The Doug Stanhope Podcast - Ep. #165: Fun House Court and More James Inman

Episode Date: September 15, 2016

Doug invites Bre and Rev. Derrick to give their sides of the story and have it judged by The Fun House Court. Also, the lost audio of Kristine Levine giving James Inman's a ride to the Vegas airport.Doug's new special is now out on Seeso.com. Click here to sign up now and use offer code "stanhope" to get your first 2 months free!Recorded Aug 02, 2016 at the Fun House in Bisbee, AZ with Doug Stanhope (@DougStanhope), Chad Shank (@HDFatty), Rev. Derrick (@derick4mayor), Bre, Castle Rock Kenny (@cstlrckkenny), Kristine Levine (@KristineLevine), Warlock, James Inman (@jzenman), and Ggreg Chaille (@GregChaille). Produced and Edited by Ggreg Chaille. (@GregChaille).LINKS: Purchase "The UnBookables" DVD at DougStanhope.com/store. Limited supply. Really, we only have a few. Support the Innocence Project - http://www.innocenceproject.org/   The theme music to "The People's Court", titled "The Big One", composed by Alan Tew. Available on YouTube.com.   Doug's DVD/CDs are all available at DougStanhope.com    Order Doug's audio book, "Digging Up Mother", HERE.Support the show: http://www.Patreon.com/stanhopepodcast

Podcast. All right. It's good to be back home. I have no idea when this is going to this this podcast. I shouldn't even say we're home because we did, I think, 11 different podcasts in Vegas. So they'll go out as they go out. But the James Inman one ones, the James, the Inman, the after Inman one. Ones. The James... The Inman. The after Inman.

And this is a follow-up. It's the Inman trilogy in two parts. All Inman, all the fucking time. If you... I hope you listened to the last Inman podcast where... Because we put bonus footage of the next day phone messages, voice messages from James Inman.

I'm not reading the emails because they're screeds. It's all about this documentary he made nine years ago. Well, he didn't make it. He knew a guy that wanted to make it. So now he takes full credit for calling that guy you know having listened in uh just coming from uh going through the initial editing listening to and cataloging what's been said uh he he he's obviously doing his own his like revisionist history of what happened because what what... So, I mean, it just...

I went back and I listened to it. I hope I weren't too hard on the guy. We gave him a lot of outs. Until like, hey, just drop it. Let's go on to the next thing. I mean, that one whole podcast, which left me in stitches. I had called Doug immediately.

Was just Doug and Chad and Andy and Matt Becker. Which is a great round table. And Inman. But In which is a great roundtable, and Inman, but Inman is saying the whole time, fuck you, let's talk about it. And you guys had conversations about food, things to do in Vegas, the little booklets,

and who's using the coupons, where the best... We just won't make eye contact. And you can tell no one's making eye contact during the podcast. And he is at fever pitch the whole time. Stop it! He got to a point where he stood on his chair screaming down.

We ignore him. And then slowly we just walk out. The whole thing reminded me of a South Park episode where everybody ignores Cartman and he thinks he's dead. You guys, I'm here. It's me. I'm blowing on your hair. He would not stop trying to... No, it's not funny anymore.

It's not funny anymore. I hope that the listeners got what we were going for there. Because what we were going for could have just gone in the fucking dumper like a lot of the podcasts. I'm laughing the whole time going, the levels are fucked. He's so over-modulated. But at the whole time going the levels are fucked he's like so over modulated

but at the same time i'm like this is so funny because of the the sustained level at which inman does it and you guys are never never like really raising your voices you're having a conversation with a maniac screaming in your faces well if you've heard those uh those voice messages and then imagine two emails that went with it that are so long at one point he lists all the friends he lost because he did that documentary you didn't do the documentary james and that was you met a guy that was willing to do the documentary i didn't like how it turned up but that's fine i mean fine I like to watch it because they're my friends I would have done it differently

and that's what I said to him after we got them all wound up so after he's removed by the security and the police you think the next day you wake up having been thrown out of fucking Las Vegas

by the casino. And sheriff. There's a sheriff in tow, like just in case. Security head, two guards, and a sheriff watch you leave the premises. You're thrown onto a plane. You think you wake up the next morning and go, wow, I really fucked up this time. No, he doubled down.

We started this thing, all caps. No, we didn't. They actually, I got more details because I was fresh from editing. The sheriff and the two security from the plaza stood in the parking garage, like where the doors part and that blast of hot air comes in,

and then you walk to your car all dejected. The security stayed there until they fucking drove out of the building. I think we covered this on the aftermath podcast. I'm just saying, I didn't know if you knew that. That's definitely... But the great part about the voice message, and your friend, what's his name?

Chad Shank! Fuck that guy! You know what he said to me? He kills homeless people. The backstory to this... What? I have to say this right now. I know that that's not what Chad said.

But at the same time, all he could do, that's a big part of his messaging to Doug, was that this is the kind of people you're hanging out with, Doug. Don't you see how horrible these people are? That's the least part that bothers me at all, because that's the part that's missing far. I heard when you were sitting next to, when he was getting ramped up early, he was talking to Joanne Savoie before the podcast,

and I heard him talk in religion, and they were evidently agreeing, I remember what I said because I was trying to fucking be somewhat funny. I was around a bunch of funny fucking people. And somebody asked me about Vegas, and I said, Vegas is a bad place for me to be. Not just because there's so many people, but because there's so many people that nobody will miss. And I was trying to make a fucking joke playing off the fucking fact. And then I went on to say, you know, well, it's fucking, I was talking to James Inman and we're all one. So what the fuck difference does it make? He said, he said, well, according to Inman, we're all one.

So if I feel like hurting myself, I can just kill a homeless guy because we're all one people. In a room full of comics or in a room that is highly... I wasn't being funny, but I was fucking being... Appreciative of that kind of humor. It was hyperbole on the fucking monster that I actually am. Yeah, it was fucking ridiculous. It was goofing on his philosophies, his long-winded, disjointed philosophies. That's the least part of Inman's fucking messages that bother me.

He called me, and he called me a narc at one point. He called three of us a narc, to be fair, but I was one of the three. Listen, guys, I take jurisdiction here. I'm CIA. Thanks for your help. We'll call you if we need you. Listen, James Inman should fucking be careful because he gets away with this shit because he's a lunatic. Well, guess what, Inman?

I'm a fucking lunatic too, but my lunacy shows itself in different ways than yours so if you were paranoid that i was a cop wait till you find out who the fuck i really am and who i know in your town because you want to talk shit to me publicly when you were crying like a bitch hugging me i hugged you back even though i didn't know you because i fucking felt bad because i'm a lunatic too, so I get it. Sometimes I cry like a bitch. Not in front of all my fucking friends usually. In vain.

Ruining the party. You know, not to get attention, you fucking bitch. But anyways. About a documentary you made nine years ago that I just said I didn't care for. He was in. Get ready for fucking paranoia level two because I'm gonna start letting you know who I really am and who I know that knows you because I already know people that know you so don't fucking uh never mind that was one of his messages he goes

you don't fucking write shit about me on Twitter because I know you better than anyone. I know you. You're a fucking fraud. I know you better than anyone. No one knows your secrets better than I do, Stan Hope. And the other one was about the unbookables. We tried to do the unbookables as the same way they did the blue collar comedy tour. Like just all the fuck ups. That's what started it.

And then he found a guy to try to make a documentary out of it. But he goes, he said, when you had the unbookables, you forced me to be part of it. Something to that effect. You made a union and no one will like you

if you don't become one of the unbookables. And he said, God, what was it? He goes, you called me. You put a page on your website with the unbookables. And then you called me and said, James, what do I do about this unbookables? Yeah, you're my go-to guy for advice, James Inman. I would have called you and said, listen, what do we do with this? I made this whole mess, James, and I need you to...

How do we steer clear? What do we do? We're headed for the rocks. We're going to lose this grand idea. Inman, help me out. But his delusions are... That's his delight. I see Inman as Harvey Keitel in Pulp Fiction.

Gentlemen, if I'm Kurt, it's only because I feel time is of the essence. We can totally secure this Unbookables branding and get it on the right course. I mean, come on, give me a fucking break. But I did include in the two podcasts previous to this, I did include the screenshots from when I had bought the website.

I created the Unbookables, and I put up a really basic thing. I'll put the cover page up there. It's pages up there already. Listen, we don't have to win this argument. I'm just saying, if you want to see what's going on, I mean, to the nth degree. In 2005, I think I gave up on the name,

the Unbookables, in 2009 or whatever, and then it just lapsed. You know why we gave up on the name? Well,bookables, in 2009 or whatever, and then it just lapsed. You know why we gave up on the name? Well, yeah. Because of that movie. It had been dropped through the mud. They never even asked me for the website, the URL. They had a movie, and then it just

expired. I could have just turned it over to them. It's out on a bunch of things now. It's out on some AOL streaming thing. It's on PlayStation. We're selling it on the website because I bought all the extra Unbookables DVDs that he couldn't sell at the dive bar. I bought all of them. Really? Yeah.

Well, that's probably how he could afford to stay another night. They sell on the website. I found some. We sell those on the website? I sold eight that I had here because Andy left them here. Now you're going to sell the rest. I'll sell them anyway. Shaley, cut this out.

I actually told him before the show, look, I need those. You can't buy them online anymore, but people want them. Help out all the comics. You and I like to do that when it comes to Comedy of Kill killer shirts.

Boy, I took a bath on those, didn't you, Andy? Yeah. Yeah. I bought all those fucking things, too, and they're just sitting in the fucking warehouse. Look at Inman as it's all wound up days later. Oh, shit. We're going to be doing People's Court with Derek and Bree.

We'll be doing that after the break. I have just random notes. Got the surgery set for the 9th. I don't know if this will... September 9th. This might not be out. We have so many fucking podcasts. This could jump because of the urgency with the Inman thing.

The urgency. The fucking bone zone. I wanted to plug that. we we that that'll be in a podcast that might have to wait but we listen to it on the way home find that yeah just listen to the bone zone that's brendan walsh and randy litke i'll do the thanks at the break because there's a million tom kanopka was fucking great. I got nothing but fucking... There's too much Inman in too many podcasts. This could go out before the Inman ones as a precursor.

I tweeted that and then that fired him up the next day. I said, James Inman loved loved the las vegas plaza hotel so much it took the chief of head of security two guards and a deputy sheriff sheriff's deputy to convince him it was time to go his response to that is where he calls us one of us a narc there was nobody on my floor so one of you oh Stan Hope, Shaley, or Shank is a narc. Yeah. No, from what I heard, you were screaming at Mamou using the word, he's raping you a lot, so that probably triggered somebody to call.

All right. You know what? I'm breaking early. It's fucking hot. Let's crank down that fucking AC, and then we'll get to People's Court with Bree and Derek. TheShadyDell.com. That is where you stay. If you come to Bisbee and you're staying at The Shady Dell

and I'm in town, I will have a beer with you. I won't hang out that long. We're not going to be good friends. I don't want you to fucking tell me you're going to kill yourself but if you're staying at theshadydell.com vintage trailer park with all 50's 60's trailers that we live a mile away from

and we look for reasons to go stay there come to theshadydell.com sponsored by I might even come in and clean your toilet I don't know What you are witnessing is real

The participants are not actors They are actual litigants With a case pending in a Cochise County court. Both parties have agreed to dismiss their court cases and have their dispute settled here. In our forum. The Funhouse Court. All right. All right, we have, as you probably know from reading the papers,

our plaintiff, Bree, says that the defendant on the night of such and such a while ago did thereby assault her and give her a small sore on her lip. Well, now we might know what that is. Awkwardly, here on the Funhouse Court, the defendant, Derek Vermeer, shows up with a very large screaming sore on his lip that has precluded him from being past the pipe. We forgot to do the part where Doug Llewellyn past the pipe. We forgot to do the part where Doug Llewellyn names the case.

It could be called herpes or yerpes. Herpes or herpes. Herpes or herpes. Sorry, I'm not as good as this as you. I don't know. So,

on the night in question Derek has already read a statement When his name was read from the police beat Why don't we read the police beat one more time So everyone gets a refresher of how the Okay, go ahead Read the date August 11th

Derek Barger, 40, Bisbee Was booked into jail Charged with disorderly conduct and domestic violence. And that's what we read. Derek read a statement, probably rambled a bit. I'm not sure. But they did go to court. Bree did drop the restraining order, went to court,

and we decided we'd handle it here in the Funhouse Forum even though you still have some bullshit you have to do so Brie let's start with you Jacuzzi what happened on that night of August 11th in the year of our lord 2016 well like any good

story it started with day drinking i think that was the the issue um don't look at me like that i was gonna have chad shank actually take the middle mic so you didn't keep looking at him for answers i can bail if this is so i'm looking at the pipe so I said a few words to Derek a few words from the heart from the heart and getting a little tiff

can we establish that you guys are living together you have the same address yes we're more than living together we share arms and legs and brains at this point. But yeah, so that might be part of the problem. But nonetheless, I shared a few words. Didn't go over well.

You're making no sense. Day drinking, angry, just pissy. You're admitting that you were heavily intoxicated. You fucking suck. Yeah. Speaking from the heart. Was Derek drinking at all? Yes, Derek was. Yes, Derek was.

Now I know that Derek will dispute that, but he'll wait his turn. We're just establishing her frame of reference on the day of question. Take notes. So I think it started with a little yeah a little verbal abuse now derrick is trying to uh get his stuff out at this point well when we got to that point derrick's like yeah i want my cell phone and i'm like sure you can well

because i had locked the doors no i locked the doors i was going to leave to stay somewhere else for the night right bringing his stuff out according to what we know right and that's when uh allegedly this assault occurred so what happened is derrick's derrick's uh trying to get his shit and mainly his cell phone and i had previously locked the doors and he's like, give me my shit. And so he tries to come in through the window, which Derek doesn't remember, but I do. There's little bits and pieces that I remember.

He tries to come through the window. Didn't work out. So I opened it. I opened the door, gave him his cell phone, and then got kind of thrown down. I don't know how you... You know you threw me down, and, you know, I'm not going to lie.

Please don't talk to the defendant. That's right. We're all whopping during this. I might have punched him in the arm a few times prior to that. So I necessarily can't say I blame him. But objectively, he wanted his phone. I opened the door. And then I went down.

Okay. And then I called the Bisbee police. The Bisbee police. Now, Derek has left the scene. According to the testimony I have from Derek, Derek left the scene to go set up a tent. You called, asked for some prescription drugs that he had with him. Loud and proud Xanax.

Had you already called the police? Yes. Yes, I had. Okay. Yes, I had. And so that was an issue. But he had taken the Xanax, and I wanted it back.

Okay. Go ahead. Go ahead. I have a question. Did you call the police before Derek left the property or after? I called the police after Derek left the property.

Yeah, after that issue with the door. But before he came back, you'd already called him when he came back to bring you the Xanax, at which point he was arrested. I did, yeah. I was like, bring me some Xanax.

I have the text messages. Would we be having time for cross-examination? Yes. Or do I just, okay. Yeah. So Derek left the property. Yeah. Then you called the police.

Correct. Then you called Derek for Xanax. Exactly. I should leave it in the mailbox. Then Derek comes back. I'm done with my questions. Then Derek comes back. I'm done with my questions. Then Derek comes back. I'm done with the whole thing. Am I the only one that's judgmental?

Hang on. We gotta get Derek's side of the story again. Or his other... His next story again. New story. Derek... You say that I believe on the last... When we read that in your statement I believe on the last, uh,

when, when we read that into the, in your statement, I believe you were saying that she was blacked out, drunk and misremembered that you had roughed her up. Well, stuff happened. I can describe it,

but you, first of all, that would be a first in this podcast. I started off thinking I might understand more of what be a first in this podcast i started off thinking i might understand more of what happened being part of this podcast since i listened to the first one and i'm still just as lost derrick said that he only had two beers but he stunk of beer because that's he hadn't eaten that day or drank water um i i forgot where to start. The drinking thing.

This would have been so much more fun if we had done it that night or the day after. Actually, drinking thing. I remember looking in the refrigerator at four o'clock and there was no beer because we buy beer daily.

We don't drink it or leave. There's not beer the next day. And I looked in the refrigerator. I don't know where Brie was all that day. How were you day drinking? No, let's get to you. You say you weren't drinking.

She said you were definitely drinking. I was at home alone. There was no beer in the refrigerator. I only had $18 in my checking account, so I didn't buy beer. Brie came home pretty inebriated. I think she brought some liquor with her. I had all of my camping gear set around the washing machine in the kitchen.

I had all my camping gear set there so I could take it out to the car and she came home and spent an hour yelling at me like she said she she just yelled at me for an hour i didn't argue back with her this entire night i never argued back with her i never said words back to her i was just trying to get my stuff and get out of the house i i realized now that i should have just left my stuff because it doesn't matter what i had with me you know i could so the things were shitty enough that you were going to go camp out at Betty's place anyway. Somewhere, at least Betty.

I was headed to Betty's. Because it doesn't make sense that she wasn't home all day, and you were planning on going camping. Shit must have already been happening. I was already planning on leaving. My camping gear was stacked in the kitchen when Bree came home. Okay, so this would have been an ongoing thing. But she says you were

drunk. You say you weren't drunk. I didn't have any money or beer that day. Well, you had two beers, no water. I had two beers here when I, after the, she called the cops and I came here. I had two beers with backdoor

mic. I slammed the first one and then I sat there and smoked a cigarette and then I drank the second one. Okay, so you're saying after she called the cops, so you're saying you were dead sober. Dead sober, stoned. Stoned as hell. Okay, so here's where I'm going to interject.

Go ahead. This is where I'm just going to kind of fucking just, let's do this. Go. So from what I hear that evening, you know, you came over here and Bree's a blockout drunk and she's such a drunken fucker. Here's to your honor.

I don't know why I'm being so hard. And by the way, I don't like deny that. I'm fine. Like I get that. I accept that's who I am. I block out at times. Since we've known you, you've made no bones about being a drunk. Since your original testimony six minutes ago, you were both drinking and you were verbally abusive.

To each other. Early in the day. But I initiated it and I'll take total responsibility. But I'm going to say this. But I'm going to say this. If I am such a blackout drunk, if I have problems, if there's an issue that night where I am in a state, and you know

me mentally, have not been very well, for you to come back to this blackout drunk girl that you make fun of and fucking come and try to fucking start shit with me, that to me is a fucking dick move. And that's

a fucking super dick move. Because if you are so aware and enlightened about my behavior, which obviously you're above. You don't ever black out. You don't ever whatever. You don't ever try to disappear from your life by smoking shatter fucking 45 times a day. All right? If that's the case, then why would you come and fuck with a blackout drunk who's got problems? Why the fuck would you do that?

This returning that... And I love you, and I'm always going to love you, but I hate you for that because... Win. Free. Oh, sorry. Hang on. Go ahead, Mr. Shank. he's gonna love you but i hate you for that because when free free uh sorry hang on go ahead i was just trying to clarify because this returning was that when you called him and told him to return with xanax i texted him that was the text i have a text and i said bring the xanax i believe she was saying that the dick move was that he came over here and talked about how she was such a blackout drunk. Right.

She's saying the dick move is him talking shit behind her back when he's high all the fucking time. No, no, no, no. The dick move is the dick move is coming. You know what? It's sharing with anybody besides your girlfriend who you love, right? That you can't

fucking talk to me if you think there's a fucking problem, which clearly there was. I ain't fucking denying shit. But if I'm a blackout drunk and you're over here talking to who the fuck ever and she's got fucking issues, fuck that. You fucking, first of all, fucking know. Tell her who I talk to.

No, you first. One at a time, one at a time. Derek, first of all, you talk to me. You don't go over to my house, our house, and exploit the fuck out of a blackout drunk because that to me is fucking shitty. And if you knew I was in a shitty

place mentally, I'm fucking suicidal, you know exactly the shit I've been dealing with for the past fucking seven months. You come over there to fucking egg shit on, to look for this, to look for that, and to exploit me further, to fucking make me feel worse, because you know I'm not going to respond well,

because I'm shit-faced, and I'm not even fucking thinking straight. You know what I mean? All right, Derek, go ahead. Do your best to respond. And by the way, and I will say one more thing. If you were sober, why the fuck would you do that? thing if you were sober why the fuck would you do that if you were sober why the fuck would you come over and exploit again a blackout drunk

that needs fucking help why the fuck would you do that when if you were sober when because to me literally that's some fucking abusive shit. Win! That was my question. Was that when you called him to come back? DeCorum, you're in a court of the funhouse. Go ahead, Chad. I'll not tolerate these outbursts! I'll clear this funhouse bar!

I'm trying to remain a diplomat still because we have some to go, I think. But I'm trying to piece the story together. So far, Derek's provided the most details and linear story. I take umbrage with that because, honestly, I have to ask Bree. Bree, when Derek, after everything happened from when you alleged that you were both drinking, and obviously he said she said at this point, when he tried to crawl in the window to get his phone, you opened the door, something happened.

He left the property. You knew he was leaving the property. You stated that Derek left the property. Then you called the police, which you're within your right to do that if you felt physically in danger or anything like that. Which I'll never do again. But then you called him to come back.

And did you tell him that you had called the police? He didn't. From previous testimony. I could look back in the text messages, but I'm pretty sure he was aware that the cops were called. Now, you didn't offer that. I don't. And you don't actually recall it.

I'm not sure. I'm not sure. Derek left the property. Yeah. Physical threat is gone. Not that not sure. Okay. I'm not sure. So Derek left the property. Yeah. Physical threat is gone. Not that it didn't happen. You called the cops, and then you asked him to come back, and you gave a reason other than to speak to the police that you recall. Now, I'm going to, I'll take on Derek's side.

Derek said that during that moment, that two-day period, where this was a big kerfuffle, you thought you were set up. She was setting you up, using the Xanax as an excuse to get you arrested because the cop was right there. You never had contact with her. Right, I pulled up and they arrested me.

Immediately. Yeah, so then you didn't know. Then you didn't know, yeah. I came back under the guise that there was no reason the cops would fucking. Yeah. I came back under the guy. There was no reason the cops would fucking arrest me because I had not physically assaulted anybody. So there's no even if she said I'm calling the cops. I didn't know she was going to say that she was physically assaulted. And I came back under the guy.

She's in an argument. That I'm bringing her some Xanax. And that maybe even if she had called the cops, they came and she talked to him like she had in the previous times when she called them and just talked to them. Previous times. That was Kenny who is. She called the cops before that. We have to call them as the witnesses here. Brie called the cops before that.

I have called the cops on you to this day three times. Is that it? Including this time? Three times including this time? Yeah. Three including, yeah. What were the two previous, if I might ask? Briefly.

The first time. Yeah, there's been a few. So one, I actually tried to call the cops and I couldn't get a hold of the cops because apparently it was after hours for the cops and they don't work. Literally, I'm not joking. And I had a friend try to call the cops for me

and they could not get through. And this was the door breaking episode. Well, you've heard the police beat. You know how busy they are. Well, no, this was, he broke the bedroom door down, dude. I mean, he literally broke the bedroom door. It was like the shining kind of shit. Like, fucking, this was, he broke the bedroom door down, dude. I mean, he like literally broke the bedroom door.

It was like the shining kind of shit. Like, fucking, you broke that shit down. Don't deny. Don't deny. You broke it down. No, I just went through it,

but I have the... It's shining. I have scars on my arm from where she had... And he was, and why he did this was because he was mad because I was talking

to an ex-boyfriend who's a good friend. For 12, 16 hours that day and then antagonized me the entire day, and then walked in the bedroom and locked the door. If we can, you know what, actually. As a blackout drunk. Okay, but I'm going to take over.

I want to hear about him going through the door. We're going to take turns here. Wait, which police caller are we on now right now? One. One. The first one. Honeymoon. This is where you broke through a door on a rental property.

With an ax, because she said The Shining, and I think that's kind of tainted the jury. Okay, so it wasn't like The Shining. It was The Best, yeah. Unless he has an Academy Award, then it would be exactly The Shining. It was pretty fucking awesome. I mean, I got it back. I banked your door, and I was like, hi.

I just waited and said, hi. So that's like The Shining? I just, you know, I didn't. He hears and he can't remember his own name. So that was that. Now that day. That day she was on the phone with her ex-boyfriends for about 12 hours and just fucking antagonized me the entire time.

And then went into the bedroom, locked the door, and just started laughing, cackling, and I was like, I don't need this door in the way, and I just fucking made it go away, and I said, hi.

What did I do when the door was gone? I said, hi. You said, here's Johnny. No, I said, hi.

You said exactly, it's exactly what you said, hi. Creepy, okay? Okay, second time. Let's go.

We're going to wait. Wait, wait. I think there's a precursor to this because it's really funny. And Kenny knows this. Okay. And Kenny knows everyone talking about. He was there the day after and he was like, what the fuck happened to your door? And hand and door. So, so what happened was earlier.

What happened to your hand? And what happened to your door? Earlier. Couldn't put it together. Earlier. That's why we're here to dispute these cases. Derek, Derek was, it was Gene was over. Floyd was over. We're all having a good time.

And I had said something because this is who I am. And I think sometimes Derek's got a little problem with like how I speak. And so I was saying something to Gene or to Floyd. And I was like, yeah, you know, like I fuck everybody mentally when i see them i first meet him you know and he flew off the handle and was like fuck you and fuck you you want to fuck your fucking boyfriend and fuck you and then he looked at gene and floyd and was like fuck you and fuck you and then i like just go into the kitchen and start crying and i'm just like fuck this whatever and they're like we're going and then it started after that like I was

literally fucking sober fucking there was no shit and you fucking lost your shit dude you can't deny it alright let's get to the second part unless you have something to add about which part particularly I think we need at least his response to the first call yeah okay

she just detailed with Floyd and Jean with the I fuck everybody in my eyes when I first meet them. It's just that she was antagonizing. You've had your chance. Kenny wasn't so good in my mind. She was antagonizing me that entire day. She was either on the phone or making fun of me

and then calling somebody on the phone. And then after about 12 hours of her being on the phone and just antagonizing me and pushing my buttons, she went in the bedroom and locked the door and just started cackling, and I'm like, I don't need this door in a way. So that's your story again.

Let's just skip the second call. Whatever, we'll bury it, but I wasn't cackling. I was actually worried, and that's why I locked the bathroom door and the goddamn bedroom door, by the way. I wasn't laughing. There was no fucking laughing. We've got to speed this up.

Can either of you tell me just really quickly? Can we make this funny at all? God damn it, I'm trying. Listen, what is the time frame between that first call and this most recent call that ended up with Derek going to jail? Just kind of a ballpark. Honestly, it's been like every three months that I think I've made a call. So it's been nine months total?

You've had three calls? Yeah, because I've lived here for nine months, and it's been about every three months there was an issue. So within nine months, you've had three calls? And I'm not innocent, you guys. For the sake of brevity, I'm going to skip the second call. We're going to get back to the incident in question that you have a current pending Cochise County court case.

I wasn't paying attention. We haven't been talking about that? No, no, no. We went back. Then there's the time Kenny called the cops. Is the second time when Kenny called the cops or was there a second time when you called the cops? There was

I'm talking about the times that I've called the cops. You were threatening to call the cops one night after you beat the hell out of me and then I said, what are you going to tell them? This is not a discussion between you two. We're trying to get to the facts. I actually have a question. She beat the hell out of me for about an hour

and then she said, I'm calling the cops. And I said, what are you going to tell them when, when they get here? And you know what, Derek, to be honest with you, I'm just going to throw it out there for my,

uh, blackout drunk behavior that occurred the last time. That was one of your options was to call the cops. And instead you came in and, and just made it worse by, Oh, I need my phone or I need this. I need this bag.

You could have called the cops on me, and why didn't you fucking do that? I never involved a man in my life. Oh, looking. Order in the back of the court. The back of the court is for you. Asked and answered. My decision was made about five minutes in.

Look it, you know, neither of us. Bree, I still have to bring up my... I'm on Brie's side, and I love Brie, and I understand her, and I was fucking completely mentally ill to where I couldn't hold on to conversation for seven years. Are you trying to plead insanity in this case? No, I'm trying to...

Derek, please. My big beef was you, after you get out of jail trying to relax over here tried to convince me and others that you had not touched her at all she had blacked out to the point that she thought you she she misremembered hang on let me finish because that's as as an alcoholic i know that's not how blackouts work. You remember bits and pieces of things that happened or you don't remember anything. I'll explain it after the break. You don't think that you go, oh, shit, did I drive home last night?

Fuck, I kind of remember driving. You don't remember. I think I took the bus. I remember the bus. No, if you drove, you don't remember a bus i took the bus i remember the bus no if you drove you don't remember a bus that didn't exist so if she's blackout drunk but still remembers you roughing her up in bits and pieces it's not because it didn't happen i'll tell the truth i will tell the truth after the break no let's no no wait wait okay no because this is a real discussion that we had and it was when i remember the day after or whatever,

I came over here, it was like two days after, what the fuck ever. I mean, I was on a fucking bender for sure. And you had said some things to me like, you know, you hit me, do you remember hitting me? And I was like, you know, fuck, now I do, you know? And I was like, I'm enlightened. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

I did, I'm not denying that. And that was fucking transparent, honest person, fuck a face of the earth. However, we had that discussion on the porch, and you said, I'll never forget that moment when I laid you out. And you did lay me out on the fucking porch. That's not what I said.

You did. That's not what I said. Now, the thing is, though, I'm a woman that I weigh about 130 pounds and I don't I think that the fact that you're overweight

has nothing to do with it don't bring your obesity into this play the fat card yeah look it there's other options

that's what I'm saying disregard those last comments move to strike what I'm saying is there's other options now if I again going to the blackout drunk thing which I don't deny you had you had another option if you were sober What I'm saying is there's other options. Now, again, going to the blackout drunk thing,

which I don't deny, you had another option. If you were sober, if you were as clear of mind fucking that you were, you didn't have to fucking throw me down. All you had to do was remove yourself from the situation, and then this shit wouldn't have fucking happened. That's kind of, that's almost victim blaming.

My fault is I thought. That's almost like saying, that's almost like saying, I needed my camping gear. Well, if you knew I was asking for it by the way I was dressed. Wait, I don't even know where to go with this. Yeah, yeah.

The point is, and that mental, and that mental. Because you knew that I deserved it. And that mental state, and as poorly presented as I was, you should have just fucking left. If, in fact, you were sober.

Until you got called back for Xanax. Then you should have came back. It was shit-based, dude. You should have ignored me. You should have known that I was fucked up and ignored that. But I'm not denying what I did to you was wrong. I accept that. That's cool. Why would you give a drunk person Xanax?

You know, that's how many people die. I'm telling you, dude. You called him into a trap. You called him into a trap. Dude, I was so fucking hammered. I just wanted a Xanax. I wanted to go to bed. I didn't even remember I called the cops. I took the Xanax because I was concerned she would take the whole bottle. If you didn't remember you called the cops,

then you could not have informed him that you called the cops when he asked for the Xanax. I just feel like there's a million other options than what you did. And what you did is cool. Whatever. It's what happened. Fucking who gives a shit? But just saying.

What have we learned from this? Wait, I want to give my side of Go ahead You did Basically No Oh, should I turn your mic on finally? No, I was grabbing all my stuff

I had the last of it on the porch You said the kitchen? Well, I had it in the kitchen I moved the porch Because I fucking can't move stuff Like a normal person I can't fucking just grab everything I own and carry it Don't get mad at me.

Your statement was you had it in the kitchen when she arrived home. I'm being passionate about it. So I grabbed it and moved it to the porch so I could take it to my car, breathe through a kick to my stomach. I fucking backed up. Through a kick? Hang on. His kung fu gets involved. So the story's

changed now from the kitchen to the porch. You didn't say that earlier during your original opening statements. My stuff was in the kitchen. And I moved it to the porch. Derek, I think this is what we're kind of driving at, is that the story's kind of changing with you. Blackout Ninja. Well, you didn't have any beers until you came here

when you shotgunned one and then drank another and then had a cigarette. Listen, I had my stuff in the kitchen all day because I was slowly moving it to my car. All right. You did establish that earlier. And I grabbed the last of the things to move to the front porch so I can move, because I can't fucking walk from the kitchen to the car.

The only thing we're here to debate is whether or not you hit her. I want to tell on my side right now. Breathe through a kick to my stomach. I took it, backed up, wrapped my arms around my stuff. She punched me in the face. I fucking... Are you recounting a Ronda Rousey fight? She started throwing really

fast punches at my face. So I grabbed her hand and I asked her if I needed... I don't remember what I asked her, but I'm basically like... Oh, you said something specific there. You asked her if she needed what? Or if you needed what? I had to remember because it was like...

Now's a good time. You know, I asked her like... We'll wait. Do I need to push you back to get the rest of my stuff? I think something along those lines. In the volley of rabbit punches to your face, you grabbed one of her hands and said... Do I need to knock you out?

No, I grabbed one of her hands and stopped her, and she stopped with me. I would have said it. She stopped with me. With her hands, she stopped with me, and I was holding it, and all I did was twist her wrist, not hard enough to hurt her,

but she went down on the ground. It's the worst thing I've ever seen in my life is her on the ground. I slammed the door, wrapped my arms around the rest of my stuff on the porch, ran to my car, and ran. Wait, you just said that you can't move stuff like other people, but all of a sudden... Ran for me is a different definition. I fucking dropped a shoe.

It's 3.0 on the treadmill. If I can direct the attention to the courthouse, to some video we're going to play of Derek trying to run. Ran means I went as fast as I fucking could without falling. No, I get it. And this was before she called

the police and before she called you back to bring Xanax. Yeah. All right. Who has the prescription for Xanax? Mexico. Yeah. The police did want to threaten with administering a sobriety test.

Yeah, I kind of wish I had taken it at that time. Well, that's another topic. I mean, if the cops think you're obviously drunk. Well, no, because I called for you the next day, and out of kindness, I was looking for your belongings, and they said, you know, he's really lucky he was so intoxicated that if he was driving, he would have received a DUI. And they shared that information with me the next day.

I don't know if it's true. I know you blame it on your leg and your gait. But Derek did corroborate that they said that he was obviously intoxicated. But again, it just goes back to the show. Someone to the effect of, hey, you're already going to jail for domestic violence. You want me to double down and give you this Friday? Don't make this worse. Actually, I want to make a statement that they offered it.

They said we should definitely test you because we could smell it. And I hadn't ate or drank any liquid water or anything but two beers that entire day. And they said, we should test you because you smell so strong. And I thought about having them test me because I've never blown more than a.07 in a funhouse as hard as I've tried. That's not admissible in this court. Did they mention you being intoxicated in any paperwork? Well, yeah. Or is it only just somebody in business told somebody else he was hammered?

No, they talk about the way they walk because I walk fucked up because I have a goddamn plate in my leg. And they talk about how I was hiding in the goddamn bushes in front of my house whenever I was bent over looking for the fucking Xanax I was bringing Bree. When I got out of my car, I tripped in a fucking gully that's our driveway and dropped him. And I'm bent over picking him up and the cops pull up and I'm like, how can I help you? And they're like, Freeze! Don't move! I will teach you!

I was just using dramatics, but that's how it happened. I'm fucking a non-violent person with a giant plate in my leg. If you push me at the right angle, I will fall over. I will literally, if you use one finger to push me

at the right angle, I will fucking fall over. Derek, so you spilled the Xanax in the gully when you fell over. Got out of the car. Under the bushes. Right in front of our house, there's a juniper bush.

You spilled your Xanax. I spilled her Xanax. And you were trying to pick him up. I was picking him up, and I saw headlights, and I looked up, and it's fucking the cops. This is very important. How can I help you? I had no reason to believe that they were looking for me

for a fucking domestic assault that I didn't commit. Right now, you don't seem like you can get violent at all. I'm still dependent on Kenny backing me up when he saw. I have the smoking gun. I have a million smoking guns with Derek. Derek went into great detail the next day after he was arrested about how he

had the Xanax in his shorts pockets. He was handcuffed behind his back. Does everyone remember this? Yes. He carefully twisted his shorts, gym shorts, around so he could reach into the pocket from his ass so he could

gently toss the Xanax underneath the car so you would get your Xanax. Now all of a sudden, he spilled those Xanax before the cops got there. He's picking them up in a gully. The magic Xanax. I spelled about 10 of them. I did spell about 10 of them.

Oh, I got them all the next morning. It rained and they were like in the garbage. Where did you get those? Where did you get those Xanax? Initially, I found them literally by the mailbox in their little pieces. Is that where the gully is? I guess it's kind of a gully.

Our driveway has a giant gully. Was there a bottle? I did not see it until I took my car out. So there was a bottle. And then there was a bottle underneath the car. So kudos to Derek. Under the car, not under the bushes. Not under the bushes.

Under the car. By the house. It was literally under the car. And I know because. Okay, all right. Chad Shank, go. Let him fucking expound without... Wait, are we done with their statements?

No, we're going to wrap up. Chad, do you have questions? No, because we got to... This is like retarded. Like, we... This is... We're both retarded. That's what the...

You know, we're just... I do agree with you. I cannot strike another human being under any conditions, so whatever accusation against me, I deny. And you should. All right, here's what I will say this. I agree with what you said 100%, except if you call the cops after he left, that's a dick move unless you were afraid

he was going to come back, which is fair. But then you call them to come back, which negates that, which basically makes you being guilty of being a cunt that night, regardless of anything else. You've admitted to that much as much as everybody else has admitted. Corroborated Derek's story with the Xanax

losing the Xanax. It's not just people being I got you on the cunt thing, for sure. I am a cunt a lot, especially before I go on the rag, I'm a bitch. I actually think I have some kind of medical disorder that makes me so cunty um but no and it's just at times other times i i'm like the nicest fucking person in the world but there there's some issues okay you know i'm not denying that but what i'm going to tell you um is uh okay so you're you're you're talking about

uh refresh me you initially your contention was i want to no but hang on but your first no wait because i really do have no i really do have i really do is is calling him back after calling the cops i guess is where it would come okay so this is where no no no it would be called the cops after he left he's no longer a threat but if you feel it's in my head hang on it's in my head you said why would you call the cops right after he left because derrick has a habit no no i can say no no no i'm going to explain this actually because it's very logical um derrick has a habit of of doing this and i do sometimes think it has to do with a neurological condition or some kind of post-concussion issue when we get in fights he will leave and he comes back and he leave and he comes back and he

leaves and comes back and leaves and comes back and leaves and comes back and leaves and comes back and leaves and comes back and i don't he comes over i didn't want him to come back i wanted the xanax all right you knew you had called the cops on him absolutely and i i did but you know what also i'm a shithead and i'm fucking shit-faced. And I get I'm cunty. But again, if you know, if you're fucking sober, then why the motherfucking God are you going to be like, yeah, I'm going to come over. I'm sober. I'm going to come over and give her a Xanax.

That's a great idea. Because he asked for it and he's also whipped? No, he's not fucking whipped at all. He's not. It's such a mis... Nobody sees it for what it is Derek is a fucking amazing guy I absolutely love the fuck out of him but he's fucking nuts just as nuts as I am and when you get two fucking little bat shit insane people we do fucking crazy shit and you

hope you have an agreement that you don't call the cops well because you both know this can get extreme because cops takes it out of your control no no Chad because you both know this shit can get extreme and the cops takes it out of their control. No, no, Chad, because, you know what, Chad? No, and I tell you, Chad, for real, legitimately,

I was scared and I have been scared previous to this. that you called them back to say, come back and bring me Xanax because I'm only slightly less scared

than how much I want Xanax. Because the doors are locked because the windows are shut and locked and because genuinely, I want to chill out and just go to fucking bed and I'm so stressed out. But I'm going to fucking say this right now and I'm not

looking at anybody. I have been fucking scared. I have seen shit that's fucking weird. Whatever. He's seen the same shit for me. I understand. He's seen some whack ass shit that I've done. I'm not fucking innocent, but there are times that I'm genuinely

like fucking back the fuck up. Like, dude, back the fuck up. I would not dispute that. I would never dispute that or doubt that. I'm going to say... It's both sides. We have a surprise witness. Everyone, we have a surprise witness.

Let's establish where we're at right now. We've all heard both sides of the story. It goes back deeper than we thought. Okay? No off mic talking. It goes back deeper than we thought, which I didn't know about. I thought that was very relevant. And then we've got some details that I tried to ignore all the things I was hearing when Derek was talking because I wanted to be impartial.

Or I was bored. I wanted to be impartial during this period was bored. I wanted to be impartial during this period of time when we could all be together and everyone could say things face-to-face. So we've got a baseline, I feel. Now, you said you're bringing a witness? Yes. Kenny Vermeer is here.

Are you here to tell your story, Kenny Vermeer? I'm just here. I'm an in-between guy, so I'm partial to both sides. I can't even... I'm a little just disturbed by the both of them, but at this moment... What's your story? My story is the night of question, just so you

know, and you were blacked out, apparently, and he was high as a clock. In and out. Wait, wait, wait. Hang on. I'm going by what she said. And, you know, in andN-Out, Blackout. We'd like you to use your... She did.

Like what you saw. Your own words. My words is I talked to Derek about three minutes after he left the house that night. The first time he left. The first time he left. Okay? And he was being very standoffish about where he was at,

where he was going. Gregarious? Yes, gregarious. He called you or you called him? I actually called him. Why did you call him at that point? I called him just to see what was going on. It was a Friday night.

I had a night off. Just put it that way. I had no, you know. They call each other 10 to 12 times a day. When was the time you called him before that time? It was probably about four hours before that or when I left their house doing shatter, which, you know. Was she there at the time? Yes.

Doing shatter. Shatter is an extremely potent type of marijuana. They were fine. Hold on. So in the evening when this all took place and you called three minutes after he was leaving the house, you talked to him four hours previous and during that previous amount of time,

she was there or not there? She was there. She was there. Yes, I hung out with them. So Derek was saying she wasn't there all day, but she was there four hours prior? I don't know where... I'm just establishing this.

I'm not going to go into all the details. You've already told me everything I need to know. They were both there. They were both drinking, because I know. They were telling the night before stories of the night before, what they did with the Xanax and all the fun stuff. Anal.

Well, you know, private stuff. I'm checking. Talk slower. Well, you're getting me worked up. I got too many questions in my head now. Would you like a shot? Yeah, quickly. So, Kenny, this is the night in question this is the night in question when i talked to him he i'm sorry for the both you did call the cops while he

was present at the property i do know this and unfortunately he knew it because he was i knew that he knew because he was very standoffish and he would not tell me where he was going and how is it that neither of us remember that? You know, it's unfortunately the fact that... Can we underline that? I apologize. I like it. Derek knew that she had called the cops before he left the property?

He knew. Because he wouldn't tell me where he was going. You know? Where did anyone go? What the fuck? What does anyone do? Everybody's guilty. I already knew.

Yeah, everybody's guilty. Unanimously, everybody's fucking guilty. That's what we're going to find, right? Yes. Actually, wait. No, no, no. Not until Kenny's done. Not until Kenny's done.

She said she was calling the cops, but I didn't believe. When I left, I didn't believe there was any reason. I didn't believe there was any reason that if I came back they would arrest me for fucking assaulting anybody because I didn't believe I had assaulted... But you knew. You denied earlier that you knew that the cops were looking for you.

My whole defense of you was based upon... Order in the funhouse! Derek, Derek, it's not your turn. It's not your turn, it's Kenny's turn You have to understand that if you don't say something Then something comes out in a cross exam Or with another witness And then you admit to it

It looks bad For you, because you didn't offer it up to begin with That's why you have to be forthcoming And I'm the blackout junk Wait, under court rules I'll shut off the mics Order in the funhouse I'm the blackout junk. Wait, under court rules... I'll shut off the mics. Order in the fun house! Kenny, are you...

That's pretty much done. All I'm going to say is I love you both. You're both my friends. And I just don't get what the bullshit is. Talk about how she almost pushed me out the window. Well, I'm not going to go there because it's not the business of the outside world. You told me not to say that. We'd like to hear about you. I would like to hear about that.

Look, okay. This is my head. We'd like to hear about you. I would like to hear about that. Look, okay. This is my head. This whole thing seems like a fraud at this point. My head tells me, the night I called the police... Judge, he opened the door. Let's finish the story. It was fine.

I was on Derek's side that night because I thought she hit him in the face with a glass, which ended up being a little cocktail cup like the one I'm holding. Plastic? Plastic, which I thought was glass because she was drinking out of a glass earlier that day. Like a lady? Like a lady should.

But then she changed to plastic like a drunk lady should. Whoa! So she doesn't drop her shit and break it. That was actually, yeah. I wasn't aware of that. And then when she did shove him, and I thought about this for a couple hours after, I'm like, okay, I did call the police. There must have been

a reason. Oh, wait a minute. Now we went back of incident. We're not on the same incident. He was going to say about throwing him out through the window. Right, but that's a previous incident. We need to make shit clear. Yes, this was a previous incident. I did say that earlier. Alright, so nobody threw Derek through the window on the night that we're...

We should send this back to regular court because they had order when they arraigned Derek. I still stand by. I listened to the podcast on the way somewhere. Oh, to the airport. Yeah. Of you guys where Derek fucked up or something.

And I got zero enlightenment out of that entire. I was like, I have no idea what happened. I have to go fucking talk to people. So I can only imagine the confusion of others. My whole thing was when she did throw the right hook, which was a damn good punch because it landed.

You saw this? I saw this one that night. I called the police. I called the police. On the night you called the police. Yes. Different night. Different night.

That would have been the fourth time. The first. No, she said she called the police three times. The first. She didn't say and he would have been

he called once. Irregardless. Irregardless. Four times a night. It doesn't matter. Funhouse terms. But what I'm saying is, and this is another, when he does say a finger can cause him to fall over, it is almost true.

She did shove him pretty good, and when I angled it out and did my investigation after the fact, I looked at where he was standing and where she shoved him and where if he would have fell, he would have went out the window down into the top of his demon, which wouldn't have killed him, but would have been funny in a sense. Kenny, it's not the Twin Towers. I'm saying it wouldn't

have killed him. It's a first story building. I'm picturing Kenny Stone shining a laser pointer out the window doing his after investigation. Derek, we need to check the finger. Look where you went, a foul, bro. All right, I think it's time for us to come to a conclusion. God, I hope so.

Wait, wait, wait, no, no. Kenny, you're done. Derek, you can take your seat back. And that's just, like I said, I'm as crazy as everybody is here, so that's mine. We're all fucking crazy. It's all supposed to be.

But I didn't know. I think we're pretty rational. Thank you for your testimony, Kenny. We'll be in touch. Love you both. Bye. Derek wanted to rebut Kenny and then I'll let them have their final minute.

Well, you have his closing statements. Well, he has to rebut Kenny. No, he can. We definitely need closing statements. One minute for closing statements. We're timing that shit. No, I got 7.30 to 8.30 to 9. We definitely need closing statements. And then we're going to give you one minute for closing statements. Oh, we're timing that shit. No, I got 7.30 to 8.30 to 9. Okay, I'm good.

It's like an hour and a half of Tucson, right? Let's, let's, uh, let's, uh, Derek, Doug, uh, what's Derek doing? Oh, please, I yield to Bree. Rebutting Kenny, I thought. Yeah, I thought you had something to answer Kenny. I don't remember. He doesn't remember. That was an official statement, by the way. No, it was just like. Derek mumbling, I don't remember. He doesn't remember. That was an official statement, by the way.

It was Derek mumbling, I don't remember. It was just like, can you see how it starts? I'm not a violent person. Bree told me that, hey, when this shit was going on, the first thing when I went over there, she said, listen, I get violent. I'm not going to say I don't. I removed a door, and when it was gone, I said, hi. A handyman removes a door.

I said, hi. Unless you're trying to make a point where we try to have Chad Shank punch through my door that I punched out of anger and couldn't make a dent in that seemed very weak. Yes, I had Chad Shank punch this door. It seems like your fist would go through it like balls would. So yeah, we've punched through a door over here, but it wasn't in the heat of a moment.

We didn't gain entry. So yeah, the fact that you can fall over with a fucking cool breeze, but you can still wail your arms through a locked door. Good point. The whole high part doesn't really take the edge off of that terror. There's a lot of different kind of doors. You're making an assumption off one door. You're talking like a solid core door.

I wouldn't give the most people can go through a door fairly easily. I want to give the minute to Bree to close. You have up to one minute for a closing statement. No, I thought there were books that were going to give some kind of commentary

on what they thought about Kenny's statement. He forgot. He forgot. Back to closing. I'm with Kenny. And Kenny, thank you for enlightening me because there's times, Kenny comes over at fucking seven or eight

and I'm already half in the bag and whatever. You know, it's fine. A.M. or P.M.? For two months, it was probably A.M. But, like, after that, I was pretty good and I'd start at, like, 6 or whatever. But, yeah, no, Kenny's probably a pretty reliable source. I think, you know, shit.

I think, fuck, we're just all fucking retarded. Oh, I'm 30 seconds. I mean, and this is not my closing statement, but I mean, for everybody. Yes, it is. No, you are a closing statement. No, we're not doing a closing statement. Oh, no, I'll give a closing statement.

No, no, continue with Kenny until you're done, and then we'll do the one minute closing statement. No, Kenny's all good. Kenny's good. I adore Kenny. Kenny's statement. No, no. Continue with Kenny until you're done, and then we'll do the one minute. No, Kenny's all good. Kenny's good. I adore Kenny. Kenny's good. It's fine. Whatever he says, I believe him.

Believe me, I have fucking no idea. So whatever Kenny says, I trust him. As your counsel, I advise against that. Anyway, are we going to do closing statements? Okay. Closing statement. I believe the plaintiff goes first, and then the defendant goes last.

So that would be Brie goes first? Okay, so... Are you ready to start? I'm ready. And I will bullet point the issues as they are in my head. You were sober. You were not. You're having false memories about what actually happened.

Derek, you're referring to happened. Derek, you did throw me to the ground and I remember being on the ground and it was enough for me to call the cops. It is what it is. Did you just fart? Clock's ticking. 30 seconds.

It's a level of difficulty in the fun house. It's like an obstacle difficulty. You really should be in the fun house. It's like an obstacle course. One house course is different. It's a shit show, but I love you. By the way, if we don't make it, I'm looking for love. Let's see what we got. Do a little love connection after this.

I think I'm being a lot of men that are going to want to be into me. I'm down. lot of men that are going to want to be into me so I'm down I don't know if you're still in this relationship or what not but I may be single after this time Derek do you have any closing remarks

I love and adore Brie and I'm a nonviolent person. Most people can tell just from listening to my previous podcast, you can sense that I'm not angry. And I demonstrated earlier that I lived in a... He's never angry. He's just a really good door-to-door salesman. He won't take no for an answer. Clock's running know what to say i love brie and uh she does a lot for me and what either one of us remembers or don't remembers i grew up not striking my siblings back and I learned only how to defend myself and I defended myself

that night so I could grab my shit which I should have left behind I hear you Dave I hear you I can't have you talking till he's done Bree asked me that asked me that night if I should have restrained her, as I've done before. She's called the cops several times, but I think both, you know, from my past, don't involve the man. They don't understand what's going on. All right, your time is up.

And as always, at the end of Funhouse Court, when it's a domestic violence case, at the end of Funhouse Court, when it's a domestic violence case, Bree, if you'd like to go on another date with Derek, we'll pay for it. Is the date to jail?

I'm thinking about Sissler or maybe Iron Skillet. That's too far of the 10? We'll pay for it. Is it a yes or no, Brie? Would you like to go on another date with Derek? Every time God closes a window, he smashes open a door. All right. Let's just wrap it up. open a door. Alright, let's triple down. As you think about it,

let's triple down with the goofy fucking 1991 game shows. Do do do do. Think about it. Do do do do. Buy stuff from Redbone when you're in Bisbee. Lucy St. John.

You love time for that. All right. You just fucked up. So would you like another date or not? I'll take another date. The Funhouse Court will pay for your love connection. A reluctant love connection if there ever was one. Let's hope it doesn't end up with the police.

What is the fencing gear that you wear? If it's just... It's called a fencing gear? Yeah, fencing gear that you wear? If it's just... It's called a fencing gear? Yeah, fencing gear. You want to wear that thing where you... It's like... With the attack dogs. Yeah, the iron...

Like the suit. The attack suit. Chain mail. We're just going to both wear chain mail. There's also chain mail. Derek, where do we go to... Where do the listeners go to buy your vintage t-shirts

you each get a plug I have a couple of wife beaters up for sale on Lucy St. John is selling for me on AZ craft AZ on eBay let me tell you right now go to eBay stores and search

AZ craft no spaces right and there's one up right now there'll be a couple more up Tuesday I really need No, go to eBay stores and search AZ Craft. No spaces. Right. And there's one up right now. There'll be a couple more up Tuesday. I really need the money. I got about $57. Are you serious? Wife beaters?

No, she's been calling him wife. Any mustard stains? Any mustard stains? There's holes in them, and they're my old concert shirts, but I need the money. Concert shirts. It's going to cost me at least $53 to stay that night in jail, and I have some court costs coming.

And, yeah, if you're in Bisbee, go to Lucy St. John's store, Redbone. It's at Subway Street. On Subway Street. Just ask someone. And a close. And I love Bree, and she does everything you could ever want a girlfriend to do, including hitting you in the face. You tell her that on the ride to the airport.

That's the guy who's not whipped. We're going to wrap this up. Here's what happens. There's a domestic dispute. Someone goes to jail. A friend of ours and another friend is suicidal. They all come back together. We go to Vegas for a week.

They're back together. Everything's fine. The thunder's kind of taken out of this. Thank God we could whip it up but we're gonna let you Derek since you won the dream date with Bree on Funhouse Court we're gonna let you

bask in the police beat that we came back to go ahead Chad let's start the police beat right now with not just the police beat what are you doing? I don't even start the police beat right now with not just the police beat. What are you doing? I don't even have a police beat. I gave you the fucking thing on how we close this.

We can always come back with a police beat. Okay, then would you cut this out? I don't... What? We're not prepared for this. All right. I know I was just going to have him read this. We're ending a segment.

I was going to have him read it. I don't know. How did you do that? I was going to have him. This is the Doug Stanhope podcast, reminding you that if you're involved in a dispute such as this, and you can't seem to work it out, don't take the law into your own hands. You take them to court. Fun House Court.

Hey, my new special, Doug Stanhope, No Place Like Home, filmed right here in Bisbee, Arizona, is now available on CISO. S-E-E-S-O dot com. Go to CISO dot com. It's a live streaming thing like all those other fucking things. But this one, you get a free trial. I know it lasts longer than an hour and that's along my specialists so go to cso.com and uh yeah so how about that this special is free

motherfucker big j okerson's on the label harman quest rooftop comics there's a bunch of shit it's all comedy so uh yeah check it out get the free. Watch Doug stand up, no place like home, and spread the word about me and CISO and that free part. Yoink, wink. Well, that was a doozy. Again, it would have been so much better if we had done it in the heat of the moment because there were like three or four nights

where I had to go over for a suicide watch for her. And as a drunk, yeah, no, I spoke her language. like three or four nights where I had to go over for a suicide watch for her. And as a drunk, yeah, no, I spoke her language. No one speaks Derek's language. I feel like that should have been introduced into the court records. Well, honestly. A lot of shit should have been. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very partial info.

The amount of time that Doug was going over there, those couple of, like, three or four days before everything was resolved. Yeah, I think that was important to note, that she was at least bringing people over there because she was very distraught. Yeah, and openly suicidal. She called me once and said, listen, she said send anyone over. It was like, anyone.

You should have sent me over and then the whole tune would have changed. Not you. I didn't mean you. You're just here to tell me who's coming over next? You're the Dr. Kevorkian of the crew. No. I'd be over there showing her how to tie knots. Yeah.

Hand her the razor blade. Needless to say, she's an unhappy person in the relationship. So then we set up some date nights with the ladies over here. We had a dinner party with... On the tail end of all the kerfuffle, things started winding down, and then you set up a dinner party of, like,

just other people hanging out in the funhouse where we enjoyed the Omaha Steaks. Derek does not bring her out unless Derek is shadowing her. That's weird, too. So we said, all right, since you're in this breakup, at that point, legally, he couldn't even. Yes. She had a restraining order. So, yeah, we set uh some people she could talk to

she had no friends you know it's a she doesn't talk to anyone analogy she hasn't she has no contact with with more than a core group of maybe four people yeah which is derrick and kenny and the mailman and you i wondered what was going on with the mailman. That's part of it. So, yeah, there's a lot of stuff that we could not enter into unless we wanted to bore the fuck out of listeners. Oh, wait, that's not what we're doing? I thought for sure that's what we were going for here. So, yeah, all is's allegedly fine in mudville uh what that mic is

off just so you know yeah okay but yeah that was a fucking that was a lot of chaos and uh i don't think we got anywhere with it but But you never do with Derek and Brie. You never get anywhere. It reminds me a lot of when I was in chaotic relationships. In that when you're in it, it doesn't seem chaotic. It just seems like that's the role you're playing. You're on this treadmill. And it's like, yeah, but I love her.

Yeah, but I love him. And you do these things. And only when you're out of that cycle do you actually see what's really going on. I get that to a point, but were you ever involved where somebody called the cops? Oh, my friend. I told my mom, mom, if I'm, you guys know me. I'm not a guy who goes to jail. I remember calling my mom saying,

if I'm in jail for whatever reason, it's her. And when I said that, that should have been the get the fuck out. It was still four years and then a rebound after that for a year or two. Yeah. Yeah. Renee and I went three years. I don't think the cops were ever called. And neither was my situation.

But we were both drunks. Derek and Bree, she's a drunk. He's a stoner. He's more of a stoner than I am a drunk. It's all day. Not relationship-wise, i am a drunk hey it's all day not relationship wise because i would i could never be in an abusive relationship because it would end bad for me probably if it was one night yeah yeah so yeah you'd be the top yeah exactly i've never so i've never had that sort of problem but even just with

like friendships with people that i've had like calling the cops is a fucking deal breaker. Well, the girl that I was... Great. The lady I was associated with was actually trying to talk people into hurting me while I was in Anchorage. I found this out years later. And this is the level that she was so... And I had nothing to do with

her but she still worked in bars and stuff and knew uh guys like you chad putting contracts out on you oh i've had people apologize to me after not seeing them for six years saying like i have to tell you uh everything was going on back then i was totally i believed her 100 and you clearly aren't that guy and these are people that like like that% and you clearly aren't that guy and these are people that don't matter these aren't people that make any decisions in my day to day and I was like

vindicated but after so much time of like doubting myself and doubting everything fake to pregnancy two the second one her lawyer Sister called me and I said Tell you what

I bit on the first one And I went down that whole path That she wanted me to do Found out she went to a Marcy Playground Concert down in Seattle So I just have to ask you Are we doing that again? Because I'll just write the check

Or do you not know about that? And she goes, thank you for your time. And she hung up the phone. And that was it. And so, yeah. She had like an abortion broker? Yeah. Oh, my God.

No, no. Listen, the sister was great. I actually had met her. And she is a really good lawyer, like a liberal advocate lawyer, a really fucking cool person. And I said, listen, come on. You're not, we're not doing this, are we? You don't know what's going on.

And I laid the whole thing out and then that was it. And then that was it. Never heard it. Sorry. As soon as you said, uh, uh, Chad, uh, being, as soon as Chad said, being in an abusive relationship, the only, uh, my my rapid cycling thought the only way that could happen is if it was a gay relationship and his his girlfriend boyfriend was the security guy from the dive bar at nine foot as soon as you started that sentence, I knew who you were going to say because I agree. That made me think, fuck, we never talked about Chad's first time in a gay bar at the garage in Vegas.

Let me start by saying when we had to go to the dive bar, like what we do is we go early and drink and have fun. And we've got 28 people in tow. Turned out more because we had other people showing up. These are all part of the group at 175 capacity. That's the tickets, right? There's no green room in 175-seater. They closed the kitchen that night because they couldn't imagine going through

with an order of chicken wings through the crowd. I couldn't either. No. So it made sense. Great call. It was Nate and Angie. They were fucking awesome there at the dive bar. So we find the closest bar to the place. We ask. We ask what the closest bar to

the place is where we can hang out for a couple hours before the show because we get all these people coming from across's coming from wherever yeah so uh so they say the garage it's a gay bar i'm like all right if it's walking distance that's good it's a gay bar we don't know that it's actually walking distance because we don't really we walked what i found out later because alex oh yeah yeah from there we were lost so the i called the bar and i said do you have anything going on tonight nope i'm like it's a sunday night it's a it's a gay club it's a gay sports bar i'm like they said they got nothing going on no problem gay sports bar was the best i dropped dropped you guys off. 30 screens. Fucking, it's dicks to dicks.

I'm still considering that I've not been in a gay bar. There's like hubcaps on the walls. It's called The Garage. It's like racing themed. It's the most manly bar I've ever been into. It was a padded door to get in. Well, it was really clean. But the theme was really manly.

One of their biggest nights, Sunday, when nothing's going on, it's a fucking beer bust. Two for one. It's the size of a TGI Friday's and kind of that kind of layout where there's like little different sections, but it was a big fucking bar. So it wasn't a hole in the wall.

It was a glory hole joke everyone stops so when i dropped you guys off all of you guys exited the car i know everyone's meeting you guys there and then i drove and i literally drove like it did a big u-turn and like was now in the parking lot of the dive bar i'm like motherfucker i didn't know it was so close. It looked from what Alex said. It's like, it's the closest bar near us. And,

or there's a hookah bar across the street. Well, here's the thing. When we do this a lot, because we play a lot of dive bars where there is no green room. And if there's a lot of bars walking distance, we'll just hit another bar where I assume my fans won't be you know and a lot of people now know this so they'll they'll hit the other bars oh we'll find stanhope drinking

somewhere so i'll like go to the five-star hotel where it's 19 for a fucking vodka drink all right they're not coming in here nothing was better than the garage for a bar that my fans aren't gonna find me in with chad chad i went over to order a drink and the guy was like hey sweetheart you know what are you gonna have like a vodka soda with the lemon and i was kind of chuckling because i felt you know i was like this is fucking the weirdest maybe experience i've ever had and then andy andrews comes over and hugs me and leans onto me and goes meet me in the bathroom oh that's right wait was he talking to you yeah was he talking to you or the bartender directly into my ear and then a bunch of people see this and then

i follow andy to the bathroom and we're in the stall doing key bumps and i'm like this is this is the least awkward i've ever felt going into the bathroom with another guy because everybody nobody batted an eye you're safe you actually you actually looked like pikers just don't blow really that's it it was so comfortable we went back again so i called in for one of those key bumps when i called you guys and i realized i called doug to say like hey this is what's going on here yeah there's very the green room is a postage stamp it's nothing there's no one in there and doug's like no this is great we're having fun over here just say how long how long will it take like for you to come get us i'm like i think you can walk

alex it's like three minutes walking which takes longer driving because I have to do U-turns and move around. I'm like, god damn it. I want to go over there. And we're all dressed up. Everyone on the show, fucking Andy's in his leisure suit that I loaned him. I hope he didn't shit my pants. Bingo was a fucking fantastic hit in the gay bar.

With the high collar, queen of hearts Alice in Wonderland. Yeah, i kept seeing her being stopped everywhere i was like that's fucking fantastic yeah i did not get approached in the gay bar at all i was glad you're the one doing the approach you were with your wife oh that's true too yeah we were over in the non-gay area we did find a section thank god well if it wasn't non-gay before it We did find a section. Thank God. Well, if it wasn't non-gay before,

it was when we got there. That was the curious section. Chad said to me, I've never been in a gay bar before. Kenny's wearing that toupee. I just fucking figured it out. I told you it was going to take, how long was it going to take? You were the first person

to point it out the entire evening. That color match is fucking stunning, dude. All right, here's the thank yous, and I'm going with vegas and i'm definitely gonna forget someone but this is what i could come up with and in no particular order brendan walsh and amanda um mandy pants the beckers andy andrist mamu and the warlock neighbor d Dave, Floyd, Kelly Sheehan, been a while, Joanne Savoie, always comes with a bottle of top-shelf vodka. God love you, and you had to put up with Inman. And Bibles. And Bibles.

She brings the Bibles. Tom Konopka, the long-lost Tom Konopka. If you haven't got the book yet, you don't know who it is. It's available on hard copy on Amazon, audible.com for the audio version. Sign copies at dougstandup.com. Sign copies at dougstandup.com. Tom Konopka, my old fucking comedy partner from telemarketing days before I did comedy. So fucking great to see him. If somebody hasn't gotten the audio book already,

I pinned a tweet at the top of my Twitter thing. You can go and get a free audio book for free. Oh, the free download. If it's your first book, if you're not a member of Audible. Oh, at Audible. All right, at HDFatty. Yeah. I should have that pinned.

Adrian came out. She's still writing that book. Carrie Mitchell, The Shanks. Jake Kirshner. Our wink, wink, nudge, nudge, better call Saul attorney. Just remembered him when you mentioned that. Always fantastic. Backdoor Mike showed up out of the blue.

Norris. John Norris from the Near the Wild podcast. We did a swap cast that hasn't aired, it will. Dave Bernal and his wife, Andalyn. Andalyn rhymes with mandolin. They were on a podcast when they lost their teddy bear here. Oh, that was them? Yeah.

I recognize them. I just didn't know who it was. I didn't know until later on. She wasn't crying or clutching a teddy bear. But he's the one that tracked down Tom Konopka for me. Jen. Huh? Jen.

Jen who? Oh, Jen and Kenny. Sorry. Jen and Kenny for taking care of the fun house while we were gone. Cleaning out rat traps. Now, the other part of the thank yous is the bulk of shit we've got. And I'll always forget someone. Stuff we got in the mail.

Stephanie Ponitz sent Bingo a beautiful letter about mental hospitals, and she sent a kaleidoscope thing. Rico sent me beer soap. Trevor Jones sent a copy of Dig, the dig the documentary good it's a fucking great documentary about brian jonestown massacre and the dandy warhols he also included some uh bootleg gin blossom stuff on a cd bruce burtner sent that giant package with the fucking garlic in it i don't understand the garlic i have to tell you uh he put post-it notes on a lot of stuff but it was what i i refer to as a loose load everything jostled around and the

post-it notes fell off garlic there was garlic uh cloves paper everywhere in there no but the paper was the box was fucked up when i opened it but it was it was a mad drugs in there was he trying to hide the smell of drugs that's what i I thought. Did you look for drugs? That's what I thought at first. But there was a 1969 copy of Mad Magazine. That still had the post-it for Derek. There was a Star Trek watch. There was an

ear cleaner. The Pablo Escobar story written by his brother called The Accountant's Story. There was a drumstick. There was a shoeshine kit. One drumstick. One drumstick. And no cowbell. What?

Someone sent, I don't know if it's in the same package, an audio book on CD by Terry Hatchett called The Dodger. Someone sent a copy of The Stand DVD. I don't know why. With no name. I think Tracy and Chad have talked about... I like it. Yeah, in the past on the podcast we've done.

I snatched it up, whether it was for me or not. Thank you. Yeah. Someone sent Chad a level, like a construction level. A nice laser level. Laser level. It's got a bunch of stuff, though. It's a chicken coop reference, I'm guessing.

I would assume building is chicken coop. It's also the gavel during Funhouse Court. The beautiful lesbians sent me an email saying, hey, are we going to be the only lesbians there? Funny they weren't at the garage, but it was pretty dude heavy. I don't know how that works. Lesbian gay bars don't usually mix sexes. I think there are exclusive men and then female which is

odd that they would segregate and then there's a kind of a co-mingling as well i think lesbians just don't party that much no they do they had at the garage they had like a unisex bathroom that i walked into looking for andy and then they have like once you're in there they have like men's and women's and i was like well they're like a once you're in there, they have like men's and women's. And I was like, well, like a little short lesbian lady came walking out of one of them. And I was like, whoa, sorry, where do I go? Because I'm going, Andy! I'm yelling inside the bathroom. And then she's like, there's a men's over there. So I had to leave and go down to the men's. But I didn't know how the bathroom was. No, you didn't.

I didn't know how the bathroom was. You didn't have to. Demand your rights. Well, that's where Andy was with the blow blow so that's where i wanted well the lesbians uh jennifer and aaron gave me a uh from seattle from seattle uh it's uh called memos to shitty people a delightful and vulgar adult coloring book so uh we got a coloring book of memos to shitty people. And that's, am I forgetting anyone? Obviously I am. There's a lot of fucking people there.

You grabbed all, everything was in a pile here when I got here, so I didn't take any notes. Alright, well there's the thank yous. Thank you. Thank you. Oh, and the toupee that Kenny's wearing. That also came in the box with the garlic.

Looks great. Yeah, see, it fits very well, too. I hope it is not pubic hair, please. Well, it had a lot of garlic paper in it. I just smelled Kenny's head. It doesn't smell like pubic hair or garlic. You're in good shape. The guy who sent that box, it was really jostled around quite a bit it had uh an earwax removal system

that had a uh that double a batteries he sent the batteries but who the fuck is going to put that in their ear that's that was a used earwax removal system would you do it kenny did really no kenny did it i didn't do it i think it's missing attachments i didn't do it though and did you realize that there's no suction on the end it's been used and i ran in and washed my hands as soon as i realized it's been used you washed your ear i didn't put it in my ear i put it in derek's ear all right let's get out of this anybody got a straw bye this. Anybody got a straw? Bye. Hello. No one is available to take your call. Please leave a message after the tone.

Hey, guys. This is Mamu. Basically, what happened after I woke Inman up from a drunken, I don't know, it's like waking up a fucking giant baby i mean or a baby giant i mean anyway so uh i got him kind of wound up my bad and we were trying to get him out and then he freaks out and then the security comes and the sheriff comes and we get escorted downstairs of the hotel and these guys were not fucking around, and they were really, really kind of, they were mean to me. They were mean to Warlock. They were not having any of it. Anyway, so we finally get in the car, to which, I mean, they were right next to the car. They

came, and they walked us basically almost all the way to the car. Anyway, so we got James in, and then my phone rings, and my phone is connected by Bluetooth to my car. So it's Stanhope, and then, of course, James, like, being like a giant baby, starts screaming at Stanhope through the speakers or whatever. And then so I have to – I tried to think fast because I didn't want – Doug doesn't know that he's on speakerphone, so I have to, I tried to think fast cause I didn't want Doug doesn't know that he's on speakerphone. So I have to like immediately, I hung up on him like quote unquote accident, like, oopsie, what'd I do? And then I hand my phone to the warlock and then he calls Doug back and I'm

turning off the Bluetooth. Oh my God, that man is so smart. And have the conversation with front with him. And then I look at, I look at warlock in the library room here and he kind of holds up his tablet and I know I'm like, Oh yeah, that's what we're going to do. So we tried to take pictures earlier. We tried to get, um, we even tried to like get some video of this whole mess, but our phones were not cooperating. So anyway, so Warlock got him on his tablet, and this is the ride to the airport. So there's, I think, some sincere moments in it where I tell James, he did hurt my feelings. He said some really mean things to me.

You can hear us arguing probably about not going to go get his Xanax. And then, of course, my dog Ruby passed away just like the day before we came to Vegas. And James was kind enough to do his little Tibetan prayers for her so that we get her in the next life. And that's what turns me around as far as that goes. I said, okay, we get his Xanax. But anyway, so there's James yelling at me and telling me that Doug Stanhope is raping me. I know, honey. I'm sorry. I'm so nervous.

Yeah, he fucked you on that movie. Tell me how that happened. I don't really get it. Trust me. I don't know anything about the movie. I really don't. So just, you've got to dumb it down for me. He basically fucked us. But how? How could he fuck us? I don't know anything about the movie. I really don't. So just, you've got to dumb it down for me. Yeah.

The person you fucked is. But how? How many fuckers? He had nothing to do with it other than he's been doing it with me. We put it all together. I don't know what happened. Is there? Are you calling Doug?

No. Call him. I will. I will. It went straight to voicemail. Okay. Here. Call him.

Okay. I'll try again. But, babe, will you pay for a little bit of gas? Just put like $10 in there. Here. Yeah. No, you're not paying for gas. Oh, don't give me shit like I don't have money. I know you have money, but you don't have to pay for our gas.

Here. All right. Will you put this money in the car, honey? Thank you. Here, phone. Okay, okay, okay. Hold on. He's got one second i'm sorry if i upset you i did not know about, Andy and I were trying to buy some blow. I mean, that would have been fun. I had no idea about Chad and Jenny.

I just, he was, he was, you know, real quick to me on the phone, like, you've got to get to the airport. His flight leaves, blah, blah, blah. You're sober enough to drive, get him to the airport. I said, okay, I'm going to do it. So I, oh, sorry. So it was my interpretation. And then how did those cops get there? Well, I don't know. I didn't. Yeah those cops get there? Well, I don't know.

Yeah. Uh-huh. Okay, can't sleep on the floor. I slept on the fucking floor last night. Sorry, man. I mean, the night before. The night before I slept on the fucking floor last night. Sorry, babe. I mean, the night before. The night before I slept on the floor. Okay.

Okay. Go to the Canadian National Park. Shaley must have called those cops. Somebody called those cops. Please proceed to the highlighted route. Then the route guidance will cops. Somebody called those cops. Wait for me to the highlighted route. Then the route guidance will start. I can't imagine. That's water, honey.

Do you want my tram at all? It's a painkiller. I want my Xanax. I know you do. I'm so sorry. Yeah, you could easily go back. I never, no, I can't. You could go back there and you could get it for me.

I can't. Justin said that he would go get it for you, but then you said, no, you'll go get it. No, go get it. You can't go get it. No, you go get it. I'm not going to go get it. I'm not walking back up there. I have rheumatoid arthritis and I'm fucking in a lot of pain.

I'm not doing shit. Justin can do it, but he. Yeah, Justin. I want to get everything back. I want to get it. Yeah, Justin My bottle of Xanax is up there In the bathroom, you remember Yeah, you could easily go up there and get it My plane doesn't leave until 12.30

Justin, just run up there, I'll just park in the thing Just run up there, run back down and I'll meet you downstairs, okay? If I hear any fucking hint of you being fucking violent towards her again, dude thing just run up there run back down and i'll meet you downstairs okay all right okay if i hear any fucking hint of you being fucking violent towards her again dude there's more problems okay i can't leave you alone with her fuck off fuck off yourself fucker come on we're not doing this let's stop it jesus christ you don't talk to him that way don't talk to my fucking woman the way you have don't talk to me the way you're talking that is it we're going to the fucking airport oh come on give my ex ex no oh my god i can't

believe this i can't you're gonna tell him to fuck off you don't know who's in charge oh my god you're playing the wrong game james oh my. Why would you not do this? Because you are an asshole right now. I'm not. Yes, you are. I would do the same thing for you. No, you wouldn't. Yes, I would. Not if I treated you like garbage.

Fuck no. If you didn't get my Xanax, if I didn't get your Xanax, I would fucking go back and get it. I did. I would do. I did Tibetan prayers for your dog today. I know.

I know you did. I did an hour's worth of Tibetan prayers for your dog today. I know. I know you did. I did an hour's worth of Tibetan prayers for your dog today. Oh, God damn it, Ruben. Yeah. All right. You win this time, James. Justin, you go up there and get those pills if they're there. And take a picture of the bathroom as you find it.

So we know... It's a bottle of Tylenol. That it's there or it's not. It's got Xanax in it. Okay. Please let me... And it's right by the... Okay, okay. It's right bottle of Tylenol. It's got Xanax in it. Okay. And it's right by the sink. Hey, pull into the little circle roundabout thing in the front. Like the loading place.

I will. That's what I'm going to do. That'll be quicker than me taking that dumbass elevator. Yep, that's what I'm going to do. Or even the bay by the, whatchamacallit? The bay? By the Greyhound. Oh, yeah, yeah.

I'll pull right in there. Okay? Yep. Got it. All right. I'm not a dick. I know. Well, you're being a real weirdo right now.

I don't know what's wrong with you. You're just melting down, and it's not nice. No, I'm not. Yes, you are. You've been rude to me. You've been rude to Justin. You yelled at me. To the point.

Next one. Oh, the next one, right. You yelled at me. I mean, it was crazy. I didn't know why. I just didn't know what was going on. Right. I didn't know if you guys got in an argument or what happened.

Yeah, I just kind of. Okay, you have to put your seatbelts on because my fucking shit's bugging out. Yeah. Just go there bugging out. Yeah. Just go up there and be careful. Okay. I mean, seriously, I mean, yeah. It's up there by the sink. It's a bottle of Tylenol.

It's got some Xanax in it. The sink by the bedroom or the other sink? It's the sink in the bedroom that I was sleeping in. Okay. I'm pretty sure it's a bottle of Tylenol. And it's got some Xanax in it. All right. I'm gonna grab my phone.

So. All right, let me. I'll meet you right back here. It's childproof. Where's mine? I can't get out. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Okay, where's my phone?

I don't know. Leave it with me. You have it. Phone. Oh yeah, you have it. Okay, give it here. Phone. Hey, where's my phone? I don't know. Leave it with me. You have it. Phone. Oh, yeah. Phone. Hey, where's the phone? He's giving it to me, honey. I got it.

All right, love you. Everything will be fine. Just go get it. If it's there. Okay? It's in there. Trust me. Everything's fine.

Yep, it's right here. Sorry. Okay. I'll be right here. Okay? Okay. Bye, hon. Shaylee must have called the security.

That was a fucking dick move. I don't think she did. Somebody did. Because we weren't that loud, and there's no one on that floor. There's nobody on that floor. I don't know. Because we know. We know. We fucking, me and Andy know. There's nobody on that floor I mean no because we know we know

we fucking me and Andy know there's nobody on that floor there's no one else on that floor there's no um there's no um

there's no maids on that floor that's true okay Okay. I'm not going to... No, trust me. I mean, I'm more of your friend than Doug's friend. Oh, hi. I'm so sorry. I'm taking my friend to the airport, and my husband, he left some medication that he had

for his plane. My husband ran up to go get it, and he's coming right back down. Oh, I'm so sorry. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Whoa! Fucking awful. This is turning crazy. I'm going to put that on. Okay. There we go. 89 degrees. I'm done. No. Call in. No, God. No.

Call him. No, I'm tired of it. I don't want to talk to him anymore. I want to talk to him. For what? I don't want you to call me now. Because he's my friend. No. What do you mean no?

I want to talk to you guys when you're not yelling anymore. I can't handle it, James. Please stop. Oh, my God. I can't handle the stress anymore. Please leave me alone. Oh, my God. I'm just trying to help you.

Please stop. Just stop. You want to help? I'm just trying to help you. Please stop. You want to help? I'm just, James, honestly. You want to help me and you're not calling Doug? No, just because I don't do everything you want. I have called him several times now and I'm done. Please just stop it. I can't take this anymore, honey.

I just can't. Please, please, please, James, have some pity on me. Doug's a cunt. Okay, I don't care care i don't know you still you still haven't explained to me how that happened i do trust you so tell me break it down for me what happened the the movie how did he fuck anybody what did he not do what did he agree to do and then not do? That's what I don't know. You get it? James, I swear to God, it's in your bag.

I can hear him. It's not there? Yeah, it's right by the... Oh, thank God. Here you go, baby. Okay, pop a couple of those. There we go. We're good. Everybody got a seatbelt?

Was that right? Yeah, it was behind your box, babe. Oh, that's why we couldn't see it. It was behind my box. It was right, wasn't it? Do you want tramadol, too? That's a nice little painkiller. There's security again. Let's get out of here. Okay.

Got it. Lights on. Good. Okay. Check. Everybody's good? All right. okay got it alright buckle down He's going to put that shit on his goddamn podcast. Everyone's going to laugh at me. What's going to laugh at you? You're funny. You were coming in on the podcast when I left. Yeah, and he has to call security or something. It's not funny.

Well, I don't think he called security. Yeah, Shaley called security. How would Shaley know what's going on? Somebody called security. Yeah, somebody did. Yeah. He said, we came when the hell was raised. Right?

I can't find the lid. So the tunnel? You lost it already? It's gotta be right there somewhere. It's not in between, I can see there. Okay. I have an empty pill bottle what I want. What is this part of my platform? Fuck it.

You're gonna be going right. I can't really help you with turning. I know. He's always been fucking us on the demand level. He's always been fucking us on this movie constantly. He's been fucking us.

Just, you still have yet to explain in what terms? Like, how? Like, he never tweets

about it. He never talks about it. It's this long bullshit thing with lawyers involved.

Lawyers? Yeah. How are lawyers involved? Lawyers are involved arguing about contracts and stupid shit because people want to make money off the FFOs, off the movie. Who? Jeff? Jeff and Doug and his lawyer and Doug's lawyer, Jeff's lawyer. Okay, it was Doug's name. Whatever. Oh, my God. I'm just like, oh, my God.

Oh, I just want to be dead. I'd rather be dead. Why? Why are you touching my face? Oh, my God. Because Doug's a cunt. No. Yeah, Doug's a cunt.

You can't talk like this. Yeah, he's going to put that shit on his podcast. I told Shaylee to just erase it, and he wouldn't. No, he's going to put that shit on his podcast. I told Shaylee to just erase it and he wouldn't. Yeah, he won't because he's cut. Shaylee's cut too. Well, I mean, I don't know. I mean, it's recording.

He could erase it. He could ease it. Yeah, but you knew what you said. Oh, my God. And you knew you were being recorded. And if I said look I don't know if I want this on there you could easily just not put it

on there. Right but you already you knew that you were being recorded. You gotta be responsible for yourself. Oh stop it. You sound like my dad. It's true though. I am responsible for myself. Then don't worry about it. It'll be fine. It'll be fine. You've got it. I am responsible for myself. Then don't worry about it. It'll be fine. It'll be fine.

X at 76A. Yeah. All right. Okay. When I heard the podcast, I thought you were crying. Nothing happened. Yeah, we talked about the evocables. Okay.

But I didn't hear any of that stuff. What happened? Like, what are you, what don't you want on the apartment, at least? What are you worried about? What did you say that is bad? Just tell me. Doug is not helping us at all with the movie. He's not helping us one fucking bit with the movie. When does he have to?

He's the producer of the movie. Okay. It's his idea. Doug and me came up with the idea, and he's not helping us with the idea. After we made the movie, he's not doing shit at all to help us

with the movie. Wasn't him giving the idea help enough? Like, him helping with the idea? Like, okay, I did it. I came up with the idea. Okay, so what else do you want him to do? I don't know. Tweet about it? Say it's a good movie? Seven years ago. He's busy.

Oh, he's too busy to say it's a good movie? Oh, you don't think it's a good movie? I think it's great. Oh, you do? Yeah. So then why won't Doug say it's a good movie? Maybe he doesn't like it. Well, then fuck Doug.

I've never talked about it. If Doug doesn't like the movie, then fuck Doug. I like the new edit. Yeah, fuck then fuck Doug obviously I like the new edit better oh my god but it's alright he's jealous a lot of people really love him no he's not jealous

no he's not jealous maybe he's mad that somebody took his name for us the word he coined was you know taken by another director and not the director he picked that that name he picked a director i introduced jeff to dog and brian i don't think i don't think i introduced dog and brian to jeff Doug and Brian to Jeff. Doug was never in charge of this movie. Yes, he was.

I never was told that. I've never heard that. Yeah, well, now you know. His applause was minimal. Really? Yeah, well, I'm telling you to your face that Doug fully knew that it was called The Unbookables and we were making

the movie. And maybe at the time he was like, all right, if you guys want to do that. Oh, Jesus. Right? But that's... Oh, my God. And you guys did it. But I don't...

He doesn't want to be involved in that. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Right? You're not my friend. But I am your friend. Stop. I would take you to the airport. I would do... friend. Stop. I would take you to the airport.

I would fucking... I took you to the airport. I would do anything for you. I love you, Dave. And I swear to God, you can't even accept the fact... I don't know. ...that you're basically saying to me that the movie that you're in, you don't give a flying fuck. Well, I, you know, once the thing

is made, I did care. I do care. But I mean, like, I don't have what's, I don't have everything that's invested in it like you do. I mean, it's like, you know what I mean? I just don't, honey. I don't have... Right, and everyone made fun of me through the whole

movie. Everybody made, everyone everyone made fun of me through the whole movie. Everybody made. Everyone always makes fun of me. No. A clown can never be a king when you're a king. Hold on. So everyone

and I have to go through all the shit. You made a really good movie and I don't think that Jeff should do that. And why don't you tell Doug that? Okay, I will do that for you. Of course I will do that for you. It was you and Jeff that made a really good movie, not Doug. This is not his accomplishment.

I don't know why you would take all the credit for it. Why do you put so much credit on Santa? You came up with the name and you did the work. I don't want to live. You did all the late work, James. You should be really fucking proud of it. What? Are you crazy? No. Oh, Jesus.

I'm like, that's exactly what I said yesterday. Okay. This plane's not going to crash. Oh, jeez. I'm like, that's exactly what I said yesterday. Oh, okay. This plane's not going to crash. I'm sorry. You're going to live. And you know what? You're going to live to see that fucking movie on Netflix. And you're going to live to see money in your pocket because of it.

And you're going to go to the press tour because of it. That's what's going to happen. Yeah, I'm not going to talk to you or Doug ever again. Yes, you are. Don't be silly. You're not my friend. Yes, I am. Yes, I am. I know you love me.

That's not bad. We've known each other too long. You made a movie. I don't know why you can't say if Doug did it. He didn't do shit. He didn't do shit. He doesn't want to do shit. It's you. Why don't you take credit for it? It would help the movie out if you just kind of helped us a little bit with the marketing. Is that what you want him to do? Yeah, I don't think it would.

Is that what you want him to do? Yeah, I don't think he would. All you want him to do is help. He's a cunt. Doug's a cunt. We'll see how he can. It's like a public school remark. Because he's a cunt. Maybe he's a cunt. Yeah, maybe.

I could be. It doesn't mean we still don't care about each other. I don't care about Doug. Why not? Because he's a cunt. But everybody's a cunt. Hey, it's your cunt. I'm a cunt.

No, I'm not. I'm a nice person. Well, you'll let me like a big fat cunt. Because you wouldn't get my fucking Xanax. No, it was not. I'm a nice person. You're yelling at me like a big fat cunt. Because you wouldn't get my fucking annex. No, it was way before that. You're yelling at me for a lot of reasons. Yeah, because I could pay for that hotel room. I got money in my pocket.

Chad Shank. You're still yelling at me. Whatever. You can talk now. I'm getting another hotel room for $29. And somebody called the fucking security and that was Shaley probably. Whatever.

Listen, if I find out who did it and if somebody did it, I will tell you. Yeah. I will tell you. Oh, I will tell you. What do I get to call that? All right. It doesn't matter.

I know, but if I find out that him up? All right. Are you going to? Yeah. All right. It doesn't matter. I know. But if I find out that it was, for sure. Give me your phone. I'll call Shaley right now. I have his number. No. Oh, no. Why not?

Why can't I call Shaley? He has no patience for any of this. I don't care. Stanhope loves you. He can hang up. Stanhope loves you, but Shaley, ugh. Yeah. Don't talk to him.

Give me your phone number. No, no, no, no, no. Leave me alone. No. I'll call him when I get home. Okay, you call him when you get home. There's a laugh actor in here? Oh my god, is this the strip? Yep.

Whoa! Is that a fake? I mean that's a fake Statue of Liberty obviously, but I mean... Is the flat used that swamp? The one that's in? No, the real one's really big. Yeah, I was gonna say, I think I've seen the real one. Seems a lot bigger, the real one's really big. Yeah, I was going to say, I think I've seen the real one. It seems a lot bigger than that. So are these all the swanky hotels?

And those are the poor people ones? I guess. Huh. James, did you know that the pool at that fucking hotel that we were at went through the ceiling in, what did they say, April? Shit. Yeah. Did you hear that? I think they were telling me or somebody was telling me. Mike, that guy.

I don't know. Oh, I'm get on that fucking plane. Honestly. Why? I took all that Xanax. You only took three? Yeah, I know. I don't know if I can get that to annex. You only took three? Yeah, I know. I don't know how I'm going to get on that plane.

You've got to start warning in about an hour. We are. This is quite tough for security. What if I don't? Then you're just going to stay with me and get on the plane. You're going to wait a couple hours. This one is a dark slide. Oh, I hate Doug.

I fucking hate him. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I hate him. Oh, my God. I hate him and all of his friends. Oh, my God. His friends suck so much.

Okay, so Spirit Airlines is what terminal? Team 1 or Team 3? I'll keep my eyes peeled. Google it. So you're calling, honey? You want to plug in? I'll see. I need to plug in.

All right, here. That's not long enough. Just hold on. Just hold on. Just hold on. Spirit Airlines, what terminal? I'll make sure. They're pretty good about giving you directions. How do you know Doug?

Oh, I can't believe you called security. Oh, my God. Somebody called security. We don't know. Yeah, it's fucking Doug or Shayla. You called security. I don't believe you called security. Oh, my God. Somebody called security. We don't know. Yeah. It's fucking Doug or Shaylee called security. I don't know how. Shaylee didn't know that you were there.

Somebody knew. That Shaylee's not there and Shaylee didn't know that you were yelling. Somebody called security. Doug knew you were yelling, but I don't think he knew you were yelling. Right. Yeah. Okay. So, which one is it? Spirit.

We're in it. You're in the line. I'm in the line. I'm in. Okay. Looks like it, right? Or maybe the next one over. Well, I don't know. Which one? Delta Spirit, domestic T1. Okay. I'm not going to make it on that plane. Yes, you are. No, I'm not!

You have to. It's not that big of a deal! Okay. I think you can. It's a direct flight. It's not that big of a deal. I think you can. It's a direct flight. It's not that big of a deal. All right. God. You have arrived at your destination. The route guidance is now clear.

I can't believe you took a cat and said I said you're still upset. Oh, because Dog is a cunt. Dog and Shaylee are both cunts. You don't understand that. Do not understand that. That has not been my experience with either of them. Both of them talked to me like I'm a fucking idiot. And I created that movie.

What happened? They had so much... You guys were having so much fun today. What the fuck happened? Because they're cunts? No. No movie. What happened? They had so much. You guys were having so much fun today. What the fuck happened? Because they're cunts. No. No. What really happened?

They're cunts. What? Don't try to answer my question. We're all just cunts. What happened today? I snapped on dog on the podcast about the Unbookables. And I told Shaylee to erase the fucking podcast. And he said he wouldn't.

No, I know I wouldn't. Yeah, so it was a cunt. So there was an argument. They're both cunts. There was an argument. Doug and Shaylee are both cunts. Okay. Just so you know that.

Okay, I got it. I know you're upset. I'm sorry. Yeah, thanks for taking my side. I mean that sarcastically. Yeah. Thanks for taking my side. I mean that sarcastically. You're going to have to call me and make it sense. No, I'm not going to call you or Doug or anybody.

And when you call, I'm not going to answer the phone. Yes, you are. I love you. I don't care if you're mad at me. Yes, you are. I love you. I don't care if you're mad at me. Okay, come on. We did it. We did it. Come on.

Let's go. I think Doug did call security. I'm sure. I hope not. Because he offered a helping hand if I need him. Yeah. Okay, can you get in front? Yeah.

I just want to make sure that he's through the doors and not walking back. Good. Okay, let's go. This is my water he drank out of. He threw it away for a sec. Can he use these? Sorry. Just do it later. I don't want to get out anymore.

Okay, okay. Hold on. Okay. We'll start now. Okay, look at that. Go get... How the fuck did he get this fucking thing to turn off? That's true. Yeah.

I need to go to my Google Drive. Find out what the fuck's happening here. Okay. Okay. And that's all, folks.