The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #147: The Comedy Store SwapCast pt.01

Episode Date: June 24, 2016

Doug stopped in for a marathon of drunken shenanigans. This is part one.The Comedy Store Podcast - Hosts Rick Ingraham and Eleanor Kerrigan talk with national headliners and Comedy Store regulars from World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood California.Recorded May 20, 2016 at The World Famous Comedy Store in Hollywood, CA.  Hosted by Rick Ingraham & Elenor Kerrigan with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Joe Rogan (@JoeRogan), Brendon Walsh (@BrendonWalsh), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Lynn Shawcroft (@Shawcroft) and Paul Provenza (@PaulProvenza). Produced by All Things Comedy.LINKS:   The Comedy Store Podcast - http://allthingscomedy.com/channels/79/the-comedy-store-podcast   All Things Comedy - http://allthingscomedy.com/   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com Order Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Love Story" on Amazon , Barnes & Noble.  Get a SIGNED copy at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Here we go, kids. This is a massive monster Swapcast. It's the first Comedy Store podcast, and also it's a Swapcast with the Doug Stanhope podcast. Get this lineup. Joe Rogan, Brendan Walsh, our own Chad Shank, Lynn Shawcroft, Paul Provenza, and myself hosted with Rick Ingram and Eleanor Kerrigan. And I'll be as surprised to hear this as you, because I was pretty fucking drunk that night. But I don't, I'm not high all the time. Like, I'm not high during the day, but most of the time. It shows, but your chemistry is probably different.

Dude, get in here, Charlie. We got four. Sit over here. I couldn't. And no gay stuff, bro. That's the number one rule of the Comedy Store podcast. No gay stuff, bro. You can't stop me.

Yo, I called it. I called it, bro. No gay stuff. Just water. Dude, that's a Philly accent. South Philly. Water. How are you?

I grew up in Tacone. I remember. I was in L.A. Logan's podcast when he used to do the Friday night. South Philly. Water. How are you? I grew up in Taconi. I remember. It was in Leland. Logan's podcast when he used to do the Friday night. Oh, that's right. At the Ice House. What's the name of this podcast? The Comedy Store Podcast.

Look at this guy. Look at this guy. Listen, if the phone's on, then you know what happens? Something funny. If anyone's calling me, it's fucking Johnny Depp. Oh, God, the fucking phone. It may be Johnny Depp calling him. We put Johnny Depp on speakerphone.

I, for one, appreciate it because it's the only day my phone's ever been on. Yeah, you don't need a mic. You get that voice. That voice. A voice for broadcasting. There are broadcasting voices, right? There's like a sound that a dude can hit Like a Howard Cosell

Who lets you know, oh, the fucking game started You know? We're gonna do the audiobook podcast style So he can just Alright, here, find a fucking paragraph Or a chapter or something Just cause he has such a great voice But then we can go off topic With the book because he has such a great voice, but then we can go

off topic with the book. Yeah, that's a great idea. That's a great idea to offer completely original content along with your book. That's a really great, I bet that'll be that's a monster idea because I would love that as a fan, like to listen

in on that. Because I read as bad as Bill Bird does copy. It is pretty terrible. You know who's the worst reader, though? You ever buy an audiobook with Stephen King reading his own shit? He swallows his L's. He's deaf. And I got a glove.

A glove. You want an actor. You want one of those drama queens. Wait, is this on? You want an actor. You want one of those drama queens. Wait, is this on? Offer your audio book for like,

offer it for like $2 to download. Someone's a Bernie Sanders fan. Then when you get, no, when you get to the last chapter, it's like, okay, you must pay nine more dollars if you want to hear the end of the book. That's actually a very good idea. Tell him to bring me an ashtray.

He's a Trump fan. I take it back. Don't pick it on me, Rogray. He's a Trump fan. I take it back. That's like a weird moment if you're alone with a dude and you find out he's really a Trump fan. Like a super Trump fan. You're like, oh, okay. What do you do? You're alone with a guy. This is exciting. It's like watching the man show, too.

Live from the comedy show. Illinois Kerrigan looking to wrestle. It's like watching The Man Show, too. Live from the comedy show. Eleanor Kerrigan looking to wrestle. Same amount of people are watching it, actually. Probably slightly more. That's perfect. Thank you. I appreciate it. Thank you, sir.

And now if you can bring me cigarettes and a lighter. Oh. I'm kidding. I'm joking. No, let him. Let him go out. Pink dots right there. I took one hit of Doug Stanhope's cigarette

I understand it Did you smoke cigarettes? I smoked a hit of Doug Stanhope's cigarette Did you get the buzz? I got a heart attack-y little thing I quit 12 years ago I smoked cigarettes for 10 years Just because the first cigarette I had was so good

I'm like, I'll feel it See man, I got lucky The first cigarette I had, so good i'm like i'll feel it see man i got lucky the first cigarette i had it felt retarded it just felt so stupid it was just fucking smoke and burning weirdness in my lungs i was like what i did i just quit a few months ago does it feel weird being right next to doug no i don't try to offer you that mental, I don't want one. I do have like a douchey e-cigarette in my pocket because when I start to get drunk, I just want one. They're only douchey because of those commercials.

They fucked up with those blue commercials where Stephen Dorff was like hanging out in black and white. I have a question because they made, it was illegal to advertise cigarettes like in the 70s. But podcasting is a new generation.

Is that could we get a camel? That's a very good point. I wonder what the law is. If it pertains to all commercial endeavors. If you advertise something. Can they still do ads on billboards?

No, I don't think so. That stopped too, right? But podcasting wasn't around when the fucking logger passed. I don't think it's written in. I would have moral compunction about advertising cigarettes, but just because

I found a loophole, I would. Well, if Marlboro was going to give you a bunch of money if you said I smoke Marlboro Marlboro was going to give me Marlboros that's true but do you think it's probably just all ads because have you ever seen an internet

ad for cigarettes no I don't think I've ever seen an internet so it can't be legal on the internet because if can't be that there it can't be legal on the internet because if it was we would we would have seen yeah i used to do a bit you don't have to you don't see an advertisement for cocaine because it's word of mouth that's true you don't need to advertise they don't need to spend money doing it yeah i wonder if they drop off like cigarettes on movie sets you know because do you know that

they do that with like tv sets like tv sets they drop off like coca-cola and gatorade and shit yeah but no but not just that but i'm saying is they give you free stuff they give free stuff to these sets so that you use their stuff and if you use their stuff then either people see you with it or you know when we did the man show, there was a cigarette company, like a startup called Legit Cigarettes. And they were giving me free cigarettes for life until they went out of business. As long as I would smoke those publicly. And that was their that was their gimmick. They were going to get celebrities.

That's a good move. I wonder why it didn't pan out. You got Stan Hope and Morton Downey Jr. They had an awesome... Morton Downey Jr. I did the show Later. Too big to fail. I did

the show. You remember when Greg Kinnear had that show called Later? Yeah. We had a bunch of guest hosts, and I guest hosted it once, and I did a segment with Morton Downey Jr. where I was trying to get Morton Downey Jr. to give me advice on how to become a good talk show host because he was crazy. You ever watch the show?

It was a maniac show. You watch that documentary? The documentary is one of the best documentaries ever. So I got to hang with him for a day. He was one of the nicest fucking guys. Morton Downey Jr. was super nice. It was all just an act. He just figured out a way to rile people up and do this thing.

But when you're around him in real life, he's like, hey, how are you? What's going on, man? He's totally normal, really friendly, really nice guy. It was such bullshit when all those racists tackled him in an airport men's room. He made up some craziness and didn't he write like a swastika on his head the wrong way? He did it in the mirror.

There's like parts like he's like, they tried to shave my head. But do you know which way it goes off the top of your head? Well, that's what kind of busted him. They said you could tell he drew it in the mirror because it was fucking backward. But would you know how to do it forwards? I don't know.

If I'm looking at it, I probably would. How do you know it's the wrong way? But true Nazis probably wouldn't write it on your head. They're probably just retards. They're probably not even really Nazis. They're going to hold you down and draw their mark on your face. They're probably just pretending to be Nazis

because it's funny. But he's pretending to be kind of... Well, he did. He definitely pretended. Yeah, but he would be... Nazis would love him. Why would Nazis do that to him? Yeah. I was amazed.

Would a Nazi do that to Trump? I would say it's two steps removed because I said the most likely scenario would be someone holding him down and pretending they're a Nazi because they think it would be funny to write on Morton Downey Jr.'s head. It's like if it really happened. That's Joe Rogan.

But Joe Rogan is here. But I don't think it really did happen. So then it's like if you had to do a Nazi swastika on your head, would you get it right? If you were looking in the mirror, would you be like okay, is it like this, or is it like this? Which fucking way does it go?

Does anybody know? I'd write it down. I'd look it up first. It was before smartphones. You couldn't Google it. What's crazy is that symbol... Penis or swastika. That swastika symbol was an

ancient karate symbol. It was an ancient Okinawan karate symbol. It was an ancient Okinawan karate symbol. It was a part of ancient Eastern sacred geometry. This little thing, this swastika thing. Whatever it meant originally. There's some temple

that has it on there. In West Hills. Yeah, there's a big sign. People go there and get married. It's this beautiful place. Eleanor, can you announce who's at the table? We're talking about swastikas. It was really hard to interrupt the swastikas.

No one cares. We write down on the internet what it is. We can introduce it. Everybody's going to know. Chad Shank. I was giving you Chad Shank going to know. Chad Shank. I was giving you Chad Shank. Chad Shank. Chad Shank.

Chad Shank just informed us that Qi Gong has a swastika in it. I'm going to bring this down a bit so we're not all talking over each other. Okay, so what is Chad Shank? You know the way to cure that? Chad Shank is my co-host on my podcast. That is awesome. What is the way to cure that? Nothing.

I was talking over you guys. I is awesome. What is the way to cure that? I was talking over you guys. I was joking. Right after this podcast, I'm going to beat the shit out of you in front of your friends and I hope you're happy about it. I thought it was a clear joke. This is the Comedy Store podcast. If anyone is wondering what's going on

right now, we are in our new studio in the basement. It's dope. Never been down here our new studio in the basement. It's dope. Never been down here. The carpet on the wall. Heard a lot of people died in this basement. This is one of the alleged haunted areas of the comedy store. Rick Ingram, may I ask you, sir, because you have been a resident of this fine establishment for many,

many a moon. Have you fucking seen anything? Have you ever seen a ghost? Have you ever seen any inclination? I've never seen a ghost. you ever seen any inclination uh i i've never seen a ghost i got really high in the belly room one time and there's like three of us we're all sitting in there lights were out and uh basically just the emergency light was on and we were pretty positive like all of us turned at the same time because it seemed like someone was walking in the hallway from the belly room to the green room and there there was nothing there. And then we all just got real freaked out, like, we got to leave.

But we were also really high, so. That's true, but I've been really high all over this place. Never had any experience. And the belly room freaks me the fuck out. It's the creepiest. Dude, I've been up there a couple times in the last six months. I go up there with a friend. Come on, dude, let's go in the belly room.

There's no show. And you go up to the top of the stairs, you stand there and look at that place. And you go, what the fuck are we doing here? We got to get out of here. I saw it. We got to the top of the stairs just stand there and look at that place and you go what the fuck are we doing here we gotta get out of here we gotta get out of here man I saw Joe Rogan last week doing some goofy show where people yell out topics

and you have to riff and fucking Rogan killed it Jeremiah Watkins on the spot that room is so ripe to do specials to film specials I fucking hate specials that are filmed in

theaters and the applause just like Jim Norton I saw a Jim Norton special in a 1500 seater and you know how Norton riffs and you know the audience is ruiningiffs and you know, the audience is ruining his special because they applaud all the time and you, you're fucking ruining his rhythm.

Well, I think you're making a real good point that we make all the time that this, this point that this is a giant difference. I mean, you and I have had about a hundred conversations about this between your rhythm that you do in a little intimate environment and the rhythm that you do in a big theater. Cause in the,

like 150 people, you can just keep hammering them with punchlines and they can hear everything you're saying. But one of the things that I've realized by sitting in the audience of a Louis black show, I was in Jersey and he was there the night before I was. So Joey Diaz and I walked across the street and we sat down, we sat in the audience and watched the show like in the back towards the

middle. So we had like good seats. We were right in there. But I was like, whoa, it is hard to hear. When he's killing and everyone's laughing and then he says something else, if you say something while people are laughing, people just started going,

what did he say? What did he just say? But people were laughing that heard it, but it was like, you might miss a percentage of the audience you know what you should do you know when you go to a museum they give you headphones Brendan Walsh ladies and gentlemen

yes Twitter's own Brendan Walsh I think we already did this a couple of times we gotta do it every time Groundhog Day up in this bitch we'll clear it all up in editing I think we already did this a couple of times. We got to do it every time. Groundhog Day up in this bitch. Yeah, we'll clear it all up in editing. We just did the very beginning before the swastika discussion.

Every week on the Comedy Store podcast. I'm so high. I forgot what we were talking about. What was so important while we were talking about it. To me, it was so important. No, here's the question. What is the number? What is the number where it gets weird? 150.

Because I'm like, alright, there must be a mix-up. Why are there this many people here to see me? Did they put Hal Sparks on the calendar on accident? Hal Sparks! Stop it! The only thing that could have been better is Screech from Saved by the Bell. Crushing. Just crushing.

And then stabbing someone. No, House Sparks is better because it's subtly ruthless. You know, the only reason I said that is he was there the night after I did the Ice House. I remember. Probably. House Sparks, back when I used to actually have to do my own fulfillment of merch from my website. House Sparks bought my CD. Wow. He's a nice guy.

I had him on the podcast early days. Early days. Very nice guy. Here's my question about filming in the belly room. You film in a room that small, it would be awesome, but with cameras and crew in there, how many people... Well, I was talking to Jess. You're going to see a cameraman in a mirror.

Oh, shit. That's so true. That's strong as fuck. Jesselnik was telling me today about how he filmed his Netflix special at the Fillmore Theater in San Francisco, which is pretty small. It's only like 450 people. But he filmed it with mounted stuff to the walls. And people had like remote controls. Oh, nice. So with that, you could easily do that in the belly room.

You set something up above the crowd and a couple spots and you would get, you only really want to head on and a sideways. And you need a fucking drone flying around, like a flyover crowd shot shaped like a dick, like a bumblebee would add to the show too, where it's like, you got a drone. It makes noise, too.

Oh, shit. They're going to let me film a special in the main room. They are? Who's they? These powers that be? The Dark Lords? Baltimore? Lord Baltimore?

They got me on camera, too. Who are you filming? Oh, shit. I don't know how to do it. Brandon Walsh, ruthless. Get shots of the crowd. Grew up in Texas. America's hater. I do a lot of crowd work,. I don't know how to do it. Brandon Walsh, ruthless. Get shots of the crowd. America's hater. I do a lot of crowd work, so I don't know. I'm trying to figure out how to do it

to where I can get shots of the crowd, but a wall mount might be the only way without work this crowd. Ask me what I do. You've always preferred that. You've always preferred that fucking around with the crowd thing. It's interesting. Well, well one the jokes i used to tell weren't good so when i started doing crowd work it was just like i know i'm funnier than this i'm from kids i know i'm funnier

than my act well that's a good aren't we all everybody i fuck yeah i I am. Yeah. But for you, like importantly, like there was a lot of people that got really fucking weird about having to follow you. Yeah. It was a giant issue with people. It's like there's, there's a certain segment of our, our community that gets upset when someone's doing good.

They don't like it. And if you're doing good in some method that is different than the way I'm doing it, then somehow or another, I have this right. You were fucking a stool like Dane Cook tonight, but it was funny. It's a different kind of fucking bro. First of all, I fucked it first. And then he started fucking it.

He just changed it around a little. But what you were doing, you didn't have any power, man. And it was really fucked up because there was a bunch of dudes who, this is from my perspective, there's a bunch of dudes who didn't want to follow Rick Ingram

because Rick Ingram would fuck around with the crowd and he's got so much material on top of fucking around with the crowd and you do it all the time. So it's a muscle that you have like really exercised yeah so there's a bunch of bullshit there was a but it's a bunch of bullshit because you weren't doing anything wrong you were doing really funny comedy caller we're gonna have to hang up this this is boring you're blowing rick ingram just shows what

the other comics are made of though like i would rather go up after a fun like if somebody's killing and they're awful and hacky then you're like well what that's a horrible feeling yeah and it's like well they're not gonna like me if they like this well doug stanhope doug stanhope tell the story about the old headberg days where headberg people used to put these middle acts on in front of Hedberg. They would do fucking somersaults. They would shoot firecrackers out of their ass. They would sing R and B songs. They would have these big high energy middle acts.

And then Hedberg would go on after him before people knew who he was. And they didn't know how to adjust. It was just shitty planning and shitty filming. Yeah. Tell that story. And you, you know how you got into it. I'm busy doing it, Shank. Quiet.

I'll just move on. I thought about it now. I thought about the actual story. Let me hear that story. The point being, there's two ways to look at it. In one way, a guy like Hedberg has to be shielded, in a way.

He's so goddamn good. It's almost like, listen, you got to find out how good he is. Everybody just get on board. Once you find out how good he is, it doesn't matter who goes on before. I don't do like mixed bill shows.

Hey, you want to do a set tonight? No, I don't. I want to do a set in front of my crowd where I know that they're going to accept everything. I don't want to fucking deal with tourist shit. I don't

like doing comedy that much. I totally hear what you're saying. I see what you're saying. You just want your crowd that came to see you. I fucking spent 25 years building my crowd. I'm not going to go up and ruin all my self-confidence by going up

on a Saturday night at the comedy store to do 10 minutes where if I have a bit, it's 15 minutes long. And I'm going to try to truncate it. Well, listen, I got news for you, dude. If your name is on the marquee, people

are going to be your fans. They're going to show up. I mean, they're going to be your fans. If my name is on the marquee, I'm making to be your fans. They're going to show up. I mean, they're going to be your fans. If my name is on the marquee, I'm making a fucking lot of money. But you don't have to. Look, this is the thing about this place. You're weird like that. I'm not. You like to do fucking coffee all the time.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm just trashing you on some radio station. I do like to do it. Honesty. Here at the Comedy Store Podcast. Please tell me before people get mad at me on Twitter. to do it. Honesty, here at the Comedy World Podcast. No, hang on. Tell me before people get mad at me on Twitter. I think you lasted like six weeks.

My wife went off the road. She crashed her car. I can't see Joe Rogan being alive if he's not within 15 minutes of a comedy. No, no, that was one of the reasons why I moved to Colorado. It's because the comedy works in Denver.

Wendy has this full open mic program. But you lived in the mountains. The point is, you like to do comedy. I like to be with animals. The rumor I heard was, yeah, Rogan's moving back from Colorado because coyotes ate his dog. No, it was a mountain lion.

We found a mountain lion on our property and it started creeping around the house. Did it eat your dog? Yeah, it took the dog. Point is, you can't live without doing comedy. I love not doing comedy.

I could totally see your point of view and I could totally fall into that too. It's not that I only love doing comedy. I love doing a lot of shit. It's just I've been doing comedy for so long I decide to give it a lot of love. I might just like

to go camping. How about that? I might just like to take a Toyota fucking Toyota Land Cruiser and go in the mountains. I don't want to do any more stuff. Eventually you have to abandon comedy. Okay, let's bring it back to you. Or die in a hotel like George Carlin.

That might be the move too. Quick question, Joseph. I hope he did. I hope it was in Vegas. I keep wanting to call Eleanor Nancy Kerrigan. You son of a bitch. I'll hit you with a skate. Don't call me that shit.

I fought Tonya Harding. Fuck off. That white trash whore. Wait. I don't know what fuck up Tonya Harding. I will. I will. Hold on.

I know the only non-paid regular is Brendan, but we'll get to that in a second. It's all right. It's a long drive. No, he's doing a drop and I saw his Twitter. But when you showcased here, was that you in the beginning building your audience? What is this, a real fucking interview all of a sudden? How dare you, Eleanor? When I showcased here, I had my favorite bit I've ever written.

It was about TWA Flight 800. We're talking funny already. Shot down by a missile. I mean, we're talking funny already. Now we're shot down by a missile. I honestly, to this day, there was a fucking hot waitress at the improv that said, she came out, I was sitting at the bar back at the old improv, and she came out bitching about the fucking Hackney comedy

she's listening to, which I was on her side and and flight 800 was on the tv at the bar she goes yeah make that funny and i went home and i wrote a fucking one of the best bits i i didn't deliver it as well because i was young but uh the my favorite bit I've ever written was about that. So you did it here? So I had that hip pocketed. I'd never had the balls to come here and I came here and Mitzi, back when she was alive. No, no. She's still alive. She's still alive.

Weekend at Bernie's. How dare you? Hey, bro, we're in her house. Respect. I did that bit because when you had to get passed. What year, I did that bit because when you had to get past. What year? I did that bit. Do you remember it? Well, you can Google

it. It's when the flight went three weeks after flight 800. 97, 96, 97. I know I was here for it. Because it was right before that. I like you. You remind me of Sam. Remember there was another plane right after flight 800,

a value jet that crashed into the Florida swamps in Florida. And they never fucking got it out. Cause there's too many alligators. Do you know how I know? Not only does your plane crash, but it crashes into a swamp full of alligators. We're alive. Hey, I'm David Talbot. Uh, Not only does your plane crash, but it crashes into a swamp full of alligators. We're alive.

Hang on. David Talbot. My favorite plane crash, and I know it's wrong to have a favorite, is a plane crashed off the coast of Columbia, and it said some of the survivors were eaten by sharks. How bad is your luck where the two weirdest things that could ever happen to you happen in the same day? Did someone fuck a leprechaun on this flight?

That's so fucking funny. Showcased with that bit. It didn't get passed. Isn't that weird? Eleanor, do you remember the Paul Mooney bit about Value Jet? Do you remember Paul Mooney? He used to with that bit. It didn't get passed. Isn't that weird? Eleanor, do you remember the Paul Mooney bit about value jet? Do you remember Paul Mooney? He used to do this bit about the black lady clutching her purse. Oh, yeah. Remember?

He used to do this bit about how cheap value jet was and that you knew it was going to crash. You knew that shit was going to crash eventually. Oh, my God. Mooney had some hilarious shit about that. They're clenching their purse. Yeah. Shit's going down. Theyoney had some hilarious shit about that. Shit's going down. They get eaten by crocodiles.

That was 96. Really? Paul Mooney brought it to a racial place? He did it once. You didn't see it coming. He steered clear after that. You didn't see it coming. No, it was a funny bit. I remember laughing really hard.

I used to love watching Paul Mooney. Oh, dude. One of my favorites here. He would just clear the audience, and I knew I could go home early. Mooney was... As a doorman. He intimidated the shit out of me. He was also one of the only people Eddie Griffin would respect.

Oh, yeah. You had to respect Mooney. He's the Reverend Al Sharpton of comedy. No, no, no. He's way more respected. He only referred to me as the white lady. The white lady. He would call up, oh, is the white lady in?

The white lady is going to cash my check. Make sure you tell the white lady I'm coming in. They've come in the kitchen. Do you know who the white lady is? I'm like, that's me. They're like, but you're all white. I'm like, but you're not. It's cool.

Hennigan, my manager, this filthy Scotsman here taking pictures. Thank you for taking pictures. Every time we're on the road, he likes to ask the waitstaff, like, who's the worst comic you've had to deal with? And Eddie Griffin is always in the top three. He needs to get a carton of smokes and new sneakers at every show, right? That's what the improv people told me. Someone picked him up in a white car and he waited.

I ain't getting no fucking white car. Wow. Well, you know, have some respect, okay? How about bring him a fucking black car? Is that too much to ask? Whoa, whoa, whoa. You expect him to get in a white car? We're talking about a guy who thinks he's a...

How about you think about your own life? I guess he doesn't use Uber. Top three of all time. I mean, as he used to say, he got into Harvard and Yale, but he chose to drop out of... Eddie Griffin, dude? That's what he claims. None of it's true. Listen, you don't know this. I'm standing

up for Eddie Griffin right now. You don't know shit. You don't know nothing about him. You're scared of him. I'm scared of his talent. Let me tell you something for real. Eddie Griffin, when he was on Chad Shank, when he was on

Def Comedy Jam, Eddie Griffin did a set on Def Comedy Jam. He was wearing shorts. He crushed so hard that I remember sitting there. I was an open mic-er at the time. I was like, oh my god. When you see a guy who crushes that hard, it makes you feel like, I'm never going to do that. I'm never going to do that.

I'm never going to do that. He had a high hat on, he had shorts on, and he fucking destroyed. If Eddie Murphy, if Eddie Griffin, rather, could have stayed on track. Is comedy a fashion show? No. He just looked ridiculous, but I'm telling you, that fucking dude had talent.

Crazy. I never saw him. He was insane, but he had talent in its best form when he could hold onto it. It's like a wrestling match with a fucking steroided dolphin. It's like you barely got it. Whoa! It's away from you. Joe, at what point, because we are in the business.

At what point do you go, well, that guy's a dick. He's not a dick. Eddie's crazy. He's not a bad guy. He's always been good to me. Me and him have always been cool. I only know him like Steve Sharippa. When Steve Sharippa liked you, you go, ooh, he likes me.

But he's a dick to everyone else. Well, he's not a dick. If you get out of line, he's the wrong guy. He's the wrong guy. He will smack you in your fucking head. It doesn't matter if he's a bit on the Sopranos. It's Schripper, not Eddie.

Schripper smacked you in the face? Yeah, he smacked me in the face. Schripper hit you, for real? Yeah, but funny. I was a kid. He's an animal. I was a kid with a mullet. Sharipa hit you for real? Yeah, but funny. Oh. Funny. I was a kid. He's an animal. I was a kid with a mullet. You're doing seven minutes.

Not 701, not 699. And slapped me in the face. He's an animal. What are you doing this fucking fucking... I get along with those dudes. I used to help him. I used to get people to the Riviera. I think I booked Ricky.

Yeah. Didn't I? The Riviera is like a lot of people's first Vegas gig. Ari Shafir and Steve Ranazzisi, I got them booked, and they both got banned for life. Good for them. Yeah. They got me in trouble with Sharippa.

Nice. First 9-11, then that. Joey Diaz got banned. Where's Steve? Joey Diaz got banned for a little bit. Yeah, he got banned for something. I don't remember what happened. But Sharippa, like, that guy kept that gig.

He's a savage. He's a savage. A bona fide, legitimate savage is trying to keep it together and eat pizza. But at the end of the day, Steve Sharippa, he's a gorilla, and he'll crush your head with a rock. I don't care how many shows he's been on, he'll go knee to chest

on you and smash your fucking head with a bowling ball. And there's not a goddamn thing you're going to do about it either. That's a real legit gorilla. He's a great guy though. Me and him have always been friends. Chad Shank, I don't know MMA but I know how to use my elbows. I like Chad Shank. How did this guy feel about Eddie Griffin? Did he like him? I don't know MMA, but I know how to use my elbows.

How did this guy feel about Eddie Griffin? Did he like him? Did Griffin perform at the Riviera? I don't know if he did. I don't know if he did. I only knew Eddie Griffin in the... He was already really crazy. He'd go up for like three hours. What year did you get here?

I got here in 2002. Yeah, so Eddie was at his best in the 90s. Yeah. And we were talking about, like, he's so great, and I'm watching this guy just basically have breakdowns on stage, and he would steal champagne out of the, like, he'd distract the manager and then have his entourage steal champagne. Allegedly.

Say allegedly. Allegedly, I saw him. At the very least. Allegedly, I saw him. Disparaging him. It's not allegedly. Said by a guy who can be sued. Once you have enough money to be sued, you go allegedly.

Allegedly, sir. Well, how did him and Cat Williams seem to have had the same career? How about Martin Lawrence? And Martin Lawrence. So don't you think there might be something to that Illuminati Professor Griff theory of... Okay. Here's the most... We have to not talk over each other on this podcast as shit.

The most likely scenario is someone who's really funny, someone who's a little imbalanced, so they seek attention in a very extreme way. They figure out how to get really good at making people love them because people don't love them enough when they're young. So they get to a certain stage, and then all of a sudden people are loving them and not just loving them, they're loving them

en masse all throughout the world. They can't go anywhere. They're praised too much and they start to freak the fuck out and they don't know how to navigate the rollercoaster. Brendan was saying what? What happened to Cat Williams? What happened to Eddie Griffin? What happened to Eddie Griffin?

What happened to Martin Lawrence? And Martin Lawrence, and then you have Professor Griff from Public Enemy. But he went different. He got radicalized. But he's all got... And you even hear from like Chappelle on Inside the Actor's Studio where it's like young black...

When young black guys get successful, they're targeted by somebody. I think your Philadelphia is coming out. I could see how he would think that. I could see how he would think that. It's way more likely that there's no

profit to be made by holding them back and more profit to be made by propping them up. I highly doubt that someone's going to spend money to try to tank them. I think quite the opposite. They would spend money to medicate them, to prop them up, to get them shrinks,

to get them a handler, get them a driver. But if you're not going to put on the dress, though... If you're not going to what? Like, if they're not going to put on... I'm going to do what they say. Here's the thing. That's a trope. Eleanor wants to talk.

I agree with Joe in a way. I'm not going to shit on you. I'm not. in a way. I'm not going to shit on you. I'm not. I'm just. What does that have to do with it? Eleanor, what you do is you go, Joe has a good point, and then Joe shuts the fuck up because ego, oh, he's going to, they're talking about me. There's such a psychology.

I just had a point. I just wanted to get it out. You didn't have a point. I understand what you're saying. Powerful Doug Stanhope. Eddie and Martin were ripped by both of my first ex-fiancés. They did try very hard

to keep them in uniform. Keep them out there. What are you drinking? Doug is yelling at his manager. What the fuck? I was also saying that like 90% for comedic effect.

Saying that Professor Griff was right. But you would never think that the government is really trying to sabotage young black guys. No. Systematically or whatever. I would think that if there's somebody who could really change

the world, the government would. Like, maybe John Lennon was shot by somebody. Did you see season three of Martin? Yes. No. I mean, I don't know. I was like in high school. I'm a shenanigans on that.

Right? What was that? That's that dude. He could have done it. He could have done it. They didn't want it. That was his fucking imagination. He had a powerful message of imagination.

But Cat Williams went really crazy because now he's basically famous. Fighting high school kids. Yeah, he's the guy who's getting knocked out by high school kids on YouTube. Well, you're disparaging Cat's name, so let's back up here. I saw that.

He didn't even get choked out. He got out-wrestled. That's all. And I'm pretty sure it was a junior high. You're right. No, he's 15. And I'm pretty sure it was junior high. I think you're right. He's 15. The kid is 15. Allegedly. Someone said 17. Someone said it's a lie. It's actually 17.

Either way. It's a tough fall. Either way. If a 17-year-old fucks you up, for real. Shank is crushing it. Why is a 17-year-old and you in a fight? Why are you in that situation? Why are you at a high school, Cat Williams? Let's start from square one.

I don't think he was. I think he was at the projects, and this kid was a high school wrestler. He was doing some kind of... No, it was a school thing. Yeah, it was a charity. I don't even research it at all, and I'm willing to argue with you. This is the view now. We're just a bunch of fucking gossiping cunts.

No, no, but I heard, I was realizing while I was saying, no, dude, I think it was at the projects. I didn't even, I might have seen something on someone else's computer. Like, what's going on over there? Why is Kat Williams fighting? I half watched the Twitter link. He's just laying down

against a wall and some being dicks. Have you ever had a fight with a teenager as an adult? No, no, no. I stay away from teenagers. Did you ever have a fight? By law. Did you ever have a fight? Yeah, I had one fight.

It's a long story. That's alright, we got time. So she won't go up tonight? It was an improv waiter She's here all week See how my nose is caved in on this side That was a tempe improv

waiter and I deserved it He punched you in the head? Yeah, but I was asking for it What'd you do? He said, will you please punch me? I tried to make out with his girlfriend in front of him as they dropped me off at the condo.

I thought she might want to fuck me. I think it's funny that you think getting punched in the head is being in a fight. I headbutted the guy first. All right, all right. Now, I also think it's funny that he said it's a long story, and that was by far the most direct short story. You're a really good editor, dude. Your stories are fucking awesome.

I have that. I got beat up in Alaska. I almost got beat up in Alaska. Before we move on to a new story, let's figure out what the fuck happened over here, folks. Jesus Christ. Douglas, why were you convinced that it was going to happen with you and the girl? Maybe she was sending some weird signals because she likes fights.

No, she was sending weird signals like, if I fuck you, would you tell stories in the morning? We were at some 80s fucking dance thing. It's a fucking long story. She's a rabble robber. She's a dirty girl. This is 1995. Dirty girls. I met a girl at a show in Anchorage, Alaska,

and she came to our show. I was there with Ren Azizi. And then she's like, hey, we should get out of here. I'm just like, yeah, this is great. She's like, let's stop at this other bar first, and then we'll go. I'm like, okay. We walk in the other bar and immediately just see three or four dudes much larger than myself all get up. And I was like, oh, this isn't good. First of all, are these black guys because the way

your countenance just went three or four guys. No, they were white dudes. They were snowmobilers. And one of them was the boyfriend of the girl I was with. Of course. And she very clearly was just

trying to get a fight going. And security broke us up. Security's like real hardcore there. Where it's like, if you get in a fight at a bar, trying to get a fight going. And security broke us up. Security's like real hardcore there. Where it's like, if you get in a fight at a bar, then you get banned from going to bars for like a year. Yeah, because dudes have whaling knives on their fucking belts. It's a terrible place to get in a fight. He escorted me.

Security escorted me to the back door. And they were pushing the other guys towards the front door. And he took me to the back and he opened the door and he said, I can't do anything once you're outside of the bar. So if I were you, I would run. And I just walked out. It was January, so covered in snow and ice, and I was running like the four-minute mile.

And was anybody behind you running after you? No, because they would have had to go all the way around the buildings to get to where I was. So they didn't know you were running away. I mean, they probably assumed. Any one of these guys could have kicked my ass alone. Well, the problem is, it's like they feel like, especially when they're drunk,

that they have the right to do that. Because you show up with a girl. How the fuck could you have known? I'm literally thinking she just wants to do another drink to think I'm a little more attractive. How does that... See, I put it on the guy. How many drinks?

The guy should know. A guy should know what kind of fucking crazy bitch he's dating if she does shit like that. And if you know that that's what you're doing, you're hanging out with a girl that's that fucking crazy, then it's supposed to be on you.

But he might like it too. He might like fighting. He might be just too dumb. It's like that wolf that they send out. I've been in a fuckload of drunken fights and you guys are way overanalyzing drunken fights. There's not a lot of logic involved.

I don't think I like that. Welcome to my world. Dude, I can't even watch children's cartoons without finding the hidden meaning. You're an asshole. Did you say, Brendan, you had a fight in Alaska I mean I got like kind of beat up in Alaska but it was

well it was this is I mean I got my ass kicked in Philly a bunch of times but tell the story but don't let me forget to tell the yours Sioux Falls South South Dakota story. Oh, yeah.

Because that's a fucking genius story. All right. Well, the Alaska one and Becker. Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Ding. Yeah, Sioux Falls is a bad one. This one is Anchorage. Tell your Anchorage.

Okay, Anchorage. Anchorage. Don't forget to do. Yeah, all right. So Anchorage. What a slow dance. Was, yeah, I tried to dance. I was funny dancing in Sioux Falls.

We could probably. All right, let's just do that first. Let's go to Sioux Falls. Sioux Falls. I come in to do a one night show. He's done the week and I'm doing a Sunday or something. Yeah. So he comes in and tells me about Saturday.

I'm doing this Sunday. Saturday night, you go out after with the staff to a dance club in Sioux Falls, which is a real shit. Yeah. So go out. A bunch of assholes. You might have to refresh me. I mean, I remember the ins and outs.

Like, we go, and I was funny dancing. What kind of dancing? Doing, like, dances I made up. Yeah, you gotta define that, dude. Like stripping. I could do the dance for you, but this is a podcast. You're saying you weren't trying to dance.

There's a lot of clapping under the legs and saluting. It's a dance that I made up. Much better. Saluting. The whole thing where you have your hand behind your back like you're on the Family Feud Fast Fingers.

So a slow dance comes up and he talks to some townie girl and says, hey, do you want a slow dance? Yeah. And she goes, she insulted, she was really mean to me.

She was like, I'd rather kill myself. Yeah, you fucking piece of shit. You fucking asshole. That means she likes you, dude. Well, he didn't take it like that. You got to pretend like you're in a movie. I had a pint of beer in my hand. And so I just splooshed it in her face.

Yes. This is. I know. Did she beat you up? Totally different movie. And then it hit... It hit other people. And then this guy...

So then this guy... So then this big, like, you know... Sioux Falls type of fellow. Sioux Falls type of guy gets up in my face and is... Oh, no. Like, he says something like,

you just threw a drink in a girl's face or whatever and i said yeah chivalry and he like gets up like he wants to fight and i go jokingly hey do you want to slow dance he made a joke that she didn't get and she fucking it was a bad listen in hindsight it was I'm like, well, girls throw drinks in guys' faces in movies all the time. And it was just one of those split-second... One of the best quotes ever uttered on a podcast. If we're all equal in this society... I just...

Listen, it was a split section like split second like what's the funniest i okay i have most of a beer sploosh hits a guy and then he gets up and gets in my face and i said don't bow up on me you fucking hayseed and then i just got grabbed by i mean i didn't get all the staff drags him out you're gonna get killed the staff oh my god were you hammered i mean yeah of course i mean i wouldn't do that as like a sober person i heard this story scary to me i heard this story the next morning when i came in to play this sunday he was like, so reticent and like, I shouldn't have done that. I can't fight at all.

I could have got killed. I don't know why I did this. It was, it was that morning after shame. He wasn't celebrating the story. Well, the other kids that were with me were just kind of like, Jesus,

thank God we got out of there. Like, you know, I put other people in jeopardy with my antics. Do you know who was like that when he was younger? It was Bobby Lee. Bobby Lee almost got us killed in a strip club

in San Diego in 1996. We were down there. We were doing La Jolla. We were doing La Jolla Comedy Store, and I met Bobby Lee. Was he opening? He was young. No, he was just starting out. He was working there. We he was just starting out. He was working.

He was working there. He was working there. And so we went to this strip club. And there were these real, legit gangbangers with long, silky, combed hair. I mean, long hair that went down to their pockets, right? And this dude had tattoos on his face. And he was talking to this girl. And Bobby Lee's like, like oh that girl's really

pretty i'm gonna go i'm gonna go fucking hit on her and he goes over this girl while she's with all these gangbangers and apparently one of these gangbangers was the boyfriend of this girl so he stood up and i looked at him and i looked at bobby and there's a feeling that you get when you know someone either has killed someone or is ready to kill someone or has thought about killing someone. There's some people with tattoos in their face in the 90s. And those people were scary fucking people. It's not like rappers today and white guys have tattoos all over the place in their face. Try to fit in.

This is a rare thing. And I jumped up and I think i don't forget who was with me but i go we're going we're going right now and bobby lee's like where the fuck you guys going just relax guys are pussies i go fuck you i go we're getting out of here right now and i and i grabbed everybody and i ran i ran to my car in the parking lot and jumped in and as we're pulling away they the door opened and these guys stepped out and And Bobby Lee's like, those guys are pussies. We're going to do shit. I'm like, oh, my God.

Crazy fuck. What did he do? He doesn't have time. Bobby Lee got straight crazy for a while. Like pills. It was out of his mind. I call this Joe Rogan syndrome, where if you're around Joe Rogan you have a lot of balls

and you talk shit he'll take care of it in high school I had a friend who was like 6, 7 and just jacked and it was just like I was running wait he was like 6 to 7 years old he likes little kids they love stories

we do the opposite in Bisbee with Chad Shank He likes little kids. They're just kind of paid regulars. They love stories. We do the opposite in Bisbee with Chad Shank. Like, Chad Shank always wants to, like, snap. Chad, he's labeling you right now. He's defining you. I didn't know fight stories were fun. I got, like, 40 of them if we want to talk them out on a podcast whenever we get home. I thought they were boring

to everybody else who wasn't involved. The rest of us aren't apparently fighting for real because all of our fight stories look on your face as like, what are we talking about here? Now, if this was like a really well-produced show, they would splice in the music to, everybody busts kung fu

fighting! If you give this to Chaley, he will overproduce it. You guys have the best produced podcast because it just starts. I should probably start mine just starting. No, Doug's not. How dare you? Yours is okay. But Doug's, yeah, it's on.

And then you guys just roll. But that's good. That's perfect. That's how ours usually rolls, too, because I don't know how to start it ever, so I just turn it on, and then someone's like, are we going? I'm like, yeah, yeah, we've been going for two minutes. Rick Ingram, can I ask you a question? Sure. At all your years at the Comedy Store, don't you feel like this is a weird time?

This place is very... It's very bizarre because i spent a decade here basically alone in terms of like the crowd was like would max out at like 70 on like a great weekend night there's a lot of times i did main room shows where there's like 40 people in there and now it's basically sold out every weekend and it's like we were saying i was talking to mark maron earlier and it's like the crowds here are great now but it's impossible to find somewhere to hang out with just a thousand people running into you out on the patio well that's why the comic bar is the best it's great a little backstage bar is and kerry mitchell and kerry mitchell praise her name when kerry m Carrie Mitchell came out here, I go, the only place that you should be working, she's, as a drunk,

the only person that you give any credit to. Your bartender is the most important person, and she is the best bartender, and this is the bar, and she actually got a fucking job here and it's fantastic and she got accepted like that immediately because she's so legit she's so legit everybody went oh okay come on in it's like a comic you don't give your fucking hey hire this guy you're you're you're very uh specific when you give your word on a comic. 100%. Bartender, I'm the same way.

Carrie Mitchell, ask for her by name when you come to the comedy store. Absolutely. Well, she got the instant Doug Stanhill pass because she told me she was friends with you. But then she was just so cool. She's so nice. She's so nice.

She told me she was the best. He does side splitters still. Well She's so nice. Oh, yeah. He does side splitters still. Well, I'll tell you what, man. The staff here has always been awesome. It's always been awesome. Yeah, she's been around. Something we can't talk about in South Dakota.

The staff here has always been fucking awesome. She had a beard thrown in her face, from what I understand, in South Dakota. Like, Rick Ingram, as far like the staff here other than tommy the staff here has always been fucking amazing yeah it's always been a bizarre yeah we say it's like the land of misfit toys yeah always don't fit in anywhere there what we fit in there were the dead years and this is a bisbee reference where bisbee has where I live in Arizona they have the ghost tour because they have nothing else to offer and

that's the dead years of the comedy store is when oh there is it's haunted right we got nothing else yeah scare the girl well there was a period like when I got here in 94 from like 94 to 98 it it was dark.

Oh, I know. We were here every night. It was ugly. No one worked. The main room was never open. It was never open. There was a comedy boom in the 80s, and something happened in the 90s where it dropped off so hard at the store. I don't know what it was, and it might have corresponded with Mitzi's health decline.

It might have been that. A little later, her decline, but I think the big thing was, it was just like... Louis C.K. couldn't get past here, so... It was magical. She did... Al Magical! Al Magical! If anybody's looking to buy a new

car, Al Magical is in the house. How rude. He's got a guy. What's up, buddy? No. I'm not rude at all. Al will fucking... I've always said this, and I've said this to Al, too.

Are you going up right now? Is this the longest podcast ever? And I have to piss real soon. Ricky, Rick, what time are we at? Yeah, yeah. I have to take a leak. I don't know. But that wasn't a slam on Al.

I've said if Al will return your call. If you call Al about a show business thing, if you have somebody call him, like you can do a test. Have somebody call Al like, hey, I have this show that I want you to do a part on. And then you call him and say, hey, I need a new deck built in my backyard. He'll call the deck guy back first because Al loves to fucking hook people up with a guy to build a deck or help you.

I'm the guy who's got a guy. That's an important part of camaraderie. I really enjoy finding people. You're the Ray Donovan of decks. I fix people's problems under $10,000. That's hilarious. That's hilarious.

That's so funny. Joe Rogan, Chad Shank, Brendan Walsh, Al Madrigal, and Nancy Kerrigan. Was that signing off you were just saying no no no we don't have to sign off

we have seven minutes left we'll make it we can do whatever the fuck we want we don't have to do seven minutes we can keep this thing going yeah we could

but why not why does everybody want to make these things an hour because I have people upstairs okay we'll make it an hour

Jesse Paluso just texted me I want to read it we'll make it an hour the greatest thing about them texted me. I want to read it. We'll make it an hour. The greatest thing about them is they can be anytime you want. Anytime. Like, we just wandered down here. I've never even been in this basement before.

No. Have you seen some of the shit that's down here? I'm scared. Where are you going? I'm taking a mic. I feel weird. Now we have less people talking over each other. I like when you're close to me.

Now I can look at your face. Your head is bloated from human growth hormones. Mine is bloated from... Testosterone, I think, mostly. Either way, mine's alcohol, yours is... It's also like lifting heavy shit.

Have you been freezing yourself a lot lately? I do it a lot. It's not that bad. What it does is you get used to it. So if you do it three or four days in a row, after a while your body gets accustomed to it. What does it do for you? I don't understand.

It produces norepinephrine, which is a neurochemical that makes you happy. It also reduces inflammation, like inflammatory bodies in the blood. It reduces all that shit. Isn't that redundant since you already smoke weed? No, no, no. It's on this molecular level, apparently. What happens is your body freaks the fuck out because it thinks it's going to die.

Because you're in this 250 degree below zero tank. You walk into this room and you shut the door. And it's like a freezer. And you're standing there. It's 250 degrees below zero. and you do it for three minutes and when you do it your body produces what's called cold shock proteins and cold shock proteins attack inflammation it's literally like your body starts shutting down it freaks out and so it mass produces this like panic hormone and these growth shock proteins and all this stuff accelerates like tissue healing in the body

and it makes you feel better like you like literally like your mind feels better when you get out of there okay i feel i think it's comedy store podcast this is the comedy store someone asked me a question douglas joe told going to go. Joe told me to take vitamin D, and I did that because I was tired in the afternoon. Change your life. I feel better. More than 75% of Americans are deficient in vitamin D because we're not outside, and it's one of the ways your body produces it, but another way your body produces animal proteins,

but you can get it in a supplement form, and it's very important. Or you could move to Bisbee, Arizona, where you're out in the sun all the time. Unless you're a fucking mole and you like to go deep, deep, deep, deep underground. New York City, I was there. You don't see the sun at all. Right. New York City, they're the grayest fucking, what you would imagine as a writer. fucking every what you would imagine as a writer they're they're gray hunched people how could you live in that fucking awful place you know what it is it has an attachment of of

romanticism to it so when you move to a place like that or if you move to paris it is but it isn't see if you believe in it then it is but you're you're too smart for it, so it isn't. It's like placebos and like faith healers. Like they can work, but you got to believe in them. But the fucking catch 22 is you're too fucking smart to believe in them, so they'll never work. Like AA or religion. Close.

Yeah, it's in the ballpark. If you believe in it, it works. But fucking no, son. Yeah, it's in the ballpark if you believe in it it works but no son it's bullshit it's a good place to hang out if you have like billions of dollars you fly in you stay in your penthouse apartment then you jet

how do we get Chad Shank into comedy that's what I want to talk about Chad Shank's already in comedy he's here right now there's baby steps baby steps on the road to sobriety. But we can get you a showcase here. Have Doug right here. You got a phone call coming in.

Are you Doug's handler? I am. Who's calling? Is it Johnny Depp? I'm the co-host of the Shawcroft podcast. It's Shawcroft. Shawcroft, you're on the... Hang on.

Lynn Shawcroft is on the Comedy Store podcast live on speakerphone. How did you know I was here? Where are you? We're in the basement. I never knew there was a basement. You called me! I didn't even know about a basement. I'm going to try and get a couple of my friends.

Brian Hennigan is coming to get you. Just be by the back toilets by the OR. That sounds terrible. I went to the coming to get you. Just be by the back toilets by the OR. That sounds terrible. I want the back smoke cigarette. Tell her the established rule is no gay shit. We're smoking in the basement. Just look for Hennigan.

Bye. Okay. Bye. Fucking Shawcroft is so fucking funny as a person. She's a fucking nightmare. She's very bright. I was on the road with Shaylee and Mitch and Lynn, and they would lose everything constantly.

So she came to me one night, and this is one morning we woke up in Seattle, and I was just standing there, and she walks up. And I was explaining to other people how they kept losing stuff. And she walked up and she goes, we can't find the camera. And I'm like, all right. So just on cue, like if somebody cued her. And then she walked away and then came back and she goes, we also lost the RV. That was Chaley driving the RV.

I was in that. I strapped myself in the heavy. I heard about that. This is such a good story. Lost the RV. Secondary. That's exactly. The secondary thing.

Yeah, but you're right. She doesn't have a look and she goes. The fucking camera. They're worried about the camera before the RV. By the way, our way out of here is gone. We don't have a place to sleep anymore. Fuck. So, yeah, I guess this podcast will go on.

Oh, shit. No, we can end it. We can end it. We're at 59. No, fuck it. Shawcroft's coming down. Yeah, she's coming down. We will soldier on. Shawcroft, for the listener, Mitch Hedberg,

if you don't know Mitch Hedberg, first of all, you're an asshole. Don't say that. And second of all, it's because Shawcroft is lackadaisical about putting out his life work. Let's not give her shit about that. No.

Yeah, you can do that privately. I do it all the time. Yeah, but that's the way to do it. Well, it's not. She's not here, so we're just talking shit about her behind her back. She currently dates a very funny, John Doerr, who's one of the funniest. Yo, don't be putting up who she's fucking after Mitch's rest his peace.

Last week. Bless his soul. Bless his heart. I was talking to you. You're going to burst into flames if you ever try to cross yourself. I don't even know how to do it. I don't know how to do it either, but I don't know if that's right.

Brendan Walsh, who doesn't get sets here for some reason, even though he's the most brilliant fucking comic I know, he went up that night. We were talking in the parking lot. You got to move here. There's a new scene. You were fucking all over me. in the parking lot. You gotta move here.

There's a new scene. You're fucking all over me. What I didn't know at that time, he went up while we're talking in the parking lot, me and Joe Rogan. He went up as John Door. Yeah. Did a set doing John Door's material and they lit him up.

Yeah, he did it last week. He's so silly. He's fucking great. He's so silly. He's fucking great. He's so silly. I start complaining about that. Yeah. I swear to God, I'm like, wait, Brendan, he's terrific. He's a great comic, but I didn't know all that.

He's just crazy. Brendan's crazy. He's fucking great. He's really funny. He's really funny. He's really smart. But when he's talking about the thing about throwing the beer in the girl's face, he has this impulsiveness to him that he almost doesn't know how to wrap up all the time.

He really, I mean, he's done some of the best pranks. In the Silver Lake Gun Store, there was a bar BJ's, and he went and bought a huge banner and they always sell muskets coming soon it's gonna be silver lake silver lake if you don't know is this community in los angeles very like liberal pretentious like just uh you know whole foods

they're protesting because it's a whole foods 365 which is a discounted whole foods and the people in that neighborhood are protesting it, saying that we can afford the real one. And, yes. We don't want your Whole Foods cast off. Exactly. There was a cell phone billboard on I-10 for whatever cell company, and there's a picture of a cell phone on the thing.

whatever cell company and there's a picture of a cell phone on the thing. Brendan Walsh figures out the, the, the measurements goes up in the middle of the night, has basically a fat head of, cause it's a cell phone, but it's blank in the, so he puts the text message in the cell phone on the billboard saying your father passed away, and the reply

OMG. He crawled up. He made this shit. My favorite one was an early one. It was Top Chef DC, and it was everybody standing in the arcade, and he took a picture and got like a fathead made of kinkos of himself

with a little chef outfit with a pot and a spoon just stirring it up but he didn't get the measurements just right so the guy was really miniature he's like one eighth the size they they have the america's top chef and all the contestants 10 contestants so he gets a fathead made of himself like one eighth of the size and goes up with lynn shockcroft who's coming on the podcast. Risking his life above this fucking 7-Eleven. It's not easy to climb up on those things.

He is a really... Okay, go ahead. Climbs barbed wire to put himself aside the other 10 contestants. He's so crazy. He's a legit maniac. Here's another one that he did that's super subtle. He put up a sign for Whole Foods coming soon in Los Feliz. And everybody went crazy.

They were honking when he was putting it up. Like, yeah! They were so excited. They were so excited. And it wasn't real. He just thought it would be funny to fuck with these people because they wanted a Whole Foods. They're so crazy over there. He's an internet troll in real life. In real life! these people because they wanted a whole food they're so crazy over there it's so dumb

he's an internet troll in real life in real life he's a really good troll it's a really good move he came to Bisbee unlike Joe Rogan oh Lynn Shawcroft Lynn

you know what I'm probably going up any second now yeah Joe's 20 after Lynn! You know what? I'm probably going up any second now. Yeah, Joe, it's 20 after. Brendan Walsh came to Bisbee and he put up signs all over my neighborhood in a residential area. And it was a hand-drawn sign that said, Lost Comb Lost. And it was a hand drawn comb with teeth missing. You're good.

This is my comb. I lost it. I need it. I use it to comb my hair. If you've seen this comb. There was people in Bisbee looking for that comb. He just walked around stapling it to telephone poles around my house.

Posters or images of the cone? We were just talking about when you helped him put up the America's Top Chef, Brendan Walsh. You were part of that. Oh, yes. Yes. You helped him with this? John Doerr went up

on levels of buildings and I saw them walking across. Hey, listen. Are you going to do good up there? You fucking do it. Just do it. Lynn Shawcroft. Thank you for introducing.

Hi, I don't know you. I'm Eleanor. Hey, Eleanor. My name is Lynn. No middle name. Shawcroft. From Canada. Do you know Chad Shank? No, I name is Lynn. No middle name. Chakra. Oh, nice. From Canada. Do you know Chad Shank? No, I'm Chad Shank. I know. Chad Shank.

You know what I mean? It's my co-host on my podcast. He's a busy guy. I'll see you later. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second. Al Madrigal, ladies and gentlemen. Al Madrigal.

Al, why are you leaving? Yeah, Al. Oh, you sure you don't want to talk about that Vice interview we both did? Uh-oh. How was it for you? It was good. They were in my home as usual. I have no one to protect me. I gave them fucking a pair of Mitch's underwear.

Fucking chup-chup. Interview over. I like your jacket. Wait, can I ask more about that? Bye, Al. Before Al leaves, please know this. Al's got some coin. He's got some coin.

Now we're not all talking over each other. Okay. You should put... All right. There you go. Hey, come on in. Come on. Bingo.

Come on. Here. Are you good? If you're delivering, I'll take another. Oh, ladies and gentlemen, give it up for her. Carrie in the house. Let me buy a round. Joe, I it up for her. Carrie in the house. Let me buy a round. You're on the podcast.

You've got the pressure. Everyone's yahooing about Carrie Mitchell. You've got the pressure. Carrie Mitchell. She was so excited to introduce you. We were just talking about you around the hole. When you move to town, I go, there's only one place for you. There's only one messy place.

Because your bartender is your best friend, and you are the best bartender I've ever known. I love it. Oh, my God. Where can you work as a hot mess? Right here. I know you as a friend, but I know. But if you bring a round of delight sauce, I'll give you my new credit card that I just got two days ago in the mail.

Because you lost your last one? It's not like that. Did you really lose it one it's not like that it's not like that hang on hang on let's uh yeah jack coke is fine uh we were just talking about you saying oh we lost our camera oh and we also lost our rv oh yeah did you It's not quite like losing the RV. It's like, well, where do we put it? And it seems like on paper. But the camera was the precedent. Yeah.

On paper, it doesn't seem like you wouldn't know where your RV is. But put that paper on like a Tuesday, flip back to a Thursday. You can lose a fucking motor home. Drop a bunch of blotter acid on that paper. I've lost some things. Never a motor home. They had a van they left at Phoenix Airport. We left a van.

Because we lived in the mountains, we had to fly out of Ontario, California, rather than the LAX. And we fly out of Ontario, there's not a lot of non-stops. There's layovers. And the layovers were always Phoenix. So we had our van there going on five months. No way. Yeah.

Because we drove to a gig there, and then we didn't have time to drive it back. So it was there. And we'd like go in and tuck in there and be like, is there any drugs in here? Oh, remember this? Let's have a nap. Then we had to take the van out. And I was like, Mitch, just tell them we were there for two weeks. And Mitch was like, since when did we have to lie about?

So we told them four months, which is a lie. And the lady goes, God damn. Thank you for being honest. We didn't have your chip. And so like, I don't know if you've ever seen a face melt down in complete depression. It was me. And like Mitch just paid. It was like over $3,000, which he only paid $2,000.

But those are the things that get me. Wait, I thought that van was still there after Mitch died. Well, we got back in the same place. You know, we bought it out. Same van, different time. Same van, same airport, different circumstance. But when Mitch died, it was still there, and they called Mitch's parents, and they're like, he's dead, and they got rid of it.

Meanwhile, there was like so many pictures and videos, and we made Christmas cards with a black baby. They didn't clean it out for you? I don't know, because the number attached to it went to Mitch's parents. I think they were so grief struck. I just told this story and I didn't remember it but

Lynn Shawcroft, Justine Bateman emailed me. And she goes, hey, I'm a huge fan. And I go, are you the same Justine Bateman? I just had to tell a story because someone brought it up. Will you put it on your next

CD? On my book tour, Digging Up Mother. Buy it on Amazon. Yes. There you go. Buy the buy. I bought it. I didn't read it yet, but I have it. It's an actual book. You might hear that more than once along the way. No, I just bought it yesterday. It's so good.

So Shawcroft is on a no-carb diet. I was chubby. I was trying to get back in the game. instead of beer. Okay. And Justine Bateman comes to this show.

Garrett Morris had a club downtown LA. I used to perform. Yeah, I know that. So, Garrett Morris,

fuck, yeah. He's always there. You're great. You know who came to that show who loved you at that point is the guy who came up with Humblebrag. Humblebrag.

Why is that Humblebrag? The guy who wrote a diary. Yes. Yes. Passed away. Yes. Yes. You would know.

Anyway, continue on. I'll do it. I'll Google it. Thank you very much,'am thank you so she's drinking shawcroft is drinking vodka at the same rate she would drink beer so she's hammered there's a we do a show it's like 10 30 at night and bingo is drinking bingo's here too bingo say hello. She's back. They show up. I have to meet

Justine Bateman. I'm starstruck by Yeah, this is just the beginning when people are coming. I'm starstruck by Chad Shank being here in LA. You're like, Mallory's coming. That makes zero sense. Let's go back to the story. The point being, I'm trying to be like a guy,

and the two of these fucking drunken cunts come down. We're making out. But I didn't know. I thought I was spreading the word. We're like on each other's laps. It's 1030, and it's Justine Bateman and some producer who produced last comic standing that I did the fucking the presentation pilot for. Do you remember me? No, you're a suit.

I don't. But I'm trying to be polite. And they come down just recklessly fucked up at 1030 at night. No, we came to both shows. But because it wasn't beer I was getting vodka and because I was hanging out with you like Diet Coke because you were on the

fucking no carb diet she's just drinking vodka and she's spillingly drunk at some point they have the pizza you know how the posh places put the pizza on a like with the fire underneath the little sternum.

She knocks it over. Their leftover pizza and then she's crawling on the floor on all fours. This is after the show. Eating pizza and Justine Bateman was great.

She's taking it and just flicking her shit because she knows they're too drunk to understand by the way Justine that's not very nice and I'm just being polite at some point I go it's best if we just go to the room and try to find

Blow it's always best well you got rid of me I go to the room and try to find blow. It's always the next morning. You got rid of me. I went to my room the next morning. I think I fucked you that night with bingo. No, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not trying to say anything but like when a girl's blackout

on vodka that's when I really fucking make it happen rape rape do you think I wasn't blacked out point being the next morning Shawcroft calls did I make an asshole out of myself

with that Mallory girl from Family Ties I go you are fucking yelling. You don't know what love really means. And then you are crawling on all fours, eating their leftover pizza off the floor. And without any kind of irony, she goes, I ate pizza. I'm not supposed to have carbs.

I was like, oh, my God, I ate pizza? I'm not supposed to have carbs. I was like, oh my god, I ate carbs? Like... Meeting someone famous is crumpet. Did you enjoy Justine Baigman? She was cool. She was great. But she's been a beautiful icon for years, right?

Yeah. That's when you were just in your first early stages. And she had a huge eating disorder. Oh, shit. Yeah, no, she was like anorexic. Double whammy. She would understand the joke where, oh, fuck, I ate carbs. Oh, my God, 52 ounces of vodka. Oh, my God, I ate carbs oh my god 52 ounces of vodka oh my god I ate crust

like I like before the beat before I even said that was like please tell me to just say the pepperoni please no cause yeah like meanwhile I was

I made a bit of mess at that point plug the Hedberg thing. You have a box set of Hedberg. I have a vinyl box set of Mitch Hedberg's albums. And then I wrote a book and there's a USB and then other stuff. But thank you. Where do they find that, Lynn Shawcroft? In the RV?

Where? Did you find the lost RV? We went up to crash them, trash them. Like, I can't even think about what was in that van as it went into the clump. Like, it could have been Mrs. Uterus in there or something. I don't know. DNA. Anyway.

Where do you find her? There's mega Hedberg to come. Is there a website that people can find Mitch Hedberg at? Well, there's MitchHedberg.net, but it'll be on the scene. You'll just know. It's like lots of it's coming. Yes, hugely. And Vice Magazine came up to do an interview

because they are picking comedy and doing a series rather than Mitch Heberg, Doug Samho, Amy Schumer. Mitch Heberg's is called, I don't know, they're picking something. Anyway, it'll be good. Follow us all at your Twitter. Eleanor J. Kerrigan. That's my name. Goddamn Eleanor.

At Bingo Bingaman. At Litchell. No, no. That's my email. At Shawcroft. At Shawcroft. At Shawcroft. At HD Fatty.

Chad Shank first time in L.A. HD like Harley HD Fatty. Chad Shank first time in LA. HD Fatty. Congratulations. HD like Harley Davidson Fatty. Is Chad Shank your real name? Chad Shank is my real name. Is there a middle name? Jason.

Chad Jason Shank. Yay. Seems like the time, the era. I just want to ask one question. We'll close it out. I love that. What do you feel about squatters? When you were it out What do you feel about squatters? When you were 20 What do you think about squatters?

Like I'm squatting on your property And what do you think of them now? Am I the squatter or do I own the property? No, no, no, you're the owner Or you're reading an article about it Squatters usually don't have a lot of family Go fuck them So it's easy to throw them and

chuck them in a well or mines. Just cut their throat, really. When Renee and I lived in Venice, I rented the place next door. It was an office and I

stopped in. Once I rented, and I stopped in. Once I rented it, I stopped in on Christmas, and there were two homeless people. This is a known story if you know me, but if you don't. And it's in the book. It is in the book. Yeah. Good. Fair enough. And they go, oh, sorry, this place has been empty forever.

I go, well, you're grandfathered in just don't shit on the doorstep but that's who you are friends you would be friend i wish rogan was here he had to go no he came and he witnessed they they used to come over for cocktails but you're the type that would befriend your squatter and make it a good situation kind of fucking a juggy from the man show. He brought her over for dinner so it was me and Renee and the two homeless people

and them. And he's like, really? Yeah, no, these are homeless people. They live on my stoop next door. But I think, see, that's who you are. You would incorporate it into a different situation if i own the place i would fucking kill a squatter well although if i was a squatter i'd kill an

owner so it's one of those things it just seems like i'm with you on that it just seems like you're a killer and i like that but let me say that i'm from south philly right and we had uh i don't know if you remember this, in the 80s, Frank Rizzo was our mayor. And they had these people, they called them the move people. But they were basically squatters. I don't know if you remember. They'd go on top of people.

The move? They would go on people's, on the top of their row homes and just live there. Like, just camp out. Were they on top of people who were struggling? Or just empty fucking bullshit places? It was right in North Philly. Just camp out. Were they on top of people who were struggling? Or just empty fucking bullshit places? It was right in North Philly. So it was kind of a shitty area. But the mayor got pissed because they couldn't get him out.

And I remember the lady's name. Her name was Ramona Africa because I was a kid when it happened. You'd remember that name. For sure. He set the whole block on fire, right? And when I was little, my brother Billy used to put, like, not inhale his cigarette, and he would blow the smoke in my hair so it would kind of linger. Yeah. And I would do her as a character in front of my mom.

Oh, God. God. And I'd be like, how do you want me out? Why are you kicking me out? Who are you do you want me out for a revival who's gonna kick me out and my mother would be like what the hell are you kids doing

but yeah so that's the only ever squatter I saw but I don't know I'm so conflicted like if you're like

Spiderman-ish and you can go up into a like top class place in Dubai or fucking London so conflicted. If you're Spider-Man-ish and you can go up into a top-class place in Dubai or fucking London, go for it. I need to be schooled.

I'm assuming you have a squatter if I ask you this question. Stanhope has some homeless people in Bisbee, but they can sing songs. We're all kind of squatters. It depends on what your squatters can do. Yeah, if they have some talent. I mean, remote Africa has no talent,

so they set it on fire. But here's the second. We're all living in cities that other human beings created. It's a little bit embarrassing to be like, hey, I'm from LA. Like, you're living in someone else's fucking... Like, how dare we say that this is our place when like

people made up people created and fantasized these cities way before we came along you're not driving are you? I think she's Ubering tonight are you driving? I'll squat in fucking Uber.

You can sleep with me in bingo. As long as you're out of a hot tub. As long as you guys videotape it, please. Sorry. So bingo. Just back to like about four months ago, Doug called me. It's very rare these days. And I'm like, hey, how are you?

And he goes, just listen to my podcast. Like it's the rare these days and i'm like hey how are and he goes just listen to my podcast like it's the one i called you oh is that to me like oh so she did you were like hey how's it going and i go how are you and you go oh when mitch died you don't want to fucking talk about it over and over again. Fair enough. Fair enough. Just go to that. Sweetie, fair enough. Did you listen to the podcast? Well, he goes at minute 17.

No, I did listen to some talking about it all the time. I think he was probably caught up in talking about it too much. I lost my best friend too, so I understand. You break your arm and you have a cast. And the first person that asks, you go, oh, I got into a fight. And then the 85th person, I'm tired of talking about the fucking cast.

Can I hide it? I hear you. Yeah, check it out. But what if I didn't know about the cast or the fight or the lost friend i'm just sitting in my house avoiding phone calls and i'm like doug finally answer and i go how are you listen to this i i feel guilty because i kind of love it uh my friend that passed was freddie soto a very funny comment yeah so i kind of do that to cory soto too because she just stays on it so i i had to distance myself a little bit of course of course because it's too much to

talk yes yes and yeah so it's like a weird and i was friends with them every time you talk about it they got married but smooth that jam you know each other from the beginning so it's like weird yeah so yeah i get that i understand that you don't want to talk about a broken case. Eleanor is a legend here at the comedy store. Not because I sleep with everybody. Telling Chad Shank because Chad Shank. He doesn't know the lay of the land. He was a waitress.

Then she was a wrestler. Then she was a comic. Then she toured with Dice Clay. We still tour with Dice once in a while. Yeah, we're doing Vegas next weekend. He's fucking brutal. He's fucking brutal. He's crazy right now. Is he being really funny now?

Dice is always funny. No, I know that. No, that's without a doubt. The worst best, I should say. Is he being ridiculously funny? We did Opie and Anthony at the same time. And there's no personality in comedy

today or since dice that i agree he just walked in and owned the room oh yeah he was nice to me i saw you special you're fucking funny anyway and he likes a cigarette and obi's going oh shit, shit. Oh, yeah, the fire alarm was going off. He's going to smoke in the studio. Don't you want someone like that who is fucking... But I wish I could be that guy. Yes. I'm so polite generally. Like, on stage, I'm a dick.

You're extremely polite. But in real life, I'm so polite. I can't do... But I think every one of your fans kind of know that, which is this, like, double layer of something about you. They like that about you. But it makes me want to be that dick. But imagine being that dick.

Are your fans wild like his? I love Dice fans. They're the worst and best because as soon as you come out, especially as a woman, come out on stage, they're like, show us your tits. You know what I mean? They try to rape you immediately, but you gotta just punch them in the throat. They're not that bad, but they are kind of...

We call them the killer termites. This is a comedy store podcast. Paul Provenza! Paul Provenza! Rick Ingram! You're welcome to come in. Rick Ingram, who is my co-host, is on stage in the main room. Provenza has a bit of that thing. But Provenza, you used to work here.

I mean, you used to perform here all the time because I started here in 93. You were always here. I wasn't always here. I remember you. I used to get creeped out here. Why? When did you leave?

It was very creepy here for a long time. When did you leave? Because I remember you working here. The dead years. I had a crush. Sorry. I did have a crush on him. Hi, I'm sorry.

That's why I said when I came down here, I'd never been down here before, and I went, oh, it's haunted. I did have a crush on him. That's why I said when I came down here, I'd never been down here before and I went, oh, it's haunted down here. This should be fun. When was the last time you performed here then? Wait a minute. When someone tells you something's haunted, don't you shut them down? The vibe here is fantastic now. It's unbelievable and I think most of it is because

we got rid of Tommy, unfortunately. Because I kind of hired Tommy. And not on purpose. We just needed a pulse. Because we got rid of Tommy, unfortunately. Because I kind of hired Tommy. Not on purpose. We just needed a pulse. And sponsored by the Top Shop. It always makes things great. Top Shop?

What's a Top Shop? It's a joke. Oh, I like it. We used to play rock and roll places in LA. Yeah. And then, wait, the main room, no one ever uses the main room. It's dead. Which one's considered the main room? And now the

main room is sold out fucking every single night. But more so than the shows, just the vibe is great. It's become like a great place to hang. Absolutely. And it used to feel like get the fuck out if you weren't like one of eight people exactly right i think there was a group of comics that were doing that somewhat bullying people out or like if the bus boy didn't like

you you could die who was on an earlier version because we're gonna have to we've been doing this for like two hours so yeah almost yeah it's like an hour and a half yeah three part comedy store that's all right i don't care i love it this is like our first band well and that was that's what i'm saying that was misunderstood because rogan did the right thing he called mitzi immediately what he did he called her she was fine with it but then tommy took it in his own hands and changed up the subject. Do you know what I'm saying? Is Tommy in prison or something?

Because you're talking about him like he's not going to get angry. Oh, no. He could get angry at me. He knows. Why don't you do the green room? Because every comic loves the green room. It's the best show ever. To this day, people tweet clips of the fucking

green room. Why don't you do that? Why don't you buy a fucking network? What do you need a network? It's 2016, honey. There's everything. It's the best show. It's what every fan wants to do. It costs some money and we don't have it. We need somebody to get behind it.

I'm just going to... Anyone who knows my name or anyone here 999. It's what every fan loves. Hang on, please hold. How much money does this podcast cost with a GoPro? Nothing. A GoPro. Well, the GoPro

costs a little bit of money, but not a lot. I mean, I could rob that for you. How many episodes did you do of that? 14. People loved it. Comedians loved it. You don't need a Ron Jeremy in the background.

You just need the fucking comedy. Yeah, let me tell you something. You're talking shit. Ron Jeremy's not where the money goes. My point being, it doesn't need to be overproduced. No. Actually, if you if I think about it for one second

in a drunk addled brain, that's a podcast with a camera. That's true. That's what I was just about to say. You don't need to go fund me. That's what I was just about to say, but the reason that we could get so many really interesting people,

how can you get a Gary Shandling, and how we can get the group that was on with you. Oh, I'll get Gary Shandling if you need him. It has to be a certain, it has to be something more than just a podcast with cameras in order to book it in the way that is the most interesting. You showed up late,

but we just had in this fucking basement, we just had A-list talent. That's true. We are going down now. Just because there's money. I'm flattered to be B. Brendan Walsh and Joe Rogan and now

Rick Ingram's back. Rick Ingram's back. Alright, well let's do this. I saw you last night for the first time. You were really funny, man. That's what I've heard. Fucking Kunta Kinte was here at one point. Kunta Kinte was not here.

This is a lie. What? Why can't you just take it? Well, he goes by Toby. Kunta Kinte was there. He learned his lesson. What network was the green room on? Showtime.

Oh, right. Okay. You know what I see it on? Provenza time. The Provenza network. Yeah. But you know what? It really was probably good produced and everything,

but it was a bunch of people that you have the ability to talk to any time, any day, in the best way. It was great. A lady just stood up in the main room during Anthony Jeselnik's set, furious, and started screaming that you're offensive. He didn't even get to that point yet. What? He stood up and started screaming,

You're offensive! You are offensive! And he was like, Ma'am, if you'll sit back down you will see how offensive this is going to be that's also why are we doing a podcast I know

that taking his friend for an abortion piece is phenomenal the real question is Anthony come out as a gazel hang on hang on because I have Prevenzen knows the piece Is Anthony come out as a gazel? Hang on. Hang on.

Prevenzen knows the piece. Tell the Jezelnik piece. I wouldn't James it, but it's the story of him taking a friend of his to get an abortion. Yeah.

It's unbelievable. It's really funny, though. Good catch. He's just working it out. But it's more, there's so much going on in that. It's more than just funny lines. I like to act like Jezelnik's the fucking waiter. I'm like, can you get me a beer?

Oh, I love that. It's one of my faves. Yeah, his last line as she was walking out, she just kept screaming over and over how offensive he is. And she was like, I didn't come here to be offended. You know how offensive you are? Where do you usually go? To be offended. Yeah. Family dinner.

She said, yeah, I know I'm offensive. That's how I got rich. And then she goes, fuck you! See, yeah. Cut to the chase. Was there a straw for that camel's back? What ticked her off? She was storming out.

She was there. It was her friend's birthday party. And then the girl whose birthday it was was like, I think I have to go too then. He was like, all right. You want to stay in here one more offensive joke? So you can go. No, I got to go.

But don't you kind of desire? Like, I would love to be offended. I can't imagine what it would take. Have you ever been offended? Oh, maybe a sinkhole. What? Like, if I saw my friends go down in a sinkhole, I'd be so offended.

Boring. I'm offended a million times a day. I'm just a whiny bitch about it. But on stage... What do you get offended? Boring is the only thing that offends me the only reason I'd walk out of a comedy show is trite

yes yes if it weren't for people like that woman and I'm not justifying her getting up and ruining the show or anything like that if it weren't for people who feel like that then this shit wouldn't be funny because half of what's funny about it is watching people you know trying people Just filter these ideas

Outside of their cubicle Somehow they've gone into a world Where things aren't Corporatized And ideas aren't planned out for it When I throw my hand up It's because we are over-talking each other Oh, sorry

There are listeners, I hope If you stand up, it's because we are over-talking each other. Oh, sorry. So, yeah. There are listeners, I hope. Yes. But, yes, you're absolutely right. Yeah. I mean, now your crowd is your crowd. I would never do a show here.

I would never do a show here. I would never do a show here. You think people would stand... Because somebody did it to Rogan the other night and all she was going was, boo, that sinks. And he was just comparing men not being as good as... Or women not being as good as men. So I don't know why they would boo. I don't get it.

I don't know. He was just laying out the facts. He didn't even get the material yet hello wikipedia we were in new jersey at uh uh stress factory stress factory with dice love that place and he was opening for him it's an awesome club and the dice crowd that came out they it basically looked like it was 1989 1989. It's like John Valby. Like, where'd they come from? Do they get yet that it's an act?

No. They still don't know. And this one lady stood up. She was probably about 50. Literally stood up. And started screaming basically the same thing. That's so rude. You're a misogynist. What's a misogynist? Who the just goes, what's a misogynist?

Who the fuck do you think you're coming to see? What do you think Seinfeld was going to be here tonight? Yeah. He started doing a Seinfeld impression. Oh yeah, that's right. Asshole people. Who are these asshole people?

So you got all mad and fucking, yeah. Now this is disgusting. That's why I don't, I, I, I, I've developed a niche death metal type of audience.

It is death metal-y. You're right. If you like music, you don't like death metal. Right. I'm a big music fan. Well, I don't like death metal. Well, I'm the death metal. I have that little kind of little piece of the pie and i

play to them and i don't go outside of my circle well he wasn't outside of his circle it's in his exactly and they still program his fan yeah time to him i don't know why have you guys heard anything called a seance yeah what about a comedy seance? It's the best thing ever. I do it every night. I think all seances are comedy seances. It's a comedy seance. It's a comedy comedy. You know, there's like a true TV executive somewhere going

comedy seance. Can we tell you, we met Mitch in Florida. You tell the rest of that story please, Rick. I was sitting at the bar in the Coconut Grove Improv with OJ Simpson. Name dropper. About probably 26 years old. Are you talking about OJ?

Well, now Mitch's murder has gotten really mysterious. Me and Juice are sitting there having drinks. Now it's compelling. Wonderful. Mitch had been there the week before and he stayed to watch Dice. Yes, I remember. Were you there? Yes, yes. I think you might have been with him.

He stayed around to watch Dice because his mom was there. Yes, yes. So he walks up and I don't remember And Dice was wearing some Half pants We call them cool outs but whatever Fair enough

Dice was wearing his capri pants Pedal pushers Before you end this Mitch wrote an update on his website Before y'all Even knew what y'all fucking websites were He wrote that like It was so exciting to see Dice. He loved it.

Wow. Touching words. Really? He came up. He walked up. He did three updates on his website ever. He stunk at websites. I grew up in a typewriter store.

Okay, yeah. I know exactly what you're talking about. Yeah. He walked up and I remember his mom being there and he was like, hey, we went to your show. And I was like, oh, that's cool. It's Mitch Hedberg. He probably didn't think he even knew who he was.

That's so cool. Yeah. I mean, I think he was fairly big at that point. Yes. Every open mic-er was basically doing a rip-off. Yes. A Tedberg act at that point. Yeah. And he was like, I just wanted to tell you good show. And then he looked over and fucking OJ with his giant head.

Real OJ was that? Real OJ. He was like, hey. Oh my god, I want to call Mitch so bad and I can't. Are you friends with OJ? He's dead. And Mitch saw it? Yeah. I remember meeting his mom and being like this is weird

sitting with OJ talking to Mitch and Mitch's mom see it's starting to get really creepy little Mitch's mom yeah and then he goes

hey we saw you earlier today and I go really? how did you know it was me if you hadn't seen me perform yet? and he said so I saw you and I said

hey look at that guy standing by himself in front of hooters doesn't he look really sad yeah that was me that wasn't standing in front of hooters being like what am i gonna fucking do today this is terrible the way a cop can profile a perpetrator. I can profile a comic. I'm not joking. That guy's a comic. He's knock-kneed, standing alone,

pacing around in the back alley. He must be my opening act. Yeah. But we actually did stay. We worked that club. Done. And stayed longer to see Dice. And yeah.

Oh my God. I can't believe you were hanging out with OJ. And Mitch knew it. I'm so mad at him right now. He better fucking email him. No. No. No.

This is a comedy story. That's a ghost one. But that's a great story. By the by. That's a great story. Paul had something to say. That's my ghost one. But that's a great story. By the by, that's a great story. Paul had something to say. That's my opening act. I had an Uber driver who turned out to be on the bill with me.

No way. Are you serious? It's gone to the next level, yeah. I did Mark Maron's podcast yesterday, and then it was very quick to the point. I don't think he likes me. Is that a shit on us? All right.

Are you serious? He loves you. I don't know. The point is, he hates everybody like I do. Like I do? But we get an Uber driver at his house. He goes, is this the house the president was at and he's got a black suburban and he told us his story about how he he had a call that day but they were waving people away but they saw his

black suburban and assumed that he was secret service and waved him up to mark maron's house and then he rolled down the window and they go, no, no, you have to go the other way. It was very funny. I don't have a lot of funny stories from Uber drivers but that was one. That was so logistic. All the kids are doing Uber bits.

Eleanor, did you know what you bit off when you said hey, let's go in the basement and podcast? No, I had no idea, but I'm enjoying it. I don't care. I love it. It's getting bigger. Yeah, you have to piss. I don't care. I love it. I have to piss. Yeah, you have to piss. We should probably wrap it up. I don't mean to be rude, but how many times have you heard Betty Davis' eyes?

A million times. Thank you. My mom told me to smack somebody who says it to me, though. No, no, no. My mom said that. She's kind of nasty. I don't like that, motherfucker. But you got Betty Davis eyes and you're beautiful.

I'll talk to you later, you guys. We're going upstairs. You're never going to get out of this basement. I will fall asleep in this chair. I would love it, but I feel like I'm monopolizing. I loved your story. Hey, thank you for everyone that was on the Comedy Store podcast.

Lynn Shawcroft at Shawcroft. Bing bong. Paul Provenza. What's your Twitter? At Paul Provenza. At Paul Provenza. At Brendan Walsh. At HD Fatty.

At Joe Rogan. At, fuck, there's a lot of people. EJ Kerrigan. At Laysing Cute. At Glasses O' Poop of people. EJ Kerrigan. At Lacing Cute. At Glasses O' Poo Poo. Yep-a-dee-ding-dong. How long have you had at Glasses O' Poo Poo? That you didn't have to go with the real glasses.

Oh, my God. I was sold at Glasses O' Poo Poo. Glasses O' Poo Poo. It was a big act. Oh, they were Paul. They were great. They're always with Paul. And Preventa, are you always busy?

Glasses, oh, poo-poo. You guys met at Panamint. Oh, sorry. You guys met at Panamint once. She was at Panamint? Panamint? She was in Death Valley? Yeah.

I thought you were like a newborn. Just be Death Valley stars. Oh, my God. Yeah, you should. What do you mean? Brendan Walsh will figure prominently. I feel like she could run another Panamint.

I want to do another Panamint just to get everyone backed so we can recreate the story so I can write one book just about the Death Valley. Yes. Because it comes up on the podcast almost every time. The only reason I go is that

James Inman is a character. James Inman was the headliner when I started Open Mics in Kansas City. Such an incredibly insane human being, but he'd be so nice to me and then just immediately just snap and start yelling.

Yes. People don't understand me! He'd be like, give me comedy advice. And if they don't stop playing 38 Special on the fucking radio! I was like a 19-year-old kid. You're like... I was born in 81. I don't listen to

38 Special. One year Inman was voted king of the party and then there was a violent overthrow. There's way too much backstory. Yeah, there's a lot of backstory. We'll get to it another time. You have beautiful skin on your cheeks. Good night.

Thank you for joining us. Thank you for having me. This is the first Comedy Store podcast from the basement. We've had a lot of great guests, and keep listening. Come to the Comedy Store. See a comedy show. Rick Ingram. Can we do this as a swap cast?

Is that what you call it? A swap cast? I've coined the term swap cast. If you have a podcast and I have a podcast, we both put it out. There's no reason. You get my listeners. I get your listeners.

Legally, yes. Legally. And ultimately, it should end on Paul Provenza's Green Room. This is a long fucking swap cast. This is the Doug Stano podcast. This is the Comedy Store podcast. There's no reason to bifurcate the problem. And that was a Swapcast.

Hey, wait, there was no mention of my new book on that Swapcast. Get my new book at DougStanhope.com. You can get it autographed there or you can go through Amazon and pay less. You can find the Comedy Store podcast continuing regularly at AllThingsComedy.com.

We're all under the All Things Comedy family umbrella.