The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #136: Bingo's Parents & a Non Smoking Podcast

Episode Date: April 22, 2016

Pre Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Memoir" on Amazon and Barnes & Noble Two MORE DAYS TO VOTE! HELP Keep Bisbee #1! Vote daily for Bisbee in USA Today's 10 Best small historic towns contest at - http://www.10best.com/awards/travel/best-historic-small-town/bisbee-ariz/?post_id=10156918976220151_10156920120505151   Recorded April 18, 2016 in the Funhouse Studio in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Bingo (@bingobingaman), Brett Erickson (@brettnotbrent), Chad Shank (@hdfatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.   LINKS: DJ Lisko - @BLiskoREP   Turbo Lover's - www.facebook.com/theturbolovers   https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/over-the-hump/id1036228759   Castle Rock Kenny 4 Mayor Website http://www.kenny4mayor.com/   Rev. Derrick 4 Mayor Website - http://www.derrick4mayor.com Pre Order Doug's book "Diggin Up Mother: A Love Story" on Amazon and Barnes & NobleDoug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

What's that? That's somebody else sending in Casarock Kenny shit. Okay, you ready? Oh, yeah. No, I want to see if you can hit the post on a song you've never heard before. This is just for me. 717 WDUG. 17 minutes after 7 o'clock, 73 degrees.

Kenny Vermeer on the radio next. Right now, it's Turbo Love. Instrumental post. Turbo Lovers. He didn't correct me. Maybe he tried. Well, that is a Judas Priest song. That is.

Oh, it's covered? Well, Turbo is a Judas Priest song. That is. Oh, it's covered? Well, Turbo Lovers. Turbo Lovers from Judas Priest. Oh. Wow. Yeah. All right. Good job.

Oh, yeah. All right. I'm your turbo. Welcome to the first ever non-smoking Doug Stanhope shot clogged podcast because Bingo's parents are here and you don't smoke in the goddamn funhouse when Bingo's goddamn parents are here. And you don't use salty language like we're about to use. I wondered what was different in here. It's not smoky as fuck.

I can see you. Breathing. This podcast comes on the heels of two podcasts we did last night and a very long day. Tracy slept till five o'clock tonight. No, no. You misunderstood me. Or you lied. I said she's been down all day. She just didn't

get up. She wasn't sleeping all day. She was in bed reading her Kindle and not really getting up until you needed someone to watch. Hey, I did that too. Yeah. I didn't. Erickson, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank, Chaley are all here. Erickson, Brett Erickson, Chad Shank Chaley are all here

Erickson the Bretchels you still can sleep till 3 o'clock in the afternoon on a hangover I get up to piss and I saw Chad was still here at 6am after we went to bed at 3am

and I was shocked that he hadn't gone home yet I drunkenly stumbled out 20 minutes later and I told myself, you can't drive home. I did anyway, but I was still too fucked up to drive home. I had to go to the bank at 9 o'clock because taxes. I had to make sure

I put money from my business account into my personal account to cover taxes. And I was like, I'm too drunk to drive, but it's daylight, so no one suspects it. I'm completely anti-drunk driving, but it's that or the IRS? Yeah.

Fucking, I'm driving drunk. If I would have got pulled over, I would have been fucked. I realized it halfway home. I was like, I just smell like booze horribly in here. It was bad. Bingo's parents got here at like three in the afternoon, and I had to apologize before I hugged Ma.

I go, I know I smell like a bar rag. I can feel it oozing off of me. But nights like last night, you have to capitalize on the perfect storm. Jaylee's in town finally after wham, wham, my mother's dead. Erickson's with him.

Chad Shank has crawled out of his hut. We got to podcast as much as possible. And we leave tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, we're jamming them out. Oh, can't count on fucking uphill Kim and Dave. See, if you keep name dropping, they're interested in listening.

Appeal to the ego. The podcast that we put out today has been out for a couple hours now. I don't know if Bisbee has moved, but when we went to sleep last night, I think it was number two in the top ten? We're still at number two right now. Number two, because we cranked from 18th place to number two and then stalled miserably. And then somebody today said, hey, I can make a bot that will believably crank out votes for you on this,

and I didn't answer the tweet because I didn't know. I don't want to do that. It's not fraudulent. We're salt of the mind for sure. But what you're saying is we would be in first place by now except Thomasville, Georgia

is clearly the kind of place that has a fucking bot. That was my point. What if they have a bot? They definitely do. Because no one knows Thomasville. Population 18,000. We have 5,000.

But that's not that much that they should be that far ahead of us with our killer termites. I think the votes are in, and whoever updates the leaderboard is just holding on to it to make it more interesting, because we're clearly in first place already. That's a theory. We'll see. I don't know why they would do that, so it's a half a theory. Sunday, we have until Sunday the

24th of April 2016. I have to say that, Dad, because people, this goes out on the internet, and someone might listen to this three years from now we listen to Bill Burr's podcast when we're on the road and we haven't been on the road since October

2014 tell me about it when I listen to it if he goes I'm playing at the Saskatchewan fucking casino I go what year so yeah just keep fucking hammering that I go, what year? So, yeah, just keep fucking hammering that all through Sunday. We're going to cheat organically.

If we're in first, keep hammering it because someone from another Sitka, Alaska might find a guy with a bot. I don't want to do it that way. I want to do it strict, straight up killer termite style. They can usually tell, by the way. When there's something mechanical that's creating those, they'll notice a pattern. Like, things are going to go in waves when the killer termites, they'll hear it, they'll listen to the podcast, they'll have to listen to it again to write down

where they're supposed to do it, then they'll go to... They're going to find their pants. Derek Vermeer. Get a phone card to get some minutes. Get their dial up cranking. You know what's really weird right now

is as we're doing this podcast, Bingo's mother is reading my book in the background and I said, I took a picture with her with the book. She was holding it up like she was already posing and I go, I took a picture with her with the book. She was holding it up like she was already posing. And I go, I'm going to get a candid snapshot of this.

And I go, I want to tweet this. Bingo's mother plus my book equals baby plus a gun. They've accepted me so far. Barstool. they've accepted me so far uh bar stool I'm trying to recap after the last two I gave Danny LaBelle some shit on one of the podcasts for being a 370 pound

fuck that ruined my pneumatic adjustable cutesy cheap ass bar stools he ruined two but we tried to fix one pneumatic, adjustable, cutesy, cheap-ass bar stools. He ruined two, but we tried to fix one. We talked about we were going to try, but it wasn't until very late at night,

even after Erickson and Chaley fell down. I forgot about it until I saw it earlier. We fixed it by my fat ass sitting on it, and then Stan Hope sitting on my lap, and Tracy sitting on Stan Hope's lap. And you had to grapple us all like papa bear keep us in this big ball and it bent it halfway back into place and then my drunk ass after we all got off had a brilliant idea to leap in the air like a leapfrog style and fucking land on it and it worked worked. I can't believe I didn't fucking bust my ass.

It was one of those creeper memories where at two o'clock in the afternoon I went, oh fuck, did we fix that bar stool? And I found the one where the base is dented in. I go, that's the one. I sat in it. It's perfect.

So Danny LaBelle, you're fucking sacrosanct. It took three of us to make one of you fat motherfuckers, but we counterbalanced you. That's the Philosophers podcast? Modern Day Philosophers? I think I had it right

yesterday. It's in the link from the last show, but that's going to go out on the 25th. It is a swapcast. April 25th, 2016 uh erickson we were uh erickson and chaley they had to drive out here with chaley's dead mother's shit it's my stuff now it's my stuff let's get that clear. Great. Hoarder starter kit. Yes. Definitely. So, yeah, you guys went to bed at midnight, and then it was just me and Chad and your wives.

I honestly didn't even realize that these guys left. I did find myself. We make that kind of impression. I was so drunk. It's great here because you can go to bed at midnight and still have drank for 13 hours straight. It's a problem. It's definitely a problem.

Yeah, no, I did find myself making eyes at your girl at one point. Go for it, dude. If you learn anything, let me know. I think I have a flirty face on right now. I must have blocked that out. Oh, no, that wasn't actually, but I felt my face look like, I think I'm 22 at a bar. I have a flirty face on.

We were talking about bingo. It was good stuff. Do you have a dent on your head, bingo? Yeah, I have a dent on my head. Oh, that's right. All right. Did someone hit you? You have, like, you know how Kenny Vermeer has a lump on,

he has it on the other side. I didn't know if you were growing a horn opposite of Kenny for mayor. That's Kenny's thinking lump. Yeah, that's where he keeps all his good ideas. There's so many, they're busting out of his head. Actually, that's the softest part on his head. I just want to say Derek for mayor like four times so I get equal time. Derek for mayor.

Derek for mayor. Don't worry. I just want to say Derek Vermeer like four times so I get equal time. Derek Vermeer. Derek Vermeer. Don't worry. When you guys make Bisbee number one, and only if and when you do, well, you have to do that. But we'll get there. It's going to be fun to write. We wrote some shit last night. It was the Adderall.

Adderall Jack stopped by again today. Drove four hours from Phoenix to drop off Adderall while his wife sat in the car. I love that guy. I know. I've not met him or seen him, but he's all right with me. I had to explain to him. He was one of the guys that came through town. Did we talk about this last night?

He came through town, and people all the time, you guys, hey, I'm coming through Bisbee in June. Well, I don't know what I'm doing in June, but if you're here that day anyway, and you email, and there's something going on, I'll probably say, yeah, come by. And if I'm down or out of town, no. So he was one of those guys. It was football.

And he came through with his girl. And they sat here. I have just pictures of memories. We're already hammered. It's late games. And he brought a bunch of Adderall. And I remember that. I remember nothing else.

They sat there kind of like stumps not saying anything and then he came back i was fucked and then he came back again uh or someone or someone knew his number someone got his number hey can you do you want to call that adderall jack guy for more adderall i think he in Phoenix, but we're up at night, like last night. Fucked up. Call him up. Hey, I'll come down. He'll drive four hours. Well, then he goes,

wow, you're more... Because when he shows up the next day, we're all strung out and hung over. He's like, this is how you were the first time I met you. You're always like this. I go, yeah, because when we call you, we're fucked up, and we think you driving down with Adderall is a funny idea.

And by the time you get here, it's no longer funny. But he's a sweet guy. That's a guy I really want to talk to, because he is a stand-up comedian on the up-and-coming levels, which I didn't know, but he said we've had this conversation. And I go, today I said, is your wife? First of all, this is the funniest part, is Erickson and I are sitting in here today.

We're watching soccer. Go Tottingham. Hot Spurs. Hot Spurs, Tottingham. Hot Spurs. Hot Spurs, Tottingham. Lifelong fan. Lifelong Tottingham fan. Tottingham is the best. The Hot Spurs.

I've heard of Tottingham. Only a few people will be upset by that joke. The rest will not. No, it's a joke. Anyway. by that joke the rest will not no it's a joke anyway we're doing the math

and I go fuck Adderall Jack is coming and you fucking swore to me Chad Shank that you were going to be here I told you to tell me what time I know I didn't want to fuck with you you told me be here by 6 well at. I know. I didn't want to fuck with you. You told me beer by six. Well, at some point I go, I don't know if I can tolerate Adderall Jack.

I go, I'll buy you fly to Erickson. I'll vacate you placate. because he's he's he's a very is a stiff he's a fucking cardboard cutout of a human being but i know there's a human being underneath there but he i go did you leave your wife in the car again oh wait first of all yeah he that's i, did you leave your wife in the car again? And he goes, it's not my wife. Kind of knocked the point. She sat out there the last time. She sat out there for like 30 minutes before someone

realized his girlfriend's in the car. Like, she's welcome in. She doesn't want to come in. I don't know if it's the same girl that was here the first time. Maybe he just picks up hookers before he comes over here we don't know i i didn't go out and check to see if there's an actual girl in the car i know the first time he came here he had a girl with him uh but uh as we're doing the timing erickson and i are like well the the parents are there at hazard. And I'm like, Adderall Jack, it's 3.15.

He said 3. And then Bingo's texting me going, hey, do you guys need anything? We're about to come over from the other house. And I'm like, fucking Adderall Jack is going to show up at the exact same time as the parents. I guarantee you. And it was, what, 40 seconds away. Maybe. They walked. I had just given them hugs and two sentences of small talk.

And there's the giant, what do we call Martin's kid? Baby Huey. Big baby Huey, Adderall Jack, standing in the door. And I'm like, I go, hey, Adderall Jack, this is my in-laws. Ron and Gabe, this is our drug dealer. His name's Adderall Jack, but I'm not going to tell you what drugs he. I don't even think mom knew what Adderall was. She goes, I don't want to know what drugs. I don't even think mom knew what Adderall was. She goes, I don't want to know what drugs.

I don't even think she got the joke, but we got the joke. Everyone else kind of bailed on us all day. Yeah. I was busy. Chaley was working his balls at Chaley. I've never seen Chaley this stressed out where you see him collapsing. Usually he just works all the time for fun, but now you just see his eyes going, we had to write some shit for...

Shawcroft, Lynn Shawcroft is putting out... Do you know exactly what it is? Oh my gosh. Do you believe in gosh? All right. The posthumous release from Hedberg. Mitch Hedberg. And I don't know much more than she said, hey, can we write a story?

I thought it was like a catalog, but she asked us both if we could do a like 200 to 300 word like quick story for Hedberg. But didn't give us a timeline. So today she's like, hey, don't want me to bug you, but I need it today. Tapping her foot. No way. Not Lynn Shawcroft. Yeah. I hate to ask this, Chad, but were you here when that band was staying here from the Americana Festival?

One night, yes. Because one of the dudes stayed down at Chaley's and I gave him the key and I can't find the key. And now Chaley has to get shit from the crawl space that's on that key ring. He has his own key for the house, but the crawl space is only on that. I don't remember the name of the band. I know the girl. Shit, I don't either. Turbo Lovers? Turbo Lovers. Shout out to Turbo Lovers. band i know the girl shit i don't either turbo lovers

shout out to turbo yeah yeah brie i remember her name because she emailed me so i emailed her hey do you have the guitar player's number oh he doesn't have a phone he's only on facebook let me see if i so i haven't heard back but in in the morning, he needs the key. He's got to unload a trailer full of furniture. He had to edit two podcasts. He had to write a story. He had to do this podcast, your interview, and then leave tomorrow morning. And I've never seen him look this wrecked. He also cooked an entire chicken.

That's the way his mother would have wanted it. We also have orders to do. We've got almost 200 orders for the store merchandise. Oh, and then your wife was sloppy drunk, so she couldn't take care of anything. She could only sit in bed with a Kindle book all day, leave me alone for hockey. This is why I don't hire employees.

I date them. I don't hire employees I fuck them oh oh that was in the Adderall he was the one that came up with that oh yeah

in the throes of Adderall drunkenness mom whenes of Adderall drunkenness. Mom, when you do Adderall, it's like a speedy thing where we all end up talking over each other, and then you drink way past you would drink, because I go, I feel kind of awake. And if you were not on Adderall, you'd just go, I'm drunk and embarrassing.

But since you have better motor skills and you're talking succinctly, you go, let's keep drinking. And at some point, the cacophony of all of us talking over each other, even though Kenny pointed this out,

that he goes, you guys are mad talking all over each other, but you all understood what each other was saying, even guys are mad talking all over each other, but you all understood what each other was saying, even when you're not talking to each other. And Brett Erickson, at BrettNotBrent

on Twitter, coined the phrase The new drug is Earderol for people who are hanging out with people who are on Adderall. The listening drug. Somebody needs to invent eardral. Eardral.

Get us some stickers. That's a breaking point. Yeah. I need a cigarette. And now mom's showing dad shit in my book. Read this! So yeah, I get to step out and cry and vomit. I'm imagining that you're trying to figure

out by the look of it what page they're on and figure out what they're reading. I know it's not the part about them. That's at the end. Yeah, we're going to break. Yeah, we're broken. We're broken. Hey, you miserable cunts.

You want to ever see me again? You go to the Stanhope store at DougStanhope.com. We have new vinyl. Something to take the edge off on vinyl. That's right, something to take the edge off on vinyl. Drunk with power pint glasses and stand-up shot glasses, as well as T-shirts, Pop-Off Vodka Presents, which is coming out as, I believe, we're going to put that on iTunes.

We filmed that in the Funhouse. So Pop-Off Vodka Presents, which is coming out as I believe we're going to put that on iTunes. We filmed that in the fun house. So Pop-Up Vodka Presents. We have to sell those before we put the shit out because we will get the cease and desist. The Doug Stano podcast t-shirts. Abortion is Green is back by popular demand. Death of a Salesman as well. And we got stickers, CDs, DVDs. And now the Doug Stanoff Store at DougStanoff.com

open 24 hours. People are doing methamphetamine and staying up. You never know what hour. So please go to the merch store at DougStanoff.com and buy some shit. It keeps Chaley here. It keeps the podcast going. And you want that shit.

And anything else you want, we'll make. Bye. Yeah, no, the only thing I had in my notes, and they're just vague memories. I got into a drunken Twitter. It was actually Jim Jeffries started it. And then Hennigan clued me into it and I jumped in on Jeffries' behalf. But a Twitter battle with Piers Morgan.

I miss that. The cunt of all cunts of humanity. I don't know how I missed him in my spite pool. My death pool. We have one league, if you don't know. We have the death pool we actually research, and then we have a just for fun, no money, but people you really want to die.

And Piers Morgan, I'm like, how did I miss him? Well, because he's irrelevant, and he's not on the air anywhere. That's the fun of the spite pool, I think, is that as people come up like that, you can write them down for your trade round. Because, yeah, I've come up with a few since I've made my initial list. Pierce Morgan should definitely be in there. But he's responding.

I've never heard of you. Then why are you responding to me? People tweet awful shit at me every day well and you as a lifelong tottingham fan will know that pierce morgan that cunt is arsenal for sure so i mean do you know how hard it is to say that word in front of your mother-in-law it's not my mother-in-law she's probably reading it in my book as I'm saying it. She's reading way worse stuff and it's all true stories.

She's getting cunted across all media platforms right now. But yeah, I don't even... I just remember having a back and forth with him on Twitter and going, I gotta go to bed. And then I woke up, but then all the killer termites thank you very much

started attacking him. Well, if you don't know him, why would you respond to him? You piece of shit. And they know all his backstory and all the hideous shit he did and tapping phones and whatever that scandal was. I don't know exactly. Was he at News of the World? Was he with them?

But he bailed and came over here right before the scandal broke, so he didn't have to face charges. He's over here like some kind of, I don't know. And we did America's Got Talent or something? He didn't do that for a while? Oh, I think he did. Yeah, he did. He replaced Larry King.

What? Yeah, he did. Oh, yeah, on another show, not America's Got Talent. Yeah, he's the reason you know the fucking kardashians this piece of shit yeah yeah i thought oj simpson was the reason we knew the kardashians that was just the parent but he he interviewed the kardashians in the larry king spot as though that was something that was newsworthy you know what you've never of me. I should have never heard of a fucking Kardashian, Piers Morgan. So, yeah, if you're bored at night and we've already won number one

and you still want something to do, no, don't even bash that guy. Keep him irrelevant. I love the fact that Piers Morgan is up late, three hours later than me if he's in New York, eight hours if he's in London. I don't know where the fuck he is, but he's up at 11 o'clock Pacific time battling people on Twitter. Why would he engage you?

That is so fucking strange. Probably if you're verified on Twitter, you can check. Oh, that's why. You have a verified button where you can check just the important people who liked your thing or retweeted your thing. So he probably just saw that I was verified. I don't even know who you are, Mr.

Twitter does. Yeah. Yeah, none of your fans battled back at me but mine did at you. So the people that follow you are fucking bots or nobodies. You got super

delegates he's got nothing I like that killer termite super delegates all right this was my fucking bowl of hatred this morning and I yelled at breakfast about this and all the only word I could come

up with is faggot and I've stopped using that word mostly because of Todd Glass specifically. But still, you don't want to be the guy who's still saying nigger because when I was a kid, that's what we said. You could say colored back then. Yeah. And it's not politically correct but yet kind of either way the only word i could come up with for australia was faggot the government the when i woke up to the johnny depp tape with the news

still playing on the today show or whatever channel four is i woke up to hearing Johnny Depp doing this bullshit, you know, trying not to laugh apology. Him and his wife, Amber Heard, they smuggled their dogs into Australia, if you don't know, on their private jet when they're shooting pirates. And they got busted because some asshole on the crew took the dogs out to get groomed. crew took the dogs out to get groomed well they had helicopter shots paparazzis and helicopters and you could see the dogs inside the house in the sliding glass window you could see i mean they were going to that extent it was fucking crazy because that's when we took sydney over my niece and it was crazy fucking helicopters circling over the set just trying to find any story some woman like fainted on the set and it was like evening news or some bullshit but uh so they had to go back to australia to because they were facing prison

time australia doesn't fuck around with bingo's get jacked up for having jerky i told bingo listen australia there is fucking assholes don't have any food whatsoever. Don't have eaten for more than 12 hours. Like you're getting surgery. I don't have any food. And then the dog hits her bag at the baggage claim.

Well, it's jerky. It's not food. Jerky is food! So they were looking at actual like prison time. And I think she took the fall and it was my fault or what. But they still Australia made them come back to face these charges, drop the charges, but made them do this fucking apology. Well, we want you to apologize on camera. And I think the only word that's such a faggot move and i wish i had a better word for that it has nothing to do it's just a a nancy it's like

if tmz were government well we're just gonna make you embarrass yourself or you want to go to jail or embarrass yourself what do you want to do i I hold all the cards. Fuck you. And you know, I know how bad he was saying, fuck this. I don't care. I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it. I'll fucking go to jail. I don't give a shit.

Some fucking agent whispers in his ear, alright, I'll do it. Didn't they want to, like official in in australia wanted to like well he threatened that he's gonna put down the talks yeah yeah like they they have a more of a tough guy persona because of crocodile dundee i guess i don't know. As opposed to England where they're just kind of like, oh, we're fucking washed up and shit on us. Make me.

That's an inside joke. But Australia, they're still kind of... They're all, fuck Australia. That's all I got. That's it. It's just a cunty thing to do

because it's like, we can do this, so we're going to make him do it. Yeah. Like, yeah. It's no punishment. We're going to make you do this. It was just one dude's ego

that could make that call. I want you to say it. It's like when you get caught stealing. You're going to go back down to that store and you're going to apologize to that man. Say, I'm sorry. No, I want down to that store and you're gonna apologize to that man say i'm sorry no i want you to say it like you mean it i wonder if they had a director going no that apology is not good enough you were smirking you say it without a smirk johnny depper you're gonna go to our australian prison i i remember when i was younger they used to get

like if a celebrity got a dui part of their punishment could be having to do a PSA telling other people not to drink and drive. Are they trying to dissuade other celebrities from bringing their dogs to Australia? This is a fucking asshole. This is a PSA to the elite rich. Yeah. On their special, like, closed-circuit TVs. And I'm not going to say any names, but Gary Busey, if you could take a note, learn your lesson from me. Well, they do the PSA shaming.

Like, I remember Paris Hilton had to, like, put on dungarees and go scrub graffiti. And then Winona Ryder, when she got caught stealing, didn't she have to do some community service? Yeah, but that's service. Make them pay the fine and give them... Johnny Depp is worth $819 billion. He told me. He showed me every bill.

We counted it one night. He showed me every bill. We counted it one night. He keeps it in his refrigerator. That's why the hummus always has crust on it because it's on the counter. Let me take out $1 billion and I'll refrigerate your hummus. What are we talking about? PSAs.

Yeah, you can charge him a fine that you can put towards your ecology if you care so much, but you don't. You're a little fucking snatched. It's like Buscemi in Fargo when he doesn't want to pay the $3 when he leaves the airport parking and the guy makes him and he's like, oh, you think you're back in pretty great because you got that back in uniform when he doesn't want to pay the $3 when he leaves the airport parking.

And the guy makes him and he's like, oh, you think you're fucking pretty great because you've got that fucking uniform on. It doesn't make you better than me. And he just fucking snaps. That guy's whole life will be, yeah, and when Johnny Depp came here. I can't do the accent. It's such a. Some zero that he wears that as a badge. Levon wears his war wounds like a crown.

That guy wears that. It's the only time, it's the only story I'll ever have to tell at the pub. It's such a specific violation. Like chartering your private plane to a private airstrip and taking off your two little tiny jobs, tiny

dogs, into your rented mansion, to which TMZ caught a glimpse of them because they're trying to watch you before you go to your set. Well, they act like this is Jurassic Park. Or even the butterfly effect. If you remember the butterfly

effect, we're going to go back in time and we can hunt a dinosaur. But don't step off the track. Who was it, Heinlein? Who did that, Dad? Come on, Jesus. Butterfly effect, the movie, I think it was Ashton Kutcher. That's not.

Anyway, the point is they act like they're're immune as long as we as long as you have to sign a slip when you come through customs no germs can ever get here right then nothing will fuck up our ecosystem the simpsons did the famous one right he brought a toad or something i don't know yeah he ends up like a mosquito a giant hom Homer turns into a giant mosquito or something. Well, they went to Australia, and they were going to cane Bart. That one. Anyway, the point is, when you're really bored with voting for Bisbee, when you're really bored with fucking with Piers Morgan, when you're bored of buying merchandise from the DougStanhope.com merch store

to keep Chaley in town and in business and keep this podcast on the air and just send Chad Shank shit randomly and follow BrettNotBrent at Twitter and go to his shows in LA when you're done with that. I just want you to mail germs to

fucking us. Not anthrax. Nothing illegal. Just sneeze on a thank you note. to fucking Australia. Not anthrax. Nothing illegal. Just sneeze. Just sneeze. It's on a thank you note. If you feel a little ill,

just achoo into an envelope and mail it to Australia. You fucking... Oh, that sushi didn't sit right with me. Yeah, wipe and put that paper in a reusable bag and mail it to Australia. I wish I knew the name of the cunt that was in charge.

Care of the Mayor of Australia. Mayor of Australia. Castle Rock, Kenny. Mayor Australia. Yeah. Oh, thank you very much. As we close out this beautiful podcast. Oh, you do it, Chaley.

Read it. They sent it to you. Both don't have reading glasses. I hope I'm not too late with these. The Kenny for Mayor website doesn't say when the voting will take place. Anyway, good luck. Mike Fatmouth Cosgrove. And he sent a rack, a veritable rack of Castle Rock Kenny for Mayor of Bisbee.

It's a no-brainer. By the way, it's he's a no-brainer. Whoever sent the giant vinyl had he's a no-brainer, which I don't know if it started with it's a no-brainer. Whoever sent the giant vinyl had He's a No-Brainer, which I don't know if it started with It's a No-Brainer, the song went It's a No-Brainer. Chad said He's a No-Brainer. He's a No-Brainer works funnier. I forgot that was your original idea.

I forgot, yeah. But It's a No-Brainer works. Thank you very much, Fat Mouth. And other thank yous, I think there's a couple I've been missing. If anybody wants to make a Derek for Mayor poster, you can do that too. That's right. Chad Shank is in the Derek. Actually, Chad and Chaley.

Wait, no, you're undecided. Brett Erickson and Chad are in the Derek for mayor camp. He doesn't get out much to get on the podcast because he's enslaved by a girl that he should never be. I'm surprised that guy can ever find a girlfriend. If you move to Bisbee, if you're that weird loner dude, you can hook up out of your weight class in this town. Jen, she's here. Jen at one point was like, yeah, I'd like to maybe date at some point.

And I said, well, I'll ask Gretchen. Who's a dude you could date? And she goes, she's better off turning gay. No dudes worth shit. You think Derek's getting laid in LA? Never. I think that about all dudes. How did any of us fucking know?

I don't know. I got a bar. So any other thank yous anything dad do you have anything you want to plug do you have like a church function coming up where you're going to play the organ

do you have a crocheting class you want to plug nothing uphill Kim and Dave you're going back to Alaska up in Delta Junction no function junction no function junction honestly Alaska up in Delta Junction? No Function Junction. No Function Junction. Honestly, after we stayed with Ma up in, I always want to say Mill Valley,

but it's Northern California. After we stayed there and had fun, I go, yeah, I can be comfortable at your place. You're going to size up the people. Usually I get a hotel but yeah come on all right i'm dying of the tuberculosis that's a that's a podcast i guess i don't know what it is all right i need a cigarette non-committally yeah i'll put a song on at the end and i'll stretch the credits all right here i'll. I'll just throw this out there.

Chad Shank just did an on-air interview for the, not Dayton, the Canton Repository. And I don't know if that'll air. That's going to sit as an evergreen, we call that. But thank you, BJ Lisco. He's going to put that in the entertainment

press at the whatever you just said. The Canton Repository. And his band is Turbo Lover. So we're going to do the same outro in case that never airs. Because it's just an interview.

You can find it online. Here is BJ Lisco with his band Turbo Lover and their first track off the CD he sent. Rock it out, baby. I want to go where the action is I pull myself from this row of skids And it's a class of case of the heart It's why it's tearing my head apart I've got the answer in my hands.

I never wanted to save your scene. And it seemed like a dumbfound dream. But take a good look around somehow. Cause you can call us contenders now. I see through a battle of re-throughs And I'm still standing on my mark Dead ahead, dead ahead, unworthy of Where life can rise above

All this wrestling love did you ever feel that you had cheated before and you're stealing back for more of all the wrestling love I never

wanted to save your scene It seemed like a dumb hot dream But take a good look around somehow You can call us contenders now I see through a battle Rain brews and I'm still standing on my mark. Dead ahead, dead ahead, I'm unworthy of. I can rise above all the trickling love. Ola izatea Now I see through a bag of rain sprues

And I'm still standing on my mark Dead ahead, dead ahead, I'm unworthy of Well, I can rise above All this reckless love Did you ever feel that you've been cheated before? And you're still with that sorrow Of all the rest of us Outro Music