The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #157: God Damn It Derrick!

Episode Date: August 18, 2016

Pic 5       Doug gets involved in a domestic situation, throws his support behind another candidate for mayor and catches a prankster.BLACK PUSSY TOUR DATES - HereTake a second to download Periscope and add @DougStanhope.Recorded Aug 16, 2016 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@dougstanhope), Jobi (@StanhopesCDP), and Ggreg Chaille (@gregchaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS: Aug 28 - The Dive Bar - Las Vegas, NV   The Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/   Henry Phillips NEW Special, "Neither Here Nor There", available on Vimeo   Closing song, "Funeral Party", by The Mattoid. Available on iTunes.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.     Buy a SIGNED copy of Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Love Story" at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

God damn it, Derek. That's the title of this podcast. God damn it, Derek. I explained Derek. I gave your explanation of Derek to Joby, where the more he talks, he paints himself in more of a corner. And then when you think he has no more room,

suddenly a hallway appears behind him and he keeps talking himself even further backwards i think i said his words are paint in which he paints himself into a corner oh i'm sorry are you doing your audio book now no i was just thinking i was just thinking when i said that i thought wow that, that works for me. Now I just see him with paint spilling out of his mouth, completely covering the floor. Oh, my God. You know, as many nights as I've just given him shit and had to wake up and go, hey, sorry, I went too far last night.

He had his turn. You could have heard a pin drop when derrick stopped and locked the door you think you've moved here because you don't want to be in hollywood but you brought hollywood here and all these people that are living off of you he's putting chaley on on the fucking rails he was saying fucking neighbor dave joey jo Joby, let's reserve comments until he's done. He's looking at me, and I want him to hear everything you're saying. It just went on how I've ruined football because it's all strangers now. Listeners, it's been a long three days.

It's only been three? It's been a long three days. It's only been three. Yeah. Well, it started with one of our mayoral candidates getting out of jail on a DV. Oh, God. Here's what happened. I said, listen, she'll drop the charges if you agree to, instead of using the court system, come on Doug Stanhope's

People's Court podcast, and we'll get this out on the air rather than every night, oh, she's drunk and suicidal, and I'm a liar. We're a couple. A couple. I know. So we're going to try to make that happen. People's court, a domestic violence case where both people are implicit. Is that the right word?

Why am I trying to find big words that that works in this case complicit i think or imbecilic yeah no you're looking they're both fucking yeah they're they're they're sid and nancy they're hank and wanda they're uh donnie and marie from the south side south side i cantina yeah yeah it's it's a it's a lot of that but there's oh and i keep getting involved when i'm drunk at night yeah and then i wake up and i go why did i get involved with that so you do have some remorse oh yeah no you know every morning i'm sorry i've just been showing up when you're like eight drinks in and i'm like he's fucking doing it again tracy what the fuck is he where he's he's gone and then you leave and there's 10 people you invited over here it's like you're out

fucking doing the night before i know oh well yeah no he you're you're breaking up you don't have any friends in town because he keeps you sequestered like that couple that kidnapped the hitchhiker and made her live under their bed for three years. I don't know if you know that story. It's a great book. They built a special cabinet. They had this woman. That's how he keeps his girlfriend.

Clayster. Stockholm Syndrome. And now. It's Reputa. Legally. Repster. Stockholm Syndrome. And now... It's Raputa. Legally. Raputa the Buda. The chick with the blonde hair up in the tower. Raputa the Buda.

Don't get me started. I know. So, yeah. He doesn't let her go out, really, at all. She doesn't come over here. If she does come over here he shadows her she's never not with him i'm just talking to brie no she gets mad if i don't shadow her like that his bullshit until they're face to face and then his story ends so the last time this happened and she just

broke down and said i just need someone to talk to and he's not going to give me shit until last night and i took her inside the the first time she broke down and like i don't know anyone i moved here and he won't he's suffocating he told me we're gonna go camping and do all this shit and and so I brought him in and I go, I'm hammered. I go, hey, all right, I guess we're doing midnight group therapy. Derek, what say you? Derek just fucking stared at his shoes the entire time. She's, you told me we're going to go camping and you're an outdoorsman.

You like to do all these things. No, Derek likes to sit around and get high and play. We golf and watch the prices, right? So she moved into this relationship a year ago and now she just sitting in that fucking beige house, the fucking just dimly lit. So yeah,

I felt bad for her and she was suicidal that night and,, and she's a drunk like me, so I understand her. He's retarded. She's a drunk, so I get half of it. Which half do you get? The drunk half? I get both halves. Or the retarded half. I'm a drunk with a retarded person, but it doesn't get violent.

You know what? I am am gonna comment on this well you've already used names and you know i'm going i'm going off topic but i will comment on this the fucking johnny depp freaking out in the kitchen video that a couple it only takes two tweets before i'm fucking upset but i don't say anything but that i threw a bigger tantrum in my own kitchen than that thing with motherfucker and he's slapping cabinet doors and and she's obviously fucking with him and you know putting it on videotape i did that way worse just because I couldn't find hot pads when I made the fucking chinky for black pussy and I kicked a fucking cabinet door.

You're looking for potholders. Yeah, I was looking for potholders and they're all out here for some reason and I was just fucking angry and then I threw fucking pans around I trashed the fucking kitchen just because I couldn't find potholders. It doesn't mean I beat my wife,

you fucking two tweeters. All two of them. Yes, well, fucking... I'm back to no comment. Yeah. I wish Bingo was here. She could tell you the fucking flip outs. Well, yeah, I guess all of you could certainly wear those.

Yes. My morning fucking rage. Oh, I've said, I've said plenty of times where, uh, bingo and I have, uh,

like all of a sudden someone will knock on the door and then all of a sudden your rage will be spilled onto them. And bingo and I look at each other. It's like, yes, it's over. Now we're going to breakfast and you can't fucking yell at anything other than that person who knocked on the wrong door at 7 a.m.

Have a fucking stack of broken laptops in the fucking... Remember the first time you punched a laptop was in that shitty hotel. Can't remember where we were. And I think it was out near where we did the thing with Bingo. We sent her the stuff

when she was in the mental institution. We were at that shitty hotel next to the place that had the tobacco and fireworks and stuff. I don't know. Anyway, I thought that might ring a bell. It's a shitty part of town. And we get there and I'm like. What town?

I can't remember the town, but it was a college town. But anyway, the thing is, we were there and I was worried about our stuff being in the room while we were at the gig. Is this the one that had the dick pic written in the dust on the window no no no that was that was the hoosier yeah yeah this one uh we we get there and then you were trying to do a quick update to make some bets online or something like that and then you punched your screen i'm like well now no one will steal it we're safe here they won't rummage the room they'll see a broken screen but that was the first computer you smashed but you've you've done at least three in my presence there's one i think we videotaped

it was on like uh i think it was election night in florida the last presidential election 12 and uh yeah i went to town on it i think didn't we make it into a commercial or something? I think Andy filmed me. Just, I just smashed it against fucking not punched it. I, I wrestled it. Destroyed it. W W F style fucking hammering it on corners and fucking suplex. Oh yeah. It doesn't mean you beat your wife.

I've looked at meat wig a few times with that new crying thing he's had for the last year and uh oh i'm picturing kicking you in the chest and isn't that original sin just fantasizing isn't it i don't know minority report yeah yeah exactly uh joe b's with us he doesn't have much to say nor do i for that matter i've been fucking dealing with here in body i feel like those are my problems that's how i wake up when i get drunk and deal with other people's bullshit i feel like i wake up like it's mine and then when you you when when you're drunk so many days in a row like that late night too many and not enough hours of sleep and you just start getting the paranoia and the fear that

yeah it's all gonna you know that day is coming when it's all gonna come down on me and i won't even know what day it is. What day is this? Do I have cancer? Am I going to shit blood? What did I say wrong to the wrong person? I forgot all about doing the fucking David A. Smith for mayor. What do you mean? You forgot about doing it?

No, I'm saying just the three days. I go, what the fuck did we do for three days? Coming up with those one bullet points. about doing it no i'm saying just the three days i go what the fuck did we do for three days oh coming up with those one bullet points yeah but i mean with the suicide watches and then i gotta go i gotta meet jason lindstrom to talk strategy they came here i know and you were drunk and left no i had to go do suicide watch you didn't have to no one's that's no one's job what are you dr phil all of a sudden no she couldn't have i heard a crazy no one's job. What are you, Dr. Phil all of a sudden? No.

Have I heard a crazy girl on the phone want attention? Yes, I have. Couldn't make words. She was that blubbering. Okay, well, that makes it right. First of all, she doesn't ever call me. If you call me, she said, can you send anyone over here, anyone to talk to her because she was that suicidal? And yeah, I can read you the fucking text

messages of diana hone i'm gonna kill myself yes you were on the other side of that and you know oh well she did kill herself brutally in a fucking motel bathtub so gruesome so there's some residual i have some thing that is a hint of a memory of a feeling or an emotion. Wait, you feel responsible for situations like that? It was an awkward situation. Obligation to pitch. You feel somehow like you have to get involved? You have to do something?

Well, with that girl specifically, because i did remember her from shows yeah so when she's saying i you know all right the last time someone says they're gonna kill themselves you kind of assume they're bluffing i do i'm a pessimist most of the time you assume that it's just a call for attention until you're cleaning brains off the wall. Exactly. And this girl, I got down to, she heard the mother bit and, hey, do you have any advice? Because I'm just tired of fucking life. And I remember her because she was hot.

She was hot. That was the motivation. Well, I mean, it stuck out. It stuck out. If she had a second tiny baby head growing out of her neck, I'd remember her just the same. Really? Just the same?

Yes. Beautiful means different than most people. So whether it's, you know, you have a lizard face or whatever. But, yeah, she did stand out, and she made some artwork that she brought to a show in san diego and showed me and bingo as it was i think of us or maybe it was just a bingo but it wasn't done so she didn't give it to us so i did the obligatory hey you can't kill yourself until that artwork's done thing yeah yeah no but i'm seriously i'm i'm going out so then i have the last minute choice when she says she's doing it that night

uh i really should get a hold of her husband so i went through the facebook page and chaley and i had a long discussion uh because i took i told her i'm not the guy that's going to talk you out of suicide. Just like the bit. But now I know she's serious. So I fucking broke down. After telling her, I don't give a shit. You wrestled with this for quite some time. And it was show night. You had a show to do. Yeah, that was Ohio.

Youngstown, Ohio. That Disney-esque. I'm sure we've talked about this on a podcast. We have a little bit. I don't give a fuck they don't remember I don't remember you don't remember listener so so yes so when I get a blubbering call from Derek's gal pal say yeah you gotta put shit we go, hey, well, you don't know people. We'll have a dinner party tomorrow.

Because somebody, Rod Taki, Dr. Rod Taki, if you need your labias shortened or lengthened, I guess you could have them lengthened now with Bingo's labia that she got shortened. They probably have leftover labia. You could get your labias lengthened. Dr. Rod Taki. Why would you lengthen them?

R-double-A-D. Taki. Like a motion picture with words. No, that's a talkie. This is T-A-K-I. Yes, Dr. Rod Taki sent us Omaha steaks, so I used them to throw a dinner party with a lot of the local ladies around that Bree can be friends with. But that's when I was drunk.

And then the next day I wake up at fucking two in the afternoon. I watch my stories on the TV. And then I actually get off the couch around two going, fuck, I got to clean up from last night. And now I have to fucking make steaks that I told him you'd make, Joby, because Joby always cooks. But I never told Joby he's cooking. So I go, oh, fuck, I got to at least prep, because when Joby comes over, he's going to find out he's cooking. Such a dick. You've got a really important part of that story.

Those steaks were so good. They were, actually. Joby, I wanted to ask you this because I reheated some of them last night on the barbecue. The Omaha ones, those were all the thicker ones,

and then the Safeway ones were the thinner ones, right? Correct. All right. The Safeway ones had fat around the edges. I saw the Omaha steaks. There's no fat. By the way, this sounds like it's a plug for Omaha steaks. So to ruin that for you, Omaha steaks, the problem is if you buy them,

they will haunt you for the rest of your life. They will just... Like a Jehovah's Witness, like you accept one watchtower and you're fucked. Junk mail, email, fucking all but coming to your door. Was there a problem with the steaks? You haven't bought more steaks. You get raspberry sherbet on sale.

Oh, that's like the schwan's oh i used to give the fucking i used to give omaha steaks such shit back when i i used to buy them but the fucking avalanche of advertising that came with it but the catalog they send you always says uh 50 off usually 32 now just 16 and so i just call up and go when was this ever because you've been sending me this shit for two years and it's always usually this much when was it ever i want you to find me a time it was ever that much you lying pieces of shit that's the furniture store that's going out of business for 17 years. Yes. That's exactly it. You know, the Schwann's guy was like that.

We got drunk one day in the afternoon and the Schwann's guy was across the street and we, and I saw for, uh, the, uh, uh, urban settler.

Yeah. Schwann's is a ice cream truck, kind of frozen food, frozen, all kinds of foods that delivers like an ice cream truck kind of frozen food frozen all kinds of foods that delivers like an ice cream truck it comes to your door like ups and they roll up like a sparklets truck they roll up the side what do you want fish or sherbert and if you're in your if you're in your driveway or they see you they're coming over and that one day he was in the area and we went down there and because i wanted

to get we were drunk and we and i want to wanted to get some big sticks or some cones, right? You don't walk up to a delivery truck and ask for food sober. Exactly. So I bought – I remember I bought scallops. I bought some – I think some lamb and a thing of the cones with the drumsticks and then popsicles. So I wasn't wrong. Fish and sherbet. Absolutely.

Absolutely. He would come by every week and he started emailing me that he was coming by and it took a couple of months. I only ate one of those drumsticks. Bingo ate all. He ate the whole fucking 12 and a thing.

She ate a 12 packpack of drumsticks. What? They were minis. They were, okay. Oh, they were minis. Okay, I stand corrected. All right, we look like dicks now. Four ounces of ice cream instead of seven.

Victim blamers. Sheila, you're horrible. So it was Sunday, I guess. David Smith is one of our candidates. There's three remaining candidates. Now that one has got not a conviction, but a jail stay. Derek. Neither Derek or Kenny got their signatures.

So they're not on the ballot. We can still root for them. But Kenny went and he gave his support to David A. Smith. He's our candidate. Yes, his endorsement. We found a white polyester jumpsuit. I don't know if I told you this already. I was there.

Oh, you were there. See? Yeah. Joby just shows up out of nowhere. Doug, that was 2 o'clock in the afternoon you don't remember joey was there at 2 p.m why don't this is a fucking million people every day in and out i don't know who's there what how much i matter no that's that's how much he's been drinking in the morning after waking up with the shakes not i'm not i'm just saying no

i'm realizing now how drunk you are by the time i get up here i don't see you until seven eight o'clock sometimes and you're already like dr phil in the whole fucking situation and that's why i didn't realize that you'd been uh medicating so early yeah three three strong days of that starting with david a sm for mayor. He was doing a town hall kind of thing at our local breakfast place. Mornings Cafe, Arizona Street in the Warren District of Bisbee. Go to Mornings Cafe. Ask for Arlene. Tell her I send my love.

Oh, fuck. I got to get to that. She asked out. You'll have it, too. That was so weird. Their food is so rich and beautiful and cost effective you didn't have to say that you can get gout on a small budget hey she's not what they call gout the rich man's disease now you can get it at half price

our food's so rich hey she's not only the owner. She's also a client. And a patient. And if you eat at Morning's Cafe, they won't stalk you, send you junk mail, email, and come by your house to see why you didn't eat there again. Like Omaha's stalkers.

So you did that. So David Smith, we have an issue with David Smith. It's a big one. It's a huge one. But he's still better than the other guys. My go-to charity my biggest uh if i if i was a guy that was going to be a spokesman for something it would be the innocence project the wrongly accused that's my fucking bag i haven't been it but it's always like my biggest fear the most of the documentaries i watch are usually based around someone who got wrongly

accused i think we plugged the one fuck there was a good one where actually the it's on hbo god damn it where the innocence project guy was actually the fucked guy so oh shit oh something midnight in the park is it something like that they'll figure it out you'll google it you just to win and fuck with me on twitter they'll hound you like this is what it's called thank you thank you for that as long as you watch it but uh david a smith was actually on a 60 minutes episode this 16 year old black kid in tucson and he was a new cop on duty or whatever he was and they railroaded this kid he did 42 years in prison yeah and david a smith was on a 60 minutes episode doing the same fucking shucking jive no no he's definitely guilty i don't care about what dna proves that kind of attitude

so last time he ran for mayor we kind of wanted to vote for him because he's a nice guy and we he came over to the house and a bunch of people fucking like shawnee and gretchen where you go they're not even drunks and it's four in the afternoon, and they're like, well, why would you? How can you live with yourself, Kyle? I'm like, ooh, this is getting out of control. That's how I feel when I watch it on TV. But when you're sitting across face-to-face with that dude, you go, I guess you're a human being, too.

And he said, I was a young guy, and I did what I thought was right at the time. And he still, he backpedaled a little too much. He didn't leave. I wanted him. He came over here. He's always talked to you when there's ever anything like that. Because listen, you could throw him a curveball with a microphone in your hand any fucking time you want to. Yeah.

And that's why. Don't let me forget to get to that to that i'm saying he knows that too and he he has you know i mean i don't know the guy and he said he's done work with the innocence project since then and so you can tell the he definitely feels guilty i wanted blatant remorse where i was going to bring that guy down from tucson now that he's been released as an innocent guy and fucking make him, back when David A. Smith was a councilman, I was going to make that guy sit at every city council meeting

and pay him to do it, just to fuck with that. But yeah, there's two sides to the story. He fucked up, and I wouldn't want to be him. Yeah. But I think a lot of folks in this town are confused as to the killer termites thing. Since the Bisbee number one historic small town in America, USA Today, that you guys, thank you very much, killer termites. Since then, I think, you know, that doesn't work for an election.

Do you know that? They have to live here. Yeah, there's only seven killer termites in Bisbee. At best. At best. Maybe. That's counting the five people in this room. And there's two people that have to tell the other five people

how to listen to a podcast after they've explained what a podcast is. So and that's another thing that's coming. Anyway, David A. Smith running for mayor now. We put our support behind him and he said I caught up with him at the safeway where the locals like to meet and he said hey i'm doing a the this uh meet and greet thing at morning's cafe will would you introduce me and i said yes this is probably still drunk from the night before but he knows what he's getting into yeah he knows what but i told him yeah i'll keep it family friendly you know it'll be me but i'll keep it morning's cafe we'll let the actual constituents but we show up well how many people were there maybe 20 no no more than 25 i was gonna say 25 yeah and we were 70 of them dressed up like assholes

kenny and his polyester jumpsuit that we found on the road of we found a one piece it's evidently a mormon baptismal outfit that's what bridey explained to us magic underwear onesie yeah so again but when gretchen bear be down she painted it like her hillary clinton suits and then stocks deb bedazzled the paintings with uh whatever what do you little jewels little rhinestones and shit yeah yeah so he shows up so he can uh abdicate like Bernie Sanders style. I'm going to throw my support behind the mayor. We need to unify the party. I can't think there's more than eight or ten people that were not us.

They actually gave a shit. They actually had all the questions. Yeah. So I went up and I did some dumb shit. I just, I did, I basically parodied. Parodied. Kennedy and. Like in the two years under Ron Ertley, our current mayor.

I hereby decree. Yeah. You did slip into a little accent every once in a while. I did the tear down that wall, which is actually Reagan. I did Reagan as Kennedy. I fucked it up.

But I go, under the two years of Ron Eartley as mayor, we've seen the rise of ISIS, the unchecked spread of Zika virus. I just blamed all that shit. dying yeah r2d2 died that day i just blamed it all on the mayor i think it's time for change i'm bellowing this into a microphone and 25 people in a fucking diner eat the mic so then he's gonna do his 30 minute fucking presentation about his seven point economic it was an hour he was he was an hour well that's because he did q and a

after that and a lot of people had cues that yeah yeah we had our we had our questions stocked to just make it funny he says it's 30 minutes about the economy in Bisbee. Or Tucson, depending on... All of us are tuning out into our travel mugs full of booze. He kept calling Bisbee Tucson. Oh, yeah, he did that. Like three times. Three times he accidentally called.

You see, here in the city of Tucson, it's like, this is Bisbee. That was very funny. What did I say? Sorry, I just gave a speech earlier where I was talking, this is Bisbee. That was very funny. What did I say? Sorry, I just gave a speech earlier where I was talking about my time I spent in Tucson. So at the end, I had a speed round, boxers or briefs kind of questions to close it out. You know, it's St. Elmo's or the Grand,

like your favorite bar, tachos or Bet Betos for Mexican food. And the one I didn't do, and I kept teasing it because I was teasing myself. Once I have a joke in my head that I go, I can't do this, that's all I can think about. So even when I'm reading off my yellow legal pad of notes all i'm not even seeing it i'm thinking don't do the joke don't do that joke so so i didn't do it but i told him i i teased it i go i'll just tell you afterwards because i didn't want to

fuck with him at a thing like that but i said all right you're stranded this is one of the questions in the either or yeah the question was going to be you're stranded with only three record albums that you have to listen to while you spend 42 years in prison for a crime you didn't commit what are the three what are the three so so i told him afterwards and goes, I could have handled it. I would have handled it. Yeah, yeah. But I would have looked like a dick.

Yeah, yeah. Especially when I'm supporting this guy. Because it's a country about second chances. So let's give David A. Smith that second chance. That 16-year-old black kid that you had arrested for arson and murder will never get well i thought he did pretty good with his economic outline oh really yeah and i i was like this is taking forever and then when he talked about the dog park i thought that's it dog park that's what's gonna do it bingo and i talked about that when we first moved here. It's a small town, and everyone talks, and you kind of know everyone's shit.

And really, that's one issue, that you get someone who doesn't like the candidate at all, but they have a pet. And that could be enough to be like, you know what? I don't care what any of them say, but this guy wants to put a dog park in that old, unused ball field that's completely fenced in. That's who I'm voting for. I thought that was brilliant. Bingo and I, that was like a passion, like everything else I'll never get around to, but we talk about it all the time. Because unused property like that is dirt fucking cheap. And we got dogs. But as we realized, our dogs suck.

Yeah. You could never go. And they're fucking mean. You're building a club that you're not allowed to join. Exactly. Yeah. Ichabod and Henry Phillips ruined the dog park idea with us as the philanthropists I love it I love it as I stutter

I remember uh yeah the audio version of digging up mother came out today that just reminded me some some fucking guy thanks twitter I sat here like a cunt all day just waiting for someone it's 12 hours long so I'm just waiting for someone

is it really yeah 12 48 i think uh thanks thanks bruce and uh brian i just wanted someone to like i want i'm waiting for someone to comment on the patty part because the audio book um if you haven't been paying attention p waits yes yeah uh i think she's patty in the book but we talk about her on the on the podcast is p waits she's been here with sarah highlander we did a yeah so on the audio book we did director's commentary as you should know if you listen to this regularly and uh we had a lot of people from the book that were in the book that were part of it, come in and do, cause we're fucking drunks.

I don't remember everything exactly the same. And no one does. That's Patricia's Patricia's, uh, argument with my story about sodomizing her with her head hanging out of a hotel window in Chicagoago she had a different ending to that and i i'm just i'm not even saying it fuck you just get the book on audible.com that's right audible.com are they a sponsor well they paid me to do an audiobook so

i guess yeah absolutely so yeah i that was my favorite part of the entire audio book. It was harder to fucking read that thing than write it, I'll tell you. We are still selling the books online at dougsdownup.com. I hope they left in. They said that they left in a lot of fuck-ups. And I'm not going to listen to it. Bruce was basically the one in charge while we were here. said that they left in a lot of fuck-ups and i don't know i'm not gonna listen to it bruce was the was basically the one in charge of while we're here he was the main guy from audible that came out

he's he really championed this thing and he gets your comedy he gets you and that's why it was so great when it came through that that i i totally trust bruce in what he left in there was things you'd agree with. Yeah, no, I hope he left in more fuck-ups than not. Yeah. But I don't know, because I'm never going to listen to it. Chad Shank's going to have to listen to it. I'm listening to it. I'm getting it tonight.

Are you? Yeah, yeah. I just put all the links up on the website. You can get it on the website, DougStanley.com. There's links all over there to get right to Audible. Bingo. She's on her way back from la uh and she said uh she said oh uh yeah no i can't wait to listen to it because she can't read very well uh at all greeting cards take her a couple days uh she goes and i like one i said maybe we'll make one i said maybe we'll make i said maybe we'll take a road trip and listen to it oh cool i'm not taking a 12-hour road trip but

but what what i did is i just went out and i bought a new car that's just three years updated. It's a Suburban, but it's a new model because we wanted fucking navigation and shit. And this one didn't get crashed into a post by Greg Chaley with a fucking dent. To be fair, the old one had a dirty windshield, so we figured we'd just... Cracked. Cracked windshield from that last road trip. But this one has, has like completely different interior.

So same fucking suburban, same color. It's just got leather interior. Tan leather. Tan leather instead of black cloth. Yeah. Which was the old one. So we're waiting for Bingo to get back. So we're going to take bets on how soon she notices that it's not the same car

i think we could go on most of a road trip and at some point she's like i don't remember a dvd player in the back seat we have a duffel bag of stuff that we took out of the old car and just shoved it in there and then took it back with us so i'm gonna i'm gonna see i'm gonna put all the junk that she has in in her spot which is behind the driver in that little uh behind the empty gum packets everywhere seven fucking half drunk fucking water bottles yeah how does jerky go bad ah she found a way she found a way i don't know was i are we at a good breaking point david a smith for mayor dog park you still behind you finished you finished uh david a smith story

we gotta get to the fucking prank calls and not the good kind. Oh, do you have any thank yous for this podcast? I'm sure I do. I do have thank yous. There was something I found. It's sitting around. I don't know. You know what? I'll just do a blank thank you because I get a lot of emails.

And especially when you're touched in the morning and you feel remorse, and you go, I got to start a GoFundMe for someone or something. When your serotonin levels are down and you're all weepy. Yeah, I got to give them back. And then I read... People send me really fucking nice emails, and I never...

Very rarely respond, but i do read them and they do make me feel good i just don't all i can say back is what thanks i don't have a catchphrase or anything and i don't have time to type and i'm bad at it so but thank you for that and thank you for sending shit to 212 van dyke street. What? 212 Van Dyke Street, Bisbee, Arizona, 85603. And send it to Bingo. She loves getting mail, and just like she doesn't notice

that you have a completely different car, she doesn't understand why she's getting all these packages. Someone sent me a book. I got a book today about overpopulation. Was it the bible and now we go to break hey non-readers blind people illiterates this is doug stanhope and I have my book now out on audible.com.

That's right, Digging Up Mother, the story of my life and shit and stuff, and sodomy and excrement. Is there excrement in there? It's got a hat, boo. It has lots of fart stuff. It's a good book. Get it on audible.com. That's right, you just sit there like a chump going to your fucking nine to five,

stuck in traffic every day. You don't have satellite radio. Get audible.com and just listen to this shit on the phone and enjoy my rage while you're sitting in road rage. Is that a commercial? That's right. Audible.com. If I say audible.com as many times as I can,

then audible.com is an audible.com commercial. Digging Up Mother, available now at audible.com. And I think there's some free trial. I think you can get the book technically for free if you sign up. I don't know how it works. Do you know? Do you have notes, Jaylee? First month.

First month. If you're a new subscriber. Yeah. You can listen to a 12-hour book in a month. You'll do it just like me. You'll do it for the first month. You go, and then I'll just cancel. And then I'm seven months in now.

My first audio book, I've sworn by audio books. Back when I think I probably had the last car that you could get a cassette player put into. Just because I was so hooked when i lived on the road basically but i get them it was uh audio adventures where you'd rent them at a flying j truck stop and then return it and oh like like a blockbuster you could yeah any other one you wherever down the road so yeah you listen to 26 Hours of Solzhenitsyn or Crime and Punishment, whoever wrote that. I remember.

Tolstoy? No, it's not Tolstoy. Dostoevsky. Why you screw your eyes up at me, Raskolnikov? I still remember the fucking guy that read that. So yeah, go ahead, get that free month. I'm not, and then I'll just cancel it. You fucking won't yeah, go ahead. Get that free month. I'm not. And then I'll just cancel it.

You fucking won't. You won't. You'll be hooked. It's the best thing in life. Audiobooks. And don't bring a friend because they're going to talk over the good parts. Just drive alone in the back roads of Nevada

with audible.com planning your own suicide. And we'll be back after these other messages. Say audible.com last audible.com you know what if audible.com did not put in a lot of fuck-ups. You know Hennigan is going to want to sell just the fuck-ups as like a side piece. Blooper reel? Yeah, he'll sell a fucking blooper reel.

And I'd buy that before I'd listen to the book on tape. I'd listen to me fucking up. Well, there's plenty of fuck-ups in it. You told them that you would prefer them to leave a bunch of it in. Yeah, and they said they would, so I hope they do. Again, it just came out today as we're taping this. That's why I got it, because I want to hear. Because I sat through four days of it.

Oh, my God. It was brutal. We were in such a bad mood almost every minute of that having to do that first six hours was cool of the first day well both chad shank and i were just so happy when we got to the end of our part so the other guy can read oh good it's your turn but see there's one berg and i did this once in uh rochester minnesota and it was a gig that was so bad and it was one of those kind of cliched legendary everyone has the the like owner of the club had died or the bar or the husband of the whoever someone had just died and all the people come back from the service and they're the about the

only people at the show and we don't know this it's just, we know it's this fucking horror gig. You just walk in the room and you go, Oh fuck. So one nighter, Rochester, Minnesota. So we, we were co headlining.

So we did tag team headlining. Yeah. So you'd go up for as long as you could stand blank stairs. And then you can just yell tag. And then until we fulfilled our 90 minute obligation we just go back and forth sometimes you just do one joke you go fuck this tag as long as you both did your time can't get yelled at by the booker well you and uh chad myself we've never been through this process we don't we don't know like the mechanics of it i'm like like, I can sit here, we can do a podcast,

and I can remember the elements, and I can go, oh, I can stitch that, I can do this, I can do that. Bruce, who is here from Audible, he knows what he's hearing, and he knows when he's hitting the marks as far as production-wise. We trust him, of course, but that's why after one day we're like,

Jesus Christ. And he's like, this is good. This is good. And then you're like, no, I want the fucks. He's like,

really? Yeah. And he, he walked away out of here going, no, this is going to be good. This is gonna be great. Chaley said,

oh, this, this audio book is going to win, win a purple heart for editing. That's Brian. Yeah. That was our editor. So, yeah.

So, that black pussy, you have some black pussy updates? Black pussy left here last week, and they're on the road. They're on the fourth leg of the tour that they're currently on right now. A couple people have tweeted at me about the shrimp. No one's hit them up yet at the booth. No shit. No. They have stolen Bibles that I've autographed that i gave them that they put under their merch booth and you have to

go up and say uh are you still selling shrimp got any shrimp got any anything shrimp actually ask me you got a fucking bible they'll give you the fucking bible there's they're selling bibles you gave them a handful of bibles so they could make a little gas money on the road yeah they're fucking great dudes so they I just got an update from chief Keith he's the

beer chugger no that's Dean they're posting videos every night with him winning chugging a pint of beer so I did say I did tell Keith that I appreciate the barbecue They're posting videos every night with him winning, chugging a pint of beer. So I did tell Keith that I appreciate the barbecue smoke smell he left in your kitchen, which is better than the wet cat food that I usually smell when I walk in there. Now it's hot garbage, literally.

I keep thinking, and it was stinking days ago before I went on this bender, and I just keep smushing it down i'll get i'll take the bag out eventually so we so they uh they're heading east and they had a gig in new orleans canceled due to flooding oh that's right yeah so they're they had a day off i saw that that was my morning rage today was actually everything but uh the flooding in new orleans um wasn't katrina enough of a sign that you shouldn't live below sea level during climate change someone tweeted that they fucking twitter today so i i said that to derrick after we woke up and ignored all of last night and really oh yeah yeah he well he cleaned the whole

place okay we had a tacit agreement last night i go yeah uh you give me shit all the i mean i give you shit all the time and we're we've been friends for 10 years don't worry i'm leaving i'm going back to missouri and uh gone at least six months and you want me back, you can text me or call. Oh, Derek. Don't worry, it'll be fine in the morning. After I've already written all over my arms with Sharpie, all the dumb shit he's telling me. I've been your maid for too long.

I've been your maid for too long. I generally pay you more than I fucking paid Shawnee to build this fucking house. And he charges a lot, but I feel bad for you. I know you pay me way too much, but. How do we get back into this? I don't know. Let's get. Let's get. I want to.

I'm getting back to Twitter Black Pussy, check him out on the road Black Pussy Band I think is their is the way to find him on Twitter alright and Henry Phillips our own Henry Phillips, no and Ichabod turns around like he's going out

for a walk, nope talking about the comic that my dog is named after Henry Phillips has a new special out. How do they find that, Greg Chaley? That is on Vimeo, and it's called Neither Here Nor There, and it's a one-hour special. I just watched the trailer today. I downloaded

it, too. Go ahead and download it. Don't rent it. Just go ahead and download it. You can watch it on... Buy it is what you mean. Buy it. You can watch it on Roku, Apple TV. If you steal it, share it. You can watch it on... Buy it is what you mean. You can watch it on Roku, Apple TV. If you steal it, share it. I don't know if I can endorse that, but yeah.

Get it. You get paid up front, I'm sure. I don't know. Yeah, buy it. Buy it if you can. If you can't, steal it. But still share it, because he's fucking brilliant. Henry Phillips. I just heard one joke. Denise and I were sitting over there having our first

cocktail. I was playing the trailer. And he just played the trailer and the first joke. We're like, oh, fuck. Fucking funny. He's got some new shit. The kid's a writer. So that's on Vimeo and it's available now. Also, the Black Pussy, their dates will be, the link will be

on the website as well for us, from us. All right. DiceDownUp.com. Oh, last podcast you thanked the Beckers for sending those ecospheres, the little thing with the shrimp, the ball. Those aren't yours. Ah, fuck. Well, you know what?

I unthank the Beckers, and you know what? I'm going to burn down your new house. I'm going to take a shit in the toilet now so by the time you get back here in march oh i'm gonna save it up too beef stew upper decker yep fucking raw pork products the the echoes this is their fault they send something to you with your name on it that they want us to send to them in Anchorage because they can't get shipping up to Anchorage. But they don't put a note in there. They don't put their name.

You can send. The Beckers can send something to their name here. It doesn't matter. They put it to you. What? No, that's not fair. Becky told me she was sending the Ecospheres. She asked me which address to send it to.

I said, we send everything to 212. Like I said, never ask Tracy when you want an answer that is legitimate. I forgot because I had been drunk when we were talking. And so when they got here, I had forgotten completely about the fact that it was theirs. I have to back her up because the only time i talk to people is when i'm drunk because if i'm sober i'm terrified of people so i shouldn't have smashed those i don't even know where they are i put them downstairs all right so yeah the ecospheres uh they're going so you stole them from me yes all right back to new

orleans i guess we covered that. Yeah, we covered it. Don't fucking live there. It's like Zika virus. Do you believe in a god or nature? Yeah, stop having babies. That's what it's saying. Well, what if my baby don't have a baby?

It's funny. There's always a sign from God unless it goes against what you want to happen. Yeah. That's not a sign from God? Well, against what you want to happen. Yeah. Like, that's not a sign from God? Well, either way, if you believe in God, yeah, God's saying stop having fucking babies. If you believe in science and nature, nature's saying don't have babies. Either way, Zika virus. I'm for it.

We should have T-shirts. Get them done before this podcast goes out. Wait, which one? You've rattled off a bunch of things that could be t-shirt worthy. Pro Zika? Still, my favorite idea we can never get done is my disease t-shirt line, and it just celebrates diseases.

How do you spell Zika? I'm ordering it right now online. Cafe Express. Pro Zika, dougstandup.com. Cafe Express. Prozica. DougStanhope.com. Listen, if I tweet a comedian,

today I tweeted that I bought, because I felt bad about plugging the Digging Up Mother on Audible.com so much, that I also bought Amy Schumer, had her book go out that's why when bruce uh texted me and goes hey you're number three best seller and i'm like fuck bronze we want gold bronze is for china and then i go i'll tweet that so then i look at audible.com site and well the new releases today amy schumer was one of them i didn't know she had a book and i didn't know i was going up against the 4.23 million followers yeah so she's probably one or two i don't know i don't know who the other one was but i i like

amy schumer so i bought her book and i know when i fucking tweet someone that's not like if it's not fucking even hennigan gets shit if i tweet something about hennigan yeah and i know some cocksucker is gonna fucking tweet back something bad only to some dickhead i said i bought hey uh to make up for me over tweeting my own book i went out i went out and bought amy schumer and norm mcdonald's book it's pre-order on him yeah so i have at amy schumer and two people wrote back fuck you know i've had enough of amy schumer and i know this is going to happen. Like, you go, do I not promote someone I like? She's going to have thick enough skin.

She's got thick enough thighs. Oh, God damn it. I ruined this endorsement. I like her, and some douchebag writes, why do you support that Miss Piggy fuck anyway? But he left in her Twitter handle and Norm MacDonald. So I just tweeted back because he's a gambling addict. He needs the money.

But don't be a fucking dick. Because I'll just block you and tell you to go fuck yourself. Cause if I'm promoting someone I like and you shit on them to their face, I don't care what your opinion is, but you don't fucking keep their ad in it. If you need to spout your opinion to me, take their fucking name off the tweet. You fucking cunts.

Cause you know what? I like a lot of people that you don't like more than I like you. So fuck you. All right. I wish I should have kept that guy's fucking Twitter handle and set it on the podcast, but then he'd be happy. Well, when we were in Fort Collins, the way it usually goes is I'm in there setting up the show

until you guys get on stage. And then by the time you get about 30 minutes to the end of the show, I'll start setting up the show till you guys get on stage and by the time you get about 30 minutes to the end of the show, I'll start setting up the merch so I started to go downstairs to cross the street to go to the car and this guy followed me out and I thought he was a smoker or something like that and he goes, hey, Shaylee

I'm like, oh, what the fuck I'm like, look around not my fault and he's like, hey man, I just want to say I'm really sorry about that thing and he's like hey man it's sorry i just want to say i'm really sorry about that thing and it was uh he's the guy that wrote about lynn shawcroft and i and i listened to he because he said something about lynn shawcroft and doug kind of pounced on him and he was telling me a story i go dude i'm gonna be honest thank you for saying that he goes i was just drunk and i thought i was

being funny and i go clearly that's what happened but thank you for saying that but i'll tell you right now don't talk to doug after the show or don't make it like oh you shouldn't have done that because i was gonna apologize to the guy i said i said if you want to say something to say like say something at the at the merch booth or something because honestly it's too late now the show's already going on he would have caught you in between going up to the stage and it would have fucking derailed you. But I said, thanks for saying that. And yes, that's obviously what you were doing.

But I think that's what happens a lot of times. They're trying to get your attention. Did we talk about this on the podcast? I don't think so. All right. Someone did this to a friend of mine, Lynn Shockroft. Yeah. Mrs. Mitch Hedberg.

Just bitching about she was annoying on a podcast as far as he was concerned. But he tweeted it at her. Yeah. You can tweet me that shit. But you don't send it to her fucking account. It's just rotten to do. I know I've done it to other people, but I consider them inhuman if they're bigger than me. So, yeah, when I say that to Piers Morgan, I go and then I go, I can't believe he responded to me.

Wow. Well, I mean, that's probably part of what that is. Yeah. So I've had a I'm growing. Yeah. Yeah. Don't put the at. Don't put the at.

Learning to write, to write a book. Learning to read, to read it into a microphone. Yeah, some people have feelings. It's a great year. Even if they put someone in fucking prison for 42 years just to promote their career, I'll still vote for you because you're a good guy, and I think you have some remorse. Look, quit beating up on Norm MacDonald. He's a good guy.

So this last one, because i've already teased it someone has i you know what i wouldn't mention the name anyway uh but i don't remember it it's such a bad podcast i don't know if it's internet radio or podcast because they do it live once someone he has 94 twitter followers and i don't want to help that sweet i don't want to send any attention their way but i have to admit that it was a really good fuck with denise you'll like this they do prank calls and he the guy i only listened to one and it was insufferable he's so fucking awful but they do it's like an hour and a half show once a week where he just makes prank calls and uh they do it live so it's not edited someone told him that chaley he sounds like chaley so what he should do since we

live in a small town is have chaley because everyone's got to know me in a small town have call up as chaley and say i'm d Doug's manager and call local businesses and complain. I'm Doug Stanhope's manager. Doug was in there and you gave him a dirty look. Like it was, it was a premise that it's a great fuck with. Cause yes, everyone does know me in town. So if they think Greg Chaley is calling them saying uh they called uh acacia and said uh yeah this is doug stanhope's manager and they know me and yeah they go yeah he was in

there and he didn't get his celebrity discount which is funny in theory but when you hear it he's so bad at this he's just mumbly just uh doug's supposed to be the premise was rich and he just sucked but the problem is i'm listening to the podcast someone emailed me hey just a heads up you're getting fucking they're doing prank calls as you and bisbee so i know these fucking people, so I'm listening to this. Not only does it suck, he layers it with Huey Lewis for 90 minutes. I have to listen to the whole fucking 90

minutes, keep pausing it after every phone call to call the business and go, hey, by the way, that wasn't me. Then I have to go explain what fucking podcasts are to old people that run art galleries and shit so i i did respect he just he just stunk at it and made me listen to 90 minutes of fucking huey lewis and the news and then call people You finally listened to a whole podcast. Oh, my God.

And it wasn't yours. The problem was. And a Huey Lewis song. And I love prank phone calls. I always talk about we should do that. But not only because it's live and there's no editing, 85% of that show was him getting wrong numbers, no answers, voicemails. It's Bisbee.

They're open maybe three days a week if they decide to show up. And that's a bank. Four hours a day. That's a bank. Yeah. And then the guy is not killing time in between. He's just going, well. That's why Huey Lewis.

How about this one? I think this is probably Main Street. What's this one yeah this might be good i'm uh i don't have any more ideas hey get on the uh chat room and give me some ideas because or maybe i'll just bail on this maybe hang on is it uh disconnected hang on what's the oh this could be good it just goes on and on and i have to listen to every fucking part of it because if they do fuck with someone that you know it was it was it's pretty awful but i did uh i did i have to give you credit it's a good fuck with but you didn't even come up with it. Someone came up with it for you.

You know what? All those guys that you ask for ideas on your podcast, give them your podcast. Because you stink so badly. Because there was a couple times, it's just like hidden camera. I love hidden camera. And even shitty hidden camera that makes me angry,

like punked with Ashton Kutcher. I would still occasionally watch it. You're fucking ruining this. You could do so much more with this. And you still laugh at an awkward situation. So when he was telling someone the celebrity discount one, I did laugh at. He didn't get a celebrity discount. That was funny and then

you lost it and went a different direction you stank but it's still i i yes i like that you called people back i had to call everyone back and and some of them knew they're like yeah i know about the super bowl party i don't want to go. Well, you're not invited. Well, that's fine because I'm aware of it and I don't care. Wait a minute. Who are you? I mean, they were like, I know Doug. He's never been shy about voicing his opinion. If someone gave him a dirty look, I think I would have heard about it.

He didn't even know your name. He just, they'd go, what's your name? And he'd go, I'm Doug Stanhope's manager. And they go, yeah, go what's your name and he'd go i'm doug stanhope's manager and they go yeah but what's your name and because not that that would get that not that that would open the door also my business manager is brian hennigan who who doesn't sound like greg cherry doll who actually uh he he evidently uh killed last night he's been going up in L.A. He did the pikey. Yeah, he did the pikey as a puppet act with a Barney doll.

What? That he just completely deconstructed. We'll have to see tape when he gets out here. We should send someone to secretly tape his next appearance. No, no, for us. For us. For us. Well, I could have had one of ours.

Bingo was out there with the Brechels. We could have had them do it, but they'd been drinking for fucking two days and doing Adderall. That would have been very shaky footage. Yeah. So, yeah, I guess that's a book. Buy the book.

Maybe we do a GoFundMe for the dog park. I don't know. Fuck the dogs. No, let's wait and see if Davey gets in there. We're really going to try to get this people's court thing going because it's been such high drama. But it would be so much fun for podcasting. I know it's wretched to live with for the last three days,

but it would be great radio. Chaley knows great radio. Joby knows great radio. And Chaley knows great radio. Joby knows great radio. I don't know good radio. Well, yeah, I know, but... I must not know great radio. I'm not going to admit it. You've got to have the soundtrack for the people scored.

Yeah, let me just play the soundtrack for an hour and a half. That would be way more interesting. Joby's always sad that nobody's dead when he shows up, because usually he has somebody in his life that has committed suicide or died tragically young and now his mother

just keeps hanging on. He's like, I got nothing until she's gone and then I'll talk about dead mother. Just wait until the rest of the family dies

and then I'm free. Hey, London and I'm going to Yeah, I'm going to England. Not them. Joby's coming to England. Joby that runs Doug Stanohope's Celebrity Death Pool. September 9th through the end of the month.

I'm going to be there for like three weeks. So you can find him at what's your at for Stanhope CDP. Okay. Stan hopes CDP. Look up. Yeah. Stan hopes death. Yeah, that's Joby. Yeah. Look up Stan Hopes death. That's Joby. That's him on Twitter.

If you're going to be around there, get fucked up with Joby and Hack. If you're going to be around the UK. Fuck. I've never been to the UK or England. I thought you went there to visit Hack before, didn't you?

No, he's always come here. So yeah, I told him bring a fucking... Get a briefcase on handcuffs with... Blues Brothers style? Blues Brothers style with condiments. Mission from the A1 sauce,

Cholula. Yeah, a hot sauce for sure of your choice. I make my own. Yeah, bring your own. Either way, bring condiments because they don't have them. Put it in a Taco Bell bottle though. Boil a softball. They want to know what the fuck it is and there's nothing on it.

Boil a softball. Boil a softball and eat it for the next month so you're used to the food that they serve. Like an apple? Is it really that bad? Yeah, it's really bad. It can't really that bad? I mean, come on. It can't be that bad. It's the fucking worst. I say you go the opposite direction.

You go in and you challenge them to impress you with their culinary delights. Alright. Boiled cauliflower. Then she turns around and goes, one boiled softball? Hey, can I get an eight-piece McNuggets?

What kind of sauce do you want? Margarine? We now have steam. Oil. Son of a bitch. Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to get into over there, but, you know, yeah, if you're around, show me a good time. There's one good time to be had in England, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I don't know what I'm going to get into over there, but, you know, yeah, if you're around, show me a good time.

There's one good time to be had in England, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. Oh, totally, totally. Yeah, it's getting on the plane at Heathrow coming home. All right, that's a podcast for what it's worth. Audible.com, digging up mother. See Joe be in England. see chaley toiling down on arizona street cross from morning's cafe and vote for david a smith move to bisbee and vote for david

a smith and august 28th at the dive bar i'm doing my uh 25 year anniversary technically it's going into year 26 but I've completed year 25 at the same bar I did my first open mic at 25 years earlier 26 years earlier and I don't know what the show is going to be it's going to be a bunch of people getting fucked up

literally he does not know what the show is going to be I have my first notebook i have a list i'm going to read from my very first notebook and i haven't even opened the envelope still that she uh i was closing strong a lady that's writing a book about comedy i gave her my first notebooks so she could glean some shit and she mailed it back to me so i could have it for vegas oh great and i'm terrified to even open the envelope to look at it because i i don't want to i don't even want to look at it till i'm on stage because it's so bad and it starts with

hi my name's doug stanhope I'm originally, I wrote that out. I wrote every fucking word out. Oh, I just had a good idea. We should have someone else go up and be you. Someone who's never been on stage and do like three of your notebook jokes as Doug Stanhope. They'll be as staccato. Oh.

And then you don't have to. I had the accent. Well, I also have that video i can play from three months in the comedy we're gonna make a fun time out of it i gotta call alex alex is our local contact who's helped book the show and i gotta find out what their audio visual uh setup is there yeah we're gonna drive so we'll be there early you're gonna figure that out anyway that's a fucking that's gonna be fun and uh i think becker's coming down oh no shit it's a sunday show oh i talked to him and becker's coming becker and john

and i do a podcast called near the wild alaska and uh i i totally guilted him today well right well you know because we're hold on it's a sunday show well and then you you could hear this the hand rke pulling back and sparks flying Becker's all fucking John we can go and I'm like yeah this is doable

alright good we'll have some fun and then I'll be dead on August 29th goodnight 1, 2, 3, 7, yeah right on baby One, two, three, seven, yeah! Right on, baby!

The priest is here And the casket is ready Her body inside Looks nice and steady Let's play it for the man For the last time, play it for the man Farewell Play it for the man For the last time, play it for the man

Praise the Lord And we got you gone with the funeral party Got you gone with the funeral party. Got to go on with the funeral party. Got to go on with the funeral party. Got to go on with the funeral party. Yeah! All right. Now the priest is talking.

And the casket starts to move. Everybody's crying, we all got the groove. Let's play it for the man, for the last time, play it for the man. Farewell, play it for the man, for the last time, play it for the man For the last time, blade for the man Praise the Lord And we got to go on with the funeral party Yeah! Alright! Everybody, cry! But yeah! Oh my!

Everybody, fly! Praise the Lord! Yeah Yeah Got you going with the funeral party Party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party, party