The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #132: A Broad Locked Up: Bingo Update

Episode Date: March 25, 2016

Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon and Barnes & Noble   Bingo Update: Details of Bingo's return from New Orleans and her next adventure. Recorded March 20, 2016 in the Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Hennigan (@MrHennigan), and Castle Rock Kenny (@cstlrckkenny). Produced by Castle Rock Kenny. Edited by Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). LINKS:Castle Rock Kenny@[e-mail] Websitehttp://www.kenny4mayor.com/ Doug Stanhope's Celebrity Death Pool - https://www.dougstanhopescelebritydeathpool.com/Pre Order Doug's book "Diggin Up Mother: A Love Story" on Amazon and Barnes & NobleBrian Hennigan's book, "Patrick Robertson: A Tale Of Adventure" Available now -http://ataleofadventure.com/Closing song, "Castle Rock Kenny 4 Mayor", by Kalle Mathiesen (@8Kalle). Watch the video on Youtube.com here -  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RooyxNj1tDYDoug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Here, here's the bingo update from the last time we podcasted. She disappeared to New Orleans out of the blue. What I did not know until she came back. Well, I kind of helped that happen because when we were doing the Bert Kreischer podcast, best podcast ever, ever, ever. I came back in shit-faced. She was in here during the podcast on the computer buying patio furniture for this bus that she was refurbishing, like a broken-down bus,

but she was going to make it into an artist studio out at Washtub Willie's outhouse flats. And she thought, oh, if I get some of that patio furniture that we have here at the uh safe house here on van dyke that i could move that around real easy and and whatever i'm buying it with my own money like you don't have your own money if you're leaving me you have disability like 900 bucks a month yeah you shouldn't be buying a 1500 set of outdoor patio furniture on your last ever credit card which is a responsible idea but evidently after the burt kreischer incident where i went back in really

fucked up and evidently i dressed her down about that like this you don't have any fucking money you want to fucking leave be i don't know what i said i have no recollection of it whatsoever but she said i beat her up pretty hard about verbally fucking jamie kilstein i didn't beat my wife i beat her up verbally about fucking fiscal responsibility to a point where she just went, I'm just leaving. So I was the dick that caused her to leave to begin with. But she didn't tell you in the moment that she was leaving. I don't know what she told me. I'm relying on her recollection, which you know, she's like the 26th person in Chinese telephone

when she tells you a story that just happened to her. But she drove Bert to the airport. Yeah. And everyone knows that part of the story. She came back from New Orleans. She was here for three days, three and a half days. I was sick as shit, just trembling on a couch, watching the last two seasons.

I didn't know they had a fourth season of House of Cards coming, so I never watched the third because I heard it was kind of boring. And I thought, well, it's the last season anyway. If it's boring, I'm not going to watch it. Fourth season just came out. I have Netflix. boring i'm not gonna watch it fourth season just came out i have netflix i watch two seasons of netflix while i'm sweating through one night gino i sweat through five sets of clothing i was like pouring sweat i was so sick that i'm peeling it off like i just came out of off the fucking flume that that wet.

And then I go shivering and I get another long John shirt and put it on dry and sweat through that five in one night. So day four, bingo has her regularly scheduled. Here's the thing. You guys, if you follow, you know know now she's in a mental institution. But what you don't know is she wasn't crazy going in. She wasn't like flipped out. Other times where she's gone sketchy and starts cutting through her forehead with scissors to make the pain go away. She wasn't like that. She was rational even erickson said one of the days i was sick i couldn't erickson came from la to hang out to check on me people are worried

about you i know they told me they were doing that it was quite funny that's why I was so sick, because that entire week when I got back from New Orleans, it was a revolving door of Gino or Alex or everyone. Stalker Deb. I just just worried about you. And, you know, I cannot be social if I'm not drinking. And Floyd, like, you're not going to leave Floyd hanging. He's just back on the wagon or off the wagon. So he comes over.

Well, I get a drink with Floyd. I know it's only 1.30 in the afternoon, but I was worried about you. Hey, let's have a drink. So I was drinking so much day and night with all the people. Who were checking on you. Checking on me. And then it gets to the nights you want to drink. It's fight night, UFC.

Well, I planned on drinking that night, and I'm so fucked that I really, I ran myself into the ground to the point where i'm you know i'm with all the people that say hey don't die on us and i'm like oh i'm i really thought oh this is really physically an imperative that i stop and erickson had driven out from la with mitchell and they're here for three days and two we drank and then the third i'm i i'm sorry i know you're here for another day and you came out to help but i can't get off the couch i'm i'm a quivering fucking wreck i just i i didn't eat i drank a half a small bottle of water that gretchen who came over to check on me, because she's worried about me.

So. On the third day. Third and a half day, Bingo has her regularly scheduled meeting with her fucking psych doctor. TV screen. TV screen via Skype. Nurse practitioner acting as a doctor. But it was a new one. So Bingo had to catch the new person up on her thing.

And she described whatever her most recent episodes are. And some of them have been pretty weird. When we were shooting that pilot, she left here at like 1130 in the morning, went over to the other house the quiet house where her all of her costumes are i'm just gonna go take a shower and i'm coming back came back 45 minutes later i don't know if you are here but uh saying just you could tell this look of terror in her face and she's dressed in all feathers and a hat going two women they they they were the two women at the house are they from the uh johnny depp's

uh production because they they they dressed me up and they they bathed me and they helped me pick out outfits and everyone's here this was the day before and everyone's looking at her everyone knows this didn't happen there's no two women at the other house that bathed you and dressed you and like you know the kentucky derby she looks like big hat and feathers and and she was terrified and she still to this day swears there were two women there. I mean, she knows that there weren't, but it was so vivid. Like the shining, you know, the fucking old woman in the bathtub.

There were two women bathing her. She even blamed them for making the mess. That's good. But then she also she did I mean she gave a very vivid description of her state of mind

on a podcast and there were people who were legitimately when that went out going is she okay is you know she's talking about killing herself

and all these thoughts here's the thing for the people that don't listen to the podcast I'm addressing you people hear shit from the podcast and then email or tweet me saying hey uh is everything okay i heard some shit's going on

like if you listen to the podcast you know yes i know it's okay we thrive on this yeah i'm just saying i know people who listen to the podcast and you know we're asking so yeah uh so she goes to her new doctor and she at some point she must have said the word suicide some kind of uh buzzword for uh you're a threat to your danger to yourself or others and they said you have to get locked up immediately and this is before we can even talk about because i've been sick for three days i go listen go work on your projects i'm not going to be up for a while i spent two days where i was so sick didn't want a cigarette i go if i can get three days under my belt maybe i can coast this out and quit for a while and uh go just work on

your shit and we'll talk about all the washtub willie and the relationship stuff after that and that morning she left she left to go to her just regularly scheduled doctor's appointment and i go as soon as you get back we'll talk about this shit and we'll fucking straighten everything out everything looks good we're getting along and she calls from the doctor's office going well this didn't work out i can't get out she she wasn't as throaty yeah yeah this didn't work out like i hoped i'm going to lock up voluntarily yeah They tell you, well, you can go voluntarily or we can make you go. But if you have that checkmark in that box, won't make a difference. We're not going to let you go till we decide.

So she got locked up in a fucking loony bin. They put her up in Phoenix, which is great. And she's excited on some level that she is locked up in a place where you actually get to see a doctor because I, and I don't want to give away this bit because it's on the new special that should be coming out. Hey, CAA get fucking working.

If you want the golden fucking carrot at the end of the rod, that's anyway, you know what I'm talking about? She's happy to see a doctor for once. Because here she talks to a nurse practitioner via Skype about her mental illness, which in 10 years of being with Bingo, I, knowing absolutely nothing, know that I am the best mental health care provider she has ever had in 10 years in Cochise County, just from being around it.

And I have no idea what the fuck is going on. But I know they're far more retarded when it comes to the subject of mental health care. So now she's excited to see a doctor problem being that was uh she saw one no no no no she was supposed to see one today today is monday when we're recording this she got locked up in bisbee on wednesday had to spend the night in the er because there is no mental health, you know, psych ward in Bisbee. You have to wait for the first available bed to come.

Closest one is 30 miles away in Sierra Vista or 100 miles away in Tucson or 200 miles away in Phoenix where she was hoping. She asked, don't put me in Sierra Vista. I'll get the same bullshit. Get me to a city where I get a real doctor. Because she does have real problems, but no one knows how to deal with them. Again, I was in the room when a nurse practitioner via Skype locally said, Next time you feel like hurting yourself, just try getting a new hairstyle or a manicure.

I put that in my act and people think I'm kidding. No, that was an actual quote. So now she's, but she's waiting. She's been sitting in what is, if you've never been locked up against your will, it's the same as jail. You can't have anything we went to visit her the first time and she's wearing prison scrubs that are oversized no shoes because her shoes had laces her pajama pants she's a pro she's been locked up before but she forgot about the laces so she had pajama pants but they have a tie the tie, they fall down to her ankles. But if you have the tie, well, you can hang yourself.

She's not, she was not, she was in such a good state of mind when she went in, is my point. You don't have to worry about her, but she's trying to capitalize on this opportunity to see a real doctor to see. Hey, talk to me. I live in the fucking sticks. They still cure mental illness with fucking leeches and acupuncture.

Yes. Western Eastern medicine. Here's some Chinese curbs served at China land. us in here's some chinese herbs served at chinaland so the first day she was in she called finally after 20 hours they wouldn't even let her use a phone for 20 hours i'm sitting there waiting for a fucking call calling up well when she has her patient id number then she then uh she'll call you with that and then you can call her and i waited 20 hours thinking oh is she fucking me off has washtub willie up there fucking taking care of business i don't know no they just made her wait to the possible the the last possible minute of the 24 hours listen i there, there's some good people there and there's some bad people there. And we'll discuss this after we find out when she's out.

If you've been good to her Valley hospital. Oh, we'll sing your praises and Dr. Raby, who you're supposed to meet tomorrow. Yes. If, if you're a,

if you're good, we will sing your praises we'll do lots of commercials for you you will be sponsored by the doug stano podcast or vice versa but if you're not have a nice sit down and fucking wait for it anyway uh so bingo calls and she the first phone call she had this is Friday morning by now she's been locked up in Bisbee overnight Wednesday in the ER which is like what seven rooms is that

you know yeah seven rooms she's in the air tight they give her crayons and some my little pony package of kids shit no food she's just sitting there in a glass room wednesday uh that's wednesday thursday she can't call friday morning she finally calls and she's you can hear her voice trembling and i i don't know why i did this i i wanted it's i'm it's awful and she goes

i just need a cigarette so bad uh what they do when you if you have cigarettes they give you tobacco because they don't want a fucking mental illness riot prison riot but what they do is they dole them out to you if you have cigarettes when check in, they'll put them behind the desk. And during the four cigarette breaks you get a day, they'll hand you two of your cigarettes. So she can't bum cigarettes from someone because they only get enough to smoke during the break. So can I get one? No, they fucking keep them beyond that desk so the first thing she says is i just want a cigarette so bad and i would hang on honey and i tweeted facebook and tweeted hey

if you're a if you're in phoenix and you want to be a hero go to this address here's her patient number 30019 and drop off Marlboro Reds. And within an hour and a half, she had so many packs of cigarettes dropped off to her that they wouldn't fit. Every patient has like a box of their stuff behind the desk with nurse ratchet. They couldn't fit that many. So they stopped bringing them upstairs to where she is. Cause she had so many packs of cigarettes and she was, she can't thank you enough. We visited her twice.

And again, and I went up Saturday. I went up the Friday night before that. And she, the first thing she says is thank everyone so much because not only not only does she have cigarettes, but she said it's not a cliche. You have so much. She'll get cigarettes. We get a fan behind the desk at the ward.

She found a Doug Stanhope fan odd in a fucking psych ward. You work in a psych ward and you're a Doug Stanhope fan, awed in a fucking psych ward? You work in a psych ward and you're a Doug Stanhope fan? Yep. So she's got some cachet. And then today, Monday, that was Friday she got the cigarettes. Today, Monday, because when I put that out, I said also, hey, just send her mail, send her postcards. I'm going to give you guys the address. I said, send postcards, but make sure you say, hey, I'm a huge fan in some way that makes the people that work there realize she's famous.

We got a celebrity here or what? Who is that? I ain't never heard of her. Celebrity here or what? Who is that? I ain't never heard of it. So today she said, she called, she goes, I just got mail call. And they said they've never seen this much mail ever since they've worked here.

She's just got a deluge of fan mail. Does she get to see the mail? She said they have to open it up if it's in an envelope. That's why I was saying send a postcard because, A, I want them to read the postcard where it says we're a huge fan so that you know every asshole there. These are not medical professionals, the people that collect the mail. No. They're bored, gossipy, irritated people. Because there are crazy people there that are irritating. I mean, I give them shit because they're not.

They're orderlies. And they're irritated because, yeah. They get spit on. Bingo Today. You're going to love this. Bingo Today, which she called once. And there was an incoming nurse and uh they had had uh the incoming nurse talked to bingo as like a case study oh like uh okay

this is what you're gonna deal with and bingo now she knows that front desk guy that's a fan he's like well talk to bingo and she'll tell you why she's here and use that as an example and she goes i get to talk to someone with brains for like a half an hour and it was she this is bingo said and it was so nice to finally meet someone in the last five days that doesn't drink soap she fucking fell to my knees laughing and she wasn't kidding so she thanks every one of you and keep sending shit

we're going to take a break after this I don't know when she's getting out they said she was going to meet with a doctor finally after five days for the first time today but no they got pushed till tomorrow really and she's it's it's a triage situation where you have the most desperate cases and she's the least desperate case which means she's gonna float around in this system

longer than everyone else yeah i mean bear in mind i was i was talking to you over the weekend on the phone and shit and so I was aware of the diagnosis and how she'd been locked up and then sent up there. And when I went, so when I came with you to the hospital, it was a little bit like arriving at a real hospital for physical injury, having been told that your friends had now been in a car crash and you find them on the tennis court.

and I've been in a car crash and you find them on the tennis court. Because she just seemed like bingo. There was nothing wrong with her whatsoever. And she walked into the visiting room with these oversized prison scrubs. It looked like a Halloween costume. And she's doing this walk hunched over with her elbows

swinging this way and that way like an old Charlie Chaplin-y walk. Cartooning it up. Everyone else is crying and modeling in the visiting room and she comes in just bouncy bouncy. Look at how silly I look. She loves it.

The meeting room was okay. It was a little bit like a Hewlett Packard cafeteria. The oddest thing about it was you'd look around the tables and think, which one's the patient? Who's visiting who? We did a lot of that. Me and Brian, when we were waiting for her to come down, we're going, all right, let's play.

Which one's the patient? Which one's the visitor? Yeah. Because they all had normal clothes. You could tell by the shoes. That's how you could tell. No laces. Yeah, no laces in the shoes.

Kenny's been there. Been there. Done that. I called after we left the second visit on Saturday. And because Brian's going to leave I'm going to Daytona we're going to leave your girlfriend in a mental institution I don't know if she's my girlfriend yet

when she said we'll talk after my fucking regularly scheduled doctor's appointment we're going to talk about all this stuff I washed up Willie and all that. And then she immediately goes from doctor's appointment to Bisbee ER lock up, waiting to be ambulance driven to the first available bed in a psych unit. So I visit her in Bisbee ER and I'm like, well, all this psych shit,

your episodes happen when you're under a lot of stress. So I'd really like to talk to you about what the fuck is going on with Washtub Willie. But it's not a good time to bring it up because that's when you have your episodes. So now I have to wait. And it makes it look like I'm stringing this goddamn soap opera podcast out longer. So still, yeah, it's all in flux but i called uh brian and i have to travel out of here wednesday wednesday morning i gotta go to daytona you gotta go home fucking make all my career happen yeah so i call uh i call the hospital he goes well if i can fly out of phoenix

i go i could probably change my flight to fly out of phoenix too and just leave the car for her in case she gets sprung while we're in daytona and i just leave it in the parking lot because she's a customer you'd think you could park there so So I call the hospital. I go, hey, listen, my wife is locked up there, and I don't know if she's going to get sprung out of the hatch while I'm out of town next week, so can I leave her car there in case she gets sprung while I'm away? And the lady said, that's a really good question. Because everyone there is broke it's just the same as jail

where there's no nobody with money is in jail they have bond and so she had to send me to a higher up who was just as confused wow we never had a patient pull in and go, hey, I need to go to the loony bin. Can I leave my car? Do you validate parking? Is there guest parking signs anywhere? No, there's signs that say not responsible for lost valuables. And when you go to visit, you can have nothing on you. So any good criminal would know from 730 to 830,

everyone's valuable shit is in their car in that parking lot. Yeah, they do now. Yes, they do. Good. Good. Maybe they'll change the rules. They do give you a locker to put your shit in. Anyway.

And the security is your on the honor system first time i friday night i visited there was a actual cop in uniform who was like watching you right beside the desk where you check in when oh actually we had to check in late so maybe there was a cop that day we were late saturday anyway so uh yeah that was i don't know oh oh that was the point with the parking i i said she goes well if there's a financial trouble i go we're financially stable she goes okay well i go uh if she gets out i you know i said, I'm just checking my options. Cause she, the woman started bartering with me.

Well, if you're dropping off her car, who's driving you and where are you going? I'm like, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just seeing what my options are. I said it very politely. I'm going to say everything very politely until she's out and free with no

shackles around her ankles. And then we'll get to the shit she said uh i said i i might just fly her out you're close to the airport if she gets out and i'm in daytona i i'll just i'd prefer to just put her directly into a cab onto a plane and i said jokingly but not jokingly, because I know bingo would do it. I go, it would be really funny if she just left your place in those prison scrubs. You make them dress in and just jumped into a first class seat to Florida

wearing those prison scrubs. And you could feel her palpably recoil in the shame of, oh, wait, you mean someone could see how awfully we treat these people? Like someone has enough money that they could get onto a first-class seat to Florida? Right out of the band. Yeah, maybe you should reconnoiter your whole endeavor we're

gonna take a break unless you had something to chime in with all right well we'll be back after this very important message please hold are you having legal trouble and don't know where to turn trying to find an attorney you can trust? Do you think you've been cheated out of contingent compensation of back-end proceeds from third parties in the territory defined as North America and Mexico, including but not limited to all ancillary and subsidiary rights,

whether audio-only, video-only, audio-video or otherwise? Don't let a legal entity based in a mid-shore jurisdiction for legal or other purposes kick sand in your face. Not me. Call Eric Greenspan at the law offices of My Man Greenspan, Five Man Fox, Rosenberg and Life. Eric Greenspan, when physical intimidation isn't enough.

Call Eric Greenspan, 310-820-7717. And keep calling. Mention Kenny for Mayor and get 10% discount. This advertisement has been approved. All right, here's a quick and incomplete list of thank yous from shit we got from people at 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. That's where you send shit that we get.

Non-narcotic. This guy sent this. This is when I quit drinking for five days. Quit drinking and smoking. Did I bring that up already? Yeah. And this sounded so good, and I've been drinking them every day since I started drinking

again uh at negroni joe 79 sent me a bottle of jameson and a bottle of butterscotch de kuiper saying this is the best irish coffee ever and you're right i do still add a little Carolyn's fake Bailey's cheap Bailey's into it. Thank you. Negroni Joe 79 on Twitter at Negroni Joe 79. Chad Shank couldn't be here tonight because he's a big fat pussy. I have a mental illness and I'm going to kill everyone if I come over. So but he'll be in Florida. He's got a great fucking story from his last mental checkup.

He'll be telling that in Florida. Someone sent them like 50 bucks and said, hey, Chad, thank you for filling in for Doug. I enjoy your readings of the police beat included as a small gift in appreciation. I know you're not comfortable with accolades, so I will leave this short. Thank you again. John Wesley, Toledo, Ohio. Toledo. Yeah.

And he sent an envelope to Chaley, too, which I assume has 50 bucks in it. Maybe we should steal that. Should I get my first mayoral campaign donation? You don't need donations you're gonna have to uh you're gonna have to limit the budget yep someone uh here's where's that goddamn letter uh chad here chad clow i think it's cluff clough c-l-o-u-g-h again for all the laughs. You're a true number one fan. I guess at some point we're going to have to have some playoffs for the actual number one fans. It used to be so easy when you just sold it by money.

Well, we could do that again. No, we did that once. We got a psycho. No, we're going to have to do it like those old – the old when they had the NFL Pro Bowl, they do all those side games, throwing a football through a tire. Yeah. Skills challenge.

You want to be the number one fan. Maybe we do that kind of like human chicken drop. Ooh. We do some kind of, all right. Yeah. You want to be in Fight Club, you have to stand on the porch for three days just to be invited. Yeah.

We're going to have to do some tryouts to get into... Like Star Wars fans and things. Chad Clough. Clough. I'm thinking Clough. He sent that framed picture. It's an Instagram picture, but it's

blown up huge, like two feet by a foot and a half of me and Bingo in Vegas last year, or two years by a foot and a half, of me and Bingo in Vegas last year or two years ago. Two years ago. Two years ago. Jesus. Time flies. Yes.

With a couple comments underneath. It's very nice. And one more. No, that's it. All right. All right. That's the thank yous that I have in front of me this week

oh someone said this it's the skeptics read that big word skeptics annotated bible annotated bible it's still in the plastic wrapper so I guess it has footnotes of the bullshit

I assume it goes through the bible and says this didn't happen this is when dinosaurs were around or is it goes through the Bible and says this didn't happen. Yeah. This is when dinosaurs were around. Or is it like a rap verse and they got it slashed every time you need to take a break? Is there a reason we can't open it? No, you can open it. I keep that shit out here, so I try to remember to say thank you to everyone who sends shit. And I know I miss a lot of you, but that's the thank yous for this week. I got to go to Florida.

I got to thank Doug's publisher for sending me a couple of books. you but uh that's the thank yous for this week i gotta go to florida i gotta i gotta thank uh doug's uh publisher for sending me a couple of books decapo press oh shit i didn't plug my own goddamn book please pre-order the book i don't care where you get it from barnes and noble amazon it's called digging up mother it's important that you pre-order it for whatever reasons that they to make bestseller list shit so do that it's a fucking scam but not scamming you no so do that please do that they're scamming you but google it doug stanhope digging up mother and decapo press the fine people that put my book out, actually heard the podcast where Kenny's running for mayor and sent you a revised edition of Running a Meeting.

I don't actually remember the exact title. I knew you weren't going to, and that's why I was trying to hedge on you, trying to plug the book that they sent you. It's something about it. Thanks, Chaley. No, don't edit that, Chaley. That's our mayor.

He's not supposed to be groomed. At the very least, when you're a stooge, you're meant to be able to read the lines they give you. You can memorize them over a course of time. Yes. A course of time. The rapping mayor, Kenny. Yeah.

Do you want to get us back into the podcast with a little rhyme a little freestyle about what's going on about what it is where it's at well it's a it's it's in the bisbee az area code 520 i don't know but i'm about to be a mayor character canada c canada i don't know what to say but that's okay running for mayor kenny today that'll work and now back to the podcast already failing yes i thought you had something that was segway no well i mean we've never talked about greenspan really but he's our lawyer. He's our real lawyer. Like, the shit is going to hit the fan lawyer. I believe that on the last special, I said we're big Jewed up in L.A., and then we have our regular local attorney,

the DUIE kind of guy, and then we have our better-call Saul guy. So, yeah, Eric Greenspan is our... Yeah. When we got him, I wanted to have a lawyer we'd never have to use because you just tell people who your lawyer is and they

go, oh. And that is actually what happened when we signed that deal. They said, okay, well who's your attorney? And I went, Eric Greenspan. And they went, oh. All right.

Now we're going to have to start working fake commercials for doctors. Oh, yeah. This is what I didn't know. I don't know how the health care shit works. Last time I had a hernia, i threw it out there on my website i go hey i have an umbilical hernia that's your belly button blown out like a cocktail weenie and uh nurse betty said oh that can get uh strangulated and necrotized and you could die you just hear those those words. Yeah. So I put up on my website, hey, if you're a doctor, I'll trade you a free T-shirt and a DVD for umbilical hernia surgery.

Wow. And I got it. But I don't want to burn them again. But now the inguinal hernia has got to a point where I think I can't go on the road because that's where it's, I'm sure it started from coughing from smoking cigarettes. I assume. So I cough hard at night.

Yeah. Bingo tells me. And, but I would notice it on stage because I yell. And when you yell, you're putting pressure on your intestine, and your intestine starts to spill out of your ligaments. Like, oh, ow, oh, ow. So now I'm afraid to go on the road.

If I had a joke, I know I'm going to yell it. So evidently with Obamacare you just you can't just buy insurance anymore no because fucking fuck you at health net health net at health net you cocksuckers they fucking not only did they shut me off kenny you're a fucking you're a ditch pig fuck broke cunt yes yes i am if if you're late on, you're a ditch pig, broke cunt. Yes, yes, I am. If you're late on an insurance payment for your car, well, then you don't have insurance anymore, right? Well, at least two weeks after you get that last bill,

then you don't have insurance. Once you don't pay it, you don't have insurance. No, probably. Well, they canceled my insurance, so I canceled paying them. Well, that's what you do. They go the first of the year. So I just, I wrote, they go the first of the year so i just i wrote they go your your insurance is canceled for no reason they're just not just canceling it why

because so i stopped paying them they keep sending me bills they go well that last month you were insured what but yeah december i i'm not paying you for fucking december like once you told me it was canceled i thought our agreement was over well you had to send it in writing oh well you know what you have to send me in writing that i have to send that in writing didn't they call about that i have rules to you fucking cocksuckers shove your fucking 372 dollars up your ass it's funny how those rules only go one way is that a month no they don't they go both ways I know yes is that a

month I guess so god damn that's why I don't have insurance it's like when you know you call up some place and it says this call may be recorded if you say that to them they don't like it just always start every phone call with,

this call may be recorded. For quality purposes, yes. And then you can do prank calls. You can do jerky boys all day. This call might be monitored and recorded for quality insurance purposes. Anyway, the point is you don't have insurance. The point is, so yeah,

so over the last couple months, it just gurgled. But it gurgles like a coffee maker. I can squeeze it. I know when I'm about to fart. It's bad. It's getting ready to burst. So I call up my insurance lady who said,

hey, they're canceling your policy. We should do something before the first of the year. Well, the first of the year for me is super bowl. That's I have a different Chinese new year's ass. Oh yeah. Not a good time. So,

uh, they go, she goes, yeah, you can't buy any insurance now. Like for the, no, no,

I'm going to pay you money for the rest of the year. Yeah. Yeah. You're fucked. Once the deadline ends, you're screwed for the whole year i'm gonna pay you money no for the rest of the year yeah yeah you're fucked once the deadline ends you're screwed for the whole year i cannot buy insurance that doesn't make any sense i've had insurance i've had sag after insurance back when i had a tv show i never used it because it means paperwork i don't like paperwork i'll just ignore the problem now this is getting to a point where i should really address this when it's making audible sounds that wake me up. Yeah, I understand.

But you do see a certain moral in this tale. Yeah. Don't be like Kenny and not pay your bills. The fucking moral in this tale is the same as Subway breakfast sandwiches. We don't sell it after fucking 10 o'clock. No, I have money. That's what you do. You sell insurance.

I buy it. Well, now you can't do that. You can't buy. I can't take your money. Your money's no good here, sir. Apparently they don't get paid commission anymore. So I'm throwing it out there. I tweeted.

We talked about this. Health tourism. Health tourism where you can go to foreign countries and get different countries specialized. There's no hernia country, I found out. Not yet. But there are countries for transplants and heart things. So, yeah, I could pay cash.

Why not? I just thought if I went to a weird foreign country, it's a funny story. Yes, it is. You might end up in somebody's basement. When I'm drinking. Yeah. It's a funny story when you're drinking, but you can't be drinking. My question would always be okay

this goes wrong who do i sue and that's uh i talked to dr steve a big plug for dr steve dr steve is the opiate and gym uh resident doctor he's their go-to guy and he tweeted me back going don't do health tourism because you know inguinalnias, that's your regular groin hernia, have a tendency to go bad after surgery. And if you're not from Estonia, it's hard to go. There's no recourse. So, yeah, I think maybe I just calledie arts that did my umbilical and go hey why isn't it like an open market why can't you just say hey send me your bids for fixing this i you just did well because i think we only have two doctors that listen to us and one of them is

the fucking opiate and gym show a doctor i don't think i don't he he knows medicine but i don't know he doesn't do surgeries he watched a lot of house yeah so uh yeah help me out killer termites fix my hernia or i'll i'll never go on the road again health tourism would be good for things like i was moaning to you the other day that i just spent two and a half thousand dollars getting spectacles and concept lenses because my eyesight is so bad, I have to get them all custom made in fucking Germany. At Mr. Hennigan has eyesight that is so bad, he has Coke bottle contact lenses.

I have the full Woody Allen. What is it, minus 2,500? I can't, yeah. Mr. MacGoo glasses. It's very bad. And that's not covered by Obamacare, which is not, I mean, it's not my fault I have terrible eyesight. That's part of your body,

isn't it? And just getting regular spectacles and contact lenses over two and a half years. It's your mother's fault. She's still alive. She's in a loony bin too, right? No, she's in, well, yeah, kind of. By the way, Chaley's mother died and uh

she was in hospice care quickly and uh here's to chaley's mother chaley texted me early in the morning yesterday saying hey oh by the way mother's dead. And all I could think to say was, hey, now we can both eat Pez for breakfast without getting yelled at. Yeah, it seems like only yesterday I was talking to him in a car ride about his mother getting a reverse mortgage for a house.

And that was like 10 years ago. Jesus. Now he's got a reverse mortgage for a house. Him and his twin. Him and his evil twin. So, hey, here's before I forget. Bingo. We don't know when she's getting out.

No one knows when she's getting out. So please continue. Even if she is out out if you hear this podcast three years from now still fill out a postcard and send it to amy bingaman b-i-n-g-a-m-a-n number 30019, Cara Valley Hospital, 3550 East Pinchot Avenue. Pinchot, that's P-I-N-C-H-O-T. Like Rachel Pinchot is a girl I fucked in 1993 in San Angelo, Texas, and I fucked her three times in one night. It was the only time I've ever done that kind of numbers.

The trifecta. 3-5-5-0 East Pinchot Avenue, Phoenix, Arizona, 85018. And just send a postcard saying, I'm a huge fan, heard that you're locked up. And just even if she's not there, it's funny to make the legend of bingo. That's already in the making with all the postcards and letters and mail and cigarettes she's received in five days.

You guys are fucking beautiful. Bingo is dumbstruck by your outpouring of support, and the goof is funny. And these cocksuckers need to know that they're being watched. And you know what? Not everyone that shuffles into that place is indigent with no recourse. We are recourse. So, yes, keep up with that customer service, Valley Hospital, and killer termites.

And that's cocksuckers in a good way, we might say. At the very least, it'd be great if we got them to retire the number. 30019, a banner. I want a banner in Valley Hospital of a retired

patient number. I actually sent a postcard to the wrong patient number. I thought it was three zero zero five seven and for some reason i didn't want to look again and i sent it to that but that's why you're going to be such a refreshing change in the mayor's office kenny because you own up to your mistakes yes well patient number three zero zero five seven no do you have a postcard yeah you you admitted you took a really simple piece of basic admin and fucked up entirely that means that's why you're qualified hey i forgot the line you

gave me 30 seconds after you gave it to me remember that so the the problem with the – you can't bring anything into the visiting room. And to see bingo in these blue prison scrubs, they look – they're the same texture as a Walmart reusable bag, those blue bags you get at Walmart. But they're one-tenth of the – Quality. Yeah, the heft the the heft all right the weight she was actually like peeling the no i can peel these off and she's peeling parts of her outfit off i've been to both jail and the mental house and i know what that fabric is like it sucks and you can't hang yourself with it, I guess. Well, you could.

If you really tried, you can use the pants. I'm assuming it must... I threatened it. Trust me. I said, you give me pants, you will find me dangling off something in this jail cell. I imagine that's why they do it,

because they don't want it to have the strength to be a noose. I have no idea. That's how they find them hanging in their cells all the time litigation reasons it's all fucking it's all like people liability making sure they can't be sued their blankets or their their pants but they they should find a way to like just kind of qualify the buyer like talk to bingo for five minutes if you're a a credible human being

the people that work there a lot of them in the industry are you know just shit bags they you wouldn't know wait are you a friar person at Wendy's? Yeah. You should not be in charge of health care, especially when someone's at their most vulnerable. And you're just like, oh, you should have been able to use the phone 20 hours ago to tell your loved ones where they are while they're panicking at home going, well, I can't call her.

They took away her phone. They took away her shoes. They took... Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to tell her she can use the phone. They took away her phone. They took away her shoes. They took... Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot to tell her she can use the phone. That's a big problem. It's the healthcare equivalent of the TSA. It's people in uniforms with badges

who are empowered in a way they shouldn't be. Right. Who got their degrees on the internet, most likely. No, no. These are like front desk people. Staff. Oh. Just staff.

The most uncordial. Sorry, I just have to take back. I said they don't have degrees in a really condescending way and I hate people with degrees. I just realized the way I said that was really...

We're all cunts. I know, but that was... They don't have degrees, Kenny. That was gr disgusting. We're all cunts. I know, but that was... Don't you worry. They don't have degrees, Kenny. That was grotesque. But I get a notepad taking names every time I call, who answers the phone, their demeanor, the ramifications of the demeanor on the mental health state of the patient. Yep.

But what if it's just the case... on the mental health state of the patient. Yep. But what if it's just the case... There's going to be a Yelp review from God coming down on you. Better be on the right side of the Lord on this one. Amen. But what if it's just the case that almost everyone is a shitbag and all that happens is they cycle through different jobs all over the place.

Like the people that that get fired from health valley insurance or hospital they just turn up at your fucking you know barnes and noble and not offering to put your books in a bag you know that type of thing it's just they're just on this endless treadmill the point is if you don't get your books put in a bag at Barnes & Noble, it doesn't destroy your entire fucking family for a day. Or life. Or life. There's a limit of the number of people who care in the world. I know.

That's why we don't have children. I have a child. Her name is Bingo. It's interesting. I remember there's an interesting survey about you're talking about if an ordinary, like if she'd been diagnosed correctly. There are some interesting

statistics about your chances of being diagnosed as mentally unstable. They vary depending what country you're in. Well, that makes no sense because that would indicate that a geographic boundary

would have an impact on global healthcare. This doesn't make any sense. I mean, if there was any sense to the idea of mental diagnosis, it'd be the same rate at every single country. Yeah, it's all bullshit.

Thank you, mentally ill people, for chiming in and people who've gone through this and all the people on Twitter. Yeah, we're doing our best. Nothing's bad. Bingo's happy to be seeing a doctor. The saga goes on. The soap opera doesn't end.

Is she with me or a fucking boxcar? Boxcar. He's the guy that used to pee his pants in Seattle. One way or another, you got a new set of yard furniture. Oh, yeah. That patio furniture that Bingo was looking up on the internet that I evidently gave her a ration of shit about that sent her to orleans to begin with is sitting in a on a uh what a pallet yeah pallet higher than the

roof of the patio right now and there's no bus anymore i walked in and that's why i said what's that i said that's the patio furniture i think the patio furniture is leaning against the roof of that almost. It is leaning against it and higher than it. And, yeah, and I just, everyone locally, I just tell them, listen to the podcast. Because people come over, hey, what's going on with bingo? One at a time. And I'm so tired of fucking talking about it. Listen to the podcast.

I'm going to say it once. You listen to the podcast or you listen to gossip. Either way. I'm tired of talking about it. I don't know what happens from here. Hopefully I know we're going to goddamn Daytona beach to see junior stop. Andy Andrist and Sean Rouse all on one bill, the funniest and most, uh,

what would you, what would you call it it's walking it'll be like watching a drunk man cross a minefield on stage the funniest people but it could go sideways so fast and that's march 25 26 in daytona beach it. I don't know where it is. It's like something playa, something bar. It's been a change. I don't know. Yeah, they changed the venue. We'll be there. Check on Twitter. It's my goddamn birthday.

I'm 49 finally, and I've been saying I'm 50 since I was 47 because it's around them. I'm like 50 years old. You're're gonna give me shit like that you're gonna never mind by the time i'm 50 people are gonna think i'm lying about my age because i've been saying i'm 50 since i'm 47 i lied the wrong way anyway so uh yeah we're gonna go there bingo we'll find out we'll find out what happens next. Thank you all for listening. Thank you, Greg Chaley, for editing this and getting it out promptly.

We'll talk to you soon. Kenny for mayor. Kenny for mayor. Kenny for mayor. And play a song. Castle Rock Kenny, for me I'm this beat He's a no-brainer, he's a thing with his twisty Castle Rock Kenny, for me I'm this beat He's got a beautiful team behind him.

Spin, Doc, the chat. Shake! Chat! Shake! And speech writer, Doc Stanhope. Oh, Doc Stanhope. Castle of canyons. For me, I'm this bee. Oh, Doc, stay at home. Catch what can move. I'm a-ing this beat.

It's a no-brainer, it's a no-brainer, it's a no-brainer.