The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #163: The Bone Zone's Brendon Walsh and the Saddest Podcast Ever

Episode Date: September 13, 2016

Back in 2004 - (L-R) Ggreg Chaille, Bingo, Brendon Walsh & Doug Stanhope - Tampa, FL.      Doug and Brendon Walsh, fresh off an epic losing streak at the roulette table, record the saddest podcast ever and listen to funny prank phone calls from the Bone Zone.Doug's new special is out on Seeso.com  Sept 15, 2016. Click here to sign up now and use offer code "stanhope" to get your first 2 months free!Recorded Aug 28, 2016 at The Plaza in Las Vegas, NV with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Brendon Walsh (@BrendonWalsh), Amanda (@TheConradical), and Ggreg Chaille (@GregChaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille.LINKS: The Bone Zone - http://bonezonepodcast.com/   The Bone Zone Ep. #193 - Diarrhea Phone Sex - https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/bone-zone-193-richard-bain/id528236051?i=1000353654903&mt=2   The Bone Zone Ep. #93 - Lie Detector Phone Sex - https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/bone-zone-93-melissa-villasenor/id528236051?i=1000342015312&mt=2   Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/   Closing Song, "Party Time", performed by The Mattoid. Available on iTunes.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com    Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Hey, and now we have a drunken late night swap cast with the Bone Zone and the Doug Stano podcast. Yeah, that was bad. I just want to make sure you're... I lost like... Yeah, check, check, test. $300 of your money and $700 of my money. Yeah, see, now I'm confused. Have a dog to feed. and $700 of my money. Yeah. See, now I'm confused. Have a dog to feed.

I'm confused as to how much money I lost or we lost, but I know that I was talking such shit about how bad I beat the fucking house last night, and I wasn't going to gamble again, and then we just kept fucking chasing the dragon yeah no no no i already beat him really bad last night now here's another hundred give them chips and we couldn't fucking hit number 34 on roulette to save our lives the first time ever it was terrible This is the first time Brendan Walsh has been on the podcast ever. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah. It only cost me $700 to do it. Unbelievable. Off the strip. They fucking raped us so badly. Well, you know, the thing was, we had all bug eater. Bug eaters. Bug eaters.

They were all bug eaters. The fucking roulette spinners. We did so fucking good last night. Well, it's because I came in and fucked it up. Because I bet on football today. I bet on preseason football, and I bet on MLS soccer, and I lost 75% of my bets. I was in a bad losing streak already.

Who bets fucking MLS soccer? Me. I do okay with it usually. You bet draws. Bet draws. Bet draws. If you bet on a Sunday, bet all the teams to tie. It pays two and a half to one. More than half of them usually tie.

I'm a drunk, and I know what it's like. I'm not going to lose my ass at being a drunk because where I live, a handle of vodka is $9. So the only time I'm ever susceptible to an addiction is when I come to Vegas. And if I could just spend all of it, I would spend all of it. I would still be down there. They shut the table down. They were so tired of taking our money. They shut the table down on us.

I'm getting calluses on my fingers from taking your chips, sir. I'm getting rug burn. Fucking atrocious. amanda mandy candy pants she went on with 100 bucks but she she never looked amused if she won or she lost she just looked like i just want to eat can we go to oscars, it's closed. She wanted to be somewhere else the whole time. Yeah. Well, no, she started having fun. She was tired.

She's got fucking like diarrhea or something. No, she does. She's like, oh, my stomach hurts. How do you spell that? Diarrhea? Yeah. D-I-A-R-R-H-E-A. Still on our wall.

Oh, yeah. Brendan Walsh, like nine years ago, house sat for us on his way from Austin to LA. And for some reason, some Brendan Walsh reason from the bone zone podcast. Yeah, it's good.

Put diarrhea under one of our clocks. We have like nine stolen clocks on our wall. And for some reason, under one clock, he put diarrhea. The same way you'd put New York, Tokyo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He put diarrhea. And that's how I know how to spell diarrhea, because it's still there on our wall. People who love the word diarrhea generally don't know how to spell it people

love diarrhea but they don't usually text it to one another and if they do predictive text yeah but you taught me if i want to write it in script you just gotta look This is how I spell it. I go to the living room and I look at that one clock. Fuck Google. Yeah. I hate that this is the first time you've been on the podcast at 2 15 in the morning. After a long day of gambling, you traveled. You just get in. I traveled yesterday, too.

Yeah. traveled yesterday too yeah and here we are in the middle of the night both down hundreds and hundreds of dollars a little all you know bounce out after uh wait this it gets worse it gets worse because all right yeah 2 15 in five hours james inman shows up into this room he has to because you can't check in till three in the afternoon so he's gonna have to come to this room chaley who has just one job in the world is to entertain in minutes 7 30 he's sitting there with an eye mask. Bingo. Sit in with it. Tracy. Get a couple bottles of water and have a cigarette while you're at it. Chaley, come have a cigarette.

Does everybody have cigarettes? Yes. I quit smoking in February. Tracy can only smoke behind Chaley's back. So occasionally when she's drunk, she'll go, oh, he's gone away. Let me have a drag. And I give her a drag. Bingo, on the other hand. Bingo always kinds of quit.

I quit. But she'll like, I'm drinking. Give me a drag. And then she'll hot box the fucking cigarette and i go listen the difference between you and tracy if you just say i'm hiding it from ichabod my dog then i'm on your side i'll help you i'll be your friend. Even the girls are no longer interested in our shenanigans. But I think. Well, nobody's interested in podcasts unless you're Pete Holmes. Oh, no.

Fuck the podcast. I'm talking about going back down and hitting 34. Motherfucker, that came up three times since we left. Three times in a row. that's the only way it comes up when i went to take a leash shut down the table but i'm i i'm ready to go back and go fuck you i haven't i haven't hit my atm card that's a good in vegas if you have not hit your atm card you're doing good yeah Yeah. I hit my ATM card. I just lost most of what I made last night.

That's fine. I lost most of what I made last week. But I'm on vacation. Well, yeah. That was the first. It was $100 an hour for your first seven hours of vacation. You got here, you lost $100 an hour, and now here we are pretending to podcast.

The first time we have Brendan Walsh on the podcast, it's the saddest podcast ever well we're shell-shocked of like it never goes that bad it never goes that bad and that's when you go fuck this the odds are in my favor no one can lose this much that many times in a row. Let's hit it again. And it's always an Asian dealer. Yep. Oh, hey, Tracy, we need a goddamn lighter.

I have matches. You have matches. I gave you your lighter four hours ago. Oh, maybe I have it. Yeah, it's okay. Hey, how's the bone zone going? What do you have matches i came to your later four hours ago oh maybe i have it hey how's the bone zone going what do you have to plug bone zone's great we call phone sex it's it's it's uh basically it's turned into a crank call podcast we call we we're on a jag of calling bra stores. And bra stores hang up on guys real quick.

When I go, well, I'd call a bra store and I'd say, hey, what's the biggest bra you have? And they'd go, it's a, it's a. Just sit in. You don't have to talk. Just sit in so we don't think we're keeping you awake sit in there topless just sit in there topless all right you call bra stores we call bra stores and say what's the biggest bra you have and they say you like 38 double d or whatever

and then i say what's the biggest bra you've ever seen and a lot of times they just hang up then but uh but i was doing a thing where i would call bra stores and say what's the biggest bra you have and i'd say well i'll take that because i'm trying to do a thing like cinderella where when i get the biggest bra and if it fits the lady perfectly that'll be my wife and then we had a thing where i'd say i'm trying to buy a bra for my wife but do you have bras for long boobs like uh like bread bags. Bread bags. Like a loaf of bread. You know, like two loaves of bread.

Like bread bags hanging off. There were a lot of bra store calls. What we call phone sex a lot, too. We have, yeah, there's one where we tried i know you and i uh we were in louisiana at the uh joe bears and we tried to do some prank calls and but i remember i don't know if you were part of that night we tried to like go on gay phone sex, uh, gay chat lines. Yeah. And tried to solicit gay phone sex that we could record on, on the phone.

And no one was biting. And yeah, gay guys like gay and hookers are also very, like we went on back pages and we would call like gay hookers and, and, uh, regular hookers and just you know just start asking them weird things with chad shank and i we were in uh with chaley a couple years ago we were

in uh bozeman montana and we're we're trying to get a hook, and they have them in the back pages in Bozeman. Montana has hookers to come down, and we'd tell them the truth. Hey, listen, we just want to interview someone interesting. I'll pay you the same rate as you would for giving a blowjob or whatever. Just to talk anonymously about your... Well, they think it's a sting or something. No one would do it they would come suck your dick but they wouldn't come talk anonymously about sucking dicks for a living well i did a thing in la where we called we when i when i discovered back pages and i was

like oh shit there's a whole other you know a thing to get uh hookers and i called like a handjob massage place and i i forget what we're saying we're being stupid to them and then i felt bad afterwards so then i called him back and it was like are you guys hungry i'll send you a pizza and so i called dominoes and had a pizza delivered to the handjob massage place and then they called me back and were like oh you sent us a pizza i was like yeah i told you i was gonna and they were like thanks a lot but we call phone sex a lot like the best phone sex call that's a way better bad beat of 20 bucks for a pizza than what what we just took in the casino you know oh my God. I could have bought... No one's calling our room right now. Hey, thanks for you both blowing fucking $1,500 total.

Jesus Christ. God damn it. But again, it won't suck a week from now. Oh, it doesn't matter. We'll never think of that money we lost. You know, that's how much a transmission file costs. But I'll always remember

how bad i beat him last night the best phone saw we had a couple phone sex calls because i went and saw ween in philadelphia last week on sunday took four hits of acid and uh me and my friend had fucking a great time and then when we wound up back in my hotel room we were talking about the the bone zone and i and and i was telling him about like oh we do these phone sex calls so i was playing them for him i was laughing so hard we we did one where we we we said we had a lie detector hey you want a xanax i have some all right can you grab me a half a xanax out of the important pocket like this yeah yeah two quarters the important pocket she knows uh but we had a uh a lie detector where we said we were doing it to our guest where she were like oh have you ever had anal sex or whatever she goes no

you hear this loud fucking ant and ding ding ding if you tell the truth so we called well we started we, we called the Apple store. Tracy, have you ever had anal sex? No. You call the Apple store. Do you want to answer that again? So we call the Apple store and we call the geek squad. And we have this guy on the phone from the geek squad.

And we say, hey, we bought this uh lie detector we don't know if it's working right do you know how it works and guy goes i don't even know we sell that wait no what are you doing and we go i don't know it's acting up boy we don't know and he and he's like wow that's crazy i didn't even know i'm not sure if i know we have that ding ding all right all right maybe it's calibrating and we go how do you like your uh boss i mean god he's i mean he's fine why do you guys put me on yeah he's like so we keep him on the phone for 20 minutes and then uh a guy's yelling at him in the background. He's like, what are you doing?

Why are you still on the phone? He's like, I don't know. They're giving me a lie detector over here. And then he hangs up. So then we call phone sex. And this lady answers. And she's like, oh, hey, I'm Sandy. And we're like, oh, hey, Sandy.

It's me and my twin brother, Randy. We always do a thing where me and randy are twins we're identical twins but our birthdays are on different days and we go have you ever heard of anything like that because i was born at 11 59 p.m he was born at 12 01 a.m have you ever heard of anything she's like no i don't know and we go so what are you wearing sandy your name's sandy right yeah all right what are you wearing oh bra and panties and it's like fishnets or whatever you're okay are you horny and stuff she's like i am super horny we go we have this lie detector thing

is it okay if we try it on you and she's like lie detector what do you think and we're like yeah and she's like yeah i don't know i've never heard of anything we're like okay well just so your name's sandy right yeah well i don't know it's i don't know maybe it's wrong i don't know it's not where she's like what is this i've never heard this and we go but your name work. She's like, what is this? I've never heard of this. And we go, but your name's Sandy. She's like, well, I mean, that's my actress name or whatever. Ding, ding, ding. All right. So you're wearing a bra and panties and fishnets? Yeah.

Sandy, what is this? She's just like, what is this? Are they sweatpants? Ding, ding, ding. Yeah, yeah. She's like, we're like, what do you really yeah she's like we're like what do you really i mean we're just trying to figure out if this thing works and she's like well i'm not i'm wearing like a like a house coat or whatever what does it cost to call phone sex 89 cents a minute all right

because i remember when i first started telemarketing in 1985 toner rooms in la you there was 976 numbers yeah yeah do you remember that yeah oh i remember because me and my brother called a 976 number a hundred times when our grandparents were babysitting us we went upstairs and used the phone upstairs but they were oh it wasn't even phone sex it was it was it was dial a joke it was recorded it was dial a joke and you would get uh and it was the same one we called it a hundred times it was phyllis diller going like i don't even remember the joke but then like me and my brother just put the phone sex back then was recorded the same way hi i'm i'm uh uh carmen the anal queen i remember that specifically because everyone in the toner room would call these 976 and if you get hi i'm carmen the anal queen we'd all laugh

whereas wasn't it recorded though yeah it was yeah yeah they were just recording yeah so you go hey keep dialing until you get carmen the anal queen we got so well we get live ladies so we do the uh the uh lie detector on the lady and just you know like fucking she she had a good attitude she's just like oh my god i never heard of anything like this are these on youtube because i really want yeah yeah i mean if you google bone zone i want to plug the fucking we could fucking i i want to put together a best of because our fucking podcast is rambling like if we edited it down to 40 minutes each one it'd be fucking the best podcast don't you try to steal chaley from me if yeah we got to sit there and and fucking go through because i was playing with my friend chris when we're still on acid no no this guy chris uh deville uh this guy i know

from austin that wasn't on acid who has a real job and he was trying to straight no no he doesn't have the only real job he had i'm just saying because chaley will wake up and go i gotta edit out his name and i get no no christopherville is fine he lives in fucking the woods in cooper's town rockingham palace where i go every time uh that i would go to um the uh montreal comedy festival i like the first time i went there for new faces instead of like running my set every night i went and took acid and played rock and roll in the woods in upstate new york and then took a bus to montreal it was like cooperstown yeah right outside of cooperstown rockinghamingham Palace, we're called. You went batshit crazy on mushrooms and wound up in Cooperstown and came down. No, you went batshit crazy on mushrooms.

That was after I lost my mind with you, yeah. And then came down on acid in Cooperstown. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we would have, there wasn't a neighbor for a mile away, so we'd just turn up the fucking guitars. Like, all he had was like musical equipment in his house and we fucking we made a band called foie gras and we just uh yeah we just make these songs but uh but chris is the guy who was just with me in philly when we

went to go see ween and i was playing the uh i was like oh no no we have this these lie detector calls all the phone sex calls so we did the lie detector thing and then we did another uh phone sex call where i'm talking to a lady and uh and i'm like all right all right so my dick's out or whatever you know like talking to her and uh and then you hear these dogs barking in the background and i was like god damn it dogs are barking all right we got to finish up and i was like so my dick's out i'm jerking it and you have big tits or whatever she's like oh i have dogs too it's fine yeah let's finish up and then you hear a baby crying too i was like oh fuck the dogs woke up the baby all right we got to finish up we got to finish up jerking off and then and then you hear

this recording of a lady come in goes what are you doing i was like god damn my fucking wife's home i don't know okay we got to finish up my wife's yelling at me fucking and you hear dogs barking and a baby crying and a lady yelling and i'm like come on just just talk louder. I can't hear you. And then the crescendo of it is you hear a marching band start playing the song Louie Louie. I go, God damn it. My son's doing marching band practice here. I forgot I told him he could do that. All right, we got to finish up. So you hear a dog's barking, baby crying a lady yelling and a louie

louie marching band and i'm like i need to come just call me say fuck my tits jason siegel call me jason siegel because we had another podcast where we had nick thune on the podcast and we got in an argument with nick thune where he was like he said something about jason siegel and i was like nobody knows who jason siegel is is he a he's a he's the no he's the fucking yeah exactly he's he's the guy who's in like uh how i met your mother and he's like in the muppets movie he's like you would know his face if you saw him, but you wouldn't know his name. And so Nick's like, everybody knows who Jason Segel is. I go, I bet you if we call, we'll just call random numbers,

ask them if they know who Jason Segel is. I bet you nobody knows. So we're calling businesses around the country, and somebody answers the phone. Hey, Bar and Grill bar and grill blah blah blah i go hey uh do you know jason siegel is what jason siegel have you ever heard of jason siegel the movie star no all right put your manager on the phone what put your manager on the phone i want to speak to your manager. Okay, hold on.

Hey, do you know who Jason Siegel is? No, I mean, I don't know. What are you calling about? I go, well, I want the first person who answered the phone to be fired because they were rude to me, and they don't know who Jason Siegel is. We called like 100 people. Like two of them knew who Jason Segel was. Walsh has tenacity.

He doesn't let a gag just slip under the bushes. Well, it's like being ten. He will just keep pounding. The way we describe our podcast is like two ten-year-olds got a hold of a tape recorder and a phone. And we just get on a fucking jag. And we could play some clips. I'll get some clips to you oh chaley will find them because they just found them all all these clips from the good ones where we uh so then we call phone sex again it costs like 15 to have them on the phone for 20 minutes and we call this one lady and it's me and randy

and we have this lady uh melissa via senor this other comedian on there and we're like uh oh hey you know the lady answers the phone and i'm like hey i uh you know i want to have phone sex with you or whatever and she's like oh okay it's not cute i well, actually, I'm here with my twin brother, Randy. I explain how we have different birthdays and everything. And she goes, oh, well, we can't do that. Like with, if you're related, we can't, I can't do that if you guys are twin brothers. And I was like, well, no, no, we're just like,

we're not jerking each other's dicks. We're just jerking. She's like, no, no, we can't do that. And we're like, well, our sister Melissa's here. She's like, no no we're just like we're not jerking each other's dicks we're just jerking he's like no no we can't do that they're like well our sister melissa's here she's like no no i can't and we're like oh no we're just playing he's my friend and she's our neighbor or whatever and she's like oh okay you guys have me scared or whatever okay so what are you doing with your dick and i was like well i'm looking at my brother and he's jerking she's like no no wait but you said so we keep her on the phone forever and uh and then oh no these are two calls i'm combining but the but the best one we did was so we do we do that with the lady with where we're where we're

brothers phone sex for a minute and i'm not going to go into detail because it's in the next book but ralphie may drop me off at this place in hollywood i'm going to do gay phone sex on mushrooms and the the name of the business was something to the effect of premium hold time whatever it was the name of the business was basically how long can you keep these people on the fucking line right yeah because that's how you get paid so no matter how fucked up and that's what i i went to do prank calls and i was trying to tape them on a mini cassette recorder with the suction cup thing do you ever have one of those the radio shot suction cup no but i had to be secretive it was just just the mini tape recorder you know note to self that the thing from the

fucking 90s just but we're gonna tape your calls anyway but the point was you keep them on the line for as many 89 cents a minute as you can and they don't give a fuck they never hang up on you well we had a lady so we had this guy richard bain on it was a super funny comic and uh and the same thing it's my twin brother's birthday my birthday was yesterday i'm buying him phone sex today we're all we're all on the phone and we're all like talking dirty lady and i was like hey it's randy's birthday he's you should just have phone sex with him first or whatever and and he's and so he's like okay yeah randy and randy's like okay well i'm gonna go into another room to get away from these guys

i'm just gonna go to the bathroom because it's the randy is the co-host of the bone zone if the listener hasn't figured that shit out so he goes uh i'm gonna go okay i'm gonna go to the bathroom and close the door so we can have phone sex and i'm gonna sit on the toilet it's the only place to sit but you know i'm just here to have fun so i have my dick out and she's like oh yeah my tits are all big and he's like oh yeah take your bra off or whatever and uh yeah i'm jerking my dick and she's like oh yeah it's hard and you hear like diarrhea what was that he's like what did, nothing, nothing. No, keep going, keep going. It goes on for like 20 minutes.

And then he comes out and he's like, well, if you want to have fun and sex with my brother or his friend. And I was like, yeah, I mean, I'm kind of horny thinking about fun. So I go into the bathroom. I was i was like ah it smells in here or whatever it was it was randy doing anything she's like i don't know i mean we have a 10 hour drive home and don't think we're not gonna listen to bones i'll send you the uh fucking way send it to chael these are good ones i'll send you the episodes. One of them I think is 95. Yeah, just these crazy diarrhea noises.

And then I go in and start talking to her at the perfect spot. I'm like, no, no, no, keep going, keep going. Now, were you doing the sounds with your mouth? No, no, we have a soundboard. Diarrhea number four on Spotify. Diarrhea number four. Anybody can pull it up. It goes on for four minutes.

It's crazy wet, echoey, toilet bowl diarrhea. It has to be wet it has to be wet but nothing makes me cry harder than diarrhea oh man in the middle of phone sex too these ladies put up with everything my new special doug stanhope no place like home is premiering on cso september 15th there you go explain cso brian well cso is an over-the-top subscription uh streaming service from nbc universal and where do they get it where do they go you go online you go to cso.com spell s w s o.com i see you so yes i see so and then it's all about comedy they're all about comedy all comedy yeah all the time they're an enormous comedy benefit how late are they open they're open 24 hours doug all week

all week even the day of the lord yep three six five two four seven and i what this is gonna be hundreds of dollars a month well you would think with the quality that CISO have, it would be at least a bajillion dollars. But that's just one of their shows, bajillion dollar properties. They are actually free for two whole months, which frankly could be

as long as you need them to see your special multiple times. Right. So go to CISO and get my special free, basically. Yeah. All you need to do is sign up using

the password and it's a crafty one Stanhope and you'll get two free months right so get that Big J Oakerson's on that Harmon Quest Rooftop Comedy there's a bunch of shit on there just fuck you guys you listen

to the podcast go to CISO get the fucking special for free. And judge for yourself. No place like home. Get it on CISO. Get CISO now. I like biscuits and mustard. I also like the Doug Stanhope podcast. Mm-hmm.

We've been talking about this. We tried to do this years ago in louisiana just try to tape some prank phone calls and i fucked everyone up and you did great but we just never like the jerky boys were the best they were the best hit the bitch with a lamp, man. Well, I was working when the Jerky Boys. They stunk a lot. Like, any good comic can do way better. Crank Yankers, they had to do it like TV clean. Yeah.

And they just brought in comics to do it who weren't, like, juvenile enough. The Jerky Boys. Phone calls are the fucking easiest thing to do. And everybody loves them. and we still haven't put out we have to do a fucking prank phone call we have like hours of prank phone calls on the bone zone we called we i had a theory that girls would never admit that they know what the bang bus is. So we called Forever 21s in all these malls and said, hey, we, I forget how we got in. It was like, we heard some of your employees riding in on the bang bus.

And do you know what that is, right? The bang bus. And the girls would be like and it was perfect every girl was like no and we're like are you sure you don't know what the bang bus is and we'd be like no i've never heard of that but you could tell they did hear of it so we called all these like female shops bingo probably doesn't know i'm just doing a. Bingo probably doesn't know. I'm just doing a survey. Bingo probably doesn't know bang bus.

Tracy probably definitely knows about it. You've heard about it. Yeah. It's the bang bus. It's a bus where they bang people. And then we called shit. Then we got bored with all the girls making believe they didn't know what the bang bus was. So then we called Hugo boss in a mall.

The actual guy. No, the store Hugo boss. And we, but we would just boss people around. We'd say, Hey, it's Hugo boss,

right? Well, I'm calling from the head office. What are you doing? All right. We'll put a customer on the phone right now. Like people would put customers on the phone, and then we would ask the customers about the bang bus.

We'd say, they'd say, okay. I'd say, how many customers are there right now? All right, put one on the phone. Hurry up. That's what I always do whenever I call places. Listeners, find this shit. T tweet it at me tweet links at me so i can retweet this shit because i don't know what goes on you have so many fucked up things that you do on your twitter with amanda rhymes and fucking right man rhyme bus and fucking your sister or your ex-wife.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. All Brendan Walsh does is make life funny. I just want to avoid real life. New bits. I try to employ people or whatever. I don't have any fun at all walls just is all fun is is just uh invent a fake world all right yeah but the the the more successful quote unquote i get the less fun i have

like ah fuck i bought another house who's gonna take care of it i don't and i have no fun at all i'm the most miserable cunt in the world and then you show up my son trevor uh here's some of his last tweets i'm trying to figure out how to worship the devil. My mom is wasted. This is your son on Twitter. Trevor Walsh. How many babies do you think are in hell? How can you tell if a dog is a boy or a girl? I love giving people the finger.

Who's smellier, girls or boys? That was a poll. Hey. who's smellier girls or boys that was a poll yeah you again one of the funniest people i don't like i don't always shit my pants on purpose but when i do it's on a crowded septa bus it stinks so bad that's the bus in philly i show up in la and it's when i when i go to la it's a high school reunion i just see a million people and i'm just hey oh hey how are you doing how you do that night that you have not been passed and louis ck was the original guy that couldn't get past to do regular sets at the comedy store. And everyone that was like, no, I'll just talk to Mitzi.

Of course, they're just crazy. But you have not been passed to do sets at the comedy store. And we're there one night. I was off talking to rogan and fucking whoever and ron white but you look enough like john door yeah that someone thought you were john door one of management and said hey uh if you want to know it was a waiter it was a guy he offered me a bottle of water and i was half drunk and you guys had just gone up and done like ron white did a set and you and rogan were watching and i was there with amanda and i was like i don't want to do a set i think

they let me do five minutes i have this new fucking uh handicapped stall bit and uh and so the guy comes over he's like do you want a bottle can i get you anything i was like yeah can i have a bottle of water do you think i do like five minutes he goes oh let me check and he goes back comes like yeah yeah you can do uh yeah after like there's two guys and then you and then uh and i feel fucking cool like i i look to my girlfriend like man see i'm hot shit in this town they finally know i'm not like past at this place they know who i am everybody knows what and then ian edwards is on stage he goes welcome to stage john door i think he's fucking with me joking around i go up i do a mediocre i was because amanda was like you you're too drunk to do a set i go ah fine i go up and i do a oh yeah

yeah i was too drunk kind of to do a set it was fine oh i thought you went up and did john door set no i didn't know i wasn't in on the joe i wasn't the a waiter thought i was john door told ian edwards bring up john door i go up hey, man, Ian looks confused, but I don't even fucking know. And I go up, I do my own shitty jokes. And then two days later, because it's a fucking gossip mill waitress. I got an email. Yeah, we heard about the Brendan Wallace, John Doerr thing. Like, I set it up.

Yeah. John Doerr doesn't even go. because i saw john like a week after that and or well thankfully you were back like a week later or whatever and i go in and and they're like oh the john door thing and i was like yeah i didn't know the only way i knew about it was theo vaughn was on stage like two people before he tweeted to me like oh the funniest thing i saw theo's funny he's gotten really funny and uh he tweeted to me like the funniest thing i saw at the comedy store last week was when they thought you were john door or whatever and chaley just woke up made sure he didn't have to do anything, and then went right back to bed with his eye mask on his forehead.

He doesn't even have it on his eyes. That's what a control freak Chaley is. He's got it on his third eye. He sleeps with an eye mask on his forehead. Is Tracy talking on the podcast? No. No, no, no. I won't let her talk.

That mic's turned down that mic's turn is tracy talking on the podcast he wakes up and says why is that because that mic is turned down he's trying to fucking listen you have the same unit that we... Didn't you just have that? Wasn't there another one of these that we podcast with? I want to go fuck with Mandy Candy Pants. She's probably already annoyed with me. Oh, no, she's definitely annoyed. I want to go...

We can go over to the North Tower. If I can be Mike, I want to crawl in with that and say, If I can be might, I want to crawl in with that and say, fucking Walsh has to sleep in my room because Andy's just make up a story and just crawl into bed with her, just slurring drunk. He told me I got to sleep here because he's there. She'd have a good attitude about it. She's a gem. She's fine.

I could make it weird. Yeah, I mean, you could, but she's still, she's fucking gem she's she's fine i could make it is yeah i mean you could but she's still she's uh she's fucking she's got four older brothers so yeah yeah you can't fuck with her not not on the first night because we again andy was gonna sleep out here on the patio andy oh is he sleeping on our patio uh and he was so drunk yesterday like we can't get thrown out of the hotel on the first night because yesterday he was so drunk he was getting high with some uh negro mma guys next door and i if we let him sleep on our patio, I've just bought him a room. Because if he slept on the patio, he would have jumped over the wall. Rooms are like $11 here.

No, they go up to $139 on Saturday. Tomorrow, he's got his own room with Inman and Christine Levine. Oh, Jesus. Yeah. Way nice room. That's going to be a hell of a room. Well, yeah, we'll crash it a lot. Fuck, tomorrow's going to be, ugh. Tomorrow's going to be great.

It's going to be a new day. I'm just the host. But I have to go up in between seven different comics. We'll wake up with our pockets turned inside out and go, what the? What? I still didn't lose everything. You lost everything. I just lost everything I won, mostly.

Yeah, yeah. I didn't win. Well, I mean, I guess if I count, whatever. Yeah, you lost 700 bucks. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not in a position to do that but i can afford it for now two months from now i'll go we have we have do you have but it's always like

sponsorship on your podcast no we get like we do some commercials every now and sporadically that's what we yeah and then we do the uh the Amazon portal thing where we just say, hey, if you're going to order something from Amazon, go to our website first, click on Amazon. You make some money from that. Yeah, we had that option, and we forget. Oh, you should do it. We forget a lot of stuff.

Chaley fucking, Chaley, the most brilliant man in the world as far as he manages my life but he still insists on doing fulfillment of merch so he spends most of his time licking fucking envelopes and mailing out shit like just get fucking a hump to do that why you do everything so well why are you spending most of your time use a moist sponge here's another moist sponge tracy uh i guess she's gone to bed. Here's another tweet from Trevor. I'm walking around with a shoelace secretly tied around my dick. No one knows but me. LOL. He's eight.

How old is your fake son Trevor on Twitter? He's been eight for about four years. I can't change the picture. I can't figure out how i found them here i'll find uh one of the bones oh no all right i have i have i only follow like one percent of how many people are following me so right now i have 260 people i follow for 260 000 followers i don't know if that's one percent or a tenth of a percent i don't i point being politically how many people do you follow that just cock block and coagulate and constipate your feed where you go,

I'm going to go see who's tweeting. But you have like three people that just fucking tweet and read. Yeah. But you can't unfollow them because you mute them. You just mute. Yeah. You don't block them. But sometimes they tweet at you and I don't know how.

Oh, here we go. Bonzo. Here here's i think this is the uh put it on the mic yeah yeah well when i find the uh okay this is the uh cacophony phone Okay, here we go. Alright, here we go. So, barely legal or regular lady. Those are the two options. I guess regular lady. Yeah. Welcome, stud.

Glad you could make it. Is this a person? No. To speak one on one with a really sexy lady. I'll give you her undivided attention. We'll all ready for what's going to happen. We'll give it a, you know, we'll give it a... Okay, here's the... Yeah, is there anything you want to do to, uh... Anything you want to do to my dick?

Anything I want to do to it? Yeah, is it, uh, you like hard, uh, you like hard dicks? Uh-huh. Yeah. I want to suck it while I sit on your face. Okay. Well, I don't know how we would, uh, could we do both of that at the same time? Yeah.

How do we do that? I'm going to sit on your face, and you're going to lick me. Okay. While I reach down. You know, 69, baby. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I was thinking we're standing up.

That's why I was confused. Yeah, so, yeah, okay. I'm laying down, and you're, let's see, he's in my face, I'm licking it. And, okay, let me, yeah, I'll just, I'll lay down here. Sorry, knocked that. Lay back, let me straddle your face. Lay back Let me straddle your face Oh yeah

God damn dog Yeah What'd you say? Oh that my dogs are No no no I have that same problem Shut up! That's why I was laughing

Shut up! Can you how I was laughing. Shut up! Can you hold on one second? Yeah, don't worry. Shut the fuck up! Alright, well let's just sorry. Don't worry, my dogs do the same thing.

They piss me off. Do you ever do any, um, okay, so, okay, so we're 69ing, right? Yeah. Oh, God, it feels good. I'm, uh, I just so you, I'm, uh, I'm playing with my dick right now. Mm-hmm. Is that cool? Mm-hmm. Is that cool? Mm-hmm.

Yeah, let me suck that cock. Yeah, suck on my cock. Oh, God, yeah, that feels good. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, fuck. Are you rubbing your pussy, too? Yeah.

Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. oh yeah that feels good god damn it hold on I think god damn it I think that the dogs woke up the baby

that's alright let's just finish up finish up so you're laying I think that the dogs woke up the baby. Ow. That's all right. Let's just finish up. Finish up. So you're laying down. Yeah, come on. Um. Oh, yeah. Oh.

Okay. Yeah, give me that chickpea. Shit. That kid's fucking losing his mind. Okay, so. Yeah, come on. All right, I'm. I'm stroking my dick real hard. Yeah, come on. Alright, I'm... I'm stroking my dick real hard.

Yeah, come on, baby. It's so distracting. I know. I know so many distractions for you, poor thing. It's alright. Okay, so I'm just rubbing my hard dick. You're sucking on my dick. Uh-huh. You're rubbing your pussy, too.

Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah, come on, baby. Is your pussy, too? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Come on, baby. Is your pussy all wet? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, baby. Oh, yeah.

Come on, baby. Just jerk it. Yeah, I'm just jerking. Okay, goddamn. All right. We got to hurry up, because I think my wife is here. Stop giving that film to the camera. I'm Anna, a new photographer.

Listen, I'm on the phone. I'm on the phone. No, you just did an illegal phone. And you're a fraudulence. What's your name and number, Norma K? I'm tired of this. I'm tired of this! Let's finish, can we finish up? Uh huh

You can scream all you want You come here all the time Okay, so I'm looking at your pussy. Do you like it in your asshole? That's a lie! Uh huh That's a lie! So I'm gonna look in your asshole? Yeah I do!

Yeah, come on in So I'm gonna be like an asshole? Yeah I do! Yeah come on in. No I'm not! Guess the line! What's your name? Give me the card! You're a photographer! Give me the card! Give me your card!

Come here you're dead! You can't get out! Shut up! It's like a crazy house over here. Um come over here. Okay I'm gonna come. Okay here I come. I'm gonna come over here.

Shhh. God damn it. I'm gonna come over here. I'm gonna come over here. I'm gonna come over here. I'm gonna come over here. I'm gonna come over here. I'm gonna come over here. I'm gonna come over here. Um, come over here. Okay, I'm gonna come. Okay, here I come. I'm gonna come over here. Shhh.

God damn it. My son is, he has a marching band practice here. Alright, come on, let me, alright. Are you ready? Can I come on your tits or your face? Where do you want to? You're gonna have to speak up. I can't hear you. Can you talk louder, please?

Yeah, I can't hear you. Tell me you want me to come on your face. Say my name. Jason Siegel. Say my name. What is your name? Jason Siegel. Jason Siegel, say my name. What is your name? Jason Siegel. Jason Siegel.

Tell me, say Jason Siegel, come on my face. I can't hear you. Please, say Jason Siegel, come on my tits and face. Or I can't finish. Jason Segel, come on my tits and face. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready to do it. Say Jason Segel, eat my asshole.

Say my name. Say Jason Segel, eat my name. Jason Segel. Say Jason Segel. Eat my asshole. Hold on, I gotta get these people to shut up. Huh? Get the fucking baby. Get the fucking martini, baby. Get the goddamn dogs out of here.

You can't. Please, just give me a minute. Oh, you're taking a video. Are you still there? Just hold on one second, okay? Uh-huh. I'm right here. Don't worry.

Dogs howling. All right. Okay, so can you please just say, Jason Segal, lick my asshole, and cum on my tits. Jason Segal, lick my asshole, and cum on my tits. Say it again. Jason Segal, lick my asshole, and cum on my tits. Oh, yeah.

Jason Segal, lick my asshole, and cum on my tits. Jason Segal, lick my asshole asshole and cum on my tits. Jason Segal lick my asshole and cum on my tits. Yes, Jason Segal lick that asshole. Yes, lick it. Yeah, Jason Segal cum on my tits. Okay, we're ready. Here we go. All right.

Yeah, come on, Jason Segal. Oh, yeah. Oh, right. Yeah, come on, Jason Segal. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Where did you go that it's all of a sudden quiet? I just kicked everybody out. I went in the other room in the other house. I ran across the yard with my dick out.

I just gassed all over the place. Did you do a gaz too? Did you do a gaz? No, do you want me to eat my own cum right now? Okay. Is it echoey in here? No. Down in this, we have this, I don't know what you call it, a bomb shelter or whatever? Uh-huh. That's where I'm at now. And I'm eating my cum.

Yeah, eat it. Eat it, eat it, eat it, eat it. Say, Jason Segel, eat your own cum. Jason Segel, eat your own cum. Jason Segal, eat your own cum. Jason Segal, eat your cum. Eat your cum, Jason Segal. Oh, God. It tastes bitter. I don't like it. I don't like it.

I don't want to eat it anymore. It's not funny. Yeah, it's kind of salty but sweet. No. And it's kind of like a mix of flavors. Mine tasted like, what are those things they put in uh easter hams those brown things those uh cloves cloves that's what my cum tasted like i smell cloves it also depends on what you eat a lot and what you drink oh Uh-huh. So like if you drink a lot of fruit juices and eat a lot of like

fruits and all that, then it'll taste sweet. But like if you drink a lot of beer and crap like that, it'll taste nasty. Okay. Well, is there anything else you want? You just made me eat my own cum and everything. I got to go deal with my family. Yes, go deal with them. Trust me. They were getting pretty pissed off there. No. All right, well, I love you. Yeah.

I love you. Okay, love you too. Bye, Jason Segel. Bye, love you. too. Bye, Jason Segel. Bye, love you. That was pretty good. That phone call

was better than my entire body of work in total. We could hear the lie detector one. That's pretty good, too. we could hear the the the lie detector one that's pretty good too one sec here

if that doesn't transfer through your phone andaley will find it and it'll cut it in the fucking correct audio good uh jesus walsh you're you honestly funniest i've i've managed to be 11 years old for the past 30 years. You were one of those douchebags that would say to me, oh, you know, yeah, but you talk about important shit. Important shit is not important. All I do is diarrhea jokes. No, that's funnier.

That's way funnier. I have a niche of shit that I don't even care about. You do good comedy. I laugh at you. You don't laugh at me. People send me links to people who are like me. I don't like me. I don't want to see someone's...

Well, Shakespeare's favorite playwright was a guy that rubbed diarrhea on his face. Okay, here we go. Okay, this is the phone. This is the phone this is the this is the lie detector big hard dicks out what are we going to do now which one's bigger since you've gotten two nice because we're not looking at it we don't want to look at each other's dicks yeah we just can't afford to make two phone calls yeah so We don't want to look at each other's dicks. Yeah, we just can't afford to make two phone calls. Yeah. So we don't want to look at each other's dicks. Let's... I would probably give a nice sweat blowjob to each of you.

To be honest, I love working my mouth between both cocks. So it wouldn't be one and then the other. Okay. I'd have you standing on either side of me. Because that way I could stroke one while I lick and suck around the other one. Oh, my God. That's pretty cool. Lick up that shaft and just smack that nice head on my tongue.

What about your boobs? Great question. I'm actually really quite top-heavy for my size. Oh, how big are your boobs? Well, I'm 5'4", and I'm a 34D. Oh. And damn. How much do you weigh?

I weigh 97 pounds. Get out of here. Nope. You weigh 97 pounds. Are you carrying those big honkers around? Well, I'm pretty toned outside of that, but yeah. You weigh 97 pounds. Are you carrying those big honkers around? Well, I'm pretty toned outside of that, but yeah. But I don't have a large ass.

What's the b-hole situation like? Yeah, what is your b-hole like? What's your b-hole like? Well, I'm 34, about 27, 28, somewhere in there, and about 32 in the hips. That's how big. No, your b-hole. Little half 32 in the hips. That's how big. That's kind of tight. No, your b-hole. Little half-moved bubble. Your b-hole.

Yeah, your b-hole. I guess it's a pretty little pink pucker. I'll be honest, the guys who play with it love it. Who are these guys? Who are these guys? I really kind of lean back and see. Who are these guys playing with your b-hole? Well, I happen to like anal play, so why wouldn't I let them? Yeah.

What's your favorite song? I mean, you know? Yeah, I know. Favorite song ever... You ever heard that song by Justin Crumblecake? Justin Timberlake? I don't really listen to him. Justin Crumblecake.

Justin Crumblecake. How about, um... What's, How about This Is How We Do It? Did you ever hear that song? Mm-hmm. But you're talking old school, aren't you? The R&B? Well, not old school, but like R&B. Hear that?

This is how we do it. So me and Randman are going to bone you now, so I guess get ready. I don't know which one of you guys is going to bone you now, so I guess... Get ready. Get ready. I don't know which one of you guys is going to get to play in my mouth and which one's going to fuck my nice tape pussy. I was going to do, can one of us do your butthole and the other one do your vag, and then we just kind of rub our dicks together, but inside you? I don't think this is the... I like a nice DP, but again, which one's going to be in the pussy and which one's going to be in the ass?

We'll flip a coin for it. Oh, yeah. Flip a coin. Find a coin. You've got to find a change jar. Well, the one who gets the pussy is really going to like it because it's nice and tight and wet. All right, heads. Oh, shit.

We forgot to say who's what. All right, let's do it again. All right, heads. I get the pussy. It really doesn't matter. Just push it in and start fucking me with it. Oh, it's heads. Okay, so I'm going to bang your beaver.

All right, I got the b-hole. Randy's going to come up the back, in your back field. Mm-hmm. How does that feel? That way I can straddle. Two in there at the same time. How does that feel?

Oh, I love a nice DP. Yeah. It's one of my favorite. DP, what's that all about? It's really that cock beginning to really fuck me. Ugh. I want you to grab my hips and start pumping it into my ass. Oh, me.

So that's me. I'm in the ass. Oh, that's Brandy. Okay. Because I'm going to be working up and down on that. So I'm just laying here. That's all you have to do because I'm going to be riding you.

Taking all of that. I'm going to gas. Are you gassing? Are you gassing? I just gassed. I got some more time to gas. I'm gassing. Randy's gassing.azing gazing done I've done just gassed so thanks it's the first time we ever double-teamed someone insane what's

your favorite song I guess I'm old school. I like Oasis, Wonderwall. Wonderwall. Okay. Oh, is that a good song? It is. It is. It's one of my favorites. Oh, Oasis.

Oh, did we use condoms? Oh, fuck. We didn't. What's your... Oh, that just adds to the fun of it. I'm worried now, because you were talking about all those guys playing with your pee hole. Yeah, who are those guys? There's not really that many. Oh god, now I gotta go. Alright, we gotta call phone-aids clinic.

We're gonna call phone-aids. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye. phone aids clinic we'll talk to you later bye not not to not to keep the uh not to keep playing things from my phone but the the phone sex thing is is good uh or the uh the lie detector oh no i'm just saying it kills me that you just do this shit. We used to do funny shit, and now I just worry about bills getting paid and the dogs being walked. I laugh so hard every week that we do this.

The diarrhea one, I could play the... You keep finding that shit. My point is, the better we do, the more miserable I become. I want to be ridiculous again. Have you ever submitted any of this shit to Stern? I don't want to be ridiculous again. So this is, I think this is. Have you ever submitted any of this shit to Stern? I'm going to do the wrap-up show in October.

So, well, we never get releases signed by these people. That's the problem. But I think the phone sex is implied that it's, I think it's fine because we're paying for it i'm willing to take a risk what you putting it out versus stern actually being able to play it and chaley told me how sal explained how they get the releases and they go, hey, we're with whatever, Sirius Radio. They don't say Stern. And you're part of a...

You're often... It's like candid camera. That's what I would say for old people. But to sell it, that's the biggest problem with... If you want to do great prank phone calls, you have to get them signed. You have to call them back and say, hey, is it okay? They're selling it.

Yeah. Well, I think we're going to try to sell it. Like, so many of these are so old now. I'm like, well, if somebody complains, like, what phone sex operator is going to hear it? You just have your brokest comic friend who has nothing to lose say it's him oh yeah sue me go ahead what are you gonna sue me for nothing

well then they can take the five dollars my sneakers yeah you get a fucking lackey well I think this is the lie detector alright we're gonna close on the lie detector because everyone in the room is trying to go to sleep. They're tired of podcasting.

And we haven't even gotten into heavy podcasting. Inman now, Inman's here in three hours. Four hours. We land at what? It's going to take them an hour to get here. There we go. Yeah, yeah. I'm 1-8th Cherokee.

Brennan gets free college and everything. Oh, he got some Indian in you, don't you? Yeah, yeah, Cherokee. Mm-hmm. So you still... What do you look like? Can I ask you guys what you look like? Oh, yeah, go ahead.

I kind of look like Randy. Scruffy beards. They have beards and they're scruffy. We both have beards, but a lot of people say I look like Pierce Brosnan. No, no. A lot of people say that. I don't see it. Jimmy Smits I get a lot.

I get Pierce Brosnan. They both look like mountain boys. Mountain boys. Like they're about to cut off lumber. That's our friend Melissa. She's a corny. I like them. Oh, you know what?

Would you be willing to uh take a lie detector test with us we got a we just bought a voice it's like it's like an app yeah it's like a lie do that we don't know if it's real or not but it says it can sense stuff in voices it's like an app you know yeah and we've been kind of messing around with it and so far it's been pretty true yeah i'll ask you a question. Okay? And then you just have to answer truthfully. Sarah. It picks up by a voice thing, or what? Yeah, I guess it senses how you're answering.

Yeah, it is really weird. But so far, it's been like 100%. We tried it, and it was right on the money. So your name's Sarah, correct? Yeah. Well, maybe it's off a little bit. That's not... So, you must have...

You don't have to tell us your real name, but that must not be your real name. No, that's my actor's name, actually. You're not allowed to give real names on the phone. Oh, well, there you go. That answers the question. Okay, so then that's it. Are you actually super horny right now?

You can build me up to it, baby, yeah. Oh, so you're not horny right now? I am. Oh, yeah. What was that? That means you're telling the truth. Was that a yes question? Yeah.

Yeah. Are you really wearing what you told us that you were wearing? Yeah. What are you wearing? What are you wearing? Are you just wearing, are you fully clothed? No, I'm not fully clothed. Well...

What are you wearing for real? What are you wearing, pants? Are you wearing pants? Who's that in the room? I'm wearing something, but I'm not, like, fully clothed or anything like that. Is somebody there with you, or is that the television? I don't even, no, my television's not on. It's on mute, but there's nobody here with me.

You hear some voices? Yeah, okay. Oh, I think it's an echo. Yeah, it might be my voice echoing or something. Are we on speakerphone? No, I don't's an echo. Yeah, it might be my voice echoing or something. Are we on speakerphone? No, I don't have a speakerphone. So what are you wearing then? Be honest, because I guess this thing is picking up on your honesty.

What are you really wearing? Oh, really? Yeah. I have on like a gown. I guess you can call it like a gown. Like a gown? Like a gown, like, you know. I guess you can call it like a gown. Like a gown? Like a gown? Like a ball gown?

Like a ball gown? Like a... Cinderella's ball gown? No, it's not a ball gown. It's just like a... Like a nightgown? Something you wear around the house. Like a nightgown.

Oh, it's a mooboo. Okay, so you're wearing a nightgown. All right, well, we should get to some hot sex. Oh, let's get to the sex stuff, yeah. You want to do some sex? All right,own. All right, well, we should get to some hot sex. Oh, let's get to the sex stuff, yeah. You want to do some sex? All right, okay. All right, so do you have any babies? I don't have any babies, no.

Oh, truthful. Where'd you get this machine? So we're... It cost $100. It was online. So we have our boners out, and you're jerking them like a couple cross-country ski poles. You like that? Yeah.

I like that, yeah. You like it? You don't like it? I love it, yeah. I love it. Well, I'm not feeling it anymore. Do you want us to, yeah, we should probably get off the phone pretty quick. What's the quickest way for both of us to bang you real quick?

Yeah, we both got a gaz, you know? Yeah. We want to get our gaz on. You know gaz, right? What's that, actually? You know gaz. Like orgas. Orgas. Orgasm, the way you's that, actually? You know gas. Like orgasm.

Orgasm. Orgasm. The way you said it, I didn't know. We shortened it. Just used the middle. Yeah, just gasm. Yeah, but we've got to hurry. We've got to hurry because mom's coming home, so we've got to gas soon.

Yeah, our mother that we all have. Come on, guys. All three of our mothers is coming home. Hey, hey, hey. Come on, you guys. Stop that. Stop kidding around and saying that. Oh, no, we're just joking. No, hey, hey. Come on, you guys. Stop that. Stop kidding around and saying that. Oh, no, we're just joking.

No, no, they're three different ladies and they're going to be moms. Please don't do that anymore. All three of us have different moms. All three of us have different moms.

No, we're joking around. See, listen. We're not brothers. Oh, okay. We're not. What would that happen? What would that do? All of us are not related. Yeah, we're not. What was that happen? What was that? All of us are not related.

Yeah, we're not. Come on. It's beeping like... I think you have a beeping on there. What's going on? No, that... Yes, we are. They're being very dumb.

Melissa. And I'm trying to be horny, and they're being dumb. Melissa, put your shirt back on when we get out of here. Put your shirt back on and get out of here. Put your shirt back on and get out of here. I told mom that we didn't want to see you tonight. Stop it. Hey, hey, you guys. Stop that.

All right, quick. We need to gas real quick. So what do we, do you want to do like Randy, what do you want to, Randy's in the butt stuff. I love butt stuff. Yeah, let me put it in your butt. Oh, you like butt stuff, huh? Yeah. Me too.

Yeah. So like, I'm going to put my dick in your butt. Cool? You're going to put your dick where, babe? In your butt. Oh, yeah. Anal. Are you going to lick it first or what, baby? I can't lick my own dick.

Oh, you mean your butt. Come on, get with the program. Yeah, yeah, I guess if you asked me to, I would. That's the best. Okay, so I'm guess if you asked me to, I would. It's the best. Okay, so I'm licking your butt, and then now I'm... So Randy's banging you in the butt, I guess. Uh-huh, yeah. So what do you want to...

What do you want to do to me? Yeah, figure out something to do to Brendan. I feel like a king right now. Help him out. Well, I out something to do to Brendan. I feel like a king right now. Help him out. Well, I can go down on him actually. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That'd be great. Yeah. What color hair do you have?

I'm a brunette. Oh, great. Just like our friend Melissa. Just like me. I mean our sister. I mean our friend. And what should Melissa do? What should Melissa do? That's not funny. What should Melissa be doing right now? What is Melissa doing? She's joking around.

What's she going to do? No, what should she do to you? She can, like, grab your honkers, squeeze them. Yeah, can Melissa grab your honkers? Yeah. Melissa, you lay down underneath her because I'm standing, doing her in the butt. She's sucking Brennan's dick. And then you just kind of lay up like you're working on

the underbelly of an automobile, and you squeeze those honkers. Can you squeeze her honkers? Oh, yeah, I can squeeze my honkers, baby. I'll squeeze them. Alright. Okay, cool. So you got all three of us. Okay, and then let's just, like, all try to, like, come at the same time. Yeah, is it okay if we all gas at the same time?

Oh, that would be wonderful, yeah. Okay, so. Alright. Yeah. at the same time? Oh, that would be wonderful, yeah. Okay, so. All right. Yeah. Mm. Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah. I guess we... Oh, God.

Oh, God. Oh, oh. Oh. You are now muted. Oh. Oh. Hello? Hello?

Can you hear us? I think it said we're muted. Hello? Oh, it turned off. Did you just mute us? Hello? No, she couldn't hear us, but I hung up just now. Well, we all gazzed, so. Yeah. 16 minutes, 48 seconds.

That's kind of going to be a expensive one. That's a pricey phone call Melissa made us make. Oh, no. Did you see what my card? Did you look at your charge on the last one? My mom checks my accounts. You didn't? I wonder if we're getting charged 99 cents a minute.

It was 89 cents a minute. It was probably. It was 89 cents. I bet it's about a buck a minute. Oh, three bucks a minute. Well, it 89 i bet it's about a buck a minute oh three bucks a minute well it said it said both of them though yeah yeah but the 99 cents i think was uh it's probably uh for something else that's okay well we have a a separate thing i forgot we're podcasting i thought we were just listening to

your podcast which is basically what we did and it made up for all the fucking money we lost. And now your wife is going to storm in here angry. She's so, that was so mean what you did. No, I said you lost $1,100. You only lost $700. She's going to be so happy that she won $400. Because I lied to her by $400. Yeah. Yeah, it's

good. It makes it sound better. Mandy Pants, she's going to do a set tomorrow. You're doing a set. Becker's doing a set. Andy's doing a set. No, you can't just keep playing your podcast on

my podcast. The diarrhea one. No, you can't just keep playing your podcast on my podcast. The diarrhea one. Alright, you can. And I would get your cock in one hand. Okay. Right around the head. Up my dick, yes.

Tomorrow I'm going to try to get the room next door. And I'd lick all the way around the head of your cock. Keep going. You're doing what? Deep in my throat. Keep doing it.

Just sitting. What is that? It's none of your business. Just keep acting like you're pretending to suck it. I would lick every inch of your balls. Ooh. Dang. When you're making those noises, how are you doing that over there?

You're killing the moment. I know, but I'm just like... You're killing the mood. i like a little bit behind the scenes and like i don't worry i have a huge ass boner right now yeah Oh my God. Boop. How, so, so, so how is it? How is it? How is my dick? It's pretty good. Yeah, you're telling me.

Yeah. Well, so if you wanted to have phone sex, how do you want to do it? Because you think I'm lying? You don't like that it's not real. What do you mean? I don't get that it's not real. What do you mean? I don't get what you're starting to say to me. Well, I'm trying to suck your cock, and you're like, yeah, well, how are you doing that?

Like, what are you fucking on? I'm just curious, because you're making noises. I would just hate to have you sucking another guy's dick, pretending to suck mine, because that doesn't help me. It helps him. No, right. Yeah, no, that doesn't help me. It helps him. No, right. Yeah, no, I wasn't doing that. All right, I'm going to go back into the other room. Do you want to go get a burger? Sure, I would love to.

Do you eat, are you vegetarian? No. That's good. Do you mind, before I go in there and talk to my brother, do you mind if I ask you if you had a good time with me? I did have a great time with you. That means a lot. Thank you. Does it mean a lot to you, or are you just being a smartass to me?

I'm not being a smart... No. Here, I'll go back into the bathroom. I don't want these guys to hear me talk like this. this How old are you today? How old am I? Uh huh Should I be honest? I'm turning 30 Wow Should I be honest? I'm turning 30. Wow.

That's a good thing. Yeah, I turned 30. It's interesting being a 30-year-old rather than a 29-year-old. You know what I mean? That's sure. When you turn 30, you'll know what I'm talking about. It's different, you know? Right.

I can imagine. It's like you're now grown up. You're not in your 20s anymore. Yeah, I don't know. It's just like I feel too old now. Like I look younger than I am. But it just sucks being old, you know? Right. I still get a big jack. It here yeah i know i still get like a big giant hard boner no problem

oh good bounce bounce it around i hung a towel on it i hung a towel on it you You did? A full-size towel. Oh, you did it. Yeah. And I used to make this joke about how you could slam a car door on my dick, because it was so hard, but I would never do that. Because it would hurt. But you could. I mean, you could. It would hurt a lot, though. But, uh...

Right. Um... I shouldn't have... You know what I did? You know what's embarrassing? I jerked off before we called. I should have saved it. I just wanted to like, I don't know. Sometimes you like, you're about to go out on a date. You're like, I should jerk off once before I go out.

So I did that. But now I may have used up all my cum, you know? Oh. Well, at least I'm getting to talk to you. Yeah, it's nice to talk to you. It's a conversation. Yeah. Maybe when I'm, like, ultra horny, I'll call you again.

Hey. Oh, wait. Hey, just a second. I'm going to come back into the, uh, I'm going to come back into the... I'm going to go back into the room with those guys and let you say goodbye to them. They're banging each other? They're probably not doing that, no. We're normal dudes. I know.

I'm just kidding. All right. Just a second. Okay. Walking down the hall, walking down the hall Walking down the hall Alright, here we are Hey guys

Pick up the phone Pick up the phone Hello Hey, this is Brandon Did you and Randy have fun in there? Yeah, we had fun Did you guys do phone sex? We had pretty standard phone sex, I'd say.

Do you mind if... Do you want to have phone sex with me? Before we go? Okay, I'm going to go into the bathroom. Okay. Okay. Bye, birthday boy. Bye, it was nice to meet you.

I'll be right back, guys. Nice to meet you I'll be right back guys nice to meet you too okay are you gonna stay on the phone? I'm on the phone it's just me Brendan now oh okay alright I'm

oh god are you going back to the bathroom? yeah I'm in the bathroom it's fucking nasty ugh I'm gonna hold on open the window fucking nasty. I'm going to hold on. Open the window. Was he really taking a dump in there?

What was he doing? Taking a dump, was he? I don't know. You were the one on the phone with him. That's disgusting. He was taking a dump? Are you into that stuff? No.

Yeah, okay. I think he was jacking off, so. Okay, so it didn't sound like he was taking a shit or anything? No, I can't rat him out or anything. Rat him out? You know, there you go. What's that? I'm not taking a shit.

I'm just, uh... No, I want to jerk off. I'm just... I'm sitting on the toilet, but I'm not... I'm not shitting. Are you... So, are you fingering yourself right now? No, I'm not.

Oh, could you rub your pussy while I stroke my hard cock? Sure. Oh, yeah. I your pussy while I stroke my hard cock? Sure. Oh, yeah. I'm not taking a shit. Yeah, I'm jerking my big hard dick. It's three inches. Rubbing it with two fingers and going to shoot a drop of cum out, probably. Does that turn you on?

Do you want me to shoot my cum all over your big tits? Yeah, I do. Does that turn you on? Do you want me to shoot my cum all over your big tits? Yeah, I do. Does that turn you on? Yeah, I'm bouncing them for you right now. Oh, God. I'm not coming yet. Hold on. All right, yeah, now I saw him jerking my dick, right?

What's that noise? Okay, you ready? Oh, you can hear it? All right, I don't know what that is. It's probably interference or something. All right, well, I'm just going to go. It was fun. I'm just going to go. It was fun. Oh. I'm gazing.

I'm gazing. Thank you. I'm just gazing. Thank you. We'll talk to you later. Do you want to say goodbye to Richard? No, I think I'm good. I'm getting it!

I'm getting it! I'm getting it! How long was that? I think that's a podcast. Amanda Candy Pants is here. Her at is at at uh rhymanda

rhymanda oh she doesn't have multiples like con radical con radical yes uh that's uh she called in the middle of this podcast which has basically been a you just playing your podcast on my podcast all the good parts but b probably one of the funniest podcasts ever it's easier to play them than to explain them but you explained them first and then played them. And then at some point I go, hey, let me go fuck with Amanda Pants over in her room. But you go, yeah, she'd just be nice about it. Can't get your goat. This is a 3.30 a.m. podcast in Vegas after Brendan Walsh and I really lost our fucking asses. Lost our shirts. Oh, I kept doubling down.

We were having fun. We were catching up. There's no way 34 can't hit. Did 34 ever hit? No. No, it didn't. Seven never hit? No. Yeah. No, seven never hit all right there's no way we're gonna close this strong

so should we just say good night uh let's let's go outside chaley just left after trying to sleep for so long because the smoke is so thick so he went out to lay and sleep on a patio is this a smoking room i think i think we should just smoke all three of us right next to his patio chairs yeah i'm down with that i'll fix myself that's a podcast and if you want to hear more of that shit listen to the bone zone i'll send shaley some clips i'm gonna yeah yeah the bone zone's fun just that it's it's the most fun i have every week never laugh harder and uh sign up for chumster i'm stealing this from henry phillips chumster instagram oh by henry phillips is uh special on the special vimeo vimeo henry phillips eight bucks just buy beautiful all right that's that's that's a podcast if you think two words i can't see you doing that dick suck and dick look you you

smile when you say dick suck and the rest of the time it will let you frown i can't see anything in your mouth someone says i look pregnant yeah it's gonna make me upset a little bit girls did i say that? No, I did. I was joking because I blew a load in you earlier, and I was joking around about it. No, that's not true at all. Yeah, it is. I was like, my baby's in there.

No, you were like, you look pregnant. I'm like, okay. I didn't say that. You were already in a bad mood. Listen. So listen to Dick Lick. You're already in a bad mood. Listen.

So listen to Dick Lick. You date 17-year-olds, and you just, oh, I want someone famous to bring me to prom, but she's in a special school, and that's how you met. Of course, she's going to get upset about small things. I don't go to a special school. It's special for them that you're there. I gotta go. Bye. Click.

And play the matoid! Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do- Drink your drinks and eat your eats, it's party time Laugh your laughs and eat your eats, it's party time Smile your smiles and do your blues, it's party time Dance your dance and shoe your shoes, it's party time Howl your howls and suck your socks, it's party time Oh baby, crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Crap your craps and fuck your fucks, it's party time Everybody! Crap, your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time One more!

Crap, your crap, Sam, fuck your fucks, it's party time Here we go! Party time! Yeah! Party time, yeah Party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, party time, hey! Party time, yeah! Party time!