The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #133: Bingo is OUT!

Episode Date: March 31, 2016

Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon and Barnes & Noble This episode is sponsored by Squarespace.com. Enter offer code dougstanhope at checkout to get 10% off your first purchase.   Bingo is released from the mental hospital and shares her experience. She also debuts a song from her new album and Doug read's a passage from her book.   Recorded March 30, 2016 in the Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bingo (@bingobingaman), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.   LINKS: Castle Rock Kenny 4 Mayor Website http://www.kenny4mayor.com/ Pre Order Doug's book "Diggin Up Mother: A Love Story" on Amazon and Barnes & NobleClosing song, "Let Me Out", by Amy "Bingo" Bingaman.Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

This episode's brought to you by Squarespace. Squarespace, oh, start building your website today at squarespace.com. Squarespace, you can be a square, don't be a triangle, or a quadrilateral. Enter offer code Doug Stanhope at checkout to get 10% off your first purchase. It's even good for the ladies! Alright. Alright. It's even good for the ladies. All right. All right. Let me out indeed.

Hey, we're back home after that 48, 10-minute podcast marathon in Daytona that I remember being there. You saw pictures. I haven't seen pictures yet. I did see pictures of the Bill Burr puppet act with Junior Stopka and Sean Rouse. I remember seeing a clip that I couldn't hear as well as I heard it live, which live it was fucking beautiful. But Alex came over today and said, that might have been the funniest thing I've ever seen on the internet.

If you got the first link and the link is no longer good, it's because we uploaded with better audio. So just search around. Just do, what was it, Bill Burr Puppet Act, and it'll come right up. The amount of work that Chaley can do while in the throes of such a bender is astounding to me. And sometimes I kind of want to think that he secretly does meth, so he's just up fiddling with stuff anyway while he's that fucked up.

Because meth heads are very productive people. But to no result. There's, like, toasters taken apart. Artistically, yeah. Art cars? Come on. Who can sit there and superglue 2,500 of those little plastic G.I. Joes and paint all their helmets a unique style.

Meth heads. I've never seen a meth head that does something like that. Oh, my God. There's a club. Hey, old school comics, I know you don't know how to listen to podcasts either, but if anyone ever played the Midvale comedy club in midvale utah where that guy did the song and dance act up front it's like i'm bringing las vegas to utah sketched out of his

tit but they had every bell and whistle like laughing with cuckoo clocks coming out of the walls and shards of mirror each carved into to make mosaics it was unbelievable and the worst opening act ever we couldn't paper the room like you'd go out and you try to give free tickets away back in the day hey comedy show tonight and they go is that guy still open it there's no way i'm sitting through that because as more of that uh income went through a glass pipe the less he could pay comics so it was it boiled down to he'd just hire a headliner that was not ready to headline like me and uh then he'd do 45 minutes of this song and dance crowd rap act where it was the same crowd rap every night he'd just invent someone returning the answer he wanted to hear even though there's like 12 people i have videotape of it to this day brian hennigan will not answer

the question what happened to all that videotape that I gave you? Oh, he thinks it's, well, no, I had it digitized. Yeah, well, where is it now? Well, I have to talk to Brandon Bennett. Well, talk to him for years. He's stockpiling, waiting for me to be dead. So that's his retirement program. I have no doubt about it wait that a lot

of that footage was the footage you and i got that was like a whole tour where i would get there early like pre-set up the show and then i'd set up two cameras and then i'd always have a hand held on me yeah gave him crates of fucking videotapes to have brand Bennett digitize. Yeah. I never heard another word. Well, no, I thought I gave it back to you. The answer changes all the time. You know what? My crawl space isn't that deep. I'd notice if I had crates

of videotape. No, there's none of that. Anyway, Bingo's back and she's on the air with us. Hi, guys. Yeah. Do, guys. Do a shot. Wake up. Be adorable.

I'm getting a strong fucking drink here. You look like shit, but we're happy to have you back. Thanks. I don't think you've bathed since the asylum. I have only been working on the book. On the mic. The book that is completed after a dozen years at least? It had to be about 12, I think.

First time I read it was 11. Yeah. And that was in a rough form that you decided to keep it in a rough form. Exactly. It's her diaries from her time, her first lockup in Wyoming, rural Wyoming. First, like. As though there's a metropolis there. But ruraler, ruraler Wyoming to start. And then on to, was it Rock Springs?

Evanston. Evanston. Yeah. Is that where we played, where we had the off track betty yes yes that was a great hotel that it wasn't the mental institution we played a slightly nicer place slightly actually we didn't even play there we had an off night off night coming from lander where she was originally locked up, going to Salt Lake. But that's where we hung out. I do remember that after we left that hotel. We gambled all day on the off-track betting, which was so fun.

And it was World Cup. Yes. But I do remember that the next day in the morning was the first day that I remember you talking at length about being locked up. You were talking about all the issues you had with food and how they wouldn't let you eat when you wanted to eat, and that really spun you out. I've seen you in episodes. I've heard you talk about certain things.

I've heard Doug talk about certain things. But you must have talked for about an hour of relaying your experiences, which I'd never heard before. I'm almost tempted to break early right now and go on twitter to get questions for bingo from her most recent lockup you like that idea bingo let's do it all right cut uh all right well yeah let's uh let's or we can please hold in a minute it's not like it's going to be real time to the listener. Let's take a break. Let's do it. I want to give some shout outs first.

I got a bunch of postcards and stuff here. But the one that someone sent, and I hate it when I don't remember to write down the name. But it's worse when they don't even give me their names. Someone sent us a Valley Hospital. This is her most recent lockup in Phoenix where you were sending all that shit to and the cigarettes and the postcards and all the mail. And they said, oh, well, we're releasing her,

but we'll forward all that mail. I just got someone who had sent mail that had it returned. valley hospital phoenix is full of shit so if you want to continue to send mail like we were imploring you to do to make bingo just an everlasting lock-up mental institution legend send it in care of the ceo michelle david ungoogleable name that's very convenient michelle david originally from new york but moved to arizona for the warm weather oh don't think i can't find you i just don't have a lot of time right now but send it in care of her and say, hey, why did you lie to us? Why did Bingo's doctor lie to her? Dr. Andrea Raby, you were locked up for 10 days.

And you actually liked your doctor, which doesn't mean a fucking thing. No, she reminds me of Susie Bizzell with high heels and fake tits all pushed up. Allegedly. You want to sue me in court, I'm going to squeeze them on the stand. But I only got to see her twice and for about six minutes, maybe. And then you got finally cut loose when they said, Oh, we're going to set you up with some good doctors in Tucson. Well, I requested that.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. So after 10 days of walking around Guantanamo style in navy blue threadbare prison scrubs in those shoes, they cut you loose and gave you absolutely zero medical attention? Yeah. They changed one med? No, no, they changed quite a few meds, but they didn't even look that up, and I wasn't able to fill four of them.

So you didn't even have the medication that you needed? No. so you didn't even have the medication that you needed no well she got she got back here let's say sent the boots to the ground yeah hey make your way back well you sent an ambulance he brought me up in an ambulance how am i supposed to get home four hours away well when you get there you'll have medication evidently they thought she was walking because they say medicare won't pay for that medication for another week so she's supposed to be off of her meds and if you're off your meds what do you do that's the whole reason i went in to get my meds straight and talk to an actual doctor that you talked to the doctor's name is andrea raby at phoenix uh valley hospital phoenix

3550 east pincho avenue p-i-n-c-h-o-t pincho avenue east pincho and that's Phoenix, Arizona, 85018. Send the mail to Andrea Raby. That's R-A-B-Y. My baby's got rabies. Not gonorrhea, syphilis, or scabies. My baby's got Andrea Raby. She's absolutely mad about her. That was a bastardization of an old Dr. Demento song.

Speaking of our old friend, Dawn Little, I hope you listen to the podcast as you're wasting away from cancer. Dawn Little, you'd remember her. She was one of the first people to get a Doug Stanhope tattoo. And it was a Stanhope in 08 for president and she got it and my spaced me a picture of her tattoo wow like two days after i quit the race oh no oh i'm sorry i i stopped doing that whole doug stanhope open away. It wasn't funny. And I'm sorry. Can I pay to get it covered up?

Well, her cancer returned for the third time. And she said this time it went directly to the bone and sent me a very nice email about how much my comedy changed her. And I was the first person that, you know, the nice email you get. I didn't know people thought like that. And you changed my life, et cetera. It's very nice. And she said that she's going, I tweeted her back.

We talked about doing comedy hospice with her. I asked her who her dream comics would be from my friends if we wanted to do comedy hospice. Yeah. would be from my friends if we wanted to do comedy hospice yeah i actually i actually used that word stable for lack of a better one she goes oh that's an unfair question but definitely all caps and drist and she said and uh lipsky and uh levine and uh erickson I think Erickson or maybe someone else. Anyway, I said, I'll see what I can do. She goes, I just got back from my doctor, and they say they're going to give me my official diagnosis was this.

For the record, my doctor's name is Dr. Johan or Johanna Demento. is Dr. Johan or Johanna Demento. I go, you have Dr. Demento for your fucking hospice doctor. That's the best thing ever. So Dawn Little, we love you. And hopefully, I was afraid to ask you via email what your timeline was to see if we could actually do comedy hospice with you. Do you know what time you're going to die?

Oh, wait. I actually did ask that in a joking manner. But so, yes, Dr. Andrea Raby, thanks for nothing. Thanks for 10 fucking days and nothing. 10 fucking days and nothing. And hey, you pig fucking low-rent, low-wage cunt that's working outside of your weight class, Becky. Did I go into Becky? I know I dropped her name.

We cut that one out. Bingo first. I think I teased it in another one. I think so. Anyway, when Bingo went in, she had to go to the ER here in Bisbee, then wait overnight 18 hours in the er here until a bed opened up at a actual psych ward facility first want to open up phoenix four hours

away so while i'm with bingo in the er i called up there to go what's the lay of the land? What can she bring? What is she not allowed? Can she bring shoes? We've been down this road before. And this very nice guy named LaCrosse at Phoenix Hospital was very cordial. This is what you can do, and this is what you can't do. She probably can't have a guitar. You were asking if you could have your guitar.

Probably not, not at first. He said, as soon as she gets in, though, can't do she probably can't have a guitar you were asking if you could have your guitar probably not not at first he said as soon as she gets in though i said can she have a cell phone he said no but as soon as she gets in she'll be given a patient id number three zero zero one nine was what it turned out to be and that's on did i finish that story someone sent me a Valley Hospital shirt let me finish that dumb story get away from me I will you are so close to being put to sleep you fucking cat you just bother me all the god damn time

and I love you when I first put out Valley Hospital we were talking about your arts and crafts bullshit that you do for therapy mandatory yeah you're making you know glass pigeons or i don't know what you're doing glass pigeons this one we beaded bracelets oh yeah we put beads on bracelets and we had to go to this group mandatory so they gave you needles to make no no they the beads were open enough that

you stick it on this uh elastic string thing and then she had to tie it up for us in the end she's you're not allowed to make a knot it's so fucking ridiculous embarrassing uh but somebody sent a coffee mug and a t-shirt that they made up that say valley arts and crafts hospital and the t-shirt has your patient number on the back so in in that kind of mash style writing fucking beautiful it will get worn thanks whoever worn. Thanks, whoever did that. That's awesome. Whoever did that. Yes, we have to publicly shame Valley Hospital and any other mental health institution. Who's the fat girl you were talking about? The fat girl?

Becky. Oh, Becky. I didn't say fat. Did I say fat? I said low rent, low wage. You said a lot of things. Yeah. You fucking pig.

I might have said pig. Yeah. Okay. He said as soon as you get admitted, you're going to get a patient ID number that they're going to allow you to call me with. That way I can call the floor and get you any time I want. Well, that was at 9 o'clock in the morning. So it was 24 hours. Six hours later. You should have already been admitted two hours before that i call and i get the ward and i get this pugnacious snotty officious sounding

i couldn't be bothered with you or anyone that i am trying to supposed to be taken, taken care of. What's your name? Who is this? I go, who are you? I got Becky. That's what I got. And I said,

I said, I'm trying to reach my wife, Amy Bingaman, patient number three. Well, I didn't have the patient. She said, what's the patient number?

I go, I haven't got it yet. They were supposed to call with it. And then she gave me this snotty tone. Well, maybe she doesn't want to give it to you. So I can't even confirm that she's a patient here. I can just leave a message. If she's here, I'll give it to her.

I go, yeah, tell her to call her husband, Doug, because I had to differentiate in case wash tubs change her husband. Oh, no to differentiate in case washtubs. Oh, no, baby. Well, you never get the fucking message. So overnight, I'm thinking you just blew me off. I motherfucked you throughout the night. I went through a million different horrible mental states of not sleeping.

And then the next morning, 24 hours after you left the er you call me and i go where the fuck have you been she and bingo says this is the first time they let me use the phone yeah i go becky didn't give you that message yeah well becky's gonna get found so fuck you fuck you andrea Fake Tits Raby. Fuck you, Valley Arts and Crafts Hospital, because that's all you're good for is bracelets and charades. Another actual group therapy was charades. You had to do bracelets and charades. And these are mandatory groups.

It's so fucked. But I can make it through that bullshit just because I was hoping to see a real doctor because I don't have a real doctor here. So this was my big chance to get to see a real doctor. You would go through all of that because you knew at the other end. I'd behave. I'd be snapping and she'd go, just calm down. This might pay off in the long run.

Yeah, it didn't. It didn't. I mean, I got my meds all. They're all different now, but for some reason, the pharmacy can't fill them until the 6th, which I'll be fucked in the meantime if I don't figure something out. But I'll call them tomorrow. It's just constant. Thank you, everyone who sent stuff.

Oh, man, endless thanks, guys. If you did send things to the hospital and you didn't get them back, email me. Tell me what you sent because I can probably follow up legally a lot of people sent shit from the uk they will have record of what they sent there people were sending you cartons of cigarettes you didn't come home with a pack of cigarettes they didn't give you your shit and go oh here's all these leftover packs of cigarettes they're fucking smoking them in a parking lot right now. And I'll come down to you, come down on you like the hammer of Thor,

you motherfuckers. I got your names written down in a notebook, Deandra. I got every person I talk to there on a phone. Every person I saw there in person. I got times and fucking dates. And as soon as I'm done with business. In the meantime, meet the killer termites. We'll be back after this.

Hey, you miserable cunts. You want to ever see me again? You go to the Stanhope store at DougStanhope.com. me again, you go to the Stanhope store at DougStanhope.com We have new vinyl something to take the edge off on vinyl. That's right.

Something to take the edge off on vinyl. Drunk with power pint glasses and Stanhope shot glasses as well as t-shirts Pop-Off Vodka Presents, which is coming out as I believe we're going to put that on iTunes. We filmed that in the Funhouse.

So Pop-Off Vodka Presents. We have to sell those before we put the shit out because we will get the cease and desist. The Doug Stano Podcast T-shirts. Abortion is Green is back by popular demand. Death of a Salesman as well. And we got stickers, CDs, DVDs. And now the Doug Stanoff store at DougStanoff.com.

Open 24 hours. People are doing methamphetamine and staying up. You never know what hour. So please go to the merch store at DougStanoff.com never know what hour. So please, go to the merch store at DougStanhope.com and buy some shit. It keeps Chaley here. It keeps the podcast going.

And you want that shit. And anything else you want, we'll make. Bye. Kenny, you know you have a... You know you have a website. I do now. When we do the audible.com read, it'll be about your tell-all book, 48 Hours in Hell, My Term as Mayor of Bisbee.

But that's brought to you by squarespace.com because Chaley was immediately able to make kenny4mayor.com as a website for your mayoral run, which we all set up drunk and have thrown no support behind you. We're way worse than that campaign manager for Donald Trump that somehow, uh, uh, uh, committed battery on an, uh battery on a reporter. No, that's just what I witnessed at Derek's. Well, if it's anything like the battery Donald Trump performed on that woman by touching her arm, I committed murder on several girlfriends, including Bingo, at least a dozen times, just stopping her from falling into a coffee table drunk. I don't know including Bingo, at least a dozen times just stopping her from falling

into a coffee table drunk. I don't know, Bingo, you haven't watched this. The guy just touched her and now he got arrested for battery. Let's get back to Squarespace.com. Kenny, this episode is brought to you by Squarespace.

Start building your website today at Squarespace.com. Not you, Chaley does it for you, but the rest of you running for mayor no matter what you're doing. Go to squarespace.com and enter offer code Doug Stanhope at checkout to get 10% off

your first purchase. And you're going to purchase a lot of websites. Chaley, you know, these sites look professionally designed regardless of skill level, and there's no coding required. So all the congratulations you get for putting up a website that looks professional overnight, you don't get any credit

because they all look professional. So you probably stink. So the fact that you're going, let me put the mayor for Kenny site up. I did this site. They've blown my cover. Really? It's so simple. And even you guys can do it.

It's so simple that you can get your tour manager to take less money. That's how simple it is. Cut his pay or don't pay him at all. Good thinking, Kenny. You look here, they're even going to give you a free domain name if you sign up for a year. That's even less money you have to pay me because I'm not going to have to pay for that.

I can't even come to you with a receipt. If it's free domain if you sign up for a year, do they pay you if you sign up for a decade? I don't know. We're going to have to call the main office. It's intuitive and easy to use tools. First of all, you're already talking above my audience. So let's get a smaller word for intuitive.

DougStanup.com, that's Squarespace. stand up.com that's squarespace kenny for mayor that's squarespace brett erickson comedy that's squarespace you know it's oh i just realized this those are the three examples of the websites that you can do uh the landing page is uh an example uh kenny for mayor is just one solid page that has a Twitter link and a little information. And you put one of his pictures up there and a title. Our site is a full website. An e-commerce site is a

site where you're selling either one item or hundreds of items. They have that module that you plug right in there. That's also easy. And Brett Erickson, he's kind of ambitious, but not really a lot. He has one thing for sale, but his is just like a regular website. What about FixMyHerniaForFreeWithoutACatheter.com? Have we got that up yet?

No? No? All right. We'll work on that. That name's already taken. All right. Squarespace. You know them.

You love them. Just get a fucking website. And then you know what you do after that? As you promote your website, saying, Hey, Doug Stanhope, I got blank website with the link on Twitter through Squarespace with their at Twitter. What do you think? And then I'll retweet the fucking thing so Squarespace knows

that you're actually building a web space, and I will be just so thrilled that my ad copy is correct. Before we get back into bingo, let's remember that Chaley's got shit to deal with. So Tracy's going to have to be in the Chaley seat for as long as he's gone dealing with dead mother shit. So we're going to try to get out as many podcasts as possible. But if we don't, you know what? Just fucking wait a minute. His fucking mother's dead.

You goddamn, you're just such cold pricks. All right, and now back to the podcast with your Twitter questions lined up. Go ahead. Hey, we're back with some Twitter questions. Why don't we do this more often? I gotta put more effort into this. I say that all the time.

Actually, I have to not want to do stand-up or write a new act enough that I put enough effort into this that I could live off of it. But lazy is such a great disease. All right. These are questions for Bingo from her latest stint

at the Valley Arts and Crafts Hospital and Sanitarium in Phoenix. The Valley Hospital where she got zero in 10 days. How are the bed sheets? No. Are the rooms really rubber? No. Here's one I bet you have an answer for, and I think I know it. From at Gray Cat with a Ge cat dan burke hell uh

what made bingo laugh the most when she was there this is for you bingo you know you know i know i know i'm thinking what made'm thinking you just told us didn't you earlier today I know the answer I was expecting in group oh you're playing charades Japanese oh yeah that's what it was I laughed so hard at this this is so fucking great

shit sorry this made me laugh more than anything but there's this... Asian? Yes, thank you. She had a mouth that... I don't know. Is that offensive?

Stop it. Stop it. Some people don't know if Oriental is offensive. Yeah, that's not what it is. There was an Asian girl, and we were in... This was the charades time, and she was right behind me and she just rips a huge fart. And then she starts giggling so loud that she kept farting and farting

and farting over again, the stream that would not stop. So the whole room was going crazy. She was so cute. No pun. Yeah. But she just had her hands over her mouth the whole time and just giggling so hard

because she couldn't stop it. That is how they laugh. They train them that way. Yeah, I was going to say like the Japanese goes woo-hoo-hoo-hoo woo-hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo. That was probably not.

I am Siamese if you please. That was probably the funniest thing really. Not much of it was funny this time I mean this is not this one sucked because I wasn't getting any help alright Harry who was the most memorable person

you met during your stay and why from Rainbow Cheery at Raymond Conlon okay his name was Sean I don't know his last name or anything. He was just a fucking cool guy. We were smoking buddies, so

we went out together to smoke all the time. And then when he got out, he got out before me and he would call me on the phone. You're really good at making friends. So every time I called you, I'm like, do you have buddies yet? It depends on how crazy people are, because really crazy people, they're going to snap on you, like my roommate, who's a fucking horrible woman.

Oh, that's right, yes. He had an angry black lady. I didn't want no roommate! Yeah, that's what she said when I walked into the room. And she glared at me. She threatened to beat me up in the middle of the night. And she was the one who fucking read her Bible out loud. Out loud in the middle of the night.

I think we told people about this. No, this was on one of the... But did we tell people when you finally... You could have heard a pin drop when Bingo stopped and locked the door. And you dressed her down and went, hey, you're fucking with me. Oh, I fucking dressed her down, up and down. Yeah, I was just like, how could you call yourself a Christian when you fucking believe in this? But I yelled at her.

I was yelling. What was she in for? Do you know? Do you guys talk like? She didn't say anything to me unless it was horrible so i don't know what she was in for but oh it was but she apologized to you after you after you yelled at her she came back and apologized and then she turned right back into rage and then you got switched to a different roommate. Well, the staff actually felt bad for me.

Yeah, it would seem like someone would tap you and say, hey, stay away from her. I know. She just plunged a knife. But they don't care either. The staff doesn't care if there's an open bed. Put her in there and shut the door and whatever. What's another question?

I'm looking. At night when you were sleeping, were you restrained? No. To stay in bed? No. She wasn't even restrained on the way up and other times. The last time you had to go to Benson. That time I had the five point in the ambulance,

which is they secure your head, wrists, feet, legs, and it's horrifying. It is so awful. You kind of already answered this. If she could have started Fight Club, which two patients would she have liked to see duke it out the most? I think the better question is staff members, but I know you're really bad at remembering names.

I can't remember any names. I didn't catch any names. I do remember, I believe it was Pat was the name of the guy that was a fan, that was the guy that actually waited around for two hours after a shift. And that was the first time I visited.

And I'm like, alright. Oh, when you drove up. She's got one guy we can count on. Yeah. He was nice the whole way through, by the way. He was cool. Was there anyone on the staff that was, like, empathetic towards, like, your situation at all? No.

No? There really wasn't. It's just, okay okay another lock up and even that guy she i said well have you asked pat she goes they're so overwhelmed in here that i don't want to interrupt them because they don't have a single second to spare with what she felt are dumb questions which are not but everyone else know, the dregs are asking the dumbest questions. Like, where does TV come from? I need to know, it's in my head!

So when she has a legitimate question, I'm trying to... Go ahead. I was so fucking prepared when I went to this lockup. I mean, I had notes and notes of written, like, everything that I deal with, all the symptoms and all that. Symptoms from the mental illness, symptoms from the drugs.

And I had everything written out. And what I wanted to do was just say, I thought I'd get more time with someone. And what I was going to say is, okay, let's not waste these other times. Just let me run through this. I'm going to tell you everything that's going on kind of fast, and then you tell me if you think it can help. But... Backfires. Yeah. They go, oh, well, she's

got her shit together. Let's deal with the guy with the TV that's playing in his head and not in his room, because he needs the help more. She can sit around for another week. She knows the business knows she knows the business she knows the drill do you know uh do you remember jerry from stock exchange or the hitching post yeah yeah okay there was this one fella in lock up with me he was so sweet but he was kind of like a jerry and um which is basically retarded. Yeah. Mentally retarded. I wouldn't even say high-functioning.

Medium-functioning, down syndrome almost. Kind of like that, yeah. But there was this... Without the big head. There was this guy in there that was very much like that. He looked absolutely retarded. He really did. And he was so fucking smart.

He's like one of those, he's a genius. And he told me about all sorts of things. I was so impressed by him. He was so fun. Well, I just reread your book because I wanted to write the foreword for it. Yeah. Bingo's book, when she got locked up in 2004,

she just woke up and the first thing she did was write to Jenya, her best friend. Everything was written down. Everything. Obviously in a mental institution, I don't know how I got here, but the most colorful language, all she had was a pocket dictionary and any scrap of paper she could write shit on.

But the entire 33 days you spent initially. Initially. And that's you wrote every day, every beat of what's going on, and it's just brilliant. And I read it 10 years ago, and then you sat on it because you never get around to it and now yeah it's done I finished it up at this mental

institution if anyone's ever had a girlfriend that's an artist that you go oh god no I don't want to hear your act I don't want to hear your song I don't want to see your painting I'll just put it off for a little bit.

I went into that 10 years ago with the most trepidation of, even if I lied, I know I'd drink, and then five drinks later I'd go, it's just not my thing. And it was so fucking good, and I went and re-read it. It's 161 pages, and it's such an easy read because it's a diary. It's in the moment of not what you remember after the fact. That's why I love it because everything was in the moment. If it was a loud one, I had my pen and paper,

and the quotes are absolutely accurate because it just came out of their mouth, and I'm writing it down. You actually have that in the book where you go, he's actually flattered that I'm writing down what he's saying to the point where he's pausing so I can get it all right. And I write that down too. Yeah, I'm pacing the hallway, expecting to get busted. They're in my room right now.

I don't know if they know that me and arian like took off and broke into the old part of the mental it's fucking brilliant it's still brilliant and i i i can't wait to try to sell the fucking thing bingo when i say sell it i mean to a publisher yeah i the way bingo wants it to happen i think we we might have to self-publish because she has specific things she wants because Queenie always gets... No, I have a record. I have a record that goes straight to the book.

Let's not talk about it. So it's very stream of consciousness. Yeah. Your reactions are going right to the page. What I think, what I feel. It's a written podcast. This is what it is. Read your favorite thing.

I will read that at the end. I'm just trying to get a couple more questions, but they're all, Who was the batshit craziest person you saw there? Do you remember one? I know I talked to you during this, so I'm kind of self-editing because I know that you don't have great stories about it. No one's smearing feces on themselves. My book has great stories in it.

This lockup was a bore, and I didn't get anything out of it. He called this a lockup? Boring. I didn't get anything out of it, like help or anything. Yeah. At any point, did you actually contemplate killing yourself? That only happens to me. I'm not suicidal by nature when I'm on my meds and things are great.

I wouldn't even think about it. But when I do go into those episodes, the next step for me is suicide. When I go into those episodes, it's always the same fucking thing. So when I'm good, no, I would never think of it. Is that what happened right before you got locked up this time? Jen Hollywood says, how do you feel about them taking so many days to not have the real meeting with doctors?

And how could they change meds without seeing a doctor? Because you see a nurse practitioner via Skype here in Bisbee. How are they allowed to change your meds if they're not a fucking doctor? I assume that's what she's saying. Well, nurse practitioners can order you pills, can prescribe. They can prescribe, but I think they do it with a doctor overseeing everything. Okay.

Well, I'm just talking from my mom's experience recently. That didn't work out. They had the nurse practitioner that was there with hospice had to check in with the doctor who's overseeing multiple patients and never came out but would always get the the rundown over the phone

and then they'd get the okay and then the nurse practitioner would be able to get the prescriptions i don't think that's the same way because at cia you know old sebas um this nurse practitioner can change up my meds on like that she calls them in while I'm watching her but again it's over Skype I just wanted to talk to someone face to face you know a doctor which you did for three minutes yeah long enough to notice her vanity yeah Jim Snyder says if you could snag any person and make them experience what you did who would

it be and i mean i assume he means anyone in life that's a naysayer about what you go through go all right you fucking try it okay i my first instinct was to go put me in log up with chad shank motherfuckers because that could be fun. That might be fun. And I have a bodyguard. And I have a bodyguard there all the time. I don't think that was the feeling of his question. No, I know that. I know that.

But it's a good answer. Like someone to walk in your shoes, to have your feelings, your thoughts. I would have wanted before a long time ago you know my mom and dad maybe but they get it so much now I mean they took care of me

when I got out of the first one I'm sure it would be someone on the other side of the desk at any point but you probably don't even have a go-to person in biz because it's a different person all the time. No one stays here.

The nurse practitioners leave all the fucking time. Leave? What do you mean? They quit the job. All the people she sees in Bisbee. It's like cops down here. Yeah. The officer Bob Friendly, we're calling him.

We'll have him on the podcast soon. Yeah. He's a local cop that as a good friend of ours they can't even keep cops down here because they don't pay enough they just immediately leave to uh homeland security or border revolving door they just they come in stay for a while so you don't they're not here long enough to hate yeah Yeah. So this is a question that's a good question that we've already talked about today. Who is the Dave?

Says, do we smell an epilogue and or sequel to her book in the works? Well, we just answered that. Not interesting enough. The book was if a a child with cancer did midnight express this was yawn the most recent lockup was uh well nothing came of it when she finally got first crayons right you had to wait three days for crayons no i when i got into the hospital here in bisbee they would only give me crayons yeah and then yeah i tweeted a picture of that but then when you get to the actual valley arts and crafts

hospital no arts or crafts for the first three days, including crayons. Yeah, they did have crayons for us. And crayons just write so thick. It ruins my penmanship. I hate them. I hate fucking crayons. Yeah, you have a unique style in writing. And it doesn't come out with crayons. It doesn't translate well with crayons.

No. What you got, baby? This is just funny because I listened to joey ds saying this someone said rotten bastards at that hospital to quote coco ds who the fuck do they think they're dealing with hashtag fuck them old billy barue at buffalo bill n says, were there gluten-free options? A lot of people asking about food. There was not gluten-free.

I did my trick again where I said I was something other than what I am. Because I ate meat. Like a special diet. Yeah, I always try to say I have allergies to certain things, so they can't feed me that, and they have to feed me something different. Usually it'd just be gruel. You'd just get a plop on the tray.

I'm allergic to icky. Yuck. I break out in highs with yuck. Hold on. What did you eat? I ate a lot of garden burgers. Oh. Sometimes we can't even get those here.

I know. They had garden burgers for vegetarian people. And I ate a lot of peanut butter and jelly. That's what I ate. I can't eat peanuts, and I love lizards. What do you got?. What do you got? What else do you got? I hate to, because I know your memory

is as fucked as mine for different reasons. It is horrible for right now. It's a good question. What was the craziest thing you heard someone say who was talking to themselves? That's a good question. Yeah, that's me sometimes. And I can't remember.

We didn't have too many verbigerators. You'll love this. Okay. You have to think back to just before the pilot shoot. Okay, what is it? Nuggie Fresh at Nuggie Fresh says, were the two imaginary

women also forced to wear ill-fitting jumpsuits in the can? That's fucking funny. See Nuggs? Have you ever seen them again? After they dressed you? Seen what? The imaginary people that

dressed you over at the other house? Oh, I didn't know what I looked like. Yeah, you looked like Kentucky Derby. Run amok. Gone amiss. I just, like, I knew we had to come back to the Van Dyke house. Two days later. And they were, they just totally prepared.

It was a really fucked up thing because you were the one who told me that didn't happen. Those they just totally prepared. It was a really fucked up thing because you were the one who told me that didn't happen. Those women weren't there. And that's just a terrifying moment. So have you ever seen them again? No. No. No.

Maybe around derby time. All right. When I'm staring at the computer computer that's where you talk to him and i'll carry the conversation so i can read i can cut it out it's not that big of a deal i know you can i'm just we're doing this we're doing this real time this is the first time you're actually doing a twitter questions yeah i hope they're not jamming you up so you want to do it again unfortunately we've already covered the fact that it was uneventful so everyone's asking for the superlative what's the most what's the most entertaining act performance you saw for

someone get someone to get their next dose how was how was your uh second roommate you never mentioned her after you finally got separated yeah from that other one that wanted to fight you all the time my second roommate was just really sweet an older woman and very quiet um but i'm i'm telling you like i want to come to you with great stories but it was a fucking waste of time did you all right i'm gonna i'm just gonna i'm gonna adjust this is again who is the dave he's got two good questions but he said what's the least crazy thing a patient was admitted for did you meet anyone that was even more sane than you were that shouldn't have been there

or anyone else that was just grift in the system. No. I would be homeless, but I... Are you kidding me? This is great. Yeah, I fake crazy all the time. Who lives under a bridge? Idiots. That's who lives under a bridge. I love gardeners. All you have to do is go...

All of a sudden, yes, I'm eating gluten-free. You know how much a garden burger costs? I'm eating gluten-free. You know how much a garden burger costs? So were the people there, were they all locked up because they're in the system? Or is it something like they go to jail and then they can't handle them there and they send them there? These are all people who are in the system already with known problems? Yeah, there wasn't

any jail people. Well, that's good. Rough a crowd, I would imagine. There was suicide people that had their wrists bandaged up and everything, but... There's a couple good ones.

Okay. Did she... Did she meet anybody there crazier than her that made her realize she didn't belong and what was the shower like we covered the former but the latter what was the shower like bingo I'm looking at your hair and I'm

taking a guess a week later you still don't know what a shower is like. I was working on my book, asshole. I'll take a shower tonight. It was the last day that you actually got your book and then they released you. You just kept saying, can I just get my book? It's in my things. I just want to work on my book.

And they lie to you when you come in. They lie to you. One guy said, I was like, this is my cell phone. I know I have to give it up, but can I write some numbers down? Because once they take your shit away, you don't have anything.

You get it when you're released, right? Yeah. If anyone's listening to this and tempted to just write reviews on their site, make sure you get accurate information from this podcast. If you're going to write a review based on this podcast, make sure you have it right. Listen to it again.

I'm not telling you to write Google reviews. I'm just saying, saying hey you know what they don't give a fuck if it's a day before you can find out where your loved one is if they're even there if they got there by ambulance they'll read more of the uh of the review also i've i've found if you don't curse and you don't you it sound like... Yeah, you have to write it straight. You have to write it straight. As if you were trying to help other people not get taken in by whatever. They won't have it. Like if you're cursing and threatening and stuff like that. Honestly, a lot of my audience are not good at restraint.

But I've found a few good writers that write me some shit, always drunk, and still can write well. Just make sure you're accurate or sound accurate. But where was the... One more question.

Oh, and then I'm going to just, I'll close on this and then we'll go to the other shit I want to mention. Okay. This guy makes a good point that I considered. I'll close on this and then we'll go to the other shit I want to mention. Okay. Uh, this, uh, this guy makes a good point that I considered. Seth Brashears says,

maybe take the low road on this in case she has to go back in the future. No need to burn bridges. Seth, that's exactly what, uh, I think in the morning. And that's why we I think in the morning, and that's why we don't do the podcast in the morning. The Doug Stanhope, Don't Burn Any Bridges, Take the Low Road, that podcast doesn't sell tickets.

And that is actually the lockup she was in was the furthest away, except there is Yuma as an off chance. If nothing else could possibly happen, and you can't go to Ankara, Turkey, where Midnight Express actually took place, you could go to Yuma, Arizona. Arizona but hopefully that's not an issue and hopefully if it is an issue we can send enough of a message that fucking people are watching because people are watching thanks to you and you're like Seth people are watching people like bingo people are not watching people who think tv's playing in their head and a plain mumbly peg with their own wrist veins. Yeah, they're not being. But you know what? Maybe they are Valley Hospital. Maybe

one of us, maybe a killer termite has faked a mental illness to go in there just to report on you. And then we go, hey, by the way, this is an investigative journalist. Because once you have a website in this motherfucking world that's a news site now you're an investigative journalist not just a guy who's

fucking with people we are a goddamn news source and we'll shout it loud and proud dr andrea raby mrs michelle David, if that's your real name? Yeah, maybe it's a killer termite in there just trying to figure out if this shit is for real. Who is this Becky anyway? Did I call her fat? If so, is she? Raby, are those titties fake?

Well, one of my fans is going to know. They might not be able to control their verbiage, but that's a symptom of mental illness. Is it not? He's verbigerating when he calls you every name in the book. Don't you doubt us, motherfucker. Eventually the killer termites will get in league with the juggalos where we'll

be fucking listed as a terrorist agency. Until then, we're just trying to keep fucking crazy people safe. Audio book. Oh, wait. These are things I got to fucking mention before we close, because we're about time. because we're about time. Chaley's going to go deal with his dead mother, sell a house,

pack up shit, cry all alone. We don't talk to Chaley about emotional things. Tracy doesn't even do that. She just makes him a drink, just like the podcast. Here's a rum and coke. I don't know what she made me. She just made me something.

Yeah, I don't know. She made me yours. She made me she just made me something yeah i don't know she made me yours she made me mine however that works all right here's how shit goes with the book digging up mother uh the audio book we don't have a deal for the audio book i just found through uh my publisher they're just publishing the book so we're free and clear i asked hennigan i go does that mean we could just do our own audio version of the book right here podcast style and have chad shank read apart have tracy read apart the letters from tamar have chaley read apart see if castle rock kenny can read apart we'll fuck around with it and then go off script. We can do that.

So we're going to start doing that hopefully soon. It would be great. And everyone else in the world that's not in the United States of the America, the only America I recognize, you're fucked until we make a deal or self-publish. So we're working on that too. until we make a deal or self-publish. So we're working on that too.

So everyone in Finland and fucking British, what's that name? UK? British Isles? Yeah, the British. British Knights, the shoes? All of those guys. Yeah, we got to self-publish over there because they're not giving us a good deal.

Your book? Yeah, my book. We're figuring out a way to ramp that one up a bit. Or maybe not. If we could start selling books, I hope to be able to buy wholesale and then be able to sell them through Dougstown.com merch. That's where you have to talk

to Brian Hennigan. You have to have an open dialogue. Maybe you should move to Mexico. Never mind. I might get an audience with him if I busboy at Roma Trattoria in Carmel

US people please preorder the book through Barnes & Noble or Amazon or wherever you can find Digging Up Mother preorders are necessary for fucking book reasons I don't get it and I know you're lazy, too. So do that.

What else is in my notes? Thank you. I got some other shit people sent. I don't. I get some postcards and stuff. Here's this thing from the guy from White Horse in the Yukon. Yeah, that guy sent us a flag. It's a banner.

I think it was on the street post or something. It's kind of cool. a flag that he... It's a banner. I think it was on the street post or something. That's kind of cool. The White Horse 2007 Jeux de Canada Games. I don't know. It's a big thing.

Bingo, don't worry. I haven't forgotten you. I'm going to read a passage. I'm going to close on that. Oh, you don't have to do that. I was just going to play the song. You can do that too. We can do that. Oh, I got to say thank you to this guy who sent me 50 bucks. He does a 180 mile round trip commute

to and from work every day. Holy fuck. Yeah. So that's John Wesley in Toledo, Ohio. Yeah. And then one other person, Bingo, you know what these are.

Doug, you know what a windscreen is. It's that foam thing on the front of the mic there. Someone sent us three new ones because they just imagined after all the time, the smoke and the drinking and the spitting. I saw that. It came to my name, and I go,

why is Kaylee ordering shit in my name? I assume that's a Shure product. They're exactly the ones that we use for the Shure SM7Bs. So thank you. I'm trying to find his name. Greg at Injured Ear on Twitter. Thank you very much. I appreciate it.

And you guys haven't said it yet, so I'll say it. We now have the Something to Take the Edge Off vinyl. Yeah. That's the new one. Sweet. It's a new album cover. Yes. There's that. That's awesome. They showed up. It's a new album cover. Yes. There's that.

That's awesome. They showed up and I go, oh, that's, yeah. We got new. No, we've never sold something to take the edge off on vinyl. And it's the, yeah, it's the reverse cover. Yeah. So like a negative version. So it's black on white instead of white on black.

Easy to sign. And we also got the reissue of the Doug Stanhope Drunk with Power pint glasses and the shot glasses. And the shot glasses. That's all available for merch when you hear this. When Don Little dies, maybe we can carve that tattoo

off of her. All right. This is a passage I thought it would be fun to read but i don't know if i can yeah i have to no i stink at reading uh but uh this this is a passage from bingo's book where she shits on her own writing all the time as though anyone's ever going to read it even though she writes a lot about it. I don't know why I'm writing this. Mostly self-preservation is your reason for writing this to begin with.

But she starts likening her own reading to like harlequin romance writing. To me, my writing probably resembles a poorly written trashy romance novel, but I'm glad the words are here, and I'm glad for they are mine. Quantity with no quality, but the quality of wasting time. This is where she describes that type of writing. type of writing. This probably entertains me in a similar fashion as those reads written and read by a now grossly overweight housewife who fell through the cleft lip of society back when she was pretty and thin, because thin means pretty through a magazine eye. She couches it in thy sweet, sweet taste of aspartame, eating an entire box of sugar-free cookies as she worries about the carb intake she acquired

from licking the back of a stamp earlier that very day. She wonders the hows and whys she ended up with a husband that no longer woos her, the three kids that disobey her, a hound that shits when you tell it to come and the house she's never called home a yard that seems to grow like cancer the cancer that grows all too slow a piano that is used as a gun and coat rack and the laundry that will never get done a family photo with big hair and fake smiles that mocks while vacuuming by the bible that hasn't inspired in years a sneaky bottle of vodka that gets her

through noontime at best and the wedding china that's not so fine a box of holiday cards that open with the guilt of not sending a pair of pumps that have never been worn and a faded tattoo of the boys initials she wished she would have run off with oh and the leftover meatloaf on this on the left of the second half shelf all of which inanimate or not, all of which despise her. That is from the upcoming book Let Me Out by Amy Bingo, Bing Bong, Ding Dong, Dingaling, Ding Dong, Dingaman, Amy Bingaman. And thank you for your support.

Do we want to play the song? Yeah, we're going to play the song that's inspired the title Let Me Out. It's called Let Me Out from her album that accompanies the book that's written about her time. Well, this song in particular is the best way I can describe what it's actually like in lockup. That's why I picked this one. There you go. head at the where there used to be hairline vaults of brow to clear an eye and lands on my cheekbone then continues south till it falls from my chin. The comfort of incision and demise of adrenaline.

A wound I attempt in desperation to shun. Yet silently crave to possess for touch and reflection as a mere souvenir when the bottom feeding is done they've taken my clothes along with my dignity my pen along with my creativity

my saxophone, my voice my paper along with my belt and my confidence, my toothbrush and my relevance, my shoelace, my integrity, My friend and my beauty Vodka! The voices have returned From a blind hangman's holiday And are still not responding

To logic or cause more excruciating than your usual culmination my candy apex is unsheathing

its cloth a costly disorder this can be and I haven't a penny to my name to my soul

to my shame to see soul to my shame the sea will walk me into hallucination but this time don't bring me back Don't bring me back. They've taken my clothes along with my dignity. My pen along with my creativity. My saxophone, my voice. My paper along with my belt and my confidence My toothbrush and my relevant My shoelace, my integrity

My friend and my beauty Fargo, let me out My friend and my beauty. Fargo, let me out. Let me out of this fucking concrete cage. Just grant me but one breath outside. There is no energy left to be had And I'm choking I'm choking on my pride My fingernails are torn

And my blood is all over Let me out Let will come Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out

Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out Let me out. Little baby, don't say a word.

Mama's gone by you and Mockingbird. And if that Mockingbird don't sing, mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring. And if that diamond ring turns to grass, mama's gonna buy you a looking glass gets broke, I'm just gonna buy you a billy goat. And if that bill really going to fall down, I want to come back. This episode is brought to you by Squarespace, the simplest way for anyone to create a beautiful landing page,

website, or online store. With easy-to-use tools and templates, Squarespace helps you capture every detail of what drives you. Because if it's worth the effort, it's worth sharing with the world. Go to squarespace.com and enter offer code DOUGSTANHOPE at checkout to get 10% off your first purchase.