a day and they're all four hours he was he was mentioning about how bill burr like how bill burr just sits there and just crushes it like by himself just bam he's very consistent i'm like rogan you were almost there you're almost at at that point where you are in an autopilot mode and you start going, and next thing you know, it's four hours later. I mean, he's right next to Bill Burr on that, just being able to crank him out.

Yeah, Burr does an hour. It's kind of – maybe we're trained by television. I want to know what to expect, and if it's three hours, I want to Netflix binge it. I'm going to wait for a long drive. I have to fly out of Phoenix instead of Tucson. I'll save it. That's a Rogan. That's Rogan length.

I can do Bill Burr to Tucson. If it's Phoenix, I do Rogan. But, yeah, first I have to get on the road. I was saying that just a minute ago. By the way, Bingo is fine. It's still weird. I'm not going to get into it until she's on the podcast. But she's fine.

She's not suicidal anymore. But it's still pretty fucking weird. And we're dealing with that. I went to L.A. for a week got my yeah yeahs out had a little bit of fun i didn't get laid i'm not saying that i'm not no you said fun yeah well it sounded like i was hinting that i just went and porked a lot of ladies, but I might have, but I had that stink of dump desperation all over me. I used to fuck you all the time. I fucked you and your wife,

but now not so much just you, now that you're all sad. But I had a lot of fun for a week and now I'm back. Chad Shank is here. Thank you. Other people are here. That's the thing. I,

I started this podcast going, there's so much going on in this room, in this home, in these lives that I can't talk about. You're talking about a bunch of shit going, but Chad Shank bought a car, and that was fucking hilarious, and you missed it.

Not the same place I got fucked over. He went up the street. The other place in Sierra Vista that you can buy a car. I don't know if there's another. The used place? No. No, no. This is where I bought the used, that old Mazda there.

It's Donovan. All right. Dodge. Yeah, I went to trade in my wife's Jeep because she has a Jeep that's... Ten years old? Yeah, probably about ten years old. We haven't had any car payment for a while. But now it's starting to need maintenance.

Yeah. Which means Chad has to do it. So she's starting to bug me on the shit that needs to be done. So I convinced her to just buy a new Jeep. Well, to back up a little bit, you worked the motor pool when you were in the service. Yeah. And that was also why you gave Doug such shit about paying $4,000 for a pair. I could do everything that needs to be done on the Jeep, but it's

about five grand worth of parts. And then I have to still do all the labor. Most importantly, you still have to do the labor. I'd rather just buy a new... She's been talking about a new one, so we went to buy a new Jeep, but I was telling

these guys earlier that the guy there either had. The salesman? The salesman either had. Is it Parkinson's? Makes you shake a lot? Yeah. What's the. Yeah.

Yeah. It's Parkinson's. He either had it. Like uncontrollably. He either had it or he was using it as a ploy to get sympathy to sell a car. And I didn't think about that until the end. Because at the very end, he took a. I got to take a pill. And then didn't think about that until the end because at the very end he took a pill. I got to take a pill.

And then he was shaking McBreaks' neck for four and a half hours. And now all of a sudden he's fine. I was like, once we shook hands, he was fine. I don't know what happened. But it was fucking, it almost backfired on him if it was a ploy because when he left to go get keys to show us vehicles, I told my wife, I was like, I'm going to ask for a different salesman.

That guy's distracting me. His head was just bobbing the whole time. I couldn't fucking imagine. Like nodding? Yeah. Like a duck walk? Like a duck? Like a lot.

And then when we walked, he almost fell down like three times while we were walking around. He almost fell down like three times while we were walking around. That once down the stairs. And then he just fucking like, he just said, fuck it. Took a stutter step and leapt off the stairs. I was like, God damn, this guy's committed to sale. I would love it if there's going to be one listener out there that's a salesman. If you fake Parkinson's for a day and see how it affects your sales rate, I would love to hear back from you.

Whoa, Toby's on the board. Look at you guys. Come on, man. Catch up to shaky. Get yourself a juice box and keep squeezing it all over your chest inadvertently. And then we had to fill out his paperwork. He started filling out the paperwork, and he's like, oh, can you do this? We felt bad.

So my wife has to fill it all out. And when you buy a brand new car, that is a fuckload of paperwork. If you haven't listened to every podcast chaley and i when i bought a car last year and we were chaley timed it on his phone to see how quickly we could go in and out because i like that's the one i want i knew what i wanted didn't know what colors they had saw it immediately i'll take the red one let's go go. How much for the trade? And that was done in 20 minutes. We also tried to, in the effort of saving as much time as possible, because you said, we want to get out of here in an hour. And he's like, we'll see what we can do.

And then we said, we don't even want to drive it. And then we found out it's against the law for him to sell you a car unless you take it for a test. Against the law or against their policy or whatever. But that was another 15 minutes. Brand new car. How shitty is it going to drive? Oh,

the back wheel wobbles and the exhaust bursts. It has a fucking warranty, right? Anything that fucking breaks, I'll just bring it back and you guys fucking fix it. It's impossible. And the fucking shaky hands makes you fill out the paperwork. Wait.

Oh, wait. Yeah, that wasn't even bad enough. She's filling out the paperwork. She fills out all of her. She has a better credit score. So she's the buyer and I'm the co-buyer. So she fills out all her part and hands it to me so I can fill out my part. And he stops.

Oh, no, wait. Can you fill it all out in one handwriting because i'm actually supposed to do it it's against the law for him to have someone else fill out the i don't know maybe they're just fucking with fucking quaker over there nope you have to fill it all out like all the rest of us ashley i still have her uh number in my phone and i this is a old story about the subway sandwich girl that i snapped on in peoria oregon oh yeah and i only know that i still have her number in my phone because when i went off to la on my uh convalescence I went through every number I had going,

is there a chick in L.A. that I didn't fuck that I could have? I'm like, who's Ashley? I'm like, 309 area code. Oh, wait. I still have that Subway sandwich lady's number. It's not her number. It's the store. But I got her worked up about the breakfast sandwich.

I was just very hungover cocaine still in my nose fucking angry and i started giving her shit about why you can't sell me the subway sandwich and i get her so worked up that she goes it's against the law to sell them after 11 and she meant meant store policy, I'm sure. But I called her like a fucking defense attorney. Did you just not say that it is against the law? I want to know what law this is. They had to drag me out of there.

Everyone was embarrassed. He kept calling her. Yeah. On tour. Yeah. She finally moved on from Subway Sandwiches, but I keep that number. We like to think she moved on. Unbelievable.

And fucking McDonald's. Yep. Numbers boomed. If you didn't hear it on the Rogan podcast, started doing breakfast all day. Numbers are through the roof. And then I've ordered McDonald's breakfast in the afternoon. Didn't like it as much. You should have done the cheeseburger.

Cheaper, too. Yeah. A little bit cheaper. So you got a brand new car. Brand new Jeep Renegade. 2016? 2015. 2015.

Is that going to make it easier or more difficult to get you over here to podcast? Well, seeing as how she's the one with the job, if we're going to have a car payment, I figured she should have the car. So that's my wife's car. So I still have to drive my piece of shit truck over here. All right. I'll make it. But you'll still feel fatter on the hog,

so all the donations from fans won't mean as much. Hey, get a brand new car. Fuck you, fans. It just means I have a car payment. We were talking about that off the air. It just feels like a job now because or your your wife was telling you oh yeah because i told her i didn't want to come and podcast one of the times that i was supposed to come podcast and i don't fucking feel like it i don't want to go and she said

well just think of it like a job because you get money sometimes so just think of it like a job i don't want to go to work so just go to do that i told her So just think of it like a job. I don't want to go to work, so just go to do that. I told her, I already thought of it like that. It just made me think I'm more of a piece of shit because my job is to go get fucked up with people I enjoy, and I still don't want to do it. I hate me so much. And I said, I get paid a lot more,

and a lot more people love me and clap and laugh at me, and I'm the center of attention, and I hate that. How easy is your job? I've never told this story. The one time I saw a porn being filmed was that the actor's name was Eric Everhard, and it was him, the porn actress, a makeup person and the the camera guy and the producer that invited me and he had the flu really bad and who did eric ever hard stupid name so i can remember it and uh so they'd yell cut and she'd yell i was just about to come why did you yell cut right then and he'd go over and just blow his nose and look miserable. And I remember saying some smart assy comment I thought was funny.

And he looked at me like it's the biggest fucking asshole in the world for even being there. Who are you? I'm sick. He was doing porn and hated his job while she's yelling. I was just about to come. She's the one who's supposed to hate porn and hated his job while she's yelling i was just about to come like she's the one who's supposed to hate porn and fake it anything you have to do you will eventually hate to some degree if you have to do it well i think to a certain degree I don't know if everybody else, but I set it up to where that's the goal is to do less and still have more. And that's why Rogan amazes me because he always wants to do more.

I think that's why that guy is so many people's hero because that guy, you know, he's got a lot of people that look up to him as motivation because i fucking super i don't i don't i don't know if that is a healthy way to be motivated because it makes me feel like shit for wanting to do less and enjoy doing less i do less i just don't enjoy it i feel like a piece of shit all the time you get down on yourself because you stop doing things or you you well when everyone else is doing stuff and i'm watching netflix i can't feel good about a four-day netflix binge unless i just came off a five-week tour or some shit and then there's always something you have to do and fucking accountant you get your tax thing and you did you never signed that thing and is that why you lash out at me when you're on a Netflix binge

and I come walking through and I go, hey, I'm going to head over to the thing and get the thing. Well, no, it's because I gave you your own goddamn house. Why are you walking through my goddamn house? Getting your mail for you. Walk around! Walk around! I had some fun Twitter Twitter marathons

while I was in LA in the off time where I was just sitting there fucking stuck waiting for a phone to ring I'm like oh wow I don't know what started i was tweeting all these fucking a list celebrities of every brand females yeah i i don't think i found meryl streep but everywhere from carmen electra up to yeah goldie hawn asking them for dates and i i'm sure i probably lost twitter followers on that

but i was sitting there alone hung over and stir crazy and just laughing my balls off and i'm sure it wasn't funny to anyone but me but that summer camp been up too many hours giggle at everything no one's there to tell you to stop so i just kept going and then i finally had to leave and i go i don't want to leave i want to keep doing this because i'm fucking literally crying laughing and then two days later abe vagoda and i have I get a plane, I get a flight booked, I get to leave. And they weren't even that funny. Just dumb Abe Vigoda

tweets. If this could happen to him, it could happen to any one of us. Reminds you to stay close to your loved ones. Weren't you doing those from the airport? I think I probably kept doing them from the airport, but yeah,

that kind of silliness where you go at that point, I was stuck. I had nothing else to do. I couldn't go anywhere. I had to go somewhere eventually. So I didn't feel like a piece of shit. I was out there to, you know,

get away from problems at home and uh i so it wasn't like a coming back here where i have a fucking stack of legal pads of shit and projects i was stuck out there so i could sit there and goof off and just laugh my balls off like i used to do with the baiting stuff where i had that kind of time to sit around baiting pedophiles for 14 hours and not feel bad about it like i was just laughing my balls off and that's what i used to do and now every time i try to do that at home that's why i always leave well i always leave everywhere because i wake up ashamed of myself going oh i better get the fuck out of here. Before anyone else gets up. You know, that's interesting because some of the comics that I would book up to Chilkoots in Anchorage, Alaska, when they would go up there, I don't know what they were telling their agents or whatever.

Like, yeah, there's no internet in Alaska because they would go up there and they would be off the grid for a week and they would party and hang out and not have to fucking do i guess the regular things they have to do down here in la not here in la but you know what i mean down where they're from they get into that thing where they're there's always something to do and then when they get up there that's why they want the rebook so quick i remember vacation when we used to go to costa rica early days, the early 2000s, and there was no cell phone. You had to go to an internet cafe to check it. And there's a long walk. You didn't hang around on the internet in an internet cafe. There was no you porn or dividers.

And Death Valley, where you're just completely and you don't have that anymore now even you leave the country to a remote area if you're not on your phone it's because you're too cheap to get the plan with the four gigs or whatever it is and i don't even know well i mean i do the podcast with matt becker while he's in costa rica now i mean matt becker is able to broadcast through skype from his house in costa rica in the fucking jungle and he's the one who set the network up he's near crocodiles no you have to wager on whether there's crocodiles in that river to get a quarter mile from his house to the beach down a trail through you forge two rivers and you go i don't see crocodiles do you see crocodiles let's skip some stones to scare him

off just in case he told me when i was already hip deep about oh yeah this is the place where i was telling you about where there's crocodiles then you're like fucking you get across it's like you gotta go back across when you're done playing on the beach that's not it yeah there's crocodiles then you're like fucking you get across it's like you gotta go back across when you're done playing on the beach that's not it yeah there's crocodiles like i don't know if they were in that thing but as soon as uh becker wouldn't tell you he wouldn't be honest with you about it yeah yeah he'd play to your weakness totally if you think there's no crocodiles he's going to tell you there's some if you're sure there's none we could take Chad Shank to Costa Rica no I've been

farther away from my house with you guys before and I don't like it well yeah there's no real people down there Costa Ricans are all yeah but getting there that's why I don't like it. Well, yeah, there's no real people down there. Costa Ricans are all... Yeah, but getting there. Yeah, that's the problem. That's why I don't go as fucking border shit. Well, and then I don't know how I behave.

Somebody fucking acts like an asshole, and then I act like a bigger asshole. That's a bad place to do that. Becker and I got into a fucking blowout, and I walked the beach to the next town. Yeah, we made up. Yeah. But yeah, we walked.

In Tamarindo? No, no. This is down up to Honkyo. We were at that one. South. You were south of Tamarindo. Yeah, then we walked all the way up to, I don't know where the pigs were or something. It was miles on the beach.

We just walked miles of beach to the next beach town. It's fucking great. You just get lost. We hitchhiked once to the next town just because we were day drunk. And we could hitchhike on this dirt road. Some Ticos picked us up in the back of a pickup truck. We flipped them a five or a 20 when they dropped us off at the next town we'll figure out a way to get back but i yeah i don't know how much it's overgrown since those days or not

i was just talking to becker about like the roads and they're worse now than they were last year according to him but i mean most of us not paved i mean when you're moving around off of the main highway i'm talking about just the towns themselves and the traffic and all that shit i don't i always try to find a new place roatan is that place we went to that island off of honduras that bingo and i liked and i always thought of going back but delta't go there, and I'm a cunt about the miles. They didn't fly into Roatan, did they? This is when I was jumping ship to United just to see, but I stayed with Delta. Go ahead.

Was that way back in the Goose Kirk? Is that how far back it was? No, that was like four years ago. Okay. I dipped my toes in the fucking whore water of United Air. Delta didn't leave me for a fucking lumberjack. All right, let's take a break, and we'll be back after we piss. Great news, kids. The

much-neglected merch page on my much-neglected website has been taken over by Greg Chaley. So we have tour t-shirts, podcast t-shirts. We have Pop-Off Vodka Presents t-shirts. Get them before we get sued.

Before we get the cease and desist. And a whole shitload of CDs and DVDs that span a lifetime, a sad, tragic, bloated lifetime of my fucking horrible thoughts and pontifications. So help me get that shit out of my crawlspace. Thanks for that. And now, back to the podcast previously recorded had anyone even heard of that fucking guy or is he just i think he had a song at some point but there's a whole other group of people he's just the one that brought this to life there's like

a whole group of flat earthers well there's been's been flat earthers forever. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. Really? Well, at one time they thought you would sail to the edge of the earth and then fall off it. Well, yeah, I thought that Christopher Columbus fucking proved that that wasn't true. That's what they taught me in school. Well, before that...

The two paragraphs I read on Newser said something about the people who believe that the Antarctic is the block of ice that stops you from going off the edge. And then I was sold. Now I'm a flat earther, too. Well, it all checks out. I mean, there is ice. All the science I need.

Well, I think people sometimes try to win arguments with that well you don't know for sure because you've never been no you're right i've never been on a fucking boat that tried to sail all the way around so i have to trust the people that say they have i never met mozart but i'm pretty sure he existed and his music is is available if you're spending that much time thinking about how flat the earth is you're too high i guess like what does it matter do you know how to get to the store you know how to get to your next gig and get through the metal detector rapper you don't know his name no what do you know it no i just i i didn't want to challenge anyone who knew it? No. I just, I didn't know if anyone knew it.

Like, is he just doing this so people go, look at this guy. He's a rapper and he believes. Well, he didn't do it well because you don't know his name. Well, to do it well, he would have said at least his name. Yeah, I think I know Run dmc and the sugar sugar hill gang i i got oh there's a big bank hank who's that he's big bank hank he's everywhere so just throw your hands up in the air he's the guy that doesn Hank. And Wonder Mike. He doesn't even know he's free.

It's a racist joke. That's so old. See Abraham Lincoln and the Sugar Hill Gang. You got to get this joke. You got to get this joke. You got to stay with me. Are you working on material for the Super Bowl show? The M-A-S-T-E-R. I don't know.

Master. Yeah, I don't know. Grandmaster Flash? No, Master G. He's the third one in the Sugar Hill gang. We should have stopped this at the break. We should have gone to some emergency broadcasting system. What was the guy's name who rapped in the Blue Blocker commercial?

My name is something. I'm a hip hopper. Man, I love these blue blockers. I wear those. I wear bifocal blue blockers, and I really do. They don't call them blue blockers anymore. Same sunglasses, but they have bifocals, and they collapse.

I have collapsible ones. I'm going to sell a lot of fucking merch on this qvc i know it my name is fuck what was his stupid name geek geek that's my name is geek my name is geek and i'm a hip hopper man i love these blue blockers those and he did another version where he said, because I remember him saying, I put them on as a shocker. Man, I love these blue blockers. Is that where Dane Cook stole the shocker from? I watched too much TV in the 80s. I want a compilation reel.

You know, they put out the Amy Sch i want a compilation reel you know they put out the uh amy schumer stole allegedly compilation reel with what they say she stole versus who did it originally and i'm terrified that someone i shouldn't even say this because they'll do it is gonna put out a fucking reel of me stealing from myself not realizing i i kind of already did that bit, kind of, basically. I just reworded it. Now I kind of want to see it, but I won't in the morning. So don't do that. I remember seeing Carlin stealing from Hicks real,

where that never got legs because, uh, everyone worships both of those guys. So, but I remember seeing, you know, Carlin did this, but Hicks did it first.

And it's like, no, he didn't. He did not. Oh, I shouldn't, I should not take a dog in this fucking arms race until I do more research. But I watched that.

You go, okay, part of it, writers. Yeah, there's been Bill Maher bits where I think, yeah, I bet his fucking writing team saw that shit. When we put out the fucking website, saving Bristol, like offering money to have an abortion. And then he put out a website after that. I'm like, all right, that's but it's not my career. It's one thing when a comic is ripping off young comics and people who don't have a career. But they're saying, oh, well, she stole this from Mad TV. Well, what you have?

Mad TV is losing revenue. Where where who gives a fuck some dumb show she has to do i don't not that that writes it off but it's not when the outrage that comes out unlike carlos mencia who is known for ripping off ripping off some kid that's just making his bones at the comedy store. How dare you? You fucking ripped off Mad TV from 2009. Oh, Jesus. Get something to be seriously angry about. Some fucking writers trying to not have to sell meat door to door.

Who fucking remembers Mad TV, for God's sakes? How many writers do you think someone like Amy Schumer has? I think on the Man Show we had like six or seven. There was a couple part-timers. Like interns? No, like Brian Posehn and Greg Fitzsimmons. or seven there was a couple part-timers like interns or like no like uh brian posain and greg fitzsimmons i think they just did a couple days here and there and then there was a the full-time you know guys i think there were probably seven writers i'm guessing i have no clue

when i have to write that fucking book i I'm going to have to call so many goddamn people. What was that other guy's name? Guy with the weird lip, remember? There was no guy with a weird lip. I made sure of that before I said that. So you already changed it. Yes. I had a fucking, the final, I hope final,

meeting with the lawyers on the conference call for the book. And I had to change even more names. And I'm like, I'm going to change the names that you're making me change to the other name that you're making me change. So I'm just going to transpose names. So instead of Renee Morrison and I were married married it was matt becker and i were married and matt becker uh renee morrison was the one that got rolled in the uh by the transvestite with me i'm just gonna fuck it all up it won't be that they can't sue you because that's not the person but i'm gonna mention all my friends who you say i can't fucking mention the disclaimer

none of the names are accurate none of the names in this book without the express written consent of the person involved yeah it's uh silly i mean it doesn't affect the integrity of the book at all but it's still this is so fucking dumb and just little things my stepsister who i'd never said anything other than my opinion about was a fucking well you pile on too much she's a greasy fat pimply leech she just had this list of things throughout chapters that I said about her. But still, none of it's art. I want to fight that in court. Leave it in. I want her to sue me.

I want her to. I'll pay her to sue me so I could have that court battle where she said she wasn't a fucking affected fake wannabe. It's just every fucking awful thing I said. So I, yeah, we'll talk preorder the book wherever it's called digging up mother. I know you can get it at Amazon, but they,

yeah, get it at Amazon for now. There's some marketing shit. Well, we can't only push Amazon because that, you know, the other distributors, you know, we have Barnes and Noble. Well, give me fucking links and I'll put them on my site. Details.

I have nothing on my website. I'm waiting to get links from them to put on here. Order it from any of these. I'd like to sell them through the store that we have. What about that? I'll just burn off copies. Sell them out of the back of a van. Busy office supply with a three-ring binder.

Hey, it's one-sided, so that's why it's 400 pages. So I hope you don't mind. Signed it. Not personalized. So we will be back uh chaley's just uh fuck we got shit coming up chad and i have a project well we all have a project coming up uh we got super bowl which no one gives a shit about. Fucking Denver versus Carolina. No, that's Tracy's team's Denver.

So yeah, no one. She's the only one with a dog in the fight. Yeah, and she'll be down there baking cookies for the whole fucking thing and not even up here cheering. No, I said specifically, we were talking about how it's going to go down this year. And I said, Tracy, why don't we just prepare all our food the day before?

It'll be something that goes in the crock pot and heats up. Or it'll be like cupcakes that you can make the night before. And then we get to actually watch the game. So that's our goal. Now that it's a private party, we can work out who's bringing bringing what so everyone doesn't bring swedish meatballs at once and so yeah we can call around but i get a lot of shit to do yeah but you know what you should you should be doing that other stuff i mean we can delegate everything else because it because it is manageable this year to where we don't have you know like 80 people

showing up and we have a private security force. We have the Hells Angels. Sorry, he's going to make a fucking Altamont reference. Then I realized, oh, you probably shouldn't invoke the name of the Hells Angels without explaining the joke. The show before the Super Bowl, the Super Bowl comedy show. Yeah. You mean the Super Weekend comedy all-stars? I don't know what the fuck it's called.

You can't say Super Bowl. You can't advertise a Super Bowl show or we're playing the Super Bowl at a bar. You have to do the big games. That's why you see all that dumb shit. The show where the comedians are going to be. Yeah. The night before the super bowl um you could say that that one i'm gonna i'm helping at the door you're working you're working

i thought that we said that when we were drunk one time but i remember things when i know you're not where you're working private security he's working the door before the show starts and then he's he's gonna be inside when the show's going on all right you're working the door before the show starts, and then he's going to be inside when the show's going on. All right. You're working the door until you want to be backstage quickly, then you're private security. Okay. Absolutely. I just saw that there was a thing online. People were saying that local people couldn't get tickets after it was sold out.

I want to make sure that I wasn't included in local people. A bit of a kerfuffle there. after it was sold out. So I want to make sure that I wasn't included in local people. A bit of a kerfuffle there. It's only so many seats, so we set aside a good portion of them for locals that you could only get, and that was sold out. Anyone, any of the people that come here to football

that were not able to get tickets that want to go to the show, I'm going to be able to probably take care of everyone I've spoken to about it. There's not a lot of people. There's not a lot, but all the people that come here, they do want to go to a comedy show in town, and it's great. We've got Jeff Tate, Brett Erickson, Christine Levine, and Junior Stocker.

Don't rub it in. It's sold out. I'm looking forward to it. What's the point of even talking about it unless we can rub it in? Sorry, suckers. You're not on the mailing list you're too fucking lazy we had a new guy some some up-and-comer hosting yeah yeah jokes if he has any material i was sitting there the whole time trying to remember if I said this off the air or on the air, but it was off the air. Yeah.

I was sitting there saying, I have absolutely no material that I haven't done here because I did two specials here. And then that one time I hosted with JT in them. Like everything I have, I burned out in town, in a town of five. And then I thought, I'm bitching about this going. I have to work on this project. I have to do these rewrites on the final shit on the book. I have to write the book flap of bio. I get so much to do in two weeks time.

I have no material at all. I'm going to have to do crowd rap. And then I go, wait, I have no material at all. I'm going to have to do crowd rap. And then I go, wait, I have no material? I have the wreckage of my personal life that is in the process that every single person in town knows about. Someone came over today and said, hey, I have to talk to you about something. A close friend. And I go, you don't have to talk to you about something. I have a close friend. And I go, you don't have to talk to me about it.

You think I don't already know? I live in this town. Everyone knows everyone else's business. Everyone probably knew about bingo before I did. Yeah, I got no material. I'll drum up some shit. I'll just try to tone it down enough that I can continue to live here without setting fucking some shit on fire.

That's a podcast. Sorry, we were hoping that Bingo would be around to add to this. But the story has to develop. One cunt. Wait, you can't leave us on a cliffhanger and then start doing other podcasts the last thing i knew bingo is suicidal well she's not anymore but the story isn't done so just wait for it it's coming i i don't even know this story i don't know this story i'm not asking a lot of really is it's very it's it's uncomfortable at times because like we all went to uh sierra vista today and enjoyed a nice sushi

meal and long spats in the car with no talking but it was i mean we were listening to stern and stuff but at the same time it felt uncomfortable because i really don't know what's going on but you know things are have been it's moving along it's very strange now even when you showed up tonight where my first thought when we're around here is save it for the podcast and i know it cheapens it chad goes he told me that whole story about the card dealership and i'm like fuck why aren't we recording he's like i thought maybe once i could come over just to have a drink with my friends and not have to fucking perform i get but it's wicked funny though yeah we spend enough time just staring at each other over drinks

not saying anything yeah i don't mind there's a reason to it when people say hey i'd love to come down and just you know talk i don't talk if i have anything to say i wait till you hit record i'm a fucking mime until then painting and nobody pays me money to sit and tell you stories with nobody listening yeah we got the mics hey let's close on that 212 van dyke street bisbee arizona once again that's 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona. Once again, that's 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. Send shit. We love it. I get a whole stack of stuff to thank people for, but it's going to have to wait until next time.

You want to wait? Yeah, we'll wait until next time. I swear, next time I'll be more prepared. How many years have I said that? Play some nice music to get us out of here. All right, now, I'm real fast. Let me tell you what I think, and this shall come to pass. My name is Geek.

I put them on as a shocker. Man, I love these blue blockers. Everything is clear. They black out for some. Oh, yeah, I got to get me some. Everything is groovy now. the pool at my beach. This is what I do up and down Venice Beach. My name is Geek, I'm more than a hip hopper.

And I'll be cheeky in my blue blockers, yeah. Now what do I mean? Yep, these sunglasses are really, really king. So there you have it folks, out there in TV land. Get you some glasses, they'll sweep in the land. Remember what I said, now I'm a hip hopper, yeah. Go get you some blue blockers. Nah, you got this week.

I'll see you later, I gotta make some money on the beach. We then gave him a free fare for doing such a great job. Watch him continue. Oh, check it out now. Because what you heard me say on TV, they're giving these pairs of blockers for free. Everything is fake. Now, listen to me. Like I said before, they gave them to me free.

You can get them where? You got to order them on TV? All right. Now, believe you me. There's a number soon that appear on your screen. Everything is groovy. Do you know what I mean? I'm so glad to butterfly sting like a bee.

Yep, these monsters all came with me. Yeah, I say, it's a fact. My blockers, yeah, they come with my hat. What more can I say? Oh, they are so nice. These are the words that I like to use twice. Everything is great now I must speak. Blue blockers, yep, are for a Dr. Geek.

Que paso amigos, and hey señoritas, with these blue blockers your life is muy bonita.