The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #160: James Inman Vegas Brand ReLaunch

Episode Date: September 5, 2016

Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.      Doug invites podcast listener favorite James Inman back on the mic. James never disappoints. Enjoy.Recorded Aug 29, 2016 Poolside at the The Plaza in Las Vegas, NV with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), James Inman (@jzenman), Andy Andrist (@AndyAndrist), Kristine Levine (@KristineLevine), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), and Ggreg Chaille (@GregChaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS:   Doug's new special is out on Seeso.com  Sept 15, 2016. Click here to sign up. Get The UnBookables DVD while you still can on DougStanhope.com   Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/   Closing voicemails made to Doug Stanhope by James Inman.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com     Buy a SIGNED copy of Doug's book "Digging Up Mother: A Love Story" at DougStanhope.comSupport the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

All right, keep your table tucked to a whisper because we are again poolside at the Plaza in Las Vegas. I don't know if we're going to leave. Just because the fucking nine and a half hour drive home just seems too taxing. We might just stay. We might just stay. I scheduled my surgery for September 9th, which I just fucked up so badly because I did it here drunk at the pool. Yeah, but that Friday is fine as soon as possible.

And then I realized it's the day after fucking opening night of football, Thursday night football. And you're going to have to be like no drinking or eating like 10 hours before. No, I'm going to have to stay in Tucson. Okay, yeah. And they still don't know how much it's going to cost. I'm paying cash because I don't have insurance, but no one knows what surgery costs.

Well, you have your anesthesiologist. They charge different, and then the surgery center versus the surgeon. Everyone gets paid. I go, I just bought a Suburban. They told me how much it cost before I bought it. Scheduling surgery that you can't tell me what I'm paying for it. Is it six grand?

Is it 30 grand? We don't really know. Yep. So, yeah, I guess we're going to have to do that eBay yard sale soon. As soon as I find out how much it is. But the point being, we're here with... You sound like an old Jew talking about...

Jews don't pay cash. They have insurance. It's a fucking fact. James Inman, who's heavily requested on the podcast, is here with Chad Shank and Greg Chaley and everybody else that we know is in or around the room and the pool.

And your health is bad. It's a hernia. Did you just snort? No, just don't even start with that because my dad might be listening to this podcast. All right. You said my health is bad as you went. You had a death rattle as you're telling me. The podcast started slow.

Let's restart it. All right. Yeah, it starts slow, James. And then you start talking. And then he tapers off. Why are you giving that girl the business all day? No, because. Good answer.

Wait, who? Joanne Savoie. Oh, she fucking shut him down. No. Oh, no. I was in the room until I vomited in my mouth and I had to leave. But, yeah, we were playing the game. Every time Inman says, Nietzsche, you have to drink.

And that's why we ran out of liquor. But then Joanne started talking, and he was on the ropes. He didn't know. Well, he's always on the ropes. Because she's shaking her titties in my face, and I can't function. He didn't know. He's always on the ropes. She's shaking her titties in my face and I can't function. I can't talk. Are those Google goggles?

What are you looking at? Because I saw what was happening in here. She was saying something about Jesus was a prince and the reason that he had to be a pauper just kept going on your level but making sense. Exactly. And that's when I started to snap and that's when I started to snap,

and that's when Doug said, let's start the podcast, because Inman's about ready to snap. 100% wrong. Right. Because I was the one who started the podcast. Okay, you started the podcast. When I went out there and said,

he's ready to go. All right, he's ready to go. All right, all right. Wait, Inman, first of all, Inman, Diva Inman says, Mommy, I'm not doing a podcast unless someone gives me AdRoll. I'm tired. I need

a nap. He said it exactly like that. I'm Doug Stanhope, and can you fly out to Las Vegas to open for me at my stupid fucking 24th anniversary? Hey. This is James. Yes, you still have my number um yeah fuck yeah i'll do it i've got the 28th open um and uh the only thing i have to do is 20 to 27th i have something but

yeah just buy the ticket or do whatever that That'd be fun. Is it a show? Do I have to be funny? Anyway, call me. I'll call you some other time. Or later. Bye. Can you? Hey, can you put that eraser to paper in your calendar and clear out a spot?

I know you're a busy man. I've got shit to do and you called me out of nowhere and said can you come out here and just do a thing and whatever. Yeah. What were you supposed to do last night? I had important shit

to do. Give me a noun. Alright. Any noun. For the... Any noun. For the listener. We go, oh, you know what? It'd be great if we could get Inman out here. And before... Then we all laugh, because it's always fun when you're here. Right.

But I'm not going to spend a lot of money on you. So I check airfares, and I'm like, holy shit, I can fly a non-stop round trip out here. Spirit Airlines. 78 bucks. And you're worth that to me, James. And then he goes, 78 bucks. Well, how am I going to

get from the airport to the hotel? No, no. And I said, just get Uber. And then I thought, oh wait, James doesn't have a credit card. You need a credit just get Uber. And then I thought, oh, wait, James doesn't have a credit card. You need a credit card for Uber. And then I realized James doesn't have a cell phone. I'm calling him on his girlfriend's cell phone. No, that's my landline that I have connected to Uber.

I do not like mobile phones. They take time out of my life. But keep going. I love that to explain... Keep going with your bullshit. To explain Uber would be... See, James, what they do is Uber tracks your every move while you're in the car. That would be just enough to fuck with his head, too.

The Illuminati runs Uber, so they always know where Inman is. If you had a cell phone, you might have had something to actually do last night. Let's fly James Inman out because we need someone to make fun of. That was it. Like you were in the room. It's constant you making fun of me

and I'm the idiot. Yes. Look at this room. This is a room, right? Where are you? I put you in a suite. And then you're going, you in a suite. Right. And then you're going, yeah, I need a general, or I'm going to have to take a nap. Well, why don't you go up to your nice suite while we sit here in a cramped room? I can't.

I don't have my key. Where's your key? Where's your key? I gave it to this girl That girl writing your biography, Adrienne. She left for New York. Yes, uh-huh. Right. Alright, let's change the subject. This is fucked up.

You're a beautiful man, James Inman. You know I love you. You wouldn't even kiss me on the mouth on stage. I don't know what I did to you over the years. I've never kissed you on the mouth. You always try even kiss me on the mouth on stage. I don't know what I did to you over the years. I've never kissed you on the mouth. You always try to kiss me on the mouth, and I always push you away. All right?

Is that Floyd? Yeah. See, you're not the only person that causes a disaster. Oh, this podcast is sucking. Get it going. You know you said that out loud? Bring the comedy. Come on, Doug. Bring the comedy.

This is not a punchline gag. It's not laughing. We're trying to get to know you. The listeners, they've heard you. If you haven't heard the previous Inman podcasts, go back to the last one. Now we can follow up. We'll start there. After the

last podcast in Columbia, Missouri, someone offered me a large quantity of mushrooms. And as you know, we do not travel with drugs. And you said no. I said, give them to someone else because I can't travel with them. I told them not to give them to you because you're kind of a catastrophe as a human being. Right. And you demand Adderall in your

rider before you get on the fucking microphone and do a podcast as you fucking slurp down free drinks and free cocaine. You actually want me to tell the story. Yeah, so you get this bag of mushrooms because you told the story, a brief version on stage last night where I had to sit back.

Best show ever last night. We had Andy, Becker, Christine Levine, Walsh, Chad Shank even hosted the thing, Inman, I'm forgetting someone. Geechee Guy. Geechee Guy, yes. Oh, he fucking destroyed. Yeah, he's an actual comedian.

Yeah. Well, it worked out exactly like that first open mic where he was the first professional. And it seemed the same way last night where we were all... No, everyone did great last night. Worked all new material last night. Yeah. That was it.

Reading it off a notepad. But you told a story about the aftermath of the night the guy had said, give them to anyone but Inman, and he gave them to you anyway, the mushrooms in Columbia. Yeah, I mean, because you know my paranoia is that everyone is an undercover cop, right? I think Chad Shank is an undercover cop. That's why I'm shirtless, so you don't think I'm wearing a wire. Chad Shank's an undercover cop.

Shaylee is CIA, and I've always felt this way because I'm shirtless, so you don't think I'm wearing a wire. Chad Chang's an undercover cop. Shaylee is CIA. And I've always felt this way because I'm high on mushrooms. I mean, right now. I mean, I don't know. I've always felt that there are cops everywhere. Yeah. So let's go into this. So that's why you accepted a giant bag of mushrooms with expired tags driving 90 minutes back to Kansas City.

Yeah, and you wanted me to do your podcast. And so I drove out there and I made it there. And then I meet this guy. He gives me a giant bag of mushrooms. I try them. And they're real mushrooms. Banjo Randy took me home. God rest his soul.

God rest his soul. He's dead now. And then when I woke up in the morning. When he said God rest his soul. God rest his soul. He's dead now. And then when I woke up in the morning. I thought he was just sick when he said God rest his soul. When I woke up in the morning, I realized I have to drive home. And I have expired tags. And I have a warrant out for my arrest. And I have a bag of mushrooms that I somehow want to get home.

And this is because he's a paranoid. He drives drunk with expired tags and no license in an unregistered stolen car because he's paranoid. Right, right. And so I put the mushrooms in the

reservoir of the radiator. My radiator doesn't work, and the reservoir is always empty, so I put it in there, and I screwed the cap on tight. All right? And it's under the hood. And if I'm driving, I get pulled over, I'm thinking that maybe they're not going to find it, and the dog's not going to smell it.

Good thinking. All right. So you get arrested for the warrant. I drive home on the back roads. Why'd you get pulled over? I got pulled over. The police now, they have these scanners. It's ORC, optical recognition software.

Shaley, you're a little hacker. Or they just recognize you from previous appearances. Yeah, Shaley, I'm going to bring him on there. Am I correct? you're a little hacker. Or they just recognize you from previous appearances. Am I correct? ORC does mean optical recognition, Shaley. You are correct. They can read your license plate while you're driving down the road. That is true.

Oh, I thought they could detect blisters in your radiator. And he said, I pulled you over because you have a warrant out for your arrest, Mr. Inman. And I said, yes, I know. And at this time, I'm still kind of tripping. And I'm scared shitless because I've got a bag of mushrooms in my fucking car because of one of your fans. And because I know you. And because you have ruined my life ever since I've known you. When I hang out with you, you're the guy my dad told me to stay away from.

You're so paranoid. I didn't know you actually had done the mushrooms. I thought you were transporting them. You're on mushrooms, and you're so paranoid that you drive with mushrooms. And everyone is a cop. Everyone is a cop. And you know everyone's a cop ahead of time. Well, you're a cop, so you still take mushrooms. You might not be a cop. It's Shayla's cop. I thought I was CIA. Well, you're CIA. Everyone is a cop. And you know everyone's a cop ahead of time. Well, you're a cop, so you might not be a cop.

I thought I was CIA. Well, you're CIA. Fuck you, cops. I'm CIA. Chad Shank's a cop, and you're CIA. But anyway, so everyone's a cop. So you got pulled over for what? Am I a desk guy, or am I a field reporter?

You're covert ops or something. I don't know what you are. Yeah, you're right. All right. So he says, all right, get out of the car, and I'm putting the handcuffs on you, and he puts me in the back of his car. Quickly, what was the warrant for? It was a rolling through a stop sign ticket that I did not pay. Okay. When you don't pay a ticket and you don't show up to court,

they issue a warrant out for your arrest. And then everyone's a cop. A real warrant from a real cop. He's too paranoid to go to court. And this is a six-year-old ticket, by the way. Good run. Right. Good run.

Right. Yes. So I'm in the back of the cop car, and he comes up to the back of the car, and he says to me, can I search your car? And there's that moment where everything slows down, and it's slow motion. Because you're on mushrooms. Right.

And part of your brain says, I should probably do what they say on Facebook. Never let them search your car because you have legal rights, and they don't have the right to blah, blah, blah. And the other part of his brain is going, that taillight looks like a butterfly. Yeah. Right. And so I look at him and I realize I sum up the situation with an intuitive knowledge that is non-rational and non-logical. And it is the summing up and it's the understanding that he's not going to be able to find that fucking bag of mushrooms. And I say, sure, no problem.

Search my car, you dumb motherfucker. You're not going to find it. So he looks all over that goddamn car. I hope you actually said you're not going to find it. I said that in my brain. Your brain said that to you. Yeah. And so he looks all over that car.

He's looking all over the car. And he says, okay, Mr. Inman. And they tow the car away. I'm watching the car get towed away with my bag of mushrooms. Worth more than the car. Yeah, that bag of mushrooms. Are Randy and Mikey still with you? No, they're back at home.

And you're in some podunk town between Columbia and Barney Fight. Small town, right? And so he takes me back to a police department. It was basically an office complex, and he puts me in a jail, and it's just these bars in an office room,

and I feel like Otis in this little closet, because it's not a real jail. It's just a closet with bars. You feel like most of the listeners do at the cubicle where they're killing time listening to this podcast. They're stuck in here. It sounded like you was a guest star of

Barney Miller for a second there. That's what it looked like. It was definitely Barney Miller. So Detective Fish gets done searching your car. He goes, look, if you don't get your shit together and call a bail bondsman or if you don't call the people you need to call or your lawyer, I'm going to have to take you to Jackson County Jail. And when you go there, you're not going to get out till tomorrow.

So I start calling people, right? I call my girlfriend. She's at work. All right. I don't have any friends, so I can't call them. So who do I have to call? My dad. My dad to come pick me up with mushrooms in my car.

Okay. Backstory for listeners. If you didn't hear the one podcast with James Inman, not the first time he's had to call his dad to get out of jail. I'll make it brief. James Inman once told his neighbor, hey, if you don't shut your fucking music down, you fucking

chink or Filipino, you use some racist term. I'm going to egg your car. And then he put it in writing. That's not what I said. I said in America... Wait, wait. Let me just...

Because people have heard this earlier. But you went... After putting that on her door in writing... Oh, my God. She didn't turn her music down, so he egged her car. Yes. Well, now there's a direct link to him.

And the cops came by. And the cops arrested him for egging his car, tried to charge him with a hate crime because he used some kind of slur. Because I said, not in this country do we keep our music loud. Well, so he then. We invented rock and roll, dude. I don't know. She pissed me off because she had an accent.

I didn't know where she was from. Hang on. Long story short is he had to call his dad for money to get out of jail and when he told me the story I said, don't they call your dad automatically

when you get arrested for egging a car? No matter what age. He was 35 at the time. 35. So now you're 50-something and you're going to call your dad for money. Because I don't have any friends.

I have Asperger's. I got, and so, yes. And so I call my dad. My dad picks me up. I hope that line of Adderall you just snorted cures it. And we go, I go, Dad, we got to go pick up the car. And so I know my dad's not a cop. And so, yeah, I just know.

I just know my dad's not a cop. You know he was Chad's partner for 14 years. So we go pick up the car. We go pick up the car. And I was like, how much does it take to get the car out? And they're like, 75 bucks. And I'm like, well, 75 bucks it take to get the car out? And they're like, 75 bucks. And I'm like, well, 75 bucks, if I get the car out, I'm going to have to drive it home,

which means I still got a warrant out for my arrest, I still have expired tags, and there's mushrooms still in the car. I go, how much is it going to cost to tow my car to my apartment? And they're like, well, it's $300. I go, Dad, do you have $300? He goes, sure.

He gives the guy $300, so I had the tow truck guy be my drug mule. First of all, I doubt his dad said, sure. James, I never should have worn a rubber. It would have sucked me.

So you have, you're paranoid enough. You don't want to lose the mushrooms. Everyone at the car place was a cop, and I was afraid cops were going to come in because they had dog-sniffing drugs, and they knew, and they were just waiting for that time. And so they're like, sure, we'll tow your car. And so they tow my car and I'm

following my dad while this drug mule is taking my mushrooms back to my apartment and he parks the car into my apartment complex and I say to my dad thanks and he leaves and then I go I'm gonna have to check to see if these mushrooms are still real or not. Real? Yeah. Well, they're in the radiator well. Yeah, I go back into the car and I go into the

radiator reservoir and they're still in there. And I pull them out and I take some more. Okay. I take the rest of the bag. Okay, good. Now you're home and safe, so you eat the rest of these free mushrooms. And I'm tripping.

Poisonous mushrooms at this point with coolant all over them. Now, here's the other problem. My girlfriend is a therapist. Your girlfriend, for the people who don't know, is a rape therapist with rape fantasies. It's a great relationship. And now she has to carry her Oxycontins in her bra at all times, even when she sleeps, so Inman doesn't steal them.

Go ahead. She's a therapist. And so she comes home, and I'm tripping on mushrooms. She comes home, and I'm tripping on mushrooms, and she says, look, I have to deal with crazy people all day long. I don't want to have to deal with you, and, you know, I'm calling the cops.

I bet there's a little bit that happened between he eats a whole bag of mushrooms, and she just goes, yeah, I have to deal with this. I'm just going to call the cops. You probably created some problem. Yeah. You can feel free to film all around. I asked her if she wanted to do some with me and she said

no. I basically said you're no fun. Keep your mic in your face. You're no fun. Fuck you. And she picks up the phone and she goes, she acts like she's dialing. And then I take off running. Like, I'm going to go hide. I'm going to go hide from the cops. Right?

Because everyone's a cop. You missed this part. Yes. He thinks every single person. And at this time, I thought my girlfriend was a cop. And I've known her for 10 years, and I thought it was like this long investigation. Like, she was infiltrating comedy, and she was trying to catch me.

Like deep cover. Deep cover. Deep, deep cover for 10 years, right? I hear you. So I think it's smart to go out and hide in the bushes from the cops when they come over, right? So I get tired of hiding in the bushes. I go over to a bar. I order a beer.

I tell the bartender the whole story. He gives me a free beer. He's like, dude, I've been on mushrooms too. It's fucked up. I know what you're talking about. And so finally I go, she can't be a cop because, I mean, maybe she's not really going to arrest me tonight.

Maybe it's still an investigation and it's an ongoing investigation. And so I go back and I say, Brenda, did you really call the cops? And she goes, no, I knew you were hiring mushrooms. I picked up the phone and I acted like I called 911. Just to fuck with your head. So she fake called the cops. Why would she call the cops if she's a cop? Yeah, exactly.

She's a cop. Yeah, I know. So it's fucking. Yeah, she fake called the cops. I want one question. What do you figure your IQ is? I don't know. Wasn't there some time you were sleeping in the park?

Yeah, yeah. So I say to her, okay, fine. You didn't really call the cops on me, and now I'm going to try to have a good time on these mushrooms. I got my mobile phone that had some music on

it, and I got some headphones, and I said, I'm'm gonna try to have a good time all right and so I walked out of the apartment and I went to the park and I laid down to listen to the music and look up at the stars to have a good time on the mushrooms and next thing I know I hear this whoop who whoop. And a spotlight was flying around on me. And I stand up. And it's a cop car with a spotlight on me. And they found me in the park.

And I'm high on mushrooms. I walk up to them. I'm like, what's the problem? And they go, well, we had a call that there was a dead body in the park. And we were afraid you were dead. And I'm like, I'm not dead. And luckily he didn't ask me for my license because I had a warrant in that county.

And so I went back home, and that's the story. Well, you know... Beautiful. It's good to see you. I think I've heard plenty. Mr. Ehrman, please stand up. You're under arrest. I knew it!

I knew it! You know this is all being recorded, right? It's being recorded, exactly. We use secret microphones that we make you hold in your hand and talk into. The reason I wanted to know your IQ, sorry. You know when you got your car, that every time they arrest somebody, they put a GPS tracker on that car. Surely you searched under it and found that, right?

I quit driving that car. That's reasonable. It doesn't have reverse. All right. That bag of mushrooms was more expensive than that car. We're going to take a break. Let you regroup. I know this was a very emotional podcast for you.

Yes. And my dad's going to listen to this. And he's going to wonder why you didn't sell those mushrooms and give him his $300 back, probably. Your dad already hit the disappointment rock bottom years ago. He's going to just take it with stride. Do you have siblings? I have a sister.

Is she doing well? Yeah, she's got shitloads of money. She works for Black & Beach. She's got a shitload of money. Do you call her for money? Well, no. Occasionally. Maybe. Alright. Well, we'll get back to you because I really appreciate

you penciling this gig into your busy schedule. I know the suite wasn't as much as you expected and all the free drugs and alcohol weren't delivered quickly enough. No, no, that's... But we'll get back to you after this commercial

for something that we already taped a long time ago. Please hold. Hey, non-readers, blind people, illiterates. This is Doug Stanhope, and I have my book now out on audible.com. That's right. Digging Up Mother, the story of my life and shit and stuff, sodomy and excrement. Is there excrement in there?

It's got a hat. It has lots of fart stuff. It's a good book. Get it on audible.com that's right you just sit there like a chump going to your

fucking 9 to 5 stuck in traffic every day you don't have satellite radio get audible.com and just listen to this shit

on the phone and enjoy my rage while you're sitting in road rage is that a commercial that's right audible.com if I say audible.com as many. If I say Audible.com

as many times as I can, then Audible.com is an Audible.com commercial. Digging Up Mother, available now at Audible.com. And I think there's some free trial. I think you can get the book technically for free if you sign up. I don't know how it works. Do you know?

Do you have notes, Jaylee? First month. If you're a new subscriber. Yeah. You can listen to a 12-hour book in a month. You'll do it just like me. You'll do it for the first month. You go, and then I'll just cancel. And then I'm seven months in now.

My first audio book, I've sworn by audio books. I think I probably had the last car that you could get a cassette player put into. Just because I was so hooked when I lived on the road, basically. But I'd get them. It was Audio Adventures, where you'd rent them at a Flying J truck stop and then return it at any other Flying J truck stop. Like a Blockbuster. Any other one, wherever down the road.

So, yeah, you listen to 26 Hours of Solzhenitsyn or Crime and Punishment, whoever wrote that. I remember Tolstoy. No, it's not Tolstoy. Tolstoyevsky. Why you screw your eyes up at me, Raskolnikov? I still remember the fucking guy that read that. So, yeah. Go ahead. Get that free month. I'm not. And then

I'll just cancel it. You fucking won't. You won't. You'll be hooked. It's the best thing in life. Audiobooks. And don't bring a friend, because they're going to talk over the good parts. Just drive alone in the back roads of Nevada with audible.com planning your own suicide.

And we'll be back after these other messages. Say audible.com last. Audible.com last. We're all cops. Surveillance. Everybody watching the show is a cop. Your entire podcast is surveillance.

Well, you're talking into a microphone. Yeah, technically it is. It's funny when the podcast isn't going on. It's overt surveillance as opposed to covert surveillance. I know. I'm helping these people out when I'm talking into a microphone. Yeah, you're doing the audience a favor. Speaking of cops, did anyone hear from Brendan Walsh?

Did he just slink out and not say anything? No, he said last night that they had an early flight today. Oh, yeah. He was going to change it, but everyone at that hour is going to, oh, we're going to stay forever. That was Kerry who was telling him, no, you can change your flight easy. It's like, are you the girl who just learned what ATMs are? What is an ATM, James? It's a cash machine.

No, that's not who you live with. Automatic technical misogyny. All right, James, you don't have a credit card, but do you have a bank account? Yes. I have a credit card. It do you have a bank account? Yes. All right. I have a credit card.

It doesn't have credit on it. It's a debit card. That's what credit is. If it doesn't have any money, it's just a fucking plastic card. It's a room key. No, no, fuck. You came with my wallet. I do not.

No, if I buy stuff, I've got money. I don't buy it on credit. When's that? But you don't have any. Oh, stop it with your bullshit. Look, all this crap started with Doug making fun of me. Okay, we get it. Doug made fun of me,

and then all of his friends started making fun of me. There's blood in the water. All right? But you don't understand that I'm not as much of a fucking loser as people think. Doug, he was just...

I'm on your side on this, James. Other people's description of what is a loser, who is successful, just because you're 54 now? 53, right? I'm 53, yes. 53, okay.

You don't really have... Doug, you gotta go over the dossier before he's done. No, I'm saying I'm on your side. Because some people would look at a guy that's 53 that has warrants in every county, no job, no money, no credit card, no job, no money,

no credit card, no driver's license. As a loser. I think you're free. This guy represents freedom to me. Just because you can't carry your weight, bring anything to the party, you do everyone's drugs, you drink

everyone's alcohol, and seem entitled. I go, that's drugs. You drink everyone's alcohol. And seem entitled. Backhanded compliment. Backhanded compliment. Because when we first met, you won the San Francisco comedy competition. Four times that's been mentioned today.

Then shut the fuck up, Shaley. Then the next year, I won the San Francisco comedy competition. We both got invited to the Vail International Comedy thing. And you and I, that's how we met. We met in Vail. We were both peers.

Oh, I know. You're in my book. You didn't just search just for your name and then put it down? We were peers, all right? You actually, you were at the Vail International Comedy Competition. It was a festival. You were at a festival, and you did the, oh, I'm going to do a quick impression of my girlfriend, and you shook your beer up and made it come out of your mouth like,

oh, why didn't you warn me because she came in my mouth that's not me you did I know I did the other bit I had to be a bottle no that the that was a hack bit hold on James tell you what your fucking act is you would you just settle down you fucking cop look you moved up into comedy too soon. You got too much success. And now you're friends with Johnny Depp. And you can suck my hickory smoke dick. All right? So here's the deal.

You did that on stage at the Vail Comedy Competition. No, the joke was the end of every porno movie. There was set up. It was a hilarious play when I mentioned that. Jizz in the face. Well, no, people are texting you're so boring. I did that joke as an open mic-er fucking 10 years before you started comedy. All right?

So you're 64. The jizz in the face thing. Well, you were doing some basic kind of stupid shit on stage. And then I asked you if you knew who Bill Hicks was, and you didn't know, and then you saw me, and I was doing shit about fuck the police. Oh, you were doing Bill Hicks jokes. Yeah, I was saying fuck the police.

You definitely knew who he was. Fuck landlords, and all of a sudden you were like, I want to be edgy. And then, you know... Yeah, it's true. He put you on the puppets. And then I come and I visit you down at your

apartment in LA and you don't have a computer. And I'm like, dude, you gotta get a computer. You know, and you're like, why? Why do I need a computer? You can get email. Oh, I don't need email. I can write letters.

And I was like, dude, get a computer because you can fucking download music. I don't listen to music. And then I was like, get a computer because you can get videos of women fucking dogs. And that's when you said, really? How many computers did you sell that way? And that's when he got a computer. You got a computer because you wanted to

see a woman fucking a dog. And that's what I told you. In your apartment, I think I was screaming. I was screaming at you. Do you want to see someone fucking a dog? No, I was screaming because I had to bail you out of a domestic violence situation with another comic. You were living on his couch. Pay your airfare back to Kansas City.

And overnight, you drank a bottle of Jim Beam. That was not just a bottle of Jim Beam that was not just a bottle of Jim Beam it was a keepsake because my girlfriend at the time had gotten written up in the gossip columns because she was an actress and a D-level actress was caught stealing a bottle of Jim Beam. We've talked about this a million

fucking times. And I had the article printed on the Jim Beam. It's an old podcast. I've never heard this. I've never heard this podcast. I might have been screaming at you for you being such a fuck-up, but either way, let's get back to freedom.

I know you're responsible. You went to Vail. You got invited to Vail. One minute. Without you, you're right. I would still not have Twitter because it was only you that talked

to me into having a computer. I'm talking back in the day when we downloaded fucking Phil Henry. I'm saying thank you. I gave you a computer and you're like, Phil Henry, oh my God, I can download this. And I was like, yeah, that's why I told you to get it. And I'm thanking you, because without you, I still would not have, I'd be like you.

I wouldn't have a car or a driver's license or anything. Is there anything that I've helped you with? Yeah, I'm saying thank you. Is there anything I've given you? You're showing me. James, can I help you right now? I thought you were joking. Can I help you?

Yeah. What year did Doug win the comedy competition in San Francisco? I thought it was 1996. Okay. And the year you won? 1997. 1997. So you're half right. What year did Doug win the comedy competition in San Francisco? I thought it was 1996. Okay. And the year you won? 1997. So you're half right.

Doug won in 95. Oh! Who won in between? David Crowe. Yes. So you knew the answer the whole time. But Doug was the judge in 1997. Yes, yes he was. And you know how Chaley knows this?

He looked it up on his phone. I can look that up on the internet. It's like a computer. Because once you hipped me to that computer thing, I told Chaley, Chaley told Andrist, because of you, the internet exists. And we all thank you. You're patient zero, dude.

No, no. John Fox, he couldn't find anybody else, so he called you for that. So you were the judge for that show. Have you ever tried to monetize any of your inventions? Fuck. Oh, my God. All right, here.

Here's the deal. I chose not to move to L.A. You moved to L.A. because after Vail, you hung out with fucking, what's his name, Judy Brown and the A&E Comedy Improv. You mean I get signed by an agency and a management and I get a development deal from a production company. And you lived in your car for a while in L.A.

And you chose to move to LA. No, I moved to LA after people saw me at the same festival that you were at. Oh, we want to sign this guy and give him a lot of money and you didn't move to LA. I chose not to move to LA because I knew

LA was pretentious. You know what? You know who else chose? Industry. They chose you not to move to LA. No Pretentious. You know what? You know who else chose? Industry. They chose you, not LA. No, no, no. No, fuck you. I chose not to move to LA because I realized that Los Angeles

was the canker sore on the butthole of America. All right? So you lived there for a while, and then what did you do? You moved to Bisbee. Why? Because you knew it sucked there.

You created your own path and you're a libertarian and that's why I love you. You've inspired me to get off my own ass and do my own thing as a libertarian. Socialist, Buddhist.

I wasn't socialist until I met you and then you kind of inspired me to become a libertarian oh really i'm a socialist now all right all right so uh we'll talk later um but here is where it really gets fucked up and crazy. All right? So you become kind of famous. Just now? You become famous. You're right. Everybody in this room knows me by name.

No, you moved. They recognize me on the street. And then I stayed in Seattle, and I made connections and whatever. Okay, so fast forward 10 years. This guy calls me up, and he goes, I want to make a documentary about comedy. What do you think I should do, James? And I said, I don't know. I wish you'd call Doug Stanhope, make a documentary about the Unbookables.

And what did you do? I called you up. You created a webpage. On your webpage. No, you destroyed it. No, no, stop this. The Unbookables was a great title and you destroyed it.

No, stop it. No, no. You, on your webpage, you had a page called The Unbookables and you had my video of me getting punched on stage, and you had Andy Andrews. By a girl. And you had fucking Sean Rouse and Brendan Walsh.

I'm not victim blaming. Right, right. So that was the webpage, and you created this Unbookables thing. Yeah, we had an idea. Right. And then when I was living with Randy in his closet, and you, all right, I was living in Randy's closet, and you called me up, and you said,

Hey, Inman, I saw that you got punched on stage. That was funny. I created this Unbookables group. What do you think we should do with the idea? And what did I say? I said we should get a van or a bus and we should travel the country, videotape everything. I know a guy in Seattle. He'll do it and we'll just make a documentary.

And what did you say? You said, that's a stupid idea. That's what you said. No, that's stupid. Now I'm eating crow because The Unbookables is the number one box office premiere. Shut the fuck up.

Superman versus Batman. Shut your stupid cunt hole. Don't let regret eat you out. So then, so then, right, I send you the director's first documentary.

And you and Brian Hennigan watched it. And you said, it's good. This guy's got cameras let's do it you too no no no here's here no look doug has always made fun of me and then when i approached him with his deal he didn't say um you know what? It doesn't suck. That's when I knew it was going to work. No, okay.

This is how I remember it. And honestly, my memory is faulty because of my lifestyle. I remember you sending me this guy who wants to do this documentary, and you sent me his pilot about pirate radio. Right. It sucked shit. and you sent me his pilot about pirate radio. Right. It sucked shit.

So at some point you go, we're going to do this Unbookables documentary with that guy. And I'm like, do whatever you want because I was busy. No, no, no, no. I did go, whatever you, I don't give a fuck. Yes. It's like when someone emails me and goes, hey, I'm a rapper and I do house music and I want to use a sample of one of your bits in my song.

I'm like, yeah, I don't give a fuck. That's what I said. You're going to make a die, right? Can I correct you a little bit, Doug? Yes, right. That's what Doug said. I don't give a fuck. This is what really happened to that point was that Doug – actually, we had the Unbookables website because I built it, and we had it up

because we were advertising just the guys that were the Unbookables. And Doug was so done with using anything in the Unbookables, you got off the phone with him and you're like, fuck it, I don't want that, he'll ruin it, and then I'm done having anything to do with the Unbookables. We've never talked about this on the podcast before. Let me take a serious moment to just explain. The Unbookables, that's back when the original Kings of Comedy

and the Blue Collar Comedy Tour, I was trying to brand all you guys that were on the show last night. Just everyone is fucked up somehow. Andy can't figure out how to tie his fucking shoes, but he's funny. I wear slip-ons. Everything about you is fucked up. And you had our videos on

that website. Point wise, let me just finish. So I tried to hey, maybe we can brand these guys that are really funny guys. They're just not good at business. And if they can make it to the gig they're going to kill. They're going to be great. And you might have to pick them up off the floor at the end of it.

But they're great comics. They just, they're not marketable. They have no PR skills of their own. It didn't work because they're all fucked up. No, no, no. It was up there for a little while. And you thought it didn't work. You called me and said, what do you think we should do about this?

And I said we should get a bus or a van, videotape the whole thing and get a documentary and you said that's a stupid idea. You made a documentary that proves why the whole angle didn't work because I wasn't part of your

documentary so it was just you trying to run all this, not having any idea how to do anything. No, that is such bullshit because we all looked up to you. We waited around. You said whatever. I called Norm Wilkerson.

I said to Norm, I said, Norm, I just talked to Doug. On your landline. Doug and Brian Hennigan both... Wait, Norm Wilkerson is to Doug. On your landline. Doug and Brian Hennigan both. Norm Wilkerson is the name drop that proves the rule. Shut the fuck up. All right. Norm Wilkerson.

No. You said and Brian said that you both like pirate radio. And then I called Norm. No, it's stuck. I told you. No, you fucking lying piece of shit. No. Oh, my God.

You fucking are. Look, you are. Doug and I watched that together. I know exactly what he thought about that. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It seems to matter to you. I was in a van in Seattle where Doug told Jeff that to his face.

It doesn't matter. So you know what I said to Norm? I said, look, Norm, Doug's a libertarian. He says that we should pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps, so let's forget what Doug says, and let's pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps,

and make our own movie on our own. Because that's Doug's philosophy. And Norm said, that's a good idea, James. And so Norm booked some gigs. I booked some gigs in Kansas City. And Brett Erickson booked some stuff in Illinois.

Pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps with libertarianism, which is your philosophy. It's not my philosophy. And we made that movie. We made that movie. How did getting nothing... I think James is leading to a plug. Where can we see this film?

Well, it's on... Where can you buy one copy? You can see the film on Amazon Prime or PlayStation or AOL.com. And it might be on another distributor that I can't mention right now. Yeah, they're big. All right? Because it's not invented yet.

I can't mention it right now because it would be too funny. It's a big thing that's happening in the human world. So when you say PlayStation, if I get to a certain level of Super Mario Brothers, and I eat a coin or something. Bonus level. Then you get the Unbookable. So you knew we were filming the documentary. Oh, I knew because... And you signed a contract with Jeff Pearson, who was the director.

I didn't sign shit. I just allowed my name to be attached to it. It was more along the lines of, whatever, I don't care. Click. Here's the deal. Alright. DJ Ravey Rave uses a sound bite on one of his, because I said yes on an email.

I don't sign a contract. I just email and go, I don't care. Alright, look. Ever since I met you, I had to deal with your friends, okay? And so I have a friend, and I just thought maybe my friend would like you. And it turned out Jeff Pearson liked Brian Hennigan, all right? Brian Hennigan and Jeff Pearson got along because they're both brilliant.

And they both said, let's go on with this project. And we did the project. Let's do it. And it turned into a fucking DVD. And then they re-edited the film. And then it's got a distributor. Bumfights was a DVD. It doesn't make it brilliant.

The point is, you took a bunch of great comics and made a documentary that made them look confusing. Oh, Jesus Christ. You have never liked anything that I've ever done. The Greyhound Diary, you said it sucked, and everything I've ever done, I come to you. I love the Greyhound Diaries. No, you love it now because it's good but when I first showed you when I first showed you the Greyhound Diary you said this is stupid

Inman and I was like Doug just trust me it's going to be funny and the Greyhound Diaries and then you and I agreed to do the Unbookables the Unbookables is a project. You are the producer.

I was busy on the road. He calls with this wrong rambling phone call and I go, I don't care. Do whatever you want. I'm busy. I agree. I was there. I know what was happening in the room. In the room? It was on the road in a car in a hotel room.

You've always made fun of me and you've always treated me like shit. You should read what he said about you in his book. I've always treated him like shit. Yes. I fly him out here. I get him a sweet open bar. And it turns out that we made this movie. We re-edited the movie.

With Mishka's music. And now the movie is going to be on some fucking distributors are buying the fucking movie. Are you afraid of the fame that's going to hit you? Our plan worked out, Doug. Our plan worked out. It's brilliant, you guys. This cabal of comedy

One question. This movie was filmed in what year? It was post-9-11. I know that. I remember that part. It was post-9-11. Do you remember what year it was you filmed this?

Yeah. We filmed it in 2007. 2008 or whatever. A lot of films take a decade to really take seed. films take a decade to really take seed. Alright, so my point is, you know, and you

make fun of me, and you know it's funny because it's funny to make fun of James Inman, but because... It's life-affirming. You inspired me to be a libertarian, to pull myself up by my own bootstraps. So I created this movie.

I helped create this movie on my own with none of your help. And I never asked you for help. And you sunk all of your money into it. How much did you edit? He put his credit on the line. Did you run sound? Did you fucking hold a camera? Did you fucking grab one piece of luggage out of the fucking bag?

All right, look. Come on. All right, look. All of your friends are in this fucking movie. Andy's in this movie. I didn't put anything in there. Sean Rouse, Christine Levine, fucking Norm Wilkerson, me. Fucking Norm Wilkerson.

Mishka Shubali is in this movie. All of your friends are in this movie. All of your friends are in this movie and you started this whole shit with your fucking page on your website with the unbookables. You started this and you called me and you said, what do you think we should do with this project? And I said, let's rent

a van and videotape it. Yes, you called me. I remember you called me. You don't have a phone. You called me and you said, what do you think we should do with the unbookables? I said, let's rent a van and videotape the whole thing and make it a documentary. And you said, yes, I'll rent the van. Please.

We did it. We need to be as involved in this as possible because this is. You weren't involved at all. James Inman, listen, you're my go-to guy when it comes to ideas. So what should we do with this Unbookables? And you said, hang on. Are you talking the Unbookables? Yeah.

Because when you got off that phone call, I'm sorry, James. We storyboarded that thing on a whiteboard. And we went through the whole thing and you were like throwing out all these names like Brett Erickson, Rouse. James, I'm sorry. I thought you were talking about another project.

Rouse, Brett Erickson, Lipski, Travis Lipski. Did you guys get a van? Oh, this was the van project. See, that's the whole thing. Oh, my God. And you never mentioned the movie until it got some success. This was all bullshit, James. Yeah, now the shit is coming to roost.

The chickens are coming home to roost. Yeah, what is that phrase? The chickens are coming home to roost. Doug created the Unbookables. We're going to start slowly leaving. Let him ramble all by himself and now shall we close and he is denying

that he started the whole thing oh no I think I know the phrase why did the chicken cross the road to get away from the unbookables sell the unbookables to the people James I'm not I'm pissed at you just tell them how the show works.

How does the documentary go? You go out on the road with a van, my idea, I guess. And we videotaped the whole thing. And then Jeff Pearson, he... The guy who did Pirate Radio. Yes. Documentary, right? Yeah, he spent

years going through all the video, and he pulled out a story from the whole thing. And... But who was it? Was it you who came up with the story based on Pirate Radio, or did Jeff Pearson come to you and say, I know how we can do

this? Jeff came to me, and he said, I want to make a documentary about comedy. And I said, why want to make a documentary about comedy. And I said, why don't you make it about the Unbookables? Because Doug has already created this website. I mean, he's got a page called the Unbookables. Why don't you...

And you had a clip on that. And yes. Yeah. And you put the clips up. It was a clip of me and... I'm sure it was at your behest. I mean, you probably inspired it in some way. And you put the clips up. It was a clip of me and... I'm sure it was at your behest. I mean, you probably inspired it in some way.

Right? Then what happened? Then Jeff, who's my friend... Yes. Who's like a guy that's as smart as Brian Hennigan. He's a director. And he made the movie. But who came up with the idea

of the van, and then what comics to get, and where you're going to go? Well, I guess Doug came up with the name Unbookables. I came up with the idea of having a van. I was the guy that came up with the idea of having a van. I was the guy that came up the idea of having a van.

Keep going. I need some water. Alright, can you... Keep going, keep going. Just you tell the story. I'll be right back. I think that's a break. Holy cow. I'm gonna be... They had to clear the pool area and grab all their shit, so they just thought it was funny to close the rug. Yeah, that wasn't funny. No, I wasn't funny.

No, I couldn't get any defense in there. You done podcasting, James? Come on, that was a funny way to close a podcast. No, that was not a... No, that's bullshit. I love it. You did not close that podcast. No, you closed the podcast I hope you finished it up strong

as strong as the unbookables grab a mic no no anyone who wants on no no no don't look Shayla can edit all of that out okay no no James that's the point

no that's the point is to get you all fucking hopped up And everyone loves it Look We need to talk about this, Doug Don't, never talk Hold the mic You want in?

No, Doug I know, Becker's coming in your seat Don't talk unless you're talking on the mic. What is this big problem with the movie? There's no big problem. It's just about getting you wound up for good radio. Yeah, but why do you have to wind me up? Because it's funny when we wind you up.

All right. I'm not talking unless you talk on the mic. All right. I'll talk on the mic. All right. I want an Adderall. I'm out if I don't get an Adderall. All right.

Let me... Okay. Yeah, okay. Everybody's been negotiating their contracts. I want an Adderall. I'm out if I don't get an Adderall. All right, let me... Okay, yeah, okay. Everybody's been negotiating their contracts. Is this being recorded? It's not recorded if you don't talk into a microphone. I'm coming down from a cocaine binge. Doug.

We're going to need this seat. If you're not going to use the mic, you can use the seat. Doug, we both started this project with you and I. Are we still doing this podcast? No, no. Hey, this is the next Doug Stanoff podcast. It's trailing off the last one, but James Inman won't leave. Go ahead, James.

Introduce the next podcast. You and I started this project okay it was called the Unbookables no no we're not going back into that you have to introduce the next podcast okay the next podcast is I'm going to introduce Andy Andrus Matt Becker

yeah who's part of the Unbookables hi James how you been since 2007 haven't heard from you a lot Matt Becker, who's part of the Unbookable. Hi, James. How have you been since 2007? I haven't heard from you a lot. Why? Look, you can erase all this shit. First of all, people aren't listening to this in a row like we're talking in a row.

Because you never want to talk about business. We have a new podcast, James, and you're our new announcer. From that last podcast... What is the big problem about this fucking movie? Because the movie's made. There's no problem. I know. It was made 10 years ago.

Right. And the movie's going to get picked up by a distributor. I know. Gone with the Wind wasn't even actually released in theaters until 87. You know, Christmas Story didn't do that much business, neither. I'd do Mandan Adderall

if I'm going to be on this podcast. The Mandarin Candidate was actually not released for up to two years. Hey, listen. This is another Las Vegas Plaza Hotel Poolside Patio podcast with Matt Becker, Chad Shank, Andy Andrist, and myself, and a surprise guest coming up after James Inman introduces the podcast.

All right, so why is it that you do not want to talk about the unbookables? Wait, I thought we talked about that. Who was president in 2007? Why is it that you do not want to talk about the unbookables? Wait, I thought we talked about that. Who was president in 2007? You started the whole thing, dog. You started the unbookables. You started it. So when you... I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps.

Which he told you to do. Libertarianism style. I know, I know. Here's my deal. You inspired me. Tom Konopka, would you like to join us? You can't pull yourself up by your footsteps when you're wearing sandals. No, no, look. Dog, you inspired me to do shit on my own.

So I basically... And he never looked back. All right. I did this on my own. I I basically... And he never looked back. Alright. I did this on my own. I worked my ass off. Okay, let's ignore the unbookables. We've been over that. That was a segment.

Let's go over other things that you've done to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps in your life. Tell us some of the key points that things you look back on your life and you go, I'm proud I did this.

We've been over, you hid mushrooms in a radiator reservoir. That was smart thinking for a guy that was on mushrooms driving with expired tax and a warrant. Do you want me to tell you about how I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps? Yeah.

Okay, so I don't... to tell you about how I pulled myself up by my own bootstraps. Yeah. Okay. So I don't I haven't brought this up yet. I don't want to keep going over the same material. When you said, well, how do I get from the airport to the hotel?

And I accidentally said, use Uber. And I realized you don't have a credit card or a phone, I said, listen, I'll give you 50 bucks for cab fare, and I'll let you figure out some manipulative way to get here, be it a hotel shuttle for free or take a bus. You still get 50 bucks, but the less you spend of that, trying to figure out how to get from here to there.

Whose bootstraps are you pulling yourself up on? How did you get here? Are we talking about $50? How did you get from the airport here? To the bus. To the bus, city bus. How many... It's been so long. What do you call that?

Connections. Transfer. Thank you. How many transfers jeez, it's been so long. What do you call that? Connections. Transfers. Transfer, thank you. How many transfers was that? I don't know. It was 6 in the morning. I showed up. I got on the bus.

Were you drunk? No, I wasn't drunk. Was it weird? Was it weird? I rode the bus in Seattle. Did you step? No, but I mean, was it weird? How much did the bus cost you?

Zero dollars. Did you step on the bus? Yeah, because the bus driver said, just get the fuck on. I don't care. Was it weird to be on the bus, though? I mean, with all those people going to work. Here's the deal.

Nobody rides the bus. And so when I got on the bus, I just got on the bus. Did you pull yourself up by your bootstraps onto the bus? Yeah, that's the deal. Nobody rides the bus. And so when I got on the bus, I just got on the bus. Did you pull yourself up by your bootstraps onto the bus? Yeah, that's the thing. That's the thing about... When are you going to introduce this podcast so we can have the new podcast?

This is a separate podcast. That podcast is done. People are tuning in next week. They don't know that only minutes have passed between these podcasts. Now we have to introduce new guests. Give me an introduction.

Introduce the table. Hey, James, how's it going? Chad Shank. Tell us about the weather. Doug Stanhope? Oh, you only know people that were on the Unbookables? I forgot. Oh, that's me.

I blacked out. Okay, no, I could see that. You blacked out. You've only known him for 15 years. No, I occasionally black out. We'll wait. It'll come to you. It's like you're getting a D, a J.

Matt Becker. Steve? Matt Becker. It's like you're getting a D, a J. Right, it's a pecker. Steve. Matt Becker. Matt Becker. Sean Rouse. You and... Sean Rouse. Sean Rouse is nowhere near here.

A cop. Hey. Did you... Hey, James. No shit. Did you know Johnny Depp was at this party under... He was a little bit disguised. That guy who left the tall...

Johnny Depp. That was Johnny Depp. His first TV show was him being an undercover cop. So how do you know Johnny Depp? Did you write that show too? You're just the introduction guy, and now you step out and you give the microphone to whatever guest. You're just our...

You know how Stuttering John took over the Tonight Show job where he'd go, and now Jay Leno. Yeah, because I was talking about the unbookables. That's all you were supposed to do, and we're like eight minutes in. Yeah, even though you can edit this entire fucking podcast. You know why I think you're a great host? Oh, no, we're going to leave you in.

No, you're not. So people know, oh, I definitely need to watch the unbookables. You're not. Hey. You know what? You're driving this car, James. Wake up. Why do you care so much about the fucking Unbookables? I don't care. That's an old subject.

We're done with it. Matt Becker took some time out of his day on his own dime to come here. Hey, let's do it. I wouldn't miss this. James, 25 years ago. Just a food segment, you know, or something. What do you like to eat? What did you have for breakfast?

What was your day like? What time did you get up? I got up at 7 in the morning. Great, that's great. Did you know where you were? I ate breakfast downstairs at the fucking casino. You know, I love their breakfast sandwiches they got down there.

They've got good ones here at the plaza. And the weather, it's so hot you don't want to walk nowhere. But it's a dry heat. Why do you constantly think it's funny to make fun of me? We're trying to have a round table like The View. We have great comics here. So I'll tell you what I had for breakfast since you asked, James. I had three tacos at 10 o'clock in the morning.

Zoo-hoo! You know what I got, and this is a true story. The Plaza, still one of the only Subway breakfast places that won't sell you a sandwich after 11 in Vegas, where you can gamble, drink, 24-hour, prostitutes, drugs, everything. Yeah.

It is radio. But we had a girl. Must have been a new girl. She gave me a breakfast sandwich at 2 o'clock in the afternoon. That's interesting, Doug. Here's something interesting. They have shrimp for $4 across the street. Did you ever watch CNN where they all yell about Trump and Hillary?

Everyone gets a turn. And they never talk about anything that matters, right? Right. That's what sucks about the news because they never talk about what matters. Here's what matters. How bad were these tacos? No, no. Here's what sucks about the news because they never talk about what matters. Here's what matters. How bad were these tacos? No, no. Here's what matters.

All right. So I'm selling DVDs of the Unbookables. Like hotcakes. I'm selling DVDs of the Unbookables. Like hotcakes and that brings us back to breakfast. Hotcakes. After your show. DuPars right across the street.

You eat pancakes. How fast do you have to eat them? Did you eat at DuPars? I did. I had a bacon sandwich with avocado. Right, right, right. Avocado. Yeah.

Is that seasonal here? After your show. Yeah, no, shut up. That's why we didn't go there. No, Doug, shut up. There was too many people, and there's small booths. Yeah, yeah. We had to wait a long time.

You have to wait a long time. You have to wait a long time. But the food is delicious. No. All right. Here's what's funny. All right. You know what's ironic is I actually had breakfast at Subway. Did you?

No, no, no. Listen, I had the Italian sub, and they make it for me. Oh, my God. They make me a regular sub like they do at home. Oh, Jesus Christ. Did you have to toast it? No, I, my God. They make me a regular sub like they do at home. Oh, Jesus Christ. Did you have to toast it? No, I never get it. Why take French fries and make it dry?

No, I never understand. No. I'm with Becker 100%. No, shut up. Shut the fuck up. But I just think it's funny. I like my cheese melt. I like the fact they won't make you a regular sub.

Stop. I like yogurt. Shut your fucking cunt hole. Shut your fucking cunt hole. Shut your fucking cunt hole. All right, look. Doug. Doug. Doug is such a sweetheart.

No, no. She'd never complain about food. Jesus Christ, Doug. Shut the fuck up. Thanks, you guys. You and Shaylee bought us breakfast, by the way. I didn't know if you did that, but Shaylee said it was for you guys. I saw you down there.

Why do you guys do this to me? It's not funny. This is not a good podcast. Here's the deal. You know the other thing I found about Vegas? They won't let you buy the egg stand. Oh, my God. Floyd had the – I gave them the coupons.

But there were some good deals. Floyd's been using the coupons. There's some steals and deals here and there. If you use that coupon book. How many people have that chip in their card now? That credit card? They use the chip now. I have that chip in their card now? That credit card? They use the chip now. I have a chip in my player's card, so you try

to use it, and they're like, no, you have to hand it out. I agree. Can you put up a fucking sign? It's also security. Look, look. People avoid Vegas in the summer because of the heat, but with this pool, you know, I enjoy the dry heat.

You jump in the pool, you get a little sweaty. Dog, dog. As long as it's not after 7 p.m. That's the other thing in Vegas that you can't do is swim after 7 p.m. Stop this. You know, and a lot of times. You get a blowjob from a chick with herpes 100 feet from the pool, but you can't swim. It turns out I talked to them, though.

They said most of the lifeguards have night blindness from all the cocaine. That's so funny. I can't see you. I thought you were going to go with the light off the pool. It's not funny. I thought you were going to go with all the lifeguards from Black so it's ineffective anyway. They've got to be home by curfew.

It's not funny. Look, Doug, can I talk to you for a second? Speaking of relics, does anyone remember James Inman? Do you have a player's card, do you have a player's card? Because if you do gamble, you get some perks. If you gamble for long enough, you will get maybe a complimentary. They don't have a buffet here at the Plaza, but you might get some free valet parking.

They'll give you a free room at times if you lose it. Sometimes. You're doing this just to piss me off. The rooms are already basically free. This entire conversation. $29 a night tonight. I would totally agree. Would you stop it?

The joke has gone on too long. It's almost like you're losing money. The joke has gone on too long. The thing is, this is a horrible time. Because, I mean, if you'd ever thought about having a fair $29. We get the prank. Why not? I didn't even like my secretary, but I'll fuck her

for $29. That's so funny, Matt. I don't know a single person in my life that doesn't have $29 for a room. You're in denial, Doug. I don't gamble, but I have fucked prostitutes without a rubber, so kind of. Andy's always got the

zinger. We can edit the fuck out. I my God. I wish I could, but I got hate. Should we take some callers? Stop the fuck, you stupid fucking alien cunt. What do you say, Floyd? Shut the fuck up, dog. Yeah, that's great. All right.

Well, that was a great Las Vegas podcast. Our host, James, couldn't be here, so it's great we could all mat. You could come out. No. That was a great Las Vegas podcast. Our host, James, couldn't be here, so it's great. We could all mat. You could come out. Stay at the Plaza. I know you've got a business schedule. That's strawberry margarita daiquiri. I love the pizza.

The lot is at the Plaza. Let's not forget to plug the Plaza. They'll put a bomb in the penthouse. No, no, wait. You know what? Oscar's Steakhouse, we went there the last time. It was overpriced and ostentatious, but

it was still like, every time, it's a fun experience. That was what you told me. It was funny because we don't belong here is what I remember. Doug, was it because I talked to him, wasn't it Andy that was the fifth wheel at that one? There was someone that was drunk as shit.

It had to be Andy. No. It wasn't. It's not funny. All right. The joke has gone on too long. Remember, all the good Andy stories have to be told to Andy. All right.

It's not funny anymore. Doug, here's the deal. I don't remember most of the story, so I enjoy hearing them because it's like the first time I've heard of it. It's like I was so fucked up. I don't remember asking. It's called deja vu. Deja vu. Write that down.

Put that down. That's so funny. Here's the deal, Doug. I can phrase you. I stood up to you. The only way you could hear a funny shot around the story. And you fucking have backed the fuck down because you know that your lawyer. What's your fucking punk-ass lawyer's name?

Where is he at? That fucking cunt. Yeah, he lost. And now I'm that guy. Oh, God. Great podcast. I want to thank all my guests. I want to thank Matt Becker, Chad Shank, Andy Anderson, Alex, who runs. I hate you. I'm never, ever going to talk to you again. Alex, who runs...

I'm a lot of comedians. I hate you. I hate you forever. Floyd is here. Alex, if you want to see great comedy in Vegas, support local comedy at the Dive Bar on Monday nights. At what time does that start, Alex? Doug.

What's that? 8.30. 8.30 on Monday nights. Yeah, Doug. And support that. Tom Konopka, my oldest friend that I still actually know he's here

neighbor Dave is here and I'm sorry maybe we'll have another podcast later on you're not let's all fake our own death no you fucking no Look, you're going to edit. Hey, let's all fake our own death. No, you fucking... No.

No, why did you do that to me? Oh, Jesus Christ. That wasn't funny. Where were you? Well, some are words, actually. Well, not me. James, have you ever used Eros Guide for hookers on the road? Eros Guide, that sounds interesting. What is it? Eros Guide is where in my later stage of getting hookers via computer,

I would go to Eros Guide. They have hookers in every major metropolitan area. So is this like Craigslist? It gives you pictures, tells you what they're into. Right, because I'm tired of this like Craigslist? It gives you pictures, tells you what they're into. Right, because I'm tired of going to Craigslist and finding these skanky hookers. Hey, your face isn't

really pixelated. Get out of my Motel 6. How much to just talk for three months? Alright, I'll give you $250 an hour, but I get to live on your couch for a year and a half. And believe me, you'll be paying me that back. Did you say no? I like what you did.

I respect that. Can I do some laundry at your house? It's just this jacket and cap. All right, that's a plug from james inman now back to the podcast already sort of in progress hi i'm a nine-year-old girl and you're listening to the doug stanhope podcast i have five years old and i want to listen to the Doug Stanhope Podcast. All right, good. Hey, everyone, how's it going?

Probably best if we start over. Take two. Sometimes we forget to hit record. It's definitely understandable tonight. Inman's fault. All right, this is the Post Inman Las Vegas Plaza Hotel Poolside Podcast with Doug Standup, Greg Chaley, Andy Andrews. Let's do the eye haul. Christine Levine, Chad Shank.

Someone's knocking on the door. Tom Kanopka's here. John Holmes is here. Dean. Tracy is here. Mitchell's here. Hand it to Mitchell. Jenny is here. Dean. Tracy is here. Mitchell's here. Jenny's here. All right.

We're doing the post-Inman podcast. We just started it, ladies, because it all went south. After the last podcast, we wound Inman up into his usual storm, but he wouldn't let it go he started crying he's already snorted adderall he drank as many free drinks as he could find he's fucked he's crying he won't let shit go he's last called mardias drunk at 720 at night. New Orleans drunk. And I'm trying to talk him down. Everyone's trying to talk him down.

And the more attention he gets, the more he cries. But you won't listen to me. You won't listen to me. Because you don't understand words right now, James. And we're having a party. There's a shitload of us. This is supposed to be fun. Nobody gives me credit.

I know. That's because you haven't earned credit at the banking. So at some point, everyone's tired of this. Like, all right, you're a 50 fucking five-year-old man, whatever. Oh, I want this. Is McDonald's sponsoring this? As far as you know. Half of us, half of you are going to the open mic at the dive bar. We're sponsored by the dive bar in Las Vegas.

On the southeast corner of Flamingo and Maryland Parkway. Go to the dive bar Monday night. Alex just runs a couple of open mics and he does a couple of things. And he was here all day hanging out at the pool. As we found out at the open mic, so was one of the comics at the open mic. And he refused to come up. Like, here's a picture of you arguing with Inman in the pool. And I said, you know what's interesting, dude?

Because you didn't want to come up because you didn't want to be that guy. You're the guy who can come up. If you're the guy who doesn't want to come up, then if you have a check in your mind that it shouldn't go up, then you can approach. But it's like you were a super cool guy. It's a bit that I did on some fucking, I think from across the street. Hey, if you don't want to be that guy, you're not that guy.

Because that guy doesn't know he's that guy. This all the time, I thought he was a local Las Vegas guy. He came from New Jersey and still wouldn't approach because he didn't want to be that guy, which makes him more the guy who can come up. I was talking to Bob in the lobby down there, and this guy goes, hey, I don't mean to interrupt, but I really like those pajama bottoms. Where'd you get those? You don't really want to interrupt,

but that's what you're going to... But it's a big deal. You don't? Okay. That's that guy. That's that guy. Todd, you're not that guy. So Inman's going on this pouting, screaming fit, during which we do a swap cast for Near the Wild, Matt Beckers.

You're in here doing another podcast, and I use that as an excuse. We were so exhausted from the ones we did with James that I grabbed Matt and John Norris, who are down here from Alaska. The hosts of the Wild Podcast. And I said, let's just fucking get in there and start talking. And we were in there. We had so much fun. We were just joking like we do. Chad sat down. It was great.

And then that's when Inman walked in. And he started lurking and I'm like, just ignore him, don't pay attention, and then someone else oh, then Doug sat in, and then I gave up my seat because I knew Tom Konopka had all these fucking stories that Becker and John were gonna

ask him shit, and then it became a whole thing, and then now I don't have a mic so I have to all of a sudden talk to James who then started crying in front of me and I didn't know what to do except say I'm leaving

I'm walking away from you right now and you need to leave this fucking you need to leave here at 10 o'clock tonight and that was it he was in that drunk place where he just talks in a loop. Yeah, I hate the loops. Okay, now this, and I count out, this is the fifth time you said that.

Now it's the sixth time. Now it's the seventh time. You go, I'm talking to a retarded chalkboard of a, there's no human being there. It's a vacant property. Fortunately, at some point, we're all sick of, he has his own fucking room the whole time. it's a vacant property fortunately at some point we're all sick of James he has his own fucking room the whole time

you're not here, Christine Levine sharing a room with him you're upstairs at some point we go, James you just have to go back to your room your flight's in a few hours get your shit he has a tablet somehow he has no cell. I mean, he has a tablet somehow. He has no cell

phone or credit card or driver's license. He has an iPad. He has a tablet. I'm like, alright, fuck it. I'll leave it. James, is this yours? The only thing he owns of any worth? Yeah. Yeah, it's mine. I got it. And I kept saying, I'm just trying to

help you get out of here. You get a flight. Fuck you. I don't need your help. I know how to get on a plane. I'm an adult. Yeah, but you were just about to leave your only. Oh, and I guess we can say this because his dad won't be listening to this one. He was trying to score a blow that was going to get here about 20 minutes before his flight.

He's trying to get here about 20 minutes before his flight. He'd take his cab fare. That's all the money he had was enough to get him to the airport. And the guy that knew a guy that could get blow was just being polite. And I had to send someone out there and go, don't help him just because he's my friend. He doesn't know. Like, no, don't. And someone did intervene. So thank you. The He doesn't know. Like, no, don't. And someone did intervene.

So thank you. The timeline didn't work because he, there was. Well, the guy, he's got that guy cornered alone. Yeah, yeah. And he's just trying to be nice. And he's like, oh, you're going to help Doug Stanhope's friend. Don't help him. No, no, no.

We're trying to get him the fuck out of here. Inman is, I came up with this phrase for this guy who's just loud talker or whatever. But he, get the fuck away from me. You're an ear rapist. Like, I'll blow my whistle. Get away from me. He keeps doing it. But Inman is an ear rapist.

Oh, marketing. A little merch. Inman Whistle. That'll be the next... Inman Whistle. That'll be the next title for a CD he steals. I called him Panda Monkey over and over, and then that's the title of his CD.

Oh, that's true. James Inman. Andy Andrus has been calling him Panda Monkey for years, and that's what Inman sells as his new CD. It's titled Panda Monkey, and he's selling T-shirts that are the ones little Mikey made up just from the Death Valley party of my dog Ichabod

humping James Inman. Yeah, my dog. My dog should get residuals on this. Every time James burns a CD and sells it, I should get a nickel. This gets weirder. We were at the merch.

You guys are killing me. What happened after I left here? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, let's go. Okay. It's great. So, Andy, who, for us, Andy's usually the problem. And James... Or the issue.

The issue, yeah. Oh, I can see that Andy clearly loves it when James is around. He shows up. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. They hate his off for a second. It's like it's a bigger headed retard. Grr, go go go, pussy.

Inman's coming? Cool. Yeah. Inman puts Andy in perspective. Yeah. Yeah, I'm actually functional. So at some point, half the party is going to the open mic at the dive bar. The other half are going to, we're going to stay here and just fucking exhale.

But we gave you the choice. But either way, we tell Inman, half the party is going to open mic. The other half is going to gamble. Either way, you've got to go to your own room. You have to leave this room to go to your room and gather your luggage to get on your fucking plane. Right? That's not unreasonable. So Andy takes over the job of bringing Inman into his room.

Everyone else, a bunch of you guys go to the open mic night. The rest of us act like we're not in the room in case Inman comes back down. What, you guys are hunkered down? So I take him up there and... It's like there's Jehovah's Witnesses at the door. They're all huddled in the bathtub. He starts saying he's going to stay, and I put on Kung Fu Panda, and it had some positive messages like that,

and I just played it really loud and then slipped out. And then I saw Levine down there. It's like, what about Bob, the therapist? It's like, you're Bob's new therapist. I'm leaving. Okay, so that's... Christine Levine is sharing a room with... Inman.

Inman. And Andy. Yeah, so Andy brings Inman up to pack up his shit. Warlock and I run into Andy in the lobby with his silky fucking drawers and his creeper... What was that cut-off t-shirt you're wearing? Anyway, real sexy. I got it from Mishka.

It's a real sexy. Yeah, you brought stuff. No sleeves. Not the same with all the tattoos. I've been working on my guns. It's real sexy. Is that shirt 14 years old? No.

The boy stole it from us. So, okay, so we run in. We're coming in from dinner, and we see Andy. And then he says, oh, hey, well, we got James up in the bedroom or in the room. He's sleeping. I got him all tucked in. Hey, would you mind watching him for a little bit? You got to wake him up.

Doesn't say what for or anything. Or what time. He says, oh, you might want to wake him up in a little bit. You gotta wake him up. Doesn't say what for or anything. Or what time. He says, oh, you might want to wake him up in a little bit. That's the kind of thing you don't want to oversell. I said, okay, I can do that. And I'm like, right, babe? Didn't he do that? You didn't say anything about nothing. You just

said, oh, you just gotta wake him up in a little bit. He's taking a nap. Just watch him babysit. What about Bob now? He's at his nap. Well, Christine, you just gotta wake him up a little bit. He's taking a nap. Just watch him. He's at his nap. Well, Christine, this is why when he's like, he says he's starting to text you something

as a go-between when I'm sitting here. And I just said, just tell her to call me. Because whatever you say, you're not going to give enough information. Right. So he says. He says, call Doug. So I call. Oh, so I knew something was going on.

It was some shit. Like, I'm in trouble. Twelve minutes later, because I guess text messages take a long time on the Pony Express. You didn't call me for like 12 fucking minutes. I have Virgin, so yeah, it takes a minute. And Geechee Guy calls me in the meantime saying he's going to go into surgery tomorrow at 4 a.m. And I'm sorry I didn't show up. And I'm like, I'm listening.

But I'm going, Christine Levine should be calling. And I'm going to have to blow you off in your surgery. And thanks for. So you finally call me. And it's fucking chaos. Well, no, no. Not yet. Not yet.

You said. You said. No, Inman's sleeping. He's sleeping. I didn't know what was going on. Well, yeah, because meanwhile, you missed all of the drama down here. You had no idea that he was crying. When I left, he was fine.

Crying, pouting. Nor were you informed. And nor was I informed. When I left, he was knocking it out of the park. You guys were laughing on the podcast. That first one, he was being real funny and charming. Yes, yes, I did. You left during the opening act?

I did. How dare you? Well, I thought that was it. I didn't think you guys would let him keep going. No refund. I said, is he gone? She goes, James? I go, don't say James out loud.

And she goes, oh, like Beetlejuice? Give me a go. No, don't say it again. It will come back. She said, oh, don't worry, he's sleeping. I'm like, he's going to be on a plane in two hours or at the airport at least in two hours. At that time, did you give Andy side-eye?

Like, you didn't tell her what she's supposed to do? No, I know all of you are all fucked up. There's not even the level of communication to put that together. I walked the baby up to the room, put on Kung Fu Panda and called the babysitter. And then I went out

and did as much as you could do. Past the buck. Sabotage, man. So then, I'm so sorry, Levine. I do have remorse. It was suchage, man. So then, then, in Manhattan. I'm so sorry, Levine. I do have remorse. It was such a fucking nightmare.

We didn't hear what happened. Right now, Chad and I don't even know how this ends. No, I don't either. We've been dying ever since I got a text from you that said it happened

or whatever. Okay. So we don't even know. I'm going to try to pay it out. I'm trying to speed up to go slow. No, I'm going to get

to the good parts. Good parts. Crazy. This is up the game. No, I'm going to get to the good parts. Good parts, crazy. This is how it goes. Then I call her again, or she calls me, and Inman is screaming in the background, Fuck you! Fuck you! I have enough money.

I can stay another night. I have to explain to you something. Yeah, yeah. Prelude this, please. We saw the 8 o'clock show, so he was redoing it for the 10 o'clock show? Is that what's happening? Yeah. Go ahead, Christine.

I go to wake him up. Okay, so you tell me that he's got to go. I got the impression that maybe something happened. I didn't know what happened. But basically, I was just like, you have a flight, and you have to go. I didn't know that he already had that flight. I thought this was a brand new arrangement. So I thought he really must have fucked up.

So I know this is serious. He's got to get the fuck out. So I may have told him, somehow I guess you fucked up and you've got to get out of here. Which means I spun that Tasmanian devil. I took him from zero to a thousand. Boom, I pulled that cord.

From the second he woke up, he was... Why don't I get credit for this? Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what happened. I realized when he's ranting and raving that the flight was all long planned. And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no. That was me. That was me.

I misinterpreted everything. I'm so sorry. So I started, you know, kind of licking his butt a little bit, trying to make it go away, calm down, take it down to a notch or whatever. And then I couldn't. And then you called or we called you. He's called, get the hell on the fucking phone. Well, wait, wait, wait one second, one second, one second. Because before, the part of this that you missed, because you triggered,

I can see where you triggered him huge now. Yeah. Because when these guys tried to get him to pick up his pants because he had to leave in a little while. Why do you think I'm a fucking worthless piece of shit human? Like, he went off. So you're saying it doesn't take much. So after he woke up from his nap and you were like, you fucked up, go home. I can see where he spun out of control.

It was madness. Zero to 60. It was so crazy. So after she, like, get him out of here, she calls. I call you. He's screaming in the background. He's demanding me to go. And you're like, he's saying he's going to stay here.

I'll sleep on the fucking floor. This is where I invoke Chad Shank. Yes. Who should spill fear into anyone. Didn't give a fuck. I go, listen, Inman, I booked you a flight. This is when it leaves. I can fucking stay here.

I can get a flight anytime I want. And I go no Inman I already promised That Chad, Shank and Jenny Are going to stay there tonight That's why I booked you on the night flight So they can stay there And I can save money on a room

Fuck you I'll sleep on the floor No he's with his wife He said He's with his wife you cunt Okay I might have over. No, you said, he's with his wife, you cunt. Okay, I might have said that. No, you definitely said that. I was about to compliment you on being a diplomat until the truth came out. We were exasperated.

By the time we left to the... You guys were at open mic. I know, but I'm saying we were... You and Chad. All of us were exhausted from dealing with that motherfucker. And everything was... I got more exhausted. I almost hugged him when he was crying.

I'm completely drained. I said, listen, either hotel security is going to throw you out or Chad Chang is going to throw you out. Either way, do you want to spend a night in jail or what do you want to do? Fuck you, you fucking you brought me out here and I can sleep and I can get on my own.

So Christine, who threw him out? Well, no, then I tell Christine, listen, if you can get him on that plane, it's a hundred dollar bounty. I said, whoop. I saw five guys on Fremont and they'd do it for 50.

One of them looks like Michael Jackson. I just leave on the floor. So wait, wait, quickly, quickly. Then I call Chaley and I go, listen, I don't want him to spend a fucking night in jail because that's where it's going. Because he's that much of a fucking asshole. And if security brings him out, he's going to fucking jail.

And you don't want to do that to anyone ever. So I call Chaley because he's going to fucking jail. And you don't want to do that to anyone ever. So I called Chaley because he's the voice of reason. And within three sentences, Chaley goes, you know what? We did get him wound up. We got him liquored up. We like that about him on the podcast. We should take our lumps, let him sleep on the fucking

floor. He'll be normal in the morning. We're still going to have to deal with him. Not our floor. Here's our floor. I knew that was not going to happen. So we go, yeah, let's just take the bullet. It's Inman. We know him. He's crazy,

but he's our crazy. Let's deal with it. We created the monster. So I call Mamu to say, just let him fucking sleep on the floor. And Mamu picks up. Christine Levine is Mamu to say, just let him fucking sleep on the floor. And Mamu picks up. Christine Levine is Mamu. And Christine Levine calls on a speakerphone chaos.

We're on the way to the airport. I had him thrown out of the hotel. Security. No, security. I did not see that coming. Neither did I. We told him, listen, you are going to get thrown out of this hotel. And he goes, no, I'm not.

Who's going to do it? Who the fuck? We did calm him down. Thanks for making James Inman hate me, everybody. I appreciate that. Yeah, well, I told him... Lucky. No, I told him, I said,

you will not talk that way when he comes up here. You will not act like that when he comes up here. Listen, you're never going to work in the James Inman business again. Listen, I get it. He's done answered your calls, motherfucker. I hung out with him all day, too. So, no, somebody else called security

and then, but I knew they were coming because he was... Wait, someone else on the floor? Yes, he was that loud. That's what I'm saying. There was no doubt. There was no doubt in my mind that they're coming. You're clean on this. You're clean on this.

There's almost nobody on our floor. I'm CIA. They're all cops. For sure. Are you Coast Guard? What are you doing? Coast Guard, barely. Let her go. I want to know.

So this is what happens. So we got him a little calmed down. Then he ramps up again and starts yelling at me again. Justin is like, motherfucker, you better shut the fuck up and stop talking to my lady like that. Justin is Christine Levine's husband, the warlock. We call him the warlock because we don't remember his name. He said, he said, he was like getting in James' face because James kept yelling at me and calling me a cunt and telling me,

Doug Stanhope is raping you. And I said, how is he raping me? He's got his dick in your ass. You don't even know it. There was a mirror behind you. You could see. And all I did was ask you to wake him up. Yeah.

How sweet of you. Okay, so security comes. Okay, so yeah. Justin Warlock is fucking talking to him too. Like, you better shut the fuck up and don't talk to my woman like that. And my husband, by the way, last night was very drunk himself and a little bit of a problem and told Andy that he was going to poop on me. No, he said he had to get up.

He wasn't capable of that. He was going to poop on you on the way. He was going to take a dump on the way. Yes, that's right. Okay, so he was really pissed off at me. But then you see him come to the fence. Babe, we're solid. I on you on the way. He was going to take a dump on the way. Yes, that's right. Okay, so he was really pissed off at me, but then you see him come to the fence. Babe, we're solid. I love you.

Right on. Anyway, so then, okay, knock, knock, knock. Is there a problem in there? I'm like, oh, yeah. Clearly. Now we got some. Security. Yeah.

Cha-ching, 100 bucks. Easy way. Hold on. Hold way. Hold on. Hold on. We're not at the airport yet. Well, I'm just following his head. Well, no, he's not out of the state yet. He's not in the room.

I don't get to that. I should burn on CNN and see. That's a problem. There's a terrorist threat at the airport. Coke talkers, everyone. Let's get a... Knock on the door. So then they knock on the door.

There are two security guards and the head of security. Perfect. Plain clothes guy. I was trying to get him on the phone all day today. Oh, God. Well, anyway, so he... Three people, three big dudes show up. Everybody's a cop.

Oh, yeah. The sheriff also showed up. He was, like, standing back. Yeah, We see immediately two regular security guards in their outfits. A sheriff is coming down the hall, but I don't see that until later.

This is all based on somebody else's call. He's going apeshit. I heard him in the background. It's almost empty up there. He's calling me so many... He's just so... And he's telling me that...

I mean, maybe it was the rape stuff that got the phone call. I'm thinking time-wise. I'm like, oh, that's about right. So... It was about 9 p.m. when all this was going on. 10. 9 or 10. 10-ish, yeah.

Because we're still... He's just yelling at me. Okay, so then they say, is there a problem up here? And I was like, yes, there is. And he's just yelling at me. Okay, so then they say, is there a problem up here? And I was like, yes, there is. And he goes, no, no. What else would a problem say? No, there's no problem.

Let her tell the story. Let her tell the story. So then I'm like, yeah, there is. No, no. Well, is this your, who's all staying in here? Well, I go, no, he's not. No, no. Who's all staying in here? Well, I go, no, he's not. No. Our friend got us this room.

Our other friend is coming to stay in this room tonight, and it is time to go to the airport. We are trying to take him to the airport, and he won't fucking leave. We're just trying to take him to the airport. Yeah, right. And then the head of security informs us that if we don't get this motherfucker out of the hotel right now,

he is getting kicked out of the hotel, and so are we. Okay. Well, we will take him to the airport. So security put it on you, too? Well, yeah. They were just like, you know, if we have any problems, you're going to get kicked out of the hotel. But if he doesn't get out right now, he's leaving, and he's getting kicked out. Remember, it's a plaza.

Did they offer you $100? No. They didn't. Don't do kicked out. Remember, it's a plaza. Did they offer you $100? No. They didn't. Don't do callbacks. I know where you're going. James was so kicked out of the hotel. They escort us out of the hotel. All of them. All of them.

Everybody's a cop. You and the warlock and James. And the security guards and the sheriff. It was the three of you driving him. Yes. So they escort you as a driver. Me as a driver, Justin, warlock as a passenger, and James, all three of us, get escorted to the parking garage and they stayed there till we left. We got kicked the fuck out of this hotel.

There was no no coming in. Okay, so then James has a meltdown because he can't find his Xanax! And then, I did prayers for your fucking dog! You're not gonna let me get my Xanax! And I go, God damn it, James!

And I turned around and I said, just to get a Xanax. So then, because James wanted to go in the hotel and get a Xanax. I'm like, they're not going to let you get your fucking Xanax. And then he wanted me to do it. I said, I'm fat and I've got fucking rheumatoid arthritis. I'm not going to get your pills. Justin, go get his pills. So Justin goes in.

Because he's skinny, he can walk. Anyway, so Justin goes in and gets the pills. We go, we get gas. Or no, we got gas. We go get the pills. We go, we get gas, or no, we got gas. We go get the pills to come back. It was all this fucking chaos. In the meantime, he's still yelling at me to go get, or to call you. Call Doug, get him on the phone.

And I said, no, I'm not calling Doug anymore. In the meantime, I'm talking to Chaley going, yeah, we should just let him rest it up. I'm overreacting. I said no, no more phone calls. No idea this was going on. He still thinks it's you and you that called the security. I said no, they didn't. Shaylee's not there, and there's nobody that even knows what's going on.

Or was I? He still thinks that. It probably didn't help that I had just on the previous phone call said either security's going to be here or Chad Shank. And I'm telling him I'm at the open mic so he doesn't come down to my room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. Well played, sir. Well played. And in fact, we were at the open mic. Anyway.

So then he says, give me your phone. I'm going to talk to Shaley. And I kind of laugh and I go, oh no, you're not going to call Shaley. Shaley doesn't pick up your calls. No, I said he has no time for this nonsense. And I said, I kind of laugh and I go, oh no, you're not going to call Shaylee. Shaylee doesn't pick up your calls. No, I said, he has no time for this nonsense. Doug loves you, but

Shaylee doesn't give a fuck. I was here to go to an open mic. I've got no time for his nonsense. I took eight of us out of here to go somewhere else. I told him, I said, there's no way Shaylee's going to talk to you. After I talk to Shaylee and we decide it's best to just let him sleep it off on the floor.

We signed up for this. We'll deal with it in the morning. So I called Mamu, Christine Levine, on Twitter. I call her to say, yeah, we just let him fall down and I hear this

just rabble speakerphone. We're in the car. He's going to the airport. Fuck you, nubs. Get out. Get the fuck in the truck. I'm like, I'm trying to drive.

I'm like, give the phone to the warlock because I don't want you to be fighting with him trying to talk on the phone and drive. So Justin Warlock takes the phone, turns off the Bluetooth so that he can talk to you. And that's when that's when the recording started. Warlock, have a seat.

So then he I see him in the back and he kind of holds up his tablet so I know, oh we're doing this. Okay, so we've got the recording going. Holds up a tablet. What's going on? No, no, wait, wait. That was the first phone call. Inman picked up've got the recording going. Hold up a tablet. What's going on? Wait, wait. That was the first phone call because Inman picked

up the phone. Fuck you. I have money to stay anywhere. No, fuck you. You fucking brought me out here. And then he hangs up on me and so I called. Then I try to call you back going, oh, I texted you just saying too late.

Which was an awesome cliffhanger. Because I didn't know what happened. He's dead. Something happened. That could mean anything. Inman hung up on me in the speaker phone, screaming, yelling,

we're on our way to the airport. It sounds like they're about to crash into a fucking median. And Inman hangs up on me. So I call back. Yeah. And the warlock answers. So then he talks.

And I said, listen, just record the rest of the trip. Well, he got pictures also. I don't know how to. I go, I don't know how to do it on my phone. But if I have to, I can figure it out. Yeah. Figure it out. And you figured out how to record.

You get a chunk. Well, I use her phone, which is Stone Age. And so it didn't have it. Oh. He has established. But you have some clip of this. We have 27 minutes. Of batshit madness. And you can hear me.

Okay, so here I am. It's not 27 minutes from here to the airport. No, it's not. What the fuck happened? Let me say this. Listeners, a lot of times we put hidden tracks where if you see that the podcast goes for, let's say, an hour and 15, and we say, hey, that's the end of the podcast. Here's the mattoid.

And you go, well, that's only an hour. Keep listening. Yeah. Listen through the song, and then you'll hear the fucking unbroadcastable chaos, which I'm guessing will probably deal with the 27 minutes of Inman on this. It's him calling you a cunt a lot. It's him telling you I'm a cunt. Yeah, we're doing it.

Yeah, we're doing it. Absolutely. Okay, he's fucking you. You don't even know it on the Unbookables. And I said, how don't even know it on the unbookables. And I said, how is he even fucking me on the unbookables? I said,

as far as I know, he didn't have anything to do with it. Like, he thought of the name and then somebody else took it and then ran with it. We've been over this on the last couple of podcasts.

Ad nauseum. Okay, I didn't know what was going on. I still don't really know what he, I kept asking him, what did he think? Neither did he. And then,

what did he think, what did he expect from you? You can hear me kind of redirecting him and kind of asking him all kinds of things. Just to get him out of his mind on drugs and alcohol. And just trying to get him to talk to me like a person

and explain something to me calmly. And then I said, you know what? He goes, it was Doug's idea and he doesn't want to do it. I said, well, you're not. Why don't you take responsibility for it? It's your fucking movie.

Oh, how dare you? You did it. How dare you? Oh, no. Have him take responsibility. And he goes, oh, you sound just like my dad. Did you just hand him $300? I don't know.

You see why I asked you to... That's why I didn't want to wake him up at all. Meanwhile, I've already given her a $100 bounty to get him out of town. I've never been so wet. You got him to the airport. Got him to the airport. Did he tip you? No, he bought gas for us, and I didn't even want to. No, he did not. I said don't. I said we don't need your you? He bought gas for us.

No, he did not. I said, don't. We don't need your money. And another room and another flight. It was crazy. We watched him all the way to the counter. Oh, okay. You stayed parked out in front of...

Broken Spirit Airlines. Yeah, he went... Broken Spirit Airlines. He goes, oh, I don't even... Broken Spirit Airline. He goes, oh, I don't know if I can get on that plane. And I said, are they going to let me on the plane? I said, sure they will. Why not?

Oh, because I just took all that Xanax. Perfect. And you're just going to sleep? That's the only reason they might even fucking consider letting you on that plane. I'm just going to be calm as a little newborn baby. She's a real docile. It'll be fine.

Can you hide it for eight seconds and get on the plane? You should be all right. Pass the ticket agent. But then you called me, and it's still, hang on, at this... I called you. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Yes, no.

Somebody should turn on CNN and see if the plane had to be redirected. He's on the plane. So. Wait, do you know that? He should be. I mean, he's on the plane. Oh, yeah. The flight leaves in four minutes.

I should be happy. Four minutes. Because. We have no way of knowing. I don't know. No, that's the problem. He doesn't have a phone, but he knows where we live. Yeah, he does.

He does have a landline. Well, when she said the fucking eagle has landed. No, I said the eagle's landed. I go, no, the turd is in the bowl. The turd is in the bowl. Eagle's landed wrong. I was like, no, no, no, I don't mean that. I said, call me as soon as you dump him at the airport and let me know.

And she called. She goes, the turd is in the bowl. I go, you don't get $100 until it's flushed. He has to get on the plane and out of town. Out of town. I said, tomorrow morning, if he hasn't started banging on our doors,

which now I don't think he will. He might be trespassed from the property. About the sheriff and the securities. He could be trespassed. He's not getting through the casino to get here. If he bought gas, he doesn't have

a taxi fare back here. I think, you know, I'll just give you the $100. But you know what? I would have done it for free. You didn't have to start off with that Sean Ramos bullshit. I think at the second phone call where he was screaming,

you could have upped it to $200. Because I don't think that way, do you? Negotiate that shit, Mamu. I would have done it for free. Shank will take him out in the desert and put a knife in his neck for $40. Or Todd Bridges will.

You know what's so funny? Call back four podcasts. Four podcasts. Knife in his neck for 40. Or Todd Bridges will. You know what's so funny? Yeah, Todd Bridges. Okay, so speaking of the desert. Call back four podcasts. Four podcasts. No, speaking of the desert. It was yesterday for us, but for the listeners. I know our listeners. I want to say, speaking of the desert and how little tolerance I have for people like him,

I cannot believe that I am so fucking patient with him. Yeah. Because Justin Warlock, he goes, why hasn't anybody kicked this guy's ass? Because he was so aggressive. Yeah.

He was really in my face and super aggressive. I know. Doug's not violent. I just walked away because I figured someone else

would deal with this fucking I played Elvis Costello while he was sobbing because I didn't want to hug him. All the sacrifices you make, Andy.

I really liked him, but I've only hung out with him one day. Listen, I walked out. He's the worst person I like. I walked out into a conversation with Chad and James after James was sobbing on the patio. And I said, I came back in. I looked at Doug. I go, I'm done. I tried.

I'm done. And then I walked by Chad and he's walking out with Inman. And I go, give me five. And then I was going to go back out and rescue Chad, which I never thought I'd have to tell Chad, I'm going to come rescue you from a situation. When I walked out there, there was talk of like, well, if you cinch it around your neck tight enough, it will

probably constrict you. That's what you walked into. That's what I walked into! And I'm like, I'll be back in five. I'll be back. You know what it was? It was like a game of musical chairs, and the person who didn't have a chair had to go talk to Inman. Alright, so now we assume Inman's on a plane.

Check your phones. Any texts? No, no. There's another half of this party with Chad and Chaley. You guys went to the dive bar for open mic. Yeah. Becker and Norris evidently. You were all beaming with, fuck, yeah, they killed it.

They destroyed it. I get to bump the line or something you know i i went in there and i said hey uh can we get uh becker and john because alex is the guy that he this is the gig we played last night that doesn't open mic on monday so we walk in and of course uh k maggie's there because going to do time. Yeah, but they've got like, the way Alex does it, he's got this whole fucking thing where like, you know in advance

there's 25 people signed up before the show even starts and everyone's listed. So when I got there, I'm like, hey,

where can we put him in? He's like, well, you know, and I look at this on his fucking phone and I'm like, we're not hanging out

that long. There's no way. And then I go, you know, slot us in like four or five down from where we're at now. And then put John and Becker in there. And that'd be great. And then I said, put Maggie after them because we want to watch her do her songs. Live? No, I didn't know if they had seen it live.

And she was there anyway, so she was going to do it And Becca went up Fucking rapid fire Fucking just Totally I'd never been to an open mic So I didn't know what was going on Nobody laughs

Nobody claps A lot of people talk It's just like a regular bar With people trying to tell jokes That aren't funny Welcome to Inman's world I felt horrible For every person

I tried to warn Chad I lead him over to Chad And I go like Usually guys don't bring lists on stage And stuff like that I'm going like this I go well this is kind of how it goes usually guys don't bring lists on stage and stuff like that. I'm going like this the way he goes, I've never been to an open mic. I go, well, this is kind of how it goes.

And the whole back bar, they're all talking because no one's there for open mic except for the comics. And then Matt Becker goes on and he goes, well, I'm getting ready to leave. And they hear, hey, don't leave. They're yelling for him to stay on stage. He goes, well, yeah, my time's done. And then John Norris goes up, fucking killed it too. He's a guy that when I started the open mics up in Anchorage, which they never had him, I was like, listen, you fucking leave this town.

If you do shitty, I'm going to hear about it. So fuck you. Fuck you. So every time. You represent Alaska. Well, it's like all of them they've undermined like, what the fuck was that?

kind of thing. They end up going somewhere and they go like, yeah, I went down there and no one's prepared. And so he went up. He fucking crushed it. He was the second guy that we saw, Becker being the first, that didn't have notes or a thing on stage. Only two of our party that went up. He fucking crushed it. He was the second guy that we saw, Becker being the first, that didn't have notes or a thing on stage.

Only two of our party that went up. And then Maggie went up. And everyone loved them. They were great. And then Maggie went up and she goes walking up on stage without a ukulele. What the fuck? Oh no, she didn't try to do stand-up.

First half of it was good. She did stand-up. Did she do? First half of it was good. I thought she had jumped. Optimist. Taylor the Optimist. No, no. No, no. Honestly, she had laughs.

But she had a lead in with two guys that were getting laughs regularly. There was no uncomfortable. There was nobody like Becker John before them. So it disrupted the flow for sure. So they got a momentum going, and then she goes up, and she's telling jokes. And then the second half of her set, it's four-minute sets, second half of her set,

I think the second half was one story. And I go, after the fact, I go, listen, economy of words, man. Just start cutting down until you get... Know your audience. You gave her good advice. Well, she doesn't think so. Listen, Economy Awards, man. Just start cutting down until you get it. Know your audience. You gave her good advice. Well, she doesn't think so.

And then Alex goes, you know what? Hey, thanks, Maggie, but you know what? This isn't part of the contest. It's a $50 contest for the thing. Come up and do a song. And then she did the ghost abortions, which rock and pilled. And it was so great. And then we started moving out of there after that.

So no one knows who won 50 bucks. No. But did you see a look in Chad Shank's eye going, I can do this shit. Chad, leave the room. I'll stay. I'll stay. I told Chad, I go, Chad?

Because he said, he goes, I have always thought, but I'm never going to do it. I go, no, you should. You should do it. He goes, but I said, this is my advice. I go, this is what I always tell someone because I don't know shit. I'm not a comic, but I really know the best comics in the world. So how about this? Never fucking invite anyone

you know to your first three open mics. You go up there. And they invite anyone you know to your first three open mics. You go up there. And they all brought them there. But what do you do? You always invite come out, come out. No. You want no one in the room. You want a bartender and the blind janitor

to fucking watch you do your show. And I said, because it's not about it's about getting over the fear and you'll never get over it, but at the same time, go up there and just get comfortable with the mic. I've always wanted to bring Chad on the road with us because people know him from the podcast, and he can just talk. Like last night, he opened the show just saying, here's the show,

and he can say whatever he wants. Stories. There's no pressure on him to be honest. Jay Oakerson style. Tell a story. They just love him for being him already. So if he wants to try to slip in some material, he'll never even know if it works.

He said, if I was going to do it. Because they'll love you anyway. He goes, if I was going to do it, I'd have done it last night. I go, big mistake. The first time you're going to try material, you're going to do it in front of Stanhope's audience where they love you? You don't get a true

assessment of what's happening. You go and work your material in front of no one. Who the fuck wants a true assessment? I'm with Chad. True. Mitchell's right here. They would have given him the first

two minutes of gracious. They would have given him the first two minutes of gracious. They would have been like, oh, it's Chad Shank. And then after that, no. It's all hollow. That fucking crowd knows comedy. They are mean. If you fuck up, they tell you. If I would have went up there and it was crickets, quiet, not anything at all.

Like, everybody up there tonight. That would translate into anger for me. I would be angry. Mostly at myself, but I'm not going to take it out on myself. Oh, you'll take it on someone. Would you rather deliver a punchline or a punch? Yeah. No brainer.

We know that you want to be a comic or at least that's what you should be doing because we can smell our own. I don't want to be, but I just respect all of you guys. I get that you don't want to be, but you are one of us. Does that make sense? He's a storyteller.

That's totally what I get. As a guy, you can tell it. Work backwards from the punch and then form the story. That's what I get. As a guy, you can tell... If the blue collar tour needed a tough guy... Work backwards from the punch and then form the story. That's what I get. Like Ron White's storytelling was his best trait in comedy. That and drugs.

Chad would only do this if he was on tour with us. Chad would not go through what those fucking idiots at open mics, us, all of us went through when we were idiots and sit there. There's no end to that.

I mean, there's not a... I would want him to. I would want him to get that feeling. I don't want that. No, no, short term. Then you'd go on tour. You'd just do five of them. No, no.

I was trying to explain this to Inman earlier. I'm a nihilist. I'm a nihilist. I'm a nihilist who doesn't give a fuck about anything. I created this niche part of my ego so I can enjoy this fucking thing that's happening to me. Let me dare say that it's Joey Coco Diaz took off once he was known through, like he was always funny, but he wasn't like going, signing up,

and putting his name on a list, and hoping they'd pull his name out of a hat so he could do three minutes at the comedy store. He was always funny, knew he was funny. Fucking Joe Rogan puts him under his wing. He gets known from that. All of a sudden, everyone fucking loves him. He didn't have to do the open mic-y shit.

I mean, he did his time. He did coots in 95. Yeah, I mean, I remember him. But I'm saying he was accepted already. He blew up because, and yeah, you're too fucking old. Joey Diaz at his age wouldn't be going, I hope I get my name picked out of the hat to do

three minutes and have Tony Hinchcliffe fuck with me about it. No, no, no. We haven't ever done three minutes. I disagree with you veteran comics. This is getting coke talking now. We're trying to close this up. Speaking of coke talking, did James, I like paying your dues.

I like you understanding what it's like to eat shit. I like you understanding how to handle silence. On some level, it'll give you more respect if you go down that dark tunnel. Andy and I have the best of both worlds. I was going to say, think, have had the best of both worlds.

Andy and I have had the best of both worlds because we kind of started and we have done open mics that have really sucked and we felt the pain, but then we also understand the value of just having a warm, welcoming Stan Hope audience that is also loving and forgiving, but we also

know that we have to eventually prove ourselves. We've had some shit shows. You learn more from the non-Stanhope. If they're not on YouTube. You learn more from the non-Stanhope shows. You're supposed to express yourself and be fucking awesome on the Stanhope shows. That's the thing.

I'll tell you, like, since the podcast, there's a little bit level of, like, you know, okay, they kind of, they get to know you outside of your comedy, which is marketing and all that shit. But with Doug's podcast, there's backstories they know or whatever. But it allows you to be yourself. Yeah, it does. It really is.

Yeah, that's the thing. You don't have to fucking. Chad Shank. People fucking tweet all the time, where's the Chad Shank t-shirts? Which I still don't know. I really think that they would give him a good solid two, three minutes

to establish himself and they want to hear from him and they're eager. But I do think that if he didn't have the chops, I'm sorry, but they would just freak out. He wouldn't need stand-up chops. No, no, no.

He could just... I'm talking technical. He could do what he does. I'm talking, but they would just freak out. He wouldn't need stand-up chops. No, no, no. He could just... I'm talking technical. He could do what he does. I'm talking about being comfortable and being up there. I'm not comfortable being talked about like I'm not here. This is weird. You weren't comfortable walking down Fremont Street. I'm not afraid of stabbing anybody here.

Well, and it's like, with comedy though, like, you know, the, if you get approval, you're able to do more. And if you're always shoving your head

into a fucking shitty bar and trying to create a character so they can understand it and create that thing, but, you know, when we get to do

these shows or whatever, it's like people already have our backstory and it's a level. Well, you get a pass. It's a level of acceptance where we treasure and Inman is pissing

on... Don't bring it back to that. Chad has the ability to do what we all do to some extent, including the podcast on stage. We all have a persona

that he can fall into. I yell all the time. I don't yell all the time when I'm around, but on stage I yell and I'm angry or whatever. Well, in the morning. Yeah, but I'm not at that volume. But I use

that and I amplify that. That's what I was trying to explain to Inman. Oh, he's picking on me. Fuck with me. I go, Inman, that's why we have you on the podcast. And you know it. We fuck with you. We wind you up about whatever subject

and then you go crazy and everyone loves it. You stand on a chair, you lose your mind. And then what people don't know is he stays that crazy until security comes. But Chad Shankin used the lose your mind. And then what people don't know is he stays that crazy until security comes. Sheriff shows up. Chad Shankin used the... I told him last night. I was just pitching ideas.

I go, hey, Ron Putnam was the first guy to bring me up at this open mic. He's dead. You want to take his place? And I was like, just go up and go, if anyone fucking takes pictures, do announcements really brutally. Hey, keep your table talk to a If anyone fucking takes pictures, do announcements really brutally. Hey, keep your table talk to a minimum or I'll beat the fuck out of you.

I'll stomp your fucking head flat. Like, just a character you could drift into. The problem is that's not really a character. That's me, and I hate me. So as I was saying last night, don't fucking film, there was a guy right in front of me filming me. And I was like, are you fucking filming me right now? And he goes, no.

And I go, I'll kick that motherfucker out of your hand. And then I realized my only next move was either to shut the fuck up or kick it out of his hand. So I was like, I just got to leave because I'm going to go to jail. So this is what happened next. I jumped on stage because everyone around me was like, he's filming. They could see the red dot on the iPhone. And I jumped on stage, which I, that's

the last thing. And I grabbed his phone and he pulled it back and go, you motherfucker. He just told you. And I'm realizing while I'm saying motherfucker, this guy could punch me right now. And I'm like, I need to set it straight with the first guy. But at the same time, I don't even remember you jumping on stage.

I don't either. It was really quick. And I never want you to get punched, but I really wish that would have happened. No, I realize I was too aggressive from the front. It was ridiculous. It was ridiculous. And that shut it down after that, by the way. What I remember from last night

is except for you, I didn't watch your set because I didn't want people talking to me while you're filming to submit to Ari Shaffir's storytelling show. If you don't put fucking Christine Levine on, we'll

make fun of you or something. No, that's okay. I'll lose an arm and he can make fun of me himself. Ah, there you go. Did I tell you that that's okay? She's awful. After the show, the dive bar, it's a

dive bar. It should fit 175 people standing up if they were going into a train to a concentration camp. And it was hotter. It was so hot. Or more hot. Anyway, we had to sell.

There's no place to sell merch. It's that small. So we sold merch. We haven't talked about this earlier. No. We did like 17 podcasts in the last six hours. We haven't talked about this earlier. No. We did like 17 podcasts in the last six hours.

We sold merch in the parking lot of this strip mall, MC Hammer style, out of the back of the Suburban. So it's just a sprawl of fucking people. Street party. It was. It was. It was a block party. John Norris got a great picture of that, by the way.

I saw the picture. It looked like an evacuation of a bar. Two things I didn't remember from today, from last night, today. The girl that was dead passed out. Jellyfish. Outside. We're in the parking lot selling merch

out of the back of a Suburban, and this girl wants a picture, but they've lifted her off the floor in the bar, evidently. She can't stand on her own two legs. And they're not even lifting her very well. Could you lay flat on your back for this picture? You're missing a part of it. Go ahead. The guy that was with you handed you a book,

and he wrote the UK name of the book on the US version. He peeled the jacket cover off, and he wrote it in silver sharpie. The title of the book I wanted, Not Digging Up Mother, was The Long Version of a Suicide Post-it Note. It was my title. No one rejected it every which way. And he took the U.S. version

which was taking it off the jacket cover and then wrote it on the black cover. He wrote that on the cover in silver sharpie. And as you guys were negotiating a picture or him explaining it. He wanted me to sign it so I wrote

by Doug Stanhope. Someone, I later found out, no one this guy knew, was bringing this jellyfish girl up to you, and it was really trying to move a dead body, and then we found out that was the guy's girlfriend who you were talking to about the book. And he's like, hey. He didn't even care about his girlfriend being laying in a gutter.

He just kept going like, is someone going to take this picture? And it's like he's holding this thing out. And the guy that's holding his girlfriend up, he's handing the phone to him. It's like his hands are fucking full. This jellyfish ain't moving. And then the security guy that was huge, that huge guy. He made Chad Shank look

like a fucking dwarf. Oh, I know the guy. He got involved because I think he had to. No, I asked him. No, I think insurance-wise, it's like, they're coming out of here. And then it was still a thing. And then no one.

I know. He held her up halfway with bewildered look. Like, what am I supposed to do with this broad? He didn't hold her up until I asked him. Because two other people that weren't. And I have a hernia. I cried hernia. I got help. I go, can you help?

He's standing next to me. He's my bodyguard. Yeah, he's at the front of the car. And so then he. But they still wanted a picture. He never, ever said, hold on a second. Let me see what's going on with her. And then he said, I want a picture

with her. And she immediately smiled. She came to? Oh, this baby smile. Picture? She leaned into it. Nailed the Christmas card photo. Oh, that baby smile. Like, picture? She like leaned into it. Nailed the Christmas card photo. Oh, that's so cute. Then we all come back.

I'm trying to wrap this up because we've... We're almost out of tape. Hurry up. We're at 20 minutes already? We all come back here. Some people that didn't even get invited here were here.

So we're up until whatever hours. At some point, we get everyone the fuck. We lied to Inman. We told him, oh, the party's going up to your room. We'll meet you up there in a minute. We're bringing booze. That's how we got him out. I don't remember him coming up.

No, he did. And he went to bed. Okay. It took a lot of tries. Anyway, at some point, and I don't remember this, didn't remember it till fucking first night I beat the fuck out of the

plaza for $1,200 on roulette. Bragged about it all day the next day. Then Brendan Wall shows up and I'm like, hey, I'm flush here. You and Amanda here, here's a hundred. You play this. Here's another hundred. You play this. I lost fucking

$800. You were up $12 and you lost $8. No. I was down $8 because once you have $12, that's your money. So you just lost $800. You don't think, oh, it's the's your money. So you just lost $800. You don't think, it's the house's money.

So last night I thought I went to bed. After everyone left like 5 in the morning. Evidently some of our friends. It was 5.30 when I was asleep and Doug said,

everyone left the room. They were going to go down and get you a tuna sandwich at Subway and they were going to gamble. And the door just shut when you said, Shaylee, would it be funny if we suited up and went right down there right now and just were fucking all over. Because we're both in our underwear in bed asleep. No, I'd been asleep for two hours and woken up every 15 minutes. But then I'm like, no, that is fucking hilarious. But that's not going to happen. And then after

like 20 minutes of prodding, I look over. Doug's in his underpants. He has to suit up from socks up. And I'm like, what the fuck are you doing? He goes, it'll still be funny. I go, no, it'll be funny. And then I had to pee. So I got up and he goes, we're doing it.

And I'm like, God damn it. You know, it's only funny if you do it. That's what I said. I go, it's only funny if you do it. I should have just pissed the bed. So we go down there. He's been asleep for two hours. They think that I can't even make words.

They're going to bring me a tuna sandwich. Immediately we suit up and we're going to act me a tuna sandwich. Immediately, we suit up and we're going to act like we're just at the roulette wheel anyway. You had all the fucking prep. He was like an acting coach. Now when we go down there, we're going to swing our arms. We're going to listen to the Bee Gees. He's doing this whole fucking thing.

We go down there and there's no one gambling. Then we're like, they must be at the subway. We head all the way across the casino. Right where you can see down the hallway to the casino, I see them. There's four of them. And I'm like, oh, fuck. And I hold Doug back.

I go, whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Don't get. They can't see you. We're behind. They can't see us behind the pillar. I go, let's just. You remember a bit of this. Yeah.

I go, let's just shoot across one at a time. Maybe it won't catch their attention. And Doug goes across. But we're wearing fucking the suits. And we're like a fucking shooting a flare off in a fucking hotel lobby. Everybody's already watching you. No, they're all looking the other way. And then as I go across, I hear, Shaley, Shaley.

I go, keep going, keep going. And we swing around. And we're fucked. There's nothing. So we can't play the game we want to play which is we're going to ignore them and then we go back into the casino doug and i and they they're gonna go fucking they're going on the strip they're gonna do something they're gonna fuck it we're we're going we're running hard. We're writing a script.

So we go back. There's one. So much cocaine. There's a one roulette table open next to the craps and like one blackjack. And we get to the roulette. And there's this. I'm pretty sure you don't remember this. This Russian lady. You two did not hit it off immediately.

And she's the dealer for the roulette table. You took $20 and you threw it down and you said my number 23 and 30. You and Tracy is 23. I always bet 36. 36. Usually 17, but 36

especially. She gave you $4 chips and you split it. I split it 20. 10 on each. Spun it. And even the pit boss was like, we'll put the number in for you. Like this jokey thing at like 5 a.m. Oh, I'll hit the button to make that happen. I'm just

repeating what you told me earlier because I didn't remember this. I did remember it after you told me, but I didn't remember the... $20 comes up. Doug goes, grabs another $20, out of his pocket, throws it down. Split the difference. Split the difference. 26.

Bingo's number. Which is not the difference, but... Well, I said split the difference. I remember saying that. 26, and he never, ever took his eyes off the Russian lady doing the thing. Never smiled. Spins the ball, and I'm like looking. I'm like going back and forth.

I'm looking. What number was it? I'm like 26. I'm looking at the thing. Bingo's number. 26 come up. I'm looking at the fucking thing. Like, has it been up here?

And then I'm looking at the thing, and I see 20 fucking six. Whoa. How much money was that? And I look, and I turn over. What? I turn and look over to Doug. He's never even looked at the wheel or the fucking thing that tells you what it is. He's scared.

He's mugging the Russian lady. Oh, and he goes, cash me out. Without even looking, I go, you know that's 26? Because I think he wanted to get cashed out for nothing. Yeah, cash me out. Or for all of it, which was what was going to happen. Whatever happened. You flipped her five.

You took the 700 and the other 15. And we walked upstairs like fucking gangsters. It was fucking great. I never get to see that side of Doug because I'm his cooler. Oh, and then as we're walking to the elevator, you go, here, hold on to this. And you put it in my pocket. onto this and you put it in my pocket. And today, after all the James Inman bullshit

and fucking everyone's either deciding to go out or hide from him, you come over and you stack up seven black chips over here. You had a story about gambling. It was during a podcast. During the Near the Wild podcast with Tom and everyone.

But at some point later as all the shit's going down, and I go, someone left $700 in chips here. And you go, that's yours. And I go, what? And then you tell me this whole story. You go, I thought you were going to start the first podcast with this story. And I didn't remember until you, once you said 23, 26.

And I'm like, oh like oh yeah split the difference with 36 and 23 with 26 what night was that when did that and then you told me the whole story now you the listener you know the whole story but

it was only $600 because $100 is going to Christine Levine. Oh, you fucking earned that. You earned that. God damn it. I did. See this, Andy?

This is what you lost. You didn't get this motherfucker. You passed not one buck, not the buck. If Doug would have offered me $500 to get in the movie. Give me that back. No. It's just Becker. Never mind. It's just Becker.

If Doug offered me $100 to get rid of Inman, I would have just... I'd see the big picture and I'd just quit early. I'm like, no, I can't. You don't like getting called a cunt a hundred times? If Doug would have offered you $100 to get rid of Inman, you would have subcontracted it out to me for $50. Sure. Chad would have gone, I100 to get rid of Inman. You would have subcontracted it out to me for $50. Sure. Chad would have gone, I don't need your fucking money.

I'll do this for free. Yeah. All right. That's a podcast. Everyone's back. We love you, James. We hope your plane lands somewhere. Other people are doing cocaine.

He wants it too. I prefer my highs to be natural, meaning adrenaline from gambling the $600 that I didn't know I won. See you at the roulette wheel, live from the plaza at the patio poolside suite that's just a room. Thank you very much. See you next time. Bye. See you next time. Dog, I will drive out there to Bisbee and punch you in the fucking face. You don't fucking tweet shit like that.

Did you read my email? Did you read my email? You are the fucking douchebag in this entire scenario, okay? Read my fucking email. Yeah, maybe that hurt your feelings because it's true, and you're not able to deal with the fucking truth. And by the way, your stupid fucking friend, what's his name, Chad Shake,

is a fucking white trash, racist, fascist, fucking cop. Fuck him. You know what he said to me? I was sitting there talking to that stupid fat fucking cunt. He said, oh, I like to kill homeless people. When I'm in Las Vegas and I see these homeless people sleeping on the street, I like

to kill them. Yeah, uh, those are your friends. Alright? Alright? Fuck you. Yeah. You fuck, you fucking call me back, you fuck. End of message. Next message.

Yeah, this is James Inman, okay? And read your fucking emails, you stupid, skinny, retarded, cunt, fuck, you and your fucking white trash idiot friends, fuck all of them, alright, read your fucking email, and don't tweet bullshit about me, okay, yeah, because Chad Shank, I'm sitting there next to Chad Shank. He says he wants to kill homeless people because he's a fucking piece of shit human being. All right? Those are the people that you hang out with, all right? So fuck with me and by the way you better fucking not tweet

bullshit about me cause I know more about you than anybody you fraud you piece of shit fraud alright you created a union in the unbookables everyone's not gonna

be James Inman's friend if he doesn't join up with us and tell the club owner to fuck off. Now, read my emails, you fraud. Read my emails. Or at least fucking call me back or fucking reply to the emails, you fucking piece of shit. End of message. Next message. Pick up the phone, you stupid fuck.

You know, here's the deal. You don't want to talk about this particular subject, the Unbookables, the movie. You don't want to talk about it because you know that I'm fucking right. All right? That's why you don't want to even debate it. Because if you were to debate exactly what happened during the fucking filming of the Unbookables and the making of the movie, you know that I'm fucking right.

And you better fucking call me back because I'm fucking pissed and I'm fucking depressed, all right? And it fucking hurts my feelings, all right? And I worked my fucking ass off on that fucking film and I did everything that I was supposed to fucking do. We both started that project. Okay?

You fucking retarded, stupid fucking cunt. You and I started that project. You called me and you said, what do you think we should do about the unbookables? I made a page on my website and you put all the videos up there. You put me, you put fucking Sean Rouse, you put Amy Andrus, and you put Brenda Walsh. You put all the fucking videos up there.

And then I had a fucking director, a filmmaker that could make the goddamn movie, and I made it happen, and what do I get? I get nothing. I get no credit at all from you. You fucking ungrateful piece of shit. Don't ever fucking tell me that I'm ungrateful. You are the most ungrateful little fucking turd I've ever met in my fucking life. All right?

And do you fucking, if you fucking, I swear to God, if you fucking, if you fucking post that fucking podcast where you say you don't like that film, I fucking swear to God, I'm never fucking going to ever talk to you again, you fucking cunt. End of messages.