The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #125: The Kids Are Alright (Chad and Bingo Live to See Another Day)

Episode Date: February 18, 2016

The Kids Are Alright (Chad and Bingo Live to See Another Day).Recorded Feb. 17, 2016 in the new Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), Brett Erickson (@brettnotbrent), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille .LINKS -Brett Erickson - http://www.brettericksoncomedy.com/Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on AmazonBrian Hennigan's book, "Patrick Robertson: A Tale Of Adventure" Available now -http://ataleofadventure.com/Closing Song, "Party Time", by The Mattoid. Available on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

I wonder how sick of hockey questions Tracy has to get, because she's the only one that actually knows how the sport works. Has there ever been a knockout in a fight? I see them fight, but there's no knockout. What's the most teeth lost in a game? That's got to be horrible. That's got to be horrible, because I always picture her staring at hockey as a way to get people to stop talking to her.

I'll edit that out, Tracy. Bar full of fucking dudes here. Because of HD, I can watch hockey now when it's 60 inches of high definition back in the day of fucking whereas i've turned the channel yourself it was completely unwatchable you couldn't find the puck and now because of tracy and boredom i'm in a hockey but i don't know shit about it and none of us do and tr Tracy's the go-to girl we all have to ask the girl, how's his sport work? this tough guy's sport

not to mention she's either really a brilliant liar or she fucking knows she knows or she knows we don't know so she can say whatever she wants that's true Reverend Derek plays that a lot he'll try to call your bluff don't know so she can say whatever she wants that's true i guess it's the yeah reverend derrick

plays that a lot he'll try to call your bluff and say something with complete confidence it's the real stat it's to underpowering the lights hey this podcast before i forget is brought to you by uh doug's Celebrity Death Pool. I'm just the spokesmodel for this. This is all Joby. I play. I enjoy it. Chad plays.

Carlos Valencia plays a little too well. It just reminded me of a i'm gonna i i i can't so a comics bit i can't remember his fucking name so i'm not gonna try to tell his old bit because he'd go fuck you forgot my name yeah i did uh uh joey uh the celebrity death pool joey's kicking off uh he said this is his email this is not copy this is just the email i got we've created two new pay-to-play homes 299 to 499 depending on new old users one is the killer termites this one is just a normal home with normal pics this one starts on march 4th and then there's the doug stan's Spite Picks. I love doing this one. It's just for fun.

We don't put money on this. But you just pick people you want to die. This is not for you, Carlos. I mean, Carlos can be in it. But yeah, you just pick people you want to die. It makes it more fun. Can I pick Carlos? Yes, pick Carlos.

This is not a good drinker, that guy. It's a little wiggly. So that one, the Stanhope Spite Pick starts on March 18th. So get in there and go to DougStanhopeCelebrityDeathPool.com or just the acronym DSCDP.com and figure out how to fucking five bucks and play for the rest of the year.

So, yeah, go there and Joby, I'm sure it's on the site how you do that because he gave me nothing else other than, yeah, my mother is already swirling down the drain now has developed pneumonia, so I might be back to Bisbee sooner rather than later if she dies.

And I texted back, well, keep us posted. He goes, do you think I'd keep a tragic death from you, silly man? And then I said to Chaley, I read that to him. Yeah, he said he might be back pretty soon because his mother might die. She's got pneumonia. And Chad Shank says, I hope so. And I said, yeah, it'd be good to see him again. I like it when Joby visits.

It is. It's always a... Whatever has to happen to make that happens collateral damage as far as i'm concerned brett erickson is here chad shank is here chaley is here hennigan's in and out super sean he's here floyd is sleeping in a chair tracy's bartending it's a fucking full house it's It's end of production Eve into filming this presentation pilot. And yeah, we were fucking on our own for a minute there for several minutes. Not even at Arizona border. Oh, Jesus.

The fucking crew. So what time does that bring him in at midnight one in the morning well how far from the arizona border our crew is two people coming in but they're fucking monsters two live crew two live crew is what we're calling them uh so so yeah they they won't even fuck wait how long if you're driving, from the Arizona border... The halfway point is about... No, it's like 60 or 70 miles into Arizona. Oh, that's the halfway point.

They're fucked. Well, you know... They didn't beat traffic out of L.A. That's what happened. It's like, you've got to leave before 3. If you saw the amount of fucking support we got locally, super

Shawnee. Chaley was violently sick after the Super Bowl, as were many people. And Hennigan is off on his fucking Mexican vacation with his secret lover. And secret lovers. That's what we are.

But he does bring me back a carton of duty-free Mexican cigarettes every time he goes. So that's nice. So Super Shawnee stepped in as production. Just took over, as he always does. And everyone else in town stepped up. And it's fucking ridiculous. does and everyone else in town stepped up and it's fucking ridiculous well we're gonna do a trial run on the enema before we because we're gonna time it and like just fucking weird shit and there's no nobody in charge and i'm not good at production and erickson flew back to help me

write shit because you need like you sit here with a notepad but you gotta like talk out loud and you gotta say this and bounce it off and there's like I had to import comics we didn't have we have to like cheat a Rosa Parks gag because there's no old black women

here we'd like this there's only two black people that I know here and one of them's shawnee and erickson and i're than all of us we go we can't use him in that sketch because i don't even think his pigment would show up on camera it would be like a vampire in a mirror thing he's not invisible ink yeah invisible ink oh you should get that tattoo, Shawnee. And people would be able to see it. That would be your boxer's nickname.

And now, coming into the ring, Shawnee Invisible Ink Hicks. Floyd. Hicks! My God, yeah. No, I was just uh you woke him up brett erickson who's known floyd for a while a while we've been sitting here and then he uh he introduced himself to me i thought he's just fucking with me and uh i said he's like hi i'm floyd i said hi brett erickson rush chairman damn glad to meet you and uh he's like uh something and then about an hour later i took my baseball cap off and he looked at me and goes oh now i know who you are what is clark kent it's superman What? It's Clark Kent. It's Superman. Brett Erickson, the man of a million disguises. Well, Pat Morrison will enjoy that because this is a hat story all the way around.

She wears crazy hats. I thought it was funny because this is the longest I've ever hung out with you guys where we were all sober, and I'm really glad that everybody had phones because nobody talks to each other so everybody just sat there for like three hours not talking to each other and then I thought that was the beginning of some witty banter

where Floyd introduced himself to Eric so I was like oh alright we're going to talk to each other now not knowing that he had no fucking clue who it was well and I i i don't i want to uh have to applaud this but after a year and two months i don't think we've brought this up on the podcast floyd after off the on the wagon for a year and two months after they took out his asshole, decided, fuck this, I'm drinking again.

Welcome back. Your dreams were your ticket out. Welcome back to that same old place that we laughed about. Very important call that I'm not taking. You're a lot better now. You know what? Again, you were never different when you were sober. I mean, I guess you were a little different,

but you always still seemed drunk. You just didn't get any drunker. I still don't recognize people. I never did. I know sober people who have as shitty a memory as I do at my age. I know sober people who have as shitty a memory as I do at my age. But it was nice to, because you were drinking cranberry juice for over a year. So anytime you'd walk in, I'd get behind the bar and have your cranberry juice waiting for you. And I started pouring you one a couple weeks ago.

It was just you and me in the bar. And I started pouring it, and and he goes save room for that save room in that for vodka and I went woo I said is this your first one and he goes no I used to drink it over a year ago but if we didn't

mention that we should have that that fishbowl I'm sure I mentioned this my old old ex went to a rehab outside of phoenix and uh they had a bar just down the street where you could cash in your 30-day chip for a free drink and we've had a couple people go off the wagon but you lost my chip yeah you didn't go to any program you just fucking stopped i i i did quit you know and and it didn't work you know it worked for a while no i have no reason not to quit now so well good i can't go into it for legal matter reasons

so the guy needed a drink let's just leave it at that everybody who listens to the podcast has pieced all of this together by now it ain't got nothing to do with his asshole uh or lack thereof uh so shawnee took over took command uh everybody we put a thing on our private football facebook page hey i just i i i was panicking at some point and i said tracy just say listen we're having a brainstorming meeting tomorrow at noon and it's like 10 30 at night the night before like anyone from the football crew and fucking like 20 people showed up. And I don't even know why I called you here today.

Just go, I need some fucking like, and just everyone, it just worked. And we got shit written. We got shit, you know, produced locations. We got, you know, Shawnee knows everyone and props. And so Hennigan could just stroll in with his tan from Mexico and just, yeah, okay, here's all the shit. And now he's just putting it in some kind of order, organizing it for tomorrow's shoot, which the crew is driving from L.A., the two live crew. And one of the guys says, oh, yeah, yeah, we're both really good with sound. Like, well, you better be good with fucking everything.

There's only two of you. That's really good because this is a talkie. Yeah. How about visual anyway? This is a radio program right i'm gonna try to make kenny act but yeah it's it should it should be uh fun we got four days of shooting a couple gags a day to make a pilot and uh i don't know nothing else it'll be like a home movie for us everybody i know is in it i get a list of i just sat there one night and just wrote down everybody's name i could remember

that's ever been here that i've ever met in town that might be an asset we can use their thing and yeah and then yeah felt way i'm like thank god i've been fucking buying the drinks for i'm glad i didn't come over yesterday then today was more mellow what was yesterday it's been wasn't that yesterday was when you said everybody came over no no that was like friday Saturday. Yeah, that's yesterday to me. I don't know what day it is. I don't even know what day it is. Oh, today's Wednesday.

It was Sunday. Yeah, today's Wednesday or something. So, Doug, would it be good to explain what a presentation pilot is? No. Okay. Not really. No. That's fine. I don't give a shit. I'll Google it later. I don't need to know. I. That's fine.

They don't give a shit. I'll Google it later. I don't need to know. I'll Google it later. The point is, yeah, maybe it gets picked up. I didn't move to Bisbee to make it big. Mission accomplished. I'm just trying to make it fun. And the more ridiculous, because of the different things we're doing,

that we're shooting, that every day we've been laughing more. Then we started writing other bits that can't even go into the pilot when we're drunk. Oh, that was it. We've been fucking laughing so hard. But it was so funny, because Hennigan showed up so late last night, and we were fucking hammered. And I overheard, and I was so, like, you stroked my ego,

because I heard you say to Hennigan, Eric, it's been invaluable. And I'mard, and I was so, like, you stroked my ego because I heard you say to Hennigan, Eric, it's been invaluable. And I'm like, oh, that was super nice. And then today Hennigan sits me down and is like, all right, what do you got? And I'm like, uh, whoops. I think Doug might have set the bar too high. We've just been drinking for a couple of days,

talking shit up. I don't know. I might have something up. But I mean, we had ideas for bits that shit. Where I go, okay, that's a great bit, but it needs beats. It needs more than just the idea. We actually have to have dialogue. The nuts and bolts, the crafting of it.

You can have the idea, the seed, but then you have to actually sit down, drink a lot, and fucking hammer it out. Actually, we both have, first of all, we have a lot in common. You and Erickson. Yeah, me and Brett Erickson. We go to crash on the couch one of these nights. No, yeah, the first night, we're done. We fucking wrote a bunch of shit, and we go to the house. Back up.

We write during the day sober to make sure, okay, what props will we need for this? How does this work? What's the location? Make it work. Here's some lines. And then we leave it alone. Then we drink and then try to make it absurd and funny. And then it's where you try to stretch your imagination.

Yeah. So the first night, it's late. we're the only two people left sober beat then we're drinking yeah now we've been drinking for a while and now it's time to go to bed so we go to the main house and doug looks at me and we're about to like lay on the couch and like flip on netflix or whatever and he looks at me and he goes, a little nervous, and he's like, I hope you don't mind, but I sleep to Hitler. And I was like, and I wanted to hug him because every single night at my house

with Carrie Mitchell, I'm like, if she's not there, I only watch Hitler documentaries at night. That's all I watch. I'm fascinated. But if she's there, we have to watch something else. For some reason, she's not I watch. I'm fascinated. But if she's there, we have to watch something else. For some reason, she's not into Hitler. Before bed.

It's the best. It's the voiceover of all those World War II documentaries. And you can get them on Netflix where it's like six series long. So it just continues to soothe you like a baby mobile. Yeah. Did he put the soothing Hitler on like level 78 volume like he did for me the last time? Here, go to sleep.

No! Sunday night, yeah, Sunday night or Monday night, whatever night, the next night when it was, again again, we were going to watch Better Call Saul. So it was late, and within the first minute, you just rolled over and fucking went to sleep. Like, well, he's out. And that's when I was like, all right, now I can finally find the fucking remote and turn the volume down a little bit.

Jesus Christ, the neighbors are going to call. Like, why is Bob Odenkirk yelling at the town of Bisbee right now? What was fucked up was the last time he did that to me, he bait and switched me at the hazard house. He's like, we're going to go crash over here. You get that couch.

Just put on some Hitler at 78 volume. Hey, I forgot my cigarettes. I'll be right back. And then he left, which I knew he was going to do, but I was just grateful because I could turn down the volume. I'm going to sleep, man. The voiceover is

so soothing. And in 1941, as the Russians and the Nazis advance towards St. Peter's and that marching, the marching music they play, like, oh, Jesus, something's going on. It's not like I'm listening to Hitler's speeches. Taking notes.

By the way, that's exactly what happens when the narrator stops talking. So yeah, that's what you are sleeping to. I think it was the Canadians that stopped by a lot. Yeah. Very nice. You're welcome. They came in and they said to someone, maybe one of you, wow, his snoring, because I was sleeping on the couch,

and they just went into the kitchen and then back out and said to someone, his snoring, that sounds like a serious medical problem. And whoever it was they said it to said, no, that's Christine Levine, and she's in a bedroom with the door shut. Oh. So we had a few people have stopped by.

And while we're in the mood, that one kid, the guy that always sends us the Texas ketchup. Ketchup. Texas ketchup. Did he bring more? Yeah, I have extra bottles. He sent another thing ahead of his arrival. I didn't know he was coming.

Somehow in my drunken trek home in one of the nights last week, I broke the cap off my Texas ketchup and threw it away. Got to finish the bottle right there yeah and i try to tell her i'm like that's still good there's no cap and boom right there texas cats up texas cats up that's good if you if you don't haven't listened to every single episode of the podcast at some point someone gave us this at the merch booth at indianapolis show uh gave us one of these, and we tried it. I'm like, this is fucking great.

Always looking for hot sauce on the road. And it was ketchup hot sauce. It's like sriracha ketchup without being all trendy like sriracha is. It's really sweet. It's got a sweet note rather than a vinegar note. If you like tater tots, you're going to love Texas catsup. That you can't get anywhere. Well, we finished the bottle, and then we tried to find more.

How is this not on Google? How do you have a product available that's not on Google, and we're bitching about it on a podcast, and then the guy listened, gave it to us. He works at a barbecue, or did work at a barbecue shop and this guy makes it himself. It's his own product just for that.

The company. Yeah, just that restaurant. Well, now he quit. Now he's a stand-up comic and he's moving to LA. So he stopped through on his way and he was fine. We even did bits.

We made him do bits. And he, like the five of us. Yeah, you guys set up the stage that night. Yeah, the stage is set up, and Shawnee's trying to fix the lighting because he's super Shawnee, Uber producer, when Brian fucking Hennigan slipshod Hennigan's down in Mexico. The tan Brian Hennigan.

Get on the mic. No, no. Well, just say it into the mic. They've just arrived at Blythe, meaning they're going to be here at midnight or after. All right. As long as they don't take turns doing bumps, we should be fine.

Well, at least this guy brought Texas ketchup. A guy came today that brought you a dildo. Which I've been asking for. By the time this airs, I will no longer need dildos and smut. We need that for a gag, but that's already out there. Please hold. Hey, Bingo, we're podcasting. What's going on?

Okay, I was just saying I was at a corner store, and did you need anything? Always get two bags of ice and then come over. Yeah. Put them in the beer coolers. Bye. Gotta get our craft services ready. They're picking up. Derek just went to pick up an actor.

I don't know. Where did the actor come from? Craigslist or something? No, no. It's from the production company? Production. Yeah, the production. Two Live Crew? Two Live Crew. He was in another movie with our producer. Let's say.

So we send Derek to pick him up. Derek's for this pilot. Him and Kenny are PAs. I always wondered what PAs did. Production assisting. Yeah, they get you fucking cokes. They bring ice. They're gophers.

Yes. They used to call them gophers. I smoked weed with the PAs earlier today. Yeah. And then Brian doesn't remember, oh, shit, that actor that they wanted to do this part is coming in at 7.30 tonight. And Derek thought he was done for the day. And so, oh, Derek, sorry, you got to go to the airport.

So we stocked the back of the Suburban with, you know, rather than a bottle of water and newspaper like a regular driver will get you with. I put Hustler and Modern Drunkard Magazine in the backseat of the magazine rack. And then I just set up

chips, like giant bags of chips. Like the restaurant pack? Yeah. And a fruit bowl and fresh berries, a little mini bottle of Scope, one of those airport international flight things that has an eye mask and earplugs. You had cut limes. You had cut limes and lemons. I had cut limes and lemons.

I had every different kind of booze, tequila, rum, vodka, even Jägermeister, the entire thing. I put Jell-O in the cooler with a mixer, with a spoon, every different mixer, drink ice, a travel cup, one of those Flying J ashtrays in case he smokes, you know, that fit in a drink holder fucking just ridiculous amounts of silly shit so they should be picking him up anytime now hopefully he thinks wow this actually is going to be a fucking really professional well-run production dumb shit I love that you sent Derek to go pick him up in the suburban

driving an hour and 45 each way instead of the Mazda something practical well he's bringing his girl with him oh he's got pass okay no I thought it was just I thought it was going to be Derek driving and this guy in the backseat with this big thing of a care basket.

Welcome to Disney. It was going to be. So he's got people with him. A suburban is common. No, it's Derek and his girl. The guy's still in the back awkwardly with all the stuff. Oh, really? Yeah.

I thought the actor was bringing his girl. No, Derek brought his girl to keep him company on the ride. Well, that makes sense. Derek's girlfriend said that he never takes her anywhere. As awkward as you were picturing him in the back, now double that. Double it, yeah. So he's sitting in the back enjoying a fresh pack of chewing gum while they're having an argument in the front seat about going camping.

a fresh pack of chewing gum while they're having an argument in the front seat about going camping. Hey, this jello's good. Well, if I told him if it doesn't come up in conversation that that's your girlfriend, I'm going to tell him that

that was a prostitute I hired for him. Oh, you didn't take advantage of the gal I hired? I just want to make sure I don't over-tip her. For some reason, she was in the front seat. You look like Derek Bogart at the hooker. Did he take that hooker? That was for you, dude.

It wasn't just Frito-Lays and jalapeno cheddar dip. Didn't you see the condoms in there? And half a Viagra? That's where that went. And half a Viagra went. So that's how fucked up this production has been, pre-producing this thing, is that guy, Hennigan almost forgot he was coming.

I don't know when anyone's coming. And he realized that. And then as I'm talking to Derek on the phone, making sure he's on his way and on time, he says, yeah, so where am I bringing him? I go, shit, I i never thought did they get him a hotel and i still haven't heard back if he has a hotel in town or not he's pretty much he's a hollywood fucking actor he's not gonna sleep in the blue room we put you up in the blue room. We put you up in the rape trailer, sir.

Hope you like Hitler. Wait a minute. The blue room in the rape trailer is okay for us? Yeah. I can't wait. I really hope that he's a douche. That kind of would be very funny. Like just low rent.

He's only here for a day. He's doing one spoof. You know what's funny? I will drop the fucking name now because today, I don't know if I told you this, Bingo and I get in the car to go to Safeway, put on Stern. It's a rerun of us on Stern with him giving me shit from two years ago about this Johnny Depp show. You don't have a contract?

This sounds sketchy. You've got to get something right. What's this show going to be? I go, I don't know. He just flew me to London. He wants me to do a show. He's like, that'll never happen. Oh, fuck you.

Once again, Howard Stern is wrong. Oh, stop. I love Howard Stern. How dare you? I was trying to get him to say my name as many times as he said Ari Shafir's. This Brett Peterson. Who is this guy? Take your hat off.

You'll recognize him if you take your hat off. Uh-oh. There he is. Somebody needs to look and see. Let's take a break. Ichabod says it's break time. Don't forget to go to Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool to get in on this March action for some new sites.

And don't forget to preorder my book, Digging Up Mother. Just go to Amazon until we have other links I can put on my website. The marketing department had a big meeting with us like two months ago. And there's going to be a lot of different sources. We don't just use Amazon because that pisses off Barnes & Noble. Well, I still don't have fucking links or I'd have it on my website. So, yeah, just Google it and find it and preorder it because I want it to be like number 115,000. Set my goals low on the New York Times seller list.

Also selling. Also selling. People who bought that also looked at this. That's me. All right, we'll be right back. Hey, Ogden, Utah, are you hungry for pizza? Pizza. Pizza.

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Ask Juanita. She makes them by her fucking self. She's the hot one. Kirsten would recommend the jalapeno cheese sticks, but what does she know? You want a fucking pizza! It's Saturday night, let's get out there! Give us a call right now at 801-394-4265! 801-394-4265!

And don't even try blocking your fucking number, because we're going to know that you're a 13-year-old kid ordering these to the neighbor's house, you motherfucker. I know where you live. Pizza Runner 3017 Harrison Boulevard, North Ogden, waiting for your call now. We're family friendly. Oh, that Texas catsup is brought to you by Keith Ray. We don't know the name of the barbecue joint he worked for where he stole it all and sent it to us.

It doesn't matter. Someplace in Indianapolis. But Keith Ray is a cool kid, and he's actually a very funny dude. So, hey, LA, look out for Keith Ray. And that's a plug. Thank you to him. Thanks for making my tater tots that much better, Keith. And there's one other, but I don't know.

You know what? People who sent shit, and if you did send dildos and smut based on my Facebook, Twitter requests, well, eventually you'll see that gag, even if we just have to release it on youtube and you'll see yeah it was kind of based on the dildo bag uh that i brought on the cruise ship which actually chaley i get a we have video of me unloading the dildo bag oh wow cruise ship that you get to put on youtube it'd be good part two to the uh when you had the fats yeah the alcohols yeah there was a suit and then, there was the suit. Then there was the backpack of smut and filth. So we have that video.

And there was one other thing. I want to say thanks for the fish. Someone, they don't even put their name. Dave Vigoda, who just passed away. No, they sent Amahi a fake fish and Bingo freaked out.

I loved it. I mean, Bingo loved it so much, she decided to give it to Tracy and I so we could hang it in our bathroom. It's a trickle-down theory, literally, of stuff people send. And I know there's a bunch of other stuff I haven't thanked you for. As soon as we're done with this production in five days, then I'll be pulling out this whole shelf of stuff people sent. If you sent smut, thank you.

So two people on Twitter, wow, this sounds like some kind of ruse just to get free porn. Yeah, because I'm finished with the Internet. Yeah, because I'm finished with the internet. I got through all of it, and now I need old school stuff to start over. Used fucking accessories? Come on. There's no play here. I wish I could tell you the payoff to the gag. There was one guy that showed up today.

Oh, that's what we were talking about earlier. He thought that your mailing address meant if I bring a giant dildo, I'll come over and get to hang out with Stanhope for a while. And we appreciate the dildo. I had to be very diplomatic and explain to him that sometimes if you show up with a giant dildo, you do get to hang out with Doug Stanhope. But right now, he's really busy, so it's not a good time. I had to be very diplomatic about that.

It was hard. He's like, I drove all the way from Sierra Vista. We've had Canadians here that drove all the way from Canada. Sierra Vista is 25 minutes away, and I appreciate that, but I just didn't have time. Maybe he forgot to say Sierra Vista, Kentucky. He's like, oh, I should have told him Kentucky. Damn it.

Now I realize why that sounded dumb. There's another. Well, I kept watching for him because when he first got here, Derek, when I said, I don't know this guy, but he has an insane clown posse shirt on, so I'm already suspicious. And then Derek went outside to greet him. So I went outside and Derek said, are you one of the film crew and he's like no so then all the rest of the day i just expect him to

show up going i'm one of the film crew i forgot to tell you i am one of the film crew i don't know why i didn't say that but i am but i'm really good at sound speaking of sound sounds like someone else is here, but maybe that's him. I got to train Ichabod just the insane clown posse attack. I don't need much training, just so you know. I'm already good on that. Floyd. Floyd.

Floyd. Sorry, I was thinking about what Floyd was talking about, and then I stepped on your dick earlier. Exactly what do you need me to do, Floyd? Oh. Anyway, the last podcast, well, there's been a lot of kind of cliffhangers, but no, Chad did not kill himself and a lot of people, obviously.

And Bingo, if you heard her, she's here now. Bad did not kill himself and a lot of people obviously and bingo if you heard her uh she's here now bingo did not kill herself everything's fine i like it when you have to make two they didn't kill themselves announcements all of the suicidal crew of the crew the normal crew two did not kill themselves i i just wanted to clarify that by the time we were joking about it, I was already out of that space. People were tweeting me like, people that don't follow me on Twitter were tweeting me like, you're a danger to yourself and your family. And I'm like, no, I'm all right now.

I was. I got it out of my system. You are accurate, but I've got it under control I don't take meds but that's because I kind of like walking on the very edge but yeah I got my first negative email about Chad Shank ever in the history of this podcast

listen I know you're really good at making dark things funny but that guy is unfunny if he's really talking about killing police officers he's had a fucking moment he had a break obviously someone who doesn't listen to the podcast regularly

but it was I like that because you know I just get the tweets that say Chad Shank is better than you Chad Shank should have his own podcast Stan Who I like that one I'm definitely Better than you. Chad Chang should have his own podcast. Stan Who? Yeah, I like that one. That's always good.

I'm definitely okay, so thanks. No more. Peace and love. No more tweets. All right, so I'm writing this down. Nobody died. Well, bingo. When I had that call to action, like, please, I fucking don't know how this show is going to work,

and all my managers are sick or on the lam out of the country and everyone showed up bingo who was just like groggy out of bed said i'm gonna go over to the other house and grab a change of clothes and take a bath came back 45 minutes later in this mini pearl hat and feather boas, which is not unusual. She just dressed up weird for, what, a meeting? Not weird, but then she walked in, and everyone saw the look in her eyes like she had just seen a dead body. I was not here.

I don't remember any of it. Well, I'm sure. I don't remember breaks with reality either. Right, I don't remember any of it. Well, I'm sure. I don't remember breaks with reality either. Right, I don't remember. Jump in if you... Yeah, she's just stunned. And she said there were... I swear there were two people.

They helped me out of the bath. Two women. That helped me get dressed. And we went through all my things. And I swore there were two women and I know there's no one over there. She thought people from the production company were helping her with wardrobe for her shoot.

Showtime. Like bath angels. Shit. I'm sorry, baby. Like the fucking shining, only she's the one in the tub and uh i was confused i did not know what was going on it kind of yeah i did put a little bit of a damper like because there's nothing to do when she snaps like that when her mind goes it's like a bad trip you just have to ride it out and everyone's like

i don't know what to do i try to keep an eye on her if you see you're trying to leave the the property yell out and then someone did see her walk out the back door and so i found her a shawnee and i went over to hazard and i found you over there in the bathtub again i'm not in the bathtub in the bathroom that was completely fucking trashed. I'm like, you gotta go. Just stay where we can keep an eye on you. I know you're confused. Just ride it out.

You always come back. I was terrified when you told me that there was no one with me because I was certain of it. I was certain this would happen. And that's when I get really scared. Yeah. It was fucked. That was fucked. And get really scared. Yeah. It was fucked.

That was fucked. And I don't remember it. It was to a point where, what if there were two girls over there? They're doing a funny prank show on you guys. Or have you thought about the other way? Because you said the bathroom was trash. Sometimes if I shit all over the toilet,

I pretend that I had breaks from reality so my wife doesn't get mad at me. shit all over the toilet i pretend that i had breaks from reality so my wife doesn't get mad at me that was hilarious because on the enema trial yeah i was just gonna say that go ahead all right so we we did a trial run on an enema with a person who was here to do it and and later i came i went to the bathroom in the main house and i came out and i'm like god damn like maybe that person doesn't know to fucking try to clean the toilet after they fucking go through all of that and do that you know and i because it was like it was blasted on there like like like like a like a plate you bingo have eaten off of four days ago

been rinsed in the kitchen sink, which is another thing we want to talk to you about. But it was just, it was not coming off. And I'm like, damn, that, wow, that person needs to get their shit together. And Doug's like, oh yeah, that person wasn't in the house, that was me. I'm sorry, I'm like, dude, what?

I explained to him that'm like, dude, what? I explained to him that the girl just did a trial run on the enema so we can plan it logistically. And he goes, wow, is that what happened to the bathroom? I go, oh, she didn't clean up after herself? And he goes, no, it's disgusting. And I go, someone checked a little house to see if it's – and he goes, no, in the main house. I go, oh, that was me. Wow.

You know there's a handle on there, and if you push it down, the bowl will rinse. The reason it even came up was because here's the thing, the reason I even brought it up was because we were talking about I was trying to pee it off of the piss cleaner that's how guys do it

it's not working at all I know I'm getting older and I don't have the pee power I used to have but something should be happening I was old cake frosting this morning I came out and I said to have, but something should be happening. Oh, it was old cake frosting that was hacked on him. This morning I described, I came out and I said, the consistency of that dump

was what stopped the Nazis advance to Moscow in 1941. And if you sleep over here, you'll learn all about it. The fact that he thinks it can be flushed down and he thinks it can be peed off makes me really feel like nobody gets us.

You have hope. So Bingo had torqued out of her fucking head just on a dime, like that quick. 45 minutes ago, you just left. And now there's imaginary people dressing you. And then I got her back from Hazard, the other house, walking a few blocks over here where we can watch her. And she was in the kitchen, and she's almost in tears.

And she said, I swear to you, there were two young girls, young women, and they were helping me dress. They got me out of the tub, and then they made a huge mess of the bathroom. You were serious? No, and then I started laughing that you would put the destroyed bathroom on imaginary friends.

You were vicious, too. bathroom on imaginary friends. I started laughing. You snapped out of it. Came back. Just like you. That's what happens. So everything's good again.

For the moment. The end. For the moment. Yeah. Well, you still don't know where this fucking actor's staying. Do you think he has room up at the outhouse shack?

Sure. Might be fun. Let me check with the owls. His rider didn't specifically say no outhouse. It's running water when it rains. That's actually true. At least you're smiling. Good goodness.

So that's what we've got going on. Bingo's going to hopefully fucking Chad and Bingo are just give me four days of a good head. I know, I know, I know. I will do my best. I've taken my meds. I haven't skipped any meds, anything. It's just happening.

Not only did my two managers fall out from sickness or chasing pussy intercontinental or internationally. I would have drew better if I would have known the other thing was chasing pussy. Or respiratory infection. My two big stars of the show show fucking Bingo and Chad Shank they have mental breaks this is

this is still hilarious you did say last night homeless girl taking an enema in there and I'm gonna fucking get an assless chicken suit made on this ASAP last night you did say I mean last night was the first night I was actually around for any amount of time feeling better.

And you said you were, it was actually, you were having fun, which you usually don't say that. Yeah. There's usually a lot of bitching and complaining and just regular negativity. My brother texted me today going, how's the production coming? And I go, it's hilarious. And he goes, is that sarcasm? It kind of is.

Yeah, it doesn't text. Today, I was put in charge of all the weaponry. I know. I call Chad, and I'm just like, this might be bad timing, but I need a gun. After Bingo's mental breakdown. That's the first I've talked to you. One of the things, Bingo has to be out at the shooting range firing rounds out of a 12 gauge.

And so I'm working this out with Chad. Like, hey, you said you have guns. And then I looked at Bingo. I go, I'm sorry. This is really just a no-show. This is just an elaborate ruse to get your fingerprints on one of Chad Shanks' guns. Because when he offs himself, then you're going to go to prison for life, and then you'll have running water. be a diplomat

I don't know what I just interrupted that was already my follow up was last night I mean it was after the complete day of writing and then getting drunk and hanging out until Henning got back. But is it still fun? Yeah. Now that you guys that are supposed to be in charge are in charge,

yeah, you can relax a little bit. We'll go over some bits again, and we'll start filming in the morning if the crew... Well, maybe afternoon now. Well, we got a cop, an actual cop, start filming in the morning if the crew well maybe afternoon now well the fuck we all that we got a cop an actual cop for that the second shoot and so like he's got a time limit so we fucking go gorilla as shit on this we've done it before we've done it on the road we've done it in just in life situations super Super Bowl party situations.

Oh, fuck, the cable's out. What are we going to do? We'll reenact the Super Bowl. Yeah, and we could do that because we've got a strong fucking home team at Bisbee. I would give you all a round of applause. I would look ridiculous shitting out of that chicken suit, but I'm game. Just saying. If things go south.

All right. If anything, I hope this pilot teaches people to use homeless more often in their shoes. They're very malleable. They're very not malleable. Agreeable. Agreeable. Amenable. How about that? Amenable. They'll do, not malleable. Agreeable. Agreeable. Amenable. How about that?

Amenable. They'll do it for craft services. Let's be honest. Well, they're picky craft services. They're vegans. Oh, right. Yeah, it's all got to be organic. No, they wouldn't last a second up at fucking Washtub Willie's Squirrel.

Eating roadkill over a fire. Bingo Bingaman doesn't clean up. Yeah. What's for dinner tonight, honey? Joe. We got it. I just want to say in Bingo's defense that burning toilet paper is much easier than doing dishes. True.

Well, one thing you won't have to worry about, there isn't going to be any old toilet paper in the cabinets. It's dirty dishes in the cabinets. Oh, yeah. That was those chicks. Those invisible girls. Bingo's net's not her strong suit.

His tidying. So be it two live crews staying at the other house so we're trying to the first time I stayed at the guest house at your friend

Johnny Depp's they had loaded the fridge for us even with Sabra Hummus because I had been talking about how I just pitch commercials for things that don't know they're sponsoring me that I like

like Sabra Hummus so they had Sabra Hummus they had the TV on with NFL Network on in the guest house even though probably no one had stayed there in months. But we walk in, and I realize the TV's on. Like, is someone here? And then I realize, no, they just put on NFL Network

because they know I like football. So we're trying to do that for Keenan, for the crew. We know Keenan from every time we've hung out with John and Keenan. Yeah, he's cool as fuck. So fuck so yeah we're trying to get that place set up and going through I'm like this is like squished berries on the fucking kitchen floor

oh my god no no no hey wait don't leave bingo I wanna go I already had Derek do the floor. Oh. Oh. Oh, I didn't know.

She was headed out to do the floor. She had to go tell her two imaginary friends to go clean up the house. But I don't know what. I remember we hired Betty once to seriously deep clean the main house here on Van Dyke. once to like seriously deep clean the main house here on Van Dyke and uh so I spent like three days of like cleaning pre-cleaning everything and she came in and went wow it's been a long time since you had this place cleaned so what I call clean I understand you because what I call clean other people would call filthy when i watch bar rescue and this kitchen you could kill people i like wow mine's worse and no one's died yet it's way worse

mine's worse yeah to be fair betty was just doing what they do in bisbee called milking the hourly wage whoa this is filthy right i'll be here for days yeah you also have to justify your hiring like well i mean what are you gonna say oh this place is actually already almost finished but is filthy. I'll be here for days. Yeah, you also have to justify your hiring. Like, well, I mean, what are you going to say? Oh, this place is actually already almost finished, but thanks for the money. When we bought this place, like showroom as much as showroom can be,

it was not as clean as Betty's is on it. She's immaculate. Everything's shiny, and we don't live like that. You just, Bingo lives a little dirtier than I do. It's just clutter stuff. I just, I want to de-hoard so badly. Simplify, but I'll get around to that sometime.

Hey, if I de-hoarded, we wouldn't have all these props for this show. Or wardrobe. Wardrobe, yeah. to have all these props for this show. Or wardrobe. Wardrobe. Did you still have that cut out of that Vietnamese girl, the nine-year-old Vietnamese girl?

Yeah, I think it's still up on the deck. Yeah. Of course I do. So bingo and Chad Shank, hopefully Sunday for you at the bar I'll be here anytime give me hours I'll come yeah well you're in this

Saturday morning Bingo is doing the Saturday night and then yeah and then Sunday morning yeah so just keep your fucking heads together

take your meds don't wonder twin powers activate you don't know this but when I first came over to talk to Stan when I told him together. Take your meds. Don't. Wonder Twin powers activate. You don't know this, but when I first came over to talk to Stan, when I told him that my wife was close to locking me up because I was suicidal, he goes, maybe you guys could do

a twofer. And I was like, sure, I'll murder suicide with Bingo. He goes, oh no, I meant lock you guys up like a co-ed. Share a room. Yeah. We brought both of these in. We've got a group on. What are we at? Chaley,

do we have anything else to add? I just wanted to let everyone know everyone's okay. Things are going swimmingly. As far as I know, we'll get this pilot shot. Then I'll figure out what to do with the rest of my life. I guess I'll have to tour eventually, but I'll need an act. You keep saying that eventually you'll have to tour,

but you keep coming up with other things to do to avoid it. One of them was write a book. Right, right. Yeah, pre-order that book, Digging Out Mother. And you can also check out the merch page. We're gonna put uh some of those shirts from brett erickson oh the double bird the double bird oh don't hit submit this is just i was just thinking of things as i was going through uh on amazon oh i don't hit submit till i get the eye patch and the butt plug. Long story. We'll explain it over a course of time. Amazon wish list.

I didn't know Amazon has smut things. You have to go to the Amazon Health. That's a health product. It's dildos and butt plugs and stuff. Hennigan found it, oddly enough, after he went down to the pleasure chest. We don't have a

shop in town it's a smut shop right by his house in la oh so we have no access to smut i'd buy this the props out of my own pocket just so i said hennigan you're gonna have to get this shit from la and he went down there and he's like just like they didn't even have a rubber fist, which I wanted, because it's big. It looks good on camera. And he said, they don't even have anything weird. It's so saccharine. Even I wasn't offended. It's not really a smut shop at all.

It's a Hollywood Eve. A couple's kind of boutique. Adam and Eve.com. The kind of place. Are you very benign in bed give her a gift yeah they have edible panties what alright let's wrap this

unless you it's not even a new police beat so yes Chad Shank at HDatty on Twitter. Brett Erickson is? Brett, not Brent. Is that what you're asking Twitter handles? Tell Floyd.

Floyd will know. Bingo Bingaman never checks her Twitter. Do you get reception out there? Do you have to climb a tree? Does the sun hit over there? There's solar. There's solar? It's got to be board shitting without having the internet.

I haven't done that in years. Not when you're terrified of what might crawl up out of that hole. Hurry, hurry, hurry. Just an owl staring at you. It's just a race to see how fast you can burn your shit paper at that point. Stir your coals. That's a metaphor for our life, man. It's just a race to see how fast you can burn your shit paper.

Do you have any good stories from... I'll tell them later. Just give us one. Give us one as a teaser. No, no, no. Just one little one. One little one. No.

Funny one. Come on. I can't think of any funny ones. All right. Greg Chaley is at... Greg Chaley is C-H-A-I-L-L-E. That's so many people. I know I'm probably spelling this wrong.

C-H-A-L-E-Y. It's C-H-A-I-L-L-E. Greg Chaley on Twitter. I don't fuck with Facebook unless I need to get a posse together to make a show happen. And I'm at Doug Stanhope. And we have a lot of fun on the twitter i'm just trying to remember that guy's spent all night drunk bucking with when i was supposed to be working on the show

oh i slept through all of that i woke up the next day sad that i missed it said he was a rapper or something i can't remember oh yeah that uh but he had like 43 000 oh yeah he had 43 000 twitter000 followers 43,000 twitter followers they were all eggs every single one he bought every one of them and I started shit but it was like fighting with a Jehovah's Witness about

here's some you're not gonna win but it kept me entertained while I should have been working gave me someone to take my frustration out on. All right. That's it. We'll talk to you after we film this stupid pilot. Bye.

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