The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #129: Bingo Disappears! Day 2 - Timing Is Everything

Episode Date: March 3, 2016

Bingo Disappears! Day 2 - Timing Is Everything. Recorded Mar. 02, 2016 in the Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Buttercup, Jobi (@StanhopesCDP), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille. Booking info for The R.V. Parks Show - https://www.gigmasters.com/rock/the-rv-parks-show LINKS Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool - https://www.dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com/The R.V. Parks Show - https://www.gigmasters.com/rock/the-rv-parks-showPre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on AmazonBrian Hennigan's book, "Patrick Robertson: A Tale Of Adventure" Available now -http://ataleofadventure.com/Mid Song, "Lonely No More" by Rob Thomas as performed by R.V. Parks. Closing song, "Cocksucker", by The Mattoid. Available on iTunes.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Wow. 430 picks on Mark Crowe. Oh, shit. I used to have him. Joby, get up there. I used to have him as a solo pick. Yep. Gave him away, and Melissa Holden has him. I know that. She did. I'll have to check on this.

Yeah, New Zealander, cricketer. God, yeah. He was in some scandal, cheating or juicing or shaving points or something. But I found him when he had cancer or whatever he had. And then whatever scandal he was involved with or accused of, I think, came up after the fact. And he got more press because of it.

Then they stopped talking about the cancer. So when I'd news search him, I'd go, he must have rebounded. And then Holden said, no, no, he's back down. I think this would have been the third year I had him.

53 years old, 47 points, plus the athlete bonus this year. Oh, fuck, yeah. What's the athlete bonus? Whoever wins the site-wide points for the year gets a name of bonus. Oh, they get to pick something for the next season? Yeah, and so this one was athletes. Last year it was Canadians. This year it was athletes.

Which is a nightmare because of what qualifies as an athlete. Oh, darts players. Oh, no. Poker's on ESPN. Right. Bowling is a good one. That's a tough one. Golf.

Well, you've got to walk a lot. Ping pong is an Olympic sport. What about? Exhibition. Yeah, curling. Well, that's a sport. Come on. Really?

It's an Olympic sport, and I said yes. Okay, yeah, curling. What about, yeah, let's see. What else? Bodybuilders? What about your mothers? I don't want to talk about that. Let's get into this.

I'll talk about both of your mothers. This is day two of Bingo Gone Missing. Her other boyfriend is actually coming over. He's been texting me all day. Any word? What about this? She picked up her medications. So, yeah, right now we're on day two of bingo has gone missing.

I'm going to have to tweet an Amber Alert for a 1999 white Chevy. A blue alert. White Chevy Tahoe with a blue haired girl behind the wheel and at the same time both Joby's here from Celebrity Death Pool that's why we're talking about that thank you and Chaley and Chaley's mother just

today put in a hospice care out of the fucking blue well yesterday during the podcast, I kept having to get up because I was getting the first call I got. I thought it was a phone solicitor. So I'm like, yeah, this is a real bad time. He's like, oh, this is Rick from ADP. I'm like, you know, Rick, these phone calls,

they seem to just come at the wrong time. He's like, well, I'm calling because your mom has activated her alarm. I'm like, listen. Yeah, I'm on the other line with a telemarketer, please. I have things to do. Yeah, so that was... So, yeah, so you have to leave early.

You're not even here for your 50th birthday party, which we canceled sort of because bingo went missing. And I'm giving her between three and five days. I would guess that's the amount of time. We did it over. We were pretty drunk, but I think we did it over under. We were very drunk. That was one of the drunkest.

I had to call people to ask if i have to apologize like i i came in and i saw burger king scraps we made someone go to get us burger king uh yeah this is uh yeah a few memories of that but But then I checked my phone, and I'm like, wow, I was in bed by 10.30. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. Even though I have no memory of the last four hours of it. But after bingo day one podcast,

I thought maybe she's gone for a while. Maybe this is like that Malaysian flight that they knew they were going to find, so they kept having the CNN guy in the cockpit. The simulator? Yeah. At what point are you going to just stop with the simulator? Did they find that thing yet? Today I saw they found what they thought had to be a piece of it.

A piece? A piece of it. Of a jetliner full of debris. Wait, are you talking about the jetliner or bingo? Found a piece of bingo. So, yes, keep your eyes out there if it's now March 2, 2016. Well, this will be the third. Or no. No, this is

day two. This is day two, but when this goes out. If you want to do this every day, then... Yeah, and you're going to have to crank these things out. If she stays missing, and we try to do a daily update of bingo's gone missing, because we've got to get Burt Kreischer in there. Burt Kreischer is

already overlapped. He was first, but she was his ride to the airport the next day and that that podcast is a two-parter and hasn't gone out yet so that's gonna be a swap cast too so that's gonna probably go out next wednesday but that's next wednesday yeah he releases on wednesday today's thursday oh all right yeah so you're gonna have to wait for the Burt Kreischer, but that's an evergreen and fucking beautiful. Did we even talk about how much fun that was? Well, something got in the way. Are we always worried about Bingo?

Bingo went missing with no phone. Everyone keeps calling up. Well, you know, she might be with so-and-so. First of all, when Bingo gets in that headspace, I should save this for when Buttercup gets here. Probably should. Joby, your mom, also swirling down the drain. Also.

Yeah, it is something in the air. It's happening to all of us. It's the saddest podcast of all. Yeah, I had to fly down here from Oklahoma. If you're not up to speed, Joby's sister died leaving two small children with the father in Oklahoma. So for the last seven months, is it? Yep.

He's been taking care, mommy-daddying the six- and eight-year-old or whatever they are. Yeah. Yeah, I'm the manny, I guess, is what – the manny. I like it. Taking care of the kids and, you know. So, yeah, and the mom decides to up and be retarded and die. So now, yeah, so now he had to leave one death

struggle for another death struggle and how are you doing with the kids? Because mom, she might take a while. Tell me the fucked up stuff with the nursing home you put her in the first time. I was down here with Hack last time over Super Bowl

and put through her in a home like a rehab facility, a care facility kind of thing, Sierra Vista. Full 24-hour care? Yeah, 24-hour care kind of thing. It was great when I showed up, dropped her off, first couple of days, phenomenal. Everyone left and then

comes to find out that she's getting pneumonia. They're not changing her sheets for like four or five days, not giving her meds, not taking care of her. Doctor won't sign her out to another hospital and doesn't want her to leave because they'll lose the insurance money. And just giving her shit care. And just basically, it's like hospice without the drugs.

Hospice without the I'm dying part. hospice is supposed to be for people who are definitely it's end of life it's yeah hospice is palliative care and that's what we were making it end of life at her place yeah fucker so i had to yeah i had to move her to tucson to a hospital and then you know now it's the power of, and I'm dealing with all her legal and financial voodoo that she's been dabbling in. Oh, Jesus. Yeah, trying to get all that squared away over the last few days. Yeah, I was going to bring up your sister, but let's not.

You're alive, sister. Oh, yeah, the one I have left. It should have been you, sister. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Does he pull that? No, no. Mother was taking care of the sister financially where she shouldn't have. And now Joby's power of attorney.

The spigot stops. Exactly, yeah. Yeah, the gravy train is over. So, yeah, there's a little drama for mama. It's all drama here at the Funhouse Shot Cloud Podcast. This bar used to be fun. I know. He was talking about the kids that he has to take care of,

which is the bigger problem, taking care of the kids or the dying mother? And since none of us have kids, I'm like, better a dying parent than a living child. Yeah, we're planning a – in April, we're going to do the ash gathering for Amy up in Superstitions kind of thing. Superstition Mountains. Superstition Mountains, yeah. For the listener. They have superstitions Amy

Scatter ashes So it's kind of religious Meaning His sister He's your sister My sister Well, there's a couple Amy's around here True, yeah

And some of them are dead Some of them are dead There's two We don't know that Bingo Amy Bingo Bingaman is dead No, I meant I meant Whiskey Girl Oh, yeah.

Dead Amy's. Yep, they're everywhere. I can't play music, but if fucking Bingo turns up in a wooded area, we're going to start a band called the Three Amy's. Fantastic. What's your girl situation? All I know is the one thing you told me that you left on a message and Chaley hasn't heard.

So tell me about this girl you met the way you told me. Okay. This is up in Oklahoma. Oklahoma. Yeah, Oklahoma. We actually kind of clicked on each other's pages on like a dating site kind of thing and realized we knew the same people. Like a dating site?

You're on a dating site. Oh, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, but I use Mishka's profile picture, so yeah. Awesome. First, I was just going to say that, that Joby is the guy that has no girlfriend ever. He'll have an occasional that comes to visit for a couple nights. Discreet dalliances.

But he's way better looking than any of us. And you know he has to leave here all the time going, what the fuck? I'm way better looking than these fucking losers. I got no girlfriend. But you don't seem to want one. I don't want one. Well, this one.

What's the strategy with Mishka's picture? Oh, no, that was just a joke. But I do, for the scams that come through on the dating sites like oh hey go to my web chat room kind of thing i give them mishka's website and that's a fact that's not a joke i actually do that so i flood them until they block me so hey mishka i'm like the zoro of internet dating mishka on the upside your your traffic is up, but viruses are also up. So yeah, we noticed on the site that we've got mutual Facebook friends, some friends of mine in Oklahoma. And so I start chatting with her. All right, hey, you know these people? Yeah,

all right. So she asked him in person, who is this guy? What's he all about? Oh, he's great. Yeah, go out and date with him. So we met. Great looking girl. Sat down over a couple of beers. Turns out, find out that she works for Child Protective Services. Okay. And so. So Joby goes there right away.

Yeah. So it quickly goes into, okay, well, how many dead kids have you seen? What? Oh, I don't know why joe doesn't have a girlfriend past the salsa oh and how many dead eyeballs have you seen from so yes so uh she's like i don't know 100 you know 200 i don't know you know and they uh she says you know i'm not sure it's it's a lot and then she she looks at me you know when someone looks at you but looks at the wall behind you and her eyes looking through you looks through me and her eyes glass over and she says yeah i'm a manager now but i really miss working in the field and based on that i think she might be the one oh there's an anger there's an anger fuck there yeah she but yeah yeah i said like amazing this

working in the field fucking good is that and she has no kids no kids 38 uh but apparently they're alive yeah this is yeah exactly they apparently this is a big thing in oklahoma because there's No kids. Like 38? None that are alive. Yeah, exactly. Apparently this is a big thing in Oklahoma because there's fat fucks everywhere. They call them rollovers. They have kids laying in bed with a parent, fat fucks, and they roll over on them and they fucking die. So you don't have to deal with that. That's good. So, yeah, that's my prospects in Oklahoma.

It's good. Yeah. Happy to hear it. So hold on a second. A rollover, they can't prosecute for that, right? That might be a good way to kill your kid. Negligence. You have to get all fat and stuff first. Well, I mean, we've seen those movies.

Supersize me. Supersingle me. It's a lot of effort. You've got to get fat first. What's worse? Trying to lose fat or lose the kids. I'm sorry. I have to go home early tonight. But I'm having three appetizers.

So I won't need that babysitter next time. Ah! Ah! Flump! I was hoping that Buttercup would be here by now. He said, I don't want to get into it, so we might have to pause. I didn't want to get into it, so we might have to pause. I didn't want to edit at all, but I think we're going to have to take a quick break

and wait for a washtub Willie to get here. No more shots tonight. Really? Not for me, no. No, that was fucking brutal. Did you say like four shots, five shots you did last night, or how many? I think we did four in an hour.

You said four a lot. I just got done editing the podcast from yesterday. You said four a lot, so I'm pretty sure it was four. All right. And those were the fucking celebratory Canadian shots, like the measured. That's what Willie said. He said, hey, can I get the other half of the shot?

Yeah. Yeah, I was going to start tin can rehab type of behavior today. Like, for real? Like, buckling down? No, no. Hey, just stay on the

couch and watch fucking Netflixflix for a day i rented some movies but it's so hard to concentrate we'll save this i'm gonna pause we're gonna we're gonna oh let's do a real quick plug uh yes uh there's gonna be a funeral home opening up for just spite pics that we're in on dscdp.com just spite pics You can go for, look up Doug Stanhope's spite picks, and it's just people that you fucking loathe. Yeah. So not Betty White. It's just for fun.

We're not betting money. It's just that way you can celebrate when someone dies. We did talk about this. A little bit, yeah, but we didn't have the details. Okay, yeah. I didn't know what day. Yeah, it opens up at the end of March. So you've got, I think, 20 days or something like that.

All right. 25 days. Yeah, go to dscdp.com. That's the deadline. Celebrity Death Pool. You can sign up now. Yeah, anytime. All right, yeah, yeah.

Sign up now and get in, and yeah, I have one. Fuck it. If other people pick her her it doesn't matter uh a couple days ago beloved npr uh personality dies and i'm going i click on it on newser and i go oh please be diane reem i hate her so much i've actually called the station on a hangover and went, listen, why do you have a... This is the Diane Rehm show. I can't do this. I have a speech impediment.

But the nice people at NPR gave me... Let me see my radio show for the last hundred years. That's your cerebral palsy face, by the way. You can't tell. You're not doing it in front of a mirror.

She looks like talking like that. And then I thought, as I'm rapid cycling, oh, I hope it's Diane Rehm. I went, oh, fuck, why don't I have my spite pics in yet? Because she'd be one. Because she makes me crazy. It's like if they had a fucking one-legged kicker in the nfl just because will everyone get an opportunity but that's my team i remember going off on uh uh berbiglia uh brought uh ira glass to a show at Caroline's in New York City.

And it's a second show, and that's why I don't do second shows, because one of them, I'm going to be too hammered or too sober. Yeah. There's no balance. I just went off on Ira Glass for why does NPR force themselves to hire anyone with a speech impediment just to show how liberal they are? This is how good we are. Yeah, we're good to people.

Someone has a violent tick. We put them on the air. If they just ate a loaf of cheese and they want to eat the mic and smack like a fucking toad in a dryer. Fucking Lakshmi singh change your fucking name it's a stupid name hi this is lakshmi singh that's stupid i believe uh lakshmi is like one of the most popular names in india because my my sister-in-law works for Microsoft and she said her boss's name was Lakshmi and then I was taking the bus home one day and I go, yeah, I think I saw your manager on the bus. That's like the most common name in India.

Yeah, like Patel. Oh, I know a Patel. Yeah, so does everyone else. Potel Motel Mafia, that's what we call them. You see Patel on a Patel. Yeah, so does everyone else. Potel Motel Mafia. That's what we call them. You see Patel on a motel. It's like seeing a fucking Italian name on a vending machine. All right, let's get this more racist as we crank up a couple more cocktails. Yeah, that was kind of...

I shouldn't have said that. All the Italians in town are going to come down on me all three of them i'm vaguely italian from what i know yeah that sounds like it could be buttercup i know this thing i know whatever he drives breaks down a lot it's loud you know out there on wash tub row that barking dog means uh we'll be right back to part two after this this is chad shank and when i'm at stanhope i drink plastic jug vodka because there ain't no other option plastic jug vodka what's your favorite brand tweet me at at Doug Stanhope or tweet Chad Shank at at HD Fatty. I do it.

That's HD Fatty. Hyman Doberman Fatty with a Y. Hyman Doberman? I don't know. What's going on? We already set it up with their... It's the saddest podcast ever. Is it going? Yeah.

All right. Both of their mothers are in hospice care. What's that? Both Chaley and Joby's mothers are in hospice care. Yeah, we have the weakest story of all of them, but it's still Bingo Goes Missing Part 2, Day 2. All right. My mom's going in tonight, so she's still not there.

All right. Where's she at now? Southern California, Fullerton. Okay. Home of the electric guitar. Tell me what. He doesn't have electricity. He's Washtub Willie. That's right. I don't know nothing about that fancy stuff.

So, yeah, we've tried to save the bingo part for now. And we've been texting today that was a good call did she pick up her prescriptions she said that they'd come in

three days ago now and Safeway called her and said that she had her meds come in so I said okay so you're going to go she was coming up here leaving my house and I said well so you're going to go. She was coming up here, leaving my house. And I said, well, so you're going to pick them up on the way? She said, yeah.

But I wasn't with her when she picked them up. So it dawned on me that maybe she kind of spaced it or something. She didn't. I talked to Evil E, and she said, no, no, I had to. It was like a rebilling thing, some fucked up thing with the billing. So she had to re-bill it and refill it and then it hadn't been picked up which i think is a good sign because i don't think she'd go off her meds i i think i told you that she's she'd talked about just flaking out

and driving away right you know when it shit gets bad she does that and the thing is she doesn't want to see anybody when she's in that state of mind so everyone well maybe she stayed with Kelly in Tucson or she's going to her sister's no she's not going to go see people she wants to get away from people

I get that that's why I live in the sticks where I do I need that too but I mean has she done that in the same capacity before uh up and no because i would i would fly her somewhere when when uh after new year's morning when she was having a problem with something else and she's like i just got to get away from it and i flew her up to wyoming right right uh so now it's i just want to be alone when we first met she did this that's why i'm not too worried when i start drinking

because during the day i'm a fucking basket case and if i if i don't watch netflix or rent movies i start crying and i go why do i have a fucking emotions? Oh, it's because I'm not distracted. I come out here alone for a cigarette and I start crying. I've got to go back to my movie. Where the fuck is this coming from? I don't like this. Thank you, dear.

Thank you. So, yeah, when she was first out of the mental institution, when we first got together, she figured out how to get, and she was just completely out of her mind. He was around back then. I had to do a lot of babysitting. You'd call me from the road.

Hey, go check on her. I think she's off or not, and I'd come over. Talking on a banana in the street with no clothes on, thinking it's a phone. A little different than the crazy she is now which is way more subtle but trying to eat shoe polish and yeah okay all right yeah she still figured out at her worst how to get from her parents tahoe place to a remote location in death valley she is resourceful she just chooses not to use it if someone else will do it for her. So I'm not, like all of us, real worried.

It sounds like me. Yes. But I'm thinking about putting out a Twitter Amber alert for Blue Hair Girl driving in. to drive it too but then you know i mean how much do you want you know authorities and well i did yeah we've become friends and but i think i could report my car stolen if we were really worried but i'm giving it three to five days i would assume that's about the amount of time that she'd need to be gone.

And I'm guessing. Right. Or miss her phone. She's not had that phone in her face. That's the weirdest variable. Oh, it's got it. I know. That's one of the scariest things because everything's on that phone.

Faces constantly. Since the first time, I think it was 2012, where she first got a smartphone and figured out how to use all the shit. And then it was Facebook, and then it was texting, and then it's just her face and a phone. Right. Sorry, I just got a text, and I have to check.

That was the worst part about texting you all day. Yeah. Because every time you text, I'm like, maybe it's her. I know, I just get a text and I have to check. That was the worst part about texting you all day. Yeah. Every time you text, I'm like, maybe it's hurting. I know, I know. You know, as I was thinking throughout the day, it was just like, you know, and I was trying to work because I have this job. Stupid job.

Stupid job. But, so, yeah, yeah. I knew it was probably driving you crazy but I appreciate you I know you're in the same head space right I have somebody right now going to my house to check to see if her computer is there

because I don't know maybe if she had that she could at least listen to this if she chose to nah she wouldn't least listen to this if she chose to. Nah, she wouldn't know how to get it. She wouldn't know how to do it. She wouldn't know how to. She's only heard it if we put it on the car or something. I sent her a Facebook message, which I had to figure out how to do.

Yeah, that sucks. I had to do that too. I have two Facebook pages. One's the fan page and one's the personal page. And the personal page. And the personal page says, in a relationship with Amy Bingaman, and that's the only way I can find her.

Because of the link? Because of the link that's in there? It links it there. So, okay, now I can send her a message. Because when I said, no, she didn't bring her laptop, I had peripherally seen his laptop on the bar thinking it was hers. And then when I came back after you texted me that, I saw his business bumper sticker on the, oh, that's not hers. So I went to where I left hers.

It's gone. Her other shit is still there. Well, she had mentioned it. I thought about it well she had she had mentioned it i thought about it because she had mentioned about bringing it out to the place a few days ago uh so she could do a song list you know and and uh listen to you know because you know i mean i have a bunch of country and western records you know she you know she wanted some different stuff you know what i mean so she was going to bring that and i thought of that i i didn't know if it mean? So she was going to bring that, and I thought of that. I didn't know if she had put it in her bag.

She told me the night before she split that she was going to put it in her bag because she was supposed to go out to the house before she ended up giving a fellow a ride to the airport before that came up. Her plan was to come out to my, to my house and she was gone. She had mentioned bringing the computer, you know, so I didn't know, you know, we know,

I don't talk about computers with anybody, you know, I never talked about it. I don't fucking have one, you know, you need a daily. That's what I am. I don't know how they work either.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. I mean, I used to have the, the Facebook and thing, and the website that was set up for the music,

but I unplugged myself from everything a few years ago, and I had other people that did it for me. I didn't do it myself. Anyway, so it's not something that we've talked about. I don't know if that was yesterday or this morning. He just edited that podcast from yesterday. That'll go out tonight. This will go out tomorrow, depending on his mother.

Hang in there, mother. A couple more episodes. I said the opposite to Joby. I go, you're going to be here for fight night on Saturday? I go, go whisper in your mother's ear, keep fighting, Ma, but Friday, then it's time. I've got hands. We've got a schedule to keep here. Oh, man.

But, fuck, now I lost my thought. Computer? Laptop? Last night? This morning? Shit. It's gone. It'll come back. No, it won't.

It never does. Not for me, anyway. Yeah. So, yeah, I mean, I was, you know, and then the meds thing, you know, hit me, you know, that did she or did she not pick, you know, and you checked on that and found out she did not

pick up her meds. And I don't know how many days supplies, you know. I know she has more than she ever needs all the time, but she forgets where they are. Right. But I assume if she planned this out even a little bit, meds would be the first thing she thought. Yeah, it always is right in the front of her head.

If she thought enough to purposely leave her phone behind, then she thought enough. Okay, but what about this, man? Because I've seen her set her alarm to let her telephone tell her when to take her meds. Is that something that she does all the time? She'll do that when she knows she'll forget. Okay. I don't know if she does it all the time.

Right. I mean, I don't see her doing it all the time, but her phone's always going a-ding and a-dong, you know. So I don't know if it's an alarm or, you know, somebody text messaging or something coming in, you know. I'm going to give it until Sunday before I panic again we're drinking when I say this I panic all fucking day

when someone leaves you like that and it is a douche move it's a wicked dick move to do that knowing how many people care about her It's a douche move. It's a wicked dick move to do that, knowing that... How many people care about her. And now the whole town is involved. But she's not in that...

I mean, I'm sure when she made that decision, you know, she was in... You know, cuckoo was out the cage, you know what I mean? Probably so. She's able to justify things when she's like that. Right. That when she has clarity she never would if she had said hey I'm just gonna I have to get the fuck out

well then go but to do it where I don't tell anyone yeah no one in this room would tell her no don't go right they would say oh yeah yeah which way you head take the car that's going to work. Right.

Fuck. There's a car lot at my house. So we have no idea what's going to happen. I would tomorrow I'll look for her. Today I was out here smoking a cigarette,

and I thought I heard her say, Stanhope? It was just a neighbor saying something, but I thought it was her in the house, back, and then I just fucking busted apart. It's like when I ran away as a kid, and your parents, when they found you, didn't know if they should beat you or hug you. Yeah, right.

She'll know enough when she comes over here, make it in the afternoon. In the morning, it's an ear beating. Yeah, I was thinking that, you know, oh shit, I forgot my my phone just go get a burner phone but then what would you do i don't know one fucking phone number i know my phone number you know that's what when shawnee came by today and i i told him what's going on and he he left i gotta go i gotta do a thing but him and Gretchen are in the car immediately saying, well, you know where she could be?

I go, no. Whatever your first thought was, we've been through yesterday. She's not with Kelly. She couldn't figure out a phone number. She doesn't know her own. We've been through all these. She wouldn't know how to get to that address.

She doesn't know where her sister lives. She doesn't have GPS. She doesn't have a phone. She's in a fucking bad car, driving randomly. I almost't have GPS. She doesn't have a phone. She's in a fucking bad car driving randomly. I almost left this morning to just go drive. My fucking head

is going to be this fucked up. I hear you. I was up all night thinking the same thing. Maybe I'll just hop in the truck now and go some direction. I could go east. I could go west. It was all up to me white right you know check that i was trying to be a detective okay what would a retarded person think like she's on a highway if she doesn't have a road atlas which she doesn't really know how to use, I would think she would keep going probably towards Palm Springs.

Just keep on that 10. Just keep 10 going out. Because she wouldn't know how to get through Vegas to get to Utah to her sister. Eventually hit the ocean, though, on the 10. Well, I was going to just go to Palm Springs. And then if she wasn't there, go, I love Palm Springs. Got to make it good for you, too. It can be a nice place to hang out.

It's funny we closed that podcast on Tucson to Tucumcari to Hatchipi to Tonopah randomly, and then tonight, I'm like, that's about the places. That's the four cities I go to if I'm just driving aimlessly. Yeah, fuck, I've done it several times. Yes, I've been all over. Yeah, that song's been in my head for 20 years. I've done it. Look, I got a week off.

I'm going to follow that song down the road. That's a song I learned from a guy like you there was a a solo act in a bar and he would i never heard it and he played it so fucking well and i loved the song and then when i found the original i'm like this stinks rv parks was the name of the guy really yeah it's jackie trinkets yeah r RV Parks played at the fucking place in Vegas after they opened, Mike. I want an RV Parks version of this. Right, I want this. And there's three other versions I've found on.

None of them live up. I felt this is a weird beat. After you left the podcast on day one, we continued to get recklessly drunk to the point where I called to apologize to people I vaguely remembered were here in case I didn't need to, but I was just checking in because I was that drunk. I did the same thing at home, except I only scared my dog.

He ran away. Yeah, I didn't scare scare anyone oh bujo didn't come back last night fuck you man you're weird but in the morning one of my first thoughts after piecing together last night was i should i should have plugged his dates when we have a guest on the podcast. You plugged their dates, and I felt like I was rude. When the guest can remember them, I guess. Well, you got your Monday nights, right? Sundays at Elmo's.

But don't you do the Hootenanny thing on Mondays? Oh, yeah, we do the thing with, yep, up there, Steve's brother, Steve, started that thing a couple years ago. Oh, is that in Tombstone? No, no, no, that's in Bisbee years ago. Oh, is that in Tombstone? No, no, no. That's in Bisbee. It's up at Tombstone Canyon. Steve, who you met here, he's the one going to look for Bingo's computer right now at my house.

But it's just past the John Quill, whatever that is, that motel, right? Yeah, it's the old Moore's Grocery Store. Right past the Circle K. It's just up at the canyon. Yeah, up the hill and around the curve up there. There used to be an old grocery store called Moore's, but he bought it. Now it's his art studio and wood shop.

And we do a Monday night hoedown thing there. And then Sunday at Elmo's. Yeah, and then I do Sunday at Elmo's with my band, whoever they may be at the moment, type thing. That's all I'm doing right now. I was trying to take time off and then ended up with this job at Elmo's, which I like. I really like working there and I love the people and everything.

But anyway, yeah, that's the only stuff I've been doing music-wise. Day shift at Elmo's has to be priceless. It's fucking hilarious. I'd take a day shift at Moe's over a night shift anytime. I used to work there nights when they needed me to help out.

Is this okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why it's sitting in front of you. Can we drink on this show? Hey, Trace, can I get a little shot glass? I'll do a celebratory Canadian-style shot. Cool. That's fine.

Yeah, so that's all that's going on right tracy tracy work day shift ever that fucking liquor store the other day the one over here by the copper queen hospital yeah the plaza liquors and i stuck behind six people one guy's you know just like a a handful of change and he's meeting it out and he's like alright there's a dollar for a dollar like mini bottle a fireball

and they take one out and he's like he rummaged through his change and here's another fireball they were in a basket on sale

for a dollar so he's meeting out his dollars in change here's the dime five cents let's take 20 minutes I just throw a 20 on the counter right here. I got it.

Get out of my way. Just to work a fucking week at day shift at Elmo's or at a place like that just for the material. Well, it's great. I mean, it's great. And the people, you know, the regulars that come in are, you know, they're Bisbee folk, long-time Bisbee folk. You know, so they have walker races up and down the, you know, the bar. They have a good time with their, you know, they're getting old, handicaps, and what hurts

on you today? Well, same thing that hurt yesterday. Well, here, try this weed. Okay. You know, that kind of thing. So, yeah, it's hilarious. Have you met Joe and Maggie yet? Joe and Maggie.

They live in a cave above Andrew. Yes, yes. I met Maggie the other day. With bingo, she came up and was talking to bingo, and she introduced us. And Maggie played me a song. I was stuffing money in her ukulele. They don't hold much money, but things are small.

A lot more coins than dollars. Yeah, I met Maggie, and I actually saw her today, and I mentioned to her, you know, bingo's a wall. So, you know, because I know that bingo and Maggie, you know, they like each other a lot. Joe was on Bill O'Reilly on Fox News, and he said it to me at one, so many days of chaos over here.

At one point he goes, yeah, and Fox News was interviewing me in Old Bisbee. And I just, I didn't even, didn't connect with me. And then someone tweeted me a link. Like, is this the guy that you let into your house or something? And it's him being interviewed on Bill O'Reilly about Donald Trump and how this one town on the border, they have different views about. And it's their man on the street, and there's fucking toothless,

homeless caveman Joe going, yeah, they're taking our jobs, which you know they took out of context. So they just took that, and there's a couple more clips of him. I'm like, Jesus, fuck. He said that to me, but it didn't register that Fox News would ever be here. What the fuck they doing there? He also said that he beat

Ken Shamrock in a fucking UFC fight. Now, come on. You're not going to do this here without him. You're going to talk to him about that. I will. Now, come on. You're not going to do this here without him. No. You're going to talk to him about that. I will. All right.

I'm just saying. It was during a party. I couldn't fact check it. He doesn't come across as a bullshitter, but I think to live that lifestyle, you have to have some bullshit patterned down. Well, yeah, there's a balance, you know, when you're doing anything, I guess. You're good at read, like the read on the

room, the read on the people in front of you. You have to be or you end up pretty fucked up. Like not able to have an adult conversation, which he does. He's an interesting guy. I mean, him and Maggie, they're both great.

Margo was here Sunday and had a mini stroke. She had two in a row. You mentioned that yesterday. It's called a TIA. Trans Ischemic Attack. They're like that. Sometimes they're really short that you wouldn't even know.

When my dad finally went in and the doctor had to see him, he had so many. They're like, wow, this is probably a daily occurrence. And my dad had no idea. He just thought he just slumped over reaching for the coffee. You still got parents? Still do, yeah.

They're here in Bisbee, yeah. Oh, he's your dad. He's my dad, yeah. You see the signs. Yep, yep, yep. He's all over the county. Yeah, you know, and they're getting up there in years. And, you know, once in a while they like to throw us a scare,

but they're still, they're too, you know, he's too mean to die. She's too nice to let him. When you got out here, you came here in the school bus. Well, yeah. From Cantwell. When I bought my property from Alaska. I come down here when I bought my property. The first time I rolled through was in 98.

And it was 2000, maybe it was ought to, I can't remember exactly, when I bought the property, and that's when I drove down. But before that, I was in, since 98, I was in and out for the winters. I'd come hang out for a few months here and there. Were they already here? They came in 99. Okay. And they bought Old Timers Restaurant, which is now Vanessa's Cantina.

Which one? So did they have Old Timers? Yes, in 2005. What's Old Timers? Actually, earlier than that. When Rene and I first came here. When you first? Before I lived here.

We first came here. Old Timers was the first place I went. I was just jacking up Yanis about this. About who... I couldn't remember the up Yanis about this. About who, what was it? I couldn't remember the name of the place, but I go, there were New Orleans people that owned it. Yeah, that was mom and dad. That was my family. We ran that.

I just did music. I did the music stuff there. My brother ran the kitchen. When the food was good, I'm going to put that on the record. My brother was in the kitchen. And yeah, mom and dad, you know, got drunk and took the money from, you know, I mean, they ran

everything else. But yeah, that was my family's place for about 10 years. We were staying at the Shady Dell, so we did some day drinking up in Old Bisbee. And the only place, the VFW in Lowell was still open. And that was the only bar you could drink at,

but you had to have someone sponsor you in. Right, it was a pain in the ass. So we were up at Old Towers meeting people saying, hey, does anyone know anyone that can get us into that place? Because we're drunk. We need to be able to walk home because there's no cab. And we found someone. Lowell just doesn't seem the place where they're a stickler for rules.

No VFW. So what? You think they'd just be happy to have the two bucks. Fucking $2 beers, right? In the urinal trough, I still remember, they had a trough urinal in the Lowell VFW, and there was a bumper sticker, I'm not fond of Jane.

Really? You're still carrying that? Yeah, right. Jesus Christ. Nor daily business. Tracy! Barkeep! You can't let go of a bunch of stuff. Where was the restaurant that your folks had? Old Timers is up where Vanessa's Cantina is now, next to Screaming

Banshee. Oh, alright. Back then it was a motorcycle bar, and, you know, we had a good old time. I mean, like I say, I was just involved in the music part. I would do, like, Wednesday nights or something, all fucking night, you know, so I didn't have to get paid. How long have you been out of Louisiana? Oh, man, I left there officially, Mom and Dad, when the oil crunch happened in the 80s.

The Yankee South. Lafayette was the third largest oil city in the country at the time. Gulf oil, right? No, this was when, well, what happened was the Arabs dropped the price of the barrels overnight. Allegedly. That's not a cartel. Right, right, right. We don't need no Arab lawyers coming around.

No, no, no. That's hearsay. We've got sponsors, sir. It's all hearsay. Okay. But that's, you know, and then Lafayette being with us. Hang on, we have to go to a commercial. Hey, this podcast brought to you by mobile oil.

Yeah, right. $1.33 a gallon in Tucson? How about it? $1.25 I heard in Tucson? How about it? $1.25 I heard from somebody. That's actually one of the things I thought. $1.17 this morning. $1.17 this morning.

I'm going to drive up there in the morning tonight, fill up. Thanks, Obama. One of the things I thought about bingo is, well, at least gas prices are low because that Tahoe is a fucking gas buzzer. He only has a debit card. Right. That's another thing I wanted to wrap about. I don't know if this is a good idea.

Yeah, yeah, we'll cut it out if it is. Okay, right. So, I mean, that's traceable. You know, if she's using the debit card. I brought that up today. I don't want to bring that piece up. Okay. No, no, no, it is not about you. I don't care if bring that piece up. Okay. No, no, no.

It's not about you. I don't care if it is or not. That's a good point, though, because I thought, hey, do I have enough friends at the bank? I wouldn't ever want to ask them because I don't know. She doesn't do online banking. You just ask at gunpoint. They'll tell you what it is. The gunpoint was how much money I got out of their fucking bank. For about 30 seconds.

You've got to be quick. I'm kidding. I bet you anything to do anything like that, they'll probably insist that it's after there's like an APB or just a missing persons or something, just so they don't have everyone going, I wonder where my girlfriend is. I didn't mention the name of the bank,

but the point is I do a lot of banking there, and I'm friendly enough with them that I could probably say, listen, just do me a favor. Just tell me the last place her ATM card was used. After this is over, tell me what bank it is, and I'll see if I can hook that up. Wait, wait, wait. Your way or your...

Wait, which one? With the gun or Doug's way? Not the gun part. No, no. I'm going to scratch you from the record. Okay. Yeah. I never said it.

Prank call, prank call. Right, right, right. I know Bingo has talked over the last, you know, whatever. It's been six weeks or two months. Occasionally, she'd go, I should just drive and just clear my head and just drive and go away for a while. So I'm not, I should let the fact that she didn't bring her phone

is a douchebag move where she wants us to worry about her. At the same time you want to respect her where she needs her space, is that what you mean? Yes, but the fact that she left her phone behind so you couldn't contact her is a douchebag move. I agree.

Yes. And then now it boils down to which one of us wants her more? I don't. Who's she going to call for? She can't call him. Right. For the people. She's got a mind enough to get in touch with somebody.

I mean, like my boss was saying today, look, she knows you work at Elmo's on such and such a day. You call it information? Elmo's? Yeah, right, right, right. I don't think she could remember the number. Actually, information probably doesn't even work anymore. I remember one time I tried to call zero

to see if you could get an operator. You can't. It doesn't work no more? No, it doesn't work. I remember when you just had to call the last four digits in town. Yeah. You remember that?

Well, I lived out on a ranch, but we did the same thing. Yeah, you just call the wrong number, you talk for a half a fucking hour. For the listeners, in Bisbee, for landlines, when you go to Safeway to tell them your card number, you can just go 3435, and they know the area code and the prefix. Yep, yep, yep, yep. and they know the area code and the prefix.

Yep, yep, yep, yep. We're still one of them last kind of villages hanging on to. Which is how I know not to text a 432 number. That's a landline. You get a 249 or a 508, that's a cell phone. Yeah. You know, you're half. That is a half phone. Yeah. You know, you're half. That is a half.

I mean, the whole thing's a half. You want a half? I'll take your half. You want mine? Come on, man. I told you. All right. Well, I'll just make sure. He's not in hospice yet.

All right. What the fuck? Take it easy on me, motherfucker. I drink more than the average beer sometimes. Joby's sister died horrifically. It was a great podcast. It was a good one. It was a good one.

And so he's been splitting up his time. He's in Oklahoma taking care of her kids because the husband's got to work. And they're like six and eight. And now he's out here dealing with his mother's death. So the guy's going to take half time to take care of his kids. And Jesus, did I forget my fucking point again? I think so. Keep talking.

Yeah, I got nothing. My goddamn point. What were they just talking about? We were talking about. Tosin. Tosin. Yeah. There it is.

Doesn't matter. Death and I have a thing. Well, I went through all this when my dad was sick years ago. That we did a whole... We did the living trust, all that shit. And it was really funny

because my parents were... Sorry, I found it. I hate to interrupt you. Don't worry about me. His sister's name was Amy. And then Whiskey Girl, also named Amy, I go, if they find bingo in a fucking ditch somewhere in a wooded area,

we're going to start a band called The Three Amys. You can take my part because I have no musical ability whatsoever. You play the triangle. I'd love to play the tuba. I've always wanted to. All right, living trust. Living trust. He was talking about living trust.

My dad was getting sick and I actually went to take care of him for a couple years this was before Doug and I actually hooked up and my parents were sitting in the it's not an attorney it's someone who

works with the attorney but they can do like living trust and stuff and my parents they're like fucking me. They don't know what they're doing. We're online trying to figure all this shit out. We sit there, and the gal asks, now I'm going to have to ask a couple uncomfortable questions.

She goes to my mom and says, now, if anything happens, do you want any kind of heroics performed? Do not resuscitate is what it is. And she goes, nah, just let it go. Don't do anything. She goes, all right. And then to my dad, she goes, now, Mr. Shaley, what would you like? He goes, everything.

Don't stop doing whatever you could do. And my mom, they've been married 40-some years. She looks over at him and goes, what? I go, you two have never fucking talked about this? Are you serious? And the lady's like, we get that all the time. It's just nothing. So then immediately, they can't let the other person be

in charge of that of their spouses like wishes because it's contrary to their own so then all that from that day on i've been power of attorney and they're probably a little silly in the head at that age this was is This was 15 years ago. Oh, yeah, she's great. Joby, your mother's fairly lucid? Yeah, she's lucid. She can't talk well, but yeah, she knows what's going on. All right, and Chaley, your mother... Listen, my mom, she's fine.

And that's my only problem right now. Hospice care and fine. That's what I'm saying. My only problem now is that I'm going to get home within the next 24, 48 hours, and she's not going to be how I'm saying. My only problem now is that I'm going to get home within the next 24, 48 hours, and she's not going to be how I remember her. That's my problem. That's what I walked into when I flew down this time.

So it's like, oh, okay. But they also have that – parents have that thing. They think they're going to live forever, and they leave a pile of shit for you to deal with that is just insane. It's just – yeah, it drives me up the wall i i feel the same way but i know that you can sell it on ebay that's why my my mom has always been about like i want to look at the things that everyone wants from the house so it so for like 15 years even like to girlfriends,

they're like, if you like something, put some tape under it. It's yours when I'm gone. I just want to know who has it. I want to look at it and know where it's going to go. How old are yours?

About 70. Both 70? Yeah. Mom's a day older than Dad, 12 hours older than Dad. No shit. Wow. So she pulls that card

once in a while. Seniority? Yeah. Listen here, wow. So she pulls that card once in a while. Seniority? Yeah. Listen here, Charlie. This is a chain of command based purely on age. Yeah, but they're all there. They still work way, you know, they've always been, they work way harder than anybody should, in my opinion.

But they work, they're still. That's a good thing, I think. Yeah, it is. It's healthy, especially as you get older, just to keep yourself occupied. And they do that. They're very adept in that area. I feel that way about Netflix.

Hey, at least I'm doing something. I never had a Netflix. I don't know what it is. It's like the VHS, but you don't have to pedal the bicycle to make it run. Come on, that was fucking... That was way better than I could do.

There's D. Williger at my house, mister. Oh, you mean pedal flicks? We got that. My folks are good. They're golden. My dad plays drums in the band. He's an amazing drummer. He's been a jazz drummer

his whole life since he was 13, 14 years old. He picked up drums and he's played with, up until in the last 10 years when he started playing with me he had only played jazz i mean straightforward what he calls slumming it yeah right right right like i played my whole life i have to play with him i gotta play with him right there you know ain't no other gigs around gigs a gig right but before that i mean he's played with

you know everybody that he ever wanted to play with you know his heroes and all that nine yards the only reason he gave up playing music and gave up that glamorous lifestyle was because he started popping out kids you know and he wanted to take care of his family

instead of go on the road and get hooked on heroin like every other jazz drummer so that's the choice he made. But he's always played. Charleston, he had a jazz club back in Charleston, South Carolina, for years. And he just figured it out. I'm the house drummer, so I'll invite Brubeck down. Well, what do you know?

I'm the house drummer. Nice. But he's a phenomenal player. He's a world-class player. And anyway, no, I forgot my train of thought. It's going around. Is it? I got a question.

He's been playing for so long. Did he ever play, like, strip joints and stuff back in the day? He's played everything you can imagine. Yeah, I mean, he's played with, like, yeah. I mean, he's done everything from, it's been, like I said, He's played with like, yeah. I mean, he's done everything from, it's been, like I said, largely 98% jazz, straightforward jazz standards, real shit.

None of this Kenny G bullshit or whatever the hell these people are. I picture him as a smooth jazz guy. Are you sure? Do you know? No, he's a badass. He's a badass on all accounts. On a slow day, he's got two pistols on his head. But he played, you know, I'm not a name-dropping person. First of all, my audience will never know the names you're about to drop.

Okay, well, you know. You go at Bruback, they'll go, what? Brubaker? Right, right, right. I went with Brubaker, and I'm old. I had a Studebaker once. Anyway, he's a phenomenal. And my mother also is a vocalist.

But she's an opera buff. It was her thing growing up. And she's also in this band that I have. So they both compromised themselves and sunk to my level. She'll play with me. You're like, all right. Once again, it's the only game in town, so here we go. But we have a really good time.

And they're just phenomenal musicians, and they're they're just they're phenomenal musicians and they're they're awesome people and they still have their shit together they work their asses off they're you know they're where my brother and my sisters and i got our work ethic from which is don't ever stop working which is again going back to was keeping them young. I have a problem with sloth, which I'm drawn to, where I always feel like I should be doing something, especially now. I think we went over this last night. Now, I don't know what to do with the rest of my life.

I slumped over this bar today with Joby going, I don't know what I'm doing other than just waiting for Bingo to call and she can't call. Because you have her phone. But this only happened within the last seven days because you just got finished with everything that was on your plate.

After doing the pilot, that was it. You're done. You actually don't have an act, so you can't worry about that. You have no dates. I don't know an act, so you can't worry about that. You have no dates. I don't know if you ever heard the podcast that started this. I've never heard a podcast in my life. All right. You probably know this story about the stripper I fucked on a cruise ship,

hammered, and that's when she told me, that's okay, I'm in love with someone else anyway. And that stripper, from what I remember, like this, was a nice enough girl. But she texts me, but every text says LOL or ha ha ha at the end. She was like 23 years old. I was going to say, sounds 23 to me. Wait a minute, fingers crossed, 23. Fingers crossed.

Yeah, Joe Rogan calls it post-cum syndrome, where as soon as you come, you go, oh, what did I do? Right, right. Yeah. Yeah, she's a nice enough gal, but not like, ah. When you were younger and you have a breakup, and you go, I'm going to go just fuck everything. I'm like, no, no, I'm just going to hold my cards tight.

I'll do some day drinking, but I don't want to make any bad choices. Fly someone out, they go, did you just say LOL in my face? Oh, she said it? to set it like no no no she's texting it but if i if you flew her out she would say and i'm like i'm gonna get revenge pussy the capacity was there then she's saying lol to you oh geez, geez. You got to go, but I got to go. I just learned what that meant, I think, last year. Yeah, not long ago. LOL.

Why the fuck is everybody putting that on my... I don't do a text message stuff very often. I suck at it, you know, because I'm a terrible speller, and I just... Well, my hands shake so bad in the morning. I'd rather drive to your fucking house and talk to you than have somebody say LOL. I'm like, what the fuck does that even mean? I don't know.

Anyway. Yeah, once you start shitting on the new technology, you know you're your parents. You know? Right, there comes a time. Yeah. We're going to try to do daily bingo's Disappeared podcasts

because I need to make it funny to deal with it. But Chaley's leaving in the next couple days. We'll have Shawnee. Shawnee knows how to do the thing to get it to the thing. A lot of this equipment's going

because this is all going to Daytona. Fuck. I have some shit at the house I was about to throw in the dumpster. Like, what do you need? I mean, I found a whole... When we cleaned out Bingo's bus, I found recording equipment that I... Yeah, but you just said you were going to throw shit away, and you looked at my gear.

No, no, no. Nice, nice. I was looking at it to see what it was, because I know there was two of those I put in the dumpster this morning. Once again, once again, you decide to double down on that insult? Let me give somebody this shovel I got here. Can you fit any more of your foot in your mouth? I just mean that I have no use for it.

Once again, let's go for the trifecta. Your shit sucks. Once again, let's go for the trifecta. Your shit sucks, okay? Yeah, just get day one up so we can get day two up tomorrow, and then we'll figure out day three if she's not back. But, yeah, right now, APB Amber Alert, Bingo Alert for a 1999 white Chevy Tahoe with Arizona plates with a blue-haired girl that looks just like Bingo driving around.

May or may not be swerving. She could be anywhere. She could have gone east. She could have gone towards Genia in Virginia. She could have gone towards, but I think she's somewhere. I bet, I'll bet money that she never got 100 miles outside the Arizona border. Oh, outside of the state of Arizona. Yes, 100 miles.

Ooh, that's interesting. Let's see. I'll put 100 on it. That she did leave the state? That she got outside the state. I'll put 100 on it. I'm with Buttercup. I'll put 100 on it.

I'm with Buttercup. I'll put a hundred on it. I'm with you. Because I see you're just driving. I don't know about a hundred yet. I haven't got my inheritance yet. So let's just, can we? I was banking on you to give me the loan. Help me out here. How about 20?

I was about to say, don't bet a hundred, because I'm going to have to cover it through bingo for you. I'm with you. $20 is good. Okay. How about we just bet for spite? All right. I bet she never got further.

I was thinking Joshua Tree would be as far into California. That's California. The cost of a mine has come up with bingo. Like we were talking about last night with the French doors and the French quarter, I decided I wanted French doors from the French quarter for the front of my house. Oh, your planned felony? Yeah, go ahead. Well, you've got to put it that way.

Yeah, but that's what it is. So I mentioned that to her. I mention something to Bingo sometimes, and she gets really excited, you know, about the idea. And I was only half kidding about it, but I do want, like, you know, some authentic French doors for the front of the house, because for one thing, my Harley would fit through the living room door better. Practical. Totally practical.

It's practical, right. But also, I just love them doors, you know. I still have a doorknob. I stole off of one when I was last time i was down there but uh um you're gonna take that with you and try and find it all right you're gonna hold it up to every door any who any who well like we're saying where's the fucking slip who's who got the foot uh but the thing is what I'm getting at is that you know

when I said when I say stuff like that to her she's like fuck yeah let's go to New Orleans and steal a couple French doors

you know we'll spend five days we'll get drunk we'll steal some French doors we'll come back and you know I'm sorry I imagine her face

going back into a fucking plate of coke when she's saying yeah fuck yeah no no no we'll absolutely do that no no let's do all these things no no no absolutely no no this was all these things this was a lot of ideas this was coffee in the morning this was this was not uh we were completely sober uh so far she's saying what i imagine no i hear you i hear you but uh uh but so i mean

you know point being is that you, you have these conversations with Bingo. She will grasp a nugget of that. She grabs a hold on to something, right. Yeah. Like it might be, let's go to a whorehouse in Vegas or Nevada somewhere. Or it might be, let's go steal some French doors and, you know, or whatever the fuck it is, you know. And she grabs a hold of, yeah, a piece of that and it sticks. Rapid cycles.

And you know it sticks because she'll bring it up three days later. And I forgot all about me saying it. And you brought it up. Right. Yeah, and you've already

forgotten it. Right, right. But I mean, I was serious when I said it. Yeah. But it's three days later. And if Bingo would just come back,

then I would be happy to jump in the truck and go steal some fucking French doors in New Orleans with her and bring them back so we all know where she is and I have French doors and Harley fits in the house better. Oh, my God. Everybody's happy, right? But, yeah. Just the visual of him finding the Cinderella doerella doorknob you know what i mean i had the visual of harley deb stalker deb's harley going through the french doors like yeah you get him in the

divorce you know them big-ass handlebars just don't fit in some doorknob or something you got some big old ape hangers? Yeah, I run apes for my whole life. Anybody need a shot? We're good? No. I've been pacing myself for the last nine drinks. What's that like?

It's boring. Well, so far I remember all of tonight except for some of my points so let's close while we're ahead and then we can just drink and talk for real okay alright alright well

that's it you guys want to sing us out do you have anything any of your own music that we can play nah I don't want to do none of that shit no not live but do you have anything like online that we can b? Nah, nah. I don't want to do none of that shit. No, no, not live, but do you have anything like online that we could...

No, Bingo stole the guitar, so we don't have to play shit. No, I unplugged everything. I unplugged everything that I felt was me from my life three years ago, which included my website and everything else.

And now when I go to get gigs, it's just calling people that know me. Word of mouth. We always close on a song, so I was just giving you respect if you had some. No, thank you. So fuck it.

Play something weird there, Jamie. Now it seems to me That you know just what to say Words are only words Can you show me something else Can you swear to me That you'll always be this way Show me how you feel More than ever, baby

I don't want to be lonely no more I don't want to have to pay for this I don't want another lover at my door Just another heartache on my lips I don't want to be angry no more You know I could never stand for this So when you tell me that you love me, no for sure I don't want to be lonely anymore

Whoa Bingo? Hello? Hello Better cat bingo hello hello better cat and i are on the podcast deciding who you should be with you me say hi better cat hi darling hi hi what what are you doing there mon Mardi Gras is over, baby. I got to go in this bar. Hang on. I can't hear you guys. Okay. Oh, that's not much better.

I would have gone the other way. I would have lost money on this. Better get. I mean, Willie, fuck it. Wait, wait. I would have gone west. I said it's either New Orleans, Wyoming, or just campgrounds. No.

I drove to New Orleans. How's your head? Play the music. It's okay now that I got here. I've been driving for... The truck broke down. Everything got all fucked up for a minute. But I made it to New Orleans.

And I'm happy again. I forgot. This is my town. Did you pick us out of a set of French doors yet? What are you doing over there? Are you guys podcast podcasting yeah yeah a couple nights in a row you know what it's kind of a dick move to fucking leave your phone behind and make everyone like gastrically like painfully worried about you sorry sorry i fucked up i i i fucked up i i dropped And you packed a bunch of shit? I know.

But I told Bert, I was like, my dream, I can't believe you're there. But I can. Because my dream was for you guys to get together and figure this all out without me. And then I'll just come back and do whatever you guys say. Well, dreams come true, baby. Yeah, no, we said it's going to end like The Bachelor, where you have to give someone a rose. I want two. Two roses. And two French doors so

Joby's also here Joby and Chaley's mothers are both in hospice care and we're just texting each other all day going where the fuck is she like school girls I'm sorry guys All day going, where the fuck is she? My schoolgirls.

I'm sorry, guys. I didn't mean to make anybody worry, but I was flipping out. Yep, yep. I just did in New Orleans. Next time you flip out, take a car that works. Yeah. I had to buy a fucking fuel filter that cost me $600 $600 out of fuel?

Who sold you that? I want that motherfucker's phone number Who the fuck told you a fuel filter was $600? I could have given you one for your life Baby You okay? I'm okay I'm okay I I'm okay.

I had a flip out, but I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm okay now that I'm here. I'm with Rico right now at his job. So I went to take a chopper tool list and I'm at the top room. And then Scott Clabby gets in tomorrow just randomly. So I'll be with Scott. So I'll be okay.

Alright. Sorry, guys. Yeah, you're a dick. I know, I know. I knew this whole time I was pulling a dick move, but I had to get out of there. We love you anyway, baby. You guys were both mad at me. We're not mad at you.

Well, I said it's like when a kid runs away, when they come back, you don't know if you want to beat them or hug them, but you want to do both. Well, you can beat me and hug me when I get back. Whose phone are you on?

I'm on Rico's. Rico's at work on Chapa Chula. I just pulled into New Orleans. This is my first destination. I went to the chap room and I'm talking to you on Rico's phone. Alright, well if you need

anything at all, Rico can write really small so that's his fucking... He can do that for you you if you need something written really tiny in little tiny print he can do that and send you a postcard and he won't have to afford a stamp because you'll be at his

house so do you want me to FedEx your phone to you um that might be a good plan are you guys airing right now yes yeah we've been we this is the second this is bingo disappeared part two day two i'm so sorry you guys i'm a fucking mess you're a lovely mess well are you guys figuring everything out for me because i wasn't going to come all the way guys. I'm a fucking mess. You're a lovely mess. Well, are you guys figuring everything out for me? Because I wasn't going to come home

No, we're not figuring anything out. We're trying to keep shit peaceful. We both want you. God damn it. I want you back. He wants you back. So, yeah, but we're fucking gentlemen about it. What do you think?

I want you safe, baby. I can't believe you're over there. Better can't. Why the hell not? Why the hell else would I be? I told Bert on the way up to the, because we had a great talk on the way up to the airport. Yeah. And I told him my whole dream

was for you guys to figure this out and podcast about it. I can't believe that's happening. That's so funny. We've been trying. Well, Bert is responsible for it because Bert told me that and it wasn't until five beers later that I went, that's a hilarious idea. Let's get

over here and talk about it. Oh, man. Okay, well, here's the thing. Rico is going to need his phone soon. He's at work. So I'm going to get off, but I'll call you the next time he has a cigarette break.

Is that cool? Sure. Sounds great. What's so funny about that? Yeah. It's all right. You're bingo. I love you guys.

I love you all so much. I love you all. I'm sorry that I put the fuck up. No, baby. You're okay. Actually, bingo. This is Shaylee. We got a pizza coming.

Can you hold off on maybe two cigarette breaks maybe? We got shit to do, baby. Hey, Bingo. Do you have your laptop with you, Bingo? No. Is it at my house? No, it's in the main house. I didn't take it.

Okay. Why? We were just wondering. I was looking for it. And do you have meds? Do you have your meds? I have meds, yeah. All right, listen, Bingo,

if you want to leave the Tahoe there and just fly home, I'll just fly you home and we'll get the tahoe eventually well i don't know what to do at this point i just i just made it here my mind's been crazy all right just just plan on plan on just calling me from whatever number i'll answer it from that area code and uh we'll fly you. We'll get the Tahoe eventually. It's not an investment property. I'll have somebody just steal it.

Now it's worth $600 more. French jars will fit in the back perfectly. Oh, they would. Yeah, yeah. Keep it there. Fly home. Yeah, yeah. That's a good point. Oh, shit. You guys. I'm so sorry.

Okay. I love you all so much. And I'll call you the next cigarette break. That was a nice way to close the podcast. Thanks for calling now, honey. Bye, Bingo. I love you.

We love you. Love you, baby love you. Bye. We love you. Love you, Bingo. Love you. Bye. Bye. I hate to hang up. Jesus Christ. I got the number.

You just got to get the number back. Or you just got to get the phone back. That was fucking great timing. Timing, are you fucking kidding me? Yeah, this happened like two hours from now when there's no recording. It's done. Or in the morning where I'm not answering that.

That's obviously a telemarketer. Wait, 504. Thank God I know every area code from my background in telemarketing. By the way, by the way, Buttercup and I win. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, no shit. You've missed all this shit. You have no idea what's going on. I'm going to pause this and we're going to regroup and do a recap. What the fuck? That was insane. We're going to do a quick fucking wrap-up of that,

and then we're done. Okay. Because that was fucking weird. Priceless, man. We have to finish this. Yep. Okay. How does that happen?

Didn't it start with you saying, this is a telemarketer? And that's this whole podcast. I don't know if you were here yet, about when your mother's dying, and you is a telemarketer. And that's this whole podcast. I don't know if you were here yet about when your mother's dying and you get a telemarketer calling. She got a call. I got a call from, I thought it was a telemarketer. It was ADT or her fucking, like, I'm falling and I can't get up.

And I'm treating it like it's a telemarketer going, look, I got no time for this. It's like, well, you know, you gave us your number. Before you got here, we started this. And he was talking about when he got the call about his mother being in hospice, he thought it was a telemarketer. And when Bingo just called, I was saying, it's probably a telemarketer, but it says New Orleans because it's 504, so I better pick it up. And it was Bingo. And that's when we said, hey, don't say anything yet,

and we turned the equipment back on, and that was a nice way to end day two. She went to New Orleans, and you won a bet. No, Buttercup and I here have just won the bet. Yeah, that's right. Are we going to spend this? We should buy some French doors. Yeah.

I know a guy. I know a guy. We made a bet of spite. I can get them cheap. You bet $100, and then we dumbed it down to a bed of spite, so there's actually no money, and we have it recorded. It was $100. How did I lose all that?

No, I'm editing this podcast. I can guarantee you it's going to say $1,000. Hang on, bro. I'd love to say that this podcast will actually, the part three of the big bingo's disappearance will end with her giving one of us a rose, but there's probably like eight more. I'll settle for a link of Buddha.

Anyway, thanks for listening and catch up on the next episode. Or come out to Daytona. Well, we're going to get to Burt Kreischer. Burt Kreischer put all this in place. We have four hours of me and Burt Kreischer, my man crush, that will be coming in and out of this. So, yeah.

All right, thanks. Backdoor Mike is here making cocktails cocktails so we're going to drink just do a plug for Joby's Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool at dscdp.com or twitter

at stanhopecdp on twitter alright we're launching some new homes come to Bisbee to see Washtub Willie Buttercup Oh, all right. And yeah, we're launching some new homes. And come to Bisbee to see Washtub Willie. Buttercup. Greg Chaley sent condolences for his mother's soon-to-be death. I'll tell you what.

Add Greg Chaley. Let's just buy some merch. Yeah, just buy merch. You know what? Instead of sending flowers, buy merch to keep Chaley doing this podcast. Thank you guys very much. Gah night! Gah night! I've seen neon lights, they're shining bright tonight I'm looking for love in this hockey dog and I see some girls who move There's a pooner by the jukebox, who's giving me the eye

There's a redhead by the doorway, who's waving to me high Hello redhead, keep on waving, yeah! Easy living, honky tonk with a cold beer Tonight is the night I'm gonna light it up And drink my conscience clear There's nothing better in this world Than these three things right here Easy living, honky tonk with a cold beer There's nothing better in this world than these three things right here

Easy living, home to the willy and gold beer Scrubbing on their parts too All the ladies, they are playing it cool Fair enough I better talk to them And try not to look like an asshole I got my intuition And I don't need no pick up lines Just get straight into conversation

And give them damn good time Ladies let's go to my place Yeah! Easy living Off the top with a cold beer Tonight is the night, I've got to live it up And drink my conscience clear There's nothing better in this world Than these three things right here

Easy living,ping, talking And cold beer There's nothing better in this world than these sweet things right here Easy living, honky tonk women and cold beer. Easy living, honky tonk women and cold beer. Easy living, honky tonk women and cold beer. Easy living, honky tonk women and cold beer. Easy living, honky tonk women and cold beer. I'll be done with it. I'm going to get it. Easy, baby. I'll be done with it.

I'm going to get it. Easy, baby. I'll be done with it. I'm going to get it. Easy, baby. I'll be done with it.