The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #156: Black Pussy Road Stories

Episode Date: August 12, 2016

Black Pussy takes a day off from their current South West tour to visit Doug in Bisbee. And, they brought meat to BBQ. Plus, the Police Beat with Chad Shank.MORIBUND is near the point of death.The sample of Doug's Audio book courtesy of Audible.com. Pre-Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.BLACK PUSSY TOUR DATES - HereAudio Clip of Black Pussy and Rick from Carlsbad singing courtesy of Scott the Driver.Take a second to download Periscope and add @DougStanhope.Recorded Aug 09, 2016 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Black Pussy Band (@BlackPussyBand), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS: Aug 28 - The Dive Bar - Las Vegas, NV   NOFX: The Hepatitis Bathtub and Other Stories   Nash Guitars - http://www.nashguitars.com/   Yeti Coolers - http://yeti.com/   Closing song, "The Albatross", from Black Pussy's album WHERE THE EAGLES FLY. Available at BlackPussy.bandcamp.com.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com Buy a SIGNED copy of Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Love Story" at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Hey, it's the Doug Stanhope podcast. We're back home in Bisbee and Chad Shank, Chaley and I are here entertaining our favorite regular, regularly visiting band. Black Pussy is here. Introduce the band because I don't remember your fucking names. That's the thing. You're called black pussy and you've got some uh blowback from having that name but the one thing that is uh

disrespectful is uh you stole that from black people is you all look the same so i don't remember any of your names i don't know who's who so introduce the band uh dustin you're dustin dustin is introducing the band. Yeah, I guess I'm Dustin introducing. Do it like stage and on drums. No, we don't do that. That's fucking stupid. I barely remember their name.

When a band does that, it's automatically no. Yeah. That's bad. Check out our Reverb Nation and MySpace. These guys are going to take forever to get off stage. And that's why you're here instead of being at a real podcast. Anyways, I'm Dustin. And Dean over here.

You should say hi, Dean. Hi, I'm Dean. Ryan. Aaron, the bass player. I'm Keith. There's an emphasis on the bass. We do things in the band. I guess I could say what we do, but who cares? Yeah't matter who gets the most pussy well i have four strings i think we

went over this last time you were on uh bass player i just i just read this uh book that i can't say enough good about i wouldn't like their music so i won't even listen but no fx you familiar with the punk and drublic manrupalik, man. Yeah, classic. I love that name. I read it in the book. I don't want to hear the song. It's a great fucking song title. It's a great record. If you like skate punk and shitty music.

I get most of my music. No, they're good. Most of my new music I get from commercials. I will play you some after this podcast. Some of the great shit I make him play over and over again that I learned from a Corona commercial. So I read this book and it's second only to Al Jurgensen ministry as far

as hardcore fucked. And it's really well written because all the guys in the band write pieces and then the next okay and now Mike is gonna and he'll go back over what the other guy wrote and go it didn't happen like that at all it happened fuck you I didn't steal from that girl's purse I didn't try to

rape that person and it's so well done and it's just hardcore so I wanted to plug that up front and then just lead you guys in into road stories because you're on a five-week tour that will get to the dates too at some point and you're six days in you have your break this is your day off yeah this is leg four leg four leg four this year oh fuck yeah and then i mean like five we actually after this tour we only get six days off and then

we head back in the canada and the east coast so we're not even barely even taking any time off we just did two weeks and then that week in la but it's that's six days and then a day off and you go thank fucking god i have a day off and you end up getting more fucked up on the day off. Why do you think we're here, man? That's the whole purpose. Don't give us a day off next time. We try to plan it with our booking agent to have a day to come get day drunk in Bisbee. I'm glad you're here,

but I know that it's going to fuck up your tour even worse. It's your first day off. So you're here but i know that it's gonna fuck up your tour even worse it's your first day off and you have so you you're coming from tucson you're going to el paso this won't go out for a few days but uh where are you going just we'll plug the dates at the end yeah uh i mean right now we're getting ready to head into texas so we got like four or five shows in texas eight eight oh shit we like texas texas likes us and um i was born in texas so san antonio especially from what i've heard yeah san antonio i mean austin i think we have two shows in austin san antonio houston but san antonio protests oh really and they also drunk drive into our trailer. Oh, yeah. So that's amazing.

Tell me the San Antonio story. Well, you know, 2.30, we're on super late. We finish our last song. The bar closes. Five minutes later, we hear this crash. And a driver ran a red or something, hit a truck that had people loading gear into it and then the truck hit our trailer and then our trailer moved our van the truck also hit a person so i'm on so i'm on stage while all this is happening and i'm but you're loading in or loading we just got done so we're still in the venue yeah um i'm sick as shit so um junk sick i don't

yeah totally junk sick couldn't score in san antonio you know how it is in san antonio i had to go with cracks through my game a little but i have no idea what's going on i'm just on stage like trying to get my bearings but aaron i don't know who saw it first but aaron came in he's like i got something to tell you but uh i don't know how to tell you right now so i'm like whatever and i was actually five feet from the accident but there was a door in my way as i heard the screech crash so did it fuck up your like oh yeah yeah total the trailer dude like like three of the guys ran yeah i saw the i saw the driver get out and then fall and hit his head he was fucked up i thought

you meant three of the band oh no yeah we got the fuck out of there. It was like six people deep in this car and everyone's fucked up. Half of them run. I think they all had warrants. Well, they were illegals it turns out. Oh, really? Because I'm getting fucked on the insurance. That's an interesting

thing. I get a call from their insurance company and I'm like i've been waiting for you guys to call and let me know what's going on they're like um well here's the deal there's a loophole in the system and they were illegals and if we can't find them we can't do anything for you and that's within our contract and i'm like great i'm like so you're telling me i gotta get a lawyer and they're like yeah basically. What's the point? Yeah, but fuck that. Did you make the next gig?

No, no. We canceled a couple and then we got a U-Haul and we finished the tour with this fucking U-Haul trailer. We barely fit in this U-Haul. Thank God, because we own the trailer, we sold the fucked up trailer for 500 bucks. So I got to sign the title over because it would be abandoned.

So we had to deal with all the bullshit. Thank God the club was closed down for the next couple days. We could leave our shit in there because we couldn't even pull the trailer doors open. I mean, it was pretty stressful, but I was like, I walked outside. Like I was saying,

I was so sick walked outside there's ambulances and bodies on the ground yeah luckily no one got hurt like i just like walked in the van with a beer fucking took a bunch of benadryl and smoked weed and i just passed out i just like i don't even care oh there we go so you need to ask these guys actually what happened i just i could give a shit less. I'm like, this is the way it's going. At some point, you just have to give up. Yeah, I basically gave up. It's out of my hands.

Let's take a nap. And kudos to Abel of San Antonio for putting us up and dealing with our shit and feeding us and letting us sleep on his floor. Yeah, you really learn who your friends are when you can't leave. Plug that person again. Hey, backdoor Mike is back.

And he's got beer. We'll get with you in a second. And he brought beer. But plug the club and the guy's name again. Loy, too. Loy is the guy that books us. And we're playing the High Tones there on Friday. And Abel put us up.

Great people in San Antonio. Yeah, I can't remember the name of the venue. Well, Hightones. Oh, it was Hightones. Who's the dude who got hurt? Because I walked out, and this dude was dead. I walked out, and everyone's around him. Like, this guy's fucking dead.

Yeah, he was from the other band. Yeah, he got hit by the truck, and everyone just assumed he was dead because he wasn't moving, he wasn't doing nothing, he was bleeding, but apparently it was just a collarbone thing. I think he was playing dead or something. I don't know. He made light of it, too. He was like, I just wanted some fucking tacos.

I was already passed out here anyway. I just wanted some tacos. All the dude wanted was some tacos. Taco Cabana. Yeah, it was pretty crazy. The half of the guys that left took all the tacos Yeah they fucking ran with them Took the tacos and ran

By the way everyone at the club Was gacked out of their mind too So it was escalated Immensely Cocaine is on the rise It's like the new drug The new drug again Yeah we've noticed a bit of that Here and again It's like the new drug. Yeah, the new drug again.

Yeah, we've noticed a bit of that here and again. What's the other San Antonio, the protesters? Yeah, yeah. I think we talked about them. Did we talk about the protests? No, that was after. That was probably one of the most amazing, I don't know, things. Events. Yeah, it was a weird event because you know there

were protesters across the street and we were parked across the street and uh for for for my listeners if you don't understand why they get protesters it's because their name is black pussy where my listeners would go uh i don't still don't get why they would be protested. Yeah, just because of the name. We don't necessarily. But so there's like 25 protesters across the street. You know, a lot of just college kids. So I'm actually hanging out with them.

I'm like, what's going on? And they're like, oh, this fucking band. And I'm like, oh, shit. And they're like, oh, you look really cool. And they're talking to me. And I'm like, all right, I got to go do a show. And they still didn't even realize who I was or I was going to do the show. And so I get in to start checking.

And all of a sudden, signs come up in the venue. So there's protesters hiding. Oh, so they had to pay coverage. Yeah, they paid coverage to get in. They paid coverage and were hiding hiding and then all of a sudden the signs come up and they're like check your white privilege and all this shit and i'm like oh shit and i get a little weird when i'm on stage so i get i got a little claustrophobic and so i just kind of backed away you know who knows what's going to happen and uh all of a sudden the whole bar rose up on these people i mean what

150 150 200 people kick push these people these five people out of the bar all the way across the street to the other 2025 protesters and then push them so you're basically the trump of rock and roll no man you can't say that no somebody's gonna fucking quote you now we're gonna look like yeah that's the new headline fuck you doug the trump of rock and roll great shit there's already one ted Nugent. We'll take the fucking press. But yeah, it was pretty crazy watching this bar push these protesters and like, get out of here. You don't belong here. This is rock and roll.

And you guys are not. And that's all it's about. And it was nice to have people on our team. No one got hurt. But amazing, amazing event. people on our team no one got hurt you know but uh amazing amazing event i had i must have told you my madison protest story you did yeah yeah you did they didn't even recognize yeah so it was great for for you know us to experience it firsthand what's great is you guys can keep playing during this like there's a fucking mob commotion and people are being

thrown out the door you keep playing you can't do that with comedy you have to address no well you know it's a little weird on stage i mean when you're there in your art and you're you know opening your spirit and you're in that third eye reality and then all of a sudden you know people are yelling at you and you're like whoa it's the louder than the commotion yeah no that's the we're lucky because hecklers we can't hear them and nobody else can hear them yeah but you feel the juju maybe i do anyways i you can i'm too sensitive i guess but that's I guess We can just kind of shut people up Because we just won't stop the sound It just goes the whole time

You're basically a soundtrack For the commotion They're not going to stop You aren't going to go And here's another fist bump Keep talking Chad Shank is here We're not going to keep talking. Chad Shank is here. Yes.

We're not going to do this on the air, but who's the chugger, Chad? Can you point him out of the lineup? I've seen a bunch of videos of that guy chugging beer already. Are we doing this? Against me? We should tell people what it is. I would do it with the caveat that I already know what's going to happen.

That's okay. I can't chug a beer like that. We still need a videotape. You need to just be involved. It's really to make us look good. It's for us. Am I willing to chug a beer, you're asking me? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I'm willing to chug a beer. Does anyone else out in the United States in the next month want to challenge me to a beer also? We have a trophy now. Are you D? I can't remember. Dean. Fuck. All right.

You have one of those deep throat gullets where you can just, like the ziggy-zoggy guy, you can just, you don't have to gulp, gulp, gulp. It just pours down your head. It's a shop vac in there. It's like, if only he sucked dick. Yeah, it'd be cool if I was gay. I saw the video clip on Twitter and I was like, that is some editing or something.

It just happened. He just fucking had a beer and all of a sudden he didn't have a beer. Instagram CGI. That was good shit. That throat was bread in Bakersfield. Can anyone do that? The fucking one swallow pint glass beer chug? Anyone in the audience here?

We got Reverend Derek and Kenny and AJ. Yeah, we'll do pint glasses. That's how you do it, right? We need an admirable challenger. Bingo, can you get grab all the pint glasses. Oh, we should have like a

multi chug. We should have like a multi-chug. We should have like a 10-person chug. Multi-chug. And a Walmart of chug. That's a good record name. I think you should do it one at a time with all challengers, and I'll do I'll be the fourth person to chug.

So then I gotta, alright, I'm down. Don't you ever try to fuck our horse. Do you like, do you shark. Don't you ever try to fuck our horse, Jamie. Now, do you shark this? Do you try to bet people? We will. We give away free merch, actually. Yeah, it's more like a... You buy merch if you

lose? We basically offer anyone their pick from the merch table, but we just scored on this tour, the first show, on this tour the first show sacramento yeah so the first show dean raced the the bartender and she was so caught off guard by how good he was graceful graceful and amazing the footage is amazing that she brought down this trophy that someone left there was like an air guitar trophy.

And she's like, well, you know, this is the trophy now. So now we have a trophy that someone can actually win, which is called an air guitar. We call it Oprah. I think we're calling it Oprah. We're stealing the Chappelle joke, but get away from Oprah. So you got to fight for Oprah, basically. Well, this is an open.

Chad brought this up the other night that's why i brought it up to you oh you said something about beer chugging oh chad brought that up and we figured out because he watched videos and he was gonna challenge you and then he saw the video and he's like no fucking way and i likened it to kobayashi, the hot dog eater guy, who has some weird disorder. He can eat that many hot dogs because he has whatever. So you have some, you're a freak of nature. You don't have a skill. You have a disorder.

Yes. Well, it's turning into a skill. A beer chugging disorder. Some would call it a problem and someone call that a solution. It's like deep throat. She had her clitoris in the back of her throat. You have your liver

and your esophagus. It's an open challenge across America. He's undefeated. He's undefeated. How many years have you been alive? We should give a shout out to Judge from Mothership just because he got

one up on him one time. That was a fluke. Backdoor Mike, I would think you would be the guy just profiling. I can chug. You can chug. Give that guy a glass can he oh that was the

other question chad was uh how many times can you do that because being able to do that but how many times can you well it depends on how drunk he wants to get how yeah yeah what's your tolerance i can keep doing you could do that do that, what, 10 times? Probably 10. Tell the story. How many times? No. Wait. How many times? Remember what you're thinking.

How many times can you win against a loser who still stays standing? I raised Dustin's brother. This is the prelude into the story. We need the series. I would say, what, 30 beers? No, no, no. I'd say story. We need the series. I would say, what, 30 beers? No, no, no. I'd say 15.

I'd say 18. It was a lot. I'd say 20. And you stayed standing over the loop? Oh, so check this out. So my brother, who is a full Irishman, red hair, can drink like a motherfucker, kept challenging Dean. Couldn't beat him. In a hot tub. in a hot tub in a hot tub after playing a show in south by and sweating our fucking balls off yeah so my brother kept getting

upset he's like how is this possible so he's like again again again so 20 something deep and other drinks as well i mean there's whiskey and all kinds of shit but my brother is constantly pushing dean to the limit but my brother of course the irishman is still standing as dean falls off the bar stool i mean just there's a video just done long after we were done drinking but my brother still never won doug maybe you should post well he's still never he was still standing, I don't know if that counts. It's a different competition. Apples and oranges.

That's an endurance race. So my brother won that, but never won the chug. Alright, well that was my question to Chad when he told me about this. You might be able to take him down where he tips over, but I don't know if you want to deal with him rexing. No.

I don't know why everybody's getting this opinion of me. I was going to suggest we do it outside because I might puke up the beer three-quarters of the way through. I'm not a good beer-toting guy. I'd love to see that. Everyone wants to see that. Yeah, so that's a possibility. I don't want to smell that.

All right, we'll do that on a break uh i got i got notes but uh canada we got no a lot of people i go yeah just don't tell me the story yet but they can't dean in can, and there's something about peeing? They're trying to tell the story about me getting way too drunk and maybe doing some white girl drugs in Canada and not peeing myself in the van. You didn't pee yourself that night? No, I didn't pee myself that night. I was just an asshole, and I got kicked out of the van

in my underwear on the side of the road. He doesn't remember. It was 7 a.m. Doug, have you ever had to kick Chaley out of the van in my underwear on the side of the road. He doesn't remember. It was 7 a.m. Doug, have you ever had to kick Chaley out of the van at 7 a.m.? Yeah, to get his tacos. Because he's blacked out drunk? In his undies, though? So he's all fucked up at the place that

a nice family generously offered us a place to stay. They had a bar situation similar to this, and they said, you can't go inside. The girls we were with got kicked out because they went inside. They woke up the children. All of a sudden, Dean starts to rex. He gets the shark eyes.

You know what I mean? It turns into an emergency situation that we've been in before where we have to get the fuck out. We get in the van we start driving and he's just he's a piece of shit for like two hours maybe we're trying to like figure out where to go where to stay and he won't stay still because he's so amped up on things things yeah yeah this is a take it over well basically dean has this issue when he's on other drugs he's actually

blacked out drunk but awake so he's sleepwalking worst part about cocaine he's truly sleepwalking and as we're driving down the highway dean's like are you talking to ambien drugs because that's a different kind of stuff. Canadian cocaine. Canadian cocaine. So, yeah, you're up, but you're out. Who knows? Up, but out.

It's not like out and Ambien is the fucking weirdest. But go ahead. No, it's more like nothingness behind the eyes. Yeah. You're looking into bacon space. He ceased to exist. And you're trying to control them. You're trying to, like, contain this monster. And the monster's in our van.

But he'll be like, I got to go to the bathroom as we're driving down the road and just open the door like he's going to the, he's going to walk to the bathroom. But we're, you know, we're doing 60 miles an hour. So it becomes a dangerous situation. And then we're like, just go to sleep, bro. Just, we're all petting him. We're coaxing him.

Cuddling him. Just relax. Over and over. Somebody grabbed his dick. and then we're like just go to sleep bro just we're all we're coaxing him just relax over and over and then somebody grabbed his dick and then he gets up again and he's like flailing and he's being a dick so maybe aaron should take over about how pissed because he got thrown out of the van so i was i was sitting right behind him the whole time just fuming because i was like we had a sweet spot like i'm mildly drunk like i didn't go there at all and uh and dean just sits up i'm like fucking lay down dude and he's just he's sizing me up he's like i mean i'm like really like this is how this is gonna go down we have a border crossing in an

hour for the listener dean is about six inches taller than everyone else in the band he could take us if he chose to oh this is the Dean they're talking about? I figured they just kicked that guy out of the fucking curb and got another guy named Dean. How many times have we should have done that? The story does get better. Go ahead. So we're going down, and ultimately

he's just fucking staring at me. I'm just like, what, dude? You gonna swing at me? Let's fucking do this. Scott, pull over right now. And then Ryan stands up and just starts yelling and just losing his shit. And these two dudes never get pissed. And for the listener,

the guy who's about to get swung at has a beard so thick, it's basically like amateur boxing where you have headgear. It's man-made. It's man-made protection. But yeah, Ryan and Aaron never never get mad they're like super calm and it was just hilarious for me to watch they were like fuck you we're gonna and they're

like punching his legs and shit we threw a 200 pound grown man out of a van onto the side of the road in his underwear into a ditch and left did you continue driving we were about to like he instantly clicked and it was just like oh i got a fucking woke up it was like you how do you wake someone that's asleep up and he finally was like oh where am where am i he gets in the van with his fucking dick between his legs and he's like okay okay okay i okay. I got it. I got it. And then continued to be an asshole for another hour until we got to a Tim Hortons. And then he just brushed his teeth, and he sat in the sun all sad. In shame.

It was the most shameful thing that I've ever seen. It was very shameful. I knew what I had done. It was terrible. No, you fucking didn't. He doesn't have any idea. That's the worst part. Not at that done. It was terrible. No, you fucking didn't. He doesn't have any idea. That's the worst part. Not at that point.

We asked him. I asked him. When he came to, he did like a two and a half hour sleep. We get to this fucking Hortons. I go, Dean, do you remember what just happened? He's like, what? And then, and you know. And we expressed it was the border crossing.

I mean, you know. Yeah, we're about to cross the border. They want to fuck you at what was the border crossing with the t-shirts no you were actually getting on a plane oh yeah and you're overweight that was that was shit like this but not this bad with the t-shirts so aaron and i were going from london we took separate flights because we smuggled merch so we get to the airport at 5am and we're getting to check in and we're overweight. And then...

For the listener, when you go to a foreign country, a lot of times when you bring in merch, they will tax you ahead of time based on the amount of merch you have. Correct. And you have to fill out... We can't pay taxes. We can't afford to pay taxes right now.

Read my book. We get to the check-in desk and there's a new person. She's working with us but she says we're overweight by about what, seven kilos? Combined. Which for the listener,

we don't know what that conversion rate is i was about to be impressed with you if you're gonna rattle it off like what he knows that so we're we're stuffing everything we can into our other carry-on luggage distributing and then we take as many shirts of with our band name on it and we put them on. We just start fucking putting them on. I'm like pulling out a book. I'm like, fuck it. This thing sucks.

Let's toss it. I read it. I read it. I threw a bunch of shit away. Tell the story of how you interviewed me. This gets better because the new person told us that we could gate check his bass guitar.

So we are running our asses off after security to get to the gate because we're late and we finally get to get on the plane and they say no you didn't pay for this and so i'm like all right we'll just i'm broke as fuck like i can't pay for anything he's broke i have a credit card that i shouldn't have and so i try it it doesn't work i try my debit card it doesn't fucking work and then um what we were gonna call someone's dad we were we were that we were to that it was so well they were gonna make him leave his base you guys are in your 30s yeah it's not a good phone call at 8 a.m from london and uh and finally i was like just fucking lady try my credit card again please and it worked

and we got on the plane and we sweated our fucking asses off how many t-shirts are you wearing roughly 8 I had maybe 6 yeah I hope you sold those at higher prices

top dollar promo I hope you sold those at higher prices. Yes. Top dollar promo. Dean has a good airport situation. I don't know. I might get arrested for this. So they weigh all the luggage to try to fuck you over and make you pay more. And the lady wasn't looking. Were you a gram over?

No. I'm just wondering why you're going to get arrested. I just dumped like I just dumped like all my soap. So it's like basically everything we need. Oh, speaking of

dumping all your soap, thanks. You guys who showered get the bedrooms. The rest of you are in trailers. All right. One thing I noticed

when we traveled, you never knew who you were going to get at the gate or what the charges were going to be. Especially in Europe. They'll fuck you every which way. But just getting equipment on the plane could be hard enough.

And then it could be someone who just goes, I don't like bands. It's Jedi mind tricks, man. You've got to work with the person in their reality tunnel. And we got really lucky ryan and i were like full jedi mind like really lucky hustling it and i mean and for those who don't know what gate checking is it's where you carry it all the way to the plane and then you hand it off which they go oh that won't fit the overhead and now you're checking shit for free and you get on the plane to protect your instrument so you try to carry it as yeah you get on with the fucking with the baby with the strollers it's like like you've entered

a real adulthood and parenthood even though you're a fuck-up and a musician you know you're like you're like we're one in the same now but dean's got to finish that story how he hustled that way it's so good all right so i'm i'm weighing this shit and the lady's like it's still way over and i'm like fuck i can't pay for this shit, so I'm weighing this shit, and the lady's like, it's still way over, and I'm like, fuck, I can't pay for this shit again. I got to do something, and I look down, and the scale's not connected to the walls like sometimes they are, and I just

slide my knee against the scale and lift it up just enough. Oh, that's good. That's awesome. Oh, that's good. Never mind. It's good. I was like, shit, yeah. The opposite of the butcher with his thumb on the scale. We had another one coming home.

But that's fiction. That didn't really happen. Just for the record. There's no cocaine. Allegedly. All of this is allegedly. Where there's life hacks there should be band hacks for traveling artists we're gonna put out our own goddamn book

yeah i should i'm gonna sell bibles first stolen bibles you mean shrimp yeah we brought so many records and t-shirts hang on for the record chaley you just did a call back to something that's going to be our first break perfect yep so that makes it a call forward call forward and that's a double download let's go back and listen again let's take a break now and then you'll see what we're talking about and uh we'll air this place out because it's hot as shit and smoky as fuck and then we'll take a break refuel our drinks and we'll get back with more Chad Shank Greg Chaley and Black Pussy

on tour now hey podcast listeners don't you worry you people who keep tweeting me that can't read because the audio version of Digging Up Mother is now available for pre-order on audible.com. Audible.com, that's right. You're going to hear a whole different version of that book you might have read or might not have read if you can't read. Don't you worry.

We're going to read at you. Not just me with my fucking dyslexic bill burr like stutter how bad would that be to go you're ripping off his stutter his inability to read he did first well thanks to good editing at audible.com it should be listenable and if it's not chad shank takes over chapter by chapter and we go back and forth with an entire cast of the real people that we could find that would tell directors commentary

of the Audible book. What'd you do? Somebody's farted. That might be my breath. That might be your breath. Could be my breath. That's my favorite thing yet. Someone farted.

It might be my breath. It might be my breath. In fact, I farted it might be my breath i'm just gonna claim it that's probably doug's breath i've smoked that's what a good tour manager does betty lindstrom we've got uh matt becker sarah highland matt becker victoria we just met yeah oh so the point is that compared to the brilliant... Actually, you're on it too. Two-dimensional representation is the book. Yes. Audible is giving us a three-dimensional experience

that wholly justifies repurchasing a product you may already own in printed form. I can't imagine you have a marketing past. Well, that just struck me. For instance, the Bible doesn't have actual stories from the people involved. This book is that much better. Way better

than the Bible. You heard it here first. Yeah. Alright, so the link will be on the podcast page at DougStanhope.com and the main page. We'll put it on the main page. Whatever Chaley does, we agree with. So get the audio version, pre-order it now, and

it's out August 15th? August 16th. Alright. There we go. And now, back to the podcast. Alright, we just did the beer chugging contest, and There we go. And now back to the podcast. All right. We just did the beer chugging contest and no one can beat Dean.

We knew it. So I had the judges look at who finished second. I was right. The person that came closest was backdoor. Mike. By a mile. By a furlong. Yeah, closest is a relative term.

He's the first loser. And I came in dead last. So if you want a slow blow job where I give it meaning, I'm your guy. But if you just want someone to huck cock down your head, see Dean in black pussy. Anyway, I don't know where we're going from this. He's skilled. Please hold.

It'll be an awkward segue. All right. We want to bust out some thank yous. Someone keeps sending me fucking car parts. Whoever sent me a weird alternator before sent a uh uh 196 cc something stroke fucking engine it's like a go-kart engine or a dune buggy engine without the go-kart part yeah and they don't there's there's no name they're just sending i think it's someone that must work where they can ship shit for free just to fuck with me, and it's funny.

And Kenny and Derek took that. They're going to eventually make something with all these car parts. Yeah, right. What's that song? Mad Max. We're going to build it this summer. What's that fucking song? It's that We're going to build it this summer. What's that fucking song? It's that band that Joe Vernon turned me on to.

Sequestered in Memphis. Hold Steady. Hold Steady. Yes. They have some song about we're going to build it this summer. Do some shit this summer. That's Kenny and Derek. Eventually.

Actually, I think they're more the party pit, but that's all right. You know what? They can lift heavy boxes. Anyone who sends me weird shit that's really heavy and useless to me, it just affects my hernia and makes me hate you. That's why they don't put their name in there. I figured it was just going to sit there forever. Oh, it will.

Until, like, the box disintegrated away. That's what the fucking alternator they sent me six months ago did. Matt Chavez sent us chili jerky from Albuquerque. Hey, I didn't know that was going to rhyme. Rock'em Sock'em Robots. I assume that's a gift. I don't know. Did you open it?

It might just be a cool retro box and more jerky. It seems sealed and brand new. I don't know. It's been sitting around. If you send shit and I don't mention you, I fucking do a lot of stuff. It's official. If there were

illicit drugs in there, the band would have figured it out. Tape or no tape. The bass player is also a drug-sniffing dog. That's true. The Beckers sent us ecospheres. They're like snow globes, but they have like

sea monkeys in them. Some kind of shrimp shit. Yeah, and they live forever evidently. But thank you, the Beckers. Someone sent a Miami Heat jersey. Do you know anything about that? It had tags on it. That was something we got on the road, I thought. Because Erickson ended up...

Oh, it was the snappy dresser at El Paso. Oh, wow. That's a long time ago. Yeah, yeah. First show. First show. Well, thank you. Kenny just rocked that at Bisbee Basketball in his pickup game. He's wearing it

right now, out there spraying mosquito spray on himself. Jeff Morris sent me a Zippo lighter that i passed on to derrick so he wouldn't be mad that kenny gets the heat jersey the fucking zippo lighter who uses a zippo uh two-thirds of the you take the time i like if you gave me one full i would use it till and then i would be in a drawer because i'm never gonna buy lighter fluid it's a crutch it's useless for our bass player because he loses it twice a week and he's smoking crack can't really smoke down with a zippo uh oh i get a prison letter i i i should read it but i won't Oh, here it is. We already have our prisoner. It's Adam Didier is his name.

And yeah, we already have our token prisoner. Abigail? Abigail. Yeah. We should start a GoFundMe. Make her the richest girl in prison. Can I get some Jiffy Pop on your card? Nope.

It's Honey Buns, dude. Joseph Randazzo sent a resume. That's that letter right there. He wants to... I get a lot of emails about, hey, if you need a flunky, I can do anything. I'll run, get groceries and make drinks and clean up. I just need to get out of my rut.

But this guy actually sent a resume. He can edit the podcast. He worked for O&A as an intern. No. He goes, whatever you pay me, it'll be fine. I'm sure it's better than working at Barnes & Noble or some shit. Well, yeah, we pay nothing, and we don't want you around when we wake up sober. Actually, basically the resume is what threw him out,

because he's a major in media communications. He does have intern experience. But his GPA is 3.2, and that's way too high for anyone that's going to be hanging around here. Yeah, you'd be bored quickly. Thank you, though. He goes, whatever small accommodations you can put me up in oh yeah you're gonna fucking vintage trailer with no heat or ac or plumbing well that's what i thought would be very interesting is to see how far we could push it before he fucking said fuck it make him

break that would be the only yeah that would be the only thing but uh, the GPA just knocked you out. All right. We mentioned this guy sent us episode one of this. He has a series of booklets. If you recall, he sent one to me, an autograph to me, and one autograph to Johnny Depp, who

fucking ate up the first one he couldn't stop talking about it uh actually i said episode uh two so we give those out you're gonna get yeah merch when you buy merch you're gonna get some of this weird shit if it's small and you're not gonna get an engine but anything that will fit in the package, we recirculate sometimes fan mail from other people to me. We'll go out with merch. Fan art. It's like Cracker Jacks.

Get a little prize. Tommy Peters, keep working on that. It's not working on us, but you know what? Your tenacity is admirable. Internet girl, that's the name but someone sent me that tuggy uh whoever the big dick in the band is can have the tuggy that's a it's a cock sock it's a cock and ball cheetah uh skin thing you put on your cock and balls and you amuse the ladies with that at a certain age

and most of all we'd like to thank uh our friend who sent us the uh the omaha steaks the big package with the filet mignons and the burgers and the things that are sitting there frozen uh waiting for a special occasion we'll mention you later in the podcast separately. All right, and that's the thank yous, unless... Oh, Chaley, you have some from the road? Bibles? This Bible right here came from Nova. By the way, we got just about as many Bibles

given to us on the road as we sold. Yeah, here's how we're fucked. We might have to just start selling the stolen bibles on the website to get rid of it because i i've been off the road forever and then now my book comes out here's the thing with the stolen bibles that became a thing and then we'd steal as many as we could and we'd sell them for jacked up huge prices and brag about it because they will sell, you know, between $40 and $75 for a stolen Bible inscribed with your name. If I sold – Go ahead.

I was going to say, if I sold merch before the show, it would be Bible's $45. And then I would just put an X through it and put sale and put 65. And still sell them all. And that was the stupidest thing I could have ever done is write a book because it fucked our Bible sales. I have to sell the book at a reasonable price, my own book. And they buy my book instead of the jacked up Bible where the cost is zero. Zero.

We have to buy the fucking book at the same price you're paying on amazon we get them on amazon and then jack them up enough to make it worth and then you have to haul books around it's the worst part of moving and this one came from speaking hauling around this one came from uh 5090 feet on an appalachian trail shelter guy walked in there and saw the bible goes i'm taking this back down the mountain Came from 5,090 feet on an Appalachian Trail shelter. Guy walked in there and saw the Bible and goes, I'm taking this back down the mountain. Good work.

And then Bill Nash from Nash Guitars, he keeps sending us Bibles. We got another box of Bibles from him. And yeah, check out his guitars, Nash Guitars. And he's a good guy. And he buys your book at full cost and then leaves them in the. Maybe we send out a box of books with Black Pussy on this tour and they can sell Doug Stanhope stolen Bibles. And you have to ask for them. You keep them under the merch booth. And only if you heard this podcast promoting black pussies tour,

you have to wink, wink, nudge, nudge at the merch booth for the stolen Bible. And I'll, I'll pre-sign them before. And you just fill in their name. We already have a stamp. This Bible stolen exclude exclusively for you.

Fill in the name. I'll pre-sign them. And yeah. So yeah. See blackussy on tour the dates are coming up at the end of this podcast is that a pyramid scheme?

yes it is kickbacks you won't get anything now but as you get more people to join then you will start to get the returns yeah but you'll be treated special by the black pussy people if you ask for the stolen Bible.

Hey, I heard there's stolen Bible. No, no. Hey, got any shrimp? Yeah, code words. You don't want to say Bible at the booth. It's got to be that. Yeah, got any shrimp? We'll go with that

all right and now back to the podcast that we haven't actually started idaho falls idaho falls pepper tree in yeah there's a guy who's who is particularly annoying at first but he kind of grew on me uh trevor and he said he wanted a book but he didn't have any money so I gave him a book and I wrote in the book send 30 bucks here you got it money order and he also sent something that we're going to have to read through but it is funny

it's a case report and it's the notes of what happened and it is him that they're talking about, the person causing the trouble at some – oh, Dillard's. I guess it's a shopping mall or something. We have an expert here that can explain that to us. That's fucking – takes too much time.

It's long, and he says, thank you very much for coming to Idaho Falls. Thanks for the book. I thought you might find the page of one of my police reports amusing. You helped me become proud of my mental problems doug thanks again so that was idaho falls that was fun idaho thank you trevor thank you trevor and thank you all of you who send weird shit to 212 van dyke street bisbee arizona 85603 you know what chad got left out of that last run. We got off this tour, and there was nothing for Chad. There was something for Chaley and Hennigan,

and I thought it was for Chad and Hennigan, but no. So, yeah, don't forget Chad Shank. All right, back to the podcast. There's people shucking corn in the back of the podcast right now. That's the first. I don't mind the shucking corn. I don't either. It's just the first.

I just wanted to point it out. I like fresh corn. I was not bitching. I was just saying. I don't like fresh corn, and I cannot lie. I'll take a beer. Doug? Now that I chugged a beer, now I'm...

Want to? Yeah. Audible. August 16th. Oh, I've got to do August 28th, too. And August 28th at the dive bar Oh yeah I got that email today You going?

I'm going He's gonna be going the week before But shit I'll be broke as fuck Next week Alright If it's just a matter of broke, that ain't an issue. Actually, he's embarrassed to say it.

He has to get time off from work. Yeah. I was trying to imagine what other issue it could be other than I don't want to fucking go anywhere. All right. Well, we're already going anyway. So let's just August 28th is the end of my 25th year anniversary in las vegas at the exact bar i did my first open mic in vegas which is now called the dive bar on flamingo and maryland and some strip mall right there at the corner and uh i'm doing my uh yeah 25 full years of comedy anniversary show, and I haven't planned it, and it's, what, three weeks?

Less than three weeks away? Much like your career. So, yeah. I know I got my first notebook. Three weeks away from something, or it's unplanned? Unplanned. Yeah, it's unplanned. I don't know who's going to be there.

There'll be a bunch of comics there, and I'll be reading my first notebook my first notebook i ever wrote for that open mic i started with hi my name is doug stanhope i'm originally from boston like i wrote every fucking word out so i'll be reading that much to my embarrassment if we can can get audio visual, Mike Upchurch posted that video of me three months into comedy that I can't watch, but I'll play that. Oh, let's play that.

Yeah, let's put that on the screen before you go up. Oh, unless you're using those jokes. No, no, no, no. I'll do my first notebook first and then, oh, see how much better I got three months later. See how more full my mullet is. Carlos Murphy's? Carlos Murphy's. That was

where he filmed that. You can find that on YouTube if you want to check that out now. It's still up. No, don't check it out now. You're going to ruin it for the show. Oh, really? If you're going to be at the show. It's only like they're silly. They said, oh, we can fit 226.

No, you can fit 30. You can force. Yeah. If the Jews on the train read the capacity, max capacity, they'd go, we're over full. This is against regulations they were complaining to the the manager on duty well that that bar is a famous bar now for bringing in a lot of bands yeah and uh dive

bar it's called the dive bar for a reason now uh so, yeah, August 28th. If there's tickets left by the time this goes out, I suck. So, what else did we have to mention? Well, oh, the pre-sales for the audio book with me and. Me? Me? Me? I don't know. Adam. Yeah, it's completely. Well, it's not completely different than the book, me? me? Adam

yeah it's completely well it's not completely different than the book but it's got director's commentary added value it's a different experience I try to read Chad Shank saves me and then a lot of people that are in the book

come on to either Ichabod's. Ichabod's in it? Oh, fuck that clip. Ichabod's in it, yep. Have we ever played that clip? Of what?

Remember there's a. I have it. Someone sent us a clip, I guess from audible.com. The editor sent us a clip where I'm reading about my first dog, Otis. And as he's reading it, Ichabod barks from the background. It's just a quick clip. Otis was a brilliant dog, and it wouldn't be until I got stupid dogs years later that I realized it was his natural intelligence, not my dog training abilities. In Idaho, I could tell him, Otis,

go get your ball out of the car. He'd jump off the couch, run outside and through the open car window into the back seat, bringing back his tennis ball. He'd instinctively go for your balls when you were roughhousing with him. And eventually I trained him to do it on command. Bite nads, Otis. And he'd nip you in the nuts. It was a great party trick. People believed your German shepherd was trained to rip their balls off. They didn't know he was only trained to bite the person that said it. There's a lot of weird shit.

30 takes to get that right with Ichabod. Ichabod's really temperamental. It's hard to work with. Netflix, which I canceled out of spite a while ago, then Chaley goes and puts his Netflix on my TV, so I didn't need them anyway. That was before you realized you didn't need multiple accounts. So last night I realized I get home, I'm trying to do the couch rehab after three weeks on the road.

And last night I actually took a night off and I watched just all my stories, all my backed up DVR. The HBO The Night Of is the name of the series is fucking brilliant. of the series is fucking brilliant uh so you suffer through the first 45 minutes of the premiere episode yeah and you go this is drag and this is drag that's right about where i shut it off so i'm gonna start again wait till john taturo shows up in the premiere and then you're fucking hooked it's great and i caught up on that my ray dunovans my bar rescue which just uh jumped the shark as they used to say it's just like he doesn't even put effort into it uh but uh then i i realized i burned through everything and i still need to stay up sober through the night and remembered Netflix

and you're the one who told me about Fear of 13. What'd you think? If you had not talked it up, I wouldn't have sat through it. It's slow. It's a fucking one-man show. It's not really a documentary.

It's a guy that's practiced at telling the story. Well, he had 21 years to practice it. And that's part of the story, I thought. Right. He became a good storyteller. He was a fucking moron when he got locked up. That should be such a great documentary.

It's not. It misses all the beats. He finally gets out after 21 years, and you to know like the first thing he ate in a cheeseburger and you want to see footage there's no footage it's just him telling the story so i i'll say yes fair assessment fair assessment but i like it that he he's a good storyteller for a reason he didn't know you know 25 years he's on death row and escapes for 25 days innocent guy who teaches himself to read with just regular books that he can whatever books he can get from the fucking library i mean it's a good story but yeah like and i even said that caveat it's gets it's

slow you got to sit through it but the overall overall story is good. The story is fantastic. I want to see a documentary on the story because they'll show like a newspaper headline. Murderer ditches his car in New York. And it's 25 days as a death row inmate that escaped in a gun battle when they let him stop to piss when they're transferring between prison. Which he claims is an accident. But you don't ever hear the other side of the story. You know that you were already a fucking good

liar before you learned how to read. Just smash it. Smash it, Derek. Why would you let a phone ring that long? Be like me and just smash objects that you don't understand. It's alright. I completely forgot what i was saying it's all right i don't mind last night finally because chaley put his netflix on my tv i got to watch the maria bamford series we stayed up fuck it's all three in the morning. Just no one more.

Just one more. Hey, we're hungry. We don't have any food. I should have told AJ to pick me up some meatloaf from the Bisbee Grill. I'm thinking at that time. Well, it's 11 o'clock. We could go to Safeway because we don't have any food here. We've been on the road.

One more. Then it's 1130. Then we could still... We stayed up till fucking three watching every episode. It's called Lady Dynamite. Have you watched it? I've watched a couple, yeah. She's fucking...

I've always thought Maria Brantford was funny. She is so brilliant to the point where I was getting depressed going, I could never write this. I don't have that kind of i gotta do more hallucinogens is what i realized i really thought that that's the takeaway yeah i gotta just to think fucked up like that again i'm with you we should do something like that like an odd couple situation i have a lot i have a bunch of unfinished projects and I just keep getting fatter because apathy is catching up to me.

I've been thinking about taking up a methamphetamine habit just for a short time so I can finish some shit. Just to glue those little army men to the... Finish the chicken coop? Yeah, I have not finished the chicken coop. It's fucking... It works.

It's not done. But yeah know what lady dynamite is uh on netflix right now but there's there's breaking news on the police beat with chad shank chad shank i thought i was watching netflix and now I'm at work. Police me. And we have our undercover insider police. Deep throat. Deep throat. Deep throat.

That might be able to give us some inside information on backstory on this, should it be necessary. But what's going on on the mean streets of Bisbee there, Chad? you on this should it be necessary but what's going on on the mean streets of bisbee there chad doug a woman was riding a motorcycle with no shirt or bra as reported from the shell station on naco highway no shirt and no bra even in bisbee nobody should call the cops on titties. Hang on. Let's talk to our police insider, the Adam Schefter of Bisbee Police. Adam Schefter. Sorry. It's a fucking.

He's the cocksucker, douchebag, fucking nebbish on ESPN. He's the NFL insider, and he's just this weaselly piece of shit. And you go, no fucking NFL guy would ever hang out with you. Who do you know? Anyway, so a hell of an introduction. Police insider deep throat. Is there a law in Arizona like there is in Austin? You're free to go topless.

They don't, unfortunately. unfortunately but yeah you can a woman has the same right is that true in uh bisbee arizona no the uh indecent exposure just wouldn't work but a dude can do it it's wrong and you know what when david a smith is the new mayor we're gonna fucking address this issue. The same way Adriana Bazzal Zababa or whatever, the mayor with the gay marriage. We're going to make this fucking mayor our bitch. I don't agree with that. You put me on a motorcycle shirtless behind this lady and you see which one is more indecent.

And endowed. All right, what else is going on out there, Jed? Doug, a male subject walked into the caller's room at the Leston Loft Hotel. When asked what he was doing there, he turned around and left. And you know what? This is the dark side of the coin, where Bisbee was voted the best small historic town in America.

They don't know this side of Bisbee. There's a dark underbelly. I've never heard of the Let's and Loft Hotel, but it's probably only because they don't promote that they have a ghost that comes into their room and just leaves when you ask him what he's doing there. Sorry, wrong room. It's a marketing point in Visby if you have a ghost.

I wasn't murdered in this room. It's been a long time. It was the 1800s. Sorry. Wait, what time's checkout? Feeble-minded ghost. What else you got? Explanation given to the officer during a traffic stop on C Avenue.

I was looking for Pokemon. Goddamn Pokemon. Is this a problem? Oh, we're getting a lot of complaints on it. Like trespassing? You really have Pokemon complaints? We're getting a lot of complaints on it. Like trespassing? You really have Pokemon complaints? We do. People parking in church parking lots.

Well, the church is very anti-Pokemon. That's not what Jesus would do. Yeah, that's sanctuary, right? You would think. Except for Pokemon. Is that what you're saying? Pokemon's the devil. Yeah, you're looking for demons in the church parking lot.

Absolutely. What else you got, Chad? A male Alaskan hit a female of the same ethnicity on Main Street. We'll just leave that. Leave that. That's pure. That's a pure police beat. If you want to subscribe to the Bisbee Observer

to get the police beat in your hometown of Bisbee, just Google Bisbee Observer and you can get a pretty cheap subscription. Ain't a pricey paper. And you'll know that the Alaskan on Alaskan crime rate in Bisbee is astronomical. What else you got? Finally, a female was yelling, threatening, and having a breakdown in the Lyric parking lot.

She was described as skinny in her 50s with a garbage bag full of clothes. Was Derek in the Lyric that night? Yeah. I remember seeing that. Where was Brie? It does say in her 50s. I don't think that's Brie.

I guessed 44. The garbage bag full of clothes throws me back. I don't think that's very... I guessed 44. The garbage bag full of clothes throws me back. I don't know. I'm undecided. If it was bingo, it would be 17 garbage bags full of clothes. Really nice clothes.

All stained blue. All right. Thank you, Chad Shank, for the police beat. Did you want me to do the second page of the police beat? You said, and finally. I just realized. You said, and finally. Well, that's because I'm drunk, and I just realized there was another page.

All right. A Hereford woman believed some of her guns had been stolen from her closet. Hey, yo, it's called faith. She believed? She believed? She believed. But, like, did she find them later and realize she was wrong? I mean, they're either there or they're not, right?

Doesn't say her age. Jesus could be there. What else you got? Stan Hope marked half of these, and he marks right directly in between two of them. No, no, I marked two of them. That's the one inside the mark. Okay, all right.

In that case, a dog was discovered living in an abandoned trailer in Palominas. Dog always existed. It's like Columbus discovered America. No, it existed. So what do you do? Do you give it an eviction notice? If a dog is living...

He just told me he was drunk and he didn't finish so I just marked a couple. He should have closed on what he closed on. He did. Oh no, then he came back. You're right. No one's going to argue with Chad Shank except for a deep throat. He could beat him in an arm wrestling contest.

That arm wrestling contest is similar to the beer chugging contest where you already know you're going to lose going in and you do it to be a sport. So you're trumping it up, saying the whole thing's rigged. No, I'm saying I knew I was going to lose both times going into both of those events. Oh, that is trumping it up.

Nothing? Your kids gave deep throats. He knows he's going to lose. Oh, shit. All right, I got you. Thanks. The drunk guy gets me. And finally. Oh, shit. All right, I got you. Thanks. The drunk guy gets me. All right.

And finally. No, and two from the last. A subject was bleeding from the head on Graham Drive. Stanhope marks out half of the words when he marks them. The caller did not know what happened, only that all parties had been drinking. Sorry, I didn't mean to slam Stan up halfway through my

police beat. Well, all parties have been drinking would be a good closer at this market podcast. Just say and finally. Just keep saying and finally. And finally, a shoplifter was eating a product. She had no money to pay for at Safeway. Meanwhile, a shoplifter was eating a product. She had no money to pay for at Safeway.

Meanwhile, a male out front was disturbing customers. Is Maggie and Joe back? Is that the Alex Jones part of the police beat? Because that sounds like conspiracy. A woman shoplifted. Meanwhile, there's a guy clearly outside. Clearly connected. Clearly connected.

Come on, people. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up, white people. All right. Chad Shank, thank you very much. Wait, I have finally. And really finally,

a cat was slowly dying on Hazard Street. And really, finally, a cat was slowly dying on Hazard Street between a gate and a yellow truck. Sorry, every time that's one of our streets. Do it again. Yeah, do it again, but don't cut it out. A cat was slowly dying on Hazard Street

Hazard Street between Hazard Street! Between a gate and a yellow truck. My truck ain't yellow. Don't you call my white truck yellow. My white truck will beat up any of your trucks. Call my truck yellow. All right. Speaking of slowly dying,

this podcast is about to go into Derek, formerly Derek for mayor, and Derek has a plug, and then we'll get back to black pussy and pulled pork. That black pussy. Black pussy brought fucking barbecue. Is Keith the one?

Yeah. I remember him being the grill master. Well, talking pretty big about being a grill master. Pork butt. Derek, you are selling some... Derek always wants to sell some shit. Today, he showed up. He goes,

Hey, I don't want to ask for favors, but I know Joe Rogan is into Dodge cars, and I want to sell my Dodge Duster or whatever it is. That was a demon. Whatever it is. Because it's falling apart. But don't put that in the podcast. I talk to Joe Rogan when it's fun,

and I'm not selling used cars. It's a Bisbee to Joe Rogan when it's fun, and I'm not selling used cars. It's a Bisbee to Joe Rogan. Especially one falling apart. Hey, want to buy a piece of shit? But Derek always has, he's like Kramer almost, where his Dodge Duster is worth $30,000 or some shit but he actually has old vintage concert t-shirts which do sell

for fucking money in vintage shops and you've sold a couple on eBay for good money so you want to promote your eBay sale of your old concert shirts to pay for your moribund relationship. Why, yes, Doug.

During that pause, let me read the definition of moribund. I haven't heard you use that word in a while. Let's say that. I haven't heard you use that word since you asked me about what shade of yellow you were. Lucy St. John is helping me sell some of my vintage, mostly Metallica t-shirts. Lucy St. John of Redbone. Redbone. On Subway Street.

On Subway Street. She has a shop in Old Bisbee. Her eBay store is called AZ Craft. And she's helping me sell some of my Metallica. I have a couple Overkill and a Cannibal Corpse. And a few LLA that I really treasure. a couple of overkill and a cannibal corpse and a few LA that I really treasure. Uh,

for the listener, Derek sat down with a pad of paper, Indian style on a bar stool to try to remember what shirts he's selling. And it was like, he's trying to spell cat as a challenged develop, developmentally disabled teen. And he's writing every letter

out. So yeah, just go to azcraft. I think I spelled everything right on the paper. On eBay. I'm just saying you took a lot of time. A couple of those E's are backwards, our gang style though. Lucy's really putting a lot of work into it and helping me out.

Yeah, they have vintage smoke on them from concerts that they were purchased at. It's good to always put all the selling points. Concert worn? Yeah. Some of them have holes in them, and they smell like the concerts they were at, basically. I wore them at the show or the next show. And they smell like the concerts they were at, basically. I wore them at the show or the next show. My first wife always said, smell is 90% of love.

So, yeah, selling point. Well, it's kind of hard for me to let go of some of these. They don't fit anymore because these are the shirts I wore when I was 18, 17 years old. Yeah, no, I saw you walk past with this. What is this fucking dumb dog you bought? No, it's the neighbor's dog. The wolves behind us terrorized the neighbor's three-legged dog. They just run up to the fence and bark at it for like an hour.

Fence fight, they call it. So we take her. I get back after three weeks on the road. I go outside of my own house because I can't smoke in my own house because bingo, just nag, nag so i go out front and uh the dogs go ape shit and it's you and brie walking some giant german it's a three-legged fucking it's three-legged oh that's not your dog no it's a had to get her a dog to keep her like I had to do with my first wife.

No, the neighbor across the street broke her leg. She has a cast on. To get her dog out and walk. You think you're in the dog of bond? A one-legged woman can't walk a three-legged dog? Who fucked up? Perfect setup.

Sounds like a limerick. You tie a gunny sack around their legs and you got a race. I've been debating which other leg we should take so she can't walk. But yeah, we were just walking the neighbor's dog because she broke her leg.

All right. This is the Derek that for the last, what, eight years you've been around? I don't know. Over a decade. Can't walk my dogs when he takes care of the house because of his game leg. Derek with the limbo. I can't walk a dog unless my wife yells at me,

and all of a sudden I can walk a three-legged dog. To be fair, you can walk a three-legged dog. All your dogs have four legs. That's the thing. As fast as a dog can move, I still can walk and keep up with it. He has the same gait as a three-legged dog. All your dogs have four legs. That's the thing. As fast as a dog can move, I still can walk and keep up with it. He has the same gait as a three-legged dog. Exactly. Thank you, Shirley.

At least your fucking dog had the decency to wear fur where you were shirtless and you shouldn't have been. So what Doug is saying is if we cut off one leg from each of his dogs, you'll walk them? I'm selling all my shirts. What Doug was saying is these vintage t-shirts

would be a great buy for anybody interested. I had one more thing before. I had one more thing. This is Chad Shank and you better buy Derek's shirts. Chad Shank can do that better. Well, if he says it, it goes. So, Chad Shank.

This is Chad Shank. This is Chad Shank, and you better buy Derek's fucking shirts. Yeah, because I love them. If you buy Derek's shirts, we will finally put out a Chad Shank shirt, which we still haven't got a good logo for. I think... We have a couple ideas.

We don't need ideas. We need action. Chaley, you only have one job one job make Chad Shank shirts produce the podcast get us tacos in the morning on the road etc etc etc alright we'll be

right back after this and we'll close up with black pussy and then we'll eat pork butt cooked by black pussy we're gonna take a break from this very important podcast because i want to tell you guys something that's changed my life uh it is the boiler maker kit at doug stanhope.com before i found out about this great product i was making boiler makers all wrong i was pouring the beer in my mouth and then i had a handful of whiskey

and i was trying to splash that in my mouth. It was just, it was a mess. I'm half blind in one eye. But now thanks to the Doug Stanhope Boilermaker Kit, I'm drinking like a pro. Get your own. DougStanhope.com Alright, we're back with Black Pussy.

We're waiting on a pork butt. Yeah. To be smoked. Yeah, we're smoking it. What you making? We got pork butt. We went to Safeway today, the famous Bisbee Safeway. And we found some steaks for buy one, get two free.

So we got all those. It's healthy. I want one of the buy ones. I mixed them up, but yeah. I'll take the two free. Do you remember whose lane you were in? Was it a white-haired woman?

I left and I let them pay for it. Oh, good. Good work. I don't remember, actually. The government paid for it. Are you trying to refer to Sherry? I actively seek out if Sherry's checking now by this point when I stop at Safeway. Even if she's in the express lane,

I have to go to the regular lane. I'll wait. Yeah, she's legendary in town for just talking, and her lane is always the longest. It was very long. I think it was her. She also pointed out that we were very organized. Oh, no, she doesn't.

That's her. That's her. She has a lot of opinions on stuff. Very nice. Sherry, you're not a barber. I always swipe my card first, and then I bag if I'm on that side. She said other people just throw their stuff

on the lane. That's Sherry. We're goddamn professional, Sherry. We got shit to do today. You're fucking welcome. We got free bags. So you do the cooking on the road?

Yeah, mostly. Aaron helps me. We run a kitchen out of our local dive bar. The Kenton Club. They've had shitty food. Plug it. Kenton Club, 1225 Kilpatrick. Portland, Oregon.

Best motherfucking bar in Portland, Oregon. It is. For sure. But they've had terrible food for 10 years, because the owners don't want to fucking do it. But they legally have to. That's a law in Oregon. If you sell booze, you have to serve food.

Until 2 a.m. At least seven options. What do they serve at Mary's? French fries, tater tots. Chips. Do they at Mary's? The fryer's broken always. Little Cheetos. Yeah, yeah. Chips. The fryer's broken always. So what you're saying is you just have to have a menu. Yes.

You have to be able to give a menu and say, we're out of that. That's exactly what they've been doing. Redacted. So last time we were home for a few months, jumped in there and we started uh the black pussy restaurant in there yeah so yeah it's pretty good plug it again one more time uh kenton club chief's food where is it it's in uh north portland in the kenton neighborhood

well cross streets you just had him kill patrick in denver right all right yeah let's uh ruin the the best the last yeah you shut the fuck up keith yeah it's the only thing standing all the yuppies have taken over everything else is the last you can take this shit out right yeah now it's over all the yuppies all the yuppies that listen to this podcast will be swarming over there you don't want nothing to do with the Kenton Club, yuppies. Stay out. This is the only plug I'll be bleeping. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All the food sucks. It's raw. You're going to die. Stay out. But so before we go on tour, we prep a bunch of shit. Like I smoked a bunch of pork and made some kimchi, some cabbage. We put it all in this. We should plug Yeti coolers.

We just got the Yeti cooler. It's fucking amazing. They gave us one at full cost. Thanks, Yeti. Actually, I hooked up the chick at REI. Hooked it up because it was a floor model. I'm like, hey, do you think you can discount this? She gave me like $120 off. Fuck yeah, REI lady.

It's worth it, though. Best fucking cooler. So the Yeti is like something that works off DC power or something? No, it's just a straight cooler, but they insulate it in this high-tech. It looks like an ice chest. It's science, man. They mastered the cooler. They mastered the cooler. It is an ice chest.

It works way better. When Bingo bought the Vitamix, it's a $360 blender, and I went ape shit. It's a $360 blender and I went ape shit going, it's a fucking blender. But then you realize this can turn gravel into a smoothie. And it was well worth it. Have you seen the Will It Blend videos? This guy, he'll put

an iPad in there and Will It Blend? Everything blends! Everything. I remember having a shitty blender when I was broke and I was making smoothies and I put grapes in a smoothie. And then it's like putting a tomato where you just, the skin is still there.

It's hitting your uvula. No. Fucking, yes. Yeti, get the package deal deal black pussy yeti package deal no no the the vitamix yeti and mention our name and you'll get nothing off unless it's a floor model you can buy it online at our merch table you always unwrap it it, and it's a floor model, always. So what about that shrimp? Yeah, shrimp.

Wait, who's asking? Wink, wink, nudge, nudge. Yeah. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, shrimp. Wait, are you a secret racist? Okay, no. I heard some of these fellas got shrimps. Yeah, if you ask for the stolen Bible on the Black Pussy Tour,

which we do have to plug your dates at the end of this, but you have a story about the fucking dude, Rick on acid. So the other day we were down in Oceanside. We were playing in Carlsbad, Southern California. And great, great friends of ours. We've done a number of shows down there. We got put up in a sweet little surfer apartment, four blocks from the beach kind of shit.

And it came four in the morning. We were just partying hard. And he threw on Rick Wakeman's... Yeah, from Yes. What was it? From the Journey to the Center of the Earth. Yeah. And it got about halfway through.

And it's the most British fucking thing you've ever heard in your life. It's beautiful, but you've got to be on drugs. He had a full orchestra and full synth set up from the 70s. If you can imagine, it's bigger than this bar. And our host, he said, I listened to this album on Acid five days ago. I'm not fucking around. Just straight up, we're like, all right, Casey's our favorite fucking person. And he made us write it down he said he made me promise him that i would listen to it

on acid before i die yes yeah i don't know if you guys have acid in a record player Perfect. Well done, my friend. That was it. We're going to have to do acid. I'm going to have to do acid just to continue my career. It's one of those things that I've always said. Hallucinogens are the exercise of narcotics. It's something you should do. But you go, oh, it's such a grind. But at the end, you feel good about yourself. Like, oh, I exercised my brain.

I did acid. But I got so many fuckers. And the demons. Exercise those demons. No, that makes it. I drink. And the demons. Exercise those demons. No, that makes no sense. I drink to keep the demons away. And this is hallucinogens are opening the gate to the demons. And I don't want to go through that.

Portals. Yeah. But after watching Bamford special, I go, yeah, I'm not creative enough. I have to do drugs to keep up with her mental illness. Good hallucinogens are the best parts of mania. But there's also the manic depression that comes after. The depression comes after that. Or maybe during that, and you don't know that I'm old.

Or you do know, and it's frightening. Where's your dates? You want all of those fucking 20 of them? Yeah, well, let's fucking pound them out. This is 2016 in case you're just catching up on the podcast years later. I'm going to go

to the San Antonio dates. Just like sound off in a row. August 12th at High Tones in San Antonio, Texas. Revisiting where the crash was, correct? The 13th, the Swan Dive in Austin. The 14th, Rudyard's British something. It doesn't fill out on the thing here. Say the town first.

Oh, I'm sorry. Houston, Texas. Rudyard's British pub. New Orleans, Circle Bar on the 15th. The 16th is Birmingham, Alabama. The Nick. This is August. August 17th, Gainesville, Florida.

High Dive, was that the place where I almost got beat up? No, Gainesville was like a piano bar kind of. Oh, that's right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was not where I almost got beat up. Oh, August 19th, 2016, Ybor City, The Crow Bar. Oh! Love that place.

Okay. Get your noses ready. The 20th, Miami, Florida, Churchill's Pub. The 21st, St. Petersburg, Florida, Foo Bar downtown. The 24th, Athens, Georgia, Caledonia Lounge. Don't know that one. Where was it? Well, we did the, in Athens, we did that theater.

If you're not doing the 40 watt, they look at you like you're shit. And I like to look like shit. Yeah. 40 watt. And then I'll finish with this. August 25th, 2016, Asheville, North Carolina. One of our favorite clubs back there. The Gray Eagle.

You guys are going to have a blast. That place is fun. They like to protest us there. Perfect. Sold out show. Exactly. Promoters need to get that through their heads. Since we got fully canceled out of Pennsylvania last leg,

we lost Philly and Pittsburgh because of crazy people scaring the promoters away. That's weird. Philly. Isn't it? There's a lot of black people there, but there's not a lot of white people are the ones protesting. Yes, white people are the ones protesting. So they just call and pretend to be different people, and the promoters get nervous.

And I'm like, do you realize this is going to sell out the show and you're supposed to support rock and roll? It always weirds me out when promoters get jellyfish spines. In the UK when you get blowback it's easy press. There's no major newspapers that are going to carry the fact that

black pussy got protested. Over there they have so many newspapers still that they're desperate for anyone to fuck up a little that black pussy got protested. Over there, they have so many newspapers still that they're desperate for anyone to fuck up a little bit so they can run a story because they're competing against 19 newspapers. But when you said San Antonio, college students are protesting you.

They have a college in San Antonio? I guess. I had no idea. I know they have a military base, which is the antithesis to a degree. Maybe night school. So speaking of Philadelphia, I mean, the shit show that is the fucking DNC, like what the fuck is happening in that city anymore?

What? Left field, man. Left field. It's getting weird on it. I'm lost. I'm not talking about the Democratic National Convention. No, who gives a fuck? Vote Gary Johnson. Promote Gary Johnson on your tour. I'm lost. I'm not talking about the Democratic National Convention. No, who gives a fuck? Vote Gary Johnson. Promote Gary Johnson

on your tour. There you go. Every show you do, you're going to say vote Gary Johnson at one point, right? And if you want a full list of their tour dates that are posted, go to blackpussy.bandcamp.com And if you'd like a black pussy for yourself, see

Dr. Rod Taki. R-A-A-d-t-a-k-i google dr rod talky he could put a black pussy in anyone plastic surgeon rod talky and thank you omaha steaks what song are we closing on from black pussy is there going to be a consensus here? I think we're going to try something weird, like, uh, the albatross, which is off our EP. Just,

you know, show what we can do. And that's a weird song. It's called where the Eagle flies, where the Eagle flies. Send us out with it, announce it. And we're going to close on the albatross.

And here we go with black pussy. Thank you very much. Thanks, Obama. Eat some pulled pork. Thanks, Obama. Thanks, Obama. Stay away from Oprah. I'm the face and the albatross Peters crossed and sanitarious

Now the sun Sent a series of conveniences Sent the event of appearances Now our plan Aphrodite and the Timigas Castros and the Misfires, Watts and Ponder Where are my friends tonight? Or is my state of mind

So I gotta be alright I'm the place and the albatross Pocahontas and the homophiles Now they're gone A certain series of sequences A certain series of frequencies in a cell Cleopatra and Aphelios

fly high since Aphelios spoke the sky Marlon Brando Cynhyrchu'r ffordd y byddwn ni'n gwneud. Where are my friends tonight? What's my state of mind? So long as I feel alive You'll die Where am I, fresh tonight? What's last day of life It's all gonna be alright

It's all gonna be alright So I'm gonna be alright Wait, can we plug the song Smooth from Rob Thomas featuring Carlos Santana? And then it's a 99 Grammy winning.