The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #127: Pilot Wrap Party Pt. 2

Episode Date: February 29, 2016

The Pilot Wrap Party (pt. 2). This episode is sponsored by Squarespace.com. Enter offer code dougstanhope at checkout to get 10% off your first purchase.Recorded Feb.22, 2016 in the Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Brett Erickson (@brettnotbrent), Brian Hennigan (@MrHennigan), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille).Make stencil of GRETCHEN's signature and put it on some thrift store art. Post the pics on Doug's twitter or email.LINKS -Brian Hennigan - @MrHenniganBrett Erickson - @brettnotbrentBrett Erickson's Vimeo cliphttp://bit.ly/24tKy0phttp://www.brettericksoncomedy.com/Gretchen Baer - @gretchenbaerJetsetter.comFrankie Boylehttp://www.frankieboyle.com/Romeo Trattoria Pizzeria Playa Del Carmen - https://www.facebook.com/pages/Romeo-Trattoria-Pizzeria-Playa-Del-Carmen/142011412652919Transworld Conventionhttp://bit.ly/1TcQAPj The Dark Backwardhttp://bit.ly/24tHsJJPre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on AmazonBrian Hennigan's book, "Patrick Robertson: A Tale Of Adventure" Available now -http://ataleofadventure.com/"Brian O'Hennigan" song written and performed by Magghie O'Shea - @cavemagghie.Closing Song, "Eating Alone", by Mishka Shubaly. Available on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

This episode is sponsored by Squarespace.com. Go to Squarespace today and start building your website. And if you enter offer code DougStanhope at checkout, you get 10% off your first purchase. Did we not bring up Brian's roasting? You talked about it yesterday. Yeah, but you had kind of a different version of how it went down really well yeah because i went up to him and i said yeah you're next aren't you that's right and and brian said uh no no i'm taking notes and i go actually you should do a

set and he goes what do i have to say to these fucking people? I go, but that's it. You can be mad at them and they won't know that you're actually being serious because they think that you're going to be funny, but then it's cathartic and it's a win-win. And that's when he started really writing. You should just see that. That's very funny. You were saying this.

Oh, I see. You see we're running this whole time, right? Right. So your entire setup was just set that. That's very funny. You were saying this. Oh, I see. You see we're running this whole time, Brian? Uh-huh. Right. So your entire setup was just set up. Oh. Okay. I was duped.

I was duped by someone on Xanax. What was the expression? People make plans and Chaley records? Is it God laughs? Yes. Clunky. What did you tell me about your plans? That one?

It was just a people plan God Laughs. Yes. All right. This is going to kick off the podcast. Oh, that's dangerous. Yeah, that one's ugly. I'll light a cigarette. So soon?

Good morning, Sony. Yeah, it's actually fucking noontime, but it might as well be 5.30 in the morning for a... I think that's when we went to bed. That was your last post online. Oh, the tweet? That went out at 5.30? Something like...

Well, it was bright daylight out the window behind you. Oh, the tweet? That went out at 5.30? Well, it was bright daylight out the window behind you. Oh, shit. With Homeless Joe. Yeah, those homeless people, they don't drink so they can stay up all night. Chad and I

and I don't know if he left. It's a weird thing, but I got to remember to pay him for that weed. Oh, yeah. It was used as a prop and then used properly after the prop had been used. That's got shit on my. Okay, never mind. I'm just reading my hands.

I have Sharpie all over my hands trying to figure out uh what i was trying to remember but uh brian hennigan is here chaley is here castle rock kenny is here and brett erickson is just shuffling in so he doesn't miss a beat uh and uh so yeah brian we were talking about your uh you've already set yourself up on this oh but by doing stand-up are you are you trying to make a comeback uh it's interesting because when i reflect upon it i realized the only reason i stopped was because the fucking edinburgh festival fringe became a business a business you know and And so it's almost like I feel there's almost unfinished business in that area. I've never stopped taking notes about potential stand-up bits.

Yeah. I don't know how you guys do this, but if I think of a concept, I'll think, okay, what form should that concept go into? Is that a tweet? Is that a novel or a short story? Or is it a bit of stand-up? Then I'll send myself an email and it'll say, stand-up bit, and it's got whatever it is.

And I've never stopped doing that. Wow, so you could have been fucking writing me material all this time? Uh-huh, yeah, yeah. Sitting here with my face in a notebook and you're just stockpiling this shit for nothing I have got some great stuff about airplanes because I fly a lot

I understand that so that's what I was thinking and then doing the thing the other night that was kind of I remember how I even got into stand up in the first place I was at a sales conference in fucking Scotland. It was shitey.

It was been a disastrous year for the company. And the sales director said to me, Hey, Brian, you're funny. Tell us some jokes. That was the worst ever type of thing. Yeah. And I just kind of did what I did at the at the party the other night well the show we had here

yeah the show we had here I just a talent show stood for about 10 minutes and wrote down a bunch of shit and stood up and did it and that's telling everyone

to go fuck themselves yeah telling everyone to go fuck themselves and killed killed yeah so I feel I feel I could be the

go fuck yourself comedian and you could still walk amongst them. Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Because there was a spotlight on you. And the great thing is they think I don't mean it. Or they know you well enough here that they kind of do know you mean it.

And they like that you expressed it in a funny way finally. Casamark, can you get me a Bailey's coffee when you're done with his mimosa? It's a little early for me. Or late in life. Here's the thing. There's been a lot of

stuff tweeted and talked about and whatever about what we've been doing or not it's kind of like we've had a lot of things around the orbit of what we've been doing for the past week but i've never actually explained in some way precisely what is going on yeah filming a pilot to shop around to get to a series so a lot of people don't even know what a fucking pilot presentation is. So it's something you film to shop

around to go, hey, this is what the show would look like when you buy it. This is an example of things we would do. Like a taste. A trailer. And believe it or not, a lot of the shite you see on television has been through this process. It has been audited and reviewed and

discussed by executive upon executive until it gets to the top of the pile and is then forced down your throat. Yeah, and but the top of our pile is right near the top of the pile so I don't we're not going to have to do any of the fucking

work. We'll probably have to be in the room a few times. Oh sure, yeah, but we don't, we're not going to have to do any of the fucking work. Uh, we'll probably have to be in the room a few times. Oh, sure. Yeah. But we don't have to make the calls. No, no, no. We don't have to make the calls. Yeah, we've got the fucking king to be.

Yeah, that's right. Because, and again, this is, I brought this with me. I mean, and this is the great thing about radio is we have the original artifact from the Target shopping expedition. Yeah. I'm holding in my hand, we'll put this up on the internet somewhere, a notebook with the band One Direction on the cover that was bought with the express purpose of writing down the concepts

for the Doug Stanhope, Johnny Depp collaborative show. Because his daughter had a huge crush on one of the One Direction guys so he didn't like him. So he bought a One Direction notebook to write all this shit down just to fuck with him. And he even drew a little heart around the guy in question.

That's the guy. I think they're all cute. I'd fuck every one of them right now while fighting the other four off. And it's got all the original notes, like the Lenny Bruce show that he saw and liked and all this sort of stuff. And it's based, I think the plane was just bought

like two years ago? Yeah, it was two years ago because I mentioned it when we got into the car the other morning. The first day that the crew was coming in and Bingo and I got in the car and it was right. Stern was replaying our last appearance two years ago where he's giving a shit. That's right. About what's this Johnny Depp? This sounds shaky.

You've got to get something in writing. What is this show even? I don't know. Maybe the guy's just fucking just batshit crazy. I don't know, buddy. Did we talk about even, have we ever talked about how the contact was made and all that?

Probably. But we're not here for that, Brian. Let's cut through the bullshit. no no let's no i want to just finish off the so you've we've spent a week doing this and the next stage is the next stage is we shop it around but this is come on this is classic jinx this is what you don't do oh i see don't say hey we've got a tv show coming out that's not what you're saying we're not saying people are confused when i see on twitter it's like hey when do we get to see what you're saying. We're not saying that. I think people are confused when I see on Twitter, it's like, hey, when do we get to see this? You're posting this on YouTube, right?

They don't have any idea that this is just the first step of many steps. And there's denial or there's possible no's all along the way. This is just a project that you came up with, with Johnny Depp. Yes, and what we've filmed has run its course, when I see it, when do we get to see it? I don't know when I get to see it. I saw a lot of it being filmed from a distance. This is stuff I wasn't in,

and there's more stuff we still have to film in L.A. That's right. And so, yeah, you might never see this, but when it runs its course, the presentation pilot will at least get leaked on YouTube by me if I have anything to say about it. Guaranteed listeners, you will be the almost first

to know. Well, if you get on the Doug Stanhope mailing list, that's a great way. Yeah, and if you pre-order my book, Digging Up Mother on Amazon, because I still haven't got links to put this shit on my website. No, we've got them now. Oh, good. Oh, well, yeah, I should get those. Yeah, I only got them this weekend. Oh, great.

All right. Fantastic. Forward by Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp, who's a fairly well-known actor. Fucking Louis C.K. Like, they had just, like, the last record company went through for whatever. Yeah. Roadrunner?

Yeah, we screened. Hey! Good morning! We're going to have to take a quick break. Somebody went through for whatever. Yeah. Roadrunner? Yeah, we squeaked. Hey, good morning. We're going to have to take a quick break. Quick break. Quick break. Bailey's Coffee Mimosa? There's a little bit more bullet left.

You can smell the cap. But only a little bit. Bobby? Wally Spence is a huge from drinking. All right. Let's take a break. About two minutes. We'll be right back. What did you say?

We'll be right back. We're going to take a break. Oh, good. Sex! Rulers of the Underpants Universe! Keep your balls off your legs and such. Sacks underwear. Don't have sweaty balls. Was that good? I don't know.

Oh. Talking about racist cops? No, Brian's got a story that we've all been dying to hear. Bring us back, Doug. Well, Brian, as you've heard over the last weeks, if you listen, has been disappearing to Mexico, I think it's five or six times over the last eight weeks or so. Since the middle of December, I just...

And he doesn't tell us why. We know there's a girl involved, but he never tells his personal shit. And he never has a girl involved. Well, I'm not going to tell people like you what's going on in my life.

Unless you're on the podcast and it's good yeah yeah exactly so uh and he would he wouldn't even tell me he'd fly back i'd only know because i'd call his cell phone and the ring is different when you're out of the country and it goes boop boop i go you're in fucking mexico again you just flew up, we'd have a meeting with Johnny and he'd fly from Mexico, go to the meeting and wouldn't say that he's leaving. Oh, I'll be out there

to Bisbee soon so we can start prepping and then I'd call him the next day. Boop, boop. You're in fucking Mexico again. I could have used some help

fucking some pre-production here. Hey, we got it done. So what's going on, Henning? Tell us the fucking dirty. Radley Balco has just joined us. Yay. When I'm discussing my personal relationships, I always like to have on hand a libertarian advocate,

like Radley Balco. So it's a good job he turns up. Radley, of course, if you haven't figured it out, he was the one we were alluding to. It was a little too pickled too early. So we cut his part of the podcast out because he's a friend. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. You can keep it, you know, hold it against me. He achieved true liberty. And he liberated his lunch this morning, too. Last night, also, yeah. I hope you made it out of the car. Oh, yeah this morning, too. Last night, also. I hope you made it out of the car. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Oh, good, because Gretchen gave you a ride. Oh, well, she drives that art car, so you wouldn't notice vomit all over the side of it. But we didn't get to ride in the Hillary car, unfortunately. So, I'm sorry, I've got to hear this fucking Hennigan story. Well, there's nothing very much to it it other than I met someone who I liked and she's hanging out in Mexico so I go to visit with her

that's it really alright thanks for joining the Doug Stano podcast we'll see you next week where Brian drops another big bombshell where he bought new shoes and they're new on sale Another big bombshell where he bought new shoes. And they're new.

Yeah. On sale. Again, as you know, I'm fairly private about my private stuff. I know. And you were, listen, you pulled me aside for a very weird conversation this week. I know. You showed what was, it had the, it gleaned of an emotion. Yes. Really? Yeah.ed of an emotion. Yes. Really?

Yeah. Brian had an emotion and he didn't know how to deal with it. And it wasn't a very strong emotion, but it was enough that it was foreign to him that he actually pulled me

in the other house. I need to talk to you. Shut the door. So... You can buy anything on Amazon now. Which emotion was it? Yeah, an unprime, it comes in two days. It was, well, that was a different emotion.

But he said it might, maybe it's just because I'm a little fucked with this girl. Because that's how I talk. Well, I'm not doing my full-on hennigan that's completely wrong oh yes i have this girl because i can't hit that that's the hear my gravel voice this morning i just literally got rolled off of a fucking couch i just blew a 0.19 they rolled me off the couch to wake me up because you gotta go today today. Are you allowed to be on a couch at point one nine? I have to be. That's why I'm in a child safety seat

here behind the bar. But you said that you had some other... Yeah, there was all sorts of shit going on. Weird feelings based, but you said maybe it's based on how fucked up you are about this girl. And I said, is it like that lesbian girl? Only she's not a lesbian.

And you go, that's exactly it. That was kind of it kind of yeah it wasn't it wasn't like the genetic counselor but uh yeah so uh occasionally you meet somebody who stirs something within you that's different and that kind of happened which i've we've been together since 2002 yes and i've never seen you have an emotion. Except for that one gal that was just... She just happened to be the wrong sexuality. But that didn't deter you? Chasing Amy?

Bear in mind, there have been a few relationships in there. But not that you've had any kind of human connection to. Not that I've talked to you about. Well, the fact that you're talking to him means it's something new and different. I'm in love with her in a Not that I've talked to you about. Well, the fact that you're talking to him means it's something new and different. I'm in love

with her in a way that I've found out how it can help me in a business sense. Yeah, you're right. The Business of Love by Brian Hannigan. It was almost like counting money.

So, again, funnily enough, the whole thing almost went awry very early on because I showed an emotion, because something happened that caught me by surprise and I displayed an emotion and it was kind of freaky. And I had to explain that this type of thing doesn't normally happen in the same way that some people have to explain about premature ejaculation. You know, I had to say, look, I don't normally show emotions,

so just forget about that. We'll move on. So that almost... How did you meet her? I met her, believe it or not through Instagram well we're going to get on that even Radley's got a girl now he's getting married

I'm the only one single all of a sudden so she's 19 no she's older than that is her name Lily? no anyway so we met on Instagram and then we corresponded using

the direct message function on Instagram, which is a feature a lot of people might not know about. And then we corresponded using the direct message facility on Spotify, which a lot of people might not know about. I'm sorry, but I need to know, what was the first transaction, as you might call it, on Instagram?

I think she liked... Do you have your emotional ledger here? That's with the auditors just now. I think she commented or something favorably on a picture I'd taken of Ichabod. I'm assuming Instagram

is like Twitter where they have a little default picture and you go, oh, chick liked it. She looks very furtive. You wouldn't know it was her. Furtive? I don't know what that means, but it's... I pictured overalls in a hefty girl plowing the field. Yeah, yeah.

That's fur-tool. No, that's furrow you're thinking of. No, I was thinking fertilizer. I thought I was thinking all sorts of Murrah building OKC. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. So that was, so, you know, so although we only really met at Christmas,

we'd been corresponding for almost a year. Okay. I'm still back with the, oh, she liked my thing. And did you comment back, thanks for liking my thing? I genuinely can't remember. Because of historical interest, I did go back to see if I could trace what the fucking first interaction was. And you can only go so far back in Instagram. So that is lost in the sands of time.

So what's she doing in Mexico? She's an artist who's currently hanging out in Mexico. She's an Aussie lad. She's an Australian. Rad lass. Wow. I'm assuming there might be some connection over your love of animals.

She commented on the dog. Yes. You're an advocate for animals. Well, I certainly like them. Yeah. I'm not sure. Bradley, Brian, like, temp certainly like them. I'm not sure. Bradley, Brian temp rescues dogs

and keep them in his apartment until he can get rid of them. He loves them, but he doesn't want to keep them. Kind of like an uncle. Hey, little buddy, who's got your nose? Get the fuck away from me now. I'm drinking. I don't like it when I'm drinking.

So, that's really all you need. I mean. Now, when did you meet her for the first time? Christmas. Okay, this Christmas. Really? I met her. Okay.

We hung out for one odd evening in Vegas in July, I think. But that was just an odd hanging out evening. Oh, what are you doing here? And then he's just following her Instagram pictures, like geocaching or something. And yeah, that was when I was on my two-month sober bender, if you remember. Oh, yes.

That one, I don't want to bring it up on this podcast, but there was one specific sober bender that you went on for a reason. Yeah, yeah. I don't, yeah. I mean, I'm fairly open about why. Okay, so there's nothing I'm going to tilt to the lady. No, no, no. Okay, yeah, Brian, I woke up with,

Brian's a very picky, in a very hideous, awful, misogynistic way. Not misogynistic. Not misogynistic way. Not misogynistic. Not misogynistic. He woke up after a bender having been with a woman that wasn't up to his sober standards to the point where he just threw all the bottles out the window for two months.

And you said you saw her and she was very very cute she is very cute and lovable and sexy and he's fucking crazy having that reaction but it was a legitimate reaction to just catch for an example one time brian went home with a girl and as they were getting undressed to make the love, he noticed that she had a wiry nipple hair and left. Which was difficult because it was my apartment. He moved. But you have to commit to your fucking standards. I mean, you can't just abandon them.

So the one night in Vegas, is that going to stay in Vegas? Well, there was nothing. You didn't consummate the relationship? No, no, no, nothing at all. But you keep in touch. You keep in touch. Christmas comes. Christmas comes, and I intimate.

Hey, maybe I could. Because you know I always go somewhere for fucking Christmas and New Year. I fucking hate hanging around. And I just thought, fine, I'll go down to Mexico. And I went on Jet Setter, which is my preferred. You don't want to stay at home alone on Christmas because then it proves that you're just alone on Christmas

and nobody likes you. You have no one in this world that you're close to. So you purposely zip off to a remote location so that you act like it's by choice. But here's the important thing is I don't care about being alone at Christmas. I just like to be somewhere else. I like that so

far in this story about your emotions, you've gotten the Instagram messenger service jet setter. You're like the fucking king of product placement. And you're emotionless falling in love. Okay, so Christmas service, jet setter. You're like the fucking king of product placement. Every one of your stories. And you're emotionless. Falling in love.

Okay, so Christmas comes. Christmas comes and we get together. In Mexico. In Mexico. How long has she been in Mexico? She's been there since the end of, let me think, mid-November, I think. See, we would get, I'd call brian and you know he's in mexico and what are you doing and he won't tell me and then i'd call because we're

in the process of setting up this show so that i get a lot of questions so i have to call him a lot it's not like we chat about stuff it's but i would call and then i'd call i i'm in cancun so i i what are you flying in well i'm in Cancun, so when are you flying in? Well, I'm in Cancun, so there's non-stops pretty much. It's kind of like flying out of Vegas. And then the next day I called in the morning with another business question. He goes, hang on, it's very loud. I'm in a bar in New Orleans.

It's 11.30 in the morning, and he's shouting in a bar in New Orleans. They just flew to Cancun randomly to see a Tool concert and then fly right back to Mexico. Yeah. Go ahead. Yeah, thank you. So that's, yeah,

we go to see things like any other people do. But there's some, is this one of those things that you might be more into it than she is because well you had a you look like almost like you might not cry but like you might need a hug that day you pulled me aside and i've never that was that no that was that was lack of sleep all right right. No, seriously, that was. And I was kind of jacked up in a bunch of things. So, you know, that's not an issue.

All right. Because she's traveling the world. I mean, I know what her situation is. I mean, it's one of those odd things that's allowed by social, facilitated by social. I'm not going to lose my manager, am I? No. Okay. No.

It's one of these odd things that's facilitated by social facilitated by social manager am i no okay no it's one of these odd things that's facilitated by social media then puts you in a strange position because we would never have met without the global interface of social media which puts together people who in some ways have no geographic reason for communicating and that's what's happened so she's on her own little mission and i've got shit to do and things I want to do and so we're trying to reconcile those things with whatever happiness we find together in those moments when we're together. You're not losing

a manager, you're gaining a manager-in-law. Did you stay, was she staying in a hostel when you went down to Mexico? Oh no. How old is she? She's younger than me. No shit. Yeah. Well, fuck. If you can't tolerate a nipple hair, you're not going to

date a 49-year-old. Put it this way. Put it this way. They're mostly nipple hair. She's old. Obviously, I'm old enough to be her brother. So that's... Yeah. Again, I'm old enough to be her brother. So that's, yeah.

And yeah, so again, you should just be happy for me. I am happy for you. Thank you. The only time you've ever said anything about her other than there's a girl in Mexico was that day and she's going back to Australia. And I'm like, fuck, Brian's going to move off to Australia chasing some fucking backpacker girl.

There is no chance of me going to Australia. I'll have bingo fucking living with some other dude in that outhouse and Hennigan's off in Australia and everyone's going to leave me. Chaley, do you have anything going on you need to talk to me about? Not in front of tracy yeah so i can't even get drunk and surly with my friend radley when he's out of control because he's getting married too yeah so met my fiance the same way so are you serious not instagram but facebook and twitter but yeah she's in the same field we met her in new New York. Yeah, he did. Oh, yeah, he said that.

I don't remember. Yeah, and then you tweeted that picture of where it looks like I'm staring at Bingo's ass and it became like the most retweeted tweet mentioning my name probably ever. So what's next? I'll give her a name. Her name's...

Yes! Nice. Yeah. Did you post a picture of her by a pool so uh i'll give her what's next i'll give her a name her name's uh yeah nice yeah is it did you post a picture of her by a pool and on the facebook yes that's yes that was our first clue i don't you know i don't know how to work the facebook but uh the kids were saying well if it's the one he posted a picture of she's pretty fucking hot she's not-hot. And she's an artist from Melbourne. What kind of art? Painting stuff. Like oil? Like Gretchen Bear? Yeah, the Gretchen Bear

gave me a fantastic recommendation for a present that worked out. Oh, great. Oh, I guess you can't say it. No. Well, then why bring it up? It's an enormous dildo. The likes of which you can't imagine it. No. Well, then why bring it up? It's an enormous dildo. The likes of which you can't imagine. Make sure you get Bradley some...

Bradley. Bradley. Bradley. Get Bradley some schwag for the road. A thank you gift from the giant cache of porn that we got for that one gag. Today we were supposed to have... In fact, I told Shawnee,

and I hope he didn't follow through, that at one o'clock we're supposed to have in fact i told shawnee and i hope he didn't follow through that at one o'clock we're gonna start a a two-day thank you party for all the people that helped pro bono in town and it was going to be a porn and mimosa party where you can get free porn from the the prop bucket and uh free cheap mimosas just just so you know, Super Shani is out of commission today. He called off work. He's down for the day and well-deserved day off.

And he doesn't even drink, but he's been fucking busting his balls this whole week. Yeah, he has. Everyone has. I mean, they've been very impressive. I mean, we should, I mean, Keenan and sam from the fucking johnny depp company to live crew oh holy fuck i mean we can't i cannot say enough how fucking brilliant they were i know it was it was how quick it was humbling like their fucking level

of expertise know-how and fucking you know thought process was amazing yeah Yeah, just and expedient. Yes. It's very interesting when you have people that know what they're doing and can communicate on a level that they do how you get to actually do what you're supposed to do and you don't even fucking question all the other technical things that are happening.

You just know it. You can tell by the way that they move that they've done this plenty of times before. We're lucky to have them. Yeah. It was the whole weekend. Humbling is a good word. Yeah.

Where you go, I don't know how to say thank you. I'm not really good at saying thanks. I mean, up until the very last, and that's not giving anything away to say they were filming a band that was on the roof of the Funhouse, okay? Yeah. They'd already been working for fucking four days nonstop, and Keenan is up there,

and I'm basically saying to him, you know you can stop for now. He's like, no, we have to get this shot. It's like, Jesus. Very good. Yeah. It's brilliant, too. They put him in this corner

so you could see the entire compound. I mean, that was fucking awesome. So when do you see the girl again? I'll see her, I don't know, maybe in the next 24 hours. I was expecting that as soon as you get on that plane, the next call I get, boop, boop. But you're invalidating. Here's the thing.

You're invalidating international modern business or international contemporary business because I always like to differentiate between modern and contemporary very different thank god i was i was gonna jump in and correct you there yeah yeah thank you yeah i saw you you know perched up there like the pernickety eagle yeah and uh and uh it's it's it's like what the fuck difference does it make where I am or how the ringtone is? And it's not just you. It's not just you. Other people who I know are trying to call me, they call.

It goes to the boop, and they just hang up. It's like, it makes no difference where you are. It's a business thing. Why the fuck would it make a difference what your ringtone is? It's that anyone else that was a close friend in our circle would leave saying hey okay i'll be in mexico and uh but like you just act like you're going home and like it's a secret thing it's not a secret it's just that i don't see the need for unnecessary communication and words it's still a phone call it's just a phone call i mean i know but i'm saying you would think

albie i'm if you were just going on vacation by yourself like you normally do you'd just say oh yeah i'm going to mexico uh hennigan is the king of uh drunk travel i'm the drunk ebay guy or amazon buy a bunch of shit when i'm drunk and then i've come out and there's a ton of boxes and i'm like oh fuck what did i buy myself but he does that with travel he'll find a good deal online when he's drunk and then wake up and go fuck i guess i'm going to fiji which incidentally that there was an aspect of that and me going down there at christmas because i woke up and was like, holy fuck, did I just book that? You know, yeah. So, yeah, so in the next 24 hours, I'll be back in Playa del Carmen.

All right, so if you're in Playa del Carmen, Tweet up. Yeah, go find Brian Hennigan. Snoop around. We'll be hanging out at the best Italian restaurant possibly I've ever been to in the world called Trattoria Roma, and it's in fucking Playa del Carmen. Wow.

And you're not going to have any stalkers from the podcast. I know. I know. Because it's a place filled with joy. Yeah, you are raving about the food down there. Oh, fuck. We went to Mexico City. Without a doubt, the best

food city I've been to in the world, including places like Hong Kong. It is fucking amazing. Now our Twitter feed's gonna explode. Fuck you! You're talking five-star

cuisine in Hong Kong? Doesn't live up to Mexico City? You faggot. There are one or two dedicated listeners who will love that bit. Admittedly, only one or two. And I know who they are. But yeah. Again, Mexican food in fucking Mexico

is fantastic. It's not like Mexican food here. Mexico's right across the border. I know. They have Taco Bell down there, too. It's just astonishingly good. Kenny said to me this morning, yesterday, he goes, well, yeah, this is all done tomorrow. I guess you're going to be on the first flight flying to somewhere weird in the morning.

I go, no, I got shit to do. And I woke up and the first thought was, let's get this Brian Hennigan podcast out of the way and I'm going to get on delta.com and see where the fuck I can go. One of the things that came up on, you know, if you're on Google, you get these photo memories and it's like, this time last year.

And it was us in the fucking Netherlands until he was watching Jumbo Jets land. Oh yeah, for Super Bowl. St. Martin. Yeah, St. Martin. It's got two A's. Yeah, yeah, for Super Bowl. St. Martin? Yeah, St. Martin. It's got two E's. Yeah, that always screws me up. Yeah, I'll do a mimosa.

I'm balancing the Bailey's coffee with the mimosa. Do you remember your Bailey's and coffee last night, Radley? Did I have Bailey's and coffee last night? Yeah, I brought you in. You're a little torn up and thinking that I feel like i'm being ambushed you know it's just come with me in the kitchen we'll have baileys and coffee that way you get coffee but you're not really stopping drinking technically how did i did i drink it yeah yeah we we hung out in the kitchen and then chad came in and it was fine i don't even remember that well we had to

switch off because you kept just saying the same sentence in the loop so we'd switch off with you and even the little stinky hippie girl came in and gave you a hug at one point I had Fiona Fiona's this hot Scottish woman and I know that doesn't make sense to anybody

I can vouch for that she's the hot Scottish woman and she's not in Scotland she lives down on the corner and she was pickled I can vouch for that. She's the hot Scottish woman. And she's not in Scotland. She lives down on the corner. She was pickled. She's like, I'm drunky drunk, and I have to teach kids in the morning.

I said, well, just go through the kitchen, because Chad had done his due diligence of talking Radley off the fence, and I just go in and go, oh, you're cute, and kiss him on the cheek and say where's the ladies room and maybe just the ego of a hot chick just kiss me on the cheek and call me cute

would snap you out of the political rant you were on did it work? Nah, toned him down a bit though, probably got him to say the sentence a little more quiet for the North Korean agent that she is. Honestly, the amount of whiskey you drank in a short amount of time,

everyone was as annoying as you might have been. Yeah. Everyone was saying, if I did that, even Chad Shank said, Jesus, if I drank that much whiskey, I would be on the floor. Half the bottle, right? No, it was more than half. An aspect would be on the floor. It's half the bottle, right? No, it's more than half. An aspect you've got that... That much left in the bottle.

Oh, here it is. Holy shit. That's your bottle. Goddamn, I'm pretty proud of myself. Radley, something you do that I've realized, I do that's both a virtue and a vice, is that I can drink a lot and be fucking hammered, but appear to be sober,

so that I can write emails perfectly. And I wake up the next morning, and they've been written under drunkenness, but they're perfect, so you can't... You have no fallback. You can't say, oh, I was shit-faced. You didn't seem shit-faced. You grabbed my wife's ass.

And you seemed remarkably coherent. Yeah, no, I can write a very coherent email drunk. And I guess apparently I can argue while drunk, too. I'm just an asshole while I'm doing it. No, argue, lecture. Lecture, yeah. There's no back and forth. You know what it was?

When you sit at the bar and have a conversation like you guys were, whether the show was filming or not, you were still having a conversation, engaging, very interesting conversations, and drinking for four hours. Yeah. And especially sitting down without getting up and moving around or having anything else, it can really sneak up on you because that was my downfall.

And it was straight. I mean, there was no water. There was nothing else in the... And you were drinking in front of the ultimate alcoholic catalytic converter, which is Doug. That's right. Because Doug enhances your ability to drink and feel competent. Just being near him.

Yeah. That's why people go to Doug Stanhope gigs and are thrown out before the show starts because they're too drunk during the opener. Yeah, you cross the event horizon. There's no way you can get back to the other side. I told you last night in the kitchen that I go, you know what, I've got to air that podcast

because you're my friend and we don't air anything that will make someone look bad to others. The important point is it would have been unrepresentative of Radley Balco. And I try, even on the podcast, I tried to say that

to preface you, word and edge-wise, that this is Radley. He's one of the most brilliant writers. And you're going, no, no, listen. I just wanted to set up the fact that this is not representative of you. So if you wanted to go tits up,

that's not uncommon. And I'm arguing with you about that. You are arguing with me about... By the way, we should just double down on that he radley boggle brilliant writer the rise of the warrior cop amazing book oh yeah we know we got it yeah if we're cutting out his drunken segment we got to get the plugs back are you still with huffington post the washington post washington post yep oh you were a huffpaw for a while yeah right? Yeah, yeah. I've been to Washington Post for a couple of years. I do a blog there called The Watch, which is a lot of original reporting, but then also

just sort of daily kind of commentary on civil liberties, criminal justice. Bradley, what direction is the country going? Tell us. Tell us. Well, let me have a drink first, and then I'll tell you what I think. Oh, no. Oh, we've learned our lesson. If only there was some bourbon left.

I want to take a picture of this bottle. No, I've got to drive to Tucson to catch a flight here in a little bit. Hey, don't drive drunk. Yeah, yeah. No, I think I did pass a breathalyzer. Yeah, he passed. Still at.03, though. Still going strong.

After vomiting at 11 o'clock? That's right, yeah. And Gretchen, who drove you home? I'll tell you off the air, because we just did this on the podcast. The Gretchen Baer idea of paintings. Oh, yeah, let's talk about that off the podcast. Let's take one more quick break, and then we'll wrap this up, because Radley's going to go, and we want to say our goodbyes.

And we'll be right back after this commercial. This episode is not brought to you by Squarespace. This episode is brought to you by me and us dragging our ass off the couch. Today's episode is sponsored by Squarespace.com. Website so easy, even my dog Ichabod... No, no, he couldn't. I was going to say that Ichabod could build one, and that would be extremely false.

He could not build a... But you could. You could out there. You go to Squarespace.com, and you want to sellarespace.com and uh you have uh you you uh you want to sell a wooden ganipkin ops or uh your own how to uh how to cut meat and save money uh self-published book uh yeah go to squarespace.com uh and uh they they make it simple chaley even did it right chaley oh chaley's chaley's making a drink. Enter offer code

DougStan up at checkout and get 10% off your first purchase. See you, Kenny. Bye, Kenny. Yeah, Kenny was cleaning all around, and I said, we're going to do a podcast to hear us. Would you mind? And he, look at this, great. Yeah.

He did. Yeah, we should have gotten a video of that and shown it to Derek. Or indeed, we should have got a video of that and shown it to Derek or indeed we should have got a video of that and shown it to Kenny hey Kenny here's you

doing what we wanted you to do you know what would be really funny tell me is to hire Derek's girlfriend just

even if we have to make up a position so she has to come over here without him every day, five days a week. That's a really funny idea. Oh, yeah. Poor Derek. Why poor Derek?

Poor Derek. eric well one of the things uh when we were doing this show all the the the little side ideas was that it would actually be really funny if we just had another camera crew follow derrick and kenny around as our pas and make another show about those two fuckers or that this whole thing was just a farce yeah to have them it was like a windy city heat sort of thing which we pretended to do a show just to get those two worked up over their production assistant positions. Waiting for Depp.

But Castle Rock Kenny and Reverend Derek, they hang out together all the time in a very Beavis and Butthead kind of way. They just get high all the time but when they have to work together they the contention is palpable and each one thinks they're doing fucking mop work the wrong way no do and they yell at each other over the silliest

things derrick you're nuts j Jeez, I was just doing... Yeah, just watching them work as PAs. And I think most of this town, there was a very limited budget. So we could pay three PAs a hundred bucks a day. And it's a long fucking day just to do hump work.

And hey, we need this quick. Yes. And every time I needed them, I couldn't find them. No. I think they're all over across the street getting high, and everybody else in town that's not getting a nickel and they're just doing it for the love of the sport did probably as much or more work.

Kenny woke up yesterday morning. Was it you or Brian that I was talking to where Kenny had it was 1130 in the morning. Maybe we said this last night. He had him just drop Margo's car downtown. I called to see if he could give her a car. Like you've been fucking drilling rocks for 16 hours a day before. He's out playing fucking cornhole all day with the company. You're not a fucking Sebastian

Salgado monochrome picture of Brazilian miners. Hey, look who shows up. You say Beetlejuice three times and it's Castle Rock, Kenny and Derek. We were just singing your praises

on a level. That's a way to describe it. Good morning. Good morning. Thank you for all your help. I was just busting your balls that every time I actually needed you, I couldn't find you. And then...

Oh, yeah. Is there another bottle of champagne? You know, I've fucking... Is there really? I woke up after the special, and I didn't even realize it, but I had a breakfast of champagne and caviar. I had my old staple of jello with French dressing, bacon bits, and lumpfish caviar, and a $4 bottle of Andre champagne mimosa.

How do you think this sounds to people in Worcester, Massachusetts? They fucking envy me. I wish I had fucking $6 to spend on breakfast. And that's if I drink the whole bottle of Andre. You glutton.

Ah, no more. Champagne regrets and caviar hangover oh i really gotta get this fucking hernia fixed it's oh yeah you do yeah it's this just in this last week just one no no that's that will never be a problem it's just gross to look at yeah uh no the groin one oh but the problem is i mean are we can we talk about what's happened with your erstwhile surgeons yeah well they're they're not they're like plastic surgery right so they were merely interlocutors to the real surgeon they were they're anesthesiologists all right and then they they had found a surgeon friend for that belly button one I did years ago. Katie Arts.

Was she the surgeon? Katie Arts was the surgeon. Yeah, oh, she's a cutie. Oh, my gosh. You did that for trade. I do remember that. Somehow I thought saying cutie made it sound less sexist.

If I said she's wicked hot, I'm also a surgeon, you know? But a cutie, no one takes offense to cutie. Yeah, that just makes it sound like she's also a child. Why can't you go back to KDRs? Because she was doing that as a favor to my anesthesiologist. It was tied to some pet organization? Well, no.

When I asked KDRs, I'm getting the initial exam, When I asked Katie Arts, I'm getting the initial exam, I had put on my website that, hey, I have this umbilical hernia where my belly button stuck out like a cocktail weenie. And someone got me all paranoid about it. Like, oh, that can get necrotizing. Kim. No, Betty. So I put on the website that I'll trade a free DVD and a T-shirt

to any surgeon out there that will fix this because that necrotizing word creeped me out. Yeah, it's a good word. And then I happened to have people that were fans, the Bazells, and they said, oh, yeah, we'll do that. And they set me up with a surgeon, Katie Arts, and then Brian and I were there. yeah and i went to visit i said uh how much does this like surgery cost and she goes oh no i'm doing this as a favor for the bazell's i go yeah i know that but like what would the cost of

this be if i would have and she didn't know because she doesn't see the figures right she just gets whatever cut after the fuck i don't know and it was around like 15 grand she guessed she said between seven and fifteen thousand dollars like more than a hundred percent difference and we ended up having to do a fucking benefit gig in the fucking having to i offer well i go you can't just send someone a red lobster gift certificate as a thank you for fifteen thousand dollar surgery so i don't know what to do so i said hey listen uh i'll do a benefit show in tucson for whatever charity and i that was how i could pay you back for the charity of your choice and they picked the humane society but it's not like i'm going to go back and go, hey, those dogs are hungry again. You want to do it?

No, by the way, this is definitely before the podcast era because they were the most, how can I put it? They were the most least grateful recipients of aid ever because they clearly knew how to work Google. And what they did was I said, we're going to give you a lot of money. It was a lot of money. We gave them the entire proceeds from a theater

gig in Tucson. And in between me telling them that, and it happening, they Googled you and realized where the money was coming from. And it was like getting money from Carlos the Jackal. They were so not interested in acknowledging the money like like you know we

will take and i looked into i even went so far as to look into their like because if you're a registered charity um you have to declare shit and if you go online you can find them i think we were the biggest single donation they got that year and they still didn't want to acknowledge where it came from that's uh that did not stop them from putting me on their constant yes send us even more money mailing list of course yeah yeah i i get it yeah that's why i don't do charity gigs people ask me all the time and they go uh Patty in LA, next door to you, she had just a friend that had died and they're doing

some memorial thing and they go, oh no, they'd love you. And no, I'm not the guy for the charity event. Well,

I think it's Frankie Boyle in the UK on his Twitter feed or whatever, his description for a long time was, not a great

booking for a charity event. That's great. That's great. I'm sad I did not get to hang out with him in Glasgow. What a funny guy. I'm so glad Radley came back. I knew

he's going to feel... He'd already thrown up at 1130 and texted, Hey, I hope I wasn't a dick or something. And then I wrote back, Just shut up, faggot, and come over for breakfast. The ball busting that you want to hear on a hangover. It's still at 8 a.m. Man, I really feel like a dick about last night. Just come over, stop by for breakfast. I mean, hat in hand. He wasn't coming in with any kind of attitude. Oh, I really feel like a dick about last night. I just come over, stop by for breakfast.

I mean, hat in hand. He wasn't coming in with any kind of attitude. Oh, I know. I know him. But last night, it was. Last night, I spent either time talking him down from you're not being ambushed or you're just not understanding. I am understanding. No, you're not.

No. I'm just saying this is like Radley balco on drunk history i'm not drunk you wouldn't i'm just saying you're slurring i'm not slurring yeah so i was either uh talking him down and trying to keep him away from people or going around to explain to everybody that he's just really drunk and he's not like this i know him him. And I'm glad he stopped by and got to be on the podcast. He looks like a toiled

fertilizer. He looks pretty fucking rough. Imagine those sheets are not dry. Imagine his sheets are not dry. While he's staying at the Copper Queen. I don't know if they were dry when he checked in. They didn't start dry. They are haunted though.

Room 207, super haunted. You can't deny wet leprosy. Did you just say you cannot deny wet leprosy? That's exactly what I said. I don't know what time we're at, but if we're around an hour, I'd just stop right there. Brett Erickson at Brett, not

Brent on Twitter. At Mr. Hennigan. And at Greg Chaley. C-H-A-I-L-L-E. Talk about merch. He puts the ill in Chaley talk about merch let's fucking talk about it pre-order my fucking book i gotta start saying that more an important point if you're in the uk

which is another major market for us uh we are basically self-publishing through Amazon. Okay? So, yes, we know that there is not a current active link. You don't have to worry. It will be on sale. It will be sold in both printed and email form. We're just getting our shit together because, as you understand, we try to do everything in-house as much as possible

and doing this type of thing takes a bit more effort than some other things where we're already familiar with the territory. And I am not familiar with any of this fucking territory. I just know the book's coming out in April or May, and if you pre-order it, that's better for us for whatever reason. Oh, did I finish the Louis C.K. thing? Can't you do it again?

No. Kind of not. No, the last DVD we put out just stole quotes that had been published where people said in an interview or a tweet something nice about me. So they just stole those quotes and put them on the thing without the permission of people. They were very confident about it, though. Yeah, I know. But this time they were going to use a Louis C.K. something he said in an interview about the episode i was in and i'm like i don't feel right about like i'm going

to email louis yes generally what's the rule it's better to generally you say that you know better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission right so this and truthfully you should i wasn't with louie i don't want to fucking look like so i i just emailed him and a lot of times he's slow to get back even back when we're yes uh doing stuff and i said listen they they found this in a quote uh it was just he's fucking great or something just say one one line. And I go, even still, I'm not comfortable using your name on the book jacket without asking you first. And if you don't write back, I'll take that as a serious yes. But he wrote back with a real nice paragraph. Yes.

Probably because he doesn't want to be quoted as saying he's fucking great. I didn't quote better than that. Probably ego involved. Always is with every one of us. But he was empathetic and did something. Yeah, it was really nice. Johnny Depp came through, the fucking great Ford.

It's one run-on sentence. By the way, there's no punctuation. That was his point. He's going, that's no punctuation. Wait a minute. That was his point. He's going, I'm going to write you the longest sentence without any punctuation. And that, I think, is you announcing that.

I don't think that's out there yet. Oh. Oh, is this a breaking news on the Doug Stanhope podcast? Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. I'm sorry. We have to. The police beat has been preempted. Woo! Breaking news on the Doug Stanhope Podcast. I'm sorry, we have to.

The police beat has been preempted so we can bring you this breaking news. But no, it's fucking cool. And my ego is fucking stoked. Yeah. Even though I have no dates on the book and I have no actual form of income other than my cut of Chaley's merch money. Tell me about it.

Yeah, the two guys who depend on that income are staring right at you right now. People say it's easy being a parasite, but they're wrong. I was giving one friend of mine some shit about a project he was doing for a lot of money that was just really dumb. And he goes, I got 60 people working for me so i go all right i see why you do dumb things for for money and i go i have two people working for me so i actually have to look at their faces every time i go i just want to take a lot of time off and they're crying outside the door

like stray cats i am always fine with you taking time off i know i know you yeah he's got to go to mexico you're very self-sufficient yeah i'm not in it for the fucking money still be wow record that and play it back to him like radley palco's drunk podcast we'll play it back to him. Like Radley Paltrow's drunk podcast. We'll play that back to you. Rub it in your face and smear it in. So anyway, you can get your merch at DougScannell.com

store. We actually have new Brett Erickson t-shirts up. Oh yeah, those are good, by the way. Let me ask you about that, because I forget that we got... Do you still do Jeff Tate's stuff? I sell Jeff Tate's two CDs And so we got Erickson's stuff

Do you do that as a combo pack? Let's call it the fighting talk pack Well it was originally going to be called the Tate-Erickson combo pack But I fought for the Erickon-Tate combo pack, and it's selling way better. You went all North-South Korea on it. And Mishka, who else? Mishka as well.

We basically have a label. Honestly, after we've done several shows here in the Funhouse, when we pack it out, not just the one we filmed for bullshit for the show even that one that was not staged by like we had people we had to put people in places we can only have this many people for for filming uh but when we do real shows it it fucking kills and it's not just me thinking that because i want it to we can fucking film film. And Steve Poggi, as well as other people, I haven't gotten back to your email, but he said, hey, I'm coming through in April.

I want to film a DVD. And you go, first of all, you have to get the camera crew. Yeah. We had to pay a camera crew when I filmed the one that we filmed. It's not like we have a studio set set up we just have a great fucking venue and a crowd that's always willing to come out and they laugh their balls off they're very supportive when did we talk about this on the podcast brett maverick yeah we must a little bit all Yeah, about the people that... Yeah, yeah, about... Yeah, we do.

Okay. Anyway, yeah, we have a great crowd, and hopefully we can get this set up so we can have our own fucking label. But it's... Okay, I don't want to get into that. Sorry. It's interesting because the way you describe it,

where you said, we don't have the camera crew, we don't have production facilities, what you're basically saying is, that's what fucking record labels say is, if you want these things, we have to pay for them. We have access to them.

But yeah, it costs a little bit of money, comparatively, a very little bit of money, and we can make this look good. But again, a lot of comedians get a little bit ahead of themselves, not just comedians, artists, get a little bit ahead money and we can make this look good but again a lot of comedians get a little bit ahead of themselves not just comedians artists get a little bit ahead of themselves and they look at they go hey the whole world's gone louis ck it's like yeah the whole world's gone louis ck if you have 6.7 million twitter followers if you don't have that it's not gone

louis ck right you know don't look at a model that's not you and think that's you just because you're a comedian uh and i want to i want i want to tell everyone this because i hate that especially comedians don't know the movie the dark backward but if you watch the first four minutes after the credits of the movie The Dark Backward on YouTube, that was the feel I was going for for the inside of the funhouse. That's the kind of shot, except for the lack of laughter. Well, laughter, but that kind of dirty old bar. Margot, we had her on,

and she just looked the part of one of those cutaways to an audience member. So watch that, and you'll understand the feel of, at least the look, the texture of what we're going for, and then add Kentucky Fried Movie into it. Yeah, I love the word texture. Yes, I learned it from you, Dad. When do we get to meet the lady?

I don't know. You wouldn't bring her here, would you? It'd take a lot of convincing. When she's old enough to travel across state lines. He's just afraid we're going to be like Derek and give her a job or just to be here five days a week. Hey, no personal calls, lady.

Are we done? Brian, you're You're fucking missing for a long time till the last minute and I cursed your name several times and then when you showed up you fucking took over and handled everything like you'd been in it from the beginning. I wasn't in it from the beginning. You fucking ungrateful cunt.

I meant the beginning of production. Oh, yeah, exactly. I love the way you fucking focus on the start of production. We've been working on this for fucking two years. Jesus. Anyway, thank you. We've been waiting for two years. Yeah, no, no.

It got brought up two years ago. I remember flying up to fucking San Jose and having to hang out with a fucking soon-to-be corpse and just to try and get notes to give to fucking dead people. It was, yeah. We've been working on this for a long time. The book, if we've never uh mentioned the book that was hennigan's idea uh maybe six months after mother died to write that book and he came down here for a week we

sat in the fun house and he just took notes now what else do you remember and i don't have my memories of childhood or snapshots at best and like most of my life and he's like, and then what do you do? And I'm like, I don't really know and I'd go in the crawl space and get the few boxes of old memorabilia and go through them and old pictures

to trigger memories and put you and I go, yeah, I was in Hollywood in 85 I was going to be an actor and then i don't really remember and he finally he snapped on like day three he goes we can't have an entire fucking book of i don't really remember yeah it seems like more of a novella at that point so with the book uh he took whatever he could out of that week. And I'm like, I don't even fucking want to do this.

I don't know shit. I'm going to have to call people. But we got nothing. They sent in a treatment. Was that the right word? We sent in a thing. Yeah, we sent in basically quite a substantial work. Like 80 pages of shit. And i phoned you up and said

there's going to be an auction next week and you were wait no you get a skip oh that we did that in uh 2009 early 2009 yeah and then and then heard nothing back you know thank fucking god it was after well after that last special came out when I had a bit about mother and you had an idea for a different book. And that was already running on Netflix. The bid I made about mother. You had an idea and you called that same agent. Yes. That you had originally gone to a lit agent.

Yeah. And he goes, why didn't we ever go with that other book? And it's like, because you said fucking not to it. And he said, no, I think it's going to be quite good. And so me and the agent revisited the fucking material. We basically jury rigged it, as they say in the fucking Navy. No, they use a more racist term now. And then sent it out, basically, without your knowledge.

Based on those 80 pages that you had written down when Doug was... I remember, there's going to be a little auction next fucking Monday or whatever. Well, I remember it because I had six or eight different conference calls with different publishing companies. And Judith Regan, who did Stern's book, and HarperCollins, they all made offers. We were doing that on the road, weren't we? No, no. I remember because it was right after,

it was two weeks after my 30 days in the hole. So I had six weeks of quit smoking pretty much down. Yes. And that felt good. And the only thing that I could not ever imagine doing without smoking is writing a fucking book. And so when he told me, I didn't even try because I know I'm getting a book deal.

I know it's going to fuck up my quitting smoking, so I'll go through it. And one of them is going to say yes, and three people made offers, and we went with the Decapo Press. Not Harper Collins. It was Harper Lee. of them's gonna say yes and three people made offers and we went with the decapo press uh not harper collins it was harper lee no harper collins when harper lee died you were like oh is this a book thing no i i we might have been podcasting or i was in a conversation you walked past me and you said did you hear about harper lee and you made the next slice

it was me he told it to me and then I said it to Doug. I'm like, because Brian said to me, hey, when Doug wakes up, tell him Harper Lee. And I'm like, what's that even mean? Oh, and I'm like, oh, death pool, get it. I got it. Celebrity death pool. So when Doug woke up, I'm like, hey, did you hear Harper Lee?

And he's like, the book? My head immediately went to book company HarperCollins, who I'm not even with. And then the slicing neck motion, I'm like, am I book deals? I'm like, what the hell is going on? That's the morning paranoia summed up. There it is. He's drunk.

He's hitting. All right. You're at a 7 o'clock flight. There it is. He's drunk. He's hitting. All right. You're at a 7 o'clock flight. Yeah, yeah. Let's not talk about that. Just making sure we fucking measure you down. Tracy's on the breathalyzer. We didn't mention Tracy has been bringing the pocket breathalyzer around to everyone

as they wake up, whatever the call time is, 9, 10 in the morning. And the first thing she does is come like a nurse doing her rounds, making everyone blow to see who is the fucking overnight winner. Overnight winner. I won today with the.19. Again. Again. Still champion.

Reigning champion. Again. Again. Still champion. Reigning champion. But it all went well, and we'll give you more details as they come, but Brian probably won't. Okay, before we go, I do want to get one plug in for a video of my comedy that I just filmed and I put on Vimeo that you can download directly.

It's a model that's worked for Louis C.K., so I'm pretty sure it's going to work for me as well. So just go look for that and buy it. Where is it at? Vimeo, Brett Erickson. Are you talking about... About, yeah. Okay.

And one more thing. When I mentioned that Louis C.K. blurb he gave me because I didn't want to put that out without his consent. We also have a Ricky Gervais and a Sarah Silverman. I didn't bother to ask. I just took a Sarah Silverman tweet where she said something nice and slapped it on the book, but I didn't want to bother her

about bothering her. That's it. Greg Chaley, do you have any upcoming dates? Yeah, I'll be at the Transworld Exposition In St. Louis At the America Center The 17th to the 21st Of March

And Brian will be down in Playa del Karma And I'll get to park in his spot Which is very important on Curson Avenue By the way, that's not a euphemism. Bingo, I'll be in the outhouse with the owls, and I will be on the couch watching Netflix. Maybe I do another 30 Days in the Hole, or maybe I get on Delta.com

and I go to the airport with Hannigan. I will talk to you soon. Thank you, every one of you killer termites for helping us out with the show and sending in weird stuff. And I got a pile of it to get to thank yous, and that's it. And don't forget, this fantastic episode of the Doug Stanhope Podcast was brought to you by Squarespace.com.

Go to Squarespace.com and start building your website simply, smoothly, and easily. Enter offer code Doug. Stand up at checkout and get 10% off your first purchase. So, and let's play us out with Mishka Shabali. Burnt onions and bloody steak Steak oil and sour grapes Well it's a barrel of monkeys on the party of one Staring down the barrel of a bottle like a loaded gun

Tequila and coffee, Gatorade and beer Vodka and cocaine, Whiskey and fear White wine and 7-Up seven up cough syrup and gin calling my old mother on the telephone again i said mother your favorite son is coming home get my old room ready i'm gonna need a place a place to be alone Burnt onions and bloody steak Snake oil and sour grapes Well it's a barrel of monkeys, I'm a party of one

Waving that remote control Around the room Like it was a loaded gun It's a comfort to me That you photograph so well As I sit staring at your pictures Chewing brimstone here in hell My mother stands next to her favorite son holding

a cold wet rag to my head like a loaded gun you would laugh to see me jump every time that she coughs but someday baby a cold wet rag like loaded gun, it's gonna go off. Burnt onions and bloody steak, snake oil and sour grapes well it's a barrel among these I'm a party of one staring down the barrel of a bottle like a loaded gun I'm holding that telephone receiver

to my head like it was a loaded gun yeah I'm holding that to my head like it was a loaded gun yeah I'm holding that telephone receiver to my head like it was a loaded gun